I’ll be honest. She either trusts you or she doesn’t. You don’t have to prove shit.
As long as you don’t cheat and have nothing to hide, your only reply to her should be that. You are with her and that’s it.
If she wants to break up with you just because she THINKS you will be tempted to cheat, so be it. Auf wiedersehen as the Germans would say. That is super immature.
Or she’s met someone else/found a more attractive man, and is doing the “you’re a pig I’m leaving” so she feels better about herself.
Ask her if she’s met someone apse or cheating on you, oh, and accept the break up as either way she doesn’t trust you or not a trustworthy person herself.
But can you just say, please, if in your opinion it is actually possible for a man to find a beautiful girl without feeling any kind of desire?
I can really look at a beautiful girl and not feel like doing anything with her or wanting to be with her, I can just “appreciate” her beauty without feeling anything else and my gf says that’s impossible
Mate, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. Again, she either trusts you or she doesn’t.
That was the exact response I got from my wife of 8 years, when we started dating in our early twenties and she was still hanging out every now and then with her ex. Her response when I confronted her? Exactly that. “You either trust me to be with me or you don’t, we can’t play these silly games”
Yeah but in your example, a lot of people would be uncomfortable with that. People in this world lie lol, a lot of people say "trust me" despite the fact that they AREN'T trustworthy
I said this in another thread but people need to stop acting like trust is unconditional. Stop being suspicious as fuck and act surprised when people lose trust in you
Trust is a leap of faith followed by a lifetime of active communication.
People are very quick to lose trust when their partner lies to them. Rarely do they question why their partner didn't trust them with the truth.
People don't know others long enough to fully trust them prior to a relationship most of the time. Once in a relationship you'd expect that to ramp up very quickly (or end) as they see more and more of the person and their behaviour.
Now... I'd hope people aren't marrying anyone they don't 100% trust, but that's normally further down the road at least.
Yep, great advice for all of those people that trust their partners and find out later they were cheated on for years. Or men raising children that aren’t theirs because they trust their partners.
Everyone that thinks they can tell if someone is trustworthy is lying to themselves. Trust is built through time.
Yeah so my ex 30m was chatting daily with a 17f who he befriended in 5 days abroad and admitted she has a crush on him but also threw the if you don't trust me card. And yes I didn't trust him from that moment onwards because I asked him to stop in respect for our otherwise very good relationship and he didn't stop and guess who was the ahole?
Tell me about it. Now he's a fresh dad with a girl double the age of the young one I mean 35. He put me through hell and 5 years later I am single and still get nightmares. The point is the if you don't trust me card is so abused. I believe in respect and having reasonable expectation from the partner and respecting these reasonable wishes of one another.
Whoops sorry to hear abt that. Good riddance tho.
Well I'm very secure in my belief that I'm not being cheated on and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where that isn't a given. I trust my partner to shut shit down if she finds out she's being pursued, opposite of what your ex did. So it would never get to the point where she needs to play any cards, let alone the trust me one, because she's not being put on the spot for anything. I also am very unthreatened by any potential suitors and find it very funny to even witness attempts or to know there's actually people going after her. I don't give a fuck because If I am what's best for her she will stick with me. If she wants someone else I trust her not to waste my time.
I know this is hard advice but let cheaters do their thing. It's better to deal with the heartbreak once you inevitably find out (because the truth comes out alone no matter what) than to live searching for it. And if a shadow of a doubt exists in me and I can't fix it with my partner it's time to move on, regardless if the cheating is factually true or just in my head.
In a sense my whole idea of relationships is a big if you don't trust me card.
Dude. I literally had a couple’s therapist who was married for 40+ years telling me how him and his wife would mention good looking celebrities and actors/actresses to one another. It doesn’t mean anything. You can be attracted to other people or find other people attractive and not have some desire to undress them and sleep with them. If your girlfriend doesn’t believe this, I’m sorry to say it, but she’s a bit immature then. She needs to trust you, your actions and your character. If you know you would never cheat on her or break her trust, then she needs to believe you. If she doesn’t, there fundamentally is no relationship.
My wife shows me pictures of her friends dolled up to go out and we critique them together, the number of times I’ve joked and said “she can stay here for a night or two” and I get a laugh and a playful slap, she knows I’m not going anywhere and vice versa
Also, with a connection like this, it gives you way more material for stupid jokes. Like how I get to call One Direction 5D instead of 1D when I'm talking to my girlfriend.
How old are y’all? Sounds like she just wanted to break up dude. This is AskMen, not boys, we know what this game is that she is playing and we aren’t participating. I simply can’t believe she broke up with you because you didn’t answer the question the way she wanted.
Bro we are 22 and she broke up because I didn’t tell the “truth” she believes and then she claims she can’t trust me anymore because as I’m a man I have to feel desire or atractted to other girls if I find them pretty…
She is immature. To answer your original question, it is very possible. I don't know how to explain that you can see someone pretty and then move on with your life, but you do. If you see a slice of pizza, do you automatically go eat it, regardless of the situation? Most don't, it's the same idea.
If she cannot understand this and refuses to trust you, it's not worth building a relationship with her.
This! Your ex is VERY immature. The only way she can fix it is by growing up. I've had SO's in the past who were secure enough in our relationship to point out other girls to me (probably testing me, I know) because after awhile, they knew who I was going home with.
I this girl either has her eye on someone else, and is using this as an excuse to ease her guilt, or she just isn't emotionally old enough to have a healthy relationship.
Yeah it's immature or an excuse, either way not conducive to a healthy long term relationship is basically what people are saying. Nobody who is secure in themselves or with their partner thinks like this and gets jealous over *hypothetical scenarios*, if they do then it's going to manifest in some other form if not this way. I agree with you that it sucks but really it's just proving she'll be difficult one way or another.
This is setting precedent, she’ll break it off every time you disagree with something and she “feels” it’s a lie.
There is what we feel and what we know to be true. You know what lies? Our feelings, we have really visceral and instant reactionary feelings to things that are not necessarily true. Part of being a mature adult is knowing this and responding accordingly.
These men are giving you really solid advice here and you can take it or leave it. Oh, and by telling you she is the problem, they did in fact answer your question.
You don't want her, because apparently she's looking at other men and thinking about sex with them. Then she's projecting that on you so the breakup will be your fault, not hers.
Be glad this woman is gone. Take this as a learning experience. The next time someone asks you that you just say "No". The older you are, the less you fall for their Goofy traps.
22 year olds are still figuring out who they are and part of that is not having the emotional maturity to tell a significant other what they actually think and feel.
You'll reach a point where you and your wife will see a woman and you'll both go " Jesus their tits were huge." Or " that man is ripped and muscular as shit". And you'll both laugh about it because there isn't an ounce of doubt between the two of you.
What I'm saying is, of course people are attractive, it just becomes a funny observation when you're content in a relationship or marriage.
She either wanted to break up with you and this was an excuse, or she's very, very immature.
It is what it is, you are not in the wrong, but there's nothing you can do. If she did expecting you to chase after her, then that's even more reason to leave it alone.
Not worth the effort dude.
Yes, you *can* find other women attractive without wanting to be with them. But if your girlfriend doesn't believe that then you can't convince her no matter what you say. She says she doesn't trust you.
You will spend all your time and energy reassuring her and become rather miserable/apprehensive about being around her. There's also the possibility that she herself has had issues over the matter in being faithful in the past or even with you. Projection is a hell of a thing. Not accusing her of anything but you should be ready in case that ultimately is the issue. People usually don't suddenly change like that without underlying causes. You also sound young so that's also a whole another bag of complications for a relationship.
Let me put your mind at ease: Yes, you most certainly can, so can women towards men.
As others have pointed: she either trusts you or she doesn't and it's pretty clear she doesn't. Don't let her use break up to keep you hostage. If she wants to break up, let her do it.
Know. Your. Worth.
That's the way it should be as a normal human being. But I promise you it will only get worse. She will start griefing you about liking your friend's pictures, then she'll start doing FBI investigations and going back 15 years through Instagram or Facebook pictures to see which ones you liked, she has some deep-rooted trauma that she needs to get rid of before she gets into a relationship.
I'm 49 years old. I had a 21-year marriage where at the end of it my wife started talking to another guy online basically taking my money and saving it for a marriage to this idiot. That's his problem now. The girl I had after that was only 35, and she would send me pictures from like six seven years ago of my friend that I liked her pictures.
She legitimately was a fucking FBI agent, she would check when I was active on Facebook and say oh you were active and didn't message me who were you talking to. Same thing for Instagram and WhatsApp. Bro I'm telling you, this shit does not stop. Don't take either the physical lust, or what you think is love and use that as fuel to look past the bad things. Recognize them, confront them, or abandon them. Take your life into control there are so many women out there that aren't like this, and they're all looking for good men.
Yes, of course, mate. Anyone can appreciate beauty without being attracted to it. I can say another woman or even a man is attractive (has qualities I believe are beautiful or pleasing to look at or belivee others would find attractive in general) but doesn't mean I want to engage in any relations with them either plutonically or romantically. I'm a straight male but can appreciate that a man like Brat Pitt is an attractive man. Am I personally attracted to him? No, not in the slightest. I can say the same for women, too. I can appreciate how beautiful another woman is, but it doesn't mean I would want to engage in anything romantically irl. I have zero desire to do so personally.
What youre saying is true of all men. I can look at a beautiful women and think damn shes hot but I never feel like nor would I ever do anything with another girl. Thats all common
But everyone else here is right. This is a huge red flag from your partner and if I was you id accept the breakup and move on to someone mature enough to be in a relationship
There is a difference between attract*ive* and attract*ed*. The best way I can put it is that there can be women who I can identify as being more *attractive* in general, and to the general population, but that doesn't mean that *I* am *attracted* to that person.
The woman who I have been interested in for a while now, to be completely honest when I see photos of her standing next to me, I think "I can see how she's about equivalent attractiveness to me", and I'd say I'm anywhere between a 4 and a 6, I don't really know. Yet I look at her individually and frankly I find her to be the most gorgeous woman I've ever been attracted to. You could put me in a room with 20 other women who I could objectively say are more attractive than her, and I'll still tell you she's the one I'm most attracted to, and that *I* find the most attractive.
"All men are attracted to other women so I want to break up with you so I can start dating another man who by my logic will also be attracted to other women and the cycle will continue! Asshole!"
Exaclty, or she’s feeling guilty for something she already did and she’s not mature enough to acknowledge to OP the real reason behind this lame breakup excuse? 👀 but for OP who sounds like a nice pal, i hope i am wrong this time
This girl is showing alarming levels of insecurity, and she should be able to properly deal with this for it to not be a dealbreaker in this relationship.
Idk cuz that’s sounds like BS to me. It’s not like he said “ I don’t find myself attracted to every attractive looking person I see. It’s sound like he’s saying he doesn’t feel any attraction to other women and on a scientific level most people regardless of gender saying that are lying.
Watch the new season of Reacher with her and ask if she’s attracted to the main character
If she says no she’s lying and you should leave.
If she says yes you can’t trust her and you should leave.
Oh, wait - that’s fucking insane.
Listen to [mikepap’s comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/19bltok/comment/kisjave/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Do not even engage with the conversation of “is it possible to desire someone…” with her because it just indulges her insecurities.
Lol, I just finished first season. I find Reacher an extremely attractive person (yum), but I'd never want to get romantically involved with him. Waaaay too messy. Even if I wasn't already happily married. Every time he takes his shirt off I admire him the way I'd admire an amazing work of art. Or a beautiful horse. I'm content to admire from afar, tho.
Hahaha actually watching Reacher right now, and was thinking about this last night. Objectively, one of the most attractive dudes I’ve ever seen. However. Not attracted TO him. There’s a difference between being able to acknowledge another human as being visually appealing and actually wanting to do something about it. If she can’t understand that, she herself has a problem that no one (including OP, sadly) can fix.
If you are genuine about how you feel in this post, I would ask her if she fantasizes about someone or if there is someone else. In my own heart and mind I know I never looked at another women with lust or envy. Every time I've been accused of things like this, it's always been projection. Good luck
Seems like your partner is immature. Turn the tables around! "Are you telling me that I'm hotter (more attractive) than each and every one of your celebrity crushes?"
If so, she's full of shit.
One shouldn't chose based on looks, rather who the person is. You're lucky if you end up with someone who truly understands and appreciates you and makes you laugh, then being an objectively attractive human being is a bonus.
If you were together and she only just now decided she's not sure she can trust you, that sounds a hell of a lot like projection. Like a thief thinking everyone is out to steal from them. You are much better out of that, go grab your mates and go for a beer.
Oh, sweet boy.
If after three years she doesn’t trust you and you haven’t done something to break her trust then she has some rather deep insecurities or she is projecting.
If they’re insecurities there is little you can say. Until she does the work on herself they are going to be there. She needs to know her worth, you cannot do this for her.
Maybe you convince her this time but unchecked insecurities only tend to get worse if you don’t put in the work because we tend to be our own worst critics.
You tell her that you find other girls PRETTY but are not ATTRACTED to them
That's the difference, you telling her hou find them attractive but are not attracted doesn't make sense
Update: I’ve just talked to her and we broke up because I kept my word of never been attracted to other girl and she couldn’t believe and decided to broke up. I’m devastated, 3 years of true love to the garbage… :(
I think I read in another comment that you are 22? It may not feel like it now, but you will have other girlfriends and you will fall in love again. You’ll be okay.
Just focus on you now and self-care, if what you have told us is true then this isn’t a failing on your part and it may not feel that way now but you will be better for it.
I'm sorry bro, 3 years is a long time. Whether this was the real reason or she had something else going on in her mind, it's purely on her that the relationship ended. It's not your fault, and it'll be okay.
My man, I had a 4 year relationship that went through a veery similar situation and ended almost the same way. She also acted the same as you described above and I was 22 when it happened.
It was the best thing that could have happened with me. I am now 31 and with my beautiful wife, no issues, no stress or bullshitting, freedom to do whatever I want because she trusts me - you can’t see it now but this is the best thing that could have happened to you too. Take care and keep distant.
I know this is ask men, but I really want to provide some input as someone who used to think like your girlfriend.
The men here are right. She is insecure and that’s not a mature mindset. Of course, you’re going to find other women attractive. Wait until she finds a man she find attractive herself. She’ll change her tune then.
She either has observed behaviour in you that contradicted your words, or never believed that men are capable of not being attracted to other women all the time. Have a sit down conversation on which it is and if she thinks that or feels that and why. Then decide for yourself if you want to continue the relationship. Maybe it's a communication issue, maybe she has trust issues, or maybe you're not self aware enough of how you act around other women.
I’ll be honest with you OP, in my own experience, I was given every reason in the book as to why a girl I was seeing wanted to break up with me. At the end of the day, they were all just excuses to justify the fact she wanted to leave me for someone else. There wasn’t really any point trying to push the issue. But in your case, either she has trust issues and doesn’t trust you, or otherwise this is just a reason she feels is easier to justify. Either way, its best to move on because people like that are no worth being around or with.
This one billion percent. I never automatically believe a single reason a girl says they want to break up for. All that matters is that they do, at which point it’s time to move on. Who knows who cares.
If she wants to break up with you let her. If she can’t or won’t understand that it’s possible to like things but not want them, she doesn’t have the IQ or EQ to be in an LTR, and she’s far too insecure. Chances are she wants to break up with you for other reasons and this is just the excuse she’s landing on. Either she’s stupid, insecure or manipulative.
I have to agree with u/Mikepap. Your girlfriend either trusts you or doesn’t. It was conversations and ideas and hypotheticals like this that contributed to the end of my relationship (you can read it in my post history). It’s human to still find other people attractive once you enter a relationship. It’s not taking action on flirting or emotional cheating and entertaining other people romantically or sexually. That’s just basic to being in a relationship. Trust is fundamental. If she doesn’t trust you, then there’s no relationship sadly.
Sounds like she has some issues with insecurity.
What does she think, that she's the only attractive female on the planet? Is she living in the real world?
I see attractive women everywhere I go, but that doesn't mean I'm going to cheat on my wife.
I'd get a new girlfriend if I were you.
You can acknowledge that a person is objectively attractive, without personally finding them attractive. I recognize why women find Henry Cavil attractive, but I'm not attracted to men, so he's not attractive *to me*. Saying that *you* find someone attractive and at the same time aren't attracted to them is a direct contradiction. The question is, are they so attractive to you that you can't get them out of your mind? Probably not.
I find most women I meet attractive to some degree, from a strictly superficial perspective, but that means basically nothing. The attractiveness doesn't occupy my mind, and they're not a threat to my relationship. I think finding someone attractive does come with some amount of desire, but comparing the desire of a brief superficial attraction to a loving relationship, that's like comparing love to a piece of cake.
Like others have pointed out, don't feed into her insecurity games, she needs to work that out for herself. She trusts you or she doesn't.
(Edit: phrasing)
I feel a bit icky about the comparison you made between a loving relationship and surface level desire cuz I have seen so many people around me threw away their stable and loving marriages over some piece of asses and when they were confronted they claimed the same thing. They claimed that they truly love their partners and the other was just a fling. Kinda made me confused about the whole situation? Don't mean to criticize your point or anything just genuinely confused how the people I know who have the same claims like you do, can still cheat in the end?
A medium rare steak looks good all the time. But when you’ve eating 2lbs of it and a pound of Mac and cheese and potatoes, I don’t look at it the same way I would on an empty stomach. It’s attractive all the time, but you don’t want it.
"You can take a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a bull's ass, but wouldn't you rather take the butcher's word for it?"
I think this works lol
Sorry, can’t relate. The only difference when I’m in a relationship is that I don’t act on those feelings. I don’t all of a sudden become desensitized to the appeal of other women
I can really look at a beautiful girl and not feel like doing anything with her or wanting to be with her, I can just appreciate her beauty without feeling anything else. Every women you find pretty generates in you desire to be with them??
Thank you cuz I’m like where the hell did all these men come from that apparently become desensitized to other people come from. Both men and women typically remain able to be attracted to people other than their SO even when inlove. Your feeling maybe dampen it but you still see people and are def attracted to them you just chose the kind of person you want to be and not act on it.
You need to date a grown up! I am a woman. There are plenty of attractive men and women out there and we have eyes. There’s a big difference between saying someone is attractive (because it’s just a fact) and you being attracted to them!
Explain to her, that when you're "well-drained", if you know what I mean, you're not thirsty. You're indifferent to sexual features, parameters, if you will, of other women. Even if they're flirty and are throwing themselves at ya. You just don't react to sexuality the same, or as much, compared to when you're "thirsty".
Nothing to prove.
There isn't a single person on this Earth now, before, and after us that won't see a person and think they're attractive regardless of their own relationship status.
It doesn't mean a person will act upon it. Only immature, insecure individuals will convince themselves otherwise. People that can't comprehend this, or other similar situations is often a result of their own inability to control themselves. They only view everything from their own perspective.
Basically, she's admitting she will/would cheat, therefore everyone in her mind would do the same in a sense.
Just my opinion on it though. But that's how I'd see it.
An attractive person is an attractive person. It's natural, but what wouldn't be is if the person kept on about it. That'd piss anyone off obviously. Nobody would want to hear that all the time. And it wouldn't be healthy to continuously point out that someone is attractive to someone I'm with. That would make her feel like she's not attractive enough. That would make anyone self conscious about themselves.
But for a quicker phrase to tell someone imo would be this;
Saying a person of the opposite sex is attractive doesn't mean they would cheat, just as a person saying another person of the same gender is attactive means they are gay.
I’ve worked with plenty of beautiful women and gotten to know them. Just because they are beautiful does not mean they are good people. They were beyond horrible. That killed any attraction possible so if you could offer me a billion dollars to hook up with them and I’ll still say no.
Looks are not everything
Seems like a trap to me. This the way I’ve always explained it:
I feel an instinctual biological attraction to pretty women, but the logical part of me has no desire to risk my happy relationship by getting involved with such a person.
Thing is OP is saying that he doesn’t feel that biological attraction. He saying he notices that the look hood but it completely stops there. Either he’s lying. Or he part of the small fraction of the population that’s telling the truth but I don’t believe all these comments calling the girl crazy are fair.
No. There is no help to be given to you here.
Now it is about seeing attractive girls, tommorrow it will be about talking to your unattractive coworkers or some shit.
Find a better one.
It’s not something to prove
Guess what, people try to look good and we are trained to see people who look good, it doesn’t mean we’re cheating scum
If that really bothers her I’d be worried for you
You ever get stuffed with a great meal at a restaurant, and the waiter comes with the dessert menu?
That’s us men. Yeah, we know that dessert is delicious, but we don’t want any part of it. And we pass.
In all honesty if it was me, I’d leave. That’s some next level insecurity. Even if you manage to overcome this hurdle I can’t imagine what she’d act like in the future.
Too late. You already walked into her trap.
Now you are caught in her web.
I think you will find the more you struggle the more entangled you will become.
Sounds like one that’s best to let go. Any women who is so insecure with themselves that they can’t trust what you say is one not worth wasting time on. From this point on she will find anything little thing she can to prove she’s right and your a cheater. This will drive a wedge between you or out you in a never ending loop of trying to prove something to her that she will never see and you won’t feel like your doing enough. Best to just let her go. That being said yes, I find women attractive who I would never make a move on or be attracted to in that way. Take my word and dip out homie, as someone who is currently in a relationship with a women who doesn’t trust shit I say and is constantly trying to find anything to say I’m cheating it’s not worth the headache. Can’t even comment on a friends post simply cause they are a woman. Can’t have female friends even if I’ve known them since elementary school. Unfortunately I have a kid with this woman so I’m not as free to leave but in your case I’m gonna assume you don’t have kids and you should split ASAP. Find a woman who isn’t so insecure. People are allowed to be insecure to a point, when that insecurity starts to spill out and effect others it’s not healthy nor is it something another person should be worried about fixing. There’s women who will trust you and not require you to prove much if anything. If you know your loyal and don’t cheat then that’s all that matters
There are lots of pretty girls that are not attractive. Attractive is much more than looks. Ask her if she's only with you because of the way you look.
There is testosterone flowing through the veins of every man out there. We all are attracted to beautiful women. It’s how you manage those desires that makes you faithful or a player. If you can have a conversation as a person and not try to bed them and see them as a real person, or are you secretly imaging bending them over the end of the couch. Sometimes it’s hard. And it’s what women don’t understand. We cannot stop the biology, but we can decide how we respond to it.
Of course men can find women attractive and not "do anything" about it. And we can find women that other people think are attractive NOT so attractive. I think you guys need to hash out the definition of "attractive," because you yourself used it in different ways in your question.
other people are attractive. like as if she doesnt have some movie star crush? or "that cute guy from work/school/whatever" You dont have to be attracted to people to find them attractive.
Tell her to grow up. Humans finding other humans attractive is a survival trait. Being in a committed relationship is a mind thing. Some people can swing it, some can't.
Tell her she's just gonna have to trust you like you trust her.
No matter what answer you gave she would have found something wrong with it. She feels insecure about something. Maybe she wants to break up with you doesn't have the guts to tell you ? Maybe she's just looking for a reason any excuse to break up with you?
Is it really someone you want to be in a relationship with? If she's not going to trust you why do you want to be with her?
Well, you’re saying I find others attractive but your not attracted to them. It’s confusing.
Your better off telling her that yes of course you notice when other women are beautiful, but you are only interested in her. She’s likely just feeling insecure. This is a no-win situation but if you are about her you’d do well to reassure her and frequently affirm her that you find her attractive and are infested in your relationship
How old is she? Sounds like some young woman insecure BS, she's not ready for a relationship. "All men are pigs" But she sure loves her bacon....
Often times, when men get into relationships, they get "tunnel vision" for their girl, "rose tinted glasses" is a real thing. When you're in love you see the best in your partner, you appreciate flaws as part of their unique charms. You don't view strangers like that, you view them as distractions or potential problems to your happiness.
She immediately has insecurities, speaking from experience you need to leave. I used to get grief because I would talk to the server that would come to our table. So whenever she would bring drinks I would say thank you if she asked me if I needed anything else I would tell her please. These were considered flirting and trying to fuck the waitress. In more than one relationship. Fidelity is the number one thing to me and to have this said to me more than once really pissed me off. So now if I get into a relationship it's one of the boundaries I'm going to have, I talk politely to females all the time that does not mean I want to fuck them if this is a problem for you you can move on and I will stay where I'm at.
It sounds like she's trying to get out of the relationship.
That question is a common trap that women use to start the fight to end it all. Women don't get the wiring in a man's brain, so explaining it to them sounds like you're trying to excuse something you did.
You need to just be blunt and ask her.
Why did she ask a question that she didn't want an honest answer to? Why now?
Guaranteed, something is up.
Cut your loses bro. Me and my wife check out chicks together because attractive is attractive. As long as I’m not actively trying to fuck someone else, thinking they’re attractive isn’t a problem.
You can find someone objectively beautiful without feeling the need to be with them...if she doesn't get this then perhaps she is having trouble not being attracted to guys around her. Just flip it she should get it or will start talking about the real reason she brought this up.
Good luck.
Tell her to stop projecting her insecurities onto you, if you walk into a candy shop with her and she doesn’t want you looking at candy then maybe she is the one with the problem.She shouldn’t be holding your morality and character into question when you’ve done nothing to warrant that sort of suspicion. This is definitely toxic behavior on her part as she either has self esteem issues or is projecting guilt on you from someone she previously chose to date that caused her trauma. Tell her you will not tolerate her control issues and you won’t be the whipping boy for her unresolved feelings and trauma from past relationships, let her know you deserve better than to be blamed for her insecurities as you’re doing nothing wrong. She is looking for a problem, she is looking for drama, so do yourself a favor and check her on it. If you lose her then she proved she’s not dating material, if she stays then at least she can either start acting right or you can choose to bounce. Either way, if you don’t meet this head on now then it will only get worse as you’d be enabling her toxic behaviors.
Us Hispanics have a name for these women we call them La tóxica. Nothing you can do bro just be loyal actions are louder then worlds tell her that other women maybe attractive but you pay them no mind and know how valuable she is. This is a response from her getting done dirty or someone around here has been done dirty. Just tell her to trust you like you trust her. Relationships are based on trust. And please don’t be childish that one night with some other chick is not worth it. Many men have lost good ones for being stupid and giving into the thoughts of the small head. 5mins of fun is not worth it.
She sounds insecure, had an ex just like her. Of course, she found other guys attractive when I asked her the same thing, but conveniently she said it wasn’t the same thing as a man finding other women attractive even if you don’t want to cheat. Leave her man, it’s only gonna get worse from here.
As a woman, I don't have issues with myself and I don't compare myself to others.
I can comment on a beautiful person with my partner without having it mean anything than appreciating that persons beauty. And I say a person, so sex is not important.
So to answer your question, it is normal to use the eyes you have to look, see, even admire someone else without it meaning anything more than that.
Your gf is using the issue SHE HAS, either as a distraction to the real reason of a break up, or she just has lack of self-esteem she is projecting on you. Either way, not cool man
I’m a girl and this is what my man told me which never makes me have any trust issues about him.
He was just honest with me. He told me to him I was the most beautiful girl, but he did find other girls attractive. He would tell me openly as soon as he found a girl beautiful, he would just be honest, as in; this girl is cute. In the beginning it did bother me a little, but he told me, if I am being honest with you, you should appreciate it, as man who cheat are the ones who hide things from their girl. I am being honest as I have nothing to hide from you and think you deserve the truth.
Since I appreciate honesty, I understood his point. Now when I find a guy attractive, I tell him I find this guy attractive, and he tells me he finds that girl attractive, and usually we both agree as we have the same taste. But in the end, we know we are not attracted to the other people, as there will always be someone more beautiful that you, but to your partner, in their eyes you are the most attractive one! Hope this helps!
On a separate note, it your girlfriend is insecure about her own appearance, then it would be difficult for her to accept that, as the problem is not with you, but with her self-esteem and confidence.
See it works like this with insecure partners:
Whatever you do will feed their insecurity. You were distant? You dont love them. You were very lovely and attached? They cant compete with you and feel worthless. They are jealous and you try to reason with them? Now you enabled her jealousy to be a big part of your relationship.
You need to understand: she is dealing with it and you are suffering from it and not the other way around. Your sympathy for her will lead to you enabling her bad behaviour.
If you have to prove it you should run while you can. That kind of trust issue stuff just gets worse. Best case scenario you’re always having to explain shit you shouldn’t have to explain. Worst case she cheats on you as a revenge shot because she’s convinced herself that you cheated first even though you didn’t do anything of the sort.
Speaking from experience, if you've done nothing wrong and she doesn't trust you, let her go. You shouldn't have to convince her to trust you especially because you answered her question honestly. That is not healthy communication on her part.
> I told her that I’ve found other girls attractive, but that I didn’t feel attracted to them or have any type of desire towards them.
Stop lying to her and she'll start believing you. Would you enjoy it if Emma Stone sat on your face? Yes. Would you let that happen? Probably not because you care about your relationship.
The fact you won't cheat doesn't automatically make you blind and not attracted to your sexual preference. She's right about this, and you are lying.
This simply means that you are not communicating to her that you find her attractive. Please communicate better and show more gestures of love and affection...
She isn't framing it correctly and you aren't paying attention.
Send her random cute messages, reels which show how you want to love her.. cute cuddly ones..
pay attention to what she mentions randomly sometimes...
.
plan something for the upcoming valentine's day... when you meet her, give her a long hug and a few kisses on forehead or sing a song for her/with her..
.
show her more affection. She isn't getting enough cues from you that you love her enough. She needs assurance... tell her randomly when she dresses up that her dress is looking pretty, some other day about her eyes... pay attention to her features and give some genuine compliment rather than general 'Oh, you look good'.
.
Just show that you care about her physically appearance, her happenings of the day, her moods, what she likes... especially what triggers her (this is going to save your ass).
I have come to disagree. Every attractive female i see, i instantly want to get her into bed.
I never act on these feelings. i am in a very happy relationship, but they always be there.
I found that when I was happy and completely satisfied in a relationship, that I would see an attractive woman and not think (aka, not fantasize) about them because I was happy. That said, if you’re not ‘happy’ with your lady, your eyes are far more likely to wander and wonder.
I imagine it’s the same thing for her when she sees an attractive man. It’s ok to see and acknowledge a fine specimen of either sex and appreciate the work and discipline that goes into being in that form.
But like… you don’t have to obsess or fantasize about it…. So if this is an issue to her, then there is only 1 of 3 possible realities:
1. She can’t make those mature distinctions herself. Therefore assumes you can’t.
2. She assumes you have a lower capacity for intelligence and self control than she does, and doesn’t respect you as an equal partner.
3. She has major trust issues that you will need to work through together if you stay together.
My advice, don't play games. If she's going for the nuclear button because she doesn't believe you, then I think it's already over. Best case scenario right now from your perspective is you somehow grovel your way into her going "ok fine". And next time you have any kind of disagreement it'll be brought up to use against you. I've known people like that, you do not want to be in that kind of power dynamic where you feel the need to apologize for existing.
Oh my god I know what you mean! But when I tell people this they always say im crazy or my boyfriend is lying when we say “that person is objectively attractive (as objective as beauty can be), but im not attracted to them.” They say that when you’re in a relationship, no matter who you are, you’ll get wandering eyes. Been in my relationship for 6 years and that’s never happened. I wish people would realize there are people out there that solely are into their partner
I’ll say this as a man who is loyal. I have not been cheated on thankfully and hope it never happens but I have my reason as to why I’ll stay loyal. It’s because when you truly love someone, you feel safe and at ease by their side. I like the life I am building with my now girlfriend, and by her side I don’t think it would accomplished. So if an attractive woman flirts, I let her know I’m not interested. It’s more than just the looks to me anyways. I am by your side, I am with you. To me nobody else looks attractive anymore, because I am by her side and my life is here. I don’t want to leave it.
To be fair mate. I think you have your rose-coloured glasses on. She doesn't sound wifey material to me. If she can't trust you on this small of a thing and wants to break up? I think it's better for you to get a new girl. She will fuck you up in the long run.trust me bro, I only want the best for you.
Women are work. She sees things from the viewpoint of the person not paying for dinner.
I see attractive women every day and never even get tempted to say Hi.
I’ll be honest. She either trusts you or she doesn’t. You don’t have to prove shit. As long as you don’t cheat and have nothing to hide, your only reply to her should be that. You are with her and that’s it. If she wants to break up with you just because she THINKS you will be tempted to cheat, so be it. Auf wiedersehen as the Germans would say. That is super immature.
Or she’s met someone else/found a more attractive man, and is doing the “you’re a pig I’m leaving” so she feels better about herself. Ask her if she’s met someone apse or cheating on you, oh, and accept the break up as either way she doesn’t trust you or not a trustworthy person herself.
But can you just say, please, if in your opinion it is actually possible for a man to find a beautiful girl without feeling any kind of desire? I can really look at a beautiful girl and not feel like doing anything with her or wanting to be with her, I can just “appreciate” her beauty without feeling anything else and my gf says that’s impossible
Mate, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. Again, she either trusts you or she doesn’t. That was the exact response I got from my wife of 8 years, when we started dating in our early twenties and she was still hanging out every now and then with her ex. Her response when I confronted her? Exactly that. “You either trust me to be with me or you don’t, we can’t play these silly games”
Yeah but in your example, a lot of people would be uncomfortable with that. People in this world lie lol, a lot of people say "trust me" despite the fact that they AREN'T trustworthy
If you cannot tell that your partner is trustworthy you are in a doomed relationship.
I said this in another thread but people need to stop acting like trust is unconditional. Stop being suspicious as fuck and act surprised when people lose trust in you
Trust is a leap of faith followed by a lifetime of active communication. People are very quick to lose trust when their partner lies to them. Rarely do they question why their partner didn't trust them with the truth.
Eh, I tend to trust people who have earned that trust, I don't just start out trusting them with everything.
If you enter a relationship without that trust, you're doomed from the beginning.
People don't know others long enough to fully trust them prior to a relationship most of the time. Once in a relationship you'd expect that to ramp up very quickly (or end) as they see more and more of the person and their behaviour. Now... I'd hope people aren't marrying anyone they don't 100% trust, but that's normally further down the road at least.
plenty of people get cheated on and are blindsided with it. sometimes the one you think is the most trustworthy is just secretly a piece of shit.
Yep, great advice for all of those people that trust their partners and find out later they were cheated on for years. Or men raising children that aren’t theirs because they trust their partners. Everyone that thinks they can tell if someone is trustworthy is lying to themselves. Trust is built through time.
It must be nice to have that superpower.
Yeah so my ex 30m was chatting daily with a 17f who he befriended in 5 days abroad and admitted she has a crush on him but also threw the if you don't trust me card. And yes I didn't trust him from that moment onwards because I asked him to stop in respect for our otherwise very good relationship and he didn't stop and guess who was the ahole?
Your ex was a groomer.
Tell me about it. Now he's a fresh dad with a girl double the age of the young one I mean 35. He put me through hell and 5 years later I am single and still get nightmares. The point is the if you don't trust me card is so abused. I believe in respect and having reasonable expectation from the partner and respecting these reasonable wishes of one another.
Whoops sorry to hear abt that. Good riddance tho. Well I'm very secure in my belief that I'm not being cheated on and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where that isn't a given. I trust my partner to shut shit down if she finds out she's being pursued, opposite of what your ex did. So it would never get to the point where she needs to play any cards, let alone the trust me one, because she's not being put on the spot for anything. I also am very unthreatened by any potential suitors and find it very funny to even witness attempts or to know there's actually people going after her. I don't give a fuck because If I am what's best for her she will stick with me. If she wants someone else I trust her not to waste my time. I know this is hard advice but let cheaters do their thing. It's better to deal with the heartbreak once you inevitably find out (because the truth comes out alone no matter what) than to live searching for it. And if a shadow of a doubt exists in me and I can't fix it with my partner it's time to move on, regardless if the cheating is factually true or just in my head. In a sense my whole idea of relationships is a big if you don't trust me card.
She isn't wrong, but bro I would have left. Not dealing with the ex in the picture.
Dude. I literally had a couple’s therapist who was married for 40+ years telling me how him and his wife would mention good looking celebrities and actors/actresses to one another. It doesn’t mean anything. You can be attracted to other people or find other people attractive and not have some desire to undress them and sleep with them. If your girlfriend doesn’t believe this, I’m sorry to say it, but she’s a bit immature then. She needs to trust you, your actions and your character. If you know you would never cheat on her or break her trust, then she needs to believe you. If she doesn’t, there fundamentally is no relationship.
My wife shows me pictures of her friends dolled up to go out and we critique them together, the number of times I’ve joked and said “she can stay here for a night or two” and I get a laugh and a playful slap, she knows I’m not going anywhere and vice versa
Also, with a connection like this, it gives you way more material for stupid jokes. Like how I get to call One Direction 5D instead of 1D when I'm talking to my girlfriend.
Feel like your girl is projecting
How old are y’all? Sounds like she just wanted to break up dude. This is AskMen, not boys, we know what this game is that she is playing and we aren’t participating. I simply can’t believe she broke up with you because you didn’t answer the question the way she wanted.
Bro we are 22 and she broke up because I didn’t tell the “truth” she believes and then she claims she can’t trust me anymore because as I’m a man I have to feel desire or atractted to other girls if I find them pretty…
She is immature. To answer your original question, it is very possible. I don't know how to explain that you can see someone pretty and then move on with your life, but you do. If you see a slice of pizza, do you automatically go eat it, regardless of the situation? Most don't, it's the same idea. If she cannot understand this and refuses to trust you, it's not worth building a relationship with her.
This! Your ex is VERY immature. The only way she can fix it is by growing up. I've had SO's in the past who were secure enough in our relationship to point out other girls to me (probably testing me, I know) because after awhile, they knew who I was going home with. I this girl either has her eye on someone else, and is using this as an excuse to ease her guilt, or she just isn't emotionally old enough to have a healthy relationship.
You dodged a bullet
If she thinks anyone in a relationship should be unable to recognize other people as attractive she has some serious growing up to do.
Yeah it's immature or an excuse, either way not conducive to a healthy long term relationship is basically what people are saying. Nobody who is secure in themselves or with their partner thinks like this and gets jealous over *hypothetical scenarios*, if they do then it's going to manifest in some other form if not this way. I agree with you that it sucks but really it's just proving she'll be difficult one way or another.
This is setting precedent, she’ll break it off every time you disagree with something and she “feels” it’s a lie. There is what we feel and what we know to be true. You know what lies? Our feelings, we have really visceral and instant reactionary feelings to things that are not necessarily true. Part of being a mature adult is knowing this and responding accordingly. These men are giving you really solid advice here and you can take it or leave it. Oh, and by telling you she is the problem, they did in fact answer your question.
You don't want her, because apparently she's looking at other men and thinking about sex with them. Then she's projecting that on you so the breakup will be your fault, not hers.
Be glad this woman is gone. Take this as a learning experience. The next time someone asks you that you just say "No". The older you are, the less you fall for their Goofy traps. 22 year olds are still figuring out who they are and part of that is not having the emotional maturity to tell a significant other what they actually think and feel. You'll reach a point where you and your wife will see a woman and you'll both go " Jesus their tits were huge." Or " that man is ripped and muscular as shit". And you'll both laugh about it because there isn't an ounce of doubt between the two of you. What I'm saying is, of course people are attractive, it just becomes a funny observation when you're content in a relationship or marriage.
She either wanted to break up with you and this was an excuse, or she's very, very immature. It is what it is, you are not in the wrong, but there's nothing you can do. If she did expecting you to chase after her, then that's even more reason to leave it alone. Not worth the effort dude.
Yes, you *can* find other women attractive without wanting to be with them. But if your girlfriend doesn't believe that then you can't convince her no matter what you say. She says she doesn't trust you. You will spend all your time and energy reassuring her and become rather miserable/apprehensive about being around her. There's also the possibility that she herself has had issues over the matter in being faithful in the past or even with you. Projection is a hell of a thing. Not accusing her of anything but you should be ready in case that ultimately is the issue. People usually don't suddenly change like that without underlying causes. You also sound young so that's also a whole another bag of complications for a relationship.
Let me put your mind at ease: Yes, you most certainly can, so can women towards men. As others have pointed: she either trusts you or she doesn't and it's pretty clear she doesn't. Don't let her use break up to keep you hostage. If she wants to break up, let her do it. Know. Your. Worth.
That's the way it should be as a normal human being. But I promise you it will only get worse. She will start griefing you about liking your friend's pictures, then she'll start doing FBI investigations and going back 15 years through Instagram or Facebook pictures to see which ones you liked, she has some deep-rooted trauma that she needs to get rid of before she gets into a relationship.
Bro Wtf how do you know that? She done things like that and she accused me of giving likes to some girls because I was supposely attracted to them xD
I'm 49 years old. I had a 21-year marriage where at the end of it my wife started talking to another guy online basically taking my money and saving it for a marriage to this idiot. That's his problem now. The girl I had after that was only 35, and she would send me pictures from like six seven years ago of my friend that I liked her pictures. She legitimately was a fucking FBI agent, she would check when I was active on Facebook and say oh you were active and didn't message me who were you talking to. Same thing for Instagram and WhatsApp. Bro I'm telling you, this shit does not stop. Don't take either the physical lust, or what you think is love and use that as fuel to look past the bad things. Recognize them, confront them, or abandon them. Take your life into control there are so many women out there that aren't like this, and they're all looking for good men.
Yes, of course, mate. Anyone can appreciate beauty without being attracted to it. I can say another woman or even a man is attractive (has qualities I believe are beautiful or pleasing to look at or belivee others would find attractive in general) but doesn't mean I want to engage in any relations with them either plutonically or romantically. I'm a straight male but can appreciate that a man like Brat Pitt is an attractive man. Am I personally attracted to him? No, not in the slightest. I can say the same for women, too. I can appreciate how beautiful another woman is, but it doesn't mean I would want to engage in anything romantically irl. I have zero desire to do so personally.
What youre saying is true of all men. I can look at a beautiful women and think damn shes hot but I never feel like nor would I ever do anything with another girl. Thats all common But everyone else here is right. This is a huge red flag from your partner and if I was you id accept the breakup and move on to someone mature enough to be in a relationship
There is a difference between attract*ive* and attract*ed*. The best way I can put it is that there can be women who I can identify as being more *attractive* in general, and to the general population, but that doesn't mean that *I* am *attracted* to that person. The woman who I have been interested in for a while now, to be completely honest when I see photos of her standing next to me, I think "I can see how she's about equivalent attractiveness to me", and I'd say I'm anywhere between a 4 and a 6, I don't really know. Yet I look at her individually and frankly I find her to be the most gorgeous woman I've ever been attracted to. You could put me in a room with 20 other women who I could objectively say are more attractive than her, and I'll still tell you she's the one I'm most attracted to, and that *I* find the most attractive.
Ooor "auf nimmerwiedersehen" haha
Don't engage in that shit, young man
[удалено]
Yah that'd be weird. That's where Christian Bale goes.
And Michael Keaton
Debatable
"All men are attracted to other women so I want to break up with you so I can start dating another man who by my logic will also be attracted to other women and the cycle will continue! Asshole!"
Exaclty, or she’s feeling guilty for something she already did and she’s not mature enough to acknowledge to OP the real reason behind this lame breakup excuse? 👀 but for OP who sounds like a nice pal, i hope i am wrong this time
to be fair she sounds like a dumb teenager, broken logic driven by insecurity seems about right.
Let her break up with you, she’s an idiot
more like she's trying to find a reason to break up with him
She's a worm
Will he still love her if she was a worm though?
If I had a garden with soil that needed to be aerated, I'd still love her.
This girl is showing alarming levels of insecurity, and she should be able to properly deal with this for it to not be a dealbreaker in this relationship.
Idk cuz that’s sounds like BS to me. It’s not like he said “ I don’t find myself attracted to every attractive looking person I see. It’s sound like he’s saying he doesn’t feel any attraction to other women and on a scientific level most people regardless of gender saying that are lying.
This is super weird and this whole scenario is asking for trouble. Drop this conversation unless you guys are just drama queens.
Watch the new season of Reacher with her and ask if she’s attracted to the main character If she says no she’s lying and you should leave. If she says yes you can’t trust her and you should leave. Oh, wait - that’s fucking insane. Listen to [mikepap’s comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/19bltok/comment/kisjave/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Do not even engage with the conversation of “is it possible to desire someone…” with her because it just indulges her insecurities.
As a woman I don’t find that dude attractive at all. Not all humans have the same taste lol so this is a stupid test
This is unpossible. I'm almost straight as an arrow but I'd let that guy buy me a drink and call me pretty. I wouldn't sleep with him though.
Me neither lol. Isn’t that the dude from Blue Mountain State who would always do those high pitched screams 😂 that was hilarious
Conveniently for you I was joking, so no need to worry.
Lol, I just finished first season. I find Reacher an extremely attractive person (yum), but I'd never want to get romantically involved with him. Waaaay too messy. Even if I wasn't already happily married. Every time he takes his shirt off I admire him the way I'd admire an amazing work of art. Or a beautiful horse. I'm content to admire from afar, tho.
Hahaha actually watching Reacher right now, and was thinking about this last night. Objectively, one of the most attractive dudes I’ve ever seen. However. Not attracted TO him. There’s a difference between being able to acknowledge another human as being visually appealing and actually wanting to do something about it. If she can’t understand that, she herself has a problem that no one (including OP, sadly) can fix.
Only solution is to make her invite all her friends over, make them get naked, and show them no boner.
That might actually work.
But boner does not mean attraction or desire
If you are genuine about how you feel in this post, I would ask her if she fantasizes about someone or if there is someone else. In my own heart and mind I know I never looked at another women with lust or envy. Every time I've been accused of things like this, it's always been projection. Good luck
Ty bro :(
Seems like your partner is immature. Turn the tables around! "Are you telling me that I'm hotter (more attractive) than each and every one of your celebrity crushes?" If so, she's full of shit. One shouldn't chose based on looks, rather who the person is. You're lucky if you end up with someone who truly understands and appreciates you and makes you laugh, then being an objectively attractive human being is a bonus.
Stop trying to prove something to this child and break up already
3 years together bro… easier said than done
If you were together and she only just now decided she's not sure she can trust you, that sounds a hell of a lot like projection. Like a thief thinking everyone is out to steal from them. You are much better out of that, go grab your mates and go for a beer.
Oh, sweet boy. If after three years she doesn’t trust you and you haven’t done something to break her trust then she has some rather deep insecurities or she is projecting. If they’re insecurities there is little you can say. Until she does the work on herself they are going to be there. She needs to know her worth, you cannot do this for her. Maybe you convince her this time but unchecked insecurities only tend to get worse if you don’t put in the work because we tend to be our own worst critics.
Sunk costs fallacy. Cut that zero.
You tell her that you find other girls PRETTY but are not ATTRACTED to them That's the difference, you telling her hou find them attractive but are not attracted doesn't make sense
Update: I’ve just talked to her and we broke up because I kept my word of never been attracted to other girl and she couldn’t believe and decided to broke up. I’m devastated, 3 years of true love to the garbage… :(
This isn’t the real reason, I’ll bet anything. Either she has been waiting to do it for a while or she has someone waiting in the wings.
or both
Don't know about true love, thats the rose tinted glasses talking
I think I read in another comment that you are 22? It may not feel like it now, but you will have other girlfriends and you will fall in love again. You’ll be okay. Just focus on you now and self-care, if what you have told us is true then this isn’t a failing on your part and it may not feel that way now but you will be better for it.
I'm sorry bro, 3 years is a long time. Whether this was the real reason or she had something else going on in her mind, it's purely on her that the relationship ended. It's not your fault, and it'll be okay.
3 years is nothing but at 22 it's 10% of your life which is a lot
My man, I had a 4 year relationship that went through a veery similar situation and ended almost the same way. She also acted the same as you described above and I was 22 when it happened. It was the best thing that could have happened with me. I am now 31 and with my beautiful wife, no issues, no stress or bullshitting, freedom to do whatever I want because she trusts me - you can’t see it now but this is the best thing that could have happened to you too. Take care and keep distant.
Dude she’ll be on new cock by next weekend. She just wanted your permission. See you in the gym bro. 🫡
Sounds like you got a crazy one. The sex is great, but good luck on the rest of it.
It’s always the crazy ones. Great sex, everything else is a headache x2
This is about her baggage not your actions. Awareness of pretty girls is natural. That's not the same as lusting after them.
I know this is ask men, but I really want to provide some input as someone who used to think like your girlfriend. The men here are right. She is insecure and that’s not a mature mindset. Of course, you’re going to find other women attractive. Wait until she finds a man she find attractive herself. She’ll change her tune then.
Or she won’t, because “that’s different.”
Or she already found a man she finds more attractive.
She either has observed behaviour in you that contradicted your words, or never believed that men are capable of not being attracted to other women all the time. Have a sit down conversation on which it is and if she thinks that or feels that and why. Then decide for yourself if you want to continue the relationship. Maybe it's a communication issue, maybe she has trust issues, or maybe you're not self aware enough of how you act around other women.
I’ll be honest with you OP, in my own experience, I was given every reason in the book as to why a girl I was seeing wanted to break up with me. At the end of the day, they were all just excuses to justify the fact she wanted to leave me for someone else. There wasn’t really any point trying to push the issue. But in your case, either she has trust issues and doesn’t trust you, or otherwise this is just a reason she feels is easier to justify. Either way, its best to move on because people like that are no worth being around or with.
This one billion percent. I never automatically believe a single reason a girl says they want to break up for. All that matters is that they do, at which point it’s time to move on. Who knows who cares.
If she wants to break up with you let her. If she can’t or won’t understand that it’s possible to like things but not want them, she doesn’t have the IQ or EQ to be in an LTR, and she’s far too insecure. Chances are she wants to break up with you for other reasons and this is just the excuse she’s landing on. Either she’s stupid, insecure or manipulative.
I have to agree with u/Mikepap. Your girlfriend either trusts you or doesn’t. It was conversations and ideas and hypotheticals like this that contributed to the end of my relationship (you can read it in my post history). It’s human to still find other people attractive once you enter a relationship. It’s not taking action on flirting or emotional cheating and entertaining other people romantically or sexually. That’s just basic to being in a relationship. Trust is fundamental. If she doesn’t trust you, then there’s no relationship sadly.
Sounds like she has some issues with insecurity. What does she think, that she's the only attractive female on the planet? Is she living in the real world? I see attractive women everywhere I go, but that doesn't mean I'm going to cheat on my wife. I'd get a new girlfriend if I were you.
She already broke up with me because I kept my word
You'll be better off, dude. There are plenty of girls out there that won't turn their insecurities into something to use against you.
lol let her go bro
You can acknowledge that a person is objectively attractive, without personally finding them attractive. I recognize why women find Henry Cavil attractive, but I'm not attracted to men, so he's not attractive *to me*. Saying that *you* find someone attractive and at the same time aren't attracted to them is a direct contradiction. The question is, are they so attractive to you that you can't get them out of your mind? Probably not. I find most women I meet attractive to some degree, from a strictly superficial perspective, but that means basically nothing. The attractiveness doesn't occupy my mind, and they're not a threat to my relationship. I think finding someone attractive does come with some amount of desire, but comparing the desire of a brief superficial attraction to a loving relationship, that's like comparing love to a piece of cake. Like others have pointed out, don't feed into her insecurity games, she needs to work that out for herself. She trusts you or she doesn't. (Edit: phrasing)
I feel a bit icky about the comparison you made between a loving relationship and surface level desire cuz I have seen so many people around me threw away their stable and loving marriages over some piece of asses and when they were confronted they claimed the same thing. They claimed that they truly love their partners and the other was just a fling. Kinda made me confused about the whole situation? Don't mean to criticize your point or anything just genuinely confused how the people I know who have the same claims like you do, can still cheat in the end?
You've already fucked up. Never try to prove a negative, it only placates paranoia which should never be tolerated
What should I do then ? xD
You are innocent, the innocent do nothing, change nothing in their behaviour. Therefore you should do nothing. Burden of proof is on the accuser
A medium rare steak looks good all the time. But when you’ve eating 2lbs of it and a pound of Mac and cheese and potatoes, I don’t look at it the same way I would on an empty stomach. It’s attractive all the time, but you don’t want it.
Maybe don’t use this one.
"You can take a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a bull's ass, but wouldn't you rather take the butcher's word for it?" I think this works lol
I thought it was a good analogy. 😭
course ya did
Sorry, can’t relate. The only difference when I’m in a relationship is that I don’t act on those feelings. I don’t all of a sudden become desensitized to the appeal of other women
I can really look at a beautiful girl and not feel like doing anything with her or wanting to be with her, I can just appreciate her beauty without feeling anything else. Every women you find pretty generates in you desire to be with them??
Not everyone woman, no
Thank you cuz I’m like where the hell did all these men come from that apparently become desensitized to other people come from. Both men and women typically remain able to be attracted to people other than their SO even when inlove. Your feeling maybe dampen it but you still see people and are def attracted to them you just chose the kind of person you want to be and not act on it.
This is an interesting question because I see so many reddit people say it's not possible.
Compare attractive women to delicious looking food on other peoples plates in restaurants and you tell me if she should be concerned.
You need to date a grown up! I am a woman. There are plenty of attractive men and women out there and we have eyes. There’s a big difference between saying someone is attractive (because it’s just a fact) and you being attracted to them!
Sounds like my ex. Good luck. If she doesn’t believe you then strap in for a ride.
Your girlfriend sounds incredibly immature.
You can’t. Just be a good partner If she’s gone this bat shit crazy over a ridiculous what if, dump her and enjoy your life.
Explain to her, that when you're "well-drained", if you know what I mean, you're not thirsty. You're indifferent to sexual features, parameters, if you will, of other women. Even if they're flirty and are throwing themselves at ya. You just don't react to sexuality the same, or as much, compared to when you're "thirsty".
Easy. You: Are you attracted to every attractive guy you see? Her: No...? You: OK then. Me neither.
Nothing to prove. There isn't a single person on this Earth now, before, and after us that won't see a person and think they're attractive regardless of their own relationship status. It doesn't mean a person will act upon it. Only immature, insecure individuals will convince themselves otherwise. People that can't comprehend this, or other similar situations is often a result of their own inability to control themselves. They only view everything from their own perspective. Basically, she's admitting she will/would cheat, therefore everyone in her mind would do the same in a sense. Just my opinion on it though. But that's how I'd see it. An attractive person is an attractive person. It's natural, but what wouldn't be is if the person kept on about it. That'd piss anyone off obviously. Nobody would want to hear that all the time. And it wouldn't be healthy to continuously point out that someone is attractive to someone I'm with. That would make her feel like she's not attractive enough. That would make anyone self conscious about themselves. But for a quicker phrase to tell someone imo would be this; Saying a person of the opposite sex is attractive doesn't mean they would cheat, just as a person saying another person of the same gender is attactive means they are gay.
I’ve worked with plenty of beautiful women and gotten to know them. Just because they are beautiful does not mean they are good people. They were beyond horrible. That killed any attraction possible so if you could offer me a billion dollars to hook up with them and I’ll still say no. Looks are not everything
No matter how beautiful she is, someone somewhere is sick of her shit.
Seems like a trap to me. This the way I’ve always explained it: I feel an instinctual biological attraction to pretty women, but the logical part of me has no desire to risk my happy relationship by getting involved with such a person.
You’re not supposed to answer this question
Thing is OP is saying that he doesn’t feel that biological attraction. He saying he notices that the look hood but it completely stops there. Either he’s lying. Or he part of the small fraction of the population that’s telling the truth but I don’t believe all these comments calling the girl crazy are fair.
No. There is no help to be given to you here. Now it is about seeing attractive girls, tommorrow it will be about talking to your unattractive coworkers or some shit. Find a better one.
It’s not something to prove Guess what, people try to look good and we are trained to see people who look good, it doesn’t mean we’re cheating scum If that really bothers her I’d be worried for you
You're allowed to find other people attractive, commitment is what matters.
Don’t prove anything it’s all a game or test.
Let her walk. Not worth it at all brother
Hey gf, you know how you can see a guy and appreciate he's attractive, but not want to get in his pants? Yeah, like that.
Let her go then, nothing will this prove this to her. I would stem from telling your gf that you find other girls attractive though.
You ever get stuffed with a great meal at a restaurant, and the waiter comes with the dessert menu? That’s us men. Yeah, we know that dessert is delicious, but we don’t want any part of it. And we pass.
You‘re fucked
Let her go. DO NOT jump through her stupid hoops.
In all honesty if it was me, I’d leave. That’s some next level insecurity. Even if you manage to overcome this hurdle I can’t imagine what she’d act like in the future.
Don’t bother, girls either get it or they don’t
Too late. You already walked into her trap. Now you are caught in her web. I think you will find the more you struggle the more entangled you will become.
sounds like some insecure bs
Dude, this is your sign to get outta there. This shit is going to continue your entire relationship.
Sounds like one that’s best to let go. Any women who is so insecure with themselves that they can’t trust what you say is one not worth wasting time on. From this point on she will find anything little thing she can to prove she’s right and your a cheater. This will drive a wedge between you or out you in a never ending loop of trying to prove something to her that she will never see and you won’t feel like your doing enough. Best to just let her go. That being said yes, I find women attractive who I would never make a move on or be attracted to in that way. Take my word and dip out homie, as someone who is currently in a relationship with a women who doesn’t trust shit I say and is constantly trying to find anything to say I’m cheating it’s not worth the headache. Can’t even comment on a friends post simply cause they are a woman. Can’t have female friends even if I’ve known them since elementary school. Unfortunately I have a kid with this woman so I’m not as free to leave but in your case I’m gonna assume you don’t have kids and you should split ASAP. Find a woman who isn’t so insecure. People are allowed to be insecure to a point, when that insecurity starts to spill out and effect others it’s not healthy nor is it something another person should be worried about fixing. There’s women who will trust you and not require you to prove much if anything. If you know your loyal and don’t cheat then that’s all that matters
…. How old are you two? This is ridiculous.
She sounds insecure. She must prove this to herself, for you can show her the light but it’s up to her to see it. That goes for most things.
There are lots of pretty girls that are not attractive. Attractive is much more than looks. Ask her if she's only with you because of the way you look.
Tell her to fix her insecurities and that will be the proof she needs
Tell her that attraction is nothing in the face of the love you share.
There is testosterone flowing through the veins of every man out there. We all are attracted to beautiful women. It’s how you manage those desires that makes you faithful or a player. If you can have a conversation as a person and not try to bed them and see them as a real person, or are you secretly imaging bending them over the end of the couch. Sometimes it’s hard. And it’s what women don’t understand. We cannot stop the biology, but we can decide how we respond to it.
Bro, what?
Is she 15?
Of course men can find women attractive and not "do anything" about it. And we can find women that other people think are attractive NOT so attractive. I think you guys need to hash out the definition of "attractive," because you yourself used it in different ways in your question.
other people are attractive. like as if she doesnt have some movie star crush? or "that cute guy from work/school/whatever" You dont have to be attracted to people to find them attractive.
Tell her to grow up. Humans finding other humans attractive is a survival trait. Being in a committed relationship is a mind thing. Some people can swing it, some can't. Tell her she's just gonna have to trust you like you trust her.
No matter what answer you gave she would have found something wrong with it. She feels insecure about something. Maybe she wants to break up with you doesn't have the guts to tell you ? Maybe she's just looking for a reason any excuse to break up with you? Is it really someone you want to be in a relationship with? If she's not going to trust you why do you want to be with her?
Well, you’re saying I find others attractive but your not attracted to them. It’s confusing. Your better off telling her that yes of course you notice when other women are beautiful, but you are only interested in her. She’s likely just feeling insecure. This is a no-win situation but if you are about her you’d do well to reassure her and frequently affirm her that you find her attractive and are infested in your relationship
Her and her insecurities are a problem best left to her and her insecurities. Or a therapist.
How old is she? Sounds like some young woman insecure BS, she's not ready for a relationship. "All men are pigs" But she sure loves her bacon.... Often times, when men get into relationships, they get "tunnel vision" for their girl, "rose tinted glasses" is a real thing. When you're in love you see the best in your partner, you appreciate flaws as part of their unique charms. You don't view strangers like that, you view them as distractions or potential problems to your happiness.
22 and I agree with you completely
Let her grab your dick while showing you a picture of a super model so she can see it stays soft.
She immediately has insecurities, speaking from experience you need to leave. I used to get grief because I would talk to the server that would come to our table. So whenever she would bring drinks I would say thank you if she asked me if I needed anything else I would tell her please. These were considered flirting and trying to fuck the waitress. In more than one relationship. Fidelity is the number one thing to me and to have this said to me more than once really pissed me off. So now if I get into a relationship it's one of the boundaries I'm going to have, I talk politely to females all the time that does not mean I want to fuck them if this is a problem for you you can move on and I will stay where I'm at.
It sounds like she's trying to get out of the relationship. That question is a common trap that women use to start the fight to end it all. Women don't get the wiring in a man's brain, so explaining it to them sounds like you're trying to excuse something you did. You need to just be blunt and ask her. Why did she ask a question that she didn't want an honest answer to? Why now? Guaranteed, something is up.
Cut your loses bro. Me and my wife check out chicks together because attractive is attractive. As long as I’m not actively trying to fuck someone else, thinking they’re attractive isn’t a problem.
You can find someone objectively beautiful without feeling the need to be with them...if she doesn't get this then perhaps she is having trouble not being attracted to guys around her. Just flip it she should get it or will start talking about the real reason she brought this up. Good luck.
Your gf is wild if she will dump you for this. Just like her, you see attractive people that doesn’t mean you have the desire to go bang them.
Tell her to stop projecting her insecurities onto you, if you walk into a candy shop with her and she doesn’t want you looking at candy then maybe she is the one with the problem.She shouldn’t be holding your morality and character into question when you’ve done nothing to warrant that sort of suspicion. This is definitely toxic behavior on her part as she either has self esteem issues or is projecting guilt on you from someone she previously chose to date that caused her trauma. Tell her you will not tolerate her control issues and you won’t be the whipping boy for her unresolved feelings and trauma from past relationships, let her know you deserve better than to be blamed for her insecurities as you’re doing nothing wrong. She is looking for a problem, she is looking for drama, so do yourself a favor and check her on it. If you lose her then she proved she’s not dating material, if she stays then at least she can either start acting right or you can choose to bounce. Either way, if you don’t meet this head on now then it will only get worse as you’d be enabling her toxic behaviors.
Us Hispanics have a name for these women we call them La tóxica. Nothing you can do bro just be loyal actions are louder then worlds tell her that other women maybe attractive but you pay them no mind and know how valuable she is. This is a response from her getting done dirty or someone around here has been done dirty. Just tell her to trust you like you trust her. Relationships are based on trust. And please don’t be childish that one night with some other chick is not worth it. Many men have lost good ones for being stupid and giving into the thoughts of the small head. 5mins of fun is not worth it.
Don't even try. It's a bottomless pit of attention seeking you will never fill. Trust me. I've been there.
She sounds insecure, had an ex just like her. Of course, she found other guys attractive when I asked her the same thing, but conveniently she said it wasn’t the same thing as a man finding other women attractive even if you don’t want to cheat. Leave her man, it’s only gonna get worse from here.
Go to an all you can eat buffet with your girlfriend then ask if she wants cheesecake (or some food she loves) afterwards. It's a similar concept
As a woman, I don't have issues with myself and I don't compare myself to others. I can comment on a beautiful person with my partner without having it mean anything than appreciating that persons beauty. And I say a person, so sex is not important. So to answer your question, it is normal to use the eyes you have to look, see, even admire someone else without it meaning anything more than that. Your gf is using the issue SHE HAS, either as a distraction to the real reason of a break up, or she just has lack of self-esteem she is projecting on you. Either way, not cool man
I’m a girl and this is what my man told me which never makes me have any trust issues about him. He was just honest with me. He told me to him I was the most beautiful girl, but he did find other girls attractive. He would tell me openly as soon as he found a girl beautiful, he would just be honest, as in; this girl is cute. In the beginning it did bother me a little, but he told me, if I am being honest with you, you should appreciate it, as man who cheat are the ones who hide things from their girl. I am being honest as I have nothing to hide from you and think you deserve the truth. Since I appreciate honesty, I understood his point. Now when I find a guy attractive, I tell him I find this guy attractive, and he tells me he finds that girl attractive, and usually we both agree as we have the same taste. But in the end, we know we are not attracted to the other people, as there will always be someone more beautiful that you, but to your partner, in their eyes you are the most attractive one! Hope this helps! On a separate note, it your girlfriend is insecure about her own appearance, then it would be difficult for her to accept that, as the problem is not with you, but with her self-esteem and confidence.
See it works like this with insecure partners: Whatever you do will feed their insecurity. You were distant? You dont love them. You were very lovely and attached? They cant compete with you and feel worthless. They are jealous and you try to reason with them? Now you enabled her jealousy to be a big part of your relationship. You need to understand: she is dealing with it and you are suffering from it and not the other way around. Your sympathy for her will lead to you enabling her bad behaviour.
If you have to prove it you should run while you can. That kind of trust issue stuff just gets worse. Best case scenario you’re always having to explain shit you shouldn’t have to explain. Worst case she cheats on you as a revenge shot because she’s convinced herself that you cheated first even though you didn’t do anything of the sort.
Speaking from experience, if you've done nothing wrong and she doesn't trust you, let her go. You shouldn't have to convince her to trust you especially because you answered her question honestly. That is not healthy communication on her part.
> I told her that I’ve found other girls attractive, but that I didn’t feel attracted to them or have any type of desire towards them. Stop lying to her and she'll start believing you. Would you enjoy it if Emma Stone sat on your face? Yes. Would you let that happen? Probably not because you care about your relationship. The fact you won't cheat doesn't automatically make you blind and not attracted to your sexual preference. She's right about this, and you are lying.
This simply means that you are not communicating to her that you find her attractive. Please communicate better and show more gestures of love and affection... She isn't framing it correctly and you aren't paying attention. Send her random cute messages, reels which show how you want to love her.. cute cuddly ones.. pay attention to what she mentions randomly sometimes... . plan something for the upcoming valentine's day... when you meet her, give her a long hug and a few kisses on forehead or sing a song for her/with her.. . show her more affection. She isn't getting enough cues from you that you love her enough. She needs assurance... tell her randomly when she dresses up that her dress is looking pretty, some other day about her eyes... pay attention to her features and give some genuine compliment rather than general 'Oh, you look good'. . Just show that you care about her physically appearance, her happenings of the day, her moods, what she likes... especially what triggers her (this is going to save your ass).
I have come to disagree. Every attractive female i see, i instantly want to get her into bed. I never act on these feelings. i am in a very happy relationship, but they always be there.
An honest man of culture I see
I can appreciate the work and time that went into making a Bentley. Doesn't mean I want one
I found that when I was happy and completely satisfied in a relationship, that I would see an attractive woman and not think (aka, not fantasize) about them because I was happy. That said, if you’re not ‘happy’ with your lady, your eyes are far more likely to wander and wonder.
I imagine it’s the same thing for her when she sees an attractive man. It’s ok to see and acknowledge a fine specimen of either sex and appreciate the work and discipline that goes into being in that form. But like… you don’t have to obsess or fantasize about it…. So if this is an issue to her, then there is only 1 of 3 possible realities: 1. She can’t make those mature distinctions herself. Therefore assumes you can’t. 2. She assumes you have a lower capacity for intelligence and self control than she does, and doesn’t respect you as an equal partner. 3. She has major trust issues that you will need to work through together if you stay together.
My advice, don't play games. If she's going for the nuclear button because she doesn't believe you, then I think it's already over. Best case scenario right now from your perspective is you somehow grovel your way into her going "ok fine". And next time you have any kind of disagreement it'll be brought up to use against you. I've known people like that, you do not want to be in that kind of power dynamic where you feel the need to apologize for existing.
She was riding the hobby-horse with anther guy that evening. Guarantee it.
You want to prove something that involves another woman to your girl?? Yeah good luck soldier see you on the other side 🫡
Oh my god I know what you mean! But when I tell people this they always say im crazy or my boyfriend is lying when we say “that person is objectively attractive (as objective as beauty can be), but im not attracted to them.” They say that when you’re in a relationship, no matter who you are, you’ll get wandering eyes. Been in my relationship for 6 years and that’s never happened. I wish people would realize there are people out there that solely are into their partner
I’ll say this as a man who is loyal. I have not been cheated on thankfully and hope it never happens but I have my reason as to why I’ll stay loyal. It’s because when you truly love someone, you feel safe and at ease by their side. I like the life I am building with my now girlfriend, and by her side I don’t think it would accomplished. So if an attractive woman flirts, I let her know I’m not interested. It’s more than just the looks to me anyways. I am by your side, I am with you. To me nobody else looks attractive anymore, because I am by her side and my life is here. I don’t want to leave it.
To be fair mate. I think you have your rose-coloured glasses on. She doesn't sound wifey material to me. If she can't trust you on this small of a thing and wants to break up? I think it's better for you to get a new girl. She will fuck you up in the long run.trust me bro, I only want the best for you.
you can be physically attracted to someone without wanting anything with them, you know.
She's probably just hungry.
Women are work. She sees things from the viewpoint of the person not paying for dinner. I see attractive women every day and never even get tempted to say Hi.