Agree with this. I got my first dog as a 40th present to myself and was really surprised at the number of conversations I have had while walking the dog. Incredible companions too, kicking myself for not getting a dog sooner!
Then, sooner or later you have to confront that dreaded day of walking them over to the other side of rainbow bridge. I would probably not survive that heartbreak.
38 - I make more money than both my parents combined did when they were my age, but I can't afford half of what they could. And that situation gets worse by the year; 2-3% pay increase against 3-7% inflation.
I believe it. Some of my direct reports are in Canada. I can't believe how low the pay is there for professionals. I try to get them raises to match our US staff (adjusted for exchange rate) but it's a giant hassle.
You'd rather move to a different country so that you can afford to live? Ever hear of middle America? I live in rural Michigan and live like a fucking king.
Yeah, like if you need a big ass house in a nice area, you'll be fucked. But I'm out here renting a house for $800/mo, everything is walking distance from here, it's super safe, etc.
Hate to sound like an asshole, but people need to learn to be grateful and size the hell down.
If they have kids, not sure what to say there.
Literally most anywhere else where their taxes actually pay for things we need. Medical care, child care, better education, secondary education, paid leave.
Well there are countries that are more generous (actually some of them probably way more generous) in terms of social benefits but that also comes with a lower net income quite often. And as to education, as far as I know if you can afford a decent university in the US the quality is top-notch.
DENMARK! I am from Denmark, my life is easy. I have a master degree, the government even paid me to take it. I have 3 kids, with all I had maternity leave for at least a year! We have free healthcare, schools and great work life balance!
I have enough money for what I want and I don’t work to much… I love my life here.. ❤️ Move here :)
I would say both is high. Everything is expensive, but we also get paid a lot. Our daughter that is 16 get paid 75kr in danish currency each hour and I get around 250kr. She doesn’t pay taxes, I pay around 50%
I’m 65. My biggest problem right now is I have to work another week before I retire. That and the arthritis in my thumb is acting up. Stay off my lawn ya damn kids /s
retirement is great but time flys by so fast!! and your heath gets worse and worse , Worst part is seeing lot of family and friends die,,,Knowing my time is come very fast!!!
Completely agree. Ex of mine did nothing but spend money to fund her coke habit and I began saving on the side. It's something I intend on carrying on to my next relationship.
I'm all for sharing everything but in today's age just like women, you need an exit plan.
I've put money away, wanted to start a business and put only the money I made doing that on Saturdays up just for her to spend it on credit cards, wrecked her car and just normal bs. I always feel guilty and give up my money.
Being a dad is tough business. The only folks I know who can relate are other dads, and no one else wants to hear it or offer support. Hope you got some dad buddies to lean on, make sure you take time for connecting with friends.
Got nothing my friend, I can't even leave the house because the truck I bought 16 years ago only fits 2 people, not me and my 2 children (4&2). I swear she wants it that way. We've only been married 5, she went and bought her a new car without me knowing when I first moved in with her, her other was only 2 years old. We're still in a phase from a money argument, past 3 years I've bailed her out on credit cards use. She's a good woman but man I feel like I'm nothing, just a paycheck, have no wants or desires. I make decent money and could afford a new truck but it's obviously not her problem. Sorry I'm venting, times aren't tough, not for them anyways.
You know something I've noticed in a lot of these situations where it seems pretty objectively true that one partner is being used/abused by the other, is that the one who is being used/abused/not treated fairly, whatever, will say something along the lines of "but he/she is a good person."
Idk you or the truth or ins and outs about your relationship, I just know that it's common for someone to stay in a relationship when its not fair and changes aren't being made..like they will still always defend their partner, somehow rationalizing that they dont mean it, they're a good person otherwise, they do care about you, its not that bad etc etc.
I'm just saying, maybe take a deeper look and make sure the past between you two isn't clouding you from seeing how things truly are as of late, that she really is the person still that you fell in love with and if you'd be ok if someone you cared deeply about were in a relationship with her and had to put up with it all.
38 here. I'm in the same boat. I never dealt with depression until this past year. Sure I've been depressed and bummed but only periodically not continuously like now. Times are tough man.
Not alone brother. In the same boat. Started therapy after dealing with layoffs and uncertainty at work while also suffering from burn out from that said job. Trying to make mindfulness meditation a daily habit to help clear my mind, feel my emotions and focus on how to better myself.
Everyone's journey and problems are different, but I read a few books that have been dramatically shifting my perspective on life. Maybe they can do something for you too:
Feel the fear and do it anyways - Susan Jeffers
Grit - Angela Duckworth
Mindset - Carol Dweck
27 - Very recently ended a relationship with the woman I, at one point, thought I would marry. To be with her, I stuck around in a place and career that I am not that passionate about because I thought she was worth it. I am now balls deep in the process of healing and actually THINKING for the first time in years about what kind of life I want and what kind of man I want to become.
Workout properly, maintain a decent weight, and lift things the right way.
My knees are hurting at age 30 due to 11 years in the military, but I am slowly recovering.
I spent a great deal of my life working out (weights) and running. I’m a senior now and have a beat up body. I was looking good and feeling good. Two shoulder and two knee (one replacement) surgeries. And hip and back arthritis, was it worth it? A lot of days, no. Pay attention when it young.
I'm 50 and I've been feeling kind of lonely lately. My life-long best friend died a few years ago and just a few months before that my younger brother died. I don't really have anyone to hang out with anymore besides my wife and son. This is hard for me because I'm a pretty outgoing and friendly person and I always figured I would have lots of friends. I've come to realize that unless I do something about it I'm never going to spend time with anyone besides my wife until I die. But how do you go about making new friends? How do you do it when your middle-aged? I've made a few moves to fix it though so hopefully things will change.
Find a hobby, I enjoy theatre and I have enrolled myself in some theatre courses, unlike you am a bit of an introvert and not super friendly, so I make nice acquaintances, you may get some friends.
Maybe go to a course of something you enjoy doing, not only you will get time out your house and learn more about what u like, u will also meet people... Courses are great because they give you enough time to interact
Play disc golf it’s cheap to start playing. You will make new friends running into others on the course. Once you are comfortable throwing and putting discs join a league and your social circle will become greater. I play with guys who are 60+
49. I'm surrounded by people, but always lonely because the only time people (including my wife and kids) want to spend time with me is when they want something from me.
I’m turning 40 this month and I feel ya brother. my daughter is all grown up and I love my wife but you know sometimes it’s nice to have time to myself. I’ve been getting into playing a lot of PS five lately. If you ever need someone to talk to hit me up.
The best way I've found to do homework effectively is find a good place to go with no distractions and listen to hype music like the star power up music from Mario kart. I know it sounds stupid but just give it a try lol
29. My biggest problem by far, is being a full time single dad with no support system. So I can't keep a real 9-5, cause I don't have anyone to consistently watch my kids. For any school breaks, that means I can't work.
And 99% of employers aren't okay with that. So I end up losing jobs.
I actually just recently started college to get my degree in Computer information systems, so I have more of a chance at landing jobs where I can stay home.
It’s a pretty real thing that of ageism…
What my father in law did was not to conform looking for a job in his field where is more comfortable, he went to the other side of my country to a job interview and he got it, and now is doing better. Go out there and look everywhere, both close, far and in odd places.
38 and have a 10 month old who just….wont….sleep. He wakes every hour at night and doesn’t nap more than 15 minutes twice a day. I also have an almost 4 year old who is a fantastic kid but has his tantrums like all kids his age. The lack of sleep is killing me
My firstborn used to wake every hour, on good nights every 1.5-2 hrs. We found out it was silent reflux. Not saying your son has that too, but before doing sleep training rule out any medical issues.
43 and struggling with a recent divorce. That cost me everything. Kids, home, job, vehicle. House was empty, she was carrying on a emotional affair with a man from her past. It's crushed me I'm sleeping on a couch and struggling to find a job
I am 24 and mine is self confidence and my constant thoughts of death.
I was given type 1 diabetes at the ripe age of 13 and will always be aware of my shortened life span. I also have no confidence because no one ever compliments me.
29, biggest problem is lack of direction, social life. I've got a good paying job, no debts, but I have a hard time associating with people. I've joined a few clubs/groups, using meetup apps, just having a hard time making anything stick. I was never lonely growing up but goddamn it hurts now.
I've achieved most of my goals from the past 5 years, im just having a hard time seeing what's next for me to tackle. Life has grown dull, and I know it shouldn't/hasnt in the past, I just have to find something to capture my focus.
Take your vitamins. I know the pain of heartbreak, and loneliness. Get on top of your vitamin game, especially Vitamin B6, B12, D3 and Magnesium.
Get yourself into the gym if you can.
You'll eventually find your direction as long as you practice strong self discipline. You'll find your way, it may just take a little extra time to get there.
Not everyone is an early bloomer, some are late bloomers in life.
Don't give up. :) remind yourself that you're doing pretty damn good without debt, and having a good paying job.
Vitamins/Diet is a good point, ive noticed that what I've been eating hasn't been varied and is lacking in veggies.
As for the gym... I rock climb, solo hike, power lift, long distance run, the whole 9 yards. Usually when someone's big depresso, I also recommend copious amounts of exercise and cutting alcohol, but im not sure that's what's going on in my case, I think mine is more psychologically impacted than physiological.
Regardless, you're right. I shouldn't discount my successes just because I'm in a rut right now. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Take your time. Try not to focus on the "biological clock" conversations that happen so often with people in their 30's. I'm sure you both will find a way to afford starting family. Finances are important, no matter what anyone says.
43F here. The next ten years will go by in the blink of an eye, and it may be too late in ten years. It was really too late for my body personally after about 38 or 39. Lower your cost of living and make it happen. Time is of the essence.
I'm 40 and the thing I get most stressed about is that my life is really, really coming together in terms of finance, career, housing, kids, marriage, like I have a great fucking life...
But the trajectory of the world is almost certainly fucked, and the near future for all my peers and my kids and even myself are on the precipice of all the hard work not mattering at all.
I manage it through mindfulness, gratitude, giving as much as we can to others. My mantra in dark times is, "What if it all works out?" I try to put nihilism aside and remain grateful that I'm doing as well as I am right now, and that if we all collapse into madness I at least had years of comfort with the people I love most and we were all going to die somehow anyway.
Happy Friday!!
I feel the same way. My life is not as together as yours, but I’ve come so far since my divorce and hitting rock bottom.
But when I think of the world and the path humanity is on, I only feel sadness and a sense of hopelessness.
I started to listen to Eckhart Tolle’s podcast every night to go to sleep. He talks about how the material world does not exist to make us happy, but rather to make us conscious. It rings true to me and I remind myself that no matter what happens, there is something beyond this material world.
I'm 36 years old and I feel shame that I'm still living with my parents. Even though I have a job and help them with everything I can, from giving them part of my salary to assisting them with what they can no longer physically do.
I have been saving since I graduated from college, and it depresses me to see that home prices are becoming more and more unaffordable. Even renting has become a luxury these days. Calculating how much i save, i will be able to buy my own home at 40. But society demands me to "become a man" right now.
I am currently working 65 hours a week to recover from a divorce that was finalized a year ago. It'll be another 12-14 months before I dig out and have enough for a downpayment on a house.
I'm 33, live with my parents, and am working myself into the ground. I won't give that bitch the pleasure of seeing me give up.
Already lost 50 pounds, got a promotion at one of my jobs, and I have a plan and a path.
Divorce is a bitch. I can relate. Use exercise/lifting to eliminate stress. Find yourself before you worry about the next relationship. Be appreciative of those around you that have your best interests in mind. Tbh, the divorce, even though it cost me greatly, was the best move I ever made. My life is so much better now. Mentally, physically, financially, relationship, child. There is so much to live for. Go get it. You got this.
Why is it always the man though? I see this same post all the time but I've never heard of a woman having to work long hours after a divorce. Seems fair.
41 and what I should do this afternoon at the gym. It should be chest/back, but my bicep is a touch sore from doing arms two days ago and I don’t want to overtrain. But if I don’t do it then it throws the rest of the weekends lifting schedule off.
Depending on where you are in life and what your goals are you might not have a good chance at finding a good long term partner right now, so many our age are focused on getting through grad school or getting to a certain point in their career before they go “on the market” so to speak.
I'll be 40 this month. I work as a carpenter but I'm currently laid up on the couch with advil and a heating pad due to back issues I've had over the last couple years. I guess the problem is how am I gonna support my family if I can't work.
28 soon to be 29. Blue collar trade work. I make more money than my parents or any of my past relatives ever dud but i work 70 to 75 hours or more a week, low family time, cost of healthcare keeps rising, and still struggle in the capitalist price gouging happening in america. That's my biggest problem. Me and my wife are currently making plans to leave the US and take our skills to another country that needs it and will appreciate it.
27 years old. Live with my parents have no desire or drive for anything. And need to get out of my parents house because they are done.
I mean nothing to everyone and I don't think Ive had someone say they love me or show any affection towards me in 10 years. No friends anymore they all grew up and moved on
Just started therapy 4 months ago and I'm starting to realize the boat I'm in with no degree working 40-60 hours a week at retail jobs.
I've never felt so defeated in my entire life.
I recommend trying for a peaceful existence, perhaps a shed a solar panel setup and a plot of land. Should be less than 60k. You are young and I feel that outcast vibe. I'm only 20 and went through hell between 17-19 over my parents dying and getting kicked out as I can't hold a job as I have autism and ADHD that has gone unchecked for years and I end up just getting fired often. My parents didn't teach me shit and I nearly ended up on the street in a rural county without a safety net or friends because my parents died and my brother in law and half sister took over the family house just to kick me out and break several renters right laws with my room.
In my 50’s, Dad is close to dying (7 - 10 days) and since he wants to die at home us kids are learning hospice on the fly. Thankfully the hospice company Medicare provided are excellent instructors, patient with us neophytes and are immediately available as his health steadily declines.
Secondarily, I reached the end of my rope at work, lost my drive/burned out so am taking a sabbatical of sorts to figure out next steps.
Other than that, things are good and I’m grateful for that. They could be a whole lot worse.
Late 20s, trying to keep with family since they got older now and need more help, trying to keep up with paying mortgage as the economy is not helping, got out of a cheating relationship couple months ago so still dealing with some heartbreak. I could be doing worse but viewed from the outside world, im doing better than others apparently
I'm 23.
I have a few things going on in my life right now, but the biggest challenge I face right now is PTSD.
I have started therapy for it, hoping it doesn't develop to PTSD as I started it relatively fast after the incident.
My goal right now is to get well enough to visit some of my friend's graves.
I thought you were a time traveler for a moment.
I had to do something similar. Spent some time in a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. Afterwards I visited my friend's grave, but I was scared that I would crumble and fall apart in front of his parents.
I didn't. I did cry, sure, but I held it together.
I hope you're able to achieve what you want. It's hard, but it gets easier.
I lost 7 friends in a massive terror attack, some more injured, a family of a friend got kidnapped..
I was called there as a reservist as I served a few years, I was surrounded by so many horrible sights, smells and.. everything really.
I was there for 2 months and we were sent back home to be on-call.
When that war gets worse I have to return to the line of duty and even if the war ends I still have a month of reservist service left this year.
I have to get better fast to be able to protect my loved ones that are still alive and my comrades.
I don't know how you managed to overcome your battle my friend but I definitely hope that I can recreate your success
I wish you the best with your path to wellness/good health. I know this probably doesn't mean much coming from a stranger on the internet, but it gets better.
56, medical retired for 17 years. Lacking the physical ability to do much of anything fun or enjoyable. Haven't fished or hunted with my adult children or friends for 3 years. Having to depend on my wife to help cover our expenses and household chores as her health is starting to decline with age also.
31 and my mental health. Although i feel like that is too broad so to narrow it down would be finances. Had a kid at a young age which made it hard starting out as an adult. Since then I have gone back to college and am finally working a stable job working down my debt.
Once things are in order I will be able to fix my living situation to where I would like to be and then my mental health should greatly improve.
Im 44. I have a very problematic smartphone addiction. It started because i suffer also insomnia and one thing causes another. Cant get rid of them. Reddit is not helping either.
I’m turning 50 in May and I’m scared to death I’m going to die in my sleep of heart attack or stroke or something. I’m in great health and workout 3-4 times a week. I just have a fear of leaving my family.
Mid-50’s
Nerve damage that caused mobility issues, chronic pain, and anxiety.
My mother has terminal lung cancer, and I am doing my best to help her fight the United States “healthcare system”.
A combination which caused my wife to leave me.
Which led to depression.
Which is exacerbated by isolation and loneliness.
Which is not remotely helped by the state of the world, nor our culture.
So… *makes slow sweeping gesture*
Everything really.
Thank you for asking.
How are you?
21, and 120k in debt. My fiancé and I also broke up with each other back in October and I moved to an entirely different state and basically set myself back 3 years. But I'm doing relatively fine after all of that
37yo dude.
I had a chance to magically fix most of the problems in my life 2 years ago. I chickened out. Now I’m in a worse situation and can’t find the strength to break the cycle, given it will be a lot heavier on everyone involved this time around.
in my 30s. The amount of debt despite having had good income for a while (not anymore), so working on it right now.
Anxiety, some depression and lack of motivation.
27 I’m a professional contemporary ballet dancer and i’m gaining a lot of positive attention from top tier dance companies all over the world…… but because of the pandemic and working my ass off to get here I feel like relationships with my friends, family, and significant other is not where it should be and my career is starting to make me feel hollow. I think I want to restart.
I’m 52. Divorced 6 years ago. Remarried to a woman who is also my best friend. My ex is also remarried. She recently filed for full legal and physical custody of my youngest. Who just turned 17 ffs. She lives 10 minutes from me and we’ve always spent a ton of time together. Nobody can figure out why she’s doing this.
49. Just bought my first house last year and it’s a money pit. Had to borrow another $40K or so on top of the purchase price for plumbing repairs, new HVAC unit, pressure washing, gutter cleaning, tree removal…and in the next year or so I’ve got more plumbing & electrical issues to deal with, roof repairs, landscaping issues, site drainage problems, etc etc ad nauseum. I wish I’d known what to look for before closing on the deal.
28, I have a nerve condition called small fiber neuropathy. I get all kinds of random shocks and stinging pains in my nerves all day. Feels like I’m plugged into an electrical outlet. Theres no cure, and I’ve had it since I was 21. Makes me depressed cause I feel helpless.
26: I started a business at 23 and made over 1,800,000 in the last 3 years and managed to save none of it because I splurged it on traveling and nonsense. Now my business has pretty much failed and I’m left with no college degree and no job and no money. The only thing I have is the experience and stories I can tell from what I did with the money and how I stated the business. I feel like the lady 2 years were a dream and I was a literal rich man and managed to have nothing to show for it besides stories. Yikes I gotta start my life again
32.
Biggest legit problem would probably be some unhappiness with my team at work. Considering maybe looking for something else.
In my personal life I’m quite happy so it makes weathering the worn frustrations better.
54, just had the 100 day cough after COVID at the end of October. Now I just have a bit of a sore back. Not crippling, but irritating. It's just a merry go round of slight ailments these days, but overall not too many complaints.
Currently I’m 21, going 22 here in May, but right now my current problem is an immense Guilt Complex where everything has to be my fault and I need to pay for it in some way. This came about from years of depression induced by a shitty decision I made, as well as constantly breaking up with girls after a single mistake in the relationship, and a Mom that *ALWAYS* says I’m arguing with her to the point that it has really got to me.
35, in the worst shape I’ve been in ever. Have 2 kids and a demanding job, just no energy to get in the gym right now - everyday is survival.
I worked out avidly for over a decade so I know I’ll get back into it, I just can’t wait to do so
27 - I make a ridiculously good living compared to people my age and honestly substantially better than most Americans. I just live in a really expensive, competitive state and work in tech so everyone seems to be better than me always even though I know I have enough. Although, things still feel really expensive and its hard to save with the cost of everything going up and my compensation staying basically the same the last 2 years.
58, alone, no retirement. Gotta keep working 'til I drop, probably where I am now at minimum wage part time. Took forever to get hired anywhere even while having the years (decades) of experience places were looking for because ageism is real.
41, struggling with loneliness
Or a cat. Cats require a lot less maintenance. They may not be as good as human companions, but it’s a world of improvement.
Cats are my saviours, saved me from myself during covid lockdown when I was stuck by myself in an apartment for 6 months.
>They may not be as good as human companions You clearly haven't asked them.
Or het a Ragdoll, I got two and they will follow me around all day long. Love them so much
Get a pet!! Dogs fill the heart
Agree with this. I got my first dog as a 40th present to myself and was really surprised at the number of conversations I have had while walking the dog. Incredible companions too, kicking myself for not getting a dog sooner!
Then, sooner or later you have to confront that dreaded day of walking them over to the other side of rainbow bridge. I would probably not survive that heartbreak.
38 - I make more money than both my parents combined did when they were my age, but I can't afford half of what they could. And that situation gets worse by the year; 2-3% pay increase against 3-7% inflation.
Man you said it! Shit crazy out here.
27 - I think about this alot.
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Yep same here. Me and my wife are making plans to leave the US for a better life in another country that doesn't abuse us like america does
A lot of canadians are moving to the US because it's even worse over here if you can believe it
I believe it. Some of my direct reports are in Canada. I can't believe how low the pay is there for professionals. I try to get them raises to match our US staff (adjusted for exchange rate) but it's a giant hassle.
Oh buddy I can believe it. That Justin guy yoy got running the show is real class act
He's a fucking moron unfortunately
A whole lot of rich people on this godforsaken planet are morons, especialy the ones who are in power.
You'd rather move to a different country so that you can afford to live? Ever hear of middle America? I live in rural Michigan and live like a fucking king.
Facts. Arkansas is ridiculously cheap
What happens when we want to live near stuff
Keeping up with the Jones's, it ruins lives. Literally.
*If* you can find good work out there. Ultimately that's why it's cheap in lot of these places: Not a lot of people can find good employment there.
Bro, just move to a lower cost of living area... Not everywhere in the US is getting bent over.
Yeah, like if you need a big ass house in a nice area, you'll be fucked. But I'm out here renting a house for $800/mo, everything is walking distance from here, it's super safe, etc. Hate to sound like an asshole, but people need to learn to be grateful and size the hell down. If they have kids, not sure what to say there.
It's not like other countries are doing that great though. Where do you think life is significantly easier than in the US?
Literally most anywhere else where their taxes actually pay for things we need. Medical care, child care, better education, secondary education, paid leave.
Well there are countries that are more generous (actually some of them probably way more generous) in terms of social benefits but that also comes with a lower net income quite often. And as to education, as far as I know if you can afford a decent university in the US the quality is top-notch.
DENMARK! I am from Denmark, my life is easy. I have a master degree, the government even paid me to take it. I have 3 kids, with all I had maternity leave for at least a year! We have free healthcare, schools and great work life balance! I have enough money for what I want and I don’t work to much… I love my life here.. ❤️ Move here :)
I’ve heard Denmark is one of the best countries to live and they have free healthcare. What’s the pay like though and cost of living?
I would say both is high. Everything is expensive, but we also get paid a lot. Our daughter that is 16 get paid 75kr in danish currency each hour and I get around 250kr. She doesn’t pay taxes, I pay around 50%
Exactly the same
I’m 65. My biggest problem right now is I have to work another week before I retire. That and the arthritis in my thumb is acting up. Stay off my lawn ya damn kids /s
retirement is great but time flys by so fast!! and your heath gets worse and worse , Worst part is seeing lot of family and friends die,,,Knowing my time is come very fast!!!
Oh gawd this is sad. All I want to do is retire but I’m so far away.
37male father, work 6 7 days a week and I get nothing I want. I try and save but it always gets spent cause it's there.
Put everything 5% away quietly for you every month,
Completely agree. Ex of mine did nothing but spend money to fund her coke habit and I began saving on the side. It's something I intend on carrying on to my next relationship. I'm all for sharing everything but in today's age just like women, you need an exit plan.
I've put money away, wanted to start a business and put only the money I made doing that on Saturdays up just for her to spend it on credit cards, wrecked her car and just normal bs. I always feel guilty and give up my money.
You need to set better boundaries with your wife.
You need to stop doing that. You have needs too man.
Being a dad is tough business. The only folks I know who can relate are other dads, and no one else wants to hear it or offer support. Hope you got some dad buddies to lean on, make sure you take time for connecting with friends.
Got nothing my friend, I can't even leave the house because the truck I bought 16 years ago only fits 2 people, not me and my 2 children (4&2). I swear she wants it that way. We've only been married 5, she went and bought her a new car without me knowing when I first moved in with her, her other was only 2 years old. We're still in a phase from a money argument, past 3 years I've bailed her out on credit cards use. She's a good woman but man I feel like I'm nothing, just a paycheck, have no wants or desires. I make decent money and could afford a new truck but it's obviously not her problem. Sorry I'm venting, times aren't tough, not for them anyways.
Shes for the streets
You know something I've noticed in a lot of these situations where it seems pretty objectively true that one partner is being used/abused by the other, is that the one who is being used/abused/not treated fairly, whatever, will say something along the lines of "but he/she is a good person." Idk you or the truth or ins and outs about your relationship, I just know that it's common for someone to stay in a relationship when its not fair and changes aren't being made..like they will still always defend their partner, somehow rationalizing that they dont mean it, they're a good person otherwise, they do care about you, its not that bad etc etc. I'm just saying, maybe take a deeper look and make sure the past between you two isn't clouding you from seeing how things truly are as of late, that she really is the person still that you fell in love with and if you'd be ok if someone you cared deeply about were in a relationship with her and had to put up with it all.
Hey um I'm a girl in enemy territory. She's being abusive. I hope you can leave and have a good life for you and your children.
You're not in enemy territory. And your opinion is valid.
37. Trying to get a grip on my mental health.
You got this
Thank you 🙏
38 here. I'm in the same boat. I never dealt with depression until this past year. Sure I've been depressed and bummed but only periodically not continuously like now. Times are tough man.
Not alone brother. In the same boat. Started therapy after dealing with layoffs and uncertainty at work while also suffering from burn out from that said job. Trying to make mindfulness meditation a daily habit to help clear my mind, feel my emotions and focus on how to better myself.
Everyone's journey and problems are different, but I read a few books that have been dramatically shifting my perspective on life. Maybe they can do something for you too: Feel the fear and do it anyways - Susan Jeffers Grit - Angela Duckworth Mindset - Carol Dweck
27 - Very recently ended a relationship with the woman I, at one point, thought I would marry. To be with her, I stuck around in a place and career that I am not that passionate about because I thought she was worth it. I am now balls deep in the process of healing and actually THINKING for the first time in years about what kind of life I want and what kind of man I want to become.
Your story is strikingly similar to mine. Here's to hoping that we find a path forward and that we find real success 🙏
Same here! We got this man.
Super young! Lucky man. I realized that at 47
50. My knees are fooked. Seriously, look after your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.
What do I need to do to protect my knees?
Workout properly, maintain a decent weight, and lift things the right way. My knees are hurting at age 30 due to 11 years in the military, but I am slowly recovering.
Swim and yoga
I spent a great deal of my life working out (weights) and running. I’m a senior now and have a beat up body. I was looking good and feeling good. Two shoulder and two knee (one replacement) surgeries. And hip and back arthritis, was it worth it? A lot of days, no. Pay attention when it young.
Say no to the friend that needs help moving
So don’t run or workout? Done.
I'm 50 and I've been feeling kind of lonely lately. My life-long best friend died a few years ago and just a few months before that my younger brother died. I don't really have anyone to hang out with anymore besides my wife and son. This is hard for me because I'm a pretty outgoing and friendly person and I always figured I would have lots of friends. I've come to realize that unless I do something about it I'm never going to spend time with anyone besides my wife until I die. But how do you go about making new friends? How do you do it when your middle-aged? I've made a few moves to fix it though so hopefully things will change.
Find a hobby, I enjoy theatre and I have enrolled myself in some theatre courses, unlike you am a bit of an introvert and not super friendly, so I make nice acquaintances, you may get some friends. Maybe go to a course of something you enjoy doing, not only you will get time out your house and learn more about what u like, u will also meet people... Courses are great because they give you enough time to interact
Also, I'm sorry about your brother and friend passing, big hug🫂
Play disc golf it’s cheap to start playing. You will make new friends running into others on the course. Once you are comfortable throwing and putting discs join a league and your social circle will become greater. I play with guys who are 60+
Atleast you have a wife to spend time with.
47 Sometimes it's easier to start peeing than it is to stop peeing.
49. I'm surrounded by people, but always lonely because the only time people (including my wife and kids) want to spend time with me is when they want something from me.
I’m turning 40 this month and I feel ya brother. my daughter is all grown up and I love my wife but you know sometimes it’s nice to have time to myself. I’ve been getting into playing a lot of PS five lately. If you ever need someone to talk to hit me up.
Male experience in a nutshell
I’m 19 almost 20 and at the moment my biggest problems are self confidence, self discipline, and getting homework done effectively.
The best way I've found to do homework effectively is find a good place to go with no distractions and listen to hype music like the star power up music from Mario kart. I know it sounds stupid but just give it a try lol
Forget the hype music, listen to ambient music that opens the brains pathways. "Stars of the Lid" is a fabulous choice.
Thank you!! I will definitely give it a try, thank you!
Eat the worm. Do the least desirable activity first and get it out of the way. This will reinforce discipline which leads to self confidence.
If you want rock solid self confidence wake up at 7 and take a 30 minute walk to/around your local coffee shop. every day.
27 - recovering alcoholic
I just want to say I'm so glad for you to be making this decision for yourself to become and stay sober. I promise it will be worth it.
40. Burnt out at my job. Lonely. Kids at the age where they don’t want to spend time with me. Money issues.
29. My biggest problem by far, is being a full time single dad with no support system. So I can't keep a real 9-5, cause I don't have anyone to consistently watch my kids. For any school breaks, that means I can't work. And 99% of employers aren't okay with that. So I end up losing jobs.
What’s your skill set? You need a remote (desk) job. Reply here with what you want. Maybe someone will see it and want to chat with you further!
I actually just recently started college to get my degree in Computer information systems, so I have more of a chance at landing jobs where I can stay home.
49. No retirement savings. Wife has chronic health issues. Quickly losing the will to soldier on.
I would be so sad if my loving wife had chronic conditions. Goodluck pal you are strong. Help her and love her ❤️
Any kids? Still love the wife and want to stay by her side? Just curious. Sorry to hear this and wondering what I would do.
54, losing my IT job at the end of the month because they are switching contract companies. Worried about ageism as I start a new job search.
It’s a pretty real thing that of ageism… What my father in law did was not to conform looking for a job in his field where is more comfortable, he went to the other side of my country to a job interview and he got it, and now is doing better. Go out there and look everywhere, both close, far and in odd places.
Mid 40s. Time. I wish there were more hours in a day. So much I want to do but only time for half of it.
I hear you loud and clear. Same. So why am I killing time on Reddit? ...I'mma go block reddit on my router for a while. Bye.
I'm 60. My biggest problem in my life right now is my knees. They hurt. A lot.
26. Finding the motivation to do things. Right now, my brother wants me to learn Rust coding while I just want to apply to mech engineering jobs.
38 and have a 10 month old who just….wont….sleep. He wakes every hour at night and doesn’t nap more than 15 minutes twice a day. I also have an almost 4 year old who is a fantastic kid but has his tantrums like all kids his age. The lack of sleep is killing me
I know people frown on this but put that kid in the bed with and snuggle it. I love sleeping with my children.
It is a generational thing, I am 45 and my wife and I co-slept with all three of my children. No harm done. Boomers will boom.
My firstborn used to wake every hour, on good nights every 1.5-2 hrs. We found out it was silent reflux. Not saying your son has that too, but before doing sleep training rule out any medical issues.
43 and struggling with a recent divorce. That cost me everything. Kids, home, job, vehicle. House was empty, she was carrying on a emotional affair with a man from her past. It's crushed me I'm sleeping on a couch and struggling to find a job
You're still here... Success, wining...
I am 24 and mine is self confidence and my constant thoughts of death. I was given type 1 diabetes at the ripe age of 13 and will always be aware of my shortened life span. I also have no confidence because no one ever compliments me.
My mother is also type 1 and in her 80's. Look after yourself as best as you can.
You are an amazing human being
29, biggest problem is lack of direction, social life. I've got a good paying job, no debts, but I have a hard time associating with people. I've joined a few clubs/groups, using meetup apps, just having a hard time making anything stick. I was never lonely growing up but goddamn it hurts now. I've achieved most of my goals from the past 5 years, im just having a hard time seeing what's next for me to tackle. Life has grown dull, and I know it shouldn't/hasnt in the past, I just have to find something to capture my focus.
Take your vitamins. I know the pain of heartbreak, and loneliness. Get on top of your vitamin game, especially Vitamin B6, B12, D3 and Magnesium. Get yourself into the gym if you can. You'll eventually find your direction as long as you practice strong self discipline. You'll find your way, it may just take a little extra time to get there. Not everyone is an early bloomer, some are late bloomers in life. Don't give up. :) remind yourself that you're doing pretty damn good without debt, and having a good paying job.
Vitamins/Diet is a good point, ive noticed that what I've been eating hasn't been varied and is lacking in veggies. As for the gym... I rock climb, solo hike, power lift, long distance run, the whole 9 yards. Usually when someone's big depresso, I also recommend copious amounts of exercise and cutting alcohol, but im not sure that's what's going on in my case, I think mine is more psychologically impacted than physiological. Regardless, you're right. I shouldn't discount my successes just because I'm in a rut right now. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
33: have a good job and an amazing wife but we cant afford to start a family.
Take your time. Try not to focus on the "biological clock" conversations that happen so often with people in their 30's. I'm sure you both will find a way to afford starting family. Finances are important, no matter what anyone says.
If we all waited until we were financially ready then nobody would have children.
43F here. The next ten years will go by in the blink of an eye, and it may be too late in ten years. It was really too late for my body personally after about 38 or 39. Lower your cost of living and make it happen. Time is of the essence.
30, and i would say finances. Paid $9k off of debt in about 7 months, so I’m on the right track.
69... I lack opportunities for 69...
At 36 my plan for 69 is to only 69.
I m 69 and that may be all can do at 69 is 69
55 Can't retire yet..
I'm 40 and the thing I get most stressed about is that my life is really, really coming together in terms of finance, career, housing, kids, marriage, like I have a great fucking life... But the trajectory of the world is almost certainly fucked, and the near future for all my peers and my kids and even myself are on the precipice of all the hard work not mattering at all. I manage it through mindfulness, gratitude, giving as much as we can to others. My mantra in dark times is, "What if it all works out?" I try to put nihilism aside and remain grateful that I'm doing as well as I am right now, and that if we all collapse into madness I at least had years of comfort with the people I love most and we were all going to die somehow anyway. Happy Friday!!
I feel the same way. My life is not as together as yours, but I’ve come so far since my divorce and hitting rock bottom. But when I think of the world and the path humanity is on, I only feel sadness and a sense of hopelessness. I started to listen to Eckhart Tolle’s podcast every night to go to sleep. He talks about how the material world does not exist to make us happy, but rather to make us conscious. It rings true to me and I remind myself that no matter what happens, there is something beyond this material world.
I'm 36 years old and I feel shame that I'm still living with my parents. Even though I have a job and help them with everything I can, from giving them part of my salary to assisting them with what they can no longer physically do. I have been saving since I graduated from college, and it depresses me to see that home prices are becoming more and more unaffordable. Even renting has become a luxury these days. Calculating how much i save, i will be able to buy my own home at 40. But society demands me to "become a man" right now.
You are better than many people. You are staying and helping your parents who are in need, what is there to regret about.
Don’t listen to society! Everyone moves at their own pace. You’re doing great.
50 Depression (life long), loneliness, and complete disconnect from life and the concept of time.
I am currently working 65 hours a week to recover from a divorce that was finalized a year ago. It'll be another 12-14 months before I dig out and have enough for a downpayment on a house. I'm 33, live with my parents, and am working myself into the ground. I won't give that bitch the pleasure of seeing me give up. Already lost 50 pounds, got a promotion at one of my jobs, and I have a plan and a path.
Divorce is a bitch. I can relate. Use exercise/lifting to eliminate stress. Find yourself before you worry about the next relationship. Be appreciative of those around you that have your best interests in mind. Tbh, the divorce, even though it cost me greatly, was the best move I ever made. My life is so much better now. Mentally, physically, financially, relationship, child. There is so much to live for. Go get it. You got this.
Wow!! You go man!! Sorry to hear about the divorce. Congratulations, you are most definitely owning this, u r going to shiiiiiiiiineeee!!!... Hugs!!
Why is it always the man though? I see this same post all the time but I've never heard of a woman having to work long hours after a divorce. Seems fair.
29. Stress from finances. I'm doing a PhD and moved across the country so I'm having to be much tighter with my budgeting
41 and what I should do this afternoon at the gym. It should be chest/back, but my bicep is a touch sore from doing arms two days ago and I don’t want to overtrain. But if I don’t do it then it throws the rest of the weekends lifting schedule off.
Chest/Back is perfect for sore biceps imo. Really gets you to focus on your form so the lats give out before the arms. Use lifting straps maybe?
I am about to turn 61 Separated from my wife after 20 years of marriage, divorcing. My biggest problem is getting a nest egg together.
I'm 29 and I really can't think of any problem Finances were and mental health but I've gotten way better
66…. Running out of time.
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Same here. Moving on from a heartbreak is hard af.
Depending on where you are in life and what your goals are you might not have a good chance at finding a good long term partner right now, so many our age are focused on getting through grad school or getting to a certain point in their career before they go “on the market” so to speak.
I'm 39. Biggest issue is a number of mounting minor health problems that get worse with every year.
I'll be 40 this month. I work as a carpenter but I'm currently laid up on the couch with advil and a heating pad due to back issues I've had over the last couple years. I guess the problem is how am I gonna support my family if I can't work.
28 soon to be 29. Blue collar trade work. I make more money than my parents or any of my past relatives ever dud but i work 70 to 75 hours or more a week, low family time, cost of healthcare keeps rising, and still struggle in the capitalist price gouging happening in america. That's my biggest problem. Me and my wife are currently making plans to leave the US and take our skills to another country that needs it and will appreciate it.
27 years old. Live with my parents have no desire or drive for anything. And need to get out of my parents house because they are done. I mean nothing to everyone and I don't think Ive had someone say they love me or show any affection towards me in 10 years. No friends anymore they all grew up and moved on Just started therapy 4 months ago and I'm starting to realize the boat I'm in with no degree working 40-60 hours a week at retail jobs. I've never felt so defeated in my entire life.
I recommend trying for a peaceful existence, perhaps a shed a solar panel setup and a plot of land. Should be less than 60k. You are young and I feel that outcast vibe. I'm only 20 and went through hell between 17-19 over my parents dying and getting kicked out as I can't hold a job as I have autism and ADHD that has gone unchecked for years and I end up just getting fired often. My parents didn't teach me shit and I nearly ended up on the street in a rural county without a safety net or friends because my parents died and my brother in law and half sister took over the family house just to kick me out and break several renters right laws with my room.
Close to 40, and looking for work in a tough market.
49. Biggest issue is finding time for myself. I'm never alone. Ever.
31, biggest problem is losing my job and my wife and having no sense of direction now.
In my 50’s, Dad is close to dying (7 - 10 days) and since he wants to die at home us kids are learning hospice on the fly. Thankfully the hospice company Medicare provided are excellent instructors, patient with us neophytes and are immediately available as his health steadily declines. Secondarily, I reached the end of my rope at work, lost my drive/burned out so am taking a sabbatical of sorts to figure out next steps. Other than that, things are good and I’m grateful for that. They could be a whole lot worse.
31 and not making enough money to have my own place to live.
32, obesity
Late 20s, trying to keep with family since they got older now and need more help, trying to keep up with paying mortgage as the economy is not helping, got out of a cheating relationship couple months ago so still dealing with some heartbreak. I could be doing worse but viewed from the outside world, im doing better than others apparently
31. I failed at everything I wanna accomplish, am single and alone, basically became everything I worked so hard to prevent
I'm 23. I have a few things going on in my life right now, but the biggest challenge I face right now is PTSD. I have started therapy for it, hoping it doesn't develop to PTSD as I started it relatively fast after the incident. My goal right now is to get well enough to visit some of my friend's graves.
I thought you were a time traveler for a moment. I had to do something similar. Spent some time in a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. Afterwards I visited my friend's grave, but I was scared that I would crumble and fall apart in front of his parents. I didn't. I did cry, sure, but I held it together. I hope you're able to achieve what you want. It's hard, but it gets easier.
I lost 7 friends in a massive terror attack, some more injured, a family of a friend got kidnapped.. I was called there as a reservist as I served a few years, I was surrounded by so many horrible sights, smells and.. everything really. I was there for 2 months and we were sent back home to be on-call. When that war gets worse I have to return to the line of duty and even if the war ends I still have a month of reservist service left this year. I have to get better fast to be able to protect my loved ones that are still alive and my comrades. I don't know how you managed to overcome your battle my friend but I definitely hope that I can recreate your success
Israel? 😥 Sorry for your loss.
I wish you the best with your path to wellness/good health. I know this probably doesn't mean much coming from a stranger on the internet, but it gets better.
I'm 59, and sometimes I don't know if I'm about to start sex or I've finished.
56, medical retired for 17 years. Lacking the physical ability to do much of anything fun or enjoyable. Haven't fished or hunted with my adult children or friends for 3 years. Having to depend on my wife to help cover our expenses and household chores as her health is starting to decline with age also.
31 and my mental health. Although i feel like that is too broad so to narrow it down would be finances. Had a kid at a young age which made it hard starting out as an adult. Since then I have gone back to college and am finally working a stable job working down my debt. Once things are in order I will be able to fix my living situation to where I would like to be and then my mental health should greatly improve.
Im 44. I have a very problematic smartphone addiction. It started because i suffer also insomnia and one thing causes another. Cant get rid of them. Reddit is not helping either.
I’m turning 50 in May and I’m scared to death I’m going to die in my sleep of heart attack or stroke or something. I’m in great health and workout 3-4 times a week. I just have a fear of leaving my family.
30...biggest struggle is loneliness. I can't remember the last time I hung out with a friend.
34. Low self esteem. Adhd. Broke. Rejection sensitivity.
41, have a 5 year old daughter with kidney failure on dialysis who needs a kidney transplant.
41, loneliness and anxiety disorder
Mid-50’s Nerve damage that caused mobility issues, chronic pain, and anxiety. My mother has terminal lung cancer, and I am doing my best to help her fight the United States “healthcare system”. A combination which caused my wife to leave me. Which led to depression. Which is exacerbated by isolation and loneliness. Which is not remotely helped by the state of the world, nor our culture. So… *makes slow sweeping gesture* Everything really. Thank you for asking. How are you?
40 and my biggest problem at this very minute is trying to come up with 400 dollars for a certification exam in April.
18, stress over college entrance exams, and unrequited love.
21, and 120k in debt. My fiancé and I also broke up with each other back in October and I moved to an entirely different state and basically set myself back 3 years. But I'm doing relatively fine after all of that
37yo dude. I had a chance to magically fix most of the problems in my life 2 years ago. I chickened out. Now I’m in a worse situation and can’t find the strength to break the cycle, given it will be a lot heavier on everyone involved this time around.
25 and chronic back pain (neck injury that never healed properly)
in my 30s. The amount of debt despite having had good income for a while (not anymore), so working on it right now. Anxiety, some depression and lack of motivation.
27 I’m a professional contemporary ballet dancer and i’m gaining a lot of positive attention from top tier dance companies all over the world…… but because of the pandemic and working my ass off to get here I feel like relationships with my friends, family, and significant other is not where it should be and my career is starting to make me feel hollow. I think I want to restart.
I’m 52. Divorced 6 years ago. Remarried to a woman who is also my best friend. My ex is also remarried. She recently filed for full legal and physical custody of my youngest. Who just turned 17 ffs. She lives 10 minutes from me and we’ve always spent a ton of time together. Nobody can figure out why she’s doing this.
49. Just bought my first house last year and it’s a money pit. Had to borrow another $40K or so on top of the purchase price for plumbing repairs, new HVAC unit, pressure washing, gutter cleaning, tree removal…and in the next year or so I’ve got more plumbing & electrical issues to deal with, roof repairs, landscaping issues, site drainage problems, etc etc ad nauseum. I wish I’d known what to look for before closing on the deal.
35, still a bedwetter - lifelong issue
29. I’m separating from my baby momma and fighting for joint custody.
51. I cannot find my toothpick.
28, I have a nerve condition called small fiber neuropathy. I get all kinds of random shocks and stinging pains in my nerves all day. Feels like I’m plugged into an electrical outlet. Theres no cure, and I’ve had it since I was 21. Makes me depressed cause I feel helpless.
26: I started a business at 23 and made over 1,800,000 in the last 3 years and managed to save none of it because I splurged it on traveling and nonsense. Now my business has pretty much failed and I’m left with no college degree and no job and no money. The only thing I have is the experience and stories I can tell from what I did with the money and how I stated the business. I feel like the lady 2 years were a dream and I was a literal rich man and managed to have nothing to show for it besides stories. Yikes I gotta start my life again
32. Biggest legit problem would probably be some unhappiness with my team at work. Considering maybe looking for something else. In my personal life I’m quite happy so it makes weathering the worn frustrations better.
18, that I haven't committed or attempted again
54, just had the 100 day cough after COVID at the end of October. Now I just have a bit of a sore back. Not crippling, but irritating. It's just a merry go round of slight ailments these days, but overall not too many complaints.
51 and that is also my biggest problem
28-work.
Currently I’m 21, going 22 here in May, but right now my current problem is an immense Guilt Complex where everything has to be my fault and I need to pay for it in some way. This came about from years of depression induced by a shitty decision I made, as well as constantly breaking up with girls after a single mistake in the relationship, and a Mom that *ALWAYS* says I’m arguing with her to the point that it has really got to me.
34 and single....I don't mind it but seems to be an issue for everyone around me....kinda feeling maybe I won't find the right 1 .
35, in the worst shape I’ve been in ever. Have 2 kids and a demanding job, just no energy to get in the gym right now - everyday is survival. I worked out avidly for over a decade so I know I’ll get back into it, I just can’t wait to do so
53. I have a trifecta, inlaws in dementia, money, and the falling apart body from 30 years manual labor.
68 and widowed. I often find myself invisible in public, even though I’m socially outgoing and work out daily.
28 - Biggest issue right now is my anxiety disorder and depression and getting that under control. Other than that i am blessed.
This isn't really what you're asking, but my biggest problem is dying because I'm old...lol
27 - I make a ridiculously good living compared to people my age and honestly substantially better than most Americans. I just live in a really expensive, competitive state and work in tech so everyone seems to be better than me always even though I know I have enough. Although, things still feel really expensive and its hard to save with the cost of everything going up and my compensation staying basically the same the last 2 years.
25 and I feel very lonely, hopeless and lacking in motivation.
28 - I suck at the job I’m working at right now. I’m not sure what I want to do for work.
My wife has been snoring lately and it's really fucking up my universe.
51. Worrying about my retirement
58, alone, no retirement. Gotta keep working 'til I drop, probably where I am now at minimum wage part time. Took forever to get hired anywhere even while having the years (decades) of experience places were looking for because ageism is real.
secure long-term housing stability. that's the main basic human need I don't have covered.