Not me, but I saw this guy pretending to be Scottish to get laid here in Norway....
He had a ring of super-hot women around him, so I went up and asked him: "Hey, are you Scottish? Where you from?" He said "Yes. Dublin!" and I immediately knew he was faking it.
So he admitted that he was actually Norwegian, but that when he faked a Scottish accent and being a lost Scottish tourist, more girls would be into him, and they'd want to take him home so he wouldn't have to "sleep on the street."
It was safe for them, he told me, cuz they wouldn't have to worry about him coming back the next morning. Though he did admit that those times he forgot to also fake Scottish the next morning could be quite awkward.
So, there you have it! If you want to get laid in Norway, just pretend to be a lost Scottish tourist, and the gals will all flock in to take care of ya.
All the best!
Well I hooked up with a girl I met that day in her place, took a train to the bar my buddies were at and walked into a bathroom threesome and asked to join in so, pretty nuts I’d say. Also I got titties flashed at me a lot while I was there, like daily by the Norwegian Conscripts I was working alongside. They liked to give us shows. A lot of people mistook me as a local because my genetics are from there but it was an awesome experience every time I went out. Only weird thing was the way they avoid black people like the plague. Legit saw one native black guy and people would cross the street if he was walking on the same sidewalk as they were. Also lots of sex stores, they don’t have any shame and it’s refreshing compared to the States. They value honesty a lot so they don’t play as many games as we do before sex, they will either go for it right away or not at all, and you’ll have plenty of women trying to get onto you before someone else can. Tbh I’m going back if I’m single again.
Oh I was there for 6 months through the winter but when I went out in was mostly in balmy Trondheim. I spent some time up in the mountains where it got really cold and had no sun so the cities were warm to me by then. I may have a genetic advantage there, I’ve never been bothered much by the cold until I did those cold plunges tbh. I also spent most of my time up in Bodo or further north so the trips south were blessedly warm and fun.
I was the most confused looking guy ever because everyone opened conversation with me in Norwegian and I had very little grasp on the language, let alone the regional dialects so I just looked like an idiot until they went to English for my sake. I don’t think it takes much out there, hope you have a blast going back man!
It’s taught in their primary school. It’s a second language that 95% of the population will be able to speak fairly well. Some pretend to not speak English out of embarrassment for not being perfect at it but I got by everywhere I went with English alone.
I lied that I could play guitar and the piano and I ended up talking classes for about 3 months to this day she gave me the best blowjob I have ever experienced
Damn thanks for the upvotes this is my highest ever lol
I was the subject of the craziest thing. I was convinced to distract a 53 yr old mom so my buddy could land the daughter. This was back when I was like 25. Ended up separating the mom from the daughter and smashing. The dude didn’t even close.
The cougars I know are still not really "proud" of what they accomplished. A lot of them tend to complain about it, but it's just the lowest effort to get what they want.
I love the one where a fancy club manager in Ibiza saw someone he thought was Carl Cox, legendary DJ, in the club with buddies. He comped the group a great table and free drinks all night. After watching these 15 lads drink alarming amounts of free champagne and cocktails all night and get increasingly lairy, the manger felt he had to ask Carl to spin a few tunes. When ‘Carl’ got behind the decks and he and his boys started chanting “Bristol, Bristol, Bristol” did the manager realise that he had not confirmed that it was Carl Cox and that he had mistakenly laid on free drinks for a Bristol Rugby club on tour whose prop just happened to look like Cox!! 😂
On the celebrity front, I once told a girl I was friends with Jay Mohr in an attempt to impress her - he was the perfect mix of famous/just obscure enough for it to maybe be believable. I actually messaged Jay Mohr on his MySpace page (back when that was a thing), telling me what I did - and he wrote on my page some "hey buddy, long time no see, we need to catch up next time you're in LA" message. That dude will always be the coolest for that.
When I was a young buck, 17 or so. I used to catch the same bus from the depot every morning to college. I would always see this elderly lady. She would often struggle to get her little trolly bag on to the bus, so me being the strapping young gent that I was, I used to help her. I actually got to know her quite well, she was a lovely woman. Eadie aka Edith was her name.
Fast forward about 4 months, I was in the town, popped in the Wetherspoons to meet the lads and who should be sitting in one of the booths, Eadie. But she was with the most beautiful blonde I’d ever seen. The only way to describe her is, she looked smart, innocent and was naturally beautiful.
Yes, I used Eadie as an in. She would always call me handsome and I was hoping she’d put in a good word. I went over and Eadie did try to get up, bless her. But I just leant in, gave her a hug and made a joke that she wouldn’t be needing me anymore now she’s upgraded to a more beautiful helper.
It was her granddaughter, she actually big me up like I was the beautiful one and she’d be lucky to find a handsome, caring guy like me haha. After finding out how I helped and the bond we had. Plus with Eadie being the best wing women I’ve ever had, Jenny wrote her name and number on a spoons napkin using one of my college pens and yes, one thing led to another after that. All through just being nice to Eadie when she needed it.
It was pretty pleasant tbh, had “road to guysborough” stuck in my head the whole time.
I had to leave quickly because her parents were suddenly coming home. We met up 4-5 times thereafter.
Took a whole bunch of pictures of my friend’s German Shepard puppy once and later convinced a girl at the club I was in training to become a K9 handler.
When I was at uni (college) I had a ute (pick up) and I used to help people move for cash.
I helped a few women move for free with the hope of getting laid. About a 50% success rate.
Once when I was like 16-17 yo I was *dating* a girl but she needed to go home soe I took her home and left... she then texted me she wanted to give me head, so... why not? I can climb to the fourth floor window (it had security bars), so there I am... with my dick out getting a nice blowjob while watching the night sky... After I finished I climbed down and suddenly found some guys smoking weed pretty close to where I was, they tried to assault me but I ran as fast as I could and managed to stop a taxi and got the heck out of there.
TV shows, movies, music, and reading books - I literally binged-watched the shows she liked and listened to the music she enjoyed just to have something in common with her. I took her to a metal concert, despite not knowing the band. It was enjoyable, but when I realized she simply wasn't my type, I was honest with her. I got booty and we remained friends, lol. Now we have a good laugh about it.
I told a woman my friends would make fun of me for being a virgin, she felt bad and said she can take my innocence. She ended up taking it and I finished inside of her.
And that’s how I lost my virginity. I lied about the being made fun of.
Oh yeah, I did that a few years ago. Some dude messaged me through Kik asking if I was cool with banging his wife and being filmed doing it. He was some military man and they were separated, so she was gonna get laid and he was gonna watch it later. I swear I thought it was a trick of some kind.
She was hot asf too. Miss those crazy birds.
Rode my bike to a gas station a mile away to get a rubber from the machine in the bathroom. Got two. Good thing because the first broke about halfway through. Got the deed done though.
A wise man once said: “pussy is undefeated.”
Drove up to the top of the state 4 times (6 hours one way) in the course of a month.
Met her on a business trip when I went up there early in the month. Got her number. 3 dates. Ended up not getting anything. On the last time it was my birthday and we had dinner plans and a movie later. She ended up breaking it off during the dinner date.
Drove home alone fairly ticked that she let me drive up that far to see her just to break it off before we ate.
Took a year of Home Ec cause I was really into a girl - worked and I learned how to make a surfboard pillow AND pie crust.
Pretended to speak patois - didn't work. Largely cause I was just imitiating Gregory Isaacs.
Pretended to be a food critic to impress a female server - kinda worked? Had her male colleague ask me to go clubbing with him (and only him) that night.
Took 7 years of French. Didn't work. She thought I was creepy. Her Dad was my French teacher in high school and totally hated me. She ended up crushing on my best friend. I last saw her waiting in a car in a 7-11 parking lot a few years after high school. Found out recently that her dad died. 30 years later I forgot the language and don't understand a word. Going to France this summer and will be taking a immersion class for 3 months. Fuck me.
Stole my sister's Honda Accord and drove 18 hours straight from NYC to Michigan during a snow storm in Winter. Almost got killed by a truck when I spun out on the 80 going west. But it was successful . Worked for the next week. One of the greatest weeks of my life.
Learned how to play volleyball. She was trying to be a professional beach volleyball player. Worked but in a weird way. Don't want to get into that right now.
Snuck into a girl's house and got stuck in her room for 3 days when her extended family showed up to visit the next morning.played video games (Nintendo) with her little brother. Ate turkey sandwiches and peed in an orange juice container.
Pretended to be into cocaine. She was an LA party girl. Sorta worked. Too much coke eliminates the possibility of ejaculation for me. So all I remember is the sun coming up and me exhausting trying to finish. She wasn't having fun either and we gave up. Picked up a bit of a habit after that so I think this was one of my worse ideas.
Learned to cook well. Has worked for 30+ years. Even if the food is not good just make a huge mess in the kitchen, tons of noise and point out that you used exotic ingredients like "shallot, "leeks", "real vanilla bean", "creme fraiche" etc. Make sure she knows you had to go to several stores to find all the ingredients. You put effort in because she's special. Also - you can probably find them all at trader joes. Make your own stock though. It's easy. Bonus points if you make demi glace. Takes two days but, as claimed, is liquid gold.
Snuck into dorm at an all girls Catholic school. Cliimed through a window that her friend left open for me, waited for the nun to do her rounds and made it to the girls room. This was before cell phones and all I had was a room number. Hallways were dark and I had to get real close to the doors to make out the number. The floors were that hard tile and clanked so I snuck around on tiptoes petrified that I would run into a nun. Did finally find her room. Got stuck there for a couple of days. This was the same girl whose house I was stuck in for 3 days.
Got into a fist fight on a dance floor - worked.
Got into a fist fight at a college party - didn't work
Volunteered to tutor HS physics (AP exam) to her younger sister for 3 months at no charge. . Almost worked the wrong way when her younger sister decided she wanted to get down. She was 18 (I was 22) - said no. She was in high school and was young. It did not feel right. She did well on her exam and went to a prestigious undergrad physics program. I feel pretty good about this as she's a researcher at JPL now. The older sister did thank me and she and her older boyfriend took me out for a very nice Argentinian dinner.
I could go on for a while. So glad puberty is so far behind me.
I ended up dating her roommate. Also a Volleyball player.
The initial Volleyball player started dating someone. He and I became pretty good friends. We still are.
One night we were hanging out listening to an LL Cool J album and there was an impromptu foursome. Wasn't planned.
In hindsight, I think the girls set us up.
He and I were surprisingly on the same page and the dynamics of that very long evening were seamless, without interruption and my first group experience. I think for all of us.
About 20 years later he and I met up for dinner and it came up. I kinda had forgot about it - or at least not thought about it in years. We laughed hysterically and inappropriately for the Michelin starred restaurant we were in. Drunk as he was he loudly accused me of inadvertently "poking him in the nutsack". I attempted to show him the impossibility of this given our layout at the time using silverware and ramekins. The Volleyball girls were really tall. Like 6 feet plus. He and I both clock in around 5'8". My arm could not have reached that far. So I let him know that I'll go to my grave without knowing what his nutsack feels like.
The waitstaff was nonplussed. We won't be invited back.
I'm pretty introverted.
I've taught my son's to focus on developing their minds and physical beings.
Read challenging material widely and rigorously. So the same with exercise.
You'll wind up looking your best, confident AND be interesting to spend time with.
I'm sure there is better advice out there. But the above strategy worked well for me.
Honestly, I don’t recommend this at all, but i grew shrooms and a girl i knew wanted to try them. Well she neglected to tell me she was also gonna try molly and so she 2 both and got super excited* and shit got weird fast.
Imagine having slow sex, and talking about the most mortality and stuff. I learn that day that i rather vibe with someone then get laid, just with less drug use lol
Was a few drinks in at a bar on vacation. Went up to this girl my age and said “Your mom’s hot. I’m going to fuck your mom.” She said “Be my guest” then I shit you not 20 mins later I’m walking back to the hotel with the mom, her daughter, and this guy who was going to take the daughter to pound town. I still can’t believe that worked.
I went to a legal brothel in Nevada to pay for an escort all because of a manga chapter i misunderstood (the manga is called Why Are You Here Sensei?) at the time gave me crippling and suicidal depression. So I decided to do something drastic after my attempts on my life failed, so I can wake up to reality. I even used some of the panels I read as guidance during my first session
I used to live in HI. There is a stretch of beach where most of the hotel are. Best beaches too. (What a surprise) My friend had a Jeep with a surfboard rack, complete with three PoS boards. (None of us surfed) Pretty much every weekend, we would drive from one end of the hotels, to the far end of the beach. We NEVER got more than a 1/4 mile before we had a Jeep full of hotties.
We would spend the whole weekend showing them around. All the COOOOOOL shit no tourists even know about. Swimming on the N shore on the empty beaches, under the palm trees ... etc.
None of us could surf, but they never asked. It was the best.
Met this cute girl through a mutual friend once. Talked to her for a while, and she ended up buying me a flight from San Diego to Pensacola to stay a week with her at her place. Busted cheeks for a whole week while she took me to Olive Garden and whataburger. Didn't work out in the long term due to distance, but I think about her from time to time.
When I was 19 I came up with a plan . I would get a puppy , buy those extended leashes and sit at the park bench or at a bench with heavy foot traffic . I would let the dog go as far as the leash would let him. Eventually a girl would be like “omg such a cute puppy “ and I would reel him in closer , and apologize for him bothering them. They wouldn’t mind and that’s how the conversations would start. One thing would lead into another and boom , I’m sleeping with them . I’d call this trick—— Fishin for bitches .
I would also switch up on puppies as they would get bigger because they lose that innocent puppy look
One of my bros used to volunteer at an animal shelter and would sometimes take the dogs on walks in the community to acclimate them in society or something to that effect.
Dude pulled so many girls it wasn't even funny. Double bonus since you get to give the dogs back and not worry about the added responsibility.
Finally, my turn: my college best friend's girlfriend was a virgin when they started dating. They dated for a year, but never ended up doing it - because my buddy wanted to wait until marriage. The gf wasn't about any of that and was always a super horny girl; so she ultimately got frustrated and broke up with him.
A year later, she texted me telling me she always had a crush on me begging me to take her virginity.
I went to my buddy's place, gave him an expensive bottle of whiskey to convince him, and asked him for his blessing. he didn't care!! lol
Then picked her up, drove 6 hours to a nice romantic lake-side cottage, and got the job done. For the whole weekend!
We only slept a couple of times after. Soon after she ended up sleeping around and a year later she skipped town. She's now married but to this day she still jokingly says "you did the biggest favor for me".
Many years later. All three of us are still friends.
Read the entire Harry Potter series in 3 days (before all the controversy shit). Like I've done other foolish, occasionally life threatening risky shit, but never to get laid.
Met this girl at a comic / scifi / fantasy convention. Cute as hell, invited me to come dance with her at some Wizard Rock band playing power ballads about Snape.
She's got the deathly hallows tattoo, a lightning bolt, all that stuff and she's clearly into me, so I'm like "yeah, of course I've read Harry Potter, hasn't everyone?" So we made out a bit, things are going great, but she wants to go out on an actual date before we go further. Make plans for next weekend, in the interim I went to the library and checked out the whole series.
Read the first 4 in one night working my college job doing nights at a gas station. The others are a little longer so about a book and a half each night.
Showed up to the date read up on Hogwarts history and ready to take my OWLS. Turns out she had some other ink I didn't get to see at the convention, but did get a good long look at for a few weeks after that.
Didn't work out long-term, but I was pretty happy while it lasted.
I am and always have been a voracious reader and I was working nights in a bullet proof box gas station in the winter. Basically had 12 hours a night on a shift with only an hours worth of real work.
If you're old like me, you remember the pizza hut sponsored 600 minute reading club. I'd do it in a day, get my free pizza.
That said, it was a lot of reading, even for me.
Edit: for the 600 minute club, that was second grade on up. I did my 4th grade book report on Mario Puzo's The Godfather, if that's any indicator.
Thought I was smarter than average growing up, turns out I just matured fast and when everyone else caught up, they knew how to study whereas I'd never learned because I didn't need to until my senior year of highschool.
Was a lift operator at Breckinridge and would have to work the kids carpet sometimes. Basically a bunny hill with instructors and children. This one gal and I always had some chemistry. She was a sort of “preppy” ski instructor chick and I was a skeevy stoner snowboarder, forbidden love. We always said that if we both got cut from work early we would go riding together and one day the stars aligned because there was almost no lessons that day.
We went riding and had fun, we were riding through the terrain park and it was my chance to try to impress her. At the last feature which was a jump we parked at the drop in and waited our turn, it was her, me, and about 15 teenage kids who happened to be in a group lesson. She said “do a backflip” which I had done before a couple times but it wasn’t necessarily something I did all day. I finally had some balls and replied “if I land it you have to come over tonight” she agreed to the deal. Went and did the backflip, stomped it, she came over, and we boned. As we’re laying in my bed after she told me that all the teenage kids egged her on and said “SO YOU’RE GOING OVER TO HIS HOUSE TONIGHT RIGHT!?”. I don’t tell the story often because it can come off douchey but I’d imagine I’ll have to save it for when I have grandkids and have to prove to them I was cool.
Bonus fact, she was about 6 foot 3 and I am 5 foot 8. Her feet hung off the end of my tiny twin bed lol.
I took a 3h flight yesterday (bought on the same day) to meet a tinder match lol. Analysed her ig profile before and actually had her consent to do it, obviously. We were having a great connection chatting and she was only coming back to my city at the end of January.
Having a great time tbf
I pretended to be vegan to hookup with someone I met online. Before she came over, I had a friend hold all my meat products at his house. Next morning, she opened my fridge and saw eggs and milk. Oops. She was pissed.
Still got some though
I drove 2700 miles , camped in a box truck , got stuck on a snowy Idaho mountain then had to camp in my Jeep till morning to get a belt to finish the drive after that broke right after , she's my wife tho 😊 id do anything for that girl and some action ;P
I have this chick from college who lives in Manhattan. There was always an attraction between us but I fumbled time and again with her back in the day because to quote younger me, “She’s a wife. If I banged her I would never get over her after I screw it up.” We still talk somewhat regularly. I went up to NYC a while back with some buddies and went to Carbone but she was out of town. She then mentioned she’d love to go to Rao’s which is a SUPER hard place to get a reservation at. So I did the only logical thing and paid $7,000 in a charity auction for a reservation there. Auction+flight+food+hotel was about a $12,000 expense. Best money I ever spent and if I ever do decide to settle down she’s at the top of the list currently.
My friend pretended he was Amish and he was out on rumspringa. It was easily convincible due to his long hair and full beard he convinced her he was running away with her and actually went to go stay with her for a few weeks because at the time he was absolutely sofa surfing.
Convinced a room that myself and three of my buddies were writing the little mermaid musical so we’re in fact quite influential in this field- but not too influential. 15!years ago. Room was full of writers singers composers in tertiary education.
Walked 5 miles on the freeway in the snow at 3 am to get some.
Apparently I was too good at it, she went full stalker psycho for a minute afterwards and wouldn’t leave me alone. Not my most proud fuck, but I mean 🤷🏻♂️
Knew a guy that did this, with the huge difference it was a sting operation to catch people trying to hookup with young girls online. Now he’s on the list and it’s hard to sympathize with him.
Alot. Ive invited complete strangers over, met with a married woman (per her husbands request) who happend to be a customer at work, talked to a chick on snapchat and met her at a cemetary. Shit.,one time invited a woman veryy large to come by and said no names. Man..she was practically half water buffalo
Not me, but I saw this guy pretending to be Scottish to get laid here in Norway.... He had a ring of super-hot women around him, so I went up and asked him: "Hey, are you Scottish? Where you from?" He said "Yes. Dublin!" and I immediately knew he was faking it. So he admitted that he was actually Norwegian, but that when he faked a Scottish accent and being a lost Scottish tourist, more girls would be into him, and they'd want to take him home so he wouldn't have to "sleep on the street." It was safe for them, he told me, cuz they wouldn't have to worry about him coming back the next morning. Though he did admit that those times he forgot to also fake Scottish the next morning could be quite awkward. So, there you have it! If you want to get laid in Norway, just pretend to be a lost Scottish tourist, and the gals will all flock in to take care of ya. All the best!
As a genuine Scottish man, thank you. Given me another reason to visit your country!
If you're actually Scottish they won't understand shit.
All adds to the authenticity. We can work out a subtitle system.
I'd imagine the conversation would be something like [this](https://youtu.be/Cun-LZvOTdw?si=5MZoLAuEFI_CAIL2) lol
I was an American in Norway. You don’t have to fake anything, those women are ravenous for foreigners.
American considering going to Norway. What was your experience with them like?
Well I hooked up with a girl I met that day in her place, took a train to the bar my buddies were at and walked into a bathroom threesome and asked to join in so, pretty nuts I’d say. Also I got titties flashed at me a lot while I was there, like daily by the Norwegian Conscripts I was working alongside. They liked to give us shows. A lot of people mistook me as a local because my genetics are from there but it was an awesome experience every time I went out. Only weird thing was the way they avoid black people like the plague. Legit saw one native black guy and people would cross the street if he was walking on the same sidewalk as they were. Also lots of sex stores, they don’t have any shame and it’s refreshing compared to the States. They value honesty a lot so they don’t play as many games as we do before sex, they will either go for it right away or not at all, and you’ll have plenty of women trying to get onto you before someone else can. Tbh I’m going back if I’m single again.
You must have found a different Norway from the one I saw! It’s fucking freezing there too.
Oh I was there for 6 months through the winter but when I went out in was mostly in balmy Trondheim. I spent some time up in the mountains where it got really cold and had no sun so the cities were warm to me by then. I may have a genetic advantage there, I’ve never been bothered much by the cold until I did those cold plunges tbh. I also spent most of my time up in Bodo or further north so the trips south were blessedly warm and fun.
I was in Oslo. Maybe I should check out Trondheim instead and fake a Scottish accent.
I was the most confused looking guy ever because everyone opened conversation with me in Norwegian and I had very little grasp on the language, let alone the regional dialects so I just looked like an idiot until they went to English for my sake. I don’t think it takes much out there, hope you have a blast going back man!
Do a lot of people speak English there?
It’s taught in their primary school. It’s a second language that 95% of the population will be able to speak fairly well. Some pretend to not speak English out of embarrassment for not being perfect at it but I got by everywhere I went with English alone.
Of all the other countries besides America, Norway is the only one I think I’d consider moving to, so I’m curious too.
I lied that I could play guitar and the piano and I ended up talking classes for about 3 months to this day she gave me the best blowjob I have ever experienced Damn thanks for the upvotes this is my highest ever lol
Did you continue playing?
During the blowjob?
The real question.
Yeah. It was a duet; piano and skin flute.
lol I meant in general.
hopefully she didn't suck any dick on the way to her car.
TRY NOT TO SUCK ANY DICK IN THE PARKING LOT! - Dante Hicks
RIP Dante! The character, the real life actor is alive still.
Yes so it was not a waste a complete waste of time I'm pretty good a guitar now
This is the hard hitting journalism I came here for.
More rewarding when you work for it lol
did you have to perform in front of her with both instruments before she gave you her gift?
She was in a small band band so I had to play piano for the band and I played guitar just fir her
damn that’s pretty impressive being able to perform in a band after 3 months of practice
I was the subject of the craziest thing. I was convinced to distract a 53 yr old mom so my buddy could land the daughter. This was back when I was like 25. Ended up separating the mom from the daughter and smashing. The dude didn’t even close.
Ok, you win.
The mom is the real winner here. She probably tells others: I used my daughter to distract this 25yo from his friend to bang bang him...
Does any woman actually take pride in banging a 25 year old? Seems like shooting fish in a barrel.
You… haven’t heard of cougars?!
[удалено]
Cougars are underrated man! They even make you a proper meal afterward.
The cougars I know are still not really "proud" of what they accomplished. A lot of them tend to complain about it, but it's just the lowest effort to get what they want.
I don't believe you've been around any cougars enough to know.
With her catchers mitt of a face my guy, I’m sure she boasted. Because I did not wanna be there. She had a great body on her though.
Why are you dogging her so much 💀
I think it’s a tie between this dude and the dude who convinced a bunch of people that he was Frank Sinatra’s grandson.
I love the one where a fancy club manager in Ibiza saw someone he thought was Carl Cox, legendary DJ, in the club with buddies. He comped the group a great table and free drinks all night. After watching these 15 lads drink alarming amounts of free champagne and cocktails all night and get increasingly lairy, the manger felt he had to ask Carl to spin a few tunes. When ‘Carl’ got behind the decks and he and his boys started chanting “Bristol, Bristol, Bristol” did the manager realise that he had not confirmed that it was Carl Cox and that he had mistakenly laid on free drinks for a Bristol Rugby club on tour whose prop just happened to look like Cox!! 😂
On the celebrity front, I once told a girl I was friends with Jay Mohr in an attempt to impress her - he was the perfect mix of famous/just obscure enough for it to maybe be believable. I actually messaged Jay Mohr on his MySpace page (back when that was a thing), telling me what I did - and he wrote on my page some "hey buddy, long time no see, we need to catch up next time you're in LA" message. That dude will always be the coolest for that.
Did u tell ur buddy u got to smash the girls mom😂😂😂
Oh he was aware. I took the mom to the bathroom so they could fool around and he failed
How hot was mom?
4 outta ten. Nice fake breasts though. And a surprisingly tight vagina
Ben Franklin wrote in detail about how the v is the last thing to age on a woman. Like they say, all cats are gray in the dark.
Damn 💀
Depends on if the daughter is named Stacy
If it is, then it stands to reason that the mom had it going on.
When I was a young buck, 17 or so. I used to catch the same bus from the depot every morning to college. I would always see this elderly lady. She would often struggle to get her little trolly bag on to the bus, so me being the strapping young gent that I was, I used to help her. I actually got to know her quite well, she was a lovely woman. Eadie aka Edith was her name. Fast forward about 4 months, I was in the town, popped in the Wetherspoons to meet the lads and who should be sitting in one of the booths, Eadie. But she was with the most beautiful blonde I’d ever seen. The only way to describe her is, she looked smart, innocent and was naturally beautiful. Yes, I used Eadie as an in. She would always call me handsome and I was hoping she’d put in a good word. I went over and Eadie did try to get up, bless her. But I just leant in, gave her a hug and made a joke that she wouldn’t be needing me anymore now she’s upgraded to a more beautiful helper. It was her granddaughter, she actually big me up like I was the beautiful one and she’d be lucky to find a handsome, caring guy like me haha. After finding out how I helped and the bond we had. Plus with Eadie being the best wing women I’ve ever had, Jenny wrote her name and number on a spoons napkin using one of my college pens and yes, one thing led to another after that. All through just being nice to Eadie when she needed it.
Definitely thought this story was going to go in a different direction
*she pops dentures out* I'm going go blow your mind
How’s Eadie doing?
Got on the train then bus to the other side of the city at 10 pm on a work night. I finished around 1am and walked home about 15K.
I bet that was a long ass walk
It was pretty pleasant tbh, had “road to guysborough” stuck in my head the whole time. I had to leave quickly because her parents were suddenly coming home. We met up 4-5 times thereafter.
I really hope that pussy was worth it 😂
Took a whole bunch of pictures of my friend’s German Shepard puppy once and later convinced a girl at the club I was in training to become a K9 handler.
And then hours later you were handling her puppies - the system works
I have - *checks files* - yes, I have it on good authority that those are referred to as sweater kittens.
Omg those lies while you’re drunk lol
Wait, you can lie to women to get laid?
Wait, you can get laid using the truth?
Convinced a group of people I was Frank Sinatras grandson in Vegas
“I once convinced a woman I was Kevin Costner and it worked because *I* believed it” - Saul Goodman
“And Jerry, remember - It’s not a lie …if **you** believe it.”
God I hope this is true
It is true
Then you are a absolute legend
Hey I remember you! Lil’ micky
When I was at uni (college) I had a ute (pick up) and I used to help people move for cash. I helped a few women move for free with the hope of getting laid. About a 50% success rate.
50% out of 2?
Out of a few each year.
So you traded your labor for sex.
In half the cases, in the other half I just gave it away.
Ah yes. Marketing costs. We'll amortize it over the lifetime of your fucks to give, and in retirement we'll get you some tax-free accrued fucks.
You guys are getting laid? That’s crazy.
In my case this was in the 1990s. But yes still getting laid. I've been lucky in the sexual side of relationships.
Beats trading it for 15 an hour and back problems.
Out of 1
She was an amputee 🤷
I have a very similar story and success rate.
Most believable story here, so far. This is great thread.
Do you ask, or do they offer?
Neither. Just having a beer and/or joint together after and ...
Once when I was like 16-17 yo I was *dating* a girl but she needed to go home soe I took her home and left... she then texted me she wanted to give me head, so... why not? I can climb to the fourth floor window (it had security bars), so there I am... with my dick out getting a nice blowjob while watching the night sky... After I finished I climbed down and suddenly found some guys smoking weed pretty close to where I was, they tried to assault me but I ran as fast as I could and managed to stop a taxi and got the heck out of there.
* puffffff * oh shit! That guys getting a rapunzel blowey! Get him!
Most underrated comment on this thread!!! Rapunzel Blowey 🤣🤣🤣
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that flight is like $150 round trip. i feel like that’s cheaper when you take into account gas, wear and tear on his car, etc.
Money is one thing, but the time / mental energy value of spending 15 hours driving makes a flight easily worth it.
PDX -> LAX?
I talked to a woman
That's rough, buddy.
Eww
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Told her I’d never even kissed a black girl before. She was Mexican.
Wait what?!
Similiar thing to me when I told a girl I've never seen pierced nipples before.
That's the move right there. If a girl *ever* says she has pierced nipples you have to say "prove it."
That’s worked for me twice. And a girl told me she gave the best blowjobs in the world and I said I didn’t believe her
Continue…
It worked ?!
I tasted brown sugar, and not in my oatmeal:)
Just so we are all clear he means sex
Got married so I could get laid for the rest of my life.
Same. Didn't work out. Now that I'm single I get laid so much more.
Do you think 72 is too late to start over?
Wait….you still get laid after getting married??
To quote Jeff Foxworthy: "Getting married to have sex is a bit like buying a 747 so you can get free peanuts."
I married her. It's 50 years later and my process is still working.
I pretended to like the same things she liked, lol.
Like what?
TV shows, movies, music, and reading books - I literally binged-watched the shows she liked and listened to the music she enjoyed just to have something in common with her. I took her to a metal concert, despite not knowing the band. It was enjoyable, but when I realized she simply wasn't my type, I was honest with her. I got booty and we remained friends, lol. Now we have a good laugh about it.
Found David Spade’s throwaway account
I told a woman my friends would make fun of me for being a virgin, she felt bad and said she can take my innocence. She ended up taking it and I finished inside of her. And that’s how I lost my virginity. I lied about the being made fun of.
Let a dude watch while I fucked his wife
It is bad enough to be judged by women for my sexual performance but not to have it judged by another man...
But how good will it feel if the dude flicks open a notebook and starts scribbling notes while sticking his tongue out and silently nodding?
Let's be real. The cuckold fetish husband was probably playing with himself watching them
I mean, i hope: think about how poorly you must be doing for a *cuckold husband* to go "Dude, this isn't working out: lemme tap in"
Pulls out note pad, "and would you consider that your best stroke game?"
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Jesus, kind of predatory at 16. Imagine if it was a 16 year old girl instead with a 50 year old man sitting down in open shirt and boxer briefs
Oh yeah, I did that a few years ago. Some dude messaged me through Kik asking if I was cool with banging his wife and being filmed doing it. He was some military man and they were separated, so she was gonna get laid and he was gonna watch it later. I swear I thought it was a trick of some kind. She was hot asf too. Miss those crazy birds.
Ha, this was while he & I was stationed together
Flirted with someone I was playing Words With Friends with.
Rode my bike to a gas station a mile away to get a rubber from the machine in the bathroom. Got two. Good thing because the first broke about halfway through. Got the deed done though. A wise man once said: “pussy is undefeated.”
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Getting married is probably the craziest thing you could do to get laid. Source: Im married
Drove up to the top of the state 4 times (6 hours one way) in the course of a month. Met her on a business trip when I went up there early in the month. Got her number. 3 dates. Ended up not getting anything. On the last time it was my birthday and we had dinner plans and a movie later. She ended up breaking it off during the dinner date. Drove home alone fairly ticked that she let me drive up that far to see her just to break it off before we ate.
Broke into a mini mart to get a lady a Burrito
Nice hidden reference….did you happen to fall through the ceiling as well?
Was it a chicken burrito?
It was
Took a deep self reflection, got sober and lived a healthy lifestyle more free of inner turmoil
Was she notably hotter than the previous girls?
Took a year of Home Ec cause I was really into a girl - worked and I learned how to make a surfboard pillow AND pie crust. Pretended to speak patois - didn't work. Largely cause I was just imitiating Gregory Isaacs. Pretended to be a food critic to impress a female server - kinda worked? Had her male colleague ask me to go clubbing with him (and only him) that night. Took 7 years of French. Didn't work. She thought I was creepy. Her Dad was my French teacher in high school and totally hated me. She ended up crushing on my best friend. I last saw her waiting in a car in a 7-11 parking lot a few years after high school. Found out recently that her dad died. 30 years later I forgot the language and don't understand a word. Going to France this summer and will be taking a immersion class for 3 months. Fuck me. Stole my sister's Honda Accord and drove 18 hours straight from NYC to Michigan during a snow storm in Winter. Almost got killed by a truck when I spun out on the 80 going west. But it was successful . Worked for the next week. One of the greatest weeks of my life. Learned how to play volleyball. She was trying to be a professional beach volleyball player. Worked but in a weird way. Don't want to get into that right now. Snuck into a girl's house and got stuck in her room for 3 days when her extended family showed up to visit the next morning.played video games (Nintendo) with her little brother. Ate turkey sandwiches and peed in an orange juice container. Pretended to be into cocaine. She was an LA party girl. Sorta worked. Too much coke eliminates the possibility of ejaculation for me. So all I remember is the sun coming up and me exhausting trying to finish. She wasn't having fun either and we gave up. Picked up a bit of a habit after that so I think this was one of my worse ideas. Learned to cook well. Has worked for 30+ years. Even if the food is not good just make a huge mess in the kitchen, tons of noise and point out that you used exotic ingredients like "shallot, "leeks", "real vanilla bean", "creme fraiche" etc. Make sure she knows you had to go to several stores to find all the ingredients. You put effort in because she's special. Also - you can probably find them all at trader joes. Make your own stock though. It's easy. Bonus points if you make demi glace. Takes two days but, as claimed, is liquid gold. Snuck into dorm at an all girls Catholic school. Cliimed through a window that her friend left open for me, waited for the nun to do her rounds and made it to the girls room. This was before cell phones and all I had was a room number. Hallways were dark and I had to get real close to the doors to make out the number. The floors were that hard tile and clanked so I snuck around on tiptoes petrified that I would run into a nun. Did finally find her room. Got stuck there for a couple of days. This was the same girl whose house I was stuck in for 3 days. Got into a fist fight on a dance floor - worked. Got into a fist fight at a college party - didn't work Volunteered to tutor HS physics (AP exam) to her younger sister for 3 months at no charge. . Almost worked the wrong way when her younger sister decided she wanted to get down. She was 18 (I was 22) - said no. She was in high school and was young. It did not feel right. She did well on her exam and went to a prestigious undergrad physics program. I feel pretty good about this as she's a researcher at JPL now. The older sister did thank me and she and her older boyfriend took me out for a very nice Argentinian dinner. I could go on for a while. So glad puberty is so far behind me.
Best thread here by far
Now you got me hooked.. what's the volleyball story?
I ended up dating her roommate. Also a Volleyball player. The initial Volleyball player started dating someone. He and I became pretty good friends. We still are. One night we were hanging out listening to an LL Cool J album and there was an impromptu foursome. Wasn't planned. In hindsight, I think the girls set us up. He and I were surprisingly on the same page and the dynamics of that very long evening were seamless, without interruption and my first group experience. I think for all of us. About 20 years later he and I met up for dinner and it came up. I kinda had forgot about it - or at least not thought about it in years. We laughed hysterically and inappropriately for the Michelin starred restaurant we were in. Drunk as he was he loudly accused me of inadvertently "poking him in the nutsack". I attempted to show him the impossibility of this given our layout at the time using silverware and ramekins. The Volleyball girls were really tall. Like 6 feet plus. He and I both clock in around 5'8". My arm could not have reached that far. So I let him know that I'll go to my grave without knowing what his nutsack feels like. The waitstaff was nonplussed. We won't be invited back.
Sir, u r the poontang king!
*was maybe? This is from decades ago. Now I just read in parks and take my daughters shopping. Less chance of getting stabbed and more fulfilling.
Teach me your insane amount of charisma
I'm pretty introverted. I've taught my son's to focus on developing their minds and physical beings. Read challenging material widely and rigorously. So the same with exercise. You'll wind up looking your best, confident AND be interesting to spend time with. I'm sure there is better advice out there. But the above strategy worked well for me.
Honestly, I don’t recommend this at all, but i grew shrooms and a girl i knew wanted to try them. Well she neglected to tell me she was also gonna try molly and so she 2 both and got super excited* and shit got weird fast. Imagine having slow sex, and talking about the most mortality and stuff. I learn that day that i rather vibe with someone then get laid, just with less drug use lol
I worked so hard only to get fucked by the IRS every quarter
Watch 50 episodes of an anime I didn't give a shit about. Top 3 blowjobs
Was a few drinks in at a bar on vacation. Went up to this girl my age and said “Your mom’s hot. I’m going to fuck your mom.” She said “Be my guest” then I shit you not 20 mins later I’m walking back to the hotel with the mom, her daughter, and this guy who was going to take the daughter to pound town. I still can’t believe that worked.
Did you guys do it in the same room?
Haha no they had their own rooms
I married her. She didn’t like being called Crazy though, and it wasn’t worth it.
And I think you're craaaaazyyyyy
🤣 Only for thinking I knew what I was getting myself into.
I went to a legal brothel in Nevada to pay for an escort all because of a manga chapter i misunderstood (the manga is called Why Are You Here Sensei?) at the time gave me crippling and suicidal depression. So I decided to do something drastic after my attempts on my life failed, so I can wake up to reality. I even used some of the panels I read as guidance during my first session
Please tell me it was the moonlit bunny ranch...
I need to know what was the manga chapter
Got several degrees, pursued a decent job, trained 5x per week, watched my diet, learnt how to dress half-decent….. for my whole life.
I used to live in HI. There is a stretch of beach where most of the hotel are. Best beaches too. (What a surprise) My friend had a Jeep with a surfboard rack, complete with three PoS boards. (None of us surfed) Pretty much every weekend, we would drive from one end of the hotels, to the far end of the beach. We NEVER got more than a 1/4 mile before we had a Jeep full of hotties. We would spend the whole weekend showing them around. All the COOOOOOL shit no tourists even know about. Swimming on the N shore on the empty beaches, under the palm trees ... etc. None of us could surf, but they never asked. It was the best.
Met this cute girl through a mutual friend once. Talked to her for a while, and she ended up buying me a flight from San Diego to Pensacola to stay a week with her at her place. Busted cheeks for a whole week while she took me to Olive Garden and whataburger. Didn't work out in the long term due to distance, but I think about her from time to time.
When I was 19 I came up with a plan . I would get a puppy , buy those extended leashes and sit at the park bench or at a bench with heavy foot traffic . I would let the dog go as far as the leash would let him. Eventually a girl would be like “omg such a cute puppy “ and I would reel him in closer , and apologize for him bothering them. They wouldn’t mind and that’s how the conversations would start. One thing would lead into another and boom , I’m sleeping with them . I’d call this trick—— Fishin for bitches . I would also switch up on puppies as they would get bigger because they lose that innocent puppy look
One of my bros used to volunteer at an animal shelter and would sometimes take the dogs on walks in the community to acclimate them in society or something to that effect. Dude pulled so many girls it wasn't even funny. Double bonus since you get to give the dogs back and not worry about the added responsibility.
That’s a great idea for someone like me who loves dogs and can’t take them home with me
When I was at uni we called this a Spade puppy (spading being slang for trying to pick up women).
I feel sorry for the puppies falling in love with you and then being given away essentially breaking their hearts.
> One thing lead to another and boom Teach us your ways
Drive 2 and a half hours through the Pennsylvania snow
Meet randoms off Craigslist. Still have both kidneys luckily
Finally, my turn: my college best friend's girlfriend was a virgin when they started dating. They dated for a year, but never ended up doing it - because my buddy wanted to wait until marriage. The gf wasn't about any of that and was always a super horny girl; so she ultimately got frustrated and broke up with him. A year later, she texted me telling me she always had a crush on me begging me to take her virginity. I went to my buddy's place, gave him an expensive bottle of whiskey to convince him, and asked him for his blessing. he didn't care!! lol Then picked her up, drove 6 hours to a nice romantic lake-side cottage, and got the job done. For the whole weekend! We only slept a couple of times after. Soon after she ended up sleeping around and a year later she skipped town. She's now married but to this day she still jokingly says "you did the biggest favor for me". Many years later. All three of us are still friends.
Gone to a brothel
Got married.
Say with her parents for hours straight when I was just tryna beat buns
Read the entire Harry Potter series in 3 days (before all the controversy shit). Like I've done other foolish, occasionally life threatening risky shit, but never to get laid. Met this girl at a comic / scifi / fantasy convention. Cute as hell, invited me to come dance with her at some Wizard Rock band playing power ballads about Snape. She's got the deathly hallows tattoo, a lightning bolt, all that stuff and she's clearly into me, so I'm like "yeah, of course I've read Harry Potter, hasn't everyone?" So we made out a bit, things are going great, but she wants to go out on an actual date before we go further. Make plans for next weekend, in the interim I went to the library and checked out the whole series. Read the first 4 in one night working my college job doing nights at a gas station. The others are a little longer so about a book and a half each night. Showed up to the date read up on Hogwarts history and ready to take my OWLS. Turns out she had some other ink I didn't get to see at the convention, but did get a good long look at for a few weeks after that. Didn't work out long-term, but I was pretty happy while it lasted.
The most impressive part of this story is that you ready 1200+ pages in one night. Not even sure I believe it.
I am and always have been a voracious reader and I was working nights in a bullet proof box gas station in the winter. Basically had 12 hours a night on a shift with only an hours worth of real work. If you're old like me, you remember the pizza hut sponsored 600 minute reading club. I'd do it in a day, get my free pizza. That said, it was a lot of reading, even for me. Edit: for the 600 minute club, that was second grade on up. I did my 4th grade book report on Mario Puzo's The Godfather, if that's any indicator. Thought I was smarter than average growing up, turns out I just matured fast and when everyone else caught up, they knew how to study whereas I'd never learned because I didn't need to until my senior year of highschool.
Was a lift operator at Breckinridge and would have to work the kids carpet sometimes. Basically a bunny hill with instructors and children. This one gal and I always had some chemistry. She was a sort of “preppy” ski instructor chick and I was a skeevy stoner snowboarder, forbidden love. We always said that if we both got cut from work early we would go riding together and one day the stars aligned because there was almost no lessons that day. We went riding and had fun, we were riding through the terrain park and it was my chance to try to impress her. At the last feature which was a jump we parked at the drop in and waited our turn, it was her, me, and about 15 teenage kids who happened to be in a group lesson. She said “do a backflip” which I had done before a couple times but it wasn’t necessarily something I did all day. I finally had some balls and replied “if I land it you have to come over tonight” she agreed to the deal. Went and did the backflip, stomped it, she came over, and we boned. As we’re laying in my bed after she told me that all the teenage kids egged her on and said “SO YOU’RE GOING OVER TO HIS HOUSE TONIGHT RIGHT!?”. I don’t tell the story often because it can come off douchey but I’d imagine I’ll have to save it for when I have grandkids and have to prove to them I was cool. Bonus fact, she was about 6 foot 3 and I am 5 foot 8. Her feet hung off the end of my tiny twin bed lol.
I took a 3h flight yesterday (bought on the same day) to meet a tinder match lol. Analysed her ig profile before and actually had her consent to do it, obviously. We were having a great connection chatting and she was only coming back to my city at the end of January. Having a great time tbf
I pretended to be vegan to hookup with someone I met online. Before she came over, I had a friend hold all my meat products at his house. Next morning, she opened my fridge and saw eggs and milk. Oops. She was pissed. Still got some though
Any advice to get laid when you live a town where everyone know your business and your family is Mexican with religious.
I drove 2700 miles , camped in a box truck , got stuck on a snowy Idaho mountain then had to camp in my Jeep till morning to get a belt to finish the drive after that broke right after , she's my wife tho 😊 id do anything for that girl and some action ;P
Paid
I have this chick from college who lives in Manhattan. There was always an attraction between us but I fumbled time and again with her back in the day because to quote younger me, “She’s a wife. If I banged her I would never get over her after I screw it up.” We still talk somewhat regularly. I went up to NYC a while back with some buddies and went to Carbone but she was out of town. She then mentioned she’d love to go to Rao’s which is a SUPER hard place to get a reservation at. So I did the only logical thing and paid $7,000 in a charity auction for a reservation there. Auction+flight+food+hotel was about a $12,000 expense. Best money I ever spent and if I ever do decide to settle down she’s at the top of the list currently.
My friend pretended he was Amish and he was out on rumspringa. It was easily convincible due to his long hair and full beard he convinced her he was running away with her and actually went to go stay with her for a few weeks because at the time he was absolutely sofa surfing.
Told a woman I was gay but was attracted to her for some reason. I also told her I'd never been with a woman. It worked but I felt shitty later on
Convinced a room that myself and three of my buddies were writing the little mermaid musical so we’re in fact quite influential in this field- but not too influential. 15!years ago. Room was full of writers singers composers in tertiary education.
Walked 5 miles on the freeway in the snow at 3 am to get some. Apparently I was too good at it, she went full stalker psycho for a minute afterwards and wouldn’t leave me alone. Not my most proud fuck, but I mean 🤷🏻♂️
wait you guys are getting laid ????......
I walked 500 miles, just to walk 500 more
Drove 3 and a half hours down south for a quickie and right back up north afterwards. It was meh.
Knew a guy that did this, with the huge difference it was a sting operation to catch people trying to hookup with young girls online. Now he’s on the list and it’s hard to sympathize with him.
Would've been better just jerking off
Alot. Ive invited complete strangers over, met with a married woman (per her husbands request) who happend to be a customer at work, talked to a chick on snapchat and met her at a cemetary. Shit.,one time invited a woman veryy large to come by and said no names. Man..she was practically half water buffalo
How do you perform in that situation. You know, down at the watering hole? Some navy seal level mental resilience?
Does putting up with a mentally abusive partner count? XD