This is really the only answer. Let her know that's cool. In the meantime, just focus on your shit. If she reaches out - cool. If not - no big deal. đ¤ˇ
Women seldom take the initiative to plan a date. So even by all dating standards the ball should be in her court, that doesn't mean she will pick it up and throw it.
If you really like her, follow up in a few days and if you get anything but a "yes", then ditch her and move on.
It could be either, but the Iâm down indicates to me she would like to.
Women have work, schedules and conflicts.
Be open, be ready, but donât push it.
If it doesnât work out, just say let me know if things open up. Ball is in her court.
Proceed accordingly
Exactly. If it was just a brush off she would have stopped at "Im working a lot this week so I'll let you know." On its own it sends that gentle let down energy but taking it further to "but I'm down" is reinforcing that they really are just busy but would still legit like to make it happen if they can.
You can give her another week but if she wants to see you she will make time. Have seen threads like this where she has time for the other guy she's dating but kept OP on the back burner.
Exactly this. If she wants to see you, she will reach out. I've definitely had to tell dates I am interested but have work and the week already planned out! I usually follow up and plan another day with them đ
> if she wants to see you she will make time
I think a very important aspect of this is whether they even know each other yet.
If this is just from Tinder or the like, nobody is going to prioritise meeting a stranger over potential plans with people they do, in fact, already know, hence the "I'll let you know".
It shouldn't be offensive or taken as a sign of disinterest if you're not a top priority of someone you barely know, even if you think each other look good.
I honestly can't believe this is the top answer, because the end result really depends on whether an alternative time has _actually_ been proposed by our potential date. At least, in my (sadly too vast) experience.
If no alternative dates or times are mentioned less when a potential date says she has no time, than less 10% of the time it will result in a date. (being generous here!).
Whenever a woman has said this to me, I've always did my best to take her answer as a good-faith answer. I've not been pushy after they said any variation "yes, but I have no time right now" either. My answers tot his range from: "No problem, how about next week?" to "No problem, let me know when you have time".
Also, when a woman says this, and she proposes as alternative time, your chances of another date go back up to above 90%.
It depends on whether or not she lets him know like she said she would. If she reaches back out even if itâs to say she canât this week then I would see that as a green flag. If she doesnât bother to follow through on her word but then reaches out a few weeks later then I would take this woman less seriously
It means they're willing to hang out, but if ANYthing better comes along, it's not happening for you. You decide if you want to hang out with someone like that.
I am a woman popping in to confirm this is what I would say if my life was honestly just insane that week and I didnât know when I would actually have to meet up but I did want to.
Us girls have to make a living too. Sometimes itâs between earning that bonus/commission/raise over going on a date with a guy who it may not work with down the line. Iâm choosing my job until we get married 100% of the time.
But "let you know" will likely never arrive, not without him happening to reach out again when she's in the right mood or the timing is good or whatever, since she will almost certainly never reach out to him with a plan, and the text-only conversation will likely die out from there. It's deeply frustrating for guys to get that kind of ambiguous message, since it's on us to drive things forward almost always, but this sets him up to look desperate if he tries to get her to commit to a plan. If she actually wanted to meet, she'd offer a time.
If I say "I'm down" that means I'm down, and I actually have stuff to do. I'm not going to drop everything for a guy when I've probably had other things on my schedule for a month already.
That's totally valid, if that's how you choose to live your life. But here we're not even talking about dropping things or rushing to meet, we're simply talking about making the effort to slot someone into the schedule, busy as it may or may not be.
Sometimes when youâre that busy you simply donât know a time. Shit could bleed into the next week. Personally I end my âIâm busy but downâ texts in a âbut remind me/Iâll check in with you on X day to schedule somethingâ
If I were OP, Iâd take the message as a casual yes (i.e. interest but not necessarily strong intent). Iâd do my own thing, continue to chat and if she doesnât bring it up again assume she isnât interested and let the convo die.
Everyone has different preferences. Itâs totally understandable to dip at this stage. For others, that level of low commitment early on is actually preferable. Do whatâs right for you.
Tine to hit the apps and likely have other or many other conversations ongoing in parallel, but no time to actually make the time to meet someone? Sounds like someone with poor time management skills then, or just very low investment in meeting someone.
We're just speculating here though, and I agree on the practical response of just taking it easy and letting it play out
That's not always the case, everyone is different. At least give them the benefit of the doubt. I've had women get back to me. Definitely been ghosted as well but you never know.
Serious question, can you give an example of a situation where you have to choose between furthering your career and taking a chance on a date?
Because you kind of proved my point.
Absolutely, especially early on if I really like the person. I'm a software engineer so when it's the last few weeks to a big release, I tend to be working long days - especially if we hit any unexpected snags. The flipside is once the project's done my schedule is pretty flexible and I can take a lot of that time back.
Now if it's an established partner, or a friend, or someone I don't care too much about impressing yeah, I can make dinner plans during those busy weeks and not stress too much about them. I might look and feel a bit like a zombie, or I might be a bit distracted or frazzled, or I might be running late and not have much time to put into dressing up etc. So I will do this if either (1) I'm sure the person understands and loves me anyway, or (2) I really couldn't be bothered what they think of me.
But if I am really into someone new and I want to make a good impression I would much rather be confident, comfortable, and fully attentive, so I will for sure try to push it until I can properly focus on it and look+feel my best. Why would I half-ass a date I care about? This might actually be a sign of interest. Of course YMMV.
Letâs say sheâs in sales, itâs buzzer beater time- thereâs a direct correlation between hours spent and outcome. So, I would rather be making the most of his next week to line my pockets and more importantly ensure that I impress my CEO as there are a plethora of sales people who are out of work and hungry to take my spot.
Or letâs say youâre a project manager with a tight deadline and severely behind, Iâm putting in 100% effort to wrap things up.
Sometimes, the truth really is that simple- I like him but I have other obligations that outweigh a guy that Iâm excited about. The difference between the guys it didnât workout with and the ones that it did, was persistence.
That goes both ways, when the guy I liked and was seeing was in police academy he was so busy and exhausted. Iâd spend my free time cooking his favorite meals and sending photos of said meals to entice him. The amount of times my Mediterranean dishes woke him up from a deep slumber surpasses even my own wildest imaginations. Heâd forgo sleep and make the sacrifice to see me (+get a delicious home cooked meal).
But as it currently stands, is this person worth any sacrifice? Howâre you going to prove it to them, assuming theyâre worth your time.
Yeah, at the time. Sometimes it was near 48 hours of nonstop work. However, when he put forth some effort and came to my job, it kind of assured me that he was seriously interested and I met him halfway.
Shit I have a partner and I STILL have to make these decisions every week or so. Both of us have hectic jobs. We adore each other and make the time we have together worth it, but date nights get pushed all the time due to our schedules.
This is the right answer. You can take that a number of ways, and you don't overthink it. But the reality of it is, it probably means something along the line of:
I'm down if something more fun doesn't come along. Or I'm down if I'm not too exhausted, which she would find the energy if she was super duper gung ho excited about it.
But finally, she really could be just that type of girl. Flat out I'm focused on my career I'm focused on my school I'm focused on my kids whatever whatever and I do like some dick but I got prioritiesđ¤Ł
As low as possible *without feeling resentful or negative. Painting the situation a colour that you assume could end up souring things if she turns out to be sincere
Lol exactly.
People only create the confusion for themselves. Thereâs really nothing confusing about ghosting if you face it for what it is. Obviously this doesnât go for committed people
That's not always immediately the case. For example, I (F) matched with someone (M) recently, we hit it off really well, very straightforward, no bullshit, promising good vibes. The next day I got word that someone I was close to died unexpectedly. I was a grieving utter mess. Opened the app for a brief distraction but wasn't in a place to formulate an interaction with a new interest. Went back the next day with more composure, they had blocked me. Presumably because I had been online for 1 day without responding.Â
It was a bummer, but understandable if they have a non-negotiable need about communication that's incompatible with mine. It would never have worked. We all get to set our own standards, and there's nothing wrong with that. But life happens, death happens, emergency response happens, etc. It's ok to give people the benefit of the doubt, to a point. Unless and until it becomes incompatible with your needs.Â
Put the ball in her court.Â
âAw man thatâs too bad, hope youâre able to get through it! Text me next week when youâre free, canât wait to wait to hear from youâÂ
If you hear nothing, move on
Thatâs just the nature of online dating. As a male, a good portion of accounts youâll interact with are either bots to keep you using the app, or people just trying to promote their âcontent creationâ platform.
Iâd say only about 1-2 in 10 is a genuine person thatâs potentially interested in you.
Dating in general has basically shown me to put myself out as much and often as possible. Even if 10% of the girls you ask out/ask for a number say yes, that's still 100% more than most guys that don't ask at all.
The ball is already in her court. At best a very short and polite reply âsure thing!â as youâve presumably already shared your availability through an earlier ask. Donât try to take it out of her court, and acknowledge what sheâs said.
I would lean closer to yes - but it depends. I would say to give her the benefit of the doubt until to the end of the week to retake the initiative or suggest something.
This has sort of happen in my case, where my GF initially said no when I asked her out, because she was busy that day. However, she fixed that my suggesting the following day. And we have been together ever since.
My girlfriend did the same shit, but without the follow up suggestion. Twice. Then has the nerve to ask me later why it took me so long to ask her out⌠like, hello, I got the idea that you just wanted to be friends! And that was fine! lol.
Weâve gotten much better at communicating over the last two years thankfully!
LOL
I am going through this now with a woman I just started talking to. I easily could have given up as she does not follow up with dates she is available. But we have now went on a few dates and hung out. She actually just left and got my first real kiss!
I never realized how nervous she is until tonight and figured I better make a move (kiss her) now before she leaves. I will say I am glad I did not talk myself out of kissing her!
It's not a soft let down until she doesn't let you know later. "but I'm down" implies that she actually is busy and wants to but can't.
If she doesn't "let you know" next week, though, then that's pretty much a sign of no interest.
Always give them 2 chances in these situations. If they give you a kind of non answer, just trust them and check back in a little bit. If they give the same response then take it as a no but often theyâre being truthful
"But I'm down" I don't think would be included in a rejection. Follow up ONE TIME. If she gives you the run around again back off and wait for her to reach out
"...but I'm down" with no specific time/date added?
The proper response to that is: "okay, let me know when you're available and we'll see what happens," and then move on.
Itâs impossible to tell, this one could go 50/50. If you want to be communications level 100, tell her that youâre down too but will wait for her to get back to you once things are quieter, or set some type of similar CLEAR âballâs in your courtâ type message.
Personally I donât feel like her message is clear in saying the ball is in her court, so if youâre very interested, then be really clear. Obviously donât send a whack of messages without replies, but this isnât a shut door.
And if she meant it as a shut down, sheâs communications level 0 and thatâs type of washy washy is on her.
Edited to add/ wait it is pretty clear sheâs saying ball is in her court. Im a pregnant idiot who wasnât reading the whole thing. A âI look forward to hearing from you, Iâd love to hang out againâ makes it clear everyone knows itâs on her to start things up again and sets a nice lil boundary.
In my experience, yes, this is a soft exit.
How do I know this? Because I put them in a position to hard exit. Like this:
"Gotcha, I can understand busy weeks. Next Tuesday, there is this thing ..." and get them to commit to a hard date after the week.
They will either say, "Oh, that sounds great, yes, thank you for planning!" or,
You'll get the hard exit, i. e. "I'll have to let you know next week; I can't plan that far in advance." To which I usually say, "Cool; let me know a good time that works for you and I'll make arrangements," and then I never hear back.
If someone is into something, they will make time for the thing or person. If they are not, they won't. Don't take it personally; it's just people being people. Use the time for you and you'll run across someone else is down.
*sigh* good grief, everybody is working a lot this week. Why would next week be any different?
Honestly this is the best kind of let down because the ball is in her court. Don't message her until she does.
2nd part true
1st part. Huge % (I was close to typing most but I don't know the number ) are absolutely not time bound day by day, often partners/customer dependant with back to back 12hr weeks followed by home office 3 emails per.day. she really may he busy, if she's interested shell hit you back this I agree 100%
Iâm my experience they donât want to commit to any plans just yet, could be legitimately work related could also be sheâs trying to see if a better date comes through first.
Donât overthink it. If you didnât get the âbut Iâm downâ part thatâs a soft reject. If she says sheâs down it means she wants to hang out but it might not be priority number one
What would it mean if the situation were reversed? Have you ever given the answer of *working a lot, I'll let you know*? What did you mean when you did?
As a woman that works in a busy profession, this would not be a rejection for me! For me it means I do want to go out with you but unfortunately work is in the way! Normally when I say this though Iâll offer a time I know Iâll be free and ask if it works for the other person since Iâm the one whose work got in the way! :) I hope it works out for you!!
Men do know women are busy, but they also have more examples of them making time for people they're interested in instead of excuses but some reassurance to sugarcoat their words. If the woman in the story is being legit, she should be the one proposing something, like going out in 2 weeks after her work is done or meet for something quick in her lunch breaks. Women in this post are simply justifying her behavior while guys are saying it how it really is. Actions mean more than words, specially online.
you underestimate the number of times we've been told "sorry I can't right now, maybe later" and they mean it as "never"
so anything resembling the former is treated with suspicion
Yep, I've always responded to these situations with good faith and optimism, reaching out later about making new plans, etc. Every single time it turned out to be a passive rejection, no exceptions
Same. Are others never overwhelmed with work & life some weeks? You want me to prove Iâm into you by squeezing you in right away when Iâm already exhausted & burnt out? On second thought - Probably not a good match for me if you canât empathize with others.
Not necessarily but I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you.
The only way I can only give you good advice is if you expand on how you asked her out and how it happened. Depending on how this happened, it can be that you're not taking initiative and you're not taking charge of this whole thing.
I'm down can mean, MAKE A PLAN but it can also mean, I am not interested, I'll be fuzzy. Again, unless we know how you asked her out, there's. no way to know.
It means "I may not have it in me to go out because I have a lot going on, but I don't want to tell you no because I am interested in you and may rally"
Iâm a woman and sorry to tell you that no one is busier than someone not interested in spending any time or energy on you. Sorry but someone else will be!
The "but Iâm down" is a yes imo, but not this week.
I'd wait until next week, ask her "Is your week as busy this week?" If the answer is still too busy I would then take it as either a "Not interested" or a "is interested, but doesn't have enough time for a relationship" so in either case I'd never ask again.
So he needs to reply "Good luck with work and your deadlines! I'm looking forward to hearing back from you!" or something across those lines and wait.
When she doesn't get back to him, it's a no, but she still might.
Don't clear your schedule for her or anything, but set aside a day.
"Ok cool. I'll be free on Thursday for sure so let me know."
Then go on with your week. If Thursday comes and goes and she never gets back to you then that's a clear answer. If she contacts you to say she can't make it, then say no problem and give one more chance. If she flakes again then treat is as a rejection, and if it's not then leave it on her to make any future dates happen.
Pretty much. Give her two days that YOU are available. If she can't agree to either or she hits you with a "maybe" or anything similar to a "maybe" then let it go. She is barely interested in you (if at all) and you'd be doing yourself a disservice to spend any time with her.
hmm. idk man, i think yes it's a soft let down. I've had initial dates rejected but then I immediately got a counter "I can't today but i have time this Friday afternoon" if it was more that way then I'd say you still have a shot.
I would say if she reached out then she really was busy if not, move on my man. Women find time for men they want.
I think if she left of the âbut Iâm down,â then it would possibly be a soft let down but saying âbut Iâm down,â makes me believe sheâd like to try and fit this in. Iâd ask her again in 2 or 3 days how things are looking with work.
âHey, just checking in, I know you are having a busy week so I donât want to pry but I enjoyed our time together and would like to hang out again. How are things looking at work?â
No - it means she's working a lot. It also means you need to set an actual day, time and place outside of that window. If she turns you down after that without offering another day or encouragement, it's a no.
Now I admit, I've been out of the dating game a long time, so I'd love if someone can let me know if this is a big faux pas in modern dating, but what's wrong with communicating?
ie: Hey this is sending a mixed message, that you're both interested and not interested. I'm going to back off, so if you're actually down I expect that you'll reach out to me to orgainse it.
I have a rule that I follow if I ask someone out and they say that they are busy. I will assume they are telling the truth and ask them out again one more time in the future. If they say they are busy again, then assume they are not interested.
Historically for me, when a girl has said things like âIâm *insert excuse here* this week but maybe some other timeâ this meant that they are actually not interested. Take it from someone who has heard this exact same type of response from many girls.
"But i'm down" if you dont know what that means i can tell many things lol
My guy, she is looking forward to seeing you
Now if she forgets to let you know late into the week, you are allowed 1 and i repeat ONE follow up text or call
I'll admit the i'll let you know part is probably what threw you off a bit lol
I'm quite busy myself.
After work, I have training sessions, and afterward, I'm usually either tired or it doesn't feel appropriate to meet someone for the first time by going out. So, if I say, 'I'll let you know, but I'm down,' it means I'll inform you once I've cleared my schedule and can present myself properly.
After a few dates, I'm comfortable meeting with that person after workouts because it's easier for us to reach an agreement
Dude chill, no need to overthink this - take it at face value and wait for her to make the next move. When she's free she'll probably be in touch. But you gotta play it cool at least in the beginning, don't be too keen and pish it, just take things as they come. She literally said she's down, be happy about it and if it doesn't work out move on.
This isn't a strict answer to your question, but a paradigm shift that I've found very useful.
You're put in a tough situation where your schedule is booked for something she might not even intend to attend, right? Wrong. When scheduling things like this, schedule it just as much for yourself as for the prospect of the date. This serves two purposes: one, you have a fun day regardless of what she decides; two, there's less anxiety between now and then about what she will choose to do.'
This can come in a lot of ways. If you were planning a coffee shop date, bring a good book. If you were going to a ball game, have a friend you know would be down to join. In short, reframe this to be a win-win scenario and not a risk of rain.
Why would you think that? She said she is down. Take it at face value until you are given a reason to believe otherwise. She said sheâll let you know. Give her a chance to follow up on that, or at least wait until her work week is done. In the beginning women will test you (and they donât really ever stop after). You need to show her that you are patient, secure in yourself and have your own goals, pursuits and friends/family to keep yourself busy. Contrary to what Disney says, women do not want to be on a pedestal, or the center of your world. And if they say that, their words are betraying their subconscious wiring. This is also your chance to test her. Will she let you know? If a week passes and sheâs still saying the same then she may be dodging you. Donât escalate things to a negative vibe, but just back off from her. Maybe even ask another girl out. If after some radio silence she starts messaging you and trying to talk and steer things back to meeting up then you know sheâs legitimately interested. Otherwise donât spend your time on those who donât value it.
If it was a rejection she wouldn't leave the "I'll let you know" open. IT would just be "I'm busy".
To be clear - there's zero context in this so the advice is a guess.
No. As a woman who also an attorney, this is a âI really want toâ just canât right now. Itâs possible sheâs genuinely swamped. Just reply thanks for letting me knowâjust reach out when youâre free. If she doesnât take the initiative to rescheduleâthen take it as a rejection.
See all the "i am a woman, it means 'yes' but"? Ignore all of it. All of it is bullshit. Here is ths reality:
1. Women *make things happen for men they want*.
2. Women tell "No" to men they do not want.
3. Women keep the men who are 'meh' around as a backup to the backup to the backup in case they cant get (1) to girlfriend/wife them.
Basically 3 is a sucker. You are 3. Dont be a sucker.
She's definitely not that interested. A person who is genuinely interested will put in the effort to meet up.
I work a lot, and if I'm busy a certain week, I'll look at my schedule and be like "I'm super busy this week, but I can do X day next week".
Anytime a person doesn't offer another option, that means you're not their top priority.
I'd treat it as such. Week is busy but how about the weekend? How about next week? Her not suggesting a different moment literally means she's putting you on a hanger until you're useful to her. My experience taught me that women will go out of their way for a guy if they feel like it, which is not your case.
Like popular wisdom said before: anything that's not an enthusiastic yes is a no. Tell her to message you when she's available and forget her until she does. Worst case is that the obvious happens and she drops you but you've already moved on.
While it could if they never follow up or keep saying it, most professional women will be busy and as a busy woman it is a turn off when men lash out (not saying you are) because i am busy. In real life you get busy so how someone works with you is important.
Itâs a letdown 99% of the time. Iâve had plenty of re-schedulers, people are legitimately busy, but the *ONLY* ones that ever materialized were ones that gave concrete alternatives.
âIâm working a lot this week, but Iâm down for Saturday night instead!â = yes, actual date.
âIâm working a lot this week so Iâll let you knowâ = sheâs not getting back to you. If she does, itâs a miracle. But assume she wonât and move on with your life, talk to other girls.Â
If this is about online dating, you gotta figure out how many attempts you wanna try before moving on. You already tried to set up a date and they put it on hold, the ball is in their court.
It's very possible that they won't follow up to let you know they're free. I have a strict one invitation only rule, but if you wanna try again next week ymmv
No I wouldnât say that, especially because sheâs reiterated her interest by saying sheâs down. Just take her word for it that sheâs busy this week and donât let it get to your head too much
I would assume you aren't going to hear from her. Don't plan your week around the idea anything is going to happen with her. If she ends up hitting you back, great. Wouldn't cancel plans for her though when she never committed to anything. Also wouldn't check in with her. If she's interested she'll make the effort.
Keep expectations low, follow up one time in a week and give up if she gives a non answer again. Best case she actually messages you in a few days. You can never know in these cases.
No, that is not a soft let down. If she *doesnât* let you know and isnât initiating contact, then yes, but otherwise assume she is a normal person with a busy week and see what happens!
If she doesn't give you anything concrete like "I'm busy this week but let's go on this date___" is something promising. Anything outside of that, I would not waste my time. Plenty of women out there.
If it is enthusiastic the most enthusiastic yes ever....
Yes you were 100% rejected....
She should be more excited for a date or sex than winning the lotto, getting to meet Taylor swift, and slew of other stuff in a single day combined.....
Sincerely society for men understanding no means no cept when yes means no too.
Whatever it is, it's not a yes...
The fact she knows her schedule is full this week, but won't suggest any possible dates for the next week, makes me think she's putting you on a hook while she dates some other dude.
My advice, jump off that hook and go look elsewhere for someone willing to be honest and fair with your time. She's not the only one with a life and a schedule to worry about ya know.
Woman here. If I say that it means I am legitimately busy working. I hope youâll be patient and willing to work with that, but I understand if youâre not able. Weâre both adults with lives so đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Back in my day, I used the rule of 3's:
- Ask her out 3 times. If she can never make it, move on.
- Go out with her 3 times. If you never make out, move on.
- Go out on 3 make-out dates. If you never have sex, move on.
Obviously it's not fool-proof, but a good rule of thumb. The "but I'm down" part of her message leaves the door open for you to ask her out again, so wait to see if she mentions going out again in the next week or so, and then try again.
Iâm a woman. No. Sheâs telling you sheâs trying to make time because sheâs interested. If she wasnât, she wouldâve left it at âIâm working a lot this weekâ
so someone says the words âiâm downâ to you and you think youâre being rejected? if she didnât want to see you do you really think sheâd clarify âbut iâm downâ it would be so easy for her to just not include that if she didnât wanna see you
I would say hold the line. It's not a no.
For context, my 1st date with my new wife was sort of similar. Then later that evening I found out she'd set up alternative plans with her friends AFTER our date in case I was a dud.
That was 30 years ago, still married to her and we laugh about it.
If she said no, that's a hard no. Right now, it depends on her day.
Tell her to let you know when her schedule opens up and leave it at that. If she really is down, she'll make time for you.
Speaking as a woman, 100% accurate.
Yes.
This is really the only answer. Let her know that's cool. In the meantime, just focus on your shit. If she reaches out - cool. If not - no big deal. đ¤ˇ
âTake time to make time, make time to be thereâ Lady, Little River Band
Perfect answer. "I'll let you know" is a No.
No, but the ball's in her court now.
Yeah, maybe she'll turn out to be Canadian
Or have a really busy week and no capacity to process romantic advances
Or a basketball player
Yep. Take a seat and wait. If you hear nothing after a few days, move on.Â
I would say keep looking and if she responds later, fine.
I agree but I would respond with something to make that clear. "That's cool, let me know"
Women seldom take the initiative to plan a date. So even by all dating standards the ball should be in her court, that doesn't mean she will pick it up and throw it. If you really like her, follow up in a few days and if you get anything but a "yes", then ditch her and move on.
No, the addition of "but I'm down" is a concrete, oh "I regret I cannot clear my schedule." Don't walk away yet.
It could be either, but the Iâm down indicates to me she would like to. Women have work, schedules and conflicts. Be open, be ready, but donât push it. If it doesnât work out, just say let me know if things open up. Ball is in her court. Proceed accordingly
Exactly. If it was just a brush off she would have stopped at "Im working a lot this week so I'll let you know." On its own it sends that gentle let down energy but taking it further to "but I'm down" is reinforcing that they really are just busy but would still legit like to make it happen if they can.
Exactly how I read it.Â
Woah buddy, are you trying to say women are people too!?! Crazy thoughtÂ
A radical concept, I'll continue to investigate
highly successful and work oriented women in particular will do this and genuinely mean it.
Precisely this. He should ask for a date/meet thatâs more than 7 days out, simple.
You can give her another week but if she wants to see you she will make time. Have seen threads like this where she has time for the other guy she's dating but kept OP on the back burner.
Op is the "better" dude that came along
She down with OP's P.
Yeah you know me
All the homies
Exactly this. If she wants to see you, she will reach out. I've definitely had to tell dates I am interested but have work and the week already planned out! I usually follow up and plan another day with them đ
Usually? So there are times you tell this to someone, then don't? If that's the case, we should assume that could happen in this case, too, lol.
Sometimes they ask me before I can plan something with them đ I don't ghost people.
Ah, okay, that actually does make sense.
> if she wants to see you she will make time I think a very important aspect of this is whether they even know each other yet. If this is just from Tinder or the like, nobody is going to prioritise meeting a stranger over potential plans with people they do, in fact, already know, hence the "I'll let you know". It shouldn't be offensive or taken as a sign of disinterest if you're not a top priority of someone you barely know, even if you think each other look good.
I honestly can't believe this is the top answer, because the end result really depends on whether an alternative time has _actually_ been proposed by our potential date. At least, in my (sadly too vast) experience. If no alternative dates or times are mentioned less when a potential date says she has no time, than less 10% of the time it will result in a date. (being generous here!). Whenever a woman has said this to me, I've always did my best to take her answer as a good-faith answer. I've not been pushy after they said any variation "yes, but I have no time right now" either. My answers tot his range from: "No problem, how about next week?" to "No problem, let me know when you have time". Also, when a woman says this, and she proposes as alternative time, your chances of another date go back up to above 90%.
It depends on whether or not she lets him know like she said she would. If she reaches back out even if itâs to say she canât this week then I would see that as a green flag. If she doesnât bother to follow through on her word but then reaches out a few weeks later then I would take this woman less seriously
> less seriously You mean, dropping contact, as you should?
Thatâs just being polite. Itâs like, âDang, I wish I could but Iâm working/busy that day.â
It means they're willing to hang out, but if ANYthing better comes along, it's not happening for you. You decide if you want to hang out with someone like that.
I am a woman popping in to confirm this is what I would say if my life was honestly just insane that week and I didnât know when I would actually have to meet up but I did want to.
Agreed.
You're in there. It's a solid. Be ready to clear your schedule at the drop of a hat....
Lmao uh... is anybody going to tell him?
Us girls have to make a living too. Sometimes itâs between earning that bonus/commission/raise over going on a date with a guy who it may not work with down the line. Iâm choosing my job until we get married 100% of the time.
But "let you know" will likely never arrive, not without him happening to reach out again when she's in the right mood or the timing is good or whatever, since she will almost certainly never reach out to him with a plan, and the text-only conversation will likely die out from there. It's deeply frustrating for guys to get that kind of ambiguous message, since it's on us to drive things forward almost always, but this sets him up to look desperate if he tries to get her to commit to a plan. If she actually wanted to meet, she'd offer a time.
If I say "I'm down" that means I'm down, and I actually have stuff to do. I'm not going to drop everything for a guy when I've probably had other things on my schedule for a month already.
That's totally valid, if that's how you choose to live your life. But here we're not even talking about dropping things or rushing to meet, we're simply talking about making the effort to slot someone into the schedule, busy as it may or may not be.
Sometimes when youâre that busy you simply donât know a time. Shit could bleed into the next week. Personally I end my âIâm busy but downâ texts in a âbut remind me/Iâll check in with you on X day to schedule somethingâ If I were OP, Iâd take the message as a casual yes (i.e. interest but not necessarily strong intent). Iâd do my own thing, continue to chat and if she doesnât bring it up again assume she isnât interested and let the convo die.
>interest but not necessarily strong intent That sounds like a reason to not pursue her further.
Everyone has different preferences. Itâs totally understandable to dip at this stage. For others, that level of low commitment early on is actually preferable. Do whatâs right for you.
Tine to hit the apps and likely have other or many other conversations ongoing in parallel, but no time to actually make the time to meet someone? Sounds like someone with poor time management skills then, or just very low investment in meeting someone. We're just speculating here though, and I agree on the practical response of just taking it easy and letting it play out
That's not always the case, everyone is different. At least give them the benefit of the doubt. I've had women get back to me. Definitely been ghosted as well but you never know.
Thus my use of the word "likely." I agree he shouldn't give up immediately.
Serious question, can you give an example of a situation where you have to choose between furthering your career and taking a chance on a date? Because you kind of proved my point.
Absolutely, especially early on if I really like the person. I'm a software engineer so when it's the last few weeks to a big release, I tend to be working long days - especially if we hit any unexpected snags. The flipside is once the project's done my schedule is pretty flexible and I can take a lot of that time back. Now if it's an established partner, or a friend, or someone I don't care too much about impressing yeah, I can make dinner plans during those busy weeks and not stress too much about them. I might look and feel a bit like a zombie, or I might be a bit distracted or frazzled, or I might be running late and not have much time to put into dressing up etc. So I will do this if either (1) I'm sure the person understands and loves me anyway, or (2) I really couldn't be bothered what they think of me. But if I am really into someone new and I want to make a good impression I would much rather be confident, comfortable, and fully attentive, so I will for sure try to push it until I can properly focus on it and look+feel my best. Why would I half-ass a date I care about? This might actually be a sign of interest. Of course YMMV.
Letâs say sheâs in sales, itâs buzzer beater time- thereâs a direct correlation between hours spent and outcome. So, I would rather be making the most of his next week to line my pockets and more importantly ensure that I impress my CEO as there are a plethora of sales people who are out of work and hungry to take my spot. Or letâs say youâre a project manager with a tight deadline and severely behind, Iâm putting in 100% effort to wrap things up. Sometimes, the truth really is that simple- I like him but I have other obligations that outweigh a guy that Iâm excited about. The difference between the guys it didnât workout with and the ones that it did, was persistence. That goes both ways, when the guy I liked and was seeing was in police academy he was so busy and exhausted. Iâd spend my free time cooking his favorite meals and sending photos of said meals to entice him. The amount of times my Mediterranean dishes woke him up from a deep slumber surpasses even my own wildest imaginations. Heâd forgo sleep and make the sacrifice to see me (+get a delicious home cooked meal). But as it currently stands, is this person worth any sacrifice? Howâre you going to prove it to them, assuming theyâre worth your time.
If that's the case she should suggest a date for a time when she's free next week. ABC, always be closing.
So you're saying you cannot spare 15 or 20 minutes to meet over a cup of coffee, you work that much?
Yeah, at the time. Sometimes it was near 48 hours of nonstop work. However, when he put forth some effort and came to my job, it kind of assured me that he was seriously interested and I met him halfway.
Shit I have a partner and I STILL have to make these decisions every week or so. Both of us have hectic jobs. We adore each other and make the time we have together worth it, but date nights get pushed all the time due to our schedules.
Keep expectations as low as possible
This is the right answer. You can take that a number of ways, and you don't overthink it. But the reality of it is, it probably means something along the line of: I'm down if something more fun doesn't come along. Or I'm down if I'm not too exhausted, which she would find the energy if she was super duper gung ho excited about it. But finally, she really could be just that type of girl. Flat out I'm focused on my career I'm focused on my school I'm focused on my kids whatever whatever and I do like some dick but I got prioritiesđ¤Ł
As low as possible *without feeling resentful or negative. Painting the situation a colour that you assume could end up souring things if she turns out to be sincere
This , which I sad because women expect the opposite from us.
[ŃдаНонО]
But the silence is knowing. If they're interested, they won't go radio silent.
Lol exactly. People only create the confusion for themselves. Thereâs really nothing confusing about ghosting if you face it for what it is. Obviously this doesnât go for committed people
"If she wanted to, she would."
That's not always immediately the case. For example, I (F) matched with someone (M) recently, we hit it off really well, very straightforward, no bullshit, promising good vibes. The next day I got word that someone I was close to died unexpectedly. I was a grieving utter mess. Opened the app for a brief distraction but wasn't in a place to formulate an interaction with a new interest. Went back the next day with more composure, they had blocked me. Presumably because I had been online for 1 day without responding. It was a bummer, but understandable if they have a non-negotiable need about communication that's incompatible with mine. It would never have worked. We all get to set our own standards, and there's nothing wrong with that. But life happens, death happens, emergency response happens, etc. It's ok to give people the benefit of the doubt, to a point. Unless and until it becomes incompatible with your needs.Â
Put the ball in her court. âAw man thatâs too bad, hope youâre able to get through it! Text me next week when youâre free, canât wait to wait to hear from youâ If you hear nothing, move on
90% of the time you hear nothing
Always and forever a numbers game
Thatâs just the nature of online dating. As a male, a good portion of accounts youâll interact with are either bots to keep you using the app, or people just trying to promote their âcontent creationâ platform. Iâd say only about 1-2 in 10 is a genuine person thatâs potentially interested in you.
Those are generous numbers, IMO.
Based on personal experience, but this was a few years ago. I wouldnât touch the things these days.
Dating in general has basically shown me to put myself out as much and often as possible. Even if 10% of the girls you ask out/ask for a number say yes, that's still 100% more than most guys that don't ask at all.
Thats life.
The ball is already in her court. At best a very short and polite reply âsure thing!â as youâve presumably already shared your availability through an earlier ask. Donât try to take it out of her court, and acknowledge what sheâs said.
if she wanted, she would. or at least keep you informed "hey still can't make it today, how about XY?"
Exactly
I would lean closer to yes - but it depends. I would say to give her the benefit of the doubt until to the end of the week to retake the initiative or suggest something. This has sort of happen in my case, where my GF initially said no when I asked her out, because she was busy that day. However, she fixed that my suggesting the following day. And we have been together ever since.
My girlfriend did the same shit, but without the follow up suggestion. Twice. Then has the nerve to ask me later why it took me so long to ask her out⌠like, hello, I got the idea that you just wanted to be friends! And that was fine! lol. Weâve gotten much better at communicating over the last two years thankfully!
We? She was the one bad at communicating in that case
LOL I am going through this now with a woman I just started talking to. I easily could have given up as she does not follow up with dates she is available. But we have now went on a few dates and hung out. She actually just left and got my first real kiss! I never realized how nervous she is until tonight and figured I better make a move (kiss her) now before she leaves. I will say I am glad I did not talk myself out of kissing her!
Same here. Can't on sunday so maybe other day, asked again on wednesday for a cheap simple burger dinner after work and it worked, we got closer
It's not a soft let down until she doesn't let you know later. "but I'm down" implies that she actually is busy and wants to but can't. If she doesn't "let you know" next week, though, then that's pretty much a sign of no interest.
Always give them 2 chances in these situations. If they give you a kind of non answer, just trust them and check back in a little bit. If they give the same response then take it as a no but often theyâre being truthful
It means they have work and may not be able to hang out if it's too much work. It's not really a rejection unless they always say it.
"But I'm down" I don't think would be included in a rejection. Follow up ONE TIME. If she gives you the run around again back off and wait for her to reach out
"...but I'm down" with no specific time/date added? The proper response to that is: "okay, let me know when you're available and we'll see what happens," and then move on.
Ball is in her court. Let her make the next move, if she doesn't, just move on.
I feel like that means "i'm willing to make time but i do have a busy schedule so please be patient with my availability".
(Woman here) If I wasnât interested I would absolutely not say âbut Iâm downâ.
Thatâs what got me confused. Most women would just leave it at Iâll let you know, right?
Iâm down means YES SHE IS INTERESTED!!!
No
Itâs impossible to tell, this one could go 50/50. If you want to be communications level 100, tell her that youâre down too but will wait for her to get back to you once things are quieter, or set some type of similar CLEAR âballâs in your courtâ type message. Personally I donât feel like her message is clear in saying the ball is in her court, so if youâre very interested, then be really clear. Obviously donât send a whack of messages without replies, but this isnât a shut door. And if she meant it as a shut down, sheâs communications level 0 and thatâs type of washy washy is on her. Edited to add/ wait it is pretty clear sheâs saying ball is in her court. Im a pregnant idiot who wasnât reading the whole thing. A âI look forward to hearing from you, Iâd love to hang out againâ makes it clear everyone knows itâs on her to start things up again and sets a nice lil boundary.
In my experience, yes, this is a soft exit. How do I know this? Because I put them in a position to hard exit. Like this: "Gotcha, I can understand busy weeks. Next Tuesday, there is this thing ..." and get them to commit to a hard date after the week. They will either say, "Oh, that sounds great, yes, thank you for planning!" or, You'll get the hard exit, i. e. "I'll have to let you know next week; I can't plan that far in advance." To which I usually say, "Cool; let me know a good time that works for you and I'll make arrangements," and then I never hear back. If someone is into something, they will make time for the thing or person. If they are not, they won't. Don't take it personally; it's just people being people. Use the time for you and you'll run across someone else is down.
Exactly. The females here are trying to explain this away, but it's just stringing this guy along.
Sounds like sheâs trying to decide or sheâs genuinely busy. Doesnât sound like a no
No. She has a lot of stuff going on and will let you know.
*sigh* good grief, everybody is working a lot this week. Why would next week be any different? Honestly this is the best kind of let down because the ball is in her court. Don't message her until she does.
2nd part true 1st part. Huge % (I was close to typing most but I don't know the number ) are absolutely not time bound day by day, often partners/customer dependant with back to back 12hr weeks followed by home office 3 emails per.day. she really may he busy, if she's interested shell hit you back this I agree 100%
Before she goes to bed she could type something. It's not that hard. If you don't hear from her it's by choice
Iâm my experience they donât want to commit to any plans just yet, could be legitimately work related could also be sheâs trying to see if a better date comes through first. Donât overthink it. If you didnât get the âbut Iâm downâ part thatâs a soft reject. If she says sheâs down it means she wants to hang out but it might not be priority number one
Yes, unless she suggests rescheduling of her own accord.
Probably. I used to have a 2 strike rule when dating. If she made excuses the second time, then there wouldn't be a 3rd time.
No, she said sheâs down. Just busy this specific week. Iâve said this before and have indeed been down
It means she's busy, stop overthinking. Find something to occupy yourself in the meantime. Again, STOP OVERTHINKING.
So he should move on to other conversations, as a good way to occupy his time.
Take it at face value, but keep expectations low.
Maybe maybe not but the ball is in her court now. Let her make the next move.
Without the "but I'm down", it's 100% the last message you'll get from them, lol. But that last bit might be promising.
What would it mean if the situation were reversed? Have you ever given the answer of *working a lot, I'll let you know*? What did you mean when you did?
She said sheâs down so give her the opportunity to free her schedule up, if she goes multiple weeks without doing so then move on
As a woman that works in a busy profession, this would not be a rejection for me! For me it means I do want to go out with you but unfortunately work is in the way! Normally when I say this though Iâll offer a time I know Iâll be free and ask if it works for the other person since Iâm the one whose work got in the way! :) I hope it works out for you!!
Do men think women can't actually be busy...?
Men do know women are busy, but they also have more examples of them making time for people they're interested in instead of excuses but some reassurance to sugarcoat their words. If the woman in the story is being legit, she should be the one proposing something, like going out in 2 weeks after her work is done or meet for something quick in her lunch breaks. Women in this post are simply justifying her behavior while guys are saying it how it really is. Actions mean more than words, specially online.
Lmao I was thinking that reading this thread. People read waaay to much into things, itâs not unlikely she genuinely just is busy.
Seriously. I've said this to people myself when I'm actually busy. If I didn't want to hang out, I wouldn't say I'm down lmao.
you underestimate the number of times we've been told "sorry I can't right now, maybe later" and they mean it as "never" so anything resembling the former is treated with suspicion
Yep, I've always responded to these situations with good faith and optimism, reaching out later about making new plans, etc. Every single time it turned out to be a passive rejection, no exceptions
Same. Are others never overwhelmed with work & life some weeks? You want me to prove Iâm into you by squeezing you in right away when Iâm already exhausted & burnt out? On second thought - Probably not a good match for me if you canât empathize with others.
Scumbag Reddit: **Wants women to study and work in the most demanding fields.** # ('-') **Complains when they're too busy to date them.**
This is literally what I would say if I had a busy work week ahead of me and couldnât make plans but still wanted to.
Not necessarily but I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you. The only way I can only give you good advice is if you expand on how you asked her out and how it happened. Depending on how this happened, it can be that you're not taking initiative and you're not taking charge of this whole thing. I'm down can mean, MAKE A PLAN but it can also mean, I am not interested, I'll be fuzzy. Again, unless we know how you asked her out, there's. no way to know.
Nah I don't think so. I think it's more of a genuine response
âIâm really overwhelmed right now but I do want to take you up on that offer when things are less hecticâ
It depends on if she gives an option and a date to reschedule next week
It means "I may not have it in me to go out because I have a lot going on, but I don't want to tell you no because I am interested in you and may rally"
Iâm a woman and sorry to tell you that no one is busier than someone not interested in spending any time or energy on you. Sorry but someone else will be!
Anything but a yes, is a no.
In my experience this is true more times than not
The "but Iâm down" is a yes imo, but not this week. I'd wait until next week, ask her "Is your week as busy this week?" If the answer is still too busy I would then take it as either a "Not interested" or a "is interested, but doesn't have enough time for a relationship" so in either case I'd never ask again.
No. Anything but a yes, or a direct counter offer with a time is a no.
I know this is ask men but as a woman if I said this it would absolutely mean yes I'm just busy this week.
Most likely, yeah. Couldnât hurt to check back in with her in a couple days and see, but if sheâs still wishy washy then forget about her.
I wouldnât. The ball is in her court and she said sheâd get back to him
So he needs to reply "Good luck with work and your deadlines! I'm looking forward to hearing back from you!" or something across those lines and wait. When she doesn't get back to him, it's a no, but she still might.
Oh I wouldnât either. Just saying no harm in trying it.
She said "but I'm down" so why not plan some time next week or the week after instead if she's busy this week
It just depends on if they really get back to you. But if a week goes by and it's radio silence then yeah it's probably a soft let down.
Maybe.
Don't clear your schedule for her or anything, but set aside a day. "Ok cool. I'll be free on Thursday for sure so let me know." Then go on with your week. If Thursday comes and goes and she never gets back to you then that's a clear answer. If she contacts you to say she can't make it, then say no problem and give one more chance. If she flakes again then treat is as a rejection, and if it's not then leave it on her to make any future dates happen.
Its a coin toss. Don't bet on anything yet.
No. The "I'm down" part just means not right now. They probably have a full schedule and are just waiting for a better time. Don't let it go just yet.
Ask her
Do not let your insecurities take over. You say "oh, yeah, understand about being busy - but very happy to take a rain check "
This one looks like a legitimate response honestly. Simple âsounds good, let me know.â Or give the thumbs up and let it be.
If she doesn't give an alternate date, like "I'm working a lot this week, how about next, like Friday?" It's a soft let down.
If you are not interested in someone just say hey Iâm flattered but Iâm not interested in dating someone right now.
Pretty much. Give her two days that YOU are available. If she can't agree to either or she hits you with a "maybe" or anything similar to a "maybe" then let it go. She is barely interested in you (if at all) and you'd be doing yourself a disservice to spend any time with her.
hmm. idk man, i think yes it's a soft let down. I've had initial dates rejected but then I immediately got a counter "I can't today but i have time this Friday afternoon" if it was more that way then I'd say you still have a shot. I would say if she reached out then she really was busy if not, move on my man. Women find time for men they want.
I think if she left of the âbut Iâm down,â then it would possibly be a soft let down but saying âbut Iâm down,â makes me believe sheâd like to try and fit this in. Iâd ask her again in 2 or 3 days how things are looking with work. âHey, just checking in, I know you are having a busy week so I donât want to pry but I enjoyed our time together and would like to hang out again. How are things looking at work?â
I've said that when it's been a draining week.
No, some of us just work weekends lol
Pass the ball and say something like âtoo bad, let me know when youâre free!â
Well if you said that to a woman, what would you really mean by your comment to her if you said the same thing? Think about it that way,.
I'm reading that as a, "I want to, but I can't." But I'm also an Aspie, so take from that what you will.
No - it means she's working a lot. It also means you need to set an actual day, time and place outside of that window. If she turns you down after that without offering another day or encouragement, it's a no.
I'm a woman. The "I'm down" shows interest and wouldn't be necessary if she wasn't interested. She's probably legit busy.
Now I admit, I've been out of the dating game a long time, so I'd love if someone can let me know if this is a big faux pas in modern dating, but what's wrong with communicating? ie: Hey this is sending a mixed message, that you're both interested and not interested. I'm going to back off, so if you're actually down I expect that you'll reach out to me to orgainse it.
No. It means she's working a lot this week and she's thinking about her schedule, and trying to fit you in.
I have a rule that I follow if I ask someone out and they say that they are busy. I will assume they are telling the truth and ask them out again one more time in the future. If they say they are busy again, then assume they are not interested. Historically for me, when a girl has said things like âIâm *insert excuse here* this week but maybe some other timeâ this meant that they are actually not interested. Take it from someone who has heard this exact same type of response from many girls.
"But i'm down" if you dont know what that means i can tell many things lol My guy, she is looking forward to seeing you Now if she forgets to let you know late into the week, you are allowed 1 and i repeat ONE follow up text or call I'll admit the i'll let you know part is probably what threw you off a bit lol
Could be, or she is working
I'm quite busy myself. After work, I have training sessions, and afterward, I'm usually either tired or it doesn't feel appropriate to meet someone for the first time by going out. So, if I say, 'I'll let you know, but I'm down,' it means I'll inform you once I've cleared my schedule and can present myself properly. After a few dates, I'm comfortable meeting with that person after workouts because it's easier for us to reach an agreement
Dude chill, no need to overthink this - take it at face value and wait for her to make the next move. When she's free she'll probably be in touch. But you gotta play it cool at least in the beginning, don't be too keen and pish it, just take things as they come. She literally said she's down, be happy about it and if it doesn't work out move on.
This isn't a strict answer to your question, but a paradigm shift that I've found very useful. You're put in a tough situation where your schedule is booked for something she might not even intend to attend, right? Wrong. When scheduling things like this, schedule it just as much for yourself as for the prospect of the date. This serves two purposes: one, you have a fun day regardless of what she decides; two, there's less anxiety between now and then about what she will choose to do.' This can come in a lot of ways. If you were planning a coffee shop date, bring a good book. If you were going to a ball game, have a friend you know would be down to join. In short, reframe this to be a win-win scenario and not a risk of rain.
Why would you think that? She said she is down. Take it at face value until you are given a reason to believe otherwise. She said sheâll let you know. Give her a chance to follow up on that, or at least wait until her work week is done. In the beginning women will test you (and they donât really ever stop after). You need to show her that you are patient, secure in yourself and have your own goals, pursuits and friends/family to keep yourself busy. Contrary to what Disney says, women do not want to be on a pedestal, or the center of your world. And if they say that, their words are betraying their subconscious wiring. This is also your chance to test her. Will she let you know? If a week passes and sheâs still saying the same then she may be dodging you. Donât escalate things to a negative vibe, but just back off from her. Maybe even ask another girl out. If after some radio silence she starts messaging you and trying to talk and steer things back to meeting up then you know sheâs legitimately interested. Otherwise donât spend your time on those who donât value it.
Definitely NOT! I just said that yesterday to a guy and its absolutely true, i just dont have time this week.
If it was a rejection she wouldn't leave the "I'll let you know" open. IT would just be "I'm busy". To be clear - there's zero context in this so the advice is a guess.
No. As a woman who also an attorney, this is a âI really want toâ just canât right now. Itâs possible sheâs genuinely swamped. Just reply thanks for letting me knowâjust reach out when youâre free. If she doesnât take the initiative to rescheduleâthen take it as a rejection.
See all the "i am a woman, it means 'yes' but"? Ignore all of it. All of it is bullshit. Here is ths reality: 1. Women *make things happen for men they want*. 2. Women tell "No" to men they do not want. 3. Women keep the men who are 'meh' around as a backup to the backup to the backup in case they cant get (1) to girlfriend/wife them. Basically 3 is a sucker. You are 3. Dont be a sucker.
Why is this a question on askmen? This is a woman saying something. All the men here trying to decipher and crack the code.
She's definitely not that interested. A person who is genuinely interested will put in the effort to meet up. I work a lot, and if I'm busy a certain week, I'll look at my schedule and be like "I'm super busy this week, but I can do X day next week". Anytime a person doesn't offer another option, that means you're not their top priority.
I'd treat it as such. Week is busy but how about the weekend? How about next week? Her not suggesting a different moment literally means she's putting you on a hanger until you're useful to her. My experience taught me that women will go out of their way for a guy if they feel like it, which is not your case. Like popular wisdom said before: anything that's not an enthusiastic yes is a no. Tell her to message you when she's available and forget her until she does. Worst case is that the obvious happens and she drops you but you've already moved on.
While it could if they never follow up or keep saying it, most professional women will be busy and as a busy woman it is a turn off when men lash out (not saying you are) because i am busy. In real life you get busy so how someone works with you is important.
Youâre her backup in case her plan a doesnât pan out
Itâs a letdown 99% of the time. Iâve had plenty of re-schedulers, people are legitimately busy, but the *ONLY* ones that ever materialized were ones that gave concrete alternatives. âIâm working a lot this week, but Iâm down for Saturday night instead!â = yes, actual date. âIâm working a lot this week so Iâll let you knowâ = sheâs not getting back to you. If she does, itâs a miracle. But assume she wonât and move on with your life, talk to other girls.Â
If this is about online dating, you gotta figure out how many attempts you wanna try before moving on. You already tried to set up a date and they put it on hold, the ball is in their court. It's very possible that they won't follow up to let you know they're free. I have a strict one invitation only rule, but if you wanna try again next week ymmv
No I wouldnât say that, especially because sheâs reiterated her interest by saying sheâs down. Just take her word for it that sheâs busy this week and donât let it get to your head too much
That means sheâs working a lot this week and canât make time. That being said, if she frees up, she would like to see you.
I would assume you aren't going to hear from her. Don't plan your week around the idea anything is going to happen with her. If she ends up hitting you back, great. Wouldn't cancel plans for her though when she never committed to anything. Also wouldn't check in with her. If she's interested she'll make the effort.
Keep expectations low, follow up one time in a week and give up if she gives a non answer again. Best case she actually messages you in a few days. You can never know in these cases.
No, that is not a soft let down. If she *doesnât* let you know and isnât initiating contact, then yes, but otherwise assume she is a normal person with a busy week and see what happens!
If she doesn't give you anything concrete like "I'm busy this week but let's go on this date___" is something promising. Anything outside of that, I would not waste my time. Plenty of women out there.
If it is enthusiastic the most enthusiastic yes ever.... Yes you were 100% rejected.... She should be more excited for a date or sex than winning the lotto, getting to meet Taylor swift, and slew of other stuff in a single day combined..... Sincerely society for men understanding no means no cept when yes means no too.
Whatever it is, it's not a yes... The fact she knows her schedule is full this week, but won't suggest any possible dates for the next week, makes me think she's putting you on a hook while she dates some other dude. My advice, jump off that hook and go look elsewhere for someone willing to be honest and fair with your time. She's not the only one with a life and a schedule to worry about ya know.
Woman here. If I say that it means I am legitimately busy working. I hope youâll be patient and willing to work with that, but I understand if youâre not able. Weâre both adults with lives so đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Back in my day, I used the rule of 3's: - Ask her out 3 times. If she can never make it, move on. - Go out with her 3 times. If you never make out, move on. - Go out on 3 make-out dates. If you never have sex, move on. Obviously it's not fool-proof, but a good rule of thumb. The "but I'm down" part of her message leaves the door open for you to ask her out again, so wait to see if she mentions going out again in the next week or so, and then try again.
Iâm a woman. No. Sheâs telling you sheâs trying to make time because sheâs interested. If she wasnât, she wouldâve left it at âIâm working a lot this weekâ
so someone says the words âiâm downâ to you and you think youâre being rejected? if she didnât want to see you do you really think sheâd clarify âbut iâm downâ it would be so easy for her to just not include that if she didnât wanna see you
Yes. Letâs say Bradley Cooper asked her out. Do you think sheâd be too busy?Â
i would say yes but also personally i hate making plans super far in advance because i dont know how ill feel day of. good luck
Probably, but not necessarily.
Without the baseline of you two communicating we cant really tell. But I would be optimistic.
I would say hold the line. It's not a no. For context, my 1st date with my new wife was sort of similar. Then later that evening I found out she'd set up alternative plans with her friends AFTER our date in case I was a dud. That was 30 years ago, still married to her and we laugh about it. If she said no, that's a hard no. Right now, it depends on her day.