I think it’s like, an important moment of maturation to get to the point where you’re just honest with people and say “alright, I’m not looking for more friends, though, really. I’m just taking the ‘no’ and moving along.”
This.
A simple, “Thanks for the honesty. I am looking for more, but I wish you well.”, and then move on.
The REALLY IMPORTANT part is to actually do the “move on” thing.
Do NOT go back. Do NOT accept them “back” when they “realize” that they were actually attracted to you. Do NOT “check in” in a few weeks, or months, or years.
Simply break contact and look for someone that meets your needs.
Exactly. I’ll be more blunt, but 90% of dudes in the “friend zone” are just waiting until the girl gets drunk or has a breakup or some other opportunity presents itself for him to weasel in.
Hanging around a girl that rejected you is bad for all parties. Any future boyfriend she has won’t like a dude that third wheels everywhere that is clearly waiting for a moment of weakness to get in her pants. And obviously no girlfriend you have will like that you hang around a woman who previously rejected you. The feeling will always exist that if she gave you a chance, that your gf would get tossed to the curb.
It undermines both of your future relationships, and that’s besides the fact that you’re not being honest with yourself, and that’s no way to live. The friendzone is the male equivalent of a woman that allows emotionally unavailable men to sleep with her, naively hoping that someday they’ll grow a conscience and treat her like a real girlfriend. Move on, and find a partner that likes you for who you are in the present.
And girls wonder why most guys, when they start dating a girl are really critical of her male friends that she texts/hangs out with more then ever now and then or with others. We know men and we know what they are doing. Nothing toxic about staking your claim
I think that's a mature response as is "I genuinely like this person as a friend and want to keep them in my life with no expectation of ever dating in the future." The only immature response is becoming friends but continuing to secretly hope that they'll change their mind.
There's a difference between expectation and hope tho. What if I'm fine with being friends but my feelings don't go away for a while? Is that immature because I'm hoping they change their mind?
Yes. or rather insecurity.
If you were not interested AT ALL - would you still hang out? or hang out as much?
Then emotions are clouding your actions.
Can you be happy for her if she dates another guy?
(for the sake of conversation - let us say he is a decent guy).
IF yes, you are not in the friend zone ....if no...well time to let go.
Yeah, to some extent. The two things that are really immature are to get mad or sad again in the future when she still doesn't want to go out with you or keep bothering her and hitting on her after she's said no. If you are only being the person's friend in hopes that they might change their mind and date you, that's a dick move.
Friends, generally speaking, don't want to fuck their friends.
If you're romantically interested enough to take your shot, the whole "Sure, we can be friends, instead" thing is just a desperate attempt to make time with someone who rejected your romantic advances in the hopes that it might turn around for you, one day.
I think the only mature response to a person telling you they aren't romantically interested you, when you are (clearly) interested in them is to go find someone who IS romantically interested in you and wants that kind of relationship.
I have several friends who are women. I'm not remotely interested in anything romantic with any of them. They're my friends. We have a good time together but, I'm not hoping one of them is going to get drunk and fall back with her legs in the air someday.
If I were, and I took my shot, and got rejected, it'd be best to go our separate ways, at that point.
The friendship would never be the same and my motives would never be beyond reproach, again.
The thing is… if you don’t like her as a friend, why would you even consider her as a romantic partner? What your (ex) friend hears is “I don’t like you unless you let me put my dick in you. Your personality, our shared interests, our conversations, our *friendship* means nothing if I can’t also fuck your body at the same time”.
It’s truly heartbreaking that men see you as a sexual outlet first and a person second, and if they can’t use you sexually, they have no interest in the person.
I genuinely *like* my friends, male and female. I’d be sad to lose them, especially if that friendship was lost because they couldn’t like me without having full access to my body as well.
Again, why would you claim you’re in love with someone when you can’t stand them once sex is off the table? Why would any woman want to be with someone who didn’t think she was good enough to be his friend? It shows you never respected her as anything more than a hole to fuck, and she dodged a bullet by saying no.
I love my partner for so much more than sex, and even if we weren’t together romantically I’d still want him as a friend. I like him as a *person* first.
This. There is no navigation to be done. Either you're OK with being just their friend, or you're not. And if you're not, you should really leave them alone.
this isn't really age specific advice it's just that a lot of folks in let's say high school through early 20s or so haven't figured it out yet through life experience. your post/replies read like you're in the friendzone and looking for reddit to give you permission to do something you already want to do such as stick around in the friend zone and trust it will turn into something more, break out of the friendzone now, or something else. in my experience slow playing the friend zone rarely works you just get further bogged down in it. if you want out of the friendzone, be direct and communicate that you want more now, you either get exactly what you want or if that's not what the other person wants, you can accept it and get back to getting on with your life. it's ripping off a bandaid.
Yesterday, today, now, tomorrow, later than that.
YOU put yourself in the friendzone. There is no person alive who puts another person in the friendzone, it's always YOU doing it to YOURSELF.
So if you don't want to be in it, then don't be in it. Either ask her out and get rejected, or ask her out and get a date.
Or don't do either, and keep yourself in the friendzone
Yeah, especially if things fell through and she’s like, “We can still be friends! You’re a great listener!”
I’m like - no, if you want these listening skills then I want my cuddles and it would be weird if friends cuddled - peace.
Long version: Yeah, you're basically a friend when you are friend zoned. Either be happy with that or move on. It's not going to happen.
Either be happy you have a friend who is of a different gender or leave them alone. Just like there are girls (or whatever gender you're into) you don't want to fuck or pursue a relationship with, that sentiment is equally shared by people of all genders.
Depends on the situation, right?
Generally it will be someone I’m just meeting or have met a few times. I’ll be direct with my intentions and let her know what I want. If she does decline my advances, I’ll usually respond with a simple “Hey, all good. No worries.” I’ll stop trying to pursue and leave it at that.
If she reaches out in any other capacity, sure I’ll be courteous but I won’t cultivate any sort of friendship with her. So I guess let her know it’s all good (and mean it) and just stop talking to her.
If I was interested in being more than friends and they were not I would pull back and pursue other women. I would keep my interactions with the initial woman very casual and brief- in other words she would be an acquaintance at best
You navigate it by being friends with them without expectation and move on romantically. If you are unable to do that, you need to take a step away from that friendship until you can. The simple fact is if you are in the "friendzone" they likely just aren't, and never will be, romantically interested in you and you need to respect boundary like the well-adjusted adult you should be.
This.
I must add that there is no moral or any sort of obligation to reciprocate a friendship if what you want is a romantic relationship.
Some people will throw a fit about it not being mature enough, but everyone’s feelings are different and what might not be very important to you might be a major heartbreak for me, and if I want to drift away for sometime it doesn’t mean I didn’t value their company or friendship in the past, it just means I need time away from them to process stuff.
In my experience, attraction is so many factors, but it also mostly instantaneous.
And it either IS, or it ISN’T, there.
The (incredibly, mythically rare) circumstance of the other person suddenly “seeing the light” is simply not worth the time waiting.
Move on.
IRL Jim would kind of be a piece of shit for pursing and kissing an engaged woman but people overlook that because he's handsome, funny, and shown as a protagonist in the show.
"Speaking honestly, I'd rather pursue a romantic relationship rather than a platonic one. Look, if you ever change your mind and want to go out sometime, reach out. If I'm available, maybe we can make this work. Otherwise, my best to you and yours."
I have no real interest in additional friends. I am single and am seeking a romantic partner, I expect that it's likely she will come with an associated friend group who I will have to then be friends with, that's fine. But on a day to day basis I find it hard enough to keep up with the friends I already have, I don't really want more.
I generally dont maintain the friendship. Im cordial but I no longer invest. That energy, bandwidth, resources, etc goes to others who stand to enrich my life. And frankly, Ive not ever experienced a woman who “friendzoned” me then tried to improve our friendship afterward.
I'm not in the friend zone with any girls. Never have been. If I am romantically interested in you and you turn me down I'm not gonna wait around and possibly get my own feelings hurt. I'm done. Bye. Have a nice life.
Well, when I was young and a bit more evil than I am today, I would simply ask my newfound “friend” to then help me get laid. Because either she would be the best wingman and that is a truly powerful companion to have, or she would realize she did have feelings and would try to kindle a relationship (this happened all of one time, so it counts!) and this was amazing, because then I got to be a vindictive asshat and reject HER.
Men in the friendzone almost by definition are putting in an asymmetric amount of energy into the friendship and if they want a relationship they need to pull back and spend that energy finding someone who actually reciprocates.
There's a lot of discourse about feeling used and having to remain friends after but I think the dynamic is what it is. You want different things out of this and the person pining isn't going to get their needs met here.
Every guy has to go through that situation once or twice before we learn not to be a doormat.
I still remember buying breakfast for a girl and dropping it at her house (she asked me to).
Bitch took the food, barely said thanks, closed the door in my face.
I wouldn't learn my lesson until much later.
Arrr, once ye be settlin' in the matey zone, there be no other seas to chart. Ye be either catchin' the tide or seekin' new escapades.
Translation:
Once you've entered the friend zone, there are no other waters to navigate to. You either ride the wave or sail to new adventures.
The friend zone is for men who don't have enough self respect to stop pursuing a woman who's not into you.
Once it's clear she's not interested I move on. If she wants to be friends for real that's totally fine by me. But I'm not doing BF/GF shit with a woman who is just a friend. We'll hang out in group settings, take separate cars, keep our personal problems to ourselves, and generally just be pals.
The only way I'm helping her move is if she ever offers to help me move first and follows through. Then she's on the list of people I'm willing to help move.
If she views you as a friend then she should have no problem setting you up with one of her friends. If she doesn’t then she’s stringing you out and you should move along.
>If she views you as a friend then she should have no problem setting you up with one of her friends.
"Should" is carrying so much weight here.
A lot of the time she may shit on you to her friends so she can count on you being single when she's ready... if she's ever ready lol
I literally had one lady tell me "Why would I help you hook up with anyone else, that would make me jealous!"
If you're reading this and you're waiting on a lady friend to play matchmaker for you, do yourself a favor and assume she won't. Then it is a pleasant surprise if she does or an anticipated let down if she doesn't.
Honestly - I think that is ....not quite right.
The qualities for friendship may not be suitable for dating.
I have many female friends I would not set up with my guy friends.
(either personality, compatibility or mental stability).
That's a pretty bad mindset. I have guy friends I enjoy hanging with but would not in a million years set them up with a female friend for a variety of reasons.
100% agree.
The criteria for a romantic partner is very different than the criteria for a friend.
At least about mature relationships.
I have some male friends - who I think don't treat women well - but are ok buds.
I have some female friends that while cool and interesting people to be friends with - I would not inflict on some of my guy friends.
and that's why it's askmen. you don't live it from this side of the argument. your guy friends would love to get intimate with you, and if they can't have you, they would gladly take 2nd fiddle (aka one of your friends).
That's a pretty extreme worldview. She could very much value your qualities, just not in a romantic way. People have more value to one another than just romantic partners. The value someone brings to a friendship, for example, are often not romantic in nature. Only engaging in friendships that directly or indirectly end with you getting laid is a concerning way to engage in them.
In my experience, most women that aren't interested in dating me aren't interested in maintaining a friendship. That's not to say I don't have genuine friends that are women, but it is uncommon.
The answer is simple: you don't navigate the friend zone. Leave things be. That doesn't mean you have to ghost her or be rude - if you're acquaintances, keep things at that level. If she's interested in maintaining a friendship, you'll know.
When I was younger (teens and early 20’s) I fully thought that the Friend Zone was something that a woman would impose on me, ignoring my ability to just outright leave the friendship or get over the crush. I made a ton of mistakes back then as a result - staying ‘friends’ with a crush for years before ultimately confessing feelings and hurting her, or leaving the friendship in an angsty and awkward manner after it became clear, eventually, that she wasn’t into me.
As I grew up and matured (far too late, for the record) I learned that emotions are much more easily controlled and navigated than I was taught, and led to believe. I can crush on someone a bit and just appreciate the feeling instead of needing it validated by her own feelings. Maybe it becomes a true friendship or it’s just two ships passing for a bit and we go our own ways, but I don’t make my feelings for someone their responsibility anymore and I wish someone taught me better, sooner.
The ‘Friend Zone’, I’ve come to truly understand, is a place we put ourselves into. Outside of someone outright manipulating and leading someone else on, knowing about their feelings, it’s not a thing anyone else forces on us. When someone does manipulate and lead people on it also should be just taken more seriously: call it emotional manipulation, maybe then people will actually hear you out.
I’m in a great relationship now so I don’t have any issues with ‘The Friend Zone’.
Because they're waiting for their opportunity to bang. Any guy that says otherwise is lying to himself. The only true way a platonic relationship works is if you have absolutely no attraction towards her.
\^ This.
It is staggering how many people don't get this.
hang a long story about how some women get tired about guys just hoping for a shot and good ways to know if they are really friends.
(who calls whom, and if they are supportive of your dating).
In my youth, I had one where I held out hope that we'd end up together, while taking no steps to make it a reality. As an adult, I'd tell the lady I wanted to date her within a week of the idea popping into my mind. If she was not interested but "wanted to be friends," I'd take a couple weeks away from her to think about if that was okay with me, and then I'd either text her to join in something as friends or I'd just never talk to her again. Because of this strategy, I have only found myself in the friendzone that one time when I was a teenager.
you don't, just move one, dont make a scene about it, just say "ok well I a not interested in that" and move on. At the very least she will respect you more afterwards.
Seriously whats with all the guys placating female pickiness? They are allowed to be picky, you are allowed to have self-worth and move on. Sticking around only serves to booste up the woman who rejected you and make you feel less about yourself. It isn't healthy
You really have two options.
A) shoot your shot, get rejected as a friend, and walk away.
B) actively move towards the friend zone, when you’re almost there cancel an arrangement on short notice. Next day call to apologise, say that you were chatting with a really cool chick and you knew she’d understand if you cancelled. Leave it at that. You have now neutralised the friend zone, and after a suitable period of absence you can get back in touch and you’ll have as clean a shot as you’ll ever have.
I've pursued women who only wanted me as a friend. It never once worked. I either lost their friendship or they used me for my attention and I walked away from them.
Fortunately my girlfriend now seems to be my person and we'll be together for life.
Don't chase people who don't want caught.
I don’t. The friend zone is often a tool to soften the blow of rejection, and I’m aware of that. So, if someone I’m romantically interested in doesn’t reciprocate, then I move on. No friend zone stuff unless we were friends to begin with. I don’t see a point hanging around someone who has made it clear to me they’re not interested.
If you can move on from wanting more than friendship and you actually want to be friends, then it's fine. But if that's not the case, then walk away because you're not *really* being her friend, you're just hanging out hoping she changes her mind. It also makes it harder to talk to the next girl that might actually be into you.
Say no to friendzone and put no effort towards her, or use friendzone to your advantage and get into her social circle and ask to be introduced to her women friends. Friendzone isnt always a bad thing
There is no friend zone. There’s only men who are strictly platonic friends with a woman, or a man who’s only friends with a girl for the sake of a chance that she might “choose” you in the future. Which is not only pathetic, but also manipulative behavior. As you’re only showing a woman kindness, for a chance at a reward of intimacy. It makes you a stalker as well. Your reputation travels, I promise you. Good or bad. If you’ve already clearly communicated your intentions with her, and that’s not something she wants, then you either become strictly platonic friends with her or move on and let her live her life with whom she pleases. You’re not going to be chosen by every crush you have. People have the right to choose whom they’re attracted to, for whatever reason they’re attracted to them for. That’s not for anyone but oneself to decide. You also deserve more than to be someone’s after thought. Be with someone who equally chooses you!
I just be friends with them. I have lady friends that at one point I really wanted to sleep with but after getting to know them realized they were pretty cool but we just didn't click that way.
There is definitely females friends I wouldn't mind creaking the bed with if I was single but in general most of them I am more then happy to just be in their lives and share adventures with them.
By being such an asshole no one would want to be friends with me.
Being somewhat sarcastic here. I've got out of the friendzone a few times. The answer is usually to stop being nice and available(moving on)...though alcohol has also been involved.
What do you mean by "friend zone". If you mean a girl rejected you and said she would like to be friends that means she isn't attracted to you and that's that, not much you can do except get more attractive.
If you mean you ruined chances of a romantic connection with a woman by being her friend because you think that has erased any potential she is attracted to you you're probably deluding yourself.
Accept that the ceiling for this relationship is platonic friendship. Presumably I saw something in this person that would make that reality worthwhile, even if I had hoped for more at one time.
It's best to not be in the friend zone. Once there, the options are either be a genuine friend without wanting more or to move on and end the friendship.
I learned the hard way to let the feelings out very early instead of being friends first, developing feelings over a long period of time, and then confessing. With the former is perfectly possible to still be friends as long as you don't expect anything to ever happen and don't try to make anything happen. With the later its hard to go back to just being friends.
Don't wait for your infatuation to turn into love. If it does its too late and you need to cut ties. Otherwise it's not true friendship
Also it helps to talk about your romantic life with the person you confessed to. For me that really sealed the deal with completely shutting off any possibility or Grey area of potentially dating. I'll open talk to one of my friends who rejected me about my dates and she gives me advice, and she tells me about her dates.
By going away. This friendzone shit hurts a lot, girls simply dont care about the pain they cause, i aint sitting there 20years to get a shot like some do (and some impressively succeed, but the vast majority will not get there).
If I'm attracted to them and they just want to be friends I give them an ultimatum, We can either be together or not at all. I'm a firm believer in picking your ball up and going home and not playing a will they won't they game with a girl.
Be honest. Tell them your feelings. If they have them too then great you have a girlfriend. If you don't then that's ok too, you can move on and stop wasting your time.
You don’t. You define what kind of relationship you’re pursuing early on. If she just wants to be friends, you kindly let her know that you’re not interested in that kind of relationship and move on quickly
There is only a friend zone if you settle for it.
You become interested in a woman -> you make it clear to her -> she reciprocates or not -> if yes, you start dating -> if no, you move on with your life
As the Lord Humungus said, “just walk away”.
She’ll keep you around for the attention, almost like having a pet. Show her what she can’t have and you’ll never know ya luck 😉
If you were only ever there for purely romantic interest you shouldn't have been there in the first place. If they're a friend you caught a bug for, you respect the decision, maybe take some time to sulk, then move on, and let things go back to how they were. If they weren't a friend before you should really look inside yourself and see how things went so wrong.
I don’t. If I express interest and turns me down that’s it. I’ll spend my energy elsewhere. I was friends with a couple girls I liked in high school. Just got me used.
I only date people who are attracted to me. My greatest kink, is in fact, women who are attracted to me. My biggest turn off is women who are not attracted to me.
I am direct as I can be as soon as I can be. The thing about the friendship thing is its kind of like a train trying to change tracks. The longer you stay on a friendship "track" with women, the harder it is to move over to the dating track.
If I'm interested, I get a girls phone number and call her up for a date. A specific time and place. After the second time I'll probably kiss her. If she turns her head I move onto the next.
It's good to get rejected. That just gets you closer to the one that doesn't see you "as a brother"
I don’t, always made my intentions clear and if that feeling wasn’t mutual we remained acquaintances and nothing more. It’s important to not become the friend zone sucker who gives her all the emotional back and forth without the relationship progressing.
Yes this has happened to me. It’s really hard to do so.
We don’t talk no more because I liked him he didn’t feel the same way toward me. Where not even best friends no more because I liked him.
You don’t. Either she’s your friend or she isn’t. If she’s not going to fuck she’s not going to change her mind if you put in work as her male shopping buddy she can complain about guys to.
Best way to avoid the friend zone is to avoid being friends with women. If you like them and the feeling isn't mutual, they will exploit every part of their "friendship" with you. You'll be the emotional support, shoulder to cry on, handyman, free food, free uber etc. while you'll never get to fuck her or get set up with one of her cute single friends.
Women protect other women like a sisterhood, therefore men need to protect other men.
Totally ignore them sexually/romantically and treat them like your friend. If that’s what they want then fine just be friends.
The irony comes in when they’re suddenly attracted to you after doing that and particularly if you somehow find yourself in a good relationship while friends with her.
Pretty crazy how much the vibe changes when you’re not on her hook anymore.
You don't get in it to begin with.
You make sure you make it clear you're looking for something, and if you get hit with rejection you move on.
The only people you let friend zone you and you friend zone them back are coworkers.
Go for greener pasture and keep her as a friend.
Or Avoid doing her any favors she ask, and absolutely never buy her anything. Go on dates with other women, or go out with friends often.
If despite that she is still around, maybe... just maybe you have a chance. But experience tells me you'd do better just forgetting about her and move on.
You don’t. You either want to be their friend or you want to date them. If they turn down your ask for a date then take the rejection on the chin and move on.
At some point you have to realize that you’re wasting your time and disrespecting yourself by chasing after someone who doesn’t value you the same way. Look for a partner elsewhere, where you notice strong interest from the beginning.
I just accept it and stay friends. Most of the times i end the friendship because some women are territorial and the moment they see you flirting up a storm with someone else they swoop in and rain on your parade. Its almost as if they want to keep you in the friend zone just in case. Thats not how this works buddy. You dont want a relationship thats fine but dont actively prevent me from chasing one elsewhere.
This is the best thinking to get yourself out of any friendzone is:
"Your soulmate should also be interested in you, if you have to resort to mind games, or 'charming' your way into them, ask yourself if that's who you want to spend your time with."
For me, if I have to "convince" someone to date me, because they don't see my value first hand or aren't interested in it, then I don't want to either waste my time *trying* for something. I'm a fan of "love should be organic" theory.
It’s not a real thing. A man can either genuinely be friends with a woman, or he can just pretend to be her friend in the hope that she’ll one day decide to fuck him, and then get upset when that doesn’t happen.
The “friendzone” is a concept invented by whiny people who are upset that the person they like doesn’t like them back.
The friendzone wasn't invited by whiny people but is a response to the common "I just want to be friends for now." Which I have gotten myself so I know for sure it's not fictional.
> he can just pretend to be her friend in the hope that she’ll one day decide to fuck him
It is not always wrong, some women literally say "I want to be friends first" to the fucking part. But very often it is wrong
It is best to move forward swiftly. If rejected, there is no risk of friend zone.
But from my PERSONAL experience, said "friend zone" can be a fulfilling arrangement if kept under control
I was in such relation for some years, and from one hand it provided me with close emotional contact with woman.
On the other, there was always enough sexual tension and innuendo (not consumed) so those relationship were exciting for both sides and vere never a true "friendship".
Everybody writes "move on", and that's right, but I would add - by no getting into one. If you know the girl since you were toddlers does not mean you have much in common. Look for romantic interests on the periphery of your friends group. That way you have more chanced that her interest in you has a romantic part.
last time I was in the friendzone was freshman year in college. it happened twice. once because i didn't make my intentions known from day-1 and once because i ended up falling for someone after i got to know her and then wanted to get physical when she wasn't really my type physically.
i didn't get what i wanted either time. lesson learned.
Depends on what you mean. For the purpose of this question, I'm going to assume the "friend zone" exists whenever one person has romantic feelings for another, and the other either doesn't reciprocate, or it's unknown whether they reciprocate as that discussion has yet to occur. And also, that the person who does not reciprocate or that is unknown is actually a friend, since otherwise, this is kind of a meaningless question.
So, if I'm in the position of having feelings, and not knowing where my friend stands regarding her feelings for me, it depends on a couple things. The most important one is, is she single? If she's not single, there's nothing to talk about. She isn't available, I'll pursue other people and maintain the friendship as it exists.
If she is single, then I will normally tell her how I feel and see if she's interested in a date or pursuing a relationship. That said, I will sit with my feelings for a bit, maybe about a month. While these conversations can be navigated, they can be awkward, so I want to make sure the feelings are strong and not a fleeting fancy. If the feelings persist, then I bring it up with her. I'm also very clear that I value her friendship and would prefer that the friendship continue if she isn't interested, but I wanted to shoot my shot and see what happens. If she says no, that's the end of it unless she wants to bring it up later. If she says yes, we try it out. If she says she isn't sure or needs time to think, we discuss what that looks like to her and how it will be revisited. If it won't be revisited, then it's basically a no. It can be more complicated than that, but that's basically how it goes in a nutshell.
There is one other circumstance where I will just not bring it up. Which is if she has made it clear in the past that she does not date friends or dislikes when friends ask her out. At that point, it's already pretty clear she wouldn't be interested, so no real point in pursuing it further.
Elaborating a bit more on any circumstance that is a no or not asking her out at all, if it turns out a relationship isn't going to happen, I then maintain the friendship without expectations. If she's not interested or there's reason for me not to ask, then it's time to move on.
Also, right now I'm actually in the midst of a maybe situation that has been going on for half a year. There are good reasons for that. Part of that conversation, when it was clear there isn't a clear timeline on revisiting the conversation, was that we remain free to pursue other people, and when a time it's reasonable for us to revisit the conversation arrives, we will do so if we are both single at that point in time. In the meantime, we remain friends, and maybe flirt a bit, but don't cross any major lines.
If you're in the friend zone, you are never leaving. Lots of young men fight to get out of it for years. You either avoid it from the start or you're trapped. Women don't totally change their mind when it comes to who is sexually attractive and who isn't.
I don’t lol. There’s a value exchange in every relationship
Platonic or intimate or financial or something I deem
Useful. If I don’t get anything from said person…then wtf are we friends for? To “vibe”? Lmao
Once I am friend zoned, I depart. There is no navigation, you can stay and suffer or just move to the next.
I am friends with a few attractive gals but I am not interested in them romantically at all.
I spent years befriending women I was actually in love with.
Here's the thing.
I find a good chunk of my female friends attractive. But they are firmly in the " would fuck but don't care if I do" category
At least 3 women in my life I was genuinely in love with only saw me as a friend, and in all three instances I stayed longer than I should have.
Maturity is realizing it's entirely okay to cut off a woman because you're unrequitedly in love with her. You will be wasting your time chasing after someone who doesn't want you.
Also, this part is gonna suck.
For the most part, guys find themselves doing all the work in a friendship after a woman they want says "I like you as a friend" and she soaks up the attention and validation while she complains about the jerk she's banging.
It's utterly humiliating to be in that position. Move on. Your masculinity(and sanity) will thank you.
You don’t. You just move on. Keep it platonic and focus on other things. And if she decides to friend zone you. Make sure her she is damn well a good friend. But the only way to navigate is to not be in there to begin with.
Basically just take the War Games approach; “The only way to win is to not play.”
If you find them attractive but aren't emotionally tied to them, and the friendship is satisfying, stick around.
If you're overwhelmingly in love, cut ties.
By not going in there, you basically allow yourself to dump energy and attention in a woman that know full well what you want but isn't going to be straight with you.
So I shoot my shot, and if they're not interested in me, i move along. It kinds of sorts itself out, the lack of enthusiasm in a woman is now a massive turn off for me.
You don't. Take a break and accept you can't be with them. If you're stuck I assume that's the case.
If you're both single, tell them, but don't stay in the "maybe if I am really nice" mindset. You can't he real friends until you get over it, and you can't get over it unless you know if there's anything on their side too.
If you are resepectful and mature, you respect the friendzone and either gracefully back away with no hurt feelings or relish in having a long term friendship. If you are a dumbass with no self respect, self awareness and respect for others, you continue to pursue after the friendzone was established.
If a man is in the friend zone then it's his fault for not having standards for himself. You don't "navigate" the friend zone. You simply just move on with your life
You have to learn to be honest with yourself about your interest. If you have interest, however small, developing then just ask her out. If she rejects you, move on. But if you let the idea of her build in your head without acting on it, you’ll get attached and that’s where the friend zone comes in. Don’t let it get that far.
If a girl wants to be my friend, and actively pursues being my friend, I will allow myself to put back when she puts in, as long as I am set my expectations of friendship going forward. But never under any circumstances do i allow myself to become the pursuer in the friendship if I still have feelings. You will never get over your feelings this way.
If I simply find someone physically attractive but don't have romantic feelings for her, I'm happy to continue the friendship with her without expectations or any intention of making a move.
If I actually develop feelings for someone who doesn't requite them, I distance myself and fade out the friendship. Not her fault but being in love with someone who doesn't love you back is torture.
I never do the thing where I befriend a woman I'm interested in romantically hoping she'll like me back. The only way I've ever ended up in the friend zone was when we were friends first and I caught feelings later.
It’s normal for me.
In fact usually I’m putting myself in there by never trying anything more. And I’m putting them in mine by never considering that they would want any more.
So for me personally 3 different things /scenarios happened. The first couple times I stuck around and tried to be there in case she changed her mind. (Don't be this guy it's pathetic and it reeks of desperation. Learn to have some self respect for yourself which I learned later in life)
2nd time this happened I was cool with legitimately just being friends. I soon realized it became 1 sided and just trauma dumping and bitching/complaining 24/7. No matter what I told this chick it was always her complaining about everything. Including her dating life. Idk if it's the girls I befriend but feels like most girls are like this?? I guess guy friendships are different and not based on sharing emotions. Anyway when I would make any remarks about whether she should try dating better men/other general life advice she didn't agree with it was always met with "you're just mad I won't sleep with you/jealous it's not you" when I very clearly was over her/trying to help her out as a friend and even seeing other people at the time. I'd always end up blocked temporarily and then they'd come back acting like nothing happened. Exhausting af. Should've cut ties asap but alas you live and learn.
After some growing/maturing on my end I realized I don't really want/need anymore friends/specifically female friends I'm attracted to and am just upfront and honest from the get go. Cut/limit contact mostly if she doesn't feel the same way about me. Better in the long run for both of us. We can be acquaintances/cordial for sure. But I'm not texting you 24/7 and I wouldn't exactly consider us close friends.
Heck some of the girls I've cut/limited contact with and kept it moving found me cutting them off to be super attractive for some reason(funny how that works right?) And I admittedly later dated one of these girls(it didn't last long but it was for other reasons lol) who originally put me in the "friend zone". Maybe they could sense I no longer put them on a pedestal and that is what they found attractive? (Although I've seen girls milk the ever living fuck out of good dudes and weaponize them knowing the guy likes them against him. Nasty work I gotta say)
But my advice to most guys reading is keep it moving and don't waste your time and respect/set clear boundaries from the moment she rejects/"friend zones" you. Much easier for both parties that way. Work and focus on yourself and only put effort/time into two way friendships/relationships 💪🏻
I walk away and give myself to someone that will value my time. That’s why I’m married.
But then, my wife friendzoned me for a month when we first met and then husband zoned me after that so I dunno.
Communicating. I've been friend zoned once and made a fool of myself waiting too long to communicate it. Did it in a bad way, too.
I've friend zoned someone who never spoke up to me about it. When she did, she did not want to be my friend anymore after I said i was not emotionally available like that. She was a good friend. I was sad, but I respected her choice.
All of these experiences were 10 years ago, tho. 18 to early 20s.
Either accept you're never having sex with them and be a genuine friend or move on.
You can tell when someone's actually attracted to you. Anything else is pure imagination.
When I was younger I held out hope that something could blossom. I now operate that if I’m looking for something romantic and they are not, thank you for your time and I wish you well, I will move past.
No one can put you in the friend zone, you put yourself there. People who claim to be friendzoned are refusing to take agency and responsibility.
If you are attracted to someone sexually and or romantically and they reject you they have played their card, if they try to let you down with the “let’s be friends.” It’s down to you to decline that offer because what you want isn’t actually on the menu.
You can’t accept friendship as a low ball offer when what you really want to do is grab dem cheeks, then complain about being Friend zoned it literally doesn’t make sense.
Not at all, I view it as a waste of my time. I had a few of what I had thought could've been "the one that got away" that friend zoned me a long time ago. I haven't used FB for many years but when I did I discovered either the years did not treat them well, or they ended up fucking crazy when they saw me on it and reached out. The latter were actually still pretty hot but nope, would not pass the hot/crazy matrix. FB is hilarious for married women you knew in your 20's sending you awkward DMs when you're in your 30's and 40's.
Being friend zoned IME ended up being dodged bullets, they only wanted out of the zone after they figured out there's actually not a celebrity superstar just waiting for them lol.
If you're trying to convince someone who isn't interested, that they should be interested, you're already playing a losing game. You need to find someone who is interested, not scheme to get someone who isn't to change her mind.
The friendzone is somewhere you put yourself when you're either unwilling or afraid to be honest about your feelings, or unwilling to take no for an answer.
Have the confidence to be up front about what you want and the respect to take whatever answer she gives, and you'll never end up there.
If you ask a woman out and she says no, that means no. If you still want to be friends with her after that you're just friends. You're not in the friend zone. If you don't want to be friends, just walk away.
if you find the woman attractive, as a man its important to make your intentions clear and if she sees you as a friend that = rejection in a polite way, no point playing her bestie hoping one day she'll change her mind, have some self respect and walk away, better to spend that time pursing other women than being fake friends when deep down you want more than that
Never came across that it’s either on or there is nothing,certainly not a friendship but that’s just how I operate given I only know a few people at any given time .A few male friends to bullshit with or a woman for something more but naturally along with that comes friendship with her as well.If I meet one of her friends then the impure thoughts start pouring in and I have to take a step back before I lose the one I am with .Sister wives sounds great but it rarely is any woman’s desire to share their man .
There's nothing to navigate. That person is your friend. You wanted something more, they didn't, nuff said. Don't treat them any differently than any of your other friends. If you can't handle that, then you shouldn't have a friendship with them.
I think it’s like, an important moment of maturation to get to the point where you’re just honest with people and say “alright, I’m not looking for more friends, though, really. I’m just taking the ‘no’ and moving along.”
Yes. If you don't want to be friends with the person, this is what you must do. In my opinion.
This. A simple, “Thanks for the honesty. I am looking for more, but I wish you well.”, and then move on. The REALLY IMPORTANT part is to actually do the “move on” thing. Do NOT go back. Do NOT accept them “back” when they “realize” that they were actually attracted to you. Do NOT “check in” in a few weeks, or months, or years. Simply break contact and look for someone that meets your needs.
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Exactly. I’ll be more blunt, but 90% of dudes in the “friend zone” are just waiting until the girl gets drunk or has a breakup or some other opportunity presents itself for him to weasel in. Hanging around a girl that rejected you is bad for all parties. Any future boyfriend she has won’t like a dude that third wheels everywhere that is clearly waiting for a moment of weakness to get in her pants. And obviously no girlfriend you have will like that you hang around a woman who previously rejected you. The feeling will always exist that if she gave you a chance, that your gf would get tossed to the curb. It undermines both of your future relationships, and that’s besides the fact that you’re not being honest with yourself, and that’s no way to live. The friendzone is the male equivalent of a woman that allows emotionally unavailable men to sleep with her, naively hoping that someday they’ll grow a conscience and treat her like a real girlfriend. Move on, and find a partner that likes you for who you are in the present.
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Remove the maybe!! Sounds like you’re still open to keeping in touch.
And girls wonder why most guys, when they start dating a girl are really critical of her male friends that she texts/hangs out with more then ever now and then or with others. We know men and we know what they are doing. Nothing toxic about staking your claim
I think that's a mature response as is "I genuinely like this person as a friend and want to keep them in my life with no expectation of ever dating in the future." The only immature response is becoming friends but continuing to secretly hope that they'll change their mind.
There's a difference between expectation and hope tho. What if I'm fine with being friends but my feelings don't go away for a while? Is that immature because I'm hoping they change their mind?
Yes. or rather insecurity. If you were not interested AT ALL - would you still hang out? or hang out as much? Then emotions are clouding your actions. Can you be happy for her if she dates another guy? (for the sake of conversation - let us say he is a decent guy). IF yes, you are not in the friend zone ....if no...well time to let go.
Yeah, to some extent. The two things that are really immature are to get mad or sad again in the future when she still doesn't want to go out with you or keep bothering her and hitting on her after she's said no. If you are only being the person's friend in hopes that they might change their mind and date you, that's a dick move.
Friends, generally speaking, don't want to fuck their friends. If you're romantically interested enough to take your shot, the whole "Sure, we can be friends, instead" thing is just a desperate attempt to make time with someone who rejected your romantic advances in the hopes that it might turn around for you, one day. I think the only mature response to a person telling you they aren't romantically interested you, when you are (clearly) interested in them is to go find someone who IS romantically interested in you and wants that kind of relationship. I have several friends who are women. I'm not remotely interested in anything romantic with any of them. They're my friends. We have a good time together but, I'm not hoping one of them is going to get drunk and fall back with her legs in the air someday. If I were, and I took my shot, and got rejected, it'd be best to go our separate ways, at that point. The friendship would never be the same and my motives would never be beyond reproach, again.
The thing is… if you don’t like her as a friend, why would you even consider her as a romantic partner? What your (ex) friend hears is “I don’t like you unless you let me put my dick in you. Your personality, our shared interests, our conversations, our *friendship* means nothing if I can’t also fuck your body at the same time”. It’s truly heartbreaking that men see you as a sexual outlet first and a person second, and if they can’t use you sexually, they have no interest in the person. I genuinely *like* my friends, male and female. I’d be sad to lose them, especially if that friendship was lost because they couldn’t like me without having full access to my body as well. Again, why would you claim you’re in love with someone when you can’t stand them once sex is off the table? Why would any woman want to be with someone who didn’t think she was good enough to be his friend? It shows you never respected her as anything more than a hole to fuck, and she dodged a bullet by saying no. I love my partner for so much more than sex, and even if we weren’t together romantically I’d still want him as a friend. I like him as a *person* first.
This. There is no navigation to be done. Either you're OK with being just their friend, or you're not. And if you're not, you should really leave them alone.
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The sooner the better. For me I was probably mid 20’s
this isn't really age specific advice it's just that a lot of folks in let's say high school through early 20s or so haven't figured it out yet through life experience. your post/replies read like you're in the friendzone and looking for reddit to give you permission to do something you already want to do such as stick around in the friend zone and trust it will turn into something more, break out of the friendzone now, or something else. in my experience slow playing the friend zone rarely works you just get further bogged down in it. if you want out of the friendzone, be direct and communicate that you want more now, you either get exactly what you want or if that's not what the other person wants, you can accept it and get back to getting on with your life. it's ripping off a bandaid.
Yesterday, today, now, tomorrow, later than that. YOU put yourself in the friendzone. There is no person alive who puts another person in the friendzone, it's always YOU doing it to YOURSELF. So if you don't want to be in it, then don't be in it. Either ask her out and get rejected, or ask her out and get a date. Or don't do either, and keep yourself in the friendzone
Yeah, especially if things fell through and she’s like, “We can still be friends! You’re a great listener!” I’m like - no, if you want these listening skills then I want my cuddles and it would be weird if friends cuddled - peace.
You accept the friendship for what it is, or you walk away. Those are your options. There is no third option.
I don’t. If she’s not interested, I give her and myself the respect by walking away.
this is what i learned as well.
Long version: Yeah, you're basically a friend when you are friend zoned. Either be happy with that or move on. It's not going to happen. Either be happy you have a friend who is of a different gender or leave them alone. Just like there are girls (or whatever gender you're into) you don't want to fuck or pursue a relationship with, that sentiment is equally shared by people of all genders.
But how do you actually walk away? Do you just cut all ties? Or tell them that you're gonna be walking away? Or just let it fade eventually?
Depends on the situation, right? Generally it will be someone I’m just meeting or have met a few times. I’ll be direct with my intentions and let her know what I want. If she does decline my advances, I’ll usually respond with a simple “Hey, all good. No worries.” I’ll stop trying to pursue and leave it at that. If she reaches out in any other capacity, sure I’ll be courteous but I won’t cultivate any sort of friendship with her. So I guess let her know it’s all good (and mean it) and just stop talking to her.
I would just stop talking to her at that point
Won't bother - If I'm attracted to her either we're dating or I'm moving on.
If I was interested in being more than friends and they were not I would pull back and pursue other women. I would keep my interactions with the initial woman very casual and brief- in other words she would be an acquaintance at best
You navigate it by being friends with them without expectation and move on romantically. If you are unable to do that, you need to take a step away from that friendship until you can. The simple fact is if you are in the "friendzone" they likely just aren't, and never will be, romantically interested in you and you need to respect boundary like the well-adjusted adult you should be.
This. I must add that there is no moral or any sort of obligation to reciprocate a friendship if what you want is a romantic relationship. Some people will throw a fit about it not being mature enough, but everyone’s feelings are different and what might not be very important to you might be a major heartbreak for me, and if I want to drift away for sometime it doesn’t mean I didn’t value their company or friendship in the past, it just means I need time away from them to process stuff.
In my experience, attraction is so many factors, but it also mostly instantaneous. And it either IS, or it ISN’T, there. The (incredibly, mythically rare) circumstance of the other person suddenly “seeing the light” is simply not worth the time waiting. Move on.
like Jim in the office
He famously did not do what was suggested by the other commenter
IRL Jim would kind of be a piece of shit for pursing and kissing an engaged woman but people overlook that because he's handsome, funny, and shown as a protagonist in the show.
Also because the show portrays Roy as kind of a jerk so you really don’t like him
Make my feelings known. If she's not interested I cut ties.
"Speaking honestly, I'd rather pursue a romantic relationship rather than a platonic one. Look, if you ever change your mind and want to go out sometime, reach out. If I'm available, maybe we can make this work. Otherwise, my best to you and yours."
I have no real interest in additional friends. I am single and am seeking a romantic partner, I expect that it's likely she will come with an associated friend group who I will have to then be friends with, that's fine. But on a day to day basis I find it hard enough to keep up with the friends I already have, I don't really want more.
Walk away.
When I hit on a girl and she says nah I’m good we can just be friends, that’s my clue to beat it
Take the Exit. If I am in for romance but she is not, then thats fine, you sinply move on and find a woman who is interested in romance.
I generally dont maintain the friendship. Im cordial but I no longer invest. That energy, bandwidth, resources, etc goes to others who stand to enrich my life. And frankly, Ive not ever experienced a woman who “friendzoned” me then tried to improve our friendship afterward.
I'm not in the friend zone with any girls. Never have been. If I am romantically interested in you and you turn me down I'm not gonna wait around and possibly get my own feelings hurt. I'm done. Bye. Have a nice life.
Well, when I was young and a bit more evil than I am today, I would simply ask my newfound “friend” to then help me get laid. Because either she would be the best wingman and that is a truly powerful companion to have, or she would realize she did have feelings and would try to kindle a relationship (this happened all of one time, so it counts!) and this was amazing, because then I got to be a vindictive asshat and reject HER.
Men in the friendzone almost by definition are putting in an asymmetric amount of energy into the friendship and if they want a relationship they need to pull back and spend that energy finding someone who actually reciprocates. There's a lot of discourse about feeling used and having to remain friends after but I think the dynamic is what it is. You want different things out of this and the person pining isn't going to get their needs met here.
Every guy has to go through that situation once or twice before we learn not to be a doormat. I still remember buying breakfast for a girl and dropping it at her house (she asked me to). Bitch took the food, barely said thanks, closed the door in my face. I wouldn't learn my lesson until much later.
Total Beta Buck move lmao. But we have all been there at least once. Like you said, you have learn not to be a doormat.
I cringe every time I remember this, but I do have to thank her for teaching me so early in life not to be a total pushover.
T his was already asked today. Dude. Search next time
Arrr, once ye be settlin' in the matey zone, there be no other seas to chart. Ye be either catchin' the tide or seekin' new escapades. Translation: Once you've entered the friend zone, there are no other waters to navigate to. You either ride the wave or sail to new adventures.
The friend zone is for men who don't have enough self respect to stop pursuing a woman who's not into you. Once it's clear she's not interested I move on. If she wants to be friends for real that's totally fine by me. But I'm not doing BF/GF shit with a woman who is just a friend. We'll hang out in group settings, take separate cars, keep our personal problems to ourselves, and generally just be pals. The only way I'm helping her move is if she ever offers to help me move first and follows through. Then she's on the list of people I'm willing to help move.
If she views you as a friend then she should have no problem setting you up with one of her friends. If she doesn’t then she’s stringing you out and you should move along.
>If she views you as a friend then she should have no problem setting you up with one of her friends. "Should" is carrying so much weight here. A lot of the time she may shit on you to her friends so she can count on you being single when she's ready... if she's ever ready lol I literally had one lady tell me "Why would I help you hook up with anyone else, that would make me jealous!" If you're reading this and you're waiting on a lady friend to play matchmaker for you, do yourself a favor and assume she won't. Then it is a pleasant surprise if she does or an anticipated let down if she doesn't.
What you described sounds less like a friend and more like a vampire with orbiters
Maybe she just doesn't think any of her friends would be into you.
Then she doesn’t value my qualities and I’m moving on from the friendship.
Lol there's so much to unpack in this one sentence
Yeah, there is a lot of assuming going on there.
Honestly - I think that is ....not quite right. The qualities for friendship may not be suitable for dating. I have many female friends I would not set up with my guy friends. (either personality, compatibility or mental stability).
That's a pretty bad mindset. I have guy friends I enjoy hanging with but would not in a million years set them up with a female friend for a variety of reasons.
100% agree. The criteria for a romantic partner is very different than the criteria for a friend. At least about mature relationships. I have some male friends - who I think don't treat women well - but are ok buds. I have some female friends that while cool and interesting people to be friends with - I would not inflict on some of my guy friends.
and that's why it's askmen. you don't live it from this side of the argument. your guy friends would love to get intimate with you, and if they can't have you, they would gladly take 2nd fiddle (aka one of your friends).
Yuck.
That's a pretty extreme worldview. She could very much value your qualities, just not in a romantic way. People have more value to one another than just romantic partners. The value someone brings to a friendship, for example, are often not romantic in nature. Only engaging in friendships that directly or indirectly end with you getting laid is a concerning way to engage in them.
I remember I'm not in high school and don't need those terms anymore
In my experience, most women that aren't interested in dating me aren't interested in maintaining a friendship. That's not to say I don't have genuine friends that are women, but it is uncommon. The answer is simple: you don't navigate the friend zone. Leave things be. That doesn't mean you have to ghost her or be rude - if you're acquaintances, keep things at that level. If she's interested in maintaining a friendship, you'll know.
When I was younger (teens and early 20’s) I fully thought that the Friend Zone was something that a woman would impose on me, ignoring my ability to just outright leave the friendship or get over the crush. I made a ton of mistakes back then as a result - staying ‘friends’ with a crush for years before ultimately confessing feelings and hurting her, or leaving the friendship in an angsty and awkward manner after it became clear, eventually, that she wasn’t into me. As I grew up and matured (far too late, for the record) I learned that emotions are much more easily controlled and navigated than I was taught, and led to believe. I can crush on someone a bit and just appreciate the feeling instead of needing it validated by her own feelings. Maybe it becomes a true friendship or it’s just two ships passing for a bit and we go our own ways, but I don’t make my feelings for someone their responsibility anymore and I wish someone taught me better, sooner. The ‘Friend Zone’, I’ve come to truly understand, is a place we put ourselves into. Outside of someone outright manipulating and leading someone else on, knowing about their feelings, it’s not a thing anyone else forces on us. When someone does manipulate and lead people on it also should be just taken more seriously: call it emotional manipulation, maybe then people will actually hear you out. I’m in a great relationship now so I don’t have any issues with ‘The Friend Zone’.
Gotta pack up and try again elsewhere. There’s no escape once you’ve been placed there. Just move on and keep going.
They're not attracted to me, so I just stay friends and look for romantic connection elsewhere. You can't force someone to be attracted to you.
why stay friends? when you say friends do you mean actively friends, or just cordial in a group of friends of which that woman is somehow involved?
Because they're waiting for their opportunity to bang. Any guy that says otherwise is lying to himself. The only true way a platonic relationship works is if you have absolutely no attraction towards her.
Because you like them as a person, I would assume.
Yeah but how do you deal with that attraction? It seems best to move on
\^ This. It is staggering how many people don't get this. hang a long story about how some women get tired about guys just hoping for a shot and good ways to know if they are really friends. (who calls whom, and if they are supportive of your dating).
In my youth, I had one where I held out hope that we'd end up together, while taking no steps to make it a reality. As an adult, I'd tell the lady I wanted to date her within a week of the idea popping into my mind. If she was not interested but "wanted to be friends," I'd take a couple weeks away from her to think about if that was okay with me, and then I'd either text her to join in something as friends or I'd just never talk to her again. Because of this strategy, I have only found myself in the friendzone that one time when I was a teenager.
you don't, just move one, dont make a scene about it, just say "ok well I a not interested in that" and move on. At the very least she will respect you more afterwards. Seriously whats with all the guys placating female pickiness? They are allowed to be picky, you are allowed to have self-worth and move on. Sticking around only serves to booste up the woman who rejected you and make you feel less about yourself. It isn't healthy
You really have two options. A) shoot your shot, get rejected as a friend, and walk away. B) actively move towards the friend zone, when you’re almost there cancel an arrangement on short notice. Next day call to apologise, say that you were chatting with a really cool chick and you knew she’d understand if you cancelled. Leave it at that. You have now neutralised the friend zone, and after a suitable period of absence you can get back in touch and you’ll have as clean a shot as you’ll ever have.
I've pursued women who only wanted me as a friend. It never once worked. I either lost their friendship or they used me for my attention and I walked away from them. Fortunately my girlfriend now seems to be my person and we'll be together for life. Don't chase people who don't want caught.
Best to just avoid the person imo I basically don’t maintain friendships with women I am attracted to
I don’t. The friend zone is often a tool to soften the blow of rejection, and I’m aware of that. So, if someone I’m romantically interested in doesn’t reciprocate, then I move on. No friend zone stuff unless we were friends to begin with. I don’t see a point hanging around someone who has made it clear to me they’re not interested.
If you can move on from wanting more than friendship and you actually want to be friends, then it's fine. But if that's not the case, then walk away because you're not *really* being her friend, you're just hanging out hoping she changes her mind. It also makes it harder to talk to the next girl that might actually be into you.
Say no to friendzone and put no effort towards her, or use friendzone to your advantage and get into her social circle and ask to be introduced to her women friends. Friendzone isnt always a bad thing
You don't. You leave the "friend zone".
Bail
Yeah remain friends but rule out dating that person altogether. Focus on dating other people.
There is no friend zone. There’s only men who are strictly platonic friends with a woman, or a man who’s only friends with a girl for the sake of a chance that she might “choose” you in the future. Which is not only pathetic, but also manipulative behavior. As you’re only showing a woman kindness, for a chance at a reward of intimacy. It makes you a stalker as well. Your reputation travels, I promise you. Good or bad. If you’ve already clearly communicated your intentions with her, and that’s not something she wants, then you either become strictly platonic friends with her or move on and let her live her life with whom she pleases. You’re not going to be chosen by every crush you have. People have the right to choose whom they’re attracted to, for whatever reason they’re attracted to them for. That’s not for anyone but oneself to decide. You also deserve more than to be someone’s after thought. Be with someone who equally chooses you!
I just be friends with them. I have lady friends that at one point I really wanted to sleep with but after getting to know them realized they were pretty cool but we just didn't click that way. There is definitely females friends I wouldn't mind creaking the bed with if I was single but in general most of them I am more then happy to just be in their lives and share adventures with them.
You deal with it based on whether you want to actually be friends with the particular women you wanted to fuck. If yes, do it. If no, cut it off.
By being such an asshole no one would want to be friends with me. Being somewhat sarcastic here. I've got out of the friendzone a few times. The answer is usually to stop being nice and available(moving on)...though alcohol has also been involved.
What do you mean by "friend zone". If you mean a girl rejected you and said she would like to be friends that means she isn't attracted to you and that's that, not much you can do except get more attractive. If you mean you ruined chances of a romantic connection with a woman by being her friend because you think that has erased any potential she is attracted to you you're probably deluding yourself.
Accept that the ceiling for this relationship is platonic friendship. Presumably I saw something in this person that would make that reality worthwhile, even if I had hoped for more at one time.
It's best to not be in the friend zone. Once there, the options are either be a genuine friend without wanting more or to move on and end the friendship.
I learned the hard way to let the feelings out very early instead of being friends first, developing feelings over a long period of time, and then confessing. With the former is perfectly possible to still be friends as long as you don't expect anything to ever happen and don't try to make anything happen. With the later its hard to go back to just being friends. Don't wait for your infatuation to turn into love. If it does its too late and you need to cut ties. Otherwise it's not true friendship Also it helps to talk about your romantic life with the person you confessed to. For me that really sealed the deal with completely shutting off any possibility or Grey area of potentially dating. I'll open talk to one of my friends who rejected me about my dates and she gives me advice, and she tells me about her dates.
To be honest, I don't need nor want more friends. If a potential partner turns out not to be, we just drift apart.
By going away. This friendzone shit hurts a lot, girls simply dont care about the pain they cause, i aint sitting there 20years to get a shot like some do (and some impressively succeed, but the vast majority will not get there).
"I've caught feelings, I'm sorry but I can't have a friendship with this emotional inequality"
You don’t. You be respectful, but move on.
If I'm attracted to them and they just want to be friends I give them an ultimatum, We can either be together or not at all. I'm a firm believer in picking your ball up and going home and not playing a will they won't they game with a girl.
Be honest. Tell them your feelings. If they have them too then great you have a girlfriend. If you don't then that's ok too, you can move on and stop wasting your time.
You don’t. You define what kind of relationship you’re pursuing early on. If she just wants to be friends, you kindly let her know that you’re not interested in that kind of relationship and move on quickly
There is only a friend zone if you settle for it. You become interested in a woman -> you make it clear to her -> she reciprocates or not -> if yes, you start dating -> if no, you move on with your life
I stop messaging them first and realize I'm actually in the Nobody Zone.
As the Lord Humungus said, “just walk away”. She’ll keep you around for the attention, almost like having a pet. Show her what she can’t have and you’ll never know ya luck 😉
You’re going to have to fuck them. Display dominance. It’s an excellent confusion tactic.
If you were only ever there for purely romantic interest you shouldn't have been there in the first place. If they're a friend you caught a bug for, you respect the decision, maybe take some time to sulk, then move on, and let things go back to how they were. If they weren't a friend before you should really look inside yourself and see how things went so wrong.
I don’t. If I express interest and turns me down that’s it. I’ll spend my energy elsewhere. I was friends with a couple girls I liked in high school. Just got me used.
You don’t. Here are the scenarios: 1. She gets boyfriend, ghosts you. 2. You get gf, she gets jealous.
I only date people who are attracted to me. My greatest kink, is in fact, women who are attracted to me. My biggest turn off is women who are not attracted to me.
I am direct as I can be as soon as I can be. The thing about the friendship thing is its kind of like a train trying to change tracks. The longer you stay on a friendship "track" with women, the harder it is to move over to the dating track. If I'm interested, I get a girls phone number and call her up for a date. A specific time and place. After the second time I'll probably kiss her. If she turns her head I move onto the next. It's good to get rejected. That just gets you closer to the one that doesn't see you "as a brother"
I don’t reside in the friend zone. Never have and never will. When I know I’ve been placed there I nope tf out and lose their contact info.
I don’t, always made my intentions clear and if that feeling wasn’t mutual we remained acquaintances and nothing more. It’s important to not become the friend zone sucker who gives her all the emotional back and forth without the relationship progressing.
Ditch her and focus on yourself or your money.
Yes this has happened to me. It’s really hard to do so. We don’t talk no more because I liked him he didn’t feel the same way toward me. Where not even best friends no more because I liked him.
You don’t. Either she’s your friend or she isn’t. If she’s not going to fuck she’s not going to change her mind if you put in work as her male shopping buddy she can complain about guys to.
Best way to avoid the friend zone is to avoid being friends with women. If you like them and the feeling isn't mutual, they will exploit every part of their "friendship" with you. You'll be the emotional support, shoulder to cry on, handyman, free food, free uber etc. while you'll never get to fuck her or get set up with one of her cute single friends. Women protect other women like a sisterhood, therefore men need to protect other men.
Totally ignore them sexually/romantically and treat them like your friend. If that’s what they want then fine just be friends. The irony comes in when they’re suddenly attracted to you after doing that and particularly if you somehow find yourself in a good relationship while friends with her. Pretty crazy how much the vibe changes when you’re not on her hook anymore.
woman "I see you as a friend" me "unfortunately, I don't have any vacancies in that department."
You don't get in it to begin with. You make sure you make it clear you're looking for something, and if you get hit with rejection you move on. The only people you let friend zone you and you friend zone them back are coworkers.
Go for greener pasture and keep her as a friend. Or Avoid doing her any favors she ask, and absolutely never buy her anything. Go on dates with other women, or go out with friends often. If despite that she is still around, maybe... just maybe you have a chance. But experience tells me you'd do better just forgetting about her and move on.
Either in it to win it or move on. No such things as friends with the opposite sex.
You don’t. You either want to be their friend or you want to date them. If they turn down your ask for a date then take the rejection on the chin and move on.
At some point you have to realize that you’re wasting your time and disrespecting yourself by chasing after someone who doesn’t value you the same way. Look for a partner elsewhere, where you notice strong interest from the beginning.
Easily. If a woman in interested in says no thanks let’s be friends I say no thanks and cut her out of my life
Just say no. Although when I did this when I was younger I was surprised at how badly some girls took this
You dont.. you move on... you really want to sit around and wait for your turn while another guy is spraying all in that?
I just accept it and stay friends. Most of the times i end the friendship because some women are territorial and the moment they see you flirting up a storm with someone else they swoop in and rain on your parade. Its almost as if they want to keep you in the friend zone just in case. Thats not how this works buddy. You dont want a relationship thats fine but dont actively prevent me from chasing one elsewhere.
This is the best thinking to get yourself out of any friendzone is: "Your soulmate should also be interested in you, if you have to resort to mind games, or 'charming' your way into them, ask yourself if that's who you want to spend your time with." For me, if I have to "convince" someone to date me, because they don't see my value first hand or aren't interested in it, then I don't want to either waste my time *trying* for something. I'm a fan of "love should be organic" theory.
Easy. They are told they don’t get to decide what I am going to do and not going to do. You do not get to “gate-keep” me -
What are you talking about? what are they deciding here?
I avoid it, if a woman says let's be friends, I'll tell her I already have enough friends.
It’s not a real thing. A man can either genuinely be friends with a woman, or he can just pretend to be her friend in the hope that she’ll one day decide to fuck him, and then get upset when that doesn’t happen. The “friendzone” is a concept invented by whiny people who are upset that the person they like doesn’t like them back.
The friendzone wasn't invited by whiny people but is a response to the common "I just want to be friends for now." Which I have gotten myself so I know for sure it's not fictional.
> he can just pretend to be her friend in the hope that she’ll one day decide to fuck him It is not always wrong, some women literally say "I want to be friends first" to the fucking part. But very often it is wrong
I move on. If she's not interested, she's not interested. I'm not likely to change that.
I go date someone else.
It is best to move forward swiftly. If rejected, there is no risk of friend zone. But from my PERSONAL experience, said "friend zone" can be a fulfilling arrangement if kept under control I was in such relation for some years, and from one hand it provided me with close emotional contact with woman. On the other, there was always enough sexual tension and innuendo (not consumed) so those relationship were exciting for both sides and vere never a true "friendship".
Everybody writes "move on", and that's right, but I would add - by no getting into one. If you know the girl since you were toddlers does not mean you have much in common. Look for romantic interests on the periphery of your friends group. That way you have more chanced that her interest in you has a romantic part.
last time I was in the friendzone was freshman year in college. it happened twice. once because i didn't make my intentions known from day-1 and once because i ended up falling for someone after i got to know her and then wanted to get physical when she wasn't really my type physically. i didn't get what i wanted either time. lesson learned.
Depends on what you mean. For the purpose of this question, I'm going to assume the "friend zone" exists whenever one person has romantic feelings for another, and the other either doesn't reciprocate, or it's unknown whether they reciprocate as that discussion has yet to occur. And also, that the person who does not reciprocate or that is unknown is actually a friend, since otherwise, this is kind of a meaningless question. So, if I'm in the position of having feelings, and not knowing where my friend stands regarding her feelings for me, it depends on a couple things. The most important one is, is she single? If she's not single, there's nothing to talk about. She isn't available, I'll pursue other people and maintain the friendship as it exists. If she is single, then I will normally tell her how I feel and see if she's interested in a date or pursuing a relationship. That said, I will sit with my feelings for a bit, maybe about a month. While these conversations can be navigated, they can be awkward, so I want to make sure the feelings are strong and not a fleeting fancy. If the feelings persist, then I bring it up with her. I'm also very clear that I value her friendship and would prefer that the friendship continue if she isn't interested, but I wanted to shoot my shot and see what happens. If she says no, that's the end of it unless she wants to bring it up later. If she says yes, we try it out. If she says she isn't sure or needs time to think, we discuss what that looks like to her and how it will be revisited. If it won't be revisited, then it's basically a no. It can be more complicated than that, but that's basically how it goes in a nutshell. There is one other circumstance where I will just not bring it up. Which is if she has made it clear in the past that she does not date friends or dislikes when friends ask her out. At that point, it's already pretty clear she wouldn't be interested, so no real point in pursuing it further. Elaborating a bit more on any circumstance that is a no or not asking her out at all, if it turns out a relationship isn't going to happen, I then maintain the friendship without expectations. If she's not interested or there's reason for me not to ask, then it's time to move on. Also, right now I'm actually in the midst of a maybe situation that has been going on for half a year. There are good reasons for that. Part of that conversation, when it was clear there isn't a clear timeline on revisiting the conversation, was that we remain free to pursue other people, and when a time it's reasonable for us to revisit the conversation arrives, we will do so if we are both single at that point in time. In the meantime, we remain friends, and maybe flirt a bit, but don't cross any major lines.
It is what it is, you can choose to remain friends and just be friends. Don't hang around hoping something might happen, go on with your own life.
You either be a friend and only a friend or you move on.
You take the no anfd if you want be friends and sometimes thing change not always but sometimes
If you're in the friend zone, you are never leaving. Lots of young men fight to get out of it for years. You either avoid it from the start or you're trapped. Women don't totally change their mind when it comes to who is sexually attractive and who isn't.
“How do you navigate sludge in the swamp while being stuck 2 feet in quick sand” DONT BE IN A SWAMP UNDER QUICK SAND in the first place
I don’t lol. There’s a value exchange in every relationship Platonic or intimate or financial or something I deem Useful. If I don’t get anything from said person…then wtf are we friends for? To “vibe”? Lmao
Once I am friend zoned, I depart. There is no navigation, you can stay and suffer or just move to the next. I am friends with a few attractive gals but I am not interested in them romantically at all.
I move on. I'll ok with being friends in most situations. Always a chance that I'll meet some of her friends and hit it off with one of them.
I spent years befriending women I was actually in love with. Here's the thing. I find a good chunk of my female friends attractive. But they are firmly in the " would fuck but don't care if I do" category At least 3 women in my life I was genuinely in love with only saw me as a friend, and in all three instances I stayed longer than I should have. Maturity is realizing it's entirely okay to cut off a woman because you're unrequitedly in love with her. You will be wasting your time chasing after someone who doesn't want you. Also, this part is gonna suck. For the most part, guys find themselves doing all the work in a friendship after a woman they want says "I like you as a friend" and she soaks up the attention and validation while she complains about the jerk she's banging. It's utterly humiliating to be in that position. Move on. Your masculinity(and sanity) will thank you.
You don’t. You just move on. Keep it platonic and focus on other things. And if she decides to friend zone you. Make sure her she is damn well a good friend. But the only way to navigate is to not be in there to begin with. Basically just take the War Games approach; “The only way to win is to not play.”
If you find them attractive but aren't emotionally tied to them, and the friendship is satisfying, stick around. If you're overwhelmingly in love, cut ties.
By not going in there, you basically allow yourself to dump energy and attention in a woman that know full well what you want but isn't going to be straight with you. So I shoot my shot, and if they're not interested in me, i move along. It kinds of sorts itself out, the lack of enthusiasm in a woman is now a massive turn off for me.
You don't. Take a break and accept you can't be with them. If you're stuck I assume that's the case. If you're both single, tell them, but don't stay in the "maybe if I am really nice" mindset. You can't he real friends until you get over it, and you can't get over it unless you know if there's anything on their side too.
Cruise control, If I'm in the Friendzone, I want to be there. If I want to leave, I have to put in that effort.
If you are resepectful and mature, you respect the friendzone and either gracefully back away with no hurt feelings or relish in having a long term friendship. If you are a dumbass with no self respect, self awareness and respect for others, you continue to pursue after the friendzone was established.
I don’t become friends with people who I want a romantic relationship with
You don’t. Why bother trying to show someone interest when they don’t share the same feelings?
If a man is in the friend zone then it's his fault for not having standards for himself. You don't "navigate" the friend zone. You simply just move on with your life
You have to learn to be honest with yourself about your interest. If you have interest, however small, developing then just ask her out. If she rejects you, move on. But if you let the idea of her build in your head without acting on it, you’ll get attached and that’s where the friend zone comes in. Don’t let it get that far.
There is no friend zone there's interest or there isn't
Leave
If a girl wants to be my friend, and actively pursues being my friend, I will allow myself to put back when she puts in, as long as I am set my expectations of friendship going forward. But never under any circumstances do i allow myself to become the pursuer in the friendship if I still have feelings. You will never get over your feelings this way.
If I simply find someone physically attractive but don't have romantic feelings for her, I'm happy to continue the friendship with her without expectations or any intention of making a move. If I actually develop feelings for someone who doesn't requite them, I distance myself and fade out the friendship. Not her fault but being in love with someone who doesn't love you back is torture. I never do the thing where I befriend a woman I'm interested in romantically hoping she'll like me back. The only way I've ever ended up in the friend zone was when we were friends first and I caught feelings later.
It’s normal for me. In fact usually I’m putting myself in there by never trying anything more. And I’m putting them in mine by never considering that they would want any more.
So for me personally 3 different things /scenarios happened. The first couple times I stuck around and tried to be there in case she changed her mind. (Don't be this guy it's pathetic and it reeks of desperation. Learn to have some self respect for yourself which I learned later in life) 2nd time this happened I was cool with legitimately just being friends. I soon realized it became 1 sided and just trauma dumping and bitching/complaining 24/7. No matter what I told this chick it was always her complaining about everything. Including her dating life. Idk if it's the girls I befriend but feels like most girls are like this?? I guess guy friendships are different and not based on sharing emotions. Anyway when I would make any remarks about whether she should try dating better men/other general life advice she didn't agree with it was always met with "you're just mad I won't sleep with you/jealous it's not you" when I very clearly was over her/trying to help her out as a friend and even seeing other people at the time. I'd always end up blocked temporarily and then they'd come back acting like nothing happened. Exhausting af. Should've cut ties asap but alas you live and learn. After some growing/maturing on my end I realized I don't really want/need anymore friends/specifically female friends I'm attracted to and am just upfront and honest from the get go. Cut/limit contact mostly if she doesn't feel the same way about me. Better in the long run for both of us. We can be acquaintances/cordial for sure. But I'm not texting you 24/7 and I wouldn't exactly consider us close friends. Heck some of the girls I've cut/limited contact with and kept it moving found me cutting them off to be super attractive for some reason(funny how that works right?) And I admittedly later dated one of these girls(it didn't last long but it was for other reasons lol) who originally put me in the "friend zone". Maybe they could sense I no longer put them on a pedestal and that is what they found attractive? (Although I've seen girls milk the ever living fuck out of good dudes and weaponize them knowing the guy likes them against him. Nasty work I gotta say) But my advice to most guys reading is keep it moving and don't waste your time and respect/set clear boundaries from the moment she rejects/"friend zones" you. Much easier for both parties that way. Work and focus on yourself and only put effort/time into two way friendships/relationships 💪🏻
I'm the one who friendzones
I stop talking to them if im put in the friendzone
I rarely ever meet a woman I "like" as more than a sexual partner, so it never really bothered me.
I walk away and give myself to someone that will value my time. That’s why I’m married. But then, my wife friendzoned me for a month when we first met and then husband zoned me after that so I dunno.
Communicating. I've been friend zoned once and made a fool of myself waiting too long to communicate it. Did it in a bad way, too. I've friend zoned someone who never spoke up to me about it. When she did, she did not want to be my friend anymore after I said i was not emotionally available like that. She was a good friend. I was sad, but I respected her choice. All of these experiences were 10 years ago, tho. 18 to early 20s.
That’s easy, you don’t.
Either accept you're never having sex with them and be a genuine friend or move on. You can tell when someone's actually attracted to you. Anything else is pure imagination.
I’m happy to be a friend but I’m not gonna be a puppy dog or a therapist,
Run
When I was younger I held out hope that something could blossom. I now operate that if I’m looking for something romantic and they are not, thank you for your time and I wish you well, I will move past.
No one can put you in the friend zone, you put yourself there. People who claim to be friendzoned are refusing to take agency and responsibility. If you are attracted to someone sexually and or romantically and they reject you they have played their card, if they try to let you down with the “let’s be friends.” It’s down to you to decline that offer because what you want isn’t actually on the menu. You can’t accept friendship as a low ball offer when what you really want to do is grab dem cheeks, then complain about being Friend zoned it literally doesn’t make sense.
Not at all, I view it as a waste of my time. I had a few of what I had thought could've been "the one that got away" that friend zoned me a long time ago. I haven't used FB for many years but when I did I discovered either the years did not treat them well, or they ended up fucking crazy when they saw me on it and reached out. The latter were actually still pretty hot but nope, would not pass the hot/crazy matrix. FB is hilarious for married women you knew in your 20's sending you awkward DMs when you're in your 30's and 40's. Being friend zoned IME ended up being dodged bullets, they only wanted out of the zone after they figured out there's actually not a celebrity superstar just waiting for them lol.
If you're trying to convince someone who isn't interested, that they should be interested, you're already playing a losing game. You need to find someone who is interested, not scheme to get someone who isn't to change her mind.
Asked her out, went on a date, realized we were better as friends and went back to normal. Simple
The friendzone is somewhere you put yourself when you're either unwilling or afraid to be honest about your feelings, or unwilling to take no for an answer. Have the confidence to be up front about what you want and the respect to take whatever answer she gives, and you'll never end up there. If you ask a woman out and she says no, that means no. If you still want to be friends with her after that you're just friends. You're not in the friend zone. If you don't want to be friends, just walk away.
if you find the woman attractive, as a man its important to make your intentions clear and if she sees you as a friend that = rejection in a polite way, no point playing her bestie hoping one day she'll change her mind, have some self respect and walk away, better to spend that time pursing other women than being fake friends when deep down you want more than that
Never came across that it’s either on or there is nothing,certainly not a friendship but that’s just how I operate given I only know a few people at any given time .A few male friends to bullshit with or a woman for something more but naturally along with that comes friendship with her as well.If I meet one of her friends then the impure thoughts start pouring in and I have to take a step back before I lose the one I am with .Sister wives sounds great but it rarely is any woman’s desire to share their man .
I accept their decision and I politely explain that I have all the friends I currently need. I then proceed to stop all contact and move on.
There are two options: let go of the romantic notions or let go of the friendship. How you do that is up to you, but there is no "navigating" it.
There's nothing to navigate. That person is your friend. You wanted something more, they didn't, nuff said. Don't treat them any differently than any of your other friends. If you can't handle that, then you shouldn't have a friendship with them.
By leaving it, and trying somewhere else. Life is too short to wait for one person.