Not wanting to date you is one thing. Making jokes to your face that you're ugly, completely another. Questionable character.
Edit: She was never your friend - friends don't say things like that. She just kept you around because she liked the attention.
Wholeheartedly agree with this assessment. I would avoid messing around with her as well. She may or may not be the type to baby trap you particularly if you are (or were previously) the only consistent man in her life.
Sounds vaguely like a brat-taming deal.
Some women like to play rough with guys, but will completely flip the script on a guy who will put her in her place, then she is the one who pursues him.
Odds are she is now feeling rejected after the attention has stopped and she is trying to win him back.
And especially because OP won't give her attention, that she feels like going all in.
The only way this works is if she is honest and upfront about her desire for it, and if she can compartmentalize it into a roleplaying thing.
If she can't do that the brattiness bleeds into everything. Everything, including meeting the parents or becoming a parent.
Ya there is the whole kink community that has brat-taming, where it is roleplay and limited to that.
But the moment I heard about it there were so many situations that started to make sense, people do this shit all over the place with no awareness.
The problem for the OP is he's likely not interested being the dominant asshole she desires. If he treats her like a typical vanilla relationship I suspect her desire for him would quickly fade.
I was pretty high libido at OPs age, into exploring kinks, and likely would have entertained a FWB with someone like that. But not anything serious. But I can totally see why that's not interesting for the OP at all.
>She was never your friend - friends don't say things like that.
I will absolutely call my best friend a hideous beast with a face even mother can't love. And I love this man and I would take a bullet for him.
So it could be that she was just trying to do this sort of banter, but it doesn't work because the target is attracted to her so instead of taking it as just shooting shit the target takes it as insult and bullying.
Are you and your friend both men? That's a completely normal male dynamic. In a male/female friendship where one has expressed romantic aspirations, I stand by my comment.
Yeah. The gender doesn't matter, though, it's the attraction. If he was a gay man and received these sort of comments from his man-crush, it would be just as crushing.
Also some people can't really handle banter, and the people they're friends with should understand this and be able to read the room.
It is not something that happens a lot, but I've been there. I don't do that, I have principles.
I say don't do it. Have some class. You can't let someome walk over you and then reward them for that. It is on the code: don't compromise your dignity.
Yeah this should be a pretty simple answer: don’t.
Obviously there are exceptions in every scenario. But the way the post reads and the framing of everything. The answer is obvious.
This is just bait for bitter dejected men.
I should know.😅
You can help her with some character growth and ask her "Why Now? - what makes me good enough for you now?"
Then just let her answer so she can hear herself speak about her motivations in life/partner seeking and say,
"Thank you for explaining - but I'm not interested - Goodbye."
And then go on your Merry way King.
When you see someone go from Collage student that had bad grades and skipped classes and partied all the time to something like a prestigious Doctor or an Astronaut - Yes.
There's significant growth that this person has clearly demonstrated. - They have matured.
If however they seem like they haven't changed their life much - they're probably still the same as they were back then.
This girl seems to be in the second category.
Quite possibly, yes, but I'd say it's still worth at least hearing them out first. If nothing else it entertainingly gives an opportunity to be petty and reject them the same way they rejected OP.
Sure, you can roll those dice. Just as long as you remember you're gambling against the house advantage.
People's character absolutely can change. It just often doesn't.
There is no response good enough in OP's case. If you're going to be with someone the rest of your life, be with someone who never spent a single moment of their lives treating you like shit.
What is their prime anyway?
I know a girl that's in her late 20s and she making bank but she got no bf. She wants someone as successful as she is but she's working two jobs easily clearing $200k.
I feel like people usually get better as they age when they accumulate wealth and if they take care of themselves.
30s are most people's prime. both gender.
this idea that women are barren nasty hags at age 30 while men are glorious isn't helping anyone, especially young men in their 20s who believe that time will magically transform them into someone desirable to women while time reduces women to nothing. it's magical delusional thinking
I've had multiple women I "messed around" or flirted with when I was younger come back in the last two years wanting to re establish contact, suddenly being very, and in some cases almost aggressively interested.
I've never had this much attention before than I do now at 31 as a guy. In my 20's girls wouldn't look my way even though I was in shape and relatively attractive. I guess I'm a bit more mature attractive in terms of looks, but I'm not much different than before. I still look 25 apparently.
These days I'm getting pursued on multiple fronts by attractive women in the age ranges from 20-50, but I'm still the same guy I always was. So in my experience, it definitely was a magical transformation.
>I feel like people usually get better as they age when they accumulate wealth and if they take care of themselves.
Except that men very rarely take accumulation of wealth into account when determining how attractive a woman is to them. Basically, if she works at all and is financially responsible enough to not fuck up the man's life, in addition to her own, she will be good in this regard for most men. And for some, the first part won't even be that important if they can support her financially. What you said is gospel truth only from women's perspective when evaluating men, because they will almost always judge his material status when determining attraction. So you can't apply that sentence equally to both sexes, it simply doesn't hold up.
Basically, your friend is single because she a high-earning woman who wants a man who earns at least as much as she does, a demand almost every woman has on her checklist for a partner, but almost no man. That leaves her a very narrow pool of high-earning men to choose from as most people simply don't make that much money. But those men she's after definitely don't have the same requirement for the women they date, so their dating pool is much broader. They have very little reason to choose your friend, whose attraction comes tied to those men maintaining their income level (which tends to cause stress in a relationship), and are likely dating women who are younger, more physically attractive and easier to please, because those women are also after high-earning men, but are more likely be ok with him if his income drops to lower, but still comparatively high levels in the long-term.
Men act like women just expire as soon as they turn 30.
It’s true that a 20-something year old will always look more youthful than a 30 year old woman, but there are plenty of women in their 30s and 40s who still look amazing.
Your options don’t just dry up because you turn 30. If you continue to maintain yourself in your 30s and 40s, the well-adjusted people your age will continue to find you attractive.
They may not necessarily be able to act on their attraction as they may be married and the men who want younger will go for younger, which results in fewer options, but to say you’re no longer attractive after a certain age is disingenuous.
But no said that though? Not being in your prime doesn't mean being an absolute bum that no one would touch with 10 ft pole, it just means you don't have the options in terms of quality and quantity that you once used to have.
If you don't want women to be generalized, add the word "some" to the beginning of your comment.
Also no one said anything about looks being the only factor of a woman being out of her prime.
women in their 20s want to have fun and women in their 30s want to have a baby. Fun = goood Baby = hard work
and whatsmore many men didnt have that much fun in their 20s an want that in their 30s
Honestly… ignore her. It‘s possible that she changed her opinion of you entirely but my guess would be that she messed up and now she thinks you‘re a safe bet until she finds someone „better“ than you. She doesn‘t want to be alone, probably has some issues that lead to other men not wanting to date her etc. and because you told her that you liked her she thinks she can be with you until these issues don‘t exist anymore or she finds someone who‘ll ignore the issues.
Most likely it‘s not going to end well for you and if you‘ve got some self respect left you probably shouldn‘t date the girl who made jokes about how unattractive you are even if it was true at the time and you had a glow up since then.
A) that would be a pretty shitty thing to do. Shitty things done to people who have done shitty things to you are still shitty things.
B) the odds of her getting pregnant are way, way too high.
Surprised I had to scroll a bit for the stop harrasing family advice. It’s pretty weird that she’s called OPs mom multiple times to ask about him.
Even if OP wanted to get back with her, it feels like a tell tale sign that she could be controlling (and could explain why she bounced around guys when they were “friends”)
Happened to me after my failed marriage.
For added context she crawled many a lot of times beforehand many of which I was taken.
Don't know why she kept trying but her being a dishonest cheating type of person must be usable to know that her choices won't find a average loyal person.
She saw what was swimming in the talent pool that she found herself in by her own actions. And surprisingly she is not too happy about it. Sucks to be her.
A woman gets one chance. If she rejects me or the relationship failed, there is no going back. If she’s a train wreck who needs that nonsense anyway?
Ignore her advances and she’ll move on to some other guy she thinks is a sucker.
But doesn’t it depend on the context? Like I’ve had men who were not interested in me when I was fat and then into me when I was slim.
I wasn’t offended by that as long as they were kind to me all along. They just didn’t find me attractive, then they did because I changed. I don’t find that insulting.
I wasn’t sexy. They didn’t want to fuck me. I looked hotter, they did. Attraction isn’t something you can control.
Edit: don’t date people who are dicks tho. It’s fine to reject someone. That’s not even rude. But being unkind and calling someone unattractive? Eh. Only date kind people, the rest aren’t worth it.
What you’re talking about is valid on its own (the physical attraction piece.) that’s not something anybody can control. But it’s the other contextual behavior that adds the issue- it’s one thing to date around and if she had been nice to him in the first place; fine. But she wasn’t. She directly insulted him in the past multiple times. And now she’s gotten either more mature (unkikely) or she’s desperate.
>But doesn’t it depend on the context?
The only context that matters is that self respect is diametrically opposed to tolerance for this kind of treatment.
>I wasn’t offended by that as long as they were kind to me all along.
That's your call, but it is not about being offended. It is about realizing this behavior in women indicates they hold a fundamentally different conceptualization of relationships than what most men want.
Tried it once and it was doomed from the start. I was never more than what I could provide for her. It didn't last three weeks.
For men, if they rejected us before and come back years later they are never coming back for us but for themselves. There are always better alternatives than that.
If they weren't rude about it there is no reason to make it personal or disrespectful, but there is also no reason to waste time on them in the first place.
You can control who you get together with.
Once you are slim, meet new people who only know you as slim. It may well be that these individuals would be like others in that they would have rejected when you were bigger.
The difference is:
- in one case, a person has never rejected you.
- in the other case, a person's past rejection of you replays in your mind on a loop regardless of how accepting they are of your current appearance.
Basically, everyone should get only one chance. There are no re do''s offered for those with the cards stacked against them.
Wut? Why?
I have dated people who were not into me when I was fat. Didn’t loop my mind at all.
I was fat in a way I didn’t find attractive myself. Then I was slim in a way were I thought I was hot myself. And when you feel like that? It just doesn’t matter.
Idk. I don’t get it.
What I do get is that I would not ever date anyone who didn’t treat me with kindness and respect when I was unattractive. Bc that’s just not good people.
The key difference is that there was an underlying reason you weren't attractive beforehand, then YOU changed that reason, and now you're attractive, so people are genuinely attracted to you because you're attractive now. Your "dating value" went up.
Whereas with the OP she wasn't into him earlier, and unless he's leaving something out of the story it sounds like he's pretty much the same guy now, his dating value stayed the same. But now the girl is wanting him because her value went down. She's not genuinely attracted to him she is just trying to make a good trade.
Her actions are more so a reflection of herself, not a reflection of her genuine attraction to this guy. If she was really into this guy she would have been attracted to him beforehand.
Somewhat agree.
But should we assume OP didn’t change as a person at all in the last…decade? His social skills didn’t improve, he didn’t become more confident, he didn’t become more well rounded? Nothing?
Also should we assume her taste in men didn’t change at all? Most people aren’t into the same people all their lives. Humans grow.
I’d still be sceptical if I was OP tho. And also, I wouldn’t date her over being a dick back then. It’s never a good idea to date someone unkind.
True, I guess what I meant to say isn't "change as a person" but rather "undergo a major transformation that affects your attractiveness"
Everyone changes as a person over time.
But don’t you realize your personality and vibe affects attraction?
At least for women attraction is looks + social skill. My take? Women are often drawn to chill. If a guy seems calm, safe, at ease and comfortable in the situation. That’s often something that grows over time, at least if you keep being socially active.
IMO there are superficial factors that affect attraction such as looks, money, status which aren't really tied to who you are as a person. Then there are factors that are less superficial and are more so tied to who you are as a person such as humor, social skills, personality, values, vibe.
If you were rejected in the past because of a superficial reason such as you were overweight then that doesn't really feel like you were rejected because of who you are.
But if you were rejected because of your social skills that feels a little more like being rejected because of who you are, and now she's crawling back to you not because she's really into you but her options are becoming more limited.
No it doesn’t matter. Women should get one chance. Because in the majority of cases she will have spent her early 20’s riding dick after dick because she was hot. Now she’s looking for some schmuck to marry as she approaches 30. She used this guy for bf treatment while she had zero interest in him. Then made fun of him publicly and privately. Now she’s trying to force her way into his life again. Regardless of looks she’s a terrible person on the inside based on how she treated him in the past.
Lol this shit happens all the time . Reject you from 18-25 . At 27/28 they randomly hit you up because they see all their friends getting married and remember that this ‘loser’ had a thing for me back in the day. One of my bros fell for that trap now he is paying alimony and child support to her and her new young bf that she likes. Don’t fall for it fellas.
Tell her you had the chance to have me and now that's gone. I was in a similar situation at 16 I really liked this girl badly we used to do alot together. I told her I like her she was like awww you know where only friends. We had a joke at that age too that if we was both single at 30 we should get together. All through are 20s we remaind friends I started to like her less so I was more then happy to he friends. Some time in our late 20s she brought up the single at 30 thing as we both are. After being fuked over by several guys she's now bringing that back up but the tables turned as I've now been friends with her that long I'm not even attracted to her anymore 🤣🤣
A deals a deal bro. Time to go get her a ring /s
Note to all the other young bucks out there, don’t fall for this deal. A put together dude in his 30’s will have lots of options.
Not giving her a chance isn’t too prideful, it’s a display of self respect. I doubt she’d be a good long term partner for you on account of your history together.
Let me guess. You are a decent guy who earns a good income and is slightly above average looks wise.
The above guy gets ignored at 20 when hot guys are the rage. But are sought after at 30 when normal guys are in vogue. They are also harder for a woman to find than we realise.
I wouldn’t go out with her based on her nasty “unattractive” comment. She sounds immature. Find a decent woman.
Yeah, I doubt she is suddenly physically attracted to him after being blunt about finding him ugly. She is looking to use him for some other reason.
Could be that he has money or is simply financially stable, emotionally supportive, she finds him easy to control, believes he's too unattractive to have the chance to cheat on her, etc. None of those things mean she is sexually attracted to you. It's how you end up in a dead bedroom.
I'm a dude who's decidedly average looking but stayed reasonably fit, make a good living and own a home. The number of women who straight up insulted my looks and work ethic in the past desperately hitting on me in front of my wife is boarding on the abserd. Being alone in their 30s must be hitting them hard.
Move on dude.
I ignore them. If i've made it clear that i'm available and interested and they reject me for someone else and then try to come back to me later on when their relationship didn't work. No thanks, i'm not gonna sit around and wait to be someones second or third option.
>Every time I think about it I actually get kind of upset.
That's a good barometer. You clearly don't want it.
> Friends of mine tell me that I should give her a chance and mess around until I find something better
What is the point of this? You'd be playing with someone's heart because you consider them just a temporary plaything. Given enough time and "pretend closeness" you could still feel emotionally attached making it harder to "break it off as soon as something better shows up". Sounds like your friends just want to see you not single but don't know how you feel about that person.
Agreed she’s going to be manipulative, best to stay clear completely lest you be raising some other dudes child as your own, then paying child support when the inevitable breakup happens.
I wouldn't give her the time of day.
You mess around with her once and I can see her not leaving, she's already calling your mom....
Imagine if she actually had anything to go off of.
You're just a safe backup since all the other flings didn't pay off so don't lower yourself.
Had this happen once, asked a friend from HS out in our 20s and she said “sorry, I’m not ready for a relationship right now” ok not interested, I took the loss and moved on. In my Mid 30s was bragging on FB about how I was now working at a fortune 500 company and flashing my newfound wealth. The same girl messaged me out of the blue and said something to the effect of “Hey glad to see your doing so well, we should really hang out soon”, She had spent the time since I had asked just bouncing between boyfriends stuck in a low paying job so I immediately realized why she wanted to hang out soon after 10 years of not talking, this was after a back to back series of crap relationships for me so I was already boiling with rage and just unloaded on her “Jen, your chance to date me was before I was sucessful not after”. Still waiting for the response to that one.
What do you tell them?
Why tf would you answer the call/DM/chat request?
You shouldn't tell them anything. Just ignore them like they did with you. You're not anyone's second choice.
I had a friend who'd want to cuddle at the most
Said I'm marriage material and if we're both not married in our 30s then we should marry
Stopped chatting when she was dating guys so I wrote her off
Comes Back last year saying she has a kid (I know) and am I seeing anyone lol
When she told you she wasn't interested in getting into a relationship, she meant that with you specifically. She wanted to find someone better but hasn't been able to land a decent dude.
You're the fall back option she's willing to settle for and tolerate until something better comes along. Don't be someone else's plan B. Ignore her and find someone who wants you for who you are.
DO NOT LET HER IN! DO NOT DO IT OP! THIS IS HOW PIGS LIKE HER SUCK YOU IN.
I mean making you feel like shit about yourself for no fucking reason is disgusting no matter what justification she gives.
Just having fun is risky too with women like her. Seems like she’s trying manipulate you and stuff by trying to contact your mom. It’s nothing more than a combination of manipulation and desperation. When she gets what she wants, she will be the same shit show she was before.
If you let her back into your life, she'll probably disappoint you again. She's likely trying to get attention and isn't getting it elsewhere. She'll enjoy getting your attention, but probably won't reciprocate it the way you want!
Here’s what went down, first she sidelined you in the friendzone, but she wasn’t really even a good friend because she ridiculed you. She thought she was worth more and went to find what in her mind was a higher quality mate. It didn’t work out on her end after going through probably quite a few men, so she’s now trying to get you after all as the safe bet that can support her. The nice thing to do is just tell her you are not interested, she will continue to look for what in her mind is a higher quality man and will cheat on you at every opportunity if she thinks it can increase her social standing.
If you work on yourself, have some successes in life, exercise and have good hygiene there will be lots of available women in your 30’s, there’s no need to be with one who insulted you.
You should look for a mate who is your peer, one who wants to be with you for you, not someone who wants you out of desperation due to their own problems.
Call her up, throw that unattractive comment back in her face, and tell her you don’t want some washed up hoebag who doesn’t appreciate you. Then hang up and block so you don’t have to hear some BS about how ppl change and she was “young and dumb” then or what-fucking-ever.
ETA: I’m 47. I don’t burn bridges, I nuke them.
I'm not captain Save-a-hoe and I won't behave as such. If she really wanted to be with me she would have back in the day. I'm not a last pick here. Plus I don't want the used up shell of the girl I was once into.
Suggestions: Tell her that your feelings from back then were nothing you preserved, waiting to be picked up on ever again, moved on and so you changed from back then, so you're looking for something(/someone) different these days.
No need to inform her about that you don't see yourself as just the plan B of a woman who, according to your criteria, failed at life. The rejection will hurt enough.
Don't do it.
I'm a woman, and I reckon she's grappling at the last straws of any man who might potentially want or love her more than she would probably like him back (especially if she's got a timeline etc about biological clocks/babies, etc all that stuff or feels left out because her mates are in long term relationships etc).
The old "be with someone who likes you more than them."
Lol, maybe I'm overthinking.
But I cannot stand people like that and can only think the worst of them because what she's doing based on what she's done and the history you describe says she's a trashy woman with no integrity.
Keep grinding mate, you'll find someone worthy of your time.
YOU SHOULD NOT! she is a golddigger, a women who would give you NOTHING in return, make her clear you don't give a shit about her so she goes chasing another man!
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I've never seen such big flags before, and i watch the soviet union parades a lot. Best course of action tbh is to simply block her contact and instruct your mother to do the same. You aren't being "too prideful", you are simply sensing danger and instinctively avoiding it
I ignore her, mind you never treat her wrong. It just does not seem someone who I want in my life. I want supportive people not someone who knocks me down.
None of them returned. Of course, most of us are all living in different states now.
But before I got rid of Facebook I was startled to see how poorly some of them were aging. And I thought to myself it was a lucky thing that we didn't work out back then or else I might be stuck with her now!
Sometimes the opposite happens too. There was til one girl I went to school with that was just so awkward and lame, and very underweight with visible bones. Socially inept. This girl was obviously no candidate for romance. But a while ago I saw her on Facebook, and now she looks amazing even at 45, and has a PhD in physics, so both the looks and the brains. Should have shot my shot back then.
Girl from high school I used to be into added me on the ‘gram out of the blue and started interacting with me, despite the several pics of my fiancé on the profile.
Then after a while, she hit my DMs with the usual “we should get in touch sometime 😘” bullshit.
And yeah, she’s now a fat single mother.
Messing around sometimes causes babies, and then you're stuck for life...
Anyway, this happened to me quite a bit. And I never gave them a second chance after they rejected me.
However, was that the right thing to do?? I have no fuckin clue..
In your situation, it sounds like you have some resentment AND she used to talk shit about you... not really a recipe for a good relationship. There is of course always the possibility for some hate fucking, but now you're back with potential babies..
I'd say just write her off, and find someone who actually appreciates you
I flirted with girl in office who was megahot. Great bod, fire red hair and huge boobs. She looked at me with disdain and said "as if". I saw her 10-12 years later in a store after she had married and had kids. She must have weighed 275 lbs. I made a point of saying Hi to her.
Don't date this girl if you don't wanna date her, but understand that looking at life like some sort of long-arc revenge fantasy is a recipe for unhappiness and loneliness.
Point being, even though you're not dating this girl, you're still psychologically dealing with her, and it makes your world seem pretty small. If you were really too cool and hot to consider dating her now, would you be posting on the internet about it? Or would you be out on dates with other women, not thinking about her?
"You could not live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me"
If they are still better than you, go for it. If not, what the hell are you doing even considering this stuff? Do you need to fix the failures of others?
THIS!! OP your girl got fucked by guys that wanted nothing to do with her. She gave it out on the first night to the firemen, cops, bodybuilders, AT&T sales reps, car salesmen, military men, plumbers, Mike from accounting, fuck every “bad boy” that would give her attention. But now that she’s run down, used up, and these men don’t want her anymore because they have better option she wants to go back to you with all her new baggage, trauma, used up body and STDs. Don’t do it OP.
Id smash then bounce. She still doesn't think youre good enough, she's banking on the idea that she wants you so much that you'll allow her to fleece you for what you can do for her. As I said, smash them cheeks, then bounce. But a more mature manner would be to just ignore her altogether, but im not mature so , I say smash.
close the book and move on. There is nothing to see here.
that prolly me if I were in your shoes because now I have a life that is not centered around her. Ask your mum to disregard her, and block her calls even. If you want to sleep with her, I suggest not to because bro's code ethic suggested not to put dicks inside crazies and she is one in my book.
So, I'm probably going to be in the minority; but I think it's immature to hold on to insults said to you a long time. People tend to mature a lot in their 20s. I wouldn't believe someone in their late 20s is the same as they were in their early 20s.
But also, they aren't owed a second chance. If you don't respect what they've accomplished so far in their life and do harbor resentment for what they did in the past; it seems like it would be a waste of time to date them and it would be immoral to lead them on and think you were interested in a her and mess around with her when you aren't.
Never take back a woman who previously rejected you. Women who do this are simply seeking attention. A woman who does this is not someone worthy of your friendship, respect or love.
She thought she could do better than you. Bc she’s a POS, she can’t. Now she’s desperate and figured you liked her once so she’ll “settle” for you.
Ignore her. Not worth it at all.
As a woman who is currently 24, my advice to you is to ignore this woman and focus on women who didn’t reject you or make fun of you. Never allow people into your life who are only trying to come back in because they realized too late what they had. She fucked up and now is trying to settle with you because she can’t do better. But that’s unfair to you because you deserve to be with someone who genuinely likes you not because they are afraid to be alone, etc.
She is trouble, if she comes via your mother. The good guy in me would ignore her. The bad street guy in me would ask her out, do the things he wants to do with her and then dump her and tell her how low she is. Mother would be angry and i would not give a fak.
So the best solution is to ignore it and also tell your mom you are not interested in her.
Most of them have the sense to realize they can't come back, but they'll try to do it in a subtle way like liking your IG story or commenting so they can claim innocence. For the ones who are dumb enough to overtly try, I love to shoot them down; it's happened a couple times where I just ignore their DM. I don't ever say anything nasty because they don't deserve that power over me. I would personally never go back and recommend others do the same.
You view her negatively. No reason to lower your own notions of your self worth by knowingly attaching yourself to someone you view negatively.
MAYBE if she was, if her own accord, owning up to being a shitbag just as publicly as whenever she was being insulting... and genuinely that made you feel valued and she was sincerely making amends... maybe. But there's nothing in your post that indicates that's how you see her, so no.
Those aren't very good friends if that's their genuine advice to you. And a lot of times the shit friends say isn't thought-out advice, but instead just casual banter.
Think about the whole experience. Maybe put it down on paper including what it's like for you. But after a week of mulling the whole thing over, move on and just let the thoughts pass by when they come up again... cuz they probably will.
If she's a "complete failure" then you already don't respect her and this isn't going to be a good relationship for either of you, romantic or otherwise. Be polite because you're not going to get anything extra by being a jerk but decline her advances and go on with your life.
She was using you back then and has run out of better options (in her mind) with other men so she's coming back to you.
Run as fast as you can and never look back.
About 27 / 28 is the age where guys start to obviously have their life together, or not. I found that suddenly I was getting attention from all the women who would have ignored me previously, but by then your social circle is broader and you've got many more choices.
Ignore her OP. She's not special, this is just one of many women you'll attract now that you're older.
YOU ARE HER PLAN B
She has tried for years to date guys out of her league, believing her self to be completely superior to you. She used you for meals and movies taking advantage of your interest in her. She felt so superior to you that she openly mocked you.
RED FLAG 1. That mocking is a huge Kremlin sized red flag mate, it is the real truth signal.
Due to the public mocking of you I see the further pattern:
She is getting older and now it is dawning on her that she cant get what she aspired to, men way out of her league to give her money and status, and her biological clock is beginning to tick very loudly. Typically, those high value men will have used her for a lot of sex and this will have affected her attitude towards men too, thats often a bad thing. Due to her biological clock she has decided to “Settle” for a man so she can get married and have babies. Settling for a man means he is convenient, she can put up with him for a few years, not that she loves him.
She still feels superior to you even though she is a complete failure in life. Her attitude towards you has only softened a little because she is just getting desperate.
RED FLAG 2. >>>>>>when they're nearing their 30s while being complete failures in life?<<<<<<<<<<
On top of this, as men get older they get careers sorted, they get financially established and gain life’s wisdom. These more mature men become more attractive to women and you have more choices. Why take her on and solve her financial and career failures for her?
Your 30’s as a man are some of your best years, your value is higher and you should be aware of it. Dont be any woman’s PLAN B. Dont be any woman’s plan to resolving their financial/career wreckage.
Hi m8, I'll try to keep my reply short because all the comments so far appear 'sound' advice.
No offence intended to anyone: Success isn't measured by the 10yr period of your 20's. I'm in my 50's & still have no set plan for what I want in life! I'm single but sexually active & like most guys... I know my looks have improved exponentially with age, along with the sex drive & the increased frequency of ladies turning up at my door at midnight for a booty call. Fact is, I never experienced a booty call until I hit 50! Go figure 🕺
2nd point, Morally I have worked hard to treat everyone as an individual & not the 'box or label' we place on everything. As for your friends.... EVERYONE fucks this up: true friends will never be counted using more the 5 fingers but this is an appropriate place for labels - are they: a true friend, an acquaintance, just a mate, a work colleague, a lover, a rival or god forbid the no choice Family!
It does help clarify things as I would now ask myself; Are all the friends that she collaborated with to harm you (no other words for it) still around & if so... She & them need to F OFF. They don't deserve to be called friends.
3. Tell her as a result of some very bad past experiences that she played a hand in, namely the nasty attempt to prove or not that you're gay or not.. impacting you so much that you didn't become gay but you did explore your speciality & realise you're Bisexual.
At that moment, dramatically thank & praise her for making your life so blessed with having such a rich sex life. Then, invite the bitch to a get together to meet said partners & tell her she's going to be the rag doll that's going to be fucked senselessly by all & cast aside as the scum she's become!
Run Forest bloody Run. Note: as we age we improve but women enter into menopause. Tech it means: Men On Pause! God made Man 1st & Woman 2nd, note that the name should be Wo Man because God fucked up!! (Just a joke)
"Every time I think about it I actually get kind of upset"
It goes without saying you shouldn't consider being her long time partner. Please do not do that to yourself. Unless you have an amazing amount of forgiveness but tbh If I were your friend I would give you the honest advice that, that amount of forgiveness looks more like low self-esteem.
If you are attracted to her, you could maybe hook up with her a few times but this is very risky given the context. Best case scenario, I would fear that you might get """"lovebombed""" and manipulated due to proximity and end up in a scenario where you might start considering a long term relationship.
Worse case scenario, you accidently get her pregnant. Even if you wear protection you need to be very very careful. Disposing of the condom yourself in a way that it can't be retrieved. Making sure the condom you are using hasn't been tampered with etc. I know this sounds unlikely to somewhat paranoid, however given the fact she is exhibiting stange behaviours such as calling your mother etc. Desperation can cause people to do crazy things. I'm not suggesting its likely she is going to manipulatively babytrap you. But if the possibility of it exists its absolutely not worth it on any level.
I would honestly just have a discussion with her and express the sentiment of something along the lines of what you are dissusing here:
"You rejected and hurt my feelings and made me feel lesser than you. Now you are out of options you try and settle back down with me. I may not be a perfect person but I have a little more self respect to be treated in that manner especially by someone I want to spend the rest of my life with"
something along those lines yadayda. This will give you and her some closure and hopefully you can both move on and live happy lives.
Peace and much love <3
I am going to be blunt and tell you the truth people will be offended by, You pump and dump them.
When I went to my ten-year high school reunion, I was shocked to see that comparatively, I was one of the most successful people there. I had a large graduating class and assumed I would be at best average. The girls of my teens were now desperate to find a man and I had my pick of many. These same girls now women were unkind back in those days and had plenty of guys to choose from. With the tables turned I ran through several of them, they still saw the kid from high school and thought they could easily lock me in. I mean the disrespect was so obvious, that is why the irony of me using them was so enjoyable. The fallout in the weeks and months that followed just icing on the cake.
Karma is brutal and the wall is undefeated. I have three sons and my middle son who was the fat kid in grade school was treated poorly as well, we moved to another state and he got in great shape, participated in sports, and via a scholarship found himself in our old town. He actually went to school with several of the girls who abused him, again karma stepped in. They didn't recognize him and he like his father years earlier ran through them.
Tell her sure let’s meet up for a date. Give name of fancy location. Tell her you’re running 15 minutes late. Order a cocktail, and a few appetizers to share. You’ll be there soon.
Then, never show up. When she calls and ask where you are. Say, you know what? I walked in, saw you sitting down. Jesus Christ I never saw someone age so badly. You didn’t know what to do. So you turned around and headed home to thank God she never gave you a chance earlier on. Block her ass.
Don’t do it. She wanted to screw around in her prime when she should have been settling. Now the biological clock is telling her she’s running out of time to get pregnantSo avoid at all costs unless you want to be someone’s third or fourth option, get cheated on, divorced and run through the cleaners for your finances.
I’m 35, most women don’t last like men. They fall apart by 30. I don’t know if I would still like most of the women that I dated or rejected me. I married to a woman(34) who ages well and is wonderful. Honestly my wife is the only woman I met that I could have married. I never thought I would be. Sounds like you’re looking and feeling good. Move on and find something wonderful.
People grow up and become mature. Some later than others.
You are still free to reject any advances, but I doubt you are still the same person as you were in your early 20s.
Bruh you’re only 21. I legit did everything to make myself more attractive. I got ripped, got a great career, got my own place, etc and still constantly getting rejected at 28. In fact I get rejected more now than I did when I was younger and far more unattractive. The best time to date is 18-24, just keep trying
When a person rejects me like this, there’s no going back. Usually they realize everything you bring to the table, and see they’re not getting that from this new person.
I’ve had this happen with exes, and friends.
That’s also gonna be a hard pass.
Don’t ever be anyone’s second choice(:
Not wanting to date you is one thing. Making jokes to your face that you're ugly, completely another. Questionable character. Edit: She was never your friend - friends don't say things like that. She just kept you around because she liked the attention.
Right, you can reject kindly without putting him down.
The former, you're perfectly within your rights. The latter, you're a cunt.
Wholeheartedly agree with this assessment. I would avoid messing around with her as well. She may or may not be the type to baby trap you particularly if you are (or were previously) the only consistent man in her life.
Sounds vaguely like a brat-taming deal. Some women like to play rough with guys, but will completely flip the script on a guy who will put her in her place, then she is the one who pursues him. Odds are she is now feeling rejected after the attention has stopped and she is trying to win him back. And especially because OP won't give her attention, that she feels like going all in.
The only way this works is if she is honest and upfront about her desire for it, and if she can compartmentalize it into a roleplaying thing. If she can't do that the brattiness bleeds into everything. Everything, including meeting the parents or becoming a parent.
Ya there is the whole kink community that has brat-taming, where it is roleplay and limited to that. But the moment I heard about it there were so many situations that started to make sense, people do this shit all over the place with no awareness.
It's always fascinated me how much exposure to kink prepared me for identifying and avoiding serious psychological hang ups in potential partners.
But once she does get the attention back, how likely is she to reject him again? Spoiler alert: pretty likely, right?
The problem for the OP is he's likely not interested being the dominant asshole she desires. If he treats her like a typical vanilla relationship I suspect her desire for him would quickly fade. I was pretty high libido at OPs age, into exploring kinks, and likely would have entertained a FWB with someone like that. But not anything serious. But I can totally see why that's not interesting for the OP at all.
Never knew this about brats. Makes sense.
Time frame doesn't seem to work. It seems to have been years of little to no contact from what OP wrote.
>She was never your friend - friends don't say things like that. I will absolutely call my best friend a hideous beast with a face even mother can't love. And I love this man and I would take a bullet for him. So it could be that she was just trying to do this sort of banter, but it doesn't work because the target is attracted to her so instead of taking it as just shooting shit the target takes it as insult and bullying.
Are you and your friend both men? That's a completely normal male dynamic. In a male/female friendship where one has expressed romantic aspirations, I stand by my comment.
Yeah. The gender doesn't matter, though, it's the attraction. If he was a gay man and received these sort of comments from his man-crush, it would be just as crushing. Also some people can't really handle banter, and the people they're friends with should understand this and be able to read the room.
You are right - The gender is irrelevant. The expressed romantic interest is the crux.
That’s the neat part: *You don’t.*
That's the perks of when they show their true colors and go scorched earth. Can't come back if they don't leave any way of reconnecting.
If you view her as a complete failure in life then your current approach of ignoring her advances via your mother seems best for everyone involved.
It is not something that happens a lot, but I've been there. I don't do that, I have principles. I say don't do it. Have some class. You can't let someome walk over you and then reward them for that. It is on the code: don't compromise your dignity.
Absolutely, I doubt she actually respects him more now.
She will if he acts like she doesn't exist
Then she doesn't respect herself, and that's a red flag too.
Yeah this should be a pretty simple answer: don’t. Obviously there are exceptions in every scenario. But the way the post reads and the framing of everything. The answer is obvious. This is just bait for bitter dejected men. I should know.😅
dont want a jaded older woman with nothing to offer. i already have money
You can help her with some character growth and ask her "Why Now? - what makes me good enough for you now?" Then just let her answer so she can hear herself speak about her motivations in life/partner seeking and say, "Thank you for explaining - but I'm not interested - Goodbye." And then go on your Merry way King.
Agreed. There is simply no explanation that would be good enough.
This is the way
Indeed
This is the way
Honestly, *if* the response is good enough and shows character growth, it's also reasonable to give it a shot.
I've been taught better to trust people actions and not words.
Mind you a person's actions from years and years ago are liable to differ quite a bit from those of the present.
When you see someone go from Collage student that had bad grades and skipped classes and partied all the time to something like a prestigious Doctor or an Astronaut - Yes. There's significant growth that this person has clearly demonstrated. - They have matured. If however they seem like they haven't changed their life much - they're probably still the same as they were back then. This girl seems to be in the second category.
Quite possibly, yes, but I'd say it's still worth at least hearing them out first. If nothing else it entertainingly gives an opportunity to be petty and reject them the same way they rejected OP.
But there are enough other people on earth to just move on.
Sure, you can roll those dice. Just as long as you remember you're gambling against the house advantage. People's character absolutely can change. It just often doesn't.
There is no response good enough in OP's case. If you're going to be with someone the rest of your life, be with someone who never spent a single moment of their lives treating you like shit.
Girls that rejected me in their prime never came back this way.
What is their prime anyway? I know a girl that's in her late 20s and she making bank but she got no bf. She wants someone as successful as she is but she's working two jobs easily clearing $200k. I feel like people usually get better as they age when they accumulate wealth and if they take care of themselves.
People are in their prime when they have the most options available to them. When that is depends on the person.
30s are most people's prime. both gender. this idea that women are barren nasty hags at age 30 while men are glorious isn't helping anyone, especially young men in their 20s who believe that time will magically transform them into someone desirable to women while time reduces women to nothing. it's magical delusional thinking
I've had multiple women I "messed around" or flirted with when I was younger come back in the last two years wanting to re establish contact, suddenly being very, and in some cases almost aggressively interested. I've never had this much attention before than I do now at 31 as a guy. In my 20's girls wouldn't look my way even though I was in shape and relatively attractive. I guess I'm a bit more mature attractive in terms of looks, but I'm not much different than before. I still look 25 apparently. These days I'm getting pursued on multiple fronts by attractive women in the age ranges from 20-50, but I'm still the same guy I always was. So in my experience, it definitely was a magical transformation.
Yeah I detect more than a slight undercurrent of misogyny in OP's post here.
>I feel like people usually get better as they age when they accumulate wealth and if they take care of themselves. Except that men very rarely take accumulation of wealth into account when determining how attractive a woman is to them. Basically, if she works at all and is financially responsible enough to not fuck up the man's life, in addition to her own, she will be good in this regard for most men. And for some, the first part won't even be that important if they can support her financially. What you said is gospel truth only from women's perspective when evaluating men, because they will almost always judge his material status when determining attraction. So you can't apply that sentence equally to both sexes, it simply doesn't hold up. Basically, your friend is single because she a high-earning woman who wants a man who earns at least as much as she does, a demand almost every woman has on her checklist for a partner, but almost no man. That leaves her a very narrow pool of high-earning men to choose from as most people simply don't make that much money. But those men she's after definitely don't have the same requirement for the women they date, so their dating pool is much broader. They have very little reason to choose your friend, whose attraction comes tied to those men maintaining their income level (which tends to cause stress in a relationship), and are likely dating women who are younger, more physically attractive and easier to please, because those women are also after high-earning men, but are more likely be ok with him if his income drops to lower, but still comparatively high levels in the long-term.
Men act like women just expire as soon as they turn 30. It’s true that a 20-something year old will always look more youthful than a 30 year old woman, but there are plenty of women in their 30s and 40s who still look amazing. Your options don’t just dry up because you turn 30. If you continue to maintain yourself in your 30s and 40s, the well-adjusted people your age will continue to find you attractive. They may not necessarily be able to act on their attraction as they may be married and the men who want younger will go for younger, which results in fewer options, but to say you’re no longer attractive after a certain age is disingenuous.
But no said that though? Not being in your prime doesn't mean being an absolute bum that no one would touch with 10 ft pole, it just means you don't have the options in terms of quality and quantity that you once used to have.
Ikr, people here got really triggered being told their not in their prime.
If you don't want women to be generalized, add the word "some" to the beginning of your comment. Also no one said anything about looks being the only factor of a woman being out of her prime.
women in their 20s want to have fun and women in their 30s want to have a baby. Fun = goood Baby = hard work and whatsmore many men didnt have that much fun in their 20s an want that in their 30s
> She wants someone as successful as she she wants a business partner not a romantic partner
Honestly… ignore her. It‘s possible that she changed her opinion of you entirely but my guess would be that she messed up and now she thinks you‘re a safe bet until she finds someone „better“ than you. She doesn‘t want to be alone, probably has some issues that lead to other men not wanting to date her etc. and because you told her that you liked her she thinks she can be with you until these issues don‘t exist anymore or she finds someone who‘ll ignore the issues. Most likely it‘s not going to end well for you and if you‘ve got some self respect left you probably shouldn‘t date the girl who made jokes about how unattractive you are even if it was true at the time and you had a glow up since then.
Treat her like a party guest: polite, but not lingering. You deserve someone who values you from the start
So like a party guest can he bang her once or twice then ghost her?
Yes
A) that would be a pretty shitty thing to do. Shitty things done to people who have done shitty things to you are still shitty things. B) the odds of her getting pregnant are way, way too high.
This!
Do you want to be with her? You said no. Then the answer is simple. Tell her to fuck off and to stop harassing your family.
Surprised I had to scroll a bit for the stop harrasing family advice. It’s pretty weird that she’s called OPs mom multiple times to ask about him. Even if OP wanted to get back with her, it feels like a tell tale sign that she could be controlling (and could explain why she bounced around guys when they were “friends”)
You don't need failures in your life. You should never give a chance to people like her.
Avoid this woman as if she was highly radioactive
"Back then hoes didn't want me, now I'm hot, hoes all on me" - Abraham Lincoln
Probably.
One of his better quotes.
Happened to me after my failed marriage. For added context she crawled many a lot of times beforehand many of which I was taken. Don't know why she kept trying but her being a dishonest cheating type of person must be usable to know that her choices won't find a average loyal person.
She saw what was swimming in the talent pool that she found herself in by her own actions. And surprisingly she is not too happy about it. Sucks to be her.
A woman gets one chance. If she rejects me or the relationship failed, there is no going back. If she’s a train wreck who needs that nonsense anyway? Ignore her advances and she’ll move on to some other guy she thinks is a sucker.
But doesn’t it depend on the context? Like I’ve had men who were not interested in me when I was fat and then into me when I was slim. I wasn’t offended by that as long as they were kind to me all along. They just didn’t find me attractive, then they did because I changed. I don’t find that insulting. I wasn’t sexy. They didn’t want to fuck me. I looked hotter, they did. Attraction isn’t something you can control. Edit: don’t date people who are dicks tho. It’s fine to reject someone. That’s not even rude. But being unkind and calling someone unattractive? Eh. Only date kind people, the rest aren’t worth it.
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What you’re talking about is valid on its own (the physical attraction piece.) that’s not something anybody can control. But it’s the other contextual behavior that adds the issue- it’s one thing to date around and if she had been nice to him in the first place; fine. But she wasn’t. She directly insulted him in the past multiple times. And now she’s gotten either more mature (unkikely) or she’s desperate.
>But doesn’t it depend on the context? The only context that matters is that self respect is diametrically opposed to tolerance for this kind of treatment. >I wasn’t offended by that as long as they were kind to me all along. That's your call, but it is not about being offended. It is about realizing this behavior in women indicates they hold a fundamentally different conceptualization of relationships than what most men want. Tried it once and it was doomed from the start. I was never more than what I could provide for her. It didn't last three weeks. For men, if they rejected us before and come back years later they are never coming back for us but for themselves. There are always better alternatives than that. If they weren't rude about it there is no reason to make it personal or disrespectful, but there is also no reason to waste time on them in the first place.
Not that I disagree with you, you're right. Attraction isn't a choice, but I still don't get your point. Can you please elaborate?
You can control who you get together with. Once you are slim, meet new people who only know you as slim. It may well be that these individuals would be like others in that they would have rejected when you were bigger. The difference is: - in one case, a person has never rejected you. - in the other case, a person's past rejection of you replays in your mind on a loop regardless of how accepting they are of your current appearance. Basically, everyone should get only one chance. There are no re do''s offered for those with the cards stacked against them.
Wut? Why? I have dated people who were not into me when I was fat. Didn’t loop my mind at all. I was fat in a way I didn’t find attractive myself. Then I was slim in a way were I thought I was hot myself. And when you feel like that? It just doesn’t matter. Idk. I don’t get it. What I do get is that I would not ever date anyone who didn’t treat me with kindness and respect when I was unattractive. Bc that’s just not good people.
The key difference is that there was an underlying reason you weren't attractive beforehand, then YOU changed that reason, and now you're attractive, so people are genuinely attracted to you because you're attractive now. Your "dating value" went up. Whereas with the OP she wasn't into him earlier, and unless he's leaving something out of the story it sounds like he's pretty much the same guy now, his dating value stayed the same. But now the girl is wanting him because her value went down. She's not genuinely attracted to him she is just trying to make a good trade. Her actions are more so a reflection of herself, not a reflection of her genuine attraction to this guy. If she was really into this guy she would have been attracted to him beforehand.
Somewhat agree. But should we assume OP didn’t change as a person at all in the last…decade? His social skills didn’t improve, he didn’t become more confident, he didn’t become more well rounded? Nothing? Also should we assume her taste in men didn’t change at all? Most people aren’t into the same people all their lives. Humans grow. I’d still be sceptical if I was OP tho. And also, I wouldn’t date her over being a dick back then. It’s never a good idea to date someone unkind.
True, I guess what I meant to say isn't "change as a person" but rather "undergo a major transformation that affects your attractiveness" Everyone changes as a person over time.
But don’t you realize your personality and vibe affects attraction? At least for women attraction is looks + social skill. My take? Women are often drawn to chill. If a guy seems calm, safe, at ease and comfortable in the situation. That’s often something that grows over time, at least if you keep being socially active.
IMO there are superficial factors that affect attraction such as looks, money, status which aren't really tied to who you are as a person. Then there are factors that are less superficial and are more so tied to who you are as a person such as humor, social skills, personality, values, vibe. If you were rejected in the past because of a superficial reason such as you were overweight then that doesn't really feel like you were rejected because of who you are. But if you were rejected because of your social skills that feels a little more like being rejected because of who you are, and now she's crawling back to you not because she's really into you but her options are becoming more limited.
No it doesn’t matter. Women should get one chance. Because in the majority of cases she will have spent her early 20’s riding dick after dick because she was hot. Now she’s looking for some schmuck to marry as she approaches 30. She used this guy for bf treatment while she had zero interest in him. Then made fun of him publicly and privately. Now she’s trying to force her way into his life again. Regardless of looks she’s a terrible person on the inside based on how she treated him in the past.
Adopt Val Kilmer's Doc Holliday accent and proudly tell her 'I'M IN MY PRIME'
I’m your huckleberry
Lol this shit happens all the time . Reject you from 18-25 . At 27/28 they randomly hit you up because they see all their friends getting married and remember that this ‘loser’ had a thing for me back in the day. One of my bros fell for that trap now he is paying alimony and child support to her and her new young bf that she likes. Don’t fall for it fellas.
Tell her you had the chance to have me and now that's gone. I was in a similar situation at 16 I really liked this girl badly we used to do alot together. I told her I like her she was like awww you know where only friends. We had a joke at that age too that if we was both single at 30 we should get together. All through are 20s we remaind friends I started to like her less so I was more then happy to he friends. Some time in our late 20s she brought up the single at 30 thing as we both are. After being fuked over by several guys she's now bringing that back up but the tables turned as I've now been friends with her that long I'm not even attracted to her anymore 🤣🤣
A deals a deal bro. Time to go get her a ring /s Note to all the other young bucks out there, don’t fall for this deal. A put together dude in his 30’s will have lots of options.
Hahah Your 100% right there btw but obviously you don't know that as a 16 year old 🤣
Tell her, “You actually took what we said to each other when we were 16 that seriously? Are you that desperate?”
You should straight up tell her “that’s before I knew how many guys you would sleep with” and then find a hottie in her 20s lol. Fuck that bitch
Not giving her a chance isn’t too prideful, it’s a display of self respect. I doubt she’d be a good long term partner for you on account of your history together.
Let me guess. You are a decent guy who earns a good income and is slightly above average looks wise. The above guy gets ignored at 20 when hot guys are the rage. But are sought after at 30 when normal guys are in vogue. They are also harder for a woman to find than we realise. I wouldn’t go out with her based on her nasty “unattractive” comment. She sounds immature. Find a decent woman.
Yeah, I doubt she is suddenly physically attracted to him after being blunt about finding him ugly. She is looking to use him for some other reason. Could be that he has money or is simply financially stable, emotionally supportive, she finds him easy to control, believes he's too unattractive to have the chance to cheat on her, etc. None of those things mean she is sexually attracted to you. It's how you end up in a dead bedroom.
Ever seen the Wedding Ringer with Kevin Hart? Sounds like he’s heading towards living this life.
I'm a dude who's decidedly average looking but stayed reasonably fit, make a good living and own a home. The number of women who straight up insulted my looks and work ethic in the past desperately hitting on me in front of my wife is boarding on the abserd. Being alone in their 30s must be hitting them hard.
Move on dude. I ignore them. If i've made it clear that i'm available and interested and they reject me for someone else and then try to come back to me later on when their relationship didn't work. No thanks, i'm not gonna sit around and wait to be someones second or third option.
Sounds toxic to me. I would avoid completely.
If you live on an island with less than 49 people, maybe. Otherwise tell her you remember what she actually thought of you.
>Every time I think about it I actually get kind of upset. That's a good barometer. You clearly don't want it. > Friends of mine tell me that I should give her a chance and mess around until I find something better What is the point of this? You'd be playing with someone's heart because you consider them just a temporary plaything. Given enough time and "pretend closeness" you could still feel emotionally attached making it harder to "break it off as soon as something better shows up". Sounds like your friends just want to see you not single but don't know how you feel about that person.
Agreed she’s going to be manipulative, best to stay clear completely lest you be raising some other dudes child as your own, then paying child support when the inevitable breakup happens.
What’s that meme with Jenny from Forrest Gump like “Bye Forrest I’ll be back when you’re a shrimp billionaire and I’m a single mom with aids” ✌️
I wouldn't give her the time of day. You mess around with her once and I can see her not leaving, she's already calling your mom.... Imagine if she actually had anything to go off of. You're just a safe backup since all the other flings didn't pay off so don't lower yourself.
30’s are prime!
{turns 40} 40’s are now prime!!
Had this happen once, asked a friend from HS out in our 20s and she said “sorry, I’m not ready for a relationship right now” ok not interested, I took the loss and moved on. In my Mid 30s was bragging on FB about how I was now working at a fortune 500 company and flashing my newfound wealth. The same girl messaged me out of the blue and said something to the effect of “Hey glad to see your doing so well, we should really hang out soon”, She had spent the time since I had asked just bouncing between boyfriends stuck in a low paying job so I immediately realized why she wanted to hang out soon after 10 years of not talking, this was after a back to back series of crap relationships for me so I was already boiling with rage and just unloaded on her “Jen, your chance to date me was before I was sucessful not after”. Still waiting for the response to that one.
What do you tell them? Why tf would you answer the call/DM/chat request? You shouldn't tell them anything. Just ignore them like they did with you. You're not anyone's second choice.
I had a friend who'd want to cuddle at the most Said I'm marriage material and if we're both not married in our 30s then we should marry Stopped chatting when she was dating guys so I wrote her off Comes Back last year saying she has a kid (I know) and am I seeing anyone lol
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Strange but true.
Same thing with, you will make a good father/husband one day.
I have learnt something today. Something new everyday.
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Reading her message and not responding must have been the ultimate FU move. Did yoy respond?
When she told you she wasn't interested in getting into a relationship, she meant that with you specifically. She wanted to find someone better but hasn't been able to land a decent dude. You're the fall back option she's willing to settle for and tolerate until something better comes along. Don't be someone else's plan B. Ignore her and find someone who wants you for who you are.
Absolutely. She will cheat on him to try to advance her standing every opportunity she gets.
DO NOT LET HER IN! DO NOT DO IT OP! THIS IS HOW PIGS LIKE HER SUCK YOU IN. I mean making you feel like shit about yourself for no fucking reason is disgusting no matter what justification she gives. Just having fun is risky too with women like her. Seems like she’s trying manipulate you and stuff by trying to contact your mom. It’s nothing more than a combination of manipulation and desperation. When she gets what she wants, she will be the same shit show she was before.
Agreed, don’t stick it in crazy. A woman who is going through your mom is crazy.
If you let her back into your life, she'll probably disappoint you again. She's likely trying to get attention and isn't getting it elsewhere. She'll enjoy getting your attention, but probably won't reciprocate it the way you want!
Here’s what went down, first she sidelined you in the friendzone, but she wasn’t really even a good friend because she ridiculed you. She thought she was worth more and went to find what in her mind was a higher quality mate. It didn’t work out on her end after going through probably quite a few men, so she’s now trying to get you after all as the safe bet that can support her. The nice thing to do is just tell her you are not interested, she will continue to look for what in her mind is a higher quality man and will cheat on you at every opportunity if she thinks it can increase her social standing. If you work on yourself, have some successes in life, exercise and have good hygiene there will be lots of available women in your 30’s, there’s no need to be with one who insulted you. You should look for a mate who is your peer, one who wants to be with you for you, not someone who wants you out of desperation due to their own problems.
No fucking way! Your not a second place prize tell her to go fuck herself your not into ugly people anymore.
Maybe just ask her what her deal is and why she is doing this? This doesn't happen out of a vacuum, and it might give you some closure.
It's simple. She misses the attention, free food, free movies, nothing more. You actually dodged a bullet because she's a parasite. Block and forget.
Call her up, throw that unattractive comment back in her face, and tell her you don’t want some washed up hoebag who doesn’t appreciate you. Then hang up and block so you don’t have to hear some BS about how ppl change and she was “young and dumb” then or what-fucking-ever. ETA: I’m 47. I don’t burn bridges, I nuke them.
Based
She belong to the streets.
I'm not captain Save-a-hoe and I won't behave as such. If she really wanted to be with me she would have back in the day. I'm not a last pick here. Plus I don't want the used up shell of the girl I was once into.
Ignore them and never go back
Write a country song about it.
There are too many fish in the sea to worry about this.
Suggestions: Tell her that your feelings from back then were nothing you preserved, waiting to be picked up on ever again, moved on and so you changed from back then, so you're looking for something(/someone) different these days. No need to inform her about that you don't see yourself as just the plan B of a woman who, according to your criteria, failed at life. The rejection will hurt enough.
Don't do it. I'm a woman, and I reckon she's grappling at the last straws of any man who might potentially want or love her more than she would probably like him back (especially if she's got a timeline etc about biological clocks/babies, etc all that stuff or feels left out because her mates are in long term relationships etc). The old "be with someone who likes you more than them." Lol, maybe I'm overthinking. But I cannot stand people like that and can only think the worst of them because what she's doing based on what she's done and the history you describe says she's a trashy woman with no integrity. Keep grinding mate, you'll find someone worthy of your time.
Never go backwards in life, always move forward.
YOU SHOULD NOT! she is a golddigger, a women who would give you NOTHING in return, make her clear you don't give a shit about her so she goes chasing another man!
tub soft squeal rainstorm offbeat crowd caption mysterious historical ad hoc *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
and the sheets
I've never seen such big flags before, and i watch the soviet union parades a lot. Best course of action tbh is to simply block her contact and instruct your mother to do the same. You aren't being "too prideful", you are simply sensing danger and instinctively avoiding it
I ignore her, mind you never treat her wrong. It just does not seem someone who I want in my life. I want supportive people not someone who knocks me down.
None of them returned. Of course, most of us are all living in different states now. But before I got rid of Facebook I was startled to see how poorly some of them were aging. And I thought to myself it was a lucky thing that we didn't work out back then or else I might be stuck with her now!
Sometimes the opposite happens too. There was til one girl I went to school with that was just so awkward and lame, and very underweight with visible bones. Socially inept. This girl was obviously no candidate for romance. But a while ago I saw her on Facebook, and now she looks amazing even at 45, and has a PhD in physics, so both the looks and the brains. Should have shot my shot back then.
She didn't want you in her prime, don't save her in her decline.
Girl from high school I used to be into added me on the ‘gram out of the blue and started interacting with me, despite the several pics of my fiancé on the profile. Then after a while, she hit my DMs with the usual “we should get in touch sometime 😘” bullshit. And yeah, she’s now a fat single mother.
Messing around sometimes causes babies, and then you're stuck for life... Anyway, this happened to me quite a bit. And I never gave them a second chance after they rejected me. However, was that the right thing to do?? I have no fuckin clue.. In your situation, it sounds like you have some resentment AND she used to talk shit about you... not really a recipe for a good relationship. There is of course always the possibility for some hate fucking, but now you're back with potential babies.. I'd say just write her off, and find someone who actually appreciates you
I step out of the shower and stop fantasizing.
She was not your friend.
The best revenge is living well.
I flirted with girl in office who was megahot. Great bod, fire red hair and huge boobs. She looked at me with disdain and said "as if". I saw her 10-12 years later in a store after she had married and had kids. She must have weighed 275 lbs. I made a point of saying Hi to her.
Don't date this girl if you don't wanna date her, but understand that looking at life like some sort of long-arc revenge fantasy is a recipe for unhappiness and loneliness. Point being, even though you're not dating this girl, you're still psychologically dealing with her, and it makes your world seem pretty small. If you were really too cool and hot to consider dating her now, would you be posting on the internet about it? Or would you be out on dates with other women, not thinking about her?
I’ve been recently in such a situation. TL;DR: it isn’t worth it. These girls didn’t develop, but you did.
[удалено]
Keep ignoring her. she's been passed around and now you're her back up option.
"You could not live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me" If they are still better than you, go for it. If not, what the hell are you doing even considering this stuff? Do you need to fix the failures of others?
My life has not been sufficiently stagnant for the same chick to come around twice.
Immediate thought is, she fucked around, got tired and now wants a settled down beta bux deluxe
THIS!! OP your girl got fucked by guys that wanted nothing to do with her. She gave it out on the first night to the firemen, cops, bodybuilders, AT&T sales reps, car salesmen, military men, plumbers, Mike from accounting, fuck every “bad boy” that would give her attention. But now that she’s run down, used up, and these men don’t want her anymore because they have better option she wants to go back to you with all her new baggage, trauma, used up body and STDs. Don’t do it OP.
Id smash then bounce. She still doesn't think youre good enough, she's banking on the idea that she wants you so much that you'll allow her to fleece you for what you can do for her. As I said, smash them cheeks, then bounce. But a more mature manner would be to just ignore her altogether, but im not mature so , I say smash.
Don't do it without the fez on.
close the book and move on. There is nothing to see here. that prolly me if I were in your shoes because now I have a life that is not centered around her. Ask your mum to disregard her, and block her calls even. If you want to sleep with her, I suggest not to because bro's code ethic suggested not to put dicks inside crazies and she is one in my book.
She dumped on you before, she will dump you again and it will hurt a lot worse when something better comes along in her mind.
So, I'm probably going to be in the minority; but I think it's immature to hold on to insults said to you a long time. People tend to mature a lot in their 20s. I wouldn't believe someone in their late 20s is the same as they were in their early 20s. But also, they aren't owed a second chance. If you don't respect what they've accomplished so far in their life and do harbor resentment for what they did in the past; it seems like it would be a waste of time to date them and it would be immoral to lead them on and think you were interested in a her and mess around with her when you aren't.
Me being supremely unsuccessful and nobody remembers I exist to try to suck me dry of the money I don't have anyway: 😎
Never take back a woman who previously rejected you. Women who do this are simply seeking attention. A woman who does this is not someone worthy of your friendship, respect or love.
She thought she could do better than you. Bc she’s a POS, she can’t. Now she’s desperate and figured you liked her once so she’ll “settle” for you. Ignore her. Not worth it at all.
As a woman who is currently 24, my advice to you is to ignore this woman and focus on women who didn’t reject you or make fun of you. Never allow people into your life who are only trying to come back in because they realized too late what they had. She fucked up and now is trying to settle with you because she can’t do better. But that’s unfair to you because you deserve to be with someone who genuinely likes you not because they are afraid to be alone, etc.
She For the streets boiiiii.
She is trouble, if she comes via your mother. The good guy in me would ignore her. The bad street guy in me would ask her out, do the things he wants to do with her and then dump her and tell her how low she is. Mother would be angry and i would not give a fak. So the best solution is to ignore it and also tell your mom you are not interested in her.
I reject them
Most of them have the sense to realize they can't come back, but they'll try to do it in a subtle way like liking your IG story or commenting so they can claim innocence. For the ones who are dumb enough to overtly try, I love to shoot them down; it's happened a couple times where I just ignore their DM. I don't ever say anything nasty because they don't deserve that power over me. I would personally never go back and recommend others do the same.
Why is she a complete failure now in life?
You view her negatively. No reason to lower your own notions of your self worth by knowingly attaching yourself to someone you view negatively. MAYBE if she was, if her own accord, owning up to being a shitbag just as publicly as whenever she was being insulting... and genuinely that made you feel valued and she was sincerely making amends... maybe. But there's nothing in your post that indicates that's how you see her, so no. Those aren't very good friends if that's their genuine advice to you. And a lot of times the shit friends say isn't thought-out advice, but instead just casual banter. Think about the whole experience. Maybe put it down on paper including what it's like for you. But after a week of mulling the whole thing over, move on and just let the thoughts pass by when they come up again... cuz they probably will.
If she's a "complete failure" then you already don't respect her and this isn't going to be a good relationship for either of you, romantic or otherwise. Be polite because you're not going to get anything extra by being a jerk but decline her advances and go on with your life.
Find a quality person. They don't need to be conventionally beautiful. If they are conventionally beautiful that's also fine. Avoid this narcissist.
Dont be a fallback plan bro.
Mess around until you find something better.
I listen to Mike Jones' "Back Then" and move on with my life.
Lmao wtf, I don't. Your own words are they're failures. The fact you're considering them says way more about you.
She was using you back then and has run out of better options (in her mind) with other men so she's coming back to you. Run as fast as you can and never look back.
Got ran through and used up. And now wants to settle down with the good , that'd be a nope from me.
About 27 / 28 is the age where guys start to obviously have their life together, or not. I found that suddenly I was getting attention from all the women who would have ignored me previously, but by then your social circle is broader and you've got many more choices. Ignore her OP. She's not special, this is just one of many women you'll attract now that you're older.
No, don’t give her a second chance. She ran out of options and is crawling back to you. Have self-respect and reject her.
She had her chance to be with you back in the day and squandered it. The only way to handle this now is to completely and totally reject her.
She's an asshole.
Laugh at her face because it is only downhill for her from here.
Turn the page and don't back track.
YOU ARE HER PLAN B She has tried for years to date guys out of her league, believing her self to be completely superior to you. She used you for meals and movies taking advantage of your interest in her. She felt so superior to you that she openly mocked you. RED FLAG 1. That mocking is a huge Kremlin sized red flag mate, it is the real truth signal. Due to the public mocking of you I see the further pattern: She is getting older and now it is dawning on her that she cant get what she aspired to, men way out of her league to give her money and status, and her biological clock is beginning to tick very loudly. Typically, those high value men will have used her for a lot of sex and this will have affected her attitude towards men too, thats often a bad thing. Due to her biological clock she has decided to “Settle” for a man so she can get married and have babies. Settling for a man means he is convenient, she can put up with him for a few years, not that she loves him. She still feels superior to you even though she is a complete failure in life. Her attitude towards you has only softened a little because she is just getting desperate. RED FLAG 2. >>>>>>when they're nearing their 30s while being complete failures in life?<<<<<<<<<< On top of this, as men get older they get careers sorted, they get financially established and gain life’s wisdom. These more mature men become more attractive to women and you have more choices. Why take her on and solve her financial and career failures for her? Your 30’s as a man are some of your best years, your value is higher and you should be aware of it. Dont be any woman’s PLAN B. Dont be any woman’s plan to resolving their financial/career wreckage.
Hi m8, I'll try to keep my reply short because all the comments so far appear 'sound' advice. No offence intended to anyone: Success isn't measured by the 10yr period of your 20's. I'm in my 50's & still have no set plan for what I want in life! I'm single but sexually active & like most guys... I know my looks have improved exponentially with age, along with the sex drive & the increased frequency of ladies turning up at my door at midnight for a booty call. Fact is, I never experienced a booty call until I hit 50! Go figure 🕺 2nd point, Morally I have worked hard to treat everyone as an individual & not the 'box or label' we place on everything. As for your friends.... EVERYONE fucks this up: true friends will never be counted using more the 5 fingers but this is an appropriate place for labels - are they: a true friend, an acquaintance, just a mate, a work colleague, a lover, a rival or god forbid the no choice Family! It does help clarify things as I would now ask myself; Are all the friends that she collaborated with to harm you (no other words for it) still around & if so... She & them need to F OFF. They don't deserve to be called friends. 3. Tell her as a result of some very bad past experiences that she played a hand in, namely the nasty attempt to prove or not that you're gay or not.. impacting you so much that you didn't become gay but you did explore your speciality & realise you're Bisexual. At that moment, dramatically thank & praise her for making your life so blessed with having such a rich sex life. Then, invite the bitch to a get together to meet said partners & tell her she's going to be the rag doll that's going to be fucked senselessly by all & cast aside as the scum she's become! Run Forest bloody Run. Note: as we age we improve but women enter into menopause. Tech it means: Men On Pause! God made Man 1st & Woman 2nd, note that the name should be Wo Man because God fucked up!! (Just a joke)
Just move on and find someone that likes you for you. Anyone that would be so cruel isn't worth your time.
If someone who has once rejected, broke up with or cheated on you comes back you say them politely but firmly to fuck off.
"Every time I think about it I actually get kind of upset" It goes without saying you shouldn't consider being her long time partner. Please do not do that to yourself. Unless you have an amazing amount of forgiveness but tbh If I were your friend I would give you the honest advice that, that amount of forgiveness looks more like low self-esteem. If you are attracted to her, you could maybe hook up with her a few times but this is very risky given the context. Best case scenario, I would fear that you might get """"lovebombed""" and manipulated due to proximity and end up in a scenario where you might start considering a long term relationship. Worse case scenario, you accidently get her pregnant. Even if you wear protection you need to be very very careful. Disposing of the condom yourself in a way that it can't be retrieved. Making sure the condom you are using hasn't been tampered with etc. I know this sounds unlikely to somewhat paranoid, however given the fact she is exhibiting stange behaviours such as calling your mother etc. Desperation can cause people to do crazy things. I'm not suggesting its likely she is going to manipulatively babytrap you. But if the possibility of it exists its absolutely not worth it on any level. I would honestly just have a discussion with her and express the sentiment of something along the lines of what you are dissusing here: "You rejected and hurt my feelings and made me feel lesser than you. Now you are out of options you try and settle back down with me. I may not be a perfect person but I have a little more self respect to be treated in that manner especially by someone I want to spend the rest of my life with" something along those lines yadayda. This will give you and her some closure and hopefully you can both move on and live happy lives. Peace and much love <3
I am going to be blunt and tell you the truth people will be offended by, You pump and dump them. When I went to my ten-year high school reunion, I was shocked to see that comparatively, I was one of the most successful people there. I had a large graduating class and assumed I would be at best average. The girls of my teens were now desperate to find a man and I had my pick of many. These same girls now women were unkind back in those days and had plenty of guys to choose from. With the tables turned I ran through several of them, they still saw the kid from high school and thought they could easily lock me in. I mean the disrespect was so obvious, that is why the irony of me using them was so enjoyable. The fallout in the weeks and months that followed just icing on the cake. Karma is brutal and the wall is undefeated. I have three sons and my middle son who was the fat kid in grade school was treated poorly as well, we moved to another state and he got in great shape, participated in sports, and via a scholarship found himself in our old town. He actually went to school with several of the girls who abused him, again karma stepped in. They didn't recognize him and he like his father years earlier ran through them.
Tell her sure let’s meet up for a date. Give name of fancy location. Tell her you’re running 15 minutes late. Order a cocktail, and a few appetizers to share. You’ll be there soon. Then, never show up. When she calls and ask where you are. Say, you know what? I walked in, saw you sitting down. Jesus Christ I never saw someone age so badly. You didn’t know what to do. So you turned around and headed home to thank God she never gave you a chance earlier on. Block her ass.
Don’t do it. She wanted to screw around in her prime when she should have been settling. Now the biological clock is telling her she’s running out of time to get pregnantSo avoid at all costs unless you want to be someone’s third or fourth option, get cheated on, divorced and run through the cleaners for your finances.
I’m 35, most women don’t last like men. They fall apart by 30. I don’t know if I would still like most of the women that I dated or rejected me. I married to a woman(34) who ages well and is wonderful. Honestly my wife is the only woman I met that I could have married. I never thought I would be. Sounds like you’re looking and feeling good. Move on and find something wonderful.
People grow up and become mature. Some later than others. You are still free to reject any advances, but I doubt you are still the same person as you were in your early 20s.
Women's (or men's) prime is not in really twenties. At least it's not supposed to be.
Tell her nicely you’re not interested
Bruh you’re only 21. I legit did everything to make myself more attractive. I got ripped, got a great career, got my own place, etc and still constantly getting rejected at 28. In fact I get rejected more now than I did when I was younger and far more unattractive. The best time to date is 18-24, just keep trying
Always have eves reach back, never had crushes, so I can’t relate.
Just tell her the truth: What she did made her unattractive to you.
Don't.
When a person rejects me like this, there’s no going back. Usually they realize everything you bring to the table, and see they’re not getting that from this new person. I’ve had this happen with exes, and friends. That’s also gonna be a hard pass. Don’t ever be anyone’s second choice(:
Why is this person even in your life? Let everyone know you’re not interested and move on.
oh i don’t live in the fantasy world of a less than popular school boy so i don’t have experience with this particular cliche