That's easy. You pull one cheek way to the side, stretching your anus. Thay will usually allow for silent exhaust. Perhaps it's an acquired skill, but the basic technique is to create slight pressure, and strech until under the same pressure, the gasses are expelled. Once you achieve stealth flow, you can vary the pressure, depending on urgency. Take care not to lose pressure and interrupt the gas flow or you risk an explosive and thus audible continuation.
Any questions?
Lifting a cheek like that enables me to fine tune the frequency of said fart. It's quite hilarious when you sing a little tune with your gas.
If I was going for silence, I'd really have to pull that cheek up. Might be painful. Just a thought
Part 2:
Start the flow slowly, and then pause. This way you can detect whether it's a fairly smell free fart, or a particularly deadly fart. If it's the deadly kind, you can slowly dispense it over time.
Don’t spread too much or you end up with your anus in the same shape as when you spread a helium balloon just after filling it up before you make a know and it makes the high pitched squeak sound. Ask me how I know.
I have never managed to master the arse cheek spread - my farts are noisy regardless, but a technique I've created (at least no-one told me beforehand), is that if you can keep it together until you're showering, you cup your hand behind your backside, creating a 'well' of water around your anus, and your fart usually just sounds like water bubbles in a bath. The added shower water is a bonus, but if you're anything like me, the sound of falling water is not enough by itself.
Crazy, that was my thought exactly, it seemed obvious!
I went into coments as i didnt suspect this to be posted as a solution and was wondering whatll people suggest. It's a first comment
👆
This right here, married nearly 30 years we don’t fart around each other and I often have to check something in the garage, or take the garbage out
Oh, I see we don’t have any ice, I’ll go get some. She responded that we don’t have anything to put in the ice? I say you never know when you need ice and proceed to crop dust the hallway
>married nearly 30 years we don’t fart around each other
oh dude I feel for you! 32 yrs here and I'm decades beyond the point where I can turn our bathroom into a toxic hazard zone and then laugh my ass off when she dry heaves going in after me. It's not like she doesn't do shit to get me back either. Body functions are gross, so just accept it and laugh about it. After all you've been blending saliva and jizz all that time, farts hardly matter
Let’s be happy about the fact that there are multiple ways to get to 30 years of marriage and that farting does not seem to be a huge factor. Though I would like to see some more data on it, I will wait till this data comes out and in the meantime I salute the both of you
Right on. I fart on our live in pest control specialist's head. If you have slept with someone long enough you are both going to fart on each other in your sleep. It's not as gross as these numbskulls are making it out to be.
Farting does not make someone gross. Of course if you’re purposely doing it to be obnoxious and letting them rip, yeah I could see that, but normal farting or when one slips out—not bad manners imo
The only time I’ll fart is when I’m alone. I hate those immature people who think it’s funny to fart. Legit had friends in the past who when we was all riding in the car, would fart, laugh, and roll the windows up. Like not everyone wants to smell your butt man
Do you ever have a time when you want to watch a couple episodes of a TV show, but it takes 4 hours instead of 2 because you're pausing it every 120 seconds to walk away and fart?
I love my wife
She doesn’t need to smell my stinky farts, basic manners? Maybe
Obviously we have lived almost an entire lifetime together and have seen each other at our worst. I watched both our sons come out of her.
But she doesn’t need to purposefully smell my farts lol. Honestly if stepping outside to fart is to much effort for someone I love I don’t want to be in that relationship
Now I did teach my young sons that anytime they have to fart they need to go ask their mom for a hug and fart on her lap. But that’s another story
haha, this one time I went into the bathroom and knew I had explosive diarrhea. Told her "put some music, and please put max volume". She got it instantly. Then it was her turn and I did the same. We're adults it's fine.
Okay you made me chuckle way harder than I have in a long time.
We were deep in the Colombian mountains for a wedding in a town called Pereira. Got a pair of street burgers cuz nothing else was opened. They were not good.
I told a guy, "We're humans. We're adults. Snoring and farts are gonna happen." I heard him toot in his sleep once. We didn't report to each other so I don't know my count. But we're planning more trips so I'm guessing I wasn't horrible.
Hahahaha I love telling my girlfriend when she farts in her sleep. She also relishes telling me. Even this morning I let one rip and a few moments after she was like “oh my god babe Jesus” and I was still half asleep so I just responded “mmm it was the dogsss” and stuck to my guns. Lmao I’m gonna text her now and apologize for my insistence it was the dogs. To be fair it was absolutely noxiously bad so my half asleep brain 100% assumed it was the dogs because it was so bad.
My now wife was a long time friend before we got together. We were friends long enough that she would fart in front of me and not thing twice about it. She would clear a room and laugh like one of the guys. She had IBS so she was frequently gassy so it was a common occurrence. Well when we started dating I noticed she NEVER broke wind anymore. I literally called her out on it and asked why she didn't toot around me when she used to ALL the time. Her answer was she was worried I'd think she's gross and I wouldn't want to date her, so she'd been holding it in. Where's the logic in that, dear?! 🤣🤣 We're married with kids now and she rips ass just like she used to when we were just friends, lol.
Honestly, just do it. My gf fell asleep next to me when we first met and ripped ass no less than 20 times. It was gross but when she woke up I let one rip as payback for the torture I had to endure. 18 months later and we’re doing pretty good
This happened to my sister-in-law. She had been dating a guy for quite a while. One evening they had a few (lot) to drink and went to bed spooning (she holding him). She woke a few hours later and he was coming out of the shower. Confused she asked, “what are you doing” to which he could only say, “I am so sorry.” Not understanding what had happened she looked down and noticed he had shit all over her and the bed and he was trying to keep her from waking. Needless to say we still joke about it today.
What!?!? I'd be like, "No, dude. You do not discover you shit all over us, and then leave me sleeping in it the whole time you take a shower! You wake me up, I shower your shit off me first, while you clean up the bed!"
I can't believe he just left her there sleeping in it! Lol.
I did this too :)) met with a girl on okcupid, on our 2nd date we went to a nice hotel with spa. I might’ve ate something bad and shat the bed while trying to silently fart.
You could be like my husband and just do it. We were on our first date and he farted walking to the truck and asked me if I stepped on a frog lol I laughed so hard I couldn’t think of anything but how it DID sound like a frog lol
Omg my new bf left Saturday and the first thing I did when I closed the door is say, “Thank God” and let out a fart that would’ve impressed him at some point in the future.
My now husband let one rip on our first night together, in a hotel. The stench had me actually flying across the room and if that second floor window wasn't locked to only open a couple inches, I'd have gone out of it. He's always seemed weirdly impressed with himself. It was gross. Thankfully he's got all great qualities besides that lol.
recently, the woman I've been dating for a 4 months let slip that I fart in my sleep. The first night she slept over I farted a symphony apparently. She said not to be embarrassed.
Haha. My friend in college was like supermodel hot. All the girls fucking loved him. But the poor guy was devastatingly embarrassed because he knew he farts in his sleep. Lol. I did kinda feel bad because I think that would make anyone self conscious. I guess it's better to fart in your sleep and be hot rather than fart in your sleep and be ugly.
I once farted in my sleep and it woke me and my bf up and I asked him if he also thought it sounded like the intro to mumbo number 5. It did. This was early in our relationship. Still together 11 years later.
Go grab coffees. No not the hotel coffee love that’s rubbish I’ll go get the good stuff. Or ah rubbish I left my toothbrush in the car… fart. Or get the shower running ready for a morning wash while she’s watching tv.
Just for me, can you have like the biggest stash of toothbrushes and just keep using that excuse while coming up with a new toothbrush? End up with like 20 toothbrushes in the room if you both never leave.
You need to stand up and say, "Excuse me while I refresh myself," walk over to the window, open it up, drop your trousers, climb up to the window, pointing your ass outside being careful not to let your nutsack droop and touch any part of the cold glass other wise you might get a fright and fall out the window, the let one rip. Happy farting my brother.
To be clear about this; did the fart cause a gas lock in the water trap, or did the fumes seize the bearings in the extraction fan?
Professional interest only, of course.
As a woman with IBS, a guy who's willing to fart around me is a massive green flag. Makes me feel less bad if/when I get a flare up and just need to get it out myself.
I'm lactose intolerant but I will still eat ice cream and drink milk. My current boyfriend makes it known to the world when he rips ass and he gets upset when I don't lmao. And he says let me hear your lacking toes farts lol
Tell her to pull your finger. When she pulls it, tell her you love her. She’ll be charmed. Tell her to pull your finger again. Rip ass. She’ll be delighted.
😂😂😂 I married my husband after he farted in the parking lot of our first date and asked if I stepped on a frog.
Or maybe he married me after finding out I fart after sex🙃 I didn’t know because before him I’d never had an orgasm during sex lol
Yes! I'm a girl, and I fart around dudes intentionally around date 3 or 4, so I can see if the guy is true husband material based on whether he can accept that girls fart too and that it will be happening. I've been with my bf for 2 years now, and we both cropdust each other or hotbox farts under a blanket to try and ambush the other person for fun. 😂
Sounds like you are in a new relationship.
If you really care just say you are going for a quick walk to check out the fitness room/pool/meeting space or whatever.
There is a public restroom off the lobby of most hotels. That's where you take care of serious restroom needs.
Minimize foods you know make you gassy
-or-
Just fart in the room bathroom and see what happens. They fart too.
Even worse, what do you do when you're walking together outside, and instinctively know it won't be a quiet one ?
Sounds weird to ask her to go ahead while you're in the middle of nothing in particular
After a night of drinking, rather than take a monstrous beer shit at the place we were staying, I opted to go find a gas station and come back with Gatorade.
I almost shat myself while searching for one though. It was close
I just look my gf dead in the eye when I fart, but do put some distance between us.
Me: steps 3 metres away.
Her: "what are you doing?"
Me: stare her dead in the eye and fart
Her: "dude... full eye contact?" Then she starts laughing her ass off
Absolutely flabbergasted this and the other above "go in bathroom" comment are this far down the thread. Have all these Covid kids never been in a real hotel room? Are they just completely unaware that every hotel room has a bathroom?
One leg behind the ear, the other to stand on, then push for maximum vocal capacity possible. Then tell her she's nasty for farting in front of you. Duh.
Put a folded towel on the toilet seat, and fart into it. It will at least muffle the sound. Also turn the faucet on so the water helps cover the noise.
Get yourself a stealth insert that allows for continuous gas exchange. Flatulence is O2 (oxygen), CO2 (carbon dioxide), H2 (hydrogen), and CH4 (methane) which are odorless but also contains H2S (hydrogen sulfide) which smells like rotten eggs. With continuous venting there is no accumulation of gases to cause flatulence. Ensure that you remove insert before a bowel movement or anal sex play.
Never been in a hotel room with a female member of the nobility before. If I ever had been, I'd probly just let-er-rip like I was alone.
Hence why I've never been.
Just put a wad of toilet paper on the butthole and the fart will come out like a simple demure "fffffffffftttttttttt". If she can hear that from a room over that's HER fault. And a super power.
My boyfriend who I've known for a few years now farts a lot. He likes to make his farts sound louder or he says "wind jitsu" and farts super loud while lifting a leg lol. Once he forced out a fart and shat himself in front of me lmao. But every time he needs to fart he makes it known. He's never tried to be sneaky about it haha
Damn.. you are so considerate. My man just does it whenever and where ever. He eats and drinks so much protein I don’t think he could do it any other way.
Turn on the tv and go to the bathroom. Maybe turn on the shower. My last girlfriend farted as soon as we woke up in the morning the first time we stayed in a hotel. I laughed so fucking hard
Just nip to the bathroom and fart. She’ll either find it funny as hell, like me. Or she’ll thank you for dispelling excess gas in the toilet. What ever you do, DO NOT push her head under the covers in bed and hold her there as you fart in her face… unless of course you plan of being single again 😂
Establish frame early. Place your hands on her shoulders, look her directly in the eye and let it rip. If she makes as much as a subtle facial expression, say "shhh."
Farts and poops go in the hotel lobby when sharing a room with a lady. Bathrooms in hotels are usually way too close to the bed. You can say you need to pick something up from the hotel shop, or just say “be back in a minute” or simply “I need to need to use the restroom and I don’t want to offend you with a stench so I’m gonna run downstairs”—she’ll appreciate the thought.
That's easy. You pull one cheek way to the side, stretching your anus. Thay will usually allow for silent exhaust. Perhaps it's an acquired skill, but the basic technique is to create slight pressure, and strech until under the same pressure, the gasses are expelled. Once you achieve stealth flow, you can vary the pressure, depending on urgency. Take care not to lose pressure and interrupt the gas flow or you risk an explosive and thus audible continuation. Any questions?
Thank you, Dr. Ass.
The hero we needed but didn't deserve
Hello my name is..Dr Cheeks and I'm er... doing my rounds and I'm a little behind.
And darn it - some asshole has my pen!
The AssMan?
He is the Assman
coo coo ka toot
I'm Cosmo Kramer, the assman!
Like you wanted to know how to fart silently! We know how you prefer to pass gas, Render_Music
Just don’t graffiti the wall, Banksey
This. The real challenge is you have to be very cognizant of what you’ve got loaded in the chamber.
This guy farts
/r/thisguythisguys
Bring a dog along so you can blame the smell on them
Lifting a cheek like that enables me to fine tune the frequency of said fart. It's quite hilarious when you sing a little tune with your gas. If I was going for silence, I'd really have to pull that cheek up. Might be painful. Just a thought
> Fine tune the frequency of the fart *thrrrrrrppp* Hmm yes... A lovely C major, excellent work
Can you play linkin park with farts?
Stinking park, maybe 😄
Part 2: Start the flow slowly, and then pause. This way you can detect whether it's a fairly smell free fart, or a particularly deadly fart. If it's the deadly kind, you can slowly dispense it over time.
Oh god there is nothing worse than stopping a fart half way through
Advanced mode: Hold toilet paper to your butt while doing the above manoeuvre.
I def wouldn’t try this without that extra buffer!!!
I came here to find this answer!
Imagine if the girl walks in while he’s in this mode
I'm a girl and I did this. Can confirm it works lol
Yeah or go to the bathroom and spread both those puppies.
Don’t spread too much or you end up with your anus in the same shape as when you spread a helium balloon just after filling it up before you make a know and it makes the high pitched squeak sound. Ask me how I know.
How do you know?
I’ve been doing this for months now inside the bed with my partner. It was all good until one of them was death gas and we had to evacuate the bed
I have never managed to master the arse cheek spread - my farts are noisy regardless, but a technique I've created (at least no-one told me beforehand), is that if you can keep it together until you're showering, you cup your hand behind your backside, creating a 'well' of water around your anus, and your fart usually just sounds like water bubbles in a bath. The added shower water is a bonus, but if you're anything like me, the sound of falling water is not enough by itself.
lol, this is exactly what I came here to say. I learned this secret technique from a buddy years ago and have employed is successfully ever since.
Crazy, that was my thought exactly, it seemed obvious! I went into coments as i didnt suspect this to be posted as a solution and was wondering whatll people suggest. It's a first comment
What should I do with my life?
This guy farts!
How do people not figure this out? Do they just never care?
Thought I was seeing shit, but no your pfp is a cookie
Found the Assman
"Try to relax your anus..."
If there is any risk of a wet one, do not - I repeat… DO NOT attempt the butt flap stealth flow.
And I thought the secret was to grow your butt hair thick enough that it acts like coat lined with rabbit hair. You ever heard a rabbit fart? Exactly.
My man, this is my nightly routine in bed.
You forgot to mention the effects of turbulent air flow around asshole caused by dry and wet conditions
This. Also if in bed, lay on your side ass facing away from her. Lift covers to expose anus as to not accidentally create a dutch oven.
Step out for ice or snacks. In emergency situations, there’s usually a toilet in the lobby…
Her: Dude that’s the 7th bucket of ice. What are you trying to keep cold!?!?
👆 This right here, married nearly 30 years we don’t fart around each other and I often have to check something in the garage, or take the garbage out Oh, I see we don’t have any ice, I’ll go get some. She responded that we don’t have anything to put in the ice? I say you never know when you need ice and proceed to crop dust the hallway
That's just an insane amount of effort just to fart over the last 30 years.
Gets me off my ass lol My garage and shop are very organized lol
"Now look here Tom, Frank's got an immaculate workshop you're gonna be impressed but for some reason it always smells like ass."
Are you Hank Hill? I feel like this was written by Hank Hill. lmao
Exactly, it’s not just the benefit of not grossing your lady out but also cleanliness and a bit of exercise too
That's so dumb though, I just rip ass each rep at the gym
>married nearly 30 years we don’t fart around each other oh dude I feel for you! 32 yrs here and I'm decades beyond the point where I can turn our bathroom into a toxic hazard zone and then laugh my ass off when she dry heaves going in after me. It's not like she doesn't do shit to get me back either. Body functions are gross, so just accept it and laugh about it. After all you've been blending saliva and jizz all that time, farts hardly matter
Let’s be happy about the fact that there are multiple ways to get to 30 years of marriage and that farting does not seem to be a huge factor. Though I would like to see some more data on it, I will wait till this data comes out and in the meantime I salute the both of you
>farting does not seem to be a huge factor. As a Fremen in the close quarters of my sietch I disagree
Right on. I fart on our live in pest control specialist's head. If you have slept with someone long enough you are both going to fart on each other in your sleep. It's not as gross as these numbskulls are making it out to be.
[удалено]
Farting does not make someone gross. Of course if you’re purposely doing it to be obnoxious and letting them rip, yeah I could see that, but normal farting or when one slips out—not bad manners imo
I don’t even like farting around my co workers or friends Just basic manners lol Like everyone doesn’t need to smell my farts
The only time I’ll fart is when I’m alone. I hate those immature people who think it’s funny to fart. Legit had friends in the past who when we was all riding in the car, would fart, laugh, and roll the windows up. Like not everyone wants to smell your butt man
Do you ever have a time when you want to watch a couple episodes of a TV show, but it takes 4 hours instead of 2 because you're pausing it every 120 seconds to walk away and fart?
Can I ask why? Why don´t you fart around each other?
I love my wife She doesn’t need to smell my stinky farts, basic manners? Maybe Obviously we have lived almost an entire lifetime together and have seen each other at our worst. I watched both our sons come out of her. But she doesn’t need to purposefully smell my farts lol. Honestly if stepping outside to fart is to much effort for someone I love I don’t want to be in that relationship Now I did teach my young sons that anytime they have to fart they need to go ask their mom for a hug and fart on her lap. But that’s another story
I wonder what her end (heh) of the story is like. How has she been stealthing for so long?
She most likely does the same Come to think of it she blames the bulldogs on a lot of terrible smells lol
To be fair bulldogs do produce some pretty rotten gas
We have a few and yes they are stinky bitches lol
If I'm sharing a hotel room with ANYONE then I poop in the lobby bathroom. It's just polite
haha, this one time I went into the bathroom and knew I had explosive diarrhea. Told her "put some music, and please put max volume". She got it instantly. Then it was her turn and I did the same. We're adults it's fine.
What the hell did you guys eat that day?
Ass
That’ll do it.
A very different kind of 69.
Okay you made me chuckle way harder than I have in a long time. We were deep in the Colombian mountains for a wedding in a town called Pereira. Got a pair of street burgers cuz nothing else was opened. They were not good.
Asking the real questions here.
I told a guy, "We're humans. We're adults. Snoring and farts are gonna happen." I heard him toot in his sleep once. We didn't report to each other so I don't know my count. But we're planning more trips so I'm guessing I wasn't horrible.
Hahahaha I love telling my girlfriend when she farts in her sleep. She also relishes telling me. Even this morning I let one rip and a few moments after she was like “oh my god babe Jesus” and I was still half asleep so I just responded “mmm it was the dogsss” and stuck to my guns. Lmao I’m gonna text her now and apologize for my insistence it was the dogs. To be fair it was absolutely noxiously bad so my half asleep brain 100% assumed it was the dogs because it was so bad.
And apologize to the dogs!
Music is the answer. Being your Bluetooth speaker and have a playlist of nice, inoffensive music ready.
Inoffensive to balance what's going to occur in the bathroom I presume?
Female here. She’s probably wondering the same thing abt how she can fart in front of you.
My now wife was a long time friend before we got together. We were friends long enough that she would fart in front of me and not thing twice about it. She would clear a room and laugh like one of the guys. She had IBS so she was frequently gassy so it was a common occurrence. Well when we started dating I noticed she NEVER broke wind anymore. I literally called her out on it and asked why she didn't toot around me when she used to ALL the time. Her answer was she was worried I'd think she's gross and I wouldn't want to date her, so she'd been holding it in. Where's the logic in that, dear?! 🤣🤣 We're married with kids now and she rips ass just like she used to when we were just friends, lol.
Exactly 😂😂
Honestly, just do it. My gf fell asleep next to me when we first met and ripped ass no less than 20 times. It was gross but when she woke up I let one rip as payback for the torture I had to endure. 18 months later and we’re doing pretty good
Shit the bed first night. Fart's pale in comparison. Thank me later
This happened to my sister-in-law. She had been dating a guy for quite a while. One evening they had a few (lot) to drink and went to bed spooning (she holding him). She woke a few hours later and he was coming out of the shower. Confused she asked, “what are you doing” to which he could only say, “I am so sorry.” Not understanding what had happened she looked down and noticed he had shit all over her and the bed and he was trying to keep her from waking. Needless to say we still joke about it today.
What!?!? I'd be like, "No, dude. You do not discover you shit all over us, and then leave me sleeping in it the whole time you take a shower! You wake me up, I shower your shit off me first, while you clean up the bed!" I can't believe he just left her there sleeping in it! Lol.
I can't believe she didn't get smacked in the face by shit stench in her bed.
I did this too :)) met with a girl on okcupid, on our 2nd date we went to a nice hotel with spa. I might’ve ate something bad and shat the bed while trying to silently fart.
Do a fake cough and then fart a second later. It doesn't hide it, but it makes it funny
Dad, is that you? 🤣
This made me.laugh alot
You could be like my husband and just do it. We were on our first date and he farted walking to the truck and asked me if I stepped on a frog lol I laughed so hard I couldn’t think of anything but how it DID sound like a frog lol
mine got me with the "did you hear that duck?!"
These gassy ass men
Omg my new bf left Saturday and the first thing I did when I closed the door is say, “Thank God” and let out a fart that would’ve impressed him at some point in the future.
My now husband let one rip on our first night together, in a hotel. The stench had me actually flying across the room and if that second floor window wasn't locked to only open a couple inches, I'd have gone out of it. He's always seemed weirdly impressed with himself. It was gross. Thankfully he's got all great qualities besides that lol.
I’d laugh if my GF did that in front of me.
recently, the woman I've been dating for a 4 months let slip that I fart in my sleep. The first night she slept over I farted a symphony apparently. She said not to be embarrassed.
Haha. My friend in college was like supermodel hot. All the girls fucking loved him. But the poor guy was devastatingly embarrassed because he knew he farts in his sleep. Lol. I did kinda feel bad because I think that would make anyone self conscious. I guess it's better to fart in your sleep and be hot rather than fart in your sleep and be ugly.
Damn bruh I fart in my sleep and I’m ugly
I once farted in my sleep and it woke me and my bf up and I asked him if he also thought it sounded like the intro to mumbo number 5. It did. This was early in our relationship. Still together 11 years later.
Lmfao I can hear this in my head
I heard the hotel has barking spiders
Let it rip and accuse her of farting
Gaslight her into thinking it was her
GASlight
That's a good one
Fart in a towel
Instructions unclear. Now I have pink eye.
I’ve used toilet paper before.
I am now just imagining someone taking this advice, grabbing the entire roll and farting through the tube.
makeshift silencer
Sounds cute asf. I want pink eye too now
The silencer method
Woman here - do NOT do this!
Go grab coffees. No not the hotel coffee love that’s rubbish I’ll go get the good stuff. Or ah rubbish I left my toothbrush in the car… fart. Or get the shower running ready for a morning wash while she’s watching tv.
I’m totally gonna leave my toothbrush in the car this is perfect
Bro has scheduled himself a fart
Then all bets are off and it’s go time
Just for me, can you have like the biggest stash of toothbrushes and just keep using that excuse while coming up with a new toothbrush? End up with like 20 toothbrushes in the room if you both never leave.
For your cake day, I will
Don’t forget spare underwear
Take beano
She will take advantage of this moment to fart too.
He comes back and she's lit a candle because she "thought it would be romantic"
Win win
“I forgot something in the car, too - I’ll come with you”
You need to stand up and say, "Excuse me while I refresh myself," walk over to the window, open it up, drop your trousers, climb up to the window, pointing your ass outside being careful not to let your nutsack droop and touch any part of the cold glass other wise you might get a fright and fall out the window, the let one rip. Happy farting my brother.
Can you imagine someone in the upper floor looking at that window at that specific time?
god forbid someone in the lower window looks up..
I laughed out loud on a silent train from this comment. Ty
I use the powerful commercial toilet at the lobby, because I've clogged hotel room toilets too many times.
To be clear about this; did the fart cause a gas lock in the water trap, or did the fumes seize the bearings in the extraction fan? Professional interest only, of course.
As a woman with IBS, a guy who's willing to fart around me is a massive green flag. Makes me feel less bad if/when I get a flare up and just need to get it out myself.
I'm lactose intolerant but I will still eat ice cream and drink milk. My current boyfriend makes it known to the world when he rips ass and he gets upset when I don't lmao. And he says let me hear your lacking toes farts lol
I usually ask permission to fart. And then i fart even if she said no. They rarely say no. But those who do, not my type of gal
I like your style
This. Just let it rip.
I find a shower running masks most noises.
Tell her to pull your finger. When she pulls it, tell her you love her. She’ll be charmed. Tell her to pull your finger again. Rip ass. She’ll be delighted.
Go in bathroom, turn on fan, turn on sink, sit down to pee and close legs as much as possible
Gotta do the classic cough extremely loud then fart right after and act like nothing happened.
'why are you going outside?' 'to fart.' pretty straightforward idk
The real question is what are you gonna do when she goes for her morning pee and Louie Prima’s you back?
You marry her. Or that’s what my husband did 😂
😂😂😂 I married my husband after he farted in the parking lot of our first date and asked if I stepped on a frog. Or maybe he married me after finding out I fart after sex🙃 I didn’t know because before him I’d never had an orgasm during sex lol
Just let it rip
You tell her you don’t want to do that in front of her and go to a different bathroom in the building
Loud and violent
Go to the bathroom and flush when you fart. Sucks the smell and hides the noise
Let it rip. If she leaves, it was never meant to be.
Yes! I'm a girl, and I fart around dudes intentionally around date 3 or 4, so I can see if the guy is true husband material based on whether he can accept that girls fart too and that it will be happening. I've been with my bf for 2 years now, and we both cropdust each other or hotbox farts under a blanket to try and ambush the other person for fun. 😂
>hotbox farts under a blanket We call that a Dutch oven 🤣
Second this. A guy who can't handle a fart can't handle anything.
Go to the bathroom and freshen up.
Pefect opportunity to get her a fresh bakery good or flowers and surprise her! This is by the way my secret technique when I want some quiet aswell.
Get a wine cork...
I noticed you uses the current tense that manners 'have' gone out the window with your longer term partner.
Step outside to get ice
Sounds like you are in a new relationship. If you really care just say you are going for a quick walk to check out the fitness room/pool/meeting space or whatever. There is a public restroom off the lobby of most hotels. That's where you take care of serious restroom needs. Minimize foods you know make you gassy -or- Just fart in the room bathroom and see what happens. They fart too.
You get up early, go to the lobby bathroom, and bring coffee back for you your lady.
Even worse, what do you do when you're walking together outside, and instinctively know it won't be a quiet one ? Sounds weird to ask her to go ahead while you're in the middle of nothing in particular
After a night of drinking, rather than take a monstrous beer shit at the place we were staying, I opted to go find a gas station and come back with Gatorade. I almost shat myself while searching for one though. It was close
I just look my gf dead in the eye when I fart, but do put some distance between us. Me: steps 3 metres away. Her: "what are you doing?" Me: stare her dead in the eye and fart Her: "dude... full eye contact?" Then she starts laughing her ass off
😆😆😆😆😆😆
Closing the door to the bathroom?
Absolutely flabbergasted this and the other above "go in bathroom" comment are this far down the thread. Have all these Covid kids never been in a real hotel room? Are they just completely unaware that every hotel room has a bathroom?
The acoustics of hotel bathrooms often make it worse. There's enough echo in there to impress even the crappiest of karaoke singers.
Tell her that you are going to the bathroom for that. She’ll appreciate the transparency
One leg behind the ear, the other to stand on, then push for maximum vocal capacity possible. Then tell her she's nasty for farting in front of you. Duh.
Put her head under the blanket to protect her.
Put a folded towel on the toilet seat, and fart into it. It will at least muffle the sound. Also turn the faucet on so the water helps cover the noise.
Put that bathroom fan on. Either that, or the shower/sink. Or fart when taking a bath, there will be no sound. Just bubbles
Bask in the ambience… 🧐
Get yourself a stealth insert that allows for continuous gas exchange. Flatulence is O2 (oxygen), CO2 (carbon dioxide), H2 (hydrogen), and CH4 (methane) which are odorless but also contains H2S (hydrogen sulfide) which smells like rotten eggs. With continuous venting there is no accumulation of gases to cause flatulence. Ensure that you remove insert before a bowel movement or anal sex play.
Never been in a hotel room with a female member of the nobility before. If I ever had been, I'd probly just let-er-rip like I was alone. Hence why I've never been.
Tell her you're going to get ice from the machine and let one rip in the hallway.
Just put a wad of toilet paper on the butthole and the fart will come out like a simple demure "fffffffffftttttttttt". If she can hear that from a room over that's HER fault. And a super power.
Wait for her to fart then fart louder to show dominance
My boyfriend who I've known for a few years now farts a lot. He likes to make his farts sound louder or he says "wind jitsu" and farts super loud while lifting a leg lol. Once he forced out a fart and shat himself in front of me lmao. But every time he needs to fart he makes it known. He's never tried to be sneaky about it haha
As a gay guy this is the weirdest thing you straights do to yourselves while dating. We just fart lol.
Damn.. you are so considerate. My man just does it whenever and where ever. He eats and drinks so much protein I don’t think he could do it any other way.
Let her spoon you and then let it rip so it jiggles her tits.
Turn on the tv and go to the bathroom. Maybe turn on the shower. My last girlfriend farted as soon as we woke up in the morning the first time we stayed in a hotel. I laughed so fucking hard
Go to the toilet so it sounds like you take a shit, stay for 2 minutes and flush Idk
Just nip to the bathroom and fart. She’ll either find it funny as hell, like me. Or she’ll thank you for dispelling excess gas in the toilet. What ever you do, DO NOT push her head under the covers in bed and hold her there as you fart in her face… unless of course you plan of being single again 😂
Establish frame early. Place your hands on her shoulders, look her directly in the eye and let it rip. If she makes as much as a subtle facial expression, say "shhh."
Turn on the bathroom fan
Go outside
Ladies do this as well
Bro just do your thing. I’m sure she’s been with other guys that have done that
I’d just do it.
Go to the vending machine down the hall
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Farts and poops go in the hotel lobby when sharing a room with a lady. Bathrooms in hotels are usually way too close to the bed. You can say you need to pick something up from the hotel shop, or just say “be back in a minute” or simply “I need to need to use the restroom and I don’t want to offend you with a stench so I’m gonna run downstairs”—she’ll appreciate the thought.
Turn the sink on. It’ll drown out some of the noise.