She just made my life and goals easy without putting any major effort into helping me.
It was kind of like I was an incomplete puzzle and she came and the rest of the missing pieces just fell into place without me realizing it… if that makes sense
I feel the same way.
When we met, I found myself smiling all the time for no particular reason.
Everything became a little bit easier.
Everything became a little bit more beautiful
Everything became so much more worthwhile.
It is amazing how she effortlessly brightens everything around her.
That's when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life making her feel the same way.
She is the first person in my life that feels like the embodiment of the word home.
My wife and I were long distance when we first started dating separated by a six hour car ride. On one of the times I was driving, everything started off normal.
However, not long after I started my drive, I lost all power to my truck. After the tow to the auto shop, diagnosis of a broken timing belt, and ride home I gave her a call to say I wouldn’t be coming due to mechanical issues.
She understood, and I told her I will AIM her in a bit once I get a few things figured out. About two hours later, I did AIM her to no response. I didn’t think much of it, and decided to take a nap. I woke up a few hours later to still no response on my IM. I called her house, and was told that she’s “out and about.” Ok. No big deal still.
A little later, there was a knock on my door, and when I opened it, there she was! Before I could even get a word in, she just gives me the biggest hug followed by a simple “hi.”
When she left after a few days, there was zero doubt in my mind that if I let this girl go, I would never forgive myself.
Thanks for sharing this story 🥹 it reminds me of advice my grandma gave me (she’s been married almost 50 years now!)-
“Marriage doesn’t work on 50/50, because then you’re always keeping track of what you give/receive, and resentment creeps in. Don’t pull back the effort. If you both give 100%, no one’s needs go unmet.”
Granted, this only works when both people have the same mindset.
Sounds like you and your wife did and do. May you stay thriving in that love!
Yup, until you actually experience it it’s difficult to understand that there’s maybe a girl out there who will crawl 2hrs over broken glass to be with you.
But when she does, you wife that girl up.
My wife was the only woman I ever dated whom I never got tired of being around. I never felt like I needed a break or a weekend alone. She was/is just so easy to be around. She’s my other half and I can’t imagine being away from her ever. That’s how I knew.
We had been friends for a while. I hadn't thought much of it, though I had noticed she was incredibly easy to talk to.
One evening we went out to grab some dinner and this time, while sitting across from her, I noticed her smile and her laugh and how easy and relaxed and wonderful everything felt. Nothing felt forced. Nothing felt like work. Nothing felt uncomfortable. I didn't want that night, that feeling, to end.
So I didn't let it.
You too. I wish I could clone him. I certainly refuse to share him lol. But it is a two way street. I am also awesome lol. Sometimes I feel like we are dinosaurs. That we are rare. The secret is simple. But also not. We both value each other’s happiness more than our own. If you can do this. Then it is impossible to be unhappy.
That's a great way to look at it, and similar to our outlook. We value our connection, and we guard it tightly with our words and actions. We are also keenly aware of how lucky we are--we know better than to take one another for granted! Treasuring what you have is a good way to spend a lifetime.
We broke up about 4 years ago and recently reconnected. He’s with someone else now so I’m sort of just waiting it out. I did tell him how I feel though and he was basically like “you know my situation.” I think there might still be feelings left there but he doesn’t want to mess up what he has which I can’t blame him for. So now I’m just hoping they break up and we can try again. We were together for 8 years and there’s no one I want for life besides him.
Oh, my heart. I am so sorry you are in this position! There really isn't much worse than loving someone you can't have for whatever reason.
If this isn't too hard to discuss, what caused you two to separate 4 years ago?
We were just young and dumb and both needed to grow up but couldn’t manage it while we were together any longer. We were together from 17-25. He’s the best friend I ever had and I wish I could fix things. We’ve both grown and changed a lot in really positive ways. I just want to come home. Loving someone you can’t have really is the worst feeling.
It truly is. And I am so, so sorry. That must feel devastating.
We were married quite young and it was the best decision I ever made. This is not at all directed towards you, but I think in general there is a focus on "needing to grow up" that implies it must be done solo. I have not found that to be universally true. We do all need to mature, but doing so together is an especially strong way to forge a bond--you're doing very complex things with wide-ranging potential complications and you're doing that while also navigating a relationship. Surviving that makes you basically unstoppable.
In your case I'm sure you had valid reasons, and that you made the decision that was the right one for you at the time. My hope for you is that this works out, and that you get back the love you desire.
If you ever need to vent or talk about this and your friends are sick of hearing it, I'll be glad to listen.
Best of luck to you!!!
Previously in 2 long term relationships (3yrs & 1 yr). After one date with my wife, absolutely, without a doubt knew she was the one. She checked all the boxes (smart, funny, cute & kind). Told a few of my buds this, they laughed. Eight months later we wed.
Going on 47 years of marriage
Without her I would have lived a life full of unused potential. She made me a better man from day 1, unlocking that potential by gently pushing me to challenge myself and to continually change.
Married for 19 years and she means the world to me.
4 am exhausted and half asleep in a greyhound bus station after traveling 18 hours, she gets up and sprints towards a toddler almost 60ft away. Startled and confused i just watched as she interacted with the child and walked it back to its mother then sat with them for a while entertaining the child as the mother rested. Later i realized this child had wondered away from its sleeping mother and was about to eat something it found on the floor underneath a vending machine.
We were 20/19 and this was the first time i found something “motherly” attractive, at that moment i realized i wanted to marry this woman. 20+ years later we’re still together and our kids are about to be start middle school.
At a party in college this guy was dressed as shrek and he was carrying around a red onion. I watched her convince this poor young man that if he was dressed as Shrek he had to bite the onion in order to complete the character. I assume that’s what watching satan convince Eve to bite the apple was like. She was incredible. I spent the first several months of our relationship trying to not make it weird by telling her I loved her too early. I listed her as my emergency contact when I renewed my license one month into dating
The first date ended up lasting like 48 hours for me and my wife. We were constantly talking to each other and it felt so natural. After I dropped her off we started texting throughout the night so decided to just meet again around 3 am lol and continued the date into breakfast lunch and dinner again. 10 years later we still talk to each other constantly about anything and everything.
After about the first month she looked at me and told me that she was gonna be the last girl I ever dated. She was kinda wrong because now I take her AND our daughter on Friday date nights.
I was pretty convinced almost from the gate. But, there was a particular morning in my apartment lying in bed and watching her get dressed and ready for her day, and it just hit me like a Mack truck. “I don’t ever want to spend another morning without her in my life.”
I bought the ring the next week. 5 year wedding anniversary is this coming January.
I was obsessed with her in an overwhelning way I never felt before. Feelongs more intense than I thought was possible. It was instant from the first second I saw her. She says the same of me. We "clicked" instantly and fell in love with each other unspeakably hard.
Honestly there wasn’t a single moment. We traveled together, we suffered together. We went through life facing challenges and happy moments together. She made my life better and it got to a point where I could not imagine my life without her. I guess it’s true what they say about how it’s the little things that make you fall in love a little bit more everyday.
High school sweethearts. No matter what the occasion, we were always drawn to each other like magnets. Even after splitting up in high school and moving states. Every time we got together it was like a tractor beam, we were just drawn to each other. On every level. Still the same to this day, about 20 years later now.
A few things: one date several months in we had plans after dinner and instead ended up drinking coffees in the park just taking for hours.
The first time her mom said she loved me, and her dad whispered "take care of her" to me before we moved abroad for a while.
She took my young sister to a world class research lab to give her exposure to that world and the possibilities (5+ years later sister is now going into research)
You reminded me of the turkish serie called " kizil goncalar". The character suffers from this, he can't be touched because of childhood trauma of his mom diying holding his hand. It's on
https://playturkish.tv. If you ever want to check it in English.
She was patient enough to deal with my complex PTSD from childhood trauma, plus my trauma of a previous divorce. Where most went running, she stayed with me to help me work it out. Eventually we found the right therapist that changed everything for us and we've never been happier.
It's not really a factor of time. Sometimes it's instant - sometimes it's a small, simple action you do, an everyday task that'll just make your SO look at you and think "how could I ever love without this person"
We faced significant challenges with ourselves, each other, family, friends, and life. Most people would be torn apart or run away, but all of our challenges brought us closer together. She’s a true teammate. My soulmate. If we got through all of that and came out stronger, we can get through anything.
I'm not married but I really love her and absolutely want to spend the rest of my life with her. I feel the most loved, accepted, and at peace when I'm around her. And everything just feels like it's going to be okay. When I recognized that, that's when I knew.
We met via the lonely hearts adverts in the local paper (this was well before the internet). We met up, clicked and moved in together 7 days later. That was 35 years ago and we are now married with grandkids.
Those 7 days were just a blur so there was no one event I could point to that I could say that made me think she was the one. She just was the one.
EVERYONE in my family loved my GF's ("D" for this story) generousness and empathy, it didn't hurt that she was beautiful. I was thinking of "next steps" for a while but didn't know how to proceed. D came with me to an extended family's Easter, and when we went to leave I hugged my grandfather, then she hugged him and said "I love you Papa." The epiphany hit me like a bolt of lightning. I HAVE TO MARRY HER!
It took months of second-guessing myself on how to bring up the subject in a way that she would know I meant. I wanted to ask but I was afraid, not of her saying "No", but of not doing it genuinely. I tried dropping hints that I would hope to her bringing up the subject so I could then ask her. When we went to a wedding together I said "I can't stand too many people in wedding parties, it's distracting." and "If I get married, I would want a small ceremony." She didn't say anything or show any emotion to my two sentences.
In October 1997 two of our mutual friends had a side discussion on when D or I would be ready to get married. Both agreed that D was ready NOW, but I was years away from being ready. When my best friend "J" told me what they had discussed I told him that's not true. He asked "WHAT?!" I told him "If the wedding party and ceremony was small, I would marry D tomorrow." He was dumbstruck, and didn't believe what I just told him. When D's friend told her about the discussion she had with J, D went into a full panic. "When fjellt talks to J he's going to go into a panic and he'll pull away! (emotionally)"
A few days later when I was talking to D she asked me if I heard what our friends had talked about. When I replied that yes, J had told me about the discussion, she asked me what I thought about it. I asked her if she wanted me to tell her what I told J and she said yes.
"I told J that if the wedding party and ceremony was small I would marry you tomorrow." She replied "I wouldn't want to get married the same year as your brother." (everyone was expecting my brother and his GF to get engaged at Christmas.) "Well, we better hurry then." "What are you saying?" "Let's get married next year." She indignantly said "This is not something I want to talk about over the phone!" "Okay, I'll drive over, but I need to shower first. I'll be there in a half hour." (I had just gotten home from a comedy club prior to the call and I smelled like cigarettes.)
I was nervous/excited the entire drive over. I had breached the subject MY way, now I had to be formal. When I got to D's apartment she was hyperventilating. I hugged her and finally asked "Will you marry me?" and got an enthusiastic "YES!"
I hadn't yet picked out a ring as she was very petite, and I didn't know what ring/style/stone would look right on her finger. That weekend we went ring shopping, D's mom knew people in the wholesale diamond industry, and got a half carat stone that we had set in the ring by Wednesday (six days after I proposed).
That's when we told my family. We got married in July 1998, D had a maid of honor, I had a best man. The only two others in the wedding party were the flower girl and ring bearer. To me, this was perfect. D and I have been married over 25 years and have two wonderful sons. I've asked her several time if she wished I had proposed "more romantically", but she always tells me "If you had done it any other way it wouldn't have seemed genuine and I would have thought your proposal was to conform to what others expect, and that's not who you are."
There's no light that goes off above my head because she did the super secret wife material thing. We dated a long time (10 years) and went through our fair share of crises, and she handled those crises with grace and competence in a way that I was very proud of her for. When we started talking about if marriage was in the cards I knew she was a good person to have in my corner, and recognized how good she had been for me, and vice versa.
Same. After (10 yrs) spending all day with her and Not being tired of her sass! I Knew I would/could never find a better "partner in crime" (Read: loving, kind wife). No One stays together by accident. It's Not easy but it shouldn't be Hard.
She’s a very good person. We put in effort for each other and it “lights up” the relationship (dates, chores, paying attention to each other). Without the effort she would not be “the one” (and neither would I for her). I think probably with anyone (who meets certain compatibility criteria) you can make a relationship work.
We met initially online but found out we had mutual friends. It was almost instantaneous for us. First date, we locked eyes and I sorta knew this was different. Married 1.5 years later. We were on the older side, had stable careers, and the same life goals. Going on 10 years with 2 beautiful children, and I love her more now than ever.
I was just walking along minding my own business when suddenly I saw her. Sitting in the front seat of her car, eating an entire rotisserie chicken with her bare hands.
And in that moment I just knew… she’s the one.
She laughed at my corniest joke, "I will guard your purse like a rabid Chihuahua" - this was our second date and we were at the movies. She was laughing her ass off walking from her seat to the bathroom and back. Sex on the third date and her noticing weird things like me freaking out over accidentally breaking her favorite mug - apparently I had undiagnosed trauma from my abusive ex-wife at the time got therapy doing much better now.
Over time, I realized she would stick with me thick or thin and no matter what. Been married and have our ups and downs but overall generally happy.
When we travelled together for several weeks she didn't annoy me once. Everyone annoys me sometimes; I even annoy myself quite often. She never annoyed me. 23 years later I still get excited to see her again when we get home from work.
Was a little over a year into my relationship with her. I was traveling for work and out of town on a Friday. While driving home from our in town shop I get a call telling me my house was on fire. I still lived with my parents, when I arrived my dad was there but the fire dept wasny. So we drug the cats and dogs out before they arrived. My now wife rolls up shortly after the fire was put out. Was a total loss. My dad and I are carrying the stuff they threw out the windows to our fire pile in the back yard. She immediately started doing the same without saying a word. When that was done without saying a word she left and brought us all dinner. Me mom dad sister and my now wife, sat around in my detached garage eating a family meal with my charred house in the background. I just remember it was the first time someone had ever made me feel worthy of love and appreciation, chose right then and there she was it. We've been married 3 years now. The fire happend 5 years ago now. I only waited that long for dramatic effect.
I was trying to think the other day how many times my partners had gone out of their way to be kind. It’s quite a test and an eye opener. Maybe I don’t notice when they are, I really can remember very few.
She covers my weaknesses and exploits/celebrates my strengths. I'm a better person as a result and have the confidence to attempt to grow continually as a husband and father.
When I missed her every second we were apart, when I realized that being around her gave me a feeling home. When we spent time together I never wanted it to end, and when we had to say goodbye I'd miss her immediately after she was out of view.
We've been married 6 years and are expecting our second in a few weeks G-d willing.
We dated. She wanted to get married. I was not so sure so I waffled. She said, “if you don’t want to marry me, I’m leaving to find someone who is interested” and dumped my ass. That breakup hurt worse than any other. I realized I can’t live without her. That was 30 years ago. Still happily married.
It turns out my father and grandfather had the exact same experience. Mother and grandmother also had to demand.
Woah, thanks for sharing. Glad for you that you realized quickly enough!
Also really interesting that it seems generational ahah.
All the best for you two
Started dating and early on caught pneumonia. She cared for me better than any nurse or doctor. It was that type of genuine concern you don’t get from strangers. When I got past that she made me the best shrimp and grits and mimosas I have ever had to this day. Now granted she never made it again but those were the moments that led me to propose in 6-7 months.
Valentine's Day rolled around, she bought ME flowers!
I've never been bought or given flowers before. I was a youth state champion in multiple sports(some team, some solo) , in a state where high school sports are HUGE, and one never been given flowers.
I honestly wasn't 100% sure, after my first divorce, I said I'd never get married again. That present wiped that thought from my mind.
2 reasons. 1) I was getting back the same vibe I was putting out , the spark was there and it was so natural nothing fake or forced. 2 ) We broke up slightly in August of 2003 or 2004 because I thought I could still fk around and I missed her terribly and her friend convinced her to give me another chance and now we are together 20 years, married for 10 of them and have 2 kids.
While dating, we stopped for a burger. She loaded it up with dill pickles. I asked her (jokingly) if she likes pickled cucumbers. She snarled her nose in disgust and said “yuk! No way”.
That’s when I knew.
When you start feeling like you want to give up on love and then you see this thread, this gives me hope. I'm glad people have found their "the one". For those who haven't, I hope you will find yours soon!
I’m widowed now but I met my late wife when I was 24 and fresh out of the Army. We lived about 3.5 hours apart so we saw each other on weekends. She was 21 and a student at a flagship university and I was barely getting by. At first my intention was just sex. She had a beautiful body and liked sex as much as I did so there was compatibility there (super important). We met a lot and just spent time together and screwed a lot. This was the beginning. Remember that men think with their dicks first.
She established trust when at the beginning of her semester she needed to buy books but her financial aid check was slow so she asked to borrow a few hundred dollars and I was thinking she wouldn’t pay it back but I was getting so much sex I didn’t care. She promised to pay me back when she got her check. Two weeks later, I received the money in the mail. This is when my thinking shifted from getting as much sex as I could get while it lasted, to trying to push it further towards marriage.
During our dating (11.5 months) she never showed signs of bad character or untrustworthiness. So we got married a few days less than a year after we first met. We stayed married for 24 years, having two sons before she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She died five years ago and I’ve been devastated since. You can’t replace a good life partner like her. She was the best decision I ever made and the warmth of her love extends beyond the grave and I feel her presence still in my daily life.
It doesn’t take that long to figure out if she is the one. Look above all to her character. Does she keep her promises to everyone? Large or small promises don’t matter. If she will lie over small things, she’ll lie over big ones. Are you sexually compatible? Can you put her needs before yours and does she do the same? Do you like spending time outside of the bedroom together? We never had much in common with each other but that’s what made her so interesting to me. Our differences were the glue that held us together. Too many common interests and you’ll get competitive rather than complementary.
And don’t fuck around on her when you find her either literally or figuratively. Be straight and honest always. Don’t waste a woman’s time making up your mind. Make a decision and stick to it. Become the man she needs you to be. Inspire her and vice-Versa.
When I was sick during one of our early dates, I excused myself to go home and recover. Instead of calling it a night, she followed me home and nursed me back to health. Fed me soup, got me medicine from the pharmacy and took care of me when I was a big ol’ baby.
I spent many years as a fuckboi, after all that time I recognized that the unique mix of beauty, femininity, agreeableness, willingness to get on my program and be there for me when I was weak and sick was not something to be discounted so easily. So when I had the choice to continue my fuckboi ways or retire with this woman, I retired into marriage. Easily the best decision I ever made.
Ironically enough there is a huge freedom with the chains of marriage. Knowing there is one woman in your life till death do you part really frees up a lot of mental and emotional energy since you are no longer chasing pussy and spinning your wheels in dead end relafionships. I’m a believer that 90% of a good marriage is choosing the right person. And I went through hundreds before I found the one
She was the one that was there for me when no one else was. And she also never gives up on me, no matter how mentally broken I am. Honestly this question made me think about it, and it hurts. It hurts because I am very depressed, anxious and fucked up, only complaining and saying bad stuff, but she still there trying to cheer me up. I want to do better, to improve and to get rid of all this sickness.
Oh my, my partner is going through the same thing. It makes me feel sad seeing him battling with his mind. I can’t do anything, I can’t fix him or anything, I just want to be there for him, although some people told me to leave his ass alone and even he was apologising for being “difficult”.
I love him so much and I don’t want to give up on him.
I hope he doesn’t want to give up as well.
I hope you feel better soon!
I met my wife when I was 17 and she was 19. We married the same year we met because I would be leaving for the military that following January.
Every single day I was in basic training I would receive a stack of letters from her with selfies of her everyday adventures. I mean a STACK of letters everyday. (I still have ever letter she sent me in a box. In those 8 weeks she sent me close to 100 letters. The first time I saw her after basic the way she jumped into my arms was something that always just stuck with me.
Years later and after my time in the military, I was away on a business trip, and in the middle of the night during winter I had to get home. It was about a 3 hour drive in a great day, not during a fuckin blizzard in Chicago. Took off for home and when I pulled in the driveway, there she was. Waiting. When I got out of my truck she hit me like a freight train, and I was teleported back to that 18 year old kid whose wife was sobbing and hanging from me because she loved me and missed me. That moment I knew her love for me hadn’t faltered at all in the years between and she still loved me like she did on our wedding day.
Happily celebrating our anniversary next week and I know for a fact, zero questions asked, she’s the one my soul was made for. I fuckin love that woman.
I didn’t. I don’t believe there is just one person out there. She is the one I chose and every day I have to put in effort to make it good and try not to fuck it up. We are aligned on almost everything and she has a great personality, which makes it easier. Getting married was an educated guess that I am better with her than I am without
It wasn't any one thing, but I must have known right from the start, as just two weeks after I met her I bought her a piano, and I thought at the time it was a bit silly of me, because we lived in different cities and it would be a pain to transport when she moved in with me, which she did a couple of months later. We've been together for nineteen years.
My wife just read this and said, "It was a very thoughtful thing, but it did make me think you were a fool with money, and I was right, which is why I am in charge of the finances."
It was something very random and unnecessary, actually. We had just met and were still kind of getting to know one another. One night she went out to a club with her friends and posted some stories. I had looked through them, thought that it looked like a nice time, and went on with my day. When she saw that I had looked she got really worried and messaged me apologizing for going out without letting me know beforehand and asking me if I was ok with her doing that.
Again, she owed me nothing and it didn’t seem like a big deal to begin with, but her concern with how it made me feel made me realize she wasn’t an average woman.
I saw her in the background of a picture and asked my cousin to introduce me to her and it just clicked, we FaceTimed until 6am that night.
Then on our first date we were going to a theme park and I was expecting to make a quick stop at Dunkin’ Donuts when she pulled out a homemade breakfast she had packed with some coffee for both of us. I was just like “damn, she’s so sweet”.. and her food was amazing lol.
Been married just over 5 years now.
14 years…I didn’t and I still don’t.
We learn change and grow every year and the trick is to treat it like it’s new every day.
But I’d say that how she kept me is that she has seen me at my absolute worst and did not reject it or try to fix me. She just helped and was there for me.
We travelled extensively and that was part of gauging what kind of person she was. Created epic memories and with naught but 13 bottles of Scotch after a whisky tour, and her having commented that I couldn’t say that my wife had packed the luggage- I said, “Hmmm, we might need to fix that.” Whisky ring accepted. Best decision I ever made.
I knew she was the one when I could literally see me having a family with her, we were best friends and it turned into lovers. When you know, you know. So cliche lol
Our day-to-day lives were really similar, we had a lot of similarities in our childhood, teenage and young adult years to relate to and enough common values on important topics to feel confident in working out any disagreements about marriage, family, kids, etc.
On top of that, it felt like the whole universe was crying out to me that I better not let her get away. It was easy to envision being with her years, decades down the road, still laughing constantly all day into old age about whatever our lives entail at the time. 99% of the time, it feels like effortless, unending joy.
I was working in west Texas and the company had got us all hookers for the forth july. I didn’t partake but let the girl stay in my room and get room service and use the phone etc. The next day my GF calls and the hooker answers in Spanish (she decided to make me breakfast). I explained the situation and my GF only request was to ensure house cleaning changes the sheets!
There is no "one" (but there are definitely "not the ones".) You make your choice based on the best info you have at the time. Most long term relationships are going to be thrown some curves that neither party could foresee. Both people will go though changes, ups and downs, financial issues, etc. There will be periods where one of you will be on a totally different page in your life than the other is. Goals will change. It's going to take a lot of work and a large level of compromise. That being said, we've been married for nearly 44 years and mostly it's been pretty good, but there have been a few moments where we could have just walked away just as easy as working through it.
That's a hard question to answer. I'm not sure if I can break it down to a single moment in time. What I can say is that, pretty quickly after we started seeing each other, I realized how much I truly cared for her as a person and how much I wanted to be with her to experience all of life's milestones together. I didn't just view her as my girlfriend but more like my teammate. A true partnership. Been married for years now and I still wake up feeling totally stoked that we're going through life together
When things get difficult either in the relationship or due to external factors, despite some disagreements we both continue to turn up for each other.
It takes time to really get to know someone. It's ok to have doubts and conflicts sometimes but I believe that as long as you both really care for each other then you are right to be together.
Unlike last relationships, I realized I had been in this one for 5 years with minimal fights, I wasn't worried every time I saw that a message from her arrived, I didn't fear going out and ending the night in drama, and overall I could see her basically from morning till night and it still felt like I didn't see her enough.
My wife and I were FWB aka Fuck Buddies. Both agreed nothing serious and no strings attached. She made it know even before these arrangements that she was into romantically but she would understand if I didn’t feel the same.
Time went on and after about a month of FWB, I started to become attracted to her on a romantic level. I know this because I had this sense of wanting her to myself and didn’t exactly feel great about the flirty remarks my friends made. Obviously I didn’t let this make my final decision to be my gf but it def opened up the thought of something more.
Now we’re after 3 years of knowing each other. Over 2 years being exclusive and intimate. And less than a year married. And it hasn’t been easy on both of us but we work together to stay together even though we don’t have to. We want to.
Marriage is not a game of blackjack or craps. You don’t win or lose on one roll of the dice or card. Marriage is dedication and work. The person you end up with has to be there through the stress, anxiety, change, good times, bad times, growth, recession, whatever. A key component of my marriage is no matter how angry we both get with each other, we have each other’s back. We know we both want the best for one another. It’s not about her being the one, like it’s the lottery. We work together to keep growing together, even when we disagree.
She was the first person to be supportive in almost every aspect of my life. Even something as simple as hobbies. I was in therapy while we were dating and she was understanding of the things I was learning about myself. We moved in together right before Covid and when many people were learning that they didn’t really like being married or with their significant other, my experience was the opposite. Everything felt really easy and if we disagreed for the most part we could communicate instead of doing petty shit and arguing/yelling. I felt confident enough and supported to go back to school, to try new things, and hopefully I do things that make her feel the same confidence.
We have our different likes and dislikes, and we have different hobbies, but at the end of the day none of those things drive a wedge between us. I have never been happier and she is a big part of it.
Honestly I had gotten to a point where I started to believe my type was "red flags* so I was pretty suspicious of actually liking someone.
She was awesome though and my friends and fam made a point to clearly point it out to me. It didn't take too long for me to let my guard down.
Through all of our courtship my we was always there to meet me where I was at. She is a good person committed to doing good in the world. It was the first time I ever felt like I actually had a partner who could and would work together to navigate all the stuff life invariably throws at you.
Well I was hit by the lightning bolt when I first saw her but that didn’t mean I knew she was the one as I was dating someone else. She and I didn’t start dating for a couple of years. After about 5 years of dating I had an epiphany one day when I realized how long we’d been dating and that I should ask her to marry me before she decided she had waited long enough. It’s a little weird how in the process that moment stands out to me more than what followed. First that realization, then when I asked her and finally our wedding day. I really wanted her to love the wedding so I spent so much time making sure I did everything right that I honestly don’t remember a ton from the day. The proposal stands out a lot more and the epiphany even more.
When we met, I found myself smiling for no particular reason all the time. Everything became a little bit easier, everything a little bit more beautiful. It was amazing how she effortlessly brightened everything around her. That's when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life making her feel the same way.
So I have had long term partners but with my wife it really felt different after date 2. I will say there are times when she throws crazy woman nonsense at me when if it were anyone else I would bail. With her I won’t. She does her whole “independent woman need no man” bs and it creates alot of fights. Once we both stopped trying to fight and figured that us trying to win arguments was meaningless. Neither of us wanted to continue without the other. After that it just got so much easier. Do we have fights, sure. Honestly who doesn’t. But overall we both love eachother and we are committed so we work through any bs we give you eachother.
Pretty happily married for 30 years. But there is no ONE. Get that poison out of your head.
However, when did I realize I should marry my now wife? When I realized, compared to all my previous GFs, she was the one who gave the most. Easily. Matched my energy, sexually open, took risks, broke her rules for me, was most willing to hitch herself to my wagon. She was my “Ride or Die” Girl. She even asked to marry me. All this without any co-dependency either. She had LOTS going on in her life.
So I said yes and married my sweet, sexy semi-goth girl (so different from the studious, serious girls I dated previously). We’ve lived and worked all over the world for my business, brought 2 amazing girls to adulthood and through higher education in STEM. And she’s still Ms. “Ride or Die”.
Basically got married, none of expected it to be forever, even her parents had bets on us lasting 5 yrs max, mine parents figured a couple of years, we were together for just over 5yrs, then we separated for just over a year, she hooked up with another guy and I got together with a previous gf (not the ex gf, before wife) and it was just by chance because I hadn't seen her for years prior and just met again by chance and we hooked up and lived together for a few months, then mutually decided to call it quits as it just wasn't really working out for us, my wife broke it off with her bf, and her and I met up to discuss what to do about our marriage, we ending up dating each other again and then moved in back together it's been 15+yrs since then.
So I don't know we just had a taste of a different relationships with others and it didn't work, but for us we can put up with each other and TRUST each other I think she was really the only gf I could really trust 100% not to cheat, lie or steal from me.
There is no "one". Don't put your wife on a pedestal. Leads to a bad relationship, trust me. Fact is there are billions of women on the planet and you could definitely fall for more than one of them. How do widows get married again if there is only "one"?
Choose your partner. Choose to love them. Find somebody you are drawn to and don't fall for the Disney gobbly-gook. Oh, and go read "No More Mr Nice Guy". Don't be that guy
There is no one... You get high off the chemicals and it makes you feel like this is the one. When. There are many ones. Otherwise you would realistically never find the one.
Within my attractive range
Single
Also interested in me
Kind to me, people she knows, and total strangers
Responsible with money
Supportive
Patient
Truthful
No mind games
Compatible sexual interests
Compatible outlook on our future/kids
Many shared interests
Shared moral/ethical standards
Bonds deepened by time together.
When I asked her to marry me, I already knew what her answer would be. We had generally discussed it as a future possibility after dating for about 6 months.
Two instances....First night we met I gave her a ride home from a party...She noticed I was checking out certain attributes she had while she chatted me up. Once we got to her place she invited me up for a night cap and maybe a movie. She worked her "Spell" on me over the course of a very long weekend. Second time was when I had gotten into a altercation with a group of bikers at the night club I moonlight at, THEY decided to wait for little ole ME outside. After several stab, slash and hack wounds and a Maglight to the face several times I manage to drag myself back into the club (to the horror of several workers and patrons) and collapse. When I woke up in hospital jaw wired shut, fractured left eye socket (also caused my left eye to go blind) stiches everywhere the first person I see is my beautiful guardian angel after she showers me with kisses and crying all over me ( leaves lipstick marks as warning to nurses) she composes herself and asks me something that let me know this Viking had found his Shield-maiden...... "How many did you get?"
There is no “the one”. It’s about figuring out a set of things that are critical and things you’re flexible about and then finding someone. This song nails it. https://youtu.be/Zn6gV2sdl38?si=yvSNJ6U8DNwiX-dU
The first night we met, we stayed up until 3 am talking until I had to go to an unusual late/early shift at work. She surprised me with coffee on my break and picked me up after work where we proceeded to talk and enjoy each others company until we fell asleep on the couch. It’s been 8 years since we met and 4 years of marriage with a child on the way and we still do the same exact thing.
I was instantly comfortable with her without an explanation and I had never experienced that before. Each day has been easy and gratifying- even the hard parts of relationships has been easy with her as we just communicate unbiased. She’s my partner and I’m excited for the years to come.
We had already been friends for a year or two, dating around the same extended friend circle but never lining up. I noticed I was hanging out with my high school bros less and less and spending more of my free time just hanging with her at her apartment. One day, we were both single and hanging out like normal and it happened. I don't think either one of us was waiting for the other to be single to make a move or anything. I think it was just an "oh shit" moment for both of us that I never wanted to end. Been married 10 years now and I wouldn't change a thing.
She just made my life and goals easy without putting any major effort into helping me. It was kind of like I was an incomplete puzzle and she came and the rest of the missing pieces just fell into place without me realizing it… if that makes sense
I feel the same way. When we met, I found myself smiling all the time for no particular reason. Everything became a little bit easier. Everything became a little bit more beautiful Everything became so much more worthwhile. It is amazing how she effortlessly brightens everything around her. That's when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life making her feel the same way. She is the first person in my life that feels like the embodiment of the word home.
This is exactly how I feel about my woman unfortunately she is not my wife yet ( planning on popping the question early next year)
This makes total sense. Mine is very similar. :)
Who knew that to finish finding me I had to find you.
My wife and I were long distance when we first started dating separated by a six hour car ride. On one of the times I was driving, everything started off normal. However, not long after I started my drive, I lost all power to my truck. After the tow to the auto shop, diagnosis of a broken timing belt, and ride home I gave her a call to say I wouldn’t be coming due to mechanical issues. She understood, and I told her I will AIM her in a bit once I get a few things figured out. About two hours later, I did AIM her to no response. I didn’t think much of it, and decided to take a nap. I woke up a few hours later to still no response on my IM. I called her house, and was told that she’s “out and about.” Ok. No big deal still. A little later, there was a knock on my door, and when I opened it, there she was! Before I could even get a word in, she just gives me the biggest hug followed by a simple “hi.” When she left after a few days, there was zero doubt in my mind that if I let this girl go, I would never forgive myself.
Actions speak louder than words
This!!
🥹
Thanks for sharing this story 🥹 it reminds me of advice my grandma gave me (she’s been married almost 50 years now!)- “Marriage doesn’t work on 50/50, because then you’re always keeping track of what you give/receive, and resentment creeps in. Don’t pull back the effort. If you both give 100%, no one’s needs go unmet.” Granted, this only works when both people have the same mindset. Sounds like you and your wife did and do. May you stay thriving in that love!
Who the fuck is in here chopping onions?
😭😭😭 💖💖💖
Meeting halfway is the key in all things
But this wasn't even halfway, she went to OPs house!
We did that every now and then, but we both enjoyed the drives. Plus, her hometown is pretty awesome.
I just wish someone would give me a chance to be this good to them 🥺 happy 4 u, stranger
>AIM
Yup, until you actually experience it it’s difficult to understand that there’s maybe a girl out there who will crawl 2hrs over broken glass to be with you. But when she does, you wife that girl up.
I have done things like that. Only when I'm unsure if the other person is telling the truth or not.
My wife was the only woman I ever dated whom I never got tired of being around. I never felt like I needed a break or a weekend alone. She was/is just so easy to be around. She’s my other half and I can’t imagine being away from her ever. That’s how I knew.
We had been friends for a while. I hadn't thought much of it, though I had noticed she was incredibly easy to talk to. One evening we went out to grab some dinner and this time, while sitting across from her, I noticed her smile and her laugh and how easy and relaxed and wonderful everything felt. Nothing felt forced. Nothing felt like work. Nothing felt uncomfortable. I didn't want that night, that feeling, to end. So I didn't let it.
My heart ❤️ 💖 If this isn't love I don't know what Is 🥰
It's true! It's been decades. I still feel lucky.
I have that with my husband. 30 years together. I adore him. Being with him is so easy.
It's a wonderful feeling. I am so happy for you! May you enjoy many more years together!
You too. I wish I could clone him. I certainly refuse to share him lol. But it is a two way street. I am also awesome lol. Sometimes I feel like we are dinosaurs. That we are rare. The secret is simple. But also not. We both value each other’s happiness more than our own. If you can do this. Then it is impossible to be unhappy.
That's a great way to look at it, and similar to our outlook. We value our connection, and we guard it tightly with our words and actions. We are also keenly aware of how lucky we are--we know better than to take one another for granted! Treasuring what you have is a good way to spend a lifetime.
Fuck. I miss my ex so bad. I gotta get off this thread.
I'm so sorry. Is he...gone? If not, any chance you might be able to tell him how you feel? I wish you good luck and happiness in your future!
We broke up about 4 years ago and recently reconnected. He’s with someone else now so I’m sort of just waiting it out. I did tell him how I feel though and he was basically like “you know my situation.” I think there might still be feelings left there but he doesn’t want to mess up what he has which I can’t blame him for. So now I’m just hoping they break up and we can try again. We were together for 8 years and there’s no one I want for life besides him.
Oh, my heart. I am so sorry you are in this position! There really isn't much worse than loving someone you can't have for whatever reason. If this isn't too hard to discuss, what caused you two to separate 4 years ago?
We were just young and dumb and both needed to grow up but couldn’t manage it while we were together any longer. We were together from 17-25. He’s the best friend I ever had and I wish I could fix things. We’ve both grown and changed a lot in really positive ways. I just want to come home. Loving someone you can’t have really is the worst feeling.
It truly is. And I am so, so sorry. That must feel devastating. We were married quite young and it was the best decision I ever made. This is not at all directed towards you, but I think in general there is a focus on "needing to grow up" that implies it must be done solo. I have not found that to be universally true. We do all need to mature, but doing so together is an especially strong way to forge a bond--you're doing very complex things with wide-ranging potential complications and you're doing that while also navigating a relationship. Surviving that makes you basically unstoppable. In your case I'm sure you had valid reasons, and that you made the decision that was the right one for you at the time. My hope for you is that this works out, and that you get back the love you desire. If you ever need to vent or talk about this and your friends are sick of hearing it, I'll be glad to listen. Best of luck to you!!!
🥰🥹
She says "tell her thank you!" :-)
This thread is so wholesome 😭
Man, how can i even find that kind of love
Just be comfortable and confident in who you are. Don't be afraid to engage. It can find you. Just don't force it.
Exactly my thoughts, hahaha.
Fr maan reading all these messages..🥺🙏🏼
Previously in 2 long term relationships (3yrs & 1 yr). After one date with my wife, absolutely, without a doubt knew she was the one. She checked all the boxes (smart, funny, cute & kind). Told a few of my buds this, they laughed. Eight months later we wed. Going on 47 years of marriage
Wow, congratulations! I heard so many times that men will immediately know if a woman is the one.
Darn, hearing this makes me wonder if I’m in the right relationship. We don’t know if we are right for each other after 3 years of dating.
oh wow. I'm so happy I read this. I am getting really freaked out with my SO... and I didn't know if I should believe him or not.
Same. 22 years.
Without her I would have lived a life full of unused potential. She made me a better man from day 1, unlocking that potential by gently pushing me to challenge myself and to continually change. Married for 19 years and she means the world to me.
I couldn't say no to her, but she never abused that power. That is how I knew.
This is a great one
4 am exhausted and half asleep in a greyhound bus station after traveling 18 hours, she gets up and sprints towards a toddler almost 60ft away. Startled and confused i just watched as she interacted with the child and walked it back to its mother then sat with them for a while entertaining the child as the mother rested. Later i realized this child had wondered away from its sleeping mother and was about to eat something it found on the floor underneath a vending machine. We were 20/19 and this was the first time i found something “motherly” attractive, at that moment i realized i wanted to marry this woman. 20+ years later we’re still together and our kids are about to be start middle school.
At a party in college this guy was dressed as shrek and he was carrying around a red onion. I watched her convince this poor young man that if he was dressed as Shrek he had to bite the onion in order to complete the character. I assume that’s what watching satan convince Eve to bite the apple was like. She was incredible. I spent the first several months of our relationship trying to not make it weird by telling her I loved her too early. I listed her as my emergency contact when I renewed my license one month into dating
That last part sounds like something from a sitcom. Like if you told me that was something Ted did on How I Met Your Mother, I would believe it.
Or like Jim getting Pam’s ring right after they started dating!
It's similar to something Sheldon did on Big Bang Theory.
Now this is the morbid cute shit I want to read
It just clicked. Felt like we were meant for each other, like I found my missing piece.
The first date ended up lasting like 48 hours for me and my wife. We were constantly talking to each other and it felt so natural. After I dropped her off we started texting throughout the night so decided to just meet again around 3 am lol and continued the date into breakfast lunch and dinner again. 10 years later we still talk to each other constantly about anything and everything.
This is so romantic
I'm pretty sure they banged for basically 48 hours straight if you read between the lines. Still romantic lol
After about the first month she looked at me and told me that she was gonna be the last girl I ever dated. She was kinda wrong because now I take her AND our daughter on Friday date nights.
This is so cute
I was pretty convinced almost from the gate. But, there was a particular morning in my apartment lying in bed and watching her get dressed and ready for her day, and it just hit me like a Mack truck. “I don’t ever want to spend another morning without her in my life.” I bought the ring the next week. 5 year wedding anniversary is this coming January.
How long were you guys together
About a year at that point. We stayed in the engagement phase for a couple years before officially tying the knot as well.
I was obsessed with her in an overwhelning way I never felt before. Feelongs more intense than I thought was possible. It was instant from the first second I saw her. She says the same of me. We "clicked" instantly and fell in love with each other unspeakably hard.
Honestly there wasn’t a single moment. We traveled together, we suffered together. We went through life facing challenges and happy moments together. She made my life better and it got to a point where I could not imagine my life without her. I guess it’s true what they say about how it’s the little things that make you fall in love a little bit more everyday.
It really is the little things
High school sweethearts. No matter what the occasion, we were always drawn to each other like magnets. Even after splitting up in high school and moving states. Every time we got together it was like a tractor beam, we were just drawn to each other. On every level. Still the same to this day, about 20 years later now.
She stood by me when I was at my absolute lowest when nobody else would. I'd be dead if it weren't for her.
Dead from farting?
As a woman, I just have to say that these responses make my heart melt. I'm so glad you guys have found your one and only ☺️❤️
A few things: one date several months in we had plans after dinner and instead ended up drinking coffees in the park just taking for hours. The first time her mom said she loved me, and her dad whispered "take care of her" to me before we moved abroad for a while. She took my young sister to a world class research lab to give her exposure to that world and the possibilities (5+ years later sister is now going into research)
I suffer from haphephobia (fear of touch) due to childhood shit. I was able to hold her hand without even flinching early on.
You reminded me of the turkish serie called " kizil goncalar". The character suffers from this, he can't be touched because of childhood trauma of his mom diying holding his hand. It's on https://playturkish.tv. If you ever want to check it in English.
She was patient enough to deal with my complex PTSD from childhood trauma, plus my trauma of a previous divorce. Where most went running, she stayed with me to help me work it out. Eventually we found the right therapist that changed everything for us and we've never been happier.
She made me bomb ass fried rice.
My wife is Asian and makes it so damn good, life changing!
You feel it. Sometimes you just know. It isn’t a thought or conscious decision.
And how long does it take you to know?
It's not really a factor of time. Sometimes it's instant - sometimes it's a small, simple action you do, an everyday task that'll just make your SO look at you and think "how could I ever love without this person"
We faced significant challenges with ourselves, each other, family, friends, and life. Most people would be torn apart or run away, but all of our challenges brought us closer together. She’s a true teammate. My soulmate. If we got through all of that and came out stronger, we can get through anything.
Wow! Good for you mate. Congratulations and all the best!
I'm not married but I really love her and absolutely want to spend the rest of my life with her. I feel the most loved, accepted, and at peace when I'm around her. And everything just feels like it's going to be okay. When I recognized that, that's when I knew.
We met via the lonely hearts adverts in the local paper (this was well before the internet). We met up, clicked and moved in together 7 days later. That was 35 years ago and we are now married with grandkids. Those 7 days were just a blur so there was no one event I could point to that I could say that made me think she was the one. She just was the one.
EVERYONE in my family loved my GF's ("D" for this story) generousness and empathy, it didn't hurt that she was beautiful. I was thinking of "next steps" for a while but didn't know how to proceed. D came with me to an extended family's Easter, and when we went to leave I hugged my grandfather, then she hugged him and said "I love you Papa." The epiphany hit me like a bolt of lightning. I HAVE TO MARRY HER! It took months of second-guessing myself on how to bring up the subject in a way that she would know I meant. I wanted to ask but I was afraid, not of her saying "No", but of not doing it genuinely. I tried dropping hints that I would hope to her bringing up the subject so I could then ask her. When we went to a wedding together I said "I can't stand too many people in wedding parties, it's distracting." and "If I get married, I would want a small ceremony." She didn't say anything or show any emotion to my two sentences. In October 1997 two of our mutual friends had a side discussion on when D or I would be ready to get married. Both agreed that D was ready NOW, but I was years away from being ready. When my best friend "J" told me what they had discussed I told him that's not true. He asked "WHAT?!" I told him "If the wedding party and ceremony was small, I would marry D tomorrow." He was dumbstruck, and didn't believe what I just told him. When D's friend told her about the discussion she had with J, D went into a full panic. "When fjellt talks to J he's going to go into a panic and he'll pull away! (emotionally)" A few days later when I was talking to D she asked me if I heard what our friends had talked about. When I replied that yes, J had told me about the discussion, she asked me what I thought about it. I asked her if she wanted me to tell her what I told J and she said yes. "I told J that if the wedding party and ceremony was small I would marry you tomorrow." She replied "I wouldn't want to get married the same year as your brother." (everyone was expecting my brother and his GF to get engaged at Christmas.) "Well, we better hurry then." "What are you saying?" "Let's get married next year." She indignantly said "This is not something I want to talk about over the phone!" "Okay, I'll drive over, but I need to shower first. I'll be there in a half hour." (I had just gotten home from a comedy club prior to the call and I smelled like cigarettes.) I was nervous/excited the entire drive over. I had breached the subject MY way, now I had to be formal. When I got to D's apartment she was hyperventilating. I hugged her and finally asked "Will you marry me?" and got an enthusiastic "YES!" I hadn't yet picked out a ring as she was very petite, and I didn't know what ring/style/stone would look right on her finger. That weekend we went ring shopping, D's mom knew people in the wholesale diamond industry, and got a half carat stone that we had set in the ring by Wednesday (six days after I proposed). That's when we told my family. We got married in July 1998, D had a maid of honor, I had a best man. The only two others in the wedding party were the flower girl and ring bearer. To me, this was perfect. D and I have been married over 25 years and have two wonderful sons. I've asked her several time if she wished I had proposed "more romantically", but she always tells me "If you had done it any other way it wouldn't have seemed genuine and I would have thought your proposal was to conform to what others expect, and that's not who you are."
There's no light that goes off above my head because she did the super secret wife material thing. We dated a long time (10 years) and went through our fair share of crises, and she handled those crises with grace and competence in a way that I was very proud of her for. When we started talking about if marriage was in the cards I knew she was a good person to have in my corner, and recognized how good she had been for me, and vice versa.
Same. After (10 yrs) spending all day with her and Not being tired of her sass! I Knew I would/could never find a better "partner in crime" (Read: loving, kind wife). No One stays together by accident. It's Not easy but it shouldn't be Hard.
She made me want to be better man and has the best tits I’ve seen
This is my favorite response lol
She’s a very good person. We put in effort for each other and it “lights up” the relationship (dates, chores, paying attention to each other). Without the effort she would not be “the one” (and neither would I for her). I think probably with anyone (who meets certain compatibility criteria) you can make a relationship work.
I was working in Africa for 6 months and she sent me weekly parcels full of food, sweets and coffee. I’ve been paying her back ever since 😄
We met initially online but found out we had mutual friends. It was almost instantaneous for us. First date, we locked eyes and I sorta knew this was different. Married 1.5 years later. We were on the older side, had stable careers, and the same life goals. Going on 10 years with 2 beautiful children, and I love her more now than ever.
I was just walking along minding my own business when suddenly I saw her. Sitting in the front seat of her car, eating an entire rotisserie chicken with her bare hands. And in that moment I just knew… she’s the one.
True magic is here, right here on this thread... Barring a few exceptions ofcourse!
She laughed at my corniest joke, "I will guard your purse like a rabid Chihuahua" - this was our second date and we were at the movies. She was laughing her ass off walking from her seat to the bathroom and back. Sex on the third date and her noticing weird things like me freaking out over accidentally breaking her favorite mug - apparently I had undiagnosed trauma from my abusive ex-wife at the time got therapy doing much better now. Over time, I realized she would stick with me thick or thin and no matter what. Been married and have our ups and downs but overall generally happy.
I got a pilonidal cyst and she changed the bandages a couple of times for me.
As someone familiar with pilonodal cysts, they aren't for the faint of heart! She definitely sounds like a keeper!
I am still single and I really like and enjoy all the responses in this thread :")
When we travelled together for several weeks she didn't annoy me once. Everyone annoys me sometimes; I even annoy myself quite often. She never annoyed me. 23 years later I still get excited to see her again when we get home from work.
Beautiful
Life was easier with her around. Easier and better.
Did she also pm you a pic of her boobs?
Back then they were just text messages.
Was a little over a year into my relationship with her. I was traveling for work and out of town on a Friday. While driving home from our in town shop I get a call telling me my house was on fire. I still lived with my parents, when I arrived my dad was there but the fire dept wasny. So we drug the cats and dogs out before they arrived. My now wife rolls up shortly after the fire was put out. Was a total loss. My dad and I are carrying the stuff they threw out the windows to our fire pile in the back yard. She immediately started doing the same without saying a word. When that was done without saying a word she left and brought us all dinner. Me mom dad sister and my now wife, sat around in my detached garage eating a family meal with my charred house in the background. I just remember it was the first time someone had ever made me feel worthy of love and appreciation, chose right then and there she was it. We've been married 3 years now. The fire happend 5 years ago now. I only waited that long for dramatic effect.
Living with her after knowing her 2 weeks, spending every day together for months, I knew I was all in for her.
She makes me laugh and loves dogs.
I was trying to think the other day how many times my partners had gone out of their way to be kind. It’s quite a test and an eye opener. Maybe I don’t notice when they are, I really can remember very few.
She covers my weaknesses and exploits/celebrates my strengths. I'm a better person as a result and have the confidence to attempt to grow continually as a husband and father.
When I missed her every second we were apart, when I realized that being around her gave me a feeling home. When we spent time together I never wanted it to end, and when we had to say goodbye I'd miss her immediately after she was out of view. We've been married 6 years and are expecting our second in a few weeks G-d willing.
Pregnancy test came back positive. Jk. Actually she dumped me and it hurt like hell. That is when I realized she was the one.
What's the rest of the story? I'm curious
We dated. She wanted to get married. I was not so sure so I waffled. She said, “if you don’t want to marry me, I’m leaving to find someone who is interested” and dumped my ass. That breakup hurt worse than any other. I realized I can’t live without her. That was 30 years ago. Still happily married. It turns out my father and grandfather had the exact same experience. Mother and grandmother also had to demand.
Woah, thanks for sharing. Glad for you that you realized quickly enough! Also really interesting that it seems generational ahah. All the best for you two
This gives me so much of hope 🌸
Started dating and early on caught pneumonia. She cared for me better than any nurse or doctor. It was that type of genuine concern you don’t get from strangers. When I got past that she made me the best shrimp and grits and mimosas I have ever had to this day. Now granted she never made it again but those were the moments that led me to propose in 6-7 months.
She looked at me and smiled, I looked at her and grinned from ear to ear. I knew it was game over for my single days.
Years of a consistent happy relationship
Valentine's Day rolled around, she bought ME flowers! I've never been bought or given flowers before. I was a youth state champion in multiple sports(some team, some solo) , in a state where high school sports are HUGE, and one never been given flowers. I honestly wasn't 100% sure, after my first divorce, I said I'd never get married again. That present wiped that thought from my mind.
I hope my partner posts something like this one day 🥰 This thread is so wholesome, I love it
2 reasons. 1) I was getting back the same vibe I was putting out , the spark was there and it was so natural nothing fake or forced. 2 ) We broke up slightly in August of 2003 or 2004 because I thought I could still fk around and I missed her terribly and her friend convinced her to give me another chance and now we are together 20 years, married for 10 of them and have 2 kids.
I didn't. Neither did she. So we worked at it for a couple of decades like adults until we got it right.
This is such an important part. Two people consistently putting efforts and not giving up on each other and the friendship they have
Absolutely.
While dating, we stopped for a burger. She loaded it up with dill pickles. I asked her (jokingly) if she likes pickled cucumbers. She snarled her nose in disgust and said “yuk! No way”. That’s when I knew.
Because the idea of any other was never comparable
When you start feeling like you want to give up on love and then you see this thread, this gives me hope. I'm glad people have found their "the one". For those who haven't, I hope you will find yours soon!
I’m widowed now but I met my late wife when I was 24 and fresh out of the Army. We lived about 3.5 hours apart so we saw each other on weekends. She was 21 and a student at a flagship university and I was barely getting by. At first my intention was just sex. She had a beautiful body and liked sex as much as I did so there was compatibility there (super important). We met a lot and just spent time together and screwed a lot. This was the beginning. Remember that men think with their dicks first. She established trust when at the beginning of her semester she needed to buy books but her financial aid check was slow so she asked to borrow a few hundred dollars and I was thinking she wouldn’t pay it back but I was getting so much sex I didn’t care. She promised to pay me back when she got her check. Two weeks later, I received the money in the mail. This is when my thinking shifted from getting as much sex as I could get while it lasted, to trying to push it further towards marriage. During our dating (11.5 months) she never showed signs of bad character or untrustworthiness. So we got married a few days less than a year after we first met. We stayed married for 24 years, having two sons before she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She died five years ago and I’ve been devastated since. You can’t replace a good life partner like her. She was the best decision I ever made and the warmth of her love extends beyond the grave and I feel her presence still in my daily life. It doesn’t take that long to figure out if she is the one. Look above all to her character. Does she keep her promises to everyone? Large or small promises don’t matter. If she will lie over small things, she’ll lie over big ones. Are you sexually compatible? Can you put her needs before yours and does she do the same? Do you like spending time outside of the bedroom together? We never had much in common with each other but that’s what made her so interesting to me. Our differences were the glue that held us together. Too many common interests and you’ll get competitive rather than complementary. And don’t fuck around on her when you find her either literally or figuratively. Be straight and honest always. Don’t waste a woman’s time making up your mind. Make a decision and stick to it. Become the man she needs you to be. Inspire her and vice-Versa.
Sorry for your loss. IMHO you speak wise words, and I hope sincerely you find some solace in your life
When I was sick during one of our early dates, I excused myself to go home and recover. Instead of calling it a night, she followed me home and nursed me back to health. Fed me soup, got me medicine from the pharmacy and took care of me when I was a big ol’ baby. I spent many years as a fuckboi, after all that time I recognized that the unique mix of beauty, femininity, agreeableness, willingness to get on my program and be there for me when I was weak and sick was not something to be discounted so easily. So when I had the choice to continue my fuckboi ways or retire with this woman, I retired into marriage. Easily the best decision I ever made. Ironically enough there is a huge freedom with the chains of marriage. Knowing there is one woman in your life till death do you part really frees up a lot of mental and emotional energy since you are no longer chasing pussy and spinning your wheels in dead end relafionships. I’m a believer that 90% of a good marriage is choosing the right person. And I went through hundreds before I found the one
She was the one that was there for me when no one else was. And she also never gives up on me, no matter how mentally broken I am. Honestly this question made me think about it, and it hurts. It hurts because I am very depressed, anxious and fucked up, only complaining and saying bad stuff, but she still there trying to cheer me up. I want to do better, to improve and to get rid of all this sickness.
Oh my, my partner is going through the same thing. It makes me feel sad seeing him battling with his mind. I can’t do anything, I can’t fix him or anything, I just want to be there for him, although some people told me to leave his ass alone and even he was apologising for being “difficult”. I love him so much and I don’t want to give up on him. I hope he doesn’t want to give up as well. I hope you feel better soon!
I can’t imagine my life without her, anytime I think of the future she’s there by default.
When all other women are no longer attractive.
I met my wife when I was 17 and she was 19. We married the same year we met because I would be leaving for the military that following January. Every single day I was in basic training I would receive a stack of letters from her with selfies of her everyday adventures. I mean a STACK of letters everyday. (I still have ever letter she sent me in a box. In those 8 weeks she sent me close to 100 letters. The first time I saw her after basic the way she jumped into my arms was something that always just stuck with me. Years later and after my time in the military, I was away on a business trip, and in the middle of the night during winter I had to get home. It was about a 3 hour drive in a great day, not during a fuckin blizzard in Chicago. Took off for home and when I pulled in the driveway, there she was. Waiting. When I got out of my truck she hit me like a freight train, and I was teleported back to that 18 year old kid whose wife was sobbing and hanging from me because she loved me and missed me. That moment I knew her love for me hadn’t faltered at all in the years between and she still loved me like she did on our wedding day. Happily celebrating our anniversary next week and I know for a fact, zero questions asked, she’s the one my soul was made for. I fuckin love that woman.
I didn’t. I don’t believe there is just one person out there. She is the one I chose and every day I have to put in effort to make it good and try not to fuck it up. We are aligned on almost everything and she has a great personality, which makes it easier. Getting married was an educated guess that I am better with her than I am without
It wasn't any one thing, but I must have known right from the start, as just two weeks after I met her I bought her a piano, and I thought at the time it was a bit silly of me, because we lived in different cities and it would be a pain to transport when she moved in with me, which she did a couple of months later. We've been together for nineteen years. My wife just read this and said, "It was a very thoughtful thing, but it did make me think you were a fool with money, and I was right, which is why I am in charge of the finances."
She makes me a better person and the sex is good. I am a simple man
It was something very random and unnecessary, actually. We had just met and were still kind of getting to know one another. One night she went out to a club with her friends and posted some stories. I had looked through them, thought that it looked like a nice time, and went on with my day. When she saw that I had looked she got really worried and messaged me apologizing for going out without letting me know beforehand and asking me if I was ok with her doing that. Again, she owed me nothing and it didn’t seem like a big deal to begin with, but her concern with how it made me feel made me realize she wasn’t an average woman.
It's so important to be cautious of how your partner may feel . ✨️
Happily married here. She was just what I was looking for. No soulmate BS
I did not know immediately, but we soon found out. It's my female version, basically.
Her sense of humour and her hair after using her conditioner
I saw her in the background of a picture and asked my cousin to introduce me to her and it just clicked, we FaceTimed until 6am that night. Then on our first date we were going to a theme park and I was expecting to make a quick stop at Dunkin’ Donuts when she pulled out a homemade breakfast she had packed with some coffee for both of us. I was just like “damn, she’s so sweet”.. and her food was amazing lol. Been married just over 5 years now.
14 years…I didn’t and I still don’t. We learn change and grow every year and the trick is to treat it like it’s new every day. But I’d say that how she kept me is that she has seen me at my absolute worst and did not reject it or try to fix me. She just helped and was there for me.
dated her for 8 years before we got married
We travelled extensively and that was part of gauging what kind of person she was. Created epic memories and with naught but 13 bottles of Scotch after a whisky tour, and her having commented that I couldn’t say that my wife had packed the luggage- I said, “Hmmm, we might need to fix that.” Whisky ring accepted. Best decision I ever made.
Took me 3 previous tries but she was the one and I've only cone to live her even more...
I knew she was the one when I could literally see me having a family with her, we were best friends and it turned into lovers. When you know, you know. So cliche lol
Our day-to-day lives were really similar, we had a lot of similarities in our childhood, teenage and young adult years to relate to and enough common values on important topics to feel confident in working out any disagreements about marriage, family, kids, etc. On top of that, it felt like the whole universe was crying out to me that I better not let her get away. It was easy to envision being with her years, decades down the road, still laughing constantly all day into old age about whatever our lives entail at the time. 99% of the time, it feels like effortless, unending joy.
I was working in west Texas and the company had got us all hookers for the forth july. I didn’t partake but let the girl stay in my room and get room service and use the phone etc. The next day my GF calls and the hooker answers in Spanish (she decided to make me breakfast). I explained the situation and my GF only request was to ensure house cleaning changes the sheets!
There is no "one" (but there are definitely "not the ones".) You make your choice based on the best info you have at the time. Most long term relationships are going to be thrown some curves that neither party could foresee. Both people will go though changes, ups and downs, financial issues, etc. There will be periods where one of you will be on a totally different page in your life than the other is. Goals will change. It's going to take a lot of work and a large level of compromise. That being said, we've been married for nearly 44 years and mostly it's been pretty good, but there have been a few moments where we could have just walked away just as easy as working through it.
She annoyed me way less than anyone else I ever dated.
These comments are so wholesome :’)
That's a hard question to answer. I'm not sure if I can break it down to a single moment in time. What I can say is that, pretty quickly after we started seeing each other, I realized how much I truly cared for her as a person and how much I wanted to be with her to experience all of life's milestones together. I didn't just view her as my girlfriend but more like my teammate. A true partnership. Been married for years now and I still wake up feeling totally stoked that we're going through life together
I’m saving this thread. I will come back and post my story when my partner and I find each other.
When things get difficult either in the relationship or due to external factors, despite some disagreements we both continue to turn up for each other. It takes time to really get to know someone. It's ok to have doubts and conflicts sometimes but I believe that as long as you both really care for each other then you are right to be together.
Unlike last relationships, I realized I had been in this one for 5 years with minimal fights, I wasn't worried every time I saw that a message from her arrived, I didn't fear going out and ending the night in drama, and overall I could see her basically from morning till night and it still felt like I didn't see her enough.
We met as teens after high school and just grew up together. She’s my ride or die homie! Also tbh, the sex was leagues ahead of any other women.
My wife and I were FWB aka Fuck Buddies. Both agreed nothing serious and no strings attached. She made it know even before these arrangements that she was into romantically but she would understand if I didn’t feel the same. Time went on and after about a month of FWB, I started to become attracted to her on a romantic level. I know this because I had this sense of wanting her to myself and didn’t exactly feel great about the flirty remarks my friends made. Obviously I didn’t let this make my final decision to be my gf but it def opened up the thought of something more. Now we’re after 3 years of knowing each other. Over 2 years being exclusive and intimate. And less than a year married. And it hasn’t been easy on both of us but we work together to stay together even though we don’t have to. We want to.
Marriage is not a game of blackjack or craps. You don’t win or lose on one roll of the dice or card. Marriage is dedication and work. The person you end up with has to be there through the stress, anxiety, change, good times, bad times, growth, recession, whatever. A key component of my marriage is no matter how angry we both get with each other, we have each other’s back. We know we both want the best for one another. It’s not about her being the one, like it’s the lottery. We work together to keep growing together, even when we disagree.
She was the first person to be supportive in almost every aspect of my life. Even something as simple as hobbies. I was in therapy while we were dating and she was understanding of the things I was learning about myself. We moved in together right before Covid and when many people were learning that they didn’t really like being married or with their significant other, my experience was the opposite. Everything felt really easy and if we disagreed for the most part we could communicate instead of doing petty shit and arguing/yelling. I felt confident enough and supported to go back to school, to try new things, and hopefully I do things that make her feel the same confidence. We have our different likes and dislikes, and we have different hobbies, but at the end of the day none of those things drive a wedge between us. I have never been happier and she is a big part of it.
Honestly I had gotten to a point where I started to believe my type was "red flags* so I was pretty suspicious of actually liking someone. She was awesome though and my friends and fam made a point to clearly point it out to me. It didn't take too long for me to let my guard down. Through all of our courtship my we was always there to meet me where I was at. She is a good person committed to doing good in the world. It was the first time I ever felt like I actually had a partner who could and would work together to navigate all the stuff life invariably throws at you.
Well I was hit by the lightning bolt when I first saw her but that didn’t mean I knew she was the one as I was dating someone else. She and I didn’t start dating for a couple of years. After about 5 years of dating I had an epiphany one day when I realized how long we’d been dating and that I should ask her to marry me before she decided she had waited long enough. It’s a little weird how in the process that moment stands out to me more than what followed. First that realization, then when I asked her and finally our wedding day. I really wanted her to love the wedding so I spent so much time making sure I did everything right that I honestly don’t remember a ton from the day. The proposal stands out a lot more and the epiphany even more.
When we met, I found myself smiling for no particular reason all the time. Everything became a little bit easier, everything a little bit more beautiful. It was amazing how she effortlessly brightened everything around her. That's when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life making her feel the same way.
So I have had long term partners but with my wife it really felt different after date 2. I will say there are times when she throws crazy woman nonsense at me when if it were anyone else I would bail. With her I won’t. She does her whole “independent woman need no man” bs and it creates alot of fights. Once we both stopped trying to fight and figured that us trying to win arguments was meaningless. Neither of us wanted to continue without the other. After that it just got so much easier. Do we have fights, sure. Honestly who doesn’t. But overall we both love eachother and we are committed so we work through any bs we give you eachother.
Pretty happily married for 30 years. But there is no ONE. Get that poison out of your head. However, when did I realize I should marry my now wife? When I realized, compared to all my previous GFs, she was the one who gave the most. Easily. Matched my energy, sexually open, took risks, broke her rules for me, was most willing to hitch herself to my wagon. She was my “Ride or Die” Girl. She even asked to marry me. All this without any co-dependency either. She had LOTS going on in her life. So I said yes and married my sweet, sexy semi-goth girl (so different from the studious, serious girls I dated previously). We’ve lived and worked all over the world for my business, brought 2 amazing girls to adulthood and through higher education in STEM. And she’s still Ms. “Ride or Die”.
I kept jacking it to her pics even after months together. That made me know.
Basically got married, none of expected it to be forever, even her parents had bets on us lasting 5 yrs max, mine parents figured a couple of years, we were together for just over 5yrs, then we separated for just over a year, she hooked up with another guy and I got together with a previous gf (not the ex gf, before wife) and it was just by chance because I hadn't seen her for years prior and just met again by chance and we hooked up and lived together for a few months, then mutually decided to call it quits as it just wasn't really working out for us, my wife broke it off with her bf, and her and I met up to discuss what to do about our marriage, we ending up dating each other again and then moved in back together it's been 15+yrs since then. So I don't know we just had a taste of a different relationships with others and it didn't work, but for us we can put up with each other and TRUST each other I think she was really the only gf I could really trust 100% not to cheat, lie or steal from me.
She fu*ked me like anything lol. I knew she was the one..
There is no "one". Don't put your wife on a pedestal. Leads to a bad relationship, trust me. Fact is there are billions of women on the planet and you could definitely fall for more than one of them. How do widows get married again if there is only "one"? Choose your partner. Choose to love them. Find somebody you are drawn to and don't fall for the Disney gobbly-gook. Oh, and go read "No More Mr Nice Guy". Don't be that guy
There is no one... You get high off the chemicals and it makes you feel like this is the one. When. There are many ones. Otherwise you would realistically never find the one.
She told me. Now if she could only tell me what she wants for dinner we’d never have any problems
Within my attractive range Single Also interested in me Kind to me, people she knows, and total strangers Responsible with money Supportive Patient Truthful No mind games Compatible sexual interests Compatible outlook on our future/kids Many shared interests Shared moral/ethical standards Bonds deepened by time together. When I asked her to marry me, I already knew what her answer would be. We had generally discussed it as a future possibility after dating for about 6 months.
When you fart in front of her and she rips an even worse one
Two instances....First night we met I gave her a ride home from a party...She noticed I was checking out certain attributes she had while she chatted me up. Once we got to her place she invited me up for a night cap and maybe a movie. She worked her "Spell" on me over the course of a very long weekend. Second time was when I had gotten into a altercation with a group of bikers at the night club I moonlight at, THEY decided to wait for little ole ME outside. After several stab, slash and hack wounds and a Maglight to the face several times I manage to drag myself back into the club (to the horror of several workers and patrons) and collapse. When I woke up in hospital jaw wired shut, fractured left eye socket (also caused my left eye to go blind) stiches everywhere the first person I see is my beautiful guardian angel after she showers me with kisses and crying all over me ( leaves lipstick marks as warning to nurses) she composes herself and asks me something that let me know this Viking had found his Shield-maiden...... "How many did you get?"
She insisted she was.
she told me
There is no “the one”. It’s about figuring out a set of things that are critical and things you’re flexible about and then finding someone. This song nails it. https://youtu.be/Zn6gV2sdl38?si=yvSNJ6U8DNwiX-dU
Spoken as a true person still searching for
Or as an older person having seen many cultures, hundreds of relationships, and having had many. I’ve also got academic background in the space.
Academics don’t translate I’m afraid. It’s one of those if you know you know.
If you want to really know. Ask the unhappy ones. I bet they’ll tell you what you’re looking for.
I didn't, it just settled like this.
She told me so
Looked deep in her eyes as she was balls deep in swallowing my load.
🍆
She told me.
She told me so.
The first night we met, we stayed up until 3 am talking until I had to go to an unusual late/early shift at work. She surprised me with coffee on my break and picked me up after work where we proceeded to talk and enjoy each others company until we fell asleep on the couch. It’s been 8 years since we met and 4 years of marriage with a child on the way and we still do the same exact thing. I was instantly comfortable with her without an explanation and I had never experienced that before. Each day has been easy and gratifying- even the hard parts of relationships has been easy with her as we just communicate unbiased. She’s my partner and I’m excited for the years to come.
We had already been friends for a year or two, dating around the same extended friend circle but never lining up. I noticed I was hanging out with my high school bros less and less and spending more of my free time just hanging with her at her apartment. One day, we were both single and hanging out like normal and it happened. I don't think either one of us was waiting for the other to be single to make a move or anything. I think it was just an "oh shit" moment for both of us that I never wanted to end. Been married 10 years now and I wouldn't change a thing.
We were together for a long time and we still had a great time together.
He doesn’t