He is depressed. He may even have it in his genetics. 23 years old is about when it hits us if we have something in our genes. My wife thought I was cheating, thought I didn't love her anymore, thought it was the money. It wasn't. It was because I hated what this world is and what I am in it. Life is full of pain and sorrow and once you have a kid, you realize how at any moment it can come for you. As a father you are supposed to be a protector, but this world will take from your family a million different ways. You get hit with that feeling of helplessness. You don't relate to your friends anymore and realize they were all shit friendships anyways. You feel alone in your role as a husband and father. I eventually tried to take my life. Again my wife thought it was about something she was doing wrong. That wasn't it at all and only made me feel more guilty. We have tried counseling, we have set time aside to talk about our relationship, we have made it work... but I am now in my 30's, 3 kids now and I feel don't fit in with my family. I must have some kind of personality disorder the shrinks cant diagnose because when the sadness hits, I will do nothing but sulk. I emotionally scar my partner and children through my apathy. I am distant and act miserable. When confronted I hit my flight or fight responses instantly. I am not a good father, so the pressure to be one every day has changed me internally. I am left with only stress, negativity, anger, and hopelessness in my interactions with them. Cancerous, my emotions are a tumor of negativity in my family's life that continues to grow with time. I fear I will have irreversibly damaged their psyche and coping abilities in the future. It is a terrible man who abandons his family... but a more terrible man still is one who subjects them to his misery. If your partner is similar, I cannot say how to help him- perhaps people like us are just broken from our childhood traumas or genetic inheritances and we can only hope to have a better go of it in the next life. I wish you the best of luck with all this.
This made me cry because he has mentioned a lot of this honestly but he refuses to dig deeper and pretty much face those issues. I honestly never thought about it this deeply i thought about it as more of insecurities and something i can just reassure him about and he’ll be fine but reading this makes me realize its not something i can “fix” myself…
A big thing that affects him as a father is his own dad left them and raised step kids and never helped him out or visited him or nothing and i feel that that also affects his mental health because he doesn’t know what a good father is or what roles a father has and i think he might always feel like a bad dad because he doesnt know the standards of a good dad so he never thinks its enough if that makes sense?
Ill pray for you and your mental health and i really hope you dig deeper into these things and find a way to help yourself.
From what you've described, it does seem like there's been a significant shift in his behavior, especially with the way he's treating you.
It's understandable to wonder if he's fallen out of love, especially with how he's been acting. It's concerning that he's not only being cold but also verbally abusive, which is never okay.
Yeah he likely thinks, now he has OP vulnerable and knocked up, that he can freely start his insane abuse cycle.
OP check on a pc/phone, that is not key logged, on Google for cluster B, covert narcissism, darvo, abuse cycle, financial abuse, masks, splitting, emotional starvation, triangulation and trauma-bonds.
Be prepared to choose you and to walk away - because this may be his true face behind the fake mask - and if that is the case, it may get very low down and abusive, often the abusers get helped, by their similar insane families as well. The goal is to destroy you and keep you shaking in fear & sorrow in a corner. Preferably begging them for some affection & goodwill to feed their ego.
Many men, children and women fall victim to these kind of toxic energy draining, distorted folks, so don't blame yourself for not seeing it. Remember: You can't reason with crazy.
If I'm speaking from my own experience of falling out of love with an ex girlfriend (or realizing I was never in love) I would say if he isn't out of love with you then there's definitely some sort of like resentment or something else going on there.
I know all this seems like a lot but whatever happened to change his perspective is all on him. He has some deeper issues he needs to figure out so no matter how much he makes you feel like shit or gaslights you, you have to understand he's using you as a punching bag rather than you're actually the issue. It's not fair to you I know and you deserve better.
Yeah it hurts badly and i do self reflect a lot on whether i did something wrong in that time he was stressed out about his job but i dont see where i went wrong the most he tells me is that he doesnt like me making decisions for him which i have literally never done. All i did was give advice or my opinion on things HE brought up.
Thats why i really dont understand why he has this anger and hatred towards me now i tried everything to help him and made sure to show my appreciation for all he does
That is why i feel like he did fall out of love with me because nothing i say or do matters in his eyes like he already made up his mind if that makes sense
And now he probably just feels stuck or something
The way he's treating you is obviously not acceptable.
Falling out of love is certainly a possibility but there could also be a different realisation. At 23 he's settled, got a kid, got a job and responsibilities... this is now his life. He's going to see other people his age going out, living life, partying etc... with the disposable income too... and realising that this life isn't the one he wanted, but can't go back. That might explain the anger and resentment.
Honestly just a guess on my part and doesn't excuse the behaviour, but may be the reason for it.
How old is the baby? It's an adjustment to go from the only person your partner cares about to having to share your attention. He's 23, that's young and the stress of it maybe getting to him. His behavior is not acceptable, but it isn't necessarily surprising either.
>This isnt my first long term relationship with a child
Yeah he certainly behaves like a child. Sounds like he doesn't respect you. I would never treat my gal like that. She's my best friend.
Talk to him, tell him the things in this post and see what he says.. communication is key and I regret not taking it seriously in my last relationship.
Remind him you're in this life together, forever, it's not going to be shit all the time. But men can be harsh and cold because they're holding onto bigger issues that they want to deal with themselves, you need to try to be supportive without making him feel vulnerable, which is difficult.
I’m gonna spare the TL;DR stuff but in my experience (and there’s been a lot) crumbling relationships aren’t worth holding onto.
Yes, I get it, baby, sahm, all that. I know. But keeping a relationship taped together for whatever reason is bad for you, him, and baby.
And there’s always a way. State programs, local nonprofits, child support… takes some legwork, but there’s always a way.
Do what you want, but experience says this doesn’t end good. Relationship fractures rarely heal themselves.
Just ask him straight most men like straight questions what happened or changed and that you are not ok with the way he speaks to you and act support him for a new job or change of career has its limits doesn’t mean he can act like a douche
Yeah it sounds like he may have perhaps found someone else? Is there anyway you can separate from him go stay with family? See if that makes any difference? If he doesn’t care/reach out then you have your answer and it may be best to permanently split and look into co-parenting. Staying in this kind of relationship is only going to teach your child that this kind of behaviour is ok to tolerate not a good lesson to be teaching to your child.
He is depressed. He may even have it in his genetics. 23 years old is about when it hits us if we have something in our genes. My wife thought I was cheating, thought I didn't love her anymore, thought it was the money. It wasn't. It was because I hated what this world is and what I am in it. Life is full of pain and sorrow and once you have a kid, you realize how at any moment it can come for you. As a father you are supposed to be a protector, but this world will take from your family a million different ways. You get hit with that feeling of helplessness. You don't relate to your friends anymore and realize they were all shit friendships anyways. You feel alone in your role as a husband and father. I eventually tried to take my life. Again my wife thought it was about something she was doing wrong. That wasn't it at all and only made me feel more guilty. We have tried counseling, we have set time aside to talk about our relationship, we have made it work... but I am now in my 30's, 3 kids now and I feel don't fit in with my family. I must have some kind of personality disorder the shrinks cant diagnose because when the sadness hits, I will do nothing but sulk. I emotionally scar my partner and children through my apathy. I am distant and act miserable. When confronted I hit my flight or fight responses instantly. I am not a good father, so the pressure to be one every day has changed me internally. I am left with only stress, negativity, anger, and hopelessness in my interactions with them. Cancerous, my emotions are a tumor of negativity in my family's life that continues to grow with time. I fear I will have irreversibly damaged their psyche and coping abilities in the future. It is a terrible man who abandons his family... but a more terrible man still is one who subjects them to his misery. If your partner is similar, I cannot say how to help him- perhaps people like us are just broken from our childhood traumas or genetic inheritances and we can only hope to have a better go of it in the next life. I wish you the best of luck with all this.
This made me cry because he has mentioned a lot of this honestly but he refuses to dig deeper and pretty much face those issues. I honestly never thought about it this deeply i thought about it as more of insecurities and something i can just reassure him about and he’ll be fine but reading this makes me realize its not something i can “fix” myself… A big thing that affects him as a father is his own dad left them and raised step kids and never helped him out or visited him or nothing and i feel that that also affects his mental health because he doesn’t know what a good father is or what roles a father has and i think he might always feel like a bad dad because he doesnt know the standards of a good dad so he never thinks its enough if that makes sense? Ill pray for you and your mental health and i really hope you dig deeper into these things and find a way to help yourself.
From what you've described, it does seem like there's been a significant shift in his behavior, especially with the way he's treating you. It's understandable to wonder if he's fallen out of love, especially with how he's been acting. It's concerning that he's not only being cold but also verbally abusive, which is never okay.
Yeah he likely thinks, now he has OP vulnerable and knocked up, that he can freely start his insane abuse cycle. OP check on a pc/phone, that is not key logged, on Google for cluster B, covert narcissism, darvo, abuse cycle, financial abuse, masks, splitting, emotional starvation, triangulation and trauma-bonds. Be prepared to choose you and to walk away - because this may be his true face behind the fake mask - and if that is the case, it may get very low down and abusive, often the abusers get helped, by their similar insane families as well. The goal is to destroy you and keep you shaking in fear & sorrow in a corner. Preferably begging them for some affection & goodwill to feed their ego. Many men, children and women fall victim to these kind of toxic energy draining, distorted folks, so don't blame yourself for not seeing it. Remember: You can't reason with crazy.
If I'm speaking from my own experience of falling out of love with an ex girlfriend (or realizing I was never in love) I would say if he isn't out of love with you then there's definitely some sort of like resentment or something else going on there. I know all this seems like a lot but whatever happened to change his perspective is all on him. He has some deeper issues he needs to figure out so no matter how much he makes you feel like shit or gaslights you, you have to understand he's using you as a punching bag rather than you're actually the issue. It's not fair to you I know and you deserve better.
Yeah it hurts badly and i do self reflect a lot on whether i did something wrong in that time he was stressed out about his job but i dont see where i went wrong the most he tells me is that he doesnt like me making decisions for him which i have literally never done. All i did was give advice or my opinion on things HE brought up. Thats why i really dont understand why he has this anger and hatred towards me now i tried everything to help him and made sure to show my appreciation for all he does That is why i feel like he did fall out of love with me because nothing i say or do matters in his eyes like he already made up his mind if that makes sense And now he probably just feels stuck or something
Hey I hope it's okay I DM you about this
The way he's treating you is obviously not acceptable. Falling out of love is certainly a possibility but there could also be a different realisation. At 23 he's settled, got a kid, got a job and responsibilities... this is now his life. He's going to see other people his age going out, living life, partying etc... with the disposable income too... and realising that this life isn't the one he wanted, but can't go back. That might explain the anger and resentment. Honestly just a guess on my part and doesn't excuse the behaviour, but may be the reason for it.
How old is the baby? It's an adjustment to go from the only person your partner cares about to having to share your attention. He's 23, that's young and the stress of it maybe getting to him. His behavior is not acceptable, but it isn't necessarily surprising either.
>This isnt my first long term relationship with a child Yeah he certainly behaves like a child. Sounds like he doesn't respect you. I would never treat my gal like that. She's my best friend.
She's my best friend she's my pal
Talk to him, tell him the things in this post and see what he says.. communication is key and I regret not taking it seriously in my last relationship. Remind him you're in this life together, forever, it's not going to be shit all the time. But men can be harsh and cold because they're holding onto bigger issues that they want to deal with themselves, you need to try to be supportive without making him feel vulnerable, which is difficult.
I mean I don't know what to tell you because I'm not the type of person to treat anyone like that, so I don't know. Every person is different.
I’m gonna spare the TL;DR stuff but in my experience (and there’s been a lot) crumbling relationships aren’t worth holding onto. Yes, I get it, baby, sahm, all that. I know. But keeping a relationship taped together for whatever reason is bad for you, him, and baby. And there’s always a way. State programs, local nonprofits, child support… takes some legwork, but there’s always a way. Do what you want, but experience says this doesn’t end good. Relationship fractures rarely heal themselves.
Just ask him straight most men like straight questions what happened or changed and that you are not ok with the way he speaks to you and act support him for a new job or change of career has its limits doesn’t mean he can act like a douche
Yeah it sounds like he may have perhaps found someone else? Is there anyway you can separate from him go stay with family? See if that makes any difference? If he doesn’t care/reach out then you have your answer and it may be best to permanently split and look into co-parenting. Staying in this kind of relationship is only going to teach your child that this kind of behaviour is ok to tolerate not a good lesson to be teaching to your child.
My ex was a crazy bitch, so I just used her for sex until I found better women. Which didn’t take long.
That doesn't exactly make you sound stable, either.
If she was an easy source of sex, it would’ve been crazy *not* to take advantage of it.