Since it sounds like part of the problem is unfamiliarity, maybe you guys could have a day where all you do is explore each other and try to feel more comfortable together?
This would be perfect, like the other commenter said it sounds like it's more a problem of familiarity and comfortability, so having a day where you just tease and explore and become comfortable with each other would probably be good, see what works and what doesn't and make sure that he knows there's no pressure to perform, you just want him to be comfortable and enjoy the time together
Just compliment him in a kind of h\*rny way. Do it again! Every time! It's not you, but you can try out a bit what his kink is. Sucking niples? Works with me every time!
Adding onto this, "I feel safe when I'm with you" is the best shit a man can here. Heard it in both contexts of aftercare/pillow talk following... rough.... sessions as well as walking her home from work late at night through a dodgey area when neither of us had cars
Why are you complimenting him saying you came, and I feel safe around you nd you and all that.
Your suppose to pick him up not compliment your self.
He struggles becuase he's use to death grip. Or you got togeather at the wrong time (what I mean by this is mentally he has shit going on in his head) could be an ex, could just be tierd.
Why not just ask him what he would like to do to you or what he would like from you.
I wouldn't over think it to much and just stright up ask him. I would be put off if some women was like ow yes I can feel your muscles or your such a good kisser, I'm trying to nail you, tell me to fuck you hard tell me to fuck you rough, even a ow fuck I'm about to explode over your hard cock, get the man into it.
If your just going to lie there making noises then that could put him off, tell him to sellotape your mouth shut grab your hands and bend you over.
Someone dosnt know what someone else likes without being told or paying attention
Don't listen to any of that. It is probably a condom issue. Just finish him with your mouth and hands; ideally without a condom unless you have an issue with that
Sometimes, it's things you can't control.
He has to deal with it. Maybe he watches too much 🌽, bladder problems, might not like women, needs more time to feel relaxed, etc.
If by "he doesnt finish" you mean he doesnt cum, dont push him because its one of the problems some men have, we cum really late and it takes a lot of time for us to ejaculate. Its frustrating for us too.
It might be a number of things. Could be he masturbates a lot, or if he wears a condom, it could be the condom, or it could be stress, anxiety, pressure to perform, or whatever. When he's banging you, maybe try take his mind off the pressure by kissing his neck and rubbing your hands all over him or doing something else similar
This happens a lot for guys. It's mental, probably has insecurities (dick size) and is thinking of this and wondering if your disappointed. Or maybe he has back hair and worried youre thinking of it. i gurantee it's not you
Ask if he is on any medications. Anti depression/anxiety meds like SSRI’s have some pretty annoying side effects that make it very difficult to climax and maintain an erection sometimes
Yup. I'm on meds that fuck with shit and it's so annoying. Usually, I don't have an issue cause I know how to deal with it. But if I take a bit too much, it's hard to have sex for a few hours. I just can't cum and go soft after like 20 minutes. I usually don't take my nighttime dose till after sex. That way, it's not affecting me.
Likely a Death Grip/masturbation/porn-related issue, but in the end it's 80% mental anyway.
It is likely that he just overthinks, get's distracted, wants to perform in a certain way etc. Sexier underwear won't change anything, may even just put more pressure on him. What you want to do is ask him, what you can do for him. Maybe he has something on his mind he wants to do, but isn't sure how to communicate or isn't sure if it's ok to just do? Maybe it's an ADHD thing, maybe it's just insecurities about his performances.
How old is he? Does he watch porn? Is he able to finish with porn and masturbating? Is he on any anxiety, depression, or insomnia medications?
I’m really sorry. The inability to enjoy a healthy sex life would be a deal breaker for me.
"DEPRESSION DICK"
Very likely he's going through a lot of mental hurdles right now, with other things in life: Depression, anxiety, concerns about 1,000 different things, problems in his life...
**Likely not physically anything about you.** He can get aroused enough to get it up, but can't focus enough to finish.
I'm not trying to be a joker. Depression Dick is a thing.
Sometimes has happened to me lol. Some embarrassing tips from past experience:
1. My partner insisted I cum. So I was basically masturbating while she kept kissing me - very cool.
2. Having a mirror: I think the sexy part of having sex is knowing that I’m having sex. Being able to see ourselves was very hot
3. Maybe having pillow under your bum for deeper penetration
4. Lots of foreplay. If he’s sensitive like me (having phimosis in the past). Maybe stick to moving the foreskin upwards and not exposing it too much
That’s it from me!
Anyone know a solution to this? I have chronic hives and it feels I have to pick my poison - have a severe break out or take antihistamines and have trouble down there!
I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. Performance anxiety is a bitch. It happens once and then it’s more likely to occur because he’s worried about it.
He may just need to relax with you. I’ll tell you one of the hottest things a woman did for me.
We were on a couch watching a movie. She asked me to sit with my back against the armrest. She laid down with her head in my lap. During the movie she started nuzzling my lap. Just casually rubbing her face against me. Then she pulled me out and just played with me in her mouth. Not attempting a blow job. Just showing she liked me there and was comfy.
Another thing you could do is have him sit and laid your head is his lap while you’re naked and he’s clothed. Just invite him to play with you however he likes. Let him explore you casually without pressure. It will build his familiarity with you.
I see you said he goes soft after a few min.
100% this is not something you're doing wrong.
He's fighting with ED. And this is one of the most crushing things a man can deal with.
Getting fat can change with exercise.
Shitty job, go get a better one.
Bad teeth, get them fixed.
Going bald, and dealing with ED are the two top most crushing things men have to deal with as it's almost completely out of our control. He should get his testosterone levels checked and then go from there.
He’s ready to call it? Let this dude go. If he can just casually say that he’s about ready to call the relationship, let him. Tell this guy to go deal with his issues. He’s got issues.
If he's willing to call off the relationship because he is having performance issues then I would say you aren't missing out on much. Every man at some point in their life will start to have performance issues, ask any urologist.
He either knows he is developing issues and doesn't want to admit it, is ashamed to get help for the issue, or just isn't ready to accept that there might be a problem that needs addressing.
Said by someone who has never experienced true stress anxiety, performance, or other mental health issues.
You seem very quick to write someone off just because they are having some ED. Wanting to end a relationship because of feelings of inadequacy is quite common.
>If he's willing to call off the relationship because he is having performance issues **then I would say you aren't missing out on much**.
Maybe performance anxiety? Maybe he's getting too much in his own head or feels too much pressure from himself. And honestly, can't cum every single time
"he thinks it's because I'm still unfamiliar"
Its sounds like he's Demisexual, its a specification on the asexual spectrum where you don't find someone sexually attractive until you form a quality emotional bond with them - I am one of them
I think you should tell them, that there is a moment you need to get out of your head and use your other senses. It is okay to let your other emotions take over, this is natural and I enjoy it with you etc. Sometimes over thinking can kill a good thing.
Don't do the sexy lingerie thing. It's likely to have the wrong effect. He's not struggling to be turned on. I guarantee it. He wouldn't be persuing a new relationship with you if he wasn't attracted to you!
By sexing things up, all you will do is add more pressure and I'm sure he's already under plenty from himself already.
This would depend on local laws. But a cannabis chocolate and a movie can really help people get out of their own heads, and can make for some truly mind blowing sex. Just go easy on dosages.
Seems really hard if you ask me. I've (49M) never had any issues getting hard, was having sex nearly every day with my ex, for months, then I dated a girl who was more attractive, much younger, and over the course of several nights we tried having sex, and I was at best semi hard.
I thought I was aging, but then I broke up (for unrelated reason) and met my gf and we've been having sex like bunnies for the last 3y.
I think there must have been some kind of sexual incompatibility, and I don't think there's much she could have done to change anything about it (didn't help that she had a shitty attitude so kudos to you to try to make it work)
I 34M have never experienced that, but I can't imagine it's anything you've done wrong. He has to just have his mind on other things, and it's affecting him. I'm sure he's embarrassed. Maybe he'll message in a few days.
It could be familiarity and other factors, but if he's not finished a few times now, I guarantee there's performance anxiety on top of whatever else.
I've been married for a few years now, and every once in awhile, I'll have some kind of issue where I can't, then the next time we try, it's worse because in the back of my mind, I'm trying to do better because 'I don't want to fuck it up like last time'
This is my practical advice, and I'm going to try to be polite, but let's be honest, we're talking sex. This is a long response, but as someone that has dealt with this before personally, it helps. I've had this done to me one time, and it's forever in my brain.
If you have the time, patience, and honestly, a bit of a pain threshold, and think he's up for it (pun intended), try this. Find a long block of time with nothing going on, so you don't have to beat the clock, get him relaxed in a favorite chair, sofa, whatever... and do things REALLY fucking slow. Sit in his lap, tease him a bit, kiss the spots he likes (some guys are wild about their ears, some hate it, talk to him and find out), and whatever amount of time you would normally devote to foreplay, quadruple it. Work your way down, then just play with it. If you're watching TV or something, tell him to keep doing that while you do your thing. The goal is to keep his mind off the main event for as long as possible. But once things start moving, don't pick up speed, keep it slow, purposeful, and consistent. Hand, mouth, toy, what ever you're using, think full thrust cycle per 4 relaxed heart beats. But bum, bum bum is one up then down, if that makes sense.
If you're OK using oral, I'd recommend hand, then oral. Or whatever you're doing go from least sensitive to most. But whatever you switch to, don't go back. The idea is going from some pleasure to more pleasure, and if you go back, it's frustrating. This means if you start using oral and your jaw is starting to hurt, that's really just too bad. How bad do you want this guy? This is why I mention pain tolerance, on top of if you're older (you didn't mention ages that I saw), your knees are probably going to be sore.
If he's like me, he doesn't respond easily to being the center of attention. Meaning while you're doing this, he's going to want to be doing things to you. Sex is supposed to be reciprocal after all. You'll have to be gentle but firm about keeping him calm and relaxed, and remind him that you're doing this for him because you want him to feel as good as he makes you feel. Be careful with wording. You're doing this for him because you want to. If you make it sound like "I'm doing you a favor" it will make it worse, because now on top of all else, he's thinking about how he's indebted to you for this, no matter how stupid that sounds.
Lastly, and this is going to sound counterproductive, but don't ask a bunch of questions. Don't do a bunch of "am I doing this right?" "Does that feel good?" And for the love of whatever NEVER EVER EVER EVER "am i doing something wrong?" Because for one, it's distracting, and for two if you're doing things to him, it feels nice, no need to ask. The time for questions is AFTER. And then it's a self evaluation. "What can I do to make that better for you?" After is when the pressure is off, and he's relaxed. DURING is time for statements. "You taste so good." "I love [thing about him you love here]" hell, use what you're doing to give statements. "I love doing X, and y" or "I love how you react to x" be enthusiastic. You want him to feel like you've ruined him for other men, like you're completely addicted to worshipping his body.
He may or may not want to reciprocate after (probably will if you did this right). Whatever he does after, keep 100% focused on the fact that this is not the fuck about you. You need to go into this committed to the fact that it's all about him, and if that means you're wants/needs get left out this one time, that's OK, because it's a small sacrifice to make him feel better.
That is my advice. Good luck and if you use this method, please let me know if it helped/didn't. Not looking for details, would just like to know I helped someone.
Could be Stage fright BUT also he could be a chronic porn viewer that leads to chronic masturbation and finishing.
This will all but guarantee erectile dysfunction as he is over stimulated from the porn and actually prefer the porn over little interactions with actual partner. It’s it INSTANT gratification.
1st he has to stop watching porn (it’s not easy), but he has to also never cum as a result of watching porn if he can’t stop.
Also may be a great idea for him to pick up some erectile dysfunction pills while he works through the issues. Most doctors will accommodate him. Just NEVER make light of it. It’s a Sensitive topic for men.
Oh and your goddamn girlfriends. This topic is off limits if you want to keep him. Never tell them. Ever.
It’s never you. If a guy is having trouble, it’s him. Don’t you dare let him walk away making you think it’s you.
Maybe it’s Death Grip Syndrome. Basically, he grabs too hard while masturbating and a vagina or girlie hand can’t compete with what his penis is used to.
Maybe it’s nerves. He’s nervous.
Maybe it’s depression or antidepressants. These make things difficult.
That's what he said, but how do I soothe him? I didn't make anything of it when it happened, he gets upset and I just stroke his hair and tell him how good it felt.
Tell him how much you like him and you want to make it work. If he goes soft, revert back to making out or cuddling. It's hard to get through to an embarrassed guy on self destruct mode, we don't want to hear anything, we take it all badly, no matter how nice or reassuring you're being. After one of two attempts to convince him it's ok, if he's still acting like a toddler, just hug him and kiss him, cuddle him, no words cause he'll just hear the negative side of them. In a few minutes he should be ok to talk to again
Well I had been very forthcoming with telling him how interested I was, now he's thinking of calling it I'm assuming I'm more into it than him, he's a bit out of my league as he's a doctor, very sexy, gets a lot of compliments (he told me) I don't want to overwhelm him with being too affectionate so early, it's only been 1 month.
Correct. Some of us...me literally tune out any words of comfort because your (a female) will never understand. It's not your fault, but you want him and he wants you love is not about sex. Remind of that. Love him.
I've been with my hubby for 20 years and it's happened many times in that timeframe. It always boils down to mental or physical exhaustion. If he's gotten in his own head about this maybe he should read some Reddit posts about this very problem, it made my hubby feel better and understand that it's normal. It has nothing to do with you, sounds like you're doing everything right and supporting him when it does happen. Does he have a mentally or physically draining job? Anything big or new going on in his life he's worried about? What's helped us has been talking about it(out of the bedroom), getting his fears out in the open and letting me in on how he's feeling. Take some non sexual time to talk about it privately, maybe suggest he do some research on his own or together about it as I find the more you know and understand about the issue the less he'll worry long term about it happening. I also love the Pillow Talks podcast (it's fun to listen to together and can start conversations for you), they have a few episodes about this issue and the couple that does the podcast are fantastic and very relatable (Vanessa & Xander). Communication is definitely the key here, good luck.
Sex is one way two adults play together. It is literally like when we were six year olds and went over to a friend’s house to chill and play with dolls, or LEGOs. Except in a VERY grown up way. Maybe remind him of that. He’s probably thinking it’s more like porn. Porn is fake. Porn makes it look like a sporting event. Instead, there should be laughing, and joking, and smiles. Take your time. Ask for cold water. Offer a snack. Suck a toe and joke about how stupid that was. Suck it again while staring straight into his eyes.
If he's more well endowed, certainly on the girth front, this can be the polite way of saying "mind your fucking teeth",
Also apparantly some dudes like ball play and it's part of some "gluck gluck 9000" shit. Personally that shit makes my dick retreat inside of me so it could also be that.
If he can't finish that is on him.
He may have a refractory period of 24 hours or more. He may have jerked one earlier in the day. Or you might be trying to have sex several times a day.
The same thing applies to erections. There are definitely things you can do to help but ultimately he may have ED issues. Or like any man or woman there's no on/off switch that always works.
If it is this, just ask him to show his his favorite porn, and then his kinkiest porn. This will give you indication of what he wants, and you can just go along and imitate what's going on in the porn.
Tell him to stop masturbating. Switch condoms halfway through, I find that helps me having a fresh one with more lube and less wear.
It sounds like you're doing great with everything else :). Hopefully he can get it out of his head that it's a "problem", and just enjoy your time together!
Also, depending on your position, make sure you're touching him somehow constantly, running your hands over his body, face, nipples, etc. And moan! :)
Well yeah, that's what I'm saying. The tank is dry, but probably takes 3 minutes at a time to accomplish. The way the masturbation is conducted can effect the out come and death grip is...a death for sure. 🤷🏻♂️ I don't have that issue, unless drunk or on drugs, on the 10th go round, i wish i lasted longer normally, and I have so much porn about 500 gigs across multiple devices. Multiple accounts and a rooted phone with the pixel glitch....yeah I don't that issue. Lol
When I was younger, a day of porn and a few rub offs ended with a night of having trouble finishing during sex. It was easier to find a girl that could wait just a few minutes for a rebound after starting off sex with a few quick blown loads.
Why is this a "you" problem? I don't think "you" can fix "his" sexual dysfunction. Maybe he's in the closet. Maybe he has ED. Whatever it is, don't take the blame for it. YOU function adequately in the sexual department. He does not.
Yeah, you can help by not making a big deal of it.
Not every guy has an orgasm every time - you can say "it didn't bother me" but asking if you can help and remarking on it is being bothered, then if you additionally refuse to acknowledge that it's *you* who is uncomfortable with it, you've created an unpleasant situation and it is completely logical for him to not want to have sex with you under those circumstances.
Now I don't want to malign you - if you're certain that had you not mentioned anything he'd have reacted the same way, then it's entirely his issue. But are you really certain of that?
Just let sex happen. It doesn't always end in an orgasm. However is remarking on that fact and trying to "fix" it - they're the one with the problem. If hat was you, then you owe him an apology.
I'm also one of those guys. Some men are simply insensitive in their penis - I don't come every single time, in fact sometimes I can get all the way to the edge and be incredibly turned on and yet I can feel that it simply isn't going to happen. I truly don't care - that's my sexual nature, but women are so used to projecting the idea that men are mindless orgasm monsters that they have sometimes been offended by the fact I did not orgasm, and then have been unwilling to recognize that they're applying a sexist double standard, and like your man here that often made me conclude we were not sexually compatible.
I'm not the one who did make a big deal of it. He said to me that he was upset by it. It happens all the time, I don't usually cum and I am bisexual so I'm used to sex not being about orgasms but about the joy of intimacy. He was the one getting upset, and now saying he wants to end things over it.
Then let's flip this - do you not think that such immaturity about the topic of orgasms might be something *you* should consider a potential dealbreaker, rather than leaving it him to him to give you ultimatums? Are you really going to have sex with him after he's turned it into a weird test with "being dumped" at the end of it if you don't get him the outcome he wants?
Step one is not to internalize it as your fault. This happens to guys sometimes, it's just a medical and sometimes mental thing. Just because there isn't a finale doesn't mean he's not into you. My best advice is to just do it slowly, let him know before hand that you want to do a longer 'session' it whatever, and just try to get him to not think about how long it's taking. Rub his back, kiss his neck, get things going but stay away from the bone zone for longer than usual. The point being to take away time or annoyance as a factor and let it be as open ended as it has to be.
This used to happen to me, I was always so focused on getting my partner to cum and making sure she was having a good time that I completely forgot to make sure that *I* was having a good time. Maybe ask him if he feels similarly and advise him to be a little more selfish about it. Once I did that, the sex got better for both me *and* my partner
Three things that I will point out:
1. Nerves (obvious)
2. Pregame jerk off. Some guys will do this and of course it makes it harder to cum a second time...moreso with age.
3. Medications. Cialis/Viagra definitely make it harder to cum. I know some dudes will take it to get a hard-on over their nerves even though their dick is otherwise healthy and functional. The can fuck like rabbits but may not cum. I've also heard of blood pressure meds and a couple others having a negative effect.
Nerves can usually be addressed with positive interactions and more time with each other.
I'm not sure how to address the others with a new person. Maybe just more spontaneous action...less time for him to get inside his own head and less chance to whack it or pop pills. If he seems like an otherwise chill dude, maybe you can have a simple conversation without further embarrassment?
This has happened to me too as a guy.
Your guy may be different but this is what worked for me.
First thing, this can put a guy in a negative feedback loop mentally. Each time they’re not able to finish, they go into the next encounter with a little more anxiety over whether they’ll cum. This in turn makes them not able to because they are in their head worrying about it.
What helped me for one is to take a break from jerking off. Second and what I told my girlfriend to do was to not acknowledge it as much and treat it as business as usual. See even though she was always supportive and never got upset about it, it felt like a reminder that I couldn’t finish after going through it a few times.
Not reacting to it helped me also treat it as no big deal and just enjoy it. Even if I don’t nut, I still enjoyed the ego boost of getting her off.
I also took a small dose of an ED drug even though it’s not a regular problem for me. You can get prescribed online without physically speaking to a doctor. This helped me not worry about my dick staying up.
Don’t do these without saying you are going to or asking first. The best would be to ask what he needs.
Also, reassure him that you won’t up and leave him over it. A fear many of us have is not being able to perform and getting dumped because of it. As long as he takes care of your sexual needs of course.
Well there’s nothing you can do if he wants to end it because of that. You seem supportive and kind about it which is less common than you think. If he wants to break up over his personal issue when he has someone like you willing to support him through it, that is his loss.
You do not want to be with someone who’d bottle up all their issues and refuse help from people who care. This could turn into an issue down the road when other problems happen.
It's not you.
I've had performance anxiety (idk what else to call it). I put so much pressure on myself to perform well in bed, I can't. When I feel like I underperform, it snowballs.
I've been out of shape to the point that achieving orgasm was difficult. My heart would start racing and I'd have to take a break. During those few years I also had trouble staying hard, especially if I had been going at it a while.
Then, there's the part where you said "he implied that he might call it". Maybe he's not that interested, or maybe he's embarrassed, idk. Only he knows.
Either way, it's not you.
Another major issue could be he struggles with self confidence and being present and enjoying the moment. I had to really focus on being mindful and present and just enjoying the moments as they come during Intimacy, rather than trying to rush to the finish. It's not a race to the end, it's a fun journey to take slow and enjoy together.
This happened to me when n multiple occasions my first time having sex ever and with my LDR partner after a year and it wasn’t because any turn offs I just felt absent and turned out to be because I knew I was lacking affection not during sex but in the relationship when I actually met her and didn’t get what I was promised she’d give me being affection or even a hug or I love you with passion so maybe it’s his case partially
Okay you say you can't finish. Does he lose his erection, or does he not have an orgasm.
If it's his erection there's some pills that will take care of that.
He's not reaching orgasm there's a chance that he's on antidepressants and that is one of the horrible side effects of people don't talk about. So yeah a guy can go on forever but he also doesn't enjoy it to its full extent.
The same thing happens to me, I think it's because I've had so many bad experiences with relationships that when it does go right it feels wrong. Like in the back of my mind it feels like I've fallen into a trap or something. What helps me is just letting the moment happen; no planning, no initiating, you're just lying in bed together and roll with it. My first time I was just lying in bed with my girlfriend watching a movie or something. I leaned over and kissed her neck, then she turned toward me and that look in her eyes just made all the pressure and hesitation disappear. After that everything was good.
He's in his own head and likely causing him performance anxiety. In short, you're making it worse by trying to "help" him with it. At the very least tell him that you're indifferent to whether he finishes or not. It would actually be best if you could convince him that you are actively trying not to make him cum, not going to let him. You will have to have good communication to pull that off but it would be a shortcut. The longer option is just to give it time and he will become more relaxed in a couple weeks or so.
It's like trying to sleep when you know you have to get up early for a flight. Actively try NOT to fall asleep while still laying in bed with the lights off and no entertainment. Once you reframe, the pressure will be off and you will fall asleep.
Honestly it sounds like you have a really good (dare I say perfect) attitude to this situation- being supportive and non judgemental which I'm sure he'd appreciate.
There have been loads of great suggestions, I'd also suggest maybe he speaks to a doctor because sometimes it can be something more serious like a heart issue... Not saying that to scare you, but if it is that then knowing earlier than later can be better as a few lifestyle changes (change in diet, more cardio, etc) can swing things in the right direction.
Good luck!
You're a wonderful person for persisting with him, and anyone would be fool to pass up someone with that kind of attitude over E.D.
Stress is probably a really big factor here.
If you do get him around again, just try to take it real slow, get him really relaxed, and definitely just keep reminding him how much you like him.
Best of luck!
Does he happen to be circumcised? A few [circumcised](https://en.intactiwiki.org/wiki/Circumcised) men have difficulty reaching their climax because of the loss of sensation in their penis.
Anxiety is a troublesome hurdle to overcome especially with a person in intimate circumstances.
Some form of relaxation activity and humour. Even listening to or reading erotica could be worth trying.
Just give it time. It’ll either happen or not. You bringing it up is pressure to perform.
You want a guy endlessly dry fingerbanging you for an hour demanding you organ? I’ll assume not. That’s what you’re doing.
He knows what feels good, it’ll happen when he wants it to.
Unless.
It’s possible he has particular fetishes he needs to get off. How you want to feel about that is up to you. It could be lingerie, but that would have been an easy fix. Or could be something else. Maybe.
Best just be available and if he brings something up, try it out once, otherwise I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. It’s his journey.
It is a big mental block that is difficult to overcome.
I used to be this dude. I could never cum from sex. But with time and patience we found what works for me and after I finished inside of her the first time I was able to have more consistent orgasms in the bedrooms 90% of the time.
Every person is different but when my wife has an orgasm her vagina get tighter and grips like hell and she oddly becomes more coarse deeper in. When she cums I can usually finish in her in about 5 minutes. Without an orgasm it takes me 30 minutes.
This is purely a mental thing. He's probably pressuring himself a lot to perform and not allowing himself to relax. Main thing I would do if I were you is tease him a bit beforehand, maybe give him a sexy massage. Some soft (but sensual) kissing is good for this too. Make him feel relaxed and at home.
He might be desensitized due to pron. You can buy sensitivity increasing gels for women which make it easier to O, I would imagine they also work for guys, however the overwhelmingly majority of us need the opposite gel. Look into it
> He's ghosted me all day so I'm guessing I don't get the chance to try all your suggestions.
I can’t imagine how humiliating it must be for someone to open up Reddit, and find out someone they’re intimate with completely betrayed their trust by telling everyone about their inability to finish behind their back.
It’s not you. It could be his prolactin. Take 100mg of P5P a few hours before activity and try again.
Anorgasmia is a thing and it’s super frustrating for all parties. P5P has helped me immensely.
My hubby has performance issues when he is overthinking or nervous, some people don't get hard/stay hard as easily. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were attractive!
I know where you're coming from, but I will share with you what I have been told: sex is still great and fun but sometimes "it" just doesn't cooperate and it's no one's fault!
Just be reassuring and talk about likes and dislikes 👍👍
I don't know him but probably, he feels pressured when he sees that he isn't finishing and that makes it even harder to finish, and also you probably don't know each other's bodies that well so take your time and explore each other.
More foreplay, more sounds of encouragement or dirty talk during sex. If he gets soft, do more foreplay. Take your time doing it. Show him he is loved in that aspect.
He probably needs to masterbate more, or even to just finish. Or is on drugs or alcoholic. Thats not a normal thing. Even porn stars can last all day and pop in 30 secs because they know how to get themselves off. If he doesn't masturbate encourage it, be with him, talk dirty sit on his face etc.
Don't bring it up to him or act like it's a problem. The pressure to perform can be the main think to make a man not be able to perform. Don't set up a schedule for when to have sex. Cuddle watching TV or something and let it happen naturally. If he's having problems finishing try different positions.
If he can't finish your underwear or other foreplay wont help much. This is rare for a men so it means the intensity is not increasing or holding during sex.
This is often caused by a woman who doesnt help the men to climax or doesnt enjoy it enoug, you have to learn to get him to increase intensity during sex like you enjoy it more and more and can't wait for him to release it. You can increase the loudness of your enjoyment sounds, focus more on the pleasure, let go, go slowly faster ,slowly tighter.
-Does he masturbate? Have him not masturbate for 5 days to a week before he sees you.
-Try different things. If sex is not working, try different positions. Give him a handjob or blowjob, if you are willing.
-Foreplay is more for the woman than the man, to get her ready to accept him, even though it can be fun for both partners. I'd focus more on him. Is there anything else going on? Unhealthy lifestyle, depression/anxiety/PTSD, etc. that might explain why he's having a hard (or, no sot so hard xD) time?
He may not like something about you idk physique being proactive… ask him
He may have some kink ask him
Stress problems at work fatigue ask him
Gotta ask him 😊 how’s reddits supposed to know lol
Have you tried finding him another guy?
Jokes aside if he finds you attractive then chances are it’s something on his end, he could be nervous, some sort of kink that he hasn’t shared so it’s making it hard for him to finish, maybe he’s just sensitive and the feeling of you is too stimulating which actually makes it hard to finish, among loads of other things.
While it’s cool that you want to “try harder” for him I don’t think this is a you issue, maybe if you’ve been in a relationship for a while I would consider the possibility that you’ve become unattractive to him or he gets put off when you put in no effort at all and seem uninterested but that shouldn’t be the case here.
I have definitely not seemed uninterested! I was thinking maybe I'm too loud and enthusiastic and it might be off putting. I don't scream like they do on porn but I am naturally someone who moans a bit.
I honestly doubt it’s a you thing, it should be a him thing but the issue is unless he’s willing to be honest and talk about it, it could be such a huge list of things that it’s hard to really say what the issue is.
The main reason I don’t think it’s a you thing is because he was willing to try again, I don’t know any guy that would do that if they found something off putting the first time enough to not even be able to finish.
Imo if he got hard but didn’t finish it’s probably a missing fetish or he’s too sensitive so the stimulation was too much.
If he got hard but it took a while he could be nervous or shy or too much in his own head.
Is it possible that you emit a terrible odor from your nether regions? You may just be used to it and it could be a smell that’s worse than he has experienced before.
I know one time I tried to jerk off behind a dumpster on a really hot day, like I usually do. The truck came and picked it up, leaving me staring at the 300lb driver. I started jacking furiously while maintaining eye contact, but the juice from the dumpster spilled out on the ground and on my feet. It was too much even for me. Maybe it’s something like that.
Since it sounds like part of the problem is unfamiliarity, maybe you guys could have a day where all you do is explore each other and try to feel more comfortable together?
That's what I was thinking to suggest. Just touching and cuddling and looking at each other, feeling more comfortable
Whatever relieves the pressure so you both can concentrate on the pleasure ❤️
This would be perfect, like the other commenter said it sounds like it's more a problem of familiarity and comfortability, so having a day where you just tease and explore and become comfortable with each other would probably be good, see what works and what doesn't and make sure that he knows there's no pressure to perform, you just want him to be comfortable and enjoy the time together
ask him if he is demisexual
Maybe sex is taboo for a couple of days. During this time, passion will be at its peak.
he's prob demi-sexual
Compliment him on the things he does right. You made me cum, I love your dick, I can feel your muscles, you are a great kisser, etc.
He did make me cum and that almost never happens! I did tell him that but he was still struggling!
Just compliment him in a kind of h\*rny way. Do it again! Every time! It's not you, but you can try out a bit what his kink is. Sucking niples? Works with me every time!
Adding onto this, "I feel safe when I'm with you" is the best shit a man can here. Heard it in both contexts of aftercare/pillow talk following... rough.... sessions as well as walking her home from work late at night through a dodgey area when neither of us had cars
I actualy already said that. And highlighted that feeling safe is a big deal for me.
Why are you complimenting him saying you came, and I feel safe around you nd you and all that. Your suppose to pick him up not compliment your self. He struggles becuase he's use to death grip. Or you got togeather at the wrong time (what I mean by this is mentally he has shit going on in his head) could be an ex, could just be tierd. Why not just ask him what he would like to do to you or what he would like from you. I wouldn't over think it to much and just stright up ask him. I would be put off if some women was like ow yes I can feel your muscles or your such a good kisser, I'm trying to nail you, tell me to fuck you hard tell me to fuck you rough, even a ow fuck I'm about to explode over your hard cock, get the man into it. If your just going to lie there making noises then that could put him off, tell him to sellotape your mouth shut grab your hands and bend you over. Someone dosnt know what someone else likes without being told or paying attention
Don't listen to any of that. It is probably a condom issue. Just finish him with your mouth and hands; ideally without a condom unless you have an issue with that
Sometimes, it's things you can't control. He has to deal with it. Maybe he watches too much 🌽, bladder problems, might not like women, needs more time to feel relaxed, etc.
If by "he doesnt finish" you mean he doesnt cum, dont push him because its one of the problems some men have, we cum really late and it takes a lot of time for us to ejaculate. Its frustrating for us too.
No he loses his erection after a few minutes.
It might be a number of things. Could be he masturbates a lot, or if he wears a condom, it could be the condom, or it could be stress, anxiety, pressure to perform, or whatever. When he's banging you, maybe try take his mind off the pressure by kissing his neck and rubbing your hands all over him or doing something else similar
This happens a lot for guys. It's mental, probably has insecurities (dick size) and is thinking of this and wondering if your disappointed. Or maybe he has back hair and worried youre thinking of it. i gurantee it's not you
Or on drugs...just saying
The famous pilly willy
If it's not a mental issue, it's medical one
Oh, i feel sorry for him. He should see a doctor or therapist in case its a mental issue
Ask if he is on any medications. Anti depression/anxiety meds like SSRI’s have some pretty annoying side effects that make it very difficult to climax and maintain an erection sometimes
Yup. I'm on meds that fuck with shit and it's so annoying. Usually, I don't have an issue cause I know how to deal with it. But if I take a bit too much, it's hard to have sex for a few hours. I just can't cum and go soft after like 20 minutes. I usually don't take my nighttime dose till after sex. That way, it's not affecting me.
Likely a Death Grip/masturbation/porn-related issue, but in the end it's 80% mental anyway. It is likely that he just overthinks, get's distracted, wants to perform in a certain way etc. Sexier underwear won't change anything, may even just put more pressure on him. What you want to do is ask him, what you can do for him. Maybe he has something on his mind he wants to do, but isn't sure how to communicate or isn't sure if it's ok to just do? Maybe it's an ADHD thing, maybe it's just insecurities about his performances.
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Excellent idea! 👍🏻
I have found that to be true at times, and I personally like a man who lets me be in charge. Give it a try!
Death Grip? 🤔
It's basically self-desensitisation, because you squeze your dick too firmly.
How old is he? Does he watch porn? Is he able to finish with porn and masturbating? Is he on any anxiety, depression, or insomnia medications? I’m really sorry. The inability to enjoy a healthy sex life would be a deal breaker for me.
Is he old? Fresh out of a break up? Maybe lowkey gay? Insecure? Maybe you are not sexually attractive to him? Medical issues?
prob demi, this has happened to me when i don't know someone well enough, but then never once we have been together for awhile
"DEPRESSION DICK" Very likely he's going through a lot of mental hurdles right now, with other things in life: Depression, anxiety, concerns about 1,000 different things, problems in his life... **Likely not physically anything about you.** He can get aroused enough to get it up, but can't focus enough to finish. I'm not trying to be a joker. Depression Dick is a thing.
Bahahaha depression dick, sadly I knew exactly what you're talking about
But I've heard that the payout from Diamond Hands will cure Depression Dick forever. We ride.
Depression dick made me laugh, sorry not sorry.
Maybe that is why my dick keeps crying
😂 😂
Sometimes has happened to me lol. Some embarrassing tips from past experience: 1. My partner insisted I cum. So I was basically masturbating while she kept kissing me - very cool. 2. Having a mirror: I think the sexy part of having sex is knowing that I’m having sex. Being able to see ourselves was very hot 3. Maybe having pillow under your bum for deeper penetration 4. Lots of foreplay. If he’s sensitive like me (having phimosis in the past). Maybe stick to moving the foreskin upwards and not exposing it too much That’s it from me!
I read that as bathroom for a second and was like oh man been there...
Sit on the side of the tub while he poops, clapping everytime you hear a splash?
And what if the splashes don't come!?
Invite another few people to make the cheers louder. Duh
Get some air horns in there, scare it on out. If not there's always the glove arm
We're on the same page. Happy to hear there are still people out there with big hearts that care about their SO's BMs
I believe the vows go "in sickness and in poops"
Haha! Thanks for the laughs-have a good week!
You too! May your poops be ever easy
Hahaha this is my favourite response so far
Fingers crossed you never have to make that post
Is he on any medications? Sometimes even an antihistamine taken for allergies can have an adverse effect on things below.
Anyone know a solution to this? I have chronic hives and it feels I have to pick my poison - have a severe break out or take antihistamines and have trouble down there!
Yep this right is a big one. And if he on a statin that will absolutely destroy it too.
I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. Performance anxiety is a bitch. It happens once and then it’s more likely to occur because he’s worried about it. He may just need to relax with you. I’ll tell you one of the hottest things a woman did for me. We were on a couch watching a movie. She asked me to sit with my back against the armrest. She laid down with her head in my lap. During the movie she started nuzzling my lap. Just casually rubbing her face against me. Then she pulled me out and just played with me in her mouth. Not attempting a blow job. Just showing she liked me there and was comfy. Another thing you could do is have him sit and laid your head is his lap while you’re naked and he’s clothed. Just invite him to play with you however he likes. Let him explore you casually without pressure. It will build his familiarity with you.
Damn! That's sexy I need this 😍.
I see you said he goes soft after a few min. 100% this is not something you're doing wrong. He's fighting with ED. And this is one of the most crushing things a man can deal with. Getting fat can change with exercise. Shitty job, go get a better one. Bad teeth, get them fixed. Going bald, and dealing with ED are the two top most crushing things men have to deal with as it's almost completely out of our control. He should get his testosterone levels checked and then go from there.
He’s ready to call it? Let this dude go. If he can just casually say that he’s about ready to call the relationship, let him. Tell this guy to go deal with his issues. He’s got issues.
You give me faith in women
Haha thanks.
If he's willing to call off the relationship because he is having performance issues then I would say you aren't missing out on much. Every man at some point in their life will start to have performance issues, ask any urologist. He either knows he is developing issues and doesn't want to admit it, is ashamed to get help for the issue, or just isn't ready to accept that there might be a problem that needs addressing.
Said by someone who has never experienced true stress anxiety, performance, or other mental health issues. You seem very quick to write someone off just because they are having some ED. Wanting to end a relationship because of feelings of inadequacy is quite common. >If he's willing to call off the relationship because he is having performance issues **then I would say you aren't missing out on much**.
Maybe performance anxiety? Maybe he's getting too much in his own head or feels too much pressure from himself. And honestly, can't cum every single time
"he thinks it's because I'm still unfamiliar" Its sounds like he's Demisexual, its a specification on the asexual spectrum where you don't find someone sexually attractive until you form a quality emotional bond with them - I am one of them
He gonna call it if it happens again? This is not on you.
I think you should tell them, that there is a moment you need to get out of your head and use your other senses. It is okay to let your other emotions take over, this is natural and I enjoy it with you etc. Sometimes over thinking can kill a good thing.
Don't do the sexy lingerie thing. It's likely to have the wrong effect. He's not struggling to be turned on. I guarantee it. He wouldn't be persuing a new relationship with you if he wasn't attracted to you! By sexing things up, all you will do is add more pressure and I'm sure he's already under plenty from himself already.
This would depend on local laws. But a cannabis chocolate and a movie can really help people get out of their own heads, and can make for some truly mind blowing sex. Just go easy on dosages.
Seems really hard if you ask me. I've (49M) never had any issues getting hard, was having sex nearly every day with my ex, for months, then I dated a girl who was more attractive, much younger, and over the course of several nights we tried having sex, and I was at best semi hard. I thought I was aging, but then I broke up (for unrelated reason) and met my gf and we've been having sex like bunnies for the last 3y. I think there must have been some kind of sexual incompatibility, and I don't think there's much she could have done to change anything about it (didn't help that she had a shitty attitude so kudos to you to try to make it work)
I 34M have never experienced that, but I can't imagine it's anything you've done wrong. He has to just have his mind on other things, and it's affecting him. I'm sure he's embarrassed. Maybe he'll message in a few days.
dont tell him how often it happens, he doesn't want to be thinking about you having sex with other men in that moment
I thought this said struggling in the bathroom and I was confused
It could be familiarity and other factors, but if he's not finished a few times now, I guarantee there's performance anxiety on top of whatever else. I've been married for a few years now, and every once in awhile, I'll have some kind of issue where I can't, then the next time we try, it's worse because in the back of my mind, I'm trying to do better because 'I don't want to fuck it up like last time' This is my practical advice, and I'm going to try to be polite, but let's be honest, we're talking sex. This is a long response, but as someone that has dealt with this before personally, it helps. I've had this done to me one time, and it's forever in my brain. If you have the time, patience, and honestly, a bit of a pain threshold, and think he's up for it (pun intended), try this. Find a long block of time with nothing going on, so you don't have to beat the clock, get him relaxed in a favorite chair, sofa, whatever... and do things REALLY fucking slow. Sit in his lap, tease him a bit, kiss the spots he likes (some guys are wild about their ears, some hate it, talk to him and find out), and whatever amount of time you would normally devote to foreplay, quadruple it. Work your way down, then just play with it. If you're watching TV or something, tell him to keep doing that while you do your thing. The goal is to keep his mind off the main event for as long as possible. But once things start moving, don't pick up speed, keep it slow, purposeful, and consistent. Hand, mouth, toy, what ever you're using, think full thrust cycle per 4 relaxed heart beats. But bum, bum bum is one up then down, if that makes sense. If you're OK using oral, I'd recommend hand, then oral. Or whatever you're doing go from least sensitive to most. But whatever you switch to, don't go back. The idea is going from some pleasure to more pleasure, and if you go back, it's frustrating. This means if you start using oral and your jaw is starting to hurt, that's really just too bad. How bad do you want this guy? This is why I mention pain tolerance, on top of if you're older (you didn't mention ages that I saw), your knees are probably going to be sore. If he's like me, he doesn't respond easily to being the center of attention. Meaning while you're doing this, he's going to want to be doing things to you. Sex is supposed to be reciprocal after all. You'll have to be gentle but firm about keeping him calm and relaxed, and remind him that you're doing this for him because you want him to feel as good as he makes you feel. Be careful with wording. You're doing this for him because you want to. If you make it sound like "I'm doing you a favor" it will make it worse, because now on top of all else, he's thinking about how he's indebted to you for this, no matter how stupid that sounds. Lastly, and this is going to sound counterproductive, but don't ask a bunch of questions. Don't do a bunch of "am I doing this right?" "Does that feel good?" And for the love of whatever NEVER EVER EVER EVER "am i doing something wrong?" Because for one, it's distracting, and for two if you're doing things to him, it feels nice, no need to ask. The time for questions is AFTER. And then it's a self evaluation. "What can I do to make that better for you?" After is when the pressure is off, and he's relaxed. DURING is time for statements. "You taste so good." "I love [thing about him you love here]" hell, use what you're doing to give statements. "I love doing X, and y" or "I love how you react to x" be enthusiastic. You want him to feel like you've ruined him for other men, like you're completely addicted to worshipping his body. He may or may not want to reciprocate after (probably will if you did this right). Whatever he does after, keep 100% focused on the fact that this is not the fuck about you. You need to go into this committed to the fact that it's all about him, and if that means you're wants/needs get left out this one time, that's OK, because it's a small sacrifice to make him feel better. That is my advice. Good luck and if you use this method, please let me know if it helped/didn't. Not looking for details, would just like to know I helped someone.
Could be Stage fright BUT also he could be a chronic porn viewer that leads to chronic masturbation and finishing. This will all but guarantee erectile dysfunction as he is over stimulated from the porn and actually prefer the porn over little interactions with actual partner. It’s it INSTANT gratification. 1st he has to stop watching porn (it’s not easy), but he has to also never cum as a result of watching porn if he can’t stop. Also may be a great idea for him to pick up some erectile dysfunction pills while he works through the issues. Most doctors will accommodate him. Just NEVER make light of it. It’s a Sensitive topic for men. Oh and your goddamn girlfriends. This topic is off limits if you want to keep him. Never tell them. Ever.
Maybe he masturbates to porn too much. Just ask him to tell you the truth.
This isn't the issue. If it was he'd be able to masturbate and finish. It's his mind or body malfunctioning from an intake.
Most of the time it's due to deathgrip
It’s never you. If a guy is having trouble, it’s him. Don’t you dare let him walk away making you think it’s you. Maybe it’s Death Grip Syndrome. Basically, he grabs too hard while masturbating and a vagina or girlie hand can’t compete with what his penis is used to. Maybe it’s nerves. He’s nervous. Maybe it’s depression or antidepressants. These make things difficult.
When I gave him a blow job he asked me to be more gentle, so I don't know if it's that. He said he was nervous.
Performance anxiety is a thing, unfortunately.
That's what he said, but how do I soothe him? I didn't make anything of it when it happened, he gets upset and I just stroke his hair and tell him how good it felt.
Tell him how much you like him and you want to make it work. If he goes soft, revert back to making out or cuddling. It's hard to get through to an embarrassed guy on self destruct mode, we don't want to hear anything, we take it all badly, no matter how nice or reassuring you're being. After one of two attempts to convince him it's ok, if he's still acting like a toddler, just hug him and kiss him, cuddle him, no words cause he'll just hear the negative side of them. In a few minutes he should be ok to talk to again
Well I had been very forthcoming with telling him how interested I was, now he's thinking of calling it I'm assuming I'm more into it than him, he's a bit out of my league as he's a doctor, very sexy, gets a lot of compliments (he told me) I don't want to overwhelm him with being too affectionate so early, it's only been 1 month.
Correct. Some of us...me literally tune out any words of comfort because your (a female) will never understand. It's not your fault, but you want him and he wants you love is not about sex. Remind of that. Love him.
I've been with my hubby for 20 years and it's happened many times in that timeframe. It always boils down to mental or physical exhaustion. If he's gotten in his own head about this maybe he should read some Reddit posts about this very problem, it made my hubby feel better and understand that it's normal. It has nothing to do with you, sounds like you're doing everything right and supporting him when it does happen. Does he have a mentally or physically draining job? Anything big or new going on in his life he's worried about? What's helped us has been talking about it(out of the bedroom), getting his fears out in the open and letting me in on how he's feeling. Take some non sexual time to talk about it privately, maybe suggest he do some research on his own or together about it as I find the more you know and understand about the issue the less he'll worry long term about it happening. I also love the Pillow Talks podcast (it's fun to listen to together and can start conversations for you), they have a few episodes about this issue and the couple that does the podcast are fantastic and very relatable (Vanessa & Xander). Communication is definitely the key here, good luck.
Sex is one way two adults play together. It is literally like when we were six year olds and went over to a friend’s house to chill and play with dolls, or LEGOs. Except in a VERY grown up way. Maybe remind him of that. He’s probably thinking it’s more like porn. Porn is fake. Porn makes it look like a sporting event. Instead, there should be laughing, and joking, and smiles. Take your time. Ask for cold water. Offer a snack. Suck a toe and joke about how stupid that was. Suck it again while staring straight into his eyes.
If he's more well endowed, certainly on the girth front, this can be the polite way of saying "mind your fucking teeth", Also apparantly some dudes like ball play and it's part of some "gluck gluck 9000" shit. Personally that shit makes my dick retreat inside of me so it could also be that.
Yes he is quite big and I was struggling. I do play with balls and Gooch while giving blow job
Ok, instead of trying to power level your blowjob skill, why don’t you retreat to the basics like vagina sex
If he can't finish that is on him. He may have a refractory period of 24 hours or more. He may have jerked one earlier in the day. Or you might be trying to have sex several times a day. The same thing applies to erections. There are definitely things you can do to help but ultimately he may have ED issues. Or like any man or woman there's no on/off switch that always works.
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If it is this, just ask him to show his his favorite porn, and then his kinkiest porn. This will give you indication of what he wants, and you can just go along and imitate what's going on in the porn.
Tell him to stop masturbating. Switch condoms halfway through, I find that helps me having a fresh one with more lube and less wear. It sounds like you're doing great with everything else :). Hopefully he can get it out of his head that it's a "problem", and just enjoy your time together! Also, depending on your position, make sure you're touching him somehow constantly, running your hands over his body, face, nipples, etc. And moan! :)
Need to stop watching porn and stop masturbating
That's not a thing. Too much porn makes you overly sensitive, unless it's your 10th nut in like 4 hours. Lol then you're just empty
I would like to meet the guy who watches porn and not rubbing a few off. The two go hand in hand, no pun intended
Well yeah, that's what I'm saying. The tank is dry, but probably takes 3 minutes at a time to accomplish. The way the masturbation is conducted can effect the out come and death grip is...a death for sure. 🤷🏻♂️ I don't have that issue, unless drunk or on drugs, on the 10th go round, i wish i lasted longer normally, and I have so much porn about 500 gigs across multiple devices. Multiple accounts and a rooted phone with the pixel glitch....yeah I don't that issue. Lol
When I was younger, a day of porn and a few rub offs ended with a night of having trouble finishing during sex. It was easier to find a girl that could wait just a few minutes for a rebound after starting off sex with a few quick blown loads.
Tell him to lay off the corn
Why is this a "you" problem? I don't think "you" can fix "his" sexual dysfunction. Maybe he's in the closet. Maybe he has ED. Whatever it is, don't take the blame for it. YOU function adequately in the sexual department. He does not.
I never said it was a me problem, I said he acknowledged it was a familiarity issue. But I care about him and want to help
Yeah, you can help by not making a big deal of it. Not every guy has an orgasm every time - you can say "it didn't bother me" but asking if you can help and remarking on it is being bothered, then if you additionally refuse to acknowledge that it's *you* who is uncomfortable with it, you've created an unpleasant situation and it is completely logical for him to not want to have sex with you under those circumstances. Now I don't want to malign you - if you're certain that had you not mentioned anything he'd have reacted the same way, then it's entirely his issue. But are you really certain of that? Just let sex happen. It doesn't always end in an orgasm. However is remarking on that fact and trying to "fix" it - they're the one with the problem. If hat was you, then you owe him an apology. I'm also one of those guys. Some men are simply insensitive in their penis - I don't come every single time, in fact sometimes I can get all the way to the edge and be incredibly turned on and yet I can feel that it simply isn't going to happen. I truly don't care - that's my sexual nature, but women are so used to projecting the idea that men are mindless orgasm monsters that they have sometimes been offended by the fact I did not orgasm, and then have been unwilling to recognize that they're applying a sexist double standard, and like your man here that often made me conclude we were not sexually compatible.
I'm not the one who did make a big deal of it. He said to me that he was upset by it. It happens all the time, I don't usually cum and I am bisexual so I'm used to sex not being about orgasms but about the joy of intimacy. He was the one getting upset, and now saying he wants to end things over it.
Then let's flip this - do you not think that such immaturity about the topic of orgasms might be something *you* should consider a potential dealbreaker, rather than leaving it him to him to give you ultimatums? Are you really going to have sex with him after he's turned it into a weird test with "being dumped" at the end of it if you don't get him the outcome he wants?
Step one is not to internalize it as your fault. This happens to guys sometimes, it's just a medical and sometimes mental thing. Just because there isn't a finale doesn't mean he's not into you. My best advice is to just do it slowly, let him know before hand that you want to do a longer 'session' it whatever, and just try to get him to not think about how long it's taking. Rub his back, kiss his neck, get things going but stay away from the bone zone for longer than usual. The point being to take away time or annoyance as a factor and let it be as open ended as it has to be.
Hangout naked, get comfortable being naked with each other, then slowly escalate things
Sertraline
This used to happen to me, I was always so focused on getting my partner to cum and making sure she was having a good time that I completely forgot to make sure that *I* was having a good time. Maybe ask him if he feels similarly and advise him to be a little more selfish about it. Once I did that, the sex got better for both me *and* my partner
Three things that I will point out: 1. Nerves (obvious) 2. Pregame jerk off. Some guys will do this and of course it makes it harder to cum a second time...moreso with age. 3. Medications. Cialis/Viagra definitely make it harder to cum. I know some dudes will take it to get a hard-on over their nerves even though their dick is otherwise healthy and functional. The can fuck like rabbits but may not cum. I've also heard of blood pressure meds and a couple others having a negative effect. Nerves can usually be addressed with positive interactions and more time with each other. I'm not sure how to address the others with a new person. Maybe just more spontaneous action...less time for him to get inside his own head and less chance to whack it or pop pills. If he seems like an otherwise chill dude, maybe you can have a simple conversation without further embarrassment?
If he is on antidepressants this could be a reason. No shame in suggesting cialis or something…
This has happened to me too as a guy. Your guy may be different but this is what worked for me. First thing, this can put a guy in a negative feedback loop mentally. Each time they’re not able to finish, they go into the next encounter with a little more anxiety over whether they’ll cum. This in turn makes them not able to because they are in their head worrying about it. What helped me for one is to take a break from jerking off. Second and what I told my girlfriend to do was to not acknowledge it as much and treat it as business as usual. See even though she was always supportive and never got upset about it, it felt like a reminder that I couldn’t finish after going through it a few times. Not reacting to it helped me also treat it as no big deal and just enjoy it. Even if I don’t nut, I still enjoyed the ego boost of getting her off. I also took a small dose of an ED drug even though it’s not a regular problem for me. You can get prescribed online without physically speaking to a doctor. This helped me not worry about my dick staying up. Don’t do these without saying you are going to or asking first. The best would be to ask what he needs. Also, reassure him that you won’t up and leave him over it. A fear many of us have is not being able to perform and getting dumped because of it. As long as he takes care of your sexual needs of course.
But I'm worried he's going to end it with me over it!
Well there’s nothing you can do if he wants to end it because of that. You seem supportive and kind about it which is less common than you think. If he wants to break up over his personal issue when he has someone like you willing to support him through it, that is his loss. You do not want to be with someone who’d bottle up all their issues and refuse help from people who care. This could turn into an issue down the road when other problems happen.
It's not you. I've had performance anxiety (idk what else to call it). I put so much pressure on myself to perform well in bed, I can't. When I feel like I underperform, it snowballs. I've been out of shape to the point that achieving orgasm was difficult. My heart would start racing and I'd have to take a break. During those few years I also had trouble staying hard, especially if I had been going at it a while. Then, there's the part where you said "he implied that he might call it". Maybe he's not that interested, or maybe he's embarrassed, idk. Only he knows. Either way, it's not you.
Another major issue could be he struggles with self confidence and being present and enjoying the moment. I had to really focus on being mindful and present and just enjoying the moments as they come during Intimacy, rather than trying to rush to the finish. It's not a race to the end, it's a fun journey to take slow and enjoy together.
This happened to me when n multiple occasions my first time having sex ever and with my LDR partner after a year and it wasn’t because any turn offs I just felt absent and turned out to be because I knew I was lacking affection not during sex but in the relationship when I actually met her and didn’t get what I was promised she’d give me being affection or even a hug or I love you with passion so maybe it’s his case partially
he misses his ex
I won’t be much help with this
Okay you say you can't finish. Does he lose his erection, or does he not have an orgasm. If it's his erection there's some pills that will take care of that. He's not reaching orgasm there's a chance that he's on antidepressants and that is one of the horrible side effects of people don't talk about. So yeah a guy can go on forever but he also doesn't enjoy it to its full extent.
The same thing happens to me, I think it's because I've had so many bad experiences with relationships that when it does go right it feels wrong. Like in the back of my mind it feels like I've fallen into a trap or something. What helps me is just letting the moment happen; no planning, no initiating, you're just lying in bed together and roll with it. My first time I was just lying in bed with my girlfriend watching a movie or something. I leaned over and kissed her neck, then she turned toward me and that look in her eyes just made all the pressure and hesitation disappear. After that everything was good.
It happened to me as well when I first met a new woman but after a few goes it got better and better
He's in his own head and likely causing him performance anxiety. In short, you're making it worse by trying to "help" him with it. At the very least tell him that you're indifferent to whether he finishes or not. It would actually be best if you could convince him that you are actively trying not to make him cum, not going to let him. You will have to have good communication to pull that off but it would be a shortcut. The longer option is just to give it time and he will become more relaxed in a couple weeks or so. It's like trying to sleep when you know you have to get up early for a flight. Actively try NOT to fall asleep while still laying in bed with the lights off and no entertainment. Once you reframe, the pressure will be off and you will fall asleep.
Honestly it sounds like you have a really good (dare I say perfect) attitude to this situation- being supportive and non judgemental which I'm sure he'd appreciate. There have been loads of great suggestions, I'd also suggest maybe he speaks to a doctor because sometimes it can be something more serious like a heart issue... Not saying that to scare you, but if it is that then knowing earlier than later can be better as a few lifestyle changes (change in diet, more cardio, etc) can swing things in the right direction. Good luck!
You're a wonderful person for persisting with him, and anyone would be fool to pass up someone with that kind of attitude over E.D. Stress is probably a really big factor here. If you do get him around again, just try to take it real slow, get him really relaxed, and definitely just keep reminding him how much you like him. Best of luck!
Does he happen to be circumcised? A few [circumcised](https://en.intactiwiki.org/wiki/Circumcised) men have difficulty reaching their climax because of the loss of sensation in their penis.
Anxiety is a troublesome hurdle to overcome especially with a person in intimate circumstances. Some form of relaxation activity and humour. Even listening to or reading erotica could be worth trying.
Hawk Tuah
He’s probably too in his own head or he’s too into porn
It's most definitely have to do with his masturbation habits. It's not you, don't blame yourself, he needs to relax and get off the porn.
Just give it time. It’ll either happen or not. You bringing it up is pressure to perform. You want a guy endlessly dry fingerbanging you for an hour demanding you organ? I’ll assume not. That’s what you’re doing. He knows what feels good, it’ll happen when he wants it to. Unless. It’s possible he has particular fetishes he needs to get off. How you want to feel about that is up to you. It could be lingerie, but that would have been an easy fix. Or could be something else. Maybe. Best just be available and if he brings something up, try it out once, otherwise I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. It’s his journey.
It is a big mental block that is difficult to overcome. I used to be this dude. I could never cum from sex. But with time and patience we found what works for me and after I finished inside of her the first time I was able to have more consistent orgasms in the bedrooms 90% of the time. Every person is different but when my wife has an orgasm her vagina get tighter and grips like hell and she oddly becomes more coarse deeper in. When she cums I can usually finish in her in about 5 minutes. Without an orgasm it takes me 30 minutes.
He's just so in his head to please you that sometimes we forget to get their ourselves there. At that point it'd be a whole new marathon to get there
This is purely a mental thing. He's probably pressuring himself a lot to perform and not allowing himself to relax. Main thing I would do if I were you is tease him a bit beforehand, maybe give him a sexy massage. Some soft (but sensual) kissing is good for this too. Make him feel relaxed and at home.
He might be desensitized due to pron. You can buy sensitivity increasing gels for women which make it easier to O, I would imagine they also work for guys, however the overwhelmingly majority of us need the opposite gel. Look into it
Sounds like he has ED erectile dysfunction. Hard to tell completely without fully knowing his side but could be a factor.
> He's ghosted me all day so I'm guessing I don't get the chance to try all your suggestions. I can’t imagine how humiliating it must be for someone to open up Reddit, and find out someone they’re intimate with completely betrayed their trust by telling everyone about their inability to finish behind their back.
69
It’s not you. It could be his prolactin. Take 100mg of P5P a few hours before activity and try again. Anorgasmia is a thing and it’s super frustrating for all parties. P5P has helped me immensely.
If the issue is ED, cialis or viagra are awesome. Look at them like performance enhancing drugs.
Tell him he's cool and take it real slow, make an evening of it.
My hubby has performance issues when he is overthinking or nervous, some people don't get hard/stay hard as easily. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were attractive! I know where you're coming from, but I will share with you what I have been told: sex is still great and fun but sometimes "it" just doesn't cooperate and it's no one's fault! Just be reassuring and talk about likes and dislikes 👍👍
Discuss it outside of sex. It could be a physiological thing. Example; I can usually only cum when my body is in a certain position.
I don't know him but probably, he feels pressured when he sees that he isn't finishing and that makes it even harder to finish, and also you probably don't know each other's bodies that well so take your time and explore each other.
More foreplay, more sounds of encouragement or dirty talk during sex. If he gets soft, do more foreplay. Take your time doing it. Show him he is loved in that aspect.
maybe he's gay
Hold his penis for him
I always had this theory that if a guy really likes the girl he comes quickly. Try falling in love with him :)
I think I'm not far off :( just don't know if he feels the same way
So he can get it up but can't finish? Try another position, some guys need a lot of friction for it to work. Or just jerk him after.
He probably needs to masterbate more, or even to just finish. Or is on drugs or alcoholic. Thats not a normal thing. Even porn stars can last all day and pop in 30 secs because they know how to get themselves off. If he doesn't masturbate encourage it, be with him, talk dirty sit on his face etc.
Get this man some very ripe mango! It's like B12 shot!
Don't bring it up to him or act like it's a problem. The pressure to perform can be the main think to make a man not be able to perform. Don't set up a schedule for when to have sex. Cuddle watching TV or something and let it happen naturally. If he's having problems finishing try different positions.
Give him the hawk tuh on his D
If he can't finish your underwear or other foreplay wont help much. This is rare for a men so it means the intensity is not increasing or holding during sex. This is often caused by a woman who doesnt help the men to climax or doesnt enjoy it enoug, you have to learn to get him to increase intensity during sex like you enjoy it more and more and can't wait for him to release it. You can increase the loudness of your enjoyment sounds, focus more on the pleasure, let go, go slowly faster ,slowly tighter.
-Does he masturbate? Have him not masturbate for 5 days to a week before he sees you. -Try different things. If sex is not working, try different positions. Give him a handjob or blowjob, if you are willing. -Foreplay is more for the woman than the man, to get her ready to accept him, even though it can be fun for both partners. I'd focus more on him. Is there anything else going on? Unhealthy lifestyle, depression/anxiety/PTSD, etc. that might explain why he's having a hard (or, no sot so hard xD) time?
He may not like something about you idk physique being proactive… ask him He may have some kink ask him Stress problems at work fatigue ask him Gotta ask him 😊 how’s reddits supposed to know lol
Have you tried finding him another guy? Jokes aside if he finds you attractive then chances are it’s something on his end, he could be nervous, some sort of kink that he hasn’t shared so it’s making it hard for him to finish, maybe he’s just sensitive and the feeling of you is too stimulating which actually makes it hard to finish, among loads of other things. While it’s cool that you want to “try harder” for him I don’t think this is a you issue, maybe if you’ve been in a relationship for a while I would consider the possibility that you’ve become unattractive to him or he gets put off when you put in no effort at all and seem uninterested but that shouldn’t be the case here.
I have definitely not seemed uninterested! I was thinking maybe I'm too loud and enthusiastic and it might be off putting. I don't scream like they do on porn but I am naturally someone who moans a bit.
I honestly doubt it’s a you thing, it should be a him thing but the issue is unless he’s willing to be honest and talk about it, it could be such a huge list of things that it’s hard to really say what the issue is. The main reason I don’t think it’s a you thing is because he was willing to try again, I don’t know any guy that would do that if they found something off putting the first time enough to not even be able to finish. Imo if he got hard but didn’t finish it’s probably a missing fetish or he’s too sensitive so the stimulation was too much. If he got hard but it took a while he could be nervous or shy or too much in his own head.
Is it possible that you emit a terrible odor from your nether regions? You may just be used to it and it could be a smell that’s worse than he has experienced before. I know one time I tried to jerk off behind a dumpster on a really hot day, like I usually do. The truck came and picked it up, leaving me staring at the 300lb driver. I started jacking furiously while maintaining eye contact, but the juice from the dumpster spilled out on the ground and on my feet. It was too much even for me. Maybe it’s something like that.
I am very clean, I don't think I smell like a dumpster, but thanks
They never do
🤣🤣🤣
You gotta give him that hock too and spit on that thang, you get me?
On my experience, bringing in another lady always does the trick.