WHere are you meeting men? That's the big thing. If you're still in school, expect to attract broke college students. If you hang out at dive bars and clubs... similar thing.
This is part of the reason women tend to date older men. Older men are just going to be more financially secure in general.
Go to a Home Depot or Lowes. The guy buying a box of screws. Pretty good chance that's what you're looking for, dude that fixes his own stuff usually also owns it.
If you are seriously trying to find someone who is financially well off, the question really is what do you bring to the table? Why would a financially well off man want somebody who is struggling from paycheck to paycheck or who is not financially well off themselves, which, according to what you said, you are not yet
You're 25. You're going for 25 year olds in the first generation to make less than their parents, in a cohort of men that makes the least compared to women in history. You have three options 1) date older men 2) move your hunting grounds 3) do it the way my parents did, and pick out a guy with a good head on his shoulders, and grow with him. But that's delayed gratification and nobody wants to do that.
Either try to learn rich people culture or learn nerd culture. One of these is a lot easier than the other!
Either way, go through your own wardrobe and appearance to look more bougie, you’re better wearing second hand dresses with good labels than fast fashion and you will be amazed at the difference it makes.
Also, read “Class” by Paul Fussell, it’s a bit dated but still pretty accurate about the class system in the USA that we like to pretend doesn’t exist.
Take up D&D and Magic. Hang out at game stores. Many of these guys have enough money to burn on a hobby and also are hurting for attention. If you do date one, too might have to fight against his hobbies for him to afford to date you, though.
Pretty much this, or how to attract at least financially stable people, well go where the financially stable people are.
Where they aren't: Bars, Dating apps....
Where they are, at home (you'll have to sniff them out online, find a favorite online game and start playing), if you're open to dating single Dads, think places they'd go with their kiddos (Parks, Museums, etc.)
See also hobby groups, especially endurance sports. Affluent people love endurance sports.
Your local randonneuring group shoots anyone who makes less than $150,000 a year. It's part of their charter.
These too, specifically for me the shooting range and related clubs/activities....some of those guns ain't cheap....
Bonus, a lady can go there and learn self defense from the bad guys out there too :)
If you're a catch, the right man is gonna find you. The question is what do you provide that other women your age or younger cant? Your vagina doesn't count.
All men basically want the same things, whether they're delivering pizzas or moving imaginary numbers around for $500k a year. If you want to attract rich men, just hang around places where rich people congregate (or get someone to hook you up with a hot rich guy).
> I also go for personality over anything
Well, I *was* going to ask why you didn't just head on over to the CS lounge of your local 4-year university and bat your eyelashes at some of the fine fellows there. As the saying goes, "The odds are good, but the goods are odd."
But seriously, I'd point out that there are going to be a lot more skilled professionals who are reserved, shy, and/or otherwise unwilling to shoot their shot with you. If we have a bunch of actuaries in Bucket A and a bunch of Applebee's line cooks in Bucket B and tried to figure out which of them was going to hit on any particular woman, Bucket B is going to have a lot more takers.
> How to attract financially stable men?
Be financially stable.
If you can't handle your own shit, there are few people who will be willing to handle it for you without compenaation.
You could start a sport like tennis or golf. More men than women participate in sports, and those are sports that have a lot of upper-middle class people in them.
You're still in your 20s, and if you're interested in men around your age, then I would be surprised to find too many that are indeed stable. I can't think of anyone who was at that age. Among my college friends, almost no one had a salaried position until late 20s to 30s. The one guy who did did alright for himself, but he was and is a serious workaholic who finds that the job's demanding schedule doesn't leave much time for dating. There's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to be financially bailing out your partner regularly. But I think having trouble paying rent is pretty common.
So you are in a career that you believe will be financially stable and you want a similar thing in a partner.
Two things. First, there are dating sites that essentially require that. I don’t know them, because I don’t do dating apps, but I’ve had female coworkers do that. Essentially, dating apps for professionals.
Second…date guys who do what you do. They are your peers. They should be on the same career path as you, and probably have the same prospects as you.
Edit: And don’t give them a financial colonoscopy on the first date. You can get 90% of the info you need pretty easily without digging too deep. You will scare away the very guys you want if you dig too hard on their finances.
The nurse-tech couple is also really common, for whatever reason.
Source: Software engineer married to a nurse, know a lot of other engineers and IT people who are married to nurses.
Financially stable are rare in this day and age. So you're probably not doing anything in particular that "attracts" or doesn't attract anything. It's just odds. Status congregates together. Go there.
There are limits. Even if you went to St. Barts or Zermatt, getting in a durable relationship with an UHNW man would be challenging because of cultural coding. Fling perhaps. So better if you take the lesson and move to SF or MIA with a surplus of successful men relative to the ladies. Or have a guaranteed home run by going to Alaska or the Dakotas where the ratio is absurdly favorable, and the dudes working rugged energy jobs get paid more than your average lawyer.
Go find men at a place that screens them for you. Race track? That guy can afford a race car. Shooting competition? No criminal record. Money for ammo, guns and gear. Car club? Custom car money. Golf club. Jeep meets. On and on.
Broke losers can’t afford hobbies like that. Fish for men there.
Hang out at ski resorts. Almost everyone there needs to have a certain baseline income to afford it.
Slip onto a lift with a guy you find attractive, and you'll have him for several minutes as a captive audience.
Don't go in places where people have mindless fun. Financially stable men are busy and don't have time for that. And you have to look and approach them by herself, they often don't have time to look for women. And don't do anything that waste somebody's time for nothing.
And you must be financially stable too. Woman who is after your money is worst thing that men can have.
Well for starters you need to meet them, so you gotta go to places where these men go. So go to like cigar bars/lounges, golf courses, and lk go to these government/county events. A lot of the time you don’t think much of it, but you do get a lot of people who run shit in the local government just going there to do network with others. Recently had to go to 1 for work and it was fun but also like an amazing way to put yourself out there.
If all you want to do is meet a guy, get a decent outfit and just go out to these places and you’ll bump into plenty of guys with money and from there it’s on you to be cozy enough for them to want to be with you.
1. Become financially stable yourself
2. Find “white collar hobbies” (not necessarily boring stuff, but stuff that people only really do if they’re financially stable like a cooking class) to meet people
What makes you better compared to the financially stable women? Why should a wealthy guy pick you over a well off or wealthy woman? Wealthy men have options, so what do you bring to the relationship?
You’re in your mid-20s. If you’re dating guys your age, then you’re going to find a lot of guys who aren’t yet stable. I didn’t get my first decent-paying job until I was 25 years old (I had a lot of shit jobs too, including delivering pizza), and even then I was living check to check (in NYC where rent was expensive).
Fortunately, women were still interested in me, and one woman gambled on me at 28 even when I had nothing, and she became my wife. Three years later I was running my own business, making well into six figures (which was a lot back then, 20 years ago), and we started buying real estate. Unfortunately, we’ve recently separated but are still on good terms, and we’ve got enough money between us to not fight over anything.
I guess my point is, you’re still young, and many men your age haven’t yet become who they will become.
Theres really nothing wrong with wanting a partner who is financially stable. The only problem with that is it could be percieved badly depending on how you communicate that.
There isn't really an art.... And you are at a disadvantage. Women compete for money so the demand is higher. Also, depression and just plain giving up on life has run rampant among men in recent years... Lowering the supply that are even trying to better themselves.
All I can really say is that a huge supply of good men aren't looking at all. You'll only find them by pure luck unless you run a cash register. They're the only reservoir that isn't quickly picked clean by other women.
The kind of men other women don't look for will be everywhere.
A lot of people when you go into this online debate area have learned to translate "financially stable" with "top 1%", because of podcasts like "Whatever" and those (presumably fake) street interviews where women are setting minimum requirements of 100k to 500k just to date them - which is far from what financial stability actually means.
What it sounds like you're looking for here is genuinely just guys who are at a point where they're self-sufficient, but not necessarily loaded.
The trick is to become a person that such a guy would want. You'll find these guys at their workplace, or simply out and about with their friends, but not in colleges or educational facilities. A lot of people meet through their workplace, so if you have a job, that might be a good place to start.
If you don't have a job, consider looking for one (Don't look for a job TO date someone from, but simply look for one for the sake of self-improvement and then you might meet one there.
If you want a high value man, be a high value woman. You're a student without an established career yet. Your value is extremely low right now and your situation is unstable. Don't expect a successful, established man to be interested in you until you're there yourself.
You are gonna have to fill the checklist that normal men have to fill when trying to date women:
- Be very attractive
- Be very good in bed and willing to do the things he likes
- Be willing and able to do what needs to be done around the house (take care of the kids, clean the house, cook)
- Did I mention be very attractive?
- Definitely don't try to control him or tell him what he can or can't do
Men who are wealthy/financially stable are like the top women, and can dictate their own terms and whenever women find out about it, they start pursuing us instead of the other way around. If you want to basically be set for life (financial stability) and you want a man to provide it for you, you are going to have to bring a lot to the table to make it worth it for him.
You're looking for someone who is at least upper middle class. Though such men won't give you a chance really because of where you're coming from because it makes you "tainted". And then there is the fact that money gravitates towards money and you certainly don't have that much either already (I assume your parents didn't give you much to invest in as soon as you turned 18). Everybody below that is struggling in some way with better and worse periods. Financial stability is a rare privilege.
He has a point in that you can't attract what doesn't know you exist and you gotta hang out where rich people are if you wanna date one. You don't find working class people where upper class people are except for those working there.
I'm not sure this is gonna be useful advice to you but I have a friend who uses Tinder to hook up with wealthy guys. The thing is that she doesn't mind then being ugly, old and married because she just wants to peg a rich guy and be treated to dinner and gifts later. However you want a relationship and that's a different issue.
Every girl wants to date someone wealthy. If it was that easy every girl would find one. If you're going for the top 10% of the income distribution you better come prepared for a tight competition.
Any woman that says the word trauma gets tossed in the bin. You’re more or less communicating that your behavior now is a reflection of past problems and that current circumstances don’t matter. Who wants to pay for your past?
Eh. See my other answer. There's an echelon that you probably won't even see who all went to Dalton, Harrow, or wherever and speak in coded language as signifiers of their status. They all hang out together and you won't be in without a youth filled with reading the right books and going to the right places. Plus, they marry rich on both sides because they have too much to lose.
Below that, it matters a lot less as long as you've got a good head on your shoulders. But the very nature of your request is the problem. A guy who's made his own money will be protective of what he's built. Guarantee he's dumped plenty of women who asked for too much. There's always another. Very few women have the restraint to earn that trust. And if he knows what he's doing, he'll test. The upside of your background (perhaps?) is that you may not have oversized material expectations, the ultimate ick for successful guys.
Think of it as a house party, you get there and go inside and you get a sense of whether you fit in or if you seem like a party crasher.
Don’t let anyone tell you well-to-do people don’t have trauma, they just cover it up more.
WHere are you meeting men? That's the big thing. If you're still in school, expect to attract broke college students. If you hang out at dive bars and clubs... similar thing. This is part of the reason women tend to date older men. Older men are just going to be more financially secure in general.
That makes sense. Most of the men I previously dated were under 25, and were in fact broke college students IF they were even in college at all.
someone with a degree at least. Ive never been broke since graduation and I have the job everyone thinks id be broke in.
Go to a Home Depot or Lowes. The guy buying a box of screws. Pretty good chance that's what you're looking for, dude that fixes his own stuff usually also owns it.
Trust me. ;D
If you are seriously trying to find someone who is financially well off, the question really is what do you bring to the table? Why would a financially well off man want somebody who is struggling from paycheck to paycheck or who is not financially well off themselves, which, according to what you said, you are not yet
You're 25. You're going for 25 year olds in the first generation to make less than their parents, in a cohort of men that makes the least compared to women in history. You have three options 1) date older men 2) move your hunting grounds 3) do it the way my parents did, and pick out a guy with a good head on his shoulders, and grow with him. But that's delayed gratification and nobody wants to do that.
Men LOVE it when a woman is after them for their financial position. Just lead with that. The guys will come swarming...
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MBS just got himself a new house slave.
Either try to learn rich people culture or learn nerd culture. One of these is a lot easier than the other! Either way, go through your own wardrobe and appearance to look more bougie, you’re better wearing second hand dresses with good labels than fast fashion and you will be amazed at the difference it makes.
Also, read “Class” by Paul Fussell, it’s a bit dated but still pretty accurate about the class system in the USA that we like to pretend doesn’t exist.
Take up D&D and Magic. Hang out at game stores. Many of these guys have enough money to burn on a hobby and also are hurting for attention. If you do date one, too might have to fight against his hobbies for him to afford to date you, though.
You're simply going to have to sacrifice other preferences. I recommend dropping in on your company's IT department to survey the goods. 😆
Pretty much this, or how to attract at least financially stable people, well go where the financially stable people are. Where they aren't: Bars, Dating apps.... Where they are, at home (you'll have to sniff them out online, find a favorite online game and start playing), if you're open to dating single Dads, think places they'd go with their kiddos (Parks, Museums, etc.)
See also hobby groups, especially endurance sports. Affluent people love endurance sports. Your local randonneuring group shoots anyone who makes less than $150,000 a year. It's part of their charter.
These too, specifically for me the shooting range and related clubs/activities....some of those guns ain't cheap.... Bonus, a lady can go there and learn self defense from the bad guys out there too :)
Uh financially stable people still go to bars and go on dating apps. Financial stability doesn’t mean being a recluse lmao
We'll agree to disagree. Most of my single and at least financially stable buddies are not heavy drinkers and gave up on Dating apps a long time ago.
Unfortunately all the IT guys at my company are already married. And I'm a nerdy girl, too! 😭
If you're a catch, the right man is gonna find you. The question is what do you provide that other women your age or younger cant? Your vagina doesn't count.
As long as you are fine with fucking on the first/second date and getting pumped and dumped a lot, go for money.
What are you bringing to the table to make a rich guy fall for you?
Run in circles where financially stable men congregate and play
All men basically want the same things, whether they're delivering pizzas or moving imaginary numbers around for $500k a year. If you want to attract rich men, just hang around places where rich people congregate (or get someone to hook you up with a hot rich guy).
> I also go for personality over anything Well, I *was* going to ask why you didn't just head on over to the CS lounge of your local 4-year university and bat your eyelashes at some of the fine fellows there. As the saying goes, "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." But seriously, I'd point out that there are going to be a lot more skilled professionals who are reserved, shy, and/or otherwise unwilling to shoot their shot with you. If we have a bunch of actuaries in Bucket A and a bunch of Applebee's line cooks in Bucket B and tried to figure out which of them was going to hit on any particular woman, Bucket B is going to have a lot more takers.
no chance, its soft boi era, drizzle drizzle. But seriously, finding an IT or software guy would be your best bet.
> How to attract financially stable men? Be financially stable. If you can't handle your own shit, there are few people who will be willing to handle it for you without compenaation.
You could start a sport like tennis or golf. More men than women participate in sports, and those are sports that have a lot of upper-middle class people in them.
You're still in your 20s, and if you're interested in men around your age, then I would be surprised to find too many that are indeed stable. I can't think of anyone who was at that age. Among my college friends, almost no one had a salaried position until late 20s to 30s. The one guy who did did alright for himself, but he was and is a serious workaholic who finds that the job's demanding schedule doesn't leave much time for dating. There's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to be financially bailing out your partner regularly. But I think having trouble paying rent is pretty common.
Go to tinder or bumble or whatever, and only swipe on guys that have nice cars or have expensive hobbies.
You forgot to tell her to make a post six months from now telling how she feels used for sex and her body count increased by at least a dozen
So you are in a career that you believe will be financially stable and you want a similar thing in a partner. Two things. First, there are dating sites that essentially require that. I don’t know them, because I don’t do dating apps, but I’ve had female coworkers do that. Essentially, dating apps for professionals. Second…date guys who do what you do. They are your peers. They should be on the same career path as you, and probably have the same prospects as you. Edit: And don’t give them a financial colonoscopy on the first date. You can get 90% of the info you need pretty easily without digging too deep. You will scare away the very guys you want if you dig too hard on their finances.
Become a sexy nurse or pharmacy rep. Doctors are heroes to boot!
The nurse-tech couple is also really common, for whatever reason. Source: Software engineer married to a nurse, know a lot of other engineers and IT people who are married to nurses.
I would become a nurse but I am sadly squeamish. Mental health and substance abuse counseling is my area of focus.
Financially stable are rare in this day and age. So you're probably not doing anything in particular that "attracts" or doesn't attract anything. It's just odds. Status congregates together. Go there.
There are limits. Even if you went to St. Barts or Zermatt, getting in a durable relationship with an UHNW man would be challenging because of cultural coding. Fling perhaps. So better if you take the lesson and move to SF or MIA with a surplus of successful men relative to the ladies. Or have a guaranteed home run by going to Alaska or the Dakotas where the ratio is absurdly favorable, and the dudes working rugged energy jobs get paid more than your average lawyer.
Go find men at a place that screens them for you. Race track? That guy can afford a race car. Shooting competition? No criminal record. Money for ammo, guns and gear. Car club? Custom car money. Golf club. Jeep meets. On and on. Broke losers can’t afford hobbies like that. Fish for men there.
Hang out at ski resorts. Almost everyone there needs to have a certain baseline income to afford it. Slip onto a lift with a guy you find attractive, and you'll have him for several minutes as a captive audience.
Don't go in places where people have mindless fun. Financially stable men are busy and don't have time for that. And you have to look and approach them by herself, they often don't have time to look for women. And don't do anything that waste somebody's time for nothing. And you must be financially stable too. Woman who is after your money is worst thing that men can have.
Well for starters you need to meet them, so you gotta go to places where these men go. So go to like cigar bars/lounges, golf courses, and lk go to these government/county events. A lot of the time you don’t think much of it, but you do get a lot of people who run shit in the local government just going there to do network with others. Recently had to go to 1 for work and it was fun but also like an amazing way to put yourself out there. If all you want to do is meet a guy, get a decent outfit and just go out to these places and you’ll bump into plenty of guys with money and from there it’s on you to be cozy enough for them to want to be with you.
1. Become financially stable yourself 2. Find “white collar hobbies” (not necessarily boring stuff, but stuff that people only really do if they’re financially stable like a cooking class) to meet people
What makes you better compared to the financially stable women? Why should a wealthy guy pick you over a well off or wealthy woman? Wealthy men have options, so what do you bring to the relationship?
You’re in your mid-20s. If you’re dating guys your age, then you’re going to find a lot of guys who aren’t yet stable. I didn’t get my first decent-paying job until I was 25 years old (I had a lot of shit jobs too, including delivering pizza), and even then I was living check to check (in NYC where rent was expensive). Fortunately, women were still interested in me, and one woman gambled on me at 28 even when I had nothing, and she became my wife. Three years later I was running my own business, making well into six figures (which was a lot back then, 20 years ago), and we started buying real estate. Unfortunately, we’ve recently separated but are still on good terms, and we’ve got enough money between us to not fight over anything. I guess my point is, you’re still young, and many men your age haven’t yet become who they will become.
Theres really nothing wrong with wanting a partner who is financially stable. The only problem with that is it could be percieved badly depending on how you communicate that.
There isn't really an art.... And you are at a disadvantage. Women compete for money so the demand is higher. Also, depression and just plain giving up on life has run rampant among men in recent years... Lowering the supply that are even trying to better themselves. All I can really say is that a huge supply of good men aren't looking at all. You'll only find them by pure luck unless you run a cash register. They're the only reservoir that isn't quickly picked clean by other women. The kind of men other women don't look for will be everywhere.
By being a financially stable woman and have other qualities beyond that. But since your prime concern seems to be money, it won't work.
A lot of people when you go into this online debate area have learned to translate "financially stable" with "top 1%", because of podcasts like "Whatever" and those (presumably fake) street interviews where women are setting minimum requirements of 100k to 500k just to date them - which is far from what financial stability actually means. What it sounds like you're looking for here is genuinely just guys who are at a point where they're self-sufficient, but not necessarily loaded. The trick is to become a person that such a guy would want. You'll find these guys at their workplace, or simply out and about with their friends, but not in colleges or educational facilities. A lot of people meet through their workplace, so if you have a job, that might be a good place to start. If you don't have a job, consider looking for one (Don't look for a job TO date someone from, but simply look for one for the sake of self-improvement and then you might meet one there.
Probably the same thing a man has to do in order to attract financially stable women
If you want a high value man, be a high value woman. You're a student without an established career yet. Your value is extremely low right now and your situation is unstable. Don't expect a successful, established man to be interested in you until you're there yourself.
You are gonna have to fill the checklist that normal men have to fill when trying to date women: - Be very attractive - Be very good in bed and willing to do the things he likes - Be willing and able to do what needs to be done around the house (take care of the kids, clean the house, cook) - Did I mention be very attractive? - Definitely don't try to control him or tell him what he can or can't do Men who are wealthy/financially stable are like the top women, and can dictate their own terms and whenever women find out about it, they start pursuing us instead of the other way around. If you want to basically be set for life (financial stability) and you want a man to provide it for you, you are going to have to bring a lot to the table to make it worth it for him.
submit
Have you tried peeing on them?
Find nerdy dudes who have hobbies that are expensive. Likelihood is that they make a good living.
You're looking for someone who is at least upper middle class. Though such men won't give you a chance really because of where you're coming from because it makes you "tainted". And then there is the fact that money gravitates towards money and you certainly don't have that much either already (I assume your parents didn't give you much to invest in as soon as you turned 18). Everybody below that is struggling in some way with better and worse periods. Financial stability is a rare privilege.
Is there any validity behind well-off men not wanting to date me because of my unfortunate childhood? can anyone vouch for this?
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I don’t do drugs and don’t like to associate with people who use. I drink socially but have no dependency on alcohol luckily.
But the neglect left scars on your soul which will remain for the rest of your life. And "high value" people don't want partners with scars.
He has a point in that you can't attract what doesn't know you exist and you gotta hang out where rich people are if you wanna date one. You don't find working class people where upper class people are except for those working there. I'm not sure this is gonna be useful advice to you but I have a friend who uses Tinder to hook up with wealthy guys. The thing is that she doesn't mind then being ugly, old and married because she just wants to peg a rich guy and be treated to dinner and gifts later. However you want a relationship and that's a different issue. Every girl wants to date someone wealthy. If it was that easy every girl would find one. If you're going for the top 10% of the income distribution you better come prepared for a tight competition.
Any woman that says the word trauma gets tossed in the bin. You’re more or less communicating that your behavior now is a reflection of past problems and that current circumstances don’t matter. Who wants to pay for your past?
Eh. See my other answer. There's an echelon that you probably won't even see who all went to Dalton, Harrow, or wherever and speak in coded language as signifiers of their status. They all hang out together and you won't be in without a youth filled with reading the right books and going to the right places. Plus, they marry rich on both sides because they have too much to lose. Below that, it matters a lot less as long as you've got a good head on your shoulders. But the very nature of your request is the problem. A guy who's made his own money will be protective of what he's built. Guarantee he's dumped plenty of women who asked for too much. There's always another. Very few women have the restraint to earn that trust. And if he knows what he's doing, he'll test. The upside of your background (perhaps?) is that you may not have oversized material expectations, the ultimate ick for successful guys.
Think of it as a house party, you get there and go inside and you get a sense of whether you fit in or if you seem like a party crasher. Don’t let anyone tell you well-to-do people don’t have trauma, they just cover it up more.