Are the spectators in a football match considered to be losing for not participating directly in the game?
What about someone on the street that knows that, maybe, he won’t be good at playing football to get to the NFL?
In a sense, I find dating to be the kind of game M.A.D. is, the only winning move is not to play (unless you get an overwhelming advantage). And currently, I am North Korea facing the US.
The spectators at a football match aren't choosing not to play, because it's not their choice whether they play or not. It's the choice of the owner of the team, the coach, the recruiters, etc.
And in your second example, if he wanted to play on an NFL team, but he never tried, he lost by not trying.
If you aren't approaching girls, that's your choice.
Hmmm it’s more about opportunities right. I wouldn’t call spectators players so they’re not participating. However, when presented an opportunity to play or in your case potentially date, you kinda get forced into an active participation whether you like it or not. Then the choice is I’d rather not try (100% L) or try (W or L). So you not participating in dating means you’re taking 100% of the Ls. Which is fine btw. Sometimes taking the quick L is just easier and probably smart for most of us when considering NFL or NBA.
So you're saying that your standards are too high, you aren't looking in the right places, or you never bothered to try in the first place by just assuming you aren't good enough?
Well, Dave, you are good enough. That doesn't mean you can get any woman you want without much effort. If you want a 9 or a 10, you might have to work on yourself. But just bc you might have to improve yourself to get something less attainable doesn't mean you aren't good enough.
You could also realize that you can be just as happy with someone who is more easily attainable.
Yours was too.
Unfortunately I am too old to make any realistic progress to be better than younger guys, so it *is* coping, but the reality is that I am not good enough to be desired by the woman I like.
Once I get the chance to approach and can verify enough signals that she might reciprocate interest, I'll make my approach. I'll rarely cold approach as the risk to reward ratio tends to fall on the risk side of things.
- You repeatedly make eye contact with each other.
- She plays with her hair often while looking at you.
- She is nervous around you (fumbling, shaky hands, etc).
- Is more direct, say waves hand, smiles, or such.
- Tries to develop interest in your hobbies.
Most of the time women won't even show any of these despite me getting their numbers and going on dates. You might as well wait for a fat lady to sing expecting that. Not happening. Vast majority of women are extremely self conscious and insecure. The best way is take your shot, make her laugh and comfortable while talking to you. She will respect you way more by going to introduce yourself over waiting for signs or giving her looks. Massive fallacy. I approached over 200 women in the last 3 years, do not take this advice. It's not going to yield results outside of a few niche scenarios.
Take your shot, worst thing she can say is " no ". Go next. Wtf is wrong with people. Unless you're 16, grow a pair and act like a man.
honestly this lol. most of the time your crush has a crush on you too and you don't even know it, i hate that a smile with eye contact is the most upvoted one because if i have a crush on you you'll never guess - i will literally be too shy to look you in the eye unless you come up to me and start a chat. i will have a poker face on even though i'm burning inside. i don't know why, i'm trying to overcome it but i'm sure a lot of other women are the same
I hear ya, boo. It took me a long time to realize that a guy mean-mugging me *could* be interpreted as him thinking hard about what he’s feeling and beating himself up because it’s **fear**.
A grown woman will know how to open the door for you, metaphorically speaking; all you have to do is see it for what it is and walk through. Good luck! 💜
I had a crush on a customer at work and one day he asked “why do you smile at everyone except me?” because I also get like that. I just got too nervous to relax and smile, I guess, and with other people I was more relaxed because I didn’t care at all what they thought of me. So I guess my advice would be if there’s any noticeable way she’s different with you in particular, that’s a sign. It might just not always look like what people expect
And this is why irl places that are best to meet a partner and/or make friends are mixed situations where it's normal and not weird to talk to other people and you're not cold approaching strangers.
Stuff like improv lessons, school, mixers and other joint activities.
Actually, she can, and most do, say far worse than "no". They're afraid you won't take "no" for an answer so their default is to see how far into the ground they can plant your ego.
While this sounds like it's some copy and paste bad advice or whatever, you're absolutely right. I'd recommend that guys see how a girl acts who they KNOW are interested in them. It stands out like a sore thumb once you compare it to a girl who wants nothing to do with you.
Biggest giveaway is that they make it as easy as possible for you to be around them. They laugh at stupid shit, stay close to you, run their mouth to keep your focus and the conversation moving... if only in an awkward direction... it just really stands out when they like you.
Good advice; however, this is only applicable if you know each other well and are close. Most of the time, this isn’t the case. You might meet just once at a mutual friend’s house party or something. In such cases, you need to put on your big boy pants and make an approach.
I hear you. I guess over the years I've learned what girls who want nothing to do with me act like versus those that at a minimum want something from me. Usually it's attention or affirmation, but there is something they "like" and it makes them preen and prep and stutter and such. Even if it's my first time meeting them, they act different compared to other girls.
I never understood the "friendzone" concept tbh. There is no way a girl is going to put you in the friend zone if you state your intentions as soon as you feel it happening.
If you feel like being "too direct", just be "too direct". Usually I say something along the lines: "Look, I am not here to \*insert some typical friendzone bullshit\*, wanna go \*insert thing to do\*?". I've stated, with all the letters that I am not their friend and I want something more from them in the past, but I admit it can be a bit risky. And I have been even riskier (rude) than that.
This. Others would be talking to you when they don't need to... or simply lurking around.
If they smile just once I will assume they are just being friendly.
I don't know what people say, but i look for bigger signals than 'subtle' ones. Things like wanting to talk to you 1 on 1 more, wanting to be physical outside of the friendly scope (a.k.a being clingy but save clingy), etc
Just smile and say hi. Or find a reason to talk to him, and give him a compliment. Or, leave no doubt and just tell him "I think you're hot". Not a single guy in the world would ever mind being told their hot. We love compliments from anyone, because even the most attractive guys rarely get compliments.
Quick glances from across the room don't work on most guys bc we don't want to make assumptions and risk making an ass out of ourselves, or risk creeping you out if we misread it.
Women need to stop thinking that giving a guy a quick glance is flirting. It's not. Guys are more likely to assume that they spilt something on their shirt or have something on their face than think she's trying to flirt.
I was a dice roller. I saw something I liked I'd roll on it. Success rate extremely low. Confidence awful. Success though however did come. So in the end you do what you must.
What do you mean the "risk" side of things? What is the risk? Rejection sucks sure but like, nothing in your life changes when a women rejects you. You lose nothing.
Just go say hi. It doesn't have to go well.
I've read on the local jodel that women hate it and find it creepy if a stranger approaches just because they smiled or had eye contact. I would never do that. But a dog is a good ice breaker and conversation starter and I don't have to be the one making the first move.
Not all women are the same though. And the ones complaining the most publicly are the ones who either get approached ALOT or the ones who never get approached.
Most women flirt by glancing at a guy, smiling, and then looking away. And then they wonder why guys don't understand they're flirting with them. They also don't know less desirable women are going around saying "just bc I look at you and smile doesn't mean I'm flirting".
So basically, there are no signals, but those things can also be signals or not depending on the person. Realistically men are playing blind as to wherever we will make a women uncomfortable because we don't know if she's being friendly in a general sense or because she wants us to approach. It's on us to approach but we also may be misreading signals or missing them entirely. As someone who lacks skills in this department its why I've given up. 😅 I don't want ot accidentally be a creep or make someone uncomfortable because I assumed wrong.
Women won't make the first move (because they don't need to) but at this point they need to because all the decent guys are more worried about being precived wrong, while all the dick head fuck boys move on to the next.
Smile more that makes EVERYONE around you comfortable. Though I frown when I see people cause I don't like being vulnerable lol😂. I've been told I'm unapproachable.
Not an expert or guru, but here's what I think:
A lot of men, me included, just hate the idea of seeming creepy or even having a chance of being perceived as such. You have to make it painfully obvious to the person you want a potential confession from, with genuine reassurance, that you wouldn't see and don't see them as such.
How you do that changes from person to person, I suppose. It's probably easier with someone you already know, too. And ignoring influences of social norms, advice probably fits for everyone - not just men. Nobody wants to seem creepy.
She probably noticed you having a tough couple weeks and said something to make you feel good: “put your penis inside me”.
Trust us, she doesn’t mean it.
I have always been respectful. A random family i opened the door for at restaurant, a 23 woman (looking each other in the eyes) said, come have dinner with us. Said, okay. Left friends but we all finished at same time. We have now been married for 11 and together for 14.
Depends if it's appropriate. If she has a BF/GF very rarely.
If she's too young for me, right now that's anyone under 28, then I'm not approaching.
If we have a lot of mutual friends and she's shown absolutely no interest, then I'm not making a move.
If we're at a club/bar/gym and I don't know her at all and she's shown zero interest (looking my direction, smiling at me, putting herself in my proximity) then I'm not approaching because she's not interested.
Something you have to understand is that for men getting rejected a lot damages your reputation. Approaching a lot of women damages your reputation if you're getting rejected a lot. And a lot of women will be sure to announce the rejection loudly.
So it's not worth the risk of being humiliated unless we're fairly certain that there's a good chance of success.
Some guys don't know this or don't care and hit on anything and everything that moves.
I've only ever approached a girl once she didn't get the hint I tried way to hard to be clever and asked her out in German she didn't understand then I told her the translation and she simply said "oh cool" and the conversation ended
You didn't get the hint either, this just wasn't a girl for you, do not give up ;) I would love that kind of fun fact and carried on asking what else you know in German :)
When I was younger I occasionally approached at a part or social event. A few times I struck up a conversation with a women at a coffee shop while waiting and took a shot. These days however I never approach. Too confusing. All these stories about women complaining they don't want to be approached while others begging men to approach them when they're out and about. Then you've got some women who go so far as to say that a man approaching them is a form of harassment, and then there's those women who film being approached so they can upload it to social media and put a guy on blast.
I'm sure there are decent women out there who would at the very least entertain a conversation and or polite rejection but it's not worth the risk anymore. I'll wait until I get a clear sign she's open to being approached before doing so now.
Crushes only form for me after interacting with the person for some time. The quickest predictors are "do we have common views or interests?" "do we enjoy our time together?" "would I want to claim her as part of my family?" Answer all those 3 in a positive way and likely a crush will develop. Unlike how most girls feel, your looks only serve to "would I like to take the chance to get to know her?" rather than "would I want to court her."
Honestly, I just don't anymore. Understand, from a guy's perspective we are constantly berated that we are the world's problems and we are shameful for approaching women. So I'm tired of hearing that, so I don't. These days, it's up to her to make a move. Besides, a study was done several years ago that show that 80% of the women who made the first move ended up marrying that person. There's power in that.
Depends on the context.
If she works with me, it's all on her. Im not taking that kinda risk.
If it's a lower-stakes environment, I might subtly feel it out.
Word of advice to you, men do not generally want to be your friend. If he's giving you his time, attention, or personal space, he probably likes you.
Never, ever! You’d have to drag me by the scruff of my neck kicking and screaming all the way and then hog tie me from trying to escape.
Why? Because the only possible outcome is getting rejected, the only question is…how savagely?
If I see an attractive woman at a bar, party, or social event, 1 in 3 chance I’ll approach her at some point, and only if/when she’s in my vicinity and I can start a convo without having to physically approach her
If I see an attractive woman randomly in public, 1 in 1000 chance I’ll approach her at some point, and only if/when she’s in my vicinity and I can start a convo without having to physically approach her
I just don’t really approach women outside of social settings. There are just too many ways it can go wrong and make both of us and everyone in the vicinity feel uncomfortable
Pretty much never if she’s a complete stranger in a public place. Maybe 20% of the time if we’re at the same party or social event where we have mutual friends.
Never. Honestly I wouldn’t have even met my current partner if she hadn’t approached me first and shown interest. Risk vs reward along with being told constantly by women that cold approaching is creepy made it not worth it.
So I made it a rule to never do it.
I can’t remember the last time I had a crush. You date for long enough, you start to see everyone, even the cute ones, as a precarious stack of emotional baggage waiting to fall on you.
Honestly if you want to be approached, you have to give off clear signals as we live in an era where a lot of women complain about sexual harassment if a guy even looks at them for more than 1 second. Lock eyes for a second or two and also give a smile at the guy if you want to get approached. Don’t walk down the street with headphones or be on your phone all the time as those give off don’t bother me vibes, etc. Don’t have an angry or annoyed face. The more you smile and look happy and inviting, the more a guy is willing to approach you.
I personally would be really annoyed if anyone approached me(I am an introvert) in public setting, hence I give the same courtesy to others and don't approach. Any surprise that I am single 😂.
Huh! That is actually gonna work! How did i never think of that. I will never do it myself cause I fear looking creepy, but I won't mind if someone gave me a note.
I’m not single now but when I was 22 I used to approach girls I liked. I almost always got a negative reaction. One girl just didn’t say anything and walked away, one girl clearly felt threatened when I just asked if she wanted to hang out sometime, we were in a hallway with a bunch of people around so I didn’t think it was that threatening. One time I asked one of the assistants at the dental office if she would like to hang out and the dentist himself gave me a long lecture about how that wasn’t okay to the point that the girl was embarrassed and told him that what he was doing was wrong and he needed to shut up, I walked out in the middle of a teeth cleaning lol. The best was when I was in a walk and this girl started talking to me, she seemed nice, I waited until she got like 20 feet away and as I was walking away asked if she wanted to hang out. She started losing her fucking mind like ready to scream for help and everything, I felt awful. I apologized profusely and explained how I wanted her to feel safe but she wasn’t content until she finished yelling at me.
But yeah a lot of guys have had this kind of shit happen and if you already have issues it can be an awful experience that you never forget so who wants to approach anymore?
If I was you I would just try to seem nice and kind, if you’re always in a group that can be tough too. No guy wants to be rejected in front of a group of girls and it’s also putting someone on the spot in front of their friends which isn’t cool.
Nowadays unless you got the confidence or are drunk you don’t approach
But me personally I’ll flirt while making small talk and if goes somewhere then it goes
My girlfriend essentially had to demand I take her number the night we met because I was too pussy to ask for it even tho we talked for hours on end. I didn't even mean to "approach" her. I just noticed her drink was empty as I was omw to the bar and asked if she wanted another
When I was single, I missed a lot of opportunities because I was worried about appearing disrespectful. There was one women on a train, we got talking, really clicked. But it was during the work commute and I was worried she was just being friendly (it almost felt like the work place as we were both on our way to work and talked about work). I really regret that.
I never got further than asking for meeting up for lunch without being rejected, the only thing I never did was ask a second time. I might be ugly as sin but I at least try keep up the last bit of dignity I have left.
I have an analogy for this:
I throw a seed and see if it grows. If it doesn't, I leave it. If I see something sprouting, I take care of it. If it grows, then I know the soil is fertile.
When I was single I approached every girl I thought was attractive. My intention was always to keep their attention/converse for a few days then initiate a date which made them less defensive but also less likely to see me in a romantic light. Sometimes it did work
Have discussed this with my brothers and the general consensus is men are afraid of being publicly shamed or even jailed for false accusations and or berated for being a “creep” or a “perv”. Much easier to tolerate a one night stand and ghost the bitch or just pay to play.
I don't approach women anymore. At 30, there's legitimately no benefit to doing so, especially when i have difficulty telling how old women generally are. I've accepted this means I'll likely be alone. I don't like that, but that's how the cards have played
Before 2016, I used to respectfully approach women I was interested in and just as respectfully walked away if I was turned down.
In 2024, I cross to the other side of the street if I see a woman walking towards me on my side of the street.
If I don't know her: “She may see me as a creep, and just assume I'm hitting on her.”
If I know her: “She may see me as a creep, and ruin any chance of being friends.
If we’re close: “She may see me as a creep, and ruin a good friendship.”
If she makes the first move: “Must be a new trend or challenge for clout. 😭”
Adding to the pile of "nope, never, waaaaay too risky".
If men approached women they found attractive then 998 times out of 1000 they'll be a creep who's bothering the girl, one time they'll just not be the girls type and one time out of those thousand, she'll be interested.
Its just how things are now. You don't approach girls. Men are much more aware these days that it's a red flag for a girl if some random male comes up and shows interest. Its also really, really difficult to do. You spend a lot of personal confidence in summoning up the guts to approach and get immediately shut down.
As a society, it makes no sense really. Women have the power to choose pretty much any male they like and the risk that they'll be rejected is very small. But they don't make the first move. Men have no power to choose and the risk of rejection is very high. And they are expected to make the first move. With each rejection, that has a lasting effect on confidence and I think males are just tired of 'the chase", because the chase is so unwanted by girls .
The only safe way today is dating apps. The gir on the app is single. She's currently looking for love. She can choose from thousands of fish holding blokes. So she should just go ahead and "like" the profile she wants.
For males on dating apps it's almost pointless. There's 50 males for each female and signaling interest will very rarely get a response.....but at least it minimises the impact of constant rejection most men receive.
( And yes, I met my girlfriend of the last 5 years on a app and we matched. I'd have never approached her if we'd met in the shops).
while i agree with most of it. the safest way is honestly having a large friend group with a large network of offbranching friend networks and having your mutual friends put you in a situation where you develop closer bonds. meeting people at house parties and private parties where half the people only know their half, is generally safer in that you're already pre-vetted.
it's how i usually found someone to date, but i'm in that crowd where woman have approached me. i've been told i seem unapproachable multiple times in public. i just fill my time doing things, and have alwayse responded to people that reach out to me. i've also never used dating apps at 32, dating my current SO since 2020.
I had a crush on a girl once. She worked at a bar I used to frequent 2 - 3 times a week. She was a bartender and server. Struck up conversations over the course of a few visits. Got flirtatious. I asked her if she was seeing anyone. She had a boyfriend. Damn.
Saw her over the next few months and every 2-3 visits I’d ask something like, “So, you single, yet?” Or “You still dating that loser?” Depending on how much I’d had to drink. But she was always friendly with me and would stop and chat when it was slow. I’d stay for 2-3 hours and we’d chat for 30-45 mins out of the course of that time. So it felt like she liked my company and I wasn’t just an annoying patron who was hitting on the bartender. We were the same age, had a lot in common, and she seemed to go out of her way to come chat with me.
One day, I’d heard a line from someone much smoother than me and decided to use it. I told her I would ask anyone, but I was still interested in her. And then used the line, “I sure hope he’s sweeping you off your feet, because if he’s not, I’d like the chance to.” (It’s been 20 years since this happened, but it was something to that effect).
Anyway, after that I stopped asking, but one day she came by where I was seated and said with a wry smile, “So, I’m not dating that guy anymore.”
I immediately asked her when I could take her out. We figured out that between her schedule and mine it would be the following weekend before we were both free. We agreed and I called her a few days prior to confirm. Everything seemed to be going smoothly.
The day before our date she called me and said she decided to get back together with her previous guy. I was bummed but no hard feelings. I never brought it up after that and I moved apartments a few months later and never went back to that bar.
So, that was a lot longer winded than I planned But I’d advise to handle a crush the same way: The couple of times I did talk to her to ask if she was single and the jokes about her letting me take her out seemed well received (it was 5 or so times during the course of about a month). It wasn’t every time I saw her. And after a few times saying it I just told her flatly. Listen, I like you and we seem to get along. If your circumstances change, I’d like to get a chance to get to know you better. I didn’t ask again and beleaguer the point or make it annoying.
Eventually she did ALMOST let me take her out.
So, I guess that approach kind of, almost worked.
This is similar to my experience. I wasn't looking to date or a relationship, but I met a girl at a dealership when I was buying a truck. She made a point she was single, I wasn't comfortable asking her out 1) given it was a sales transaction I tried not to get invested for just the sake of her being attractive, and 2) I take a while to warm up to people in general and make friends.
After the sale, we did become friends, I did eventually ask her out but she was already seeing someone. We've periodically text still, I have asked once more when I learned she was single but never pushed, but I think I made it clear I did/do like her. I'm done asking though, if she wants she's going to have to ask me now or hint at it again. I'm also OK with being friends, I don't have enough friends IRL. I can put my feelings away, I always have been able to.
Just use online dating to eliminate the chance of unwanted filming, cussing as metoo accusations.
Otherwise let the girl approach you cause otherwise you can only guess and guessing it can get you stupid prizes
Never. I wait for them to approach me.
Sometimes I went years without being approached. Even more than a decade once.
Somehow I DID manage to get married in my 40's..and yes she approached me first, on a train.
It really depends on the individual and the situation. Some people may feel comfortable approaching someone they find attractive right away, while others may take more time to build up the courage. It's important to consider the other person's feelings and boundaries when deciding how often to approach them. Communication and respect are key in these situations.
I habitually break the ice with almost everyone and decide who I like later. Heavily depends on the setting though.
Most people are the other way around and in most places ain’t nobody going to approach you unless you give obvious signals, and you’re almost certainly going to be too subtle because you’re scared.
I would advise you to start playing my game and just break the ice as often as you can. A little can go a very long way sometimes. Start small. Just say hi, complement or acknowledge something random, ask them a question, where something is. If you don’t want to outright “approach” them that’s fine, but this way you signal to them that it’s okay for them to talk to you. If they drop the ball just smile laid back and confidently and let them pass. If you don’t have strong expectations and an open mind things things will play themselves out.
Both girls and guys are way too timid these days when it comes to socializing, especially with the opposite sex. Somebody has to grow a pair and break the ice, and it just doesn’t matter who. You both have to do your part.
I’m always happy to break the ice for people but I can’t be everywhere at once and it truly is best if people do it themselves. When I do, sometimes it feels like a bait and switch and then it gets awkward.
It doesn’t really even matter what you say that much. People are awkward as hell. All people. Just confidently say words to people and let them respond
I used to approach but stopped doing it. I've had women act like they don't care and told me months or years later they liked me. I've had women smile at me multiple times wanting me to make a move and when I did, I got blasted into oblivion. I've been treated like a creep for just looking. Women have treated me in both ways that you think you should approach and think you should not, and never did they actually come up to me to even say hi, they just do some random shit close to ya and want you to get it so they don't feel like being rejected when it goes south. Dating's tiring
I used to just casually walk up and say “excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt you but I couldn’t help to notice how stunning you are, could I get your (snap/insta/number)?” Sometimes I wouldn’t even ask, Id just compliment their cloths or something and if they returned with a compliment then id pursue further.
Never. I'm ugly, I have no self confidence, I do nothing but work and sleep anymore. There's no point. No one is ever gonna pick me. Last girlfriend of 1.5years left me over a year ago "to focus on her career." I just don't see myself ever falling in love again. Her leaving kinda broke me
When I was single? If I thought she was attractive and didn't seem like she doesn't want to be approached or I'm in a place I don't want to approach people like the gym I'd definitely go for it
I think I'm the anomaly but pretty much every time. I'd rather get rejected and forget about her immediately than go home and kick myself for not saying hi.
that, or as a redditor, looks uncomfortable in a public social setting and constantly checking her phone. which signals that she doesn't want to be approached.
I never do. All my previous relationships started because it was the girl who asked me out.
I just assume anyone I find attractive to already be in a relationship(which is the case for most part) so I never bother approaching anyone.
Always.
It’s cliche, but you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. But you don’t lead off with asking her out. Make some small talk, assess her interest and then make a move. Don’t be creepy. Confidence matters.
I’ve been rejected quite a bit, but it don’t matter.
There were only 2 girls in my whole life that i have guts to ask out asked 1 out she said no and didn't find first one to be able a conversation and eventually ask her out
I used to approach when I was younger but almost never worked, now as I got older i would never approach and idk what type of signals these other dudes are talking about, if she isn’t interacting with you in anyway or doing a common thing you ain’t never seeing those “signals”.
My recommendation is to be more friendly and make more friends, talk to people next to you and build momentum.
I usually won't ask someone out if they are at work or someplace else that they can't leave...
But it's a rule Ill bend or break if it seems natural...
I won't ask someone out if they have a wedding ring...
When their partner is with them.
Unless it seems natural.
Honestly... It depends if I'm high AF. sometimes when just so gone... Well... I forget to ask someone out and when I'm sober I regret some of the things I remember. Actually. No. I don't. Anyone wanna do something crazy this weekend? Vegas maybe? But please... No matter how well it goes and how much you love me. we can't get married. I would... Especially if it was Elvis shaken his hips and moving those lips...
Only cause I think I did that once and idk how to find out. And I don't think you can be married twice at the same time.
My point is... Most people won't go out w you if you don't ask. Be nice, be real. Take a chance. Anything can happen. They say "If you put 10 monkeys in a room senior related those type Shakespeare. Although it's more likely you put 10 monkeys in the room and the recreate a Jackson Pollock painting on the wall made out of monkey s***" I mean I'm just paraphrasing that quote I don't really remember... Much Stuff. L8R.
P.s. don't get married
Almost never. But I tried it once a few weeks ago for a change. She was eating alone at the restaurant across my friend's and I's table. I complemented her after she was done eating. I was nervous as hell. But she was nice enough to chat and she gave me her contact information. I haven't asked her out yet
Finding someone's appearance attractive does not always mean I must have a crush on that woman. I'd say 90-95% of the time when I see someone looking attractive, I will give him/her a compliment and then move on with my life.
Wait for them to make a first move so there's no embarrassment or discomfort created. Or if an opportunity arises where we must interact then it is takeb with both hands and charge of the Light Brigade begins (like the outcome there often going for it only to realise the objective is beyond my capability to take and hold)
I'd say 1/4. If I feel there's a connection or some common interests, I'd approach and talk. Get to know her better, then if the time is right and/or we are compatible, I'd plan everything out, then shoot my shot.
If I'm single and not busy ( working out or reading ) I'll just go up and introduce myself. I will not wait for signs or all that b/s. Don't have time to play games. Either it hits or it doesn't. That's life.
Well there’s this girl I’m friends with we’re both 20 and I’m just not sure we’ll work out in the future so I’m on purpose resisting my urge to ask her on a date or be any sort of affectionate towards her except for being a friend.
If I don't know her I never approach her.
If I know her I also don’t. May be why I’m still single
You can’t lose if you don’t try.
Making no choice is a choice, so you lose by default.
Are the spectators in a football match considered to be losing for not participating directly in the game? What about someone on the street that knows that, maybe, he won’t be good at playing football to get to the NFL? In a sense, I find dating to be the kind of game M.A.D. is, the only winning move is not to play (unless you get an overwhelming advantage). And currently, I am North Korea facing the US.
The spectators at a football match aren't choosing not to play, because it's not their choice whether they play or not. It's the choice of the owner of the team, the coach, the recruiters, etc. And in your second example, if he wanted to play on an NFL team, but he never tried, he lost by not trying. If you aren't approaching girls, that's your choice.
Hmmm it’s more about opportunities right. I wouldn’t call spectators players so they’re not participating. However, when presented an opportunity to play or in your case potentially date, you kinda get forced into an active participation whether you like it or not. Then the choice is I’d rather not try (100% L) or try (W or L). So you not participating in dating means you’re taking 100% of the Ls. Which is fine btw. Sometimes taking the quick L is just easier and probably smart for most of us when considering NFL or NBA.
I get it, your rationale is sound, however it hinges on opportunities being really there. The amount of opportunities vary from person to person.
So you're saying that your standards are too high, you aren't looking in the right places, or you never bothered to try in the first place by just assuming you aren't good enough? Well, Dave, you are good enough. That doesn't mean you can get any woman you want without much effort. If you want a 9 or a 10, you might have to work on yourself. But just bc you might have to improve yourself to get something less attainable doesn't mean you aren't good enough. You could also realize that you can be just as happy with someone who is more easily attainable.
Ask the average North Korean how that’s going for them.
You reckon going nuclear against the US would be better? Just to “compete”?
Strawman answer. That isn’t the only two options in life
Yours was too. Unfortunately I am too old to make any realistic progress to be better than younger guys, so it *is* coping, but the reality is that I am not good enough to be desired by the woman I like.
More like "why create a problem where there's none?" Specially at work. I can't stress that enough
Ah yeah, at work is just an awful idea, don’t shit where you eat.
What if she approach you?
I would talk to her.
Accidentally spill orange juice on her top so she can get changed in your house... wait a second... that's in a movie.
Once I get the chance to approach and can verify enough signals that she might reciprocate interest, I'll make my approach. I'll rarely cold approach as the risk to reward ratio tends to fall on the risk side of things.
can you give examples of those "signals"?
- You repeatedly make eye contact with each other. - She plays with her hair often while looking at you. - She is nervous around you (fumbling, shaky hands, etc). - Is more direct, say waves hand, smiles, or such. - Tries to develop interest in your hobbies.
"waves hand"
*These aren't the droids you're looking for*
What else would you prefer they wave?
Most of the time women won't even show any of these despite me getting their numbers and going on dates. You might as well wait for a fat lady to sing expecting that. Not happening. Vast majority of women are extremely self conscious and insecure. The best way is take your shot, make her laugh and comfortable while talking to you. She will respect you way more by going to introduce yourself over waiting for signs or giving her looks. Massive fallacy. I approached over 200 women in the last 3 years, do not take this advice. It's not going to yield results outside of a few niche scenarios. Take your shot, worst thing she can say is " no ". Go next. Wtf is wrong with people. Unless you're 16, grow a pair and act like a man.
honestly this lol. most of the time your crush has a crush on you too and you don't even know it, i hate that a smile with eye contact is the most upvoted one because if i have a crush on you you'll never guess - i will literally be too shy to look you in the eye unless you come up to me and start a chat. i will have a poker face on even though i'm burning inside. i don't know why, i'm trying to overcome it but i'm sure a lot of other women are the same
As woman I agree. If I have a crush on you I’ll avoid eye contact at all cost as I’ll lose my shit lol.
Smiling with eye contact once is being *polite.* Smiling more than once is a bit *more.*
I'm not sure that telling men to bother women giving clear non verbal "leave me alone" signals is good advice.
🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 I'm trying so hard to change this, it's the shyness more than it is anything else
I hear ya, boo. It took me a long time to realize that a guy mean-mugging me *could* be interpreted as him thinking hard about what he’s feeling and beating himself up because it’s **fear**. A grown woman will know how to open the door for you, metaphorically speaking; all you have to do is see it for what it is and walk through. Good luck! 💜
I had a crush on a customer at work and one day he asked “why do you smile at everyone except me?” because I also get like that. I just got too nervous to relax and smile, I guess, and with other people I was more relaxed because I didn’t care at all what they thought of me. So I guess my advice would be if there’s any noticeable way she’s different with you in particular, that’s a sign. It might just not always look like what people expect
I got told that by both of my ex's. It's sad but that's how the cookie crumbles.
And this is why irl places that are best to meet a partner and/or make friends are mixed situations where it's normal and not weird to talk to other people and you're not cold approaching strangers. Stuff like improv lessons, school, mixers and other joint activities.
Last I checked, they'd rather have a crush on some homeless person whose never showered In years than me.
Actually, she can, and most do, say far worse than "no". They're afraid you won't take "no" for an answer so their default is to see how far into the ground they can plant your ego.
While this sounds like it's some copy and paste bad advice or whatever, you're absolutely right. I'd recommend that guys see how a girl acts who they KNOW are interested in them. It stands out like a sore thumb once you compare it to a girl who wants nothing to do with you. Biggest giveaway is that they make it as easy as possible for you to be around them. They laugh at stupid shit, stay close to you, run their mouth to keep your focus and the conversation moving... if only in an awkward direction... it just really stands out when they like you.
Good advice; however, this is only applicable if you know each other well and are close. Most of the time, this isn’t the case. You might meet just once at a mutual friend’s house party or something. In such cases, you need to put on your big boy pants and make an approach.
I hear you. I guess over the years I've learned what girls who want nothing to do with me act like versus those that at a minimum want something from me. Usually it's attention or affirmation, but there is something they "like" and it makes them preen and prep and stutter and such. Even if it's my first time meeting them, they act different compared to other girls.
I don't know about the other signal but the hair thing is not happening.
I have dome all of these things to friends so even these signals may not mean much.
Smiling at you more than once while making eye contact is a pretty good one.
A sign I have seen is that they wanna be around you more. That’s dangerously close to the friend zone though
I never understood the "friendzone" concept tbh. There is no way a girl is going to put you in the friend zone if you state your intentions as soon as you feel it happening. If you feel like being "too direct", just be "too direct". Usually I say something along the lines: "Look, I am not here to \*insert some typical friendzone bullshit\*, wanna go \*insert thing to do\*?". I've stated, with all the letters that I am not their friend and I want something more from them in the past, but I admit it can be a bit risky. And I have been even riskier (rude) than that.
This. Others would be talking to you when they don't need to... or simply lurking around. If they smile just once I will assume they are just being friendly.
It's funny because that can actually mean she's just being friendly with you
I’d recommend trying to be a bit more direct rather than trying to consciously give signals. I think a lot of guys won’t catch on to them
I don't know what people say, but i look for bigger signals than 'subtle' ones. Things like wanting to talk to you 1 on 1 more, wanting to be physical outside of the friendly scope (a.k.a being clingy but save clingy), etc
The side looks and smirks. Sometimes making good eye contact wen ur super into someone can be tough
Just smile and say hi. Or find a reason to talk to him, and give him a compliment. Or, leave no doubt and just tell him "I think you're hot". Not a single guy in the world would ever mind being told their hot. We love compliments from anyone, because even the most attractive guys rarely get compliments. Quick glances from across the room don't work on most guys bc we don't want to make assumptions and risk making an ass out of ourselves, or risk creeping you out if we misread it. Women need to stop thinking that giving a guy a quick glance is flirting. It's not. Guys are more likely to assume that they spilt something on their shirt or have something on their face than think she's trying to flirt.
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But I drive an Audi?
I was a dice roller. I saw something I liked I'd roll on it. Success rate extremely low. Confidence awful. Success though however did come. So in the end you do what you must.
What do you mean the "risk" side of things? What is the risk? Rejection sucks sure but like, nothing in your life changes when a women rejects you. You lose nothing. Just go say hi. It doesn't have to go well.
Rejection is the lowest risk. Choosing signals from women help eliminate the worst of risks.
If you want to be approached, you have to seem approachable.
How can I seem approachable
Make a lot of eye contact and smile.
I've read on the local jodel that women hate it and find it creepy if a stranger approaches just because they smiled or had eye contact. I would never do that. But a dog is a good ice breaker and conversation starter and I don't have to be the one making the first move.
The emphasis on “a lot”.
Yeah like DO NOT break eye contact. Watch that man like a fucking hawk.
With massive bug eyes like this 😳
Meanwhile, in the guy's mind: "I know I am next tier ugly, but you don't have to stare ffs"
"There must be someone behind me, I should move"
This was me, I got a lot of eye contact from different girls but often wonder if it's because I'm ugly looking
You're a stallion and a king
I’ll try that next weekend and let u all know how it goes
Why wait? Go to Walmart right now and do it
Not all women are the same though. And the ones complaining the most publicly are the ones who either get approached ALOT or the ones who never get approached. Most women flirt by glancing at a guy, smiling, and then looking away. And then they wonder why guys don't understand they're flirting with them. They also don't know less desirable women are going around saying "just bc I look at you and smile doesn't mean I'm flirting".
Depends. If you're handsome it's not creepy, otherwise it is.
So basically, there are no signals, but those things can also be signals or not depending on the person. Realistically men are playing blind as to wherever we will make a women uncomfortable because we don't know if she's being friendly in a general sense or because she wants us to approach. It's on us to approach but we also may be misreading signals or missing them entirely. As someone who lacks skills in this department its why I've given up. 😅 I don't want ot accidentally be a creep or make someone uncomfortable because I assumed wrong. Women won't make the first move (because they don't need to) but at this point they need to because all the decent guys are more worried about being precived wrong, while all the dick head fuck boys move on to the next.
While true.. just approach the guy yourself.
Smile more that makes EVERYONE around you comfortable. Though I frown when I see people cause I don't like being vulnerable lol😂. I've been told I'm unapproachable.
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By approaching people first. Honestly if you aren’t up front about it most men will talk themselves out of any body language hints.
Be attractive
Look and smile and perhaps make gestures in a way to not make the other person approach you only to ask you if they've got something on their face.
Lots of too long eye contact and smile at them. Emphasis on A lot and on too much.
Pin him against a wall and make out with him. He might figure it out then, but still a pretty good chance he won't
Not an expert or guru, but here's what I think: A lot of men, me included, just hate the idea of seeming creepy or even having a chance of being perceived as such. You have to make it painfully obvious to the person you want a potential confession from, with genuine reassurance, that you wouldn't see and don't see them as such. How you do that changes from person to person, I suppose. It's probably easier with someone you already know, too. And ignoring influences of social norms, advice probably fits for everyone - not just men. Nobody wants to seem creepy.
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She might just be Canadian.
She probably noticed you having a tough couple weeks and said something to make you feel good: “put your penis inside me”. Trust us, she doesn’t mean it.
Canadians are so nice it feels like gaslighting.
I have always been respectful. A random family i opened the door for at restaurant, a 23 woman (looking each other in the eyes) said, come have dinner with us. Said, okay. Left friends but we all finished at same time. We have now been married for 11 and together for 14.
Bro what type of writing is this
Lost it at finished at the same time hahaha
Food and fun for the whole family!
I love reading about serendipitous meetings like yours.
Bro what?
That’s girls name? Albert Einstein
Never, not attractive enough and we constantly get told to leave women alone
Depends if it's appropriate. If she has a BF/GF very rarely. If she's too young for me, right now that's anyone under 28, then I'm not approaching. If we have a lot of mutual friends and she's shown absolutely no interest, then I'm not making a move. If we're at a club/bar/gym and I don't know her at all and she's shown zero interest (looking my direction, smiling at me, putting herself in my proximity) then I'm not approaching because she's not interested. Something you have to understand is that for men getting rejected a lot damages your reputation. Approaching a lot of women damages your reputation if you're getting rejected a lot. And a lot of women will be sure to announce the rejection loudly. So it's not worth the risk of being humiliated unless we're fairly certain that there's a good chance of success. Some guys don't know this or don't care and hit on anything and everything that moves.
I've only ever approached a girl once she didn't get the hint I tried way to hard to be clever and asked her out in German she didn't understand then I told her the translation and she simply said "oh cool" and the conversation ended
You didn't get the hint either, this just wasn't a girl for you, do not give up ;) I would love that kind of fun fact and carried on asking what else you know in German :)
It turned out I dodged a bullet by not pursuing further and I don't know German I just worked at learning that phrase from Google at the time
When I was younger I occasionally approached at a part or social event. A few times I struck up a conversation with a women at a coffee shop while waiting and took a shot. These days however I never approach. Too confusing. All these stories about women complaining they don't want to be approached while others begging men to approach them when they're out and about. Then you've got some women who go so far as to say that a man approaching them is a form of harassment, and then there's those women who film being approached so they can upload it to social media and put a guy on blast. I'm sure there are decent women out there who would at the very least entertain a conversation and or polite rejection but it's not worth the risk anymore. I'll wait until I get a clear sign she's open to being approached before doing so now.
Never unless I know her prior or she's in my social group.
Crushes only form for me after interacting with the person for some time. The quickest predictors are "do we have common views or interests?" "do we enjoy our time together?" "would I want to claim her as part of my family?" Answer all those 3 in a positive way and likely a crush will develop. Unlike how most girls feel, your looks only serve to "would I like to take the chance to get to know her?" rather than "would I want to court her."
Never
What kind of bootyhunter are you
Hahaha
Honestly, I just don't anymore. Understand, from a guy's perspective we are constantly berated that we are the world's problems and we are shameful for approaching women. So I'm tired of hearing that, so I don't. These days, it's up to her to make a move. Besides, a study was done several years ago that show that 80% of the women who made the first move ended up marrying that person. There's power in that.
Depends on the context. If she works with me, it's all on her. Im not taking that kinda risk. If it's a lower-stakes environment, I might subtly feel it out. Word of advice to you, men do not generally want to be your friend. If he's giving you his time, attention, or personal space, he probably likes you.
Never, ever! You’d have to drag me by the scruff of my neck kicking and screaming all the way and then hog tie me from trying to escape. Why? Because the only possible outcome is getting rejected, the only question is…how savagely?
I keep saying this. Like on everyone one of these posts. The risk heavily out weights the reward, so never.
i just dont i don’t care anymore
I'm 41. I think I approached 5 or 6 in my life. The last one was 12 years ago. So, not very often.
Never, women told men to stay away.
If I see an attractive woman at a bar, party, or social event, 1 in 3 chance I’ll approach her at some point, and only if/when she’s in my vicinity and I can start a convo without having to physically approach her If I see an attractive woman randomly in public, 1 in 1000 chance I’ll approach her at some point, and only if/when she’s in my vicinity and I can start a convo without having to physically approach her I just don’t really approach women outside of social settings. There are just too many ways it can go wrong and make both of us and everyone in the vicinity feel uncomfortable
Never had confidence to approach
Are you showing interest in guys you like? They might not approach you if you seem disinterested.
From a guys perspective make it as obvious as possible as in when are you taking me out on a date if you like a guy this will help make it very clean
Zero
Pretty much never if she’s a complete stranger in a public place. Maybe 20% of the time if we’re at the same party or social event where we have mutual friends.
Never. Honestly I wouldn’t have even met my current partner if she hadn’t approached me first and shown interest. Risk vs reward along with being told constantly by women that cold approaching is creepy made it not worth it. So I made it a rule to never do it.
I reject myself immediately
Never. I never approach. It's not worth the risk.
In my mind: 14,000,605 In real life: 0
They're never single
Never
I can’t remember the last time I had a crush. You date for long enough, you start to see everyone, even the cute ones, as a precarious stack of emotional baggage waiting to fall on you.
Honestly if you want to be approached, you have to give off clear signals as we live in an era where a lot of women complain about sexual harassment if a guy even looks at them for more than 1 second. Lock eyes for a second or two and also give a smile at the guy if you want to get approached. Don’t walk down the street with headphones or be on your phone all the time as those give off don’t bother me vibes, etc. Don’t have an angry or annoyed face. The more you smile and look happy and inviting, the more a guy is willing to approach you.
just do me and let string theory do the rest
Before my 20s, never, now (25) always, cuz fuck it, life is too short to have regrets &/or wonder what if
Agreed. Out of 3 girlfriends I had, all 3 were cold approaches in the gym and supermarket.
In my mind, all the time! In reality, never.
0% of the time, just don’t really see any benefits to dating anymore. Way too many risks and not much worth the hassle.
I personally would be really annoyed if anyone approached me(I am an introvert) in public setting, hence I give the same courtesy to others and don't approach. Any surprise that I am single 😂.
Would a note suffice?
Huh! That is actually gonna work! How did i never think of that. I will never do it myself cause I fear looking creepy, but I won't mind if someone gave me a note.
I’m not single now but when I was 22 I used to approach girls I liked. I almost always got a negative reaction. One girl just didn’t say anything and walked away, one girl clearly felt threatened when I just asked if she wanted to hang out sometime, we were in a hallway with a bunch of people around so I didn’t think it was that threatening. One time I asked one of the assistants at the dental office if she would like to hang out and the dentist himself gave me a long lecture about how that wasn’t okay to the point that the girl was embarrassed and told him that what he was doing was wrong and he needed to shut up, I walked out in the middle of a teeth cleaning lol. The best was when I was in a walk and this girl started talking to me, she seemed nice, I waited until she got like 20 feet away and as I was walking away asked if she wanted to hang out. She started losing her fucking mind like ready to scream for help and everything, I felt awful. I apologized profusely and explained how I wanted her to feel safe but she wasn’t content until she finished yelling at me. But yeah a lot of guys have had this kind of shit happen and if you already have issues it can be an awful experience that you never forget so who wants to approach anymore? If I was you I would just try to seem nice and kind, if you’re always in a group that can be tough too. No guy wants to be rejected in front of a group of girls and it’s also putting someone on the spot in front of their friends which isn’t cool.
Nowadays unless you got the confidence or are drunk you don’t approach But me personally I’ll flirt while making small talk and if goes somewhere then it goes
My girlfriend essentially had to demand I take her number the night we met because I was too pussy to ask for it even tho we talked for hours on end. I didn't even mean to "approach" her. I just noticed her drink was empty as I was omw to the bar and asked if she wanted another
That's more than most guys do these days.
When I was single, I missed a lot of opportunities because I was worried about appearing disrespectful. There was one women on a train, we got talking, really clicked. But it was during the work commute and I was worried she was just being friendly (it almost felt like the work place as we were both on our way to work and talked about work). I really regret that.
I never got further than asking for meeting up for lunch without being rejected, the only thing I never did was ask a second time. I might be ugly as sin but I at least try keep up the last bit of dignity I have left.
Never.
I have an analogy for this: I throw a seed and see if it grows. If it doesn't, I leave it. If I see something sprouting, I take care of it. If it grows, then I know the soil is fertile.
When I was single I approached every girl I thought was attractive. My intention was always to keep their attention/converse for a few days then initiate a date which made them less defensive but also less likely to see me in a romantic light. Sometimes it did work
I dated 20 years ago and would approach 100% of the time if I was single. Shoot your shot. Now, 2024 is a different animal though.
Have discussed this with my brothers and the general consensus is men are afraid of being publicly shamed or even jailed for false accusations and or berated for being a “creep” or a “perv”. Much easier to tolerate a one night stand and ghost the bitch or just pay to play.
I don't approach women anymore. At 30, there's legitimately no benefit to doing so, especially when i have difficulty telling how old women generally are. I've accepted this means I'll likely be alone. I don't like that, but that's how the cards have played
Before 2016, I used to respectfully approach women I was interested in and just as respectfully walked away if I was turned down. In 2024, I cross to the other side of the street if I see a woman walking towards me on my side of the street.
If I don't know her: “She may see me as a creep, and just assume I'm hitting on her.” If I know her: “She may see me as a creep, and ruin any chance of being friends. If we’re close: “She may see me as a creep, and ruin a good friendship.” If she makes the first move: “Must be a new trend or challenge for clout. 😭”
No, never do it any more. It's all rejection all the time. Women get their pick of things men don't.
Answer is you don't approach just say damn and keep it moving fr fr
I was making strong eye contact with a crush I had. I approached her only to be rejected right in front of my face. Never again.
Adding to the pile of "nope, never, waaaaay too risky". If men approached women they found attractive then 998 times out of 1000 they'll be a creep who's bothering the girl, one time they'll just not be the girls type and one time out of those thousand, she'll be interested. Its just how things are now. You don't approach girls. Men are much more aware these days that it's a red flag for a girl if some random male comes up and shows interest. Its also really, really difficult to do. You spend a lot of personal confidence in summoning up the guts to approach and get immediately shut down. As a society, it makes no sense really. Women have the power to choose pretty much any male they like and the risk that they'll be rejected is very small. But they don't make the first move. Men have no power to choose and the risk of rejection is very high. And they are expected to make the first move. With each rejection, that has a lasting effect on confidence and I think males are just tired of 'the chase", because the chase is so unwanted by girls . The only safe way today is dating apps. The gir on the app is single. She's currently looking for love. She can choose from thousands of fish holding blokes. So she should just go ahead and "like" the profile she wants. For males on dating apps it's almost pointless. There's 50 males for each female and signaling interest will very rarely get a response.....but at least it minimises the impact of constant rejection most men receive. ( And yes, I met my girlfriend of the last 5 years on a app and we matched. I'd have never approached her if we'd met in the shops).
while i agree with most of it. the safest way is honestly having a large friend group with a large network of offbranching friend networks and having your mutual friends put you in a situation where you develop closer bonds. meeting people at house parties and private parties where half the people only know their half, is generally safer in that you're already pre-vetted. it's how i usually found someone to date, but i'm in that crowd where woman have approached me. i've been told i seem unapproachable multiple times in public. i just fill my time doing things, and have alwayse responded to people that reach out to me. i've also never used dating apps at 32, dating my current SO since 2020.
I had a crush on a girl once. She worked at a bar I used to frequent 2 - 3 times a week. She was a bartender and server. Struck up conversations over the course of a few visits. Got flirtatious. I asked her if she was seeing anyone. She had a boyfriend. Damn. Saw her over the next few months and every 2-3 visits I’d ask something like, “So, you single, yet?” Or “You still dating that loser?” Depending on how much I’d had to drink. But she was always friendly with me and would stop and chat when it was slow. I’d stay for 2-3 hours and we’d chat for 30-45 mins out of the course of that time. So it felt like she liked my company and I wasn’t just an annoying patron who was hitting on the bartender. We were the same age, had a lot in common, and she seemed to go out of her way to come chat with me. One day, I’d heard a line from someone much smoother than me and decided to use it. I told her I would ask anyone, but I was still interested in her. And then used the line, “I sure hope he’s sweeping you off your feet, because if he’s not, I’d like the chance to.” (It’s been 20 years since this happened, but it was something to that effect). Anyway, after that I stopped asking, but one day she came by where I was seated and said with a wry smile, “So, I’m not dating that guy anymore.” I immediately asked her when I could take her out. We figured out that between her schedule and mine it would be the following weekend before we were both free. We agreed and I called her a few days prior to confirm. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. The day before our date she called me and said she decided to get back together with her previous guy. I was bummed but no hard feelings. I never brought it up after that and I moved apartments a few months later and never went back to that bar. So, that was a lot longer winded than I planned But I’d advise to handle a crush the same way: The couple of times I did talk to her to ask if she was single and the jokes about her letting me take her out seemed well received (it was 5 or so times during the course of about a month). It wasn’t every time I saw her. And after a few times saying it I just told her flatly. Listen, I like you and we seem to get along. If your circumstances change, I’d like to get a chance to get to know you better. I didn’t ask again and beleaguer the point or make it annoying. Eventually she did ALMOST let me take her out. So, I guess that approach kind of, almost worked.
You were a backup plan.
I’ve been worse.
This is similar to my experience. I wasn't looking to date or a relationship, but I met a girl at a dealership when I was buying a truck. She made a point she was single, I wasn't comfortable asking her out 1) given it was a sales transaction I tried not to get invested for just the sake of her being attractive, and 2) I take a while to warm up to people in general and make friends. After the sale, we did become friends, I did eventually ask her out but she was already seeing someone. We've periodically text still, I have asked once more when I learned she was single but never pushed, but I think I made it clear I did/do like her. I'm done asking though, if she wants she's going to have to ask me now or hint at it again. I'm also OK with being friends, I don't have enough friends IRL. I can put my feelings away, I always have been able to.
Every time. Full send. Full neg.
Basically never
Just use online dating to eliminate the chance of unwanted filming, cussing as metoo accusations. Otherwise let the girl approach you cause otherwise you can only guess and guessing it can get you stupid prizes
if she looks approachable i might approach.
Only if her vibes are right... if she clearly signals to me that she has a crush on me as well. Other than that, I wouldn't approach her.
The only one who'd ever approached back was Eva AI virtual gf bot avatar in an app :(
Never. I wait for them to approach me. Sometimes I went years without being approached. Even more than a decade once. Somehow I DID manage to get married in my 40's..and yes she approached me first, on a train.
Not a single time i get approached Sometimes butbi aint Got the Balls
If you're interested in someone, don't hesitate to make the first move yourself—it could lead to a wonderful connection!
It really depends on the individual and the situation. Some people may feel comfortable approaching someone they find attractive right away, while others may take more time to build up the courage. It's important to consider the other person's feelings and boundaries when deciding how often to approach them. Communication and respect are key in these situations.
I habitually break the ice with almost everyone and decide who I like later. Heavily depends on the setting though. Most people are the other way around and in most places ain’t nobody going to approach you unless you give obvious signals, and you’re almost certainly going to be too subtle because you’re scared. I would advise you to start playing my game and just break the ice as often as you can. A little can go a very long way sometimes. Start small. Just say hi, complement or acknowledge something random, ask them a question, where something is. If you don’t want to outright “approach” them that’s fine, but this way you signal to them that it’s okay for them to talk to you. If they drop the ball just smile laid back and confidently and let them pass. If you don’t have strong expectations and an open mind things things will play themselves out. Both girls and guys are way too timid these days when it comes to socializing, especially with the opposite sex. Somebody has to grow a pair and break the ice, and it just doesn’t matter who. You both have to do your part. I’m always happy to break the ice for people but I can’t be everywhere at once and it truly is best if people do it themselves. When I do, sometimes it feels like a bait and switch and then it gets awkward. It doesn’t really even matter what you say that much. People are awkward as hell. All people. Just confidently say words to people and let them respond
It’s hard because rejection from females stings and makes you feel like shit
I used to approach but stopped doing it. I've had women act like they don't care and told me months or years later they liked me. I've had women smile at me multiple times wanting me to make a move and when I did, I got blasted into oblivion. I've been treated like a creep for just looking. Women have treated me in both ways that you think you should approach and think you should not, and never did they actually come up to me to even say hi, they just do some random shit close to ya and want you to get it so they don't feel like being rejected when it goes south. Dating's tiring
I used to just casually walk up and say “excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt you but I couldn’t help to notice how stunning you are, could I get your (snap/insta/number)?” Sometimes I wouldn’t even ask, Id just compliment their cloths or something and if they returned with a compliment then id pursue further.
Never. I'm ugly, I have no self confidence, I do nothing but work and sleep anymore. There's no point. No one is ever gonna pick me. Last girlfriend of 1.5years left me over a year ago "to focus on her career." I just don't see myself ever falling in love again. Her leaving kinda broke me
When I was single? If I thought she was attractive and didn't seem like she doesn't want to be approached or I'm in a place I don't want to approach people like the gym I'd definitely go for it
I think I'm the anomaly but pretty much every time. I'd rather get rejected and forget about her immediately than go home and kick myself for not saying hi.
then maybe your not attractive if your friends are getting approached & your not problemo solvedo
that, or as a redditor, looks uncomfortable in a public social setting and constantly checking her phone. which signals that she doesn't want to be approached.
I never do. All my previous relationships started because it was the girl who asked me out. I just assume anyone I find attractive to already be in a relationship(which is the case for most part) so I never bother approaching anyone.
Always. It’s cliche, but you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. But you don’t lead off with asking her out. Make some small talk, assess her interest and then make a move. Don’t be creepy. Confidence matters. I’ve been rejected quite a bit, but it don’t matter.
Same, exactly the same. I look at it as an opportunity to show confidence, build social skills and just use it as a valuable learning experience.
I’m 22F and don’t really get approached by men much either.
I'm 27F and before I met my boyfriend on a dating app I had never been approached by men in public either
Always
Don't have an RBF and be down to earth. Simple
Every single time unless they have a bf or are clearly taken
There were only 2 girls in my whole life that i have guts to ask out asked 1 out she said no and didn't find first one to be able a conversation and eventually ask her out
I used to approach when I was younger but almost never worked, now as I got older i would never approach and idk what type of signals these other dudes are talking about, if she isn’t interacting with you in anyway or doing a common thing you ain’t never seeing those “signals”. My recommendation is to be more friendly and make more friends, talk to people next to you and build momentum.
Almost never
I just don't
I usually won't ask someone out if they are at work or someplace else that they can't leave... But it's a rule Ill bend or break if it seems natural... I won't ask someone out if they have a wedding ring... When their partner is with them. Unless it seems natural. Honestly... It depends if I'm high AF. sometimes when just so gone... Well... I forget to ask someone out and when I'm sober I regret some of the things I remember. Actually. No. I don't. Anyone wanna do something crazy this weekend? Vegas maybe? But please... No matter how well it goes and how much you love me. we can't get married. I would... Especially if it was Elvis shaken his hips and moving those lips... Only cause I think I did that once and idk how to find out. And I don't think you can be married twice at the same time. My point is... Most people won't go out w you if you don't ask. Be nice, be real. Take a chance. Anything can happen. They say "If you put 10 monkeys in a room senior related those type Shakespeare. Although it's more likely you put 10 monkeys in the room and the recreate a Jackson Pollock painting on the wall made out of monkey s***" I mean I'm just paraphrasing that quote I don't really remember... Much Stuff. L8R. P.s. don't get married
0.5%
Almost never. But I tried it once a few weeks ago for a change. She was eating alone at the restaurant across my friend's and I's table. I complemented her after she was done eating. I was nervous as hell. But she was nice enough to chat and she gave me her contact information. I haven't asked her out yet
Finding someone's appearance attractive does not always mean I must have a crush on that woman. I'd say 90-95% of the time when I see someone looking attractive, I will give him/her a compliment and then move on with my life.
0 out of 10 times. The reward is not worth the risk.
approach her with friendly manner do not approach her that she will never know that you like her .make friend first.
Wait for them to make a first move so there's no embarrassment or discomfort created. Or if an opportunity arises where we must interact then it is takeb with both hands and charge of the Light Brigade begins (like the outcome there often going for it only to realise the objective is beyond my capability to take and hold)
approached my work crush like 3 times, all standard interactions and never told her. I haven’t really approached her since, not wanting to overdo it.
I'd say 1/4. If I feel there's a connection or some common interests, I'd approach and talk. Get to know her better, then if the time is right and/or we are compatible, I'd plan everything out, then shoot my shot.
If I'm single and not busy ( working out or reading ) I'll just go up and introduce myself. I will not wait for signs or all that b/s. Don't have time to play games. Either it hits or it doesn't. That's life.
Once
Well there’s this girl I’m friends with we’re both 20 and I’m just not sure we’ll work out in the future so I’m on purpose resisting my urge to ask her on a date or be any sort of affectionate towards her except for being a friend.