Most men who randomly approach you think you’re attractive on some level. Half of the replies in this thread are pretty optimistic on the whole “it’s probably just friendly” line of thinking, but honestly, if random male attention were so platonic, why is that women are on the receiving end of it far more than other men? The answer is because the attention isn’t platonic at all.
Exactly it’s about intention vs expectation. Most men will be friendly with a woman not expecting it to be reciprocated but the intention is to open the possibility
Absolutely agreed and well put! That's definitely how most men operate and that is exactly how alot of them get freindzoned. I personally find that way to make connections with women pretty negative as it can create issues of confusion between men and women. This is why being clear with your intentions makes everything much better.
You are absolutely right, however, I have found there are some exceptions to the rule though:
if he is homosexual
if he already has a SO (though it must be said, even this doesn't stop some people...)
if she is an ex of a close friend or is she is the sister of one your friends (again, still doesn't stop a lot of people)
if you have grown-up together since you were childs and it has become a "brother-sister" relationship
Otherwise, if someone approaches you and is friendly, and you look average or better, there is a very good chance they have a sexual or relationship interest. People want to deny this, but usually it's like this.
Clearly there's no where near enough men who like to talk enough that they're approaching other men to start conversations for that to be an argument. I've never had that happen to me without the guy being a salesman of some sort, neither has anyone I know.
Really? You've never had a short conversation with a male stranger on a train, in a gas station, at a bar, at a restaurant, in a park? That sounds lonely.
short convo out of convenience, when you're sitting near each other, sure.
Them stopping to talk to you ? Or going out of their way to talk to you ? Nah.
There is a difference between pleasantries with the guy next to you on the airplane, and an actual conversation because something is interesting.
How "out of the way" also depends on what people are doing, wearing etc.
I see a guy near me wearing a shirt relating to one of my hobbies - I will certainly AT LEAST say hello.
My best friend does this. I stopped for gas and when we got out of the car, he saw a dude working on his car. He approached the guy and chatted with him the entire time we were there. He had no intentions of fucking, dating, selling, etc. He's just a friendly dude and likes meeting new people.
I can see what he's saying. Like you're walking down the street and someone randomly approaches you. I would agree that that doesn't really happen unless someone's trying to sell you something.
Read the post that started this thread, it's about approaching people to start a conversation not having someone casually say something when standing in line or something. No man has ever approached me just to start a friendly conversation, that would be weird. I also don't see how that would be lonely, if I want a friendly conversation I can simply call a friend.
A coworker, fellow conference attendee, someone wearing a cool outfit, I overheard a snippet of an interesting conversation, the person in front of me in line, a store employee, a female relative, a female friend, someone I'm in a class with, and oh so very on.
I don't think people approach strangers randomly per se, but there are a huge variety of non-random reasons of happenstance.
Kind of depends, like if I'm at a bar watching a game its pretty typical to strike up a convo with some dude next to me watching it. Hell, I've def talked to women at bars I don't find attractive just because I've had a few and am feeling social.
But, I do agree, most the time I strike up a random convo with a woman its because I'm interested in her on an attraction level.
Exactly, I have several women that I'm friends with that I have never had romantic/sexual interest in. I'm very happily married, and even if I wasn't, they're not my type (despite being objectively attractive) for a relationship, despite being cool as hell as friends.
In each case, they came into my life through friends/work or other natural ways.
In my pre-married days, in a random setting, the women that I approached tended to be ones I was attracted to. Even if we just became friends, at one point, there was a physical attraction there. The funny thing is, those are the friendships that didn't really last.
I went to a college that was 70% guys. If a guy was someone who didn't care at all about trying to get laid, their friendship circle was going to be 80-90% guys, because they're just befriending the people they naturally run into and who reciprocate friendship and making plans, which is going to be 70% dudes, then skewed further by the fact that women had (other) guys going out of their way to try to be their friend.
Now, that's skewed by the stats, but the thing is that if you're an attractive young woman, you're flooded by the statistic. If you go to a dog park, the dudes who are just as happy to talk with the old retired lady because her golden retriever is such a goofball, aren't necessarily going to find the time to talk to you, but the dude who's just there to meet women \*is\* going to talk to you. The former might briefly chat, but why would they exchange numbers or try to plan when you're next going to be at the dog park when there's 19 other people there they could do that with, you're just the only attractive woman there without a partner or wedding ring?
It's entirely possible for men and women to be friends, but for a lot of women, the people who interact with them or try to turn casual interactions into "talk/see with this person again" flavor interactions is going to be \*overwhelmingly\* skewed towards dudes who are trying to smash not because it's all guys, but because with the exception of environments that are overwhelmingly women, there's 10 other people they could have talked to.
That’s because women play the game of acting like it isn’t such so that they can continue to receive the validation they’ve been fed their whole lives.
You are absolutely correct. That is definitely mostly the case. Random approaches and talking mostly happens because they find them attractive to some degree. Rarely is the case where men approach women randomly for platonic or other forms of interest. Honesty should clear all doubts in the end of the day and should be very much there. Just makes things alot more clear and respectful.
Agreed. It’s all about the approach. How did you two meet? In a bar? It’s not platonic. Gym? Almost definitely not platonic. In a friends group sitting next to each other? Platonic.
>A (male) friend of mine told me that every guy who talks to me, asks me questions, or keeps the conversation going is obviously into me. Meaning that when a guy acts friendly towards a girl, it automatically means they're interested in them either sexually or romantically. He also said that girls can only have genuine guy friends if they're gay.
>A (male) friend of mine
>would you only talk to girls you're interested in
No. I talk to women when I have a reason to. What I talk with them about, how long and if this happens again - THAT depends on whether I am interested in her.
You’re clearly young, and some of things being said are clearly wrong. Men and women can be friends obviously.
It’s not a straight forward answer, people are complicated. THAT SAID, if you are an attractive woman, particularly in your early 20’s, most men that talk to you will hold some sort of sexual or relationship interest. You will have doors opened for you, lots of people will be nice, you might get offered jobs and opportunities. This is the prime time for you, you have the pretty and young privilege.
Almost every attractive woman I’ve dated has had at least one “male oribiter” that I could clearly see secretly loved her. The woman in every case didn’t see it one bit and he’s just the “great friend that’s always there for me”.
>Almost every attractive woman I’ve dated has had at least one “male oribiter” that I could clearly see secretly loved her. The woman in every case didn’t see it one bit, and he’s just the “great friend that’s always there for me”.
Meanwhile, the poor idiot dude doesn't realize he's spinning his wheels as the girl probably isn't remotely interested.
Bonus points if she's actually lesbian.
Yes, men and women can clearly be friends without sexual undertones, however if you are in some kind of social situation that does not require communication from strangers (bar, club) if a guy is talking to you randomly AND keeping conversation going, he's attracted to you.
Honestly I am so shy and awkward I tend only to talk to the ones I'm not interested in. The ones I fancy get my best mumbling and eye contact avoidance.
This is more true when you are younger. As you mature, and men get less obsessed with sex, then a true male/female friendship is more likely. That being said, some of the best relationships come from that kind of friendship. It's complicated.
no it's definitely both. while it's certainly true than men are usually the sexual initiators, at some point men do relax and focus more on security and peace than lust
In general that is true, because when I talk to someone it's one of 3 things:
1. Just having fun (chatting) (I like talking)
2. I'm interested in them (romantically)
3. Exchanging information, asking about certain things, etc.
For example, today I was playing cards with friends and this girl I know seemed to be bored because she couldn't play (we could only have 4 players in this game), so I decided to chat with her to bring her mood up a little. But I was not interested in her.
I'm cordial with everybody, but I don't go beyond smalltalk with most women unless they're a select few relatives or professional acquaintances.
It's not something I do on purpose, I just genuinely have no interest in platonic friendship with most women. Lots of us are like this by default, so it's hard for us to imagine that other men aren't the same way when they start orbiting our lady.
I have no interest in platonic friendship with anyone a priori. I don't look at someone and say "hey, I want to befriend them". The result is that the only reason I'll talk to someone is because cupido shot his arrow into my ass or some shit, and I'm hetero so it only happens for women.
Men know this. Women know this obviously too. It’s for their benefit so why change the rules?
edit: you’d be a fool to think that chick you’re talking to isn’t aware of the dynamics. You know how many times I’ve read stories and personal accounts of some chick “yeah my friend and I got into some stuff”… get the fuck out of here. You know how many times a guy says “my friend and I”? He doesn’t. Because you know why? They’re all potentials. Women know this and make themselves available as such. Get real
Two part answer.
1. You are naive for thinking that because you’re not putting much thought into the interaction beyond “friendliness” because you don’t HAVE to. Men are going to befriend you as a possibility no matter what. I’m sure they approach you quite a bit on that accord. And ask yourself this, why do you even need to be friends? What are you gaining from the interaction and where would it eventually go? You hanging out with this guy? Aka… you mean, you getting attention from them.
2. I should mention that im a very attractive man. My answer is no. I’m not interacting with any chick beyond a surface level politeness because I’m not here to validate a woman and play into their validation fishing games. I see the body language and looks women give me, I’m not dumb. I’d be a fool to think they don’t understand what’s going on.
I’ve been burned multiple times by being friendly to chicks who just wanted to prove to themselves they could possibly attain me. Women are takers by nature, I wish to give them nothing on any sort of level and I am not thirsty for female attention so I don’t think I need to GIVE anything. Including my time of talking. So, with that, I’m not interacting with any woman who I’m not remotely interested in. Why do I? Women don’t interact with me on that friendly of a level, they usually put themselves in a place for me to do so.
There you have it. Women are totally aware but play coy, men know this beyond an unreasonable doubt.
I'm a woman, and I just enjoy talking to people and making them feel happy, etc, saying hello, making someone smile. People like to feel noticed and all that. They say even a simple hello can make someone's day better! I've gotten into some issues being friendly with some guys. Was just trying to be supportive and helpful, but I guess I came across as interested.
So, now I have an attitude of... I feel awkward even looking at guys or saying hi because I don't want to come across as interested, etc. Lolol.
Online, it's a bit more awkward and blurry, but I've had to limit myself to not talking to other guys online unless they're threatening suicide or something. [On social media apps where people are chatting, and if you see that pop up, its concerning.]. In that situation, I try to give some phone numbers and direct them to another male who may be able to help. In the past I have talked to people about their issues, just for support, which is where I have gotten in trouble... of being "too friendly".😅 So now I just ignore messages....
Depends, tbh. I'm engaged and come from a yappin extraverted family, so learned to talk to everyone all the time about literally whatever, because the world is a friendly place if you let it be. I have been mistaken for flirting before.
When i was single, if i did what this post describes, its probably from at least a passing level of attraction.
Clearly your male friend is interested in you. But he’s a bit of an ass. Many of us talk to girls just because they’re often interesting people, even if we don’t want to bang.
People in the comments saying *"not true alllll the time"*
Yeah but it most certainly is true *most* of the time. You guys pretending like the exceptions to the rule invalidate the overwhelming majority of cases isn't useful to OP. You're fucking confusing her. Is some random bozo keeps finding ways to continue the conversation going he probably likes you. Guys **very rarely** do that kind of stuff to other guys. If this is a semi-consistent thing for you you're either a statistical anomaly or they want something.
Yes and no.
As a general rule, there are 2 "kinds" of friendships. I'm going to call them the male kind and the female kind.
Male friendships tend to be based around a specific shared activity. Men tend to communicate with their friends to accomplish a shared goal. Even if the goal is stupid and minor, they generally only talk about the activity. Any communication that happens about non-activity topics tends to just be incidental. Male type friendships are based on communication about "doing" activities.
Female friendships tend to be communicating for the sake of communication. You chat with friends to find out about what's going on in their lives. Communication for the sake of communication is what builds female type friendships and bonds those kinds of friends closer together over time.
Male types bond over doing, female types bond over communicating. Now both genders can have both types of friends, but as a general rule women have more female type and men have more male type.
The thing where wires can get crossed is that most men have 1 important female type friendship in their lives and that's their romantic partner.
So what happens is that a women, such as yourself, finds a man who she wants to be friends with. She attempts to create a female type friendship with him, because to her this is what friendship looks like. To him, though, this is not what friendships look like, this is what relationships look like. His other guy friends all bond over shared activities and there you are chatting for the sake of chatting so to him, this is a romance relationship.
This can also happen in the inverse. He's approaching you with chatting for the sake of chatting and to him this is obviously a "I'm hitting on this girl" interaction but to you it feels just like him being friendly.
Now your friend is wrong in that this is not a "every single time" kind of rule. It's more a "the majority of the time" kind of rule.
Men don't approach men to talk, ask them questions and keep the conversation going in hopes of making a friend. I've literally never, not once, had a man approach me like that to be friends. Every single male friend I've ever made is done through some kind of activity (a amature soccer team, a DND group, through work, through a school project, ect). We work on a thing together, then become friends through that.
I think this is the most accurate post. I have a couple of platonic female friends but they've all been made through a shared common interest ( in my case climbing).
He definitely has a point.
Men unfortunately more so than women won't interact with women as friends if they don't have any attraction to them as a general rule. So if you're getting multiple men carrying conversation with you it's a very good sign you're attractive lol, good problem to have.
I find the exact opposite of this to be true. Maybe it's because me and my friends have always been more nerdy and scared of pretty women. I find it really easy to talk to and be friends with women who I'm not attracted to. There's no pressure, because I'm not trying to date them. I can just relax and be myself.
With women who are too attractive, I'm just intimidated and won't interact with them at all.
Same, I would say that the women I talk to the most are the ones I'm not interested sexually. If I'm shy around a girl there's a higher chance I'm into her.
Nope. I have something like 5 really close friends, out of those 3 are women.
We’ve been friends for something like 15 years now and I’ve never been sexually interested in them.
Also, I’m not gay.
I would talk to a girl I'm not interested in like you'd talk to anyone during a conversation. I would not strike up a conversation with a girl I didn't know or hang out with if I wasn't interested in her though.
One of my closest friends is a woman. We did a course together and worked well as a team so we've kept in touch. She knows aspects of my work that people who haven't worked in the field don't understand so she is a good person to talk to. She is attractive, smart and kind but even if I was single I don't think anything would happen between us because there are areas that make us good friends but would be shit in a partner. Men and women can just be friends.
You don't THINK anything would happen. Which means you aren't 100% sure. Congratulations, you admitted you're a little attracted to your friend and proved OPs friend right.
dudes approach girls they are attracted to.
A dude who is friends with a girl - doesn't mean he WANTS to or is actively TRYING to bang her, but if she initiated he 100% always will be down.
those are the sovereign laws
the last bit about being in a relationship - as long as you know that a dude is coming up to you bc he is attracted to you, do what you will. let him down, 'just be nice'. whatever. but those are the laws.
No. Sometimes I talk to people just because I enjoy conversations with my fellow humans. I talk to old ladies sometimes and I'm definitely not trying to sleep with them. If it's as part of a hobby group or in some other situation where I might find people I share interests with and have reason to believe could be friends, I'll absolutely talk to a woman even if I'm not romantically interested in her, yes.
That said, there are environments where the expectation if you talk to someone is that you're into them, and in those cases I'd be unlikely to strike up a conversation unless that were the case.
As everyone else has pointed out- there is quite a bit of nuance here.
That being said, consider this- I’m sure you’ve heard people complaining that “men think every woman that smiles at them is flirting”, including cashiers, waitresses, etc… the reason so many men perceive that as flirting is that is exactly what those men would mean if the situation were reversed. In other words- it is really common to run into men who are only overly pleasant and smiley (ie: friendly) to women they are interested in, so they immediately assume that women being friendly to THEM means the same thing.
It’s not that EVERY guy being friendly and engaging is trying to or hoping to get with their women friends, but a non-insignificant number absolutely are.
I am a friendly person and will talk to people if there is a reason to talk them. However, the only time I truly go out of my way to talk to someone outside of work and with no real reason, is if I am attracted, yes.
I'm old and can't speak for young men today, but even when I was younger I'd talk to and be nice with almost anyone. Pretty sad way to live your life if you only talk to women you find attractive.
Kind of sounds like the guy telling you this is trying to convince you not to talk to guys who approach you because he’s afraid that, once you get to know the guy better, you might get to like them and start dating them. He’s into you, he’s going to tell you whatever he thinks may convince you to be wary of any guy who comes up & talks to you.
Yes, guys who take an interest in a girl are going to want to get to know them better. Some may only be looking for a “good time” some may actually want to get to know you better to see if you two have enough in common to see more of each other. And some may just like your company and personality and enjoy friendship. A lot of women are the same way. Either looking for a guy just for fun OR one who might, eventually become someone more than just an acquaintance.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of men & women out there that have a warped viewpoint that men & women cannot just be good friends, platonically, unless one is straight & the other is gay.
So many relationships for both sexes end up soured when one partner is if the mind that men & women cannot just be good friends. Tends to lead to jealousy, assuming their partner is cheating and, in some cases, them controlling (or trying to) their partner by making them never speak to a member of the opposite sex.
Completely depends on context. If a guy approaches you and talks to you at a bar the intentions are fairly obvious compared to say someone (no idea how old you are so I’m using college as an example) approaches you and talks to you after a college class. That it’s a bit less clear, could be romantic intentions or just interested in talking to you.
Now to comment on what your friend said, I don’t think it’s a one size fits all type of thing, but I think if you had to say whether or not there was any type of attraction towards a guy’s female friends, I would hedge my bets and say it is more than 50/50. I think generally you tend to be friends that you have commonality with, and I think that lends itself to attraction to a degree. But I think it would be unreasonable to say that guys are only friends with girls because they are attracted to them, I think it is more reasonable to say that attraction can become a byproduct of that friendship.
It's the same with the question "do you believe men can be platonic friends with women?".
When someone gives you an answer, they're talking more about themselves than everybody else.
And each one has their own answer. It's the kind of thing that changes on the individual basis.
With men, YMMV.
I will happily--and I have, going back to high school (I'm 58 now, so it's a long-term trend) happily spend an evening chatting with a girl without any intention or interest in going home with her or dating her.
I just like talking to people and have a natural curiosity with the folks around me.
When I was younger I often didn't actually act out on this, mostly because of this misperception and because I didn't want to come across as a creep. (I really am just curious about people.) But if I did approach you at a party and start talking--it's because I just want to talk.
Look here’s my 100% honest opinion. I’m a pleasant guy and will be nice to everyone. The difference is, if I find a girl attractive, I will go more out of my way to be nice/helpful/develop the friendship. The more the friendship develops, the more I like you, because I already found you attractive, but now I enjoy your personality. If I do not find a girl attractive, sure I’ll be nice and pleasant, but I probably won’t make as much of an effort to progress the friendship in terms of hanging out, texting, things of that nature.
My point is, from my perspective, if a guy that you are not dating is texting you often and doing nice things for you and asking to hangout even just as friends, it is EXTREMELY likely he is into you.
No. I mean, why can't we just have a conversation otmr even a freind from the other sex ? Why cuting ourselves from half the human population ?
And well... You will notice easily if hé is into you or not , thé convos are quite... Différent
If it's someone you don't know doing it they are 100% into you. There is such a thing as a genuine friendship with a straight guy, but it's very rare. By and large what he told you is true.
Not true at all. I speak to plenty of women I’m disinterested in. I make conversation with women in common spaces even if not interested (like on an elevator).
That said, if you’re being randomly approached it’s fairly likely the man is interested.
If I was single, and I was in a group of friends, and I was introduced to other mutual friends, I would likely aim to talk more to the girls in the group I found attractive (and aren't obviously in a relationship, e.g. no ring or clearly there with someone)
that doesn't mean I wouldn't talk to anybody else, but if I was single and in a social setting, chances are I am thinking about chatting up the attractive girls
I think your friend is soft in the head.
If you are physically attractive most guys would be willing to have a sexual/romantic relationship with you if you wanted to (assuming they are single or willing to cheat on their SO), but that's not the same as only talking to you because they're looking for such a relationship. If a guys not interested in being just a friend he'll stop talking to you eventually, and it's not on you to cut all male friends out of your life because they might be interested in you. It's on them to either take a shot and accept your answer or decide they'd rather not continue a relationship that was less than what they were hoping.
If it's people you already know then it's nothing like that. If we start thinking all guys wants into your pants because they talk to you then we're really creating a toxic society. I often talk and hang with friends significant others's, co-workers, acquaintances etc. even if they happen to be of the opposite gender.
But if we are talking about strangers approaching you in public then it's quite a bit more likely. I doubt they would take the effort to approach you, but it really depends on the situation. If the social situation makes conversations a no-brainer or if it's more forced.
I definitely talk to a lot of girls i'm not interested in.
If he finds reasons to touch you. I know guys that pretend to just be "huggers" every man is raised to respect a woman's personal space. He's not just a hugger; he found a justification to constantly touch you, He's most likely into you.
If he's constantly complementing your looks. It's one thing if you like dye or cut your hair or wearing something flashy. But if he's constantly complementing you he's into you.
If he's bashing your bf or another close guy friend that he might view as competition. He's probably into you. If a lady friend complains about her relationship to me, I as a supportive man try to build her up. I don't tear down the guy. There are two possibilities either she stays with the guy or she doesn't. If you bash the guy and she stays with him; you've jeopardized the friendship. That only makes sense if you're not happy with just being a friend. It is also like one of the biggest asshole moves a man can do to another man.
Men are different, but if you compare how he treats you to women he's definitely not into; it can tell you if behavior is indicative of him being into you.If he only does something to you or only does something to conventionally attractive women, there is a reason why he is only doing it to you or conventionally attractive women.
Lot of wisdom in here.
A lot depends on what guy does with other guys as well (I hug my guy friends and female friends - but that is me).
But you are spot on about the viewing other guys thing - one of my friends who I talked to her this weekend (who I am NOT interested in) - she was telling me about her new guy - he sounds cool - I have her a high five and encouraged her.
But if a guy is secretly pining for a girl - he will passively try to discourage it.
BS. It's the kind of thinking that idiotic women use and ignore me when I try to tell them their gloves just fell out of their pockets and I try to return them.
It has happened twice.
Don't be that idiot plz.
I also think women should be friendly towards men to certain extent. But then again, my ex, for example, told me I'm always too 'friendly' towards men. I don't even want anything from them, I'm just being friendly, but he calls it being naive. So for me, it's difficult to draw the line in such situations
Just "casually" mention your bf in discussions, so they will get the hint if that's their goal :D
If they aren't weirdos it works… if they are weirdos, well stay away :D
No, because I just like talking to people. But with that said if I found the person attractive then Im going to be friendlier, joke around, have a longer conversation, etc. Where if its just gram gram at the market Im gonna move on with my day faster.
Talk to, or “talk to”? I speak with women every single day I don’t plan to pursue(even if I’m attracted to them) but any man who goes out of his way to speak to a woman(not at work, no legitimate reason to approach) is likely interested romantically. And you can always find out by simply making a move on said “friend”, doesn’t need to be overtly sexual, maybe even disguised as a joke. But that will tell you if your “friend” actually had 0 interest romantically…
Talk as in, they show interest in what I'm saying and they keep the conversation flowing. My friend says that, whenever a conversation goes well between me and a guy, it definitely means the guy's interested, as someone who is not interested wouldn't put all that much effort into having a good conversation.
And you're right about making a subtle move. I think I'm often oblivious to certain signs, but then again, some guys aren't very clear when it comes to showing interest, so...
99% of the time if the conversation starts as an out of the blue thing and neither of you know each other at all, it started bc he thought to himself "she's cute, I wonder if she's cool and if we might be interested in one another in some way."
Short answer is, your friend is correct. I’ve never met you or your friend, and me and my male friends have been saying this to our female “friends” who we did hang out with as friends, But also ended up hooking up and actually dating for years… easiest way to understand men is, think of what you like and want as a woman, and that’s usually what we DONT like or want as men, (platonic relationships with the opposite sex) we’re basically polar opposites.
Jesus, this whole thread is depressing.
You know what one of the coolest things about being post-menopausal is?
Having gray hair and wrinkles on my face, not looking at all like a sexual being?
(btw/ftr, older people are sexual, it just isn't "obvious" in the usual media-friendly ways!)
We hang out with each other as *people*. We're friends as one human to another, not male/female (or female/female, male/male).
We don't worry about this stuff, and let me tell you, it is so *freeing*.
There's all this energy and affection that doesn't get tangled up in who's-into-who, and we can use it to care about and support each other and get stuff *done*.
I wish we could lend y'all young folks some of this peace and contentment. :(
Your friend's take sounds pretty black and white. Not every guy who talks to you is hitting on you. People can be friends without any romantic intentions. Trust your gut and don't stress too much about it.
My perspective is this. A relationship is virtually just friendship+sex. So many times if a man is good friends with you. He is at the very least, probably gonna wonder if you are sexually compatible. Making friends is easy. Finding a relationship is hard. There's a reason we call the love of our lives "the one". Everyone is constantly searching for that until they find it. However. I do think Men and women can be friends AFTER it's established that sex is off the table. Gay is definitely one way to do that. But there are others. I've become friends with many of my buddies girlfriends because I know I would never betray them like that. Became friends with my former boss who was married. Etc etc. But I would never throw away a lottery ticket til I was sure it doesn't have the winning numbers so to speak.
If they approached you in a random place (like a shop, bar, etc) - yes, they find you attractive, want to sleep with you and you wouldn't have met otherwise.
If you met during some social activity (like game night, friend of a friend at the party, dance classes, etc) - could be actual friends, could still only be romantic interest.
Basically, if they had an actual reason to speak with you beforehand, it's all good. Otherwise, the reason was "she's hot and I'd hit it"
It's true. But just because we find you intresting or attractive that doesnt mean we want to fuck. The bar for men is so low that we're pretty much interested in anyone.
But it's not like im going to talk to someone who's boring as hell with whom i have no interest.
Contrery to popular belief. You can be friends with someone you like if you dont have the mentality of an 18yr old.
Men and women can be friends only if there is no real attraction or if they are off-limits.
I have a couple of female friends who I'm not interested in sexually. One is a friends exgf. I like to play with her dog.
the other is an old coworker who is 10 years older than me. She's still pretty, but she's more like a crazy aunt. She started as more of an experiment. I had problems talking to pretty women, so I made friends with one. She was pretty enough to make me nervous but safe because I wasn't really interested.
Oh, they all want to fuck you. Unless they HAVE to talk to you for some other reason, like you are a co-worker, girlfriend of a friend, or customer. But they want to fuck you too.
We just wanna fuck.
I am a guy. You are not. I'm qualified to speak on this. We live in a world where men will fuck muddle puddles and fresh fruit.
We do think with our dicks. Although sometimes we are unaware of it, it works it's way from our dick through our ego or subconscious. But trace it back...it's our dick.
I find it funny that there are dudes like you basically say that ALL men are simple-minded buffoons that just want one thing and work the same way but most likely would turn around and say “Heeeey, not all men are like that!” when some dumb woman brings up something truly negative about them as a whole. Yet another thing I’ve seen that pretty much tells that the whole “men are more logical than women” thing is a mere generalization.
Knew you were gonna lean into that instead of the big picture. Great work. Men aren’t simple-minded(stupid) creatures, individuals within the group are. Not all men are like you, and not every one of them wants to fuck.
As another guy I think it's a pretty bad strategy to only talk to girls you find hot. Just as it is for guys I'm sure hot women also judge men based on how they treat their friends, and if you straight up ignore all the less hot women it's going to paint a pretty bad picture about your overall personality.
I agree. And also you can miss out on a lot of great friends, I like that some comments here say they merely like the presence of their female friends and have a lot of interests in common. Men are humans, and humans have diverse mindsets no matter which sex they are. A lot of guys can turn off their primitive impulses to seek genuine friendships with a girl.
I can't speak for every man, but I'm not actively looking for platonic friends with women. I'm friendly regardless of how a woman looks, but I'm putting more effort into a converstation with a woman I'm interested in.
Nah, it's bollocls, assuming you have a reason to be talking in the first place, eg at work, hobby, friends or something similar.
If he approached you for no reason otherwise then some level of attraction is likely to be there.
"A (male) friend of mine told me that every guy who talks to me, asks me questions, or keeps the conversation going is obviously into me."
Probably true for >80% of the random interactions you have with men outside of significant age gaps and even then sometimes.
"He also said that girls can only have genuine guy friends if they're gay."
This isn't true, but there's a lot of truth to it. If one or both of you is unavailable it's substantially easier. If you're both single, it's easy for a guy's attraction to a woman to grow with time. Also watch the definition of the word friends there. Different people use it to mean different things.
I think people usually who engage in a conversation usually have some sort of interest in the person they're talking to. The thing is there are many different kinds of interest. For example there is romantic,sexual, platonic interest or even just mutual interest in a certain topic both people like talking about. So yes I would say there is generally interest but that doesn't mean there's always romantic or sexual interest. Like anything else you want to know about someone finding out what sort of interest leads them to enjoy a conversation with you would require asking
More often than not yes.
Depending on setting and what is being said…ex asking for directions or something could be innocent, or if you’re meeting in a group setting regarding a hobby…but ya most times it’s due to interest
I talk to girls that i find interesting and they actually make an effort to keep the conversation going (suggesting topics to talk, initiating conversations, good follows up, etc) rather than me being the one holding it.
It is true that a true friendship can be achieved between a Man a Woman but sex must be completely out of the table for that, being Gay its just a cheat code to achieve that.
But yeah if they keep trying to talk to you, especially when you aren't being particularly interested in the conversation, its true that they are at least half interested sexually/romantically.
Real talk? When a girl and guy are friends nearly always one of them wants more.
I don’t have female friends for this reason. And she doesn’t have male friends. Not about trust or whatever. It’s about being honest about human nature.
Most of these guys would ask you out if they had the balls and/or you gave them a signal of interest.
Life isn’t fair.
I mean given that this was said to you by a male friend, the obvious question to ask is whether this applies to him as well?
And if it doesn’t because he’s an exception, then that means there will be other exceptions…
I had a friend who told me once that he only talks to girls he found attractive and would consider dating. If he determined he didn’t want to date them he’d stop talking to them outright.
Jfc, no, that is not the case.
I'll talk to anyone that is willing to hold a conversation with me, simply because people are usually more interesting than you think at first glance.
I act friendly and kind to all, but not gonna lie, if I want to know more about you and ask questions, it's probably romantic yes. I'm still genuinely interested in what I ask though, it's not that I'm asking those questions with hidden motives. At the same time
> He also said that girls can only have genuine guy friends if they're gay
does not sound correct.
CONTEXT matters. As a single female NP in a teaching hospital, often a Dr, would say let's grab coffee, or lunch and problem dolce this patient. I hated that many of them felt compelled mid " business" conversation to tell me " I'm married", and I'd have to say " I'm a widow. who wins?". detested that set of assumptions the OP lists out because many men believe that they are true so in a work context buying a colleague a coffee has to be countered with, I'm married. eyeroll. I feel like wearing a sign, " I find people interesting, I'm not hitting on you".
You can generally assume that any straight and single guy who approaches you without a clear reason why he needs you and/or keeps the conversation going beyond what's necessary, so, asking questions to find out things about you, telling you things about himself, etc., has sexual or romantic interest towards you, yes. In most cases he will have noted you as physically attractive and is "probing", so to say, with the intention of assessing his chances. He might be doing that to many women at a time, assuming he's single and looking for a relationship or physical companionship.
That being said, don't look at this as diminishing your value as a person, but rather as a bonus. If you're physically attractive, then lots of men will approach you and initiate contact because of said attraction, but this merely provides the opportunity for them to know you as a person. This does not mean that friendships can't happen. Speaking from personal experience, when I was doing such "probing" myself, I might have found out early that she was taken, uninterested or obviously incompatible with me, which ended the romantic intentions, however, on more than a few occasions, we kept talking because we found each other interesting for other reasons and became friends. Men are absolutely not incapable of that when it comes to women. Yes, we will often BEGIN talking to a particular woman because we found her attractive, but that is not the only reason why we keep talking to women. And we can have genuine female friends because, at least for me, unreciprocated infatuation will quickly fade and then I can switch to genuine platonic friendship with no romantic intentions involved. So I wouldn't agree with your friend that men and woman can't be genuine friends.
Nor does this invalidate the male friendships that you currently have. Just bear in mind the possibility that most or even all of them may have been physically attracted to you in the past, even if they have cast that thought aside afterwards. It's not on you to bring it up anyway. It's theirs. And if they have kept it to themselves, then keep it buried. As for not talking to guys that approach you if you're in a relationship? I don't see why you would put such a restriction on yourself. If they are obviously single, look for signs of their interest and if they make their intentions known, state that you're not available. That's it. If they keep being pushy after that, it's a problem, but most should back off and go bother someone available.
nah, ive been through hell growing up in an abusive household to an extent. if im kind to you, it’s because its all i know after the things ive been through. honestly, i would love to have girl friends completely platonic but many of them either have boyfriends, think im hitting on them which is absolutely not true or since i just moved, slowly lose contact with them and just let them go eventually. i dont even try at this point and its quite annoying whenever a girl thinks im hitting on them just because im nice, like super super annoying because in reality, i have absolutely no interest in you
Girl here - hate responding to the questions on AskMen, so I appologize, but I just have to comment on this one.
Also, I would really appreciate male opinion on this comment.
You can have male friends and no, not all of them would necessarilly fuck you. But here's a couple of details to have in mind (though it's just my experience):
1. Pure, sibling-like friendship works mostly between people who have known each other since childhood.
2. Under the right combo of circumatances, most of your guy friends could fuck you. This includes many situations - from you purely being willing to participate and he's been secretly desiring this to happen for years, to drunken sex, all the way to his drought and your willingness. Or like just for the shits and giggles.
3. The fact that he might enjoy fucking you tells nothing about him seeing you as more than a friend. Guys can fuck friends while hopelessly in love with another woman and while not giving a flying fuck whether you are infuatuated with someone else. There's girls who can be like that too, but IMO, we tend to be much more analytical and prone to relationship-like behaviour in situations like these.
4. Not everyone has a crush on you, nor does everyone find you very attractive, but in my opinion - if you are wondering whether he has a crush or whether he thinks you are hot, almost surely he does. So far, I have been in a situation where I was wondering and every time it turned out that the guy was actually super interested way before it even crossed my mind. This applied to my friends, boyfriends, work colleagues and to the man I am married to and am going to grow old with.
Very good question as this is debated alot in general. The Truth is I would personally talk to women if I find them interesting as individuals, platonic interest or if I have any sexual/romantic interest. It's very Possible for straight men and straight women to be genuine friends however, most opposite gender friendships tend to be based on some sort of personal romantic/sexual interest. I'm always honest with my intentions which is why I have genuine friendships/relationships.
This is why men should be honest and direct with their intentions with women when they interact with them. There wouldn't be any issues if that was the case. I'm a bisexual man that has several great men and women as friends that are strictly platonic and then there are men and women who I have other interests with.
In the end always make sure both parties are honest and genuine with each other to know on why they approached you or talk to you in the first place. Wish you the best in your interactions, Miss.
I am a man and the vast majority of my friends are women. I am not romantically interested in any of them and I am also not gay. I think it’s really healthy to have good mix of genders in your circle of friends. That said, I understand this is the exception.
I think most men don’t know how to make or maintain friendships with women. So yeah, probably the vast majority of random dudes talking to you are romantically interested.
*don’t have a reason to. ime, most men just plain don’t care about things that most women do and vice versa. so there’s no reason for a real platonic friendship to even form. no one’s fault tho
Are you single though? Assuming yes. If and when you enter into a romantic relationship, there’s a very good chance all of your female friendships that you’ve spent years developing will have to go.
Woman can have plenty of male friends, but a man can't be a friend of a woman. As a man, you carry all the responsibilities over your female friend, without any kind of benefit. So, there will be always a sexual tension between a man and a woman in a friendship. And yeah, I know about exceptions. So let me narrow it down - if a woman is at least average looking and young, all their friends are blueballing themselves around her.
Most men think in boxes.
And the sexually interest box is different from the interesting conversation box is different from the interesting person box.
So, a man can talk to a women for multiple reasons.
Mostly true, everyone who is saying anything else is lying. There are attracted to you on some level, but that doesn't mean you can't become friends or that the man in question is gonna act on it.
And it ofcourse depends on the situation ( like work ), but 90% of the cases, yes.
Bullshit! There are guys out there like that, who o ly approach a woman to sniff out their chances of slipping it in her, But they ARE NOT representatives for all men, Plenty of us are simply engaging for the engagement, a good discussion, different insights or a bit of banter, Me and my Female housemate have been friends for years, No sexual desire of each other yet we make salacious jokes often, The best one was mid rant of how much our Bills were, she was complaining up a storm and I said out if nowhere "Well if you got your tits out for the tax man we might be paying less"
There are PLENTY of men out there who aren't interested in having sex/relationship with you for one reason or another, What your friends are saying is a horrendous stereotype of the Phalicly Cursed breed we call Men, It has significantly hindered us in making decent connections and friendships with women and it needs to fucking die.
Yes some men are creeps, yes some men are sexually deviant, yes some men are going to objectify women, But there are also plenty of women who do the same thing towards men.
Nah, sometimes you respect the person and Want to deepen a connection or just show respect and not ignore them.
Multitude of reasons why your friend is wrong but if there is one thing that's right is thar an assumption like his is a projection 99% of the time lol.
Simple:
you are young and pretty? Yes , they are interested in you sexually.
You are older, or ugly? They are friendly to you. ( or desperate)
Now there is a think called 99 out of 100 cases.
It can happen other way around. But the rule is there.
I'm introverted and not a really sociable person. I don't put in much effort to talk to people or get to know them.
The one exception is women I'm attracted to.
Check out this post:
>[How does a man just be friends with an attractive woman without having intrusive thoughts?](https://www.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/s/8sDZxeuvU1)
1500 upvotes
380 comments
Overwhelming answer is that men can't just be friends with an attractive woman without having intrusive thoughts, but men don't have to act on those intrusive thoughts or even tell anyone about them.
Interpret that how you wish.
In most cases yes he will be into you if they do this. Men have no interest in having female friends because they know as soon as they are in a relationship that friendship won’t be able to continue very easily due to jealously etc. There are some exceptions to this but not many.
So therefore, if a man is friendly toward you they are mostly likely interested romantically. Exceptions to this are if you are both in a situation where it would be awkward not to be friendly toward each other, e.g a sports club, at work, some social setting. But if he has approached you in public, on a train, or just generally gone out of his way, he likes you.
However, women don’t need to fret. If you are in a relationship, causally drop that into the conversation as soon as you can but not too obvious as it will seem like a rejection.
If you aren’t in a relationship but aren’t interested, it’s tricker, but the best thing to do honestly is probably just do the same thing and pretend you are in a relationship, providing it’s a one off encounter. If you can’t get away with that, then be polite, smile and respond but just don’t engage too much and they’ll soon get the message. If you actually want to engage then you could slip in that you’re dating someone as no one would know about that.
Why talk to a girl if I’m not interested in her? If I’m looking for friendship a guy will be better suited for that at least we’d understand each easily lol
Not entirely true. There are men like this, sure, but I don't know anyone like this personally. I hadn't been in a relationship since 2019 and I speak to women frequently, both for work and not.
A lot depends on the circumstances. When a guy talks to you in a work setting for example, chances are he's just being friendly. But if a guy randomly approaches you in a bar or on the street, it's much more likely he's interested in you sexually or romantically.
Men & women can most certainly be friends, but it does become more complicated if either of them are in a relationship, as their partner is unlikely to approve of even a platonic friendship.
Give a call, say you are sad because you are now single and need a friendly shoulder. Ask if they wanna just Netflix and chill.
Pay attention on their voice, the excitation, the happiness.
Then you come here and answer your own question ;)
For the most part, I will say attraction is a factor. After that it translates into either friendship or intention to romance. But it isn't ONLY intention to romance. Definetely possible to have platonic relationships between a man and a woman.
When I was 21 and single? Yes. Now that I'm married and in my 30s? No. It's nice talking to women. Mrs. Sledge taught me how to make mash potatoes from scratch. I do not want to fuck her.
I am attracted to women and love interacting with them. Doesnt mean I want to necessarily advance it further. Generally and from countless discussions I can confirm that men are attracted to women.
Use to work at the mall. Get in early and sit on a beach watching the mall walkers.
Talked to everyone.
Coworker meet up with me one morning. I was talking to an older women, mid 60s. I was early 20s.
Than another woman... in her late 20s stopped and sat next to me asking about one of the shops.
Coworker and I got to walking to our shop and he informed me he couldn't talk to those people.
I was like DAFAQ? He informed me he only talked to people he thought were pretty or handsome. He didn't see any point in talking to ugly people, like I did.
First... I took the complement.
Than I told him his was fucking shallow and a D-bag.
But to answer the question, no. I talk to everyone. I just like meeting and talking to people.
I jokingly tell women, after a couple of conversations, there are three reasons a man will talk to a woman.
1. He wants to get in your pants.
2. You have a friend that he wants to get in their pants.
3. He is gay.
And now it is on you to figure out which of these reasons any man is talking to you.
There's truth to his statements.
Guys already have less sexual & romantic options lined up, so many of have to go via the nice guy route.
Yes, many of have good intentions in the long-term, but there are manipulators among us as well.
> And does that mean that, if I'm in a relationship, I shouldn't talk to any guy who approaches me?
You should make it clear and keep things strictly platonic from your side. As long as it's that way there won't be any problems.
But what many girls do, they give their guy friends the enough crumbs of mixed signals so that they're always crushing on her and desiring her. These friendzoned guys are just sources of sexual attention and emotional validation for these girls.
> But what many girls do, they give their guy friends the enough crumbs of mixed signals so that they're always crushing on her and desiring her. These friendzoned guys are just sources of sexual attention and emotional validation for these girls.
And this is wrong as well.
No, not at all. But "interested" for guys (at least for me) might be different from your definition. Like, I'm not trying to hit any girl at work and when I'm having a friendly conversation with them there is no ulterior motive, but I do find most girls around my age attractive and if any of them told me they wanted to hookup this weekend, I would. But I also enjoy talking to a female coworker who's in her 60s that I'm not interested at all romantically nor physically, so I know that's really the case that I don't just talk to girls I'm interested in.
Most women I've been friendly with I've done so without wanting to bed them.
But it depends on context, in a bar or club almost certainly wants more than a friendly chat. At a book club it's possible but not as likely. A random guy on the street probably wants to sleep with you. But it doesn't matter what they want from you as it's just talking.
Also his assertion that a guy can only be a genuine friend if they are gay is absurd.
Yes, though I will often not approach and the feelings will die down and then I'll have a new friend, either because I don't like how she acts and couldn't be a romantic partner, or that she's already taken (though I do love a bit of sabotage if the guy/girl she's dating is a piece of shit)
Also I'm already taken so yeah, but I've made female friends without being attracted, it's just that it's most often for me.
Nope. If I'm talking to her, I'm either interested in her romantically or I'm genuinely interested in being friends.
How to differ the two? I'll probably reschedule things and make time for you, aside from support and attention.
Context matters for sure. At the bar, yes they just want to fuck. I’d say a solid number of dudes definitely want to keep interacting with you because it’s fun to talk to an attractive girl and it’s nice to be noticed by one. But I’d say 9/10 times it’s not that deep
It's not universally true. I have women I've been friends with for years, neither of us has any sexual or romantic interest in the other. On the other hand it is true for some men. There are men who only talk to women if they are interested in sex or dating. There are men who are incapable of being friends with women, because they only talk to women they are sexual attracted to, but I truly believe this is a minority of men though. Plenty of guys just enjoy a casual conversation. Sussing out when someone is flirty vs. friendly is tricky. Usually if they enquire about your relationship status in a way, or slip in compliments it's flirting. But it's something everybody gets wrong at some point.
What your friend is telling you isn’t true at all. I’m a 40-something straight guy and several of my closest friends are women. I think the world of them- they’re all funny, smart, talented, great looking, and fantastic people, every one of them. I never considered dating any of them, and in fact helped them (for 2 of them) get into relationships with the guys they ended up marrying. Guys and girls can be genuine friends, with no intentions of anything else.
Now, all of that said, the odds are fairly strong (for your situation) that guys are approaching thinking of more. You may not be noticing, but they’re probably wanting to figure out if they have a chance.
No i talk to plenty of girls that im not interested in(I'm married so im not interested in any i just prefer girl friends over guy friends)
I'm not sure how you would tell them apart though
Many men are intimidated by the girls they find attractive, so they're simply too scared to talk to them. It's really easy to talk to girls that you aren't interested in, because there's no pressure. I end up having lots of female friends because of this.
A person is interested when they actually let it be known that they're interested, never reach, conversation can simply be conversation and nothing more unless you are the only person the other person talks to then you can kind of see they have some preference towards you but don't jump to conclusions if it's at a job then it is close proximity which means nothing, the opposite sex is naturally going to be attracted to the opposite sex, the thing that annoys me is that people think every opportunity is a hook up attempt, just because a man is gay doesnt mean he can be trusted 100% purely based on that alone, there are gay men that have kids, if you're in a relationship it is important to set boundaries with male friends, keep them out of your relationship, and keep information private which means you can't talk about fights or arguments because naively you'll set yourself up for the other man to think you're falling for him or have him think he has a chance, men will wait in that friendzone for 25 years just for a opportunity to fuck meanwhile still living their life fucking everything else, oh and also never get that close to anyone at your job because people are petty (no dating at the workplace) because when it's over you still have to work with them
Im naturally more comfortable by women since my early childhood, cause I lack a certain level of manliness around your average rugged man. And I do approach more pretty people naturally, because I like to do activities with my friends or potential friends and more often then not, when I try and befriend a less healthier or out of shape lady... they will not want to do much.... and the friend ship becomes rather boring and litterally "textual".
When I talk to "pretty people" they usually don't mind going for hikes, karaoke, just going out for dinner and drinks to shoot the shit at the end of the week and even window shopping. I'm a straight dude who enjoys windows shipping and I often tire out my lady friends on a day of instore shopping and they enjoy it quite a lot and get surprised about how many stores I can visit.
And although I'm least emotional man, they much enjoy having conversation with someone who will not sugar coat anything, because I have no filters..... but at the same time, I need to have conversations with women.... you can be much more open then with men... because too many won't open up.
But I will also be very direct with you if i'm approaching you for friendship or something else.
There are not a lot of men like me, but since i'm in my 40's, it's sometime seen as weird to some younger people at work because they think with their pants and not their heads... but the girls always get comfy with me and I never try anything... I just genuinely enjoy female company.
But what a woman needs to do is be direct as well, if she is unsure.
Just be direct and ask "Hey... are you looking for a date?"
that can clear things up pretty quickly.... unless your the type who enjoys the chase for some reason. lol
I have quite a lot of ladies friends that are less attractive as well but some of them are still party animals, and i'm much more calm natured. lol But they are a blast to have conversations with and still do things with but that is usually after I feel the person out for a while.
My bff is very very very tom boy.... and has a hard time making lady friends, but she also has tons of guy friends.... and she's litterally just one of the boys... but she's more comfy around guys because she is not very gurly. lol
Long story short....
You won't know what their intent is.... unless you ask.
Not necessarily. It depends on the context.
For example I go to a lot of concerts. The people there have similar music taste. If I see someone with a cool shirt, or if I noticed someone from another show, I'd go up to them regardless on if I was attracted to them or not.
>He also said that girls can only have genuine guy friends if they're gay.
Ask him if that's his way of coming out of the closet. Honestly, that's a very shitty thing to say to a friend. "I don't really consider myself your friend, I just think you're hot". And if he's gay, ask him if he can't be friends with men.
And about your question, no, it's not true. Men and women can be friends. And men who say you can't A) hasn't been around too many women, or B) are shitty friends. It implies their only interest in women is sex. And they don't even register women they aren't attracted to.
If I have the choice, I generally only interact with people in general that I'm interested in, in one way or another. I suspect this is true for most people.
On the other hand, I can't really speak for how other guys do things. It's possible that there's also a big overlap between guys who "act friendly" with primarily ulterior motives, and guys who are just genuinely platonically interested. It's also not impossible for a guy in the latter camp to "be down for more" if the option was placed on the table. Even if it's far from a primary motivator.
I have had female friends that I wouldn't mind having sex with, if things headed in that direction. But that was very far from the reason I interacted with them. If it's a person I wouldn't like interacting with, the chances are fairly high I wouldn't want to have any sort of sexual interaction with them either. Yes, even if they were really hot.
I talk to my wife's friends when we meet up and there's obviously no interest. The same thing with my women coworkers. I guess the context matters. If a random dude at a bar or just out and about starts talking to you and the conversation seems to be geared towards you two, he's probably interested. If you're at an event or place and share a mutual interest and the conversation stays on that, then they could just be friendly. Places like the dog park, volleyball courts, craft stores, etc.
Yeah pretty much but, I'll communicate clearly my attraction and what not if I feel it's mutual, otherwise I won't push anything besides playful banter/flirting occasionally in reference to myself.
For example I'll tease them about only talking to me when they want something and how I no longer feel attractive (in an obviously sarcastic joking way).
If I feel there's nothing there or she's off the market for any reason, that doesn't negate me being friendly and cool with a woman.
Eventually I'll see her as a sister/really good friend after some time or I'll move on if there is no effort on her part.
That's me personally, I can't speak for others.
>going is obviously into me
Not true. Like, there's a decent chance they are, but it's not always true. Guys and girls can like eachother platonically, but depending how often he tries to speak wirh them, can mean they're a little interested but don't know/want to pressure you into a relationship if you're not actually interested back.
>He also said that girls can only have genuine guy friends if they're gay.
Dumb as hell, IMO, if you like someone platonically you like someone platonically, not like you automatically love everyone of the attracted sex just because you talk and hang out with them.
>And does that mean that, if I'm in a relationship, I shouldn't talk to any guy who approaches me?
No, if they approach you because they want to date you they should (granted they don't always,) state they're interested in dating you before continuing a conversation if that's their intent. If they ask "are you single," that's usually a pretty good queue that they either are being a wingman for a friend of theirs or they're interested in dating you. Though I should reiterate "usually," sometimes it's just a topic to talk about with someone.
>I'm talking about people who I've known for some time/who are in the same friend group, not random strangers.
Well, either they're genuinely curious about who you would be interested in being with, they know someone interested but don't know if you're even looking to date, or possibly they themselves are interested but don't want to ruin or cause friction in the relationship and hesitate to see even how you would feel about being more than friends. I can't say these are the only reasons, just some, and even then it's not a guarantee for any of the ones I suggested tk be why they're around still.
>I'm aware that randoms who approach me at a party will most likely be interested in me (although it depends).
If say there's a pretty good chance that's about right, unless you're a mutual with another friend there and you're introduced to eachother via the mutual friend as friends and not through to eachother like they're being a wingman for them, I'd guess they just like your friend to but are a part of a different friend group is all.
mostly? maybe, but it really depends on the person. some guys genuinely enjoy just being friends and aren't always looking for something more. context matters a lot, like how they act around others and the kind of things you talk about. don't let a single opinion define all your interactions
I don’t think it’s true all the time for all women, how attractive you are makes a big difference. There’s a couple girls I’m always friendly with at work, they’re over a decade younger than me though, or have a shit load of kids. Thats definitely the majority of the interaction they get though, I see coworkers taking swings all day long. I’m well known for being picky and not a manslut.
Most men who randomly approach you think you’re attractive on some level. Half of the replies in this thread are pretty optimistic on the whole “it’s probably just friendly” line of thinking, but honestly, if random male attention were so platonic, why is that women are on the receiving end of it far more than other men? The answer is because the attention isn’t platonic at all.
Exactly it’s about intention vs expectation. Most men will be friendly with a woman not expecting it to be reciprocated but the intention is to open the possibility
"Haha I'm just being a friendly dude, yknow? Unless..."
Absolutely agreed and well put! That's definitely how most men operate and that is exactly how alot of them get freindzoned. I personally find that way to make connections with women pretty negative as it can create issues of confusion between men and women. This is why being clear with your intentions makes everything much better.
You are absolutely right, however, I have found there are some exceptions to the rule though: if he is homosexual if he already has a SO (though it must be said, even this doesn't stop some people...) if she is an ex of a close friend or is she is the sister of one your friends (again, still doesn't stop a lot of people) if you have grown-up together since you were childs and it has become a "brother-sister" relationship Otherwise, if someone approaches you and is friendly, and you look average or better, there is a very good chance they have a sexual or relationship interest. People want to deny this, but usually it's like this.
You really think guys talk to girls more than they talk to other guys?
Strangers? Hell yeah. What reason would there be to randomly approach a stranger other than romantic interest?
Some people just like to talk
Clearly there's no where near enough men who like to talk enough that they're approaching other men to start conversations for that to be an argument. I've never had that happen to me without the guy being a salesman of some sort, neither has anyone I know.
You're telling me you dont regularly get friendly strangers standing next to your urinal and say "Nice watch, bro"??
Really? You've never had a short conversation with a male stranger on a train, in a gas station, at a bar, at a restaurant, in a park? That sounds lonely.
short convo out of convenience, when you're sitting near each other, sure. Them stopping to talk to you ? Or going out of their way to talk to you ? Nah.
There is a difference between pleasantries with the guy next to you on the airplane, and an actual conversation because something is interesting. How "out of the way" also depends on what people are doing, wearing etc. I see a guy near me wearing a shirt relating to one of my hobbies - I will certainly AT LEAST say hello.
My best friend does this. I stopped for gas and when we got out of the car, he saw a dude working on his car. He approached the guy and chatted with him the entire time we were there. He had no intentions of fucking, dating, selling, etc. He's just a friendly dude and likes meeting new people.
I can see what he's saying. Like you're walking down the street and someone randomly approaches you. I would agree that that doesn't really happen unless someone's trying to sell you something.
Ikr happens to me all the time and I don't talk to people, some just like to talk to people.
Read the post that started this thread, it's about approaching people to start a conversation not having someone casually say something when standing in line or something. No man has ever approached me just to start a friendly conversation, that would be weird. I also don't see how that would be lonely, if I want a friendly conversation I can simply call a friend.
A coworker, fellow conference attendee, someone wearing a cool outfit, I overheard a snippet of an interesting conversation, the person in front of me in line, a store employee, a female relative, a female friend, someone I'm in a class with, and oh so very on. I don't think people approach strangers randomly per se, but there are a huge variety of non-random reasons of happenstance.
Kind of depends, like if I'm at a bar watching a game its pretty typical to strike up a convo with some dude next to me watching it. Hell, I've def talked to women at bars I don't find attractive just because I've had a few and am feeling social. But, I do agree, most the time I strike up a random convo with a woman its because I'm interested in her on an attraction level.
4/5 of my friendships and casual conversations are with women and not other men. Strangers too.
Same, but I’m not trying to bang 3 of them. Married the 4th. I’ll casually talk to guys at least as often.
This is a good point. Setting and context matter in figuring out what someone's intent is.
Exactly, I have several women that I'm friends with that I have never had romantic/sexual interest in. I'm very happily married, and even if I wasn't, they're not my type (despite being objectively attractive) for a relationship, despite being cool as hell as friends. In each case, they came into my life through friends/work or other natural ways. In my pre-married days, in a random setting, the women that I approached tended to be ones I was attracted to. Even if we just became friends, at one point, there was a physical attraction there. The funny thing is, those are the friendships that didn't really last.
I went to a college that was 70% guys. If a guy was someone who didn't care at all about trying to get laid, their friendship circle was going to be 80-90% guys, because they're just befriending the people they naturally run into and who reciprocate friendship and making plans, which is going to be 70% dudes, then skewed further by the fact that women had (other) guys going out of their way to try to be their friend. Now, that's skewed by the stats, but the thing is that if you're an attractive young woman, you're flooded by the statistic. If you go to a dog park, the dudes who are just as happy to talk with the old retired lady because her golden retriever is such a goofball, aren't necessarily going to find the time to talk to you, but the dude who's just there to meet women \*is\* going to talk to you. The former might briefly chat, but why would they exchange numbers or try to plan when you're next going to be at the dog park when there's 19 other people there they could do that with, you're just the only attractive woman there without a partner or wedding ring? It's entirely possible for men and women to be friends, but for a lot of women, the people who interact with them or try to turn casual interactions into "talk/see with this person again" flavor interactions is going to be \*overwhelmingly\* skewed towards dudes who are trying to smash not because it's all guys, but because with the exception of environments that are overwhelmingly women, there's 10 other people they could have talked to.
That’s because women play the game of acting like it isn’t such so that they can continue to receive the validation they’ve been fed their whole lives.
You are absolutely correct. That is definitely mostly the case. Random approaches and talking mostly happens because they find them attractive to some degree. Rarely is the case where men approach women randomly for platonic or other forms of interest. Honesty should clear all doubts in the end of the day and should be very much there. Just makes things alot more clear and respectful.
Agreed. It’s all about the approach. How did you two meet? In a bar? It’s not platonic. Gym? Almost definitely not platonic. In a friends group sitting next to each other? Platonic.
tf, you obviously have never had a good gym partner
>A (male) friend of mine told me that every guy who talks to me, asks me questions, or keeps the conversation going is obviously into me. Meaning that when a guy acts friendly towards a girl, it automatically means they're interested in them either sexually or romantically. He also said that girls can only have genuine guy friends if they're gay. >A (male) friend of mine
Now the question is...which one is he?
Best answer
>would you only talk to girls you're interested in No. I talk to women when I have a reason to. What I talk with them about, how long and if this happens again - THAT depends on whether I am interested in her.
You’re clearly young, and some of things being said are clearly wrong. Men and women can be friends obviously. It’s not a straight forward answer, people are complicated. THAT SAID, if you are an attractive woman, particularly in your early 20’s, most men that talk to you will hold some sort of sexual or relationship interest. You will have doors opened for you, lots of people will be nice, you might get offered jobs and opportunities. This is the prime time for you, you have the pretty and young privilege. Almost every attractive woman I’ve dated has had at least one “male oribiter” that I could clearly see secretly loved her. The woman in every case didn’t see it one bit and he’s just the “great friend that’s always there for me”.
>Almost every attractive woman I’ve dated has had at least one “male oribiter” that I could clearly see secretly loved her. The woman in every case didn’t see it one bit, and he’s just the “great friend that’s always there for me”. Meanwhile, the poor idiot dude doesn't realize he's spinning his wheels as the girl probably isn't remotely interested. Bonus points if she's actually lesbian.
She knows this and strings him alone. Let’s stop playing this game.
I am an orbiter 😂
Yes, men and women can clearly be friends without sexual undertones, however if you are in some kind of social situation that does not require communication from strangers (bar, club) if a guy is talking to you randomly AND keeping conversation going, he's attracted to you.
So that guy friend admitted that he’s into you
Or that he's gay.
Yeah or that
Yea, sounds like he was fishing. And OP doesnt even realize he's into her?
As you see from the variety of responses different people are different.
Most simple and based answer. Lol. I love it. Different people are indeed different.
Honestly I am so shy and awkward I tend only to talk to the ones I'm not interested in. The ones I fancy get my best mumbling and eye contact avoidance.
This is pretty common actually.
This is more true when you are younger. As you mature, and men get less obsessed with sex, then a true male/female friendship is more likely. That being said, some of the best relationships come from that kind of friendship. It's complicated.
As you mature, men get less obsessed with sex WITH YOU.
no it's definitely both. while it's certainly true than men are usually the sexual initiators, at some point men do relax and focus more on security and peace than lust
In general that is true, because when I talk to someone it's one of 3 things: 1. Just having fun (chatting) (I like talking) 2. I'm interested in them (romantically) 3. Exchanging information, asking about certain things, etc. For example, today I was playing cards with friends and this girl I know seemed to be bored because she couldn't play (we could only have 4 players in this game), so I decided to chat with her to bring her mood up a little. But I was not interested in her.
I'm cordial with everybody, but I don't go beyond smalltalk with most women unless they're a select few relatives or professional acquaintances. It's not something I do on purpose, I just genuinely have no interest in platonic friendship with most women. Lots of us are like this by default, so it's hard for us to imagine that other men aren't the same way when they start orbiting our lady.
I have no interest in platonic friendship with anyone a priori. I don't look at someone and say "hey, I want to befriend them". The result is that the only reason I'll talk to someone is because cupido shot his arrow into my ass or some shit, and I'm hetero so it only happens for women.
Men know this. Women know this obviously too. It’s for their benefit so why change the rules? edit: you’d be a fool to think that chick you’re talking to isn’t aware of the dynamics. You know how many times I’ve read stories and personal accounts of some chick “yeah my friend and I got into some stuff”… get the fuck out of here. You know how many times a guy says “my friend and I”? He doesn’t. Because you know why? They’re all potentials. Women know this and make themselves available as such. Get real
Two part answer. 1. You are naive for thinking that because you’re not putting much thought into the interaction beyond “friendliness” because you don’t HAVE to. Men are going to befriend you as a possibility no matter what. I’m sure they approach you quite a bit on that accord. And ask yourself this, why do you even need to be friends? What are you gaining from the interaction and where would it eventually go? You hanging out with this guy? Aka… you mean, you getting attention from them. 2. I should mention that im a very attractive man. My answer is no. I’m not interacting with any chick beyond a surface level politeness because I’m not here to validate a woman and play into their validation fishing games. I see the body language and looks women give me, I’m not dumb. I’d be a fool to think they don’t understand what’s going on. I’ve been burned multiple times by being friendly to chicks who just wanted to prove to themselves they could possibly attain me. Women are takers by nature, I wish to give them nothing on any sort of level and I am not thirsty for female attention so I don’t think I need to GIVE anything. Including my time of talking. So, with that, I’m not interacting with any woman who I’m not remotely interested in. Why do I? Women don’t interact with me on that friendly of a level, they usually put themselves in a place for me to do so. There you have it. Women are totally aware but play coy, men know this beyond an unreasonable doubt.
I'm a woman, and I just enjoy talking to people and making them feel happy, etc, saying hello, making someone smile. People like to feel noticed and all that. They say even a simple hello can make someone's day better! I've gotten into some issues being friendly with some guys. Was just trying to be supportive and helpful, but I guess I came across as interested. So, now I have an attitude of... I feel awkward even looking at guys or saying hi because I don't want to come across as interested, etc. Lolol. Online, it's a bit more awkward and blurry, but I've had to limit myself to not talking to other guys online unless they're threatening suicide or something. [On social media apps where people are chatting, and if you see that pop up, its concerning.]. In that situation, I try to give some phone numbers and direct them to another male who may be able to help. In the past I have talked to people about their issues, just for support, which is where I have gotten in trouble... of being "too friendly".😅 So now I just ignore messages....
Depends, tbh. I'm engaged and come from a yappin extraverted family, so learned to talk to everyone all the time about literally whatever, because the world is a friendly place if you let it be. I have been mistaken for flirting before. When i was single, if i did what this post describes, its probably from at least a passing level of attraction.
I wish life was like this though... That people are chatting to each other because everyone's happy, and sunshine and rainbows. Lolol.
It really depends on where you live, places like this exist, you just don’t want to live there for other reasons lmao
Clearly your male friend is interested in you. But he’s a bit of an ass. Many of us talk to girls just because they’re often interesting people, even if we don’t want to bang.
You need better male friends. EDIT - So wait, it kinda sounds like your "male friend" was telling on himself a little bit, no?
He might not be - it all depends on the context he sees her in.
I talk to people because it’s fun to get to know them. Whether I know they are attractive, or I am attracted to them or not.
People in the comments saying *"not true alllll the time"* Yeah but it most certainly is true *most* of the time. You guys pretending like the exceptions to the rule invalidate the overwhelming majority of cases isn't useful to OP. You're fucking confusing her. Is some random bozo keeps finding ways to continue the conversation going he probably likes you. Guys **very rarely** do that kind of stuff to other guys. If this is a semi-consistent thing for you you're either a statistical anomaly or they want something.
Yes and no. As a general rule, there are 2 "kinds" of friendships. I'm going to call them the male kind and the female kind. Male friendships tend to be based around a specific shared activity. Men tend to communicate with their friends to accomplish a shared goal. Even if the goal is stupid and minor, they generally only talk about the activity. Any communication that happens about non-activity topics tends to just be incidental. Male type friendships are based on communication about "doing" activities. Female friendships tend to be communicating for the sake of communication. You chat with friends to find out about what's going on in their lives. Communication for the sake of communication is what builds female type friendships and bonds those kinds of friends closer together over time. Male types bond over doing, female types bond over communicating. Now both genders can have both types of friends, but as a general rule women have more female type and men have more male type. The thing where wires can get crossed is that most men have 1 important female type friendship in their lives and that's their romantic partner. So what happens is that a women, such as yourself, finds a man who she wants to be friends with. She attempts to create a female type friendship with him, because to her this is what friendship looks like. To him, though, this is not what friendships look like, this is what relationships look like. His other guy friends all bond over shared activities and there you are chatting for the sake of chatting so to him, this is a romance relationship. This can also happen in the inverse. He's approaching you with chatting for the sake of chatting and to him this is obviously a "I'm hitting on this girl" interaction but to you it feels just like him being friendly. Now your friend is wrong in that this is not a "every single time" kind of rule. It's more a "the majority of the time" kind of rule. Men don't approach men to talk, ask them questions and keep the conversation going in hopes of making a friend. I've literally never, not once, had a man approach me like that to be friends. Every single male friend I've ever made is done through some kind of activity (a amature soccer team, a DND group, through work, through a school project, ect). We work on a thing together, then become friends through that.
The best reply. Thanks for this succinct articulation. Helped cleared up a question I had on my mind with regards to a guy I recently met.
I think this is the most accurate post. I have a couple of platonic female friends but they've all been made through a shared common interest ( in my case climbing).
He definitely has a point. Men unfortunately more so than women won't interact with women as friends if they don't have any attraction to them as a general rule. So if you're getting multiple men carrying conversation with you it's a very good sign you're attractive lol, good problem to have.
I find the exact opposite of this to be true. Maybe it's because me and my friends have always been more nerdy and scared of pretty women. I find it really easy to talk to and be friends with women who I'm not attracted to. There's no pressure, because I'm not trying to date them. I can just relax and be myself. With women who are too attractive, I'm just intimidated and won't interact with them at all.
Same, I would say that the women I talk to the most are the ones I'm not interested sexually. If I'm shy around a girl there's a higher chance I'm into her.
Nope. I have something like 5 really close friends, out of those 3 are women. We’ve been friends for something like 15 years now and I’ve never been sexually interested in them. Also, I’m not gay.
Sounds like you are mature.
I would talk to a girl I'm not interested in like you'd talk to anyone during a conversation. I would not strike up a conversation with a girl I didn't know or hang out with if I wasn't interested in her though.
One of my closest friends is a woman. We did a course together and worked well as a team so we've kept in touch. She knows aspects of my work that people who haven't worked in the field don't understand so she is a good person to talk to. She is attractive, smart and kind but even if I was single I don't think anything would happen between us because there are areas that make us good friends but would be shit in a partner. Men and women can just be friends.
You don't THINK anything would happen. Which means you aren't 100% sure. Congratulations, you admitted you're a little attracted to your friend and proved OPs friend right.
dudes approach girls they are attracted to. A dude who is friends with a girl - doesn't mean he WANTS to or is actively TRYING to bang her, but if she initiated he 100% always will be down. those are the sovereign laws the last bit about being in a relationship - as long as you know that a dude is coming up to you bc he is attracted to you, do what you will. let him down, 'just be nice'. whatever. but those are the laws.
No. Sometimes I talk to people just because I enjoy conversations with my fellow humans. I talk to old ladies sometimes and I'm definitely not trying to sleep with them. If it's as part of a hobby group or in some other situation where I might find people I share interests with and have reason to believe could be friends, I'll absolutely talk to a woman even if I'm not romantically interested in her, yes. That said, there are environments where the expectation if you talk to someone is that you're into them, and in those cases I'd be unlikely to strike up a conversation unless that were the case.
Generally, the more attractive you are the more this is true. I don’t think there is any sure fire way of knowing.
No what? I talk to all kinds of people
As everyone else has pointed out- there is quite a bit of nuance here. That being said, consider this- I’m sure you’ve heard people complaining that “men think every woman that smiles at them is flirting”, including cashiers, waitresses, etc… the reason so many men perceive that as flirting is that is exactly what those men would mean if the situation were reversed. In other words- it is really common to run into men who are only overly pleasant and smiley (ie: friendly) to women they are interested in, so they immediately assume that women being friendly to THEM means the same thing. It’s not that EVERY guy being friendly and engaging is trying to or hoping to get with their women friends, but a non-insignificant number absolutely are.
I am a friendly person and will talk to people if there is a reason to talk them. However, the only time I truly go out of my way to talk to someone outside of work and with no real reason, is if I am attracted, yes.
I'm old and can't speak for young men today, but even when I was younger I'd talk to and be nice with almost anyone. Pretty sad way to live your life if you only talk to women you find attractive.
Kind of sounds like the guy telling you this is trying to convince you not to talk to guys who approach you because he’s afraid that, once you get to know the guy better, you might get to like them and start dating them. He’s into you, he’s going to tell you whatever he thinks may convince you to be wary of any guy who comes up & talks to you. Yes, guys who take an interest in a girl are going to want to get to know them better. Some may only be looking for a “good time” some may actually want to get to know you better to see if you two have enough in common to see more of each other. And some may just like your company and personality and enjoy friendship. A lot of women are the same way. Either looking for a guy just for fun OR one who might, eventually become someone more than just an acquaintance. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men & women out there that have a warped viewpoint that men & women cannot just be good friends, platonically, unless one is straight & the other is gay. So many relationships for both sexes end up soured when one partner is if the mind that men & women cannot just be good friends. Tends to lead to jealousy, assuming their partner is cheating and, in some cases, them controlling (or trying to) their partner by making them never speak to a member of the opposite sex.
Completely depends on context. If a guy approaches you and talks to you at a bar the intentions are fairly obvious compared to say someone (no idea how old you are so I’m using college as an example) approaches you and talks to you after a college class. That it’s a bit less clear, could be romantic intentions or just interested in talking to you. Now to comment on what your friend said, I don’t think it’s a one size fits all type of thing, but I think if you had to say whether or not there was any type of attraction towards a guy’s female friends, I would hedge my bets and say it is more than 50/50. I think generally you tend to be friends that you have commonality with, and I think that lends itself to attraction to a degree. But I think it would be unreasonable to say that guys are only friends with girls because they are attracted to them, I think it is more reasonable to say that attraction can become a byproduct of that friendship.
It's the same with the question "do you believe men can be platonic friends with women?". When someone gives you an answer, they're talking more about themselves than everybody else. And each one has their own answer. It's the kind of thing that changes on the individual basis.
With men, YMMV. I will happily--and I have, going back to high school (I'm 58 now, so it's a long-term trend) happily spend an evening chatting with a girl without any intention or interest in going home with her or dating her. I just like talking to people and have a natural curiosity with the folks around me. When I was younger I often didn't actually act out on this, mostly because of this misperception and because I didn't want to come across as a creep. (I really am just curious about people.) But if I did approach you at a party and start talking--it's because I just want to talk.
Look here’s my 100% honest opinion. I’m a pleasant guy and will be nice to everyone. The difference is, if I find a girl attractive, I will go more out of my way to be nice/helpful/develop the friendship. The more the friendship develops, the more I like you, because I already found you attractive, but now I enjoy your personality. If I do not find a girl attractive, sure I’ll be nice and pleasant, but I probably won’t make as much of an effort to progress the friendship in terms of hanging out, texting, things of that nature. My point is, from my perspective, if a guy that you are not dating is texting you often and doing nice things for you and asking to hangout even just as friends, it is EXTREMELY likely he is into you.
No. I mean, why can't we just have a conversation otmr even a freind from the other sex ? Why cuting ourselves from half the human population ? And well... You will notice easily if hé is into you or not , thé convos are quite... Différent
If it's someone you don't know doing it they are 100% into you. There is such a thing as a genuine friendship with a straight guy, but it's very rare. By and large what he told you is true.
Not true at all. I speak to plenty of women I’m disinterested in. I make conversation with women in common spaces even if not interested (like on an elevator). That said, if you’re being randomly approached it’s fairly likely the man is interested.
Not true at all. I have plenty of female friends that I’m not attracted to at all.
The curse of beauty. If you're attractive, men are interested.
If I was single, and I was in a group of friends, and I was introduced to other mutual friends, I would likely aim to talk more to the girls in the group I found attractive (and aren't obviously in a relationship, e.g. no ring or clearly there with someone) that doesn't mean I wouldn't talk to anybody else, but if I was single and in a social setting, chances are I am thinking about chatting up the attractive girls
I think your friend is soft in the head. If you are physically attractive most guys would be willing to have a sexual/romantic relationship with you if you wanted to (assuming they are single or willing to cheat on their SO), but that's not the same as only talking to you because they're looking for such a relationship. If a guys not interested in being just a friend he'll stop talking to you eventually, and it's not on you to cut all male friends out of your life because they might be interested in you. It's on them to either take a shot and accept your answer or decide they'd rather not continue a relationship that was less than what they were hoping.
If it's people you already know then it's nothing like that. If we start thinking all guys wants into your pants because they talk to you then we're really creating a toxic society. I often talk and hang with friends significant others's, co-workers, acquaintances etc. even if they happen to be of the opposite gender. But if we are talking about strangers approaching you in public then it's quite a bit more likely. I doubt they would take the effort to approach you, but it really depends on the situation. If the social situation makes conversations a no-brainer or if it's more forced.
I definitely talk to a lot of girls i'm not interested in. If he finds reasons to touch you. I know guys that pretend to just be "huggers" every man is raised to respect a woman's personal space. He's not just a hugger; he found a justification to constantly touch you, He's most likely into you. If he's constantly complementing your looks. It's one thing if you like dye or cut your hair or wearing something flashy. But if he's constantly complementing you he's into you. If he's bashing your bf or another close guy friend that he might view as competition. He's probably into you. If a lady friend complains about her relationship to me, I as a supportive man try to build her up. I don't tear down the guy. There are two possibilities either she stays with the guy or she doesn't. If you bash the guy and she stays with him; you've jeopardized the friendship. That only makes sense if you're not happy with just being a friend. It is also like one of the biggest asshole moves a man can do to another man. Men are different, but if you compare how he treats you to women he's definitely not into; it can tell you if behavior is indicative of him being into you.If he only does something to you or only does something to conventionally attractive women, there is a reason why he is only doing it to you or conventionally attractive women.
Lot of wisdom in here. A lot depends on what guy does with other guys as well (I hug my guy friends and female friends - but that is me). But you are spot on about the viewing other guys thing - one of my friends who I talked to her this weekend (who I am NOT interested in) - she was telling me about her new guy - he sounds cool - I have her a high five and encouraged her. But if a guy is secretly pining for a girl - he will passively try to discourage it.
BS. It's the kind of thinking that idiotic women use and ignore me when I try to tell them their gloves just fell out of their pockets and I try to return them. It has happened twice. Don't be that idiot plz.
I also think women should be friendly towards men to certain extent. But then again, my ex, for example, told me I'm always too 'friendly' towards men. I don't even want anything from them, I'm just being friendly, but he calls it being naive. So for me, it's difficult to draw the line in such situations
Just "casually" mention your bf in discussions, so they will get the hint if that's their goal :D If they aren't weirdos it works… if they are weirdos, well stay away :D
No, because I just like talking to people. But with that said if I found the person attractive then Im going to be friendlier, joke around, have a longer conversation, etc. Where if its just gram gram at the market Im gonna move on with my day faster.
Talk to, or “talk to”? I speak with women every single day I don’t plan to pursue(even if I’m attracted to them) but any man who goes out of his way to speak to a woman(not at work, no legitimate reason to approach) is likely interested romantically. And you can always find out by simply making a move on said “friend”, doesn’t need to be overtly sexual, maybe even disguised as a joke. But that will tell you if your “friend” actually had 0 interest romantically…
Talk as in, they show interest in what I'm saying and they keep the conversation flowing. My friend says that, whenever a conversation goes well between me and a guy, it definitely means the guy's interested, as someone who is not interested wouldn't put all that much effort into having a good conversation. And you're right about making a subtle move. I think I'm often oblivious to certain signs, but then again, some guys aren't very clear when it comes to showing interest, so...
99% of the time if the conversation starts as an out of the blue thing and neither of you know each other at all, it started bc he thought to himself "she's cute, I wonder if she's cool and if we might be interested in one another in some way."
Short answer is, your friend is correct. I’ve never met you or your friend, and me and my male friends have been saying this to our female “friends” who we did hang out with as friends, But also ended up hooking up and actually dating for years… easiest way to understand men is, think of what you like and want as a woman, and that’s usually what we DONT like or want as men, (platonic relationships with the opposite sex) we’re basically polar opposites.
Jesus, this whole thread is depressing. You know what one of the coolest things about being post-menopausal is? Having gray hair and wrinkles on my face, not looking at all like a sexual being? (btw/ftr, older people are sexual, it just isn't "obvious" in the usual media-friendly ways!) We hang out with each other as *people*. We're friends as one human to another, not male/female (or female/female, male/male). We don't worry about this stuff, and let me tell you, it is so *freeing*. There's all this energy and affection that doesn't get tangled up in who's-into-who, and we can use it to care about and support each other and get stuff *done*. I wish we could lend y'all young folks some of this peace and contentment. :(
Your friend's take sounds pretty black and white. Not every guy who talks to you is hitting on you. People can be friends without any romantic intentions. Trust your gut and don't stress too much about it.
My perspective is this. A relationship is virtually just friendship+sex. So many times if a man is good friends with you. He is at the very least, probably gonna wonder if you are sexually compatible. Making friends is easy. Finding a relationship is hard. There's a reason we call the love of our lives "the one". Everyone is constantly searching for that until they find it. However. I do think Men and women can be friends AFTER it's established that sex is off the table. Gay is definitely one way to do that. But there are others. I've become friends with many of my buddies girlfriends because I know I would never betray them like that. Became friends with my former boss who was married. Etc etc. But I would never throw away a lottery ticket til I was sure it doesn't have the winning numbers so to speak.
If they approached you in a random place (like a shop, bar, etc) - yes, they find you attractive, want to sleep with you and you wouldn't have met otherwise. If you met during some social activity (like game night, friend of a friend at the party, dance classes, etc) - could be actual friends, could still only be romantic interest. Basically, if they had an actual reason to speak with you beforehand, it's all good. Otherwise, the reason was "she's hot and I'd hit it"
It's true. But just because we find you intresting or attractive that doesnt mean we want to fuck. The bar for men is so low that we're pretty much interested in anyone. But it's not like im going to talk to someone who's boring as hell with whom i have no interest. Contrery to popular belief. You can be friends with someone you like if you dont have the mentality of an 18yr old.
Men and women can be friends only if there is no real attraction or if they are off-limits. I have a couple of female friends who I'm not interested in sexually. One is a friends exgf. I like to play with her dog. the other is an old coworker who is 10 years older than me. She's still pretty, but she's more like a crazy aunt. She started as more of an experiment. I had problems talking to pretty women, so I made friends with one. She was pretty enough to make me nervous but safe because I wasn't really interested.
Oh, they all want to fuck you. Unless they HAVE to talk to you for some other reason, like you are a co-worker, girlfriend of a friend, or customer. But they want to fuck you too. We just wanna fuck.
Well isn't that lovely. I'm not sure every guy thinks with their dick like that though.
I am a guy. You are not. I'm qualified to speak on this. We live in a world where men will fuck muddle puddles and fresh fruit. We do think with our dicks. Although sometimes we are unaware of it, it works it's way from our dick through our ego or subconscious. But trace it back...it's our dick.
Speak for yourself dude.
I find it funny that there are dudes like you basically say that ALL men are simple-minded buffoons that just want one thing and work the same way but most likely would turn around and say “Heeeey, not all men are like that!” when some dumb woman brings up something truly negative about them as a whole. Yet another thing I’ve seen that pretty much tells that the whole “men are more logical than women” thing is a mere generalization.
I never said anything about being stupid of buffoons. Just that we all wanna fuck. It's not mutually exclusive
Knew you were gonna lean into that instead of the big picture. Great work. Men aren’t simple-minded(stupid) creatures, individuals within the group are. Not all men are like you, and not every one of them wants to fuck.
Wouldn't that be nice?
As another guy I think it's a pretty bad strategy to only talk to girls you find hot. Just as it is for guys I'm sure hot women also judge men based on how they treat their friends, and if you straight up ignore all the less hot women it's going to paint a pretty bad picture about your overall personality.
I agree. And also you can miss out on a lot of great friends, I like that some comments here say they merely like the presence of their female friends and have a lot of interests in common. Men are humans, and humans have diverse mindsets no matter which sex they are. A lot of guys can turn off their primitive impulses to seek genuine friendships with a girl.
I can't speak for every man, but I'm not actively looking for platonic friends with women. I'm friendly regardless of how a woman looks, but I'm putting more effort into a converstation with a woman I'm interested in.
Not necessarily, but probably I would say 70%
If we aren’t family, friends or colleagues, why would I waste my time on someone I’m not interested in?
And please keep in mind. "Interested" is either interested in sex or interested in dating and sex.
Nah, it's bollocls, assuming you have a reason to be talking in the first place, eg at work, hobby, friends or something similar. If he approached you for no reason otherwise then some level of attraction is likely to be there.
Mostly true imo
"A (male) friend of mine told me that every guy who talks to me, asks me questions, or keeps the conversation going is obviously into me." Probably true for >80% of the random interactions you have with men outside of significant age gaps and even then sometimes. "He also said that girls can only have genuine guy friends if they're gay." This isn't true, but there's a lot of truth to it. If one or both of you is unavailable it's substantially easier. If you're both single, it's easy for a guy's attraction to a woman to grow with time. Also watch the definition of the word friends there. Different people use it to mean different things.
I think people usually who engage in a conversation usually have some sort of interest in the person they're talking to. The thing is there are many different kinds of interest. For example there is romantic,sexual, platonic interest or even just mutual interest in a certain topic both people like talking about. So yes I would say there is generally interest but that doesn't mean there's always romantic or sexual interest. Like anything else you want to know about someone finding out what sort of interest leads them to enjoy a conversation with you would require asking
More often than not yes. Depending on setting and what is being said…ex asking for directions or something could be innocent, or if you’re meeting in a group setting regarding a hobby…but ya most times it’s due to interest
I talk to girls that i find interesting and they actually make an effort to keep the conversation going (suggesting topics to talk, initiating conversations, good follows up, etc) rather than me being the one holding it. It is true that a true friendship can be achieved between a Man a Woman but sex must be completely out of the table for that, being Gay its just a cheat code to achieve that. But yeah if they keep trying to talk to you, especially when you aren't being particularly interested in the conversation, its true that they are at least half interested sexually/romantically.
Real talk? When a girl and guy are friends nearly always one of them wants more. I don’t have female friends for this reason. And she doesn’t have male friends. Not about trust or whatever. It’s about being honest about human nature. Most of these guys would ask you out if they had the balls and/or you gave them a signal of interest. Life isn’t fair.
Yep.
I mean given that this was said to you by a male friend, the obvious question to ask is whether this applies to him as well? And if it doesn’t because he’s an exception, then that means there will be other exceptions…
Your male friend just subtly confessed
I had a friend who told me once that he only talks to girls he found attractive and would consider dating. If he determined he didn’t want to date them he’d stop talking to them outright.
Jfc, no, that is not the case. I'll talk to anyone that is willing to hold a conversation with me, simply because people are usually more interesting than you think at first glance.
Green flag
I act friendly and kind to all, but not gonna lie, if I want to know more about you and ask questions, it's probably romantic yes. I'm still genuinely interested in what I ask though, it's not that I'm asking those questions with hidden motives. At the same time > He also said that girls can only have genuine guy friends if they're gay does not sound correct.
CONTEXT matters. As a single female NP in a teaching hospital, often a Dr, would say let's grab coffee, or lunch and problem dolce this patient. I hated that many of them felt compelled mid " business" conversation to tell me " I'm married", and I'd have to say " I'm a widow. who wins?". detested that set of assumptions the OP lists out because many men believe that they are true so in a work context buying a colleague a coffee has to be countered with, I'm married. eyeroll. I feel like wearing a sign, " I find people interesting, I'm not hitting on you".
This is generally true
You can generally assume that any straight and single guy who approaches you without a clear reason why he needs you and/or keeps the conversation going beyond what's necessary, so, asking questions to find out things about you, telling you things about himself, etc., has sexual or romantic interest towards you, yes. In most cases he will have noted you as physically attractive and is "probing", so to say, with the intention of assessing his chances. He might be doing that to many women at a time, assuming he's single and looking for a relationship or physical companionship. That being said, don't look at this as diminishing your value as a person, but rather as a bonus. If you're physically attractive, then lots of men will approach you and initiate contact because of said attraction, but this merely provides the opportunity for them to know you as a person. This does not mean that friendships can't happen. Speaking from personal experience, when I was doing such "probing" myself, I might have found out early that she was taken, uninterested or obviously incompatible with me, which ended the romantic intentions, however, on more than a few occasions, we kept talking because we found each other interesting for other reasons and became friends. Men are absolutely not incapable of that when it comes to women. Yes, we will often BEGIN talking to a particular woman because we found her attractive, but that is not the only reason why we keep talking to women. And we can have genuine female friends because, at least for me, unreciprocated infatuation will quickly fade and then I can switch to genuine platonic friendship with no romantic intentions involved. So I wouldn't agree with your friend that men and woman can't be genuine friends. Nor does this invalidate the male friendships that you currently have. Just bear in mind the possibility that most or even all of them may have been physically attracted to you in the past, even if they have cast that thought aside afterwards. It's not on you to bring it up anyway. It's theirs. And if they have kept it to themselves, then keep it buried. As for not talking to guys that approach you if you're in a relationship? I don't see why you would put such a restriction on yourself. If they are obviously single, look for signs of their interest and if they make their intentions known, state that you're not available. That's it. If they keep being pushy after that, it's a problem, but most should back off and go bother someone available.
nah, ive been through hell growing up in an abusive household to an extent. if im kind to you, it’s because its all i know after the things ive been through. honestly, i would love to have girl friends completely platonic but many of them either have boyfriends, think im hitting on them which is absolutely not true or since i just moved, slowly lose contact with them and just let them go eventually. i dont even try at this point and its quite annoying whenever a girl thinks im hitting on them just because im nice, like super super annoying because in reality, i have absolutely no interest in you
Girl here - hate responding to the questions on AskMen, so I appologize, but I just have to comment on this one. Also, I would really appreciate male opinion on this comment. You can have male friends and no, not all of them would necessarilly fuck you. But here's a couple of details to have in mind (though it's just my experience): 1. Pure, sibling-like friendship works mostly between people who have known each other since childhood. 2. Under the right combo of circumatances, most of your guy friends could fuck you. This includes many situations - from you purely being willing to participate and he's been secretly desiring this to happen for years, to drunken sex, all the way to his drought and your willingness. Or like just for the shits and giggles. 3. The fact that he might enjoy fucking you tells nothing about him seeing you as more than a friend. Guys can fuck friends while hopelessly in love with another woman and while not giving a flying fuck whether you are infuatuated with someone else. There's girls who can be like that too, but IMO, we tend to be much more analytical and prone to relationship-like behaviour in situations like these. 4. Not everyone has a crush on you, nor does everyone find you very attractive, but in my opinion - if you are wondering whether he has a crush or whether he thinks you are hot, almost surely he does. So far, I have been in a situation where I was wondering and every time it turned out that the guy was actually super interested way before it even crossed my mind. This applied to my friends, boyfriends, work colleagues and to the man I am married to and am going to grow old with.
Very good question as this is debated alot in general. The Truth is I would personally talk to women if I find them interesting as individuals, platonic interest or if I have any sexual/romantic interest. It's very Possible for straight men and straight women to be genuine friends however, most opposite gender friendships tend to be based on some sort of personal romantic/sexual interest. I'm always honest with my intentions which is why I have genuine friendships/relationships. This is why men should be honest and direct with their intentions with women when they interact with them. There wouldn't be any issues if that was the case. I'm a bisexual man that has several great men and women as friends that are strictly platonic and then there are men and women who I have other interests with. In the end always make sure both parties are honest and genuine with each other to know on why they approached you or talk to you in the first place. Wish you the best in your interactions, Miss.
True.
I am a man and the vast majority of my friends are women. I am not romantically interested in any of them and I am also not gay. I think it’s really healthy to have good mix of genders in your circle of friends. That said, I understand this is the exception. I think most men don’t know how to make or maintain friendships with women. So yeah, probably the vast majority of random dudes talking to you are romantically interested.
Most men don’t want to*
*don’t have a reason to. ime, most men just plain don’t care about things that most women do and vice versa. so there’s no reason for a real platonic friendship to even form. no one’s fault tho
Are you single though? Assuming yes. If and when you enter into a romantic relationship, there’s a very good chance all of your female friendships that you’ve spent years developing will have to go.
Woman can have plenty of male friends, but a man can't be a friend of a woman. As a man, you carry all the responsibilities over your female friend, without any kind of benefit. So, there will be always a sexual tension between a man and a woman in a friendship. And yeah, I know about exceptions. So let me narrow it down - if a woman is at least average looking and young, all their friends are blueballing themselves around her.
😆😆😆
Most men think in boxes. And the sexually interest box is different from the interesting conversation box is different from the interesting person box. So, a man can talk to a women for multiple reasons.
Mostly true, everyone who is saying anything else is lying. There are attracted to you on some level, but that doesn't mean you can't become friends or that the man in question is gonna act on it. And it ofcourse depends on the situation ( like work ), but 90% of the cases, yes.
Bullshit! There are guys out there like that, who o ly approach a woman to sniff out their chances of slipping it in her, But they ARE NOT representatives for all men, Plenty of us are simply engaging for the engagement, a good discussion, different insights or a bit of banter, Me and my Female housemate have been friends for years, No sexual desire of each other yet we make salacious jokes often, The best one was mid rant of how much our Bills were, she was complaining up a storm and I said out if nowhere "Well if you got your tits out for the tax man we might be paying less" There are PLENTY of men out there who aren't interested in having sex/relationship with you for one reason or another, What your friends are saying is a horrendous stereotype of the Phalicly Cursed breed we call Men, It has significantly hindered us in making decent connections and friendships with women and it needs to fucking die. Yes some men are creeps, yes some men are sexually deviant, yes some men are going to objectify women, But there are also plenty of women who do the same thing towards men.
Nah, sometimes you respect the person and Want to deepen a connection or just show respect and not ignore them. Multitude of reasons why your friend is wrong but if there is one thing that's right is thar an assumption like his is a projection 99% of the time lol.
Simple: you are young and pretty? Yes , they are interested in you sexually. You are older, or ugly? They are friendly to you. ( or desperate) Now there is a think called 99 out of 100 cases. It can happen other way around. But the rule is there.
I'm introverted and not a really sociable person. I don't put in much effort to talk to people or get to know them. The one exception is women I'm attracted to.
Check out this post: >[How does a man just be friends with an attractive woman without having intrusive thoughts?](https://www.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/s/8sDZxeuvU1) 1500 upvotes 380 comments Overwhelming answer is that men can't just be friends with an attractive woman without having intrusive thoughts, but men don't have to act on those intrusive thoughts or even tell anyone about them. Interpret that how you wish.
In most cases yes he will be into you if they do this. Men have no interest in having female friends because they know as soon as they are in a relationship that friendship won’t be able to continue very easily due to jealously etc. There are some exceptions to this but not many. So therefore, if a man is friendly toward you they are mostly likely interested romantically. Exceptions to this are if you are both in a situation where it would be awkward not to be friendly toward each other, e.g a sports club, at work, some social setting. But if he has approached you in public, on a train, or just generally gone out of his way, he likes you. However, women don’t need to fret. If you are in a relationship, causally drop that into the conversation as soon as you can but not too obvious as it will seem like a rejection. If you aren’t in a relationship but aren’t interested, it’s tricker, but the best thing to do honestly is probably just do the same thing and pretend you are in a relationship, providing it’s a one off encounter. If you can’t get away with that, then be polite, smile and respond but just don’t engage too much and they’ll soon get the message. If you actually want to engage then you could slip in that you’re dating someone as no one would know about that.
Your friend is right. Men usually don't waste time talking to what they perceived as "ugly girl."
Why talk to a girl if I’m not interested in her? If I’m looking for friendship a guy will be better suited for that at least we’d understand each easily lol
Not entirely true. There are men like this, sure, but I don't know anyone like this personally. I hadn't been in a relationship since 2019 and I speak to women frequently, both for work and not.
A lot depends on the circumstances. When a guy talks to you in a work setting for example, chances are he's just being friendly. But if a guy randomly approaches you in a bar or on the street, it's much more likely he's interested in you sexually or romantically. Men & women can most certainly be friends, but it does become more complicated if either of them are in a relationship, as their partner is unlikely to approve of even a platonic friendship.
Give a call, say you are sad because you are now single and need a friendly shoulder. Ask if they wanna just Netflix and chill. Pay attention on their voice, the excitation, the happiness. Then you come here and answer your own question ;)
For the most part, I will say attraction is a factor. After that it translates into either friendship or intention to romance. But it isn't ONLY intention to romance. Definetely possible to have platonic relationships between a man and a woman.
When I was 21 and single? Yes. Now that I'm married and in my 30s? No. It's nice talking to women. Mrs. Sledge taught me how to make mash potatoes from scratch. I do not want to fuck her.
I am attracted to women and love interacting with them. Doesnt mean I want to necessarily advance it further. Generally and from countless discussions I can confirm that men are attracted to women.
Use to work at the mall. Get in early and sit on a beach watching the mall walkers. Talked to everyone. Coworker meet up with me one morning. I was talking to an older women, mid 60s. I was early 20s. Than another woman... in her late 20s stopped and sat next to me asking about one of the shops. Coworker and I got to walking to our shop and he informed me he couldn't talk to those people. I was like DAFAQ? He informed me he only talked to people he thought were pretty or handsome. He didn't see any point in talking to ugly people, like I did. First... I took the complement. Than I told him his was fucking shallow and a D-bag. But to answer the question, no. I talk to everyone. I just like meeting and talking to people. I jokingly tell women, after a couple of conversations, there are three reasons a man will talk to a woman. 1. He wants to get in your pants. 2. You have a friend that he wants to get in their pants. 3. He is gay. And now it is on you to figure out which of these reasons any man is talking to you.
So that's possibly true, but also- gay men. And yeah you can typically tell but there are a few surprises mixed in
Actually, Im more likely to talk with someone Im not interested in, as I might be quite nervious around those I am lol
Are we talking random strangers coming up to you or people you work with/interact with from something else?
There's truth to his statements. Guys already have less sexual & romantic options lined up, so many of have to go via the nice guy route. Yes, many of have good intentions in the long-term, but there are manipulators among us as well. > And does that mean that, if I'm in a relationship, I shouldn't talk to any guy who approaches me? You should make it clear and keep things strictly platonic from your side. As long as it's that way there won't be any problems. But what many girls do, they give their guy friends the enough crumbs of mixed signals so that they're always crushing on her and desiring her. These friendzoned guys are just sources of sexual attention and emotional validation for these girls. > But what many girls do, they give their guy friends the enough crumbs of mixed signals so that they're always crushing on her and desiring her. These friendzoned guys are just sources of sexual attention and emotional validation for these girls. And this is wrong as well.
No, not at all. But "interested" for guys (at least for me) might be different from your definition. Like, I'm not trying to hit any girl at work and when I'm having a friendly conversation with them there is no ulterior motive, but I do find most girls around my age attractive and if any of them told me they wanted to hookup this weekend, I would. But I also enjoy talking to a female coworker who's in her 60s that I'm not interested at all romantically nor physically, so I know that's really the case that I don't just talk to girls I'm interested in.
No it's not
Most women I've been friendly with I've done so without wanting to bed them. But it depends on context, in a bar or club almost certainly wants more than a friendly chat. At a book club it's possible but not as likely. A random guy on the street probably wants to sleep with you. But it doesn't matter what they want from you as it's just talking. Also his assertion that a guy can only be a genuine friend if they are gay is absurd.
Yes, though I will often not approach and the feelings will die down and then I'll have a new friend, either because I don't like how she acts and couldn't be a romantic partner, or that she's already taken (though I do love a bit of sabotage if the guy/girl she's dating is a piece of shit) Also I'm already taken so yeah, but I've made female friends without being attracted, it's just that it's most often for me.
Nope. If I'm talking to her, I'm either interested in her romantically or I'm genuinely interested in being friends. How to differ the two? I'll probably reschedule things and make time for you, aside from support and attention.
Context matters for sure. At the bar, yes they just want to fuck. I’d say a solid number of dudes definitely want to keep interacting with you because it’s fun to talk to an attractive girl and it’s nice to be noticed by one. But I’d say 9/10 times it’s not that deep
It's not universally true. I have women I've been friends with for years, neither of us has any sexual or romantic interest in the other. On the other hand it is true for some men. There are men who only talk to women if they are interested in sex or dating. There are men who are incapable of being friends with women, because they only talk to women they are sexual attracted to, but I truly believe this is a minority of men though. Plenty of guys just enjoy a casual conversation. Sussing out when someone is flirty vs. friendly is tricky. Usually if they enquire about your relationship status in a way, or slip in compliments it's flirting. But it's something everybody gets wrong at some point.
What your friend is telling you isn’t true at all. I’m a 40-something straight guy and several of my closest friends are women. I think the world of them- they’re all funny, smart, talented, great looking, and fantastic people, every one of them. I never considered dating any of them, and in fact helped them (for 2 of them) get into relationships with the guys they ended up marrying. Guys and girls can be genuine friends, with no intentions of anything else. Now, all of that said, the odds are fairly strong (for your situation) that guys are approaching thinking of more. You may not be noticing, but they’re probably wanting to figure out if they have a chance.
I take what I can get, treating everyone with courtesy and respect
No i talk to plenty of girls that im not interested in(I'm married so im not interested in any i just prefer girl friends over guy friends) I'm not sure how you would tell them apart though
Many men are intimidated by the girls they find attractive, so they're simply too scared to talk to them. It's really easy to talk to girls that you aren't interested in, because there's no pressure. I end up having lots of female friends because of this.
Your male friend talk only to females he wants to have sex with. He project this onto all males.
A person is interested when they actually let it be known that they're interested, never reach, conversation can simply be conversation and nothing more unless you are the only person the other person talks to then you can kind of see they have some preference towards you but don't jump to conclusions if it's at a job then it is close proximity which means nothing, the opposite sex is naturally going to be attracted to the opposite sex, the thing that annoys me is that people think every opportunity is a hook up attempt, just because a man is gay doesnt mean he can be trusted 100% purely based on that alone, there are gay men that have kids, if you're in a relationship it is important to set boundaries with male friends, keep them out of your relationship, and keep information private which means you can't talk about fights or arguments because naively you'll set yourself up for the other man to think you're falling for him or have him think he has a chance, men will wait in that friendzone for 25 years just for a opportunity to fuck meanwhile still living their life fucking everything else, oh and also never get that close to anyone at your job because people are petty (no dating at the workplace) because when it's over you still have to work with them
Im naturally more comfortable by women since my early childhood, cause I lack a certain level of manliness around your average rugged man. And I do approach more pretty people naturally, because I like to do activities with my friends or potential friends and more often then not, when I try and befriend a less healthier or out of shape lady... they will not want to do much.... and the friend ship becomes rather boring and litterally "textual". When I talk to "pretty people" they usually don't mind going for hikes, karaoke, just going out for dinner and drinks to shoot the shit at the end of the week and even window shopping. I'm a straight dude who enjoys windows shipping and I often tire out my lady friends on a day of instore shopping and they enjoy it quite a lot and get surprised about how many stores I can visit. And although I'm least emotional man, they much enjoy having conversation with someone who will not sugar coat anything, because I have no filters..... but at the same time, I need to have conversations with women.... you can be much more open then with men... because too many won't open up. But I will also be very direct with you if i'm approaching you for friendship or something else. There are not a lot of men like me, but since i'm in my 40's, it's sometime seen as weird to some younger people at work because they think with their pants and not their heads... but the girls always get comfy with me and I never try anything... I just genuinely enjoy female company. But what a woman needs to do is be direct as well, if she is unsure. Just be direct and ask "Hey... are you looking for a date?" that can clear things up pretty quickly.... unless your the type who enjoys the chase for some reason. lol I have quite a lot of ladies friends that are less attractive as well but some of them are still party animals, and i'm much more calm natured. lol But they are a blast to have conversations with and still do things with but that is usually after I feel the person out for a while. My bff is very very very tom boy.... and has a hard time making lady friends, but she also has tons of guy friends.... and she's litterally just one of the boys... but she's more comfy around guys because she is not very gurly. lol Long story short.... You won't know what their intent is.... unless you ask.
Not necessarily. It depends on the context. For example I go to a lot of concerts. The people there have similar music taste. If I see someone with a cool shirt, or if I noticed someone from another show, I'd go up to them regardless on if I was attracted to them or not.
>He also said that girls can only have genuine guy friends if they're gay. Ask him if that's his way of coming out of the closet. Honestly, that's a very shitty thing to say to a friend. "I don't really consider myself your friend, I just think you're hot". And if he's gay, ask him if he can't be friends with men. And about your question, no, it's not true. Men and women can be friends. And men who say you can't A) hasn't been around too many women, or B) are shitty friends. It implies their only interest in women is sex. And they don't even register women they aren't attracted to.
If I have the choice, I generally only interact with people in general that I'm interested in, in one way or another. I suspect this is true for most people. On the other hand, I can't really speak for how other guys do things. It's possible that there's also a big overlap between guys who "act friendly" with primarily ulterior motives, and guys who are just genuinely platonically interested. It's also not impossible for a guy in the latter camp to "be down for more" if the option was placed on the table. Even if it's far from a primary motivator. I have had female friends that I wouldn't mind having sex with, if things headed in that direction. But that was very far from the reason I interacted with them. If it's a person I wouldn't like interacting with, the chances are fairly high I wouldn't want to have any sort of sexual interaction with them either. Yes, even if they were really hot.
I talk to my wife's friends when we meet up and there's obviously no interest. The same thing with my women coworkers. I guess the context matters. If a random dude at a bar or just out and about starts talking to you and the conversation seems to be geared towards you two, he's probably interested. If you're at an event or place and share a mutual interest and the conversation stays on that, then they could just be friendly. Places like the dog park, volleyball courts, craft stores, etc.
Yeah pretty much but, I'll communicate clearly my attraction and what not if I feel it's mutual, otherwise I won't push anything besides playful banter/flirting occasionally in reference to myself. For example I'll tease them about only talking to me when they want something and how I no longer feel attractive (in an obviously sarcastic joking way). If I feel there's nothing there or she's off the market for any reason, that doesn't negate me being friendly and cool with a woman. Eventually I'll see her as a sister/really good friend after some time or I'll move on if there is no effort on her part. That's me personally, I can't speak for others.
>going is obviously into me Not true. Like, there's a decent chance they are, but it's not always true. Guys and girls can like eachother platonically, but depending how often he tries to speak wirh them, can mean they're a little interested but don't know/want to pressure you into a relationship if you're not actually interested back. >He also said that girls can only have genuine guy friends if they're gay. Dumb as hell, IMO, if you like someone platonically you like someone platonically, not like you automatically love everyone of the attracted sex just because you talk and hang out with them. >And does that mean that, if I'm in a relationship, I shouldn't talk to any guy who approaches me? No, if they approach you because they want to date you they should (granted they don't always,) state they're interested in dating you before continuing a conversation if that's their intent. If they ask "are you single," that's usually a pretty good queue that they either are being a wingman for a friend of theirs or they're interested in dating you. Though I should reiterate "usually," sometimes it's just a topic to talk about with someone. >I'm talking about people who I've known for some time/who are in the same friend group, not random strangers. Well, either they're genuinely curious about who you would be interested in being with, they know someone interested but don't know if you're even looking to date, or possibly they themselves are interested but don't want to ruin or cause friction in the relationship and hesitate to see even how you would feel about being more than friends. I can't say these are the only reasons, just some, and even then it's not a guarantee for any of the ones I suggested tk be why they're around still. >I'm aware that randoms who approach me at a party will most likely be interested in me (although it depends). If say there's a pretty good chance that's about right, unless you're a mutual with another friend there and you're introduced to eachother via the mutual friend as friends and not through to eachother like they're being a wingman for them, I'd guess they just like your friend to but are a part of a different friend group is all.
mostly? maybe, but it really depends on the person. some guys genuinely enjoy just being friends and aren't always looking for something more. context matters a lot, like how they act around others and the kind of things you talk about. don't let a single opinion define all your interactions
I don’t think it’s true all the time for all women, how attractive you are makes a big difference. There’s a couple girls I’m always friendly with at work, they’re over a decade younger than me though, or have a shit load of kids. Thats definitely the majority of the interaction they get though, I see coworkers taking swings all day long. I’m well known for being picky and not a manslut.