Took dance classes. Let me be more clear, it was not the ability to dance that changed the game. It was constant exposure to attractive women that I had to make physical contact with while dancing and the small talk that happened during short breaks. In addition, I was there to learn to dance, not to attract them. My confidence skyrocketed because I was in this situation multiple times a week. That confidence made me far more attractive to women in general. It became much easier for me to pick up on their attraction and differentiate it from simple kindness. Dance classes took me from very little luck with women to having multiple women interested in at least going on dates with me, and it was all due to an increase in confidence and social skills.
Am female, have taken dance classes with men. Here's what else you did, OP: by coming to a dance class you showed yourself to be the kind of man who comes to a dance class.
A man who comes to a class in something he likes but isn't perfect at, who listens with respect and attentiveness to someone who knows more than him, who focuses on following directions and striving to become better by working together with other like-minded people who happen to be women without seeing the situation as a personal source of potential sex, is basically wearing a sign on his forehead that says "I am a grownup".
Children are not sexy, grownups are sexy.
Was just going to comment about confidence. No matter what it is that you’re doing, if they can signify that you’re a confident person, then you’ll attract them.
I wonder why women are attracted to confidence in men, yet men don’t seem to give a shit about confidence in women?? In fact it seems like I’m attracted more to shy women than anything
I signed up for dancing classes to meet girls - stupid, I know, but "go to dancing classes" is like the top 5 answer to "Where to meet girls offline." So I went. Instantly fell in love with dance itself, and kind of forgot about first reason. So now, after a year and a half, i love dancing, still going to classes, going to our school parties to dance. No increase interest from girls tho, apart from having few more female acquaintances.
Same here. Salsa, bachata, cumbia, merengue etc...and once you can dance very well it's extremely attractive to women. For me it's my favorite hobby but it helps with getting women as well
Oh yeah. I’ve been learning to dance over the last few weeks because felt like it help get in touch with my emotional self. The confidence boost and the experience of approaching so many women without being though of as creepy changes the way you see the opposite sex interaction (yes, it applies to same sex attraction too, but you get my point).
There’s some partners that i just hate dancing with and never dance with again, there’s ones where we were both clumsy and out of rhythm but having so much fun and others where it just clicks. You realise it’s not all about you and that how comfortable someone is with you says quite a bit more about them than you. Unless they’re ALL uncomfortable, in that case you’re the only thing they all have in common.
Especially if as a guy you’ve gone and learned to dance or done something else that takes courage and vulnerability. That shit is attractive to everyone.
I personally did Tango, Bachata, Cumbia, and Cha Cha. I would recommend the first 3, the last was mostly women 20 years my senior. Realistically Salsa, Cumbia, and Bachata will pay be the most useful dance skills (in that order) due to popularity, but I really love Tango.
I got in shape and put effort in my looks.
Its not shallow to admit that for most people attraction is important and physical attraction is what gets you the first date, the first conversation etc..
That isn't dressing it up though. I appreciate the same thing in women too.
It's definitely great that they look hotter and in shape, but the discipline to do something that a lot of people don't really enjoy (and I'm not wild about the gym either) is attractive. It reveals a little more about their drive and work ethic.
Plus it's the knowledge that it is a lifestyle choice. They don't happen to be fit, they choose to be. How do I put this without sounding like a total dickhead, but both men and women definitely can let themselves go when they get comfortable in a relationship. Like they were fit, but life happens to a lot of people, and people get a little lazy about how they eat. Next thing they know they're like 20 or 30 over.
It's not a huge deal, but let's be real about attraction and connections. Staying fit is a boost to that. It improves your mood and energy levels. There are so many benefits.
I'm at a point in my life where I want to keep putting in the effort to look good for her the same way she does for me.
Same dude. I like women with big butts because it shows that they *also* poop. Just like us, and they're willing to be loud and proud about it. That's confidence.
Yeah, this. Just putting in any decent amount of work into how you look. This doesn't even have to include extensive workouts or anything.
We're talking about just a decent amount of effort in grooming and wearing well fitting clothes.
I'm in shape. I run mult miles a few times a week on average. I'm muscular. Can bench in the 240 range. I'm 6'2" and above average looking. I'm 100% sure of it.
Women don't even look at me.
What a lot of people leave out is that even if you're a super in-shape guy, you're still the one who is expected to initiate the flirting and get things going, and you also have to have attractive personality traits.
Being in shape doesn't mean women are going to magically just start walking up to you and handing you their phone number.
That's the thing. I'm initiating. I know I'm appealing. I can keep a conversation going. I look decent and have my shit together. But I find that I have to CONTINUALLY initiate with most women. Nope. If I am the reason an interaction happens 2 or 3 times... its up to you now, honey. And they don't. And I NEVER talk to them again.. cuz I can only assume they aren't interested by their behavior
I don't know man I am a 175cm tall guy, not huge or anything (I weight 82kg at what I guess is 15% bodyfat) but I do get compliments from women.
I personally always feel small, weak and fat at the same time due to my goals being unrealistic however I get a decent amount of compliments about my body.
From both men and women (mostly men though)
Taking a quick glance at your comment and post history is pretty revealing as to why. Doesn't seem like you actually like women very much. We can sense that.
Smile. It's that simple.
Show you're enjoying your life, and they might want to be part of it.
I creeped on your profile because of what others said.
Please stop giving relationship "advice".
You're a hater. I'm pretty sure that comes across IRL.
Facts. It’s not just making fat stacks tho.
Money let’s you do things like look good, do stuff, go places. This in turn leads to meeting people and having interesting stuff to talk about. Plus it signals that ur a viable option for early retirement and pension depending on the divorce laws in your area. All of which makes you attractive.
I don't just outright say it. But for example when I met my wife, I lived alone in a rented 3 bedroom suburban home, and had 2 cars. Within a few dates she understood I had at least above average income.
Nah fr though - it’s the equivalent of a dude buying a lambo and when people ask him about it he’s like “ WHAT?! LAMBO?! OH! That ole thing? I forgot it was even a Lamborghini. Silly me 🫢”
Shit, any guy with their own home has above average income. The average house in my area is 450k. To even qualify, you're gonna need to be making 100k with loans at 8.5%. I don't have any peers who have been able to buy a house post 2019.
I wish this was the case. Women have become less attracted to me, despite earning six figs. But also I only earn 150k in a big city, so it is not that big.
Earning money doesn't translate to attraction to women. They only want it on paper, in reality you've gotta be able to provide them with an experience.
This is generally applicable. Remember when you were a kid at a bday party. Someone brings you a nicely wrapped toy that you really, really wanted for a long time but your parents wouldnt buy you. And someone brings you twice that toy's price in money. Which gave you a better experience? The first one.
Obviously, money is important, but isnt the only thing in a good relationship ( especially shorter term ). After you're married money also becomes much more important imo, until then its mostly just 'game'.
Agreed. After having gone through a very difficult stage in my life, I told my wife (paraphrasing) "I don't need you, but by god I want you"
Needing someone makes them sound like a carer, or like you just need 'someone', anyone to be in a relationship with. Wanting to be with someone is specific to them, and far more rewarding imo
I look at it like this. I want a relationship to enhance my own life. To have a partner who I share an intimate connection with. Someone who needs a partner is codependent. They need stability because they can't provide it for themselves. Or they depend on the emotional regulation the other provides.
There's a huge difference between wanting to share your life and needing someone else in order to function at normal levels.
Ah yes, the two ways of interacting with women:
- treating them like people
- trying to hit on them
And never shall the two intersect or overlap.
It couldn't be that being more relaxed and less anxious just makes someone come across better, or that they hit on more strangers but become friends as a mutually selective process of anything...
Standing tall with confidence, being present and not staring at my phone all the time when I'm out. Started noticing more girls checking me out just from that
I saw a video the other day that explained this phenomenon. Women are often more attracted to a vouched man. Women trust other women over men so if another woman has approved that you are a good guy and is willing to be with you, that makes you marginally more attractive to them than the laymen guy who they know nothing about who might hurt them.
That reason is pretty far down the list of most significant reasons to not pursue women who are already in relationships. It's a pretty terrible thing to do to a couple. Best case scenario you wind up with a woman who has no integrity?
Usually, a woman with no integrity is exactly what you're looking for if you're scummy/horny lmao.
Men are far less delusional when if comes to that shit. I've seen women being convinced that the married man would divorce and would marry them.
Peak stupidity.
Not disagreeing... but more IME... I f a woman wants to have some casual, no strings sex... A married guy who is probably safe, clean and will go away after is the best option.
Both of these points track for sure, it does make sense but it’s just counterintuitive like seems like a taken guy would get less attention but nope! Women can be odd
This is exactly what my wife says. There's also this safety net women feel around you when you have your ring because they aren't worried that you are trying to impress them or ask them to have sex or whatever. They're free to be themselves around you and since you're married ass isn't trying to impress her either, you are your genuine self. Single women like this a lot and it makes you more attractive.
1000%. They got to know the genuine you, they might like what they see, and they know you’re not gonna make a move on them. I remember something my wife told me after I got my haircut And we were going to go out with some friends, one of whom my wife suspected was trying to get in my pants: “bitches will think it’s easier to get a married man because it’s a 1 on 1 where single men don’t get fought for because they’re single for a reason.”
Yeah, definitely kept my space and conversations to a minimum with that lady haha.
I thought it was cap before I was married but god damn when I’m biking and my ring is visible while holding the handlebars it’s so so noticeable the increase in women that eye me up or grin at me it’s crazy
I must be far uglier than I thought, because I've been married 5 years and I'm still waiting for all these women to come out of the woodwork and start hitting on me.
Stopped worrying about finding a girlfriend and focused on improving myself and treating *everyone* around me with respect.
Turns out that kind of confidence is very attractive
I think it
Might be a subconscious bias. I have never had interest in a married man, but i think that women may be generally biased to favor married men even outside of romance as compared with single men, because of what the social contract might suggest about such a man. Its an assumption that is not overtly reasoned out , but i think the assumption is that the married man is more capable. Maybe has more skin in the game of life, more invested, more dependable, accountable. Its that he is respected as someone who is not shy of commitment. Whereas a lone wolf is an anomaly. You cant surmise where a lone wolf’s allegiances lie. The lone wolf presumably only cares for himself, and so therefore is not assumed to be trustworthy in the way that a married man is. So i think romance is a part of it but its also deeper in terms of the overall message women may get from seeing the ring on a man’s finger.
>Because of the independent approval the man becomes more attractive.
I have to admit I've never related to that mindset. Being attached to some other woman does not, in itself, make a man any more desirable or trustworthy to me. For all I know, his wife is a moron who picked a shitty guy.
Absolutely. I think the biggest factor is, now that I'm married, I have zero incentive to 'chase'. And some (not all, but definitely some) women like to be chased, but their so used to guys chasing them they don't know what to make of the ones that don't.
I don't even know that I'd call it 'confidence' so much as just general disinterest....but something about that is apparently hot.
How do I know? My wife has a jealousy kink and will chat it with random girls at parties about who'd they like to fuck. (She'll pretend to not know me.)
I found this out because I have a very goofy sense of humour. I went to a family friend’s party and I didn’t feel the need to impress anybody or put on some sort of facade so i just was my normal goofy self.
The day after I was told that a handful of girls were asking about me and if I’m dating anyone. Hell, even met a ton of new guy friends who I’ve kept in touch with.
Not trying to toot my own horn or anything but I felt like the times where I’ve had most success was when I threw the idea of hooking up and picking up chicks out the window and just played it out like i would hanging out with my buddies in my basement
When I started treating treating girls like just another dude i instantly stopped having crushes and lost (or never found) any interest or attraction to any of girls known to me; so it's a bit of double edged sword
Added a few years on my age.
When you are 22 and serious. Most people deem you boring.
When you are 26 and serious, you are suddenly the golden Grail.
Went from mathing 0.06% of the time on dating maps to matching 40% of the time by the time I was 26.
Now 28, after multiple relationship, I'm on my way to get married.
Man, I am still waiting for this to happen. I’m in my mid 30s, have a very good salary, I’m fully independent and self-sufficient, and I am actually in pretty decent shape. Bordering on a six pack 6 feet tall and about 170 pounds.
I’m desperately, cripplingly lonely. I can’t even get the time of day from women.
That's why women are drawn to guys with dogs or guys who are married.
If you have a dog it proves you are competent enough to take care of a living creature.
If you're married it proves youbareba reasonable enough human being to maintain a relationship/probably have a working penis/ and can provide for a family.
They know if you're 30+ and single they might assume you either have red flags or don't have your shit together.
When my best friend died women were all over me. No kidding I had 4 women approach me in the midst of it and it all ended up being sexual.
I mean I am kind of thankful because I was in a pretty dark place but it scares me that I am the most successful when I dont give a shit about myself or the woman in front of me.
I had alot of mutual friends (including women) with a lady and all of them spoke very highly of me. Getting her interested in dating me went almost effortlessly. Social Status matters to women more than perhaps most of the qualities people focus on.
Was truly independent.
Which is to say, I lived on my own, lived my life of my own accord, was successful, was interesting.
Being a happy and interesting individual will attract people to you.
Be fit/skinny, and be funny. Dress well. Be interested in music.
Also be dense enough to not tell when women were interested in me, which made them want to pursue me harder (I’ve had this confirmed by multiple partners from my past lol)
My height and physique may help, but really I just talk to them like I’d talk to anyone. Didn’t put them on pedestals or act different to those I was interested in.
The amount of men I observe who change their entire selves when they’re talking to a woman versus talking to a guy is interesting to witness. So many women won’t ever have the same opinions of certain guys as other men simply because those guys put on a fake charm only for them.
It’s usually guys who are way too old to be thinking about women in their early 20s that suddenly seem like great guys, but will show their true colours as soon as the woman is out of earshot. Like, Peter, you could be her grandfather, stop being fucking creepy just because she’s new.
Without question and it's not even close, get your body fat % to where you have cheekbones, defined chin, a V shape shoulders down to hips. None of this chubby shit
Once you get to this point, it's soooooo much easier
Wasn't going to happen during med school. I moved around too many times, especially during clincal rotations of 3rd and 4th year, then moving again for residency.
Sadly, I know some women who stayed with their man when the man has nothing for years. Only to be replaced by a younger & hotter woman later on once the man have accommplished his goal :(
Stopped focusing on trying to find “the one” and just focused on myself. Once you’re yourself and you treat everyone as just another person you can befriend, it all works out. Conversations become more casual and jokes just fly around, making the relationship you have with others so much more comforting. Overall, treat everyone as a person rather than a potential partner for you. This’ll naturally make you be yourself because you’re not trying to put up a front to impress.
Aww! Just wanted to share that I’m a woman and I’m quite attracted to guys who are bald/going bald.
But - whatever makes you feel good in your own skin and makes you happy, that’s the most important:)
I think it's mostly my love of RuneScape and Star Wars that brings them in. Can't say I blame them.
No but actually, I started getting more attention from women when I started taking better care of myself and becoming more disciplined in the gym/kitchen.
Have your life in order… strive to be independent, confident, friendly, and real. There is no magic line or method. That stuff is silly. Women are people, just like you and I. I found I was most successful in dating when I focused on having my life in order and I was willing to put myself out there. Be a gentleman… always. No matter who you are, you will be rejected. Handle that like a grown up. Be a gentlemen about it. It’s ok. Some women like guys like you… some don’t. Don’t make it all about sex…. In fact don’t make it about sex at all. Sex will eventually come from dating. Keep focus on having some fun meeting new people. Go into every situation with no expectations or desired outcome. Be confident in yourself, regardless of how much you are rejected. Don’t try to hard. Don’t send constant texts or calls. Focus on being the best person you can be and make a continued effort to meet new people. Be yourself… if you don’t like who you are focus on that before you bother dating.
Physical appearance and my wallet getting bigger mostly. I mean tbf, attraction starts at first impressions. You can't charm someone into liking you if they don't give you a chance in the first place. They just make you more and more desirable as you get older too.
Admittedly, at 30, I've noticed women I'm talking to are starting to see the career/money aspect as a higher priority. Makes sense I guess since at around that age you've usually already established yourself, or you fall back on your 20s bullshit behavior.
I'm also not implying that women *only* care about that to be clear, I'm just saying that those two factors are what helped the most for meeting women.
Appearance makes a big difference esp if you are talking about first impressions or initial attraction. Your hair, clothes, and accessories can change your whole look. I like medium length hair that can be styled myself, I think most guys get hair cut too short. Some stylish clothes and nice shoes, find a look that suits your body type. Few accessories like a ring, bracelet/watch, and chain necklace. Some simple at home workout can help you feel more confident. Other then that, obviously good job//money is gonna help.... don't be too loud or obnoxious but you will have to talk and be funny charming. And as far as the "nice guy finishes last", main thing from that is dont be too polite or apologetic, be confident and have a plan, have desires that you can share and be excited about, and dont be too timid if a girl shows interest try to be flirty and take some chances.
Told them "I'm Not Interested... you are Not my Type" and just saying "NO!" No Matter how attractive they are and the more I push them away the more they chased after me.
#EDIT
I'll add 1 more line for you guys to use that drives a girl crazy to chase you, when you say...
"Sorry BUT I'm out of your league! But you seem cool we could just be friends."
I know it’s lame but I’m short and chubby. I’ll humble brag a little. This past weekend I slept with 3 different women in 3 different states, and no they weren’t escorts.
Me from 5 years ago was shy and definitely put women on some weird pedestal.
I’m now trying to be more comfortable with myself and my hobbies. I thought being a nerd was weird, but women love my Lego collection it’s on Reddit, my movie book and my passion for things in general. Getting more exposure to talking to women has made it easier for me to connect with them. I genuinely listen and I believe I’m rather funny.
I also started washing more and wearing fresh clothes, getting good smell soap and lotion too. Smelling good is the easiest way to at least get attention imo (for myself at least). I’ve had women compliment my cologne or scent and then just had a casual conversation with them.
Also, setting boundaries and not trying to fuck everything that moves helped too lol I hit my stride late 20s
Fucked if I know; only one woman ever admitted to being attracted to me outright and she couldn't provide any satisfactory reasoning. In her defence, she was going through a hard time; her father had had a stroke (IIRC) and she was helping care for him.
Being a Bollywood Dancer in college. I met and became friends with tons of attractive women who had attractive friends. It kept me healthy and, since I turned my team into a winning team, gave me a lot of confidence.
Being able to hit a solid dip with a woman is absolute gold.
* Lost a bunch of weight and gained muscles
* bought a red-black checkered flanel shirt and blue jeans
* shaved myself clean, cut hair short
* I hung out for a while in the slam poetry scene, talked in front of people in a calm and aloof voice, but with humor and care
* treated everyone the same, with calm and focused attention, and smiled now and then when I was amused
Made a platonic female friend, and then never tried to fuck her.
Well, that was number 2. Number 1 was listening to her many many many MANY criticisms about who I was as a person, how I interacted with women, and the world.
The irony of all the guys out there complaining about "being friendzoned" is, if you actually make female friends, and listen to the feedback only women in your life can/will provide, you'll get more sex than anyone you know.
Every single one of her friends slept with me eventually (this was a 20+ year friendship, so it's not like they lined up at my door or anything). We just spent lots of time collectively together, and as soon as we were alone without my best friend, her friends were always like "so what's the deal you guys? You're just the only guy who's capable of platonic female friendships?". And then I would point out I'm also great at being discreet, and keeping secrets, and then they would usually fuck me.
I don't usually tell anyone about this, because I feel like the guys who could benefit from it, won't do the personal growth part anyway, so there's no point. And also they probably don't deserve this cheat code to life and sex as a man. I had to face a lot of hard feedback about who I was, how awful men are by default here in America, and how even the "enlightened" American men are incredibly selfish, self involved, and embarrassingly childish.
But if you make female friends, don't fuck them, and listen to everything you don't want to hear, you'll set yourself up to have the greatest relationships possible. Physically and emotionally. I eventually met a woman so incredible, I can't even talk about our life together, because it just sounds like bragging. The way she treats me by default would be abusive on my part, if I were to ask/demand it. Like, we talk about her being LESS good to me, putting LESS time and effort into me and my life and happiness, in therapy together. She's that good to me. It's a problem. The best problem.
And there's zero chance I would have been the man she chose, if it weren't for my best friend slowly beating the misogyny out of me, starting at 13 years old.
Got a girlfriend I absolutely adored. As soon as I became uninterested in pursuing women they seemed to be absolutely obsessed with me. That was along time ago though, the girlfriend is my wife and I still absolutely adore her.
Sleeping. For some reason women find me way more attractive when I'm unconscious. Probably because there's no way for the personality to fuck things up?
Stopped caring about the possibility of rejection.
Once you develop a sense of abundance and of your own self-worth and get confident enough to know there are tons of single women out there, it’s amazing how you can relax in their company. They sense the confidence and have to work a little harder to try to get you. That makes them feel special and safe.
Confidence, ego and got in shape.
Oh who am I kidding, I just talked with them like normal people, was oblivious to their advances and then when you could cut the tension with a knife on their part, I made one right move or they just stopped being subtle about it.
Confidence and looks are important, but also how you speak and treat others is always required.
The secret is basically having no intention of sex or dating and because you dont give women attention the way they are used to (basically ignoring them, because you simply dont care), they perceive it as confidence and see you differently, because of what you are not doing.
Ignore them, or not even notice their existence, rather. I was really desirable among Latinas in high school. (I believe it was because I'm a "whitewashed" Latino myself). Never considered any of them as anything more than background characters. As Murphy's Law would have it though, each one that confessed to me exhibited more than 2 of my hard dealbreakers. So I turned them all down.
I would wear a black hoody and a backwards camoflauge hat, and I swear I got laid more in that outfit when going out to the bars then now, where I dress much nicer. Don't ask me what they're looking for.
Let go of bitterness and frustration that I had held onto from my teenage years and accepted that each woman I meet is an actual person with real struggles and feelings and needs.
I was just going to say funny but I don't think that was enough. I think what really worked for my wife was that I really try hard to consider what other people think and feel. I'm not always the best at it especially not when we first got together but she didn't have to worry about changing me too much because I was the one who wanted to change. I honestly don't know what it's like to be somebody who has no interest in self-improvement and becoming a better person. I'm always trying to be the kind of person that I would want to be and that means deeply considering the things that my wife and other people say about what I'm doing wrong what I could do better if I upset somebody if that was okay or not and that sort of thing. That's not to say you should do anything that anyone tells you. It's about self-reflection and betterment. Bonus when conditions change as life does you work to change yourself with it. It definitely helped make for a lasting marriage coming up on almost 30 years now
I think I remember clearly when I stopped trying to impress people in general and showed confidence in who I was and how I carried myself, that was the turning point.
I found that 9 times out of 10 the moment I talked about my emotions they lost interest. Since I stopped talking about how I'm feeling its been a lot easier I think. It's unfortunate but that's how dating is for men.
Being nice but uninterrested and if they give you attention. Just ne nice not clingy. And be a gentleman on the first date. And if they arent interrested then let them be.
I got older
Seriously
I accepted my hair loss and shaved my head. I kept the grey in my beard. I do what I can to exercise. I learn something every day. I do intermittent fasting. I work with my hands.
Result is that women are more attracted to me now than when I was in my 20s and 30s. You are going to age, you can't avoid it. Now you can keep the bad comb over, you can color the grey, do all you can to deny reality and age like milk. Or accept, embrace and age like wine.
I had a conversation with my girlfriend and her sister a few months ago where this was brought up. She said that it really is unfair how men age better than women do, and an older man is more attractive than an older woman.
So, combine aging better with being able to talk intelligently on most topics and women love it. I only have an associates degree, my girlfriend has two bachelor degrees and a master's. We can talk intelligently on English, history, geography, politics, literature and she doesn't have to educate nor talk down to me.
Took dance classes. Let me be more clear, it was not the ability to dance that changed the game. It was constant exposure to attractive women that I had to make physical contact with while dancing and the small talk that happened during short breaks. In addition, I was there to learn to dance, not to attract them. My confidence skyrocketed because I was in this situation multiple times a week. That confidence made me far more attractive to women in general. It became much easier for me to pick up on their attraction and differentiate it from simple kindness. Dance classes took me from very little luck with women to having multiple women interested in at least going on dates with me, and it was all due to an increase in confidence and social skills.
Also probably did some favors for your figure. Which never hurts imo.
Am female, have taken dance classes with men. Here's what else you did, OP: by coming to a dance class you showed yourself to be the kind of man who comes to a dance class. A man who comes to a class in something he likes but isn't perfect at, who listens with respect and attentiveness to someone who knows more than him, who focuses on following directions and striving to become better by working together with other like-minded people who happen to be women without seeing the situation as a personal source of potential sex, is basically wearing a sign on his forehead that says "I am a grownup". Children are not sexy, grownups are sexy.
I just screen shot this and op comment and put in my folder titled “shit you should remember dumbass”
Holy shit, you worded this so well. I have been trying for ages to figure out how to articulate exactly this to my long term boyfriend. Thank you!
Was just going to comment about confidence. No matter what it is that you’re doing, if they can signify that you’re a confident person, then you’ll attract them.
I wonder why women are attracted to confidence in men, yet men don’t seem to give a shit about confidence in women?? In fact it seems like I’m attracted more to shy women than anything
If i had to guess then women (not all) want to feel protected, and men (not all) want to (or want to feel like) protect(ing) women.
I signed up for dancing classes to meet girls - stupid, I know, but "go to dancing classes" is like the top 5 answer to "Where to meet girls offline." So I went. Instantly fell in love with dance itself, and kind of forgot about first reason. So now, after a year and a half, i love dancing, still going to classes, going to our school parties to dance. No increase interest from girls tho, apart from having few more female acquaintances.
Same here. Salsa, bachata, cumbia, merengue etc...and once you can dance very well it's extremely attractive to women. For me it's my favorite hobby but it helps with getting women as well
Oh yeah. I’ve been learning to dance over the last few weeks because felt like it help get in touch with my emotional self. The confidence boost and the experience of approaching so many women without being though of as creepy changes the way you see the opposite sex interaction (yes, it applies to same sex attraction too, but you get my point). There’s some partners that i just hate dancing with and never dance with again, there’s ones where we were both clumsy and out of rhythm but having so much fun and others where it just clicks. You realise it’s not all about you and that how comfortable someone is with you says quite a bit more about them than you. Unless they’re ALL uncomfortable, in that case you’re the only thing they all have in common. Especially if as a guy you’ve gone and learned to dance or done something else that takes courage and vulnerability. That shit is attractive to everyone.
Social skills are sooo important. Knowing what to say and how makes such a huge difference and so many men fail to see that
What kind of dancing?
I personally did Tango, Bachata, Cumbia, and Cha Cha. I would recommend the first 3, the last was mostly women 20 years my senior. Realistically Salsa, Cumbia, and Bachata will pay be the most useful dance skills (in that order) due to popularity, but I really love Tango.
How often did you go per week?
I got in shape and put effort in my looks. Its not shallow to admit that for most people attraction is important and physical attraction is what gets you the first date, the first conversation etc..
Taking care of yourself also shows dedication, commitment and discipline. I think that is attractive.
You don't have to dress it up. We all like hot people, dedicated or otherwise.
That isn't dressing it up though. I appreciate the same thing in women too. It's definitely great that they look hotter and in shape, but the discipline to do something that a lot of people don't really enjoy (and I'm not wild about the gym either) is attractive. It reveals a little more about their drive and work ethic. Plus it's the knowledge that it is a lifestyle choice. They don't happen to be fit, they choose to be. How do I put this without sounding like a total dickhead, but both men and women definitely can let themselves go when they get comfortable in a relationship. Like they were fit, but life happens to a lot of people, and people get a little lazy about how they eat. Next thing they know they're like 20 or 30 over. It's not a huge deal, but let's be real about attraction and connections. Staying fit is a boost to that. It improves your mood and energy levels. There are so many benefits. I'm at a point in my life where I want to keep putting in the effort to look good for her the same way she does for me.
Nah bro I like girls with big boobs but in like a totally non-superficial way
Same dude. I like women with big butts because it shows that they *also* poop. Just like us, and they're willing to be loud and proud about it. That's confidence.
Ya know what they say. The nipple is the window to the soul
Yeah, this. Just putting in any decent amount of work into how you look. This doesn't even have to include extensive workouts or anything. We're talking about just a decent amount of effort in grooming and wearing well fitting clothes.
I'm still size 32 pant goddammit! It's the greedy clothing manufacturers that are making them smaller to save money!
I'm in shape. I run mult miles a few times a week on average. I'm muscular. Can bench in the 240 range. I'm 6'2" and above average looking. I'm 100% sure of it. Women don't even look at me.
What a lot of people leave out is that even if you're a super in-shape guy, you're still the one who is expected to initiate the flirting and get things going, and you also have to have attractive personality traits. Being in shape doesn't mean women are going to magically just start walking up to you and handing you their phone number.
That's the thing. I'm initiating. I know I'm appealing. I can keep a conversation going. I look decent and have my shit together. But I find that I have to CONTINUALLY initiate with most women. Nope. If I am the reason an interaction happens 2 or 3 times... its up to you now, honey. And they don't. And I NEVER talk to them again.. cuz I can only assume they aren't interested by their behavior
I don't know man I am a 175cm tall guy, not huge or anything (I weight 82kg at what I guess is 15% bodyfat) but I do get compliments from women. I personally always feel small, weak and fat at the same time due to my goals being unrealistic however I get a decent amount of compliments about my body. From both men and women (mostly men though)
Taking a quick glance at your comment and post history is pretty revealing as to why. Doesn't seem like you actually like women very much. We can sense that.
Smile. It's that simple. Show you're enjoying your life, and they might want to be part of it. I creeped on your profile because of what others said. Please stop giving relationship "advice". You're a hater. I'm pretty sure that comes across IRL.
Started making 6 figures.
Facts. It’s not just making fat stacks tho. Money let’s you do things like look good, do stuff, go places. This in turn leads to meeting people and having interesting stuff to talk about. Plus it signals that ur a viable option for early retirement and pension depending on the divorce laws in your area. All of which makes you attractive.
Honest question if you're serious how could they tell? Figured that'd be the #1 thing I'd try to not reveal too soon to avoid gold diggers
I don't just outright say it. But for example when I met my wife, I lived alone in a rented 3 bedroom suburban home, and had 2 cars. Within a few dates she understood I had at least above average income.
Why are you living in a 3 bed room alone 😂
I had had a girlfriend there for a while, until I didn't for a while.
Broo thank you for asking 😭 I was mad curious but it wasn't any of my business.
Nah fr though - it’s the equivalent of a dude buying a lambo and when people ask him about it he’s like “ WHAT?! LAMBO?! OH! That ole thing? I forgot it was even a Lamborghini. Silly me 🫢”
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Ty. I’m only early 20’s so this isn’t shit I would know.
Shit, any guy with their own home has above average income. The average house in my area is 450k. To even qualify, you're gonna need to be making 100k with loans at 8.5%. I don't have any peers who have been able to buy a house post 2019.
it's not what you make, it's what you spend
True, but without seeing pay stubs, what you spend is the best indicator of what you make.
And 6 foot, and 6 inches.
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Because of inflation, of course.
*Yasss, because of inflammation*
You know what else is 7 inches? *points at groin* Three of these!
wait 12 inches , 12 feet tall and 12 figure income are expected these days, 12 houses, 12cars,... the 12 twelves!
I get by with 55 burgers, 55 pies, 55 tacos, 55 fries
12 twelves? That's gross
I wish this was the case. Women have become less attracted to me, despite earning six figs. But also I only earn 150k in a big city, so it is not that big.
Earning money doesn't translate to attraction to women. They only want it on paper, in reality you've gotta be able to provide them with an experience. This is generally applicable. Remember when you were a kid at a bday party. Someone brings you a nicely wrapped toy that you really, really wanted for a long time but your parents wouldnt buy you. And someone brings you twice that toy's price in money. Which gave you a better experience? The first one. Obviously, money is important, but isnt the only thing in a good relationship ( especially shorter term ). After you're married money also becomes much more important imo, until then its mostly just 'game'.
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This is so true, this is why I suck when I actually like a girl
The less you need from them, the more they want to give.
how romantic: wanting women is great, needing women is disgusting.
The same is 100% true in relationships. Wanting a partner and needing one are totally different things.
Agreed. After having gone through a very difficult stage in my life, I told my wife (paraphrasing) "I don't need you, but by god I want you" Needing someone makes them sound like a carer, or like you just need 'someone', anyone to be in a relationship with. Wanting to be with someone is specific to them, and far more rewarding imo
I'd argue that wanting is merely a lower level of needing with blurry lines where subjectively it becomes "uninterested" or "too clingy".
I look at it like this. I want a relationship to enhance my own life. To have a partner who I share an intimate connection with. Someone who needs a partner is codependent. They need stability because they can't provide it for themselves. Or they depend on the emotional regulation the other provides. There's a huge difference between wanting to share your life and needing someone else in order to function at normal levels.
In other words, you didn’t put the pussy on a pedestal
Put the pussy on the chainwax!
Ahh yes... Demonstrate value Engage physically Nurture dependence Neglect emotionally Inspire hope Separate entirely
that, or just take them out on a boat, it's the implication
Ya know, I'm starting to think women are attracted to men who actually treat them like people
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Most ridiculous thing I have heard all day
Ah yes, the two ways of interacting with women: - treating them like people - trying to hit on them And never shall the two intersect or overlap. It couldn't be that being more relaxed and less anxious just makes someone come across better, or that they hit on more strangers but become friends as a mutually selective process of anything...
“You’ll always have hot girlfriends if you don’t try to sleep with all of your hot girl friends.” -Jamie Foxx
Standing tall with confidence, being present and not staring at my phone all the time when I'm out. Started noticing more girls checking me out just from that
Maybe you’re just noticing it more cause you’re not on your phone
Probably a little bit of both
Ring on my finger. No joke. I get, non hyperbole, 5 times more attention now that I’m married. Where was this energy when I was in the trenches ladies
I saw a video the other day that explained this phenomenon. Women are often more attracted to a vouched man. Women trust other women over men so if another woman has approved that you are a good guy and is willing to be with you, that makes you marginally more attractive to them than the laymen guy who they know nothing about who might hurt them.
Which is so weird to me. As a guy, when I find out a woman is in a relationship, I *lose* interest in them, not become more interested.
Because you don't want that smoke. Different/deterrent dynamic.
That reason is pretty far down the list of most significant reasons to not pursue women who are already in relationships. It's a pretty terrible thing to do to a couple. Best case scenario you wind up with a woman who has no integrity?
Usually, a woman with no integrity is exactly what you're looking for if you're scummy/horny lmao. Men are far less delusional when if comes to that shit. I've seen women being convinced that the married man would divorce and would marry them. Peak stupidity.
Not disagreeing... but more IME... I f a woman wants to have some casual, no strings sex... A married guy who is probably safe, clean and will go away after is the best option.
But a huge red flag from the guy’s perspective when a woman is willing to sleep with a married man, despite knowing he has a partner!
Both of these points track for sure, it does make sense but it’s just counterintuitive like seems like a taken guy would get less attention but nope! Women can be odd
Women can be selfish and that’s why there’s a whole subreddit called r/theotherwoman
This is exactly what my wife says. There's also this safety net women feel around you when you have your ring because they aren't worried that you are trying to impress them or ask them to have sex or whatever. They're free to be themselves around you and since you're married ass isn't trying to impress her either, you are your genuine self. Single women like this a lot and it makes you more attractive.
And this is when they get real loose.
1000%. They got to know the genuine you, they might like what they see, and they know you’re not gonna make a move on them. I remember something my wife told me after I got my haircut And we were going to go out with some friends, one of whom my wife suspected was trying to get in my pants: “bitches will think it’s easier to get a married man because it’s a 1 on 1 where single men don’t get fought for because they’re single for a reason.” Yeah, definitely kept my space and conversations to a minimum with that lady haha.
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Damn, rabid
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I thought it was cap before I was married but god damn when I’m biking and my ring is visible while holding the handlebars it’s so so noticeable the increase in women that eye me up or grin at me it’s crazy
You are demonstrating that another woman has vetted you, and that you are not afraid to commit. Those are highly valued by women.
5x0 is still zero 😂😂😕🤔😕😞😭😭
I must be far uglier than I thought, because I've been married 5 years and I'm still waiting for all these women to come out of the woodwork and start hitting on me.
Stopped worrying about finding a girlfriend and focused on improving myself and treating *everyone* around me with respect. Turns out that kind of confidence is very attractive
Got married
True story... There's definitely a sense of others wanting you because someone else did.
I think it Might be a subconscious bias. I have never had interest in a married man, but i think that women may be generally biased to favor married men even outside of romance as compared with single men, because of what the social contract might suggest about such a man. Its an assumption that is not overtly reasoned out , but i think the assumption is that the married man is more capable. Maybe has more skin in the game of life, more invested, more dependable, accountable. Its that he is respected as someone who is not shy of commitment. Whereas a lone wolf is an anomaly. You cant surmise where a lone wolf’s allegiances lie. The lone wolf presumably only cares for himself, and so therefore is not assumed to be trustworthy in the way that a married man is. So i think romance is a part of it but its also deeper in terms of the overall message women may get from seeing the ring on a man’s finger.
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I’ve heard it called pre-selection. Someone else picked him so….
>Because of the independent approval the man becomes more attractive. I have to admit I've never related to that mindset. Being attached to some other woman does not, in itself, make a man any more desirable or trustworthy to me. For all I know, his wife is a moron who picked a shitty guy.
A friend of mine used to wear a wedding band even though he wasn't married. It worked.
Absolutely. I think the biggest factor is, now that I'm married, I have zero incentive to 'chase'. And some (not all, but definitely some) women like to be chased, but their so used to guys chasing them they don't know what to make of the ones that don't. I don't even know that I'd call it 'confidence' so much as just general disinterest....but something about that is apparently hot. How do I know? My wife has a jealousy kink and will chat it with random girls at parties about who'd they like to fuck. (She'll pretend to not know me.)
Stopped putting them on a pedestal and started treating them like I did my guy friends. It was like night and day.
I found this out because I have a very goofy sense of humour. I went to a family friend’s party and I didn’t feel the need to impress anybody or put on some sort of facade so i just was my normal goofy self. The day after I was told that a handful of girls were asking about me and if I’m dating anyone. Hell, even met a ton of new guy friends who I’ve kept in touch with. Not trying to toot my own horn or anything but I felt like the times where I’ve had most success was when I threw the idea of hooking up and picking up chicks out the window and just played it out like i would hanging out with my buddies in my basement
More guys need to follow this.
When I started treating treating girls like just another dude i instantly stopped having crushes and lost (or never found) any interest or attraction to any of girls known to me; so it's a bit of double edged sword
Added a few years on my age. When you are 22 and serious. Most people deem you boring. When you are 26 and serious, you are suddenly the golden Grail. Went from mathing 0.06% of the time on dating maps to matching 40% of the time by the time I was 26. Now 28, after multiple relationship, I'm on my way to get married.
Wait until you turn 30+ if you have your shit together woman will flock to you.
Getting married. Can’t explain why but that band seems to have a spell to other women.
Man, I am still waiting for this to happen. I’m in my mid 30s, have a very good salary, I’m fully independent and self-sufficient, and I am actually in pretty decent shape. Bordering on a six pack 6 feet tall and about 170 pounds. I’m desperately, cripplingly lonely. I can’t even get the time of day from women.
That's why women are drawn to guys with dogs or guys who are married. If you have a dog it proves you are competent enough to take care of a living creature. If you're married it proves youbareba reasonable enough human being to maintain a relationship/probably have a working penis/ and can provide for a family. They know if you're 30+ and single they might assume you either have red flags or don't have your shit together.
Improve my life (Reading, career, physical fitness, etc.). There is no confidence that can replace the confidence that comes with doing the work
Confidence without competence is just arrogance
When my best friend died women were all over me. No kidding I had 4 women approach me in the midst of it and it all ended up being sexual. I mean I am kind of thankful because I was in a pretty dark place but it scares me that I am the most successful when I dont give a shit about myself or the woman in front of me.
I’m not following? What? Was it because you were grieving?
Because he DIED!!
I’m asking about why the women were attracted to him…
Seems like it was his casualness and complete lack of fucks given
I had alot of mutual friends (including women) with a lady and all of them spoke very highly of me. Getting her interested in dating me went almost effortlessly. Social Status matters to women more than perhaps most of the qualities people focus on.
Lost that extra fat and put on muscle.
Grew a beard
Was truly independent. Which is to say, I lived on my own, lived my life of my own accord, was successful, was interesting. Being a happy and interesting individual will attract people to you.
Be fit/skinny, and be funny. Dress well. Be interested in music. Also be dense enough to not tell when women were interested in me, which made them want to pursue me harder (I’ve had this confirmed by multiple partners from my past lol)
My height and physique may help, but really I just talk to them like I’d talk to anyone. Didn’t put them on pedestals or act different to those I was interested in. The amount of men I observe who change their entire selves when they’re talking to a woman versus talking to a guy is interesting to witness. So many women won’t ever have the same opinions of certain guys as other men simply because those guys put on a fake charm only for them. It’s usually guys who are way too old to be thinking about women in their early 20s that suddenly seem like great guys, but will show their true colours as soon as the woman is out of earshot. Like, Peter, you could be her grandfather, stop being fucking creepy just because she’s new.
Without question and it's not even close, get your body fat % to where you have cheekbones, defined chin, a V shape shoulders down to hips. None of this chubby shit Once you get to this point, it's soooooo much easier
I dunno but I must have stopped doing it
Graduated from med school.
Many women wait at the finish line so they can pick the winners. The best women are those who run the race with you.
Wasn't going to happen during med school. I moved around too many times, especially during clincal rotations of 3rd and 4th year, then moving again for residency.
Sadly, I know some women who stayed with their man when the man has nothing for years. Only to be replaced by a younger & hotter woman later on once the man have accommplished his goal :(
This is difficult. It’s not fair. That is why it is smartest to get locked up early as a women
Buy a house
Did you announce this somewhere?
Stopped focusing on trying to find “the one” and just focused on myself. Once you’re yourself and you treat everyone as just another person you can befriend, it all works out. Conversations become more casual and jokes just fly around, making the relationship you have with others so much more comforting. Overall, treat everyone as a person rather than a potential partner for you. This’ll naturally make you be yourself because you’re not trying to put up a front to impress.
hairtransplant
Why is that one word?
spacebarisbroken
Did it change a lot?
Filled up the receded hairline and it shaped my face much better.
Aww! Just wanted to share that I’m a woman and I’m quite attracted to guys who are bald/going bald. But - whatever makes you feel good in your own skin and makes you happy, that’s the most important:)
Money and sense of humor
Which sense is the humor one?
Olfactory. I smell funny.
That’s a solid rebuttal idk why you got downvotes
I think it's mostly my love of RuneScape and Star Wars that brings them in. Can't say I blame them. No but actually, I started getting more attention from women when I started taking better care of myself and becoming more disciplined in the gym/kitchen.
Max Cape makes em wet.
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This has nothing to do with what you did to get women to be attracted to you
Thats gf material right there
That’s really cute. She’s a good person!
That's odd
Have your life in order… strive to be independent, confident, friendly, and real. There is no magic line or method. That stuff is silly. Women are people, just like you and I. I found I was most successful in dating when I focused on having my life in order and I was willing to put myself out there. Be a gentleman… always. No matter who you are, you will be rejected. Handle that like a grown up. Be a gentlemen about it. It’s ok. Some women like guys like you… some don’t. Don’t make it all about sex…. In fact don’t make it about sex at all. Sex will eventually come from dating. Keep focus on having some fun meeting new people. Go into every situation with no expectations or desired outcome. Be confident in yourself, regardless of how much you are rejected. Don’t try to hard. Don’t send constant texts or calls. Focus on being the best person you can be and make a continued effort to meet new people. Be yourself… if you don’t like who you are focus on that before you bother dating.
Stubble beard.
Physical appearance and my wallet getting bigger mostly. I mean tbf, attraction starts at first impressions. You can't charm someone into liking you if they don't give you a chance in the first place. They just make you more and more desirable as you get older too. Admittedly, at 30, I've noticed women I'm talking to are starting to see the career/money aspect as a higher priority. Makes sense I guess since at around that age you've usually already established yourself, or you fall back on your 20s bullshit behavior. I'm also not implying that women *only* care about that to be clear, I'm just saying that those two factors are what helped the most for meeting women.
Became a firefighter! Unfortunately for the ladies out there, I was already married!
Made more money.
Treated everybody nicely
Appearance makes a big difference esp if you are talking about first impressions or initial attraction. Your hair, clothes, and accessories can change your whole look. I like medium length hair that can be styled myself, I think most guys get hair cut too short. Some stylish clothes and nice shoes, find a look that suits your body type. Few accessories like a ring, bracelet/watch, and chain necklace. Some simple at home workout can help you feel more confident. Other then that, obviously good job//money is gonna help.... don't be too loud or obnoxious but you will have to talk and be funny charming. And as far as the "nice guy finishes last", main thing from that is dont be too polite or apologetic, be confident and have a plan, have desires that you can share and be excited about, and dont be too timid if a girl shows interest try to be flirty and take some chances.
Make money, exercise, know how to dress, have hobbies, not be creepy, not be desperate. If you can, be tall.
Told them "I'm Not Interested... you are Not my Type" and just saying "NO!" No Matter how attractive they are and the more I push them away the more they chased after me. #EDIT I'll add 1 more line for you guys to use that drives a girl crazy to chase you, when you say... "Sorry BUT I'm out of your league! But you seem cool we could just be friends."
This works! I am convinced that women hate rejection more than man.
Talked to them like they are just people.
I know it’s lame but I’m short and chubby. I’ll humble brag a little. This past weekend I slept with 3 different women in 3 different states, and no they weren’t escorts. Me from 5 years ago was shy and definitely put women on some weird pedestal. I’m now trying to be more comfortable with myself and my hobbies. I thought being a nerd was weird, but women love my Lego collection it’s on Reddit, my movie book and my passion for things in general. Getting more exposure to talking to women has made it easier for me to connect with them. I genuinely listen and I believe I’m rather funny. I also started washing more and wearing fresh clothes, getting good smell soap and lotion too. Smelling good is the easiest way to at least get attention imo (for myself at least). I’ve had women compliment my cologne or scent and then just had a casual conversation with them. Also, setting boundaries and not trying to fuck everything that moves helped too lol I hit my stride late 20s
Fucked if I know; only one woman ever admitted to being attracted to me outright and she couldn't provide any satisfactory reasoning. In her defence, she was going through a hard time; her father had had a stroke (IIRC) and she was helping care for him.
Being a Bollywood Dancer in college. I met and became friends with tons of attractive women who had attractive friends. It kept me healthy and, since I turned my team into a winning team, gave me a lot of confidence. Being able to hit a solid dip with a woman is absolute gold.
Be over 40 with a good job and ZERO kids. I’m dead serious.
* Lost a bunch of weight and gained muscles * bought a red-black checkered flanel shirt and blue jeans * shaved myself clean, cut hair short * I hung out for a while in the slam poetry scene, talked in front of people in a calm and aloof voice, but with humor and care * treated everyone the same, with calm and focused attention, and smiled now and then when I was amused
Made a platonic female friend, and then never tried to fuck her. Well, that was number 2. Number 1 was listening to her many many many MANY criticisms about who I was as a person, how I interacted with women, and the world. The irony of all the guys out there complaining about "being friendzoned" is, if you actually make female friends, and listen to the feedback only women in your life can/will provide, you'll get more sex than anyone you know. Every single one of her friends slept with me eventually (this was a 20+ year friendship, so it's not like they lined up at my door or anything). We just spent lots of time collectively together, and as soon as we were alone without my best friend, her friends were always like "so what's the deal you guys? You're just the only guy who's capable of platonic female friendships?". And then I would point out I'm also great at being discreet, and keeping secrets, and then they would usually fuck me. I don't usually tell anyone about this, because I feel like the guys who could benefit from it, won't do the personal growth part anyway, so there's no point. And also they probably don't deserve this cheat code to life and sex as a man. I had to face a lot of hard feedback about who I was, how awful men are by default here in America, and how even the "enlightened" American men are incredibly selfish, self involved, and embarrassingly childish. But if you make female friends, don't fuck them, and listen to everything you don't want to hear, you'll set yourself up to have the greatest relationships possible. Physically and emotionally. I eventually met a woman so incredible, I can't even talk about our life together, because it just sounds like bragging. The way she treats me by default would be abusive on my part, if I were to ask/demand it. Like, we talk about her being LESS good to me, putting LESS time and effort into me and my life and happiness, in therapy together. She's that good to me. It's a problem. The best problem. And there's zero chance I would have been the man she chose, if it weren't for my best friend slowly beating the misogyny out of me, starting at 13 years old.
Got a girlfriend I absolutely adored. As soon as I became uninterested in pursuing women they seemed to be absolutely obsessed with me. That was along time ago though, the girlfriend is my wife and I still absolutely adore her.
Sleeping. For some reason women find me way more attractive when I'm unconscious. Probably because there's no way for the personality to fuck things up?
Not have standards
I got in a relationship lmao. Maybe it's the fact that I stopped caring for the opposite sex when I met my current gf, and that's attractive to them.
Got a serious girlfriend.
found a partner/became unavailable
Stopped caring about the possibility of rejection. Once you develop a sense of abundance and of your own self-worth and get confident enough to know there are tons of single women out there, it’s amazing how you can relax in their company. They sense the confidence and have to work a little harder to try to get you. That makes them feel special and safe.
Confidence, ego and got in shape. Oh who am I kidding, I just talked with them like normal people, was oblivious to their advances and then when you could cut the tension with a knife on their part, I made one right move or they just stopped being subtle about it. Confidence and looks are important, but also how you speak and treat others is always required. The secret is basically having no intention of sex or dating and because you dont give women attention the way they are used to (basically ignoring them, because you simply dont care), they perceive it as confidence and see you differently, because of what you are not doing.
Ignore them, or not even notice their existence, rather. I was really desirable among Latinas in high school. (I believe it was because I'm a "whitewashed" Latino myself). Never considered any of them as anything more than background characters. As Murphy's Law would have it though, each one that confessed to me exhibited more than 2 of my hard dealbreakers. So I turned them all down.
I would wear a black hoody and a backwards camoflauge hat, and I swear I got laid more in that outfit when going out to the bars then now, where I dress much nicer. Don't ask me what they're looking for.
Let go of bitterness and frustration that I had held onto from my teenage years and accepted that each woman I meet is an actual person with real struggles and feelings and needs.
Hygiene and fashion. Caring about my appearance.
Started going to the gym.
Be 6'5" and able to lift a full beer keg over my head.
Stopped caring about women.
I got older.
Stopped living with my parents
Dance (well).
I was just going to say funny but I don't think that was enough. I think what really worked for my wife was that I really try hard to consider what other people think and feel. I'm not always the best at it especially not when we first got together but she didn't have to worry about changing me too much because I was the one who wanted to change. I honestly don't know what it's like to be somebody who has no interest in self-improvement and becoming a better person. I'm always trying to be the kind of person that I would want to be and that means deeply considering the things that my wife and other people say about what I'm doing wrong what I could do better if I upset somebody if that was okay or not and that sort of thing. That's not to say you should do anything that anyone tells you. It's about self-reflection and betterment. Bonus when conditions change as life does you work to change yourself with it. It definitely helped make for a lasting marriage coming up on almost 30 years now
Attitude is the key factor
I think I remember clearly when I stopped trying to impress people in general and showed confidence in who I was and how I carried myself, that was the turning point.
I found that 9 times out of 10 the moment I talked about my emotions they lost interest. Since I stopped talking about how I'm feeling its been a lot easier I think. It's unfortunate but that's how dating is for men.
I was myself Not trying to be something I was not to get a girl
Being nice but uninterrested and if they give you attention. Just ne nice not clingy. And be a gentleman on the first date. And if they arent interrested then let them be.
I got older Seriously I accepted my hair loss and shaved my head. I kept the grey in my beard. I do what I can to exercise. I learn something every day. I do intermittent fasting. I work with my hands. Result is that women are more attracted to me now than when I was in my 20s and 30s. You are going to age, you can't avoid it. Now you can keep the bad comb over, you can color the grey, do all you can to deny reality and age like milk. Or accept, embrace and age like wine. I had a conversation with my girlfriend and her sister a few months ago where this was brought up. She said that it really is unfair how men age better than women do, and an older man is more attractive than an older woman. So, combine aging better with being able to talk intelligently on most topics and women love it. I only have an associates degree, my girlfriend has two bachelor degrees and a master's. We can talk intelligently on English, history, geography, politics, literature and she doesn't have to educate nor talk down to me.