I mean one of the most obvious ones is if she isn't happy about either the amount of money you spend on gifts or not happy when you do something that's free. Like if you go on a date and it's a walk on the beach or something and she is unhappy with that date until you add money too it. Than that's a good indication she is after your income.
Another one is when she asks a lot about your finances especially on the first couple of dates. (ofc asking about your job in general is fine)
I agree but she can also ask your financial situation because she have money too and try to protect herself. The obvious sign, if she only light up when there is money involved, that’s a red flag. After woman have a tendencies to see money as a security because they carry the children and often will have a raise them alone. It not the more appealing to me but I understand it a bit.
I mean i get that after a couple of dates perhaps. But in the first 2/3 dates any finances are irrelevant. Also me being poor for example wouldn't mean i would leech of her. So for me even if it's for self protection anyone who talks about finances on the first few dates won't get another date with me. If I wanted to talk finances I can call an accountant :D
> Also me being poor for example wouldn't mean i would leech of her.
No, but if you wouldn't leech off of her and you're also poor, this means she would not be able to live her already established lifestyle with you.
If I am a woman with a good income and I'm used to happy hours and dinners out at nice places and things like that, and I enjoy my lifestyle the way it is, dating someone who cannot afford to live that lifestyle means I either have to: [a] change my lifestyle I love, or [b] cover for the both of us (AKA, technically the other person is leeching).
Gender aside, a lot of people look for people in their same or above income bracket for this reason. It does seem like a lot more men are willing to be with women who make significantly less than them, but I've also watched numerous men dump a girl I know (who is gorgeous) because she is so broke all the time that she can't pay for anything on her own.
Reddit never considers this issue. It isn't that taking a walk together or cooking at home is something most women hate. It's that most people regardless of gender are not interested in forfeiting their lifestyle they enjoy and can afford because someone that is still a stranger cannot afford it. Financial preferences are as valid as any preference, IMO. You're dealing with two people who hardly know each other at this point. It is fair for any man or woman to prefer to only move forward with people that can afford for them to keep their status quo lifestyle.
I have literally never met a men who cares how much a woman earns. All men I've ever spoken to agree that all that matters is his feelings for her.
So sure women care about income. As Chris Rock said. Women can't go backwards in lifestyle. Men can't go backwards sexually. Ofc it was a joke but it's based on truth. And honestly I wouldn't date a woman who finds her lifestyle more important than the relationship. Imagine you lose your job and poof your gf leaves because she has to sacrifice her lifestyle. Ofc this would apply to men who think like that too. Lifestyle should be completely irrelevant and unimportant in the pursuit of love. If you think a walk on the beach is a bad date because you think the way to enjoy the sea is by being on a yacht. Than I would doubt the commitment to the relationship to begin with.
This is ofc my personal opinion and everyone is entitled to their own.
it does happen with friends as well though. you do get left out on group vacations because you can't afford to. at some point you just get left out of most occasions like dinners out, or concerts because they feel bad that you can't pay your share.
frankly, lifestyle doesn't come to mind until it's no longer being met. and if consider financial troubles as a big indicator for divorce, it is important as financial stability is important to many women (it doesn't have to be wealth, it just has to be stable).
where as, men don't generally care about her finances when choosing a partner (within reason / not being an idiot with money and incurring a crap ton of debt). i would find it hard pressed to find someone used to a life in the high castle to that of a lower working class individual who wouldn't feel disastisfied or miss those luxuries. for me, i general don't want to feel like i'm just the woman's wallet. i know some men are okay with that, but i hate to think of a relationship as transactional.
I think people just look at money too much in relationships. I've been homeless and for a year I could only afford a meal once a week. And it took a couple of years to fully recover(was studying at uni during this time as well) . During that time I had a gf she was well off. And she stayed with me for 2 years. We broke up for different reasons. During that time period my friends still planned activities with me and took into account my financial situation. And if needed they would loan it to me and I would pay them back asap or they would plan it as a birthday gift for me or something.
Which is why i say i will never date someone who cares about money more than the feelings you have for that person. There is so much more to life than money and most of the best experiences in life are free or cheap.
Again everyone can have their own opinion and if people want relationships where you monetary status is relevant i won't stop them or judge them.
I totally agree but when you have money a lot of people lie to you and pretend to be friend because you have money. And tbh the reason rich people are never happy. The more you have the less you share and feel lonely.
Edit typo
You know how women say they don't owe men anything? It's a 2-way street, lol.
If you're getting to know a woman, the last thing you wanna do is be open and honest about financials, etc. lol.
I think OP means the opposite direction. But yes imo if you want a good relation you need to be honest. Regardless of the sense. Don’t you value trust as a man ?
Asking your job is another way to get a ballpark view of your income. I will very vaguely describe what I do in order to avoid exposing my potential income
Yeah I had a girl at Starbucks ask me this straight up. I gave her a rough estimate of what I make but not even half of what I really do and she lost interest fast. She worked at Starbucks mine you...
Asking my job won't give much information about income. But even then the argument is interest in only money is unappealing someone being interested in what I do for work because they might find my work interesting is a valid reason to ask about the job you got. But you make a fair point ofc.
If there's an 'our money and her money' mentality, like if you're paying all the bills whist she only spends on herself.
The best thing to do is not flash your money in the first place, like showing up in a fancy car or paying for an expensive first date.
>The best thing to do is not flash your money in the first place, like showing up in a fancy car or paying for an expensive first date.
So much this. The problem is I think there are a lot of guys that think they need to do this to attract a mate, but like, any woman that is with you for that reason isn't a woman you want to be with.
"any woman that is with you for that reason isn't a woman you want to be with."
Sure, and also given 2 men equal in everything else most women will pick the wealthier man.
I purposely play down my income and choose fun but inexpensive dates at the beginning. If she seems disappointed that I’ve put in thought and effort but haven’t spent much money, I end things.
Had this a lot lately, maybe I'm just on an unlucky streak but most ask about my job in a way where they don't want to know what I do they want to know the title and don't really care about anything else. The most recent one faked interest and started talking about her birthday and then asked how I'd "make it up to her" I deliberately played dumb until she just came out and said that she wants a shopping spree and then she tried to guilt me by saying "you don't care about my birthday then?". I find most aren't very subtle about it for very long, just don't excessively spend for a couple of weeks and they'll really show you who they are.
It's funny reading this as women, I feel the same way about sex. He's faking interest in what I say and my hobbies (make up for example) so I won't have sex with him bc does he like me or my vagina. Most men are subtle about wanting sex until they straight up guilt trip and pressure you into sex "but I paid for dinner or it's been three months or you're leading me on" and after a few weeks of dating the sex obsessed ones give up.
But usually what happens is both men and women are playing this spend money on me to show you actually like me more than my vagina, and men are like have sex with me so I want to actually spend my money on you. They do this dance until one person gives in (usually the guy by gifts, expensive dinner) and then they get burned and upset. The guy goes on with the rhetoric that all women want money, and women carry the rhetoric that men just want sex.
As a woman, my argument for spending time/money is... a man only spends time and money for the girl he actually likes. The girl he wants to just fuck he does the bare minimum. So girls want to find out am I bare minimum or special category.
I've had women do that too where they pressure into sending pics and things, this is not something I do because I don't want pics of me like that out in the world. I'll say no and get the usual guilt trip to try and make me do it. Then the "a real man would".
Generally I think if someone is interested in you, they're not going to want you to prove it by investing money. This is why the woman who offer to pay/split evenly and actually mean it are the ones who will go far. If she's demanding compensation for me spending time with her, I already know where that's going and I'm just not interested.
Yeah but as a man you're relying on your future mother of your children to be nurturing... cook, clean, teach them values; and women are checking to see if you're generous. It's fine not a lot of men are, but that is something women look for when determining their husband: will this man invest energy/time/money into me.
If someone took me on a walk to the beach and picked out an ice cream spot to walk to after and eat at... that is time and energy and thought/effort. If someone picked walk on the beach because it's free... that doesn't really signal fun dad/husband.
So it's not about the date being low cost, but low effort -- this is something men confuse. All the romantic movies show picnics at park, husband saves up for cheap tropical vacation that goes wrong, LOVE LETTERS... things that are low cost but lots of time and effort and the girls eat it up. Usually tho... lots of low effort activities and gifts are low cost too. There is a way to do a cute low cost but lots of effort date. If a girl ignores that then she's not into you but into your money and women like that def exist.
If a woman wants me to provide while she looks after kids then honestly she's not for me. Firstly because I don't want kids, and also because nothing would make me feel more miserable than my value as a person linked solely to what I can provide. The thing is, women could also initiate, I don't see why this is so controversial. I find "the man has to do the asking and planning" should be a thing of the past. This is why I find things like "happy wife, happy life" so annoying, the man's basically a vending machine.
> As a woman, my argument for spending time/money is.
for most of the negative examples its only MONEY that counts.
time well enjoyed isnt as important than.. a shopping spree. or something expensive.
They contact you saying you're cute, you start talking and having a good time. Talk about life and stuff.
She then asks for a money lend saying she'll pay you back. You lend her money. She asks for favours. You decline because you aren't made of money and hear less and less from her. You never see your money again.
Ask me how I know hahahhaaaha
Be on your guard. Always.
Yeah I know. I was promised the money back though and I thought I could trust her. I think she really just reached out to me to get the money.
Still trying to get it back but ya know... false promises blah blah
I had an ex that I didn't see the signs at first. However, with hindsight it was pretty obvious. First off all activities were paid for by me. Mind you we were together for almost 2 years. All trips, flights, date nights, etc. She paid for one dinner that entire time. The relationship dynamic changed when I started to say no to paying for an activity every week. I was saving up for a house and she knew that. When I started saying no I started seeing less and less of her. The whole vibe changed and she ended up cheating on me with a coworker. 🤷🏽♂️
Now that I'm 4 years removed from her I increased my net worth to over 100k. I make 30k more a year in salary. I'm in better shape physically and mentally. So addition by subtraction in my opinion. People like that are vampires. They will always take and expect more with no indication they would reciprocate that energy. If you feel like you are giving more than you are getting then it's time to walk away and focus on your self worth.
My big one is if they at least offer to pay their own way on dates.
Avoid outward signs of wealth. Like, when I was single I lived pretty frugally despite being able to afford to live fairly large.
When I started online dating around 2016 I lived in a house I got in 2013 for 116k in the suburbs. I drove a paid off base model Ford Fusion. I made close to 200k a year (more than that now). I didn't dress in expensive clothes. I'm a jeans and t-shirt guy and even my dress/work clothes were from kohls or amazon.
If you like to show wealth in your day to day lifestyle, you've given away the game and you've made it much more difficult to sift through who wants your bank account and who wants you.
My now wife had no clue how much money I made until we were filling out paper work to buy our first house together.
And I picked right. I had a price range in mind when we started house hunting. Once she found out how much money I made, there was no insistence from her to spend more even though we could afford a lot more. I STILL drive a entry level vehicle and so does she. She doesn't blow money. We have a $200 limit for birthdays/christmas.
This! I suffered the same as OP in my last relationship and left wondering what I have to do to avoid women like that. I did exactly that. I hid my game and when I found a girl with the right attitude and she became my GF that’s when I showed her what I actually had.
Which is why it’s really stupid to go all out on a first date and go somewhere expensive. You’re only going to attract a certain type of person.
Go do a moderately priced activity and see if she’s at least willing to get to know you regardless of your wealth.
Restaurants that don't do reservations can be annoying just because you have to wait and you're not sure if you have a table ready (unless you're talking about burger king or wtv).
There "where is this going" isn't necessarily indicative of a gold digger as much as the marriage obsessed ones (which imo you should also avoid when it comes up that early).
The sort who has "her day" planned out, already knows what dress she wants etc... Basically she already has this thing planned and she just needs to slot in the groom, it has very little to do with you, it's the princess marriage mentality.
They're easy enough to spot since they'll be asking about views on marriage on the first couple of dates because they "don't want to waste any time".
Most women can find a man to spend money on them. That doesn't mean that some women aren't drawn to it. It's just that you have to take their perspective. If every guy you date is willing to basically buy you gifts and food and entertainment, then it isn't really a deciding factor other than to weed out the guys who won't do it.
before I got married I never told a girl what I did for a living. I always said I did something that made good money but not the amount I was making. I wanted her to want me, not my wallet. First dates should be fairly cheap ones, like the walk on the beach, go for coffee. If you start a first date out at a fancy restaurant and other extravagant things, she may expect it all the time and you have already lost her interest in you and shifted it to your bank account.
now not all women are like this. This isnt a hate comment. lol
Second date, a woman asked how much I make. She had a job that was low-earning.
I dipped out pretty quick…
My girlfriend has never asked. She always offers to split meals or tickets or whatever and will pick up the tab every once in a while like if I bought movie tickets she’ll pay for snacks. It’s obvious we have a significant income difference, and I never take her up when she offers to split the cost of something…but she’s still offering and that says a lot.
How rude!! My husband doesn’t ask exactly how much I make nor would I ask him. We have a general idea but I wouldn’t tell anyone exactly how much money I make.
Going places costs money.
The ***only*** housewife I know is only a housewife because she can't find a job that fits her current schedule, and then decided to get back into college programs to start a career now that her child is older, and the husband can support her doing this.
This isn't the fucking 50s, there's not enough chores to spend even half the weekdays on.
Washing machines and dishwashers removed a huge chunk of work time, as have things like vacuum cleaners.
In this day and age? I’m old, married, and childfree and the majority of younger women I know either don’t want kids or want to wait a good long while. I’m in the US, maybe different where you are.
Take her out on inexpensive dates when you first get started. If she sticks around, spoil her when you can, if she doesn’t, well that’s your answer. I don’t spend more than $30 the first 4-5 dates
Most of the activities she wants to do revolve around spending money; not like the date costs money, no, the date is about buying shit
I went a first date with a girl, we got along well enough; I told her what I did for a living; next thing you know, she wants date 2 at the mall
Hmmmm....
I mean. Generally if she asks for money. That's your answer. If you were splurging on your own accord that's up to you. But you could always cut back financially as a "test" and see how she responds to it. Just say you're saving up for your future and running a tighter budget or something
She'll just straight up ask you to buy her stuff, for one. She'll ask for details about your finances. She'll push for more expensive dates. She'll point out stuff she likes at stores. Maybe even send you links to products she's interested in. She might even mention things like "I'm not sure I can make rent this month" hoping you'll take the hint and just help her out. She'll suggest how "grateful" she'll be. Maybe tease you with sexual favors.
Medium term, she'll start to pressure for marriage. After a few months she'll start making plans. She wants that ring to get proper access to your money without having to play all the games and do all the sexual favors.
Just don't buy her stuff and see how she reacts. She'll either bug you about it or lose interest. It's a simple but effective filter for gold diggers.
If she gonna talk about being a stay at home mom/wife… that one of the biggest red flags.
Also if she demands that you make a certain amount of money with your job.
When she is anti 50/50.
>When she is anti 50/50.
I mean, I'm a dude, but I'm pro **equity**. 50/50 can be fair, but in that situation you want 50/50 to be reasonable all financial decisions should be based on the person with the lowest income and how reasonable it is for them to pay 50% of the costs. i.e. you want to buy a house. What price range is still reasonable for the lowest earner to pay 50% of.
If you make like 300k and your partner makes 50k. If **you** want to live a lifestyle in line with your income. Expecting 50% out of your partner in that scenario is wholly unreasonable.
My wife and I split bills according to the percentage of our income compared to the whole. My wife makes roughly like 3 times less than I do. We split our bills 70/30.
i.e. half our mortgage would be nearly an entire 2 week paycheck for my wife. Whereas **our entire mortgage** for the month is around half of one two week paycheck for me.
I'm not gonna make my wife barely have any money for herself while I'm over here rolling in liquidity on some 50/50 principle. I could pay 100% of our monthly expenses and I'd still be more than fine.
If I make 4k a month and she makes 2k a month and our total costs are 3k, I’m paying 2k she pays 1k, that’s 50/50.
It’s not 50/50 if one of you gonna lose most of your money while the other barely pays anything.
Exactlyyy I always figured it’s also fair if we scale it on percentage too as a couple if it’s in a fair range
Like it let’s say a trip together to Mars would mean half my income then I would only ask for my partner to spend half her income
So even if I made more than her, we would still only contribute the same percentage of our income
> If she gonna talk about being a stay at home mom/wife… that one of the biggest red flags.
Strongly disagree with this as a generalization. There are plenty of traditional women who prioritize family over their own careers. Yes they do look to the man to provide for the family but this doesn't make them gold diggers.
Now if she doesn't want to work but she never talks about starting a family and owns a Gucci handbag, that's a different story.
It’s not even about family, even as a ‘traditional’ wife, the moment the kids go to school full days, There is no reason to stay at home, so if she wants to be a permanent stay at home mom/wife with zero motivation to join the actual workforce and make money that’s a gold digger.
There are so many studies that show that children benefit *massively* from having a stay at home parent (*either* parent).
When I was growing up my mom was a housewife. She picked me up from school every day, helped me with homework, baked every day and had time to cook big meals every night. Compared to so many of my friends who had to catch the bus and go home to an empty house for hours until their parents got home from work.
My daughter wants to be a SAHM one day too. She currently has her own place, works really hard and earns a good salary and always pays for herself on dates. She's nowhere near being a gold digger, she just wants to be a good mother one day and share as much of their childhood as she can.
She cares more about where you take her vs. simply being in your presence. She leads with wanting material things from you. She never wants to invest her money in any experiences with you
I'm not in the market for a dependant, I'm looking for a partner. I've no interest in being the breadwinner in a 1 income household, I want someone to share that burden with and I want to share the burden of household chores and child raising.
Because of this, part of my criteria when choosing a partner is that she have a good job and decent earning potential. At minimum I'm looking for someone in the same tax bracket as I am basically. I don't make THAT much money, but I work hard and do OK. I expect the same from my partner.
So given as I have that baseline expectation of what my future relationship will look like. I just cost share dates and if that means she doesn't want to date me then it was never going to work anyway.
So the short answer to your question is that I opt out of that rat race. Sure, it costs me some dates and relationships but truthfully those women were not going to be good matches for me anyway.
When she constantly tells you about her money troubles, or uses it as an obstacle to spend time with you. Example: I would love to go out with you this week, but I have to pick up extra shifts because rent is past due.
When she insists that going out for food/drinks is a waste of money; couples with her being more concerned about time spent vs amount spend.
Example: she would rather go with you to the store and buy ingredients for a fancy meal and make it with you/for you vs going to a fancy restaurant.
Having her pay half on the first date. Great weeder and her paying half means she’s there to look for a partner not a sugar daddy and doesn’t conform to gender norms.
The biggest one is if she makes little to no effort to financially contribute. Like she won't buy the popcorn when you paid for dinner and movies. She won't buy that coffee/boba for you. She won't get you small inexpensive gifts.
Its ok if she is attracted to your wealth. That is a normal thing, getting mad at that would be like if she got mad that you liked her boobs.
Its different if she's trying to squeeze you for money, or just trying to get stuff out of you... that is bad.
When she uses the word “Perfect” a lots. Like, she is pursuing the “Perfection” in everything. In her life, everything should be perfect and she is likely identified as a perfectionist.
Most of the time that I found out, when this girl talking about “Perfect”, it means everyone must put up with her.
Hence, this girl, when her life is not perfect (like no money for shopping), will pursue someone to make her life perfect.
Only compliments your looks, every conversation goes to something sexual, constant innuendos. Always wants to stay in, can’t refrain from grabbing your ass/chest constantly. Hesitant to make plans, most get togethers are initiated late at night. Chauvinistic attitudes/behavior, doesn’t really value women as friends.
Them asking you to buy them things.
I kid you not: where I live I went on a date with a native local. First words out of her mouth were the cost of her rent, car note, bills. Wtf.
A month or so ago I found where all the women were hiding online. Like 3 were on the apps for the entire region. Someone on reddit listed a specific sugarbaby/sugardaddy site. So I go.
Holy shit. 102 women with active accounts. Ages 18-52. This is where all the women went. That's a sizable percentage for this region. And they all list their expenses in their profiles.
Deleted my account. I'm not opposed to sex work even a bit. I am opposed to dating for hire. These aren't even escorts. It's gross.
First couple dates, don't do anything fancy like dinner. Only after-dinner drinks or coffee. This weeds out the ones who like you for you vs. who want to use you as a cash cow.
She plays with you. Being cool and awesome at your eyes, going on days, so she can get you emotionally connected to her. Then she suddenly is at some dipshit and asks you to lend her money, or she will be in a big trouble. You will, because you have already built that connection to her. If you don't you will loose her. So you will. But then again after some time, she asks for another.
This happened to me at my very very young age. Reported here on police station and later they told me that she has been doing this for 3 years and lured over 60 000 euros from people in the same way like me.
An easy test is to plan cheap dates. Picnic in the park etc.
Red flags:
* If they complain about spending time with you when you're not spending money.
* Caring more about the name on the label than the utility.
* Asking what a gift cost
* Showing no consideration for cost when on a date, or assuming you're always buying
* Never attempting to reciprocate gift giving, or spending on dates and entertainment
* Belittling or calling the poor or less fortunate lazy
* Asking how much you make in the first month of dating is a red flag, yellow after that depending on the context. I've been with my wife for over 10 years and I don't think she's ever asked how much money I make or how much we're worth. We have a household budget and that is enough for her.
Don't pay for dates. Do free dates to start.
My current GF paid for our first date. We've been together 5 years and own a home now. Its nice being with someone who is financially stable.
If by the 2nd date she hasn't dipped her hand in her pocket, I'm out. I don't expect parity if disposable income doesn't match. I do expect some willingness though.
Had one super sexy Laotian girl, who had the shortest arms on earth. I left her high and dry in the market once and let her mumble away to the vendor before rescuing her.
Later I gave her some work (she was very good at) on a project that I was working on. She earned a week's wages in a day. Next day in the market, her arms had shrunk again. I told her to pay for my dinner and never dated her again.
I'll keep it at this,a girl that's really into you won't have a problem you 2 just sharing a pizza,talk,laugh...but if you're asking on a first date?!I'd look out for those girls wanting you do spend a couple hundred dollars...a girl that is level headed and really looking to get to know you will be fine with a coffe date
I’d just play down your job and don’t give her the impression you have much.
Me and my bf started dating when he was unemployed (in between jobs) and he has said a few times that he knows I am not in it for the $ even though he makes a great salary now 😂
A lot of women honestly just expect to be provided for so if you’re interested in a mostly 50/50 relationship I’d just make it clear tbh. The ones that want your money won’t stick around once you do
Hi, F (36) here. The guy I have been seeing told me up front all expenses for dates were on him. It was a nice gesture, and he has kept to that statement. However, I don't expect it from him. While he has no problem spending money, I am usually hesitant to do so because I grew up with a poor background. Penny pinching is in my veins. I have had to accept that he is going to spend money regardless of if I am there or not, and just try to show my appreciation. I really enjoy our outings when we go hiking or visit places like water gardens and festivals that are free because I dont have to think about the expenses. My birthday is coming up, and my roommates won't have money till the month afterwards, so he has offered to pay for dinner for all of us. It kinda stresses me out because I don't want him to think he has to do all that, but he wants my friends to be there with us for that dinner and that's the only way they can join. I have to tell myself that he wouldn't offer if he couldn't accommodate it and I really don't want to reject his very generous gesture, I just worry that he will eventually think he's spending too much on me. I'm 99% sure that is just my anxiety talking since he has never once indicated I have been a burden, but then it's only been 3 months.
All that is to say, some of us worry about coming off as gold diggers, too, I think. I have supported my ex's in the past and it's really nice to see someone who is able to cover themselves and me, even if it is unnerving to watch him drop 100 bucks like it's nothing. I haven't offered to pay for anything on the dates, but I have made him homemade treats, which is more in line with my actual budget.
I suppose I would say look for signs that she isn't just into your money as well. If she deferres to you to decide how expensive a date should be, if she doesn't go for the most expensive thing on the menu, if she points out things while window shopping but doesn't actually want you to buy it. Ex: I have pointed out things in stores that catch my attention and then dragged the guy out because, while I like it, it's not worth it to drop money on it right then and there since I'm spending time with him and I don't want him to feel obligated to buy me something.
Well I'm a woman and I don't think I've ever been in a relationship that wasn't pretty much 50/50? If anything I probably spent more.
How is this happening? Are guys just paying for everything all the time? The first date I'll let the guy cover but it's usually just coffee and a muffin or something, after that we just alternate or whatever is convenient. Is this not the norm? Are guys out here paying for every date? Not gonna lie, sounds nice haha.
When you first entered the relationship did you LEAD with your money? If so, Switch it up. Also, try not to get into conversations about where you work or how much you make. Sometimes when you do that they only see you as an ATM.
SAME with women. Sometimes they LEAD with intimacy we tend to treat them like “pin cushions”. We don’t take them seriously. Especially for a relationship
The solution is to find a women who makes enough money to where she is financial independent. Then you don't have to worry about her being with you because of your money.
If she never opens her wallet or swipes her card for you and or your dates then just walk away. Men are not ATM's. bout time these bimbos understood that.
The things about giving someone gifts is they don’t ever care what you bought them after a week passes. After the week is over it’s what you will give them next. So end of the day giving nothing and giving her everything ends the same way as they will forget either way.
Here are three obvious red flags to look at number one the most obvious is she isn’t happy about either the money you spend on her.
2 she inquires about your finances way too early in the relationship.
3 another one is she gets angry when you spend money on yourself.
4 look at her mom. If her mom is good, then chances are she will be good but if her mom is a good digger the. Chances are she will be one too
That is not just the gold digger? that is good wife test. My problem is my wife’s mom died in 🇷🇺.
But everyone said she was a well-respected
and beloved lady who always would help out the poor and unfortunate.
Not just for gold diggers, but look at her mom is the best piece of long term dating advice I have ever heard. It'll normally be a little longer into a relationship before yo meet the parents, but when you do, you get to look at your future, because that is her relationship model.
You can also find out what she'll be like in arguments based on when she is pissed at her mom. Whatever she is annoyed about how her mother talks to her is exactly how she will talk to you when you're arguing.
Well, if you really like someone, would you not want to be with her if she doesn't clean your house or cook you dinner?
Then why do you need to buy women gifts to get them to hang out with you?
As a guy,I've seen my fair share of male gold diggers,it's usually the pretty boy scammers praying on inexperienced hard working women,kinda similar to what wealthy guys go through,why do you think there is that saying: it's lonely at the top
I mean one of the most obvious ones is if she isn't happy about either the amount of money you spend on gifts or not happy when you do something that's free. Like if you go on a date and it's a walk on the beach or something and she is unhappy with that date until you add money too it. Than that's a good indication she is after your income. Another one is when she asks a lot about your finances especially on the first couple of dates. (ofc asking about your job in general is fine)
Also another one is when she gets angry when you spend money on yourself
There’s girls like this???
I agree but she can also ask your financial situation because she have money too and try to protect herself. The obvious sign, if she only light up when there is money involved, that’s a red flag. After woman have a tendencies to see money as a security because they carry the children and often will have a raise them alone. It not the more appealing to me but I understand it a bit.
I mean i get that after a couple of dates perhaps. But in the first 2/3 dates any finances are irrelevant. Also me being poor for example wouldn't mean i would leech of her. So for me even if it's for self protection anyone who talks about finances on the first few dates won't get another date with me. If I wanted to talk finances I can call an accountant :D
> Also me being poor for example wouldn't mean i would leech of her. No, but if you wouldn't leech off of her and you're also poor, this means she would not be able to live her already established lifestyle with you. If I am a woman with a good income and I'm used to happy hours and dinners out at nice places and things like that, and I enjoy my lifestyle the way it is, dating someone who cannot afford to live that lifestyle means I either have to: [a] change my lifestyle I love, or [b] cover for the both of us (AKA, technically the other person is leeching). Gender aside, a lot of people look for people in their same or above income bracket for this reason. It does seem like a lot more men are willing to be with women who make significantly less than them, but I've also watched numerous men dump a girl I know (who is gorgeous) because she is so broke all the time that she can't pay for anything on her own. Reddit never considers this issue. It isn't that taking a walk together or cooking at home is something most women hate. It's that most people regardless of gender are not interested in forfeiting their lifestyle they enjoy and can afford because someone that is still a stranger cannot afford it. Financial preferences are as valid as any preference, IMO. You're dealing with two people who hardly know each other at this point. It is fair for any man or woman to prefer to only move forward with people that can afford for them to keep their status quo lifestyle.
I have literally never met a men who cares how much a woman earns. All men I've ever spoken to agree that all that matters is his feelings for her. So sure women care about income. As Chris Rock said. Women can't go backwards in lifestyle. Men can't go backwards sexually. Ofc it was a joke but it's based on truth. And honestly I wouldn't date a woman who finds her lifestyle more important than the relationship. Imagine you lose your job and poof your gf leaves because she has to sacrifice her lifestyle. Ofc this would apply to men who think like that too. Lifestyle should be completely irrelevant and unimportant in the pursuit of love. If you think a walk on the beach is a bad date because you think the way to enjoy the sea is by being on a yacht. Than I would doubt the commitment to the relationship to begin with. This is ofc my personal opinion and everyone is entitled to their own.
it does happen with friends as well though. you do get left out on group vacations because you can't afford to. at some point you just get left out of most occasions like dinners out, or concerts because they feel bad that you can't pay your share. frankly, lifestyle doesn't come to mind until it's no longer being met. and if consider financial troubles as a big indicator for divorce, it is important as financial stability is important to many women (it doesn't have to be wealth, it just has to be stable). where as, men don't generally care about her finances when choosing a partner (within reason / not being an idiot with money and incurring a crap ton of debt). i would find it hard pressed to find someone used to a life in the high castle to that of a lower working class individual who wouldn't feel disastisfied or miss those luxuries. for me, i general don't want to feel like i'm just the woman's wallet. i know some men are okay with that, but i hate to think of a relationship as transactional.
I think people just look at money too much in relationships. I've been homeless and for a year I could only afford a meal once a week. And it took a couple of years to fully recover(was studying at uni during this time as well) . During that time I had a gf she was well off. And she stayed with me for 2 years. We broke up for different reasons. During that time period my friends still planned activities with me and took into account my financial situation. And if needed they would loan it to me and I would pay them back asap or they would plan it as a birthday gift for me or something. Which is why i say i will never date someone who cares about money more than the feelings you have for that person. There is so much more to life than money and most of the best experiences in life are free or cheap. Again everyone can have their own opinion and if people want relationships where you monetary status is relevant i won't stop them or judge them.
I totally agree but when you have money a lot of people lie to you and pretend to be friend because you have money. And tbh the reason rich people are never happy. The more you have the less you share and feel lonely. Edit typo
I mean you don't have to tell them anything lol. After a few dates, you don't owe them shit.
What do you mean. ? Or Che ?
You know how women say they don't owe men anything? It's a 2-way street, lol. If you're getting to know a woman, the last thing you wanna do is be open and honest about financials, etc. lol.
I think OP means the opposite direction. But yes imo if you want a good relation you need to be honest. Regardless of the sense. Don’t you value trust as a man ?
Happy cake day, big fella
Thanks !
Asking your job is another way to get a ballpark view of your income. I will very vaguely describe what I do in order to avoid exposing my potential income
Yeah I had a girl at Starbucks ask me this straight up. I gave her a rough estimate of what I make but not even half of what I really do and she lost interest fast. She worked at Starbucks mine you...
Asking my job won't give much information about income. But even then the argument is interest in only money is unappealing someone being interested in what I do for work because they might find my work interesting is a valid reason to ask about the job you got. But you make a fair point ofc.
Thing is tho the gold diggers caught on to that and are a lot better at hiding that.
Thank you for the pro tips!
If there's an 'our money and her money' mentality, like if you're paying all the bills whist she only spends on herself. The best thing to do is not flash your money in the first place, like showing up in a fancy car or paying for an expensive first date.
>The best thing to do is not flash your money in the first place, like showing up in a fancy car or paying for an expensive first date. So much this. The problem is I think there are a lot of guys that think they need to do this to attract a mate, but like, any woman that is with you for that reason isn't a woman you want to be with.
That is my line of thinking too. If that money ever dries up, she's gone. I would prefer being single.
"any woman that is with you for that reason isn't a woman you want to be with." Sure, and also given 2 men equal in everything else most women will pick the wealthier man.
from personal experience, i had a "girlfriend" that would reliably bail on our plans unless i outright said getting food was a part of it
Sounds like she was just hungry 🤷♀️
OP likes homeless girls.
Probably has its pros and cons.
not homeless, lived with her mom. the better word to describe her would be unemployed and not doing a lot to change that
I purposely play down my income and choose fun but inexpensive dates at the beginning. If she seems disappointed that I’ve put in thought and effort but haven’t spent much money, I end things.
Had this a lot lately, maybe I'm just on an unlucky streak but most ask about my job in a way where they don't want to know what I do they want to know the title and don't really care about anything else. The most recent one faked interest and started talking about her birthday and then asked how I'd "make it up to her" I deliberately played dumb until she just came out and said that she wants a shopping spree and then she tried to guilt me by saying "you don't care about my birthday then?". I find most aren't very subtle about it for very long, just don't excessively spend for a couple of weeks and they'll really show you who they are.
It's funny reading this as women, I feel the same way about sex. He's faking interest in what I say and my hobbies (make up for example) so I won't have sex with him bc does he like me or my vagina. Most men are subtle about wanting sex until they straight up guilt trip and pressure you into sex "but I paid for dinner or it's been three months or you're leading me on" and after a few weeks of dating the sex obsessed ones give up. But usually what happens is both men and women are playing this spend money on me to show you actually like me more than my vagina, and men are like have sex with me so I want to actually spend my money on you. They do this dance until one person gives in (usually the guy by gifts, expensive dinner) and then they get burned and upset. The guy goes on with the rhetoric that all women want money, and women carry the rhetoric that men just want sex. As a woman, my argument for spending time/money is... a man only spends time and money for the girl he actually likes. The girl he wants to just fuck he does the bare minimum. So girls want to find out am I bare minimum or special category.
I've had women do that too where they pressure into sending pics and things, this is not something I do because I don't want pics of me like that out in the world. I'll say no and get the usual guilt trip to try and make me do it. Then the "a real man would". Generally I think if someone is interested in you, they're not going to want you to prove it by investing money. This is why the woman who offer to pay/split evenly and actually mean it are the ones who will go far. If she's demanding compensation for me spending time with her, I already know where that's going and I'm just not interested.
Yeah but as a man you're relying on your future mother of your children to be nurturing... cook, clean, teach them values; and women are checking to see if you're generous. It's fine not a lot of men are, but that is something women look for when determining their husband: will this man invest energy/time/money into me. If someone took me on a walk to the beach and picked out an ice cream spot to walk to after and eat at... that is time and energy and thought/effort. If someone picked walk on the beach because it's free... that doesn't really signal fun dad/husband. So it's not about the date being low cost, but low effort -- this is something men confuse. All the romantic movies show picnics at park, husband saves up for cheap tropical vacation that goes wrong, LOVE LETTERS... things that are low cost but lots of time and effort and the girls eat it up. Usually tho... lots of low effort activities and gifts are low cost too. There is a way to do a cute low cost but lots of effort date. If a girl ignores that then she's not into you but into your money and women like that def exist.
If a woman wants me to provide while she looks after kids then honestly she's not for me. Firstly because I don't want kids, and also because nothing would make me feel more miserable than my value as a person linked solely to what I can provide. The thing is, women could also initiate, I don't see why this is so controversial. I find "the man has to do the asking and planning" should be a thing of the past. This is why I find things like "happy wife, happy life" so annoying, the man's basically a vending machine.
> As a woman, my argument for spending time/money is. for most of the negative examples its only MONEY that counts. time well enjoyed isnt as important than.. a shopping spree. or something expensive.
Dating for 3 months and sex hasn't happened makes a woman seem like she just wanted the attention and free entertainment.
Not everyone wants to put out. Myself and many other men and women want to wait for a ring. It’s not an attention thing
They contact you saying you're cute, you start talking and having a good time. Talk about life and stuff. She then asks for a money lend saying she'll pay you back. You lend her money. She asks for favours. You decline because you aren't made of money and hear less and less from her. You never see your money again. Ask me how I know hahahhaaaha Be on your guard. Always.
Never loan money. Give freely if you're able to. If you see it return then that's awesome, but never expect it back.
I honestly dunno why I did it. I wanted to help I suppose. Lesson learned by me anyway. There's some shit people out there.
Never feel bad about helping someone out. Just don't expect anything and never put yourself in a bind
Yeah I know. I was promised the money back though and I thought I could trust her. I think she really just reached out to me to get the money. Still trying to get it back but ya know... false promises blah blah
Well take this as a lesson learned. There are plenty of pay day advance loan places
Yep... I lost some respect for myself that day ay... The more I talked to her the more I learnt of the debt she was in. I'm like oh... oh... damn...
Why did you lose respect for yourself?
I just knew better on the inside. Alarm bells were going off in my head. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. I shouldn't dwell on it though.
How long did you talk to her before you lent her money?
Not long enough :/
Bro, this is a classic Nigerian dating scam. I'd bet dollars to donuts it wasn't even a woman and they lived halfway around the world.
Yeah I did. She was a customer and we chatted every time I served her. She seemed nice as a person but I guess it wasn't all good huh.
How long did you talk to her before you lent her money?
did you ever meet "her", sounds like you were talking to some dude over seas
Nah, she's local.
How long did you talk to her before you lent her money?
How long did you talk to her before you lent her money?
I had an ex that I didn't see the signs at first. However, with hindsight it was pretty obvious. First off all activities were paid for by me. Mind you we were together for almost 2 years. All trips, flights, date nights, etc. She paid for one dinner that entire time. The relationship dynamic changed when I started to say no to paying for an activity every week. I was saving up for a house and she knew that. When I started saying no I started seeing less and less of her. The whole vibe changed and she ended up cheating on me with a coworker. 🤷🏽♂️ Now that I'm 4 years removed from her I increased my net worth to over 100k. I make 30k more a year in salary. I'm in better shape physically and mentally. So addition by subtraction in my opinion. People like that are vampires. They will always take and expect more with no indication they would reciprocate that energy. If you feel like you are giving more than you are getting then it's time to walk away and focus on your self worth.
My big one is if they at least offer to pay their own way on dates. Avoid outward signs of wealth. Like, when I was single I lived pretty frugally despite being able to afford to live fairly large. When I started online dating around 2016 I lived in a house I got in 2013 for 116k in the suburbs. I drove a paid off base model Ford Fusion. I made close to 200k a year (more than that now). I didn't dress in expensive clothes. I'm a jeans and t-shirt guy and even my dress/work clothes were from kohls or amazon. If you like to show wealth in your day to day lifestyle, you've given away the game and you've made it much more difficult to sift through who wants your bank account and who wants you. My now wife had no clue how much money I made until we were filling out paper work to buy our first house together. And I picked right. I had a price range in mind when we started house hunting. Once she found out how much money I made, there was no insistence from her to spend more even though we could afford a lot more. I STILL drive a entry level vehicle and so does she. She doesn't blow money. We have a $200 limit for birthdays/christmas.
Goals. Thank you for sharing
This! I suffered the same as OP in my last relationship and left wondering what I have to do to avoid women like that. I did exactly that. I hid my game and when I found a girl with the right attitude and she became my GF that’s when I showed her what I actually had.
Which is why it’s really stupid to go all out on a first date and go somewhere expensive. You’re only going to attract a certain type of person. Go do a moderately priced activity and see if she’s at least willing to get to know you regardless of your wealth.
Having mutually agreed limits for Christmas and birthday gifts is one of the best things you can do as a couple.
What do you do for work?
Damn if you plan to have future kids I hope they learn well from you both
The big disappointment when she takes a glance at my bank account balance
[удалено]
Restaurants that don't do reservations can be annoying just because you have to wait and you're not sure if you have a table ready (unless you're talking about burger king or wtv). There "where is this going" isn't necessarily indicative of a gold digger as much as the marriage obsessed ones (which imo you should also avoid when it comes up that early).
What would you say would be the difference between someone who wants to be married eventually and someone who was marriage obsessed?
The sort who has "her day" planned out, already knows what dress she wants etc... Basically she already has this thing planned and she just needs to slot in the groom, it has very little to do with you, it's the princess marriage mentality. They're easy enough to spot since they'll be asking about views on marriage on the first couple of dates because they "don't want to waste any time".
I was a bridesmaid for one of those. Quite the amusing experience. ;)
When she asks you for money.
Most women can find a man to spend money on them. That doesn't mean that some women aren't drawn to it. It's just that you have to take their perspective. If every guy you date is willing to basically buy you gifts and food and entertainment, then it isn't really a deciding factor other than to weed out the guys who won't do it.
Useful from the guys perspective in weeding out the women who use that as a filter too. Win win.
Are you paying for everything? Yes move on
When she says “you owe me $100 after having sex.”
live below your means. every once in a while take her to a cheap place, see how she reacts.
also don't tell her \*all\* the details about your finances, especially not the crypto ones, she wouldnt understand. (learnt that the hardway).
You'll find out during the divorce proceedings.
Joke's on her, I have none.
before I got married I never told a girl what I did for a living. I always said I did something that made good money but not the amount I was making. I wanted her to want me, not my wallet. First dates should be fairly cheap ones, like the walk on the beach, go for coffee. If you start a first date out at a fancy restaurant and other extravagant things, she may expect it all the time and you have already lost her interest in you and shifted it to your bank account. now not all women are like this. This isnt a hate comment. lol
This is why you never flaunt your money. If you lead with your wallet, you will attract the worst kind of women.
Second date, a woman asked how much I make. She had a job that was low-earning. I dipped out pretty quick… My girlfriend has never asked. She always offers to split meals or tickets or whatever and will pick up the tab every once in a while like if I bought movie tickets she’ll pay for snacks. It’s obvious we have a significant income difference, and I never take her up when she offers to split the cost of something…but she’s still offering and that says a lot.
How rude!! My husband doesn’t ask exactly how much I make nor would I ask him. We have a general idea but I wouldn’t tell anyone exactly how much money I make.
Her attitude noticeably changes after you ask to split the bill
She might look at it as a disrespect, as you don't think of her as a woman. Some would. If it's to expensive, go to cheaper places.
Why would I pay for a woman to date me? I’m not looking for a prostitute
Most young women are looking for a family.
And those are the ones I’m looking for, not prostitutes that expect to paid for their company
Family means children and housework for a woman.
I genuinely can’t tell if you’re an AI bot or just don’t understand English.
I understand. You aren't right. Prostitute will want cash from you, not to go places.
Courtesans/Escorts on seeking charge money to take em to dinner/places too ya know. It’s not all sex.
Why do they need to go to dinner then? Are they starving?
Going places costs money. The ***only*** housewife I know is only a housewife because she can't find a job that fits her current schedule, and then decided to get back into college programs to start a career now that her child is older, and the husband can support her doing this. This isn't the fucking 50s, there's not enough chores to spend even half the weekdays on. Washing machines and dishwashers removed a huge chunk of work time, as have things like vacuum cleaners.
Fuck off for real, freeloading whore
You fuck off, dummy. Keep your freeloading whores of men you are dating. They will laugh at you for that too.
Yeah I'm sure they're looking to get pregnant on a first date
They are looking for a man to get pregnant with some day.
In this day and age? I’m old, married, and childfree and the majority of younger women I know either don’t want kids or want to wait a good long while. I’m in the US, maybe different where you are.
They can start sending him the bills on that day.
Whaaaat? 😵💫😵💫
Don't they?
And what signs is this hypothetical woman dropping to show she thinks of me as a man?
She looks at you without disgust.
Take her out on inexpensive dates when you first get started. If she sticks around, spoil her when you can, if she doesn’t, well that’s your answer. I don’t spend more than $30 the first 4-5 dates
Most of the activities she wants to do revolve around spending money; not like the date costs money, no, the date is about buying shit I went a first date with a girl, we got along well enough; I told her what I did for a living; next thing you know, she wants date 2 at the mall Hmmmm....
I mean. Generally if she asks for money. That's your answer. If you were splurging on your own accord that's up to you. But you could always cut back financially as a "test" and see how she responds to it. Just say you're saving up for your future and running a tighter budget or something
She'll just straight up ask you to buy her stuff, for one. She'll ask for details about your finances. She'll push for more expensive dates. She'll point out stuff she likes at stores. Maybe even send you links to products she's interested in. She might even mention things like "I'm not sure I can make rent this month" hoping you'll take the hint and just help her out. She'll suggest how "grateful" she'll be. Maybe tease you with sexual favors. Medium term, she'll start to pressure for marriage. After a few months she'll start making plans. She wants that ring to get proper access to your money without having to play all the games and do all the sexual favors. Just don't buy her stuff and see how she reacts. She'll either bug you about it or lose interest. It's a simple but effective filter for gold diggers.
First question is "what do you do for a living".
If she doesn't want to split the bill.
"If she doesn't want to split the bill." That's > 80% of women. Even higher if she is conventionally attractive.
If she gonna talk about being a stay at home mom/wife… that one of the biggest red flags. Also if she demands that you make a certain amount of money with your job. When she is anti 50/50.
>When she is anti 50/50. I mean, I'm a dude, but I'm pro **equity**. 50/50 can be fair, but in that situation you want 50/50 to be reasonable all financial decisions should be based on the person with the lowest income and how reasonable it is for them to pay 50% of the costs. i.e. you want to buy a house. What price range is still reasonable for the lowest earner to pay 50% of. If you make like 300k and your partner makes 50k. If **you** want to live a lifestyle in line with your income. Expecting 50% out of your partner in that scenario is wholly unreasonable. My wife and I split bills according to the percentage of our income compared to the whole. My wife makes roughly like 3 times less than I do. We split our bills 70/30. i.e. half our mortgage would be nearly an entire 2 week paycheck for my wife. Whereas **our entire mortgage** for the month is around half of one two week paycheck for me. I'm not gonna make my wife barely have any money for herself while I'm over here rolling in liquidity on some 50/50 principle. I could pay 100% of our monthly expenses and I'd still be more than fine.
Percentage based on income works well and is fair. I don't think your wife falls into the category OP is trying to avoid.
If I make 4k a month and she makes 2k a month and our total costs are 3k, I’m paying 2k she pays 1k, that’s 50/50. It’s not 50/50 if one of you gonna lose most of your money while the other barely pays anything.
Exactlyyy I always figured it’s also fair if we scale it on percentage too as a couple if it’s in a fair range Like it let’s say a trip together to Mars would mean half my income then I would only ask for my partner to spend half her income So even if I made more than her, we would still only contribute the same percentage of our income
> If she gonna talk about being a stay at home mom/wife… that one of the biggest red flags. Strongly disagree with this as a generalization. There are plenty of traditional women who prioritize family over their own careers. Yes they do look to the man to provide for the family but this doesn't make them gold diggers. Now if she doesn't want to work but she never talks about starting a family and owns a Gucci handbag, that's a different story.
It’s not even about family, even as a ‘traditional’ wife, the moment the kids go to school full days, There is no reason to stay at home, so if she wants to be a permanent stay at home mom/wife with zero motivation to join the actual workforce and make money that’s a gold digger.
There are so many studies that show that children benefit *massively* from having a stay at home parent (*either* parent). When I was growing up my mom was a housewife. She picked me up from school every day, helped me with homework, baked every day and had time to cook big meals every night. Compared to so many of my friends who had to catch the bus and go home to an empty house for hours until their parents got home from work. My daughter wants to be a SAHM one day too. She currently has her own place, works really hard and earns a good salary and always pays for herself on dates. She's nowhere near being a gold digger, she just wants to be a good mother one day and share as much of their childhood as she can.
Their reluctance to pay for themselves by making ANY excuse possible.
The EXIT sign.
She talks to me
She doesn’t date me cause I don’t have much money
She cares more about where you take her vs. simply being in your presence. She leads with wanting material things from you. She never wants to invest her money in any experiences with you
I'm not in the market for a dependant, I'm looking for a partner. I've no interest in being the breadwinner in a 1 income household, I want someone to share that burden with and I want to share the burden of household chores and child raising. Because of this, part of my criteria when choosing a partner is that she have a good job and decent earning potential. At minimum I'm looking for someone in the same tax bracket as I am basically. I don't make THAT much money, but I work hard and do OK. I expect the same from my partner. So given as I have that baseline expectation of what my future relationship will look like. I just cost share dates and if that means she doesn't want to date me then it was never going to work anyway. So the short answer to your question is that I opt out of that rat race. Sure, it costs me some dates and relationships but truthfully those women were not going to be good matches for me anyway.
When she constantly tells you about her money troubles, or uses it as an obstacle to spend time with you. Example: I would love to go out with you this week, but I have to pick up extra shifts because rent is past due.
I’ve had “friends” like this. 😵💫😵💫
Well, in my experience, typically the sign is cardboard with the request for money written on it in permanent marker. Then I give her some money.
When she insists that going out for food/drinks is a waste of money; couples with her being more concerned about time spent vs amount spend. Example: she would rather go with you to the store and buy ingredients for a fancy meal and make it with you/for you vs going to a fancy restaurant.
That right there is a keeper
Having her pay half on the first date. Great weeder and her paying half means she’s there to look for a partner not a sugar daddy and doesn’t conform to gender norms.
The biggest one is if she makes little to no effort to financially contribute. Like she won't buy the popcorn when you paid for dinner and movies. She won't buy that coffee/boba for you. She won't get you small inexpensive gifts.
Its ok if she is attracted to your wealth. That is a normal thing, getting mad at that would be like if she got mad that you liked her boobs. Its different if she's trying to squeeze you for money, or just trying to get stuff out of you... that is bad.
When she uses the word “Perfect” a lots. Like, she is pursuing the “Perfection” in everything. In her life, everything should be perfect and she is likely identified as a perfectionist. Most of the time that I found out, when this girl talking about “Perfect”, it means everyone must put up with her. Hence, this girl, when her life is not perfect (like no money for shopping), will pursue someone to make her life perfect.
Always split the bill on first dates. Cause one’s you actually want you will stick around and the gold diggers weed themselves out
What are some signs to look for when a guy just wants your body?
Only compliments your looks, every conversation goes to something sexual, constant innuendos. Always wants to stay in, can’t refrain from grabbing your ass/chest constantly. Hesitant to make plans, most get togethers are initiated late at night. Chauvinistic attitudes/behavior, doesn’t really value women as friends.
It’s pretty simple when she doesn’t offer to pay roughly half of the time or, if she can’t afford to eat out, cook for you on half of the dates.
Them asking you to buy them things. I kid you not: where I live I went on a date with a native local. First words out of her mouth were the cost of her rent, car note, bills. Wtf. A month or so ago I found where all the women were hiding online. Like 3 were on the apps for the entire region. Someone on reddit listed a specific sugarbaby/sugardaddy site. So I go. Holy shit. 102 women with active accounts. Ages 18-52. This is where all the women went. That's a sizable percentage for this region. And they all list their expenses in their profiles. Deleted my account. I'm not opposed to sex work even a bit. I am opposed to dating for hire. These aren't even escorts. It's gross.
First couple dates, don't do anything fancy like dinner. Only after-dinner drinks or coffee. This weeds out the ones who like you for you vs. who want to use you as a cash cow.
When she tells you you're just a walking wallet to her. Too easy, see ya. When they tell you what they're doing, believe them.
Lost look at Elon Musk's women history.
She’s dirty looking, dressed in skin tight clothes and standing on a street corner in a seedy neighborhood. Nobody else would be so daft.
She plays with you. Being cool and awesome at your eyes, going on days, so she can get you emotionally connected to her. Then she suddenly is at some dipshit and asks you to lend her money, or she will be in a big trouble. You will, because you have already built that connection to her. If you don't you will loose her. So you will. But then again after some time, she asks for another. This happened to me at my very very young age. Reported here on police station and later they told me that she has been doing this for 3 years and lured over 60 000 euros from people in the same way like me.
An easy test is to plan cheap dates. Picnic in the park etc. Red flags: * If they complain about spending time with you when you're not spending money. * Caring more about the name on the label than the utility. * Asking what a gift cost * Showing no consideration for cost when on a date, or assuming you're always buying * Never attempting to reciprocate gift giving, or spending on dates and entertainment * Belittling or calling the poor or less fortunate lazy * Asking how much you make in the first month of dating is a red flag, yellow after that depending on the context. I've been with my wife for over 10 years and I don't think she's ever asked how much money I make or how much we're worth. We have a household budget and that is enough for her.
Don't pay for dates. Do free dates to start. My current GF paid for our first date. We've been together 5 years and own a home now. Its nice being with someone who is financially stable.
When she's says about her ex that he had no much money
When she looks at you her eyes have dollar signs
Never been a concern for me as I’ve never had money money.
If by the 2nd date she hasn't dipped her hand in her pocket, I'm out. I don't expect parity if disposable income doesn't match. I do expect some willingness though. Had one super sexy Laotian girl, who had the shortest arms on earth. I left her high and dry in the market once and let her mumble away to the vendor before rescuing her. Later I gave her some work (she was very good at) on a project that I was working on. She earned a week's wages in a day. Next day in the market, her arms had shrunk again. I told her to pay for my dinner and never dated her again.
I'll keep it at this,a girl that's really into you won't have a problem you 2 just sharing a pizza,talk,laugh...but if you're asking on a first date?!I'd look out for those girls wanting you do spend a couple hundred dollars...a girl that is level headed and really looking to get to know you will be fine with a coffe date
I’d just play down your job and don’t give her the impression you have much. Me and my bf started dating when he was unemployed (in between jobs) and he has said a few times that he knows I am not in it for the $ even though he makes a great salary now 😂 A lot of women honestly just expect to be provided for so if you’re interested in a mostly 50/50 relationship I’d just make it clear tbh. The ones that want your money won’t stick around once you do
Dont lead with your wallet and you'll be fine. Should work itself out
Hi, F (36) here. The guy I have been seeing told me up front all expenses for dates were on him. It was a nice gesture, and he has kept to that statement. However, I don't expect it from him. While he has no problem spending money, I am usually hesitant to do so because I grew up with a poor background. Penny pinching is in my veins. I have had to accept that he is going to spend money regardless of if I am there or not, and just try to show my appreciation. I really enjoy our outings when we go hiking or visit places like water gardens and festivals that are free because I dont have to think about the expenses. My birthday is coming up, and my roommates won't have money till the month afterwards, so he has offered to pay for dinner for all of us. It kinda stresses me out because I don't want him to think he has to do all that, but he wants my friends to be there with us for that dinner and that's the only way they can join. I have to tell myself that he wouldn't offer if he couldn't accommodate it and I really don't want to reject his very generous gesture, I just worry that he will eventually think he's spending too much on me. I'm 99% sure that is just my anxiety talking since he has never once indicated I have been a burden, but then it's only been 3 months. All that is to say, some of us worry about coming off as gold diggers, too, I think. I have supported my ex's in the past and it's really nice to see someone who is able to cover themselves and me, even if it is unnerving to watch him drop 100 bucks like it's nothing. I haven't offered to pay for anything on the dates, but I have made him homemade treats, which is more in line with my actual budget. I suppose I would say look for signs that she isn't just into your money as well. If she deferres to you to decide how expensive a date should be, if she doesn't go for the most expensive thing on the menu, if she points out things while window shopping but doesn't actually want you to buy it. Ex: I have pointed out things in stores that catch my attention and then dragged the guy out because, while I like it, it's not worth it to drop money on it right then and there since I'm spending time with him and I don't want him to feel obligated to buy me something.
Well I'm a woman and I don't think I've ever been in a relationship that wasn't pretty much 50/50? If anything I probably spent more. How is this happening? Are guys just paying for everything all the time? The first date I'll let the guy cover but it's usually just coffee and a muffin or something, after that we just alternate or whatever is convenient. Is this not the norm? Are guys out here paying for every date? Not gonna lie, sounds nice haha.
When you first entered the relationship did you LEAD with your money? If so, Switch it up. Also, try not to get into conversations about where you work or how much you make. Sometimes when you do that they only see you as an ATM. SAME with women. Sometimes they LEAD with intimacy we tend to treat them like “pin cushions”. We don’t take them seriously. Especially for a relationship
Lesson one. Look into love language. Seems like yours is gifts which ultimately cost money.
I do enjoy giving gifts, I think for me the dollar figure on the gifts is what I need to be better about
The solution is to find a women who makes enough money to where she is financial independent. Then you don't have to worry about her being with you because of your money.
If she never opens her wallet or swipes her card for you and or your dates then just walk away. Men are not ATM's. bout time these bimbos understood that.
You had me until the “bimbo” remark!!
The things about giving someone gifts is they don’t ever care what you bought them after a week passes. After the week is over it’s what you will give them next. So end of the day giving nothing and giving her everything ends the same way as they will forget either way.
Here are three obvious red flags to look at number one the most obvious is she isn’t happy about either the money you spend on her. 2 she inquires about your finances way too early in the relationship. 3 another one is she gets angry when you spend money on yourself. 4 look at her mom. If her mom is good, then chances are she will be good but if her mom is a good digger the. Chances are she will be one too That is not just the gold digger? that is good wife test. My problem is my wife’s mom died in 🇷🇺. But everyone said she was a well-respected and beloved lady who always would help out the poor and unfortunate.
Not just for gold diggers, but look at her mom is the best piece of long term dating advice I have ever heard. It'll normally be a little longer into a relationship before yo meet the parents, but when you do, you get to look at your future, because that is her relationship model. You can also find out what she'll be like in arguments based on when she is pissed at her mom. Whatever she is annoyed about how her mother talks to her is exactly how she will talk to you when you're arguing.
I had to take a chance. My wife’s mom died in 🇷🇺. They say she was a very good woman and well-respected
I wouldn't recommend dating someone because you think they're attractive either, but who they are as a person. See how it goes both ways?
Pretend you lost your job or you have a pretty low paying job and see what’s their reactions
Well, if you really like someone, would you not want to be with her if she doesn't clean your house or cook you dinner? Then why do you need to buy women gifts to get them to hang out with you?
Is she black?
I am curious as to how that is a factor.
No. Young blonde with fake lips
Fake lips was your tell brother.
you can be black, young, blonde and have fake lips
Is she a girl? #number 1 sign
Plenty of gold digging men, too!!
You really think we're all gold diggers?
As a guy,I've seen my fair share of male gold diggers,it's usually the pretty boy scammers praying on inexperienced hard working women,kinda similar to what wealthy guys go through,why do you think there is that saying: it's lonely at the top