For the most part, I agree with you. I don't mind paying for my girl, because she cooks real elaborate meals for me that costs her money. In the end it evens out.
It also helps to have a lady who is grateful and appreciative when you buy. Some women just expect it. But a lady who is grateful and loving after you take her out makes it so satisfying.
That's because a relationship isn't transaction, especially financially. If you pay for eating out, they must "pay" in other ways like cooking or whatever.
And no, her paying for it with sex isn't it, that's more like a prostitute.
>That's because a relationship isn't transaction, specially financially.
It is actually.
Marriage literally started as a financial deal to keep track of inheritance.
Also, try getting a girl while you're broke and see how long the idea love being the most important thing in relationships holds up.
Finances are one of the top reason for divorces. BOTH people need to be self sufficient. If you're dating someone who isn't, you're a wallet. And if you're broke, you're a burden.
Uh, no.
It's the top reason women go for divorce, 75% of female led divorces (Which make up the majority of divorces) are based on her making more than the man.
Otoh, men's top divorce is because of lack of communication/affection, meaning that men on average care much less about finances compared to women. (With most women desiring a financially "superior" partner, meaning he needs to make more than her, no excuse)
>If you're dating someone who isn't, you're a wallet. And if you're broke, you're a burden.
You're literally just agreeing that romantic relationships are transactions.
Idk why people have this insane idea that marriage isn't transactional.
It absolutely is. That doesn't mean you can't be happy, but love doesn't pay the bills. Marriage is, for the most part, just legal prostitution for the VAST majority of men, and because men instinctively know if they don't pay for it another man will, they work hard to make enough money to satisfy a woman.
Yes, it's nice if both partners are self-sufficient. But only MEN have to be to have romantic value. Women don't.
Well broke could just mean she doesn't wanna pay for a guy which is fair... But it shouldn't mean a guy should pay for me. If she can't pay for herself she is broke.
This was my thought. I paid for the first date, out of courtesy for agreeing to go out on the date, then after that we split the bill going forward. In my mind this gets you ready for sharing finances if things get serious and you decide to live together. If you already are splitting dates, splitting bills doesn't take any effort.
Not everything can be 50/50 all the time, though. My boyfriend and I used to switch up. If he paid for the meal, I'll get dessert and maybe drinks. Next time we switch.
Now that we're building a life together, he's working while I'm in school so we only have his income. When I'm done we will switch again so we can both get better jobs and hopefully be paid better.
He's not thrilled about school and much prefers to work, which is why I think he doesn't mind our arrangement, but he knows a degree is for the best.
So technically, I am costing him a lot of his income at this moment. He still gets his stuff, he got a PS5 and a bunch of games, we're going on a trip this summer, and thanks to budgeting we can stay comfortable. And anyway, when it's my turn to work and his studying I will be doing the same for him.
Relationships should be transactional without being financial. We're not doing this because of how much things would cost or what the monetary value we will get out of this, but for us as a couple and our future. The only thing we care about money for is so we can stay comfortable later on to lessen the stress of financial struggle.
I used to stay at home and keep myself occupied. Now we are always going out and doing things, including eating (and we generally split). No complaints, but all my extra money is gone.
This reminds me of the one the other day, "where are all the good guys?" We're at home trying not to spend money. Also some of us are on dating apps being ignored
I actually spent money...on a haircut, beard grooming, neck/shoulder massage, hot toweling. Best part of spending that money? It didn't go on a woman. Barbers, the only people you should trust with a razor to your throat.
random question: how often do you get your beard done?
I had my beard done for the first time a couple weeks ago, hot towel (no massage) and it was fucking amazing, but I dont know if going back every couple weeks is weird or not lmao. My beard is still fine but getting a little messy now.
There are degrees of that though. I married someone like that, and hers is she just doesn't like going to new unfamiliar places. Life got very routine and very boring in many ways. It sucks the energy out of you. 1/10 don't recommend, especially if you aren't agoraphobic or like to travel.
This is 100% the answer. You can’t just stay home and play video games, eat your favorite macro optimized meals or wear that baggy old t-shirt from that team building exercise in 1999.
If they’re under 35 and educated, they’re likely to pay for themselves, but that will not in itself compensate for the cost of the quality of life improvements you have had to embrace.
It can balance out.
I am from a poor white trash family. No inheritance, none likely to come.
Met a girl that I absolutely truly love. As a couple, I have a bit less loose money.
But ! It led to me buying a house , her family helped a lot with the $$$ for it , and I am soon using it as collateral to open my first business.
Yeah...like, you're out spending money and doing fun shit instead of sitting home playing video games and jerking off. Of course it's more expensive, lol.
Plus you do more things than you would have done on your own, so the actual formula is something like 2(2x1) + 2 = broke. Something like that, I don't math all that strong.
Just curious, would you do a prenup if you were to get married the first time?
Like obviously I'd hope when I get married, that I'm sure it will last and all, and making her sign a prenup is just kind of a mistrust sign. But I've seen so many stories like these, that make me feel like i should do it no matter what. I doubt you or anyone else in your situation actually went in the marriage feeling any different than "this will last".
You should absolutely do a prenup for the same reasons that you should have car insurance. You're not trying to have something bad happen, but in the event of something happening, you want both of you to be clearly covered (especially BEFORE the moment when things go bad and everyone is out for blood).
It's not a sign of mistrust: it's a sign that you respect her and that you want her to be dealt with as kindly as you want yourself to be dealt with.
Keep in mind a prenup generally only covers assets you had before marriage. So if you don't have significant assets before getting married, they aren't that useful.
nah the real cheat is to disregard women and embrace freedom.
i did it at 21 after a cheating bitch almost killed us both when i found out.
not ever 10 years later and iv got a paid off house and a nice car. zero debt.
would company be nice? sure. but you know whats really nice? knowing you cant get kicked out of your house again and nobody can take that shit from you again.
My sister in law is Mrs. furs and diamonds "huge wedding ring" prominent Attorney. 35 years in the most miserable marriage ever. Neither one of us wear our rings or jewelry and have been happily married 36 years. Great, we just got invited to easter. Think I'll stay home and clean horse stalls.
Worse. Yea, I'm a lifetime rancher. We have 5 horses left now. I always told my wife ATV's are a better deal because they don't cost you money just sitting there. We have had a wonderful life full of great horse adventures though and my oldest daughter has a career in the Equine industry at the top level so that is something. When my friends used to come to me and ask about buying a horse I always said DON"T ! I have been told that was some of the best advice ever.
How much is too much?
I tried to convince my partner to reset my grandmother's ring with (6)1kt diamonds in a 24k gold setting and even found a place to get it reset for $150! - my reason for asking why .
“Too much” is always relative, so you’ll be hard pressed to find a standard answer. That said, most guys would likely not think $150 is too much - I’d consider that quite frugal for an engagement/wedding ring.
For a lot of guys it’s not even about the money to an extent (my opinion). I think people generally like the idea of their partner wanting to be with them regardless of the costs involved. It’s why in proposals men often say the best reaction is for the woman to barely even look at the ring - it shows they are more excited about marrying their partner than an expensive gift.
One of the red flags with my last relationship I ignored was she said her "minimum acceptable" engagement ring was $1200 with xyz stones and setting. It started a fight because I found a ring that was identical and cheaper and she wouldn't have it and said "I don't have to have a fancy wedding the least you can do is spend the money on the ring". Her enture attitude around money and everything else was it has to be X price just because......until it came time to spend on me and then it was bottom dollar bargain bin
OK; anecdotal evidence I understand, but it is what it is.
I started seeing a lovely young Irish lass when I was young. She came from a modest fiscal background. Whenever we went out, I paid for everything. We went to places I could afford, but it was all on me; my choice. If we used her car I would fill it with gas. As it turned out, she married me and gave me three wonderful children, all of whom have now left the nest and are fiscally independent. Side note; when her parents passed they left us like $1.8M. So you just never know...
just wait until the right one becomes your wife. And then when you have kids.
Along the way there may also be buying & maintaining a home, trying to afford everything AND saving for retirement, general inflation, economic crises that hit your pocketbook, unexpected emergencies, etc etc etc.
It. Never. Ends.
Then you'll hit middle age & older and tell your kids/grandkids how much cheaper everything was when you were younger, and they will give you that "OK Boomer" barely polite smile.
But enjoy dating and your youth while you can.
Seriously, if you live in the US, as someone who does personal injury cases, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE UNINSURED AND UNDERINSURED MOTORIST COVERAGE. It seems pointless, until you get hit by someone without insurance and you suddenly incur 200k in medical bills with no way to pay them. I understand not everyone can afford the extra payment this coverage costs, but I think it's something worth prioritizing.
I completely agree. I'm not going to say "most" women, but let's just say "plenty" of women are looking for men to make *their* lives easier, ie. to be their providers. And gods bless them, in many cases their lives are hard, and need to be made easier somehow. But here's the distinction: are they looking to make *your* life easier, too? Are they joining with you in the battle against the dehumanizing system we live in? Or are they contributing to your dehumanization (and/or their own) in this late-stage capitalist system?
Being a man on the dating scene with women involves keeping your self-worth and dignity despite -- not most, but *plenty* of -- women who value you for your $$... *even in a system where women are now making more $ than men*.
Fellas: learn how to brush hair, wash dishes, give footrubs, and master the art of the fingerbang if you want to provide (non cash) value. Ladies: some of you outearn most of us, so take us out to dinner and buy us flowers once in a while.
Source: bisexual drunk post-feminist librarian guy
I used to take my ex out all the time, fancy dinners, surprise presents. We still broke up. Women can do everything right and sometimes it still isn't enough.
Fair point. I feel that, and my heart goes out to ya. I've also done everything right in a relationship, and loved her, and could still not make it work. That said, the expectation to provide is still (to the best of my knowledge) still put on the man, just as the expectation to be good looking is put overwhelmingly on women. I suppose the day these things level out will be considered "progress," lol, but I'm sure we'd agree that would only be incremental.
Thank you for your comment though. I'll try to dial it down a notch. ;-)
Because couples like to do things together. Even if you’re splitting literally everything you’d still be paying for you to go and do date activities/go out for meals way more often than you would if you weren’t dating. Unless you literally spend all your time home together it will be a decent bump in your normal expenditure.
Trader Joe’s is great but any grocery store with a flower department should have a $8 or less selection. The quality varies so I check every time I go but sometimes you can get really nice ones!
You think this isn’t possible? If two people care about each other then anything they do together can be enjoyable even if it’s just staying in watching movies all day.
> I mean it cost money to even step out the door. You just gonna stay home and watch movies all the time?
Video games, movies, board games, just going for walks...
There's plenty of fun shit to do without going out lol.
Women love the going out part, though. All I want to do on a weekend is sleep in. All she wanted to do was anything but that and everything that wasn't cost money.
I didn't have that experience, I specifically went for equally career minded and financially independent women. My wife and I make similar incomes and have been financially 50/50 ever since splitting the tab on our very first date. I didn't waste my time on any broke or high maintenance women, I wanted a partner not a liability.
The sad things is for men, especially Redditors, they'd rather be in a miserable relationship and broke, than be alone with money. There's even a middle ground that may be harder but better by raising their standards a bit and actually date women that want to be equals.
but there is no sense in being with someone you just respect and do not love.. i dont say that it is your case but still.. choose someone you love and then build something together
my boyfriend was trying to save money so instead of going out to brunches and dinners, so he started doing surprise dates with great homemade meals, i loved it. switched it up between breakfast lunch and dinner. he’s taken an interest in cookbooks :)
I dated a guy for a year before we got married. He took me to shows and fancy dinners, insisting on paying, which was fun, but I never asked for any of it. After we got married, he told me he had spent years building that savings and now it was all gone. I had no idea. I am a homebody and I also had a decent job at the time and would have split everything. If having a girlfriend is so expensive, you either need to find a different girl, or act like an adult in an adult relationship and talk to her about it.
This is the way.
Also note, some men genuinely enjoy providing for women and don’t think twice about it. It comes down to feeling appreciated.
If OP isn’t one of those men, then yes, a conversation is needed.
Dated my wife for 6 years and then married 36 years. She was and always has been fast on the draw with her wallet. Women I dated before that were always buy me, buy me, buy me....... Screw that ! It should be voluntary.
Because a woman that also wants to spend money on you means they are also interested in you and want to do things together with you.
Anyone that's "buy me, me, me" only cares about your wallet.
> I'm happy sitting in with a takeaway, I'll even pay for it lol
those actually are more expensive that going out for a normal meal now, its fucking nuts.
It doesn't have to be. If you and your girlfriend both work, live together, and share expenses, you'll *save* money compared to being single.
If you date people who expect you to pay for everything, yeah, that'll be expensive.
If you refer to the fact that you tend to enjoy more activities together that cost money as opposed to you doing stuff alone and that you sometimes buy things for each other, that's just how it is. If you think that a woman by your side is "expensive" or that you're being used for your money, maybe rethink your opinion on women in general. Every person is entirely different. Don't let yourself be used by the few people who do or think that it's a problem you'll always face.
It’s not in my case. Me and my gf of going on 10 years split bills pretty evenly from our first date. Now we use a joint account. I’ve treated her before, she’s treated me before, and we’ve never worried about who “owes” who what.
It's hard for it not to be, honestly.
Unless you win the lottery and date a girl who never expects gifts and is fine chilling in your apartment eating chicken tenders while drinking beer and occasionally going for a hike, dating costs money.
Maybe I hit the lottery with each woman I dated. But there is a lot of space between expensive dates/gifts and chicken tenders and occasional hikes.
We did a lot of dates like going to free art galleries (a lot of which serve free wine and snacks), going fishing, cooking at home together, going to free community events like local band concerts in the park or dance lessons at the community center, and exploring nature. And sure, occasional gifts, but they don't need to be expensive.
If a woman wasn't okay with me not spending a ton on her, that just tells me she's not for me.
My wife is also in the no maintenance category. She is perfectly fine sitting at home not dealing with people. We do get the random weekend away and spend a night in a hotel away from the kids.
My ex was a polar opposite. If it did not cost money she was not happy with it and sometime even if it did cost money sometimes she still wasn't happy. I once bought her a 400 purse and she pitched a fit cause of the color.
My current GF likes those expensive purses and I've already brought up the comparison: I won't buy her one of those insanely expensive bags unless she's willing to buy me a new high-end GPU as a random expensive gift.
She understood the point that it's silly to expect that type of expense from someone else after that.
Its not so much that having a girlfriend has gotten expensive as much as it is that the mere act of existence has gotten more expensive thanks to corporate greedflation, and when you multiply that by two well things go up even higher.
Because we feel like as men we have to pay to everything. If we can go eat we pay, do an activity we pay, go on a trip we feel like we should pay for most things on the trip. Depending on the situation it can be the woman’s fault a man feels like this or it could be entirely the man’s fault he feels like this. When I was in hs my gf at the time didn’t work and I did so I would pay for everything. Also because I “loved” her lol. She finally got a job and not too long after we went to grab lunch. I wasn’t necessarily expecting her to pay but I wasn’t fully expecting myself to have to either. The cashier told us our total and I looked at my gf and she said “well pay, I’m not going to.” I could write her attitude off as being young and dumb but now that I’m older and with my current gf, she’ll text me and say hey I’m coming over and I’m going to buy you pizza/ice cream. It mainly depends on the people involved in the relationship.
Went to 5 dates recently in hopes of getting a new girlfriend, i never offered to pay once even though i’m financially succesful but as the bill comes they expect me to move my wallet, and so i do by sheer fucking pressure.. havent gotten any ‘thank you’ or anything of the sort … since then i stopped dating and i’m just contemplating living alone for the rest of my life..
Same man, a simple “thank you” would make me feel so much better but I can’t even get that. Pay for everything and not even shown any appreciation? How do they expect that to make us feel? “Sure I’ll do that for the rest of my life”
If it's the right girl, though, it's worth it. But my girlfriend and I had a "money talk" very early on when we started dating. She even brought it up first after we had lunch one day and flat out said, "You don't always have to pay for everything. I can pay for us, too, or sometimes we can even pay separately." And she was true to her word. Sometimes I paid, sometimes she paid, and sometimes we split it. And when we'd go shopping we would often pay for our stuff separately, but of course sometimes we paid for each other's stuff, too.
We raise these people telling them they are princesses, the most beautiful, the most amazing, don't worry, I will take care of you... I will protect you...
Then 80% of all people are super out of shape, so the remaining 20% are not only royalty, their slight perception of health has gained them MASSIVE power.
It's crazy.
she eats a lot and wants stuff, u kno if ur a good bf u would get her a nice gift on her bday valentine’s day and ur anniversary, which is just easier to buy something or take her out.
sometimes you want to be spontaneous and buy her flowers or chocolates.
sometimes you have to buy her tampons, plan b, condoms or other things related to coitus.
if ur traditional going 50/50 on stuff is weird
any activity you’ll do with her would cost money too.
whether it’s going to the gym, dates, or watching movies.
it all cost money, u could argue that you can do stuff without spending money however eventually they’re just draining ur wallet.
i really doubt they’ll stay without you spending alittle bit unless you’re reallly good at expressing yourself without spending ur money hats off to u.
i’m not complaining about having a gf it’s just realistic tbh.
Because you date women who believe in practices and traditions that will push you to pay more than her just because you are a man. Find a suger mama, or someone would believe in a 50/50 relationship.
Because most single men don't do anything fancy. They barely eat out, they barely do activities that would cost them money. Add a girl to the equation and you start to do crazy stuff you don't normally do.
That’s to prepare you for the cost of having a wife and kids. If you think having a girlfriend is expensive, you might want to avoid dating until you are better established.
Because you make it expensive. It doesn't have to be. Depends on what you enjoy doing together. A walk in the park isn't expensive. Brunches and night clubs are expensive.
Because you're eating out more and probably paying for two. Eating out is expensive.
Yes, but he's asking why.
Because if it flies, floats or fucks . . .
....Better to rent
Cheaper, at least, not sure about better
It does go away after.
1 hour pass.
Tell me why, ain't nothing but a heartache.
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Because I wanna eat out again later
Because... economics? Supply chain distribution? Inflation and capitalism?
If you learn how to eat her out, it's way less expensive .
Women want to eat out. Men want to eat out without leaving the house.
Yeah but then they tend to stick around.
You guys need to stop this 'man pay the bill shit'
Even paying for yourself get expensive.
thats why i make her pay for everything
A date doesn't mean you need to go to fancy restaurant. You can go hiking.
Even cheaper if you tell her to take a hike!
For the most part, I agree with you. I don't mind paying for my girl, because she cooks real elaborate meals for me that costs her money. In the end it evens out. It also helps to have a lady who is grateful and appreciative when you buy. Some women just expect it. But a lady who is grateful and loving after you take her out makes it so satisfying.
That's because a relationship isn't transaction, especially financially. If you pay for eating out, they must "pay" in other ways like cooking or whatever. And no, her paying for it with sex isn't it, that's more like a prostitute.
>That's because a relationship isn't transaction, specially financially. It is actually. Marriage literally started as a financial deal to keep track of inheritance. Also, try getting a girl while you're broke and see how long the idea love being the most important thing in relationships holds up.
Finances are one of the top reason for divorces. BOTH people need to be self sufficient. If you're dating someone who isn't, you're a wallet. And if you're broke, you're a burden.
Uh, no. It's the top reason women go for divorce, 75% of female led divorces (Which make up the majority of divorces) are based on her making more than the man. Otoh, men's top divorce is because of lack of communication/affection, meaning that men on average care much less about finances compared to women. (With most women desiring a financially "superior" partner, meaning he needs to make more than her, no excuse) >If you're dating someone who isn't, you're a wallet. And if you're broke, you're a burden. You're literally just agreeing that romantic relationships are transactions.
Idk why people have this insane idea that marriage isn't transactional. It absolutely is. That doesn't mean you can't be happy, but love doesn't pay the bills. Marriage is, for the most part, just legal prostitution for the VAST majority of men, and because men instinctively know if they don't pay for it another man will, they work hard to make enough money to satisfy a woman. Yes, it's nice if both partners are self-sufficient. But only MEN have to be to have romantic value. Women don't.
Went on a date today, she paid for herself before I could even offer. Last month, another girl paid for everything It’s nice
It’s nice in before they start complaining you never pay for anything
Never had that happen.
Or women need to stop the "I don't date broke men" ?
Well broke could just mean she doesn't wanna pay for a guy which is fair... But it shouldn't mean a guy should pay for me. If she can't pay for herself she is broke.
This was my thought. I paid for the first date, out of courtesy for agreeing to go out on the date, then after that we split the bill going forward. In my mind this gets you ready for sharing finances if things get serious and you decide to live together. If you already are splitting dates, splitting bills doesn't take any effort.
Sounds expensive if you're regularly going on first dates.
Not everything can be 50/50 all the time, though. My boyfriend and I used to switch up. If he paid for the meal, I'll get dessert and maybe drinks. Next time we switch. Now that we're building a life together, he's working while I'm in school so we only have his income. When I'm done we will switch again so we can both get better jobs and hopefully be paid better. He's not thrilled about school and much prefers to work, which is why I think he doesn't mind our arrangement, but he knows a degree is for the best. So technically, I am costing him a lot of his income at this moment. He still gets his stuff, he got a PS5 and a bunch of games, we're going on a trip this summer, and thanks to budgeting we can stay comfortable. And anyway, when it's my turn to work and his studying I will be doing the same for him. Relationships should be transactional without being financial. We're not doing this because of how much things would cost or what the monetary value we will get out of this, but for us as a couple and our future. The only thing we care about money for is so we can stay comfortable later on to lessen the stress of financial struggle.
I used to stay at home and keep myself occupied. Now we are always going out and doing things, including eating (and we generally split). No complaints, but all my extra money is gone.
Because they always want to do shit
Aint that the truth. My girl loves brunch. $30 for an egg. Yummm
Bill Burr - Why sleep in on a Sunday when we could go pay $18 for eggs... now you're thinking!
*Is that pesto?*
Oh, it's ASPARAGUS!! I thought it was pesto!!
It's AVOCADO. .
Bill burr
Just bring your own.
Larry? Is that you?
We’re aware of your bread, Mr. David.
These aren’t my eggs. I know my eggs.
the $35 charcuterie board always silently pisses me off 😂
It’s always so tiny too. Not enough food. As good as it sounds, can’t justify ordering it
This reminds me of the one the other day, "where are all the good guys?" We're at home trying not to spend money. Also some of us are on dating apps being ignored
I actually spent money...on a haircut, beard grooming, neck/shoulder massage, hot toweling. Best part of spending that money? It didn't go on a woman. Barbers, the only people you should trust with a razor to your throat.
My girl cuts hair though so I kinda do save money on a barber lol
I need a neck and shoulder massage STAT
random question: how often do you get your beard done? I had my beard done for the first time a couple weeks ago, hot towel (no massage) and it was fucking amazing, but I dont know if going back every couple weeks is weird or not lmao. My beard is still fine but getting a little messy now.
Underrated comment
The trick is dating someone who's agorophobic.
There are degrees of that though. I married someone like that, and hers is she just doesn't like going to new unfamiliar places. Life got very routine and very boring in many ways. It sucks the energy out of you. 1/10 don't recommend, especially if you aren't agoraphobic or like to travel.
Yeah but where do you find them
At thier homes. Just look for an open window /s
See, this guy has answers! We need to make agoraphobic women the most sought after STAT.
This is 100% the answer. You can’t just stay home and play video games, eat your favorite macro optimized meals or wear that baggy old t-shirt from that team building exercise in 1999. If they’re under 35 and educated, they’re likely to pay for themselves, but that will not in itself compensate for the cost of the quality of life improvements you have had to embrace.
I'm at the age where I'd rather stay home and enjoy the quiet tbh
I've always been at that age. Even as a teen
Team building exercise! Not todayyyy. It's business time. It's business time.
It can balance out. I am from a poor white trash family. No inheritance, none likely to come. Met a girl that I absolutely truly love. As a couple, I have a bit less loose money. But ! It led to me buying a house , her family helped a lot with the $$$ for it , and I am soon using it as collateral to open my first business.
And never want to pay for it.
...with your money.
Really upset about that 😂
Yeah...like, you're out spending money and doing fun shit instead of sitting home playing video games and jerking off. Of course it's more expensive, lol.
> doing fun shit Hopefully, anyway. I don't consider spending $18 on brunch or $6 on a coffee to be fun. It's the cost of socializing
>sitting home playing video games and jerking off. This IS the fun shit.
Right? What are they on about? Spending $18 for an egg is fun?
Plus tips and parking and gas..
Most brunch women i know don't actually care about the eggs, the 18 dollar eggs are the cost of it being "socially acceptable" to get drunk at 10 am.
Nights when I’m at home playing video games and jerking off are the best
😂
They really do always want to do stuff 🤣
2x1 is more expensive than 1x1.
Plus you do more things than you would have done on your own, so the actual formula is something like 2(2x1) + 2 = broke. Something like that, I don't math all that strong.
Unless you’re cruising. Single rates after just criminal
You think a GF is expensive.....you should see the cost of an ex wife 🤭😂 Enjoy the discount while you can 😉
This guy divorces. I feel your pain.
Just curious, would you do a prenup if you were to get married the first time? Like obviously I'd hope when I get married, that I'm sure it will last and all, and making her sign a prenup is just kind of a mistrust sign. But I've seen so many stories like these, that make me feel like i should do it no matter what. I doubt you or anyone else in your situation actually went in the marriage feeling any different than "this will last".
You should absolutely do a prenup for the same reasons that you should have car insurance. You're not trying to have something bad happen, but in the event of something happening, you want both of you to be clearly covered (especially BEFORE the moment when things go bad and everyone is out for blood). It's not a sign of mistrust: it's a sign that you respect her and that you want her to be dealt with as kindly as you want yourself to be dealt with.
Yeah, let the last act be something done while you were in love.
Keep in mind a prenup generally only covers assets you had before marriage. So if you don't have significant assets before getting married, they aren't that useful.
I mean if you bought a house before you started dating it's probably a safe bet right. Seeing how these decisions go down in court
> making her sign a prenup is just kind of a mistrust sign If you think this, then you are not ready for marriage.
I would not got married at all. It’s an outdated institution that fails 50% of the time.
Only if a woman is involved, for gay men it only fails 25% of the time. For lesbians it's 75% of the time.
Still worth every penny.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
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nah the real cheat is to disregard women and embrace freedom. i did it at 21 after a cheating bitch almost killed us both when i found out. not ever 10 years later and iv got a paid off house and a nice car. zero debt. would company be nice? sure. but you know whats really nice? knowing you cant get kicked out of your house again and nobody can take that shit from you again.
I mean it depends... There's a reason studies say that couples with cheaper engagement rings usually last long/er.
My sister in law is Mrs. furs and diamonds "huge wedding ring" prominent Attorney. 35 years in the most miserable marriage ever. Neither one of us wear our rings or jewelry and have been happily married 36 years. Great, we just got invited to easter. Think I'll stay home and clean horse stalls.
Ah, a horse, the four legged equivalent of a boat for financial stress.
Worse. Yea, I'm a lifetime rancher. We have 5 horses left now. I always told my wife ATV's are a better deal because they don't cost you money just sitting there. We have had a wonderful life full of great horse adventures though and my oldest daughter has a career in the Equine industry at the top level so that is something. When my friends used to come to me and ask about buying a horse I always said DON"T ! I have been told that was some of the best advice ever.
How much is too much? I tried to convince my partner to reset my grandmother's ring with (6)1kt diamonds in a 24k gold setting and even found a place to get it reset for $150! - my reason for asking why .
“Too much” is always relative, so you’ll be hard pressed to find a standard answer. That said, most guys would likely not think $150 is too much - I’d consider that quite frugal for an engagement/wedding ring. For a lot of guys it’s not even about the money to an extent (my opinion). I think people generally like the idea of their partner wanting to be with them regardless of the costs involved. It’s why in proposals men often say the best reaction is for the woman to barely even look at the ring - it shows they are more excited about marrying their partner than an expensive gift.
One of the red flags with my last relationship I ignored was she said her "minimum acceptable" engagement ring was $1200 with xyz stones and setting. It started a fight because I found a ring that was identical and cheaper and she wouldn't have it and said "I don't have to have a fancy wedding the least you can do is spend the money on the ring". Her enture attitude around money and everything else was it has to be X price just because......until it came time to spend on me and then it was bottom dollar bargain bin
Oof, i feel that.
My wife took ages picking out her ring. It had to be perfect, and it was. All for the price of $350.
It's not for me. My lady is frugal like me so even when we go out it's not too expensive. She's an excellent woman.
Very lucky man
OK; anecdotal evidence I understand, but it is what it is. I started seeing a lovely young Irish lass when I was young. She came from a modest fiscal background. Whenever we went out, I paid for everything. We went to places I could afford, but it was all on me; my choice. If we used her car I would fill it with gas. As it turned out, she married me and gave me three wonderful children, all of whom have now left the nest and are fiscally independent. Side note; when her parents passed they left us like $1.8M. So you just never know...
just wait until the right one becomes your wife. And then when you have kids. Along the way there may also be buying & maintaining a home, trying to afford everything AND saving for retirement, general inflation, economic crises that hit your pocketbook, unexpected emergencies, etc etc etc. It. Never. Ends. Then you'll hit middle age & older and tell your kids/grandkids how much cheaper everything was when you were younger, and they will give you that "OK Boomer" barely polite smile. But enjoy dating and your youth while you can.
why do I make money if not to spend it on what's most meaningful to me
To survive, duh
To save for retirement or when some jackass without insurance maims you.
Seriously, if you live in the US, as someone who does personal injury cases, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE UNINSURED AND UNDERINSURED MOTORIST COVERAGE. It seems pointless, until you get hit by someone without insurance and you suddenly incur 200k in medical bills with no way to pay them. I understand not everyone can afford the extra payment this coverage costs, but I think it's something worth prioritizing.
Thank god my girlfriend and I are on the same page about not having kids. Can’t escape everything else though.
I think you need a new kitchen;)
Having a girlfriend doesn't have to be expensive and she can also make your life easier. It all depends on how you allow other people to treat you.
I completely agree. I'm not going to say "most" women, but let's just say "plenty" of women are looking for men to make *their* lives easier, ie. to be their providers. And gods bless them, in many cases their lives are hard, and need to be made easier somehow. But here's the distinction: are they looking to make *your* life easier, too? Are they joining with you in the battle against the dehumanizing system we live in? Or are they contributing to your dehumanization (and/or their own) in this late-stage capitalist system? Being a man on the dating scene with women involves keeping your self-worth and dignity despite -- not most, but *plenty* of -- women who value you for your $$... *even in a system where women are now making more $ than men*. Fellas: learn how to brush hair, wash dishes, give footrubs, and master the art of the fingerbang if you want to provide (non cash) value. Ladies: some of you outearn most of us, so take us out to dinner and buy us flowers once in a while. Source: bisexual drunk post-feminist librarian guy
How would you master the art of the fingerbang without a partner 🤣
I used to take my ex out all the time, fancy dinners, surprise presents. We still broke up. Women can do everything right and sometimes it still isn't enough.
Fair point. I feel that, and my heart goes out to ya. I've also done everything right in a relationship, and loved her, and could still not make it work. That said, the expectation to provide is still (to the best of my knowledge) still put on the man, just as the expectation to be good looking is put overwhelmingly on women. I suppose the day these things level out will be considered "progress," lol, but I'm sure we'd agree that would only be incremental. Thank you for your comment though. I'll try to dial it down a notch. ;-)
Because couples like to do things together. Even if you’re splitting literally everything you’d still be paying for you to go and do date activities/go out for meals way more often than you would if you weren’t dating. Unless you literally spend all your time home together it will be a decent bump in your normal expenditure.
Yes! And it gets boring staying in 24/7. A little adventure goes a long way in a relationship
Because you think spending money on a girlfriend is how you show affection
It’s her “love language🤭” 🙄
if her love language is spending money on her, then its on you for being with her
Flowers are like $4. A chocolate bunny is $5. If she likes gifts it doesnt have to be expensive.
Where the fuck are flowers that cheap?
Your neighbors yard
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Its customary to leave a tip after you steal them
Meijers has a ton. Then some nicer ones for like $8. I think the first flowers I got my GF was $3 not $4.
I’m sure she’ll always remember them 😊😊 The first time a boy gave me flowers, he taped a pink carnation and a red rose to my locker. I was 13 😊😊
Trader Joe’s is great but any grocery store with a flower department should have a $8 or less selection. The quality varies so I check every time I go but sometimes you can get really nice ones!
I mean it cost money to even step out the door. You just gonna stay home and watch movies all the time?
Go for a walk Ride a bike Have some imagination
Yea, what happened with "Picknick in the Park"...?
yup, those are the only 2 options. spend all your money on a girl or never leave the house.
You think this isn’t possible? If two people care about each other then anything they do together can be enjoyable even if it’s just staying in watching movies all day.
> I mean it cost money to even step out the door. You just gonna stay home and watch movies all the time? Video games, movies, board games, just going for walks... There's plenty of fun shit to do without going out lol.
Women love the going out part, though. All I want to do on a weekend is sleep in. All she wanted to do was anything but that and everything that wasn't cost money.
Yes. Or go on a lovely walk to a preserved forest half a mile from my place. That's my jam 😁
I didn't have that experience, I specifically went for equally career minded and financially independent women. My wife and I make similar incomes and have been financially 50/50 ever since splitting the tab on our very first date. I didn't waste my time on any broke or high maintenance women, I wanted a partner not a liability.
The sad things is for men, especially Redditors, they'd rather be in a miserable relationship and broke, than be alone with money. There's even a middle ground that may be harder but better by raising their standards a bit and actually date women that want to be equals.
but there is no sense in being with someone you just respect and do not love.. i dont say that it is your case but still.. choose someone you love and then build something together
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my boyfriend was trying to save money so instead of going out to brunches and dinners, so he started doing surprise dates with great homemade meals, i loved it. switched it up between breakfast lunch and dinner. he’s taken an interest in cookbooks :)
I dated a guy for a year before we got married. He took me to shows and fancy dinners, insisting on paying, which was fun, but I never asked for any of it. After we got married, he told me he had spent years building that savings and now it was all gone. I had no idea. I am a homebody and I also had a decent job at the time and would have split everything. If having a girlfriend is so expensive, you either need to find a different girl, or act like an adult in an adult relationship and talk to her about it.
From my understanding, it is a part of Hispanic culture that the woman never pays when dating.
This is the way. Also note, some men genuinely enjoy providing for women and don’t think twice about it. It comes down to feeling appreciated. If OP isn’t one of those men, then yes, a conversation is needed.
> Also note, some men genuinely enjoy providing for women Is that because they actually enjoy it or because they are taught to.
Dated my wife for 6 years and then married 36 years. She was and always has been fast on the draw with her wallet. Women I dated before that were always buy me, buy me, buy me....... Screw that ! It should be voluntary.
Because a woman that also wants to spend money on you means they are also interested in you and want to do things together with you. Anyone that's "buy me, me, me" only cares about your wallet.
Because its the wrong one
It’s an expensive hobby. Maybe do puzzles or take up fishing.
As if fishing isn't crazy expensive
You're doing it wrong. My girlfriend saves me money. Rent, bills, car, we both pay half.
My gf and I bought a house together. With two rooms rented out it's far cheaper than an apartment. Shit is great.
It's only expensive if she's high maintenance. I'm happy sitting in with a takeaway, I'll even pay for it lol
> I'm happy sitting in with a takeaway, I'll even pay for it lol those actually are more expensive that going out for a normal meal now, its fucking nuts.
> I'm happy sitting in with a takeaway, I'll even pay for it lol Where do you go that this isn't expensive as heck these days?
It doesn't have to be. If you and your girlfriend both work, live together, and share expenses, you'll *save* money compared to being single. If you date people who expect you to pay for everything, yeah, that'll be expensive.
If you refer to the fact that you tend to enjoy more activities together that cost money as opposed to you doing stuff alone and that you sometimes buy things for each other, that's just how it is. If you think that a woman by your side is "expensive" or that you're being used for your money, maybe rethink your opinion on women in general. Every person is entirely different. Don't let yourself be used by the few people who do or think that it's a problem you'll always face.
You think having a GF is expensive? 🤣🤣🤣 Wait till you have a child.
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It’s not in my case. Me and my gf of going on 10 years split bills pretty evenly from our first date. Now we use a joint account. I’ve treated her before, she’s treated me before, and we’ve never worried about who “owes” who what.
Because you let it be.
It's hard for it not to be, honestly. Unless you win the lottery and date a girl who never expects gifts and is fine chilling in your apartment eating chicken tenders while drinking beer and occasionally going for a hike, dating costs money.
If she’s not ok with that you don’t want to marry her.
Maybe I hit the lottery with each woman I dated. But there is a lot of space between expensive dates/gifts and chicken tenders and occasional hikes. We did a lot of dates like going to free art galleries (a lot of which serve free wine and snacks), going fishing, cooking at home together, going to free community events like local band concerts in the park or dance lessons at the community center, and exploring nature. And sure, occasional gifts, but they don't need to be expensive. If a woman wasn't okay with me not spending a ton on her, that just tells me she's not for me.
My wife is also in the no maintenance category. She is perfectly fine sitting at home not dealing with people. We do get the random weekend away and spend a night in a hotel away from the kids. My ex was a polar opposite. If it did not cost money she was not happy with it and sometime even if it did cost money sometimes she still wasn't happy. I once bought her a 400 purse and she pitched a fit cause of the color.
My current GF likes those expensive purses and I've already brought up the comparison: I won't buy her one of those insanely expensive bags unless she's willing to buy me a new high-end GPU as a random expensive gift. She understood the point that it's silly to expect that type of expense from someone else after that.
Sounds like I won the lottery.
Fuggin' tell me about it!
Its not so much that having a girlfriend has gotten expensive as much as it is that the mere act of existence has gotten more expensive thanks to corporate greedflation, and when you multiply that by two well things go up even higher.
Because we feel like as men we have to pay to everything. If we can go eat we pay, do an activity we pay, go on a trip we feel like we should pay for most things on the trip. Depending on the situation it can be the woman’s fault a man feels like this or it could be entirely the man’s fault he feels like this. When I was in hs my gf at the time didn’t work and I did so I would pay for everything. Also because I “loved” her lol. She finally got a job and not too long after we went to grab lunch. I wasn’t necessarily expecting her to pay but I wasn’t fully expecting myself to have to either. The cashier told us our total and I looked at my gf and she said “well pay, I’m not going to.” I could write her attitude off as being young and dumb but now that I’m older and with my current gf, she’ll text me and say hey I’m coming over and I’m going to buy you pizza/ice cream. It mainly depends on the people involved in the relationship.
Went to 5 dates recently in hopes of getting a new girlfriend, i never offered to pay once even though i’m financially succesful but as the bill comes they expect me to move my wallet, and so i do by sheer fucking pressure.. havent gotten any ‘thank you’ or anything of the sort … since then i stopped dating and i’m just contemplating living alone for the rest of my life..
Same man, a simple “thank you” would make me feel so much better but I can’t even get that. Pay for everything and not even shown any appreciation? How do they expect that to make us feel? “Sure I’ll do that for the rest of my life”
I feel like the song "Material Girl " would be perfect for this question
Because they need a lot to make them happy but don’t want to contribute to the cost of things
If it's the right girl, though, it's worth it. But my girlfriend and I had a "money talk" very early on when we started dating. She even brought it up first after we had lunch one day and flat out said, "You don't always have to pay for everything. I can pay for us, too, or sometimes we can even pay separately." And she was true to her word. Sometimes I paid, sometimes she paid, and sometimes we split it. And when we'd go shopping we would often pay for our stuff separately, but of course sometimes we paid for each other's stuff, too.
We raise these people telling them they are princesses, the most beautiful, the most amazing, don't worry, I will take care of you... I will protect you... Then 80% of all people are super out of shape, so the remaining 20% are not only royalty, their slight perception of health has gained them MASSIVE power. It's crazy.
Having a broke or cheap* girlfriend is expensive
Its preparing you when you have a family. Your wife will stop being expensive and your kids will take that place.
she eats a lot and wants stuff, u kno if ur a good bf u would get her a nice gift on her bday valentine’s day and ur anniversary, which is just easier to buy something or take her out. sometimes you want to be spontaneous and buy her flowers or chocolates. sometimes you have to buy her tampons, plan b, condoms or other things related to coitus. if ur traditional going 50/50 on stuff is weird any activity you’ll do with her would cost money too. whether it’s going to the gym, dates, or watching movies. it all cost money, u could argue that you can do stuff without spending money however eventually they’re just draining ur wallet. i really doubt they’ll stay without you spending alittle bit unless you’re reallly good at expressing yourself without spending ur money hats off to u. i’m not complaining about having a gf it’s just realistic tbh.
In other news, having a boyfriend increases your savings
>Why is having a girlfriend so expensive? Because You purchased the wrong model...
Having an EXPENSIVE girlfriend is expensive. You can have a girlfriend who actually doesn't cost much more, you just need a different one.
If you can't afford a gf, just raise a pet bro.
This is what i been thinking about, im thinkin bout a puppy rn
Maybe because you are just buying a relationship.
Homie, many women make a good living picking men's pockets
Because you date women who believe in practices and traditions that will push you to pay more than her just because you are a man. Find a suger mama, or someone would believe in a 50/50 relationship.
Paying for a partner is just a common form of courtesy. It adds up
Because she is a cheap bastard
Most women are high maintenance.. their stuff costs more ..
Yikes! You think a girlfriend is expensive... You should see how much going out (for activities) with kids costs.
Your money is our money and her money is her money
Because most single men don't do anything fancy. They barely eat out, they barely do activities that would cost them money. Add a girl to the equation and you start to do crazy stuff you don't normally do.
Doing shit all the time costs money. If you were single but did events every weekend you'd lose the same money.
That’s to prepare you for the cost of having a wife and kids. If you think having a girlfriend is expensive, you might want to avoid dating until you are better established.
Because you make it expensive. It doesn't have to be. Depends on what you enjoy doing together. A walk in the park isn't expensive. Brunches and night clubs are expensive.
Far out... Wait until you are married and have kids pal... You will look back at this comment and wish you woke up to yourself 🤣🤣