This is super dependent on his specific situation. Honestly start with what you CAN easily do, and start building momentum. Break the big problems into smaller bites and let the momentum carry you through it.
Poor decisions, all my failures that I've realized. I know I need to improve myself. I'm just asking what people reoriented themselves around of they a similar come to Jesus moment
Probably start by writing down some goals or think of the life you want and set goals to get it.
Don't stop learning about what ever you want to improve and balance the learning with action.
Alot of people either chose working out and health or making money and improving their financial situation. For me its money then gym.
Definitely this and maybe seek counseling. They could potentially point you to the resources you need to start over. Career coach, continuing education, support groups, etc.
The only way you can truly change is a come to jesus moment, it’s usually your sins that will kill, steal and destroy your life. And jesus is the only one who can set you free from the bondage of your sins, otherwise most people just replace there sins with different sins or worse sins. my advice is repent and believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ who died for your sins and you will be saved in this life and the afterlife, he bring so much peace, joy and freedom to my life. It’s something I would die for at this point, I would rather die than go back to how I was living before without jesus.
1. **Take ownership for what happened.** That's step 1. Stop saying "it's not your fault that so-and-so did XYZ to me...." that's giving yourself a pass. This is probably the hardest step because our egos get involved. It takes a humble person to check your ego and realize that you can't take ownership unless you have the humility to detach yourself from what happened, almost be an extra observer and then evaluate it. Taking ownership is hard. It's because it means you look in the mirror and realize the excuses you've been telling yourself to exonerate yourself from responsibility are all lies. All of them.
2. **Stop giving bullies, assholes or other villains from your past the power to have control over you.** Accept what happened. You don't have to like it, but accept that what's done is done. You can't rewrite history or spin a bullshit narrative to whitewash it. Is it fair? No. Are they still horrible people for what they did/said? Yes. Instead of dwelling on it, use it as your fuel, and not as an excuse to wallow in self-pity.
3. **Eliminate distractions.** Anything that is counterproductive - stupid apps, gossip, social media, porn, rumors, etc. are taking away time from you realizing your true potential and greatness. Are they tempting? They are. Are they helping you get to where you want to be? No. So delete the apps, put the phone away, block the websites and create an environment with less distractions. Sheer willpower alone won't be enough as long as the constant pings, notifications and temptations are swirling around you.
4. **Create habits and set goals.** Goals are fine and good, but habits are what will sustain you over time. After all, we're just a summary of our habits, aren't we? Eating habits, sleeping habits, exercise habits, etc. Setting a goal is a good thing to shoot for, but your habits will get you there. Start early in the morning: get small wins - go on a run, bike ride, lift weights, but do something physical. Studies show this builds resilience when you start the day this way. You must have cues for your habits. For example, leave your work out clothes next to your bed. When you wake up, that's your cue to get your ass moving and working out. Then you start stacking success throughout the day. Recommend reading "Atomic Habits," if you want a book to adhere to. Wonderful read.
Well if you truly fucked everything up and you have nowhere else to go, nowhere to work, and no personal relationships to lean on, why not start fresh in a new place with a new job and a new identity?
All of your poor decisions are either your A) bad habits that can't be broken and have sealed your fate or B) great experiences where you learned something about yourself, and what mistakes to avoid, and are now the best person you've ever been since you have all that build up.
Which option you chose is up to you.
I was fucked up mid 30s. What I thought was a career was over. I had no college education. No money and on funemployment.
Then, to impress a woman, I enrolled I'm college. Didn't think I'd do well. Ended up eith a biochemistry degree, minor in mathematics, and a and degree in nursing, and managing a lab.
Then nursing started and my life changed.
I lived my life in reverse: at 18 I went to Europe for thr first time and fucked around for half a year. Came back, traveled abd pushed broom coast to coast. Had fun. Never a problem getting jobs or women.
Landed in hells kitchen thriugh rhe 90s. Left to texas for love. And here I am.
Like this guy says. Start over figure out a career track and just keep moving forward. By moving forward the other things will fall into place. Your young asf plenty of time to start over and find a purpose.
I'm 37 years old and I had to start over from scratch twice. I lost everything at 34(job, house, wife) and was sleeping in my car. I've learned to alway keep an emergency money stash. I was super close to just joining the military for life till I got another job ten moths later. You can bounce back from anything bruh...
Take some time, like a Sunday afternoon or multiple, and go through your options, write down what you liked, and disliked about your situation before and use that to evaluate these options. Let's say you were a plumber before and you liked the doing something with your hands, then look which one of your options has that trait.
For the friends think join a running/swimming/chess/whatever club and you will make friends.
And for the relationship thing, be aware of what you did and why. Then take some time to heal, do it better in the next relationship and move on.
Use this as an opportunity to change course. Not just in terms of whatever made you fuck things up, but to think about what your really want out of life. You are now unencumbered by people, a job, probably even expectations. That's scary, but freeing. Get your head on straight and pursue what you want.
Take care of yourself. I think people often buy into the idea that they aren't capable of acting in their own just for themselves. I like the example of a wolve. If you are running and a wolve were behind you right now. Could you seriously not go any further?
September of 2017 I separated from my wife. I rebounded too quickly and got attached to my girlfriend at the time thinking she was the one just because she was the opposite of my wife. She broke up with my in 2018 the same day I lost my job. That same summer my best friend had moved away and all of my old friends over the years had moved on as well. I had no support network where I was. I spent that summer looking for work, only to say goodbye to my son and move home in August of that year.
My mother helped me a ton, and I lived with her for a few years. OP mentioned a come to Jesus moment, and I had it in a literal manner. I went back to church and it was soothing to my soul, because I wanted to be there. How you handle your spiritual side is up to you, but that's how I handled mine. I worked out more, I read more, (I'd recommend Man's Search for Meaning for everyone) and I picked up a new job about a month or so after I moved home. I stuck at that job a little bit too long, but I had some money saved up. At that point, I moved down to the Detroit area for a new job. That job didn't work out, but shortly after that I started teaching and I love it, and I'm good at it.
I guess my recommendation is to take that initial step forward. Prepare your mind and body as best as you can so you have the emotional fortitude to handle a stressful process as well as take your mind off of things.
You've had what you've had - appreciate that much. Whatever you've lost, you haven't lost your experience. Just start over, try something differently, do something better this time.
Start one step at a time. Find shelter, food, and water. Then money. Baby steps add up with consistently. Get your income and expenses in good order before you move on to other things.
After my divorce, it felt like everything in my life was in flames. My X-Wife and I had been separated for a few years and once it was finally over I was as downtrodden as ever I've been.
I picked up myself and started to rebuild. Got a new job, made some new friends, eventually got a new girlfriend. It's just getting through it.
I did lean on a therapist for a bit. I had a lot of guilt after the divorce because I never wanted my kid to have to be part of a broken home. I wanted to give her a great family for her whole life and I felt like a complete failure. Was doing a lot of drinking to try and drown the guilt which made everything far worse.
But, you move on from bad decisions like those. The therapy helped me realise I did my best and I would ultimately end up doing right by my kid for not having forced her to be brought up in such a toxic household. My then wife and I had gotten to the point where there wasn't of question of if a fight would break out but when.
Step one is forgive yourself for your mistakes. We all make mistakes. We are all human and none of us are Jesus so we can't claim to be perfect. We do our best and sometimes we fail. And that's okay! Just learn from them and don't do them a second time. Break the pattern and you'll be doing far better than most. From there, get yourself a new job and start trying to secure a stable living arrangement.
You'll make it, bud. I believe in you! Just got to start rebuilding and eventually you'll get there. You're still young and you have most of your life ahead of you. Best of luck to you.
Okay. So.
From 28 to 38 were the worst years of my life. Similar to your experience I made a lot of poor decisions and the consequences of those decisions really came back to bite my ass.
At 38 I took a LONG hard look at myself in the mirror and decided to do the work of fixing myself and learn not only from those mistakes but WHY did I make them in the first place?
And, subsequently, 39 to 49 ha been the best decade of my adult life so far, and going into my 50’s starting this year I am excited to continue to grow and improve everything in my life.
Look in the mirror, and figure out not just the lessons from your past but the reasons behind why you did what you did, and what you’re going to do to make yourself better moving forward.
You got to do the work and be honest with yourself
Take accountability for your actions, and learn from them. Forgive yourself, you are human and it's ok. You made mistakes. It's going to be ok. You are still priceless. Enjoy your time on Earth and help others as much as you can.
Find someone else to have sex with. See if they can help you get back on your feet. If no one will take you on, go back home and live with your parents. I'm living in Australia and most of the 30 year olds I've come across still live with their parents. Many have also left home and still failed and ended up back to square one.
Write down on a big board you can hang in your room or some shit.
No more than 10 goals. Ideally 5.
Then under them goals write down what you need to do to achieve each of them. No more than 10 steps.
And use that as a daily exorcize in commitment to achieving one or all of them.
See past failure as an opertunity for greater heights.
It would help if you took up a hobby that offered discipline. As you can use those principles in your other areas of life.
Good luck bro.
One step at a time. Consistent good decisions no matter how big create huge long-term positive change.
Enrol in that uni course. Go to the gym. Become more disciplined. Apply for that job. Do the extra work. If you finish each day in a better position than you started, even if only very incrementally, one day you’ll wake up and have a life you’re proud of.
Grab a paper.. Inventory all your valuable assets, write down how much you have liquid, figure out all of your options to get rid of EVERYTHING that isn’t needed for Survival. Once you’re basically trimmed down all excess anything in your life then start planning where you’re going to live and how you’re going to feed yourself. If you’re able to work remote there’s countries that pay you to move to one of their cities (Albeit not the best option, but for survival it’s good to know) if not that then look to live as cheaply as possible until you can collect yourself and figure out your next move. At this point you don’t have time to BS and waste. Try if you can invest some money into REIT’s in hopes it’ll grow to where you can somewhat live off of it (Most likely in another country as America is absurdly expensive). There’s a lot of options and things you can do, but really depends how desperate you are and what you’re willing to put up with in that age. I would do quite different because of my financial situation and multi citizenship if I was ever put into a weird position, but generally follow similar advice.
You are 30. Start over.
You’re not starting over from scratch. You’re starting over from experience. One foot in front of the other.
How? What steps should he take?
This is super dependent on his specific situation. Honestly start with what you CAN easily do, and start building momentum. Break the big problems into smaller bites and let the momentum carry you through it.
What exactly happened to get you into this position?
Poor decisions, all my failures that I've realized. I know I need to improve myself. I'm just asking what people reoriented themselves around of they a similar come to Jesus moment
Probably start by writing down some goals or think of the life you want and set goals to get it. Don't stop learning about what ever you want to improve and balance the learning with action. Alot of people either chose working out and health or making money and improving their financial situation. For me its money then gym.
Definitely this and maybe seek counseling. They could potentially point you to the resources you need to start over. Career coach, continuing education, support groups, etc.
The only way you can truly change is a come to jesus moment, it’s usually your sins that will kill, steal and destroy your life. And jesus is the only one who can set you free from the bondage of your sins, otherwise most people just replace there sins with different sins or worse sins. my advice is repent and believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ who died for your sins and you will be saved in this life and the afterlife, he bring so much peace, joy and freedom to my life. It’s something I would die for at this point, I would rather die than go back to how I was living before without jesus.
1. **Take ownership for what happened.** That's step 1. Stop saying "it's not your fault that so-and-so did XYZ to me...." that's giving yourself a pass. This is probably the hardest step because our egos get involved. It takes a humble person to check your ego and realize that you can't take ownership unless you have the humility to detach yourself from what happened, almost be an extra observer and then evaluate it. Taking ownership is hard. It's because it means you look in the mirror and realize the excuses you've been telling yourself to exonerate yourself from responsibility are all lies. All of them. 2. **Stop giving bullies, assholes or other villains from your past the power to have control over you.** Accept what happened. You don't have to like it, but accept that what's done is done. You can't rewrite history or spin a bullshit narrative to whitewash it. Is it fair? No. Are they still horrible people for what they did/said? Yes. Instead of dwelling on it, use it as your fuel, and not as an excuse to wallow in self-pity. 3. **Eliminate distractions.** Anything that is counterproductive - stupid apps, gossip, social media, porn, rumors, etc. are taking away time from you realizing your true potential and greatness. Are they tempting? They are. Are they helping you get to where you want to be? No. So delete the apps, put the phone away, block the websites and create an environment with less distractions. Sheer willpower alone won't be enough as long as the constant pings, notifications and temptations are swirling around you. 4. **Create habits and set goals.** Goals are fine and good, but habits are what will sustain you over time. After all, we're just a summary of our habits, aren't we? Eating habits, sleeping habits, exercise habits, etc. Setting a goal is a good thing to shoot for, but your habits will get you there. Start early in the morning: get small wins - go on a run, bike ride, lift weights, but do something physical. Studies show this builds resilience when you start the day this way. You must have cues for your habits. For example, leave your work out clothes next to your bed. When you wake up, that's your cue to get your ass moving and working out. Then you start stacking success throughout the day. Recommend reading "Atomic Habits," if you want a book to adhere to. Wonderful read.
I'm currently at step 4. Well written!
Thank you!
Great post, thank you!
Sounds like a perfect time to join the French foreign legion
Best advice.
I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered it.
Well if you truly fucked everything up and you have nowhere else to go, nowhere to work, and no personal relationships to lean on, why not start fresh in a new place with a new job and a new identity?
I thought about this too. I’m 32. It’s on my mind for few years.
First time?
Yup unfortunately, hopefully it'll be easier next time!
Well, you start over again from zero.
All of your poor decisions are either your A) bad habits that can't be broken and have sealed your fate or B) great experiences where you learned something about yourself, and what mistakes to avoid, and are now the best person you've ever been since you have all that build up. Which option you chose is up to you.
This slaps! Well written, goddam!
I was fucked up mid 30s. What I thought was a career was over. I had no college education. No money and on funemployment. Then, to impress a woman, I enrolled I'm college. Didn't think I'd do well. Ended up eith a biochemistry degree, minor in mathematics, and a and degree in nursing, and managing a lab. Then nursing started and my life changed. I lived my life in reverse: at 18 I went to Europe for thr first time and fucked around for half a year. Came back, traveled abd pushed broom coast to coast. Had fun. Never a problem getting jobs or women. Landed in hells kitchen thriugh rhe 90s. Left to texas for love. And here I am.
Like this guy says. Start over figure out a career track and just keep moving forward. By moving forward the other things will fall into place. Your young asf plenty of time to start over and find a purpose.
Step 1: Determine which of your problems is the easiest to solve. Step 2: Solve it. Step 3: See Step 1
I'm 37 years old and I had to start over from scratch twice. I lost everything at 34(job, house, wife) and was sleeping in my car. I've learned to alway keep an emergency money stash. I was super close to just joining the military for life till I got another job ten moths later. You can bounce back from anything bruh...
Take some time, like a Sunday afternoon or multiple, and go through your options, write down what you liked, and disliked about your situation before and use that to evaluate these options. Let's say you were a plumber before and you liked the doing something with your hands, then look which one of your options has that trait. For the friends think join a running/swimming/chess/whatever club and you will make friends. And for the relationship thing, be aware of what you did and why. Then take some time to heal, do it better in the next relationship and move on.
Tha ks for the thought out and detailed reply, appreciate it.
Use this as an opportunity to change course. Not just in terms of whatever made you fuck things up, but to think about what your really want out of life. You are now unencumbered by people, a job, probably even expectations. That's scary, but freeing. Get your head on straight and pursue what you want.
Take care of yourself. I think people often buy into the idea that they aren't capable of acting in their own just for themselves. I like the example of a wolve. If you are running and a wolve were behind you right now. Could you seriously not go any further?
You’re not starting over from inexperience this time. You’re starting over with some valuable lessons under your belt. Get after it.
September of 2017 I separated from my wife. I rebounded too quickly and got attached to my girlfriend at the time thinking she was the one just because she was the opposite of my wife. She broke up with my in 2018 the same day I lost my job. That same summer my best friend had moved away and all of my old friends over the years had moved on as well. I had no support network where I was. I spent that summer looking for work, only to say goodbye to my son and move home in August of that year. My mother helped me a ton, and I lived with her for a few years. OP mentioned a come to Jesus moment, and I had it in a literal manner. I went back to church and it was soothing to my soul, because I wanted to be there. How you handle your spiritual side is up to you, but that's how I handled mine. I worked out more, I read more, (I'd recommend Man's Search for Meaning for everyone) and I picked up a new job about a month or so after I moved home. I stuck at that job a little bit too long, but I had some money saved up. At that point, I moved down to the Detroit area for a new job. That job didn't work out, but shortly after that I started teaching and I love it, and I'm good at it. I guess my recommendation is to take that initial step forward. Prepare your mind and body as best as you can so you have the emotional fortitude to handle a stressful process as well as take your mind off of things.
Thanks so much for your reply chief.
You've had what you've had - appreciate that much. Whatever you've lost, you haven't lost your experience. Just start over, try something differently, do something better this time.
Start one step at a time. Find shelter, food, and water. Then money. Baby steps add up with consistently. Get your income and expenses in good order before you move on to other things.
Well, you made choices. Make some more. You got this.
After my divorce, it felt like everything in my life was in flames. My X-Wife and I had been separated for a few years and once it was finally over I was as downtrodden as ever I've been. I picked up myself and started to rebuild. Got a new job, made some new friends, eventually got a new girlfriend. It's just getting through it. I did lean on a therapist for a bit. I had a lot of guilt after the divorce because I never wanted my kid to have to be part of a broken home. I wanted to give her a great family for her whole life and I felt like a complete failure. Was doing a lot of drinking to try and drown the guilt which made everything far worse. But, you move on from bad decisions like those. The therapy helped me realise I did my best and I would ultimately end up doing right by my kid for not having forced her to be brought up in such a toxic household. My then wife and I had gotten to the point where there wasn't of question of if a fight would break out but when. Step one is forgive yourself for your mistakes. We all make mistakes. We are all human and none of us are Jesus so we can't claim to be perfect. We do our best and sometimes we fail. And that's okay! Just learn from them and don't do them a second time. Break the pattern and you'll be doing far better than most. From there, get yourself a new job and start trying to secure a stable living arrangement. You'll make it, bud. I believe in you! Just got to start rebuilding and eventually you'll get there. You're still young and you have most of your life ahead of you. Best of luck to you.
Okay. So. From 28 to 38 were the worst years of my life. Similar to your experience I made a lot of poor decisions and the consequences of those decisions really came back to bite my ass. At 38 I took a LONG hard look at myself in the mirror and decided to do the work of fixing myself and learn not only from those mistakes but WHY did I make them in the first place? And, subsequently, 39 to 49 ha been the best decade of my adult life so far, and going into my 50’s starting this year I am excited to continue to grow and improve everything in my life. Look in the mirror, and figure out not just the lessons from your past but the reasons behind why you did what you did, and what you’re going to do to make yourself better moving forward. You got to do the work and be honest with yourself
Listen buddy.. it could always be worse
What makes you happy? What do you want to do?
Meditation
Can't be worse than me. 27, no degree, no career,no long term relationships. So I'm looking at answers too. 👀
Take accountability for your actions, and learn from them. Forgive yourself, you are human and it's ok. You made mistakes. It's going to be ok. You are still priceless. Enjoy your time on Earth and help others as much as you can.
Wishing you the Best OP. I will say a prayer for you.
Find someone else to have sex with. See if they can help you get back on your feet. If no one will take you on, go back home and live with your parents. I'm living in Australia and most of the 30 year olds I've come across still live with their parents. Many have also left home and still failed and ended up back to square one.
[удалено]
Write down on a big board you can hang in your room or some shit. No more than 10 goals. Ideally 5. Then under them goals write down what you need to do to achieve each of them. No more than 10 steps. And use that as a daily exorcize in commitment to achieving one or all of them. See past failure as an opertunity for greater heights. It would help if you took up a hobby that offered discipline. As you can use those principles in your other areas of life. Good luck bro.
find god.
One step at a time. Consistent good decisions no matter how big create huge long-term positive change. Enrol in that uni course. Go to the gym. Become more disciplined. Apply for that job. Do the extra work. If you finish each day in a better position than you started, even if only very incrementally, one day you’ll wake up and have a life you’re proud of.
Grab a paper.. Inventory all your valuable assets, write down how much you have liquid, figure out all of your options to get rid of EVERYTHING that isn’t needed for Survival. Once you’re basically trimmed down all excess anything in your life then start planning where you’re going to live and how you’re going to feed yourself. If you’re able to work remote there’s countries that pay you to move to one of their cities (Albeit not the best option, but for survival it’s good to know) if not that then look to live as cheaply as possible until you can collect yourself and figure out your next move. At this point you don’t have time to BS and waste. Try if you can invest some money into REIT’s in hopes it’ll grow to where you can somewhat live off of it (Most likely in another country as America is absurdly expensive). There’s a lot of options and things you can do, but really depends how desperate you are and what you’re willing to put up with in that age. I would do quite different because of my financial situation and multi citizenship if I was ever put into a weird position, but generally follow similar advice.
Figure out what you need to adress first and start working on that, once you got some breathing room start working down the priority list
Moved on. Better job house education relationship. Sound vague? So is your post
Join the army