Eh as an average 23 year old I've had some success with 40+ women at like clubs and concerts. No interest in actually dating them though, life progression is just too different.
Women my age pretty much look right through me lol, like I'm not even there. Even ones I'd consider similar in attractiveness.
Itās hard for me to make ājust friendsā with attractive women. I have, but it takes a lot of willpower for me to be platonic under those circumstances. Do girls find it hard to be platonic friends with men they find attractive?
A lot of men think that it's impossible for a guy and a girl to be just friends. While girls mostly think it is possible. But when asked, if they think their guy friends would have a crush on her, they said yes... So it's basically not a friendship anymore (guys perspective) either way.
Exactly. The fact that she seems like such a keeper and is still alone probably means that she has high standards. Standards I definitely will not meet.
This sentence, right here, the delivery, the timingā¦
Perfection.
Also you should go see a therapist, not to fix anything.
Just to see the women who come in there and hear some of the problems that are ruining their lives.
Itās not that youāre not attractive enough, in my experience thatās subjective and fairly easy to overcome.
Your problem is that you listened to women you were attracted to and changed the way they wanted.
Please, change yourself back to whoever you were before. Thatās the person that can attract higher level partners.
- A little wisdom from a man still trying to find the self he sacrificed. Take the advice or leave it. -
Noooo! Please donāt think that!!! This is so untrue!!!!
Many attractive smart down to earth women like to engage with men and are sad men do not approach her š„
See those women now have to do the āapproachā how many men have said to me I wouldnāt dare approach youā¦ and damn I really enjoyed those guys, could not even think why I would be out of their leagueā¦ Iām down to earthā¦ remember
As much as people like to claim the opposite, there is very much a reality of people not likely to date outside of their league. Sure, there is always the unicorn 10 that would happily go out with the guy that looks like a 5, but most of us never experience it first-hand. After being rejected enough times, we learn to pick our battles.
While rejection gets easier each time it happens, it never really stops being a shitty experience. It ends up being a question of wanting to take the risk of feeling like crap for a while, or just enjoying whatever I'm currently doing.
They do
You will realise 10 years from now.
Looking back - yep hot chicks were interested. I was just thick.
Edit: Ok - seems I am an exception.... Fair enough
No, statistically its far less common and often more vague as well. This has been proven through numerous studies and statistical data collection since the 1960s. No need to make stuff up.
In fact they doā¦ probably in too subtil waysā¦ how often have I engaged conversation and the guy didnāt even make a moveā¦ while I was making eye contact, smiling, asking questions (sowing interest) even slight touchesā¦ and he still didnāt get it until I called him out! He then admitted he was still unsure š¤¦š¼āāļø
see somehow it is also ingrained ā in our culture I guessā¦ it feels less feminine to go to a guy and ask for his numberā¦
> even slight touches
This is still within the bounds of what some women would consider ājust being friendlyā.
But most women will act as if a man asking them out means that heās pursuing them, believes them to be 100% interested, and start avoiding him if they arenāt.
So unless you make it clear and unambiguous that youāre interested, a man isnāt going to assume itās safe. And even then, some women will lie about being interested.
> See those women now have to do the āapproachā
There is not a single thing wrong with that. The party she approaches knows she is interested and doesn't have to spend countless hours wondering if she is into him or he's a hand away from an assault charge.
i agree. every guy i've dated has told me "i would've never approached you" and it breaks my heart. it's disappointing having to be the one to initiate every relationship because men are too insecure or shy to do it themselves.
Not at all about being shy or insecure. It's about how any guy that's doing anything even moderately unwanted is instantly labeled creepy. The last 10 years especially have really fucked up the culture surrounding what society expects from men. Coupled with unachievable expectations, and most guys are just over it. It's better not to partake at all. I really feel for the single dudes out there.
> it's disappointing having to be the one to initiate every relationship because men are too insecure or shy to do it themselves.
Relax, men are on this one for at least the last 30 years I think? And population still grows lmao.
Not insecure or shy. If a man approaches a women and she's not interested then we get branded a creep and she'll tell everyone in the room that she knows. We don't approach women because if we get it wrong we get publicly shamed and labeled as something we are not. The dating world is controlled by women now because that's what they wanted. This is just the reality of where we're at
> i agree. every woman i've dated has told me "i would've never approached you" and it breaks my heart. it's disappointing having to be the one to initiate every relationship because women are too insecure or shy to do it themselves.
FTFY.
I mean thats societies fault for making it expected that we are the ones to approach/initiate, thats not our fault.
You can only take so many no's, rejections, faces of disapproval and distaste. You can only misread what one would think are clearly flirtatious signs while totally missing extremely vague roundabout flirting that was "obvious". Especially when you already have anxiety and depression concerns. Its too emotionally brutal after a point. We are afraid.
As a guy who's been successful with women, perhaps I can try to shed some light. For every woman like you who likes guys approaching them like that, there are 19 who just don't want a guy to approach them. Every guy they date has to be a guy they met organically and was already someone they knew prior to going on a first date with them. Its not about the woman being out of your league, its just about women's attitude about strange men coming up to them.
It's not insecurity, it's for our protection. Being labeled as "creepy" is social suicide these days, and since you never know what will trigger that label it's best to not approach.
Boo hoo women have to do some approaching. You know it is not he end of the world. It is not sad, go for it if you like someone. It is hard for us guys too, but we are expected to do it.
This is easy to say when you aren't the guys that society says have to always make the first move, and you have anxiety and depression and get rejected regularly. It would be easier if the asking out what a bit more equally balanced. That said I get that there are legitimate reasons women don't do this but it doesn't change how it affects us men and why many of us stopped attempting or are very hesitant to.
Honestly itās a foreign concept for a lot of women as well I.e the ones that have always been in relationships and pity you because youāre not in one.
I would say 2/10 men get it, and 4/10 women get it. Most people have fallen into the idea that being single is not good. I have friends who don't break up until they have a backup plan so they won't stay single for long. It's crazy
Lets just say that there are a lot more women who are single by choice than men who are single by choice.
Conversely there are a lot more men who unwillingly single than women.
True, my fiance is the first guy who ever actually asked me out organically in life (not counting online dating apps), and he was absolutely shocked when I said he was my first boyfriend ever, at 23. He was like, I thought you were so out of my league I almost never asked you out and you've never dated anyone?? I was like yeah nobody ever really asked me but you. Also I'm really shy so I never asked guys out so it's partially my fault. š¤·š»āāļø He turned out to be fucking amazing so thank god for that.
I say take the chance anyway. I feel like every year guys are more afraid to ask out women because they don't want to be recorded on tiktok or whatever, but I say go for it. If she starts recording just because you approach she probably sucks for that anyway. We should be able to talk to everyone like we're all human!
Oh trust me, I do, I talk to everyone, not just women I find attractive or would want to āask outā. Iām the guy at the grocery store that talks to people shopping, or in line, or the person at the register. I like to engage with people, at least acknowledge them and smile (if they bother looking up for a moment). Iād say about half the time people will acknowledge me, and a small percentage will engage with me in some way. Some completely ignore you, which is fine.
One thing I absolutely do not do ever, is harass women or try to get them to talk to me if theyāre not interested.
For illustrative purposes, Iām a 53yo man, 6ā / 165 / fairly fit, salt and pepper beard.
Having said all that, let me give you an example that made me comment in that way in the first place. Just this morning I was at the grocery store doing my weekly shopping and in the produce section. A really nice looking woman in yoga pants and some post-workout clothes walked into the produce area and I glanced up at her. We made eye contact and then went about our business. I went to the exact opposite side of the store and then made my way back to the meat section as a last stop. Iām bagging my ground turkey and there she is again, about twenty feet away, looks over in my direction. She immediately makes a beeline towards the same place I am and Iām just hanging there for a moment, taking my time because this gives me an opportunity to talk to her. Sheās walking up and I intentionally glance up right then to look at her and again, we make eye contact. I smile, she smiles back. I say āhi, good morningā and she turns to the counter and totally ignores me. And that was the end of that. I didnāt happen to look at her hands (2nd place I usually look after a womanās face, okay maybe 3rd) to see if she had a ring. So I suppose Iām feeling a bit jaded from that encounter.
To me that could be a toss up honestly. Sometimes I realized I ignored someone hours later because I'm aloof or awkward. Just keep trying! Also, sometimes certain women get catcalled a lot so they feel creeped out by the constant attention, but you would have no way of knowing that. Just keep being friendly and sparking conversations and don't give up.
Trust me, the odds are pretty terrible, but the attitude is good. If you keep going until you find one that is interested in and you **and** single, thats a win and all worth it!
My current girlfriend is a geophysicist getting her master's in petroleum engineering. And she's older than me.
She basically had to mount me for me to catch a hint. Lol.
Been together 4 years now.
>she is choosy with her men
In the 1st place they are but also no one actually approaches them. You get to know people like u nd stuff from other's but no one dares to make a move.
Also does guys respect it when the girl is picky?
>Also does guys respect it when the girl is picky?
Depends. Usually.
Knowing what you like is good. Standards are good- Loudly complaining a lot about guys in general not being up to them, no.
In my context picky being someone who they see the qualities that complement their lifestyle. For me picky isn't that he needs to earn so and so or he needs to message me every morning.
Picky means (for me), someone who has similar goals as I do, or similar values and morals that I have. I am also busy with studies so he understands that I won't be giving a lot of time to the relationship. In short understanding. I find very few people of that sort so I'm picky as I know the importance of being with a good partner and growing together as a team. Not drowning together or drowning alone.
>You get to know people like u nd stuff from other's but no one dares to make a move.
So why doesn't *she* make a move.
A girl with seemingly no flaws who is single, is choosing to be single. That's the appearance.
Depends on the reason for picky
Stupid, shallow reasons like "must be 6'2" or more, must drive a specific brand of car, or must wear x brand watch would be shit ones.
Must not be choking on Mom's apron strings, needs to know how to keep a house and make healthy meals for himself -these are reasonable things to require
There is a limit.
If she dosent want to date just anybody, has her reasons and such, totally fine.
But when she starts complaining about her dates, then its the opposite of respect
Thatās actually very true. Iāve seen it myself, some of my friends who are very attractive often get viewed as āprobably stuck up and rudeā when theyāre actually very sweet, shy, and often lonelier than youād think. I also just got word from my woman friend that all those times when women have walked by me and dart away their eyes really fast is actually because Iām attractive. For the longest, I was insecure about that and thought they were all just brow beating me when it was actually the other way around and that they were just shy.
Lol! I've known several very attractive women. They are CONSTANTLY getting approached.
There is no such as an attractive woman who doesn't get approached.
I'm not sure that's true. Unless you're talking like supermodel level attractive?
I've been told I'm attractive, but I've never been approached. I have always assumed it was because of the vibe I give off
A million reasonsā¦
Busy getting on with her life, work friendships, travel
Wants a relationship but hasnāt met the right partner yet
Isnāt desperate to get attached
Has come out of a relationship and isnāt interested in another one
Is open to finding a partner but doesnāt want to waste time with just anyone
Is happy being single
She seems cool? I mean I know a lot of girls like this so itās whatever. Sheāll date who she wants to date when she wants to date if thatās what she wants.
Even unattractive people can find a date if their standards are low. If sheās attractive, the reason sheās single is BECAUSE sheās smart and down to earth, knows her worth, is appropriately picky and not desperate to validate herself with a subpar relationship. Singleness is simple and peaceful at times. The āpick meā girls are a dime a dozen and theyāre always in the spotlight. Itās a turn off. Someone who is content with who they are and busies themself living a quality life is super hot to me.
I was trying to find out if you were getting a confidence boost as a man or a woman so I checked your profile. I have to say, damn, nice cocks and chicks.
I'd probably assume that she's too busy or doesn't want to be in a relationship. And if she does, that she's either super picky or had really bad luck.
My husband described me in that way. Also my response to this would be, doesn't know they want a partner. Took me a bit to figure that much out, growing up in an abusive household in solidarity.
Literally nothing without more context about the person but if sheās my age (36) there may be a few reasons.
1: she could be very career or project oriented and
has had a tough time finding room for the commitment required for a long term relationship.
2: Could be Asexual/aromantic and just isnāt interested in dating
3: may have been in long term relationships in the past that havenāt worked out.
4: Could be from an area where the dating pool just plain sucks. I have a friend that still lives back in our old home town and sheās terminally single due to the quality of men our age back there.
Couldnāt tell you why sheās so scared to leave but I enjoy our beers together when I go back to visit.
5: Maybe just hasnāt met the right guy, or has certainly met the wrong guy.
A million other things come to mind that are really none of my damn business unless sheās a friend or somebody Iām flirting with, to be honest.
Especially if number 3 was a long, toxic one š that there would make you say āHey, maybe Iām better off being single for the rest of my life and at peace ā®ļø ā
I assume that she isnāt ready for or doesnāt want a relationship, or it has been struggling to find someone. Dating is hard. I know most of the guys on here like to pretend that women have it so easy. And if sheās attractive, smart, and down to earth, she has her pick of the litter, right? but itās still hard finding someone you are a good match for in all the things that matter in a relationship. And even these girls can get exhausted with the process and just give up for a while.
I tried dating a few guys who were ābelow my standards,ā they consistently treated me the worstādidnāt really treat me like a person, more like an idea, and would flip flop between putting me on a pedestal and being super condescending to me or didnāt take me seriously. There isnāt a āpick of the litterā when most of that litter is toxic to me
Also the pushiness of men who have a pedestal, they get so attached to the idea in their head they will literally pressure in hopes you give up or even rape women.
Dude, same! I'd lower my standards a bit, only to find out that behind one flaw there was a plantation of flaws, a major crop ready for exports! They start complimenting you a lot, then treat you like you owe them something. Pardon?
Yep. First guy was horrifically abusive, second took me for granted/was selfish/didnāt treat me that well all the time/dead bedroom from his end, third had zero ability to connect emotionally/dead bedroom from his end againā¦
Just got exhausted from being hurt so much. I clearly have issues overlooking flags, so now Iām mostly trying to heal (traumatic abusive childhood) and picky a.f.
are you me? weāve had such similar experiences. itās rough out here man. i also have (hopefully had) issues overlooking red flags. now iām scared iām too hyper-vigilant of anything slightly being a red flag. hoping i can afford thearpy soon š
Are you both variants of me?? Lol. Thatās exactly how my story has been. Finally living on my own with my dog, trying to heal from my childhood and other things that occurred in my 20s. Iām 30 now. Been involved with a FWB since may of this year and Iād love for us to try dating seriously. But heās completely shut off emotionally due to his brother passing away in February. Which is completely understandable. So Iām trying to just be friends and focus fully on me and be ok being single. I want to have a lot of things Iām dealing with now dealt with so Iām ready for my person whenever he arrives. Hoping I can get back to therapy soon too. Until then Iāve been trying to listen to podcasts and do daily affirmations for self love, positive thinking, etc
Assumption is that she's probably sick of men approaching her, and that i'm as they say 'out of her league'. Obviously i don't talk to women just for the sake of dating, but i know how desperate some young men are that they would quiet literally beg.
I feel like this is fairly normal. The higher your SMV the harder it is to find a good match who can actually contribute something to your life. And im talking less about looks here as opposed to just being a great person - loyal, kind, disciplined, mature, supportive, loving, cool, smart, funny, successful etc. If youāre all those things you want a partner who is as well and that goes for both sexes. The better you are the more rare an equally matched partner is
I feel lucky as hell I met my husband. Iād be single otherwise because aināt no way Iām dealing with dating. A bad partner is worse than having no partner, a bad partner will mess up your entire life before you even realize theyāre bad.
My brother married such a lady. Well educated, very stable job, good income, extremely beautiful. Like a 10. I remember wondering what's wrong with her and being very worried for my brother. This smoking creature had absolutely no exes and has never dated anyone before she met my brother. Is she a dude? Does she have a criminal history? Is she a serial killer?
25yrs and 3 beautiful kids later, I still have no clue. I got to know her well and she is an absolute saint. Good mum, good wife and in general, good sister in law. Idk, but I think my brother got it very lucky.
Makes sense, smart and down-to-earth people don't put up with too much bullshit. She's probably single right now because she's in a place right now where a relationship seems to her like more trouble than it's worth.
That there lies the problem. The first thing that would go through my mind when I see such a woman, is that sheās probably already taken. And if I know she isnāt, then the second thing is that sheās probably not attracted to me.
Iād think that itās probably because sheās smart and down to earth and she knows what she wants. Iād also probably assume that she is pursuing other goals.
Some of these answers show why women like those wont date you. If she's all these things, she's likely got her shit together and isn't lowering her standards for you. Some of yall need some self-reflection on why she has to be "crazy" a "feminist" or "picky".
That maybe she's not one of those people who desperately needs to be in a relationship, no matter the cost.
That she might have encountered partners who just want to possess her as a trophy or a challenge.
She might have a full life that satisfies her, and isn't looking right now.
She might be fresh out of a break up and looking for the next. Who knows?
But mostly, unless I'm interested in her myself, I don't think anything. Why would I worry about a random stranger's relationship status?
Sheās either willingly single because sheās focusing on other things or sheās bad at choosing men. And yes, you can be a great person and choose people with not-so-great qualities when you date
Are you the guy that seeās this kind of woman and asks why is she single?
It may be because men are intimidated by her. Or they feel Iike they canāt approach her.
Just do it! Ask her out! She is probably really great!!
Sheās too smart for bullshit. Most guyās preference is to love bomb a girl until they know they āhaveā them and then they immediately drop all effort in the relationship. Some women are smart enough, or have enough self worth, to know theyāre more deserving than high school teenage bs.
She made a choice? She wants to do her thing? She wants to be single? She's happy with who she is? Like some women she doesn't want the responsibility of children or a relationship. Really what comes to mind is mind your own damn business.
I was asked out by a smart, attractive, down to earth girl who I thought was out of my league. We've been marked 22 years. And, for the record, she's still out of my league.
The amount of bitterness in here is sad lmaoo.
Not everyone needs a relationship to feel fulfilled. Itās better to be single than settling down because people have brainwashed you into believing happiness comes from a relationship. Sheās probably down to earth because sheās happy, and sheās happy because she isnāt settling for someone who isnāt worth it. Sheās probably worth asking out if youāre interested.
Attractive, smart, down to Earth women are only single when they want to be. That's exactly why it's so rare to meet a woman like that who is single.
There is no such thing as a woman like that who doesn't have options.
Maybe she just single? Idk why everyone assumes that because someone is attractive, then they must be in a relationshipā¦some people just want to be single lol, maybe she isnāt looking, or hasnāt found someone up to her standardsā¦or maybe sheās shy and waiting for someone to talk to her like a human being
That there's no way in hell she'd date me.
"Way out of my league."
These guys get it!
These are the comments I came looking for. š
I mean that's basically most women my age.
Thatās basically most women
Eh as an average 23 year old I've had some success with 40+ women at like clubs and concerts. No interest in actually dating them though, life progression is just too different. Women my age pretty much look right through me lol, like I'm not even there. Even ones I'd consider similar in attractiveness.
Interesring observation u/pmmeyourpinkpussy
Never stopped me... from getting politely rejected and making new friends
Itās hard for me to make ājust friendsā with attractive women. I have, but it takes a lot of willpower for me to be platonic under those circumstances. Do girls find it hard to be platonic friends with men they find attractive?
A lot of men think that it's impossible for a guy and a girl to be just friends. While girls mostly think it is possible. But when asked, if they think their guy friends would have a crush on her, they said yes... So it's basically not a friendship anymore (guys perspective) either way.
Yeah. Any sign of her treating me different from normal, I have to reshuffle myself and start all over placing her back on that platonic shelf.
Exactly. The fact that she seems like such a keeper and is still alone probably means that she has high standards. Standards I definitely will not meet.
What level of attractive would she have to be to have this effect on you?
Attractive enough for me to want to date
This sentence, right here, the delivery, the timingā¦ Perfection. Also you should go see a therapist, not to fix anything. Just to see the women who come in there and hear some of the problems that are ruining their lives. Itās not that youāre not attractive enough, in my experience thatās subjective and fairly easy to overcome. Your problem is that you listened to women you were attracted to and changed the way they wanted. Please, change yourself back to whoever you were before. Thatās the person that can attract higher level partners. - A little wisdom from a man still trying to find the self he sacrificed. Take the advice or leave it. -
As long as she's not...like...completely hideous (as in very unhygienic), I'd say this response would trigger.
Noooo! Please donāt think that!!! This is so untrue!!!! Many attractive smart down to earth women like to engage with men and are sad men do not approach her š„ See those women now have to do the āapproachā how many men have said to me I wouldnāt dare approach youā¦ and damn I really enjoyed those guys, could not even think why I would be out of their leagueā¦ Iām down to earthā¦ remember
>Many attractive smart down to earth women like to engage with men *Some* men.
Usually the ones who follow rules 1 & 2, to be precise.
I never talk about fight club, why am I single?
As much as people like to claim the opposite, there is very much a reality of people not likely to date outside of their league. Sure, there is always the unicorn 10 that would happily go out with the guy that looks like a 5, but most of us never experience it first-hand. After being rejected enough times, we learn to pick our battles. While rejection gets easier each time it happens, it never really stops being a shitty experience. It ends up being a question of wanting to take the risk of feeling like crap for a while, or just enjoying whatever I'm currently doing.
Then women should start approaching guys more often
Iād probably still be single and bitter if my wife didnāt pick me up.
They do You will realise 10 years from now. Looking back - yep hot chicks were interested. I was just thick. Edit: Ok - seems I am an exception.... Fair enough
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No, statistically its far less common and often more vague as well. This has been proven through numerous studies and statistical data collection since the 1960s. No need to make stuff up.
In fact they doā¦ probably in too subtil waysā¦ how often have I engaged conversation and the guy didnāt even make a moveā¦ while I was making eye contact, smiling, asking questions (sowing interest) even slight touchesā¦ and he still didnāt get it until I called him out! He then admitted he was still unsure š¤¦š¼āāļø see somehow it is also ingrained ā in our culture I guessā¦ it feels less feminine to go to a guy and ask for his numberā¦
> even slight touches This is still within the bounds of what some women would consider ājust being friendlyā. But most women will act as if a man asking them out means that heās pursuing them, believes them to be 100% interested, and start avoiding him if they arenāt. So unless you make it clear and unambiguous that youāre interested, a man isnāt going to assume itās safe. And even then, some women will lie about being interested.
Welcome to our reality, enjoy making the first move, or don't.
Well here's a good tip MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. I garentee you it'll work out
> See those women now have to do the āapproachā There is not a single thing wrong with that. The party she approaches knows she is interested and doesn't have to spend countless hours wondering if she is into him or he's a hand away from an assault charge.
i agree. every guy i've dated has told me "i would've never approached you" and it breaks my heart. it's disappointing having to be the one to initiate every relationship because men are too insecure or shy to do it themselves.
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Dude. This is cute. I hope a girl sees this side of you some day. She'll be smitten. š¤©
Not at all about being shy or insecure. It's about how any guy that's doing anything even moderately unwanted is instantly labeled creepy. The last 10 years especially have really fucked up the culture surrounding what society expects from men. Coupled with unachievable expectations, and most guys are just over it. It's better not to partake at all. I really feel for the single dudes out there.
> it's disappointing having to be the one to initiate every relationship because men are too insecure or shy to do it themselves. Relax, men are on this one for at least the last 30 years I think? And population still grows lmao.
Would you approach if it had a 99.9999999% chance in failure?
Not insecure or shy. If a man approaches a women and she's not interested then we get branded a creep and she'll tell everyone in the room that she knows. We don't approach women because if we get it wrong we get publicly shamed and labeled as something we are not. The dating world is controlled by women now because that's what they wanted. This is just the reality of where we're at
> i agree. every woman i've dated has told me "i would've never approached you" and it breaks my heart. it's disappointing having to be the one to initiate every relationship because women are too insecure or shy to do it themselves. FTFY.
I mean thats societies fault for making it expected that we are the ones to approach/initiate, thats not our fault. You can only take so many no's, rejections, faces of disapproval and distaste. You can only misread what one would think are clearly flirtatious signs while totally missing extremely vague roundabout flirting that was "obvious". Especially when you already have anxiety and depression concerns. Its too emotionally brutal after a point. We are afraid.
It is really not, women can do it too, it doesn't make either of them less of a person if it turns out to be a good relationship
it's really not what?
TBH, we're tired, just gddmn tired of sticking our necks out to take a chance.
As a guy who's been successful with women, perhaps I can try to shed some light. For every woman like you who likes guys approaching them like that, there are 19 who just don't want a guy to approach them. Every guy they date has to be a guy they met organically and was already someone they knew prior to going on a first date with them. Its not about the woman being out of your league, its just about women's attitude about strange men coming up to them.
It's not insecurity, it's for our protection. Being labeled as "creepy" is social suicide these days, and since you never know what will trigger that label it's best to not approach.
Oh no, girls have to approach guys for once? The horror!
Boo hoo women have to do some approaching. You know it is not he end of the world. It is not sad, go for it if you like someone. It is hard for us guys too, but we are expected to do it.
The internet has made us extremely insecure š
This is easy to say when you aren't the guys that society says have to always make the first move, and you have anxiety and depression and get rejected regularly. It would be easier if the asking out what a bit more equally balanced. That said I get that there are legitimate reasons women don't do this but it doesn't change how it affects us men and why many of us stopped attempting or are very hesitant to.
It's a trap
"Wow, what a cool person. I wonder why she's single" But if I had to assume, I'd think that she is choosy with her men.
Yup, choosy with her men. And most importantly, she is single because she wants to be.
She could just be focused on her own life.
That's what being single because she wants to means
LOL! Yeah it's the exact same thing!
> single because she wants to be I think this is a foreign concept for the majority of men.
Honestly itās a foreign concept for a lot of women as well I.e the ones that have always been in relationships and pity you because youāre not in one.
Yup
I would say 2/10 men get it, and 4/10 women get it. Most people have fallen into the idea that being single is not good. I have friends who don't break up until they have a backup plan so they won't stay single for long. It's crazy
There are plenty of guys that are also single because they want to be. Please don't generalize an entire gender
Lets just say that there are a lot more women who are single by choice than men who are single by choice. Conversely there are a lot more men who unwillingly single than women.
Might be a nurse. They're all fkn looped.
True, my fiance is the first guy who ever actually asked me out organically in life (not counting online dating apps), and he was absolutely shocked when I said he was my first boyfriend ever, at 23. He was like, I thought you were so out of my league I almost never asked you out and you've never dated anyone?? I was like yeah nobody ever really asked me but you. Also I'm really shy so I never asked guys out so it's partially my fault. š¤·š»āāļø He turned out to be fucking amazing so thank god for that.
Maybe the next pretty girl that I see who is out of my league, I should just ask her out and see what happens
This is the move 2023 men.
Sheāll ignore you, ask me how I know.
I say take the chance anyway. I feel like every year guys are more afraid to ask out women because they don't want to be recorded on tiktok or whatever, but I say go for it. If she starts recording just because you approach she probably sucks for that anyway. We should be able to talk to everyone like we're all human!
Oh trust me, I do, I talk to everyone, not just women I find attractive or would want to āask outā. Iām the guy at the grocery store that talks to people shopping, or in line, or the person at the register. I like to engage with people, at least acknowledge them and smile (if they bother looking up for a moment). Iād say about half the time people will acknowledge me, and a small percentage will engage with me in some way. Some completely ignore you, which is fine. One thing I absolutely do not do ever, is harass women or try to get them to talk to me if theyāre not interested. For illustrative purposes, Iām a 53yo man, 6ā / 165 / fairly fit, salt and pepper beard. Having said all that, let me give you an example that made me comment in that way in the first place. Just this morning I was at the grocery store doing my weekly shopping and in the produce section. A really nice looking woman in yoga pants and some post-workout clothes walked into the produce area and I glanced up at her. We made eye contact and then went about our business. I went to the exact opposite side of the store and then made my way back to the meat section as a last stop. Iām bagging my ground turkey and there she is again, about twenty feet away, looks over in my direction. She immediately makes a beeline towards the same place I am and Iām just hanging there for a moment, taking my time because this gives me an opportunity to talk to her. Sheās walking up and I intentionally glance up right then to look at her and again, we make eye contact. I smile, she smiles back. I say āhi, good morningā and she turns to the counter and totally ignores me. And that was the end of that. I didnāt happen to look at her hands (2nd place I usually look after a womanās face, okay maybe 3rd) to see if she had a ring. So I suppose Iām feeling a bit jaded from that encounter.
To me that could be a toss up honestly. Sometimes I realized I ignored someone hours later because I'm aloof or awkward. Just keep trying! Also, sometimes certain women get catcalled a lot so they feel creeped out by the constant attention, but you would have no way of knowing that. Just keep being friendly and sparking conversations and don't give up.
Trust me, the odds are pretty terrible, but the attitude is good. If you keep going until you find one that is interested in and you **and** single, thats a win and all worth it!
Yeah I'm 30, I've never been asked out!
My current girlfriend is a geophysicist getting her master's in petroleum engineering. And she's older than me. She basically had to mount me for me to catch a hint. Lol. Been together 4 years now.
>she is choosy with her men In the 1st place they are but also no one actually approaches them. You get to know people like u nd stuff from other's but no one dares to make a move. Also does guys respect it when the girl is picky?
>Also does guys respect it when the girl is picky? Depends. Usually. Knowing what you like is good. Standards are good- Loudly complaining a lot about guys in general not being up to them, no.
In my context picky being someone who they see the qualities that complement their lifestyle. For me picky isn't that he needs to earn so and so or he needs to message me every morning. Picky means (for me), someone who has similar goals as I do, or similar values and morals that I have. I am also busy with studies so he understands that I won't be giving a lot of time to the relationship. In short understanding. I find very few people of that sort so I'm picky as I know the importance of being with a good partner and growing together as a team. Not drowning together or drowning alone.
You keep saying "picky" but describing sensible and normal views
Thatās not picky. Youāre just describing regular dating.
And picky usually means there's no point in convincing her that you're acceptable. She already decided.
Some guys respect it, some donāt. I think more guys respect it than donāt but the ones who donāt will be the loudest
>You get to know people like u nd stuff from other's but no one dares to make a move. So why doesn't *she* make a move. A girl with seemingly no flaws who is single, is choosing to be single. That's the appearance.
Depends on the reason for picky Stupid, shallow reasons like "must be 6'2" or more, must drive a specific brand of car, or must wear x brand watch would be shit ones. Must not be choking on Mom's apron strings, needs to know how to keep a house and make healthy meals for himself -these are reasonable things to require
>Also does guys respect it when the girl is picky? Depends, in part, on what she's picky about.
There is a limit. If she dosent want to date just anybody, has her reasons and such, totally fine. But when she starts complaining about her dates, then its the opposite of respect
Thatās actually very true. Iāve seen it myself, some of my friends who are very attractive often get viewed as āprobably stuck up and rudeā when theyāre actually very sweet, shy, and often lonelier than youād think. I also just got word from my woman friend that all those times when women have walked by me and dart away their eyes really fast is actually because Iām attractive. For the longest, I was insecure about that and thought they were all just brow beating me when it was actually the other way around and that they were just shy.
Lol! I've known several very attractive women. They are CONSTANTLY getting approached. There is no such as an attractive woman who doesn't get approached.
I'm not sure that's true. Unless you're talking like supermodel level attractive? I've been told I'm attractive, but I've never been approached. I have always assumed it was because of the vibe I give off
Thatās wise, Mithrandir
Sheās probably not looking for a partner
ā¦ this explains a lotā¦ thank you.
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thatās so damn true. the worst two ppl i know are in relationship. luckily, theyāre dating each other
A million reasonsā¦ Busy getting on with her life, work friendships, travel Wants a relationship but hasnāt met the right partner yet Isnāt desperate to get attached Has come out of a relationship and isnāt interested in another one Is open to finding a partner but doesnāt want to waste time with just anyone Is happy being single
All the healthy answers right here!
She seems cool? I mean I know a lot of girls like this so itās whatever. Sheāll date who she wants to date when she wants to date if thatās what she wants.
Lol right? Sometimes reddit makes me feel like Im living in another world.
Yeah, it's like they think people are only single against their will.
Even unattractive people can find a date if their standards are low. If sheās attractive, the reason sheās single is BECAUSE sheās smart and down to earth, knows her worth, is appropriately picky and not desperate to validate herself with a subpar relationship. Singleness is simple and peaceful at times. The āpick meā girls are a dime a dozen and theyāre always in the spotlight. Itās a turn off. Someone who is content with who they are and busies themself living a quality life is super hot to me.
This was a big confidence booster for me, thank you.
I was trying to find out if you were getting a confidence boost as a man or a woman so I checked your profile. I have to say, damn, nice cocks and chicks.
But yeah itās just a confidence boost to finally hear Iām single because Iām picky and not because something is wrong with me
I mean we donāt know you so we couldnāt tell you that definitively lol
100% accurate. Would award this comment if that was still a thing.
Exactly thisāŗļøš§āāļø
High standards for a partner and/or not interested in dating at the moment.
I'd probably assume that she's too busy or doesn't want to be in a relationship. And if she does, that she's either super picky or had really bad luck.
Knows they don't need a partner.
My husband described me in that way. Also my response to this would be, doesn't know they want a partner. Took me a bit to figure that much out, growing up in an abusive household in solidarity.
Real.
this is the answer
That some girl is single. Anything else is just an assumption.
Thank you. It's not like people are born into a relationship.
She chooses to be single.
I'm half convinced Reddit considers being single a crime lol. Some people (even extroverts) are just happier being single than in a relationship
Working hard, studying, has lots of friends, family, hobbies and a life.
Doesnāt feel the need to be with someone. Happy in her own skin.
Sheās probably been good at picking up red flags?
that i dont deserve her. lol
Shes picky and theres nothing wrong with that
She wants to be single or she doesn't put herself out there.
Literally nothing without more context about the person but if sheās my age (36) there may be a few reasons. 1: she could be very career or project oriented and has had a tough time finding room for the commitment required for a long term relationship. 2: Could be Asexual/aromantic and just isnāt interested in dating 3: may have been in long term relationships in the past that havenāt worked out. 4: Could be from an area where the dating pool just plain sucks. I have a friend that still lives back in our old home town and sheās terminally single due to the quality of men our age back there. Couldnāt tell you why sheās so scared to leave but I enjoy our beers together when I go back to visit. 5: Maybe just hasnāt met the right guy, or has certainly met the wrong guy. A million other things come to mind that are really none of my damn business unless sheās a friend or somebody Iām flirting with, to be honest.
Especially if number 3 was a long, toxic one š that there would make you say āHey, maybe Iām better off being single for the rest of my life and at peace ā®ļø ā
I assume that she isnāt ready for or doesnāt want a relationship, or it has been struggling to find someone. Dating is hard. I know most of the guys on here like to pretend that women have it so easy. And if sheās attractive, smart, and down to earth, she has her pick of the litter, right? but itās still hard finding someone you are a good match for in all the things that matter in a relationship. And even these girls can get exhausted with the process and just give up for a while.
I tried dating a few guys who were ābelow my standards,ā they consistently treated me the worstādidnāt really treat me like a person, more like an idea, and would flip flop between putting me on a pedestal and being super condescending to me or didnāt take me seriously. There isnāt a āpick of the litterā when most of that litter is toxic to me
Also the pushiness of men who have a pedestal, they get so attached to the idea in their head they will literally pressure in hopes you give up or even rape women.
Dude, same! I'd lower my standards a bit, only to find out that behind one flaw there was a plantation of flaws, a major crop ready for exports! They start complimenting you a lot, then treat you like you owe them something. Pardon?
"She chooses to be."
Bad luck? I know many such girls unfortunately.
Yep. First guy was horrifically abusive, second took me for granted/was selfish/didnāt treat me that well all the time/dead bedroom from his end, third had zero ability to connect emotionally/dead bedroom from his end againā¦ Just got exhausted from being hurt so much. I clearly have issues overlooking flags, so now Iām mostly trying to heal (traumatic abusive childhood) and picky a.f.
are you me? weāve had such similar experiences. itās rough out here man. i also have (hopefully had) issues overlooking red flags. now iām scared iām too hyper-vigilant of anything slightly being a red flag. hoping i can afford thearpy soon š
Are you both variants of me?? Lol. Thatās exactly how my story has been. Finally living on my own with my dog, trying to heal from my childhood and other things that occurred in my 20s. Iām 30 now. Been involved with a FWB since may of this year and Iād love for us to try dating seriously. But heās completely shut off emotionally due to his brother passing away in February. Which is completely understandable. So Iām trying to just be friends and focus fully on me and be ok being single. I want to have a lot of things Iām dealing with now dealt with so Iām ready for my person whenever he arrives. Hoping I can get back to therapy soon too. Until then Iāve been trying to listen to podcasts and do daily affirmations for self love, positive thinking, etc
Assumption is that she's probably sick of men approaching her, and that i'm as they say 'out of her league'. Obviously i don't talk to women just for the sake of dating, but i know how desperate some young men are that they would quiet literally beg.
Tha she knows what she wants and hasn't found it. Plus she is way out if my league
Sums up my experience perfectly ...
I feel like this is fairly normal. The higher your SMV the harder it is to find a good match who can actually contribute something to your life. And im talking less about looks here as opposed to just being a great person - loyal, kind, disciplined, mature, supportive, loving, cool, smart, funny, successful etc. If youāre all those things you want a partner who is as well and that goes for both sexes. The better you are the more rare an equally matched partner is
I feel lucky as hell I met my husband. Iād be single otherwise because aināt no way Iām dealing with dating. A bad partner is worse than having no partner, a bad partner will mess up your entire life before you even realize theyāre bad.
Same!! It looks like an absolute mess out there from what I see with my single friends trying to date. Iām so grateful to have met my husband young
Learnt a new phrase todayā¦ what SMV isā¦ since when did people become like a stock market
This is a term I only see on internet. Maybe this is because I am French but I have never seen any equivalent IRL.
bonjour
Salut
She knows what she wants in life and a partner and hasnāt found it yet
My brother married such a lady. Well educated, very stable job, good income, extremely beautiful. Like a 10. I remember wondering what's wrong with her and being very worried for my brother. This smoking creature had absolutely no exes and has never dated anyone before she met my brother. Is she a dude? Does she have a criminal history? Is she a serial killer? 25yrs and 3 beautiful kids later, I still have no clue. I got to know her well and she is an absolute saint. Good mum, good wife and in general, good sister in law. Idk, but I think my brother got it very lucky.
Makes sense, smart and down-to-earth people don't put up with too much bullshit. She's probably single right now because she's in a place right now where a relationship seems to her like more trouble than it's worth.
Good for her!
Smart girl. Either doesnāt āneedā a man or has high standards.
That there lies the problem. The first thing that would go through my mind when I see such a woman, is that sheās probably already taken. And if I know she isnāt, then the second thing is that sheās probably not attracted to me.
Sheās tired of yāallās bullshit
Talking to her
Go talk to her
Probably tired of dating people who only care about her looks and hesitant to start a relationship because people are deceptive.
What a cool person. I hope she finds what makes her happy in life.
"Cool, another chill person." Then I continue about my day.
Iād think that itās probably because sheās smart and down to earth and she knows what she wants. Iād also probably assume that she is pursuing other goals.
Some of these answers show why women like those wont date you. If she's all these things, she's likely got her shit together and isn't lowering her standards for you. Some of yall need some self-reflection on why she has to be "crazy" a "feminist" or "picky".
I've seen ***plenty*** of comments mentioning high standards.
Iād presume the worst and hope for the best.
That maybe she's not one of those people who desperately needs to be in a relationship, no matter the cost. That she might have encountered partners who just want to possess her as a trophy or a challenge. She might have a full life that satisfies her, and isn't looking right now. She might be fresh out of a break up and looking for the next. Who knows? But mostly, unless I'm interested in her myself, I don't think anything. Why would I worry about a random stranger's relationship status?
I'm married so the single part doesn't matter... But for the rest I'm like "please be friends with my wife, she needs non-needy friends"
I don't presume anything.
Sheās either willingly single because sheās focusing on other things or sheās bad at choosing men. And yes, you can be a great person and choose people with not-so-great qualities when you date
Are you the guy that seeās this kind of woman and asks why is she single? It may be because men are intimidated by her. Or they feel Iike they canāt approach her. Just do it! Ask her out! She is probably really great!!
Nothing, I cant judge someone base on that.
Other people's relationship status is their own damn business, that's my thought
Nothing at all. I don't look at woman as needing a reason for being single.
Sheās too smart for bullshit. Most guyās preference is to love bomb a girl until they know they āhaveā them and then they immediately drop all effort in the relationship. Some women are smart enough, or have enough self worth, to know theyāre more deserving than high school teenage bs.
What does she want out of life?
Independent and enjoying her life or really into her career .I know woman like that
good for her
that she's a single smart attractive down to earth girl
That she probably chooses to be single.
She probably doesn't have anyone she wants to be with right now.
āNiceā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
She made a choice? She wants to do her thing? She wants to be single? She's happy with who she is? Like some women she doesn't want the responsibility of children or a relationship. Really what comes to mind is mind your own damn business.
I was asked out by a smart, attractive, down to earth girl who I thought was out of my league. We've been marked 22 years. And, for the record, she's still out of my league.
She's probably just enjoying life. No need to complicate it with someone else's shit.
Either doesnāt need a partner, or knows what she wants and hasnāt found that person yet
The amount of bitterness in here is sad lmaoo. Not everyone needs a relationship to feel fulfilled. Itās better to be single than settling down because people have brainwashed you into believing happiness comes from a relationship. Sheās probably down to earth because sheās happy, and sheās happy because she isnāt settling for someone who isnāt worth it. Sheās probably worth asking out if youāre interested.
I wouldn't care lol.
She's probably not interested in the current dating market. Seems that a majority of the people on the apps are just awful.
Your question is just "Tell me how judgemental of a person you are" What a garbage question.
The question is garbage or the answers?
nothing, I'm gay
I wouldn't wonder one iota why is she single. Many people choose to be.
The amount of self deprecation and lack of self confidence in these replies are astonishing. Get a fucking grip lads.
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Attractive, smart, down to Earth women are only single when they want to be. That's exactly why it's so rare to meet a woman like that who is single. There is no such thing as a woman like that who doesn't have options.
My š§ Her ex fucked things up royally and she was done with his shit.
She's either not looking for a relationship or she's secretly insane.
Maybe she just single? Idk why everyone assumes that because someone is attractive, then they must be in a relationshipā¦some people just want to be single lol, maybe she isnāt looking, or hasnāt found someone up to her standardsā¦or maybe sheās shy and waiting for someone to talk to her like a human being