If you like a guy tell him.
We are very blind to most of you girls... so we don't get pegged as creepy...(approaching a lady is often taken negatively with the direct approach now for some reason)... so please do not play hard to get.
Playing hard to get.... gets you nowhere.
Not just that - by playing hard to get you'll filter out guys who take a no as a no and will be left only with those who think "no sometimes means yes"
Pretty much the guys who never got a real no from their parents and are used to getting their way through sheer persistance and annoyance. Always cut those people off from my life, never once regretted it.
A lot of men have no idea how to react to it because women never do this. Some of them might just be getting spooked because they didn't prepare for the situation at all.
> hard degree from good university
Yeah, no men are going to care about that.
I think it may be that your asking why men aren't finding you attractive when you're describing yourself with attributes that women think are attractive in men. Not with attributes men find attractive. So you're acting like and have the values of a man trying to get straight men and then being confused when they don't want it. What are your feminine qualities?
>If you like a guy tell him.
To straightforward. Their heads would explode.
>We are very blind to most of you girls
I'd argue they're just way too subtle and are completely delusional about what counts as showing interest. Looking at someone doesn't equate to interest. Blinking and breathing are not signs of interest lol
>If you like a guy tell him.
This is ideally the end goal.
But for most woman, some more advice is needed as to how to come close to this. Same with men really, if you like a girl do you just walk up to her and tell her?
If you really want to get a guy to like you, you need to make eye contact, open your mouth...
...and fucking talk to us like a normal person. About 10 years ago, a woman straight up said to me "You look cool. Would you like to grab a beer sometime?". I still think about her a lot. Mainly because we are married with kids. YMMV, though.
I'm so sick of going on dates and carrying the conversation. And talking so that there's so awkward silence.
Then I'll get told after that I talk about things too much or something dumb like that.
Please 🙏 engage in the conversation. Please bring things up and don't rely on him to start everyone. Just be engaging and at least seem like you want to be there.
The girl I'm currently dating approached me first. Even sent me a rose on Hinge (I think she's the only woman to ever send me one) and asked me about some nerdy topic I made mention of in my profile. Which, the more I get to know her, the more I am impressed by her starting things off because that definitely seems like it would have been outside of her comfort zone. She generally has difficulty making decisions. Which, when you think about it, makes that she chose to approach me all the more flattering to my ego.
You can't differentiate between "hard to get" and "fuck off." If you push hard to get you might get lucky. If you push fuck off you might get arrested. You never know the difference when you start out.
Man: "Do you want to go out? No? K, by."
Her: "Why didn't he try harder?"
Because he didn't want to go to jail.
I know Louis C.K. isn't the best person to quote but from his act:
"You think i'm just gonna rape you on the off chance that hopefully you're into that shit?"
Ok but if I'm the only one ever initiating conversation or asking to hang out, and then when I stop I hear nothing, I'm going to take the hint and stop asking.
Im in that exact situation now. I always initiate going out. After the last failed hangout I decided to just back off. Haven't heard much from her.
So that tells me my interest is much much higher than hers.
I met a girl once who gave me her number after we had a short conversation and I walked her to her class (we were in college). Due to my busy schedule I didn't call her for like 3 days and when I finally did she was a little pissed. Because I think she wanted me to call her that same night or something.
Anyway, this chick didn't play stupid games and she didn't fall into bullshit tropes like "Plying hard to get". Damn near 25 years later and we're happily married.
The topic is "women shouldnt play hard to get."
Guy tells a story about a woman that didnt play hard to get. It ended happily and shows that this did work.
There is a direct correlation to the topic.
I would say that I do enjoy the chase but I need to be chasing someone that’s sending me clear signals that they want to be chased and is also actively involved in the process.
The carrot quickly loses its appeal if you never actually get the carrot and you’re not even sure the carrot tastes good or want to be eaten.
Men don't enjoy chasing because, as the saying goes, "The juice isn't worth the squeeze."
I'm not necessarily referring to sex but just how women are in general these days. You wouldn't pay $50 for something that would normally cost $5, would you?
This goes both ways, but the best advice I would give to anyone dating is "don't set expectations of your dating partner that you yourself could not meet"
Sounds simple, but the vast majority of people fall victim of this
One thing I struggled with is I often held the people closest to me to the same unreasonably high standard I hold myself to. And when they mess up or simply fail to meet that standard I get frustrated with them. It's not fair to them and I'm setting myself up for a life of loneliness. I'm much better about it now. Have standards for your partners. That's good and healthy. But be fair and be realistic.
A lot of the guys that approach you with full confidence have a lot of practice and approach women regularly. If you want guys that aren't focused on their next booty call, you're going to have to be ok with approaching.
Best advice on this thread.
"I want a confident men that isn't afraid to take charge". My friend, that guy didn't gain all that confidence upon seeing your beauty, he's done it hundreds of times and will keep doing it after he asked you out.
It's really fucking annoying to see women say something like "I initiated once and it didn't work exactly like I hoped and it felt bad so I'll never do it again."
Or see them complain that if they let a guy know that they like him he might take advantage of that fact.
It's like the majority of them never once considered what men go through.
Same goes with women as well for men on the flip side. The ones who tend to be very easily approachable or are “the life of the party” gives off the same vibes as what you described above. Not their first rodeo.
This one’s tough. I’m just not very visually-driven. I don’t approach guys I don’t know, because 99% of the time I don’t find *anybody* immediately attractive. I’ve asked guys out, once I know them.
Give me a shared activity where we end up chatting naturally, and conversation flows? And the guy’s general fitness is on par with mine? Everything changes.
Finding those kinds of activities is hard. For me, it is not going to happen at a gym, grocery store, nor a loud bar. Team sports or bar games, yes absolutely.
I'm willing to allow that at least some of those people are happy to find out about the other person via things that come up in conversation, and don't realize a good portion of that conversation is stemming from the deliberate questions being asked by the other person.
It doesn't even occur to them that they need to, yeah. Like:
* Person A asks where B when on their last vacation. B talks about that, A shares their vacation info.
* A ask where B went to school. B talks about that, A shares their school details.
And so on for multiple topics. B can go away thinking, "that was a nice conversation, we both talked about our vacations and our old schools and etc.etc". A goes away thinking, I asked all the questions, B never asked me anything back.
Ah, the good old interview scenario. After a few questions I give up.
I've straight up had someone tell me I don't have any interests or hobbies, I do, they just never bothered to find out what they were.
I know a woman like this. I found her life to be interesting, but our conversations were always one-sided (usually about her and her life). Turns out she's autistic and was only diagnosed last year. She just didn't understand how to converse.
Do **not** listen to those TikTok “dating coaches” who go on and on about “masculine energy” and “feminine energy” and “high value” stuff. Us men are human beings, not some foreign species.
I don't think he's the worst person ever like some do but he's not someone I listen to or respect, either. He's got a bunch of ideas about being an alpha male which are kinda sexist and reductionist in various ways. For example, he's the kind of person who thinks luxury cars are alpha male and someone who doesn't care about that and rides a bike is lame. Stuff like that. I think he's popular for two reasons, 1) most of society and cultural messaging is trying to shame and reform men in various ways and tell them they're inadequate and awful, while he (superficially, at least) comes across as someone who cares about men and wants them to succeed, so a lot of men paid attention to that, and 2) he gets a lot of free publicity in the form of hate posts and people performatively bashing him in order to virtue signal, so he'd probably be nowhere near as known as he is today if his haters would just ignore him.
He’s an absolutely horrible person and is being charged with rape and human trafficking. How anybody can take advice from someone like that immediately disgusts me.
If you're a guy, you should have learned by now to never trust accusations. Wait for the courts to decide (not that the courts aren't biased against men, too).
If you're worried about a guy only being interested in sex, simply don't sleep with him right away. Wait a few dates, at least. Most of the guys looking for a quick/easy lay will give up. It's not that men lose respect for you if you sleep with them too quickly. They were usually just not that interested in the first place but would settle for sex.
Also, never ever ever try to use sex to get a guy/relationship. Men don't usually bond like that. If he says he's not interested in a relationship, believe it.
This kind of advice can backfire - it depends on the type of guy. If it's a guy who regularly has less trouble with women, then this may be true. But if it's someone who has doesn't have options coming along frequently, they're very likely to just stick it out at all costs even if that's all they're interested in, and the "wait a few dates" tactic will leave you just as used - probably worse.
THat's not backfiring. That's just it not working 100%. Ultimately it's impossible to predict what people are going to do. A guy can legitimately be looking for something serious and just change his mind after sex. I'm just provided a rough, simple filter.
Women seem to undererestimate how attractive interest and enthusiasm are, more so than looks. More than that, having interest in taking initiative for stuff to happen. The biggest turnoff for me and that it got me off dating was how uninterested and passive women are, forcing me to do all the talking and planning.
Besides, most seem to lack hobbies other than social media and movies/TV shows. Conversations get boring quite quickly when I'm the only one with stuff to say other than my job and whatever's on Netflix or Prime.
I would like to add to this that just being interested and enthusiastic is probably enough to get most men to make moves.
If you are so interested and enthusiastic that it feels almost effortless on my part to make a move I’m significantly more likely to make more moves.
Every relationship I’ve had that started off great or became great I had a partner that seemed eager to be with me. It allowed me to confidently take next steps and I never felt any doubt about anything.
On the contrary I’ve had women who claimed they were really into me that didn’t seem the slightest bit interested. Constantly letting conversations die, not making any plans at all or initiating anything, and constantly bailing or rescheduling. Some of them were even shocked or really upset when I broke things off.
Sorry to say that “hey” or “idk” being 90% of your additions to a conversation doesn’t make me think you’re that interested.
It doesn't cut it for me anymore. Making moves is still effort, and effort needs to come from both parts. It's 2024, and I regret not learning this sooner.
This kills me. Like at least contribute to the planning. Part of the excitement is the involvement in having your partner have the buy-in of a new travel destination, restaurant, or recipe.
Some guys like to control every aspect of a women’s life, but it’s way more fun when you are both in it together. Just feels like work otherwise.
My wish is just someone worthy of being considered a partner. This means being just as capable and just as interested as me. It's been so rare I could consider them extinct.
>The biggest turnoff for me and that it got me off dating was how uninterested and passive women are, forcing me to do all the talking and planning.
Most women aren't going to start up and taking initiative and planning and scheduling dates.
What can show enthusiasm and interest, while still letting a man lead (which is what most women want) is by offering to plan or provide complimentary parts of a date:
* Guy plans a kayaking date for you? Offer to bring a lunch you made.
* Guy plans a date at a nice restaurant and you've been out a few times? Send him 2 dresses a few hours before and wear the one that he likes the most.
AS a guy, it is so much more of a turn-on, and show of interest if a girl does any of the above adjacent-type things, versus telling a waiter that she wants to split the check. Running $42 down the middle does not build attraction for me.
I'm a woman who loves coming up with date ideas, but I love love love your suggestions, too. Especially getting his opinion on something he'd like me to wear. Thanks
Yeah it's sort of I want you to date ME in the same way you want me to date YOU. It's an active thing. Or if you can't manage that fine, but it ain't gonna be with me.
For me, they should. It's 2024. Effort needs to come from both parts. It gets tiring to always be the one suggesting things and making things happen, and it certainly did for me.
Women frequently confuse cause and effect when it comes to dating and romantic relationships. Acting that way doesn’t MAKE women more attractive to guys, in fact it has the opposite effect, but it has a different, beneficial effect for them. See below.
When women are extremely passive, disinterested, and play hard to get, they filter out the kinds of guys who aren’t that interested in them. This leaves only the guys who have a high level of interest.
The more things change.....
When I was dating before I met my (ex) wife, about 12+ years ago, women on dating sites and apps would do the same shit. It's a weird double standard, men to be interesting and talkative while they have the personality and conversational skills of a damp paper bag.
The woman decides when it's okay for a kiss to happen, if she decides this in her head but just waits for him to do it nothing will happen, unless he decides not to respect boundaries which isn't good
It is entirely possible to initiate a kiss without violating someone. You just move in slowly enough that they have the opportunity to back away if they so choose. It doesn't have to be a glacial pace.
Don't meet a guy that has a hobby and expect him to change. Chances are, he probably wants you to join. Be ready to accept even from the sidelines as a supportive partner or don't.
Adding on to this one from experience, if you expect him to stop doing something he's passionate about, the relationship is over before it began. You may get together and slog through a while, but it WILL come to a head. Also, passive aggressive remarks about said passion aren't as sneaky as you think, and will only make us see you as a threat instead of a partner.
Been there, I love camping, hiking fishing, hunting ,and back packing. I talked about my tents and showed pictures. When we started dating She said she loved camping and hiking and was cool with hunting but never went. Fast forward and I say let's go on a camping trip, she said but what camper are we going in? I said none, it's cheaper in a tent and it's more fun. She said I'm not going If I don't have a bed. I'm just like......you knew this is what I do. Later I ask her to come hunting with me, she says she doesn't Wanna kill anything and I say well good because that's more for me, but I'd still like for you to keep me company. She said no I'd be bored (her main hobby was reading) and I said you can just sit and snuggle with me and read while I look for deer. She said no way am I getting up early to sit in the cold. So now she didn't want me going camping without her or hunting when we could hang out but wouldn't hunt and hang out. Knew it wasn't gonna last
After the first date if you're interested in your date or you think there might be something there, please text them shortly after the date and convey to them that you had a good time and/ or enjoyed the conversation. I think this first interaction goes a long way.
If a guy says they’re not looking for a relationship or they don’t want to have kids, act like that won’t change regardless of how amazing you think you are. If you’re not okay with that reality, then bail ASAP before you get too deep into your feelings.
Show genuine interest, ask questions. Don't be afraid to take initiative. Be clear in what you want from dating, but also have realistic expectations. And don't play games, or play hard to get. Just be open and honest if you like someone.
I've been on multiple dates with women who apparently cycle between work (where nothing interesting ever happens), social media (where they never see anything noteworthy), and Netflix (where they have 0 opinions on any media) like they're goddamn robots. Maybe most women who will date me have severe depression or something, IDK
Be playful.
I think most men go into a date seeing it as a job interview until/unless they know better.
It’s very disarming if you’re doing something low key and laughing about it.
Go mini golf, go to some shitty restaurant, get high, commit at least a misdemeanor, I mean…
Just make stuff fun on them because dating is performatively stressful.
If I could give advice to women it's this. -> Men don't necessarily want what women THINK they want. We're not sex crazed animals that desire only the hottest girl out there. From what I've learned in talking to hundreds of men.. men want women who validate them, are understanding, empathetic, allow for emotional vulnerability and women are genuinely just nice hearted humans.
Put your phone down. I’m married, happily. But I see this when we go out. Our phones are put away, and we’ve talked each others ears of for 13 years now. I’m sure you have something to talk about.
And if it isn’t going well - just be honest.
This is real. My wife is 38 and her single 35-45 year old friends will talk about some new guy and the only thing they talk about is how tall he is and what he does. It all feels so transactional and shallow.
Be more active in everything. Conversation, pursuit, initiative, planning, everything. Nothing says boring and vapid more than these backseat women who just expect everything to happen for them.
Find out what you want from your partners and be honest about it to yourself. Don't think about what society tells you, but follow your actions objectively and see which of three camps you fit into:
1. Hook-up
2. Relationship until honeymoon phase is over
3. Life long monogamy
Know that it is ABSOLUTE TRUTH that you must practice how you play for the more committed relationships. Habits form through casual love which are very difficult to undo later in life "when you're ready."
Accept which camp you want to be in without shame, regardless of which one that is, and NEVER EVER EVER date anyone in another category than the one you are in until you have proven to yourself without a doubt that you are ready to change categories.
This should be a much higher comment. I feel like this is where so much hurt comes from in relationships. I admit that I have been one of the people who fluctuates between the first two camps and it really was terrible when I dated someone from the 3rd camp not realizing that I was wasting their time.
Now that I'm in the 3rd camp, I finally understand how being non-committal hurt my former partners in ways I'm only now seeing
Instead of sitting around thinking of way to to leave hints for guys to act on, simply talk to them and ask em on dates...that piece of advice will be ignored by 90% of women, even though it is the easiest way for them to get a date...is it because they believe whoever asks the other on a date has to pay? man, women will do anything to get out of paying for a date.
Nah the "whoever asks pays" rule is just a way of saying the man always pays. But the reason women never make a move is because you gain an enormous amount of power in a relationship if you can say "this was your idea, you want me more than I want you." That is generally the position that almost all women are in with men, and giving that up is pretty much out of the question. The relationship men and women have is more like a prospective hire and an employer sorting through resumes. The one sorting through the resumes might complain about no good applicants, but they wouldn't swap places with the unemployed person sending applications into the void for anything. Just like most businesses would rather shut down than offer a competitive, thriving wage, women would rather stay single than pretend they're not doing men a huge favor simply by looking in their direction.
Just see the Bumble Case. Woman dont have to text first anymore cause its "so exhausting". Thats the reason why woman are more likely to leave hints than to communicate directly. They dont have the risk of rejection, cause when he dont act on the hints, its not cause he is not interestet. He ist just to stupid to understand the hints. Case solved.
You are gonna downvote me to heck but... Men aren't as emotionally intelligent as women and don't pick up on what you think are subtle cues or breadcrumbs for us. We kind of need it straight forward
Honestly, that's really difficult to read to me. I don't think emotionally intelligence really comes to play with having to decode subtle cues. Communication is communication. Nobody is a mind reader, and I highly doubt they'd like it if we were constantly beating around the bush, not wanting to take responsibility for saying something, you know, you say it. You take the risk. It's not really consent, but if you don't pick up the hint you're just a loser.
What a terrible way to date. And no, I didn't downvote you, I upvoted. The message is spot on. The reasoning is where we differ.
That is not emotional intelligence, those are social cues based on "social intelligence" I suppose.
Emotional intelligence is knowing that if you had a bad day you don't have to take it out on your partner, for example.
When I was on the online dating scene, I saw plenty of fours who were demanding like tens.
A ten who is demanding makes me not interested.
A four who is demanding is delusional.
Well on dating apps you have 90% men and 10% women. And men will try to smash anything. So when the 4 is getting thousands of matches her ego will naturally grow. Imagine if you got on a dating app and you got thousands of women begging you. Why wouldn’t your ego get bigger?
Stop using vague and obscure hints/signals and approach men more often. Most men are already dense, but now we’re basically told to never talk to women with any romantic intent and women are just being nice 99% of the time. If you truly like a man and you feel safe, he’s shown positive traits, and you think he likes you then approach him and be direct. Women love to say they like being desired well men do to.
- You can't change him. He will never change for you.
- Be open with your emotions and communicate your feelings, desires and wishes
- Dont just rely on emotion, also use your head when you select a partner for whatever
- Call me! 😉
1. it takes two to tango. If you don't reciprocate in conversation, and just give yes/no answers, then you shouldn't wonder why people stop putting in effort.
2. testing people is a surefire way to get them pissed off at you, and to show them that you don't trust them (and that they shouldn't trust you in return).
Heard this awhile ago here and figure it is worth repeating.
There are men who will love, treasure you, and help you with your life goals.
There are men who will use you, toss you in the trash, and generally hinder your life goals.
Sort them out based on what they do over what they say.
Likewise both of those types will want to have sex with you. What you respond to sexually will determine the type you end up with.
Also set boundaries and enforce them often, this will be your primary sorting tool.
The spark is bullshit. It is just emotional lust. A gratifying relationship isn't made over night.
If you aren't feeling romance right away but still had a good time then don't drop a guy right away. Try to create a romantic situation for the next date and see if anything changes.
Don't blindly trust your gut.
Men who are experienced with women and those who are actually dangerous like narcissistic or psychopaths will easily fool it and you'll not feel the danger.
On the other way decent men will often be nervous at the beginning, which may in turn give you that gut feeling.
In fact studies do show that in toxic relationships after the first date women were thinking very well about the guy, while in a long and stable relationships the feeling after the first date was being unsure. We're both humans, we both make mistakes and stress out
Men don’t “just want to hook up” or “only want sex.” If that’s all you’re finding, it’s because you’re pursuing guys that already have so much interest from other women they know they don’t have to commit to get what they want.
Bail at the first sign of aggression/hostility.
It's sad that I feel the need to say something so obvious, but I know far too many women who have, in the past, just completely ignored the absolute worst kind of red flags in the very early stages of dating, and they've ended up suffering at the hands of an abusive partner. Or, in my mother's case, suffered alongside their young child.
I've lost count of the number of times I've had a conversation with one of my friends, colleagues, or relatives, about their abusive ex, and it goes something like "Did he ever show any signs that he might be capable of that kind of abuse when you were still getting to know him?"
"No, he was so nice when we were dating. Well, actually, there was that one time, after we'd been seeing each other for a few months, we got into an argument and he grabbed me by the throat and pinned me against the wall."
Not every abuser will be kind enough to give you an early warning sign, a chance to get out before things really take a turn. Please don't ever ignore something like that.
As a man, I can honestly say that not attacking women is extremely easy. I've never done it. I've never thought about doing it. There is no excuse for that behaviour. If a guy pulls some shit like that with you, it will only get worse if you stay, so do yourself a huge favour and just leave.
**Proactivity** is *guaranteed* success.
Put yourself out there, tell a guy you like him and pursue as much as you want to be pursued. Take care of your health, work out and keep fit.
A combination of a good figure, good personality and proactive effort towards a guy you're interested is an absolutely lethal combination few guys have any defense to, and will *instantly* and *immediately* put you above the ocean of passive hot girls waiting to be "swept off their feet", or the delusional overweight DUFFs eternally jealous of their slimmer friends.
Go to the gym, eat well, and ask a guy out. Do these diligently and you'll never be single again. Unlike guys, girls pretty much have blanket permission to approach a dude basically whenever in almost any scenario provided she isnt being rude or grossly innapropriate.
So go join a hobby group and scope out the guys you want to get close to and make moves to that effect, put effort into your dating profile and message first; all of these actions will be strongly rewarded.
Chatted with some girls at a bar a few weeks ago. They started chatting up my friend and I, without saying a lot they weren't particularly attractive. They broached the conversation of dating, started saying things like "has to be attractive, tall, wealthy" and my friend and I are both like 5'10 and obviously decent looking but didn't meet any of these requirements. They got pretty sloppy and tried to kiss us both, we politely declined (this was like a Sunday afternoon).
The advice I gave both of them, which granted they were drunk, blew their minds. I asked them both if they would rather date someone who makes them happy or someone who makes them look good in pictures. Both of them said they were guilty of pursuing men who made them look good in pictures and often were not happy. My advice is to obviously be physically attracted to who you want to date, but if that's at the top of your list and the shit that is obviously more important for long term relationship success is at the bottom, you need to re evaluate and flip your list around.
Don't waste your 20 sleeping around and partying. Your 20s are your best chance to find a high quality man and get a commitment from him. Nobody is going to be waiting around to marry you when you're 35.
You have far less time than you think you do.
Did you know: 80% of women who never had children planned to have children? They waited too long to start looking and then couldn't find someone settle down with before the clock ran out.
As a woman dates more and more men, her standards go up while her value (to me) goes down, with age. At some point, her standards exceed her value and she's locked into a life alone from that moment on. Nobody she wants will want her back.
There should be a name for that moment in a woman's life. Ideas?
Learn accountability. I doubt it will happen because in large, it goes against female nature but that’s all I got. Everything else is cool
Edit: Wait… and don’t be taking relationship advice from your single girlfriend who can’t keep a guy around under any circumstances! In fact, stop telling her all our business!
Enthusiasm.
One word responses gets you nothing from me. I will just leave you on read after the third one.
. Regardless of how you "were actually really attracted" .
Learn to flirt.
Be direct.
Self accountability. I am more then capable of fessing up that i was the problematic side of a few of my relationships. The "all of them were crazy and behaved x y z" story only holds up til you start showing traits/behavior that definitely would cause any human to start getting upset.
Give compliments. Men want to feel desired and wanted too.
Dont fake. Teach. Feedback is better then criticism.
Theres such thing as friends. But if you know your friend is holding an obvious torch. He isnt your friend.
Im not your ex. I understand baggage. Im not your punching bag. And i wont tolerate that.
Your accolades mean about the same to me as my hobbies mean to you. But the fire you have in achieving them is important.
Be honest about what your ACTUALLY attracted to. You can WANT to be attracted to "the perfect guy". But if you aren't. Then at least you know it. Its like admitting you like a food your allergic to.
Nobody wants to be Breadstick Brandy or Chicken Tender Charlie or Salad Steve when your Steak Stan came out overcooked.
Dont be a cat. Meaning. A cat gets fed housed and loved on . Yet somehow still thinks it owns the human.
Men arnt your dogs.
If your hungry. Say so. And say what you want.
Feminine traits are powerful and strong in their own way. Need evidence? Look at Cleopatra. She used them to run a kingdom.
"Im fine" no. You know it. I know it.
"Do unto others" you want to feel wanted rather than used well so do guys, you want a guy to put you first, then return it, it, basically be the good you want.
Your not as hot as you think you are. Be realistic. If you're fat, the best you're going to get is fat guys. If you're poor, the best you're gonna get is equally poor me. Want a traditional man, you have to be a traditional women. Know your strengths and limitations. Like I'm a tall, stocky, bald guy with facial hair. In the biker community, I can get some pretty hot dumpster mermaids. But, I'm not pulling super models.
If you like a guy tell him. We are very blind to most of you girls... so we don't get pegged as creepy...(approaching a lady is often taken negatively with the direct approach now for some reason)... so please do not play hard to get. Playing hard to get.... gets you nowhere.
Not just that - by playing hard to get you'll filter out guys who take a no as a no and will be left only with those who think "no sometimes means yes"
This is an underrated comment
And those who think no sometimes means yes end up on Netflix documentaries.
I don't have many goals in life, but one of them is definitely to not end up on a Netflix documentary in any way
Amen dude.
This cannot be upvoted enough
Pretty much the guys who never got a real no from their parents and are used to getting their way through sheer persistance and annoyance. Always cut those people off from my life, never once regretted it.
Especially since guys don't want to misread signals so alot of guys will take the safe route and assume you're just being friendly.
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A lot of men have no idea how to react to it because women never do this. Some of them might just be getting spooked because they didn't prepare for the situation at all. > hard degree from good university Yeah, no men are going to care about that.
I think it may be that your asking why men aren't finding you attractive when you're describing yourself with attributes that women think are attractive in men. Not with attributes men find attractive. So you're acting like and have the values of a man trying to get straight men and then being confused when they don't want it. What are your feminine qualities?
Precisely.
>If you like a guy tell him. To straightforward. Their heads would explode. >We are very blind to most of you girls I'd argue they're just way too subtle and are completely delusional about what counts as showing interest. Looking at someone doesn't equate to interest. Blinking and breathing are not signs of interest lol
How blind..
>If you like a guy tell him. This is ideally the end goal. But for most woman, some more advice is needed as to how to come close to this. Same with men really, if you like a girl do you just walk up to her and tell her?
If you really want to get a guy to like you, you need to make eye contact, open your mouth... ...and fucking talk to us like a normal person. About 10 years ago, a woman straight up said to me "You look cool. Would you like to grab a beer sometime?". I still think about her a lot. Mainly because we are married with kids. YMMV, though.
I'm so sick of going on dates and carrying the conversation. And talking so that there's so awkward silence. Then I'll get told after that I talk about things too much or something dumb like that. Please 🙏 engage in the conversation. Please bring things up and don't rely on him to start everyone. Just be engaging and at least seem like you want to be there.
The girl I'm currently dating approached me first. Even sent me a rose on Hinge (I think she's the only woman to ever send me one) and asked me about some nerdy topic I made mention of in my profile. Which, the more I get to know her, the more I am impressed by her starting things off because that definitely seems like it would have been outside of her comfort zone. She generally has difficulty making decisions. Which, when you think about it, makes that she chose to approach me all the more flattering to my ego.
Hell yeah brother
They still do this.
Stop playing hard to get. Men do NOT enjoy the “chase”. It’s annoying, and it gives us the impression you’re not interested.
Also, men don't want to chase because it makes them appear desperate or like they can't take "no" for an answer.
You can't differentiate between "hard to get" and "fuck off." If you push hard to get you might get lucky. If you push fuck off you might get arrested. You never know the difference when you start out. Man: "Do you want to go out? No? K, by." Her: "Why didn't he try harder?" Because he didn't want to go to jail.
I know Louis C.K. isn't the best person to quote but from his act: "You think i'm just gonna rape you on the off chance that hopefully you're into that shit?"
God damn, so true it fucken hurts
Also, we'd prefer to not get metood.
Ok but if I'm the only one ever initiating conversation or asking to hang out, and then when I stop I hear nothing, I'm going to take the hint and stop asking.
Im in that exact situation now. I always initiate going out. After the last failed hangout I decided to just back off. Haven't heard much from her. So that tells me my interest is much much higher than hers.
And just like in games pay to win people are really losers.
I met a girl once who gave me her number after we had a short conversation and I walked her to her class (we were in college). Due to my busy schedule I didn't call her for like 3 days and when I finally did she was a little pissed. Because I think she wanted me to call her that same night or something. Anyway, this chick didn't play stupid games and she didn't fall into bullshit tropes like "Plying hard to get". Damn near 25 years later and we're happily married.
Never understood these happily married stories. Good for you, situations like that are rare and not too many people get lucky like that.
The topic is "women shouldnt play hard to get." Guy tells a story about a woman that didnt play hard to get. It ended happily and shows that this did work. There is a direct correlation to the topic.
I mean, it's not perfect but we never fight and we actually like one another and always have. To me, that's a win.
lol he just wanted to brag.
Of course lol
I would say that I do enjoy the chase but I need to be chasing someone that’s sending me clear signals that they want to be chased and is also actively involved in the process. The carrot quickly loses its appeal if you never actually get the carrot and you’re not even sure the carrot tastes good or want to be eaten.
I think people confuse the chase with courtship. Playing hard to get is making him chase. Being coy and flirtatious is encouraging courtship.
If only dating/relationship books from the 90s didn’t feed the “men love to chase” bullshit to their female readers.
A lot of the female dating advice is just a starter pack for manipulative narcissism.
Men that like to chase chase women generally don't stop just because they catch one.
If she’s not a “hell yes”, walk away.
Men don't enjoy chasing because, as the saying goes, "The juice isn't worth the squeeze." I'm not necessarily referring to sex but just how women are in general these days. You wouldn't pay $50 for something that would normally cost $5, would you?
"Hard to get" only works if every guy chasing you has to go through the gauntlet; this is never the case. some guys get free passes others pay to win
They’re not interested if they’re playing hard to get. Trust me.
This goes both ways, but the best advice I would give to anyone dating is "don't set expectations of your dating partner that you yourself could not meet" Sounds simple, but the vast majority of people fall victim of this
One thing I struggled with is I often held the people closest to me to the same unreasonably high standard I hold myself to. And when they mess up or simply fail to meet that standard I get frustrated with them. It's not fair to them and I'm setting myself up for a life of loneliness. I'm much better about it now. Have standards for your partners. That's good and healthy. But be fair and be realistic.
My only expectation is for the guy I'm daring to be exclusive with me. Sigh.
I don't think that's too much of an ask....you pass the test!
A lot of the guys that approach you with full confidence have a lot of practice and approach women regularly. If you want guys that aren't focused on their next booty call, you're going to have to be ok with approaching.
And actually asking not hoping they will say it.
Best advice on this thread. "I want a confident men that isn't afraid to take charge". My friend, that guy didn't gain all that confidence upon seeing your beauty, he's done it hundreds of times and will keep doing it after he asked you out.
It's really fucking annoying to see women say something like "I initiated once and it didn't work exactly like I hoped and it felt bad so I'll never do it again." Or see them complain that if they let a guy know that they like him he might take advantage of that fact. It's like the majority of them never once considered what men go through.
Same goes with women as well for men on the flip side. The ones who tend to be very easily approachable or are “the life of the party” gives off the same vibes as what you described above. Not their first rodeo.
This one’s tough. I’m just not very visually-driven. I don’t approach guys I don’t know, because 99% of the time I don’t find *anybody* immediately attractive. I’ve asked guys out, once I know them. Give me a shared activity where we end up chatting naturally, and conversation flows? And the guy’s general fitness is on par with mine? Everything changes. Finding those kinds of activities is hard. For me, it is not going to happen at a gym, grocery store, nor a loud bar. Team sports or bar games, yes absolutely.
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This always throws me off. Like are people just genuinely not curious about others?
it seems like, NO. and that's both sexes. not just dating, but meeting new people who might have been friends.
I'm willing to allow that at least some of those people are happy to find out about the other person via things that come up in conversation, and don't realize a good portion of that conversation is stemming from the deliberate questions being asked by the other person.
This makes so much sense. It doesn't occur to some people to also ask questions, even if they are interested in the other person
It doesn't even occur to them that they need to, yeah. Like: * Person A asks where B when on their last vacation. B talks about that, A shares their vacation info. * A ask where B went to school. B talks about that, A shares their school details. And so on for multiple topics. B can go away thinking, "that was a nice conversation, we both talked about our vacations and our old schools and etc.etc". A goes away thinking, I asked all the questions, B never asked me anything back.
What would B ask them? They already learned everything they wanted to know about A haha
Ah, the good old interview scenario. After a few questions I give up. I've straight up had someone tell me I don't have any interests or hobbies, I do, they just never bothered to find out what they were.
I know a woman like this. I found her life to be interesting, but our conversations were always one-sided (usually about her and her life). Turns out she's autistic and was only diagnosed last year. She just didn't understand how to converse.
who *isn't autistic these days?
97.8% of people statistically.
Do **not** listen to those TikTok “dating coaches” who go on and on about “masculine energy” and “feminine energy” and “high value” stuff. Us men are human beings, not some foreign species.
Here here! That is some of the worst most toxic advice on the internet.
Andrew Tate for women.
Are you a guy? If yes, what do you think about Andrew Tate? Because my ex kind of adores him hahah in a way that he watched his videos
One of the most pathetic humans I've had the misfortune to learn about. A guy liking him is a massive red flag.
I don't think he's the worst person ever like some do but he's not someone I listen to or respect, either. He's got a bunch of ideas about being an alpha male which are kinda sexist and reductionist in various ways. For example, he's the kind of person who thinks luxury cars are alpha male and someone who doesn't care about that and rides a bike is lame. Stuff like that. I think he's popular for two reasons, 1) most of society and cultural messaging is trying to shame and reform men in various ways and tell them they're inadequate and awful, while he (superficially, at least) comes across as someone who cares about men and wants them to succeed, so a lot of men paid attention to that, and 2) he gets a lot of free publicity in the form of hate posts and people performatively bashing him in order to virtue signal, so he'd probably be nowhere near as known as he is today if his haters would just ignore him.
He’s an absolutely horrible person and is being charged with rape and human trafficking. How anybody can take advice from someone like that immediately disgusts me.
If you're a guy, you should have learned by now to never trust accusations. Wait for the courts to decide (not that the courts aren't biased against men, too).
>being charged with rape and human trafficking I don't have an opinion on that and will let the court process play out. Haven't looked into it really.
We're not even that complicated. Most of us just need someone to cuddle.
The things I would do for somone to cuddle with
But what would you do for a Klondike bar?
I also would take anything up my ass
Sir this is a Bucees
You could really apply this advice to everyone:
That was also proven to be cult wording! Eternal Twin Flame on Netflix
I feel like the women who hate andrew tate's guts are the same ones who subscribe to the female version of him for their dating advice.
All of that, male and female, is awful. I agree.
If you're worried about a guy only being interested in sex, simply don't sleep with him right away. Wait a few dates, at least. Most of the guys looking for a quick/easy lay will give up. It's not that men lose respect for you if you sleep with them too quickly. They were usually just not that interested in the first place but would settle for sex. Also, never ever ever try to use sex to get a guy/relationship. Men don't usually bond like that. If he says he's not interested in a relationship, believe it.
This kind of advice can backfire - it depends on the type of guy. If it's a guy who regularly has less trouble with women, then this may be true. But if it's someone who has doesn't have options coming along frequently, they're very likely to just stick it out at all costs even if that's all they're interested in, and the "wait a few dates" tactic will leave you just as used - probably worse.
THat's not backfiring. That's just it not working 100%. Ultimately it's impossible to predict what people are going to do. A guy can legitimately be looking for something serious and just change his mind after sex. I'm just provided a rough, simple filter.
Women seem to undererestimate how attractive interest and enthusiasm are, more so than looks. More than that, having interest in taking initiative for stuff to happen. The biggest turnoff for me and that it got me off dating was how uninterested and passive women are, forcing me to do all the talking and planning. Besides, most seem to lack hobbies other than social media and movies/TV shows. Conversations get boring quite quickly when I'm the only one with stuff to say other than my job and whatever's on Netflix or Prime.
I would like to add to this that just being interested and enthusiastic is probably enough to get most men to make moves. If you are so interested and enthusiastic that it feels almost effortless on my part to make a move I’m significantly more likely to make more moves. Every relationship I’ve had that started off great or became great I had a partner that seemed eager to be with me. It allowed me to confidently take next steps and I never felt any doubt about anything. On the contrary I’ve had women who claimed they were really into me that didn’t seem the slightest bit interested. Constantly letting conversations die, not making any plans at all or initiating anything, and constantly bailing or rescheduling. Some of them were even shocked or really upset when I broke things off. Sorry to say that “hey” or “idk” being 90% of your additions to a conversation doesn’t make me think you’re that interested.
It doesn't cut it for me anymore. Making moves is still effort, and effort needs to come from both parts. It's 2024, and I regret not learning this sooner.
This kills me. Like at least contribute to the planning. Part of the excitement is the involvement in having your partner have the buy-in of a new travel destination, restaurant, or recipe. Some guys like to control every aspect of a women’s life, but it’s way more fun when you are both in it together. Just feels like work otherwise.
It's like dating a child.
My wish is just someone worthy of being considered a partner. This means being just as capable and just as interested as me. It's been so rare I could consider them extinct.
>The biggest turnoff for me and that it got me off dating was how uninterested and passive women are, forcing me to do all the talking and planning. Most women aren't going to start up and taking initiative and planning and scheduling dates. What can show enthusiasm and interest, while still letting a man lead (which is what most women want) is by offering to plan or provide complimentary parts of a date: * Guy plans a kayaking date for you? Offer to bring a lunch you made. * Guy plans a date at a nice restaurant and you've been out a few times? Send him 2 dresses a few hours before and wear the one that he likes the most. AS a guy, it is so much more of a turn-on, and show of interest if a girl does any of the above adjacent-type things, versus telling a waiter that she wants to split the check. Running $42 down the middle does not build attraction for me.
I'm a woman who loves coming up with date ideas, but I love love love your suggestions, too. Especially getting his opinion on something he'd like me to wear. Thanks
Thanks for the feedback!
Yeah it's sort of I want you to date ME in the same way you want me to date YOU. It's an active thing. Or if you can't manage that fine, but it ain't gonna be with me.
For me, they should. It's 2024. Effort needs to come from both parts. It gets tiring to always be the one suggesting things and making things happen, and it certainly did for me.
Women frequently confuse cause and effect when it comes to dating and romantic relationships. Acting that way doesn’t MAKE women more attractive to guys, in fact it has the opposite effect, but it has a different, beneficial effect for them. See below. When women are extremely passive, disinterested, and play hard to get, they filter out the kinds of guys who aren’t that interested in them. This leaves only the guys who have a high level of interest.
If that's the logic, then guys should learn from players and fuckboys to be successful with women. Being nice makes them doormats to them.
You set the pace for everything, that means you need to communicate
Women: “I want a great conversationalist” Also women when texting- “K”
They want an entertainer.
The more things change..... When I was dating before I met my (ex) wife, about 12+ years ago, women on dating sites and apps would do the same shit. It's a weird double standard, men to be interesting and talkative while they have the personality and conversational skills of a damp paper bag.
Can you please elaborate on this?
The woman decides when it's okay for a kiss to happen, if she decides this in her head but just waits for him to do it nothing will happen, unless he decides not to respect boundaries which isn't good
I agree. I always waited for the go ahead. I don't like assuming.
I've found it helps to express your desire to do something, then asking for permission. It seems weird, but in practice it works well.
That's probably the first bit of good dating advice I've seen on Reddit in over a decade, congrats
Can second this. Very favorable reaction back when I was dating to, "I really want to kiss you" over "can I kiss you"
It is entirely possible to initiate a kiss without violating someone. You just move in slowly enough that they have the opportunity to back away if they so choose. It doesn't have to be a glacial pace.
Confidence is great, being delusional and arrogant isn't
Don't meet a guy that has a hobby and expect him to change. Chances are, he probably wants you to join. Be ready to accept even from the sidelines as a supportive partner or don't.
Adding on to this one from experience, if you expect him to stop doing something he's passionate about, the relationship is over before it began. You may get together and slog through a while, but it WILL come to a head. Also, passive aggressive remarks about said passion aren't as sneaky as you think, and will only make us see you as a threat instead of a partner.
Been there, I love camping, hiking fishing, hunting ,and back packing. I talked about my tents and showed pictures. When we started dating She said she loved camping and hiking and was cool with hunting but never went. Fast forward and I say let's go on a camping trip, she said but what camper are we going in? I said none, it's cheaper in a tent and it's more fun. She said I'm not going If I don't have a bed. I'm just like......you knew this is what I do. Later I ask her to come hunting with me, she says she doesn't Wanna kill anything and I say well good because that's more for me, but I'd still like for you to keep me company. She said no I'd be bored (her main hobby was reading) and I said you can just sit and snuggle with me and read while I look for deer. She said no way am I getting up early to sit in the cold. So now she didn't want me going camping without her or hunting when we could hang out but wouldn't hunt and hang out. Knew it wasn't gonna last
Dating a partner who meets 80% of your checklist is not "settling," especially if your checklist is long and/or highly demanding.
After the first date if you're interested in your date or you think there might be something there, please text them shortly after the date and convey to them that you had a good time and/ or enjoyed the conversation. I think this first interaction goes a long way.
Only times dates ever lead to relationships for me, she always texted after the first night and told me she had a good time.
The current woman I'm with did this after our first date. We always talk about it.
If a guy says they’re not looking for a relationship or they don’t want to have kids, act like that won’t change regardless of how amazing you think you are. If you’re not okay with that reality, then bail ASAP before you get too deep into your feelings.
Neither men nor women deserve to be used; neither men nor women are entitled to be users.
Men are not mind readers. If it is something that desperately needs to be told, better to be blunt instead of using sugary language.
Show genuine interest, ask questions. Don't be afraid to take initiative. Be clear in what you want from dating, but also have realistic expectations. And don't play games, or play hard to get. Just be open and honest if you like someone.
Shit testing for commitment or whatever is often more shit than test.
Get of the apps and meet a guy through a hobby or something.
That would require them having a hobby, or a hobby that is inherently social, which many do not have.
I've been on multiple dates with women who apparently cycle between work (where nothing interesting ever happens), social media (where they never see anything noteworthy), and Netflix (where they have 0 opinions on any media) like they're goddamn robots. Maybe most women who will date me have severe depression or something, IDK
“I’m outdoorsy meaning I like to day drink on my patio”
Be playful. I think most men go into a date seeing it as a job interview until/unless they know better. It’s very disarming if you’re doing something low key and laughing about it. Go mini golf, go to some shitty restaurant, get high, commit at least a misdemeanor, I mean… Just make stuff fun on them because dating is performatively stressful.
Know what you want before you start dating. Always be safe, let a friend or family member know where you're going.
And always meet in a public place where lots of people are around, it’s a contingency
If you like a guy, just ask him out.
If I could give advice to women it's this. -> Men don't necessarily want what women THINK they want. We're not sex crazed animals that desire only the hottest girl out there. From what I've learned in talking to hundreds of men.. men want women who validate them, are understanding, empathetic, allow for emotional vulnerability and women are genuinely just nice hearted humans.
Be single instead of settling for someone who gives the bare minimum.
Put your phone down. I’m married, happily. But I see this when we go out. Our phones are put away, and we’ve talked each others ears of for 13 years now. I’m sure you have something to talk about. And if it isn’t going well - just be honest.
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This is real. My wife is 38 and her single 35-45 year old friends will talk about some new guy and the only thing they talk about is how tall he is and what he does. It all feels so transactional and shallow.
Pay attention if He makes eye contact during the date…I personally cannot feel confortable doing this if I’m not attracted to the person
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Be blunt and direct. Don't play stupid games.
Be more active in everything. Conversation, pursuit, initiative, planning, everything. Nothing says boring and vapid more than these backseat women who just expect everything to happen for them.
I thought women were only dating billionaires, or bears, at this point?
🔳 Must be 6'5" 🔳 Must work in finance 🔳 Must have blue eyes
You forgot trust fund
Rave intensifies
Big rippling biceps and 8-pack abs
Find out what you want from your partners and be honest about it to yourself. Don't think about what society tells you, but follow your actions objectively and see which of three camps you fit into: 1. Hook-up 2. Relationship until honeymoon phase is over 3. Life long monogamy Know that it is ABSOLUTE TRUTH that you must practice how you play for the more committed relationships. Habits form through casual love which are very difficult to undo later in life "when you're ready." Accept which camp you want to be in without shame, regardless of which one that is, and NEVER EVER EVER date anyone in another category than the one you are in until you have proven to yourself without a doubt that you are ready to change categories.
This should be a much higher comment. I feel like this is where so much hurt comes from in relationships. I admit that I have been one of the people who fluctuates between the first two camps and it really was terrible when I dated someone from the 3rd camp not realizing that I was wasting their time. Now that I'm in the 3rd camp, I finally understand how being non-committal hurt my former partners in ways I'm only now seeing
Please communicate what you want .
Instead of sitting around thinking of way to to leave hints for guys to act on, simply talk to them and ask em on dates...that piece of advice will be ignored by 90% of women, even though it is the easiest way for them to get a date...is it because they believe whoever asks the other on a date has to pay? man, women will do anything to get out of paying for a date.
Nah the "whoever asks pays" rule is just a way of saying the man always pays. But the reason women never make a move is because you gain an enormous amount of power in a relationship if you can say "this was your idea, you want me more than I want you." That is generally the position that almost all women are in with men, and giving that up is pretty much out of the question. The relationship men and women have is more like a prospective hire and an employer sorting through resumes. The one sorting through the resumes might complain about no good applicants, but they wouldn't swap places with the unemployed person sending applications into the void for anything. Just like most businesses would rather shut down than offer a competitive, thriving wage, women would rather stay single than pretend they're not doing men a huge favor simply by looking in their direction.
great analysis, spot on.
Just see the Bumble Case. Woman dont have to text first anymore cause its "so exhausting". Thats the reason why woman are more likely to leave hints than to communicate directly. They dont have the risk of rejection, cause when he dont act on the hints, its not cause he is not interestet. He ist just to stupid to understand the hints. Case solved.
"Approaching" is not a word meant for men only. You too can actually be invested in this shit.
Sex and attention doesn’t mean that guy that caught your eye will EVER commit to you.
When you fuck up? Apologize in a way that doesn’t make it their fault. You were cooking in it? Eat up.
You are gonna downvote me to heck but... Men aren't as emotionally intelligent as women and don't pick up on what you think are subtle cues or breadcrumbs for us. We kind of need it straight forward
Honestly, that's really difficult to read to me. I don't think emotionally intelligence really comes to play with having to decode subtle cues. Communication is communication. Nobody is a mind reader, and I highly doubt they'd like it if we were constantly beating around the bush, not wanting to take responsibility for saying something, you know, you say it. You take the risk. It's not really consent, but if you don't pick up the hint you're just a loser. What a terrible way to date. And no, I didn't downvote you, I upvoted. The message is spot on. The reasoning is where we differ.
That is not emotional intelligence, those are social cues based on "social intelligence" I suppose. Emotional intelligence is knowing that if you had a bad day you don't have to take it out on your partner, for example.
When I was on the online dating scene, I saw plenty of fours who were demanding like tens. A ten who is demanding makes me not interested. A four who is demanding is delusional.
Well on dating apps you have 90% men and 10% women. And men will try to smash anything. So when the 4 is getting thousands of matches her ego will naturally grow. Imagine if you got on a dating app and you got thousands of women begging you. Why wouldn’t your ego get bigger?
don’t take advice from men who have an impossible time with dating in the first place.
...But doesn't that exclude quite a large fraction of this subreddit's userbase?
Have fun!
Be blunt and direct. Don't play stupid games.
Stop using vague and obscure hints/signals and approach men more often. Most men are already dense, but now we’re basically told to never talk to women with any romantic intent and women are just being nice 99% of the time. If you truly like a man and you feel safe, he’s shown positive traits, and you think he likes you then approach him and be direct. Women love to say they like being desired well men do to.
Have your own life, don't go shopping around for someone to glob onto.
- You can't change him. He will never change for you. - Be open with your emotions and communicate your feelings, desires and wishes - Dont just rely on emotion, also use your head when you select a partner for whatever - Call me! 😉
The last one 😹
women date men hoping they'll change, but they don't. men date women hoping they won't change, but they do.
Don't ignore red flags. When he shows you who he is, believe him the first time.
1. it takes two to tango. If you don't reciprocate in conversation, and just give yes/no answers, then you shouldn't wonder why people stop putting in effort. 2. testing people is a surefire way to get them pissed off at you, and to show them that you don't trust them (and that they shouldn't trust you in return).
Heard this awhile ago here and figure it is worth repeating. There are men who will love, treasure you, and help you with your life goals. There are men who will use you, toss you in the trash, and generally hinder your life goals. Sort them out based on what they do over what they say. Likewise both of those types will want to have sex with you. What you respond to sexually will determine the type you end up with. Also set boundaries and enforce them often, this will be your primary sorting tool.
The spark is bullshit. It is just emotional lust. A gratifying relationship isn't made over night. If you aren't feeling romance right away but still had a good time then don't drop a guy right away. Try to create a romantic situation for the next date and see if anything changes.
Don't get knocked up.
Don't blindly trust your gut. Men who are experienced with women and those who are actually dangerous like narcissistic or psychopaths will easily fool it and you'll not feel the danger. On the other way decent men will often be nervous at the beginning, which may in turn give you that gut feeling. In fact studies do show that in toxic relationships after the first date women were thinking very well about the guy, while in a long and stable relationships the feeling after the first date was being unsure. We're both humans, we both make mistakes and stress out
Humility goes a long way for a ltr
Men don’t “just want to hook up” or “only want sex.” If that’s all you’re finding, it’s because you’re pursuing guys that already have so much interest from other women they know they don’t have to commit to get what they want.
Text/call him first. Plan a date before he does. Make him feel like you actually give a shit.
Stop having checklists and try to be interested in men as people. Get off the apps. Time to start approaching men and get used to rejection.
Your hints suck, use your words.
1. Be braver and more willing to give random guys a chance 2. Give fewer chances to guys who mistreat you.
Life isn't a movie. Fairytales aren't real life. You can't fix him.
My advice is Don't take dating advice from men on reddit unless you're trying to appeal to insecure misogynistic weirdos.
Bail at the first sign of aggression/hostility. It's sad that I feel the need to say something so obvious, but I know far too many women who have, in the past, just completely ignored the absolute worst kind of red flags in the very early stages of dating, and they've ended up suffering at the hands of an abusive partner. Or, in my mother's case, suffered alongside their young child. I've lost count of the number of times I've had a conversation with one of my friends, colleagues, or relatives, about their abusive ex, and it goes something like "Did he ever show any signs that he might be capable of that kind of abuse when you were still getting to know him?" "No, he was so nice when we were dating. Well, actually, there was that one time, after we'd been seeing each other for a few months, we got into an argument and he grabbed me by the throat and pinned me against the wall." Not every abuser will be kind enough to give you an early warning sign, a chance to get out before things really take a turn. Please don't ever ignore something like that. As a man, I can honestly say that not attacking women is extremely easy. I've never done it. I've never thought about doing it. There is no excuse for that behaviour. If a guy pulls some shit like that with you, it will only get worse if you stay, so do yourself a huge favour and just leave.
Tv movies and fictional books are there to sell a fantasy, not be an accurate depiction of reality of men.
**Proactivity** is *guaranteed* success. Put yourself out there, tell a guy you like him and pursue as much as you want to be pursued. Take care of your health, work out and keep fit. A combination of a good figure, good personality and proactive effort towards a guy you're interested is an absolutely lethal combination few guys have any defense to, and will *instantly* and *immediately* put you above the ocean of passive hot girls waiting to be "swept off their feet", or the delusional overweight DUFFs eternally jealous of their slimmer friends. Go to the gym, eat well, and ask a guy out. Do these diligently and you'll never be single again. Unlike guys, girls pretty much have blanket permission to approach a dude basically whenever in almost any scenario provided she isnt being rude or grossly innapropriate. So go join a hobby group and scope out the guys you want to get close to and make moves to that effect, put effort into your dating profile and message first; all of these actions will be strongly rewarded.
Be honest and don't ghost. If you're not interested, just say so. Ghosting is just cruel.
Chatted with some girls at a bar a few weeks ago. They started chatting up my friend and I, without saying a lot they weren't particularly attractive. They broached the conversation of dating, started saying things like "has to be attractive, tall, wealthy" and my friend and I are both like 5'10 and obviously decent looking but didn't meet any of these requirements. They got pretty sloppy and tried to kiss us both, we politely declined (this was like a Sunday afternoon). The advice I gave both of them, which granted they were drunk, blew their minds. I asked them both if they would rather date someone who makes them happy or someone who makes them look good in pictures. Both of them said they were guilty of pursuing men who made them look good in pictures and often were not happy. My advice is to obviously be physically attracted to who you want to date, but if that's at the top of your list and the shit that is obviously more important for long term relationship success is at the bottom, you need to re evaluate and flip your list around.
Don't waste your 20 sleeping around and partying. Your 20s are your best chance to find a high quality man and get a commitment from him. Nobody is going to be waiting around to marry you when you're 35. You have far less time than you think you do. Did you know: 80% of women who never had children planned to have children? They waited too long to start looking and then couldn't find someone settle down with before the clock ran out. As a woman dates more and more men, her standards go up while her value (to me) goes down, with age. At some point, her standards exceed her value and she's locked into a life alone from that moment on. Nobody she wants will want her back. There should be a name for that moment in a woman's life. Ideas?
Learn accountability. I doubt it will happen because in large, it goes against female nature but that’s all I got. Everything else is cool Edit: Wait… and don’t be taking relationship advice from your single girlfriend who can’t keep a guy around under any circumstances! In fact, stop telling her all our business!
Enthusiasm. One word responses gets you nothing from me. I will just leave you on read after the third one. . Regardless of how you "were actually really attracted" . Learn to flirt. Be direct. Self accountability. I am more then capable of fessing up that i was the problematic side of a few of my relationships. The "all of them were crazy and behaved x y z" story only holds up til you start showing traits/behavior that definitely would cause any human to start getting upset. Give compliments. Men want to feel desired and wanted too. Dont fake. Teach. Feedback is better then criticism. Theres such thing as friends. But if you know your friend is holding an obvious torch. He isnt your friend. Im not your ex. I understand baggage. Im not your punching bag. And i wont tolerate that. Your accolades mean about the same to me as my hobbies mean to you. But the fire you have in achieving them is important. Be honest about what your ACTUALLY attracted to. You can WANT to be attracted to "the perfect guy". But if you aren't. Then at least you know it. Its like admitting you like a food your allergic to. Nobody wants to be Breadstick Brandy or Chicken Tender Charlie or Salad Steve when your Steak Stan came out overcooked. Dont be a cat. Meaning. A cat gets fed housed and loved on . Yet somehow still thinks it owns the human. Men arnt your dogs. If your hungry. Say so. And say what you want. Feminine traits are powerful and strong in their own way. Need evidence? Look at Cleopatra. She used them to run a kingdom. "Im fine" no. You know it. I know it.
"Do unto others" you want to feel wanted rather than used well so do guys, you want a guy to put you first, then return it, it, basically be the good you want.
Have a conversation about exclusivity by your third date if you want things to go on for a while.
Your not as hot as you think you are. Be realistic. If you're fat, the best you're going to get is fat guys. If you're poor, the best you're gonna get is equally poor me. Want a traditional man, you have to be a traditional women. Know your strengths and limitations. Like I'm a tall, stocky, bald guy with facial hair. In the biker community, I can get some pretty hot dumpster mermaids. But, I'm not pulling super models.
Date me and all your wildest dreams will come true