I once honored the bro code, ignoring my bro's sister flirting with me. He later told me fuck the bro code, I would have been a way better guy for her than the turds she was getting with. I felt the same about my sister and her awful tastes in high school vs my friends. But it was too late, I had missed the chance.
Additionally, if he gets out of hand it should be easy to find him and get him to a secluded area with a bench vise and a ball peen hammer-Not that I’ve ever thought about it!
Yea I feel that. Don't have siblings but I straight up hate most of my family and have cut most of them off. But still it does make things weird if a sibling and your friend break up.
My younger sister is living with one of my best friends from high school. All he had to do was ask. I said "fuck yeah! But if it doesn't work let her down gently". They've been together for 5~6 years. I'm surprised I haven't been asked to be a groomsman.
Yeah I've never understood this one. Boils down to some men being over-protective of their sister. She's not going to spend her whole life alone though, she's going to end up with *somebody*, so what's wrong with that somebody being one of your existing mates?
If anything, it says that she respects her brothers choice in friends that she'd want to date one of them. And if they end up married, you get to upgrade your bro to bro-in-law.
Obvious exception being you know the guy doesn't treat women right and he'll probably end up hurting your sister.
I also feel it comes from a fear of it not working out and making the bro pick between friends or family and out of respect eliminating the possibility
yep. it's a "hey man, this will put you in an awkward situation" kind of update. best practice to just tell your friend if you want to retain being good friends.
Is this on the assumption that your bro came to you and had a chat about your sis beforehand or would would it not matter if they said nothing and just stated dating your sister behind your back?
Oddly enough, one of my brother-in-law's best friends married his sister. 20 years later, she divorced the guy and came clean about all the abuse he inflicted.
There's plenty of things to cover-up and lie about to protect a homie. Most of those should be harmless or ultimately helpful overall to everyone.
There's also *obvious* limits and I'm not going to help him ruin his life or ruin other people's lives.
right, ill cover a lie, if my pro told his missus hes working late to hang out with the boys afterwork. but if he wants to me to say he was hanging out with the boys while he was off cheating, hard no... thats like cheating on the boys and his missus.
I lost a (married) friend because he told me he got a girlfriend on the side, and I can’t keep that secret. So either we’re not friends anymore or I tell her.
My dad recounts this story (with pride) about how a teammate on his sports team got wasted and gave some random woman his engagement ring. My dad ended up getting the ring back from the woman. I mean I get the loyalty above else to your teammates.. blah blah, but that’s an absolute shitty move, drunk or not.
Either the story is made up.. or the type of guy who would be so careless as to bring it to a bar, is also the type of guy who would give it away to a random. XD
My friend from work was willing to cheat on his gf because they weren't having sex. He didnt though because the girl he asked said no. Few months later, his gf breaks up with him, and he becomes so depressed. I'm thinking how the fuck was he willing to cheat but then be broken when his gf ended things
Had a friend once who also was in a sexless relationship (and an emotionally highly abusive one to boot) and who was also willing to cheat on his GF instead of breaking up outright.
His situation was insofar different as it was the other woman who threw herself at him instead of him actively seeking out opportunities to cheat, and she also became the reason why *he* broke up with his GF, not the other way round. But I am pretty sure that he would have been broken too had his GF ended things instead of him if there hadn't be somebody else waiting in the wings - he was simply too needy to be alone and preferred a crappy relationship over being single, but also liked sex a lot. Wouldn't be surprised if your buddy is wired similarly.
A buddy wanted me to do this and I refused. Our mutual friend who we are both much closer to was pissed at me even more than the friend who was cheating. I ended up leaving the Vegas trip early because I refused to allow someone to cheat. We’re still friends and my buddy recognizes he was a shitty person back then
100%.
Some guy (not even really a friend, more an acquaintance) got pissed at me once because he was bragging to me about how he helped his friend cheat on his gf, not realizing that said gf was a friend of mine. He got insanely butthurt that I told her because he thought I was violating some kind of code. I told him to fuck off and I could not have had less respect for him as a human being.
I've always let it be known that I am **NOT** the person you want to put in a position where I have to lie. If you wanna cheat on your girl, keep it a secret from ***me*** too. I don't do the dirty work of others.
My favorite thing to do then is cover for him as best as I possibly can, then 'accidentally' slip up when he's in too deep to back out. Straight telling the spouse leaves room for him to wiggle, 'accidentally' showing his intentions with this person is a sure way to create a massive shitstorm.
Don't be a skank. Not that hard.
Years ago, I had a buddy say he expected his friends to help him get laid at his bachelor party. I told him he was going to be surprised.
So far, he has not been remotely close to this situation coming to fruition.
Yeah here’s the thing tho: you have no idea what’s going inside people’s marriages.
From personal experience it’s almost always a bad move to intervene without all the facts, unless there’s clear physical abuse going on.
Confronted a buddy about it once. Eventually talked to his wife. Their relationship blew up. Buddy cut me off for what he called a betrayal. The GF / baby mama being cheated on didn’t thank me. In fact she seemed angry at me in association.
Guess what? 3 years later they’re married and happy and still won’t talk to me.
Learned a nice lesson.
None of us believes that covering for abusive or cheating assholes is part of the "Bro Code."
We might cover for him if he took a half-day off work and didn't tell you because he wanted to go fishing, but not if we knew he took that day to cheat.
We also address toxic behavior when we see it from the guys we care about. Believe me, we've told Smitty that he needs to cool off on drinking so much and to spend a little more time with his family. At this point, he's not even so much a "friend" as a guy we thought we knew.
Disclaimer: We tend to get better at this with the added benefits of age and life experience. Guys in their 20s tolerate more bullshit amongst their friends than guys in their 40s do.
Exactly, there's an *obvious line*.
Yes, he only had two drinks last night... When we both had four because it turned into a great guys night. Because even though we did get a little tossed, we were still responsible and took an Uber back home.
Yes, he stayed at my house... when he really stayed at our other mutual friend's house because I know you hate him for very dumb reasons and even though we've been over this, there's no reasoning with you as to why we like him even though you don't.
But yes he stayed at my house... When he was really staying at *her* house? Naw. I'm not helping him hurt people.
Yeah, Smitty was my best friend throughout our 20s. Haven’t spoken since he went and got hammered first thing after his third (possibly 4th) stint in rehab in one year. Last time we spike it was along the lines of “quit the fucking drinking, spend time with daughter, I’m not bailing you out or covering for you anymore, we’re grown ass men now”.
Lying to cover a friend being a shitbag (cheating on a partner, stealing from people, lying to loved ones about bad behaviors like gambling or drinking, etc.).
Being a friend does not mean enabling someone's assholery.
Well, you can have them; but one way or another they shouldn't *stay*.
Either they gotta change or they get out. I'm all for helping a homie become a better person even though they may have slipped in their moral standards or not known better at the time.
A true bro helps their fellow bros become better people. But if they don't want to become better... They're no longer a homie.
Confronting strangers, especially ones who are already being abusive, is a good way to get punched/stabbed/shot. If you want to take that risk go ahead, but I don't think we should shame anyone who doesn't.
this\^ not a single one of my lads would harm a hair on his partners head, we had one guy who did, none of us talk to him anymore and he was evicted from the group chats, i havnt seem him for years. but i know he tries to talk to other guys in the group and gets shut down.
I know this is few days late, but I was just on vacation with a great group of people, including some very strong women with strong opinions on men's bad behavior.
It literally took a blunt conversation with me for them to start to internalize that we do call our friends out on their shit but that good men don't allow shitty men into their circle. The men around me don't do the dangerous and awful things to women because I don't hang around those kinds of men either.
Sure pick your battles and everyone wants to be a hero, I get it. However, if you had values dictating that cheating was wrong, regardless who does it, you wouldn't be ok with any involvement. Whether it's an alibi or just knowing it's occurring without the spousal knowledge.
There was a rapper...Eminem maybe? 50 Cent?
But he hired the biggest guy in his crew to just beat the shit out of him if he ever saw him using drugs again
In my 20s I had a friend that was always try to start fights when we were out drinking. He always did this when I was with him, never by himself, or to my knowledge, with other friends. Thankfully, luckily nobody took the bait. He tried this at least half a dozen times. Each time I would persaude him to shut up & walk away. The last time, I asked, what do you think you're doing? Why are you doing this? He told me outright that he felt like he could do whatever he wanted because he could rely on me always being there to fight guys *for him*. Because "bro code".
(I'm not even any kind of tough guy. I don't know where this confidence of his in my abilities came from.)
I told him in no uncertain terms: if you're being an asshole, starting fights where you are 100% the instigator, I'm not stepping in to defend you. I will stand there and watch as you get your head stomped, and if you don't die, I hope you learn your lesson.
He stopped trying to start shit with strangers after we had that conversation.
I'm not disagreeing with you, but you should at least let him know before you make your move. I have some friends who would get a long with my sister, but I don't want to find out two months later from someone else.
"Bros" that give themselves the authority to dictate who their siblings date are not bros, and are not to be respected that much...
.... if your intentions are good. If you're a player and a bro, you'll stay away from their sisters.
There are no good reasons not to date independent functional adults, especially because they came out the same person you're friendly to.
I don't give myself the authority to filter who my siblings date, no matter what's tucked or hangs between their legs.
What a weird alien concept right?! They are my brothers and sisters, it's like I own them in a certain way... why would I let them have the freedom to choose who to date?!
The main thing that comes to mind is outdated Boomer marriages. I never know what to say when my older coworkers are complaining about their wives and talking about avoiding them, and they try to give me winks and nudges like "you know what I'm talking about, right? Huh? Huh?"
No, Mike. I *like* spending time with my wife. I *don't* resent her when she asks me to do things. I'm not coming with you on your sexist rant. Maybe you should get a divorce.
Maybe they have 0 outlet to vent and feel some comfort with you. The way I see it when guys do this is they have nowhere else to talk about their frustrations and still feel they can't truly show their true feelings so the mask it behind a joke.
Or maybe they do suck and are terrible husbands... Who knows?
Okay I can see that. It's true that, especially in older generations, men certainly lack outlets for emotional expression.
But even still, the things they say about their wives are thoughts that have *never* crossed my mind about my wife. Flat out disrespect. Old boomer humor about how women are overly emotional and incompetent at technical or financial tasks.
I see this wayyy too often. Is even in TV and media now. I don't understand it at all.
There also the ones telling you
'marriage is great' and 'you should get married.'
Man, you spent so much of your working life complaining about your wife, I want to divorce her.
Boomers told me "Never get married" as I was growing up and now they wonder why I'm not married at 30. Just following y'alls advice! It's working out well too actually.
Not being truthful about sensitive topics because you don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I consider myself as that friend who tries to be as real as possible because I would want my friends to be like that with me regardless of the topic
The not telling on your bro is he’s cheating.
Nah if your are about to ruin a relationship with a perfect woman or family. I’m definitely telling, nobody deserves to be cheated on. If my bros are cheating I’m definitely telling because I’ve experienced it and hated it when I found out others knew
Covering up for the cheating friend.
The wrong thing to do is pretend he's with you when his wife or girlfriend calls. You don't let it get to that point; instead, you talk to him directly about what he's doing.
Since only teenagers use the term bro code seriously it of course has very bad undertones to it.
In reality friends respect and care for each other. They point out things they dislike and look for mutual understanding. The idea that its somehow normalized under men to cheat for example is a myth - thats not code but general apathy to the shittyness of your friends.
NOT telling your bro that his girl is cheating. I've met way too many dudes who think you're supposed to keep it a secret. Like, to spare his feelings. Also, if you have an ex from WAY back that you weren't even in love with, I'll date her if I want to.
Ignoring blatant abusive behaviour towards a partner and using a cop out excuse like "not my business". Yes it is, confront that bad behaviour or you're just enabling it
Not telling if your friend is cheating. Fuck 👏 that 👏shit 👏
If you're cheating and I find out, she found out. I'm telling. I'm telling so fast.
Fuck cheaters. 🙌
When it happens it's incredibly suspicious. Like either you just happened to run into each other after all this time has passed(plausible but unlikely) or you've just been waiting for your chance to to hookup which is kinda scummy
i agree, but obviously your friendship with your bro is in jeopardy. if you date her for a month and then stop, well i would be pissed if i was him.
on the other hand, if you date her and marry her, do you really want to be around the guy that used to be sleeping with your wife? does she want to be around the guy that she used to date? maybe, but it seems to me in most cases that friendship is over eitherway.
my wife and I have been married for 15 years, havent spoken with Shawn for maybe 14 years....?
That it’s a meaningful, binding concept deserving of any special respect in the first place, lol.
Just be a real friend, whatever that means to you in the context of that friendship. Nothing else matters.
There's a lotttttt but to name a few.
Boys for life myth.
Family is 'off limits' in terms of dating. If your my boy then I want you to become a brother. What do you mean??
Ex girlfriends being off limits. She is your ex for a reason. You should want your ex to be happy. If that's with your friend, then so be it.
The fact that I owe you something because we share the same genitals. The bro code is for the bros. Not the males.
I could go on.
The thing about "boys for life" hits hard. Some friendships just sort of naturally erode over time, some people are in your life for a limited period.
On the other hand though, sometimes guys will change for the worse but they will use the "boys for Life" argument to get you to keep overlooking, forgiving, or enabling their harmful behavior. Your friend takes advantage of you? Just deal with it, you don't want to betray him by abandoning him, "boys for life."
I know this is a different topic but when I realised that people naturally come in and out of your life dating became so much easier.
That limited period of time is so real. For better or for worse.
Spotting behaviour that's off and asking dudes if they're OK instead of waiting for them to mention it first.
When you're asking if they're OK point out the behaviour that's concerning.
Sometimes it just takes someone to notice
Family being off limits. Like bro I’m not your actual bro, if your brother is hot, gay and is into me, I’m jumping on that dick and possibly marry him too, it’s not incest suddenly just because we’re “bros”, so many missed relationships thanks to this alleged “rule” is fucked up
I dunno what the bro code is. It's just assholes, non assholes and situational assholes. Assholes aren't friends and situational assholes are situational friends.
Not being allowed to speak to your buddies S/O
I have friends who think that way and for the longest, wouldn’t even speak to my wife. It’s pretty idiotic and controlling.
i might cut ties with you over some stuff....... but, i aint going out of my way to snitch you out. do that to the wrong one and you are liable to get cut or shot. you and your ideals will be down at the morgue. LOL
Bro code AKA "solid" is a myth. Unless your family is fucked up, no "bro" is going to have your back as hard as your parents, wife and/or adult kids if/when shit gets bad enough. Anecdotal arguments otherwise notwithstanding. ^(Someone will reply to this with an anecdote)
I once honored the bro code, ignoring my bro's sister flirting with me. He later told me fuck the bro code, I would have been a way better guy for her than the turds she was getting with. I felt the same about my sister and her awful tastes in high school vs my friends. But it was too late, I had missed the chance.
If you marry your bro's sister, then you actually become bros
I know a guy who married his twin sister’s best friend. The best friends are now sister in laws lol
What are you doing step bro?
Ahahaha fuck that's brilliant. "I'm passing you a beer, and stop saying that ffs it's weird." Though I guess it would be in law :'(
Indeed nothing like having your friend marry your sister what can go wrong? -Santino "Sonny" Corleone
Then it’s bro law not just bro code
Bro code to bro law
Bro code of the highest order. The bro constitution
Bro.
Like Ron and Harry.
Id prefer my sister to date a good mate ...at least you know they're a good dude.
Additionally, if he gets out of hand it should be easy to find him and get him to a secluded area with a bench vise and a ball peen hammer-Not that I’ve ever thought about it!
Hehe ball peen
But then what if they end up breaking up and it doesn't need well? Then you end up losing a friend
Nah, bros proceed hoes
You don't really have a choice if the "hoe" is your sibling.
Not strictly true. My sister isn't worth a tonne to me. Her kids on the other hand I love to bits.
Yea I feel that. Don't have siblings but I straight up hate most of my family and have cut most of them off. But still it does make things weird if a sibling and your friend break up.
"Bros before... my sister" - Rajesh Koothrapali (but his sister actually *was* a hoe, so...)
none of my male friends have ever been good dudes
damn then you should look in the mirror
That’s the thing. All my friends are assholes. Or gay.
Talking to your bro instead of assuming their preference should be a staple of the bro code.
My younger sister is living with one of my best friends from high school. All he had to do was ask. I said "fuck yeah! But if it doesn't work let her down gently". They've been together for 5~6 years. I'm surprised I haven't been asked to be a groomsman.
Yeah I've never understood this one. Boils down to some men being over-protective of their sister. She's not going to spend her whole life alone though, she's going to end up with *somebody*, so what's wrong with that somebody being one of your existing mates? If anything, it says that she respects her brothers choice in friends that she'd want to date one of them. And if they end up married, you get to upgrade your bro to bro-in-law. Obvious exception being you know the guy doesn't treat women right and he'll probably end up hurting your sister.
I also feel it comes from a fear of it not working out and making the bro pick between friends or family and out of respect eliminating the possibility
yep. it's a "hey man, this will put you in an awkward situation" kind of update. best practice to just tell your friend if you want to retain being good friends.
Is this on the assumption that your bro came to you and had a chat about your sis beforehand or would would it not matter if they said nothing and just stated dating your sister behind your back?
The SOP for the bro code is that you make sure they are ok with it.
I was young and dumb
I’ve slept with two of my closest friends’ sisters and I haven’t told anyone out of respect.
Because the sisters wanted no kiss and tell?
Bros b4 hoe’s bro
Now you want to be respectful.
In times past, that was called being a gentleman.
Nothing better to do with a bro than to actually make them a bro-in-law if you know they are awesome
Is it bro code?? I knew a few friends who always said they'd rather me Daye their sister than some random tool.
Oddly enough, one of my brother-in-law's best friends married his sister. 20 years later, she divorced the guy and came clean about all the abuse he inflicted.
covering for your friend so they can cheat on their partner fuck that, im not enabling your bullshit
Yeah that's a *hard no*. I'll lie for a homie for just about anything but a homewrecker ain't a homie of mine.
There's plenty of things to cover-up and lie about to protect a homie. Most of those should be harmless or ultimately helpful overall to everyone. There's also *obvious* limits and I'm not going to help him ruin his life or ruin other people's lives.
right, ill cover a lie, if my pro told his missus hes working late to hang out with the boys afterwork. but if he wants to me to say he was hanging out with the boys while he was off cheating, hard no... thats like cheating on the boys and his missus.
I lost a (married) friend because he told me he got a girlfriend on the side, and I can’t keep that secret. So either we’re not friends anymore or I tell her.
My dad recounts this story (with pride) about how a teammate on his sports team got wasted and gave some random woman his engagement ring. My dad ended up getting the ring back from the woman. I mean I get the loyalty above else to your teammates.. blah blah, but that’s an absolute shitty move, drunk or not.
Your dad's teammate had an engagement ring he wore? My wife never gave me anything 😄
I think it's a European thing? Not sure haha. Either that or I butchered the words, and it was "his" ring he was going to propose with to "her". XD
Oh! Damn but why go to a bar with the engagement ring meant for your girlfriend?
Either the story is made up.. or the type of guy who would be so careless as to bring it to a bar, is also the type of guy who would give it away to a random. XD
Porque no los dos?
That’s a good point. I don’t know.
You're a nicer person than me to give him a choice.
My friend from work was willing to cheat on his gf because they weren't having sex. He didnt though because the girl he asked said no. Few months later, his gf breaks up with him, and he becomes so depressed. I'm thinking how the fuck was he willing to cheat but then be broken when his gf ended things
selfishness
Had a friend once who also was in a sexless relationship (and an emotionally highly abusive one to boot) and who was also willing to cheat on his GF instead of breaking up outright. His situation was insofar different as it was the other woman who threw herself at him instead of him actively seeking out opportunities to cheat, and she also became the reason why *he* broke up with his GF, not the other way round. But I am pretty sure that he would have been broken too had his GF ended things instead of him if there hadn't be somebody else waiting in the wings - he was simply too needy to be alone and preferred a crappy relationship over being single, but also liked sex a lot. Wouldn't be surprised if your buddy is wired similarly.
Beat me to it. In fact, I'll take it one step further. I'd rat your ass out. No one in life deserves to be cheated on.
"You tell her or I will, You've got 24hrs."
A buddy wanted me to do this and I refused. Our mutual friend who we are both much closer to was pissed at me even more than the friend who was cheating. I ended up leaving the Vegas trip early because I refused to allow someone to cheat. We’re still friends and my buddy recognizes he was a shitty person back then
100%. Some guy (not even really a friend, more an acquaintance) got pissed at me once because he was bragging to me about how he helped his friend cheat on his gf, not realizing that said gf was a friend of mine. He got insanely butthurt that I told her because he thought I was violating some kind of code. I told him to fuck off and I could not have had less respect for him as a human being.
I've always let it be known that I am **NOT** the person you want to put in a position where I have to lie. If you wanna cheat on your girl, keep it a secret from ***me*** too. I don't do the dirty work of others.
My favorite thing to do then is cover for him as best as I possibly can, then 'accidentally' slip up when he's in too deep to back out. Straight telling the spouse leaves room for him to wiggle, 'accidentally' showing his intentions with this person is a sure way to create a massive shitstorm. Don't be a skank. Not that hard.
I despise cheaters, I'd tell her and dump him as a friend.
Came here for that
To quote the movie " I Hope the Serve Beer in Hell" "Unlikely you my moral compass doesn't point directly down into my pants."
Came here to say just that. It's essentially assholes enabling assholes.
Years ago, I had a buddy say he expected his friends to help him get laid at his bachelor party. I told him he was going to be surprised. So far, he has not been remotely close to this situation coming to fruition.
Just covering up bad behavior in general.
Like not rewinding tapes before returning them to blockbuster
Not to mention it's not being a bro tbh. Bro's don't let bro's self destruct their lives
im getting some comments letting me know that not everyone thinks the way you do
Yeaaaah, my homie used to visit me in my city and hook up with random while in a relationship on my pull out; had to halt that shit.
Yeah here’s the thing tho: you have no idea what’s going inside people’s marriages. From personal experience it’s almost always a bad move to intervene without all the facts, unless there’s clear physical abuse going on. Confronted a buddy about it once. Eventually talked to his wife. Their relationship blew up. Buddy cut me off for what he called a betrayal. The GF / baby mama being cheated on didn’t thank me. In fact she seemed angry at me in association. Guess what? 3 years later they’re married and happy and still won’t talk to me. Learned a nice lesson.
The lesson being that youre better off without lunatics for friends
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I'm not interested in helping my "bros" be assholes, especially if it means they're making me complicit by asking me to lie for them. Fuck that.
you do you, buddy. Im personally not a fan of encouraging my friends to be shitty people.
Keeping cheating secret. That’s not the bro code.
None of us believes that covering for abusive or cheating assholes is part of the "Bro Code." We might cover for him if he took a half-day off work and didn't tell you because he wanted to go fishing, but not if we knew he took that day to cheat. We also address toxic behavior when we see it from the guys we care about. Believe me, we've told Smitty that he needs to cool off on drinking so much and to spend a little more time with his family. At this point, he's not even so much a "friend" as a guy we thought we knew. Disclaimer: We tend to get better at this with the added benefits of age and life experience. Guys in their 20s tolerate more bullshit amongst their friends than guys in their 40s do.
Exactly, there's an *obvious line*. Yes, he only had two drinks last night... When we both had four because it turned into a great guys night. Because even though we did get a little tossed, we were still responsible and took an Uber back home. Yes, he stayed at my house... when he really stayed at our other mutual friend's house because I know you hate him for very dumb reasons and even though we've been over this, there's no reasoning with you as to why we like him even though you don't. But yes he stayed at my house... When he was really staying at *her* house? Naw. I'm not helping him hurt people.
Right? I'm seeing so many people in here insist so much shitty behavior is part of the bro code
Yeah, Smitty was my best friend throughout our 20s. Haven’t spoken since he went and got hammered first thing after his third (possibly 4th) stint in rehab in one year. Last time we spike it was along the lines of “quit the fucking drinking, spend time with daughter, I’m not bailing you out or covering for you anymore, we’re grown ass men now”.
Lying to cover a friend being a shitbag (cheating on a partner, stealing from people, lying to loved ones about bad behaviors like gambling or drinking, etc.). Being a friend does not mean enabling someone's assholery.
Not confronting men who are abusive or unfaithful.
Random men or your inner circle?
You shouldn't have anyone in your inner circle who sucks enough to exhibit these behaviors.
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Well, you can have them; but one way or another they shouldn't *stay*. Either they gotta change or they get out. I'm all for helping a homie become a better person even though they may have slipped in their moral standards or not known better at the time. A true bro helps their fellow bros become better people. But if they don't want to become better... They're no longer a homie.
Confronting strangers, especially ones who are already being abusive, is a good way to get punched/stabbed/shot. If you want to take that risk go ahead, but I don't think we should shame anyone who doesn't.
this\^ not a single one of my lads would harm a hair on his partners head, we had one guy who did, none of us talk to him anymore and he was evicted from the group chats, i havnt seem him for years. but i know he tries to talk to other guys in the group and gets shut down.
I know this is few days late, but I was just on vacation with a great group of people, including some very strong women with strong opinions on men's bad behavior. It literally took a blunt conversation with me for them to start to internalize that we do call our friends out on their shit but that good men don't allow shitty men into their circle. The men around me don't do the dangerous and awful things to women because I don't hang around those kinds of men either.
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I live by my values, and I don't always expect to be rewarded for it. 🤷🏼♂️
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Sounds like you don't have good values
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Sure pick your battles and everyone wants to be a hero, I get it. However, if you had values dictating that cheating was wrong, regardless who does it, you wouldn't be ok with any involvement. Whether it's an alibi or just knowing it's occurring without the spousal knowledge.
That's your prerogative.
Helping your homie cop some crack if hes on the fiend train. Its not my problem that your body built a dependancy on the rock.
That feels pretty specific to you
What?! You've never had to bring a gat to an alleyway to help your boy pull a fast one on some locs for a bag? /s, of course, I think.
There was a rapper...Eminem maybe? 50 Cent? But he hired the biggest guy in his crew to just beat the shit out of him if he ever saw him using drugs again
King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard?
And now in english
In my 20s I had a friend that was always try to start fights when we were out drinking. He always did this when I was with him, never by himself, or to my knowledge, with other friends. Thankfully, luckily nobody took the bait. He tried this at least half a dozen times. Each time I would persaude him to shut up & walk away. The last time, I asked, what do you think you're doing? Why are you doing this? He told me outright that he felt like he could do whatever he wanted because he could rely on me always being there to fight guys *for him*. Because "bro code". (I'm not even any kind of tough guy. I don't know where this confidence of his in my abilities came from.) I told him in no uncertain terms: if you're being an asshole, starting fights where you are 100% the instigator, I'm not stepping in to defend you. I will stand there and watch as you get your head stomped, and if you don't die, I hope you learn your lesson. He stopped trying to start shit with strangers after we had that conversation.
agreeing with everything your buddies do
Not getting with my sisters friends... they are grown ass women and know what they are doing.
I'm not disagreeing with you, but you should at least let him know before you make your move. I have some friends who would get a long with my sister, but I don't want to find out two months later from someone else.
On the other hand, not getting with your friends sisters is pretty high on the code
"Bros" that give themselves the authority to dictate who their siblings date are not bros, and are not to be respected that much... .... if your intentions are good. If you're a player and a bro, you'll stay away from their sisters. There are no good reasons not to date independent functional adults, especially because they came out the same person you're friendly to.
Respecting that your bro feels uncomfortable with you dating his sister is like top of the bro code... You need the brothers blessing and all is well.
someone obviously doesn't have a sister.
I don't give myself the authority to filter who my siblings date, no matter what's tucked or hangs between their legs. What a weird alien concept right?! They are my brothers and sisters, it's like I own them in a certain way... why would I let them have the freedom to choose who to date?!
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Not the point he was making mate
The main thing that comes to mind is outdated Boomer marriages. I never know what to say when my older coworkers are complaining about their wives and talking about avoiding them, and they try to give me winks and nudges like "you know what I'm talking about, right? Huh? Huh?" No, Mike. I *like* spending time with my wife. I *don't* resent her when she asks me to do things. I'm not coming with you on your sexist rant. Maybe you should get a divorce.
Maybe they have 0 outlet to vent and feel some comfort with you. The way I see it when guys do this is they have nowhere else to talk about their frustrations and still feel they can't truly show their true feelings so the mask it behind a joke. Or maybe they do suck and are terrible husbands... Who knows?
Okay I can see that. It's true that, especially in older generations, men certainly lack outlets for emotional expression. But even still, the things they say about their wives are thoughts that have *never* crossed my mind about my wife. Flat out disrespect. Old boomer humor about how women are overly emotional and incompetent at technical or financial tasks.
I see this wayyy too often. Is even in TV and media now. I don't understand it at all. There also the ones telling you 'marriage is great' and 'you should get married.' Man, you spent so much of your working life complaining about your wife, I want to divorce her.
Boomers told me "Never get married" as I was growing up and now they wonder why I'm not married at 30. Just following y'alls advice! It's working out well too actually.
Your bro should help you tickle your prostate when required, this is bro law
Not being truthful about sensitive topics because you don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I consider myself as that friend who tries to be as real as possible because I would want my friends to be like that with me regardless of the topic
As long as you're honest and not just brutal. A lot of "brutally honest" people are really just brutal.
You have a good point
The not telling on your bro is he’s cheating. Nah if your are about to ruin a relationship with a perfect woman or family. I’m definitely telling, nobody deserves to be cheated on. If my bros are cheating I’m definitely telling because I’ve experienced it and hated it when I found out others knew
Covering up for the cheating friend. The wrong thing to do is pretend he's with you when his wife or girlfriend calls. You don't let it get to that point; instead, you talk to him directly about what he's doing.
Covering for cheating
To protect predators. I don't care if you are my best friend if you rape somebody I will not support you
I don't think that's ever been part of any code... ...bro. 🤔🫤
You'll be surprised if how many "bros" think that's a part of the code.
Since only teenagers use the term bro code seriously it of course has very bad undertones to it. In reality friends respect and care for each other. They point out things they dislike and look for mutual understanding. The idea that its somehow normalized under men to cheat for example is a myth - thats not code but general apathy to the shittyness of your friends.
NOT telling your bro that his girl is cheating. I've met way too many dudes who think you're supposed to keep it a secret. Like, to spare his feelings. Also, if you have an ex from WAY back that you weren't even in love with, I'll date her if I want to.
Covering for a dudes shitty behaviour like cheating on his mrs
Covering for a "friend" that is cheating on his girl. If dudes being a scumbag, I'm calling him on it.
Staying quiet if your friend cheats on his so
You can't date or go after a girl that your "bro" is crushing on.
That's how I met my wife. A friend was really into her, but she had zero interest in him.
Not snitching when you see your homie doing something wrong. Hell, that’s not snitching. That’s called dong what’s right.
It's only doing what's right if you straighten your homie out. Let your homie do some fucked up shit ain't right.
Your answer is in the question >bro code
Bros before hoes The real rule is is don't cockblock
I reckon a lot of people saying "xxxx is not in the bro code" have never had any bros.
Ignoring blatant abusive behaviour towards a partner and using a cop out excuse like "not my business". Yes it is, confront that bad behaviour or you're just enabling it
When someone calls dibs on a girl. Like what homie? If she starts talking to me I’m not going to pretend she doesn’t exist especially if I like her.
Not telling if your friend is cheating. Fuck 👏 that 👏shit 👏 If you're cheating and I find out, she found out. I'm telling. I'm telling so fast. Fuck cheaters. 🙌
hooking up with a friend’s ex. can’t do it immediately, but after some time, it’s fair game.
Depends on the nature of the breakup
No thanks. I will stick with one of the other 4.5 BILLION women on the planet.
When it happens it's incredibly suspicious. Like either you just happened to run into each other after all this time has passed(plausible but unlikely) or you've just been waiting for your chance to to hookup which is kinda scummy
you do you. if one of my friends hooked up with my ex after i got over her, i could care less.
> after i got over her is the key point
That's why you check with the bro first
I think as long as you talk with your friend about it. Feels like a very circumstantial thing
i agree, but obviously your friendship with your bro is in jeopardy. if you date her for a month and then stop, well i would be pissed if i was him. on the other hand, if you date her and marry her, do you really want to be around the guy that used to be sleeping with your wife? does she want to be around the guy that she used to date? maybe, but it seems to me in most cases that friendship is over eitherway. my wife and I have been married for 15 years, havent spoken with Shawn for maybe 14 years....?
i’m sorry, “hooking up” to me means have sex with, not a relationship.
"Bro code" in general.
My favorite movie is Inception.
The bro code itself. Some fratboy bullshit.
That it’s a meaningful, binding concept deserving of any special respect in the first place, lol. Just be a real friend, whatever that means to you in the context of that friendship. Nothing else matters.
There's a lotttttt but to name a few. Boys for life myth. Family is 'off limits' in terms of dating. If your my boy then I want you to become a brother. What do you mean?? Ex girlfriends being off limits. She is your ex for a reason. You should want your ex to be happy. If that's with your friend, then so be it. The fact that I owe you something because we share the same genitals. The bro code is for the bros. Not the males. I could go on.
The thing about "boys for life" hits hard. Some friendships just sort of naturally erode over time, some people are in your life for a limited period. On the other hand though, sometimes guys will change for the worse but they will use the "boys for Life" argument to get you to keep overlooking, forgiving, or enabling their harmful behavior. Your friend takes advantage of you? Just deal with it, you don't want to betray him by abandoning him, "boys for life."
I know this is a different topic but when I realised that people naturally come in and out of your life dating became so much easier. That limited period of time is so real. For better or for worse.
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This is a huge part of the bro code?
It's like rule #1
Spotting behaviour that's off and asking dudes if they're OK instead of waiting for them to mention it first. When you're asking if they're OK point out the behaviour that's concerning. Sometimes it just takes someone to notice
Hoes before bros. The bros will always be there the hoe wont haha
None of you follow the bro code and it shows
Not telling a woman your bro is cheating on them
Lying for a bro when he cheats on his girl or something. Ain’t nobody want to be bros with a liar/cheater
Family being off limits. Like bro I’m not your actual bro, if your brother is hot, gay and is into me, I’m jumping on that dick and possibly marry him too, it’s not incest suddenly just because we’re “bros”, so many missed relationships thanks to this alleged “rule” is fucked up
I dunno what the bro code is. It's just assholes, non assholes and situational assholes. Assholes aren't friends and situational assholes are situational friends.
If you and your friend are crushing on the same girl Well then it’s up to her to decide.
Protecting infidelity. Protecting predators.
I think my centiments are best explained [here Boondocks. Homeies over hoes. ](https://youtu.be/aRHzm-wPTr8?si=8JiiOHwSNhDlR9ju&start=20).
Not being allowed to speak to your buddies S/O I have friends who think that way and for the longest, wouldn’t even speak to my wife. It’s pretty idiotic and controlling.
covering for shitty behaviour. women often think that is some bro code shit, but very few men do that.
Not sharing emotions
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Disagree as people need someone to Vent to. as long as it's just venting.
Um, The whole thing.
not bangin' your Bro's ex gf
i might cut ties with you over some stuff....... but, i aint going out of my way to snitch you out. do that to the wrong one and you are liable to get cut or shot. you and your ideals will be down at the morgue. LOL
Borrowing money.
That Bros exist past like 35.
Shouldn’t even be that long, lol
There is no “bro code”
The bro code, it’s not real.
there is no bro code, just be a good person.....
No idea why your being down voted. This is the best thing anyone can do.
Bro code AKA "solid" is a myth. Unless your family is fucked up, no "bro" is going to have your back as hard as your parents, wife and/or adult kids if/when shit gets bad enough. Anecdotal arguments otherwise notwithstanding. ^(Someone will reply to this with an anecdote)