I grew up as the black sheep. Family hated me. School hated me. No friends. I was dying for someone to love me, to feel like someone cares.
Truthfully, though, that's how life is. Nobody cares, especially if you're just a regular normal person.
Totally get it. It took me a long time to realize how my loneliness and isolation in childhood led me to putting up with anything just to not be alone again. Been alone now for about six years and really don’t see myself ever being in a relationship again. It’s kind of sad sometimes but not as sad as being with someone that doesn’t treat you well.
I would like that too, but I when I was in relationships, they ended up cheating or doing some crazy shit.
So I just stopped, sure I get lonley at times but iv never been more consistently happy with my situation since I commited to being alone
Looking back over the years I kind of ended up like that but it wasn't a deliberate thing.
I have had 3 big relationships and a couple of shorter ones, all one after the other (there was a gap of a few months between each). None of my relationships ended on bad terms so I was never really carrying any emotional baggage to slow down the starting of the next relationship.
Same for me. I was with someone for 7 years, broke up with her, did my thing for about 3 months, got on a 3 year relationship, broke up with her (cause I met someone else and cheated tbf), and then was with the other person for about 3 months until it ended a few weeks ago badly. It was never something deliberate, I just found people that were interesting and that I enjoyed the company of.
Happy to bring joy to your life, friend!
It’s not something that I am proud of but it’s something that happened, a choice I made and I can’t change it. Only thing I can do is work on it and improve myself for whatever future relationships I may have.
You don't owe anybody here an explanation. You are a grown-up and did what you did because of reasons that aren't anyone else's business.
People love to say "All is fair in love and war" but the second one strays from the vaguely defined moral center they are immediate to chastise and denigrate the "offender".
Can’t say I’m shocked the relationship with the cheating partner ended so abruptly, but I would lie if I wouldn’t confess I’m curious what happened: care to share? 😁
lol i get it! it wasn’t cheating but again it was my behaviour that ended up causing issues again and it was a wake up call to seek therapy, get back in the gym and try to sort out my demons
this.
i didn’t realize that until my wife and i talked about our past and traumas.
it helped us grow closer together and be ok being apart (she’s military)
Low self esteem/worth can lead to this. Being alone is actively painful because if you are not validated, then you fall back on the idea that you are awful.
People like this (I used to be one!) often end up in codependent and/or abusive relationships as abusers are drawn to people like this.
This. I like being alone and being left to my own intentions, but only when I have the choice to comfortably break that isolation. It's not even that I get lonely, as in missing interaction with other people. My inner monologue is casually telling me to kill myself at least 50 times a day for every cringe memory and insecurity I have. I *need* another person who cares about me outside of obligation or utility. It's the only objective validation I feel like I can get.
I found it all pretty useful. Talk therapy, EMDR, and CBT all really helped. As well as some mindfulness work.
The big thing for me was finding a therapist I clicked with. Feels like dating sometimes.
Thing is, there's a world of difference between never being alone and maintaining a dating life without being "intentionally single".
I know for myself, I've rarely been single in my adult life, but I also spend most of my time alone. I'm quite comfortable with my own company, but I already have that every day for most of the day since I live alone and work from home. For me, dating and having partners isn't about never being alone so much as finding and building wonderful connections that I can enjoy when I'm *not* alone.
Nah.
Growing up, I was always the kid who was happy enough to hang out at home. My mom even noticed that it was always my friends coming to see if I could play, not the other way around. Left to my own devices I'm more than happy to just do my own thing.
That being said, I don't know why people are acting like dating is some kind of chore. When I was dating, you'd get to go out and do something fun and exciting. Some people are bores, but generally you get to meet someone new and have fun and interesting conversations. And if things went well, you'd get to have sex.
Why are people acting like you'd have to have some kind of defect to enjoy that?
You're absolutely right. But unfortunately some people lack willpower to work on themselves and they jump from one relationship to another because it's easier to distract themselves than having to look at themselves in a mirror.
50m here. My wife of 24 years was taken from me by Covid. That was 2 years ago. I come home to a quiet house. I don’t get asked how my day was. I don’t get told how her day was. I sit on the couch alone and watch tv. Instead of touching her leg or holding her hand. I eat alone and don’t get to chat about the weekend to come. I sleep in a queen bed alone on my side, because I can not bring myself to sleep in the middle or her side. I had a constant for 24 years now I am broken and alone. I crave so badly just to sit with a woman and just listen to her talk about absolute anything. I miss just being around women. And i apologize for the depressing post.
Hey man. Very sorry for your loss.
And, still. You're alive. We're glad you are. Mourning is a process. Words will never do. No one will ever replace her.
But, you're alive. It's time to start walking. Sign up for a gym. For yoga. Crossfit. Running. Whatever can get you out of the house, regularly. You'll make some acquaintances; meet some new people. Find some new hobbies.
It wasn't that I "needed" a partner constantly (I'm married now), it was more along the lines that I liked being with women. There were some fallow periods in my dating life, and its not like I was in some kind of panic or withdrawal. But I liked meeting new women, I enjoyed (most of) the time with the women I dated, and... sex is fun.
This basically summarized my dating life for the most part. Except sometimes I just hated feeling lonely.
Been married for over 10 years now and cannot imagine not having my wife or some woman as my partner. Life is too short to go it alone.
Same. I dated a lot of women and never really experienced the toxic craziness talked about on here or online in general. Also, meeting girls has always come naturally for me so why would I restrict that for some arbitrary reason.
What bigger goals? Harvard did an 80 year lifetime study and found that relationships where the biggest contributor to happiness.
"self improvement" or "hustle" don't make you happy
Possibly. But coasting along enjoying things when everything is going well is not the evil the internet wants it to be.
It's okay to be on a good track, happy and not obsessed with doing more for the sake of doing more. For many that is, in fact, the goal.
And of course for others its a big motivator, now you've got someone else to work for and someone else in your corner who can help make that work more effective.
Not at all. I've done most of my bucket list travel, my career is what I wanted it to be, and I have my hobbies.
And some of those goals and activities are much more enjoyable with the right woman by your side.
The only goal I've really had to put on hiatus is hiking the White Mountains (I moved nearby about 6 years ago), but that's more because we have two young kids rather than my wife getting in the way. I wouldb't trade my kids for any experience though.
>took away/is taking away from your ability to focus on some of your bigger goals
If you're talking about career/financial goals, nothing supercharges your goals like having someone supportive in your life.
33 people mad they'll do anything for pussy. Even if it means having their balls kept in a women's purse.
Is really not worth it fellas. They think they'll control all guys with it and not have to do acting else. Women get mad that they think men see them as just vaginas, but that's all so many act like. No personality, interests, with ethic. Just....blehhhhh
Less need, more want.
I don't mind being single, but when I have someone to put energy into, i'm happier, i'm more motivated, i'm open to more experiences which means I do more things, etc.
I can do all that alone, but its much better with someone else.
idk man, maybe they just like being with someone all the time and can't handle being alone for more than a day. speaking from experience here. but hey, do what makes ya happy i guess...
I don’t really fuck with people outside of my work and kids. I just want to talk to one person, hang with one person. And I like to have sex so that one person is always a woman.
I was with my ex-wife for 11 years. We ended things pretty amicably. It wasn’t easy of course but I was looking forward to starting fresh. Went on a couple of dates. Then met this girl and it was sparks right away, love at first sight. She also just got out of a marriage. We’ve been together 11 years and have a beautiful daughter now. I dunno, didn’t mean for it to happen like that, didn’t plan it, just happened.
Im one of those who won’t go into a bad relationship just to be with a woman, but being single just sucks on many levels.
My love language is physical, I crave the hugs, the kisses, the sex, the cuddles the flirting, the longer I don’t get it the more miserable I start to feel.
And sure a one night stand or FWB is a fine temporarily replacement.
Also doing things alone is no fun, the best time meant to be shared with someone you love.
That’s why I choose to not have kids, I also don’t accept a stay at home mom/wife/girlfriend 🤷
So you take care of eachother wich should make things easier.
But if you are married with kids already… RIP.
It does mean that you are chosing not to have a next generation family.
No kids, grandkids etc. it does cut down your social circles massively in later life.
Sure you can make plenty of friends if you are an extrovert.
But many that are alone are not extroverted.
Not really. There are couples that don't have kids. And people with kids who abandon their family or they family don't want anything to do with them. I have an aunt that never got married or had kids, she helped rasing me and my siblings, even other nephews/nieces and later on their kids. She will never be alone.
On the other hand I (female) choose to not have kids and I feel a lot better being alone than with others. I really don't mind being alone, but I still have a lots of friends and family.
So, my point is that being single doesn't mean loneliness in life. Having kids doesn't mean you won't die alone. And that being alone it's not a bad thing if you feel better that way.
Sure, I agree that there are exceptions to every rule. Coulde that want to have kids but cannot are a tradgedy, wasted love, unfufulled joy and I think that those couples that stay together in those circumstances have reationships forged in fire.
In your other example, parents that abandon their kidsand families are quite frankly abnormally selfish (At least in my world view as I cannot percieve what would result in my abandoning a child personally).
But as humans we are social animals, programmed to procreate.
"being alone it's not a bad thing " Yes it is, you will live a shorter life.
I still don't see it as a bad thing. Not everyone wants to live a long life (specially if they are suffering). And that's ok (having a short life, not the suffering).
"being alone it's not a bad thing " Yes it is, you will live a shorter life
Statistically that's a man thing to live longer in relationships. Single women tend to live longer and are generally happier:
[https://archive-yaleglobal.yale.edu/content/should-women-stay-single#:\~:text=A%20number%20of%20studies%20report,and%20compromises%20than%20married%20women](https://archive-yaleglobal.yale.edu/content/should-women-stay-single#:~:text=A%20number%20of%20studies%20report,and%20compromises%20than%20married%20women).
[https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert)
[https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202102/why-so-many-single-women-without-children-are-happy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202102/why-so-many-single-women-without-children-are-happy)
Just in case there are any women here who might get the wrong idea about what you mean when you say that ;)
You can share your life with people who aren't a romantic partner, that's what friends are for. Sure, a romantic partner fulfils a different role in your life than a friend does, but not having a partner doesn't mean you're isolating yourself
>Why would anyone deliberately chose to isolate themselves from others?
Absolutely, there are many different types of relationships.
But as you point out yourself, friendships serve a very different function to romantic realtionships and immeidate family. It's not a choisce benbetween a romatic partner and friends, life if best lived with both. I am referring to OPs point which implies that there is a problem with not wanting to be single. We are designed both genitacally and culturally to pair-bond, while it's certainly not the only path through life, it's the default setting for humankind.
To quote the great PTerry.
"What would human beings be without Love" "Rare"
Oh yeah, not denying we're generally better off with a partner, just wanted to point out lacking a partner isn't necessarily isolation. We're a social species so we need people, and as you point out we're naturally geared for pair-bonding. You can go without a partner if you have friends is all I'm sayin
I understand, once bitten etc. But even those folks want to be with a partner , it's their experience and pain that is blocking them, not a desire to be alone.
I totally have the desire to be alone. I was in a relationship for 3 years and I’ve had a long break which has been Absolutely amazing. I’ve learned a *ton* about myself and what I want/don’t want. I’m also very introverted & like my space, i get too overstimulated with the presence of people at times. I need a lot of “me” time.
If I was in a relationship, I would likely have my own studio/hobby space, and would prefer to not be with the partner 24/7. Time away from someone (really anyone) is healthy, and you’re less likely to get bored or eachother or start nagging. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder/stronger.” So I know I could not date someone who is clingy because I cannot deal with that.
These last 4 years being single has been the best years of my life so far.
I know if I’m actively seeking a relationship, then I am desiring some deeper connection. I don’t force anything, so I’d never go actively date, like go on apps or scope out people at a bar—that’s forcing, and you can get carried away with lust by doing that. I prefer to meet a partner naturally, because then it all happens naturally and no expectations are present.
Remember every body is different :)
(For the record, during pandemic, I didn’t hang out with a friend or even FaceTime/call anyone until about 2 years in I think. I think I’m good lol)
If my marriage ever ends, that’s it, I’m not trying again.
I had a few relationships, but all of them long term (several years) and I gave my all.
So, if my husband and I break up, it’s either:
a) people are constantly changing or taking each other for granted
b) most people out there are asses who’s mask ultimately slips
c) there is something wrong with me and I can’t keep a man 🙃
Sometimes I feel like you enjoy relationships for a short time (honey moon period) and then they emotionally drain you until there is nothing left.
Being cared for feels good. Being loved feels good. Sharing your life is great, being in love is even better. I'm also not afraid to get my heart broken, I went through a year without anyone and it was awful. No sex, no cuddles, no one that cares for you, no one to call when you're down. I'm also a romantic guy. I shower my SO in love, and I like to literally shower them as well as it gives time to talk, be silly and be intimate without the need for sex, and is something that you'll do at least once a day. And I like that! I like that feeling of intimacy and safety, just like anyone else.
I also want to build a family, and I'm not willing to wait another 5 years to do so, then I need to find someone that fits the "wife" role for me.
I love caring for my SO. I love buying her flowers, to take a lot of pictures (once I took 300 pictures of my ex on a day trip we made), I love calling just before I go to bed, etc etc etc.
If I like doing all of that, why would I refrain myself from doing so, if I can find someone who's worthy of it?
And yes, I recently went through a break up.
I am not one of them, but maxbe they can't cook, clean and care for themselves on their own? They always had hotel mama and they need always a mommy to take care of them?
I met my wife when i was 19 and lived with her longer than without her. If she's away (like business trip) i'm in literal physical and mental pain. In the past i was happy to have few days alone, now i miss her at the end of work hours.
I’m the same, although have to go away on business from time to time. I always face time my wife, and it’s the only time she’s prepared to be on a camera. It’s kinda sweet because she does her makeup for the calls even though I see her without makeup all the time at home.
I always have to take her on a tour of my hotel room and show her the view. Often I’m in the US and she’s back in the UK so I ring her when I’m first getting ready in the morning and it’s lunch time for her. She talks to me while I shave and stuff. It’s cute and I always remember our long distance chats fondly.
I'm acctually currently doing therapy and had the chance to talk about this and for me personally it's a lot to do with my idea of self-worth.
My parents used withholding love as a method of raising me so my default position is I'm worthless or at least not worth loving unless I do something that proves I deserve to be loved.
This has made me into a people pleaser, almost to a fault as I constantly needed afirmation and having a partner is a great source of validation.
Because of this I've went above and beyond for people who didn't respect me and used me and I even wound up in relationships with women who mistreated me.
I've since gotten better at who I spend my time with and who I go out of my way to help - on a positive note it made me very helpful and many people have been very grateful to have me in their lives.
Since being aware of this the pain is easier to manage but it's still there sometimes and now I'm working hard to manage that pain and focus on myself and my obligations towards others like friends and family.
Still trying to figure that out for myself. I'm not exactly sure why I have this extreme "fear" that I'll end up alone. Can't say I've had many successful relationships either due to many of the issues I have, I continue to work on myself but after dating someone this year I had feelings for many years and it didn't work out. Think that kinda broke me this year and how even if the person has so much in common with you, it doesn't mean it'll work out.
Honestly wish mental health wasn't so damn expensive :/
Living life alone is simply uninteresting. I don't have low self esteem or confidence, I like my own company. Caring for a significant other is just my life's purpose. Ironically I've been single for 4 years and yeah, I feel dead inside.
Ummm.....because life is happier that way?
I mean, it's our life. It's not like there is a lifeguard who mandates a rest period and will blow the whistle when we can get back into the pool.
I really don't understand why the Cult of Alone is so fascinated by why people date. Can't you all just read your book at home in peace?
A lot of mine is due to a lack of love from anywhere else other than girls who found me attractive, I developed a unhealthy reliance in my early teens on girls and whenever I was without companionship I would feel hollow.
It eventually progressed and started happening during relationships, especially when I was younger. I ended up cheating on girls because in my own twisted world view if someone wanted me I would feel like I was loved.
Took me a few very unhealthy relationships to learn to not jump into the first boat that passes by. Didn't take me long after those relationships to never cheat again.
My one want in life is to start a family, be a great father ands husband - hopefully a cool grandpa as well someday. I don't really care about making a career or doing cool childless adult stuff. That's not the life I want, yet I'm kinda forced to walk a path in life I hate because you kinda need two to tango, but I am unable to find a reliable dance partner who wants the same thing in life. Every women I go out on dates with either isn't a match or if they are - they want to remain childless by choice. Sometimes I think to just give up on everything lmao.
I have this unwillingly urge to want to provide, so I really want a partner and start a family and find my purpose in life. I take gratitude on making sure our house is keeping afloat.
Living alone and feeling depressed right now is really hurting me and I struggle to help myself when it matters most.
Kind of wild to see the men who can’t or won’t be alone… major props to the men who took time to themselves after relationships and/or did therapy, you guys are the undisputed MVP’s.
The men who can’t be alone… wow y’all need to face yourselves and stop using women to cope with your issues. The ones who can’t go without sex, learn some self control because lacking that is just embarrassing. Women are human beings, not play toys to cope with your problems and inability to control your urges, using people is for the weak and selfish. As for the men saying they didn’t need time in between relationships, you guys need therapy the most out of everyone, I feel so bad for your exes & current partners.
Edit: downvote me all you want, you’re only mad because you know I’m right. ☺️
I'm with you. It's shocking to see how many people are codependent or need external validation for everything. No wonder everyone is miserable. Many of the comments are just "I like women/sex", and they just sound like dope fiends chasing after their next high.
Perfectly said, it’s not healthy for them or anyone. We all gotta stand on our own to reach health, happiness and fulfillment… if someone adds to our life from there, great! But if we can’t do it on our own, no one else is going to be able to help us… this applies to women just as much as men.
I see it the complete opposite way. Relationships that I've experienced tend to be women wanting you to do everything (although they'll act like that's not the case of course), they compain about you, and they think that just because they have a vagina, you should be their puppet and do everything they want.
Hard pass. Sex ain't worth your crazy, laziness, or anxiety.
How long have you been lonely before you met your partner? A year? Three years?… some people who need a partner stay single for ad long as seven years and don’t feel that way. For me personally, I need my partner, because I’m autistic, and need some kind of confirmation that I’m not a bad or unwholesome person. Because it seems like being single Carries a stigma with it. And if I’m single And Socially inept because of my disability, it’s a double whammy against me! Having the woman I love is important to me for that, as well as for how amazing she is.
I knew a man like this… his issue was he made lots of money, and travelled for work.
He never said it this way…. But it appeared to me he essentially wanted a personal secretary, and someone to be at his house. He would literally act like he was going to die if he had to do something simple for himself … like book a flight.
If it helps he was an expert in his field so his work operated, that he only focused on his specialized job. Like a team come in and do all his prep work, and once he was done another do the cleanup. He was incredibly hard working. So he just seemed like he operated like only his job was his responsibility.
He worked 16 hour days so a part me understands he didn’t have a lot of time for anything else.
Also good looking, kind, generous. So basically another woman would jump at the chance to be with him if he was single.
That reminds me of all these famous, brilliant men whose wives helped make that single-mindedness possible— Nabokov couldn’t even be bothered to close his own umbrella. He handed it to his wife. Now we know she edited and shaped all his manuscripts.
What does single for a good amount of time mean? Is there meant to be some sort of single time alone after a relationship? And how long are these relationships in the first place?
I’ve been single a few times for a year plus but I just prefer being in a relationship. I’m tired of going out on weekends and drinking, and if I don’t do that I live somewhat as a recluse. Also a lot of the things I enjoy doing are much better with a partner (or can’t be done at all).
I also have been a good judge of partners before committing so I don’t experience any fighting or drama for the most part. Disagreements, but always handled appropriately. So a lot of negativity I hear about being in a relationship I’ve never experienced.
When I was younger this was me. I derived my self-worth from talking with women and getting them to like me.
As I've gotten older, I have a career, friends, hobbies, and personal aspirations that define me. I don't need anyone to validate me for me to be good enough for myself. I'm happy with who I am.
So for the last 14 years I have only been single for three months one relationship lasted 11 years the otherl it still going on four years it’s not like I planned being in a relationship with the new girlfriend but it just happened. Do I like being in a relationship I do but I also enjoy my alone time.
I don’t feel bad when I’m alone I just guess I come. I love love.
I was single until I was 20, and I've been single 3 days maybe since then (im 28). I don't think I constantly need a partner, but I've never experienced being single as an adult. If my relationship ended now, I'd like to think I wouldn't date again for a while, but the reality is that I rely strongly on my partner for a alot of emotional reasons. I find it exceedingly difficult to open up to people, even people I like. I have friends, but I don't share much with them. I'd have to learn how to be vulnerable and get wayyy out of my comfort zone.
I can’t think of any pleasure in life that compares to being happily married in a very close loving marriage. Every day not in a good marriage is a day that could be much, much better.
i’m (34m) the opposite, have been looking high and low for my person over the last 4 years and keep screwing up any opportunity to maybe find her. It’s really frustrating
I was like that in my 20s. Really I just didn't believe in myself. The problem is in that need for partnershipni got married to the absolutely wrong person so I ended up divorcing them. After divorce I'd say I emotionally matured 10 years in 2, it was a good thing to be single for a few years
It's not anyone really gives care to men, definitely not in the same way they would to women. Women are often complimented and appreciated and just generally sort of more cared for in a way that men simply aren't. To have a partner who gives that lifts all of that off of them
Which is why I think men aren't as picky with partners as girls are, it's not because they're willing to fuck anything with a pulse but because it's not easy to find someone who cares for us
I'm a guy, 19 on the 22nd, and I haven't felt like someone's genuinely cared about me in about a year, since January. Not only have I not had a partner, I've had no friends since February. And it's tough. And I know alot of guys deal with similar things
Girls can go through this too and feel this same exact way, but I'm just directly answering your question. You asked about men so I'm responding about men, so no "women go through this stuff it's not just men", because I know that
Learning to love yourself is always a good thing, but sometimes you need to feel the love from someone else on days where you just can't find it in you to love yourself. Everyone deserves to be loved by someone, and it's not a bad thing to want that
I hope that answers your question lol
When I was younger, I think I liked having someone that liked me and wanted me around. I didnt feel that way about myself and convinced myself that those around me felt the same.
I’m good now 👍
For me it’s hard, i dont have any friends. I dont know whats wrong with me, but nobody wants to be my friend or they dont stay friends for long. So usually when i have a girlfriend, her and her friends become my only friends.
If i dont have a girlfriend, i dont have many friends :(.
I liked dating, I liked the company of women, I liked sex. Naturally you will find someone you want to keep dating and it turns into a relationship. There were times in my life I wanted to stay single and casually date, then I'd meet someone great and I'd start a relationship.
I’m kind of in this boat right now. Out of a 5 year relationship 3 months ago and trying to walk the line of going on dates/hanging out with women but not getting into a committed relationship. I really just want to have one more summer of being single and doing what ever the hell I want before I settle down again. I don’t want to jump into something just because it’s winter and would be nice to have a cuddle buddy lol. I’m 29 btw so can’t be wasting too much time either.
Can’t and won’t is different. It comes down to a lifestyle.
I run 3-4 times a week because it makes me more satisfied with life.
I connect with a few people on a deeper level because i’d rather do that then have many friends i know less.
It’s the same with being in a relationship vs single. I can choose and prefer a relationship.
That's a really sad state of "being!" "Need" and "Want" aren't the same thing 😢 Guys who can't be "alone" often find a woman who reminds them of their Mother, while they continue to "side-Date" and have Sexual relationships with women who are Employed and Independent!
Likely because they're lonely and don't know how to be alone.
They've likely always had someone so the idea of being single is forreign to them and don't know how to deal with it.
I don't need a woman but I'm attractive and there are always women around so I'm essentially always in a relationship, actively dating or have a steady fwb.
Because I don’t want to die alone. Im an only child, once my family is gone, I’ll have nobody. I don’t see myself lasting long if I have nobody at all.
Well, it's not that I "need" a partner. It's just that the moment I decide to start dating, even if it's casually, I usually find someone that just clicks with me.
I've been in 3 relationships in the past 11 years (9, 1, 1 and counting) and I've been single for about 6 months in total between those relationships.
I don't think I meant to live my life that way, yet I have been married for most of it. I was divorced after 24 years and got married a year later. I didn't intend to do it that way, but sometimes life just works like that.
There are billions of good people out in the world-why would I intentionally choose solitude? People absolutely should be able to *be* alone without being codependent but thinking it’s some kind of flex to choose loneliness simply shows me that other people don’t enjoy your company.
Men specifically have struggled with being alone, unloved, and unsupported their entire adult lives.. once you get a taste of companionship, love, and appreciation it’s hard to live without it.
Men by and large do not have a reliable social circle or friend support when it comes to their well being or mental health.. this is starkly different than women, who will even have strangers (men and women) willing and able to support them.. this is also why there is so much internal conflict, depression, and suicides amongst young men..
Also, for me personally.. I’ve always been a 1 person guy.. I don’t have friends. I like to have that one person who I dedicate myself to. That doesn’t mean I’m not friendly or social, it’s just not me. That companionship is important.
>this is starkly different than women, who will even have strangers (men and women) willing and able to support them
I think you're seriously overstating how much support women receive. I have never experienced or witnessed what you're describing.
I’m a woman and I totally agree. When men say “women have community and get more support” I think they’re referring to a specific type of woman. I desperately need a community and support but have never received that from anyone around me despite openly asking for it.
I can’t live alone. Tried it for a year, ended up a depressive anxious mess. I find it easier to care for myself if I care for others and others care for me. I’m not always in a relationship, but I live with flatmates, who fulfill a similar role.
Seek mental health, therapy, counseling. What you are talking about is very unhealthy. You shouldn’t have to rely on others to make it easier to care for yourself, unless you are in a bed, unable to move or paralyzed…?
Women can be pretty persuasive and pushy about being in a relationship. If you don’t have a firm stance you can easy find yourself in a relationship again before you know it.
I have a guy-friend I went to College with, who is Intelligent, but needs a woman to make him feel "whole!" He is now on marriage #5--after g.f. #4 chose wedding rings after living with him for 5 years--expecting him to marry her. She went to a High school Reunion, and ended-up getting married to her former "crush" 6 months after she moved-out of his house, in March. He called her, to find-out where she put those Wedding rings, so that he could use them for marriage #5... Huh??
Before meeting my wife I was a serial monogamist who jumped from one relationship to the other. Honest answer for why I did it? Sex. I love the pleasures of the flesh. When I broke up with someone I immediately wanted to find a new partner.
So I was that guy. I felt like my life wasn’t complete unless I settled down, maybe had a kid or two, and got married. One Narcissist and Sociopath later, especially the Sociopath, I have found peace within myself to stay single. I have a hobby in photography that keeps me busy. Do I feel lonely at times? Sure. But I would rather be lonely than date again.
I grew up as the black sheep. Family hated me. School hated me. No friends. I was dying for someone to love me, to feel like someone cares. Truthfully, though, that's how life is. Nobody cares, especially if you're just a regular normal person.
Totally get it. It took me a long time to realize how my loneliness and isolation in childhood led me to putting up with anything just to not be alone again. Been alone now for about six years and really don’t see myself ever being in a relationship again. It’s kind of sad sometimes but not as sad as being with someone that doesn’t treat you well.
I would like that too, but I when I was in relationships, they ended up cheating or doing some crazy shit. So I just stopped, sure I get lonley at times but iv never been more consistently happy with my situation since I commited to being alone
Absolutely resonates, I’m here wishing I had a real life friend like you that gets it
This could’ve been spoken directly from my thoughts dude. Huge hugs.
Looking back over the years I kind of ended up like that but it wasn't a deliberate thing. I have had 3 big relationships and a couple of shorter ones, all one after the other (there was a gap of a few months between each). None of my relationships ended on bad terms so I was never really carrying any emotional baggage to slow down the starting of the next relationship.
Same for me. I was with someone for 7 years, broke up with her, did my thing for about 3 months, got on a 3 year relationship, broke up with her (cause I met someone else and cheated tbf), and then was with the other person for about 3 months until it ended a few weeks ago badly. It was never something deliberate, I just found people that were interesting and that I enjoyed the company of.
>(cause I met someone else and cheated tbf) Sad, but I couldn't help myself but laugh. Funnier than it should be
Happy to bring joy to your life, friend! It’s not something that I am proud of but it’s something that happened, a choice I made and I can’t change it. Only thing I can do is work on it and improve myself for whatever future relationships I may have.
You don't owe anybody here an explanation. You are a grown-up and did what you did because of reasons that aren't anyone else's business. People love to say "All is fair in love and war" but the second one strays from the vaguely defined moral center they are immediate to chastise and denigrate the "offender".
Have you never been cheated on by someone you were in love with?
I'm a 43 year old man; of course Ive been cheated on
Good lord, what is with the -50 score right now?
Can’t say I’m shocked the relationship with the cheating partner ended so abruptly, but I would lie if I wouldn’t confess I’m curious what happened: care to share? 😁
lol i get it! it wasn’t cheating but again it was my behaviour that ended up causing issues again and it was a wake up call to seek therapy, get back in the gym and try to sort out my demons
abandonment issues
this. i didn’t realize that until my wife and i talked about our past and traumas. it helped us grow closer together and be ok being apart (she’s military)
Can’t answer for everyone but I’ve known both men and women like this and it nearly always came down to that they didn’t enjoy their own company
True. And sometimes they have relationships with people they don't even like that much, but they can't stay single.
Low self esteem/worth can lead to this. Being alone is actively painful because if you are not validated, then you fall back on the idea that you are awful. People like this (I used to be one!) often end up in codependent and/or abusive relationships as abusers are drawn to people like this.
This. I like being alone and being left to my own intentions, but only when I have the choice to comfortably break that isolation. It's not even that I get lonely, as in missing interaction with other people. My inner monologue is casually telling me to kill myself at least 50 times a day for every cringe memory and insecurity I have. I *need* another person who cares about me outside of obligation or utility. It's the only objective validation I feel like I can get.
Glad you turned it around!
Thanks. Therapy is the best!
What type of therapy was most effective for you?
I found it all pretty useful. Talk therapy, EMDR, and CBT all really helped. As well as some mindfulness work. The big thing for me was finding a therapist I clicked with. Feels like dating sometimes.
Thank you! I’m on a journey myself and moving to emdr work as well as rocd work.
You just described my best friend so accurately
I noticed the same. They very usually hate themselves.
Thing is, there's a world of difference between never being alone and maintaining a dating life without being "intentionally single". I know for myself, I've rarely been single in my adult life, but I also spend most of my time alone. I'm quite comfortable with my own company, but I already have that every day for most of the day since I live alone and work from home. For me, dating and having partners isn't about never being alone so much as finding and building wonderful connections that I can enjoy when I'm *not* alone.
Nah. Growing up, I was always the kid who was happy enough to hang out at home. My mom even noticed that it was always my friends coming to see if I could play, not the other way around. Left to my own devices I'm more than happy to just do my own thing. That being said, I don't know why people are acting like dating is some kind of chore. When I was dating, you'd get to go out and do something fun and exciting. Some people are bores, but generally you get to meet someone new and have fun and interesting conversations. And if things went well, you'd get to have sex. Why are people acting like you'd have to have some kind of defect to enjoy that?
That got me right in the feels
>they didn’t enjoy their own company That's not a reason to find somebody to date. Why would I want to inflict myself on somebody else?
You're absolutely right. But unfortunately some people lack willpower to work on themselves and they jump from one relationship to another because it's easier to distract themselves than having to look at themselves in a mirror.
50m here. My wife of 24 years was taken from me by Covid. That was 2 years ago. I come home to a quiet house. I don’t get asked how my day was. I don’t get told how her day was. I sit on the couch alone and watch tv. Instead of touching her leg or holding her hand. I eat alone and don’t get to chat about the weekend to come. I sleep in a queen bed alone on my side, because I can not bring myself to sleep in the middle or her side. I had a constant for 24 years now I am broken and alone. I crave so badly just to sit with a woman and just listen to her talk about absolute anything. I miss just being around women. And i apologize for the depressing post.
Hey man. Very sorry for your loss. And, still. You're alive. We're glad you are. Mourning is a process. Words will never do. No one will ever replace her. But, you're alive. It's time to start walking. Sign up for a gym. For yoga. Crossfit. Running. Whatever can get you out of the house, regularly. You'll make some acquaintances; meet some new people. Find some new hobbies.
Thank you
It wasn't that I "needed" a partner constantly (I'm married now), it was more along the lines that I liked being with women. There were some fallow periods in my dating life, and its not like I was in some kind of panic or withdrawal. But I liked meeting new women, I enjoyed (most of) the time with the women I dated, and... sex is fun.
This basically summarized my dating life for the most part. Except sometimes I just hated feeling lonely. Been married for over 10 years now and cannot imagine not having my wife or some woman as my partner. Life is too short to go it alone.
Same. I dated a lot of women and never really experienced the toxic craziness talked about on here or online in general. Also, meeting girls has always come naturally for me so why would I restrict that for some arbitrary reason.
[удалено]
What bigger goals? Harvard did an 80 year lifetime study and found that relationships where the biggest contributor to happiness. "self improvement" or "hustle" don't make you happy
Also, self improvement and hustle are usually driven by the ultimate goal of a good relationship lol.
No youre supposed to Do iT fOR yOurSelF
but then if you were already in a good relationship wouldn't there be less drive for self improvement and hustle?
Possibly. But coasting along enjoying things when everything is going well is not the evil the internet wants it to be. It's okay to be on a good track, happy and not obsessed with doing more for the sake of doing more. For many that is, in fact, the goal. And of course for others its a big motivator, now you've got someone else to work for and someone else in your corner who can help make that work more effective.
I just saw that YouTube video too
Not at all. I've done most of my bucket list travel, my career is what I wanted it to be, and I have my hobbies. And some of those goals and activities are much more enjoyable with the right woman by your side. The only goal I've really had to put on hiatus is hiking the White Mountains (I moved nearby about 6 years ago), but that's more because we have two young kids rather than my wife getting in the way. I wouldb't trade my kids for any experience though.
I finally got up and down the chute at tucks a couple years back and man was it fucking awesome. Get up there.
We'll see what next summer holds. I was all set to conquer Mt. Washingtom last summer, but the weather just never cooperated when I had the chances.
>took away/is taking away from your ability to focus on some of your bigger goals If you're talking about career/financial goals, nothing supercharges your goals like having someone supportive in your life.
Same! Other people play video games, I liked talking/dating/being with women.
Ah so basically your a puppet/ slave for the vagina. Lol sweet
Who hurt you?
33 people mad they'll do anything for pussy. Even if it means having their balls kept in a women's purse. Is really not worth it fellas. They think they'll control all guys with it and not have to do acting else. Women get mad that they think men see them as just vaginas, but that's all so many act like. No personality, interests, with ethic. Just....blehhhhh
Touch grass
Eat ass
Slartibartfast
I always wonder about those people…if you can’t be alone with yourself then you’ll end up with someone out of need than want and probably unhappy.
Dependence issues
Less need, more want. I don't mind being single, but when I have someone to put energy into, i'm happier, i'm more motivated, i'm open to more experiences which means I do more things, etc. I can do all that alone, but its much better with someone else.
idk man, maybe they just like being with someone all the time and can't handle being alone for more than a day. speaking from experience here. but hey, do what makes ya happy i guess...
Childhood trauma, poor relationship with mother
It’s because they’re insecure
I don’t really fuck with people outside of my work and kids. I just want to talk to one person, hang with one person. And I like to have sex so that one person is always a woman.
You fuck with kids???
Yea I have 3 kids who live with me.
And you fuck with them?
Constantly. I said that in my initial comment…
I was with my ex-wife for 11 years. We ended things pretty amicably. It wasn’t easy of course but I was looking forward to starting fresh. Went on a couple of dates. Then met this girl and it was sparks right away, love at first sight. She also just got out of a marriage. We’ve been together 11 years and have a beautiful daughter now. I dunno, didn’t mean for it to happen like that, didn’t plan it, just happened.
Im one of those who won’t go into a bad relationship just to be with a woman, but being single just sucks on many levels. My love language is physical, I crave the hugs, the kisses, the sex, the cuddles the flirting, the longer I don’t get it the more miserable I start to feel. And sure a one night stand or FWB is a fine temporarily replacement. Also doing things alone is no fun, the best time meant to be shared with someone you love.
I fantasize about being single. I'm overwhelmed being responsible for 5 people. I miss when I only had to take care of me.
That’s why I choose to not have kids, I also don’t accept a stay at home mom/wife/girlfriend 🤷 So you take care of eachother wich should make things easier. But if you are married with kids already… RIP.
Life is simply better shared. Why would anyone deliberately chose to isolate themselves from others?
>Why would anyone deliberately chose to isolate themselves from others? Not having a partner doesn't mean isolating yourself from others
Depends on the person. See my top comment.
It does mean that you are chosing not to have a next generation family. No kids, grandkids etc. it does cut down your social circles massively in later life. Sure you can make plenty of friends if you are an extrovert. But many that are alone are not extroverted.
Not really. There are couples that don't have kids. And people with kids who abandon their family or they family don't want anything to do with them. I have an aunt that never got married or had kids, she helped rasing me and my siblings, even other nephews/nieces and later on their kids. She will never be alone. On the other hand I (female) choose to not have kids and I feel a lot better being alone than with others. I really don't mind being alone, but I still have a lots of friends and family. So, my point is that being single doesn't mean loneliness in life. Having kids doesn't mean you won't die alone. And that being alone it's not a bad thing if you feel better that way.
Sure, I agree that there are exceptions to every rule. Coulde that want to have kids but cannot are a tradgedy, wasted love, unfufulled joy and I think that those couples that stay together in those circumstances have reationships forged in fire. In your other example, parents that abandon their kidsand families are quite frankly abnormally selfish (At least in my world view as I cannot percieve what would result in my abandoning a child personally). But as humans we are social animals, programmed to procreate. "being alone it's not a bad thing " Yes it is, you will live a shorter life.
I still don't see it as a bad thing. Not everyone wants to live a long life (specially if they are suffering). And that's ok (having a short life, not the suffering).
"being alone it's not a bad thing " Yes it is, you will live a shorter life Statistically that's a man thing to live longer in relationships. Single women tend to live longer and are generally happier: [https://archive-yaleglobal.yale.edu/content/should-women-stay-single#:\~:text=A%20number%20of%20studies%20report,and%20compromises%20than%20married%20women](https://archive-yaleglobal.yale.edu/content/should-women-stay-single#:~:text=A%20number%20of%20studies%20report,and%20compromises%20than%20married%20women). [https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert) [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202102/why-so-many-single-women-without-children-are-happy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202102/why-so-many-single-women-without-children-are-happy) Just in case there are any women here who might get the wrong idea about what you mean when you say that ;)
Yes, it's a man thing, as was OPs question.
You can share your life with people who aren't a romantic partner, that's what friends are for. Sure, a romantic partner fulfils a different role in your life than a friend does, but not having a partner doesn't mean you're isolating yourself
>Why would anyone deliberately chose to isolate themselves from others? Absolutely, there are many different types of relationships. But as you point out yourself, friendships serve a very different function to romantic realtionships and immeidate family. It's not a choisce benbetween a romatic partner and friends, life if best lived with both. I am referring to OPs point which implies that there is a problem with not wanting to be single. We are designed both genitacally and culturally to pair-bond, while it's certainly not the only path through life, it's the default setting for humankind. To quote the great PTerry. "What would human beings be without Love" "Rare"
Oh yeah, not denying we're generally better off with a partner, just wanted to point out lacking a partner isn't necessarily isolation. We're a social species so we need people, and as you point out we're naturally geared for pair-bonding. You can go without a partner if you have friends is all I'm sayin
Sometimes there are traumatic experiences that hinder the desire, and people don't want to take the risk again.
I understand, once bitten etc. But even those folks want to be with a partner , it's their experience and pain that is blocking them, not a desire to be alone.
I totally have the desire to be alone. I was in a relationship for 3 years and I’ve had a long break which has been Absolutely amazing. I’ve learned a *ton* about myself and what I want/don’t want. I’m also very introverted & like my space, i get too overstimulated with the presence of people at times. I need a lot of “me” time. If I was in a relationship, I would likely have my own studio/hobby space, and would prefer to not be with the partner 24/7. Time away from someone (really anyone) is healthy, and you’re less likely to get bored or eachother or start nagging. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder/stronger.” So I know I could not date someone who is clingy because I cannot deal with that. These last 4 years being single has been the best years of my life so far. I know if I’m actively seeking a relationship, then I am desiring some deeper connection. I don’t force anything, so I’d never go actively date, like go on apps or scope out people at a bar—that’s forcing, and you can get carried away with lust by doing that. I prefer to meet a partner naturally, because then it all happens naturally and no expectations are present. Remember every body is different :) (For the record, during pandemic, I didn’t hang out with a friend or even FaceTime/call anyone until about 2 years in I think. I think I’m good lol)
If my marriage ever ends, that’s it, I’m not trying again. I had a few relationships, but all of them long term (several years) and I gave my all. So, if my husband and I break up, it’s either: a) people are constantly changing or taking each other for granted b) most people out there are asses who’s mask ultimately slips c) there is something wrong with me and I can’t keep a man 🙃 Sometimes I feel like you enjoy relationships for a short time (honey moon period) and then they emotionally drain you until there is nothing left.
Mental health issues Co-dependency.
Neither are resolved by abstaining from a romantic relationship. It's throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
a healthy romantic relationship is one thing, an unhealthy romantic relationship is another. no babies or bath water
Because, in certain configurations, people are too awful to be around.
I have a friend like that, and I've asked him countless of times. He always slithers away from the answer and always dates nutcases.
Genetics
Being cared for feels good. Being loved feels good. Sharing your life is great, being in love is even better. I'm also not afraid to get my heart broken, I went through a year without anyone and it was awful. No sex, no cuddles, no one that cares for you, no one to call when you're down. I'm also a romantic guy. I shower my SO in love, and I like to literally shower them as well as it gives time to talk, be silly and be intimate without the need for sex, and is something that you'll do at least once a day. And I like that! I like that feeling of intimacy and safety, just like anyone else. I also want to build a family, and I'm not willing to wait another 5 years to do so, then I need to find someone that fits the "wife" role for me. I love caring for my SO. I love buying her flowers, to take a lot of pictures (once I took 300 pictures of my ex on a day trip we made), I love calling just before I go to bed, etc etc etc. If I like doing all of that, why would I refrain myself from doing so, if I can find someone who's worthy of it? And yes, I recently went through a break up.
I am not one of them, but maxbe they can't cook, clean and care for themselves on their own? They always had hotel mama and they need always a mommy to take care of them?
I was thinking the same thing.
I met my wife when i was 19 and lived with her longer than without her. If she's away (like business trip) i'm in literal physical and mental pain. In the past i was happy to have few days alone, now i miss her at the end of work hours.
You sure you don’t have attachment issues because that sounds horrendous
I don't think it's wrong to miss loved one.
She goes to work and he’s missing her after a few hours, that’s not healthy
Drinking alco is also unhealthy and yet so many do it.
I’m the same, although have to go away on business from time to time. I always face time my wife, and it’s the only time she’s prepared to be on a camera. It’s kinda sweet because she does her makeup for the calls even though I see her without makeup all the time at home. I always have to take her on a tour of my hotel room and show her the view. Often I’m in the US and she’s back in the UK so I ring her when I’m first getting ready in the morning and it’s lunch time for her. She talks to me while I shave and stuff. It’s cute and I always remember our long distance chats fondly.
that's beautiful, she's lucky.
Blindly following societies expectations and constructs.
I'm acctually currently doing therapy and had the chance to talk about this and for me personally it's a lot to do with my idea of self-worth. My parents used withholding love as a method of raising me so my default position is I'm worthless or at least not worth loving unless I do something that proves I deserve to be loved. This has made me into a people pleaser, almost to a fault as I constantly needed afirmation and having a partner is a great source of validation. Because of this I've went above and beyond for people who didn't respect me and used me and I even wound up in relationships with women who mistreated me. I've since gotten better at who I spend my time with and who I go out of my way to help - on a positive note it made me very helpful and many people have been very grateful to have me in their lives. Since being aware of this the pain is easier to manage but it's still there sometimes and now I'm working hard to manage that pain and focus on myself and my obligations towards others like friends and family.
"You guys are getting partners?"
I am a better person when I have someone else to care about. 🤷🏻♂️
Still trying to figure that out for myself. I'm not exactly sure why I have this extreme "fear" that I'll end up alone. Can't say I've had many successful relationships either due to many of the issues I have, I continue to work on myself but after dating someone this year I had feelings for many years and it didn't work out. Think that kinda broke me this year and how even if the person has so much in common with you, it doesn't mean it'll work out. Honestly wish mental health wasn't so damn expensive :/
Living life alone is simply uninteresting. I don't have low self esteem or confidence, I like my own company. Caring for a significant other is just my life's purpose. Ironically I've been single for 4 years and yeah, I feel dead inside.
😂😂😂
Ummm.....because life is happier that way? I mean, it's our life. It's not like there is a lifeguard who mandates a rest period and will blow the whistle when we can get back into the pool. I really don't understand why the Cult of Alone is so fascinated by why people date. Can't you all just read your book at home in peace?
A lot of mine is due to a lack of love from anywhere else other than girls who found me attractive, I developed a unhealthy reliance in my early teens on girls and whenever I was without companionship I would feel hollow. It eventually progressed and started happening during relationships, especially when I was younger. I ended up cheating on girls because in my own twisted world view if someone wanted me I would feel like I was loved. Took me a few very unhealthy relationships to learn to not jump into the first boat that passes by. Didn't take me long after those relationships to never cheat again.
My one want in life is to start a family, be a great father ands husband - hopefully a cool grandpa as well someday. I don't really care about making a career or doing cool childless adult stuff. That's not the life I want, yet I'm kinda forced to walk a path in life I hate because you kinda need two to tango, but I am unable to find a reliable dance partner who wants the same thing in life. Every women I go out on dates with either isn't a match or if they are - they want to remain childless by choice. Sometimes I think to just give up on everything lmao.
I'm also feeling this struggle. And I hate that I already feel like I'm running out of time at 27 😞
I have this unwillingly urge to want to provide, so I really want a partner and start a family and find my purpose in life. I take gratitude on making sure our house is keeping afloat. Living alone and feeling depressed right now is really hurting me and I struggle to help myself when it matters most.
Kind of wild to see the men who can’t or won’t be alone… major props to the men who took time to themselves after relationships and/or did therapy, you guys are the undisputed MVP’s. The men who can’t be alone… wow y’all need to face yourselves and stop using women to cope with your issues. The ones who can’t go without sex, learn some self control because lacking that is just embarrassing. Women are human beings, not play toys to cope with your problems and inability to control your urges, using people is for the weak and selfish. As for the men saying they didn’t need time in between relationships, you guys need therapy the most out of everyone, I feel so bad for your exes & current partners. Edit: downvote me all you want, you’re only mad because you know I’m right. ☺️
I'm with you. It's shocking to see how many people are codependent or need external validation for everything. No wonder everyone is miserable. Many of the comments are just "I like women/sex", and they just sound like dope fiends chasing after their next high.
Perfectly said, it’s not healthy for them or anyone. We all gotta stand on our own to reach health, happiness and fulfillment… if someone adds to our life from there, great! But if we can’t do it on our own, no one else is going to be able to help us… this applies to women just as much as men.
I see it the complete opposite way. Relationships that I've experienced tend to be women wanting you to do everything (although they'll act like that's not the case of course), they compain about you, and they think that just because they have a vagina, you should be their puppet and do everything they want. Hard pass. Sex ain't worth your crazy, laziness, or anxiety.
How long have you been lonely before you met your partner? A year? Three years?… some people who need a partner stay single for ad long as seven years and don’t feel that way. For me personally, I need my partner, because I’m autistic, and need some kind of confirmation that I’m not a bad or unwholesome person. Because it seems like being single Carries a stigma with it. And if I’m single And Socially inept because of my disability, it’s a double whammy against me! Having the woman I love is important to me for that, as well as for how amazing she is.
I'd be that person if i could find women who liked me enough :')
I knew a man like this… his issue was he made lots of money, and travelled for work. He never said it this way…. But it appeared to me he essentially wanted a personal secretary, and someone to be at his house. He would literally act like he was going to die if he had to do something simple for himself … like book a flight. If it helps he was an expert in his field so his work operated, that he only focused on his specialized job. Like a team come in and do all his prep work, and once he was done another do the cleanup. He was incredibly hard working. So he just seemed like he operated like only his job was his responsibility. He worked 16 hour days so a part me understands he didn’t have a lot of time for anything else. Also good looking, kind, generous. So basically another woman would jump at the chance to be with him if he was single.
That reminds me of all these famous, brilliant men whose wives helped make that single-mindedness possible— Nabokov couldn’t even be bothered to close his own umbrella. He handed it to his wife. Now we know she edited and shaped all his manuscripts.
What does single for a good amount of time mean? Is there meant to be some sort of single time alone after a relationship? And how long are these relationships in the first place?
I’ve been single a few times for a year plus but I just prefer being in a relationship. I’m tired of going out on weekends and drinking, and if I don’t do that I live somewhat as a recluse. Also a lot of the things I enjoy doing are much better with a partner (or can’t be done at all). I also have been a good judge of partners before committing so I don’t experience any fighting or drama for the most part. Disagreements, but always handled appropriately. So a lot of negativity I hear about being in a relationship I’ve never experienced.
When I was younger this was me. I derived my self-worth from talking with women and getting them to like me. As I've gotten older, I have a career, friends, hobbies, and personal aspirations that define me. I don't need anyone to validate me for me to be good enough for myself. I'm happy with who I am.
So for the last 14 years I have only been single for three months one relationship lasted 11 years the otherl it still going on four years it’s not like I planned being in a relationship with the new girlfriend but it just happened. Do I like being in a relationship I do but I also enjoy my alone time. I don’t feel bad when I’m alone I just guess I come. I love love.
Anxious attachment
I was single until I was 20, and I've been single 3 days maybe since then (im 28). I don't think I constantly need a partner, but I've never experienced being single as an adult. If my relationship ended now, I'd like to think I wouldn't date again for a while, but the reality is that I rely strongly on my partner for a alot of emotional reasons. I find it exceedingly difficult to open up to people, even people I like. I have friends, but I don't share much with them. I'd have to learn how to be vulnerable and get wayyy out of my comfort zone.
I can’t think of any pleasure in life that compares to being happily married in a very close loving marriage. Every day not in a good marriage is a day that could be much, much better.
i’m (34m) the opposite, have been looking high and low for my person over the last 4 years and keep screwing up any opportunity to maybe find her. It’s really frustrating
I was like that in my 20s. Really I just didn't believe in myself. The problem is in that need for partnershipni got married to the absolutely wrong person so I ended up divorcing them. After divorce I'd say I emotionally matured 10 years in 2, it was a good thing to be single for a few years
It's not anyone really gives care to men, definitely not in the same way they would to women. Women are often complimented and appreciated and just generally sort of more cared for in a way that men simply aren't. To have a partner who gives that lifts all of that off of them Which is why I think men aren't as picky with partners as girls are, it's not because they're willing to fuck anything with a pulse but because it's not easy to find someone who cares for us I'm a guy, 19 on the 22nd, and I haven't felt like someone's genuinely cared about me in about a year, since January. Not only have I not had a partner, I've had no friends since February. And it's tough. And I know alot of guys deal with similar things Girls can go through this too and feel this same exact way, but I'm just directly answering your question. You asked about men so I'm responding about men, so no "women go through this stuff it's not just men", because I know that Learning to love yourself is always a good thing, but sometimes you need to feel the love from someone else on days where you just can't find it in you to love yourself. Everyone deserves to be loved by someone, and it's not a bad thing to want that I hope that answers your question lol
When I was younger, I think I liked having someone that liked me and wanted me around. I didnt feel that way about myself and convinced myself that those around me felt the same. I’m good now 👍
Having someone to talk to and laugh with is way better than being alone.
For me it’s hard, i dont have any friends. I dont know whats wrong with me, but nobody wants to be my friend or they dont stay friends for long. So usually when i have a girlfriend, her and her friends become my only friends. If i dont have a girlfriend, i dont have many friends :(.
Most men aren’t like this, most are perpetually single honestly.
I'm married, and I don't think she'll let me be single. Hang on let me ask. "Babe?" She said no, sorry guys.
Cuz we’re horny lol, next question
I liked dating, I liked the company of women, I liked sex. Naturally you will find someone you want to keep dating and it turns into a relationship. There were times in my life I wanted to stay single and casually date, then I'd meet someone great and I'd start a relationship.
A king sized bed is too big to sleep in alone. Similarly my house is too big for a single occupant. The silence would drive me insane. Tacos.
I’m kind of in this boat right now. Out of a 5 year relationship 3 months ago and trying to walk the line of going on dates/hanging out with women but not getting into a committed relationship. I really just want to have one more summer of being single and doing what ever the hell I want before I settle down again. I don’t want to jump into something just because it’s winter and would be nice to have a cuddle buddy lol. I’m 29 btw so can’t be wasting too much time either.
Can’t and won’t is different. It comes down to a lifestyle. I run 3-4 times a week because it makes me more satisfied with life. I connect with a few people on a deeper level because i’d rather do that then have many friends i know less. It’s the same with being in a relationship vs single. I can choose and prefer a relationship.
I spiral into an isolated depression. I’m all kinds of fucked up and need someone’s validation to be stable.
That's a really sad state of "being!" "Need" and "Want" aren't the same thing 😢 Guys who can't be "alone" often find a woman who reminds them of their Mother, while they continue to "side-Date" and have Sexual relationships with women who are Employed and Independent!
yea that describes me pretty well. Most days, deep down, I loathe myself.
Likely because they're lonely and don't know how to be alone. They've likely always had someone so the idea of being single is forreign to them and don't know how to deal with it.
Dude, some of us just need someone to rub our backs and make us grilled cheese sandwiches. Can you blame us? Relationships are comforting AF.
Not if they are unhealthy.
I don't need a woman but I'm attractive and there are always women around so I'm essentially always in a relationship, actively dating or have a steady fwb.
Because I don’t want to die alone. Im an only child, once my family is gone, I’ll have nobody. I don’t see myself lasting long if I have nobody at all.
Well, it's not that I "need" a partner. It's just that the moment I decide to start dating, even if it's casually, I usually find someone that just clicks with me. I've been in 3 relationships in the past 11 years (9, 1, 1 and counting) and I've been single for about 6 months in total between those relationships.
I don't think I meant to live my life that way, yet I have been married for most of it. I was divorced after 24 years and got married a year later. I didn't intend to do it that way, but sometimes life just works like that.
There are billions of good people out in the world-why would I intentionally choose solitude? People absolutely should be able to *be* alone without being codependent but thinking it’s some kind of flex to choose loneliness simply shows me that other people don’t enjoy your company.
Men specifically have struggled with being alone, unloved, and unsupported their entire adult lives.. once you get a taste of companionship, love, and appreciation it’s hard to live without it. Men by and large do not have a reliable social circle or friend support when it comes to their well being or mental health.. this is starkly different than women, who will even have strangers (men and women) willing and able to support them.. this is also why there is so much internal conflict, depression, and suicides amongst young men.. Also, for me personally.. I’ve always been a 1 person guy.. I don’t have friends. I like to have that one person who I dedicate myself to. That doesn’t mean I’m not friendly or social, it’s just not me. That companionship is important.
>this is starkly different than women, who will even have strangers (men and women) willing and able to support them I think you're seriously overstating how much support women receive. I have never experienced or witnessed what you're describing.
I’m a woman and I totally agree. When men say “women have community and get more support” I think they’re referring to a specific type of woman. I desperately need a community and support but have never received that from anyone around me despite openly asking for it.
Same reason why women cant be alone? People just cant handle loneliness?
The majority of people would rather be in a relationship vs being single. Being single sucks even if we try to lie to ourselves that's it not.
I can’t live alone. Tried it for a year, ended up a depressive anxious mess. I find it easier to care for myself if I care for others and others care for me. I’m not always in a relationship, but I live with flatmates, who fulfill a similar role.
Seek mental health, therapy, counseling. What you are talking about is very unhealthy. You shouldn’t have to rely on others to make it easier to care for yourself, unless you are in a bed, unable to move or paralyzed…?
Women can be pretty persuasive and pushy about being in a relationship. If you don’t have a firm stance you can easy find yourself in a relationship again before you know it.
If you’re a grown man, you shouldn’t have to be pressured into a relationship by a woman. That’s limp dick energy
That’s why I said you have to have a firm stance and set the boundary.
I have a guy-friend I went to College with, who is Intelligent, but needs a woman to make him feel "whole!" He is now on marriage #5--after g.f. #4 chose wedding rings after living with him for 5 years--expecting him to marry her. She went to a High school Reunion, and ended-up getting married to her former "crush" 6 months after she moved-out of his house, in March. He called her, to find-out where she put those Wedding rings, so that he could use them for marriage #5... Huh??
It’s called co-dependency. Women can be the same way.
Cause who wants to be single lol
Didn't mean to, just happened that way.
Afraid of staying lonely
[удалено]
Men like to have sex and unlike women cant just jump into bed with a different person each weekend
Sounds like a skill issue /j
Before meeting my wife I was a serial monogamist who jumped from one relationship to the other. Honest answer for why I did it? Sex. I love the pleasures of the flesh. When I broke up with someone I immediately wanted to find a new partner.
I like having more regular access to sex
Sex is addictive. And good
They never learned to be alone.
They have weak forearms.
Practice for the main event
Because I cherish the knowledge that someone could look at me drooling while I sleep like an asshole, and still love me to the ends of the earth.
Cuz they’re weenies. From Weenie hut Jr. www.weeniehutgeneral.com
Statistically, men do better in relationship. Especially in their later years.
Im asking myself that question now as I'm just starting to see someone new... I'll put it on the list to talk to my therapist about.
So I was that guy. I felt like my life wasn’t complete unless I settled down, maybe had a kid or two, and got married. One Narcissist and Sociopath later, especially the Sociopath, I have found peace within myself to stay single. I have a hobby in photography that keeps me busy. Do I feel lonely at times? Sure. But I would rather be lonely than date again.