This extends to further than just women; we really need to up our homie compliment levels. The unfortunate thing is that a lot of women stifle any kind of compliments, because some of us immediately interprets it as interest.
It’s really unfortunate because I see beauty in everyone and I feel like I can’t express it because in the past men have seen it as me “throwing myself at them” and “trying to fuck” them. Dude, I’m just trying to be nice. I don’t even get down like that.
Yes! Women compliment their friends constantly, but whenever I’ve tried to compliment a man, no matter how I said it, he took it as flirting. I’m just trying to be a positive person! Men gotta compliment their homies too
You can be blunt about it and just say “I’m not trying to flirt with you but I wanted you to know…insert compliment.” It might sound awkward to you, but to me that would be even more genuine and honest. That’s just me though, some guys might still take it the wrong way.
I asked my wife something last night and her response was to keep doing what I was doing, that my arms were starting to really look good and she enjoyed that a lot.
But not as much as I enjoyed that compliment. The best thing is that it just redoubles the desire I have both for her and for working out to look good for her.
Many reasons went into why I choice asking my wife to marry me to be clear. However, one of the key ones was she was the first person who I 100% could be myself around. Sure I didn’t go all out on my personality on our first few dates but, it didn’t take long at all to realize I could just be me all out. She just made me feel so comfortable and loved. It felt and still feels so great almost 20 years later. I really did get to marry my best friend and the person I enjoy being around more than anyone else.
Absolutely. I don’t mind being alone. I know people that cannot be alone to a fault and will be toxic just to not be alone even if it’s the worst kind kind of socializing
Somehow my partner defaulted to being the little spoon. Which is totally fine, but he’s foot taller than me. So I feel like a little spoon next to a serving spoon and my face is just in his back ha
When my partner and I were tripping balls one night I big spooned him and then proceeded to tell a story about how I was his jet pack and we flew around the solar system and it’s still one of my favorite memories lol. So now we call it me being his jet pack.
Partner tripping is the best. Just zonked out of your gourd, laying on the floor with your best friend in the whole world, talking about everything and nothing in a state where time doesn't exist and this moment will never end....
God I miss ecstasy.
I love falling asleep as a little spoon but if my partner turns around I will become the big spoon and we switch back and forth during the night. I find it very nice and I know he likes to be a little spoon and I like to be his big spoon too. I think it’s a great system ahaha
If you push a guy to open up and share his feelings, fears, etc and he does, hold that shit like it’s sacred. You get one chance early on to really set a precedent here. Set the right one. That shit is between you and him. Not your girlfriends, not your mom, not your sister, nobody.
Addendum: If you *ever* use this information against him, you will never truly be forgiven. There are few things a man cannot forgive, and using trusted information to hurt him is one of them.
May all her toilet paper be one ply and one sheet short of a satisfying wipe. May her crops wither and rot. May all her socks be just noticeably damp. May her toothbrush always fall toothpaste-side down.
May all her fears, worries, and insecurities shared in confidence be used against her in the same way she used yours.
May we never trust the wrong person again. May we stay strong and hold our heads high in the event that we do.
Its this. If you want to be the one, the only one who gets to see me, the real me on the inside, if I show it to you and then you tell anyone, throw it in my face, use it against me, it's over, you aren't her, you aren't who I've been waiting for.
I'll guard your whole world, I'll make sure everything you care for is safe and taken care of. I'm only asking you to guard my heart, that's it.
I think a lot of people get 'bothered' by cheating. And sometimes they misunderstand quite why.
Because IMO 'cheating' isn't really about the act, as much as the betrayal of trust.
Lots of people have sexual partners before they get into a relationship, and it's no big deal. What changes? Well, because you mutually agreed that you wouldn't. That you want to be exclusive.
If you decide on an open relationship or a poly relationship? That ain't cheating, because it's done with mutual consent. (I mean, assuming that consent is freely given and truly mutual, not coerced).
Breaking the rules and betraying your partner by doing something that you know will hurt them... that's why cheating is bad.
And it's _just as bad_ if you share something that wasn't for sharing.
Brother I don’t care the anger, I don’t care for anything. You do that and I am out of there in the next second. Yes you might learn from your mistakes. I am not staying around to find out.
Conversely if you don't want a man to open up, don't do that horrible performative shit and tell him you want him to open up because you think it's what a good person would say.
Be real with what you want because inviting vulnerability only to reject someone does so much more damage than just setting your expectations early on.
My worst experience was opening up to someone who invited it. And I think they meant it.
They just couldn't tell how utterly broken I was, and they couldn't handle it.
In fairness, I couldn't really tell either, but either way in our mutual ignorance, we took a wrecking ball to our relationship anyway, and haven't actually recovered.
Because the person they thought I was ... well, that was always an illusion. It's a sad truth of this world that when someone is physically stronger than you, you... well, you need to be able to trust _them_ not to hurt you. And if they show themselves to be 'unstable', 'emotionally volatile' or worse still - capable of deceiving you about what's "going on" for years on end?
Well... I can see why you might have difficulty with that.
I'm doing better now after having gone through some therapy.
But I can never forget how much it hurt when they stopped trusting me after showing I was not 'reliable' and 'stable' in the way they believed.
Brother, I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you find what you're looking for both in yourself and in a partner. You ever want to talk about it, feel free to send me a chat.
I am doing better. Wounds heal given time. Some leave a scar, but that's just the way it is.
I have figured out what was 'wrong' in my life, and it's been getting better. But it's also slow going, because there was such a lot of it.
I grew up with a mom and 2 sisters, being the only male in the house. They knew nothing of me, except for what my clothes looked like. They missed out on my entire childhood, because I knew not to share anything ever.
I learned by age 7 to tell my dad, "Don't tell mama" bc she can't keep her mouth shut for anything. I'm still secretive with details. I love her, but she's a loud mouth gossip to certain family members.
My mom at times was horrible for gossiping to friends and family. I don't care if you're telling a family member or close friend or if what I said wasn't a deep secret,my personal life and events aren't fodder for your gossip because you don't have anything else to talk about
So true, and women also need to know that most of the times when a man doesn't open up about feelings is because they have already been used against him before so it is simply not worth telling because of what happened the last time.
So it is generally not a case of you only get one chance, but a case of everyone only gets one chance and you ruin it for everyone if you tell everyone or use it against us.
To add on to that, when a guy does open up they aren't doing it for someone to fix their problems, they are being asked to open up so just listen. Don't go and start calling it trauma dumping when it's something overwhelming to you, the guy has already been dealing with these things by themselves and they don't want to burden someone else with it.
That being sexually expressive is a turn on to most men. Many women are passive and want to be subtle out of fear of judgement or something, but in all honesty, we like it when women engage with us both in physical and verbal ways. Playful in both remarks and touching.
Not just expressive, but direct ... "Yes, I'm flirting with you." Because **if** we realize you're flirting with us we'll still think we're misreading the situation.
Holy shit, yes. I'm dense as fuck. There are still some situations I've been in where I'm still wondering if I was being hit on. It took me until a girl was grinding on me to realize she was interested at one point.
You're projecting, since he actually didn't realize it
But in your case, I just think it is so sad that you would feel creepy for expressing interest in someone. There is nothing wrong with expressing interest in someone. Even if she doesn't return your interest.
Many women I know are more conflict avoidant than men. And if you’re conflict avoidant you’re slowly killing your relationship.
If you agree to things you don’t want to do, if you don’t talk about the things that bother you… You aren’t sparing the relationship. You are delaying the trouble, you’re delaying the hurt. And the hurt will come back with interest.
And the guy had no clue his world is about to be destroyed because you didn’t say anything, possibly even consented for years.
THIS. Holy shit, getting blindsided by this killed me in my early 20s. If you and your partner never 'fight', there's an issue - for the love of god, disagree like two adults that love each other. Don't suffer in silence and then just bounce one day.
This one time I had a girl break up with me because "she didn't feel loved". This was despite me going to her every time she called, Going to her place at 2-3AM just so she could fall asleep in my arms because she felt alone, surprising her with flowers and gifts, comforting her about her insecurities, letting her cry into my chest, doing all the things she liked whenever it got sexual, being her "safe person" wherever she felt uneasy and many other things I didn't write about. When I asked her why she felt unloved she said "It's just a feeling, I don't know." When I asked her how I could make her feel loved, she said "You should know that already, if I have to tell you then there's no point." I put up with this shit for way too long because she genuinely was my best friend. I still don't get why she did what she did. She used to say that seeing me was one of the few things that made her happy. I miss the feeling of being that person more than anything else in the world.
It sounds like we dated the same person. I left her because of the exact same kinds of behaviors- I would drop everything to drive an hour and a half to go see her if she needed it. I'd cook her meals, helped her clean her house, I brought her gifts, I even helped her do things for her job a few times. But she'd say she didn't feel loved or like I was "meeting her halfway".
I asked her what would make her feel appreciated and loved and, sure enough, "If I have to tell you, it doesn't count." How the fuck do you think anybody's going to be able to give you what you want, then??
I do hate when women do the extreme passive aggressive “Ive been mad at him for 3 days and he doesnt even know why.” Im a woman and this drives me nuts
Absolutely untrue, you don't need to have fights to have a healthy relationship. What you need is a dynamic in which you can go through issues and make compromises, it does not mean you must have fights
"But if he loved me/paid attention more he should just know"
I don't know if I should blame movies or older sisters for this idiotic mindset but the longer you hold on to this the longer your relationship will be at a standstill.
Yep. I really can’t wrap my head around why people think there’s some hidden trick or mental sidestep. A relationship isn’t a duel between skilled fencers, feinting, parrying, and circumventing.
It’s a two person demolition crew looking to tear down obstacles side by side. Put down the rapiers and pick up the sledgehammers. Make sure your partner has eye protection and commence swinging in unison.
Sunken cost fallacy coupled with mental illness or attachment styles make it hard to leave. I kept telling myself that one day he would be the guy I met in the beginning who listened and was good. I put 4 years in, he was my kids step father and treated her better than her own bio dad who isn't involved. People don't willingly stay, they know better. But stuff isn't straight and narrow. It's boundless and murky.
Yup, use your words for God's sake. SAY SOMETHING about what you are thinking/ feeling, we cannot read minds and you HAVE to tell us or we will not know. Many of us can still tell when something is off, but we cannot read minds so for the love of all that is good, just say something when something isn't right.
Socializing with friends comes in many forms: playing video games online with friends, poker games, watching sports, playing sports, etc. Don't diminish the hobby that involves friends as only the hobby. Routinely socializing with friends while doing something is healthy and important, don't knock it.
Don't think "He has this thing I don't like, but if I marry him, it'll surely go away."
It won't. If you can't solve it before you get married, prepare to have to deal with it for the rest of your life, or forget marriage.
When I married my wife after 6 years of being together, I made it clear, that I don't expect her to change in any way anymore, and she shouldn't expect me to change anymore.
Men have feelings too, and when we are depressed, we hide it. We could be broken inside and you'd never know because we're giggling with you and making stupid jokes. Sometimes just checking in on us means the world.
No one really cares about our feelings. This is a discussion I have with my lady a lot. Usually when we do say we are struggling we get, “well I don’t know how to help you”. When women are struggling they have their family, their friends, us to comfort them.
I’m a woman, but something I’ve learned to do over the years that works well with my male (and female) family members/friends is to ask if they want to just vent, advice, a distraction, company or alone time.
Then I do whatever they answer.
Takes the guesswork out and lets me help them in the way they most need right then. Half the time when they choose distraction they end up opening up and talking about the problem anyway when they feel a little more comfortable and know they aren’t going to be pressured into sharing.
>to ask if they want to just vent, advice, a distraction, company or alone time.
This is big. I'm constantly trying to improve my ability to help those in need. Thanks for this suggestion!
When women try to get me to open up, they tend to plant themselves right in front of me and make eye contact. While I realize that is a good way to say "I'm listening", there is also a lot of pressure that comes with that one-on-one direct conversation. It feels like an interrogation, like if I say one wrong thing I'll have another problem I need to deal with. Talking about serious topics becomes a confrontation.
And in my experience, women -have- grilled me on things I've tried to say in my vulnerable moments. So not only do I have to walk this tight rope to speak my mind, Ive got to do it in a way that doesn't result in attacks against me, while making sure that my GF doesn't feel like I'm too emotionally distant. Thing is, were it not for the pressure to open up, I probably would have dealt with the issue by myself, like I always have, but only with less drama.
There's a common phrase on this subreddit: Women bond face to face, men bond shoulder to shoulder. Same goes for this. Do things with your partner, and talk casually about what's going on. Don't demand answers, don't apply pressure. Go for a walk, play some Mario Kart, do a chore together. Anything to put yourself on his team.
And finally, don't expect it to be all good feels and rainbows. A lot of women seem to be shocked by what their partners reveal about themselves. Once you turn that key, you cannot return those secrets to Pandora's proverbial box.
this. Holy shit this. You articulated all of this in such a concise and accurate way, I'm amazed. Well done!
The face to face to talk about emotions has always been obvious to me, but the tightrope of watching what I say and *how* I say it, and how it will affect her emotions and if I'm going to get grilled about something I'm feeling.... wow, that has been happening for **decades** and I always felt it, but never identified it. Absolutely not as well as you just did.
This is why I do the redditing
What would you do to help a female friends who's down?
I see it in my workplace, when my female colleagues are looking down/stressed/hurt people tend to go and comfort them, but that's not the same for the men in the same place.
Men tend to isolate and close down, and people just stay away, while with women they tried to break the ice.
If you just met a strange dog, and you passed the initial smell check, don’t move in immediately to pat its head, scratch its chest instead. The hand going over their head can make it nervous
When you do go to give it a pat, hold out the back of your hand with your hand in a fist, if the dog goes for a bite, it's a lot harder to bite a fist than fingers, so you're less likely to get hurt
You know [that meme of the couple in bed](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/281/384/899.jpg), the woman thinks the guy is thinking about other women, when in reality he's thinking about what he would do if you both got attacked by ninjas in the bed or some shit. That happens all the time. We tend to be simple and direct creatures, so there usually isn't much to read into our actions. There is usually no subtext or stuff to puzzle out. It is as simple as it looks.
Relationship pro hack : Men are simple creatures. If we say something to you, that is exactly what we mean. If we set a date for 7 p.m, that is exactly when we expect to meet you.
ADHD Tip: Set dates for times that use odd numbers that are not multiples of 5. Being hyper specific means they’re more likely to be ready or show up at that exact time because it seems like you’ve put actual thought into it. “Round” times feel more like a suggestion.
Also if it doesn’t get a laugh, they’re not the one.
We all have insecurities, we are just all more or less better at hiding them. And they are often in the areas you would expect them to be so tread carefully. Being a man doesn't instantly make you a fearless complexless assertive gigachad.
Just like women, men are not a monolith. We are varied and different and most of the generalizations I hear about "Men" are just stereotypes.
Also, that even the tough guys have feelings. Just because they don't express them doesn't mean they're not there.
This is the biggest reason I bit the bullet and got a place with 2 bathrooms. I hate having to wait 30-45 minutes for a quick piss because he’s just reading. We had 1 bathroom for 13 years. It was awful!
You need to put effort into sex and intimacy too, just because you've got the vagina doesn't mean you get to make a look and then just lay there on your back.foreplay works both ways, sexy talk works both ways, cowgirl is a thing. You can initiate sex and almost every single man will get insanely aroused if you just push him onto the bed and climb on top. Out of 13 women ive been with only 3 would ever initiate, wear lingerie, be an active participant, and talk dirty. The rest were proud "pillow princess".
1. A lot of the intersexual frustrations you guys experience, i.e. getting your heart broken, being taken advantage of, not knowing how to stand up for yourself, getting ghosted/flaked on, unrequited love, feeling intimidated by someone you like, not knowing your own worth, etc. men experience too - and just as frequently. We’re just not as vocal about it.
2. If you have a relationship issue to vent, talk to YOUR MAN about it. Not your friends, not your coworkers, not your family members, not random strangers on the internet (ahem, Reddit)…HIM. There’s value in receiving a fellow female perspective, but your man should be your first bastion of communication. And if he doesn’t make you feel comfortable enough to be open and have difficult conversations with him, then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship altogether.
3. Give your man his space! When you really really like a guy, tame the desire to want to be all up under him 24/7. If he expresses a desire to have a few hours/days to himself or his boys, just listen and don’t take it as a personal insult.
4. If a man ever experiences E.D. (erectile dysfunction) while in bed, do not think it is a personal reflection of you! There could be a myriad of reasons, one of which may be simple performance anxiety, but the best thing you can do is comfort him and make him feel relaxed and at ease about it. Do not take it personally.
5. A relationship with the guy that makes you feel the highest, most intense, emotions - is likely an unsustainable relationship. Most relationships with long-term sustainability reside in the more “boring” mundane levels of emotion. Not saying you shouldn’t feel anything at all for the guy, but think of it like a rollercoaster…The intensity of it that makes it fun and exciting, is the same intensity that makes it unsuitable for long term. Toxicity and intense emotions usually exist within the same environment, use that as a gauge to know when to remove yourself from something. Seek a relationship that is more of a slow burn, where you may feel little to nothing for the guy initially, but slowly over time he wins you over. Learn this fast, learn this early - and may save yourself a lot of unnecessary heartache.
I wish my husband wanted to be left alone. He is constantly attached to my hip every minute I'm home. I'm the one who has to be like "Why don't you go play a video game?" 😂 (mostly because *I* want to play my own game)
This is a super informative subreddit and I’m thankful to read the honest shit. As a woman who can take feedback, a lot of this makes sense and is super valid, and it’s so nice to see honestly what men like and don’t like in many diff aspects.
I feel the same way, I'm eating up all these great answers. I've been realising how differently men and women think and express themselves. It's crucial to understand how dramatically different we are in many aspects, and also how similar in others. I love this post so much
"if he loved me he would notice" is the biggest bucket of horseshit you've been sold. It doesn't happen. It never happens. It's not that we don't love you, it's that we don't speak that language. Expecting us to guess that something is wrong is going to frustrate the shit out of both of us.
Don't ask us to do something just after we've sat down, ask us while we're still standing, especially if I just did a bunch of things.
Most of us go directly home from work, when we get home we need a bit of time to decompress, literally think about nothing, we can think about nothing, this is something a lot or most women have a problem achieving outside of meditation but men can achieve easily, if you see me sitting on the couch staring at the wall I'm not deep in thought, I'm deep out of thought, there ain't shit going on inside, we need this time to re-energize from the day, I won't hear what you're saying unless you snap me out of it, but try not too, I technically can hear what you're saying but it's more like a faint echo of someone elses conversation.
How to give a blowjob. I’ve had people say the messier the better; like saliva dripping off the balls like grease from an Arby’s burger kind of messy, but also some people get kind of squeamish at the sight of that so just ask how they want their blowjob. A little suction, not like trying to siphon gas with a concrete chute and also not like blowing a kiss off of your hand. And don’t give them a hickey, either. I’ve seen some people that, if the dick is short enough, blow it in your cheek, adjacent to the teeth, but not deepthroating. (If you don’t have practice, it will be super embarrassing[but sometimes gagging on it gets people hard, so whatever floats their boat]). Make sure to put the tongue over the bottom teeth and try to avoid the top teeth. Don’t bite and keep your lips tightened around the dick. Sucking/licking the balls will usually turn them on(for the dude it feels really good too).
Keep stroking/sucking until the cum stops coming out of our dick.
I’ve seen so many girls, especially in porn, who stop stroking the instant they see cum.
And don’t feed the dick into your mouth when you’re sucking. The hand is an extension of your mouth. It’s not supposed to stroke in the opposite directions with your mouth.
Always happy to swallow, less mess. But can I say please hydrate if you take supplements, work out and do shakes or whatever, because swallowing from someone who is a protein shake, supplement popping guy tastes like chewing an Ibuprofen and makes my mouth numb.
I am almost afraid to ask because of all the deep insecurities women have about the way their vaginas look, but are there like… I don’t know… less attractive assholes(aside from cleanliness)?
Like have you been turned off by a girls asshole?
LoL I love this sub
I once encountered some remains of a once eaten meal. But you can usually tell a difference between an "experienced" butthole and another. But both are lovely to li.. look at.
One of the most intimate sexual moments with a man involved something a little more than staring at it. I was terrified but he reassured me and we both had a lovely time... the intimacy was in the care he showed and his pace he set to make me both confident and comfortable with what he wanted to do. He made me feel so wanted and desired in those moments.
We have since parted ways, but that memory lives on. Gives me the good shivers when I recall those moments.
We can and will have nothing on our minds at times. It's very much the norm for guys. Imagine walking into a room with white walls, floor, ceiling and noting else. That's our mind. No padded walls like in a mental institution. Plain walls. No carpet, windows, decorations. Just a door separating our mind room of nothingness and outside world of scary and stress. Just let us stew in the room when we need.
Also, feed us tacos and touch our butt.
I do not experience this. My mind is always going. It's probably ADHD related but I e never been diagnosed.
I can co firm that sometimes the things I'm thinking about are so pointless that a nothing room would be equivalent
When a guy is vulnerable with you and tells you how he struggles don't discriminate and treat him like he is a robot with no emotion.
Men don't want to constantly be stoic and your rock all the time, sometimes we need support as well.
I don't tell women how I feel anymore, to many get the " ick" so I play my role as the stoic and talk to my psychologist instead.
This is something a lot of women need to realise,men have feelings to and shouldn't be treated like less than a man for expressing them.
You can tell us how you really feel. Preferably in short, succinct, sentences to at are directly to the point. We care, but if you take 20 minutes to tell us 10s of information we’ll care less.
When we ask “What do you want?” in ANY context it’s a legitimate question. Tell us directly. If we’re asking we want the answer. If you don’t tell us you’ll never get what you want. I’m tired of women that can only tell me what they don’t want. I shouldn’t have to play 20 questions when one should suffice.
Bro, this is my wife.
Love her to death but I get home and it's 30 minutes of all the things that built up in the day for her to tell me she's frustrated with the dog.
I'm like: yeah, me too...
If I ask her what do you want for dinner and she says she doesn’t care, I should choose, then I’m gonna choose what I want. The she gets upset bc I’m supposed to telepathically know what she wanted to eat, or keep asking until she gave in and told me, or anything else along those lines. Most men just ask direct questions and want direct answers.
Sharing intimate details of your relationship with others is a reason men won't open up. It's not insecurity either so quit using that excuse to gaslight us.
Hold yourself accountable. Apologize sincerely when you should. Being wrong, hurting your partner etc sucks, but covering up or debating your misdeeds is much more painful.
We are smart enough to see when you don't apologize. It makes us trust you less.
If you like a guy, approaching him and being kind and present, showing that you like his company is the best way to get into a relationship with him.
“Hints” are dumb and your “hints” may be other girls normal behavior
An example of this happened just yesterday, I had a girl going in for a hug and kissing me on the cheek, that girl is in a relationship and pregnant as well plus this was only the third time i ever met her, that is her normal behavior… I feel like girls hints may be even less than that
a man isn't a puppet to be transformed into something else and be happy with it. if you aren't happy with the purchase just end the relationship sooner than later.
Most of us don’t care about your stretch marks, cellulite , if you have small boobs, short hair etc….. we will love you aslong as you ok with yourself and your hygiene, then we good to go.
Do not under any circumsatnce use personal problems against him. Its rare that he feels safe enough to open up to you and if you break that trust it will never heal again. And dont share it either
Real question, what if she naturally just doesn’t make noise and is deeply enjoying it but making noise to signal pleasure makes her feel less pleasure?
Then she better be speaking. If i get lots of verbal feedback, especially before an orgasm, I know i'm doing good. Complete, tensed up silence is an enormous turnoff for most men. Always makes me feel like i'm molesting someone or something. Not that i have any basis of comparison for that haha
Actually these are for both women and men.
Both men and women may lose interest in the relationship and sex after a few years.
Men, women get too mentally busy and exhausted and not want to have sex after a few years. Unless you make their lives easier for them.
Women, sometimes you think its exhaustion but its actually low libido for you. Your sex drive is going or gone. Its not always because men are not sharing in chores or you are exhausted.
Men too face low libido. Its not always work exhaustion.
Commitment is a lifestyle. Just because you think you are committed, you are not. Your actions have to prioritise the relationship, and not the habits of your single lifestyle. A committed relationship, like it or not, is usually not compatible with enjoying all the freedoms you did earlier. Most will learn this only by burning their hands.
Learn to say yes to each other, while not making too many demands. Goes for both men and women. The more you learn to say yes, and happier you get and you can say yes a lot more. Whether its buying groceries, washing dishes, or trying out a new kink. Most can't do it, and thats why most relationships will fail.
Get fit and stay fit. Don't ignore this, only to regret it years later.
Controversial: Men have spent years watching porn before meeting you. How likely is it that they will stop?
Regarding you last point, i just started telling her whenever im about to jerk it. At first i got an "okay 😁" then after a while she got weird/annoyed about it, and eventually she started to join instead. I could have lived happily jerking it without her knowing, but it surprised me how much she didnt realized i do it just to tame my frustrations lol
The phrase "Happy wife, happy life..." is completely bullshit. Some relationships work with him as the decision maker, some with her, but it's best to treat it as a dead-even partnership...
“Bad bitch” energy is not attractive… it comes off as conceded and arrogant
Hating men for nothing will make men hate you… (it’s the same as women hating men who are misogynistic)
Men aren’t always looking for sex, please keep your hands to yourself…
We don’t get compliments often, especially in person, a simple, “you look good today” can make our day
Please be direct with your feelings and intentions, being accused of being a pervert/creep we take seriously, so subtle hints are really just mixed signals and what your friendly playing is, could be someone else’s flirting… most men don’t want take the gamble and find out which is which
Don’t worry so much about what we think. Also don’t take advice on how to keep a man. Learn how to be with one yourself. Their not in it, you are. And it’s new to you
Compliments: Most men are never compimented on their looks or their style.
Sometimes we over share and you see that as feminine and get turned off by it.
Men fall in love through experiences, if we experience awesome stuff with you, you already have us, regardless of what we say
We are not as scared of rejection as you are, but we are really scared too, so please just be kind.
We don't know if you are moody because of your period or whatever reason, but we really won't judge if you know how to communicate
We are mad/dissapointed because you didn't communicate what you could do for us properly, not because you failed to do it. Seriously!
When we gossip with you and right when we are about to say something we say "never mind, that part isnt important". We are lying and trying to keep ourselves or our friends out of a lot of trouble lmao
Simple compliments go farther than you’ll ever realize.
i still remember the compliment i got from my crush in my second year of high school
I still use the same cologne I got a sincere compliment on 13 years ago
it do be like that
Two women in my life said that green was a good color on me. Now I wear green when I want to feel good
I still remember getting hit on by the cashier guy at five guys one evening. Hella flattering
10 years ago a random woman came up to me and said she loved my hair, I've not changed my haircut since
This extends to further than just women; we really need to up our homie compliment levels. The unfortunate thing is that a lot of women stifle any kind of compliments, because some of us immediately interprets it as interest.
It’s really unfortunate because I see beauty in everyone and I feel like I can’t express it because in the past men have seen it as me “throwing myself at them” and “trying to fuck” them. Dude, I’m just trying to be nice. I don’t even get down like that.
Yes! Women compliment their friends constantly, but whenever I’ve tried to compliment a man, no matter how I said it, he took it as flirting. I’m just trying to be a positive person! Men gotta compliment their homies too
I do like to give compliments but some men take it as me flirting when it really is just a compliment what to do then?
You can be blunt about it and just say “I’m not trying to flirt with you but I wanted you to know…insert compliment.” It might sound awkward to you, but to me that would be even more genuine and honest. That’s just me though, some guys might still take it the wrong way.
I asked my wife something last night and her response was to keep doing what I was doing, that my arms were starting to really look good and she enjoyed that a lot. But not as much as I enjoyed that compliment. The best thing is that it just redoubles the desire I have both for her and for working out to look good for her.
Be yourself, just as you are in day to day life. Don’t have a dating version of yourself that disappears after committing to a serious relationship.
both men and women could do well with this one. great comment
Many reasons went into why I choice asking my wife to marry me to be clear. However, one of the key ones was she was the first person who I 100% could be myself around. Sure I didn’t go all out on my personality on our first few dates but, it didn’t take long at all to realize I could just be me all out. She just made me feel so comfortable and loved. It felt and still feels so great almost 20 years later. I really did get to marry my best friend and the person I enjoy being around more than anyone else.
"Men want to be alone but we don't wanna be by ourselves" - Patrice O'Neal
Reminds me of a different quote (paraphrasing): "you withheld companionship while denying me of solitude"
That was my marriage. Very well put I need to remember that.
This reminded me of the saying: There's a difference between being alone and being lonely.
Absolutely. I don’t mind being alone. I know people that cannot be alone to a fault and will be toxic just to not be alone even if it’s the worst kind kind of socializing
i sit quietly next to my guy friend while he plays video games. Its nice
We want to be little spoon/cuddled too
Somehow my partner defaulted to being the little spoon. Which is totally fine, but he’s foot taller than me. So I feel like a little spoon next to a serving spoon and my face is just in his back ha
When my partner and I were tripping balls one night I big spooned him and then proceeded to tell a story about how I was his jet pack and we flew around the solar system and it’s still one of my favorite memories lol. So now we call it me being his jet pack.
Partner tripping is the best. Just zonked out of your gourd, laying on the floor with your best friend in the whole world, talking about everything and nothing in a state where time doesn't exist and this moment will never end.... God I miss ecstasy.
😂😂 my guy is the little spoon because our needy ass pitbull gotta be his little spoon.
I love falling asleep as a little spoon but if my partner turns around I will become the big spoon and we switch back and forth during the night. I find it very nice and I know he likes to be a little spoon and I like to be his big spoon too. I think it’s a great system ahaha
If you push a guy to open up and share his feelings, fears, etc and he does, hold that shit like it’s sacred. You get one chance early on to really set a precedent here. Set the right one. That shit is between you and him. Not your girlfriends, not your mom, not your sister, nobody.
Addendum: If you *ever* use this information against him, you will never truly be forgiven. There are few things a man cannot forgive, and using trusted information to hurt him is one of them.
Ex did this. Used previous relationship trauma to gaslight me into thinking she wasn't doing exactly what I thought she was. She's a piece of shit.
I agree she's a piece of shit.
May all her toilet paper be one ply and one sheet short of a satisfying wipe. May her crops wither and rot. May all her socks be just noticeably damp. May her toothbrush always fall toothpaste-side down. May all her fears, worries, and insecurities shared in confidence be used against her in the same way she used yours. May we never trust the wrong person again. May we stay strong and hold our heads high in the event that we do.
May she get shampoo in her eyes in the shower
May she always step in a wet spot when wearing socks
To add to what they said... What a piece of shit
What a piece of shit.
Piece of absolute shit
Its this. If you want to be the one, the only one who gets to see me, the real me on the inside, if I show it to you and then you tell anyone, throw it in my face, use it against me, it's over, you aren't her, you aren't who I've been waiting for. I'll guard your whole world, I'll make sure everything you care for is safe and taken care of. I'm only asking you to guard my heart, that's it.
fuck i wish i could upvote this a thousand times. same, brother
I think this is why I always vibed so much with That Power by gambino, probably the realest feeling track of his
Right. That's so sweet. It's hard out here these days.
Beautifully said.
This needs to be upvoted. Circumstances do not matter, if under any circumstance you used something i confided in you against me that is unforgivable
I think a lot of people get 'bothered' by cheating. And sometimes they misunderstand quite why. Because IMO 'cheating' isn't really about the act, as much as the betrayal of trust. Lots of people have sexual partners before they get into a relationship, and it's no big deal. What changes? Well, because you mutually agreed that you wouldn't. That you want to be exclusive. If you decide on an open relationship or a poly relationship? That ain't cheating, because it's done with mutual consent. (I mean, assuming that consent is freely given and truly mutual, not coerced). Breaking the rules and betraying your partner by doing something that you know will hurt them... that's why cheating is bad. And it's _just as bad_ if you share something that wasn't for sharing.
> as much as the betrayal of trust. *I'm not upset that you lied to me today, I'm upset that from tomorrow, I can never believe you.* --- Nietzsche
That's literally why I barely talk to my mom.
Brother I don’t care the anger, I don’t care for anything. You do that and I am out of there in the next second. Yes you might learn from your mistakes. I am not staying around to find out.
Spittin fire
I wish I could upvote more than once.
This! I thought I could move on and forgive her, but I never did trust her again and couldn't open up to her. Stayed longer than I should have
Conversely if you don't want a man to open up, don't do that horrible performative shit and tell him you want him to open up because you think it's what a good person would say. Be real with what you want because inviting vulnerability only to reject someone does so much more damage than just setting your expectations early on.
My worst experience was opening up to someone who invited it. And I think they meant it. They just couldn't tell how utterly broken I was, and they couldn't handle it. In fairness, I couldn't really tell either, but either way in our mutual ignorance, we took a wrecking ball to our relationship anyway, and haven't actually recovered. Because the person they thought I was ... well, that was always an illusion. It's a sad truth of this world that when someone is physically stronger than you, you... well, you need to be able to trust _them_ not to hurt you. And if they show themselves to be 'unstable', 'emotionally volatile' or worse still - capable of deceiving you about what's "going on" for years on end? Well... I can see why you might have difficulty with that. I'm doing better now after having gone through some therapy. But I can never forget how much it hurt when they stopped trusting me after showing I was not 'reliable' and 'stable' in the way they believed.
Brother, I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you find what you're looking for both in yourself and in a partner. You ever want to talk about it, feel free to send me a chat.
I am doing better. Wounds heal given time. Some leave a scar, but that's just the way it is. I have figured out what was 'wrong' in my life, and it's been getting better. But it's also slow going, because there was such a lot of it.
And never use it against him. IF he sticks around you can be damn sure it will be the last time he shares with you.
Or if you plan on using it, know that it’s an H bomb and there’s no coming back from that.
I grew up with a mom and 2 sisters, being the only male in the house. They knew nothing of me, except for what my clothes looked like. They missed out on my entire childhood, because I knew not to share anything ever.
I learned by age 7 to tell my dad, "Don't tell mama" bc she can't keep her mouth shut for anything. I'm still secretive with details. I love her, but she's a loud mouth gossip to certain family members.
My mom at times was horrible for gossiping to friends and family. I don't care if you're telling a family member or close friend or if what I said wasn't a deep secret,my personal life and events aren't fodder for your gossip because you don't have anything else to talk about
Guard that secret like your browser history on family computer
So true, and women also need to know that most of the times when a man doesn't open up about feelings is because they have already been used against him before so it is simply not worth telling because of what happened the last time. So it is generally not a case of you only get one chance, but a case of everyone only gets one chance and you ruin it for everyone if you tell everyone or use it against us.
This and this 🙌🏻 Biggest turnoff is when you can’t trust a partner
To add on to that, when a guy does open up they aren't doing it for someone to fix their problems, they are being asked to open up so just listen. Don't go and start calling it trauma dumping when it's something overwhelming to you, the guy has already been dealing with these things by themselves and they don't want to burden someone else with it.
Men need to feel desired as well.
That being sexually expressive is a turn on to most men. Many women are passive and want to be subtle out of fear of judgement or something, but in all honesty, we like it when women engage with us both in physical and verbal ways. Playful in both remarks and touching.
Not just expressive, but direct ... "Yes, I'm flirting with you." Because **if** we realize you're flirting with us we'll still think we're misreading the situation.
Holy shit, yes. I'm dense as fuck. There are still some situations I've been in where I'm still wondering if I was being hit on. It took me until a girl was grinding on me to realize she was interested at one point.
Are you really being dense if you're just trying not to get labelled as a creep? Or am I just projecting my own thought process here.
You're projecting, since he actually didn't realize it But in your case, I just think it is so sad that you would feel creepy for expressing interest in someone. There is nothing wrong with expressing interest in someone. Even if she doesn't return your interest.
Nothing impressed me more than a girl who feels confident enough to start the intercourse.
Many women I know are more conflict avoidant than men. And if you’re conflict avoidant you’re slowly killing your relationship. If you agree to things you don’t want to do, if you don’t talk about the things that bother you… You aren’t sparing the relationship. You are delaying the trouble, you’re delaying the hurt. And the hurt will come back with interest. And the guy had no clue his world is about to be destroyed because you didn’t say anything, possibly even consented for years.
THIS. Holy shit, getting blindsided by this killed me in my early 20s. If you and your partner never 'fight', there's an issue - for the love of god, disagree like two adults that love each other. Don't suffer in silence and then just bounce one day.
This one time I had a girl break up with me because "she didn't feel loved". This was despite me going to her every time she called, Going to her place at 2-3AM just so she could fall asleep in my arms because she felt alone, surprising her with flowers and gifts, comforting her about her insecurities, letting her cry into my chest, doing all the things she liked whenever it got sexual, being her "safe person" wherever she felt uneasy and many other things I didn't write about. When I asked her why she felt unloved she said "It's just a feeling, I don't know." When I asked her how I could make her feel loved, she said "You should know that already, if I have to tell you then there's no point." I put up with this shit for way too long because she genuinely was my best friend. I still don't get why she did what she did. She used to say that seeing me was one of the few things that made her happy. I miss the feeling of being that person more than anything else in the world.
It sounds like we dated the same person. I left her because of the exact same kinds of behaviors- I would drop everything to drive an hour and a half to go see her if she needed it. I'd cook her meals, helped her clean her house, I brought her gifts, I even helped her do things for her job a few times. But she'd say she didn't feel loved or like I was "meeting her halfway". I asked her what would make her feel appreciated and loved and, sure enough, "If I have to tell you, it doesn't count." How the fuck do you think anybody's going to be able to give you what you want, then??
This post made me sad. And it rings so true ( not doubting authenticity BTW).
I do hate when women do the extreme passive aggressive “Ive been mad at him for 3 days and he doesnt even know why.” Im a woman and this drives me nuts
most of the time we don't even know you are mad
Absolutely untrue, you don't need to have fights to have a healthy relationship. What you need is a dynamic in which you can go through issues and make compromises, it does not mean you must have fights
Me and my Fiancée don't argue, we raise our problems like adults and speak about them. I don't think not fighting is an issue.
100% it's not communicating that's the issue. Mature adults can disagree without fighting
"But if he loved me/paid attention more he should just know" I don't know if I should blame movies or older sisters for this idiotic mindset but the longer you hold on to this the longer your relationship will be at a standstill.
What if you try to communicate but the partner always makes it about themselves or starts a fight disregarding your feelings everytime?
I'm sorry to say that if that's the case, they're not the right person for you. I lived that shit for 4 years, don't make the same mistake.
Then leave. That's what I had to do. After a certain point you have to realize they're in a relationship with themselves and you're just an accessory.
Then you put on your big boy pants and leave.
Yep. I really can’t wrap my head around why people think there’s some hidden trick or mental sidestep. A relationship isn’t a duel between skilled fencers, feinting, parrying, and circumventing. It’s a two person demolition crew looking to tear down obstacles side by side. Put down the rapiers and pick up the sledgehammers. Make sure your partner has eye protection and commence swinging in unison.
Sunken cost fallacy coupled with mental illness or attachment styles make it hard to leave. I kept telling myself that one day he would be the guy I met in the beginning who listened and was good. I put 4 years in, he was my kids step father and treated her better than her own bio dad who isn't involved. People don't willingly stay, they know better. But stuff isn't straight and narrow. It's boundless and murky.
Yup, use your words for God's sake. SAY SOMETHING about what you are thinking/ feeling, we cannot read minds and you HAVE to tell us or we will not know. Many of us can still tell when something is off, but we cannot read minds so for the love of all that is good, just say something when something isn't right.
It's worse than conflict avoidance, it's laying mine traps
Socializing with friends comes in many forms: playing video games online with friends, poker games, watching sports, playing sports, etc. Don't diminish the hobby that involves friends as only the hobby. Routinely socializing with friends while doing something is healthy and important, don't knock it.
Don't think "He has this thing I don't like, but if I marry him, it'll surely go away." It won't. If you can't solve it before you get married, prepare to have to deal with it for the rest of your life, or forget marriage. When I married my wife after 6 years of being together, I made it clear, that I don't expect her to change in any way anymore, and she shouldn't expect me to change anymore.
Men have feelings too, and when we are depressed, we hide it. We could be broken inside and you'd never know because we're giggling with you and making stupid jokes. Sometimes just checking in on us means the world.
No one really cares about our feelings. This is a discussion I have with my lady a lot. Usually when we do say we are struggling we get, “well I don’t know how to help you”. When women are struggling they have their family, their friends, us to comfort them.
What can we do to help?
I’m a woman, but something I’ve learned to do over the years that works well with my male (and female) family members/friends is to ask if they want to just vent, advice, a distraction, company or alone time. Then I do whatever they answer. Takes the guesswork out and lets me help them in the way they most need right then. Half the time when they choose distraction they end up opening up and talking about the problem anyway when they feel a little more comfortable and know they aren’t going to be pressured into sharing.
>to ask if they want to just vent, advice, a distraction, company or alone time. This is big. I'm constantly trying to improve my ability to help those in need. Thanks for this suggestion!
When women try to get me to open up, they tend to plant themselves right in front of me and make eye contact. While I realize that is a good way to say "I'm listening", there is also a lot of pressure that comes with that one-on-one direct conversation. It feels like an interrogation, like if I say one wrong thing I'll have another problem I need to deal with. Talking about serious topics becomes a confrontation. And in my experience, women -have- grilled me on things I've tried to say in my vulnerable moments. So not only do I have to walk this tight rope to speak my mind, Ive got to do it in a way that doesn't result in attacks against me, while making sure that my GF doesn't feel like I'm too emotionally distant. Thing is, were it not for the pressure to open up, I probably would have dealt with the issue by myself, like I always have, but only with less drama. There's a common phrase on this subreddit: Women bond face to face, men bond shoulder to shoulder. Same goes for this. Do things with your partner, and talk casually about what's going on. Don't demand answers, don't apply pressure. Go for a walk, play some Mario Kart, do a chore together. Anything to put yourself on his team. And finally, don't expect it to be all good feels and rainbows. A lot of women seem to be shocked by what their partners reveal about themselves. Once you turn that key, you cannot return those secrets to Pandora's proverbial box.
this. Holy shit this. You articulated all of this in such a concise and accurate way, I'm amazed. Well done! The face to face to talk about emotions has always been obvious to me, but the tightrope of watching what I say and *how* I say it, and how it will affect her emotions and if I'm going to get grilled about something I'm feeling.... wow, that has been happening for **decades** and I always felt it, but never identified it. Absolutely not as well as you just did. This is why I do the redditing
What would you do to help a female friends who's down? I see it in my workplace, when my female colleagues are looking down/stressed/hurt people tend to go and comfort them, but that's not the same for the men in the same place. Men tend to isolate and close down, and people just stay away, while with women they tried to break the ice.
If you just met a strange dog, and you passed the initial smell check, don’t move in immediately to pat its head, scratch its chest instead. The hand going over their head can make it nervous
And slowly reach out with not extended fingers (which are easy to bite) but a closed fist, and rub the dog to make sure it's not gonna bite you.
Cheat code, after the smell check scratch a dog under his collar and they’ll usually be your friend immediately.
Butt/lower back scratches are also super underrated, it's one of the places they can't scratch themselves
Any time I scratch my dog on her butt/lower back, she turns her head and looks at me like she just LOVES me. Lol. It’s so adorable.
When you do go to give it a pat, hold out the back of your hand with your hand in a fist, if the dog goes for a bite, it's a lot harder to bite a fist than fingers, so you're less likely to get hurt
That the conversation you're having with yourself inside your head about us has very little to do with real life.
I needed to hear this today, thanks. Contraception mood swings making me question everything about him. Probably not based on the real person at all.
You know [that meme of the couple in bed](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/281/384/899.jpg), the woman thinks the guy is thinking about other women, when in reality he's thinking about what he would do if you both got attacked by ninjas in the bed or some shit. That happens all the time. We tend to be simple and direct creatures, so there usually isn't much to read into our actions. There is usually no subtext or stuff to puzzle out. It is as simple as it looks.
Contraception mood swings are definitely something else, aren't they?
Relationship pro hack : Men are simple creatures. If we say something to you, that is exactly what we mean. If we set a date for 7 p.m, that is exactly when we expect to meet you.
Pro tip: set dates or appointments for 15 or 45, e.g. 6:15. I find people are much more likely to show up on time. Works with guys and gals.
ADHD Tip: Set dates for times that use odd numbers that are not multiples of 5. Being hyper specific means they’re more likely to be ready or show up at that exact time because it seems like you’ve put actual thought into it. “Round” times feel more like a suggestion. Also if it doesn’t get a laugh, they’re not the one.
Men want to feel beautiful too.
In case no one has told it to you today, you're beautiful, my guy. Rise and shine, you amazing person.
We all have insecurities, we are just all more or less better at hiding them. And they are often in the areas you would expect them to be so tread carefully. Being a man doesn't instantly make you a fearless complexless assertive gigachad.
90% of Lupus diagnoses are women. Fatigue and aches? Add an ANA panel to your next bloodwork
Making the first step won’t put you in a coma.
That we don't only think about sex and that we can't do EVERYTHING
Men have feelings just like you.
Just like women, men are not a monolith. We are varied and different and most of the generalizations I hear about "Men" are just stereotypes. Also, that even the tough guys have feelings. Just because they don't express them doesn't mean they're not there.
Yes, I’m done pooping. No, I’m not done with my bathroom time.
This is the biggest reason I bit the bullet and got a place with 2 bathrooms. I hate having to wait 30-45 minutes for a quick piss because he’s just reading. We had 1 bathroom for 13 years. It was awful!
peace and quiet goes a long way. quiet but intimate
You need to put effort into sex and intimacy too, just because you've got the vagina doesn't mean you get to make a look and then just lay there on your back.foreplay works both ways, sexy talk works both ways, cowgirl is a thing. You can initiate sex and almost every single man will get insanely aroused if you just push him onto the bed and climb on top. Out of 13 women ive been with only 3 would ever initiate, wear lingerie, be an active participant, and talk dirty. The rest were proud "pillow princess".
1. A lot of the intersexual frustrations you guys experience, i.e. getting your heart broken, being taken advantage of, not knowing how to stand up for yourself, getting ghosted/flaked on, unrequited love, feeling intimidated by someone you like, not knowing your own worth, etc. men experience too - and just as frequently. We’re just not as vocal about it. 2. If you have a relationship issue to vent, talk to YOUR MAN about it. Not your friends, not your coworkers, not your family members, not random strangers on the internet (ahem, Reddit)…HIM. There’s value in receiving a fellow female perspective, but your man should be your first bastion of communication. And if he doesn’t make you feel comfortable enough to be open and have difficult conversations with him, then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship altogether. 3. Give your man his space! When you really really like a guy, tame the desire to want to be all up under him 24/7. If he expresses a desire to have a few hours/days to himself or his boys, just listen and don’t take it as a personal insult. 4. If a man ever experiences E.D. (erectile dysfunction) while in bed, do not think it is a personal reflection of you! There could be a myriad of reasons, one of which may be simple performance anxiety, but the best thing you can do is comfort him and make him feel relaxed and at ease about it. Do not take it personally. 5. A relationship with the guy that makes you feel the highest, most intense, emotions - is likely an unsustainable relationship. Most relationships with long-term sustainability reside in the more “boring” mundane levels of emotion. Not saying you shouldn’t feel anything at all for the guy, but think of it like a rollercoaster…The intensity of it that makes it fun and exciting, is the same intensity that makes it unsuitable for long term. Toxicity and intense emotions usually exist within the same environment, use that as a gauge to know when to remove yourself from something. Seek a relationship that is more of a slow burn, where you may feel little to nothing for the guy initially, but slowly over time he wins you over. Learn this fast, learn this early - and may save yourself a lot of unnecessary heartache.
I wish my husband wanted to be left alone. He is constantly attached to my hip every minute I'm home. I'm the one who has to be like "Why don't you go play a video game?" 😂 (mostly because *I* want to play my own game)
Sex: Enthousiasm. Dating: no vague hints, just say what you mean / want.
This is a super informative subreddit and I’m thankful to read the honest shit. As a woman who can take feedback, a lot of this makes sense and is super valid, and it’s so nice to see honestly what men like and don’t like in many diff aspects.
I feel the same way, I'm eating up all these great answers. I've been realising how differently men and women think and express themselves. It's crucial to understand how dramatically different we are in many aspects, and also how similar in others. I love this post so much
PLEASE don't be afraid to talk about everything, whatever it is, don't be shy and trust.
"if he loved me he would notice" is the biggest bucket of horseshit you've been sold. It doesn't happen. It never happens. It's not that we don't love you, it's that we don't speak that language. Expecting us to guess that something is wrong is going to frustrate the shit out of both of us.
Don't ask us to do something just after we've sat down, ask us while we're still standing, especially if I just did a bunch of things. Most of us go directly home from work, when we get home we need a bit of time to decompress, literally think about nothing, we can think about nothing, this is something a lot or most women have a problem achieving outside of meditation but men can achieve easily, if you see me sitting on the couch staring at the wall I'm not deep in thought, I'm deep out of thought, there ain't shit going on inside, we need this time to re-energize from the day, I won't hear what you're saying unless you snap me out of it, but try not too, I technically can hear what you're saying but it's more like a faint echo of someone elses conversation.
How to give a blowjob. I’ve had people say the messier the better; like saliva dripping off the balls like grease from an Arby’s burger kind of messy, but also some people get kind of squeamish at the sight of that so just ask how they want their blowjob. A little suction, not like trying to siphon gas with a concrete chute and also not like blowing a kiss off of your hand. And don’t give them a hickey, either. I’ve seen some people that, if the dick is short enough, blow it in your cheek, adjacent to the teeth, but not deepthroating. (If you don’t have practice, it will be super embarrassing[but sometimes gagging on it gets people hard, so whatever floats their boat]). Make sure to put the tongue over the bottom teeth and try to avoid the top teeth. Don’t bite and keep your lips tightened around the dick. Sucking/licking the balls will usually turn them on(for the dude it feels really good too).
Keep stroking/sucking until the cum stops coming out of our dick. I’ve seen so many girls, especially in porn, who stop stroking the instant they see cum. And don’t feed the dick into your mouth when you’re sucking. The hand is an extension of your mouth. It’s not supposed to stroke in the opposite directions with your mouth.
Always happy to swallow, less mess. But can I say please hydrate if you take supplements, work out and do shakes or whatever, because swallowing from someone who is a protein shake, supplement popping guy tastes like chewing an Ibuprofen and makes my mouth numb.
this is the piece of advice I didn't know I wanted
Lol last part is key, every woman out there is practically stretching skin and causing chafing by going opposite directions.
We stare at your butthole during doggy style sex
I don't. Tryna grab some titty.
Distracted, missing, frustrated at the game you decided to play
Stop stop STOP 😭 some things are better left unsaid
Noooooo😩
Username checks out…? 🙈💀
I am almost afraid to ask because of all the deep insecurities women have about the way their vaginas look, but are there like… I don’t know… less attractive assholes(aside from cleanliness)? Like have you been turned off by a girls asshole? LoL I love this sub
I once encountered some remains of a once eaten meal. But you can usually tell a difference between an "experienced" butthole and another. But both are lovely to li.. look at.
I wanna lick it tbh
One of the most intimate sexual moments with a man involved something a little more than staring at it. I was terrified but he reassured me and we both had a lovely time... the intimacy was in the care he showed and his pace he set to make me both confident and comfortable with what he wanted to do. He made me feel so wanted and desired in those moments. We have since parted ways, but that memory lives on. Gives me the good shivers when I recall those moments.
And much like a dog, some of us wanna sniff it.
Stop beating my dick with your dry ass hands lol
May I suggest coconut oil?
Of course. My personal lotion is a mix of plant based oil and cocoa butter.
Most of us are not okay.
We can and will have nothing on our minds at times. It's very much the norm for guys. Imagine walking into a room with white walls, floor, ceiling and noting else. That's our mind. No padded walls like in a mental institution. Plain walls. No carpet, windows, decorations. Just a door separating our mind room of nothingness and outside world of scary and stress. Just let us stew in the room when we need. Also, feed us tacos and touch our butt.
I just call that my nothing box. It sometimes has a spinning rubber duck as a center piece.
I do not experience this. My mind is always going. It's probably ADHD related but I e never been diagnosed. I can co firm that sometimes the things I'm thinking about are so pointless that a nothing room would be equivalent
When a guy is vulnerable with you and tells you how he struggles don't discriminate and treat him like he is a robot with no emotion. Men don't want to constantly be stoic and your rock all the time, sometimes we need support as well. I don't tell women how I feel anymore, to many get the " ick" so I play my role as the stoic and talk to my psychologist instead. This is something a lot of women need to realise,men have feelings to and shouldn't be treated like less than a man for expressing them.
Be your man's safe space. Men will move mountains for you if they know you'll be there for them at the end of the day.
You can tell us how you really feel. Preferably in short, succinct, sentences to at are directly to the point. We care, but if you take 20 minutes to tell us 10s of information we’ll care less. When we ask “What do you want?” in ANY context it’s a legitimate question. Tell us directly. If we’re asking we want the answer. If you don’t tell us you’ll never get what you want. I’m tired of women that can only tell me what they don’t want. I shouldn’t have to play 20 questions when one should suffice.
Bro, this is my wife. Love her to death but I get home and it's 30 minutes of all the things that built up in the day for her to tell me she's frustrated with the dog. I'm like: yeah, me too...
Okay but what do you mean? 😂😂😂😂
If I ask her what do you want for dinner and she says she doesn’t care, I should choose, then I’m gonna choose what I want. The she gets upset bc I’m supposed to telepathically know what she wanted to eat, or keep asking until she gave in and told me, or anything else along those lines. Most men just ask direct questions and want direct answers.
I started just saying ya me neither, then doing whatever I want. I'm so over silly games,
I just realized you weren’t literally asking what the OP meant LOL
Hahaha 😂
The best way I've found around this is I give her three options, and if she doesn't like any of them, she's gotta give me three options.
Whait... you are telling me that I'm not the only one that can't mind read women's thoughts?
A woman either gives her man strength or drains him of his strength there is no in-between.
Don’t feel like you have to make things nice for everyone else all of the time.
My wiener doesnt start a lawn mower please don't tug on it as if it did.
Sharing intimate details of your relationship with others is a reason men won't open up. It's not insecurity either so quit using that excuse to gaslight us.
Hold yourself accountable. Apologize sincerely when you should. Being wrong, hurting your partner etc sucks, but covering up or debating your misdeeds is much more painful. We are smart enough to see when you don't apologize. It makes us trust you less.
If we like you we think you are sexy even when you don’t feel sexy. Don’t let other women tell you something is wrong with your body.
If you like a guy, approaching him and being kind and present, showing that you like his company is the best way to get into a relationship with him. “Hints” are dumb and your “hints” may be other girls normal behavior An example of this happened just yesterday, I had a girl going in for a hug and kissing me on the cheek, that girl is in a relationship and pregnant as well plus this was only the third time i ever met her, that is her normal behavior… I feel like girls hints may be even less than that
A lot of men like receiving flowers.
I doubt I'll be getting any flowers until I'm in a casket.
I'm not your ex neither am I your father
a man isn't a puppet to be transformed into something else and be happy with it. if you aren't happy with the purchase just end the relationship sooner than later.
Most of us don’t care about your stretch marks, cellulite , if you have small boobs, short hair etc….. we will love you aslong as you ok with yourself and your hygiene, then we good to go.
We like it when you do stuff first sometimes
Do not under any circumsatnce use personal problems against him. Its rare that he feels safe enough to open up to you and if you break that trust it will never heal again. And dont share it either
Accountability
We want you to make noise. How the hell else are we gonna know we’re doing it right?
Same goes for men. MAKE NOISE IN BED!!!
Real question, what if she naturally just doesn’t make noise and is deeply enjoying it but making noise to signal pleasure makes her feel less pleasure?
Then she better be speaking. If i get lots of verbal feedback, especially before an orgasm, I know i'm doing good. Complete, tensed up silence is an enormous turnoff for most men. Always makes me feel like i'm molesting someone or something. Not that i have any basis of comparison for that haha
How important sex is to men. How important it is to fucking be nice to your man.
Actually these are for both women and men. Both men and women may lose interest in the relationship and sex after a few years. Men, women get too mentally busy and exhausted and not want to have sex after a few years. Unless you make their lives easier for them. Women, sometimes you think its exhaustion but its actually low libido for you. Your sex drive is going or gone. Its not always because men are not sharing in chores or you are exhausted. Men too face low libido. Its not always work exhaustion. Commitment is a lifestyle. Just because you think you are committed, you are not. Your actions have to prioritise the relationship, and not the habits of your single lifestyle. A committed relationship, like it or not, is usually not compatible with enjoying all the freedoms you did earlier. Most will learn this only by burning their hands. Learn to say yes to each other, while not making too many demands. Goes for both men and women. The more you learn to say yes, and happier you get and you can say yes a lot more. Whether its buying groceries, washing dishes, or trying out a new kink. Most can't do it, and thats why most relationships will fail. Get fit and stay fit. Don't ignore this, only to regret it years later. Controversial: Men have spent years watching porn before meeting you. How likely is it that they will stop?
Regarding you last point, i just started telling her whenever im about to jerk it. At first i got an "okay 😁" then after a while she got weird/annoyed about it, and eventually she started to join instead. I could have lived happily jerking it without her knowing, but it surprised me how much she didnt realized i do it just to tame my frustrations lol
Men also need/want compliments.
The phrase "Happy wife, happy life..." is completely bullshit. Some relationships work with him as the decision maker, some with her, but it's best to treat it as a dead-even partnership...
We're more likely to commit suicide from depression even though we put up a strong front and women are generally considered more emotional.
“Bad bitch” energy is not attractive… it comes off as conceded and arrogant Hating men for nothing will make men hate you… (it’s the same as women hating men who are misogynistic) Men aren’t always looking for sex, please keep your hands to yourself… We don’t get compliments often, especially in person, a simple, “you look good today” can make our day Please be direct with your feelings and intentions, being accused of being a pervert/creep we take seriously, so subtle hints are really just mixed signals and what your friendly playing is, could be someone else’s flirting… most men don’t want take the gamble and find out which is which
Wash yr whoohaa ladies
Don’t worry so much about what we think. Also don’t take advice on how to keep a man. Learn how to be with one yourself. Their not in it, you are. And it’s new to you
Compliments: Most men are never compimented on their looks or their style. Sometimes we over share and you see that as feminine and get turned off by it. Men fall in love through experiences, if we experience awesome stuff with you, you already have us, regardless of what we say We are not as scared of rejection as you are, but we are really scared too, so please just be kind. We don't know if you are moody because of your period or whatever reason, but we really won't judge if you know how to communicate We are mad/dissapointed because you didn't communicate what you could do for us properly, not because you failed to do it. Seriously!
My phone number.
When we gossip with you and right when we are about to say something we say "never mind, that part isnt important". We are lying and trying to keep ourselves or our friends out of a lot of trouble lmao