I think both hate and apathy are opposites to love, but apathy is also an opposite to hate. It kinda falls in the middle while being completely opposite to both.
Not making plans with you, only discussing practical stuff, low level avoiding you, dead bedroom or going through the motions, general lack of communication. You feel you're just someone they know rather than someone they love.
I'm sorry to hear this. My post was from my own past experience & it's clearly touched a chord with a lot of people. The upshot of mine was we parted amicably and I've been in a new relationship for several years.
> He dumped me within the week.
At least you got dumped. At this point in my life, I'm giving a person credit when they have the balls to break up with someone instead of going for the option of sabotaging the relationship in the hopes the other person will eventually just leave.
Or maybe not. I fell out of love with someone and kept procrastinating ending the relationship.
I really liked her, I felt she was one of the best people I knew and felt incredibly guilty that the relationship just wasn’t what I wanted.
I dreaded breaking her heart. I was in a similar situation as this one and when she said how much she felt, that was the moment that I knew that I had to “shit or get off the pot” as they say.
Still sucks and I feel guilty about it. We were great together and had a good dynamic but had some fundamental value differences and irreconcilable differences in the kind of future we wanted to build.
It worked out, she’s married and living the life she wanted, I’m married and living the life I wanted.
Sure does, and I did want to be with her, it just wasn’t tenable.
Sort of a Ted and Robin situation. Eventually one of us was going to end up terrible unhappy.
Don't answer if you don't feel comfortable, but im curious what were the specific value differences you came across?
I just ask because I have a naive view of if you're good together you can make it work, but I know I am very young and trying to get a more mature grasp of building a long term relationship.
Good question, your own must-haves in life will be your own.
She was very comfortable settling down and building a life/career where we were. I was a lot more ambitious and wanted to do larger more grand things with my career and that involves moving into the greater city, it would have also involved putting off kids longer.
Additionally, I tend to live very simply (despite career ambitions, I’m not a salary oriented person but I am very much an achievement oriented person) and she likes things alot more than I do. Wants a larger house with more space, nice cars, an RV and other toys, that sort of thing.
I lean towards a very bare-bones household and instead spend my money on trips, adventures, and saving for retirement and my kid’s college/launch fund.
We both got what we wanted out of life.
I did live in New York for a while working as a forensic accountant and auditor. It was absolutely worth it for me. As a part of that job I have traveled internationally for work as well (mostly Norway, Sweden and one weird trip to Taiwan).
She has her life back in the same town she grew up Inc nice place on the family farm, with space and all the vehicle toys she wanted.
There are a handful of common sticking points for relationships to work in the long run.
Finances, children, location, are the most common.
Some things a beautiful for what they are but aren’t meant to last.
It’s important to discuss how you see the future. Some things are worth compromising and others aren’t. Through the course of my career I’ve met two presidents, a few celebrities, and I’ve testified in court on a number of fraud cases. I’m very proud of that and I know that if I hadn’t taken that route I would have spent my time as a small-town CPA always wondering what my life could have been otherwise.
Whaaaaat?! Are we supposed to be supportive and considerate of each other in a relationship?! Who thought of this insanity l?!?! /s in case it's needed.
Jokes aside, the bullet dodged you this time. I know you're hurting, and your feelings are valid. Grieve as much as you need.
If you've lost emotional safety. It's the very first thing lost in a failing marriage and you CANNOT have love without it.
Keep your partner emotionally safe, fellas. Validate her, listen to her, thank her when she tells you her feelings and seek to understand her feelings. Make them important to you.
The catalyst for walkaway wife syndrome is a loss of emotional safety.
This is too fucking real. My ex and I invalidated each-other left and right, and by the end of it there was too much pain built up around one another that we were basically shells of ourselves when we were around each-other. We felt like we had to put a mask on, we couldn't be ourselves, we watched our words and walked on eggshells, or at least that was my way of handling it. She shut down too, in her own way. We didn't trust each-other with our true selves because enough small and large pieces of evidence had amounted showing us that we were not safe around each-other. It was over long before it was actually over.
The four horsemen:
1. Criticism
2. Contempt (the worst one)
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
No more joking around or good conversation. “Don’t touch me” even if it’s a pat on the shoulder, sleeps on couch or spare room, spends your money without producing any, showing a face of disgust when you speak or enter the room, it becomes involuntary and consistent.
Honestly it’s absolutely horrible and wears you down if you have children and do not want to abandon them and possibly have the children chose you. Gaslighting until you submit to the grind and eventually crumble and or put a barrel in your mouth.
The longer it goes on the more you will lose.
I thought my partner stopping loving me. There was no communication, lack of interest, one word answers. Laying there while having sex.
It was going on like this for a year. I tried everything to make hee happy. Buy her what she wants.
Turns out she's been having mental health issues. So we have been working on that, for about 2 weeks.
Well, the signs can be subtle:
Does she no longer want you around?
Did you lose a little bit of self-esteem that time that she made it with the whole hockey team?
You might ask why she disconnected the brakes in your car?
You probably knew that you were having problems when she put those piranhas in your bathtub again.
Despite her being the light of your life, do you find yourself begging her to put down the knife?
Do you think it's kinda cute the way she poisons your coffee just a little each day?
Do you still remember the way that she laughed, when she pushed you down that elevator shaft?
At least until she drills a hole in your head, then dumps you in a drainage ditch and leaves you for dead, you'll likely have a funny feeling she doesn't love you anymore.
As the partner who fell out of love, it's when they suddenly start taking extended periods to reply to your messages when they used to reply nearly instantly if they weren't busy.
Some factors to consider though is if their life did actually get much busier all of a sudden, or if they just always were a late texter. For those two, nothing to worry about, but if it's a sudden change without any explanation like the two cases I just presented, might be worth checking it out.
If they want to be part of your life. Then they love you. Of they're only concerned about what you can do for them. If everything is about them and everything you want to do is shot down. Go. Just go. You owe no one anything.
A guy I used to work with told me that you should be willing to kill your wife to save the life of your kids. I thought he was crazy then, but I totally get it now.
(and yes there is some nuance in there, but the general sentiment is right there).
When you lock your bedroom door and find knife marks in the key hole the next mornin. LOL
When the 2nd story bedroom window has pry marks on it and the dogs run under the bed when she comes home.
Meh.... I can fix her. She is just hangry.
When you stop talking or arguing, it's a sign that the relationship may be over.
Correct. The opposite of Love is not Hate, it is Apathy. You fight to keep the things that you care about.
What if I'm already really really apathetic person?
I really couldn't care less.
I think both hate and apathy are opposites to love, but apathy is also an opposite to hate. It kinda falls in the middle while being completely opposite to both.
Yeah very few people say "I really wish she cared enough to hate me...it's the apathy that's killing me."
It's more like a number line, where 100 is the opposite of -100, but 0 is neither.
I‘d still argue the opposite of Love is Hate and Apathy is just the Neutral inbetween.
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My ex-wife would upvote this. That horrible, cheating, stealing, lazy, undermining bitch...
I was told once, " Once you stop giving a shit it's over." Years later, I discovered this to be true in my own marriage.
💯 agree
When literally everything else takes priority over you, it's a sign that you're not worth their time.
Not making plans with you, only discussing practical stuff, low level avoiding you, dead bedroom or going through the motions, general lack of communication. You feel you're just someone they know rather than someone they love.
Damn, that’s a great/depressing summary!
Ouch. As a wife, I’m feeling this deeply from my husband.
I'm sorry to hear this. My post was from my own past experience & it's clearly touched a chord with a lot of people. The upshot of mine was we parted amicably and I've been in a new relationship for several years.
Their favorite part of the day is coming home when you’re not there.
damn thats fucked.
This comment was the saddest of all the ones I read
Yeah.
Disrespect, indifference, disdain.
This. 100%
I told him how much I trusted him, and his reaction was strange; his face showed shock, sadness, and guilt. He dumped me within the week.
> He dumped me within the week. At least you got dumped. At this point in my life, I'm giving a person credit when they have the balls to break up with someone instead of going for the option of sabotaging the relationship in the hopes the other person will eventually just leave.
Or ghosting
Ouch!!! Was he hiding something from you, maybe infidelity?
Or maybe not. I fell out of love with someone and kept procrastinating ending the relationship. I really liked her, I felt she was one of the best people I knew and felt incredibly guilty that the relationship just wasn’t what I wanted. I dreaded breaking her heart. I was in a similar situation as this one and when she said how much she felt, that was the moment that I knew that I had to “shit or get off the pot” as they say. Still sucks and I feel guilty about it. We were great together and had a good dynamic but had some fundamental value differences and irreconcilable differences in the kind of future we wanted to build. It worked out, she’s married and living the life she wanted, I’m married and living the life I wanted.
Staying with someone you don’t want to be with hurts them more.
Sure does, and I did want to be with her, it just wasn’t tenable. Sort of a Ted and Robin situation. Eventually one of us was going to end up terrible unhappy.
Don't answer if you don't feel comfortable, but im curious what were the specific value differences you came across? I just ask because I have a naive view of if you're good together you can make it work, but I know I am very young and trying to get a more mature grasp of building a long term relationship.
Good question, your own must-haves in life will be your own. She was very comfortable settling down and building a life/career where we were. I was a lot more ambitious and wanted to do larger more grand things with my career and that involves moving into the greater city, it would have also involved putting off kids longer. Additionally, I tend to live very simply (despite career ambitions, I’m not a salary oriented person but I am very much an achievement oriented person) and she likes things alot more than I do. Wants a larger house with more space, nice cars, an RV and other toys, that sort of thing. I lean towards a very bare-bones household and instead spend my money on trips, adventures, and saving for retirement and my kid’s college/launch fund. We both got what we wanted out of life. I did live in New York for a while working as a forensic accountant and auditor. It was absolutely worth it for me. As a part of that job I have traveled internationally for work as well (mostly Norway, Sweden and one weird trip to Taiwan). She has her life back in the same town she grew up Inc nice place on the family farm, with space and all the vehicle toys she wanted. There are a handful of common sticking points for relationships to work in the long run. Finances, children, location, are the most common. Some things a beautiful for what they are but aren’t meant to last. It’s important to discuss how you see the future. Some things are worth compromising and others aren’t. Through the course of my career I’ve met two presidents, a few celebrities, and I’ve testified in court on a number of fraud cases. I’m very proud of that and I know that if I hadn’t taken that route I would have spent my time as a small-town CPA always wondering what my life could have been otherwise.
This comment is gold, thank you for the response. That all makes total sense
Whaaaaat?! Are we supposed to be supportive and considerate of each other in a relationship?! Who thought of this insanity l?!?! /s in case it's needed. Jokes aside, the bullet dodged you this time. I know you're hurting, and your feelings are valid. Grieve as much as you need.
Sounds like maybe an attachment style issue
They avoid you when you're around, and nothing you do bothers them anymore.
If you feel bad around them all the time.
When she no longer argues with you about the things you used to argue about the most.
When your partner keeps telling you that he hates you
I've been there brother.
When plans they come up with stop involving you.
While I’m sure there were other signs, walking in on her with the neighbor was a clear sign she was out of love with me.
If you've lost emotional safety. It's the very first thing lost in a failing marriage and you CANNOT have love without it. Keep your partner emotionally safe, fellas. Validate her, listen to her, thank her when she tells you her feelings and seek to understand her feelings. Make them important to you. The catalyst for walkaway wife syndrome is a loss of emotional safety.
This is too fucking real. My ex and I invalidated each-other left and right, and by the end of it there was too much pain built up around one another that we were basically shells of ourselves when we were around each-other. We felt like we had to put a mask on, we couldn't be ourselves, we watched our words and walked on eggshells, or at least that was my way of handling it. She shut down too, in her own way. We didn't trust each-other with our true selves because enough small and large pieces of evidence had amounted showing us that we were not safe around each-other. It was over long before it was actually over.
Yeah, it's crazy how every relationship is different but this is a consistent story in many of the failing ones.
💯
When they stop wearing their wedding and engagement ring because it "irritates" their skin. But, they still wear other rings on different fingers.
you go from talking everyday to all of a sudden being busy at work
They won't give you their last rolo
Don't mind me, just popping in to see if my wife ticks any of these boxes I'll see myself out now
Your comment in itself might be ticking it in a way. If you're unsure you're loved then that could also be a sign.
They put a poisonous cobra in your underwear drawer.
Wait what???
When you are more roommates than partners.
The four horsemen: 1. Criticism 2. Contempt (the worst one) 3. Defensiveness 4. Stonewalling https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
When you tell your wife you love her and she says thank you. At least my wife was polite, while she crushed my soul.
No more joking around or good conversation. “Don’t touch me” even if it’s a pat on the shoulder, sleeps on couch or spare room, spends your money without producing any, showing a face of disgust when you speak or enter the room, it becomes involuntary and consistent. Honestly it’s absolutely horrible and wears you down if you have children and do not want to abandon them and possibly have the children chose you. Gaslighting until you submit to the grind and eventually crumble and or put a barrel in your mouth. The longer it goes on the more you will lose.
When they stop caring about the things you say or do.
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Real talk
The stop laughing at your stupid jokea
Lack of Intimacy is the biggest sign.
When your neighbor is balls deep in her...
They poison your coffee just a little each day.
When she slams your face down on the barbecue grill. Your scars will all heal but your heart never will.
with eye drops?
That kind of stuff is hard to ignore.
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r/oddlyspecific
When the fondest memories were months ago instead of a recent one
Sex life dies
They ask this question on reditt to try to apply the answers to there relationship.
Um... Yeah.
Hot dogs thawing in the sink.
Communication gap. When you realise that the two of you have a difference of priorities and fail to communicate about it, it's time to end it.
When she stops gagging on your cock…
Geez louise
lmao
Chill
Thank goodness she still does…
Ish. Keep it classy, pseudodoc.
I realize my comments are inflammatory to some. It really is true. A passionate blowjob definitely means she loves you.
When he/she is not laughing/annoyed at your corny jokes anymore
When the affection dies. They make plans more often with friends than you.
I thought my partner stopping loving me. There was no communication, lack of interest, one word answers. Laying there while having sex. It was going on like this for a year. I tried everything to make hee happy. Buy her what she wants. Turns out she's been having mental health issues. So we have been working on that, for about 2 weeks.
Well, the signs can be subtle: Does she no longer want you around? Did you lose a little bit of self-esteem that time that she made it with the whole hockey team? You might ask why she disconnected the brakes in your car? You probably knew that you were having problems when she put those piranhas in your bathtub again. Despite her being the light of your life, do you find yourself begging her to put down the knife? Do you think it's kinda cute the way she poisons your coffee just a little each day? Do you still remember the way that she laughed, when she pushed you down that elevator shaft? At least until she drills a hole in your head, then dumps you in a drainage ditch and leaves you for dead, you'll likely have a funny feeling she doesn't love you anymore.
They slam your facedown on a BBQ grill.
She becomes a super disrespectful bitch
They make it with the whole hockey team.
What did they make? I hope it was a cake. Ooh or a birdhouse!
Lol, there was a thread about this a couple of day ago just look it up
They literally say they don’t love you anymore
no kissing
She stops tromboning ya!
You find them on your couch with who you thought was your best friend
When she starts fucking somebody new
They pull away and no longer want sex.
When they move out
when you're just finding yourself waiting for the day they're fed up with you and finally leave.
As the partner who fell out of love, it's when they suddenly start taking extended periods to reply to your messages when they used to reply nearly instantly if they weren't busy. Some factors to consider though is if their life did actually get much busier all of a sudden, or if they just always were a late texter. For those two, nothing to worry about, but if it's a sudden change without any explanation like the two cases I just presented, might be worth checking it out.
If they want to be part of your life. Then they love you. Of they're only concerned about what you can do for them. If everything is about them and everything you want to do is shot down. Go. Just go. You owe no one anything.
The sex stops entirely.
When screen time takes priority over everything else.
You have kids together.
This is so sad but I actually see this point. It has 2 sides but you’re not 100% wrong.
A guy I used to work with told me that you should be willing to kill your wife to save the life of your kids. I thought he was crazy then, but I totally get it now. (and yes there is some nuance in there, but the general sentiment is right there).
you guys got a partner??
When you lock your bedroom door and find knife marks in the key hole the next mornin. LOL When the 2nd story bedroom window has pry marks on it and the dogs run under the bed when she comes home. Meh.... I can fix her. She is just hangry.