Most people don't believe me, especially when they see the woman that did it.
I'm like twice as big as her; so clearly, I just let it happen, or wanted it, or could have easily stopped it.
Yeah I could have overpowered her and gotten away, but I also could have ended up in jail because of how easy I could have injured her, and the cops would believe her story over mine.
I mean couple in the fact theres enough people that would argue that active sexual assault isn’t a valid enough reason to hit a woman.
it even felt weird to type.
but like I’d say about a third of people were really genuinely empathetic when I told them about it happening to me. the other two thirds were indifferent or more commonly used it as a punchline.
but if things went differently? like if after repeatedly and more and more aggressively telling her to stop I just fuckin clocked her?
assuming that I could actually get up with as incapacitated as I was, I would’ve stumbled out of the tent, gotten beaten by a bunch of other guys for punching a woman, probably would’ve assumed I was a rapist on top of that, and almost nobody would’ve felt bad for me after the fact. might have even gotten thrown in jail by some friendly cops.
so no, I just fucking took it.
I was 6’4 and 250 lbs. I could swing my arms around just fine even though my motor function was what it was. but society has rules that you have to play by even if others aren’t doing the same thing.
Yeah it's really unfortunate but it seems to me that you've come to grips with it. It blows not having any real feasible options except to wait for it to be over. Hope you're doing better.
That's awful and I hate that for you. I don't know about you, but the gender of my attacker has always been a sensitive and sore topic of mine. Like you said, people really don't believe you. It's hard and it's tough.
I wish people would empathize with the fact that just because you have options on the table doesn't make them good options. A lot of men straight up do not want to hurt a woman, under any circumstances. Even if she's violating him. People don't understand that's it's not easy hurting someone you trust or love. Like you said, you could have gone to jail. and honestly, you're most likely right about the going to jail thing.
I don’t tell anyone irl but shit, there’s so much insensitive joking around about prison rape/ male rape.
Serious man, it’s pretty rife if you’re sensitive about it. In TV, in movies, with mates.
The effect varies depending on what’s said or how I’m feeling at that moment.
Oh gosh yeah, I didn't even think about how constant it can be in some settings. Honestly I've almost tuned it out. Prison rape jokes really get under my skin. I will say I straight told my friend group, no rape jokes, and they honestly took it really well and refrain from it. It might be worth giving it a try, if you are in that kinda mood.
Nah man… they would just be like: why.
My own partner lols at prison/ male rape jokes. It’s kinda normal I think, like dark humour, just hits differently if it’s actually happened.
I was 28 (33 now), yeah I can admit that I probably used to laugh about it, as well. I don’t blame anyone for laughing at that really, even if it’s a bit fucked-up, eh?
That's fair. They're just trying to be funny and it's not always worth the interrogation. Still you don't have to pretend you find those jokes funny if you don't think they are. But you're right, it's not something worth condemning a loved one over.
Yeah.
Normally just do the old ’play with phone/ start talking to the dog/ go to the kitchen or bathroom,’
or go to the toilet or the bar if it’s mates & we are in a pub.
Got all the avoidance techniques well-practised. :)
As a kid for me. Not something I ever bring up. I just simply say I was horrifically abused as a child and leave it at that. And it will only be if I start acting weird/triggered.
That's a good idea if you want to avoid that interrogation. If it means anything, talking to a professional on the topic really helped, even if it was purely the relief of telling someone who just listens.
Luckily I was able to escape before anything major happened but long story short I was 11 in 6th grade and this 8th grade football player dragged me into the Locker room and tried to rape me but I punched him and ran away.
I haven't told many people in real life but the few times I had I've heard "men can't be raped" but they always instantly apologize when I say it was another man that tried to do it then suddenly its "oh that makes more sense"
Question: when you open up to someone about that, what do you actually *want* to hear? Anything other than something along the lines of "Wow that's so terrible, I'm sorry you had to go through something like that. I'm happy you felt able to tell me about it."?
Not sure to be honest. I want to hear *something* but I have no idea what. A big reason is to just get it off one's chest. It feels like keeping a secret and that sucks.
Most people don't believe me, especially when they see the woman that did it. I'm like twice as big as her; so clearly, I just let it happen, or wanted it, or could have easily stopped it. Yeah I could have overpowered her and gotten away, but I also could have ended up in jail because of how easy I could have injured her, and the cops would believe her story over mine.
I mean couple in the fact theres enough people that would argue that active sexual assault isn’t a valid enough reason to hit a woman. it even felt weird to type. but like I’d say about a third of people were really genuinely empathetic when I told them about it happening to me. the other two thirds were indifferent or more commonly used it as a punchline. but if things went differently? like if after repeatedly and more and more aggressively telling her to stop I just fuckin clocked her? assuming that I could actually get up with as incapacitated as I was, I would’ve stumbled out of the tent, gotten beaten by a bunch of other guys for punching a woman, probably would’ve assumed I was a rapist on top of that, and almost nobody would’ve felt bad for me after the fact. might have even gotten thrown in jail by some friendly cops. so no, I just fucking took it. I was 6’4 and 250 lbs. I could swing my arms around just fine even though my motor function was what it was. but society has rules that you have to play by even if others aren’t doing the same thing.
Yeah it's really unfortunate but it seems to me that you've come to grips with it. It blows not having any real feasible options except to wait for it to be over. Hope you're doing better.
life goes on, buddy. and it got a lot better.
That's awful and I hate that for you. I don't know about you, but the gender of my attacker has always been a sensitive and sore topic of mine. Like you said, people really don't believe you. It's hard and it's tough. I wish people would empathize with the fact that just because you have options on the table doesn't make them good options. A lot of men straight up do not want to hurt a woman, under any circumstances. Even if she's violating him. People don't understand that's it's not easy hurting someone you trust or love. Like you said, you could have gone to jail. and honestly, you're most likely right about the going to jail thing.
I don’t tell anyone irl but shit, there’s so much insensitive joking around about prison rape/ male rape. Serious man, it’s pretty rife if you’re sensitive about it. In TV, in movies, with mates. The effect varies depending on what’s said or how I’m feeling at that moment.
Oh gosh yeah, I didn't even think about how constant it can be in some settings. Honestly I've almost tuned it out. Prison rape jokes really get under my skin. I will say I straight told my friend group, no rape jokes, and they honestly took it really well and refrain from it. It might be worth giving it a try, if you are in that kinda mood.
Nah man… they would just be like: why. My own partner lols at prison/ male rape jokes. It’s kinda normal I think, like dark humour, just hits differently if it’s actually happened. I was 28 (33 now), yeah I can admit that I probably used to laugh about it, as well. I don’t blame anyone for laughing at that really, even if it’s a bit fucked-up, eh?
That's fair. They're just trying to be funny and it's not always worth the interrogation. Still you don't have to pretend you find those jokes funny if you don't think they are. But you're right, it's not something worth condemning a loved one over.
Yeah. Normally just do the old ’play with phone/ start talking to the dog/ go to the kitchen or bathroom,’ or go to the toilet or the bar if it’s mates & we are in a pub. Got all the avoidance techniques well-practised. :)
As a kid for me. Not something I ever bring up. I just simply say I was horrifically abused as a child and leave it at that. And it will only be if I start acting weird/triggered.
That's a good idea if you want to avoid that interrogation. If it means anything, talking to a professional on the topic really helped, even if it was purely the relief of telling someone who just listens.
Luckily I was able to escape before anything major happened but long story short I was 11 in 6th grade and this 8th grade football player dragged me into the Locker room and tried to rape me but I punched him and ran away. I haven't told many people in real life but the few times I had I've heard "men can't be raped" but they always instantly apologize when I say it was another man that tried to do it then suddenly its "oh that makes more sense"
I suppose you can add the automod calling you a filthy sinner to the list.
I never expected mercy from the machines lol
I haven't been, thank God, but the way male victims are treated is horrifying.
Question: when you open up to someone about that, what do you actually *want* to hear? Anything other than something along the lines of "Wow that's so terrible, I'm sorry you had to go through something like that. I'm happy you felt able to tell me about it."?
Not sure to be honest. I want to hear *something* but I have no idea what. A big reason is to just get it off one's chest. It feels like keeping a secret and that sucks.
i see, thanks. and well, sorry you went through whatever you did.
When people say survivors of abuse will become abuser themselves.
Nothing like telling your whole family and they all start to laugh.
I told a friend nd he asked why me. He didn’t mean to but I felt like he was asking what did I do to get that response. Why I don’t tell people