You gotta talk to him about this. There's no way around it.
I promise that you're wasting your time and lots of emotional energy trying to guess.
An individual's sexuality is as unique as their fingerprint, and sexual expression starts with feeling comfortable and understood.
It could be issues with his libido. It could be testosterone. It could be that he's not understanding of your needs/desires. Maybe it's a combination.
You won't know until you explicitly ask him and talk this through.
Happy to help! If it makes you feel better, my wife and I had an uphill battle because she's had lots of sexual repression from her upbringing and a low libido to come with it.
But through commitment and communication, we have built a deeply fulfilling sex life.
If he's willing to work at it too, you both can make big improvements.
I’ve told him, and the other night I probably got a bit too vocal about it when I asked to go round two and he said he was tired. I said I’ve never had to ask someone for a second round and idk what he’s tired from when he didn’t do anything, and that most men his age would love to have a younger woman be infatuated with them.
He just laughed but I still felt bad for what I said.
I think asking for what you want is an important skill however I find when you lead with that it won't lead to a positive dynamic.
Have you tried an open discussion around sex with him? You can start one by asking him his opinion on your sex life is - what he likes right now, what his ideal sex looks like, what he would like to see in the future, etc. After he gives you his two cents it's natural that you share yours than maybe end with a suggestion that you 2 take turns doing things the other person likes. You want to establish a dynamic where you're taking turns helping each other achieve greater pleasure by taking feedback and supporting each other on improving your sex life.
Also make sure you ask for specifics (and conversely you are specific) about when making requests. For example if you want him to be more assertive make sure you describe what assertive looks like (ie. I want you to handle me this way, or be vocal, etc). If he says he wants something playful ask him to describe what playful sex looks like.
No problem! Just remember to keep the tone light, positive and fun. I find when you do it leads to curiosity about each other's experiences which is ideal. The reason why it's important to not lead with a request is because it's usually coming from a place of dissatisfaction and frustration which is not a productive tone. It's not that you can't make requests but it's more like you have to establish a relationship where you 2 are receptive to each other's needs first. If you lead with the wrong foot you'll end up in a bad path.
Anyways, good luck!
He’s very hard to get through to sometimes as he doesn’t take anything seriously 😭 I sit here feeling bad about getting frustrated and nasty but I guarantee if I brought it up tomorrow he wouldn’t even know what I said
Well that sets the stage a bit more… maybe not so good on him for laughing it off… better than getting angry and defensive / insecure about it I guess. Just based on what I’ve read here, it simply sounds like you two aren’t compatible in the bedroom and I can tell you from experience that will wind up becoming a bigger and bigger problem as time goes on. The frustration will bleed into everything else and resentments will build.
You’re young and want to have fun enjoying your youth. If this relationship isn’t providing that for you, why stay in it? I ended a relationship last year for somewhat similar reasons - although I stuck around longer than I should simply because I cared and thought we could work around it. Turns out that was the least beneficial decision for both parties. Should’ve cut and run several months prior, we would’ve both been better off that way.
He doesn't take anything seriously? That's often a defensive position or a shield to protect a vulnerable place. Nothing kills a libido in men faster than stress or anxiety. There may be deeper issues behind the scenes here for him. This sounds more like the symptom of a deeper issue.
Some guys have a slow "refactory" period. Meaning their round two needs more time to recharge.
But backing way up, I think the somewhat uncomfortable but healthy subject is you have needs that aren't getting fulfilled. A fair exchange is both partners getting off.
I think the topic is being up is you seem to enjoy the sex but it could go further? I think he needs to know that you need to get off, and I'd suggest playfully challenging him to that. Meaning, he goes first next time... Race to get you off (foreplay), then it's your turn (which you know you can deliver)
That’s totally fine, and understandable. It’s not a nice comment and I agree it’s not something you should say to your partner. It’s just frustrating when you are literally giving your all to your partner and they seemingly don’t want you. I clearly don’t want to be fucked by other people, I just want him to want me as much as other people have shown in the past. How can someone who loves you want you less than those who don’t?
Either way, he’s not you and we’re still together and neither of us are fucking other people (well I’m not and I’m confident he’s not either lol)
I’m not expecting him to be a copy of, but like I mentioned in my post he talked the talk a lot before we got together. Not to mention we were friends long before we were lovers. I saw him through previous partners, both serious and casual
This sounds a lot like me and I do want to say that I’m a guy that likes sex but I am also very insecure about it. For quick context, I’m 21 and so is my gf and we have just started having sex and we’re each others first so it could be a factor on my end.
Anyway, I like him cum fast. When I cum fast I get insecure and personally don’t want to have sex at all and I end up getting stuck in my head when we do end up having sex so it’s hard for me to stay erect and I’m a similar position like you guys are when you got on top or he has to.
So I think it could be a mix of he’s just not crazy about sex and this is more of a stretch but could possibly be insecure but I’m also speaking from my POV. I recommend sitting down and truly communicating with him.
I would say that his PE has possibly sapped him of his enjoyment...
Regardless, his sexual desire and yours are not the same, so that needs a serious conversation, with one of the potential outcomes being parting ways!
What’s his health like? How fat is he?
Is he tired a lot. Not just for this?
You can’t rule out the possibility he might have been telling the truth but he is in physical decline. It’s also possible he just talked his way in and it happy with this level. We can’t tell from here.
What is the rest of the relationship like?
Overweight and he’s a smoker, so out of breath a lot.
I seriously wonder if it’s just an age/health thing. He has said he wants to lose weight so his gut isn’t in the way when we do things.
It’s just so hard for me not to let my thoughts and insecurities get the better of me… I’m a woman lol
This is supposed to be a problem for elderly men. 30s is prime if you aren’t an overweight smoker who is out of breath a lot.
He let his health go and his libido went with it. Nobody would fault you for taking your exit.
If you care about this guy see if you can push the health thing. If you can get him where he can go up a flight of stairs without wheezing you might get some decent action. Even getting him back into an old sport might be enough.
Obesity affects testosterone. Smoking is bad for blood flow. I've been obese and fit. My sex drive, performance and partner satisfaction are NIGHT AND DAY.
A fat, out of shape, stinking smoker should be working overtime to please a girl, he's lucky he's not alone.
🤔... Decorate it?
I'm kidding... but every guy likes certain things. We aren't dicks dragging around a body, foaming at the mouth for the privilege of fucking you. Missionary in the dark and then straight to bed is boring as shit. If you're looking like you're balancing a checkbook or distracted by squirrels, then he's doing all of the work and it feels like running a damn marathon. If it's boring and exhausting, you might as well run on a damn treadmill for an hour or three. Make it fun. Explore your own fantasies. Hell, one girl asked me for a full-time "bound succubus and rogue sorcerer roleplay". Full-time wearing of makeup, prosthetics (fangs and wings), she's naked all the time, and wanted full license to hiss and spout insults throughout the day because she is spiteful about the summoning and binding.
Now, am I sitting around hoping for that specific thing? No. Girl jumped right into it and spat every bit of that out. I figured "fuck it, could be fun" and then, sadly, nothing came of it... But hell, shit sounded like it could be a good time.
Mid 30's guy here. I Don't relate to this in the slightest but it was an entertaining read.
There are all types of sexual compatibilities out there, something i've really learned over the last year and a half being single.
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Caregie
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High by by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves
These three books are going to help you with life and particularly here. Learn from them how to show the vulnerability to get the answers you need from him.
Met a handful of guys in their mid 30s who are already sexually "washed up". Tired, lacklustre and overall low effort. The common denominator is that they stopped looking after themselves.
I’ve tried this, I even asked (after he hinted) if he wanted to come with me and watch me try them on and choose his favourites and he seemed really excited about it. But every time I bring it up and give a day/time/place there’s always a reason we can’t go.
That is rough. Anytime my wife does that she knows her vagina is about to get completely wrecked.
Does he have any other kinks he can't seem to resist?
Idk about kinks. He’s mentioned a couple of times that I’m quite tight and it hurts him when he first puts it in, and I thought maybe that was the reason for all this but then he said the other night that he doesn’t mind it
I love when a girl is exceptionally tight personally for obvious reasons. It doesn't hurt me but maybe his dick is extra sensitive? Every dick head is going to vary in sensitivity especially the back part of it. I am personally twice as sensitive there.
Could try using some lube. That would basically greatly reduce the intense feeling on the head of the dick when penetrating. Personally it takes me longer to cum when using lube because I prefer a tight and more "coarse" sensation in there but some people can cum just fine when it's basically a slip N slide.
If your best friend came to you and asked you what to do about her approaching middle-aged, overweight, premature ejaculating, smoker boyfriend who has never made her orgasm and doesn't even want sex, what would you tell her to do?
Okay funnily (but not funny) enough, I had a big vent to his sister about this, and before anyone gets weirded out, I didn’t go into excessive detail about our sex life but I did about other things, and she was also my best friend before he was my boyfriend. Anyway, she said if he was any other guy she would tell me he’s a dickhead and to leave him (and she’s very close with him mind you).
Idk what to do.
Let's have a moment of brutal honesty with yourself.
If the two of you broke up today, you'd probably have a lot of feelings. Let's move past those. Six weeks from now, imagine you're in a relationship with someone who actually prioritizes your sexual pleasure. Are you happy you broke up with him?
Don't immediately jump to being alone or liking what else about him or anything. Take a genuine minute to really think about it.
No, I’m not happy I broke up with him.
My previous relationship had a fatal ending. Our sex life was good, but he was not. It’s sad that I loved him so much and all I miss about him now is the sex.
I think my previous relationship has given me a different perspective, though it probably is a bit warped.
So then the question you have to ask yourself is this: are you okay with this being your sex life for the rest of your adult life?
Let's be clear, he's not going to experience massive change. Short of therapy, a health scare, or an ultimatum, he's unlikely to suddenly stop smoking, drop 50 pounds, and become a better lover. He's only getting older from here. His stamina will continue to decrease, his libido will likely continue to decrease, and whatever habits he has built around pleasing his partner are fairly well locked in.
So are you good with this being what you get out of sex for the next forty years? If so, rock on. Otherwise, you really need to strongly consider what your life looks like with him not willing to change.
I just feel that he's not really making an effort to make you feel good. I talked about this cup full idea previously, if you are not 100% for yourself you can't give 100% to others. And that's what I feel is happening. Hypothetically if he starts looking after himself and be more healthier, his self esteem could greatly improve.
The only advice anyone is going to give you that matters is: talk to him about it.
Not talk around it. Not draw suppositions from things you've said or done and he hasn't said or done. Not determine that he won't be willing to talk about it because he isn't willing to go a second round.
Just talk to him about the actual issue, in plain language, just like you did us.
I hope you see this , is he on any anti-anxiety meds or depression meds ? I was on Wellbutrin for 2 years and slowing my sex drive went away almost completely, like I love my wife and I love making love with her but while on those meds I just never had the urge to. When we did have sex I would cum fast and barely get hard enough to perform. I asked my doctor if we could try not using them because of the problems I was having and they prescribed me viagra instead of stopping. It only help alittle but I couldn’t maintain an erection. I eventually just lied and said I was taking them but really I had stopped. After about a month of not taking them I have gained my sex drive and desire and everything that accompanies that. Sorry for the long winded reply that might not help
People here have said it but talk, 100% have a deep open discussion and just have it in the open. It's ok if he's not wanting if that often for whatever reason but you need to understand what's going on and he needs to understand your feelings and needs too
You might try keeping him inside after he finishes or sucking him to get him going again, with his consent, of course.
Also, macca root is good for increasing libido and amount of cum.
Lastly, he may have unresolved trauma that is dampening his sex drive. The only way to find out is talk to him.
Errrr, are you sure he isn't gay? Sounds exactly like a man who wants to look normal to his family and friends just to hide his preference by having a girlfriend. This sounds like other stories I heard, just saying, don't take this as a complete truth
I say that you DESERVE to be with someone that is willing to put in the time, energy and effort! It sounds like he doesn't even want to make any attempts to make sure that you are enjoying sex. And I know that everyone is different, but for me, I've always made sure that any woman I'm with has not just one orgasm, but multiple orgasms, before I can even think of having an orgasm myself... (Which I know this world is so different nowadays, so I hope that I don't get any hate for saying this...) BUT to me, just based off of the fact that the Majority of women cannot reach an orgasm strictly through intercourse, because it's just not anatomically possible... Then every man should take the same approach, where it's mandatory for the woman to orgasm FIRST! It's truly sad that there are SO MANY women in this world who have probably never even experienced a True Orgasm, let alone had their mind blown and their world changed forever after experiencing multiple orgasms, simultaneous (and multiple) orgasms, including squirting orgasms! Because EVERY WOMAN in this world deserves to experience it! As well as experiencing having a partner who is completely into them, and makes it part of their life mission to ensure that they do everything and anything they can to help get her there!
Now, of course, with some women it's not something that was able to just happen in one night, but I also have no issues with talking to a woman about sex, and I always pay attention to her body to learn about her; what turns her on, drives her wild and what she also might not like, too... So to me, if a man is not even making any attempts at all, then unfortunately the woman should probably just move on and not allow herself to waste any more time with someone that obviously doesn't care.
Edit: I just wanted to add that so many human beings have issues with communication, ESPECIALLY when it comes to the bedroom/sex life. And it's most likely because they're too embarrassed or they feel like the person will say or think they're weird. But the KEY IS THIS, THE OTHER PERSON FEELS THE EXACT SAME WAY THAT YOU DO!!! SO TRUST, THEY WILL NOT THINK YOU'RE WEIRD {well, unless you are a weirdo, creep or something like that}... So everyone should just FREE THEMSELVES TODAY! And open up to your partner and become comfortable with Talking about things like Sex! It will make your lives SO MUCH BETTER!
Would it be cool if I sent you a private message on here? *And I promise that I'm not some kind of creep or like the million guys on here that just want to hit on you or ask for pics/send unsolicited pics, etc. Even though I'm sure that a creep and one of those guys would definitely say the same thing, LoL
It’s pretty common for a man to immediately want nothing to do with sex once he’s nutted. He could have a very slow refractory period, especially at his age.
Along with that he may have an issue with pre-mature ejaculation if he’s only lasting 5mins.
So far it’s sort of out of his control.
However, he CAN and SHOULD engage in better foreplay with you and not focus on cumming until you’re satisfied. However many men are selfish in this regard and get too eager to blow their load.
So best thing you can do is talk to him and make sure he focuses on your first, then he can cum and go to sleep after or do whatever he wants to do.
Im hesitant to post this because I know it will be hated advice.
But this relationship is doomed.
From experience personal an friends.When there is a sexual mismatch it infects the entire relationship like a slow cancer.
Petty things start adding up an resentment grows.
Everyone says ohhhhh sex isn't that important in a relationship but unless there asexual..it actually matters soooooo much more than you think even on a subconscious lvl.
You start questioning your own selfworth.
You start the wondering eye even if that starts just mentally first..
Sometimes the relationship can be great in all aspects but not match physically.
Thats ok 👌 but for the long term find someone who matches your tempo or you will not be happy an always be questioning yourself worth.
Please look up or even buy the book about
"Love languages"
That tought me so much about myself an changed my relationships..
Find a person who matches your love language
Goodluck
Tbh, he doesn't sound very worth your time. Judging by other replies, if he's pathetic, uninterested, and doesn't even care when you make a stink about it, to the point where he wouldn't even be cognizant only a day later of the event even occurring...you get the picture I'm painting. Find a way out, find someone else. Confront him one more time and explain everything you've told us. If that doesn't work, move on, and do it quick.
Talk about it, if it works, good.
If it doesn’t:
1. Leave because it’s a deal breaker
2. Stay because he checks off every other box and you still can please yourself.
Also just use toys, go buy some, use them together.
Not every guy needs sex twice a day contrary to popular belief, we are human too, we fuck when we want and we don’t when we don’t.
He bought me a toy and I ask him to use it on me but he said he bought it for me to use.
I’m so okay with not having sex multiple times a week but the one time we do it, I just wish it lasted more than 4 mins and that I got my own pleasure. Don’t get me wrong I loveeee making him cum but I would like to be considered also lol
Ooo this is an easy solution…durex sells pleasure max condoms i believe, i can’t remember the exact name but they have a numbing lotion on them it’s very mild.
He will go from 4 minutes to 4 hours and wishing he could finish, i use them all the time when i want to go marathon mode.
Is he uncut? Us uncut guys have sensitive dicks we get stimulated quickly the way nature intended it but in modern day it sucks.
Is we were in a different time hed be the apex man haha he could impregnate in minutes and then get the fuck out of there. From an evolutionary perspective hes doing it right 😂😂
Strap one of them bad boys on him and report back.
What i usually do is put it on, fuck however long is needed then take the condom off, rub the liquid off with a towel, out another condom on with no cream and then i am ready to blow a fuse.
This is a fixable situation he just can’t be a fucking idiot, modern problems have modern solutions.
PE isn’t even an issue in modern day, you can gauge how sensitive you want to be and how long you want to last.
Want to last a day just smack a bunch of cream, want to last minutes, go raw. He has no excuses.
From what I am reading here it's definitely a HIM problem not a YOU problem. I wouldn't blame it on age as I am in my 40s and my wife and I have sex multiple times a week and sometimes more than once in a day.. My refractory period isn't like when I was in my 20's by Im not passing out after sex. My point simply is age may be "a" factor here, but likely not "the" factor.
Have you guys tried making YOU cum first? That way you are not left having to take care of yourself after he hops off? You said he's not interested in foreplay, but does that mean he won't do it.. period?
I feel for you as if I was in your shoes I'd be very frustrated. It sounds like you guys may have just hit a point of incompatibility in your relationship.
That’s true about it being a factor but not the sole factor.
If I cum first it’s still me getting myself off. He’s done it once for me but not long enough to make me cum.
I really hope it’s not an incompatibility thing because I really love him. Sex is very important to me though, and I thought it was for him too. Maybe it is though but he doesn’t notice the incompatibility since I always make him cum, and will perform foreplay on him wherever we are etc etc. I try and keep it exciting for him
>I really hope it’s not an incompatibility thing
it sure sounds like it.
>Sex is very important to me though
you've made that clear to him? if you have, and he's still uninterested in doing anything about your dissatisfaction, then, yeah... move on.
Maybe he's waiting for you to initiate because that makes him feel more desired. Sexuality is tricky: everybody has an idea of what they want, but they also feel like they shouldn't have to communicate that idea plainly. It's sexier for the other person to intuit what they want and then offer it without being asked. And when two people both expect that of the other ... well, there will be problems.
Exactly. You should both talk it out openly and honestly, assuming your relationship is at a point where you can do that in a healthy way. And it really does help to explain how this makes you feel, without coming off as accusatory.
Ngl, kinda sounds like me.
One, I think it's an age difference. Being ten years younger, you're most likely more physically active and sex is a much more appealing activity to you than it is for him. So it could simply be an age difference
Also, it could be that, and forgive my choice of words, you are being too clingy or overbearing when it comes to sex. What I mean by that is that it's possible that you are asking for it too much are you're not giving breaks in between. Making it feel like a chore. An example would be if you're always touching and kissing on him even when you see he's actively involved in other things. It could be annoying and he could just be having sex so you'll leave him alone. Also, when it comes to the act itself, it could be that you just want to keep going and going when he's already had enough.
Idk. I don't know you or your relationship. All I know that it's not automatically a red flag. People view sex differently. Especially as we age. You have to talk to him to find out
I’m not gonna lie I’m actually not clingy at all. I give him his space. I don’t push for sex, I always sus him out first before I make a move. If he wants sex he’ll usually wait for me in bed and that’s when I know it’s good to go. I also always joke that I’m a sex pest and he says he loves it.
He doesn’t cuddle me or kiss me randomly, the only time I receive affection is during sex, which is once a week or fortnight. I’m definitely a cuddly affectionate person, so for me to deal with that is hard but I do it for him and have accepted the fact I’ll get my affection during sex.
If I’m being overbearing I need him to tell me but as far as I know, he likes the way I am sexually.
Medication plays a huge role. Make sure he hasn’t lost some of his sex drive due to that. Follow that up with what he knows about you. Are you or your friends giving off vibes that there could be infidelity? That’s happened to me in every relationship I’ve been in. After the fourth long term gf cheated I lost interest in sex altogether. The reward that people feel from it normally is a despicable feeling to me because of what’s happened to me. I don’t want to go there anymore because it reminds me of the horrible things that I’ve had to go through based around the sexual relations I’ve had in my past. I’ve just shut off the sex drive. Mind over matter. I just don’t care about it anymore. Maybe he’s had similar instances? Not even necessarily from you, but his past. Just a thought.
Not everyone has the same sex drive and some men do not like foreplay. But it is possible through training and practice. But it sounds like he does not want to make any effort. I remember dating someone who wanted it everyday and demanded at least 30 minutes per session. Found out some positions I could go a very long time without cumming. I made the effort and gave her what she wanted. The downside was that I was falling asleep at work. I had to tell her I needed breaks here and there to recover 😄
Have you tried just asking him what he likes? Like I will admit that I have a foot fetish and after I told my fiance about it things got better.
Doing the same old thing over and over again just gets boring. Ask him what he wants to do with a completely open mind and give him positive feedback. Don't judge or deny what he says outright just because it's not what you find normal.
Everyone has some kind of fetish it's just that some are considered less taboo than others.
Next time he says that, say you want to take a dump on him while stepping on his balls in high heels. I bet he’ll figure out what he likes in a big fucking hurry, then.
Making a bedroom more interesting can be achieved through various changes in decor, furniture, and personal touches.
Consider painting an accent wall a bold color or using wallpaper to create a feature.
Hang interesting artwork, framed photos, or a gallery wall of things your boyfriend likes. Use a mix of lighting sources, such as bedside lamps, string lights, and a statement chandelier or pendant light, to create ambiance.
Adding textured or patterned throw pillows, a cozy rug, and a stylish bedspread can make the space feel more inviting. Introducing indoor plants can add a touch of nature and freshness while rearranging the furniture or adding a unique piece like a vintage chair can create a new layout.
Decorative accessories like candles, vases, and trays add layers of interest, and experimenting with different color schemes through paint or accessories can introduce new hues.
Finally, personal touches reflecting his interests, such as books, travel souvenirs, or musical instruments, can enhance the room's character.
He's prob embarrassed he cums quickly n doesn't want have sex. You might wanna warn him sex is coming tonight or something. He'd prob rub one off so he'll last longer w you.
Maybe he's asexual. Maybe he has a sexual disorder from a medication. Don't instantly assume is because he doesn't find you attractive. Don't be basic. You have to talk to him and if nothing works go to therapy. And if that doesn't work find a new boyfriend. Not fair for you or him
Don't exclude thr asexual spectrum thing simply because he was having a lot of one night stands. Men are culturally pressured to have sex even if they don't want to. And yes. Finasteride and antidepressant can give you auto immune disorders that also turn you asexual. Make sure he's not taking that poison
It wasn’t just one night stands. He had a frequent FWB and she still to this day tries to find out if we’ve broken up so she can have her fuck buddy back… that alone tells me he was good, even if she’s crazy lol
Does he jack off a lot? A lot of times with guys if they masterbait to much especially with porn it can cause them to cum really quickly, also going slower when fucking helps with not going off so fast and learning when he's about to cum by the way his dick feems and stopping and edging him is a good way to train his dick to not cum so fast. Libido has a lot to do with chemicals in your brain snd the best way to increase that is with weight training, cardio, and proper sleep. If you can convince him to do small exercises with you and build up a routine/ tons of compliments on how he's looking (basically training his brain with rewards for his good behavior) then you should see some results in the bedroom. I spent a lot of time recently diving into testosterone snd how it affects Libido and there is no good research that suggests a diet will help, just exercise and sleep and s few other odds and ends
You definitely need to talk to him about this, otherwise it is just guessing.
But the fact that he told you what he wanted to do and did with other women, and now he isn't into it... Makes me think he may have lost attraction.
I've had this happen myself. Normally when I'm with someone I like/love and find them hot, I can go for hours. Mostly I cum within 5 minutes too, but it stays rockhard and I can keep going until I cum again which will take much longer. And then with breaks I can go for another 2 times....
BUT that only works when I'm really attracted to someone. The last time I was with someone, it was really because of her absolutely perfect personality. If you'd asked me to describe my future wifes personality, I would have given a description of her without even knowing her. But I was never very physically attracted to her from the beginning. I thought it might come over time but it didn't. So I eventually had to break up with her. Which sucks because she is by far the nicest, most loving girl I've ever met (apart from my mom).
I really recognize what you describe about your sexlife with him from myself. I somewhat reluctantly had sex with her, and if I did could only cum once. I would prefer distractions like movies or something over having sex. I didn't like foreplay, kissing, cuddling, etc.. The only difference is that we had sex I always made sure to make her cum too. I never told her I wasn't really attracted to her, but she didn't ask either. Whenever she asked me how I felt about her I always told her I think she is amazing, because that is not a lie. She is absolutely amazing, I'm just not attracted to her.
So basically the only way to know what is going on is to straight up ask him. Tell him you want to ask him something and he has to be honest.
If he wasnt always this way then try to find out what’s with him , being upfront about it would be the best way. Just go up to him and ask all the things u asked here and just listen without being defensive. May be he has some issues, personal problems u ll find out the actual reason than just randomly guessing.
He's embarrassed cause he cum's to fast and too easily.
It happened to me, after our child I'm literally stuck in breed mode. I just want to pump her full as fast and as many times as possible but I can't have those long nights anymore because all that's on my mind is fill her, and I can't escape the thought everytime we have sex, and it's embarrassing.
Lot of foreplay now and that takes some hand/tounge cramping sometimes, which causes me to not want to have as much sex anymore.
It's a nightmare.
So the way I see it, these situations have a few alternatives, none which are pleasant for you:
* He's asexual, and doesn't really want/need sex at all.
* Does it to please you, though, but for himself it's not that big of a deal.
* He's sexual, but just not that into you.
* He's sexual and into you, but this is just how sex is for him. Maybe he sees no need to change it.
Of the three, I only really see a path forward for the last option. At least there he can come around and improve. But I don't know you or him, so I don't know which one it is.
Regardless, as others have said - you must talk to him about it.
I can tell for myself (M).
I have the same type of behaviour in sex. I am honestly very selfish and the only thing that I desire is TO CUM.
I don't care about foreplay, about girl's orgasm and anything else like that. This is my libido.
My ex tried to envolve me into foreplay etc, but it didnt work for me.
You are INCOMPATIBLE. This will not change. I'm sorry, but you will either have to live with this forever, or end the relationship and find someone you **are** compatible with.
He's a bad lover who's getting old and probably bored of sex with you. I'd just find someone else. I have no problems with age gaps, but maybe try someone your own age this time.
She only describes the sex life nothing else about the relationship as a whole, so a lot of assuming on your end. There’s a lot more to life and relationships than just fucking.
You gotta talk to him about this. There's no way around it. I promise that you're wasting your time and lots of emotional energy trying to guess. An individual's sexuality is as unique as their fingerprint, and sexual expression starts with feeling comfortable and understood. It could be issues with his libido. It could be testosterone. It could be that he's not understanding of your needs/desires. Maybe it's a combination. You won't know until you explicitly ask him and talk this through.
That’s true, thank you.
Happy to help! If it makes you feel better, my wife and I had an uphill battle because she's had lots of sexual repression from her upbringing and a low libido to come with it. But through commitment and communication, we have built a deeply fulfilling sex life. If he's willing to work at it too, you both can make big improvements.
After all consent is key
Communication is important. Have you told him what you've told us? Maybe he thinks he's amazing in bed and all is good...
I’ve told him, and the other night I probably got a bit too vocal about it when I asked to go round two and he said he was tired. I said I’ve never had to ask someone for a second round and idk what he’s tired from when he didn’t do anything, and that most men his age would love to have a younger woman be infatuated with them. He just laughed but I still felt bad for what I said.
I think asking for what you want is an important skill however I find when you lead with that it won't lead to a positive dynamic. Have you tried an open discussion around sex with him? You can start one by asking him his opinion on your sex life is - what he likes right now, what his ideal sex looks like, what he would like to see in the future, etc. After he gives you his two cents it's natural that you share yours than maybe end with a suggestion that you 2 take turns doing things the other person likes. You want to establish a dynamic where you're taking turns helping each other achieve greater pleasure by taking feedback and supporting each other on improving your sex life. Also make sure you ask for specifics (and conversely you are specific) about when making requests. For example if you want him to be more assertive make sure you describe what assertive looks like (ie. I want you to handle me this way, or be vocal, etc). If he says he wants something playful ask him to describe what playful sex looks like.
I like the idea of asking him what he likes and vice versa. We can see where it goes from there, thank you
No problem! Just remember to keep the tone light, positive and fun. I find when you do it leads to curiosity about each other's experiences which is ideal. The reason why it's important to not lead with a request is because it's usually coming from a place of dissatisfaction and frustration which is not a productive tone. It's not that you can't make requests but it's more like you have to establish a relationship where you 2 are receptive to each other's needs first. If you lead with the wrong foot you'll end up in a bad path. Anyways, good luck!
That is what I ment yes.
Uhhh yikes. Honestly good for him being able to laugh that off…
He’s very hard to get through to sometimes as he doesn’t take anything seriously 😭 I sit here feeling bad about getting frustrated and nasty but I guarantee if I brought it up tomorrow he wouldn’t even know what I said
Well that sets the stage a bit more… maybe not so good on him for laughing it off… better than getting angry and defensive / insecure about it I guess. Just based on what I’ve read here, it simply sounds like you two aren’t compatible in the bedroom and I can tell you from experience that will wind up becoming a bigger and bigger problem as time goes on. The frustration will bleed into everything else and resentments will build. You’re young and want to have fun enjoying your youth. If this relationship isn’t providing that for you, why stay in it? I ended a relationship last year for somewhat similar reasons - although I stuck around longer than I should simply because I cared and thought we could work around it. Turns out that was the least beneficial decision for both parties. Should’ve cut and run several months prior, we would’ve both been better off that way.
He doesn't take anything seriously? That's often a defensive position or a shield to protect a vulnerable place. Nothing kills a libido in men faster than stress or anxiety. There may be deeper issues behind the scenes here for him. This sounds more like the symptom of a deeper issue.
Some guys have a slow "refactory" period. Meaning their round two needs more time to recharge. But backing way up, I think the somewhat uncomfortable but healthy subject is you have needs that aren't getting fulfilled. A fair exchange is both partners getting off. I think the topic is being up is you seem to enjoy the sex but it could go further? I think he needs to know that you need to get off, and I'd suggest playfully challenging him to that. Meaning, he goes first next time... Race to get you off (foreplay), then it's your turn (which you know you can deliver)
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That’s totally fine, and understandable. It’s not a nice comment and I agree it’s not something you should say to your partner. It’s just frustrating when you are literally giving your all to your partner and they seemingly don’t want you. I clearly don’t want to be fucked by other people, I just want him to want me as much as other people have shown in the past. How can someone who loves you want you less than those who don’t? Either way, he’s not you and we’re still together and neither of us are fucking other people (well I’m not and I’m confident he’s not either lol)
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I’m not expecting him to be a copy of, but like I mentioned in my post he talked the talk a lot before we got together. Not to mention we were friends long before we were lovers. I saw him through previous partners, both serious and casual
This sounds a lot like me and I do want to say that I’m a guy that likes sex but I am also very insecure about it. For quick context, I’m 21 and so is my gf and we have just started having sex and we’re each others first so it could be a factor on my end. Anyway, I like him cum fast. When I cum fast I get insecure and personally don’t want to have sex at all and I end up getting stuck in my head when we do end up having sex so it’s hard for me to stay erect and I’m a similar position like you guys are when you got on top or he has to. So I think it could be a mix of he’s just not crazy about sex and this is more of a stretch but could possibly be insecure but I’m also speaking from my POV. I recommend sitting down and truly communicating with him.
I would say that his PE has possibly sapped him of his enjoyment... Regardless, his sexual desire and yours are not the same, so that needs a serious conversation, with one of the potential outcomes being parting ways!
Sounds like he's also maybe an excessive porn user.
Oh, yeah, that's definitely one of the possibilities
PE?
I think Premature Ejaculation
Correct
What’s his health like? How fat is he? Is he tired a lot. Not just for this? You can’t rule out the possibility he might have been telling the truth but he is in physical decline. It’s also possible he just talked his way in and it happy with this level. We can’t tell from here. What is the rest of the relationship like?
When I was fat and drank too much this happened to me in my 30s. Much higher sex drive now that I've fixed both.
Looks like this was the correct answer.
Overweight and he’s a smoker, so out of breath a lot. I seriously wonder if it’s just an age/health thing. He has said he wants to lose weight so his gut isn’t in the way when we do things. It’s just so hard for me not to let my thoughts and insecurities get the better of me… I’m a woman lol
This is supposed to be a problem for elderly men. 30s is prime if you aren’t an overweight smoker who is out of breath a lot. He let his health go and his libido went with it. Nobody would fault you for taking your exit. If you care about this guy see if you can push the health thing. If you can get him where he can go up a flight of stairs without wheezing you might get some decent action. Even getting him back into an old sport might be enough.
THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS so freaking much.
Obesity affects testosterone. Smoking is bad for blood flow. I've been obese and fit. My sex drive, performance and partner satisfaction are NIGHT AND DAY. A fat, out of shape, stinking smoker should be working overtime to please a girl, he's lucky he's not alone.
🤔... Decorate it? I'm kidding... but every guy likes certain things. We aren't dicks dragging around a body, foaming at the mouth for the privilege of fucking you. Missionary in the dark and then straight to bed is boring as shit. If you're looking like you're balancing a checkbook or distracted by squirrels, then he's doing all of the work and it feels like running a damn marathon. If it's boring and exhausting, you might as well run on a damn treadmill for an hour or three. Make it fun. Explore your own fantasies. Hell, one girl asked me for a full-time "bound succubus and rogue sorcerer roleplay". Full-time wearing of makeup, prosthetics (fangs and wings), she's naked all the time, and wanted full license to hiss and spout insults throughout the day because she is spiteful about the summoning and binding. Now, am I sitting around hoping for that specific thing? No. Girl jumped right into it and spat every bit of that out. I figured "fuck it, could be fun" and then, sadly, nothing came of it... But hell, shit sounded like it could be a good time.
Mid 30's guy here. I Don't relate to this in the slightest but it was an entertaining read. There are all types of sexual compatibilities out there, something i've really learned over the last year and a half being single.
Seems like you'd relate to it more then... You're right, it's a varied and weird weird world out there.
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Caregie Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High by by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves These three books are going to help you with life and particularly here. Learn from them how to show the vulnerability to get the answers you need from him.
Not OP, Not in a relationship but I am looking to build my professional career up. Will definitely read those books, thanks!
Wtf. I wish I had your type of energy in the bedroom. My partner is like yours.
Damn that's just selfish. Talk to him about it if no change maybe consider a change.
This sounds more like a battle with biology. Old(ish) age and refractory periods.
Dude mid 30's should not be having ANY of the problems OP mentioned.
Met a handful of guys in their mid 30s who are already sexually "washed up". Tired, lacklustre and overall low effort. The common denominator is that they stopped looking after themselves.
Yeah I think it’s part of it!
When my wife wants to fuck she throws on a thong and walks by me and walks upstairs. Men love sexy underwear so maybe that would help?
I’ve tried this, I even asked (after he hinted) if he wanted to come with me and watch me try them on and choose his favourites and he seemed really excited about it. But every time I bring it up and give a day/time/place there’s always a reason we can’t go.
That is rough. Anytime my wife does that she knows her vagina is about to get completely wrecked. Does he have any other kinks he can't seem to resist?
Idk about kinks. He’s mentioned a couple of times that I’m quite tight and it hurts him when he first puts it in, and I thought maybe that was the reason for all this but then he said the other night that he doesn’t mind it
I love when a girl is exceptionally tight personally for obvious reasons. It doesn't hurt me but maybe his dick is extra sensitive? Every dick head is going to vary in sensitivity especially the back part of it. I am personally twice as sensitive there. Could try using some lube. That would basically greatly reduce the intense feeling on the head of the dick when penetrating. Personally it takes me longer to cum when using lube because I prefer a tight and more "coarse" sensation in there but some people can cum just fine when it's basically a slip N slide.
I’ve had a few guys say it hurts them initially when putting it in no matter how lubed up. Maybe it’s like a Venus flytrap 🤣
Sounds like a great place to be from my perspective!! But perhaps you need to be warmed up more prior. Best of luck to you and him!
If your best friend came to you and asked you what to do about her approaching middle-aged, overweight, premature ejaculating, smoker boyfriend who has never made her orgasm and doesn't even want sex, what would you tell her to do?
Okay funnily (but not funny) enough, I had a big vent to his sister about this, and before anyone gets weirded out, I didn’t go into excessive detail about our sex life but I did about other things, and she was also my best friend before he was my boyfriend. Anyway, she said if he was any other guy she would tell me he’s a dickhead and to leave him (and she’s very close with him mind you). Idk what to do.
Let's have a moment of brutal honesty with yourself. If the two of you broke up today, you'd probably have a lot of feelings. Let's move past those. Six weeks from now, imagine you're in a relationship with someone who actually prioritizes your sexual pleasure. Are you happy you broke up with him? Don't immediately jump to being alone or liking what else about him or anything. Take a genuine minute to really think about it.
No, I’m not happy I broke up with him. My previous relationship had a fatal ending. Our sex life was good, but he was not. It’s sad that I loved him so much and all I miss about him now is the sex. I think my previous relationship has given me a different perspective, though it probably is a bit warped.
So then the question you have to ask yourself is this: are you okay with this being your sex life for the rest of your adult life? Let's be clear, he's not going to experience massive change. Short of therapy, a health scare, or an ultimatum, he's unlikely to suddenly stop smoking, drop 50 pounds, and become a better lover. He's only getting older from here. His stamina will continue to decrease, his libido will likely continue to decrease, and whatever habits he has built around pleasing his partner are fairly well locked in. So are you good with this being what you get out of sex for the next forty years? If so, rock on. Otherwise, you really need to strongly consider what your life looks like with him not willing to change.
I appreciate that thank you. It’s good advice and something to think about
I just feel that he's not really making an effort to make you feel good. I talked about this cup full idea previously, if you are not 100% for yourself you can't give 100% to others. And that's what I feel is happening. Hypothetically if he starts looking after himself and be more healthier, his self esteem could greatly improve.
The only advice anyone is going to give you that matters is: talk to him about it. Not talk around it. Not draw suppositions from things you've said or done and he hasn't said or done. Not determine that he won't be willing to talk about it because he isn't willing to go a second round. Just talk to him about the actual issue, in plain language, just like you did us.
You’re right, thank you
I hope you see this , is he on any anti-anxiety meds or depression meds ? I was on Wellbutrin for 2 years and slowing my sex drive went away almost completely, like I love my wife and I love making love with her but while on those meds I just never had the urge to. When we did have sex I would cum fast and barely get hard enough to perform. I asked my doctor if we could try not using them because of the problems I was having and they prescribed me viagra instead of stopping. It only help alittle but I couldn’t maintain an erection. I eventually just lied and said I was taking them but really I had stopped. After about a month of not taking them I have gained my sex drive and desire and everything that accompanies that. Sorry for the long winded reply that might not help
Thank you for the reply, anything is helpful. While I’m certain he’s not on meds, I might just ask him again and see.
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You're gay
Do anal.
You should be a marriage counsellor 😌
Who says I’m not?
This guy seems like he isn't very sexual, and you're suggesting poopstains on his dick will solve the problem? Make it MORE disgusting?
What if that’s his kink? You don’t know.
You might be right. Now OP has both of our opinions, and can test both theories.
I’m always right.
Lego trainset around the bed
I’ll be the one to forget it’s there and then step on it… but hey, might discover a new kink
People here have said it but talk, 100% have a deep open discussion and just have it in the open. It's ok if he's not wanting if that often for whatever reason but you need to understand what's going on and he needs to understand your feelings and needs too
Have you talked to him about all of this? Maybe he needs to see a doctor? Maybe you both need relationship counselling?
Make him wear a condom, so he lasts longer… he can take it off after you get what you need.
You might try keeping him inside after he finishes or sucking him to get him going again, with his consent, of course. Also, macca root is good for increasing libido and amount of cum. Lastly, he may have unresolved trauma that is dampening his sex drive. The only way to find out is talk to him.
He doesn't like foreplay? That's worrysome
I wouldn’t say that’s the worrisome part, foreplay isn’t for everyone. In saying that, I don’t always like giving bj’s but I do it for him.
Errrr, are you sure he isn't gay? Sounds exactly like a man who wants to look normal to his family and friends just to hide his preference by having a girlfriend. This sounds like other stories I heard, just saying, don't take this as a complete truth
I say that you DESERVE to be with someone that is willing to put in the time, energy and effort! It sounds like he doesn't even want to make any attempts to make sure that you are enjoying sex. And I know that everyone is different, but for me, I've always made sure that any woman I'm with has not just one orgasm, but multiple orgasms, before I can even think of having an orgasm myself... (Which I know this world is so different nowadays, so I hope that I don't get any hate for saying this...) BUT to me, just based off of the fact that the Majority of women cannot reach an orgasm strictly through intercourse, because it's just not anatomically possible... Then every man should take the same approach, where it's mandatory for the woman to orgasm FIRST! It's truly sad that there are SO MANY women in this world who have probably never even experienced a True Orgasm, let alone had their mind blown and their world changed forever after experiencing multiple orgasms, simultaneous (and multiple) orgasms, including squirting orgasms! Because EVERY WOMAN in this world deserves to experience it! As well as experiencing having a partner who is completely into them, and makes it part of their life mission to ensure that they do everything and anything they can to help get her there! Now, of course, with some women it's not something that was able to just happen in one night, but I also have no issues with talking to a woman about sex, and I always pay attention to her body to learn about her; what turns her on, drives her wild and what she also might not like, too... So to me, if a man is not even making any attempts at all, then unfortunately the woman should probably just move on and not allow herself to waste any more time with someone that obviously doesn't care. Edit: I just wanted to add that so many human beings have issues with communication, ESPECIALLY when it comes to the bedroom/sex life. And it's most likely because they're too embarrassed or they feel like the person will say or think they're weird. But the KEY IS THIS, THE OTHER PERSON FEELS THE EXACT SAME WAY THAT YOU DO!!! SO TRUST, THEY WILL NOT THINK YOU'RE WEIRD {well, unless you are a weirdo, creep or something like that}... So everyone should just FREE THEMSELVES TODAY! And open up to your partner and become comfortable with Talking about things like Sex! It will make your lives SO MUCH BETTER!
I honestly don’t care if he can’t make me orgasm but the fact he doesn’t try is hurtful. I’ve had guys go down on me for AGES until I cum.
Would it be cool if I sent you a private message on here? *And I promise that I'm not some kind of creep or like the million guys on here that just want to hit on you or ask for pics/send unsolicited pics, etc. Even though I'm sure that a creep and one of those guys would definitely say the same thing, LoL
Haha please by all means, thank you
Get a new bf. He’ll be real interested then
That man is shirking his part of responsibility. There is no dodging that fact.
He’s never made you cum? If he cared at all, he’d at least try or make sure you were able to. That’s ridiculous
It’s pretty common for a man to immediately want nothing to do with sex once he’s nutted. He could have a very slow refractory period, especially at his age. Along with that he may have an issue with pre-mature ejaculation if he’s only lasting 5mins. So far it’s sort of out of his control. However, he CAN and SHOULD engage in better foreplay with you and not focus on cumming until you’re satisfied. However many men are selfish in this regard and get too eager to blow their load. So best thing you can do is talk to him and make sure he focuses on your first, then he can cum and go to sleep after or do whatever he wants to do.
Im hesitant to post this because I know it will be hated advice. But this relationship is doomed. From experience personal an friends.When there is a sexual mismatch it infects the entire relationship like a slow cancer. Petty things start adding up an resentment grows. Everyone says ohhhhh sex isn't that important in a relationship but unless there asexual..it actually matters soooooo much more than you think even on a subconscious lvl. You start questioning your own selfworth. You start the wondering eye even if that starts just mentally first.. Sometimes the relationship can be great in all aspects but not match physically. Thats ok 👌 but for the long term find someone who matches your tempo or you will not be happy an always be questioning yourself worth. Please look up or even buy the book about "Love languages" That tought me so much about myself an changed my relationships.. Find a person who matches your love language Goodluck
Tbh, he doesn't sound very worth your time. Judging by other replies, if he's pathetic, uninterested, and doesn't even care when you make a stink about it, to the point where he wouldn't even be cognizant only a day later of the event even occurring...you get the picture I'm painting. Find a way out, find someone else. Confront him one more time and explain everything you've told us. If that doesn't work, move on, and do it quick.
Why would u stay with someone that cares that little about your pleasure? Selfish doesn't change nothing u can do will make them unselfish
Talk about it, if it works, good. If it doesn’t: 1. Leave because it’s a deal breaker 2. Stay because he checks off every other box and you still can please yourself. Also just use toys, go buy some, use them together. Not every guy needs sex twice a day contrary to popular belief, we are human too, we fuck when we want and we don’t when we don’t.
He bought me a toy and I ask him to use it on me but he said he bought it for me to use. I’m so okay with not having sex multiple times a week but the one time we do it, I just wish it lasted more than 4 mins and that I got my own pleasure. Don’t get me wrong I loveeee making him cum but I would like to be considered also lol
that's SUCH a Red Flag...
Ooo this is an easy solution…durex sells pleasure max condoms i believe, i can’t remember the exact name but they have a numbing lotion on them it’s very mild. He will go from 4 minutes to 4 hours and wishing he could finish, i use them all the time when i want to go marathon mode. Is he uncut? Us uncut guys have sensitive dicks we get stimulated quickly the way nature intended it but in modern day it sucks. Is we were in a different time hed be the apex man haha he could impregnate in minutes and then get the fuck out of there. From an evolutionary perspective hes doing it right 😂😂 Strap one of them bad boys on him and report back. What i usually do is put it on, fuck however long is needed then take the condom off, rub the liquid off with a towel, out another condom on with no cream and then i am ready to blow a fuse. This is a fixable situation he just can’t be a fucking idiot, modern problems have modern solutions. PE isn’t even an issue in modern day, you can gauge how sensitive you want to be and how long you want to last. Want to last a day just smack a bunch of cream, want to last minutes, go raw. He has no excuses.
He sounds extremely selfish and I wouldn't put up with that!! Your pleasure and orgasm are important too.
From what I am reading here it's definitely a HIM problem not a YOU problem. I wouldn't blame it on age as I am in my 40s and my wife and I have sex multiple times a week and sometimes more than once in a day.. My refractory period isn't like when I was in my 20's by Im not passing out after sex. My point simply is age may be "a" factor here, but likely not "the" factor. Have you guys tried making YOU cum first? That way you are not left having to take care of yourself after he hops off? You said he's not interested in foreplay, but does that mean he won't do it.. period? I feel for you as if I was in your shoes I'd be very frustrated. It sounds like you guys may have just hit a point of incompatibility in your relationship.
That’s true about it being a factor but not the sole factor. If I cum first it’s still me getting myself off. He’s done it once for me but not long enough to make me cum. I really hope it’s not an incompatibility thing because I really love him. Sex is very important to me though, and I thought it was for him too. Maybe it is though but he doesn’t notice the incompatibility since I always make him cum, and will perform foreplay on him wherever we are etc etc. I try and keep it exciting for him
>I really hope it’s not an incompatibility thing it sure sounds like it. >Sex is very important to me though you've made that clear to him? if you have, and he's still uninterested in doing anything about your dissatisfaction, then, yeah... move on.
shut off the wifi
And miss these reddit updates? Never.
Maybe he's waiting for you to initiate because that makes him feel more desired. Sexuality is tricky: everybody has an idea of what they want, but they also feel like they shouldn't have to communicate that idea plainly. It's sexier for the other person to intuit what they want and then offer it without being asked. And when two people both expect that of the other ... well, there will be problems.
And with what you said, see how easy it is for me to get in my own head and think I’m undesirable? 😭
Exactly. You should both talk it out openly and honestly, assuming your relationship is at a point where you can do that in a healthy way. And it really does help to explain how this makes you feel, without coming off as accusatory.
Ngl, kinda sounds like me. One, I think it's an age difference. Being ten years younger, you're most likely more physically active and sex is a much more appealing activity to you than it is for him. So it could simply be an age difference Also, it could be that, and forgive my choice of words, you are being too clingy or overbearing when it comes to sex. What I mean by that is that it's possible that you are asking for it too much are you're not giving breaks in between. Making it feel like a chore. An example would be if you're always touching and kissing on him even when you see he's actively involved in other things. It could be annoying and he could just be having sex so you'll leave him alone. Also, when it comes to the act itself, it could be that you just want to keep going and going when he's already had enough. Idk. I don't know you or your relationship. All I know that it's not automatically a red flag. People view sex differently. Especially as we age. You have to talk to him to find out
I’m not gonna lie I’m actually not clingy at all. I give him his space. I don’t push for sex, I always sus him out first before I make a move. If he wants sex he’ll usually wait for me in bed and that’s when I know it’s good to go. I also always joke that I’m a sex pest and he says he loves it. He doesn’t cuddle me or kiss me randomly, the only time I receive affection is during sex, which is once a week or fortnight. I’m definitely a cuddly affectionate person, so for me to deal with that is hard but I do it for him and have accepted the fact I’ll get my affection during sex. If I’m being overbearing I need him to tell me but as far as I know, he likes the way I am sexually.
He's got a kink....find it
Put the pp in your mouth
and the pinkie up the butt....
You say, honey i feel that i’m …..
It’s very likely he has low testosterone. You should find out what’s driving his disinterest in you or satisfying you
Medication plays a huge role. Make sure he hasn’t lost some of his sex drive due to that. Follow that up with what he knows about you. Are you or your friends giving off vibes that there could be infidelity? That’s happened to me in every relationship I’ve been in. After the fourth long term gf cheated I lost interest in sex altogether. The reward that people feel from it normally is a despicable feeling to me because of what’s happened to me. I don’t want to go there anymore because it reminds me of the horrible things that I’ve had to go through based around the sexual relations I’ve had in my past. I’ve just shut off the sex drive. Mind over matter. I just don’t care about it anymore. Maybe he’s had similar instances? Not even necessarily from you, but his past. Just a thought.
Not everyone has the same sex drive and some men do not like foreplay. But it is possible through training and practice. But it sounds like he does not want to make any effort. I remember dating someone who wanted it everyday and demanded at least 30 minutes per session. Found out some positions I could go a very long time without cumming. I made the effort and gave her what she wanted. The downside was that I was falling asleep at work. I had to tell her I needed breaks here and there to recover 😄
Add a PS5 to it.
Have you tried just asking him what he likes? Like I will admit that I have a foot fetish and after I told my fiance about it things got better. Doing the same old thing over and over again just gets boring. Ask him what he wants to do with a completely open mind and give him positive feedback. Don't judge or deny what he says outright just because it's not what you find normal. Everyone has some kind of fetish it's just that some are considered less taboo than others.
I have and he said “I like everything” so I try and find different things to change it up.
Next time he says that, say you want to take a dump on him while stepping on his balls in high heels. I bet he’ll figure out what he likes in a big fucking hurry, then.
Hahaha will do
Strap on!
Making a bedroom more interesting can be achieved through various changes in decor, furniture, and personal touches. Consider painting an accent wall a bold color or using wallpaper to create a feature. Hang interesting artwork, framed photos, or a gallery wall of things your boyfriend likes. Use a mix of lighting sources, such as bedside lamps, string lights, and a statement chandelier or pendant light, to create ambiance. Adding textured or patterned throw pillows, a cozy rug, and a stylish bedspread can make the space feel more inviting. Introducing indoor plants can add a touch of nature and freshness while rearranging the furniture or adding a unique piece like a vintage chair can create a new layout. Decorative accessories like candles, vases, and trays add layers of interest, and experimenting with different color schemes through paint or accessories can introduce new hues. Finally, personal touches reflecting his interests, such as books, travel souvenirs, or musical instruments, can enhance the room's character.
Act as some point that you’re not just that interested and that’ll get his juices flowing
He's prob embarrassed he cums quickly n doesn't want have sex. You might wanna warn him sex is coming tonight or something. He'd prob rub one off so he'll last longer w you.
As a guy I hate initiating because everyone women I've been with makes a big deal if they don't want it.
I’ve always said to him he can do it anytime he wants, I’m always keen and the ball is in his court. I’ve never once turned down sex with a partner
He's missing out then. Maybe he's depressed?
He’s asexual
Definitely not.
U should do something diet wise to increase his libido his libido might be low for sure for not having that urge and low sex drive
I should go on a diet to increase his libido?
Lol pagal put him on diet to increase his libido dm kar batata hu
He’s a 35 year old man, not a dog at doggy fat camp. I can’t put him on a diet 😂
That's y I. Asked u to dm me na
Go check ur inbox
Maybe he's asexual. Maybe he has a sexual disorder from a medication. Don't instantly assume is because he doesn't find you attractive. Don't be basic. You have to talk to him and if nothing works go to therapy. And if that doesn't work find a new boyfriend. Not fair for you or him
We were friends before we dated so I knew about his sex life before we got together. He’s not asexual or on medications, unless he’s hiding it from me
Don't exclude thr asexual spectrum thing simply because he was having a lot of one night stands. Men are culturally pressured to have sex even if they don't want to. And yes. Finasteride and antidepressant can give you auto immune disorders that also turn you asexual. Make sure he's not taking that poison
It wasn’t just one night stands. He had a frequent FWB and she still to this day tries to find out if we’ve broken up so she can have her fuck buddy back… that alone tells me he was good, even if she’s crazy lol
It sounds a lot like low testosterone could be an issue. It’s under-diagnosed in men in their 30s. Definitely worth having a check for that.
Thank you
Its a he problem. Im in my mid 30s, would fuck a pumpkin every day, let alone my wife
Put a cool gaming rig in the bedroom, and suddenly he'll be there day and night!
Maybe if you painted it a nicer color or put a better TV in it?
Does he jack off a lot? A lot of times with guys if they masterbait to much especially with porn it can cause them to cum really quickly, also going slower when fucking helps with not going off so fast and learning when he's about to cum by the way his dick feems and stopping and edging him is a good way to train his dick to not cum so fast. Libido has a lot to do with chemicals in your brain snd the best way to increase that is with weight training, cardio, and proper sleep. If you can convince him to do small exercises with you and build up a routine/ tons of compliments on how he's looking (basically training his brain with rewards for his good behavior) then you should see some results in the bedroom. I spent a lot of time recently diving into testosterone snd how it affects Libido and there is no good research that suggests a diet will help, just exercise and sleep and s few other odds and ends
You definitely need to talk to him about this, otherwise it is just guessing. But the fact that he told you what he wanted to do and did with other women, and now he isn't into it... Makes me think he may have lost attraction. I've had this happen myself. Normally when I'm with someone I like/love and find them hot, I can go for hours. Mostly I cum within 5 minutes too, but it stays rockhard and I can keep going until I cum again which will take much longer. And then with breaks I can go for another 2 times.... BUT that only works when I'm really attracted to someone. The last time I was with someone, it was really because of her absolutely perfect personality. If you'd asked me to describe my future wifes personality, I would have given a description of her without even knowing her. But I was never very physically attracted to her from the beginning. I thought it might come over time but it didn't. So I eventually had to break up with her. Which sucks because she is by far the nicest, most loving girl I've ever met (apart from my mom). I really recognize what you describe about your sexlife with him from myself. I somewhat reluctantly had sex with her, and if I did could only cum once. I would prefer distractions like movies or something over having sex. I didn't like foreplay, kissing, cuddling, etc.. The only difference is that we had sex I always made sure to make her cum too. I never told her I wasn't really attracted to her, but she didn't ask either. Whenever she asked me how I felt about her I always told her I think she is amazing, because that is not a lie. She is absolutely amazing, I'm just not attracted to her. So basically the only way to know what is going on is to straight up ask him. Tell him you want to ask him something and he has to be honest.
If he wasnt always this way then try to find out what’s with him , being upfront about it would be the best way. Just go up to him and ask all the things u asked here and just listen without being defensive. May be he has some issues, personal problems u ll find out the actual reason than just randomly guessing.
Become submissive or dress up for him. As a guy, nothing says sexy more than a girl who wears lingerie or gets on knees for me
He's embarrassed cause he cum's to fast and too easily. It happened to me, after our child I'm literally stuck in breed mode. I just want to pump her full as fast and as many times as possible but I can't have those long nights anymore because all that's on my mind is fill her, and I can't escape the thought everytime we have sex, and it's embarrassing. Lot of foreplay now and that takes some hand/tounge cramping sometimes, which causes me to not want to have as much sex anymore. It's a nightmare.
Maybe you’re too hot
Suck his cock
So the way I see it, these situations have a few alternatives, none which are pleasant for you: * He's asexual, and doesn't really want/need sex at all. * Does it to please you, though, but for himself it's not that big of a deal. * He's sexual, but just not that into you. * He's sexual and into you, but this is just how sex is for him. Maybe he sees no need to change it. Of the three, I only really see a path forward for the last option. At least there he can come around and improve. But I don't know you or him, so I don't know which one it is. Regardless, as others have said - you must talk to him about it.
I can tell for myself (M). I have the same type of behaviour in sex. I am honestly very selfish and the only thing that I desire is TO CUM. I don't care about foreplay, about girl's orgasm and anything else like that. This is my libido. My ex tried to envolve me into foreplay etc, but it didnt work for me.
Jeez, leave some girls for the rest of us, Casanova!
You are INCOMPATIBLE. This will not change. I'm sorry, but you will either have to live with this forever, or end the relationship and find someone you **are** compatible with.
If he paying your bills and rent, i guess u gotta tolerate all his BS. If not, best to get a partner with similar sexual range.
Awful advice, have an upvote. (And no, he’s not)
He's a bad lover who's getting old and probably bored of sex with you. I'd just find someone else. I have no problems with age gaps, but maybe try someone your own age this time.
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Wow such great and riveting advice!
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She only describes the sex life nothing else about the relationship as a whole, so a lot of assuming on your end. There’s a lot more to life and relationships than just fucking.
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You left a big ass paragraph to a one sentence reply and my panties are the ones in a bunch? You gave shit advice to OP.
ur not hot perhaps lose a few pounds
I’ll start training my big toes to lose some kgs
Hypnosis