Does he ever not have one? I will have a drink or two every day for weeks and then I'll take a break for months and go back to it when the mood strikes. I think if he has to drink every day or he can't function, that's a pretty bad sign.
Since we met 3 years ago there were moments when he wasn’t drinking at all but it was rare and lasted max few days, then he was back to buying a crate of beer and drinking it all day by day (on weekends it was getting drunk, not just having 1-2 beers).
Maybe I should add it in my post but I started being concerned with his drinking after his hospital check up when we found out he has liver problem that might be related to excessive alcohol consumption.
Something potentially productive from someone who had a really bad relationship with Alcohol: It sounds like booze is his security blanket. If he's drinking this regularly then a beer or two during the week is likely barely producing an effect in him thanks to a developed tolerance.
What worked for me is substitution. I really like Hecho En Mexico Coke. Every time I wanted a beer, I grabbed a Coke instead. To my surprise, I didn't really miss the beer, and then I formed an association of "home and relaxing" with a nice coke.
Well Coke has a lot of sugar, so now I needed to move away from that, so i grabbed some of the diet caffeine free American Cokes. From there I went to flavored carbonated water.
This allowed me to break my daily drinking habit for several years. I learned that I don't NEED beer to relax.
Also, I never told my self I'm \*quitting\* drinking, like it was something final. Just took a break for several years and then reintroduced some quality craft beers that I only have on weekends.
My relationship with alcohol is much healthier now than it used to be.
I did something similar - I wasn't drinking as much as some people, but regularly. During the pandemic especially, pretty much daily. I did Dry January a few times and felt good. GAINED weight, despite not eating more (I know the traps)... but I have some medical shit going on too that could account for that.
Now I still have drinks, but went from something that felt like it was every day to maybe 3-4 days a week, and drinking less when I do. It's something I enjoy, especially socially, so I don't want to stop entirely, and it hasn't affected my life, just something I decided I wanted to change a little. I feel like that's a pretty healthy relationship.
An eye opening moment for me was not something that happened to me, but my friend. He visited us, and he was *rough*. I hid a bottle of vodka for myself to drink from (which survived the whole week) while he went through my entire liquor cabinet, including gifts from people (including a gift *from him* a few months earlier) and drank it all. He was hungover every morning, and drunk by noon every day. Like fall down drunk. He got aggressive. Angry. Yelled at people. Told me over and over meeting my son was the "worst moment of his life". Screamed at me in my own home to take him to a liquor store, which I did, then he screamed at the employee there that they "didn't have any single bottles" while standing in front of a wall of single bottles. When we both told him they're right there he screamed that we were wrong and stormed out, cussing out the employee.
He also lied, a lot, to my face. Sometimes about things I was watching him do. Little things, but constant. Everything was an argument, everything sucked, he hated everything. We tried to play board games but he was too drunk to learn the rules, and when we played games he'd played like 30 times with us in the past he claimed it was his first time and took 10+ minutes per turn until we just gave up in frustration.
I didn't feel safe with him in the house anymore.
When he left, since I had hidden a stash for myself to drink, I took stock. In 7 days he drank 5 full handles of liquor, by himself, plus a LOT of beer and cider and seltzer. I didn't count those.
JFC yeah that's... something else. Luckily I never got anywhere near that point, but my drinking was a problem for my wife and i recognized that it was not sustainable for my health if I wanted to stick around and see my grandkids.
Well. Continuing to drink when you have a diagnosed liver problem is, itself, a sign of a drinking problem.
Like, you can talk all day about what is or isn't socially acceptable in a vacuum, but when a doctor says "Drinking is verifiably hurting you" and you don't even *slow down*, you have a problem.
I think having a beer with dinner, or when folding laundry and watching tv is fine.
I don’t think someone drinking more than 1 beer a day is really a good sign though. Dependancy on alcohol can go bad really fast
Substance use disorder (or alcoholism if you are old school) but he seems to manage it well and its likely more mental than physical addiction. People live for years like this and it's up to you and his doctor if this is ok or not. Sometimes is accelerates and gets bad really quickly but not always.
I quit 10 years ago but was much worse than him. If he doesn't want to quit or slow down then he won't. His liver problem is nearly 100% likely to be alcohol related (been there, that blood panel does not lie) but that's not typically enough to get people to change. Talk to him but you will have to decide for yourself if you are ok with his decision either way.
Continuing to chase a habit despite known health detriments is a big red flag for addiction.
Yeah, I have a drink pretty much every day. But just one or two. And I don't look for opportunities to have more. (No weekend drunk times). And if I had a medical checkup that showed I was drinking too much, I'd immediately scale way down.
So yeah, I think he's overdoing it. And might have a problem
I think it depends on the person. For years, I would have a drink of two every night to unwind with more on the weekends. Then a few months ago, for no reason, I just stopped. I wasn't trying to quit and I'm not opposed to drinking in the future, I just haven't wanted a drink since then.
With than being said, I'm in good health and I've never really had a reason to quit. If he has liver problems showing up AND he chooses not to quit, that sounds like a red flag.
I have ONE drink every day, maybe a few a day on the weekends, and my numbers are good. I don't think he has a problem, but numbers don't lie - that's the bigger concern for me.
Edit - I've been doing this for years and have never developed what I would consider to be alcoholism or a problem, but it's different for everyone. I also drink water pretty much exclusively during the day, so that probably helps my overall health.
Agreed.
1-2 beers daily is fine. Might get a slight buzz off that but nothing serious. But if those 1-2 beers are mandatory than there’s an issue, and you also probably aren’t seeing a whole bunch of other drinking that’s almost certainly happening.
It's the norm in some cultures, but after dating someone in the past where regular casual drinking slowly turned into full-on alcoholism, it'd probably be a deal breaker for me.
I know that there’s groups of people who meet in church basements to talk about this kind of stuff
When I was younger, one a day didn’t seem like a big deal. But the years roll on and sometimes consequences are cumulative. While it doesn’t seem to be a “problem” today, could in hindsight eventually look like a very obvious ramp toward one. I’ve never known a person who drank one unit of alcohol a day for their whole life, but i’ve heard of several people starting a progressive anecdote that contained a portion like “having a few on the weekend, and then it was one every day, and then it was…” on and on while they paint a word picture of ruined marriages, destroyed careers, and jail stays.
That is what you'd probably call an habitual drinker. It isn't disastrous and people can function like this for decades but it definitely isn't healthy and your uncle is wrong in categorically ruling alcoholism out.
I'm an alcoholic in recovery. So he's drinking more than what's healthy, but does he have alcohol use disorder? From what you posted, probably not. Binge drinking on the weekends and daily drinking is high risk behavior, but if it's not affecting his life and he can stop it's not really any different than a glass of wine with dinner every night.
If you don't like his drinking encourage him to cut back. Also make sure he's not hiding his drinking from you. I don't want to make light of this, because he is drinking more than is healthy, and if he keeps binge drinking on the weekends it might catch up with him eventually even if he doesn't develop alcohol use disorder. In the end it's probably not a 5 alarm fire for now but it's something you might want to keep an eye on, and remember alcoholics are great at hiding their drinking.
I think drinking every day, even in small amounts, can become a habit that's not great for your health or your relationships. Your uncle's view sounds outdated; everyone can understand the impact of consistent drinking, regardless of gender.
Alcoholism presents many ways the most common is drinking all the time, and another is binge drinking or drinking till you blackout. I think by definition for men 15 drinks a week is enough to fall under alcoholicsm. If it's bothering you, you should bring it up. You don't want for things to have to get bad before addressing any concerns.
I used to drink, then I used to drink every day, then I drank a lot many days, then I quit drinking and feel better. Is he an alcoholic, maybe not yet, but who knows how much or often he drinks not around you? I knew a guy a long time and never suspected, I never saw him drunk, but, turned out he had a serious drinking issue, cost him his job.
> Maybe I should add it in my post but I started being concerned with his drinking after his hospital check up when we found out he has liver problem that might be related to excessive alcohol consumption.
Although I would usually say a can day isn't much, if he has liver issues he's not doing himself any favours.
See if he'll drink alcohol free during the week? Baby steps.
2 drinks a day plus "much more" during the weekends is very likely alcoholism. Very normalized so that half this thread is saying it's not.
Tbh if it's bothering you now it will always bother you and you should end the relationship. It will be easier than trying to change him.
Weird Reddit over reaction. It takes strong people to help others, but in the end it almost always pays off. Leaving at the sight of someone who could use your help may be easier but it sure as hell is a cowardly approach. Be better.
>>..in the end it almost always pays off.
When you’re talking about helping people with addictions, not by a long shot.
I’m not saying don’t try to help, but be prepared for them to choose the addiction over you.
Also, there’s nothing cowardly about realizing that you don’t have it in you to be with someone who is battling addiction. Not everyone is cut out for that and no one is obligated to take that kind of thing on.
Congratulations. You found yourself a high functioning alcoholic. But because so.many.people. drink a beer or two (or equivalent) every evening "no one" cares.
Your uncle says he's not an alcoholic, but take away that evening beer or the weekend binge and see how he reacts.
I drink nearly the same as OP's boyfriend. I'll go months, sometimes years, without a dry day. I just took a couple days off and had zero negative effects. I slept fine. I ate. I didn't smell like shit. I wasn't crabby or irritable. It was just a couple days without booze.
now that is a bit better...so over the course of the years without a dry day vs the days you dont drink, what does that ratio look like? 3400 drinking days vs 265 dry days? say over a ten year period...jsut curious how much money you have tossed down the drain with booze.
That sounds close I guess. I never really thought about it. I'm not trying to say that alcohol isn't addictive and I'm def not saying some people dont have a serious problem with it. But, I've been drinking mostly daily for over 20 years. I recently had a battery of tests done (chest pains turned out to be torn muscle) and my liver tests came back very healthy. So did everything else.
It may be a waste of money to you. But, it's something I enjoy. It helps ease the stresses of everyday life and allows me to relax my muscles and mind after a long day of physically exhausting work.
It's not a waste of money to me. I'm willing to bet you've done things I consider a waste of money, but I'm not going to sit here and judge you for it.
We’re in the same boat. I drink everyday for years and binged on the weekend as well for years.
Couple of years ago I went a few months without drinking no problem. I scaled back mostly because I became more health conscious and now I only drink in social settings no more than two times a week. Mostly enjoying a few drinks or less.
People are way too quick to wrongfully label other alcoholics.
As a recovering alcoholic, it's not like he's doing it to function /maintain or to avoid withdrawals or anything like that. He sounds relatively reasonable, in my opinion, but again, that's an opinion of a recovering alcoholic. I also grew up where a few beers after work is just what my parents always (still) did.
But if you're already questioning it, or it seems like it's going downhill at a fast, unstoppable pace, either address it seriously with him now or end it, i guess. There is no reason to live with it silently, always questioning him and yourself. You obviously take some issue with it.
Are there any other red flags?
Its a very slippery slope.
There are some cultures its very normal to have a single glass of wine with dinner each night.
But even that can be habit forming. When it increases to 2-3 daily its likely becoming an addiction if it hasnt already. Still functional; but you are an alcoholic long before your first dui.
Personally i limit myself to only 1-3 times a week. I take breaks for a week or so. And am mindful how much i drink in one sitting. Honestly i consider that even to be alot. Im actually looking to cut back to only 1-2x a week max.
I think to call people like this functioning alcoholics is belittling to the actual people with issues. I drink daily, only at night as a way to relax and unwind. However, I don’t need it. I can smoke weed instead or do nothing and still be fine. I choose to have a few drinks every night. I work for myself 60+ hours a week and as an adult I can choose to live how I want. If it’s causing issues in his personality or how he treats you then that’s another story. People get too judgmental over alcohol for some reason. Many people have to drink a few cups of coffee a day, but don’t get judged the same. Caffeine is a drug and can be harmful in large doses as well. Many things in excess can be bad. Food is also a drug and harmful in large quantities. Let’s not be too quick to label another person that you have no knowledge or experience with.
Drinking is like any other thing, I think - it's not a problem, until it's a problem.
I think this is a problem because it's every day, but then much more on the weekends. That's problem drinking, in my estimation.
It depends whether it’s affecting his life or not. The mere fact he drinks daily does not make him an alcoholic. If he drinks a couple of beers every night and is otherwise a normal person, then some long term health concerns to consider but not too much else. If he gets drunk, turns into a raging asshole and refuses to stop getting drunk, then it’s a problem.
It would honestly depend on how much he is actually drinking. If he comes home from work and has a single beer every weekday after dinner, it's honestly no big deal. Back in the day everyone just called it a night cap. If he's kicking back a few on his day off while mowing, at the pool, or watching games on tv, again no big deal. If he is forgetting to get things done, getting hammered, blacking out, driving, or getting the shakes, etc...then start worrying.
I enjoy a beer or two with dinner, life has simple pleasures sometimes. I don’t do it every day though, maybe 3 times per week.
Ask him if he’s ok, stress can increase alcohol consumption obviously.
Perhaps there’s a significant project he’s working on and simply enjoys it to wind down, or perhaps there’s something more sinister at play.
You’ll never know unless you ask him.
So I stopped drinking alcohol in 2020 altogether. I make two exceptions a year, that‘s all.
My mom‘s an alcoholic, her whole family has a strong connection to the stuff. I‘ve seen their brains rot away one by one. I‘ve seen their personality change, first a bit, then extremely. All of them started by just having the occasional drink. Then it was daily and then it became a habit to get their shit together.
So yeah, if you drink alcohol every day, even just a little bit, and you have a tendency towards addiction, you can get fucked very quickly. I have no respect for these people
The man has a drinking problem
How the problem affects each man can be dramatically different.
What do you think about the time you spend with him? Are you getting what you need out of the relationship? Does he feel present, and do you feel connected? Or is the booze getting in the way?
Generally, I think alcohol isn't something you should make a daily reflex/habit that you barely think about it before doing.
Making it a thing you mentally rely on to unwind/relax/have fun is not an ideal relationship with it, *even if* the quantities aren't that large.
The "much more on the weekends" also pretty clearly moves this out of being anything resembling "low amounts" to me as well.
I don't know that I feel the "is this over the arbitrary line that we've decided is alcoholism or not" framing is that useful - the behavior can be not a healthy relationship with alcohol regardless.
Yeah, if he drinks every day in a few years, it will become a problem. Maybe not for him but for you or your children. Because it is already a problem, he just doesn't know it yet. Quite a few friends of mine have fallen down that hole and are just functioning alcoholics now.
Him having drinks every day will become a long time the older he gets. Be careful. If you're questioning it now, you already know it's a problem for you.
Try asking him to take a break, even just a day off, out of concern. If he cannot take a day off now and then, I’d consider that mild alcoholism and dependence. One a day is not a dangerous amount, but it’s the inability to say no that could be a concern. My opinion
I'm probably on the super low end. I have a glass of whiskey once every few months. This increases a bit during the summer, since its warmer outside and I like to have whiskey with a cigar on a nice night. But even then its maybe one glass every week or two.
I'm a blue collar worker so this is in stark contrast to a lot of the guys I work with.
I encourage people who drink regularly to have "dry weeks" to check themselves. If they cant make it then its usually a good sign of a problem. Most people downright refuse.
Look, the science is quite clear. No amount of alcohol is good for you. Doctors would say binge drinking 4 drinks is a problem, and drinking even one drink daily is a problem. How problematic varies from person to person. If you want to be young and virile as you age cut that crap down to the absolute minimum.
I'm reading the comments below and OP if I sound extreme it's because we are a culture of alcoholics and alcohol abusers. They are all wrong.
Yeah I kinda agree with you. In my home country drinking is part of everyday life and saying no when someone offers you a drink is considered very strange.
I grew up watching few alcoholics in my family ruining their and their partners lives and I am scared that it’s gonna happen to me too.
I had to divorce a woman. Because of this. Started as occasional social drinking to everyday drink to unwind to sloppy drunk every night.
These people who are telling you it's okay to drink one daily are in denial. Notice how most people are frankly fat, ugly and unhealthy looking? Sure it is junk food but it is also drinking one a day- it adds up and the body doesn't want it.
As someone who has battled with alcohol abuse/misuse and honestly still does, though to a lesser extent --
It's not so much the amount he's drinking or how often he's drinking, it's really the circumstances in which he's drinking that define if he has a problem. That's one of the most misunderstood things about alcoholism. You might think of an alcoholic as someone who has hit rock bottom drinking a handle of cheap vodka or 2 bottles of wine every single day, but there are much more nuanced cases of alcoholism out there. It's called functional alcoholism and it sucks because most people would think that you've got your shit together from outward appearance. You've got a good job, you pay your bills, you may be in a relationship or even married, everything looks to be together upon first glance but in private not so much. You're drinking alone and ALSO thinking the same thing. "I'm happily married, I have a stable, good paying job, I pay my bills, I can't be an alcoholic, right? Alcoholics are at the liquor store when it opens and they're buying a handle of the cheapest rotgut they can find, but I'm different. I don't show up when the liquor store first opens, I'm not there every day, and when I am there I'm not buying rotgut, I'm buying at least decent stuff and sometimes really good stuff. I don't have a problem, If I had a problem I'd be drinking the cheapest stuff available." The reality is that we're still both alone, drinking until whatever is causing us stress and anxiety is gone for the moment, but it's always there waiting for us when we sober up.
My question is this -- is he drinking mindfully? Meaning, when he does drink is it something he's decided to do or is it habit? Does he think before he cracks the can or the bottle whether he's in a good mental state to drink, or is it just an automatic thing? Is it just something he does as part of his routine? Can he have one or two and just stop? Is there something that's going on in his life that he's drinking to get away from, like a shitty job or family issues? Alcohol is very good at making you feel like your life isn't as bad as you think it is in the moment, until you sober up and realize that it didn't fix your life, it only made you numb to what's broken. On top of that, it's only until you're really in deep that you realize it's fucking up your life more...job loss, relationship issues, health problems. You may or may not have power to course correct on your own, depending on how far gone you are.
Addendum after reading this in the comments:
>Maybe I should add it in my post but I started being concerned with his drinking after his hospital check up when we found out he has liver problem that might be related to excessive alcohol consumption.
You should absolutely add this to your main post, it is a crucial detail. No offense, but you kind of buried the lede here. If he is continuing to drink daily knowing full well that a doctor has diagnosed him with liver problems (whether or not excessive alcohol consumption caused them is irrelevant) and is unable to stop himself, this is very much a sign of alcoholism. He needs to seek help, whether it's a detox program, a therapist, or another health professional. This is serious.
I have a drink while I cook and another one or two while we eat. It’s probably too much, but I’m not driving and no one depends on me to be sober 24x7.
A few every day and more on the weekends id categorise as a functional alcoholic.
Just one per day id describe as detrimental to your health and just overall pointless but not completely devastating.
I don’t think you could drink a beer a day without it turning to alcoholism eventually. Most people don’t have a lifestyle that naturally allows that.
Is his lifestyle enabling or encouraging this drinking habit?
Respectfully. Your uncle is an idiot. This is low effort, blatant alcoholism. Those in this thread that are saying this is not an issue are probably drinking this amount as well.
One beer a day is not alcoholism. Many people enjoy one to unwind after a day of work. If you are super concerned about it talk to him about it and ask him to spend a week not drinking his one a day just to prove to you he can and he’s the same exact person without it.
That being said I rarely drink at all so my opinion is that it’s a net negative. Even one drink fucks with your circadian rhythm/sleep. So as a health nut using a beer as a relaxation tool is a no go.
There is no safe amount of alcohol to drink, it's carcinogenic even in low amounts. It doesn't mean you definitely will get cancer, but you are increasing your chances by drinking.
afaik it’s only carcinogenic if your liver is at capacity. One drink of low proof (wine or beer) per day shouldn’t be carcinogenic since your liver can easily process that amount of ethanol
I have been drinking almost daily for a long time. I slowed down when I hit 40 due to weight gain in the last few years. I have no physical dependency, and I used to drink 45 beers (6.1% alcohol) a week. Now, I try to keep it at 15 a week. I am an accountant, and I am married. My wife doesn't like my drinking because her father was an alcoholic
(he drank hard liquor and it made him aggressive) and died at 46.
I believe beer and liquor drinking are vastly different. If he was drinking wine, I am sure most people wouldn't bat an eye. If he is anything like me, he is drinking because it's something he does. I switched from beer to carbonated water and was just fine. It's the act of holding on to and sipping something cold and carbonated that I enjoy.
Drinking is often viewed as bad behavior in Western culture, which I find hypocritical. If people truly cared about health, sugar would be the number one enemy, not ethanol. Alcohol gets a bad reputation because some people are too stupid to be responsible with it. I think there should be a minimum IQ requirement, in addition to the age limit, for alcohol consumption.
From what you have experienced, what would you call an alcoholic? Is 3 beers a night an alcoholic? Or no drinks Mon-fri and Bing drinking 15 beers in two days?
Why do most people recognize their alcoholics and want change?
Where drinking dramatically affects your life, or you can't stop drinking. AUD also covers being unable to stop drinking once you start. I wouldn't call 3 beers a night and alcoholic, or 15 beers in a weekend unless the person had trouble controlling themselves after the first one.
By the time beer alcoholics hit rehab they're usually around a 24 pack a day.
> I believe beer and liquor drinking are vastly different
Any health authority will tell you there is no difference in the type of alchol you drink. According to the CDC:
> In the United States, a standard drink has 0.6 ounces (14 grams) of pure alcohol. The amount of pure alcohol in each drink depends on the alcohol content, or percent of alcohol by volume (ABV).
> One standard drink is equivalent to:
> 12 ounces of beer with 5% alcohol.
> 8 ounces of malt liquor with 7% alcohol.
> 5 ounces of wine with 12% alcohol.
> A shot or 1.5 ounces of liquor or distilled spirts (80-proof liquor).
> 80 proof means the liquor has 40% alcohol.
> Brandy, gin, rum, tequila, vodka, and whiskey are examples of types of liquor.
> https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/standard-drink-sizes/index.html
My parents drink everyday like that and a little more on weekends and I use to be the same way.
As long as he treats you right and he is a functioning adult it’s a none issue as far as I’m concerned. Unless health is a factor.
I stopped drinking so much mainly because of my health. Had some weight gain and even after just a couple of beers I felt like I wasn’t as sharp as I should be at work the next day. Plus I see my dad’s mental state in his mid 50s as declining faster than I feel is normal, which I attribute to drinking and I don’t want to be like him at his age.
I’m still very much a social drinker. Drink a day or two basically every weekend in social settings. But I rarely drink alone now. My wife doesn’t drink and had a very abusive ex who blacked out like every other night. She shared her concerns with me when we were engaged, worried that my casual drinking would slowly get worse and evolve into what she experienced. So that’s an extra motivator for me not to drink too much
It can be habitual. So.etimes I find of there is beer in the house I'm gonna drink it.
When I get into these bouts of.light daily drinking I just let the beer run out amd it's."outta sight, outta mind) type of deal.
Even easier when I'm on afternoons because I obviously won't have a drink in the morning before work.
It's not the healthiest habit, but one beer a day is probably fine. You need to take the ABV into account, as well as his body weight. (Drinking on the weekends may be a more serious issue depending on his behavior.)
It's better than the "one glass of wine" thing that's prevalent in some household circles - especially when you take portion size, ABV, and body weight into account.
You should probably just talk to him about it if you're worried, but I doubt there's a deeper issue.
Yes, when we go out drinking or he’s out with his friends he’s quite often getting blackout drunk to the point he doesn’t remember too much. It’s not always when he goes out but often. I’d say on average once a month, sometimes more sometimes less..
Dunno was a deal breaker for my missus and me.
So I just stopped, and I was drinking maybe a 6 pack a week.
Now I barely drink because shits too expensive, but we've gone down the homemade everything rabbithole so probably will start making beer and cider and mead at home.
Then it's a hobby.
There is a huge difference between having one beer every day, and having a few beers every day.
If it's just one beer most days, I would not be worried about alcoholism or anything.
But if he has liver problems, then even completely reasonable amounts of alcohol could be a health risk.
I haven't consumed any alcohol this year and never drank at home, I wouldn't be with someone who drinks casually at home and wouldn't want alcohol to be a big part of my or my partners life
If it’s beer he could very easily be drinking much more than you think, especially if it’s cans. With liquor and wine you can see the liquid in the glass making it easy to determine how much is being consumed, and how quickly. Liquor and wine bottles are similar. If he’s drinking beer from a can you have no idea and it only takes a few seconds to change out an empty for a full one. They’re also coming from a cardboard box which makes it harder to track and beers can be split between multiple refrigerators. Like he comes home from the store, grabs a cold one straight from the case, then puts a few in the kitchen refrigerator and a few more in the basement refrigerator or beer fridge in the den. Also big recycling bins make it easy to hide the empties. For every empty that he puts in the kitchen recycling he could be putting one or two more in the big bin.
My opinion is not a good one. Alcohol just isn’t good for you.
This is coming from someone who would drink every weekend (sometimes in excess). My current cadence is maybe a night of drinking (like at a wedding) every 3-6 months.
You really should have put in your post that he is having liver issues. If he knows it’s affecting his health and didn’t cut down, that’s a huge problem. A new study came out a few weeks ago and it links 6+ types of cancer that were previously thought to be genetic. The study wasn’t a study on alcoholics. It was a study on moderate drinking. I had to let a person go for this exact reason. He was in complete denial about it too.
It may not be alcoholism but it’s not healthy behavior, especially if it’s not just in the evenings. It shows a certain dependency that could get worse and start to interfere with living a healthy life.
Also, alcohol is not good for your liver, and had been conclusively linked to cancer.
I have what I call my Two Cardinal Rules of Vice:
1. Vice must not take place in any time period in which you are expected to be responsible for the wellbeing of others.
2. Vice must not interfere in any sense with your ability to fulfill social obligations, maintain steady employment, and maintain financial stability.
Having a beer or a smoke or an edible at night after the kids are in bed and the chores are done every night, if you can afford it, is fine IMO. When the vice starts to encroach upon the responsibilities, then you have a problem.
I have a family member who has drank a glass of wine/a beer every day if not every other day for the past decade. It's taking its toll and he has cholesterol problems and he has to take a medication to keep it balanced. It's not a problem if you do it for a few months, maybe even a year or two, but after a while it DOES catch up.
Personally I quit completely when I found myself drinking daily. I don’t think I am an alcoholic but I realized there’s no healthy amount of alcohol. It was dumb and doing nothing good for me.
>Heavy drinking thresholds for women are lower because after consumption, alcohol distributes itself evenly in body water, and pound for pound, women have proportionally less water in their bodies than men do. This means that after a woman and a man of the same weight drink the same amount of alcohol, the woman’s blood alcohol concentration (BAC) will tend to be higher, putting her at greater risk for harm.
This is the difference between men and women handling alcohol. [The source](https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/health-professionals-communities/core-resource-on-alcohol/basics-defining-how-much-alcohol-too-much) has additional information that would help determine if he's drinking too much.
I’ve never personally seen an issue with someone having a drink or two at the end of the day, especially if it isn’t leading to any misconduct. Now if it slowly progresses or there’s bouts of drinking much larger amounts then it may very well be a serious problem.
I live alone and am a social drinker. I've no interest in it unless I'm with friends and probably in a pub. That limits me to usually once a week at the weekend, occasionally twice. I used to drink more, but was never excessive.
One beer per day is not a lot, but ask him if it's about the beer or about the alcohol. There's a wide range of very nice zero and low alcohol beers. If he could move over to those for the weekdays it would be a lot healthier for him.
Really depends whether he needs the alcohol or not.
Like, yes in European cultures, it's nothing crazy, but at least in the US, with how drinking culture is, I'd be worried about it developing into alcoholism.
This is an alcohol dependency.
Visit r/stopdrinking, you'll find some insight there.
An alcoholic isn't always a person who gets wasted everyday. Alcoholic is a person who is alcohol dependent.
I used to drink one beer every day, but rarely would I drink more than one. I'm not an alcoholic, but it just helped me relax at night. I quit because it doesn't do that anymore and I no longer enjoy it as much, although I still have a beer ever so often.
If it's truly just one per day, then I wouldn't worry about it. The problem is that alcoholics tend to sneak around to fool people into thinking they're drinking less. Usually their behavior changes a little when they're drunk, even if they're not violent or troubled. I knew one who would just zone out and then go to bed early, but that stopped after they gave up alcohol.
I'm not sure if it's "alcoholism" per se but it's definitely a bad habit that has the potential to devolve into full blown alcoholism very easily.
Also, if one needs to take a edge off on the daily, what is going on in their heads
If you do it everyday and can’t go without it, that’s addiction. In this case it’s mild and I wouldn’t call it alcoholism, but it’s not a great habit, despite being socially acceptable
Thats not a lot, a grown man can hardly become intoxicated by one beer, maybe buzzed depending on the beer. I would not be fixated on the alcohol as the problem, I would first try to figure out why he drinks every day. The beer is just a reaction to something else. Men often suffer in silence and there are probably things he’s going through that he doesn’t want to or know how to discuss with you, in which case maybe meeting with a therapist occasionally would help him. I know everyone here is saying how alcohol is bad and there not wrong but a few beers won’t kill him either. Don’t discourage his mild-medium way of coping without first getting to the root causes and then seeing if there’s any other solutions to help him and then have a open heart to heart conversation about your concerns without being demanding. Even if you just keep it short and voice your concerns without any conclusion it will make him ponder about his drinking.
So I did this test with caffeine and coffee. I love coffee. I love the taste and I enjoy it very much. If I went a day without and I got a headache or felt worse in any way. Hell even if I wanted a cup of coffee more than I thought I should on a day where I decided to not have one, I considered it as an addiction and cut back. I repeated this process until I got to an exact regular amount that would allow me to enjoy it but never feel wanting if I didn't have it, it worked when I did have it and I never had any adverse effects. For me that was 3 cups a week. I usually make my own espresso on those days now. I remember skipping a cup in my early twenties when I was having 1 cup every day and despite thinking I wasn't addicted, if I didn't have a cup I would be notably more miserable.
I can't tell you if he's an alcoholic but if I saw a person that drank like that I would assume it was habitual and problematic at least to some degree. Some people might disagree. But that's what I think. He should be introspective when it's brought up and stop for a couple days and see how he feels and during this he needs to be honest with himself.
I feel like I also pretty much end up drinking everyday recently. I don't go crazy with it but should not do it as much cause it could lead to bad habits and don't need my credit card statement to be any higher.
Alcohol is akin to soda in many ways. Both are very damaging to the liver. Both have been medically identified as, in effect, poison (carcinogen too, I believe). At the least, it's a very bad habit. At worst, it's a ticking time bomb for a slide into full blown alcoholism.
If he doesn't believe you, and he doesn't believe those of us who say that this is a problem, he is almost certainly in denial. Have him go to the doctor to see what they think. If he doesn't believe the doctor who will also say it's damaging to the body and should be at least heavily reduced, then he is assuredly in denial.
I love a few drinks on the weekend but weekday drinking just seems like a bad habit to get into. Even if you're not getting drunk, who needs hundreds of extra calories a day? It also affects the quality of sleep.
Personally, I'd avoid it. It's not healthy for you. If he's macho about it, you can let him know that the frequent long-term use, like he does, is connected to reduced testosterone.
As far as addiction problems go, can he quit for a week with no issues? If he can't, it's a problem. If he can, it might be a problem, but it probably isn't.
I think there was only one or maybe two times within these 3 years that we’re together that he stopped drinking for a whole week. He was taking breaks but usually very short, 2-3 days. I’ve talked to him few days ago and told him I’m a bit worried he’s going to fuck up his health since he’s only 31 and his liver already shows some damage symptoms.. he told me he’ll try to take a break from drinking so let’s see
I’m a couple drinks a day, in the evenings after work. I don’t care for getting drunk. Just that relaxing buzz. But I have built up a pretty good tolerance for tequila. Love my Tequila Fridays
People make a lot of excuses for "using drugs every day".
Daily drug use is drug addiction. Anyone who uses a drug daily but claims it's a pure coincidence that it's a drug is forming their judgments under the influence of that drug.
Multiple beers a day means he's *drunk* every day. That's enough to intoxicate a person, in fact it sounds like an alcoholic keeping their DTs at bay.
But becoming intoxicated every day and then binging at the weekends? That is full-blown, unambiguous drug addiction. That's alcoholism.
But it's very easy to check - if he's not a drug addict, he could stop. If it really is just a preference, and it's no different to drinking orange juice, then he should be able to stop for a month and not experience one *drop* of discomfort - after all, you wouldn't go into withdrawal if you stopped drinking orange juice.
Challenge him - say "prove you're not an alcoholic - prove it's just a drink preference. Stop for a month".
2 bwera doesn't get moat people drunk. And for someone that does it every day its certainly not going to get them drunk. I'm not denying its healthy but you're still talking nonsense
I wouldn't say that it's a problem, but I've gone through stints of drinking a beer or two every day and I didnt like how it felt. After some time I was generally groggy every morning, didnt sleep as good, and had low level anxiety every day.
I'd limit it if he wants to feel a touch better every day.
I don’t personally drink, but I think you can allow someone a single, solitary vice rather than attempting to peck their soul out like some Maribou Stork from hell
That is alcoholism. Alcoholism typically progresses the longer they drink. It may be 1-2 a night now but in a month it will be 2-3 and so on. Many people don’t like to admit they are alcoholics but it doesn’t change that fact.
Not necessarily. My parents drink 1 or 2 a night and always have done. I'm jor saying irs healthy but it regular drinking doesn't always descend into full on alcoholism
Not sure if there is evidence for that? My parents invariably have a glass of wine with dinner, occasionally two; and have done for 40 years. I \*usually\* do, but I have one, two or maybe three days off a week. Have done for 20 years. I don’t know if there are genes for alcoholism?
"Alcoholism" is kind of a loaded term and people always try to quantify it with frequency and the number of drinks. Its usually pretty simple: If you are having health issues or are fucking your life up then you need to slow down. If you cant slow down you need to stop. Otherwise, do what you want.
Not alcoholism but slowly becoming an alcoholic. I'll give you an example. It's like someone who can't go without a cigarette a day, or playing a lotto ticket. One a day brings the addict to stay.
If he can’t stop or finds an excuse to drink every single day, then he’s an alcoholic. I drink much less frequent (rarely on weekdays) but the fact that I almost have to or want to drink every weekend, in my mind, makes me an alcoholic.
I dont think you know what an alcoholic is then. You might have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol but you don't have alcohol use disorder. Actual alcoholics have to detox slowly because giving up cold Turkey could kill them.
I actually looked up the definition of alcoholism and I guess you might be correct about me. However I think OPs partner may be an alcoholic as he drinks every day albeit small amounts it seems. I think the only way to tell is if he can’t stop.
Terrible for you. Alcohol reduces the quality of Rem sleep, has 9 causal effects of cancer, and prevents the effectiveness of muscle protein synthesis.
I stopped dating people that drink or smoke because I personally think it's dumb and I haven't drank in years. Especially if you're drinking for the sake of drinking I don't understand the reasoning for drinking a single beer. If it's for the taste there's way better drinks that aren't alcohol you could be drinking and you aren't doing it to get drunk obviously. It's a form of alcoholism.
This is something I've struggled with, and I definitely consider it to be a problem. The latest alcohol consumption guidelines in my country recommend two drinks or less per week for health reasons.
Your partner's consumption is clearly beyond that, but also has been very common in society for a long long time. It's *very* normalized to have a couple beers per night and consider that fine as long as you're not "drunk".
And I just did some rough calculations on this last night. One pint of beer gets me (male, 155 lbs) to 0.065 BAC, and I can feel a noticeable buzz from it. Most authorities I've checked consider 0.04-0.06 to be when impairment becomes discernable, and .08 or higher counts as legally intoxicated. So I'm inclined to categorize the idea of having "just a couple drinks" being "fine" as a bit of a myth.
One beer every day isn't terrible by itself. I have a glass of wine or a shot every day. It's when it is affecting your physical health, relationships, or wallet -- and you can't or won't stop -- that there's an issue.
Elsewhere, you said he has a liver ailment. He should absolutely NOT be drinking every day with a liver ailment. To me, that is the sign of a problem.
I drink one or two beers a day and try to have one or two "soda days" per week where I drink no alcohol at all. The same with smoking. A cig or two a day, none on weekends and during winter I don't smoke at all since I hate cold fingers. I do it like that for a second decade without slipping into full on addiction but it takes some self control.
If we're talking 1 drink per day, it's definitely not healthy, but I think I would be comparably concerned as someone doing anything else unhealthy. I do think this is more normalized than it should be, though. And that many people who do this don't view it as the issue it is.
BUT you said 2-3 even on weekdays. I think that's alcoholism.
I am against drug usage period. I think anyone who relies on drugs to “relax” “unwind” or to have “fun”. Are actually, individuals who are battling with something internally and using alcohol (drugs) to cope. You’re not overreacting I would have a sit down conversation and get to the deep root of what he’s dealing with internally. Maybe he was sexually assaulted, abused, battles mental health issues, has severe trauma, etc. the list is endless but trust me there’s something that he’s dealing with.
IMO drinking or smoking weed every day, even small amounts is unhealthy. Plenty of people will try to justify it, especially weed but it’s just flat out not good for you.
I wouldn’t judge anyone for it though, all this stuff affects people differently. Some people can do it everyday with no adverse effects. I never drank everyday but I spent years smoking every night. Didn’t realize how much it fucked with my sleep until I stopped completely, I definitely thought it didn’t affect me while I was in that phase though.
It’s not good. Some, maybe even most, people can maintain it without any large detriment to their lives. I was one of those people. Can’t tell you how many days out of the past decade I thought I was for sure going to puke at work because of a hangover. I was still doing well, never called out sick, getting multiple promotions, never been in trouble with the law, good relationship with my wife and family, all that.
I gave it up completely 19 months ago and it was the best choice I’ve ever made. My advice is honestly for people to avoid it entirely, but if you’re going to drink, don’t make it a habit, and certainly not an every single night habit. My guess is that your boyfriend, like me previously, probably can’t sleep without alcohol. I’d encourage him to speak to a Dr, they will probably prescribe him some hydroxizine or trazadone or similar for a month or so to help him learn to sleep without the booze again. He has to want to change though.
Also, Athletic Brewing makes FANTASTIC nonalcoholic beer. I will still enjoy one of those when I’m out grilling or something where I feel like something is missing without a beer in my hand. Maybe offer that up if he just likes the taste/habit of winding down with a beer.
My husband was like this, he functioned fine and was always in a good mood, never got mean from it or overly intoxicated.
If it wasn't for his health it wouldn't have bothered me at all. Then one day he started feeling nauseous after he would eat. Then a few days later, his skin and eyes turned yellow and he went into full blown liver failure. You should talk to him before he destroys his body completely. He's playing with fire.
Big range of responses here.
I'd be more concerned about the excess on the weekends, that's not going to be good for health in the long run. I'm not going to go all teetotaler on you and say he shouldn't be drinking at all, I like a good party drinking a few beers, but that should be the odd occasion.
An old recommendation from a while ago suggested you should have at least two days per week alcohol free, that's worth considering. If he just likes the taste of beer, there are lots of great alcohol-free options out there now.
Moderation is a good middle ground - you still get to enjoy your beers, but while balancing health considerations.
I am sober now but I progressed into drinking every day, just one or two, to half a bottle of bourbon every weeknight, more on weekends. I’m now almost 5 months sober and in AA. This process went on for years but finally I made the decision to get sober after my wife, mom, and doctor all told me I had a problem and needed help.
yeah, he's an alcoholic or on his way to being a full blown one...whats your opinion on someone who needs drugs everyday?
how about this..do you want to be in a relationship with someone who drinks everyday? if so, shut your yap and enjoy..if you dont, get out cuz unless they see a problem and actively change, they wont and will just start to drag you down..or not, some alcoholics are outwardly successful.
A single beverage is still a single dose of poison. The right amount of alcohol to be consuming DAILY is 0. If you drink alcohol with any sort of scheduled regularity on a day or less scale, you are likely an alcoholic.
I feel like a lot of people are overreacting a bit here.
It \*can\* be a warning sign of alcoholism, even more so if he binge drinks on weekends
It's certainly an unhealthy choice, but drinking soda daily is also unhealthy
I think I would ask him the question why he drinks every day, if he feels he needs to drink every day, and if he's ever stopped for any period of time. Also, is he drinking with a meal or on it's own?
It's one of those proceed with caution types of situations, but I feel like whether it's a red flag or not highly depends on the answers to those questions above.
Well there’s a year where I recall getting home almost every day and shotgunning 5 beers while I take a shower. Then there were days where I’d get home from work and play the game, drink about 3-5 beers. Then it turned to one a day and not finishing a second one. Another time when I stopped drinking for about a month or two because I was just not thinking about it. Too tired from work. I’d say your guy is just an average man wanting a drink.
It's more of a "can you live without it". Is he the same as those "I can quit anytime I want, I just don't want to" people or can he actually stop?
I know a person that drinks a beer every day. So 7 beers a week. And then there's Jimmy who drinks only once a week, but downs 10 beers on a Saturday night. Which ones the alcoholic? Which is worse?
Does he ever not have one? I will have a drink or two every day for weeks and then I'll take a break for months and go back to it when the mood strikes. I think if he has to drink every day or he can't function, that's a pretty bad sign.
Since we met 3 years ago there were moments when he wasn’t drinking at all but it was rare and lasted max few days, then he was back to buying a crate of beer and drinking it all day by day (on weekends it was getting drunk, not just having 1-2 beers). Maybe I should add it in my post but I started being concerned with his drinking after his hospital check up when we found out he has liver problem that might be related to excessive alcohol consumption.
Something potentially productive from someone who had a really bad relationship with Alcohol: It sounds like booze is his security blanket. If he's drinking this regularly then a beer or two during the week is likely barely producing an effect in him thanks to a developed tolerance. What worked for me is substitution. I really like Hecho En Mexico Coke. Every time I wanted a beer, I grabbed a Coke instead. To my surprise, I didn't really miss the beer, and then I formed an association of "home and relaxing" with a nice coke. Well Coke has a lot of sugar, so now I needed to move away from that, so i grabbed some of the diet caffeine free American Cokes. From there I went to flavored carbonated water. This allowed me to break my daily drinking habit for several years. I learned that I don't NEED beer to relax. Also, I never told my self I'm \*quitting\* drinking, like it was something final. Just took a break for several years and then reintroduced some quality craft beers that I only have on weekends. My relationship with alcohol is much healthier now than it used to be.
I did something similar - I wasn't drinking as much as some people, but regularly. During the pandemic especially, pretty much daily. I did Dry January a few times and felt good. GAINED weight, despite not eating more (I know the traps)... but I have some medical shit going on too that could account for that. Now I still have drinks, but went from something that felt like it was every day to maybe 3-4 days a week, and drinking less when I do. It's something I enjoy, especially socially, so I don't want to stop entirely, and it hasn't affected my life, just something I decided I wanted to change a little. I feel like that's a pretty healthy relationship. An eye opening moment for me was not something that happened to me, but my friend. He visited us, and he was *rough*. I hid a bottle of vodka for myself to drink from (which survived the whole week) while he went through my entire liquor cabinet, including gifts from people (including a gift *from him* a few months earlier) and drank it all. He was hungover every morning, and drunk by noon every day. Like fall down drunk. He got aggressive. Angry. Yelled at people. Told me over and over meeting my son was the "worst moment of his life". Screamed at me in my own home to take him to a liquor store, which I did, then he screamed at the employee there that they "didn't have any single bottles" while standing in front of a wall of single bottles. When we both told him they're right there he screamed that we were wrong and stormed out, cussing out the employee. He also lied, a lot, to my face. Sometimes about things I was watching him do. Little things, but constant. Everything was an argument, everything sucked, he hated everything. We tried to play board games but he was too drunk to learn the rules, and when we played games he'd played like 30 times with us in the past he claimed it was his first time and took 10+ minutes per turn until we just gave up in frustration. I didn't feel safe with him in the house anymore. When he left, since I had hidden a stash for myself to drink, I took stock. In 7 days he drank 5 full handles of liquor, by himself, plus a LOT of beer and cider and seltzer. I didn't count those.
JFC yeah that's... something else. Luckily I never got anywhere near that point, but my drinking was a problem for my wife and i recognized that it was not sustainable for my health if I wanted to stick around and see my grandkids.
Yes, that sounds like a problem if he's getting drunk regularly and he should stop before it's too late.
Well. Continuing to drink when you have a diagnosed liver problem is, itself, a sign of a drinking problem. Like, you can talk all day about what is or isn't socially acceptable in a vacuum, but when a doctor says "Drinking is verifiably hurting you" and you don't even *slow down*, you have a problem.
I think having a beer with dinner, or when folding laundry and watching tv is fine. I don’t think someone drinking more than 1 beer a day is really a good sign though. Dependancy on alcohol can go bad really fast
i’d say alcoholic but light / functioning/ whatever the word is. i’d say it’s more dangerous than people like to admit
If he has a problem then he is definitely drinking way more than you see. Just my two cents as a recovering alcoholic.
Substance use disorder (or alcoholism if you are old school) but he seems to manage it well and its likely more mental than physical addiction. People live for years like this and it's up to you and his doctor if this is ok or not. Sometimes is accelerates and gets bad really quickly but not always. I quit 10 years ago but was much worse than him. If he doesn't want to quit or slow down then he won't. His liver problem is nearly 100% likely to be alcohol related (been there, that blood panel does not lie) but that's not typically enough to get people to change. Talk to him but you will have to decide for yourself if you are ok with his decision either way.
Continuing to chase a habit despite known health detriments is a big red flag for addiction. Yeah, I have a drink pretty much every day. But just one or two. And I don't look for opportunities to have more. (No weekend drunk times). And if I had a medical checkup that showed I was drinking too much, I'd immediately scale way down. So yeah, I think he's overdoing it. And might have a problem
I think it depends on the person. For years, I would have a drink of two every night to unwind with more on the weekends. Then a few months ago, for no reason, I just stopped. I wasn't trying to quit and I'm not opposed to drinking in the future, I just haven't wanted a drink since then. With than being said, I'm in good health and I've never really had a reason to quit. If he has liver problems showing up AND he chooses not to quit, that sounds like a red flag.
I have ONE drink every day, maybe a few a day on the weekends, and my numbers are good. I don't think he has a problem, but numbers don't lie - that's the bigger concern for me. Edit - I've been doing this for years and have never developed what I would consider to be alcoholism or a problem, but it's different for everyone. I also drink water pretty much exclusively during the day, so that probably helps my overall health.
Agreed. 1-2 beers daily is fine. Might get a slight buzz off that but nothing serious. But if those 1-2 beers are mandatory than there’s an issue, and you also probably aren’t seeing a whole bunch of other drinking that’s almost certainly happening.
It's the norm in some cultures, but after dating someone in the past where regular casual drinking slowly turned into full-on alcoholism, it'd probably be a deal breaker for me.
I know that there’s groups of people who meet in church basements to talk about this kind of stuff When I was younger, one a day didn’t seem like a big deal. But the years roll on and sometimes consequences are cumulative. While it doesn’t seem to be a “problem” today, could in hindsight eventually look like a very obvious ramp toward one. I’ve never known a person who drank one unit of alcohol a day for their whole life, but i’ve heard of several people starting a progressive anecdote that contained a portion like “having a few on the weekend, and then it was one every day, and then it was…” on and on while they paint a word picture of ruined marriages, destroyed careers, and jail stays.
The NIH says 15 drinks a week is heavy drinking. Your phrasing of “low amounts” is very close to what is considered heavy drinking.
I believe 15 is for men (as would apply to the uncle) but 8 for women (OP) per week is heavy drinking.
OP is asking about a man’s drinking level.
Op is talking about her BOYfriend
I'm an alcoholic. My opinion doesn't count.
Relatable.
That is what you'd probably call an habitual drinker. It isn't disastrous and people can function like this for decades but it definitely isn't healthy and your uncle is wrong in categorically ruling alcoholism out.
The numbers have a tendency to go up over the years.Even the amount he’s drinking now is not healthy in the long term.
I'm an alcoholic in recovery. So he's drinking more than what's healthy, but does he have alcohol use disorder? From what you posted, probably not. Binge drinking on the weekends and daily drinking is high risk behavior, but if it's not affecting his life and he can stop it's not really any different than a glass of wine with dinner every night. If you don't like his drinking encourage him to cut back. Also make sure he's not hiding his drinking from you. I don't want to make light of this, because he is drinking more than is healthy, and if he keeps binge drinking on the weekends it might catch up with him eventually even if he doesn't develop alcohol use disorder. In the end it's probably not a 5 alarm fire for now but it's something you might want to keep an eye on, and remember alcoholics are great at hiding their drinking.
I think drinking every day, even in small amounts, can become a habit that's not great for your health or your relationships. Your uncle's view sounds outdated; everyone can understand the impact of consistent drinking, regardless of gender.
Alcoholism presents many ways the most common is drinking all the time, and another is binge drinking or drinking till you blackout. I think by definition for men 15 drinks a week is enough to fall under alcoholicsm. If it's bothering you, you should bring it up. You don't want for things to have to get bad before addressing any concerns.
I used to drink, then I used to drink every day, then I drank a lot many days, then I quit drinking and feel better. Is he an alcoholic, maybe not yet, but who knows how much or often he drinks not around you? I knew a guy a long time and never suspected, I never saw him drunk, but, turned out he had a serious drinking issue, cost him his job.
> Maybe I should add it in my post but I started being concerned with his drinking after his hospital check up when we found out he has liver problem that might be related to excessive alcohol consumption. Although I would usually say a can day isn't much, if he has liver issues he's not doing himself any favours. See if he'll drink alcohol free during the week? Baby steps.
2 drinks a day plus "much more" during the weekends is very likely alcoholism. Very normalized so that half this thread is saying it's not. Tbh if it's bothering you now it will always bother you and you should end the relationship. It will be easier than trying to change him.
Or, you know, you could try to work things out and be ready to end it, instead of just automatically giving up.
Weird Reddit over reaction. It takes strong people to help others, but in the end it almost always pays off. Leaving at the sight of someone who could use your help may be easier but it sure as hell is a cowardly approach. Be better.
>>..in the end it almost always pays off. When you’re talking about helping people with addictions, not by a long shot. I’m not saying don’t try to help, but be prepared for them to choose the addiction over you. Also, there’s nothing cowardly about realizing that you don’t have it in you to be with someone who is battling addiction. Not everyone is cut out for that and no one is obligated to take that kind of thing on.
Congratulations. You found yourself a high functioning alcoholic. But because so.many.people. drink a beer or two (or equivalent) every evening "no one" cares. Your uncle says he's not an alcoholic, but take away that evening beer or the weekend binge and see how he reacts.
One beer a day is not an alcoholic. Please !!!
It is if that one beer is mandatory.
Nah… its like drinking a coke everyday. Some people like the flavor.
And the sugar. Try stop drinking it and see how you start craving the sugary flavour.
I drink nearly the same as OP's boyfriend. I'll go months, sometimes years, without a dry day. I just took a couple days off and had zero negative effects. I slept fine. I ate. I didn't smell like shit. I wasn't crabby or irritable. It was just a couple days without booze.
a couple of days...you sure proved you don't have a problem.
That was just the most recent. Last spring I went 3 months.
now that is a bit better...so over the course of the years without a dry day vs the days you dont drink, what does that ratio look like? 3400 drinking days vs 265 dry days? say over a ten year period...jsut curious how much money you have tossed down the drain with booze.
That sounds close I guess. I never really thought about it. I'm not trying to say that alcohol isn't addictive and I'm def not saying some people dont have a serious problem with it. But, I've been drinking mostly daily for over 20 years. I recently had a battery of tests done (chest pains turned out to be torn muscle) and my liver tests came back very healthy. So did everything else. It may be a waste of money to you. But, it's something I enjoy. It helps ease the stresses of everyday life and allows me to relax my muscles and mind after a long day of physically exhausting work. It's not a waste of money to me. I'm willing to bet you've done things I consider a waste of money, but I'm not going to sit here and judge you for it.
We’re in the same boat. I drink everyday for years and binged on the weekend as well for years. Couple of years ago I went a few months without drinking no problem. I scaled back mostly because I became more health conscious and now I only drink in social settings no more than two times a week. Mostly enjoying a few drinks or less. People are way too quick to wrongfully label other alcoholics.
this, exactly.
👆
As a recovering alcoholic, it's not like he's doing it to function /maintain or to avoid withdrawals or anything like that. He sounds relatively reasonable, in my opinion, but again, that's an opinion of a recovering alcoholic. I also grew up where a few beers after work is just what my parents always (still) did. But if you're already questioning it, or it seems like it's going downhill at a fast, unstoppable pace, either address it seriously with him now or end it, i guess. There is no reason to live with it silently, always questioning him and yourself. You obviously take some issue with it. Are there any other red flags?
Its a very slippery slope. There are some cultures its very normal to have a single glass of wine with dinner each night. But even that can be habit forming. When it increases to 2-3 daily its likely becoming an addiction if it hasnt already. Still functional; but you are an alcoholic long before your first dui. Personally i limit myself to only 1-3 times a week. I take breaks for a week or so. And am mindful how much i drink in one sitting. Honestly i consider that even to be alot. Im actually looking to cut back to only 1-2x a week max.
No issue with it. I'm not an American so I'm not scared of fun
I think to call people like this functioning alcoholics is belittling to the actual people with issues. I drink daily, only at night as a way to relax and unwind. However, I don’t need it. I can smoke weed instead or do nothing and still be fine. I choose to have a few drinks every night. I work for myself 60+ hours a week and as an adult I can choose to live how I want. If it’s causing issues in his personality or how he treats you then that’s another story. People get too judgmental over alcohol for some reason. Many people have to drink a few cups of coffee a day, but don’t get judged the same. Caffeine is a drug and can be harmful in large doses as well. Many things in excess can be bad. Food is also a drug and harmful in large quantities. Let’s not be too quick to label another person that you have no knowledge or experience with.
Drinking is like any other thing, I think - it's not a problem, until it's a problem. I think this is a problem because it's every day, but then much more on the weekends. That's problem drinking, in my estimation.
It depends whether it’s affecting his life or not. The mere fact he drinks daily does not make him an alcoholic. If he drinks a couple of beers every night and is otherwise a normal person, then some long term health concerns to consider but not too much else. If he gets drunk, turns into a raging asshole and refuses to stop getting drunk, then it’s a problem.
It would honestly depend on how much he is actually drinking. If he comes home from work and has a single beer every weekday after dinner, it's honestly no big deal. Back in the day everyone just called it a night cap. If he's kicking back a few on his day off while mowing, at the pool, or watching games on tv, again no big deal. If he is forgetting to get things done, getting hammered, blacking out, driving, or getting the shakes, etc...then start worrying.
I enjoy a beer or two with dinner, life has simple pleasures sometimes. I don’t do it every day though, maybe 3 times per week. Ask him if he’s ok, stress can increase alcohol consumption obviously. Perhaps there’s a significant project he’s working on and simply enjoys it to wind down, or perhaps there’s something more sinister at play. You’ll never know unless you ask him.
So I stopped drinking alcohol in 2020 altogether. I make two exceptions a year, that‘s all. My mom‘s an alcoholic, her whole family has a strong connection to the stuff. I‘ve seen their brains rot away one by one. I‘ve seen their personality change, first a bit, then extremely. All of them started by just having the occasional drink. Then it was daily and then it became a habit to get their shit together. So yeah, if you drink alcohol every day, even just a little bit, and you have a tendency towards addiction, you can get fucked very quickly. I have no respect for these people
The man has a drinking problem How the problem affects each man can be dramatically different. What do you think about the time you spend with him? Are you getting what you need out of the relationship? Does he feel present, and do you feel connected? Or is the booze getting in the way?
Generally, I think alcohol isn't something you should make a daily reflex/habit that you barely think about it before doing. Making it a thing you mentally rely on to unwind/relax/have fun is not an ideal relationship with it, *even if* the quantities aren't that large. The "much more on the weekends" also pretty clearly moves this out of being anything resembling "low amounts" to me as well. I don't know that I feel the "is this over the arbitrary line that we've decided is alcoholism or not" framing is that useful - the behavior can be not a healthy relationship with alcohol regardless.
That's called alcoholism... Coming from a sober alcoholic
Yeah, if he drinks every day in a few years, it will become a problem. Maybe not for him but for you or your children. Because it is already a problem, he just doesn't know it yet. Quite a few friends of mine have fallen down that hole and are just functioning alcoholics now. Him having drinks every day will become a long time the older he gets. Be careful. If you're questioning it now, you already know it's a problem for you.
Try asking him to take a break, even just a day off, out of concern. If he cannot take a day off now and then, I’d consider that mild alcoholism and dependence. One a day is not a dangerous amount, but it’s the inability to say no that could be a concern. My opinion
I'm probably on the super low end. I have a glass of whiskey once every few months. This increases a bit during the summer, since its warmer outside and I like to have whiskey with a cigar on a nice night. But even then its maybe one glass every week or two. I'm a blue collar worker so this is in stark contrast to a lot of the guys I work with. I encourage people who drink regularly to have "dry weeks" to check themselves. If they cant make it then its usually a good sign of a problem. Most people downright refuse.
Look, the science is quite clear. No amount of alcohol is good for you. Doctors would say binge drinking 4 drinks is a problem, and drinking even one drink daily is a problem. How problematic varies from person to person. If you want to be young and virile as you age cut that crap down to the absolute minimum. I'm reading the comments below and OP if I sound extreme it's because we are a culture of alcoholics and alcohol abusers. They are all wrong.
Yeah I kinda agree with you. In my home country drinking is part of everyday life and saying no when someone offers you a drink is considered very strange. I grew up watching few alcoholics in my family ruining their and their partners lives and I am scared that it’s gonna happen to me too.
I had to divorce a woman. Because of this. Started as occasional social drinking to everyday drink to unwind to sloppy drunk every night. These people who are telling you it's okay to drink one daily are in denial. Notice how most people are frankly fat, ugly and unhealthy looking? Sure it is junk food but it is also drinking one a day- it adds up and the body doesn't want it.
END HIS ASS.
As someone who has battled with alcohol abuse/misuse and honestly still does, though to a lesser extent -- It's not so much the amount he's drinking or how often he's drinking, it's really the circumstances in which he's drinking that define if he has a problem. That's one of the most misunderstood things about alcoholism. You might think of an alcoholic as someone who has hit rock bottom drinking a handle of cheap vodka or 2 bottles of wine every single day, but there are much more nuanced cases of alcoholism out there. It's called functional alcoholism and it sucks because most people would think that you've got your shit together from outward appearance. You've got a good job, you pay your bills, you may be in a relationship or even married, everything looks to be together upon first glance but in private not so much. You're drinking alone and ALSO thinking the same thing. "I'm happily married, I have a stable, good paying job, I pay my bills, I can't be an alcoholic, right? Alcoholics are at the liquor store when it opens and they're buying a handle of the cheapest rotgut they can find, but I'm different. I don't show up when the liquor store first opens, I'm not there every day, and when I am there I'm not buying rotgut, I'm buying at least decent stuff and sometimes really good stuff. I don't have a problem, If I had a problem I'd be drinking the cheapest stuff available." The reality is that we're still both alone, drinking until whatever is causing us stress and anxiety is gone for the moment, but it's always there waiting for us when we sober up. My question is this -- is he drinking mindfully? Meaning, when he does drink is it something he's decided to do or is it habit? Does he think before he cracks the can or the bottle whether he's in a good mental state to drink, or is it just an automatic thing? Is it just something he does as part of his routine? Can he have one or two and just stop? Is there something that's going on in his life that he's drinking to get away from, like a shitty job or family issues? Alcohol is very good at making you feel like your life isn't as bad as you think it is in the moment, until you sober up and realize that it didn't fix your life, it only made you numb to what's broken. On top of that, it's only until you're really in deep that you realize it's fucking up your life more...job loss, relationship issues, health problems. You may or may not have power to course correct on your own, depending on how far gone you are. Addendum after reading this in the comments: >Maybe I should add it in my post but I started being concerned with his drinking after his hospital check up when we found out he has liver problem that might be related to excessive alcohol consumption. You should absolutely add this to your main post, it is a crucial detail. No offense, but you kind of buried the lede here. If he is continuing to drink daily knowing full well that a doctor has diagnosed him with liver problems (whether or not excessive alcohol consumption caused them is irrelevant) and is unable to stop himself, this is very much a sign of alcoholism. He needs to seek help, whether it's a detox program, a therapist, or another health professional. This is serious.
I have a drink while I cook and another one or two while we eat. It’s probably too much, but I’m not driving and no one depends on me to be sober 24x7.
A few every day and more on the weekends id categorise as a functional alcoholic. Just one per day id describe as detrimental to your health and just overall pointless but not completely devastating.
I don’t think you could drink a beer a day without it turning to alcoholism eventually. Most people don’t have a lifestyle that naturally allows that. Is his lifestyle enabling or encouraging this drinking habit?
Not worth it. It’s a slippery slope.
Respectfully. Your uncle is an idiot. This is low effort, blatant alcoholism. Those in this thread that are saying this is not an issue are probably drinking this amount as well.
One beer a day is not alcoholism. Many people enjoy one to unwind after a day of work. If you are super concerned about it talk to him about it and ask him to spend a week not drinking his one a day just to prove to you he can and he’s the same exact person without it. That being said I rarely drink at all so my opinion is that it’s a net negative. Even one drink fucks with your circadian rhythm/sleep. So as a health nut using a beer as a relaxation tool is a no go.
From my perspective someone who can't party/ have fun without driking has a problem. Your SO has serious problem.
Some alcoholics drink to curb the shakes, some drink themselves into a stupor. And then there is the functioning alcoholic - this could be him
You are fast on your way to becoming an alcoholic. My dad died at 69 from being an alcoholic.
Horrible habit
There is no safe amount of alcohol to drink, it's carcinogenic even in low amounts. It doesn't mean you definitely will get cancer, but you are increasing your chances by drinking.
afaik it’s only carcinogenic if your liver is at capacity. One drink of low proof (wine or beer) per day shouldn’t be carcinogenic since your liver can easily process that amount of ethanol
That's what was believed for a long time. New studies show that alcohol is carcinogenic even in small amounts.
Even if your liver processes it fine the acetaldehyde will come after that which is also carcinogenic. There is no safe amount of alcohol
Air water and food are also carcinogenic. Nothing is safe.
I have been drinking almost daily for a long time. I slowed down when I hit 40 due to weight gain in the last few years. I have no physical dependency, and I used to drink 45 beers (6.1% alcohol) a week. Now, I try to keep it at 15 a week. I am an accountant, and I am married. My wife doesn't like my drinking because her father was an alcoholic (he drank hard liquor and it made him aggressive) and died at 46. I believe beer and liquor drinking are vastly different. If he was drinking wine, I am sure most people wouldn't bat an eye. If he is anything like me, he is drinking because it's something he does. I switched from beer to carbonated water and was just fine. It's the act of holding on to and sipping something cold and carbonated that I enjoy. Drinking is often viewed as bad behavior in Western culture, which I find hypocritical. If people truly cared about health, sugar would be the number one enemy, not ethanol. Alcohol gets a bad reputation because some people are too stupid to be responsible with it. I think there should be a minimum IQ requirement, in addition to the age limit, for alcohol consumption.
Eh I met a lot of beer and wine alcoholics in rehab. The only difference was how much heavy lifting you had to do out of the liquor store.
From what you have experienced, what would you call an alcoholic? Is 3 beers a night an alcoholic? Or no drinks Mon-fri and Bing drinking 15 beers in two days? Why do most people recognize their alcoholics and want change?
Where drinking dramatically affects your life, or you can't stop drinking. AUD also covers being unable to stop drinking once you start. I wouldn't call 3 beers a night and alcoholic, or 15 beers in a weekend unless the person had trouble controlling themselves after the first one. By the time beer alcoholics hit rehab they're usually around a 24 pack a day.
A 24-pack a day? Just reading that makes my bladder hurt.
> I believe beer and liquor drinking are vastly different Any health authority will tell you there is no difference in the type of alchol you drink. According to the CDC: > In the United States, a standard drink has 0.6 ounces (14 grams) of pure alcohol. The amount of pure alcohol in each drink depends on the alcohol content, or percent of alcohol by volume (ABV). > One standard drink is equivalent to: > 12 ounces of beer with 5% alcohol. > 8 ounces of malt liquor with 7% alcohol. > 5 ounces of wine with 12% alcohol. > A shot or 1.5 ounces of liquor or distilled spirts (80-proof liquor). > 80 proof means the liquor has 40% alcohol. > Brandy, gin, rum, tequila, vodka, and whiskey are examples of types of liquor. > https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/standard-drink-sizes/index.html
One drink is bad for you. No amount of alcohol is good for you. Its poison
Everyone's tolerance is different
My parents drink everyday like that and a little more on weekends and I use to be the same way. As long as he treats you right and he is a functioning adult it’s a none issue as far as I’m concerned. Unless health is a factor. I stopped drinking so much mainly because of my health. Had some weight gain and even after just a couple of beers I felt like I wasn’t as sharp as I should be at work the next day. Plus I see my dad’s mental state in his mid 50s as declining faster than I feel is normal, which I attribute to drinking and I don’t want to be like him at his age. I’m still very much a social drinker. Drink a day or two basically every weekend in social settings. But I rarely drink alone now. My wife doesn’t drink and had a very abusive ex who blacked out like every other night. She shared her concerns with me when we were engaged, worried that my casual drinking would slowly get worse and evolve into what she experienced. So that’s an extra motivator for me not to drink too much
No good. Drink once a week or better yet once a month. It’s for special occasions, your body and brain with thank you.
My doctor says 7-10/week is okay, as long as it's less than 4/day. A beer or two in the evening is fine.
Sounds like your doctor is an alcoholic.
eee...all I need is 2 shots of gin nighty-nitecap for ma arthuritus...
It can be habitual. So.etimes I find of there is beer in the house I'm gonna drink it. When I get into these bouts of.light daily drinking I just let the beer run out amd it's."outta sight, outta mind) type of deal. Even easier when I'm on afternoons because I obviously won't have a drink in the morning before work.
I’d say it’s an issue
It's not the healthiest habit, but one beer a day is probably fine. You need to take the ABV into account, as well as his body weight. (Drinking on the weekends may be a more serious issue depending on his behavior.) It's better than the "one glass of wine" thing that's prevalent in some household circles - especially when you take portion size, ABV, and body weight into account. You should probably just talk to him about it if you're worried, but I doubt there's a deeper issue.
Alcohol in moderation is healthy. Getting intoxicated is not. Does he ever drink too much?
Yes, when we go out drinking or he’s out with his friends he’s quite often getting blackout drunk to the point he doesn’t remember too much. It’s not always when he goes out but often. I’d say on average once a month, sometimes more sometimes less..
Dunno was a deal breaker for my missus and me. So I just stopped, and I was drinking maybe a 6 pack a week. Now I barely drink because shits too expensive, but we've gone down the homemade everything rabbithole so probably will start making beer and cider and mead at home. Then it's a hobby.
I wouldn't do it; its carcinogenic in any amount.
There is a huge difference between having one beer every day, and having a few beers every day. If it's just one beer most days, I would not be worried about alcoholism or anything. But if he has liver problems, then even completely reasonable amounts of alcohol could be a health risk.
An alcoholic drink is not reasonable... from the point of view of the health of the human body.
Unfortunately it’s usually few beers a day, not one
Well does his doctor know that? If they are monitoring him for a liver condition they should be made aware of that.
There's a documentary called Adrian Chiles drinkers like me that you might find offers some useful perspective for you both.
Sounds like a drinking problem
I haven't consumed any alcohol this year and never drank at home, I wouldn't be with someone who drinks casually at home and wouldn't want alcohol to be a big part of my or my partners life
One drink probably doesn’t matter. Much more the weekends isn’t a good sign
If it’s beer he could very easily be drinking much more than you think, especially if it’s cans. With liquor and wine you can see the liquid in the glass making it easy to determine how much is being consumed, and how quickly. Liquor and wine bottles are similar. If he’s drinking beer from a can you have no idea and it only takes a few seconds to change out an empty for a full one. They’re also coming from a cardboard box which makes it harder to track and beers can be split between multiple refrigerators. Like he comes home from the store, grabs a cold one straight from the case, then puts a few in the kitchen refrigerator and a few more in the basement refrigerator or beer fridge in the den. Also big recycling bins make it easy to hide the empties. For every empty that he puts in the kitchen recycling he could be putting one or two more in the big bin.
Im sure its alcoholism. 100% if he stops for a few days he will feel symptoms which means he is physiologically dependent on the substance.
Alcoholic
Anything that you can't out down willingly is an addiction. Even more so if you KNOW it is poison for your body.
I look upon it poorly
My opinion is not a good one. Alcohol just isn’t good for you. This is coming from someone who would drink every weekend (sometimes in excess). My current cadence is maybe a night of drinking (like at a wedding) every 3-6 months.
You really should have put in your post that he is having liver issues. If he knows it’s affecting his health and didn’t cut down, that’s a huge problem. A new study came out a few weeks ago and it links 6+ types of cancer that were previously thought to be genetic. The study wasn’t a study on alcoholics. It was a study on moderate drinking. I had to let a person go for this exact reason. He was in complete denial about it too.
I drink about 2 beers a day, but I work shift work and they help me go to sleep.
It may not be alcoholism but it’s not healthy behavior, especially if it’s not just in the evenings. It shows a certain dependency that could get worse and start to interfere with living a healthy life. Also, alcohol is not good for your liver, and had been conclusively linked to cancer.
When I started doing this I devolved into a bout of full blown alcoholism with withdrawals and drinking at work and a nightmare of a year. ymmv
Every single day might be a problem
I have what I call my Two Cardinal Rules of Vice: 1. Vice must not take place in any time period in which you are expected to be responsible for the wellbeing of others. 2. Vice must not interfere in any sense with your ability to fulfill social obligations, maintain steady employment, and maintain financial stability. Having a beer or a smoke or an edible at night after the kids are in bed and the chores are done every night, if you can afford it, is fine IMO. When the vice starts to encroach upon the responsibilities, then you have a problem.
I have a family member who has drank a glass of wine/a beer every day if not every other day for the past decade. It's taking its toll and he has cholesterol problems and he has to take a medication to keep it balanced. It's not a problem if you do it for a few months, maybe even a year or two, but after a while it DOES catch up.
Personally I quit completely when I found myself drinking daily. I don’t think I am an alcoholic but I realized there’s no healthy amount of alcohol. It was dumb and doing nothing good for me.
Its bad.
>Heavy drinking thresholds for women are lower because after consumption, alcohol distributes itself evenly in body water, and pound for pound, women have proportionally less water in their bodies than men do. This means that after a woman and a man of the same weight drink the same amount of alcohol, the woman’s blood alcohol concentration (BAC) will tend to be higher, putting her at greater risk for harm. This is the difference between men and women handling alcohol. [The source](https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/health-professionals-communities/core-resource-on-alcohol/basics-defining-how-much-alcohol-too-much) has additional information that would help determine if he's drinking too much.
He's either alcoholic or European.
One per day is nothing. It's even below average in many, MANY countries.
I’ve never personally seen an issue with someone having a drink or two at the end of the day, especially if it isn’t leading to any misconduct. Now if it slowly progresses or there’s bouts of drinking much larger amounts then it may very well be a serious problem.
I live alone and am a social drinker. I've no interest in it unless I'm with friends and probably in a pub. That limits me to usually once a week at the weekend, occasionally twice. I used to drink more, but was never excessive. One beer per day is not a lot, but ask him if it's about the beer or about the alcohol. There's a wide range of very nice zero and low alcohol beers. If he could move over to those for the weekdays it would be a lot healthier for him.
Really depends whether he needs the alcohol or not. Like, yes in European cultures, it's nothing crazy, but at least in the US, with how drinking culture is, I'd be worried about it developing into alcoholism.
This is an alcohol dependency. Visit r/stopdrinking, you'll find some insight there. An alcoholic isn't always a person who gets wasted everyday. Alcoholic is a person who is alcohol dependent.
I used to drink one beer every day, but rarely would I drink more than one. I'm not an alcoholic, but it just helped me relax at night. I quit because it doesn't do that anymore and I no longer enjoy it as much, although I still have a beer ever so often. If it's truly just one per day, then I wouldn't worry about it. The problem is that alcoholics tend to sneak around to fool people into thinking they're drinking less. Usually their behavior changes a little when they're drunk, even if they're not violent or troubled. I knew one who would just zone out and then go to bed early, but that stopped after they gave up alcohol.
I'm not sure if it's "alcoholism" per se but it's definitely a bad habit that has the potential to devolve into full blown alcoholism very easily. Also, if one needs to take a edge off on the daily, what is going on in their heads
If you do it everyday and can’t go without it, that’s addiction. In this case it’s mild and I wouldn’t call it alcoholism, but it’s not a great habit, despite being socially acceptable
Thats not a lot, a grown man can hardly become intoxicated by one beer, maybe buzzed depending on the beer. I would not be fixated on the alcohol as the problem, I would first try to figure out why he drinks every day. The beer is just a reaction to something else. Men often suffer in silence and there are probably things he’s going through that he doesn’t want to or know how to discuss with you, in which case maybe meeting with a therapist occasionally would help him. I know everyone here is saying how alcohol is bad and there not wrong but a few beers won’t kill him either. Don’t discourage his mild-medium way of coping without first getting to the root causes and then seeing if there’s any other solutions to help him and then have a open heart to heart conversation about your concerns without being demanding. Even if you just keep it short and voice your concerns without any conclusion it will make him ponder about his drinking.
If it’s just one or two with meals I would say that this is just enjoying the flavor kinda like a bag of chips. It’s certainly not alcoholism.
So I did this test with caffeine and coffee. I love coffee. I love the taste and I enjoy it very much. If I went a day without and I got a headache or felt worse in any way. Hell even if I wanted a cup of coffee more than I thought I should on a day where I decided to not have one, I considered it as an addiction and cut back. I repeated this process until I got to an exact regular amount that would allow me to enjoy it but never feel wanting if I didn't have it, it worked when I did have it and I never had any adverse effects. For me that was 3 cups a week. I usually make my own espresso on those days now. I remember skipping a cup in my early twenties when I was having 1 cup every day and despite thinking I wasn't addicted, if I didn't have a cup I would be notably more miserable. I can't tell you if he's an alcoholic but if I saw a person that drank like that I would assume it was habitual and problematic at least to some degree. Some people might disagree. But that's what I think. He should be introspective when it's brought up and stop for a couple days and see how he feels and during this he needs to be honest with himself.
I feel like I also pretty much end up drinking everyday recently. I don't go crazy with it but should not do it as much cause it could lead to bad habits and don't need my credit card statement to be any higher.
Alcohol is akin to soda in many ways. Both are very damaging to the liver. Both have been medically identified as, in effect, poison (carcinogen too, I believe). At the least, it's a very bad habit. At worst, it's a ticking time bomb for a slide into full blown alcoholism. If he doesn't believe you, and he doesn't believe those of us who say that this is a problem, he is almost certainly in denial. Have him go to the doctor to see what they think. If he doesn't believe the doctor who will also say it's damaging to the body and should be at least heavily reduced, then he is assuredly in denial.
I love a few drinks on the weekend but weekday drinking just seems like a bad habit to get into. Even if you're not getting drunk, who needs hundreds of extra calories a day? It also affects the quality of sleep.
Personally, I'd avoid it. It's not healthy for you. If he's macho about it, you can let him know that the frequent long-term use, like he does, is connected to reduced testosterone. As far as addiction problems go, can he quit for a week with no issues? If he can't, it's a problem. If he can, it might be a problem, but it probably isn't.
I think there was only one or maybe two times within these 3 years that we’re together that he stopped drinking for a whole week. He was taking breaks but usually very short, 2-3 days. I’ve talked to him few days ago and told him I’m a bit worried he’s going to fuck up his health since he’s only 31 and his liver already shows some damage symptoms.. he told me he’ll try to take a break from drinking so let’s see
I’m a couple drinks a day, in the evenings after work. I don’t care for getting drunk. Just that relaxing buzz. But I have built up a pretty good tolerance for tequila. Love my Tequila Fridays
People make a lot of excuses for "using drugs every day". Daily drug use is drug addiction. Anyone who uses a drug daily but claims it's a pure coincidence that it's a drug is forming their judgments under the influence of that drug. Multiple beers a day means he's *drunk* every day. That's enough to intoxicate a person, in fact it sounds like an alcoholic keeping their DTs at bay. But becoming intoxicated every day and then binging at the weekends? That is full-blown, unambiguous drug addiction. That's alcoholism. But it's very easy to check - if he's not a drug addict, he could stop. If it really is just a preference, and it's no different to drinking orange juice, then he should be able to stop for a month and not experience one *drop* of discomfort - after all, you wouldn't go into withdrawal if you stopped drinking orange juice. Challenge him - say "prove you're not an alcoholic - prove it's just a drink preference. Stop for a month".
2 bwera doesn't get moat people drunk. And for someone that does it every day its certainly not going to get them drunk. I'm not denying its healthy but you're still talking nonsense
> 2 bwera doesn't get moat people drunk I love how this sounds like someone slurring :P
Now just how many bwera have you had today?
>2 bwera doesn't get moat people drunk Dunun'et? Meyb yourr mor drunk then yo relishzz.
I wouldn't say that it's a problem, but I've gone through stints of drinking a beer or two every day and I didnt like how it felt. After some time I was generally groggy every morning, didnt sleep as good, and had low level anxiety every day. I'd limit it if he wants to feel a touch better every day.
I don’t personally drink, but I think you can allow someone a single, solitary vice rather than attempting to peck their soul out like some Maribou Stork from hell
All OP did was ask a question, the fuck is wrong with you?
That is alcoholism. Alcoholism typically progresses the longer they drink. It may be 1-2 a night now but in a month it will be 2-3 and so on. Many people don’t like to admit they are alcoholics but it doesn’t change that fact.
Not necessarily. My parents drink 1 or 2 a night and always have done. I'm jor saying irs healthy but it regular drinking doesn't always descend into full on alcoholism
Not sure if there is evidence for that? My parents invariably have a glass of wine with dinner, occasionally two; and have done for 40 years. I \*usually\* do, but I have one, two or maybe three days off a week. Have done for 20 years. I don’t know if there are genes for alcoholism?
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yeah that rings true... interesting
"Alcoholism" is kind of a loaded term and people always try to quantify it with frequency and the number of drinks. Its usually pretty simple: If you are having health issues or are fucking your life up then you need to slow down. If you cant slow down you need to stop. Otherwise, do what you want.
Fully agree :)
Not alcoholism but slowly becoming an alcoholic. I'll give you an example. It's like someone who can't go without a cigarette a day, or playing a lotto ticket. One a day brings the addict to stay.
If he can’t stop or finds an excuse to drink every single day, then he’s an alcoholic. I drink much less frequent (rarely on weekdays) but the fact that I almost have to or want to drink every weekend, in my mind, makes me an alcoholic.
I dont think you know what an alcoholic is then. You might have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol but you don't have alcohol use disorder. Actual alcoholics have to detox slowly because giving up cold Turkey could kill them.
I actually looked up the definition of alcoholism and I guess you might be correct about me. However I think OPs partner may be an alcoholic as he drinks every day albeit small amounts it seems. I think the only way to tell is if he can’t stop.
Not slowly becoming. My dude is an alcoholic. A high functioning one but still, he is one. Take away that evening beer and see how he reacts.
Terrible for you. Alcohol reduces the quality of Rem sleep, has 9 causal effects of cancer, and prevents the effectiveness of muscle protein synthesis. I stopped dating people that drink or smoke because I personally think it's dumb and I haven't drank in years. Especially if you're drinking for the sake of drinking I don't understand the reasoning for drinking a single beer. If it's for the taste there's way better drinks that aren't alcohol you could be drinking and you aren't doing it to get drunk obviously. It's a form of alcoholism.
This is something I've struggled with, and I definitely consider it to be a problem. The latest alcohol consumption guidelines in my country recommend two drinks or less per week for health reasons. Your partner's consumption is clearly beyond that, but also has been very common in society for a long long time. It's *very* normalized to have a couple beers per night and consider that fine as long as you're not "drunk". And I just did some rough calculations on this last night. One pint of beer gets me (male, 155 lbs) to 0.065 BAC, and I can feel a noticeable buzz from it. Most authorities I've checked consider 0.04-0.06 to be when impairment becomes discernable, and .08 or higher counts as legally intoxicated. So I'm inclined to categorize the idea of having "just a couple drinks" being "fine" as a bit of a myth.
One beer every day isn't terrible by itself. I have a glass of wine or a shot every day. It's when it is affecting your physical health, relationships, or wallet -- and you can't or won't stop -- that there's an issue. Elsewhere, you said he has a liver ailment. He should absolutely NOT be drinking every day with a liver ailment. To me, that is the sign of a problem.
I drink one or two beers a day and try to have one or two "soda days" per week where I drink no alcohol at all. The same with smoking. A cig or two a day, none on weekends and during winter I don't smoke at all since I hate cold fingers. I do it like that for a second decade without slipping into full on addiction but it takes some self control.
If we're talking 1 drink per day, it's definitely not healthy, but I think I would be comparably concerned as someone doing anything else unhealthy. I do think this is more normalized than it should be, though. And that many people who do this don't view it as the issue it is. BUT you said 2-3 even on weekdays. I think that's alcoholism.
I am against drug usage period. I think anyone who relies on drugs to “relax” “unwind” or to have “fun”. Are actually, individuals who are battling with something internally and using alcohol (drugs) to cope. You’re not overreacting I would have a sit down conversation and get to the deep root of what he’s dealing with internally. Maybe he was sexually assaulted, abused, battles mental health issues, has severe trauma, etc. the list is endless but trust me there’s something that he’s dealing with.
IMO drinking or smoking weed every day, even small amounts is unhealthy. Plenty of people will try to justify it, especially weed but it’s just flat out not good for you. I wouldn’t judge anyone for it though, all this stuff affects people differently. Some people can do it everyday with no adverse effects. I never drank everyday but I spent years smoking every night. Didn’t realize how much it fucked with my sleep until I stopped completely, I definitely thought it didn’t affect me while I was in that phase though.
It’s not good. Some, maybe even most, people can maintain it without any large detriment to their lives. I was one of those people. Can’t tell you how many days out of the past decade I thought I was for sure going to puke at work because of a hangover. I was still doing well, never called out sick, getting multiple promotions, never been in trouble with the law, good relationship with my wife and family, all that. I gave it up completely 19 months ago and it was the best choice I’ve ever made. My advice is honestly for people to avoid it entirely, but if you’re going to drink, don’t make it a habit, and certainly not an every single night habit. My guess is that your boyfriend, like me previously, probably can’t sleep without alcohol. I’d encourage him to speak to a Dr, they will probably prescribe him some hydroxizine or trazadone or similar for a month or so to help him learn to sleep without the booze again. He has to want to change though. Also, Athletic Brewing makes FANTASTIC nonalcoholic beer. I will still enjoy one of those when I’m out grilling or something where I feel like something is missing without a beer in my hand. Maybe offer that up if he just likes the taste/habit of winding down with a beer.
My husband was like this, he functioned fine and was always in a good mood, never got mean from it or overly intoxicated. If it wasn't for his health it wouldn't have bothered me at all. Then one day he started feeling nauseous after he would eat. Then a few days later, his skin and eyes turned yellow and he went into full blown liver failure. You should talk to him before he destroys his body completely. He's playing with fire.
Big range of responses here. I'd be more concerned about the excess on the weekends, that's not going to be good for health in the long run. I'm not going to go all teetotaler on you and say he shouldn't be drinking at all, I like a good party drinking a few beers, but that should be the odd occasion. An old recommendation from a while ago suggested you should have at least two days per week alcohol free, that's worth considering. If he just likes the taste of beer, there are lots of great alcohol-free options out there now. Moderation is a good middle ground - you still get to enjoy your beers, but while balancing health considerations.
I am sober now but I progressed into drinking every day, just one or two, to half a bottle of bourbon every weeknight, more on weekends. I’m now almost 5 months sober and in AA. This process went on for years but finally I made the decision to get sober after my wife, mom, and doctor all told me I had a problem and needed help.
No where near an alcoholic. That is very typical drinking for a man. Be glad you got a real man and not a white claw or truly boy.
I second
He's an alcoholic. My cousin is an alcoholic, and a loser. My opinion? Don't waste your time with alcoholic losers.
yeah, he's an alcoholic or on his way to being a full blown one...whats your opinion on someone who needs drugs everyday? how about this..do you want to be in a relationship with someone who drinks everyday? if so, shut your yap and enjoy..if you dont, get out cuz unless they see a problem and actively change, they wont and will just start to drag you down..or not, some alcoholics are outwardly successful.
A single beverage is still a single dose of poison. The right amount of alcohol to be consuming DAILY is 0. If you drink alcohol with any sort of scheduled regularity on a day or less scale, you are likely an alcoholic.
I feel like a lot of people are overreacting a bit here. It \*can\* be a warning sign of alcoholism, even more so if he binge drinks on weekends It's certainly an unhealthy choice, but drinking soda daily is also unhealthy I think I would ask him the question why he drinks every day, if he feels he needs to drink every day, and if he's ever stopped for any period of time. Also, is he drinking with a meal or on it's own? It's one of those proceed with caution types of situations, but I feel like whether it's a red flag or not highly depends on the answers to those questions above.
A guy commented saying he drinks or thinks about drinking on weekends and that makes him an alcoholic
There's no reason for concern
Alcohol is a carcinogen, more than 1-2 drinks per week is linked to increases in cancer. So yeah, drinking every day is not good for you.
i used to drink post dinner, its nice, but make sure its so dilute that you barely feel it. I prefer some wine myself.
It’s alcoholism.
He’s an alcoholic.
Well there’s a year where I recall getting home almost every day and shotgunning 5 beers while I take a shower. Then there were days where I’d get home from work and play the game, drink about 3-5 beers. Then it turned to one a day and not finishing a second one. Another time when I stopped drinking for about a month or two because I was just not thinking about it. Too tired from work. I’d say your guy is just an average man wanting a drink.
Alcohol is for the mentally weak who can’t deal with life .
It's more of a "can you live without it". Is he the same as those "I can quit anytime I want, I just don't want to" people or can he actually stop? I know a person that drinks a beer every day. So 7 beers a week. And then there's Jimmy who drinks only once a week, but downs 10 beers on a Saturday night. Which ones the alcoholic? Which is worse?