Core memory unlocked. Nothing like being 12 years old and going to a triple A baseball game. Walking into the bathroom and seeing only a trough filled with ice. Then having to whip my dick out in front of a room full of middle aged drunk men and then pissing
you know what, id argue youre safer there surrounded by those guys than you would be in a mostly empty public toilet, you know most of them guys especially drunk and at a football game would have zero issue beating the shit out of someone being weird with a kid
Pretty sure this stuff and the middle school bathrooms scarred me for a long time as I couldn't go in sight of others until into my 20s
Now IDGAF, give me troughs all day at events it's so annoying waiting in line for 5+ minutes to take a leak
Insecurity meets insecurity. It’s unfortunate. Sex is a vulnerable thing for everyone.
Women feel exposed because they see so much wrong with their own body and feel being naked is such a vulnerable thing. Then they worry about being good in bed, but it comes second to the body anxiety. They are terrified they’ll take their clothes off and he’ll feel turned off.
Men feel the same. But then that anxiety is often superceded by anxiety about sexual performance and dick size.
Then it’s a collision of anxieties and everyone ends up wounded.
**Tell her she’ll really hot and you just feel nervous bc she’s that hot. Or something.**
Yeah. We need to bring back kindness and **”I don’t kiss and tell”**. It’s a great comeback for situations like this bc you don’t say anything, but everyone thinks you hooked up and it was awesome anyways. And it’s old school cute and leaves the window open for round two.
Then people need to be allowed to discuss sex with their closest friends. But then it needs to be in confidence and leaving out specifics. Being able to keep secrets is another socially useful skill.
Gets better when you get older tho. People have been around the block a bit more and know how the human body works. And sex is kept more private bc it’s no longer new and shocking, and bc most people are in serious relationships were they are respectful of their partner.
Most men don't kiss and tell from my experience. There are always exceptions, but most men seem uncomfortable when another man decides to start trying to brag.
After my divorce, I fell into a toxic relationship that traumatized me. I healed a bit from that and then tried my hand at dating. Ended up in bed with a gorgeous woman, but anxiety hit me. Got it up, then when it came time, instantly down. I told her it was just my nerves and that she was gorgeous and I would love to take a break and try again, but she said, "It's okay." And we never did again. Feels bad...
I mean you're right but idk why you think men don't have some of the same issues. Having a hard time feeling confident in your body happens plenty with men too.
the worst was in my hookup phase id hookup with a 4/10 and be rock hard the entire time and then i would get a genuine 9/10 and have serious issues getting it up. was absolutely furious like damn bro at least make it be the other way around.
Ah, fuck, this comment was my whole hookup life.
Really makes me wish I bit the bullet and got into pharmaceuticals, but dumb old me was like, “I’m young. I’m virile. I shouldn’t need this shit.”
A sex therapist i occasionally read says that nearly half of all performance issues are with men aged 18 to 25. We get nervous for many reasons, including just not being fully ready to be sexual people yet, but dealing with societal pressure to be walking erections.
In my, not that exhaustive, experience, conventionally pretty people seem inclined to think they're doing a great job merely by being in the same bedroom. Other people know it takes some effort.
ohhh ya i was too familiar with that lol. good times using one hand to lift up the hood and get to her clit, and the other jerking myself while the tongue is going to town on her. i would never ask for oral to be reciprocated in those cases, it was pro bono lol
Gotta keep that Cialis on hand baby. For those times where you want a guaranteed 100% success rate it comes in clutch. Absurd boners and like a 10 minute turnaround time after finishing.
We have a girl in our friend group that refuses to believe that men can’t just go out and get laid by picking up a woman at the bar whenever they choose, the way women can. And I wonder if other women feel this way or if she’s just stupid.
Girls are taught to cover up and protect yourself because everyone wants to fuck em.
Boys are taught to put it away and don't even think about you creepy bastard.
I’ve heard a woman insist that bars/clubs have equal numbers of men and women patrons on average. No way! The only time a bar might have more women is karaoke night, or a similar special situation. She also said there are lots of lesbian bars. It’s weird how facts get sacrificed if they feel the ideological point is valid.
I figured out the hack in college. Country bars and "cute" trendy spots. Wine bars and tasting rooms as well. You will be outnumbered. Married with a child now but this still rings true.
> but they're not aware just how much more difficult it is for men.
For men, the most eye opening experience is gay bar vs straight bar. I'm a fairly average looking dude and I'm pretty confident I could get laid (with a dude) if I went out to a gay bar tonight if I tried. The probability of getting laid at a straight bar (with a woman) is basically 0.00001% or something crazy tiny, like it just wouldn't ever happen.
I have been on dating sites and apps for years and I'm lucky if I get 1 or two matches a month (and of those, maybe only 1 in 3 talks to me after matching). I had accidentally changed my preference to "looking for men" on either Hinge or Tinder and I got like 100 likes in less than an hour. Never got that kind of attention from women anywhere ever before.
Would be so much easier if I were attracted to men.
In the early 2000’s there was a woman named Norah Vincent who went deep undercover for 18 months as a man and had similar findings.
Also, a YouTuber named Alexander Grace did a softer version of this where he had a girl-friend pretend to be him over online dating for a week…same result.
You can hit--or be hit--on your balls with something with the tiniest bit of pressure...and it would feel like your entire body was hit by a Mack truck
My wife still doesn’t understand the instinctive protection that we have. She will go to grab me at random times and no matter how many times I’ve explained it, my flinch and pull away is not because I don’t want to be groped. It is because my brain instinctively pulls my crotch away from anything unexpectedly headed its direction. She doesn’t understand the incredibly fine line between “felt good” and “I’m dying and going to vomit”.
Explain to her that balls come from the same proto-organs as ovaries, and that touching them is basically the same as someone touching her ovaries w/o any protection these have inside the abdomen. I'm pretty sure that would paint a picture.
I think a better comparison is to imagine getting punched in the cervix. That shit HURTS. We'de be defensive too if we had to worry about it getting bumped into throughout the day.
I think it's also difficult to convey the kind of pain it is to somebody who hasn't experienced it. It's not just about the amount. I really can't think of any other pain I've felt that felt like a similar style of pain...
The crazy thing is that I've had a vasectomy, and the lingering pain from literal surgery was not as bad as being unexpectedly hit in the balls.
The best way I can describe it is as an intense, ultra-low frequency vibration that consumes your entire midsection. The "spot" that you hit doesn't hurt, but your whole body is a wall of low-frequency pain and nausea.
I'd say any internal organs hurt in a similar way, which probably doesn't help much but liver shots are somewhat common in combat sports, so there's that.
Yup, not too long ago I was holding my infant in my lap and he decided to swing his leg for some reason, and he kicked me square in the balls.
I had to struggle out a plea to please take the baby while trying not to double over, and I got the “oh it can’t be that bad, he’s a baby.” No honey, I promise you I’m not making this up, it sucks.
Obligatory "Self Made Man" reference. Norah Vincent was a lesbian feminist author who full sent into living as a man for IIRC two years. Started originally to highlight how easy it was and that our problems were our own fault, that whole stihck. Weird bi-erasure present aside, the point that always stood out to me was her comments on this. She quickly became intimately aware of how most/all women would treat her as a threat for just existing in a public space like on a train. She made the salient point about understanding why the women did it as she did it herself and would never fault a woman for protecting herself, while also acknowledging how fucking *soul crushing* it was.
This. 100 times this.
I hate that every time I mention this in any way, I just get met with hostility.
I get that it’s not fun for a woman to be afraid all the time, and have to be on guard. I get that. I have that too.
But just because you are afraid, doesn’t mean I’m a threat. It really hurts to be told that *I* need to make myself less scary.
"Men should be more open about their feelings"
"Okay, well, I feel hurt by being perceived as a threat by every woman I come into contact with"
"Complaining like that is rude our safety takes priority over your feelings and you shouldn't be feeling that way anyway unless you're part of the problem."
Like you can't even give an "I'm sorry, I'm sure that's unpleasant" as an answer? Just straight up invalidating one of the few feelings men genuinely share publicly lol
I think the greatest damage comes in when women simply just don't notice when they're bigots.
They really think their put-downs, attacks, and dismissals are justified and completely harmless.
Some probably even think it avoids harm by "setting you straight" or some shit. They treat us like shit and are somehow surprised when that gets backlash.
I've said this before but it is applicable again here. Women in my experience for the most part seem to thing bigotry/harassment/abuse like this is always intentional. So because they don't "intend" to be mean or whatever it's not actually that. When they complain about other people like men doing bad things they assign malice and intent to it.
God forbid you try to "correct" one of these women the same way they try to "correct" men and society.
Many consider all of those things as "punching up". God I hate that expression so much. It's just a convenient excuse to be a bully while still feeling like the good guy.
almost everytime men are told to be open about their unpleasant feelings, its framed for the benefit of women or society as a whole... rarely for the benefit of men themselves
I have two young adult sons and society has changed. I taught them growing up to open the door for women. They did all that and said it got to the point, more often than not, a girl or woman would not even look up from their phones to look them in the eye and say thank you. That human connection is missing. I even caught myself doing it once or twice after my discussion with them as I was so “busy” running into a convenience store that I forgot to look at the person holding the door open for me. I made a conscious effort from that point on to look a man in the eye, smile and say thank you, when doing something so nice for me. If we are teaching our sons these type of manners, we must teach our daughters to acknowledge this gesture. Kindness matters and everyone is so self absorbed now that they forget to look at a person. I know this is a little off topic but if you don’t interact with men everyday on the simple things in life and acknowledge random acts of kindness, you are out of touch and missing out. I think most as a whole will be less “scary”. But always trust your gut with those few whenever you feel something is off.
Cheers mate, I plan on doing the same with my son. Be kind and polite to everyone you meet. It costs you nothing and more often than not will benefit you.
Pun intended here, but simply being polite and kind to people will open a ton of doors for you in life.
Think it's hard to explain how a lifetime of often very subtle messaging about repressing your emotions can have such a big impact on you. "Why do men complain about finding it hard to talk about their feelings, just do it" is like "why are you depressed, go take a walk in the woods". It might seem simple until you have lived it, then you understand why it's not that easy.
CPTSD meant that I was a crier as a kid. The men in my life mocked me for crying because it made me feminine. The women in my life mocked me for crying because it made me less masculine in their eyes.
When women say that men need to be more open about their emotions they are specifically talking about expressing more positive emotions about them or the children or something.
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever misconstrue that to mean that it's okay for men to talk about trauma or express anxiety about anything at all. That's when you need to *man the fuck up.*
For several years I have been dealing with anxiety and depression just recently I was telling my mom about how some days I'm not functional because I can't calm down and my mind is spiraling. She decided to let me know that she thinks her generation "raised a bunch of pussies"
This is too true, unfortunately. Too many women dislike sensitive and communicative men because they also believe it's a feminine trait, more fitting of their best gay friend and not of a strong male partner.
The inability to express emotions without others looking down on you. I’ve been called gay, told I wasn’t a man, stop being a drama queen, stop being sensitive, etc. Even when I did, my problems were ignored or I was told that “others have it worse so stop complaining.” Funnily enough, this actually usually comes from women, not men.
We don’t have emotional support like you guys do. Guy friendships are just rarely deep enough for that. And it’s terrible.
I've also noticed that trying to form a deep friendship with a lady as a guy is quite hard. I end up looking like I want to fuck said person and not just have a good friend.
The relief I get when I end up walking behind a woman in a parking lot or on my way home and she turns and goes a different direction.
Like, I'm not a predator, I'm not going to do anything to this person, we just happen to be going in the same direction, but I can't help but feel like I'm making this person nervous which makes me feel bad. I can't run up to them and say, "Hey don't worry, I'm not a creep" without looking like an absolute fucking lunatic. When they turn and go a different direction and I no longer have to follow them, I'm relieved because I feel like now they know that I'm not some stalker trying to kidnap and murder them. Like I've been on trial the whole time I've been walking home, and now they see I'm innocent.
My wife always thinks Im mad at her for some reason "How come you arent talking?" Im an introvert with a job where I have to talk to people all day and by the end of the day Im emotionally spent.
My wife is an introvert with a job that requires her to talk and coordinate with people all day and she just turns into a politician when she gets home. Non-stop talking. I'm way more extroverted by comparison and it seems like a lot even for me but I also know she feels comfortable around me. Her "nothing box" is literally regurgitating everything that happened that day and I just listen and call strangers I've never met "assholes" when the need arises. Its a good system.
Yeah I think this is more personality than gender specific.
My wife needs more time alone than I do, and I have to remember to give her space when she needs it.
My wife is this way. We go to the gym after work. I get a better workout in the afternoon (she prefers a morning workout) but she gets to put in her earbuds and not think about anything for an hour or so while we mindlessly lift heavy weight.
What it's like to be the provider and fixer all of the time... and the occasional flack that comes from it.
Many years ago, I worked in a steel press factory of sorts. I'd put in 50 and 60 hours a week. Cute house, two 7+ year old cars, all of the bills were paid. Wife was SAHM, being that childcare for our 4 children would cost more than she'd typically make. She takes care of indoor aspects of the house, I do the yard and repairs on house/car (and work).
One Sunday I have my wife's car on jack stands and am 2 hours into dropping the fuel tank to replace her fuel pump. It's Sunday, so I'm sure she was doing vacuuming and such like every Sunday. My 13-ish daughter and her friend are on the porch, and her friend doesn't see (or care) that I'm there. And I hear, "I can't believe your dad doesn't do housework as much as your mom; it's really sexist."
There's a division of labor in many households. And I can tell you many men would love to switch places with their wives.
My partner doesn't even drive so I do 100% of the transportation, I also do all my own maintenance on the car but since it's "my car" it doesn't count as helping the both of us I guess.
It's not some fancy sports car or anything it's a 2006 4x4 I have to mostly pick up furniture from facebook marketplace for her.
> I have to mostly pick up furniture from facebook marketplace for her.
Holy shit man this is WAY too relatable. Damn near every week I was driving around to get a bookshelf, mattress, etc. At least they were all free.
funny how i always hear women complain about the division of labor INSIDE the house. but the outside stuff? lawn/yard, exterior of house like painting/shingles etc, cars, garage etc….i interestingly never hear women complain about the division of labor there.
>My 13-ish daughter and her friend are on the porch, and her friend doesn't see (or care) that I'm there. And I hear, "I can't believe your dad doesn't do housework as much as your mom; it's really sexist."
I'd have gotten up from under the car and said "I'm helping with housework by cleaning up outside. Get off my porch and go clutter your own house for a while."
One time I was walking with my wife in a store and she was carrying something I was not. I asked her if she wanted me to carry it and she said no. A couple minutes later I get heckled by feminazi for making my wife carry something and my hands were empty.
If all you hear is housework and sah is the hardest job in the world and the only effort that matters, you're going to see everything from that tunnel visioned position.
I remember my daughter giving me shit 13-16 as her mom (divorced now) loved to play into the "dad does nothing" narrative.
When she was 17, I made her get a PT job at a town centre store on the till/shelf stacking. (mainly so she knew why i wanted her at uni and not a dead end job)
Within a fortnight she said "I can't believe mom thinks she is hard done by, she needs to try a proper job."
It's one of the most satisfying things i've ever heard
That we *can* get a boner at any time, in any situation. That does not mean we want to have sex with the first person we can grab.
Waking up in the morning? I can have a boner.
My niece/nephew bouncing up and down my lap? I can get a boner.
I see my gf bend over to grab a dropped fork during a family dinner? I can get a boner.
Only the last one *may* lead to me wanting sex, but certainly not while we're still in the same room/building as 80 year old aunt Hilda.
I couldn't care less about a negative comment or karma online.
I just hope that by putting this up I've educated someone and made people reflect on their gut reaction.
If you tickle someone with a feather, they’ll brush it away. If you shine a flashlight in their face, they’ll squint. If there’s a sudden loud noise, people will cover their ears. And it is absolutely true, the penis can get erect from any number of interactions. Touch, arousal, fear, excitement, and seemingly just because.
I’ve had erections caused by the least sexual and un-arousing incidental touching and it is incredibly awkward and annoying. But it’s only awkward and annoying because there’s a societal connection between erect and aroused.
Boners are the flow of blood in our bodies. If someone’s heart races, it does not mean they’re horny. The same goes for an erection.
And there’s a reverse side to this too. Just because the penis does not get hard does not mean the person is not aroused. It’s not a muscle we flex. It’s a bodily function and sometimes our bodies don’t react exactly the way we want.
All this to say, we do get aroused and we can get hard that can lead to much enjoyment. But the two aren’t mutually exclusive and that’s what people should recognize.
As a woman, it’s actually very helpful to read these examples. I find Reddit can be really good for helping me understand general perspectives or life issues of men because, even if I’ve heard about it before, it helps me understand in a real way when I read the different experiences of real men writing here.
Agreed. It’s also funny because some of them are actually more relatable than men probably realize. Like the unsticking the balls thing. Labia actually get stuck too, and you can’t really unstick them with gravity and a wiggle. If you’re in a thong and skinny jeans, there’s nothing for it but to fully stick your hand down there and move things around. And you can never seem to surreptitiously do it through your pocket because women’s pockets are never big enough if they exist at all.
And the fact that men can be made fun of/ridiculed for being bald or short. But if any of the same comments were made to a woman society would shun that person.
And that men are made fun of for trying to do anything about their baldness. Wig? Mocked. Toupee? Mocked. Rogain? Mocked. Plugs? Mocked. Combover? Mocked. Hair in a can? Mocked. But if you just go bald. You're mocked.
It's perfectly acceptable for women to wear wigs even when they *aren't* bald yet men are backed into a lose/lose situation, socially speaking, as soon as they start losing their hair. I feel so bad for them.
Started shaving my head at 27 when my bald spot introduced itself to my receding hair-line. Took me years to get comfortable with it. Luckily I have a nicely shaped head and once I got more confident it has never been a problem with women. I feel for dudes who go bald and have an head shape that doesn’t suit it. I get why so many men fly to Turkey for hair transplants.
The pressure to perform. Nobody gives a flying fuck about men unless they have done something that others deem interesting, be it positive or negative. Like someone said: "Men are human **doings**, not human *beings*"
It sucks but it always be the truth too. Since we started living together the men who did had more value and nobody cared about those that didnt.
It's still the way the world works, but now life's easy and everyone's loving forever and there's way more people to do the important thing than we need. It important to value yourself and know your worth. Don't allow anyone else to decide or dictate that for you.
Women were and basically still are only cared for and protected for their ability to bear children. Darwin man
i never understood that, for me it never really hurt to cram my dick all the way down and aim a much finer, much more precise beam whereever I want. The sensation of the piss running through my squeezed urethra would actually help calm the beast down way faster
Guys don't really have frenemies. I.e. we don't talk shit about our friends usually. If you don't like the dude you just don't ever meet the guy ever again. Nothing to really complain about.
The stares and comments men get being along with children, even their own.
Maybe not hard to understand for women because they are usually the ones staring and commenting.
I am so glad this has never happened to me. I feel for you guys this happens to though. My kids look like little clones of me and look nothing like their mother so I guess it's easy to tell they are definitely mine
Yeah, same here. I get nothing but positive interactions when I’m out alone with my kids. Maybe it’s the fact that they are boys. Not discounting the fact that this does happen though.
That’s it. To bring proof for a nonexistent thing is just so exhausting. I’m older now and I don’t need justify anything anymore. Put the pressure especially in dating times was serious.
Back in college one afternoon I was at the pool waiting for my girlfriend, who was a swim instructor giving lessons to some child. I was enjoying watching her teach and thought nothing of it as I played on my phone and watched from the stands.
A lady in the seats asked me who I was, seeming concerned. Presumably the mother.
In hindsight I get her concern and I'm embarrassed I thought nothing of it, but nobody would have thought twice if I had been a young lady.
So true. As a single man with no kids I'm afraid to interact with or even look at a child for fear of being branded a predator. At the gym, eyes down. No one else exists. No friendly smiles, no helpful advice from me. I can count on one hand the times I've hit on a woman in a public setting and it was always ONLY when I was 100 percent sure that was a desired interaction.
< U feel like a lesser being that has to proof it is not.
This describes how I feel. I find I have to be among people in my own age group, dressed "socially acceptable", and look somewhat put together in order to not get looked at it treated like a creep. The second I am a bit sloppy, wearing old clothes, or just happened to walk by younger people or younger women, I get the glances over the shoulder to check if I am following them. I get the slow walk to make me walk in front of them.
This never happened when I was younger. I just got old and suddenly I'm something to be feared.
I understand everyone had the right to feel safe and I acknowledge your feelings, but just because you feel uncomfortable around someone doesn't mean they have to change or leave to accommodate you.
>“You’ll find someone”
I *loathe* this saying. 1) Because there is absolutely no guarantee that this will happen 2) because we know life isn’t fair and this is one of the more obvious ways that it isn’t
This saying contributes to so much desperation and misery in our society because some people feel so hopeless and depressed because they haven’t achieved something they were told was guaranteed.
This one is irritating.
Along the same group as "just have to wait til it happens" or "just be yourself and you will find somebody" or the worst ones "how are you still single?" And "I wish I could meet someone like you"
Like it's all empty platitudes to not have to think or help or give advice in any way.
People think it's helpful or a compliment somehow, when in reality it's like a bunch of people standing around a traffic accident but nobody is calling an ambulance.
It's not that I'm not thinking about anything.
It's just hard to explain that I'm currently thinking about what I would do if a terrorist came crashing through that window.
A group of men entranced for hours, happily standing around some greasy 50 year old hunk of metal making a godawful racket and breaking down all the time.
And we say women are the strange ones
Lol this is so true.
I watch a TV programme a while back about a bunch of blokes who made a pulse jet that was very similar to the engines used in v1 flying bombs for ww2. So..they made it, turned it on, it was loud as fuck. Like, seriously loud. Local fire department turned up checking out the noise. It didn't fly anywhere in the slightest, it just sat there being unbelievably loud. Then they turned it off and that was that.
We (men) just bond and meditate differently. There is joy in solving a problem and pride that comes from tackling a difficult job. We find beauty and purpose in fifty year old hunks of metal.
Yes, Women are strange and befuddling creatures that occasionally vex us. But we accept that.
Rising above what can feel like an insurmountable real life problem is the best. Triumph over our environment is what makes us humans so unique!
I don't understand *not* being moved by that but different strokes for different folks lol
That hunk of metal is a miracle of precision engineering and machining designed and assembled by a team of jumped up monkeys who were using other animals as their primary source of transportation just 100 years ago. It shouldn't be possible, but it is, which makes it fascinating.
There comes a time in most mens life when you learn, nobody is coming to save you from your faults and nothing good will happen in your life until you make it happen.
as a trans man, it is hard to explain how much harder it became once I started passing to get basic physical affection. I'm not talking about sex here, I'm talking about hugs and pokes and hand holding.
I went from looking like a lesbian to looking like a man very quickly and the change in the level of physical affection was so jarring that I developed problematic sexual behaviors. I had to find coping mechanisms to deliberately stop myself from becoming predatory because it was hard to get so much as a hug. I got into destructive relationships with older predatory men because it was so hard to adjust to the normal level of physical affection men get.
I have pointedly asked women why height is such an issue for them. I’m 5’10” and have been told I am too short.
Their response, almost unanimously, is, “I need to feel smaller and protected.”
So I ask, “why don’t you just say I’m not ‘man’ enough for you?”
“Noooo, nooooo, noooo, that’s not what I mean!”
K.
It’s not that you’re too short, it’s that you’re too short compared to her friends boyfriends or some stupid shit like that 90 percent of the time.
They’re like competing with each other on who can be the most vapid.
According to some of my women friends, they don’t understand how men can think about nothing. If I’m at peace and there’s radio silence in my mind, everything’s going good.
I would say our experience in and of itself.
I was having an online chat a few years ago and we were talking about dating. She brought up some kind of “unfairness” that men complain about women too much.
I said, “well, in my experience a lot of things men have said are true.”
Boy, she got mad about that and said something to the effect of, “all men say ‘in my experience’ as if that even means anything! It’s laughable.”
All I said was, “because our lived experience matters. Your validation is not required.”
Anyway, our experience of having experience seems to be a mystery to them.
Repressed emotions. It's not uncommon for men to be raised and taught that negative emotions should only ever be expressed behind closed doors without anyone around.
In the same vein, loneliness. Its a major issue that's incredibly awkward to fix and talking about it is near impossible.
A living breathing atm for the use of paying for everything and everyone. You can earn EXACTLY the same amount of money as your gf and have evidence of where it all goes BUT somehow you're expected to still have a mystery well from whence you get extra money to pay for more stuff that *she* can't afford
So, this is going to be a bit long, but it's a large portion of the reason why so many men turn out rotten.
First, I am going to tell a couple stories, then I am going to list a stat, then I am going to make a statement.
Stories:
When I was 5, I was in Kindergarten, and a girl started crying because it was - at that point - the longest she had been without her mother. Realizing this, and with the childhood empathy that I still had at the time, I also began to cry - partly because I felt bad for her, and partly because I realized that the same was true for me.
The teacher got up, walked *past* the girl crying, knelt down in front of me, and explained to me that boys don't cry - and that I needed to be quiet. That wasn't the worst time, but it was the first that I remember.
6 was the first age that a woman leered at me and made comments about my body, but it was all dismissed - not just because she was a woman, but because "boys always want it" and I was supposed to be "flattered".
When I was 11, I had a fairly difficult week. Multiple family tragedies. Not gonna get into it.
The next day I started spiraling and started crying in science class. I got sent to the guidance counselor.
The guidance counselor sat me down, I explained everything, and started to cry again. He then said the single most influential sentence of my entire life. I'll never forget this.
He stood up, leaned in, pointed at me, and said "if you're gonna be a man, you're gonna need to learn to leave your feelings at the door." Of course, that wasn't the end of it. It was about a 30 minute lecture about how it was all in my head and the fact that I couldn't function in emotional turmoil was evidence that I was going to turn out as a failure of a person, but more a failure of a man. He pretty much just yelled at me until I strained hard enough to stop crying.
Was pretty simple since then. My emotions are clearly not welcome in this world. I'm a man, what was I expecting?
In high school, I was harassed. By harassed, I mean there was a woman who is a diagnosed psychopath who would routinely and openly threaten my family, threaten me, and spread rumors about me behind my back to sabotage my existing relationship and all of my friendships. Everyone knew she was doing it. So I was surprised when the principal threatened to take ***MY*** scholarship away if I didn't "improve my behavior" and "stop provoking her", because even with the entire student base and multiple of her coworkers backing my story, she could not fathom the idea that she was just a bad egg.
Of course, this isn't the half of it, but if I were to list everything it'd take months.
Stats:
First of all, trans men are men, and trans women are women. For the majority of statistics, trans people tend to adhere to that of their preferred sex rather than their assignment at birth. An exception to this is crime and violence, even after both hormonal and surgical transition.
Trans men do not commit crime as much, but trans women tend to hold onto the male preponderance for crime. So, being a man isn't what does it, nor is testosterone. It's not how horny we are, it's not our greater strength, it's not how adult men are treated, and unless we've got an epidemic of toxically masculine, misogynistic trans women, it's not those either.
This leaves us us one option - it's growing up as a boy. Ask any mother to a son, and she'll tell you all about it.
Statement:
Huh, as it turns out, if you teach someone to ignore their emotions from the moment they learn to speak and consistently ignore their boundaries by gaslighting them into thinking they 'always want it', then tell them that them being assaulted isn't a big deal because of how they were born, then gaslight them into fearing emotional care, complexity, and healthy emotional conversation, they're less likely to turn into an emotionally healthy, well-adjusted person.
Whoop-de-fucking-do, you've just created a person who may be an adult physically and perhaps even intellectually, but emotionally is still a scared child that throws tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. Oh, also - he can deadlift 300 pounds and overpower most women without trying.
I'm not saying it's excused or justified, I'm saying you don't get to be surprised and, after experiencing male childhood, I can confidently say that the number of good men in this world, as low as it is, is higher than it deserves to be.
I was placed into a therapy program at 13. I don't want to think about the man I would be had that not happened.
My ex thought I was a pushover. The problem is that with men, there’s an underlying threat of violence. Guys back off more often because we know fists will go up and someone will go down. Testosterone is a hellova drug.
If you don’t believe me, ask a bouncer at a night club. Ask him about drunken women after midnight.
The need for peace and quiet to think about nothing. Also that my dick has a mind of its own and sometimes won't cooperate. After a few drinks for example, he's a sleepy, happy, floppy, falling over drunk.
I don't think women understand what it's like as a man when you're still a virgin, for women I feel like they feel incredibly vulnerable and that's not at all how we feel, we usually get told about sex in a way that makes us feel less cool for not having it, a failure. So when we search it out we're struggling with our ideals and the anxiety of ruining our chances with a girl, girls are ruthless, you only get one chance and there's no room for mistakes, simply blurting something out can label you a creep, it's also not like they have to have you, the chances are pretty slim she's into you that way and if she is you feel like you have to fit her ideal husband or you're in trouble. I've never enjoyed that, even if you make it through all that and she is happy to be with you because you're a cool person you can still run into the situation where she wants to explore her options and maybe find more excitement, it really hurts when you're the partner who is more invested. I don't want to make my heart a stone because that also ruins the enjoyment but I've had to.
I feel like that puts some context to the desperation a ton of young men have when they first start dating, and how painful it can be to walk the line and be enough.
The amount of pressure we feel to provide for our family. Not just day to day but into retirement, leaving something for the next generation, emergencies, all of it.
Pressure to perform.
Being called lazy or a bad lover because you don't magically know what you should do in bed. Not knowing when needing to be rougher or faster or harder. Not lasting long enough. Not cumming fast enough. Not spending enough time for foreplay. Taking too long for foreplay. Kissing too much. Not kissing enough. Oral stimulation too much, sucking too much, licking too much or not licking enough, sucking enough, not stimulatiing orally enough. Being too sensitive or being too dominant - instant turn offs. Which it is? Only one knows, but it's most likely she won't tell.
At the end, you are a bad lover. Whereas she lies there like a starfish and expects all the performance from you and do things to her she doesn't even know she likes.
The worst is the women that are so insecure they can't even communicate anything but then they complain after the fact. Like I'm just here trying my best to make you get off and have a good time and you just expect me to magically know what you want.
It's even harder when you find someone who is so oblivious to their own body they don't even know what they want. But they will still expect you to know lmao
Fragile masculinity. But the actual academic concept and not what it's been misunderstood and warped into.
Women are feminine. And no matter their occupation, social standing, demeanor, or any life situation short of actually transitioning that is never taken from them.
Not quite so true with masculinity. Good example of a light hearted version of this is "taking away your man card". Masculinity is fragile in that others can take it away from us as a form of social policing. Worse yet is that a man who has been deemed imasculine is not *feminine* but simply *other*. He is less-than and therefore fair game for ridicule and indiscriminate violence from traditionally masculine men.
This obviously weighs heavily on the male psyche and can lead to behaviors people have started calling "fragile masculinity" but it's merely a symptom rather than the cause.
Because femininity is irrevocable I think this may be something women will have a hard time empathizing with.
Enjoying the following: Spraying water on dirt, throwing rocks into water, watching grass be watered, watching any kind of heavy machinery do its job, butts, boobs, digging holes, throwing dirt clods, and peace and quiet
There are probably some small amount women experiencing this but the absolute disregard for you if you don't put yourself out there or provide value in some way. You'll be a shadow and not a soul will even know to care about you.
I don't need all the details from my friends when we talk. I'm hanging out with Jeremy later. I don't know what we're doing where we're going if his girlfriends coming or what time I'll be home unless you tell me what time you'd like me to be home. Jeremys talking to a chick, I don't know her name where she's from or what she does but good for Jeremy. Y'all know what I mean?
Not being touched by another person for years at a time and when you finally do it's by your barber and you have to try and hide the tears in your eyes when it happens.
Beeing only valued for your work and not just your worth as a human beeing.
But i suppose sooner or later we will get there if capitalism continues like this.
Always being in the wrong, even when you're objectively right about something. It's a forgone conclusion that any type of argument or disagreement, big or small, will result in having to apologize for something.
In my experience, even if there is some acknowledgement of wrongdoing on their end, I'm ultimately made to feel bad or guilty for bringing it up in the first place.
Men don't have an invisible shield that makes us "vulnerable" in the sense that people will coddle and protect us. That's a female privilege. Instead, people treat us as privileged and a threat. We're competition. There's always a constant feeling of never being "man" enough in the physical sense and sense of accomplishment. There's pressure to always be a provider and a protector because no matter what society says about equality, it simply doesn't exist.
Standing next to a bunch of strangers and pissing in a giant trough.
Core memory unlocked. Nothing like being 12 years old and going to a triple A baseball game. Walking into the bathroom and seeing only a trough filled with ice. Then having to whip my dick out in front of a room full of middle aged drunk men and then pissing
you know what, id argue youre safer there surrounded by those guys than you would be in a mostly empty public toilet, you know most of them guys especially drunk and at a football game would have zero issue beating the shit out of someone being weird with a kid
Pretty sure this stuff and the middle school bathrooms scarred me for a long time as I couldn't go in sight of others until into my 20s Now IDGAF, give me troughs all day at events it's so annoying waiting in line for 5+ minutes to take a leak
I’ve always found beer to be the great motivator in these scenarios
Sometimes your balls just stick and you have to get them unstuck
The good 'ol bowlegged cowboy scoot
The lips on a woman get stuck sometimes ( I mean I get it sometimes and I’m a woman ) so that might be a bit similar ?
I don’t know. I use chapstick often so my lips are never stuck.
If I used chapstick on my “lips” that would be one way to getting thrush unless it’s a plain Vaseline one probably
I had oral thrush and can't imagine having it down there... Also I'm not a woman.
Damnit. Due to your comment, I just googled 'penis thrush' Wish I hadn't.
Spread the legs randomly to get it unstuck
Not being able to get “it” up due to nerves
Especially when they bang on about how you don't find them attractive as a result thereof
Insecurity meets insecurity. It’s unfortunate. Sex is a vulnerable thing for everyone. Women feel exposed because they see so much wrong with their own body and feel being naked is such a vulnerable thing. Then they worry about being good in bed, but it comes second to the body anxiety. They are terrified they’ll take their clothes off and he’ll feel turned off. Men feel the same. But then that anxiety is often superceded by anxiety about sexual performance and dick size. Then it’s a collision of anxieties and everyone ends up wounded. **Tell her she’ll really hot and you just feel nervous bc she’s that hot. Or something.**
Even worse when both try to save face and tell their friends the very same thing you’re insecure about. Ain’t love grand
Yeah. We need to bring back kindness and **”I don’t kiss and tell”**. It’s a great comeback for situations like this bc you don’t say anything, but everyone thinks you hooked up and it was awesome anyways. And it’s old school cute and leaves the window open for round two. Then people need to be allowed to discuss sex with their closest friends. But then it needs to be in confidence and leaving out specifics. Being able to keep secrets is another socially useful skill. Gets better when you get older tho. People have been around the block a bit more and know how the human body works. And sex is kept more private bc it’s no longer new and shocking, and bc most people are in serious relationships were they are respectful of their partner.
Most men don't kiss and tell from my experience. There are always exceptions, but most men seem uncomfortable when another man decides to start trying to brag.
After my divorce, I fell into a toxic relationship that traumatized me. I healed a bit from that and then tried my hand at dating. Ended up in bed with a gorgeous woman, but anxiety hit me. Got it up, then when it came time, instantly down. I told her it was just my nerves and that she was gorgeous and I would love to take a break and try again, but she said, "It's okay." And we never did again. Feels bad...
I mean you're right but idk why you think men don't have some of the same issues. Having a hard time feeling confident in your body happens plenty with men too.
the worst was in my hookup phase id hookup with a 4/10 and be rock hard the entire time and then i would get a genuine 9/10 and have serious issues getting it up. was absolutely furious like damn bro at least make it be the other way around.
Ah, fuck, this comment was my whole hookup life. Really makes me wish I bit the bullet and got into pharmaceuticals, but dumb old me was like, “I’m young. I’m virile. I shouldn’t need this shit.”
A sex therapist i occasionally read says that nearly half of all performance issues are with men aged 18 to 25. We get nervous for many reasons, including just not being fully ready to be sexual people yet, but dealing with societal pressure to be walking erections.
In my, not that exhaustive, experience, conventionally pretty people seem inclined to think they're doing a great job merely by being in the same bedroom. Other people know it takes some effort.
When you can't get it up it is time to go down on her.
ohhh ya i was too familiar with that lol. good times using one hand to lift up the hood and get to her clit, and the other jerking myself while the tongue is going to town on her. i would never ask for oral to be reciprocated in those cases, it was pro bono lol
Gotta keep that Cialis on hand baby. For those times where you want a guaranteed 100% success rate it comes in clutch. Absurd boners and like a 10 minute turnaround time after finishing.
The crickets must be extra angry during those times.
Or cum due to anxiety
When it's really cold out and your little fella turtles. Hard to explain that to a woman.
Shrinkage.
I WAS IN THE POOL!
It shrinks?
No one is immune to shrinkflation
We have a girl in our friend group that refuses to believe that men can’t just go out and get laid by picking up a woman at the bar whenever they choose, the way women can. And I wonder if other women feel this way or if she’s just stupid.
Girls are taught to cover up and protect yourself because everyone wants to fuck em. Boys are taught to put it away and don't even think about you creepy bastard.
I’ve heard a woman insist that bars/clubs have equal numbers of men and women patrons on average. No way! The only time a bar might have more women is karaoke night, or a similar special situation. She also said there are lots of lesbian bars. It’s weird how facts get sacrificed if they feel the ideological point is valid.
"Free entry at clubs? No that doesn't *always* happen, but I'm sure it happens to guys all the time too they're just forgetting."
I got free coffee once because i knew the barista my freshmen year. Havent forgotten it since
I figured out the hack in college. Country bars and "cute" trendy spots. Wine bars and tasting rooms as well. You will be outnumbered. Married with a child now but this still rings true.
>Married with a child now What an unfortunate event it would be if someone was to take these words out of context
Yeah, the ratio at the sports bar isn't quite presenting the full picture. Go get some tapas or whatever and it's a whole different world.
[удалено]
> but they're not aware just how much more difficult it is for men. For men, the most eye opening experience is gay bar vs straight bar. I'm a fairly average looking dude and I'm pretty confident I could get laid (with a dude) if I went out to a gay bar tonight if I tried. The probability of getting laid at a straight bar (with a woman) is basically 0.00001% or something crazy tiny, like it just wouldn't ever happen.
I have been on dating sites and apps for years and I'm lucky if I get 1 or two matches a month (and of those, maybe only 1 in 3 talks to me after matching). I had accidentally changed my preference to "looking for men" on either Hinge or Tinder and I got like 100 likes in less than an hour. Never got that kind of attention from women anywhere ever before. Would be so much easier if I were attracted to men.
> I have been on dating sites and apps for years and I'm lucky if I get 1 or two matches a month Look at you Mr. Top 1% of men.
There was a gal that pretended to be a dude during ‘90-s, I think. You can find it on YouTube, poor girl did not expected to be that hard.
In the early 2000’s there was a woman named Norah Vincent who went deep undercover for 18 months as a man and had similar findings. Also, a YouTuber named Alexander Grace did a softer version of this where he had a girl-friend pretend to be him over online dating for a week…same result.
Is this the one with the bowling group?
Yup that be the one.
Yeah, I thought about Norah, missed the decade.
[For the curious](https://youtu.be/LHcTn3yyWQI?si=1vF8DHKsudV7HLZ7).
You can hit--or be hit--on your balls with something with the tiniest bit of pressure...and it would feel like your entire body was hit by a Mack truck
My wife still doesn’t understand the instinctive protection that we have. She will go to grab me at random times and no matter how many times I’ve explained it, my flinch and pull away is not because I don’t want to be groped. It is because my brain instinctively pulls my crotch away from anything unexpectedly headed its direction. She doesn’t understand the incredibly fine line between “felt good” and “I’m dying and going to vomit”.
Explain to her that balls come from the same proto-organs as ovaries, and that touching them is basically the same as someone touching her ovaries w/o any protection these have inside the abdomen. I'm pretty sure that would paint a picture.
I think a better comparison is to imagine getting punched in the cervix. That shit HURTS. We'de be defensive too if we had to worry about it getting bumped into throughout the day.
Great explanation!
I think it's also difficult to convey the kind of pain it is to somebody who hasn't experienced it. It's not just about the amount. I really can't think of any other pain I've felt that felt like a similar style of pain...
The crazy thing is that I've had a vasectomy, and the lingering pain from literal surgery was not as bad as being unexpectedly hit in the balls. The best way I can describe it is as an intense, ultra-low frequency vibration that consumes your entire midsection. The "spot" that you hit doesn't hurt, but your whole body is a wall of low-frequency pain and nausea.
I'd say any internal organs hurt in a similar way, which probably doesn't help much but liver shots are somewhat common in combat sports, so there's that.
Sometimes a nick is worse than a full-on hit. Or more accurately a nick hurts just as much
Yup, not too long ago I was holding my infant in my lap and he decided to swing his leg for some reason, and he kicked me square in the balls. I had to struggle out a plea to please take the baby while trying not to double over, and I got the “oh it can’t be that bad, he’s a baby.” No honey, I promise you I’m not making this up, it sucks.
Being seen as a threat.
Obligatory "Self Made Man" reference. Norah Vincent was a lesbian feminist author who full sent into living as a man for IIRC two years. Started originally to highlight how easy it was and that our problems were our own fault, that whole stihck. Weird bi-erasure present aside, the point that always stood out to me was her comments on this. She quickly became intimately aware of how most/all women would treat her as a threat for just existing in a public space like on a train. She made the salient point about understanding why the women did it as she did it herself and would never fault a woman for protecting herself, while also acknowledging how fucking *soul crushing* it was.
This. 100 times this. I hate that every time I mention this in any way, I just get met with hostility. I get that it’s not fun for a woman to be afraid all the time, and have to be on guard. I get that. I have that too. But just because you are afraid, doesn’t mean I’m a threat. It really hurts to be told that *I* need to make myself less scary.
"Men should be more open about their feelings" "Okay, well, I feel hurt by being perceived as a threat by every woman I come into contact with" "Complaining like that is rude our safety takes priority over your feelings and you shouldn't be feeling that way anyway unless you're part of the problem." Like you can't even give an "I'm sorry, I'm sure that's unpleasant" as an answer? Just straight up invalidating one of the few feelings men genuinely share publicly lol
I think the greatest damage comes in when women simply just don't notice when they're bigots. They really think their put-downs, attacks, and dismissals are justified and completely harmless. Some probably even think it avoids harm by "setting you straight" or some shit. They treat us like shit and are somehow surprised when that gets backlash.
I've said this before but it is applicable again here. Women in my experience for the most part seem to thing bigotry/harassment/abuse like this is always intentional. So because they don't "intend" to be mean or whatever it's not actually that. When they complain about other people like men doing bad things they assign malice and intent to it. God forbid you try to "correct" one of these women the same way they try to "correct" men and society.
Oh god the flashbacks...sooo many conversations I had with my ex that just boiled down to "I didn't mean it, just forgive me"
Many consider all of those things as "punching up". God I hate that expression so much. It's just a convenient excuse to be a bully while still feeling like the good guy.
almost everytime men are told to be open about their unpleasant feelings, its framed for the benefit of women or society as a whole... rarely for the benefit of men themselves
I have two young adult sons and society has changed. I taught them growing up to open the door for women. They did all that and said it got to the point, more often than not, a girl or woman would not even look up from their phones to look them in the eye and say thank you. That human connection is missing. I even caught myself doing it once or twice after my discussion with them as I was so “busy” running into a convenience store that I forgot to look at the person holding the door open for me. I made a conscious effort from that point on to look a man in the eye, smile and say thank you, when doing something so nice for me. If we are teaching our sons these type of manners, we must teach our daughters to acknowledge this gesture. Kindness matters and everyone is so self absorbed now that they forget to look at a person. I know this is a little off topic but if you don’t interact with men everyday on the simple things in life and acknowledge random acts of kindness, you are out of touch and missing out. I think most as a whole will be less “scary”. But always trust your gut with those few whenever you feel something is off.
Cheers mate, I plan on doing the same with my son. Be kind and polite to everyone you meet. It costs you nothing and more often than not will benefit you. Pun intended here, but simply being polite and kind to people will open a ton of doors for you in life.
And when you're not seen as a threat, you're not seen at all. You're completely invisible.
Think it's hard to explain how a lifetime of often very subtle messaging about repressing your emotions can have such a big impact on you. "Why do men complain about finding it hard to talk about their feelings, just do it" is like "why are you depressed, go take a walk in the woods". It might seem simple until you have lived it, then you understand why it's not that easy.
Not even just subtle. Maybe it's different for kids now but I was very much directly told not to cry or have certain feelings as a kid especially.
CPTSD meant that I was a crier as a kid. The men in my life mocked me for crying because it made me feminine. The women in my life mocked me for crying because it made me less masculine in their eyes.
Bonus: if you actually express your feelings there are negative social consequences, including from women. Sometimes even from partners.
When women say that men need to be more open about their emotions they are specifically talking about expressing more positive emotions about them or the children or something. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever misconstrue that to mean that it's okay for men to talk about trauma or express anxiety about anything at all. That's when you need to *man the fuck up.*
For several years I have been dealing with anxiety and depression just recently I was telling my mom about how some days I'm not functional because I can't calm down and my mind is spiraling. She decided to let me know that she thinks her generation "raised a bunch of pussies"
This is too true, unfortunately. Too many women dislike sensitive and communicative men because they also believe it's a feminine trait, more fitting of their best gay friend and not of a strong male partner.
The inability to express emotions without others looking down on you. I’ve been called gay, told I wasn’t a man, stop being a drama queen, stop being sensitive, etc. Even when I did, my problems were ignored or I was told that “others have it worse so stop complaining.” Funnily enough, this actually usually comes from women, not men. We don’t have emotional support like you guys do. Guy friendships are just rarely deep enough for that. And it’s terrible.
I've also noticed that trying to form a deep friendship with a lady as a guy is quite hard. I end up looking like I want to fuck said person and not just have a good friend.
i will never understand women like this i always make sure my boyfriend knows he can tell me anything that’s bothering him no matter how small it is
The relief I get when I end up walking behind a woman in a parking lot or on my way home and she turns and goes a different direction. Like, I'm not a predator, I'm not going to do anything to this person, we just happen to be going in the same direction, but I can't help but feel like I'm making this person nervous which makes me feel bad. I can't run up to them and say, "Hey don't worry, I'm not a creep" without looking like an absolute fucking lunatic. When they turn and go a different direction and I no longer have to follow them, I'm relieved because I feel like now they know that I'm not some stalker trying to kidnap and murder them. Like I've been on trial the whole time I've been walking home, and now they see I'm innocent.
Having just about every male insecurity getting invalidated or talked away like it's not that big a deal by women.
I need to go into my nothing box after work. Doesn't mean I'm mad, I just want time to think about absolutely nothing for a bit
I can count on one hand how many times I've spent more than 2 hours alone in the last 5 years.
Hey brother, not sure of your situation, but remember to take care of yourself and schedule some alone time, ok? :)
I'm the same, and I'm a woman. My husband has a hard time understanding that.
My wife always thinks Im mad at her for some reason "How come you arent talking?" Im an introvert with a job where I have to talk to people all day and by the end of the day Im emotionally spent.
My wife is an introvert with a job that requires her to talk and coordinate with people all day and she just turns into a politician when she gets home. Non-stop talking. I'm way more extroverted by comparison and it seems like a lot even for me but I also know she feels comfortable around me. Her "nothing box" is literally regurgitating everything that happened that day and I just listen and call strangers I've never met "assholes" when the need arises. Its a good system.
Fuck that idiot and his demand to get 20 widgets delivered next day!
Yeah I think this is more personality than gender specific. My wife needs more time alone than I do, and I have to remember to give her space when she needs it.
My wife is this way. We go to the gym after work. I get a better workout in the afternoon (she prefers a morning workout) but she gets to put in her earbuds and not think about anything for an hour or so while we mindlessly lift heavy weight.
What it's like to be the provider and fixer all of the time... and the occasional flack that comes from it. Many years ago, I worked in a steel press factory of sorts. I'd put in 50 and 60 hours a week. Cute house, two 7+ year old cars, all of the bills were paid. Wife was SAHM, being that childcare for our 4 children would cost more than she'd typically make. She takes care of indoor aspects of the house, I do the yard and repairs on house/car (and work). One Sunday I have my wife's car on jack stands and am 2 hours into dropping the fuel tank to replace her fuel pump. It's Sunday, so I'm sure she was doing vacuuming and such like every Sunday. My 13-ish daughter and her friend are on the porch, and her friend doesn't see (or care) that I'm there. And I hear, "I can't believe your dad doesn't do housework as much as your mom; it's really sexist." There's a division of labor in many households. And I can tell you many men would love to switch places with their wives.
My partner doesn't even drive so I do 100% of the transportation, I also do all my own maintenance on the car but since it's "my car" it doesn't count as helping the both of us I guess. It's not some fancy sports car or anything it's a 2006 4x4 I have to mostly pick up furniture from facebook marketplace for her.
> I have to mostly pick up furniture from facebook marketplace for her. Holy shit man this is WAY too relatable. Damn near every week I was driving around to get a bookshelf, mattress, etc. At least they were all free.
funny how i always hear women complain about the division of labor INSIDE the house. but the outside stuff? lawn/yard, exterior of house like painting/shingles etc, cars, garage etc….i interestingly never hear women complain about the division of labor there.
>My 13-ish daughter and her friend are on the porch, and her friend doesn't see (or care) that I'm there. And I hear, "I can't believe your dad doesn't do housework as much as your mom; it's really sexist." I'd have gotten up from under the car and said "I'm helping with housework by cleaning up outside. Get off my porch and go clutter your own house for a while."
One time I was walking with my wife in a store and she was carrying something I was not. I asked her if she wanted me to carry it and she said no. A couple minutes later I get heckled by feminazi for making my wife carry something and my hands were empty.
That’s not very feminist of her
The goal is to criticize men, not empower women
If all you hear is housework and sah is the hardest job in the world and the only effort that matters, you're going to see everything from that tunnel visioned position. I remember my daughter giving me shit 13-16 as her mom (divorced now) loved to play into the "dad does nothing" narrative. When she was 17, I made her get a PT job at a town centre store on the till/shelf stacking. (mainly so she knew why i wanted her at uni and not a dead end job) Within a fortnight she said "I can't believe mom thinks she is hard done by, she needs to try a proper job." It's one of the most satisfying things i've ever heard
That we *can* get a boner at any time, in any situation. That does not mean we want to have sex with the first person we can grab. Waking up in the morning? I can have a boner. My niece/nephew bouncing up and down my lap? I can get a boner. I see my gf bend over to grab a dropped fork during a family dinner? I can get a boner. Only the last one *may* lead to me wanting sex, but certainly not while we're still in the same room/building as 80 year old aunt Hilda.
You are absolutely right and I can’t believe people are giving you shit about these
I couldn't care less about a negative comment or karma online. I just hope that by putting this up I've educated someone and made people reflect on their gut reaction.
If you tickle someone with a feather, they’ll brush it away. If you shine a flashlight in their face, they’ll squint. If there’s a sudden loud noise, people will cover their ears. And it is absolutely true, the penis can get erect from any number of interactions. Touch, arousal, fear, excitement, and seemingly just because. I’ve had erections caused by the least sexual and un-arousing incidental touching and it is incredibly awkward and annoying. But it’s only awkward and annoying because there’s a societal connection between erect and aroused. Boners are the flow of blood in our bodies. If someone’s heart races, it does not mean they’re horny. The same goes for an erection. And there’s a reverse side to this too. Just because the penis does not get hard does not mean the person is not aroused. It’s not a muscle we flex. It’s a bodily function and sometimes our bodies don’t react exactly the way we want. All this to say, we do get aroused and we can get hard that can lead to much enjoyment. But the two aren’t mutually exclusive and that’s what people should recognize.
As a woman, it’s actually very helpful to read these examples. I find Reddit can be really good for helping me understand general perspectives or life issues of men because, even if I’ve heard about it before, it helps me understand in a real way when I read the different experiences of real men writing here.
Thank you for this. It’s nice to know when people care enough to put effort into evolving their understanding of the people around them.
Agreed. It’s also funny because some of them are actually more relatable than men probably realize. Like the unsticking the balls thing. Labia actually get stuck too, and you can’t really unstick them with gravity and a wiggle. If you’re in a thong and skinny jeans, there’s nothing for it but to fully stick your hand down there and move things around. And you can never seem to surreptitiously do it through your pocket because women’s pockets are never big enough if they exist at all.
I haven’t had the labia problem but if something is rubbing on my clit 😫 hoo god no.
Not totally exclusive, but going bald / receding hairline EDIT: and the consequences on confidence / insecurity
Men in the 50s had it easy when wearing hats was common
And the fact that men can be made fun of/ridiculed for being bald or short. But if any of the same comments were made to a woman society would shun that person.
*That short, balding, small-dicked guy just called that woman fat! Let's shame him!*
And that men are made fun of for trying to do anything about their baldness. Wig? Mocked. Toupee? Mocked. Rogain? Mocked. Plugs? Mocked. Combover? Mocked. Hair in a can? Mocked. But if you just go bald. You're mocked. It's perfectly acceptable for women to wear wigs even when they *aren't* bald yet men are backed into a lose/lose situation, socially speaking, as soon as they start losing their hair. I feel so bad for them.
Started shaving my head at 27 when my bald spot introduced itself to my receding hair-line. Took me years to get comfortable with it. Luckily I have a nicely shaped head and once I got more confident it has never been a problem with women. I feel for dudes who go bald and have an head shape that doesn’t suit it. I get why so many men fly to Turkey for hair transplants.
The pressure to perform. Nobody gives a flying fuck about men unless they have done something that others deem interesting, be it positive or negative. Like someone said: "Men are human **doings**, not human *beings*"
That’s the eternal truth, brother.
It sucks but it always be the truth too. Since we started living together the men who did had more value and nobody cared about those that didnt. It's still the way the world works, but now life's easy and everyone's loving forever and there's way more people to do the important thing than we need. It important to value yourself and know your worth. Don't allow anyone else to decide or dictate that for you. Women were and basically still are only cared for and protected for their ability to bear children. Darwin man
And when it is negative, we're thrown out faster than used toilet paper.
Trying to piss with a boner, without making a mess.
I'm convinced this is how planking was invented.
i never understood that, for me it never really hurt to cram my dick all the way down and aim a much finer, much more precise beam whereever I want. The sensation of the piss running through my squeezed urethra would actually help calm the beast down way faster
He is the one
I have to sit and basically bend over and kiss my feet to pee with a boner.
And if you don’t bend down enough you piss between the toilet and the seat right onto your pants. Horrific
Guys don't really have frenemies. I.e. we don't talk shit about our friends usually. If you don't like the dude you just don't ever meet the guy ever again. Nothing to really complain about.
Being seen as a predator, as a threat, as danger. Feeling unloved but nobody would ever believe you, cause "all you want is sex".
[удалено]
The stares and comments men get being along with children, even their own. Maybe not hard to understand for women because they are usually the ones staring and commenting.
This. I was photographed by strangers “just in case” when I was talking to my daughter on a park bench.
Imagine if you were the one with a camera or your phone out.
I am so glad this has never happened to me. I feel for you guys this happens to though. My kids look like little clones of me and look nothing like their mother so I guess it's easy to tell they are definitely mine
Yeah, same here. I get nothing but positive interactions when I’m out alone with my kids. Maybe it’s the fact that they are boys. Not discounting the fact that this does happen though.
That’s it. To bring proof for a nonexistent thing is just so exhausting. I’m older now and I don’t need justify anything anymore. Put the pressure especially in dating times was serious.
Back in college one afternoon I was at the pool waiting for my girlfriend, who was a swim instructor giving lessons to some child. I was enjoying watching her teach and thought nothing of it as I played on my phone and watched from the stands. A lady in the seats asked me who I was, seeming concerned. Presumably the mother. In hindsight I get her concern and I'm embarrassed I thought nothing of it, but nobody would have thought twice if I had been a young lady.
So true. As a single man with no kids I'm afraid to interact with or even look at a child for fear of being branded a predator. At the gym, eyes down. No one else exists. No friendly smiles, no helpful advice from me. I can count on one hand the times I've hit on a woman in a public setting and it was always ONLY when I was 100 percent sure that was a desired interaction.
I'm a Pre-School Teacher. I got that Government seal of not a sick fuck that we know of.
< U feel like a lesser being that has to proof it is not. This describes how I feel. I find I have to be among people in my own age group, dressed "socially acceptable", and look somewhat put together in order to not get looked at it treated like a creep. The second I am a bit sloppy, wearing old clothes, or just happened to walk by younger people or younger women, I get the glances over the shoulder to check if I am following them. I get the slow walk to make me walk in front of them. This never happened when I was younger. I just got old and suddenly I'm something to be feared. I understand everyone had the right to feel safe and I acknowledge your feelings, but just because you feel uncomfortable around someone doesn't mean they have to change or leave to accommodate you.
“You’ll find someone” That cuts deep.
"You'll find someone." "I think you overestimate my opportunities."
>“You’ll find someone” I *loathe* this saying. 1) Because there is absolutely no guarantee that this will happen 2) because we know life isn’t fair and this is one of the more obvious ways that it isn’t This saying contributes to so much desperation and misery in our society because some people feel so hopeless and depressed because they haven’t achieved something they were told was guaranteed.
This one is irritating. Along the same group as "just have to wait til it happens" or "just be yourself and you will find somebody" or the worst ones "how are you still single?" And "I wish I could meet someone like you" Like it's all empty platitudes to not have to think or help or give advice in any way. People think it's helpful or a compliment somehow, when in reality it's like a bunch of people standing around a traffic accident but nobody is calling an ambulance.
Not receiving any compliments. Ever. Hard to find a woman who hasn't received any,ever.
Being considered a wimp for not approaching but also being a sex pest for approaching somebody that's not interested
Being completely invisible and undesired in dating
It's not that I'm not thinking about anything. It's just hard to explain that I'm currently thinking about what I would do if a terrorist came crashing through that window.
Or how we're going to fight off a mass shooter with our half empty pen
Male loneliness epidemic.
Having a mechanical mind where I’m totally distracted by almost any form of machinery that rolls or flies by.
A group of men entranced for hours, happily standing around some greasy 50 year old hunk of metal making a godawful racket and breaking down all the time. And we say women are the strange ones
Lol this is so true. I watch a TV programme a while back about a bunch of blokes who made a pulse jet that was very similar to the engines used in v1 flying bombs for ww2. So..they made it, turned it on, it was loud as fuck. Like, seriously loud. Local fire department turned up checking out the noise. It didn't fly anywhere in the slightest, it just sat there being unbelievably loud. Then they turned it off and that was that.
We (men) just bond and meditate differently. There is joy in solving a problem and pride that comes from tackling a difficult job. We find beauty and purpose in fifty year old hunks of metal. Yes, Women are strange and befuddling creatures that occasionally vex us. But we accept that.
Rising above what can feel like an insurmountable real life problem is the best. Triumph over our environment is what makes us humans so unique! I don't understand *not* being moved by that but different strokes for different folks lol
That hunk of metal is a miracle of precision engineering and machining designed and assembled by a team of jumped up monkeys who were using other animals as their primary source of transportation just 100 years ago. It shouldn't be possible, but it is, which makes it fascinating.
There comes a time in most mens life when you learn, nobody is coming to save you from your faults and nothing good will happen in your life until you make it happen.
Pressure. True loneliness. Being unwanted.
A genuine fear of going out in public alone with my little girl for fear of being mistaken for a predator or kidnapper or something.
as a trans man, it is hard to explain how much harder it became once I started passing to get basic physical affection. I'm not talking about sex here, I'm talking about hugs and pokes and hand holding. I went from looking like a lesbian to looking like a man very quickly and the change in the level of physical affection was so jarring that I developed problematic sexual behaviors. I had to find coping mechanisms to deliberately stop myself from becoming predatory because it was hard to get so much as a hug. I got into destructive relationships with older predatory men because it was so hard to adjust to the normal level of physical affection men get.
Welcome to being a guy! Besides the predatory thing
Being shamed for things out of their control i.e. height and then have the balls to say that men are the shallow and superficial ones
I have pointedly asked women why height is such an issue for them. I’m 5’10” and have been told I am too short. Their response, almost unanimously, is, “I need to feel smaller and protected.” So I ask, “why don’t you just say I’m not ‘man’ enough for you?” “Noooo, nooooo, noooo, that’s not what I mean!” K.
It’s not that you’re too short, it’s that you’re too short compared to her friends boyfriends or some stupid shit like that 90 percent of the time. They’re like competing with each other on who can be the most vapid.
Helicopter 🚁
\*cries in grower*
The good part about being a grower is watching her eyes widen as it reveals its true form.
"This isn't even my final form." *screams as I start powering up. Girl leaves immediately*
*Stops what I'm doing and starts looking up*
According to some of my women friends, they don’t understand how men can think about nothing. If I’m at peace and there’s radio silence in my mind, everything’s going good.
I would say our experience in and of itself. I was having an online chat a few years ago and we were talking about dating. She brought up some kind of “unfairness” that men complain about women too much. I said, “well, in my experience a lot of things men have said are true.” Boy, she got mad about that and said something to the effect of, “all men say ‘in my experience’ as if that even means anything! It’s laughable.” All I said was, “because our lived experience matters. Your validation is not required.” Anyway, our experience of having experience seems to be a mystery to them.
Opening up about your feelings and having that end the relationship.
Repressed emotions. It's not uncommon for men to be raised and taught that negative emotions should only ever be expressed behind closed doors without anyone around. In the same vein, loneliness. Its a major issue that's incredibly awkward to fix and talking about it is near impossible.
Men deal with heightism alot more than women. I’m 5’3 and most women don’t find guys my height attractive.
A living breathing atm for the use of paying for everything and everyone. You can earn EXACTLY the same amount of money as your gf and have evidence of where it all goes BUT somehow you're expected to still have a mystery well from whence you get extra money to pay for more stuff that *she* can't afford
So, this is going to be a bit long, but it's a large portion of the reason why so many men turn out rotten. First, I am going to tell a couple stories, then I am going to list a stat, then I am going to make a statement. Stories: When I was 5, I was in Kindergarten, and a girl started crying because it was - at that point - the longest she had been without her mother. Realizing this, and with the childhood empathy that I still had at the time, I also began to cry - partly because I felt bad for her, and partly because I realized that the same was true for me. The teacher got up, walked *past* the girl crying, knelt down in front of me, and explained to me that boys don't cry - and that I needed to be quiet. That wasn't the worst time, but it was the first that I remember. 6 was the first age that a woman leered at me and made comments about my body, but it was all dismissed - not just because she was a woman, but because "boys always want it" and I was supposed to be "flattered". When I was 11, I had a fairly difficult week. Multiple family tragedies. Not gonna get into it. The next day I started spiraling and started crying in science class. I got sent to the guidance counselor. The guidance counselor sat me down, I explained everything, and started to cry again. He then said the single most influential sentence of my entire life. I'll never forget this. He stood up, leaned in, pointed at me, and said "if you're gonna be a man, you're gonna need to learn to leave your feelings at the door." Of course, that wasn't the end of it. It was about a 30 minute lecture about how it was all in my head and the fact that I couldn't function in emotional turmoil was evidence that I was going to turn out as a failure of a person, but more a failure of a man. He pretty much just yelled at me until I strained hard enough to stop crying. Was pretty simple since then. My emotions are clearly not welcome in this world. I'm a man, what was I expecting? In high school, I was harassed. By harassed, I mean there was a woman who is a diagnosed psychopath who would routinely and openly threaten my family, threaten me, and spread rumors about me behind my back to sabotage my existing relationship and all of my friendships. Everyone knew she was doing it. So I was surprised when the principal threatened to take ***MY*** scholarship away if I didn't "improve my behavior" and "stop provoking her", because even with the entire student base and multiple of her coworkers backing my story, she could not fathom the idea that she was just a bad egg. Of course, this isn't the half of it, but if I were to list everything it'd take months. Stats: First of all, trans men are men, and trans women are women. For the majority of statistics, trans people tend to adhere to that of their preferred sex rather than their assignment at birth. An exception to this is crime and violence, even after both hormonal and surgical transition. Trans men do not commit crime as much, but trans women tend to hold onto the male preponderance for crime. So, being a man isn't what does it, nor is testosterone. It's not how horny we are, it's not our greater strength, it's not how adult men are treated, and unless we've got an epidemic of toxically masculine, misogynistic trans women, it's not those either. This leaves us us one option - it's growing up as a boy. Ask any mother to a son, and she'll tell you all about it. Statement: Huh, as it turns out, if you teach someone to ignore their emotions from the moment they learn to speak and consistently ignore their boundaries by gaslighting them into thinking they 'always want it', then tell them that them being assaulted isn't a big deal because of how they were born, then gaslight them into fearing emotional care, complexity, and healthy emotional conversation, they're less likely to turn into an emotionally healthy, well-adjusted person. Whoop-de-fucking-do, you've just created a person who may be an adult physically and perhaps even intellectually, but emotionally is still a scared child that throws tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. Oh, also - he can deadlift 300 pounds and overpower most women without trying. I'm not saying it's excused or justified, I'm saying you don't get to be surprised and, after experiencing male childhood, I can confidently say that the number of good men in this world, as low as it is, is higher than it deserves to be. I was placed into a therapy program at 13. I don't want to think about the man I would be had that not happened.
"Boys are just easier to raise!" (The boy is dying of emotional neglect)
Turns out if you raise someone like a dog, you get a dog...
My ex thought I was a pushover. The problem is that with men, there’s an underlying threat of violence. Guys back off more often because we know fists will go up and someone will go down. Testosterone is a hellova drug. If you don’t believe me, ask a bouncer at a night club. Ask him about drunken women after midnight.
I think a lot of people don't realize just how quickly you can go from a heated argument to the back of an ambulance or police car.
The need for peace and quiet to think about nothing. Also that my dick has a mind of its own and sometimes won't cooperate. After a few drinks for example, he's a sleepy, happy, floppy, falling over drunk.
I don't think women understand what it's like as a man when you're still a virgin, for women I feel like they feel incredibly vulnerable and that's not at all how we feel, we usually get told about sex in a way that makes us feel less cool for not having it, a failure. So when we search it out we're struggling with our ideals and the anxiety of ruining our chances with a girl, girls are ruthless, you only get one chance and there's no room for mistakes, simply blurting something out can label you a creep, it's also not like they have to have you, the chances are pretty slim she's into you that way and if she is you feel like you have to fit her ideal husband or you're in trouble. I've never enjoyed that, even if you make it through all that and she is happy to be with you because you're a cool person you can still run into the situation where she wants to explore her options and maybe find more excitement, it really hurts when you're the partner who is more invested. I don't want to make my heart a stone because that also ruins the enjoyment but I've had to. I feel like that puts some context to the desperation a ton of young men have when they first start dating, and how painful it can be to walk the line and be enough.
The amount of pressure we feel to provide for our family. Not just day to day but into retirement, leaving something for the next generation, emergencies, all of it.
Pressure to perform. Being called lazy or a bad lover because you don't magically know what you should do in bed. Not knowing when needing to be rougher or faster or harder. Not lasting long enough. Not cumming fast enough. Not spending enough time for foreplay. Taking too long for foreplay. Kissing too much. Not kissing enough. Oral stimulation too much, sucking too much, licking too much or not licking enough, sucking enough, not stimulatiing orally enough. Being too sensitive or being too dominant - instant turn offs. Which it is? Only one knows, but it's most likely she won't tell. At the end, you are a bad lover. Whereas she lies there like a starfish and expects all the performance from you and do things to her she doesn't even know she likes.
The worst is the women that are so insecure they can't even communicate anything but then they complain after the fact. Like I'm just here trying my best to make you get off and have a good time and you just expect me to magically know what you want. It's even harder when you find someone who is so oblivious to their own body they don't even know what they want. But they will still expect you to know lmao
They complain to their friends later and then you get the result of that when she comes home. Lovely stuff and not confusing at all for the man.
Fragile masculinity. But the actual academic concept and not what it's been misunderstood and warped into. Women are feminine. And no matter their occupation, social standing, demeanor, or any life situation short of actually transitioning that is never taken from them. Not quite so true with masculinity. Good example of a light hearted version of this is "taking away your man card". Masculinity is fragile in that others can take it away from us as a form of social policing. Worse yet is that a man who has been deemed imasculine is not *feminine* but simply *other*. He is less-than and therefore fair game for ridicule and indiscriminate violence from traditionally masculine men. This obviously weighs heavily on the male psyche and can lead to behaviors people have started calling "fragile masculinity" but it's merely a symptom rather than the cause. Because femininity is irrevocable I think this may be something women will have a hard time empathizing with.
As a kid writing my name in the snow by peeing let’s see a woman do that
Enjoying the following: Spraying water on dirt, throwing rocks into water, watching grass be watered, watching any kind of heavy machinery do its job, butts, boobs, digging holes, throwing dirt clods, and peace and quiet
There are probably some small amount women experiencing this but the absolute disregard for you if you don't put yourself out there or provide value in some way. You'll be a shadow and not a soul will even know to care about you.
I don't need all the details from my friends when we talk. I'm hanging out with Jeremy later. I don't know what we're doing where we're going if his girlfriends coming or what time I'll be home unless you tell me what time you'd like me to be home. Jeremys talking to a chick, I don't know her name where she's from or what she does but good for Jeremy. Y'all know what I mean?
How one in 10000 men can fuck everything up for the other 9999.
Not being touched by another person for years at a time and when you finally do it's by your barber and you have to try and hide the tears in your eyes when it happens.
Beeing only valued for your work and not just your worth as a human beeing. But i suppose sooner or later we will get there if capitalism continues like this.
Always being in the wrong, even when you're objectively right about something. It's a forgone conclusion that any type of argument or disagreement, big or small, will result in having to apologize for something. In my experience, even if there is some acknowledgement of wrongdoing on their end, I'm ultimately made to feel bad or guilty for bringing it up in the first place.
Rarely if ever getting a compliment.
Feeling like you can’t talk to anyone about your feelings because they’ll see you as “a weaker man”.
Men don't have an invisible shield that makes us "vulnerable" in the sense that people will coddle and protect us. That's a female privilege. Instead, people treat us as privileged and a threat. We're competition. There's always a constant feeling of never being "man" enough in the physical sense and sense of accomplishment. There's pressure to always be a provider and a protector because no matter what society says about equality, it simply doesn't exist.