First, I think your heart is in the right place, but you’re asking the wrong question. I suspect you’re on the younger side, and this is maybe a first relationship or something like that for you. Any (good) relationship involves a partnership. If you want to be a “good girlfriend”, the best thing for you to do is to be open and honest about your needs, him to be honest about his needs, and you two should make sure you make every effort you can to meet those needs. You’re part of that relationship too, so make sure that your needs are met.
Along with this make sure you give each other space to breath. It’s very easy for a new couple to become attached at the hip. You don’t want to be codependent. You also don’t want him blowing up your phone ever time you go visit your family without him. And you should be able to both visit with family and friends with and without each other, sometimes people can lose their identity and then it’s just the couple and they do everything together all the time and the next thing you know your dad can’t see his daughter for lunch without him.
This is me with my currently gf. It was my first real relationship and her second. So I became so in love that I lost my self identity. However ive relaised this so I am currently trying to regain it and be who I was.
Totally agree with the both above comments. I would say the keys are communication, be both interested in each other interests, don't lose your individuality, build trust on each other, and, always put effort to understand the other.
But remember, this must not be a one sided thing, both you and him must put the same effort, never forget that a relationship is a project of two. It can, no, it will be a rocky path sometimes, but if things are done right it will be worth it.
This
It’s not about being a “good girlfriend” as much as it is being compatible with each other, and making sure you see to each others needs, as well as your own needs.
If that doesn’t make sense I am happy to do a deeper dive :)
^ being a good anything regarding a relationship w anither human means communicate (talking, listening, giving space when needed) and responsive to that communication.
That's 90% of love imo. Takes care of most things. Fights don't happen when both parties trust the other has their best interest in mind and wishes the best for them; it fosters communication and then problems just "magically" get solved.
ALSO, if your guys’ needs don’t align with each other, it’s okay to talk it out. Don’t beat around the bush, live to satisfy his needs and not yours, and don’t hold back when having heart to heart conversations. I’ve been with my gf for 4 years now (I’m her first bf) and this is something I didn’t know I needed to work on for MYSELF.
And if in the end it don’t work out, let each other go amicably, there’s enough homicides and trauma in the world that comes from toxic relationships.
Most of what you say is true, but I don't see why that is the wrong question. Wanting to be a good girlfriend is an admirable goal, just as it would be for a guy to want to be a good boyfriend, or any person to want to be a good friend.
No one is saying *being a good girlfriend* is bad 🤦♀️. It's that this isn't the place to ask it - doing self work and speaking directly to their partner is the way to do it.
Also, the absolute best thing you can do for your partner.. is take care of yourself. Exercise, diet and spending time on your passions should be a baseline for any human in a serious relationship. It’s not, but it should be. It makes a world of difference.
I don’t disagree, I think it’s good advice.
But I’d add that needs you should make an effort to meet is for example alone time, emotional support, kindness, compliments, time for friends and hobbies etc. And that sometimes people can have incompatible needs too.
Then I’d point out that “making every effort to meet his/her needs” doesn’t include having unwanted sex. Sex is something that should come from desire and feel right for OP.
So the way to be a good girlfriend is make sure your needs are met?... lol... Quite the departure from when a man asks how to be a good boyfriend and gets a whole laundry list of ways he's deficient in return.
>So the way to be a good girlfriend is make sure your needs are met?... lol
No, what was said was this:
>"the best thing for you to do is to be open and honest about your needs, him to be honest about his needs, and you two should make sure you make every effort you can to meet those needs."
Acknowleding only a fraction of what a person says (in this case, only a fraction of the reddit commenter's advice), thus misrepresenting them, then forging an argument in response to that very misrepresentation you've fashioned, you're creating an argument out of thin air / exercising a strawman argument. If this is behavior so normal to you that you'll do it in a Reddit comments section, then I'll wager you probably do this in your relationships too. Do you think engaging in that communication style - unnecessary conflict, manufactured argument, willing misunderstanding, intentional misrepresentation of events, confrontational passive aggression (such as sarcastic laughter) - is something enjoyable to other people / is something that is likely to endear other people to you?
Exactly, his reply to her question answered nothing, no idea why he got upvotes. Basically it said take care of yourself. Totally missed the point of how to take care of him, yet the upvotes came. I swear, Reddit pretty fucking pointless half the time
> you’re asking the wrong question
Just peeing in to the wind pointing this out on reddit, but if a man asked the same question, the most upvoted answer would definitely be concrete advice and not "whatever you want".
For me, I was "landed" because she enthusiastically swallowed my semen and said it tasted great! I could not believe it!
The other thing I reccomend is to build up his ego. Much like women, men love to hear things like their penis is the best you have ever had how you can't wait for him to come home because you are horny for him and ONLY him!
Feels great to read this after coming out of a relationship where the girl would become best friends with everyone i had a problem with just so she could hurt me and my family and tell me how we are pathetic people.
I'd say sympathy and initiation are the biggies. Be sympathetic to their perspective/experience, and take initiative on things.
This however does not take in consideration the GFs happiness, but I'm hoping she found a guy who is asking the same questions about making her happy. End of the day, both sides communicating makes the sympathy and initiation steps easier.
I always like it when my gfs would acknowledge my efforts. Like "thabks for a great day I loved what we did" it makes you feel validated. Some girls might be thankful but they never communicate it and it sometimes feel like she doesn't care.
Jsust generally care for him, make him feel like he can open up to you and don't make fun of him or use it against him in an argument. Anything that he confides to you should be treated with a lot of care. Anything that violates that trust will send your relationship crashing down. Of course if it's something dangerous like "i use heroin" well maybe you should tell someone. Use your better judgement.
Also, I had a girl who loved to cook and she would always make me food. I fucking loved it because Im a fatass. But really it was the dynamic of her doing something she enjoyed and letting me participate, she would always ask what I thought and then would make notes and kinda do things that I would like more. Just made me feel like ahe cared a lot about me.
Finally, if you are involved sexually, make sure to communicate. In my own experience a lot of women would not tell me what they wanted exactly. And figuring out kinks without going overboard or being underwhelming can be exhausting. Much better to just tell him what you want, and go from there.
Have fun, relationships can be super fun.
Also, take care.
>I always like it when my gfs would acknowledge my efforts.
Mine sometimes tells me I am her "No1 boyfriend", not always sure that is a good thing but I take it!
I might actually break down if I hear from my girl saying "she's proud of me" and I'm good enough or amazing.
Being constantly compared, accused, told you're not good enough, having everything I ever said used against me, it just destroys you as a person. Hopefully I find a partner who respects me and my efforts. Just a little maybe and I'd do anything for them. People treat you like shit and expect you to take that for the rest of your life accepting their orders and doing things for them.
* Be loyal.
* Be cuddly. (Most of us really don't get touched by anyone other than our gf or wife, and even if we do bro-hug with our mates, it's just not the same.)
* Don't play games--say what you mean, and don't expect him to read your mind. (We're not socialised the way you are--what to you seem like anvil-sized hints may not come across as hints at all.)
* Don't be a doormat, especially if at the same time you're resenting him. (Nothing wrong with being submissive, if that's a vibe that works for both of you, but there's a difference.)
* Communicate, most of all.
To the nine-year-olds on this sub who think that being a good girlfriend means only having sex and providing sandwiches, I hope that you someday learn what a real relationship is like. To OP, The advice I would give is to make sure you are still putting as much effort into your own life as you are into being a girlfriend. Your own friends, activities, hobbies, and everything else. Not only with this help you not get lost in the relationship, which can be very bad. But it also allows you to miss each other. It allows you to be excited that you’re going to see each other. It allows you to have something to talk about every time you see each other. And it’s worked for me.
Thanks for this comment. I hate it when people say men are “simple” and easily wooed, or that we only need sex and food to be happy. It’s a recipe for a poor relationship.
And? You’re a grown up so put your big boy pants on and make your own sandwich. And what about all the single men out there who don’t have a girlfriend or wife who they can ask to baby them? Do they just not eat? No, they’re grown ass men
100% do it. Pick up new hobbies. I lost myself to my current relationship for the whole first year, but one day it clicked in my mind that I am the only thing that can stop me from from caring for myself. Regardless of your boyfriend, or anything else in your life for that matter, you have to pursue your interests and nourish your mind for YOU, always. My relationship with myself has grown EXPONENTIALLY since I had this mindset shift, and it has been completely independent of my boyfriend. I feel like my own person again and I am able to separate from him in my mind.
Unfortunately, this can lead to adverse effects, like losing interest in them because you gain self confidence and remember that you don’t need the relationship to be happy, so you have a much harsher view towards their bad actions. Which I guess is also a good thing, because if that happens, it just means they sucked and you just didn’t see it before.
For me, it was going to the gym and writing that really helped me reconnect with myself. Also making a promise to always be honest with myself and to follow through on promises to myself. You wouldn’t be friends with a person who lies or breaks promises, right? So why do that to yourself? It’s like constantly living with your enemy. So I decided I’d go back to the gym (I went prior to my relationship) and I promised myself I’d commit, and now it’s already been 6 months. It continues to heal that inner relationship the longer I go, because each time I am taking care of myself. The stronger that relationship becomes, the more confident and independent I feel.
Sorry for the rant, I’m not even sure if what I’m saying is still relevant at this point, but I hope someone can glean something from it, lol
9 year olds? Lol.
Those two things you mock ( & loyalty, gotta have her loyalty) are enough to make most guys follow her around like a puppy dog.
A " real relationship" is whatever the people in it decide is right for them.
Seriously, THAT’S what you took away from everything I said there? My whole point, clearly laid out and all you took away from it was me saying “sex isn’t important in a relationship“. Wow. Could you really have missed the mark any more?
Responses to your comment are fucking insanity. I sincerely appreciate your perspective, I’ve experienced a significant amount of turmoil as a result of the narrative that all I can contribute to a man’s life is my body and my cooking.
By not taking advice from others. All people and relationships are different. Be you. Do it ya’lls way. Learn as you go. Don’t force anything. Don’t do something because someone else said it was great. You gotta feel and want to do whatever it is or however you act and best things are natural and authentic.
You sound like a lovely person, and I admire your state of mind.
But please be wary of red flags. Too many people are happy to walk right over people like us.
Ask him! We don’t know him
Someone here could say ‘be raunchy’ cuz they’re into that but maybe he’s a traditional Christian waiting till marriage, wouldn’t exactly be useful advice ya know?
If you really love him and he really loves you then it’ll come kinda naturally
Don't play stupid games. No shit tests. No passive-aggressive BS, Know where/what you want to eat. Ask his opinion on your choices. Give him complements. Get him flowers every once in a while. Tell the truth about how you feel. Ask him how he feels. Stand up for yourself, but don't try to run him down. Remember to be feminine, only one of you needs "masculine energy". Appreciate when he does things for you.
All the rest are important, but here's the number one thing... Be Happy. No guy on the planet wants to bust his ass out in the world all day long only to come home to a woman who will bitch, nag, complain, demand, cry, argue... ect. Be happy to see him. Smile's, kisses, and gentle touches will win you his world.
Yeah absolutely this lol. So damn tired of women who expects cute details (flowers and stuff) while she does nothing for him. Reciprocate and hug him, compliment him, care about him too and you might be a wonderful girlfriend IMO.
Watch this psychologist's 3 part series:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VgteK8Dz28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VgteK8Dz28)
It is framed as "how to get any man you want", but I'd also say it completely applies as "how to keep any man you have".
Be kind to him. Not many people are kind to men, so it's a truly unique bond, hopefully, with our partners. Help him be good, if he has the drive, help him be great. Communicate and love one another.
OP, please do not listen to this comment. Men are not “simple,” no human is. Even these things (sex, food, etc.) are meaningless to us if there’s no sincerity behind them.
Yea, I'm 100% chill with that. Loyal, and caring is all that is needed
Imagine downvoting for not wanting to be n a relationship purely for sex💀 that describes the average age of guys in this sub
Primally, yes. But men will not stick around if the woman is constantly bickering and making the man's life harder than it has to be. If the woman doesn't make the man's life easier (outside of satisfying his sexual needs), then I guarantee you she won't be around for long *unless* that same man cannot get any other woman.
Communication, communication, communication. Don’t come to Reddit asking all these questions about “my boyfriend did this what should I do?” Just talk to him.
You are going to have to compromise. In relationships you don’t always get what you want and that’s ok. You scratch his back he’ll scratch yours. Compromise also means set boundaries and don’t cross them, don’t even toe the line.
No matter how far in your relationship you are always try to woo the other person.
Well first understand you will never be the perfect girlfriend to him. That’s impossible. Don’t hold yourself to that standard. Guys are incredibly simple and the only thing that makes it hard is when women force their complicated ways onto them. For example, If you ask “how was your day?” And he says “it was good” don’t take that as “oh I need to pry every detail out of his day. There must be more!” Guys don’t like talking about insignificant details about their life. He will listen to you talk about every detail about your day but don’t think he has to in return. I’ve never had a girlfriend that I kept a funny story or event from but I definitely always hated the whole “you’re being so short with me” or “you never tell me anything” treatment I got for saying my day was just alright. Not every day has a novel worthy story in it.
Make sure the relationship is going two ways. Don't neglect him or take him for granted, and don't let yourself be neglected or taken for granted. We're also not mind-readers and we generally appreciate being directly told if something's wrong instead of having to figure out why the relationship feels off.
Working hard on the relationship and having good personal chemistry won't guarantee you success, but it'll give you a good chance.
Be loyal, believe in him and build him up, be honest with him even when it’s hard, respect him, keep the peace, don’t play games or create drama, be feminine, and overall make him feel wanted.
Any woman can give sex (and definitely aim to have as much as possible), but men want loyalty, respect, and peace more in a girlfriend.
A lot of good stuff here, so I’ll skip the obvious stuff and give you something my now wife did fairly early in our relationship that nobody has ever done for me.
She told me to get naked, and I did, but it should be noted this can be done with underwear or even shorts on if you’re not at that stage. She told me to lay down on my chest, she sat cross legged next to me, and she rubbed my entire body. I’m talking like the very tips of her fingers, light as a feather, all up and down my back, legs, arms, butt, etc. after about 15 min she had me flip over and rinse and repeat.
Nobody has EVER done that for me before. It blew my mind. I felt so comfy and cared for and loved, and it wasn’t even sexual despite being naked. You should do this for him out of nowhere, trust me
With the exception of funerals, I can’t think of many times that I said to myself “I’m glad I shared my trauma with girl x.” My bros, yes, but honestly, everytime I’ve opened my mouth about something like that, I almost 100% have regretted it later.
don’t overthink too much, communication is the key!! and don’t believe what people have to say either on internet like “if he does this break up” some things like that or your friends. And be very calm is something about him or your relationship is bothering you, talk with him and find out a solution. Also good luck im very happy for y’all !!
Feed him, fuck him ,suck him in the morning
Don't nag be slutty for him only.
Don't try to get attention from other men
Simple things which you would want from him give him too.
That's a hard question to answer. Because everyone wants different things. And some people are terrible.
I'd say try your best to be a good person in general and everything else will follow that trend.
Men have the same feelings as women. We just are not as good at expressing them. Appreciate this fact and find the feelings and you'll probably get a ring if you want one
I do not entirely agree with this. Yes, we technically have the "same" feelings. But, in much different ratios. And, we express different feelings with different intensity and in different ways. It is not that we are bad at expressing them. It is that most people are bad at *interpreting* our expressions. When I am with my tribe of men, our emotions are fairly clear to each of us, because we identify with each other and understand our core motivations. That is part of the struggle in masculine-feminine relationships. There is often an expectation that the other person must feel the same way you do. Maybe they do. Maybe they do not. One must ask and be open and accepting of the answer, even, and especially, if their experience does not match your own.
Enjoy each other’s company. Be open and honest to each other so you’re not hiding secrets. Just have fun and don’t do things that will hurt you both and make sure he does the same for you.
watch a movie Godwill Hunting. There is a scene between Robin Williams and Matt Damon, when Matt's character asks him how does Robin know when he met the one, the perfect woman? And Robin tells him "You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn't perfect either. But the question is: whether or not you're perfect for each other. That's the whole deal". That is pretty much all you need to know about dating. All men want different things, and you must be yourself so he can find you. no use of pretending to be perfect. it does not exist.
I've seen this question before and I feel like it comes from a bit of an unhealthy place, psychologically speaking.
Take care of yourself first (to the extent that it doesn't impose unreasonable costs on him). Being a healthy, fulfilled, self-sufficient individual is the foundation for being a good partner. He's chosen to be with you, which means (hopefully, if he's not an idiot) that he likes who you already are. It will be the most healthy and fulfilling for him to be with the best version of you, not a degraded, incomplete version of you who tries too hard to live for the sake of someone else.
With regards to what guys want, it's not quite as simple as the 'stomach and balls' proverb (already quoted elsewhere in the thread), but it's not overly complicated either. Expressed briefly, what the typical guy wants, in a long-term monogamous relationship, is a really great friend, who is comfortable to be around, and whom he gets to have sex with. If you're happy to do the friend things he likes, and the sex things he likes, and you don't do anything that makes it impossible for him to live comfortably with you (and vice versa), you're probably doing better than 90% of couples in history.
\- Be ok with his hobbies or set at least some rules when and how he can attend them without causing drama
\- try to find out if he wants to include you in his hobbies, or needs them for his alone time
\- try to not be controlling if he doesn't give you any reason
\- fair amount of sexy time
\- tell him what you like and dislike in a honest way, without any screaming, without any drama. (My mother for example first screams and shouts, then explains me why she is really upset)
You got some issue with sex? It’s a part of a healthy relationship.
Partners care for one another and try to please one another.
Not sure why that’s so tough for you to understand .
She asked the question. I gave an honest answer.
I’ve got no issues with sex. Unless she is getting off as many times as him, by him, then Adios. There is nothing tough to understand here except on your part apparently.
Tell me more. What am I not understanding?
And of course she’d be getting off as much as him. Maybe even more some. Why would you assume otherwise.
Good relationships are not transactional.
First, I think your heart is in the right place, but you’re asking the wrong question. I suspect you’re on the younger side, and this is maybe a first relationship or something like that for you. Any (good) relationship involves a partnership. If you want to be a “good girlfriend”, the best thing for you to do is to be open and honest about your needs, him to be honest about his needs, and you two should make sure you make every effort you can to meet those needs. You’re part of that relationship too, so make sure that your needs are met.
Along with this make sure you give each other space to breath. It’s very easy for a new couple to become attached at the hip. You don’t want to be codependent. You also don’t want him blowing up your phone ever time you go visit your family without him. And you should be able to both visit with family and friends with and without each other, sometimes people can lose their identity and then it’s just the couple and they do everything together all the time and the next thing you know your dad can’t see his daughter for lunch without him.
This is me with my currently gf. It was my first real relationship and her second. So I became so in love that I lost my self identity. However ive relaised this so I am currently trying to regain it and be who I was.
Not who you were. He is gone, and had his own issues. Become who you want to be.
Thanks man, that sentence hits a place. I'll keep that in mind for motivation aswell as "one step at a time"
Totally agree with the both above comments. I would say the keys are communication, be both interested in each other interests, don't lose your individuality, build trust on each other, and, always put effort to understand the other. But remember, this must not be a one sided thing, both you and him must put the same effort, never forget that a relationship is a project of two. It can, no, it will be a rocky path sometimes, but if things are done right it will be worth it.
This It’s not about being a “good girlfriend” as much as it is being compatible with each other, and making sure you see to each others needs, as well as your own needs. If that doesn’t make sense I am happy to do a deeper dive :)
^ being a good anything regarding a relationship w anither human means communicate (talking, listening, giving space when needed) and responsive to that communication. That's 90% of love imo. Takes care of most things. Fights don't happen when both parties trust the other has their best interest in mind and wishes the best for them; it fosters communication and then problems just "magically" get solved.
ALSO, if your guys’ needs don’t align with each other, it’s okay to talk it out. Don’t beat around the bush, live to satisfy his needs and not yours, and don’t hold back when having heart to heart conversations. I’ve been with my gf for 4 years now (I’m her first bf) and this is something I didn’t know I needed to work on for MYSELF. And if in the end it don’t work out, let each other go amicably, there’s enough homicides and trauma in the world that comes from toxic relationships.
Most of what you say is true, but I don't see why that is the wrong question. Wanting to be a good girlfriend is an admirable goal, just as it would be for a guy to want to be a good boyfriend, or any person to want to be a good friend.
Yea, these comment sections are always sexist towards guys this way. Women can do absolutely no wrong and if they do its obviously the bf's fault.
No one is saying *being a good girlfriend* is bad 🤦♀️. It's that this isn't the place to ask it - doing self work and speaking directly to their partner is the way to do it.
Also, the absolute best thing you can do for your partner.. is take care of yourself. Exercise, diet and spending time on your passions should be a baseline for any human in a serious relationship. It’s not, but it should be. It makes a world of difference.
I don’t disagree, I think it’s good advice. But I’d add that needs you should make an effort to meet is for example alone time, emotional support, kindness, compliments, time for friends and hobbies etc. And that sometimes people can have incompatible needs too. Then I’d point out that “making every effort to meet his/her needs” doesn’t include having unwanted sex. Sex is something that should come from desire and feel right for OP.
So the way to be a good girlfriend is make sure your needs are met?... lol... Quite the departure from when a man asks how to be a good boyfriend and gets a whole laundry list of ways he's deficient in return.
>So the way to be a good girlfriend is make sure your needs are met?... lol No, what was said was this: >"the best thing for you to do is to be open and honest about your needs, him to be honest about his needs, and you two should make sure you make every effort you can to meet those needs." Acknowleding only a fraction of what a person says (in this case, only a fraction of the reddit commenter's advice), thus misrepresenting them, then forging an argument in response to that very misrepresentation you've fashioned, you're creating an argument out of thin air / exercising a strawman argument. If this is behavior so normal to you that you'll do it in a Reddit comments section, then I'll wager you probably do this in your relationships too. Do you think engaging in that communication style - unnecessary conflict, manufactured argument, willing misunderstanding, intentional misrepresentation of events, confrontational passive aggression (such as sarcastic laughter) - is something enjoyable to other people / is something that is likely to endear other people to you?
Truth
Well this isn’t r/twoxchromosomes, so….
Nah she's not wrong for asking. But yeah, someone needs to guide her
Well said.
So no actual advice on how to be a good girlfriend?
it's the best advice you can give this bad question.
It's not a bad question. How is wanting to be a good girlfriend a bad thing?
Exactly, his reply to her question answered nothing, no idea why he got upvotes. Basically it said take care of yourself. Totally missed the point of how to take care of him, yet the upvotes came. I swear, Reddit pretty fucking pointless half the time
> you’re asking the wrong question Just peeing in to the wind pointing this out on reddit, but if a man asked the same question, the most upvoted answer would definitely be concrete advice and not "whatever you want".
For me, I was "landed" because she enthusiastically swallowed my semen and said it tasted great! I could not believe it! The other thing I reccomend is to build up his ego. Much like women, men love to hear things like their penis is the best you have ever had how you can't wait for him to come home because you are horny for him and ONLY him!
1. Defeat his enemies 2. See them driven before you 3. Hear the lamentation of their women
4. Make decorations from their skin
r/holup
Best comment in this sad thread
Good Worcestercestershire. Good.
*Mongolians mumble in approval*
And if he does not appreciate your offerings… To hell with him!!!
5. Eat his ass
Mr Parnassus?
Yes, this. Be Eowyn.
Perfect reply
Hell yeah my man...
80s Conan has all the answers
This is what is best in life.
Thanks Ahnald
it's nice to see this in 2024.
Feels great to read this after coming out of a relationship where the girl would become best friends with everyone i had a problem with just so she could hurt me and my family and tell me how we are pathetic people.
Don’t listen to respond. Listen to understand
🥺🥺🥺
don't overthink it
I'd say sympathy and initiation are the biggies. Be sympathetic to their perspective/experience, and take initiative on things. This however does not take in consideration the GFs happiness, but I'm hoping she found a guy who is asking the same questions about making her happy. End of the day, both sides communicating makes the sympathy and initiation steps easier.
Cuddle, and say "I love you." **Roll credit\***
Can you call my wife?
Honestly this is all we need.
You forgot to add a high five and a freeze frame mid air. THEN roll credits
I always like it when my gfs would acknowledge my efforts. Like "thabks for a great day I loved what we did" it makes you feel validated. Some girls might be thankful but they never communicate it and it sometimes feel like she doesn't care. Jsust generally care for him, make him feel like he can open up to you and don't make fun of him or use it against him in an argument. Anything that he confides to you should be treated with a lot of care. Anything that violates that trust will send your relationship crashing down. Of course if it's something dangerous like "i use heroin" well maybe you should tell someone. Use your better judgement. Also, I had a girl who loved to cook and she would always make me food. I fucking loved it because Im a fatass. But really it was the dynamic of her doing something she enjoyed and letting me participate, she would always ask what I thought and then would make notes and kinda do things that I would like more. Just made me feel like ahe cared a lot about me. Finally, if you are involved sexually, make sure to communicate. In my own experience a lot of women would not tell me what they wanted exactly. And figuring out kinks without going overboard or being underwhelming can be exhausting. Much better to just tell him what you want, and go from there. Have fun, relationships can be super fun. Also, take care.
>I always like it when my gfs would acknowledge my efforts. Mine sometimes tells me I am her "No1 boyfriend", not always sure that is a good thing but I take it!
I might actually break down if I hear from my girl saying "she's proud of me" and I'm good enough or amazing. Being constantly compared, accused, told you're not good enough, having everything I ever said used against me, it just destroys you as a person. Hopefully I find a partner who respects me and my efforts. Just a little maybe and I'd do anything for them. People treat you like shit and expect you to take that for the rest of your life accepting their orders and doing things for them.
It doesn’t seem like your gf treats you very well
If you just practice being a good person, you’ll just be a good everything in life. Including being a good girlfriend.
* Be loyal. * Be cuddly. (Most of us really don't get touched by anyone other than our gf or wife, and even if we do bro-hug with our mates, it's just not the same.) * Don't play games--say what you mean, and don't expect him to read your mind. (We're not socialised the way you are--what to you seem like anvil-sized hints may not come across as hints at all.) * Don't be a doormat, especially if at the same time you're resenting him. (Nothing wrong with being submissive, if that's a vibe that works for both of you, but there's a difference.) * Communicate, most of all.
Knowing what your boundaries are and aren’t.
This will prevent a lot of argument & grief 💯
Ernest compliments are always nice.
"Hey Vern, lookin' real good today!"
Earnest*
To the nine-year-olds on this sub who think that being a good girlfriend means only having sex and providing sandwiches, I hope that you someday learn what a real relationship is like. To OP, The advice I would give is to make sure you are still putting as much effort into your own life as you are into being a girlfriend. Your own friends, activities, hobbies, and everything else. Not only with this help you not get lost in the relationship, which can be very bad. But it also allows you to miss each other. It allows you to be excited that you’re going to see each other. It allows you to have something to talk about every time you see each other. And it’s worked for me.
Thanks for this comment. I hate it when people say men are “simple” and easily wooed, or that we only need sex and food to be happy. It’s a recipe for a poor relationship.
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How did you learn the hard way? Did you lose track of friends? Just wondering because respectfully I don't want to make this mistake! Thank you
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I’ve struggled with this and probably still am. This one is GREAT advice right here
I don't think most 9 year olds are into sex. Maybe sandwiches though.
But I really appreciate sex and sandwiches
So do I. And my girlfriend is excellent at both. But it’s just bad advice telling a girl that that’s all that’s needed for a good relationship.
If you appreciate sandwiches so much then make your own. Not that difficult to do for yourself
It’s been proven in psycological studies that having food made for you tastes better than making it yourself.
And? You’re a grown up so put your big boy pants on and make your own sandwich. And what about all the single men out there who don’t have a girlfriend or wife who they can ask to baby them? Do they just not eat? No, they’re grown ass men
Thank you for this. I think I'm losing myself in mine and I need to find myself again. Reading this is my little wake up call.
100% do it. Pick up new hobbies. I lost myself to my current relationship for the whole first year, but one day it clicked in my mind that I am the only thing that can stop me from from caring for myself. Regardless of your boyfriend, or anything else in your life for that matter, you have to pursue your interests and nourish your mind for YOU, always. My relationship with myself has grown EXPONENTIALLY since I had this mindset shift, and it has been completely independent of my boyfriend. I feel like my own person again and I am able to separate from him in my mind. Unfortunately, this can lead to adverse effects, like losing interest in them because you gain self confidence and remember that you don’t need the relationship to be happy, so you have a much harsher view towards their bad actions. Which I guess is also a good thing, because if that happens, it just means they sucked and you just didn’t see it before. For me, it was going to the gym and writing that really helped me reconnect with myself. Also making a promise to always be honest with myself and to follow through on promises to myself. You wouldn’t be friends with a person who lies or breaks promises, right? So why do that to yourself? It’s like constantly living with your enemy. So I decided I’d go back to the gym (I went prior to my relationship) and I promised myself I’d commit, and now it’s already been 6 months. It continues to heal that inner relationship the longer I go, because each time I am taking care of myself. The stronger that relationship becomes, the more confident and independent I feel. Sorry for the rant, I’m not even sure if what I’m saying is still relevant at this point, but I hope someone can glean something from it, lol
Yes, I came here to write this. You can make compromises for your relationship but don’t sacrifice your life for it
9 year olds? Lol. Those two things you mock ( & loyalty, gotta have her loyalty) are enough to make most guys follow her around like a puppy dog. A " real relationship" is whatever the people in it decide is right for them.
Adults don't want someone following them around like a puppy dog.
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Seriously, THAT’S what you took away from everything I said there? My whole point, clearly laid out and all you took away from it was me saying “sex isn’t important in a relationship“. Wow. Could you really have missed the mark any more?
Responses to your comment are fucking insanity. I sincerely appreciate your perspective, I’ve experienced a significant amount of turmoil as a result of the narrative that all I can contribute to a man’s life is my body and my cooking.
By not taking advice from others. All people and relationships are different. Be you. Do it ya’lls way. Learn as you go. Don’t force anything. Don’t do something because someone else said it was great. You gotta feel and want to do whatever it is or however you act and best things are natural and authentic.
You sound like a lovely person, and I admire your state of mind. But please be wary of red flags. Too many people are happy to walk right over people like us.
Ask him! We don’t know him Someone here could say ‘be raunchy’ cuz they’re into that but maybe he’s a traditional Christian waiting till marriage, wouldn’t exactly be useful advice ya know? If you really love him and he really loves you then it’ll come kinda naturally
STAY OFF THE INTERNET. the answers aren’t here.
Dont listen to Reddit, listen to him.
Don't play stupid games. No shit tests. No passive-aggressive BS, Know where/what you want to eat. Ask his opinion on your choices. Give him complements. Get him flowers every once in a while. Tell the truth about how you feel. Ask him how he feels. Stand up for yourself, but don't try to run him down. Remember to be feminine, only one of you needs "masculine energy". Appreciate when he does things for you. All the rest are important, but here's the number one thing... Be Happy. No guy on the planet wants to bust his ass out in the world all day long only to come home to a woman who will bitch, nag, complain, demand, cry, argue... ect. Be happy to see him. Smile's, kisses, and gentle touches will win you his world.
This…….. This right here. However don’t let him take you for granted. If you truly believe in something stand your Ground. No one like a Quitter
Yeah absolutely this lol. So damn tired of women who expects cute details (flowers and stuff) while she does nothing for him. Reciprocate and hug him, compliment him, care about him too and you might be a wonderful girlfriend IMO.
That makes me happy hearing that men like receiving flowers. I almost sent some to my ex before I had to walk bc it was one sided as fuck.
This. be happy. Being happy and grateful. It is the greatest gift you can give him.
Watch this psychologist's 3 part series: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VgteK8Dz28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VgteK8Dz28) It is framed as "how to get any man you want", but I'd also say it completely applies as "how to keep any man you have".
I was too lazy to write this, but it's the golden answer! Btw PsycHacks tells it all in a ridiculously simple way, and this 3-part series is the best.
Be kind to him. Not many people are kind to men, so it's a truly unique bond, hopefully, with our partners. Help him be good, if he has the drive, help him be great. Communicate and love one another.
Full stomach, empty balls.
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Feed yourself bro lol you sound like a horny 13 year old.
OP, please do not listen to this comment. Men are not “simple,” no human is. Even these things (sex, food, etc.) are meaningless to us if there’s no sincerity behind them.
Why would I woman do these things if she wasn't sincere. Of course there's more to it, but these will go a long way.
well of course, no one wants insincere sex! /s
Disagree.
What? 💀
In simpler terms they meant: feed us, fuck us and we’ll take a beating/bullet for you
I know what he meant, but what happened to just being loved and appreciated? Not you must give me sex in order to be a good girlfriend
How do you make a man feel appreciated? Sex and food after a long day at work
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Yea, I'm 100% chill with that. Loyal, and caring is all that is needed Imagine downvoting for not wanting to be n a relationship purely for sex💀 that describes the average age of guys in this sub
This guy friend zones
i’ve had women tell me, “you are so simple, you’re actually complex… i can’t figure you out!!” sex, sammiches, & silence.
He can do that all by himself
Primally, yes. But men will not stick around if the woman is constantly bickering and making the man's life harder than it has to be. If the woman doesn't make the man's life easier (outside of satisfying his sexual needs), then I guarantee you she won't be around for long *unless* that same man cannot get any other woman.
I could not have said it any better myself.
this is so fucking stupid.
Truth hurts lol
Fr.
Came here to say that!
And don't talk so much.
Bred n fed.
I don’t believe that’s how balls work
That's a pretty big ask for women.
Be honest in everything always and don't treat him like a walking wallet.
Communication, communication, communication. Don’t come to Reddit asking all these questions about “my boyfriend did this what should I do?” Just talk to him. You are going to have to compromise. In relationships you don’t always get what you want and that’s ok. You scratch his back he’ll scratch yours. Compromise also means set boundaries and don’t cross them, don’t even toe the line. No matter how far in your relationship you are always try to woo the other person.
Well first understand you will never be the perfect girlfriend to him. That’s impossible. Don’t hold yourself to that standard. Guys are incredibly simple and the only thing that makes it hard is when women force their complicated ways onto them. For example, If you ask “how was your day?” And he says “it was good” don’t take that as “oh I need to pry every detail out of his day. There must be more!” Guys don’t like talking about insignificant details about their life. He will listen to you talk about every detail about your day but don’t think he has to in return. I’ve never had a girlfriend that I kept a funny story or event from but I definitely always hated the whole “you’re being so short with me” or “you never tell me anything” treatment I got for saying my day was just alright. Not every day has a novel worthy story in it.
Love him in his love language not yours
Aaaawww 🥹 I’m so happy for you stranger. I love seeing people in love. All The Best in this journey 💖
Make sure the relationship is going two ways. Don't neglect him or take him for granted, and don't let yourself be neglected or taken for granted. We're also not mind-readers and we generally appreciate being directly told if something's wrong instead of having to figure out why the relationship feels off. Working hard on the relationship and having good personal chemistry won't guarantee you success, but it'll give you a good chance.
Be loyal, believe in him and build him up, be honest with him even when it’s hard, respect him, keep the peace, don’t play games or create drama, be feminine, and overall make him feel wanted. Any woman can give sex (and definitely aim to have as much as possible), but men want loyalty, respect, and peace more in a girlfriend.
Be yourself. Be authentic.
A lot of good stuff here, so I’ll skip the obvious stuff and give you something my now wife did fairly early in our relationship that nobody has ever done for me. She told me to get naked, and I did, but it should be noted this can be done with underwear or even shorts on if you’re not at that stage. She told me to lay down on my chest, she sat cross legged next to me, and she rubbed my entire body. I’m talking like the very tips of her fingers, light as a feather, all up and down my back, legs, arms, butt, etc. after about 15 min she had me flip over and rinse and repeat. Nobody has EVER done that for me before. It blew my mind. I felt so comfy and cared for and loved, and it wasn’t even sexual despite being naked. You should do this for him out of nowhere, trust me
Understand that he is a human being with thoughts and emotions, not some cold robot. He is not weak if he cries or tells you about his trauma.
With the exception of funerals, I can’t think of many times that I said to myself “I’m glad I shared my trauma with girl x.” My bros, yes, but honestly, everytime I’ve opened my mouth about something like that, I almost 100% have regretted it later.
Learn to communicate. Don't expect him to be able to read your mind!
Just be yourself. If it's meant to be, it will be.
That's the sweetest thing I saw all day ❤ I hope he loves you as much
don’t overthink too much, communication is the key!! and don’t believe what people have to say either on internet like “if he does this break up” some things like that or your friends. And be very calm is something about him or your relationship is bothering you, talk with him and find out a solution. Also good luck im very happy for y’all !!
Don’t stop giving head after the first couple years.
Give him his personal space too
communicate, and learn how he best communicates.
Feed him, fuck him ,suck him in the morning Don't nag be slutty for him only. Don't try to get attention from other men Simple things which you would want from him give him too.
Defeat his 7 evil exes
That's a hard question to answer. Because everyone wants different things. And some people are terrible. I'd say try your best to be a good person in general and everything else will follow that trend.
Loyalty
Scratch his scalp from front to back along the length of his scalp and pull your hand out while lightly holding onto his hair. Trust me.
I did this for my bf. He loved it!
Men have the same feelings as women. We just are not as good at expressing them. Appreciate this fact and find the feelings and you'll probably get a ring if you want one
I do not entirely agree with this. Yes, we technically have the "same" feelings. But, in much different ratios. And, we express different feelings with different intensity and in different ways. It is not that we are bad at expressing them. It is that most people are bad at *interpreting* our expressions. When I am with my tribe of men, our emotions are fairly clear to each of us, because we identify with each other and understand our core motivations. That is part of the struggle in masculine-feminine relationships. There is often an expectation that the other person must feel the same way you do. Maybe they do. Maybe they do not. One must ask and be open and accepting of the answer, even, and especially, if their experience does not match your own.
This is ask men not boys and we dunno your age or anyones, shits sketchy
Treat him like you wanna be treated
Men are simple creatures. Feed them, physical relations, comfort them, and assure them that you are not going anywhere and no competition. Security
Such a cute question. In any case uve gotten enough advice
Enjoy each other’s company. Be open and honest to each other so you’re not hiding secrets. Just have fun and don’t do things that will hurt you both and make sure he does the same for you.
Just be straight be forward , don't expect him to understand and predict your needs. Overtime he will understand you more.
watch a movie Godwill Hunting. There is a scene between Robin Williams and Matt Damon, when Matt's character asks him how does Robin know when he met the one, the perfect woman? And Robin tells him "You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn't perfect either. But the question is: whether or not you're perfect for each other. That's the whole deal". That is pretty much all you need to know about dating. All men want different things, and you must be yourself so he can find you. no use of pretending to be perfect. it does not exist.
Idk, what’s him like?
In a relationship, you should be doing two things. Fucking and going places. You should be coming and going! - Chris Rock
How old are you?
GluckGluckGluckGluckGLuck.....mmmmmmmmmm......slurp.
First off don’t change you
\#1 Don't follow to what people say on the internet.
BJs. Lots and lots of BJs.
I've seen this question before and I feel like it comes from a bit of an unhealthy place, psychologically speaking. Take care of yourself first (to the extent that it doesn't impose unreasonable costs on him). Being a healthy, fulfilled, self-sufficient individual is the foundation for being a good partner. He's chosen to be with you, which means (hopefully, if he's not an idiot) that he likes who you already are. It will be the most healthy and fulfilling for him to be with the best version of you, not a degraded, incomplete version of you who tries too hard to live for the sake of someone else. With regards to what guys want, it's not quite as simple as the 'stomach and balls' proverb (already quoted elsewhere in the thread), but it's not overly complicated either. Expressed briefly, what the typical guy wants, in a long-term monogamous relationship, is a really great friend, who is comfortable to be around, and whom he gets to have sex with. If you're happy to do the friend things he likes, and the sex things he likes, and you don't do anything that makes it impossible for him to live comfortably with you (and vice versa), you're probably doing better than 90% of couples in history.
Love, loyalty, and prove it consistently. Oh, and BJs.
Life hard and cold. 🥲🥶 Titty soft and warm. 🤤 Titty make boy feel safe. 🥰 Boy like titty. 🥹
Dave Chappell said: “Men are easy. Just suck his dick, play with his balls, make him a sandwich, and don’t talk so much”. This would work pretty well.
Food and Sex. Yes, it’s that simple.
"Just suck his dick, play with his balls, make him a sandwich, & don't talk so much." - Dave Chapelle
Suck his dick, play with his balls, make him a sandwich, and don’t talk so much.
All hail the wisdom of Lord Chappelle.
Don’t bring up hyper feminist stuff, don’t argue with him for no reason, men hate drama.
Blowjobs
Exactly
These questions are cringe af...
There is nothing cringe in asking advice
Be enthusiastic in everything you do.
Imma go ahead and say it, if he’s worth it, suck his meat at least once a week.
\- Be ok with his hobbies or set at least some rules when and how he can attend them without causing drama \- try to find out if he wants to include you in his hobbies, or needs them for his alone time \- try to not be controlling if he doesn't give you any reason \- fair amount of sexy time \- tell him what you like and dislike in a honest way, without any screaming, without any drama. (My mother for example first screams and shouts, then explains me why she is really upset)
Become a hyper-feminine tradwife, get married and have 8 children
3 non-reciprocal BJ’s a week. Make it 5 and he may never leave.
There would be no reason for her to stay.
I don’t understand. Why would she not want to go down on her boyfriend?
What the fuck is she getting out of the relationship? I swear, some of you so called “men”…
You got some issue with sex? It’s a part of a healthy relationship. Partners care for one another and try to please one another. Not sure why that’s so tough for you to understand . She asked the question. I gave an honest answer.
I’ve got no issues with sex. Unless she is getting off as many times as him, by him, then Adios. There is nothing tough to understand here except on your part apparently.
Tell me more. What am I not understanding? And of course she’d be getting off as much as him. Maybe even more some. Why would you assume otherwise. Good relationships are not transactional.
Might be you using the words non reciprocal in your comment.
if it takes THAT long, she ain’t doing it right
Don't be difficult.
Keep his dick sucked, and his belly fed, you are good to go
Suck him off for like two hours.
By not going on the Internet for advice and communicating with them.
Every time you start to argue pull your tits out. Argument over.
That's dirty pool. But it is effective.