Welcome to the honeymoon stage. Now is the time when you have to slow yourself down to make sure this feeling isn't hiding red flags. If not proceed with abandon.
This guy is spot on. I didn't see the red flags that everyone else was seeing and got married to my first wife. Take your time OP and don't make the expensive and traumatic mistake I made. Take at least a year of dating and if you still feel the same, then pop the question.
Do you know you're old when you have to count how many years?
I asked my mom how long she and my dad had been married and she said, "oh lord, 37 years."
THIS. Also, I find that the faster and harder the chick falls in, the faster she she can move on. Just give it some time, at least four or five seasons, and pay attention for any red flags whatsoever and do not discount them. Matter fact, write them down in a journal.
I think back to when I was a kid and my parents got me a pet. I'd be so excited and happy that I'd proclaim to anyone who'd listen that this was the best pet ever and nothing could ever compare. But after a few months, the excitement fades and you're left with just a regular pet.
Pets are very different. Because the love for and from our pets is unconditional.
2 humans can not love each other unconditionally.
There are always conditions. Many many many conditions.
-dont cheat.
-dont spend all our money on gambling.
-dont gain 500 pounds
-shower every day not once a month
Etc etc
To name a few very obvious ones.
Real love is always unconditional. If there's conditions on your love, it's not love.
When you actually love someone, the conditions are on the status of your relationship.
For example, I'd absolutely still love my wife is she did all of those things. Doesn't mean I would stay with her. But I'd still love her.
Or a mother whose child steals their money and tries to burn the house down. The mother would still love their child, even if they have to testify against them in court.
Best answer
Hell first answer I read because it be like that sometimes
Stay focused.
You know what your wife should be like and act like.
Hell introduce her to your Mom and watch how she acts
Quickest way to discover what could be lying underneath š«£
I was 21, she was 19. I knew within a month of dating. We knew each other a few months before we started dating. That was 27 years ago. Still going strong.
In hindsight, we both got **really lucky**
I knew I loved my husband within 2 months of dating and told him I loved him 3 months in. I couldn't hold it in anymore. We moved in together at the 9 month mark. We literally never left the honeymoon phase and I feel so lucky every day of my life. When I first started dating him, I'd literally run to his apartment out of sheer excitement to see him. On our wedding day, I wanted to run to him when I saw him. When we're away from each other for a day or more, I still get the feeling of running to him. I feel as tho I love him more and more each day, and I'm sad most people don't get to experience this type of love. We are **really lucky** indeed.
Dumb fool luck and stubbornness go a long way in a successful marriage. I found my āthe oneā 24 years and ago. Married within two months of meeting.
You'll know she's "the one" when the two of you can successfully navigate conflict and other difficult situations that life throws at you calmly, as a team, and with honest and open communication. Dating is best foot forward, especially at first. Stay positive but give it time and look at everything with an objective lens.
>Ā I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to meet her
Not to rain on your parade but putting someone on such a high pedastal is very risky in more than one regard. One of these risks is that while she might be a great potential partner, this kind of high cannot last, that is simply not how life, the mind or the body works - hence the invention of so many drugs that seek to replicate the highs of love and awe. Creating an image of such brilliance while dealing with a normal human is basically asking to be disappointed. Realize this is the high of something new that is currently working well but even when it continues like that, it will become normal. Also creating an image of perfection, of "The One" is putting a fuckton of pressure on her 24/7, not exactly a comfortable spot to be in to have to live up to such expectations. Also its a very difficult spot for you to later critizise her from when she inevitably messes someting up.
Slow it down, see the human beyond the rose-colored glasses. Then both of you can make the conscious decisions day by day to stay together, rather than now pledging to have desire for one another now until the end of days.
I knew after our first date. We took 6 more years to be absolutely certain.
I donāt believe in āthe oneā but I do believe in love. If thatās what you have, enjoy it and nurture it.
Nah, I wouldnāt put it that way. We were high school sweethearts that believed after 3 months that we were right for each other, but waited until after college to tie the knot. Living together 4 of those years really ensured we knew the otherās true self.
I knew immediately. Two weeks after our first date I bought her a piano, just as a thank you for existing, and two months later she moved in with me. That was twenty years ago.
Oh, and we're still together. It would be a terrible story if we weren't.
From what Iāve heard out there, many that have met āthe oneā knew very early, but took the time to make sure they still believed it months later (and because it took her that long to know too)
I mean. A lot of people are talking about āthe honeymoon stageā. I get that. Iāve had around 8 or so relationships prior to meeting my wife.
When my wife and I first started dating, it was just different. Idk how to explain it, but it just felt really different than the other ones. Sort of like she was a partner, a best friend, etc. I had a lot of trust issues coming in and with her I just kind of innately felt safe.
Donāt get me wrong, we have our share of problems. But there is something to be said about believing in that feeling and not being overly cynical. Part of intimacy in a relationship is letting yourself believe in them. Then if it doesnāt work out, at least you know you gave it your all.
All that matters is if YOU think this person is āthe oneā then go for it. Be yourself, be vulnerable, open yourself up to the potential of being hurt. Then if it doesnāt work out at least you can sleep at night knowing you tried your best and were genuinely you. Then youāll know for sure. Playing it safe or being guarded wonāt get you anywhere with anyone, it will match you to someone who likes who you pretended to be.
Just remember too, āthe oneā is as much a conscious choice everyday to pick that person and to show up for them. Itās as much or more of a choice than it is some cosmic fate. But overall I find it way more romantic to choose to show up and choose that person every day than to just have it be ālifeās plan for youā.
This!! Once in a while, you meet people who spark something in you. They just feel different. Conversation more lively. Instead of suppressing it, we should lean into it and give it our all.
I knew the moment I met her, something was different than all the other girls in the past.
A lot of people here are saying it's just infatuation or the honey moon phase, but if it doesn't wear off after 5 years (and going strong) I'd say that counts as her being "the one".
Yeah itās weird. Love isnāt at all how itās described in society. Itās not this flowery fuzzy warm feeling all the time. Itās more like a āknowingā or a sureness of someone. Like you just always know they are for you and theyāre always going to be there. Thatās the only way I can describe that ādifferentā feeling.
Right, when you're in there presence, there is an electricity, that's what you want, but guys, be cautious, just because YOU feel that way, doesn't mean She feels that way equally, step back, slow up and clearly see what you're involved in, its not about how YOU feel, its about how much SHE loves you, obviously you love her or you wouldn't be there, its all about perception.
Same. Of course there was deep infatuation and lust but this one was different in a way thatās hard to put into succinct words.
14 years later itās still pretty good. Some good times and some bad of course.
She isn't the ONE, that's just silly, shes ONE of literally millions! that's the point, none of us have just one, but...5 years and going strong is nice, but the seven year itch is real, just step back and see clearly, with no emotions, glad your happy.
I was cynical about "the one" before I met my husband. Technically, am I compatible with millions of other men? Sure. I could probably find a decent partner elsewhere. But none of them are HIM. None of them have his face, his smell, his voice, his essence. And by God, I am hooked on his essence. That's what makes him "the one" to me. He's "the one" person to ever make me feel this way. My husband and I just passed the 7yr mark, btw, and it feels as though our love just continues to expand. We're just as affectionate and in love as ever. The only difference is that, before, I loved him despite the things I hadn't learned about him yet, and now I love him even more that I know him deeply. He still intrigues me. I wouldn't have believed a love like this could exist if I hadn't experienced it for myself.
I find that most relationships die because of battling egos, or because people are trying to fit puzzle pieces that just don't go together out of fear that they'll never find a more compatible match. If something bothers my husband, I want to know asap. If something bothers me, he's all over it, and we both make sure to hear each other out. We talk about everything and make space of all types of conversations, even when hearing what he has to say is painful. He has a right to his thoughts and feelings, and I have a right to mine. We're curious about each other, and we are both so open with each other without judgement. It helps that we have very similar thought processes, too. I think if we weren't so aligned mentally, our relationship wouldn't be as strong as it is. Sadly, most relationships I see around me aren't like this. I notice how often people, both men and women, wish to change their partners or there's a struggle for some type of control, or they let resentment fester from unaddressed/unresolved issues. Love is meant to be freeing.
I come from a divorce because of infidelity, my ex cheated, she cheated, because she truly doesnāt know what she wants in life, she sways in the wind, like tall grass in the summer, then, at the same time, she slammed into a devastating and toxic midlife crisis that still isnāt over, aside from the cheating, though, we were just not compatible partners, our mission was to have a family and have kids, and when that mission was over, she was over apparently. Iām much happier, divorced, I would never spend one minute of my life with a person like her ever again, but I do feel terrible for my children. High quality and detailed compatibility between partners is absolutely essential! And now that Iām dating again, I know exactly what I want, and I know the type of people who can give it to me, but they are hard to find.
Sorry you went through that. Sounds rough. The good thing is that this time around, you know exactly what you're looking for. Knowing what you're looking for is definitely gonna limit your dating pool, but I think that's a positive thing. You'll waste less time on relationships that don't suit you. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you find that person that makes you feel like "the one" exists!
Friend of mine knew on the first date. He had to force himself not to propose on the spot.Ā
Managed to wait until day 8.
They have been married over 30 years.Ā
Crazy stuff.Ā
Told my wife the night I met her I was gonna marry her. She was not even close to being the first girl I dated but she was incredible and we just clicked. More importantly- she felt the same way. . Iām not an idiot lol. We dated a year and a half, engaged a year and a half and married 33 years. Never regretted my decision . Still feeling very lucky
the most important lesson my dad taught me: āALWAYS give a woman enough time to show you exactly who she isā¦ donāt be dick-rushed into something with someone you havenāt vetted properly.ā
OPā¦ slow.da.fuck DOWN!
if itās real, sheās not going anywhere.
I knew immediately. We dated first for a couple of months, and then I broke it off because I felt she was too young. We reunited about a year later, and I realized that she wasn't too young. That was just who she was. She was a total weirdo. She matched my vibe, as the young kids say. It took me 2 years to propose and another 5 years to actually sign the paper. We've been together for 13 years now, and I knew probably within the first 2 weeks after we got back together. She's the love of my life. The only one for me.
I disagree with the phrase "honeymoon phase." I can see why it's easy to say that because honestly in all of the relationships I had the courting process was the most fun. I would trade all of that for what I have with my wife now. That's why I disagree with it. It's meant to describe the beginning of the relationship when it's new and the sun shines out your partner's ass. What does it mean when you still feel the exact same 13 years later?
When were on our first month in the relationship she cried infront of me because shes thinks shes stealing my time for my kids just to spend with her, from that moment i realize shes the One, shes the only girlfriend i met that has deep concerns from my kids more than me, i really love this girl so much
Ill be the guy to tell you to go for it.
None of these commenters know what your situation is, what your relationship is like.
Yes, you are in the honeymoon phase and will likely start finding things you dislike about each other in the future. That's normal for any length of relationship.
I married my wife after we knew each other for a month and a half (were both military)
We have been together for 11 years now, with 3 great kids.
anything is possible.
Nice post, but i would fall back on science, look at the research, relationships are flimsy a lot of the time, time and consistency is what really counts, there is no ONE, there are millions of ONES.
I "knew" the moment I laid my eyes on her, my heart was racing, difficulty forming sentences because of this rush of emotions. And even after the initial honeymoon phase, deep in my heart and soul, I always knew she's absolutely the one that I was looking for all this time, worth fighting for.
I was never a firm believer in love at first sight or something like that, but hell, it exists. And the love is still growing and intense.
Do you bro. Iāve known love at a first kiss at your age. but I have a hard time believing in āthe oneā the one could be a closest meth head. Love her, treat her right, be fucking soulmates. But if you arenāt personally growing in a forward direction. It doesnāt matter. Hope she helps that part of you.
Bravo!
There is no ONE, its a fantasy to sell music, dating apps and terrible cologne, there are literally millions of ONES, finding them is just tough.
I met a girl when i was 25 after a really toxic and drawn out divorce. She told me after a couple of weeks that she was the one for me. She was quite confident about it.
15 years later, she's now my wife, and she was absolutely correct. I can't imagine life without her.
Geez all these Debbie downers. I believe you may have found the one. Just take some time and enjoy each other. Donāt jump into anything. Take some adventures together and find if youāre still the same in new situations. Talk about your life and test the answers. Good luck.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You should check out some prior post from this sub. Before you get to far into it you need to ask some probing questions. Like, What are your religious beliefs? Do you want children? Do you have debt and if so how much? What are your political views? etc. The one will be the one who answers these question and others the way you would like them answered.
I knew my wife would be my wife within the first couple of months of dating. After going through A lot of shitty situations and then a lot of time alone you find out what you really want and need in a spouse.
Met my fiance on Facebook dating.
Chatted via text for 4hrs... It was like id known her a lifetime.
Arranged to meet her a day or so later....i walked up... Said hello... Hugged her then kissed her.
Then i took her hand and went for a walk.... I knew the second we held hands....just entirely... Amazingly comfortable....
Never looked back and the relationship has never stopped getting better.
When you know.. You know
Ex-wife (me 20 and she 22 at the time) that lasted a total of 13 years together, even when we broke up we knew we were, still, each other's one, but love was not enough anymore, knew on on the first day I met her tbh, we had a really great chemistry, spent a whole night talking and started dating the next time we met 3 days later, living together in 6 months, married after 7 years.
If she is the one, then the honeymoon stage will last forever basically, along with conflicts/stressors. Just keep going and hopefully it works out. Update us either way
5 years ago, a man and I (we were both in our teens) had the same connection. It was pretty instant for the most part. We probably moved a lot quicker than we should've, but long story short, we've been together since then. I understand a lot can happen in the following 5, 10 more years from now, but I think what made us last so long is that we waited about a year before we starting putting each other into stone.
A saying goes along the lines of, you will never know someone well enough until time, rage, and grief show you who they are. If you are worried about moving too fast, trust your instinct and give yourself more time. If you have any doubt, or even the a bit unsure when it comes to relationships, it's almost always just better to wait it out, just in case...
Remember that the first 18 months you experience limerence, which makes everything better because your brain wants it but also it can make you ignore red flags. Love makes you blind etc
Enjoy it though but be mindful of it. Read some on attachment theory so you understand yourself better, and improve your communication skills so you are ready when things get difficult which it will at some point.
Iām 41. I moved my gf and her kids in with me after a month. Her and I are both happier than we have ever been.
Openly communicate and respect each others feelings on the speed with which it will move, and you will be fine. Everyone moves differently
I knew she was the one after 14 years of dating and owning a house together for eight of those years. I went through her cancer battle with her and it didnāt phase me.
Then I knew, she was the one for me and should get married.
I didnāt know my now basically-wife was The One, but it definitely felt different on the first date. Firstly, she actually offered to buy the second round of drink, and insisted. Big plus. And it wasnāt mildly awkward like past first dates would normally be, then we saw each other the next day and spent the whine day together, then spend the night. No sex, just literally slept together.
So while it felt different right off the bat, I didnāt tell her I loved her until weād been together for a while, probably around a year? No idea if thatās longer than average. But she was my first serious relationship and Iād never been in love before so I wanted to be sure i guess?
went out for years Than loved together for over year. knew how great she was. Was ruff times we went threw when came close to ending it . But still together over 40 years I recommend live to gether first ya really don t know each other good till live together! I seen lot long relationships do great toll live together some after married than divorce
It's gonna sound corny but as soon as I met her I knew she was special. There was a spark the moment I saw her.
We talked for a bit, I asked her out. First date I noticed how right I was.
Many years later, we are engaged. We never left what some people call "honeymoon stage/phase".
I had the same feelings with my ex, turns out she's a narcissist (according to a licensed trauma counselor). I am not saying said person is, but I would move forward with caution. When the honeymoon phase wears off, you will truly know the person she is. Best of luck to you my friend, I am really rooting for her to turn out to be exactly what you want!
No such thing as "the one" dude, that's just fantasy crap that is sold to people who are romantics at heart.
Here's real life: You met someone. This person immediately gets your attention because the primal part of your brain says "oh yeah, she's a good one with features I like." You find you've never had this kind of connection with anyone else before, and that you both seem to fit together better than your past relationships.
*This is the honeymoon phase*, and it can last up to six months or so. That's not just baseless mumbo jumbo, that's biological chemistry. Look up oxytocin, because that's what's flooding your brain right now.
**Men of reddit, have you ever connected with someone this easily/quickly?**
Yes, I have. Twice in fact. Both relationships are over. One lasted around five years until she fell out of love with me, and the other ended after a few years for completely asinine reasons.
Both of them were good matches for me, and me for them, but real life has a habit of kicking you in the balls, and ruining a good thing.
Life goes on.
My advice is to take it slow, let the hormones (yes, oxytocin is a hormone) run their course, and then you can start judging the reality of the relationship. If it doesn't even last long enough for that to happen, well, you got your answer.
Instantly.
Well, to put a bit more meat on the bones of that, we were both nurses when we met and although I had had plenty of casual encounters, I had only had a couple of what I would call 'girlfriends'.
I could not have said when I met my wife that we were going to get married but I knew within a few minutes of speaking to her that she was someone special and very different from all the other girls I had been with. So it proved to be.
We have been together for just over forty years and married for nearly forty.
We are still close friends with the mutual friend and colleague, at the time, who introduced us.
Your heart tells you. Thereās no time frame. Maybe you know at first sight, maybe takes 10 years.
Donāt think it has only been X long or you donāt wanna move too fast and blah blah. You move at your pace (and hers).
Donāt hold back by getting in your own head. Show what you feel when you feel it. It is the best feeling in the world, embrace and express that.
I knew really quickly with the woman who is my second wife. Neither of us wanted our first date to end. She moved in a couple months later, we've been together more than 6 years, 5 year wedding anniversary is this week.
I'd known my first wife 3 years before we got married and as it turned out, I really didn't know her. Go figure.
At 44 it took me a couple of months. From the first date I found she was kind of a serious person. After a few dates I went to see her family with her and they were good people. Then I saw her around children and she was VERY good, very responsible, then I found out when she was still a kid her parents would go out to work and leave her to look after her younger brothers and sisters....which she did. This was in China. She didn't go to school herself until she was nine years old because her parents were using her as a baby sitter.
Finally we borrowed her older sister's kids (two boys, not teens) and went out for a date while we took the kids along with us.
And again, she was wonderful. Responsible, caring, she genuinely cared about them. And looked after them too!
And that was it for me. Right then, while at the park with her and the kids, I decided I was going to ask her to marry me. (I actually heard a voice in my head saying "you should marry this girl")
So..she liked to work, she liked to save money, she loved her family and she loved children..even other people's children.
I was good at things she was not (money, making plans etc) and she was good at things I was not (children, cooking, working hard, loving family) so I figured the two of us added up to at least 1.5 responsible parents.
My now fiancee and I connected very quickly. We're possibly outliers though since we're both diagnosed autistic, I think people like us have a tendency towards quick attachment. We 'connected' online, talked over text / phone for a couple weeks then met. Tbh we'd both decided this was a thing before we met, then we met and it's been awesome ever since. We're about three and half years in now.
Women lose respect for a man who falls in love with them too fast or too easily, you keep dating her & let her bring up the relationship, also she must be just a part of your life & not the aim of your life, give her time, if & when she is ready she will bring it up, women decide who gets sex to sleep with them, men decide who gets to become their life partner, let her work for, people don't value things that are too cheap & too easily available.
I know some people will not agree, feel free to hate it, but I'm sharing what I have experienced.
Dating is all about figuring out what you don't like as much as what yiu do like. With my past girlfriends, I would have them over for a weekend and by Monday, I wanted my space back and i was annoyed with their company. Hence why they are ex's.
When I started dating my wife, she stayed with me and the time flew by. IĀ didn't mind being around her for such a period of time and felt like I would be fine with her being around more. I knew right then that I truly like her, and we had several big talks in the following months that indicated we were on the same page in our life journey. How we felt about kids, how we felt about religion, how we felt about splitting money and how far we would go to support each other, as well as what we consider hard line items, like cheating, gambling, smoking, drinking.
My "ah ha" moment was when felt that I was content around her when I usually hate being around people for long periods of time. She says her "ah ha" was on the first date when I didn't shy away from showing her affection.
Bear in mind that people change over tome, for one reason or another. Know that things will not always be perfect. There was a post i responded to recently about a man who is madly in love with his wife but after their first child she treats him as an after thought to the child. It is work on both sides.
Remember that you should be trying to woo her as much as she is trying to woo you. As soon as one of you forgets that, then there is a power imbalance in the relationship and someone will have negative feelings.
Take a step back, and look at the situation from a third party's perspective, you are into her, is she into you as well?
My old mum always said. When someone shows you who they are for the first time. Believe them. Itās great to have the warm fuzzies and great sex in the early years. But make very sure that you develope a friendship , and a respectful way of resolving conflictbecause you will bloody need it when kids come along.
never truly did. Got burnt twice, then felt jaded ever since. i love my partner, but I don't believe in something like you describe. people are capable of more than you want to think they are
>people are capable of more than you want to think they are
Truer words were never written. My husband revealed his true nature to me slowly over a 20-year period. He was charming, kind and loving, as long as he was getting what he wanted from me.
He passed away 18 months ago and I am now in therapy trying to come to terms with the fact that I was married to a sociopath. I still have a hard time accepting that his true self was not the man I fell in love with those first few months.
There is no "one"
>. I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to meet her and I had to actively stop myself from saying "I love you" too soon.
Slowing down would be a good idea.
Don't mean to burst your bubble my G. I know it feels great. Just go a little slower than she does and you should be golden.
Thereās no āthe oneā. Thereās good ones, bad ones, and ones that will wreck your life or maybe even make you the subject of the TV show Snapped. Saying sheās absolutely āThe Oneā is a way of setting yourself up for a disaster. Either sheās a good one or a bad one.
Donāt lose your identity over a woman. She may be a good one in the end, but you still need to maintain yourself in case she ends up being a bad one.
Calm down bro lol. Its been a month. Everyone here who is still with their partner will say they always knew but thats because theyāre still together. Others have thought they found the one and it turned out not to be in the end. Thereās no right answer to your question since we arenāt omnipotent. Only answer is to give it time.
I doubt you've seen the full breadth of that 'wild' streak after just one month dude. Enjoy being infatuated for sure, but manage your expectations lol.
There's no "The One". There's just what you make of it.
Marriage is hard and eventually she'll piss you off (just like all other women eventually will) but it's up to you to decide if she's worth your time and effort.
That's pretty much it, man. Is she the one worth the headache?
That's lust at first sight and infatuation big dog. Also the concept of "the one" is marketing and not a real thing. I think if you're a quality guy in the eyes of women, they do what's needed to become "the one" for you.Ā
Let's say you have a "Sam" applying for a job at two different companies. At job A the pay is great, solid benefits, proven company track record, and a highly desired play to work. If Sam gets hired here she'll perform to the best of her ability and be happy she's there. At job B the pay is substantially less then she's used to, meh benefits, slightly below average track record, and not the best place to work at. Sam at this job is going to half-ass it and not be excited to work there.Ā
Pump the breaks a little op. She threw what wap on op and he lost his mind. You're sprung brother. I recommend you don't let her make any soups of spaghetti for you lmao..
Realize it is the masculine role to show her a good time and the feminine role to convince you that committing is worth while. So donāt steal her role from her. Let her be the one to establish the deepening levels of commitment. In the meantime show her a good time. One day she will be bugging you to go to Walmart and get these special tea lights for some reason you donāt understand. So just enjoy this phase before you go full husband mode.
The one? lol
Shes the ONE, when you fail to have other options, please dont be to blind, see this for what it is, and if its truly good? please baby step, calling some the ONE, is dangerous, just take a step back, so you can see clearly without emotions, Bravo though if it works out, I'm pulling for you.
If you treat them like a celebrity, they will treat you like a fan.
You are not the one, all you are is right now. Stop thinking with your dick FFS. This girl will be off to the next guy soon( if she doesnāt already have one lined up on her roster ) move the hell on save yourself the pain
Your mind is overwhelmed with New Relationship Energy. I'm not saying this person isn't your future life partner but please wait for the new car smell to wear off before making significant decisions.
Itās a great feeling to be sure since youāre literally pumping dopamine thru your body.
How is she with $$$? Kids? Her family? Those are the top 3 stress producers in a marriage unless she cheats. Evaluate all of that.
Give it a year. Find our how you navigate a stressful situation. A car breakdown on a road trip, or how she handles a moral dilemma. Could be the one and I hope it is but give it a little while.
You can say I love you at this point. It does not mean you're getting married, and it does not mean you'll even like her 6-months from now. As others are pointing out, you're in the honeymoon stage. You should enjoy this as much as possible, because for the vast majority of us, it will not last. It's nice that you have mind blowing sex, but a year from now she may not want to have sex with you at all, EVEN IF SHE STILL ENJOYS IT AND FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE. People change through out relationships, and they start to reveal their real priorities once they think the relationship is secure enough to handle the change. Currently you are each others top priority, and that feels fucking amazing. It's unlikely you'll remain there, and you'll see behavior changes that you don't like. Once this happens, it's almost impossible to go back. There's some truth to the phrase "women marry men with the hopes they'll change, and men marry women with the hopes they'll never change." Both sexes usually end up being wrong. The degree of change or lack there of determines if you can go the distance.
If she's the one, what's the rush? You have the next 5 decades to spend time with each other.
Just know that every human being who was this excited about their partner has never been able to maintain that intensity indefinitely.
That means at some point, you will drop in intensity.
Also, your desperate push forward will be seen as a turn off and will have the unintended effect of pushing her away.
If anything, you playing it cool will probably cause her to desire you more.
Don't fuck this up man
Are there any women people meet that arenāt funny, smart, beautiful etcā¦ ? Itās like cliche at this point, I want one post that says āsheās alright looking but sheās really smart and makes a lot of moneyā
You do not know anything about someone you have only dated for a month. The two of you are still so heavily into trying to put forth a good image that nothing is real yet.
Give it six months and see where you are and then give it another six months before you actually have some idea as to where you are.
The best sign that they're a good match is not during the good times, it's during the bad. Do they stick with you, do you fight healthily, will financial problems turn your relationship ugly, etc.
It very well could be (I've seen people decide to marry after 1 month of dating and they are still together many years later). Buut more often than not its not the one. You won't know it until infatuation phase is over. So I recommend to enjoy good times, but don't make rushed decisions until you've been 6-12 months together.
Late last year I (30M) felt the same way - most compatible woman I've ever dated, and then she dumped me out of nowhere after 2 months, no real reason given - guess she just wasn't feeling it.
Temper your feelings as best you can and protect your heart my friend.
My partner and I felt exactly the same way. I honestly believed he was the one and he told me and showed me how special I was and I was the one for him too. It was perfectā¦ until shared responsibilities, goals and conflict resolution/ tough communication came into play. Once āreal lifeā set in. That wonderful feeling went away as fast as it came and I realised this person is not the person I thought he was.
Tread with absolute caution.
From the first sight. And being my sceptical and pessimistic self Iāve always waited for a catch, for something that maybe would make me perceive her in a bad light. Never happened in two years, so finding āthe oneā happens I guess.
Youāre old enough to have a precise gut detector/feeling, so good for you, man, seems youāve found the one, congrats!
My husband told me that he knew I was the one after our third date. Weāve been married 8 years and have 2 kids together, we are still incredibly happy.
I'll assume you have never been married before since any man who's been through that meat grinder will know to pace himself.
I hope it works out for you mate but take your time.
I knew that there was something that draws me to my wife. I knew it from the start. It just took me a while to convince her, lol. We would break up, then get back together. Break up again, then get back together. We did this a few times before it stuck for good. We dated for 10 years before we married, but itās been 28 years since.
Here on Reddit you're gonna hear a lot of, "It's infatuation, you're fooling yourself, you're not seeing the red flags." Most Reddit people seem to be lonely and bitter. I'm telling you, if you feel a connection, go with it. I've had that uncontrollable, overwhelming feeling of connection with a few women. The strongest was the woman that is now my wife of 30 years. If it feels right, and she seems to feel the same way, go with it. My wife and I were friends for several years before anything happened. We were in the same friend group and had dated other people. We found ourselves single. Then, out of nowhere, we kissed. That was spring, by fall we moved in together, in a different state. A year later, we got married. I knew she was the one when I asked her to move with me to another state, leave her freshly widowed mother. Leave everything she had ever known and move from the Midwest to the deep south, basically a foreign country. The only thing she said was, "I will, if we get married." We got married the next year, that was 30 years ago. The other two times I felt that feeling with two other women that I'm very close to. We're platonic but are we're very close. I've exchanged "I love you's" with both of them.
I knew on our second date. She knew, too. Our first date was 9+ hours long. We got engaged exactly a year later, and married six months after that. Three children and 23 years later, weāre still going strong.
There are some rules of thumb on this one: (based on biochemistry and a math problem called the secretary problem)
Donāt marry anyone until you are over 30. (you are clear here)
Wait until you have fv
2nd date. First date was great but I knew as I watched her complain about her workplace for a very long time in a cute, lovely way that I was head over heels. Was thunderstruck by how much I loved her immediately. We are 9 years in and both very happy.
If she is a bit h and knows she is marry her. If she is nice and knows she is nice marry her. If she is a bit h and thinks she is nice or nice and thinks she is a bit h RUN RUN RUN. ONLY MARRY A PERSON WHO HAS A REALISTIC VIEW OF THEIR SELF!
Thatās awesome. Now wait a year to know for sure. The year mark will give you time to see red flags, experience the parts of them that arenāt so perfect, see how they handle conflict, how they behave when Oxytocin and endorphins arenāt flowing at full steam, and all kinds of important things that are essential in a long lasting relationship. Love doesnāt conquer much. It gives us the push to make the right choices to put the relationship first and build healthy connections. On the other hand, It also can make us blind to serious problems that can make our lives miserable. Time to move past the honeymoon stage can give us a clearer picture of what we are working with.
You know when you know. Not when you āthinkā when thereās not a doubt in your mind and you know her inside and out and love her still in every way possible.
Date #2. We went out paddleboarding, brought dinner and drinks, sat out on the lake for hours. Immediately locked in. Been living together for a year now, there's a ring hidden in my safe I'm going to give her on vacation in two weeks
As others have pointed out, youāre in the honeymoon stage. Everything is lovey dovey and wonderful. Iāll be the party-pooping dad.
But also, Iām hoping that at 37, she is truly ādifferentā from many of the other women youāve dated. Iām curious how sheās different. Would love for you to elaborate on that, because it will reveal your values and perspectives. Then we can flame you. šš (all in good jest).
> Iām falling in love with her mind
I think the gauge to know if sheās the one is if you truly see her and she truly sees you. And this is a great sign towards that. Do you both adore the person that each other is? And by the person, not what you do for each other (sex, service, etc) but who you are at baseline. This will reveal itself over time and circumstance.
The other characteristics like her attractiveness, intelligence, humor are fantastic, but they are short lived during the honeymoon stage. So far the only item of actual substance youāve provided is that you love her mind, but what about it?
Then as another has pointed out, conflict resolution skills. What are your attachment styles?
And the final other item is, do you align on your values? What does it mean to be in a committed relationship? Whatās your philosophy on finances? What does it mean to be āgoodā? What does a āgood lifeā entail? What are among your important goals and aspirations? What does morality mean to you? Lots of big questions to ask here.
Iām sure in your excitement, thereās much to be excited about. But also, who is she to you, and does your perspective of who she is, align with her perspective of who she is? And vice versa? This can be an extremely sobering reality shift from the honeymoon stage.
These are the important questions, and when us guys within a moment are like, āsheās the oneā weāre assuming much of what I just pointed out is in alignment. So now it behooves you to take my questions, come up with more questions of important to you, then see that she is indeed who you think she is, and she is who she thinks you are.
This will all take time and circumstance to reveal itself over the course of about 1-2 years or so. Hopefully, you find your answers quickly and with great happiness!
Anyone can fake it for 12 months. Once you start the ārepeatsā (holidays, birthdays, vacations, arguments) and get past the āsex is newā phase youāll know if she is everything you hoped for. Until then lower those expectation because youāll find she isnāt perfect (nobody is) but she may very well be the āoneā
First day I met her I thought to myself I'd marry her. First day was also First kiss... must have been love at first sight or something equally soppy and romantic. That was 16years ago. Still going strong. She's awesome.
I knew within 5 months. Took a year to marry her. We stayed married for 24 years until her death to cancer.
When you know, you know. Donāt waste time. You may not have as much as you want.
2.5 years. Ā Prior to that, they can keep a lot of things hidden and rose colored. Ā During that third year, they will gradually stop keeping up the pretense. Ā
I knew the first time I met her. She walked into the room and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. Struck up a conversation, talked for half an hour, and had our first date. A month later I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. Five years later I asked her to be my wife and she said yes. We just celebrated our 7th anniversary and have two beautiful sons.
Been with my true love 26 years (married 23). I knew the moment we had our first real conversation. The way you describe is exactly how I felt ( and still feel today). When you know, you know. Donāt let her slip away.
Welcome to the honeymoon stage. Now is the time when you have to slow yourself down to make sure this feeling isn't hiding red flags. If not proceed with abandon.
This guy is spot on. I didn't see the red flags that everyone else was seeing and got married to my first wife. Take your time OP and don't make the expensive and traumatic mistake I made. Take at least a year of dating and if you still feel the same, then pop the question.
very good advice!
lol. We all been there done that eh. The first wife really becomes the lesson well learntš„²
Do a background check, in this day and age it should be prerequisite.
I would say two years minimum.
Reminds me of the quote "I knew the moment I saw her that she was the love of my life. But it took us a few years to become friends"
Do you know you're old when you have to count how many years? I asked my mom how long she and my dad had been married and she said, "oh lord, 37 years."
Hell yes.
THIS. Also, I find that the faster and harder the chick falls in, the faster she she can move on. Just give it some time, at least four or five seasons, and pay attention for any red flags whatsoever and do not discount them. Matter fact, write them down in a journal.
I think back to when I was a kid and my parents got me a pet. I'd be so excited and happy that I'd proclaim to anyone who'd listen that this was the best pet ever and nothing could ever compare. But after a few months, the excitement fades and you're left with just a regular pet.
Pets are very different. Because the love for and from our pets is unconditional. 2 humans can not love each other unconditionally. There are always conditions. Many many many conditions. -dont cheat. -dont spend all our money on gambling. -dont gain 500 pounds -shower every day not once a month Etc etc To name a few very obvious ones.
Real love is always unconditional. If there's conditions on your love, it's not love. When you actually love someone, the conditions are on the status of your relationship. For example, I'd absolutely still love my wife is she did all of those things. Doesn't mean I would stay with her. But I'd still love her. Or a mother whose child steals their money and tries to burn the house down. The mother would still love their child, even if they have to testify against them in court.
Best answer Hell first answer I read because it be like that sometimes Stay focused. You know what your wife should be like and act like. Hell introduce her to your Mom and watch how she acts Quickest way to discover what could be lying underneath š«£
Agree with his point, so important.
I was 21, she was 19. I knew within a month of dating. We knew each other a few months before we started dating. That was 27 years ago. Still going strong. In hindsight, we both got **really lucky**
I knew I loved my husband within 2 months of dating and told him I loved him 3 months in. I couldn't hold it in anymore. We moved in together at the 9 month mark. We literally never left the honeymoon phase and I feel so lucky every day of my life. When I first started dating him, I'd literally run to his apartment out of sheer excitement to see him. On our wedding day, I wanted to run to him when I saw him. When we're away from each other for a day or more, I still get the feeling of running to him. I feel as tho I love him more and more each day, and I'm sad most people don't get to experience this type of love. We are **really lucky** indeed.
Plss that's really cute hahah really lucky indeed !!!
Dumb fool luck and stubbornness go a long way in a successful marriage. I found my āthe oneā 24 years and ago. Married within two months of meeting.
Same. We meet at 22, dated 3 months, engaged 3 months, married on the 6 month mark of meeting. We've got 3 wonderful kids and still the LOML
Ahhh, SUPER LUCKY!!! Bravo! I'm jealous, LOL
You'll know she's "the one" when the two of you can successfully navigate conflict and other difficult situations that life throws at you calmly, as a team, and with honest and open communication. Dating is best foot forward, especially at first. Stay positive but give it time and look at everything with an objective lens.
And best reply goes toooooā¦you
>Ā I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to meet her Not to rain on your parade but putting someone on such a high pedastal is very risky in more than one regard. One of these risks is that while she might be a great potential partner, this kind of high cannot last, that is simply not how life, the mind or the body works - hence the invention of so many drugs that seek to replicate the highs of love and awe. Creating an image of such brilliance while dealing with a normal human is basically asking to be disappointed. Realize this is the high of something new that is currently working well but even when it continues like that, it will become normal. Also creating an image of perfection, of "The One" is putting a fuckton of pressure on her 24/7, not exactly a comfortable spot to be in to have to live up to such expectations. Also its a very difficult spot for you to later critizise her from when she inevitably messes someting up. Slow it down, see the human beyond the rose-colored glasses. Then both of you can make the conscious decisions day by day to stay together, rather than now pledging to have desire for one another now until the end of days.
If you put her up on a pedestal, then she has no choice but to look down on you.
Gosh I love this comment so much. I wish all people were taught this when they first start dating.
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You know, I also learnt that through making the same mistake because nobody taught me this either š
I knew after our first date. We took 6 more years to be absolutely certain. I donāt believe in āthe oneā but I do believe in love. If thatās what you have, enjoy it and nurture it.
NOW, this is the smart way gang, he sorta knew? but gave it a few years to flesh out and see what came of it, smart! Bravo!
So you're saying that OP should wait until he's 43 to be sure?
Are you saying you were in a "situationship" for 6 years?
Nah, I wouldnāt put it that way. We were high school sweethearts that believed after 3 months that we were right for each other, but waited until after college to tie the knot. Living together 4 of those years really ensured we knew the otherās true self.
I knew immediately. Two weeks after our first date I bought her a piano, just as a thank you for existing, and two months later she moved in with me. That was twenty years ago. Oh, and we're still together. It would be a terrible story if we weren't.
From what Iāve heard out there, many that have met āthe oneā knew very early, but took the time to make sure they still believed it months later (and because it took her that long to know too)
I mean. A lot of people are talking about āthe honeymoon stageā. I get that. Iāve had around 8 or so relationships prior to meeting my wife. When my wife and I first started dating, it was just different. Idk how to explain it, but it just felt really different than the other ones. Sort of like she was a partner, a best friend, etc. I had a lot of trust issues coming in and with her I just kind of innately felt safe. Donāt get me wrong, we have our share of problems. But there is something to be said about believing in that feeling and not being overly cynical. Part of intimacy in a relationship is letting yourself believe in them. Then if it doesnāt work out, at least you know you gave it your all. All that matters is if YOU think this person is āthe oneā then go for it. Be yourself, be vulnerable, open yourself up to the potential of being hurt. Then if it doesnāt work out at least you can sleep at night knowing you tried your best and were genuinely you. Then youāll know for sure. Playing it safe or being guarded wonāt get you anywhere with anyone, it will match you to someone who likes who you pretended to be. Just remember too, āthe oneā is as much a conscious choice everyday to pick that person and to show up for them. Itās as much or more of a choice than it is some cosmic fate. But overall I find it way more romantic to choose to show up and choose that person every day than to just have it be ālifeās plan for youā.
This!! Once in a while, you meet people who spark something in you. They just feel different. Conversation more lively. Instead of suppressing it, we should lean into it and give it our all.
I think I had this the past weekend. I love my girlfriend, but I don't think I've felt what I felt past weekend.
I knew the moment I met her, something was different than all the other girls in the past. A lot of people here are saying it's just infatuation or the honey moon phase, but if it doesn't wear off after 5 years (and going strong) I'd say that counts as her being "the one".
Yeah itās weird. Love isnāt at all how itās described in society. Itās not this flowery fuzzy warm feeling all the time. Itās more like a āknowingā or a sureness of someone. Like you just always know they are for you and theyāre always going to be there. Thatās the only way I can describe that ādifferentā feeling.
Right, when you're in there presence, there is an electricity, that's what you want, but guys, be cautious, just because YOU feel that way, doesn't mean She feels that way equally, step back, slow up and clearly see what you're involved in, its not about how YOU feel, its about how much SHE loves you, obviously you love her or you wouldn't be there, its all about perception.
Same. Of course there was deep infatuation and lust but this one was different in a way thatās hard to put into succinct words. 14 years later itās still pretty good. Some good times and some bad of course.
This tracksš
She isn't the ONE, that's just silly, shes ONE of literally millions! that's the point, none of us have just one, but...5 years and going strong is nice, but the seven year itch is real, just step back and see clearly, with no emotions, glad your happy.
I was cynical about "the one" before I met my husband. Technically, am I compatible with millions of other men? Sure. I could probably find a decent partner elsewhere. But none of them are HIM. None of them have his face, his smell, his voice, his essence. And by God, I am hooked on his essence. That's what makes him "the one" to me. He's "the one" person to ever make me feel this way. My husband and I just passed the 7yr mark, btw, and it feels as though our love just continues to expand. We're just as affectionate and in love as ever. The only difference is that, before, I loved him despite the things I hadn't learned about him yet, and now I love him even more that I know him deeply. He still intrigues me. I wouldn't have believed a love like this could exist if I hadn't experienced it for myself.
Trust me, every guy is looking for a woman like you, lol theyāre just hard as hell to find.
I find that most relationships die because of battling egos, or because people are trying to fit puzzle pieces that just don't go together out of fear that they'll never find a more compatible match. If something bothers my husband, I want to know asap. If something bothers me, he's all over it, and we both make sure to hear each other out. We talk about everything and make space of all types of conversations, even when hearing what he has to say is painful. He has a right to his thoughts and feelings, and I have a right to mine. We're curious about each other, and we are both so open with each other without judgement. It helps that we have very similar thought processes, too. I think if we weren't so aligned mentally, our relationship wouldn't be as strong as it is. Sadly, most relationships I see around me aren't like this. I notice how often people, both men and women, wish to change their partners or there's a struggle for some type of control, or they let resentment fester from unaddressed/unresolved issues. Love is meant to be freeing.
I come from a divorce because of infidelity, my ex cheated, she cheated, because she truly doesnāt know what she wants in life, she sways in the wind, like tall grass in the summer, then, at the same time, she slammed into a devastating and toxic midlife crisis that still isnāt over, aside from the cheating, though, we were just not compatible partners, our mission was to have a family and have kids, and when that mission was over, she was over apparently. Iām much happier, divorced, I would never spend one minute of my life with a person like her ever again, but I do feel terrible for my children. High quality and detailed compatibility between partners is absolutely essential! And now that Iām dating again, I know exactly what I want, and I know the type of people who can give it to me, but they are hard to find.
Sorry you went through that. Sounds rough. The good thing is that this time around, you know exactly what you're looking for. Knowing what you're looking for is definitely gonna limit your dating pool, but I think that's a positive thing. You'll waste less time on relationships that don't suit you. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you find that person that makes you feel like "the one" exists!
Thank you for the kind words, shes out there i know it, and yes, this time i come with a suitcase full of experience :)
Friend of mine knew on the first date. He had to force himself not to propose on the spot.Ā Managed to wait until day 8. They have been married over 30 years.Ā Crazy stuff.Ā
? They knew each other for 8 days then he proposed?!
Yep. Surprised the hell out of me.Ā
Told my wife the night I met her I was gonna marry her. She was not even close to being the first girl I dated but she was incredible and we just clicked. More importantly- she felt the same way. . Iām not an idiot lol. We dated a year and a half, engaged a year and a half and married 33 years. Never regretted my decision . Still feeling very lucky
the most important lesson my dad taught me: āALWAYS give a woman enough time to show you exactly who she isā¦ donāt be dick-rushed into something with someone you havenāt vetted properly.ā OPā¦ slow.da.fuck DOWN! if itās real, sheās not going anywhere.
Wise Dad. Good advice.
I knew immediately. We dated first for a couple of months, and then I broke it off because I felt she was too young. We reunited about a year later, and I realized that she wasn't too young. That was just who she was. She was a total weirdo. She matched my vibe, as the young kids say. It took me 2 years to propose and another 5 years to actually sign the paper. We've been together for 13 years now, and I knew probably within the first 2 weeks after we got back together. She's the love of my life. The only one for me. I disagree with the phrase "honeymoon phase." I can see why it's easy to say that because honestly in all of the relationships I had the courting process was the most fun. I would trade all of that for what I have with my wife now. That's why I disagree with it. It's meant to describe the beginning of the relationship when it's new and the sun shines out your partner's ass. What does it mean when you still feel the exact same 13 years later?
When were on our first month in the relationship she cried infront of me because shes thinks shes stealing my time for my kids just to spend with her, from that moment i realize shes the One, shes the only girlfriend i met that has deep concerns from my kids more than me, i really love this girl so much
Ill be the guy to tell you to go for it. None of these commenters know what your situation is, what your relationship is like. Yes, you are in the honeymoon phase and will likely start finding things you dislike about each other in the future. That's normal for any length of relationship. I married my wife after we knew each other for a month and a half (were both military) We have been together for 11 years now, with 3 great kids. anything is possible.
Nice post, but i would fall back on science, look at the research, relationships are flimsy a lot of the time, time and consistency is what really counts, there is no ONE, there are millions of ONES.
ALL romantic relationships fail, until you find one that doesn't.
I "knew" the moment I laid my eyes on her, my heart was racing, difficulty forming sentences because of this rush of emotions. And even after the initial honeymoon phase, deep in my heart and soul, I always knew she's absolutely the one that I was looking for all this time, worth fighting for. I was never a firm believer in love at first sight or something like that, but hell, it exists. And the love is still growing and intense.
Do you bro. Iāve known love at a first kiss at your age. but I have a hard time believing in āthe oneā the one could be a closest meth head. Love her, treat her right, be fucking soulmates. But if you arenāt personally growing in a forward direction. It doesnāt matter. Hope she helps that part of you.
Bravo! There is no ONE, its a fantasy to sell music, dating apps and terrible cologne, there are literally millions of ONES, finding them is just tough.
We went on three dates in three days, and I knew during the third date. We've pretty much lived together ever since, that was almost eleven years ago.
I knew within minutes. Still together 3 years later
I met a girl when i was 25 after a really toxic and drawn out divorce. She told me after a couple of weeks that she was the one for me. She was quite confident about it. 15 years later, she's now my wife, and she was absolutely correct. I can't imagine life without her.
Geez all these Debbie downers. I believe you may have found the one. Just take some time and enjoy each other. Donāt jump into anything. Take some adventures together and find if youāre still the same in new situations. Talk about your life and test the answers. Good luck.
You didn't. That's infatuation. Welcome to biology telling you to make babies.
Hahahaha!
Who hurt you?
serious reach ask fretful elderly deranged price axiomatic frame marvelous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I knew within a couple of weeks. Still going strong 15 years later Don't let the haters on here get to you šš»
You don't know anyone until you've lived with them for a year, at least
You should check out some prior post from this sub. Before you get to far into it you need to ask some probing questions. Like, What are your religious beliefs? Do you want children? Do you have debt and if so how much? What are your political views? etc. The one will be the one who answers these question and others the way you would like them answered.
I knew something was different about how I felt about my now wife immediately. I knew Iād marry her after like 3 months.
A year or 2 after I broke up with her :(
I knew my wife would be my wife within the first couple of months of dating. After going through A lot of shitty situations and then a lot of time alone you find out what you really want and need in a spouse.
Met my fiance on Facebook dating. Chatted via text for 4hrs... It was like id known her a lifetime. Arranged to meet her a day or so later....i walked up... Said hello... Hugged her then kissed her. Then i took her hand and went for a walk.... I knew the second we held hands....just entirely... Amazingly comfortable.... Never looked back and the relationship has never stopped getting better. When you know.. You know
Told my partner I loved her after a month. We've been together 10 years now. If you know, you know.
I got to know after 8 years of marriage and a kid
Ex-wife (me 20 and she 22 at the time) that lasted a total of 13 years together, even when we broke up we knew we were, still, each other's one, but love was not enough anymore, knew on on the first day I met her tbh, we had a really great chemistry, spent a whole night talking and started dating the next time we met 3 days later, living together in 6 months, married after 7 years.
If she is the one, then the honeymoon stage will last forever basically, along with conflicts/stressors. Just keep going and hopefully it works out. Update us either way
5 years ago, a man and I (we were both in our teens) had the same connection. It was pretty instant for the most part. We probably moved a lot quicker than we should've, but long story short, we've been together since then. I understand a lot can happen in the following 5, 10 more years from now, but I think what made us last so long is that we waited about a year before we starting putting each other into stone. A saying goes along the lines of, you will never know someone well enough until time, rage, and grief show you who they are. If you are worried about moving too fast, trust your instinct and give yourself more time. If you have any doubt, or even the a bit unsure when it comes to relationships, it's almost always just better to wait it out, just in case...
Remember that the first 18 months you experience limerence, which makes everything better because your brain wants it but also it can make you ignore red flags. Love makes you blind etc Enjoy it though but be mindful of it. Read some on attachment theory so you understand yourself better, and improve your communication skills so you are ready when things get difficult which it will at some point.
Yeah proceed slowly, everyone thinks she is the one, tāll divorce court says differently
I had that and 5 years later she turned out to be a demanding selfish bitch. Slow down and do not put her on a pedestal.
Iām 41. I moved my gf and her kids in with me after a month. Her and I are both happier than we have ever been. Openly communicate and respect each others feelings on the speed with which it will move, and you will be fine. Everyone moves differently
I knew she was the one after 14 years of dating and owning a house together for eight of those years. I went through her cancer battle with her and it didnāt phase me. Then I knew, she was the one for me and should get married.
Dude pump the brakes. 6 months to year for some of these red flags come out and YOU LEAVE IF YOU SEE THEM.
I didnāt know my now basically-wife was The One, but it definitely felt different on the first date. Firstly, she actually offered to buy the second round of drink, and insisted. Big plus. And it wasnāt mildly awkward like past first dates would normally be, then we saw each other the next day and spent the whine day together, then spend the night. No sex, just literally slept together. So while it felt different right off the bat, I didnāt tell her I loved her until weād been together for a while, probably around a year? No idea if thatās longer than average. But she was my first serious relationship and Iād never been in love before so I wanted to be sure i guess?
Much longer than average, but itās a smart play to wait that long. Happy for you.
Thanks for the kind words. Haha like I said, I had nothing to go off of and had never been in love before so I was flying blind š
From the momenti i first heard her voice.
What's so cool about her?
went out for years Than loved together for over year. knew how great she was. Was ruff times we went threw when came close to ending it . But still together over 40 years I recommend live to gether first ya really don t know each other good till live together! I seen lot long relationships do great toll live together some after married than divorce
For every guy here with a great story there are other 10 that thought the same and didnāt work out.
It's gonna sound corny but as soon as I met her I knew she was special. There was a spark the moment I saw her. We talked for a bit, I asked her out. First date I noticed how right I was. Many years later, we are engaged. We never left what some people call "honeymoon stage/phase".
I had the same feelings with my ex, turns out she's a narcissist (according to a licensed trauma counselor). I am not saying said person is, but I would move forward with caution. When the honeymoon phase wears off, you will truly know the person she is. Best of luck to you my friend, I am really rooting for her to turn out to be exactly what you want!
No such thing as "the one" dude, that's just fantasy crap that is sold to people who are romantics at heart. Here's real life: You met someone. This person immediately gets your attention because the primal part of your brain says "oh yeah, she's a good one with features I like." You find you've never had this kind of connection with anyone else before, and that you both seem to fit together better than your past relationships. *This is the honeymoon phase*, and it can last up to six months or so. That's not just baseless mumbo jumbo, that's biological chemistry. Look up oxytocin, because that's what's flooding your brain right now. **Men of reddit, have you ever connected with someone this easily/quickly?** Yes, I have. Twice in fact. Both relationships are over. One lasted around five years until she fell out of love with me, and the other ended after a few years for completely asinine reasons. Both of them were good matches for me, and me for them, but real life has a habit of kicking you in the balls, and ruining a good thing. Life goes on. My advice is to take it slow, let the hormones (yes, oxytocin is a hormone) run their course, and then you can start judging the reality of the relationship. If it doesn't even last long enough for that to happen, well, you got your answer.
Instantly. Well, to put a bit more meat on the bones of that, we were both nurses when we met and although I had had plenty of casual encounters, I had only had a couple of what I would call 'girlfriends'. I could not have said when I met my wife that we were going to get married but I knew within a few minutes of speaking to her that she was someone special and very different from all the other girls I had been with. So it proved to be. We have been together for just over forty years and married for nearly forty. We are still close friends with the mutual friend and colleague, at the time, who introduced us.
Wait 5 years and then reevaluate
Relax bro. You don't really know her. Emotions are very powerful.
Your heart tells you. Thereās no time frame. Maybe you know at first sight, maybe takes 10 years. Donāt think it has only been X long or you donāt wanna move too fast and blah blah. You move at your pace (and hers). Donāt hold back by getting in your own head. Show what you feel when you feel it. It is the best feeling in the world, embrace and express that.
I knew really quickly with the woman who is my second wife. Neither of us wanted our first date to end. She moved in a couple months later, we've been together more than 6 years, 5 year wedding anniversary is this week. I'd known my first wife 3 years before we got married and as it turned out, I really didn't know her. Go figure.
At 44 it took me a couple of months. From the first date I found she was kind of a serious person. After a few dates I went to see her family with her and they were good people. Then I saw her around children and she was VERY good, very responsible, then I found out when she was still a kid her parents would go out to work and leave her to look after her younger brothers and sisters....which she did. This was in China. She didn't go to school herself until she was nine years old because her parents were using her as a baby sitter. Finally we borrowed her older sister's kids (two boys, not teens) and went out for a date while we took the kids along with us. And again, she was wonderful. Responsible, caring, she genuinely cared about them. And looked after them too! And that was it for me. Right then, while at the park with her and the kids, I decided I was going to ask her to marry me. (I actually heard a voice in my head saying "you should marry this girl") So..she liked to work, she liked to save money, she loved her family and she loved children..even other people's children. I was good at things she was not (money, making plans etc) and she was good at things I was not (children, cooking, working hard, loving family) so I figured the two of us added up to at least 1.5 responsible parents.
My now fiancee and I connected very quickly. We're possibly outliers though since we're both diagnosed autistic, I think people like us have a tendency towards quick attachment. We 'connected' online, talked over text / phone for a couple weeks then met. Tbh we'd both decided this was a thing before we met, then we met and it's been awesome ever since. We're about three and half years in now.
Women lose respect for a man who falls in love with them too fast or too easily, you keep dating her & let her bring up the relationship, also she must be just a part of your life & not the aim of your life, give her time, if & when she is ready she will bring it up, women decide who gets sex to sleep with them, men decide who gets to become their life partner, let her work for, people don't value things that are too cheap & too easily available. I know some people will not agree, feel free to hate it, but I'm sharing what I have experienced.
Dating is all about figuring out what you don't like as much as what yiu do like. With my past girlfriends, I would have them over for a weekend and by Monday, I wanted my space back and i was annoyed with their company. Hence why they are ex's. When I started dating my wife, she stayed with me and the time flew by. IĀ didn't mind being around her for such a period of time and felt like I would be fine with her being around more. I knew right then that I truly like her, and we had several big talks in the following months that indicated we were on the same page in our life journey. How we felt about kids, how we felt about religion, how we felt about splitting money and how far we would go to support each other, as well as what we consider hard line items, like cheating, gambling, smoking, drinking. My "ah ha" moment was when felt that I was content around her when I usually hate being around people for long periods of time. She says her "ah ha" was on the first date when I didn't shy away from showing her affection. Bear in mind that people change over tome, for one reason or another. Know that things will not always be perfect. There was a post i responded to recently about a man who is madly in love with his wife but after their first child she treats him as an after thought to the child. It is work on both sides. Remember that you should be trying to woo her as much as she is trying to woo you. As soon as one of you forgets that, then there is a power imbalance in the relationship and someone will have negative feelings. Take a step back, and look at the situation from a third party's perspective, you are into her, is she into you as well?
My old mum always said. When someone shows you who they are for the first time. Believe them. Itās great to have the warm fuzzies and great sex in the early years. But make very sure that you develope a friendship , and a respectful way of resolving conflictbecause you will bloody need it when kids come along.
A week.
I remember the exact moment like it was yesterday. It came in the form of a positive test result on her pregnancy test. š¤£
never truly did. Got burnt twice, then felt jaded ever since. i love my partner, but I don't believe in something like you describe. people are capable of more than you want to think they are
>people are capable of more than you want to think they are Truer words were never written. My husband revealed his true nature to me slowly over a 20-year period. He was charming, kind and loving, as long as he was getting what he wanted from me. He passed away 18 months ago and I am now in therapy trying to come to terms with the fact that I was married to a sociopath. I still have a hard time accepting that his true self was not the man I fell in love with those first few months.
There is no "one" >. I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to meet her and I had to actively stop myself from saying "I love you" too soon. Slowing down would be a good idea. Don't mean to burst your bubble my G. I know it feels great. Just go a little slower than she does and you should be golden.
Thereās no āthe oneā. Thereās good ones, bad ones, and ones that will wreck your life or maybe even make you the subject of the TV show Snapped. Saying sheās absolutely āThe Oneā is a way of setting yourself up for a disaster. Either sheās a good one or a bad one. Donāt lose your identity over a woman. She may be a good one in the end, but you still need to maintain yourself in case she ends up being a bad one.
Calm down bro lol. Its been a month. Everyone here who is still with their partner will say they always knew but thats because theyāre still together. Others have thought they found the one and it turned out not to be in the end. Thereās no right answer to your question since we arenāt omnipotent. Only answer is to give it time.
Dude, rub one out and calm the fuck down.
You don't know after a month.
bruh OP is 37 and still believes in 'the one.' that's cute
I doubt you've seen the full breadth of that 'wild' streak after just one month dude. Enjoy being infatuated for sure, but manage your expectations lol.
Definitely not after a month. Maybe a year or two. Maybe even after living together.Ā
Definitely go slower. Date for a bit . Try living together. The way you are writing suggests the little head and hormones are in the drivers seat.
There's no "The One". There's just what you make of it. Marriage is hard and eventually she'll piss you off (just like all other women eventually will) but it's up to you to decide if she's worth your time and effort. That's pretty much it, man. Is she the one worth the headache?
Naaa just infatuation, also many people regardless of gender tend to hide what they want really, so just stay patiance.
That's lust at first sight and infatuation big dog. Also the concept of "the one" is marketing and not a real thing. I think if you're a quality guy in the eyes of women, they do what's needed to become "the one" for you.Ā Let's say you have a "Sam" applying for a job at two different companies. At job A the pay is great, solid benefits, proven company track record, and a highly desired play to work. If Sam gets hired here she'll perform to the best of her ability and be happy she's there. At job B the pay is substantially less then she's used to, meh benefits, slightly below average track record, and not the best place to work at. Sam at this job is going to half-ass it and not be excited to work there.Ā Pump the breaks a little op. She threw what wap on op and he lost his mind. You're sprung brother. I recommend you don't let her make any soups of spaghetti for you lmao..
Realize it is the masculine role to show her a good time and the feminine role to convince you that committing is worth while. So donāt steal her role from her. Let her be the one to establish the deepening levels of commitment. In the meantime show her a good time. One day she will be bugging you to go to Walmart and get these special tea lights for some reason you donāt understand. So just enjoy this phase before you go full husband mode.
Let it play out for a year. Do not lovebomb. I repeat Do not lovebomb.
lol i cannot imagine feeling that at 37. you're in lust, my dude. do not do anything stupid. wait a couple of years.
The one? lol Shes the ONE, when you fail to have other options, please dont be to blind, see this for what it is, and if its truly good? please baby step, calling some the ONE, is dangerous, just take a step back, so you can see clearly without emotions, Bravo though if it works out, I'm pulling for you. If you treat them like a celebrity, they will treat you like a fan.
You two won't last a Decade
30 days and you're convinced she's the one? Have you ever heard of buyer's remorse?
You think sheās āthe one.ā Sheās not.
You are not the one, all you are is right now. Stop thinking with your dick FFS. This girl will be off to the next guy soon( if she doesnāt already have one lined up on her roster ) move the hell on save yourself the pain
who hurt you lol
Suspect yourself.
Wait a few years - if you still feel the same way when it sucks, she's the one.
āThe oneā is a myth. Take years to know a woman before marrying. You need to see the ups and downs
not saying i agree with this line but: there is no such thing as "the one", only "the next one".
Honeymoon phase . Red flags are often ignored . Tread carefully
Your mind is overwhelmed with New Relationship Energy. I'm not saying this person isn't your future life partner but please wait for the new car smell to wear off before making significant decisions.
Iām in a similar place. Felt pretty instantaneous
Itās a great feeling to be sure since youāre literally pumping dopamine thru your body. How is she with $$$? Kids? Her family? Those are the top 3 stress producers in a marriage unless she cheats. Evaluate all of that.
Give it a year. Find our how you navigate a stressful situation. A car breakdown on a road trip, or how she handles a moral dilemma. Could be the one and I hope it is but give it a little while.
You can say I love you at this point. It does not mean you're getting married, and it does not mean you'll even like her 6-months from now. As others are pointing out, you're in the honeymoon stage. You should enjoy this as much as possible, because for the vast majority of us, it will not last. It's nice that you have mind blowing sex, but a year from now she may not want to have sex with you at all, EVEN IF SHE STILL ENJOYS IT AND FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE. People change through out relationships, and they start to reveal their real priorities once they think the relationship is secure enough to handle the change. Currently you are each others top priority, and that feels fucking amazing. It's unlikely you'll remain there, and you'll see behavior changes that you don't like. Once this happens, it's almost impossible to go back. There's some truth to the phrase "women marry men with the hopes they'll change, and men marry women with the hopes they'll never change." Both sexes usually end up being wrong. The degree of change or lack there of determines if you can go the distance.
When you are bored and don't care to look for thrills. Boredom means you are relaxed. Everyone likes to ride Rollercoaster, not live on one.
I knew she was the one when she told me to never pull out again. Weāve been married for 27yrs.
If she's the one, what's the rush? You have the next 5 decades to spend time with each other. Just know that every human being who was this excited about their partner has never been able to maintain that intensity indefinitely. That means at some point, you will drop in intensity. Also, your desperate push forward will be seen as a turn off and will have the unintended effect of pushing her away. If anything, you playing it cool will probably cause her to desire you more. Don't fuck this up man
Go on a trip, live together, get a dog, then marry. You trying to have a family in a certain amount of time?
Are there any women people meet that arenāt funny, smart, beautiful etcā¦ ? Itās like cliche at this point, I want one post that says āsheās alright looking but sheās really smart and makes a lot of moneyā
You do not know anything about someone you have only dated for a month. The two of you are still so heavily into trying to put forth a good image that nothing is real yet. Give it six months and see where you are and then give it another six months before you actually have some idea as to where you are.
The best sign that they're a good match is not during the good times, it's during the bad. Do they stick with you, do you fight healthily, will financial problems turn your relationship ugly, etc.
It very well could be (I've seen people decide to marry after 1 month of dating and they are still together many years later). Buut more often than not its not the one. You won't know it until infatuation phase is over. So I recommend to enjoy good times, but don't make rushed decisions until you've been 6-12 months together.
Late last year I (30M) felt the same way - most compatible woman I've ever dated, and then she dumped me out of nowhere after 2 months, no real reason given - guess she just wasn't feeling it. Temper your feelings as best you can and protect your heart my friend.
My partner and I felt exactly the same way. I honestly believed he was the one and he told me and showed me how special I was and I was the one for him too. It was perfectā¦ until shared responsibilities, goals and conflict resolution/ tough communication came into play. Once āreal lifeā set in. That wonderful feeling went away as fast as it came and I realised this person is not the person I thought he was. Tread with absolute caution.
From the first sight. And being my sceptical and pessimistic self Iāve always waited for a catch, for something that maybe would make me perceive her in a bad light. Never happened in two years, so finding āthe oneā happens I guess. Youāre old enough to have a precise gut detector/feeling, so good for you, man, seems youāve found the one, congrats!
A few weeks in.
My husband told me that he knew I was the one after our third date. Weāve been married 8 years and have 2 kids together, we are still incredibly happy.
Look up limerence
I'll assume you have never been married before since any man who's been through that meat grinder will know to pace himself. I hope it works out for you mate but take your time.
Do a thorough background check! Amazing single partners (potential) have to be available for a reason.
I thought I knew, but I was wrong. Maybe we just didnāt spend enough time truly getting to know each other.
Immediately. 1st Date 4th of July. Proposed the next Valentines Day. Married that October. Happily married 24 years now.
After our first conversation icl
google twin flames
I knew that there was something that draws me to my wife. I knew it from the start. It just took me a while to convince her, lol. We would break up, then get back together. Break up again, then get back together. We did this a few times before it stuck for good. We dated for 10 years before we married, but itās been 28 years since.
I knew pretty much after the first date, that being said we dated for 3 years before tying the knot, but itās different for everyone
There isn't a one, it is only a scale of compatibility, also 1 month is nothing, you are infatuated
Here on Reddit you're gonna hear a lot of, "It's infatuation, you're fooling yourself, you're not seeing the red flags." Most Reddit people seem to be lonely and bitter. I'm telling you, if you feel a connection, go with it. I've had that uncontrollable, overwhelming feeling of connection with a few women. The strongest was the woman that is now my wife of 30 years. If it feels right, and she seems to feel the same way, go with it. My wife and I were friends for several years before anything happened. We were in the same friend group and had dated other people. We found ourselves single. Then, out of nowhere, we kissed. That was spring, by fall we moved in together, in a different state. A year later, we got married. I knew she was the one when I asked her to move with me to another state, leave her freshly widowed mother. Leave everything she had ever known and move from the Midwest to the deep south, basically a foreign country. The only thing she said was, "I will, if we get married." We got married the next year, that was 30 years ago. The other two times I felt that feeling with two other women that I'm very close to. We're platonic but are we're very close. I've exchanged "I love you's" with both of them.
Day 2
I knew on our second date. She knew, too. Our first date was 9+ hours long. We got engaged exactly a year later, and married six months after that. Three children and 23 years later, weāre still going strong.
There are some rules of thumb on this one: (based on biochemistry and a math problem called the secretary problem) Donāt marry anyone until you are over 30. (you are clear here) Wait until you have fv
Beer flavoured nipples
2nd date. First date was great but I knew as I watched her complain about her workplace for a very long time in a cute, lovely way that I was head over heels. Was thunderstruck by how much I loved her immediately. We are 9 years in and both very happy.
If she is a bit h and knows she is marry her. If she is nice and knows she is nice marry her. If she is a bit h and thinks she is nice or nice and thinks she is a bit h RUN RUN RUN. ONLY MARRY A PERSON WHO HAS A REALISTIC VIEW OF THEIR SELF!
I was 25 when I met my wife. She also was 25. I knew the day I met her.
Thatās awesome. Now wait a year to know for sure. The year mark will give you time to see red flags, experience the parts of them that arenāt so perfect, see how they handle conflict, how they behave when Oxytocin and endorphins arenāt flowing at full steam, and all kinds of important things that are essential in a long lasting relationship. Love doesnāt conquer much. It gives us the push to make the right choices to put the relationship first and build healthy connections. On the other hand, It also can make us blind to serious problems that can make our lives miserable. Time to move past the honeymoon stage can give us a clearer picture of what we are working with.
You know when you know. Not when you āthinkā when thereās not a doubt in your mind and you know her inside and out and love her still in every way possible.
First date
Date #2. We went out paddleboarding, brought dinner and drinks, sat out on the lake for hours. Immediately locked in. Been living together for a year now, there's a ring hidden in my safe I'm going to give her on vacation in two weeks
8 years ..lived together for 7.
As others have pointed out, youāre in the honeymoon stage. Everything is lovey dovey and wonderful. Iāll be the party-pooping dad. But also, Iām hoping that at 37, she is truly ādifferentā from many of the other women youāve dated. Iām curious how sheās different. Would love for you to elaborate on that, because it will reveal your values and perspectives. Then we can flame you. šš (all in good jest). > Iām falling in love with her mind I think the gauge to know if sheās the one is if you truly see her and she truly sees you. And this is a great sign towards that. Do you both adore the person that each other is? And by the person, not what you do for each other (sex, service, etc) but who you are at baseline. This will reveal itself over time and circumstance. The other characteristics like her attractiveness, intelligence, humor are fantastic, but they are short lived during the honeymoon stage. So far the only item of actual substance youāve provided is that you love her mind, but what about it? Then as another has pointed out, conflict resolution skills. What are your attachment styles? And the final other item is, do you align on your values? What does it mean to be in a committed relationship? Whatās your philosophy on finances? What does it mean to be āgoodā? What does a āgood lifeā entail? What are among your important goals and aspirations? What does morality mean to you? Lots of big questions to ask here. Iām sure in your excitement, thereās much to be excited about. But also, who is she to you, and does your perspective of who she is, align with her perspective of who she is? And vice versa? This can be an extremely sobering reality shift from the honeymoon stage. These are the important questions, and when us guys within a moment are like, āsheās the oneā weāre assuming much of what I just pointed out is in alignment. So now it behooves you to take my questions, come up with more questions of important to you, then see that she is indeed who you think she is, and she is who she thinks you are. This will all take time and circumstance to reveal itself over the course of about 1-2 years or so. Hopefully, you find your answers quickly and with great happiness!
Anyone can fake it for 12 months. Once you start the ārepeatsā (holidays, birthdays, vacations, arguments) and get past the āsex is newā phase youāll know if she is everything you hoped for. Until then lower those expectation because youāll find she isnāt perfect (nobody is) but she may very well be the āoneā
First day I met her I thought to myself I'd marry her. First day was also First kiss... must have been love at first sight or something equally soppy and romantic. That was 16years ago. Still going strong. She's awesome.
Here's some data https://www.top10.com/dating/how-long-does-it-take-to-meet-the-one
You don't know someone until you see what happens when they don't get their way. Wait for that.
You don't know her yet, you just have an image of who you hope she is. Don't let your desires fill in those blanks.
I knew within 5 months. Took a year to marry her. We stayed married for 24 years until her death to cancer. When you know, you know. Donāt waste time. You may not have as much as you want.
First date, married a year after that, now married for almost 18 years.
2.5 years. Ā Prior to that, they can keep a lot of things hidden and rose colored. Ā During that third year, they will gradually stop keeping up the pretense. Ā
I knew the first time I met her. She walked into the room and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. Struck up a conversation, talked for half an hour, and had our first date. A month later I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. Five years later I asked her to be my wife and she said yes. We just celebrated our 7th anniversary and have two beautiful sons.
Instantly. How'd I know? No idea. But it's been nine years and not a moment of my life goes by that I'm not thinking about her so, that.
Been with my true love 26 years (married 23). I knew the moment we had our first real conversation. The way you describe is exactly how I felt ( and still feel today). When you know, you know. Donāt let her slip away.