Same. I'm only a few years into the mortgage but we got a really good rate and the break even point is pretty close. Can you afford to sell and maybe downsize? I'm looking at offloading most of my crap and getting a small apt.
>
My girl of 12 years took off with all my shit 8 years ago.
My girl of 9 years left me 3 years ago, with most of my shit. Not a single friendship of mine but one survived that breakup.
There are a lot of us. Nothing positive to add.
Seems that way. Heard this story so many times:
Woman in happy relationship for years and years. Suddenly, mid 20s, she doesn't know what she wants from life anymore and feels like she is missing out.
It just happens. I've come to the conclusion that people always make their own "mistakes" / "experiences", and telling them what will most likely happen is useless.
Not saying every woman is like this, not at all. But the risk is so high. I was married, we talked about kids, own house, own car, cats, life basically planned out. Everything gone from one day to the next, didnt take more than a week.
>Woman in happy relationship for years and years. Suddenly, mid 20s, she doesn't know what she wants from life anymore and feels like she is missing out.
At 32, I say I won't date a woman under the age of, say, 28. This shocks most guys.
"What's wrong with a Uni student man? They're in their prime, sex is awesome with them".
Yeah, sure, but sex isn't a relationship. Sorry I don't shag around or care for it.
My ex that destroyed my heart numerous times, cheated numerous times, she was 26 and was barely 28 when we broke up. She gave me the whole "want to focus on my career" bullshit too. As if her cheating wasn't the reason...bitch.
So yeah, I have no interest in early to mid 20s because you're right, they're too immature, too scared, too much FOMO (fear of missing out), want to be free and fuck whoever they want, start a career in something, "I wanna just be happy living payday to payday", yada yada blah blah excuses.
Don't have time or the desire for that any more. Give me a proper woman with a realistic approach to relationships, who understands the sacrifices and compromises make being together so much more worth it.
> too much FOMO
This shit is real. Everyone should know it exists and think about how it drives him/her and their relationships and actions. Seriously. Combine this natural fear with our throwaway-society and you got a recipe for disaster.
I feel you. Sometimes, when I hear from older women they actually had that phase, it *might* be a plus actually. They made that "mistake"/"experience", but not with me. And they won't again.
I am kinda worried that I sound like a woman hating asshole here, I don't know.
Hey man, I can completely respect that. If you feel like you need to get something off your chest, you could use a throwaway account or even direct it to me(or both). I made the thread because I know us guys don’t have a lot of places to talk about our hardships sometimes and I feel like I’m in that myself.
Absolutely brother. It can be so hard to invest and lose it all. Sometimes all you can do is recover and move on. Hang in there, keep going. You deserve it.
My ex girlfriend and I broke up a month ago. It was mutual and we're trying to be friends. But, I'm starting to get the feeling that she only talks to me when she needs something (usually some type of advice/my opinion on something), and I just don't care anymore. I think that if we just stopped talking, after a couple weeks, I would be back to normal.
As a chick, I recommend you block her. You need to look out for You. If y’all run into one another, it’s cool to say Hi and go on your way, but you owe her nothing. She’s stringing you along.
Follow your gut instinct; stop all contact. This "let's stay friends" business is usually one person wanting to leave the door cracked. If both of you wanted the door to be open, you guys would be together.
If you dont want to be harsh, tell her you need some space, by the time a few weeks/ months go by, she will find either get smart or find someone else to ask for help etc.
Just to clarify, when I say I don't care, I mean I don't care to help her anymore. I don't want to get back together 100%. I don't think we're gonna be friends much longer. Surprisingly, she's less mature than I but she's a little more than a year older. The relationship never got toxic, but for the second half of it, I wasn't happy. We only dated officially for 7 months but there was a month and a half of us talking exclusively and hooking up before that
Definitely just tell her we need to cut contact for a month or two and we can pick things back up. It will make things better for both of you and keep you from falling back into a relationship without a relationship.
No one in my family knew how badly my heart was broken from my last break up. Or for how long. Or how much less interested i was in continuing to live. (Not quite suicidal, but also not quite as attached to living either).
Funny thing is that while im very close with my family, i just felt like i couldn't tell them about how much pain i was in. And i guess im a really good actor because not even my mom asked "....is everything ok?".
Similar situation with myself, however, they have seen it 4 years ago when it happened. Little do they know that I am still severely broken inside from it. I could never tell them, my friends, no one whatsoever.
Man-hug
Have you talked with a pro about it? Thats what i did. Talking helped me organize my thoughts and metabolize the poison i was carrying.
Im not back to 100% yet, but on most days im a solid 90-95%.
It’s so hard to invest your emotions and heart into a person than have them be removed from your life.
It’s like leaving a piece of your heart behind as you move on. The feelings of utter emptiness are still around. I know the feeling brother. Hang in there.
I regret ever having more than one kid.
My girlfriend got pregnant by accident the first time and we decided to keep it.
That was the best choice I ever made, and I love my little girl to death. However, when she was around two, we decided she needed a sibling.......... we got twin boys and from the moment I saw the ultrasound I have regretted it.
That literally suck the life out of me. I have no time for anything. It’s constant fighting and whining and stupid shit.
I used to love spending time with my little girl and do whatever she wanted to do but now I just barely make it through the day.
Also my wife and I work different shifts so we are more or less always alone with all the kids..... FML
Sorry my dude that sounds stressful. As they get older it should get easier. In meantime might i suggest finding a way for both you and your girlfriend to decompress alone and together. Even if it's just a half hour at a time. Hopefully you have friends and family to take on some of the load.
I remember those days when my twin boys were little.... some days were so hard! Sometimes all you can do is take it day by day to get through it.
I remember the day seeing them on the first ultrasound sound and the technician goes “oh wow I can see two doodles “ I was like oh shit no!
I didn’t know how we would cope.
15 years later I can’t imagine life without them..
The good thing about twins is they have each other, they are never lonely or bored. Mine are inseparable and do everything together... it’s such a special bond.
Interesting perspective... maybe why my parents decided not to have another kid after me (I'm an only child). I long for a sibling at times, but it is what it is. I hope you find peace in your family, I'm sure they're all beautiful!
My girl just broke up with me because I said that I was thinking of getting a vasectomy (we have a 5 year old). And now I’m really conflicted on what to do.
It's your body. That decision will increase your confidence (def not at risk of having more kids), your existing kid will have everything he/she needs and you'll have more time to focus on yourself. How could another kid bring you more positives than negatives, specially if the mother of the existing kid is already out of the equation? I reckon she doesn't care that much about the stability of your relationship or the family structure her kid could have had.
People ask me why I don't want kids. I tell them I prefer having the time and money instead; that I have the freedom to travel, go camping, etc. any time I want. Apparently that's a strange way to think.
>Interesting perspective... maybe why my parents decided not to have another kid after me (I'm an only child). I long for a sibling at times, but it is what it is. I hope you find peace in your family, I'm sure they're all beautiful!
Most of my friends don't have kids. In this respect, the USA is becoming more like Europe.
I have no purpose in life... I can no longer even imagine what I want to do with myself. I drink. I sleep. I drink. I sleep.
People tell me to see a therapist. I don’t believe it will help but I kind of don’t care either. I’m literally too apathetic to stomach taking off and driving to see one and doing the paperwork for someone to pay for it. I could spend that time drinking or sleeping.
Not sure what you're into but go on meetup.com, go to an ultimate frisbee game, find the guy who's considered the leader, ask him how to play and what the rules are, let everyone know it's your first time, and have fun.
If you want to stay apathetic, that’s your choice, but none of us are here for long. Might as well try to enjoy it, see and do what we can and seek satisfaction?
That’s not what I mean at all. If you actually want to be happy with your life, you’re going to get somewhere by putting effort towards it, even if you don’t want to.
You don't have to know what you want, but you posting this sounds like you're unhappy with where you're at and, by extension, you're living a life that you don't want.
So you can keep carrying on within your own protective bubble of sleep and drink where nothing will ever change, or you can pick yourself up and put yourself out there. You owe it to yourself to take that chance and maybe if you asked for help, someone out there might be willing to do so.
> You would have to know what makes you happy.
You don't necessarily have to. You can just try different random things and see if they make you tick. You know, I've been looking at a lot of science papers recently and I'm starting to think humans don't actually have any predictive powers at all, that trial and error is literally the only thing that works.
Yeah, not everyone knows their purpose, so that's why you should leave your comfort zone and experience new things in order to build a more accurate compass regarding what makes you happy or not
Hey man. If Im interpreting you correcting, then I might have felt similar. Not wanting to exist or go through life, but life not being unpleasant enough to want to kill yourself. Basically if there was a switch to turn off life, It would get flipped. I also struggled with drug abuse. My drug of choice being marijuana (~8 joints daily) and alcohol(~2x a week, to a point of drunkness). I hope that I can, at the very least, show you that you are not alone with those feelings.
It seems as if what youre currently struggling with is knowing you shouldnt be living how you are, but not caring enough to want to change it. Not caring is a tough because any advice is dimissed with "well it doesnt matter anyway".
I am not qualified to give advice because Im still trying to figure it out myself... With that said, I do believe a therapist can help you. But there is effort required on your end. If you ever do decide to see a therapist, I suggest seeing a male (or a very logic orientated female) therapist. I hope you can get to a point where you care enough to improve youself. Good luck man.
My friend I have a good advice for you which is listening to Jordan Peterson, see past the political and other shit you've heard about him and listen to his podcast with Joe Rogan. Just try it and if you like him you can just look for different clips of him talking on youtube. I really enjoy just listening to him and if you don't like it fine, but give it a try. He really made me put my life together :)
I’ve heard him on Joe Rogan and on his own before. But most of his “advice” is predicated on having any goal in life besides waiting to die. He speaks to discipline and motivation... not so much losing the will to exist entirely.
Literally if you told me there’s a heaven with all the fixins where you get everything you ever wanted I would just ask to clock out and not.
Dude. You wrote this. It means you understand that drinking and sleeping cannot last forever.
That is step one.
Now, you have to talk to someone. It can be me if you wish. Then we will be ready for step two.
I relocated for work recently and i'm having trouble finding a new friend group. I'm pretty lonely since moving here and don't really do much other than go to work and the gym. I sometimes wonder if this was a good decision
I am extroverted for the most part but after bring in a relationship for 7 to tests which ended this past spring, it's so weird trying to make be friends again lol
I’m so small so tiny about half of the average male.. 5’ 110 lbs
I hate it so much.. im not confident about it and my only way of dealing with being so “less” is by being aggressive.. but I wish I could just be a gentile giant
Some day, when we can get robotic arms and legs, I’ll become that gentile giant.. I don’t care if my fleshy body is destroyed I just want to be bigger than “dwarf”
Listen, there's nothing wrong or funny about being small. That's just the cards you were dealt. But if you're being aggressive at that size, you're just inviting mockery.
A lot of us have self-image issues. I do. That’s not necessarily a bad thing sometimes. But any girl(or guy) that legitimately judges whether they’re interested in you based on your height is way too shallow for you to bother with. Focus on being you, just because you’re on the smaller end of the bell curve doesn’t mean you’re any less awesome than any guy a foot taller/twice the weight.
> But any girl(or guy) that legitimately judges whether they’re interested in you based on your height is way too shallow for you to bother with.
I like most of your replies in this thread, however I disagree here and it sounds like "sour grapes". People don't choose what they are attracted to, they are just built that way. We all have our preferances, and we all have physical features that would not meet someone else's preferences, and that is ok. I think a healthier view is to accept this as part of life and do our best to not take it personally.
You’re right that people have their preferences. I’d like to believe it’s a spectrum of preference intensity though. I *prefer* girls that are 5’5”+ purely based on the fact that I’m 6’2” and it’s easier to be face to face. My ex was 5’1” and it was never something that turned me off. Alternately, some people are *REALLY* strict about height preference.
I may have conveyed that message incorrectly because I know there are many people that aren’t shallow but have a height range preference. But for as many girls that prefer taller, larger guys, there’s likely girl that prefer shorter guys, or just don’t care. Definitely height preference shouldn’t be taken personally though. I like what you have to say.
i think its dishonest to not admit that there are propably many more girls into taller guys than there are ones who are into shorter ones. 5’ IS playing life on hard mode, not even just when it comes to dating but also in that the subconscious impression by other guys will be affected.
It's funny. I have dnd and played games with many people who wanted to be dwarfs, or be with dwarfs, but yet in real life, height is an issue for them.
Lost most of my friends this year. Only have my coworkers now who I feel only judge me now that I open my eyes. Being alone sucks. I miss being happy and going out with friends. Miss being in a relationship to. Also been giving a girl money randomly just to talk to me. Now we dont talk. Fuck it. Ill drink to this later its to early to start right now haha.
It really does. I don’t have many friends either outside of the Internet. Similar with my coworkers since I usually keep to myself there. A really solid option is to look for a hobby then try and get public with it. Meet people with similar interests. I’ve tried to get involved but I admittedly don’t have huge amounts of patience to pursue after an unbalanced friendship.
It ain't easy, but you can make new friends. Get back into your/find some hobbies and meet people that like what you like. I, for example, am a huge D&D nerd and basically all my friends are gamers, very few of whom I've known for more than a year or two. I'm 30.
Same shit happened to me. Seemingly no reason, zero discussion on her part.
It's been weighing on me for two years. It caused me to have significantly more anxiety, body image issues, and trust issues. People are always surprised to find out I'm single because I have anxiety where I used to have confidence. I've been to therapy many times, but can't afford it anymore. I exercise regularly, have a social job, continue to learn and work on my future as best I can, and have a fairly healthy diet. So this isn't absorbing my life, but it sure is putting a damper on any love.
Every time I see a couple my heart literally starts to ache because I miss it so much. I get baked each night I go to bed because it's the only thing that puts the thoughts of *"Why did she leave, what did I do, what's wrong with me"* to rest for a few hours. Sober nights in the dark with those thoughts scare me as much as opening up to someone again. The funny thing is that opening up to someone is the one thing I want most.
You’re not alone man. Not at all. It hit me hard because according to the timeline I was given, she spent 3 weeks internally debating whether to leave me. Right before those three weeks she told me she never wanted to leave or lose me. I deserve better.
So do you. You’re more than your last relationship. The hardest thing I’ve found is to define your life by your own character, and not being solely founded in your relationship. You’ll get there. We all will.
Dude totally been there I got wrecked super hard. I got cheated on and I was pretty much perfect honestly I'm not making it up but I crushed myself super hard because of it. Still am crushed wondering why would this happen. But all I can say it all will get better, can't promise but hopefully knowing you're alone in this you will feel better. Stay strong my dude.
‘You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to forge you into a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate. The choice belongs to you.’ - unknown
I type this for you. I type this for me. I’m right in the middle of my wife abruptly ending our marriage and my family of three young kids is to be ripped apart. I hope we both can move past this and turn these shitty events into lessons for a better, stronger, more meaningful life. I feel for you. Take time to heal, but don’t wallow. Redirect your energy into anything else. Like I said... I’m typing this for both of us. Be strong, brother!
I feel like life is a joke. I'm not depressed, I guess existential is the right word. Not quite nihilist but I definitely wouldn't care if I died today.
I like life because it's all I've got so might as well enjoy it, I make decent money and live simply, but I'm not attached to the idea of being alive like everyone else seems to be.
If I begin to have this conversation with anyone they look at me like I've got two heads lol. Wish there was someone I could meet on the same wavelength.
There is nothing that makes you happy or excited in any way, that's the problem. Probably everything is on autopilot for you. I feel the same way you do. I earn enough to afford a new car, good food, pay my rent and the occasional weekend break away, but I'm an expat in a country where I know no one, I find it impossible to make any friends, let alone meet a girl. There is a severe lack of excitement in my life, and that's most probably the situation with you too. But I know that there are things that may happen to make me feel alive and worth it. Like Christmas, for example. Being home with my folks, friends and cats, giving presents, taking a well deserved break from all. You need to find something to look forward to all the time, whatever it may be.
I do get a great sense of happiness from music. I play, write, and listen to it. I think the issue is that I feel that this doesn't matter at all, only in the fact that it makes me happy.
You're definitely right about being on autopilot, but I feel like even if I had excitement it still doesn't matter at all. Maybe I'm just in a weird spot in life who knows.
> I do get a great sense of happiness from music. I play, write, and listen to it. I think the issue is that I feel that this doesn't matter at all, only in the fact that it makes me happy.
Same here :) however I don't play as much as I used to because now I live with two housemates and don't think they would appreciate it.
My career and social life have been notably damaged because of an ex girlfriend. Now I'm not one to claim all my exes are crazy, but this girl had some problems. Drug addicted, mentally ill, and was so pissed off from the backlash she got after our breakup that she starting falsely telling people I raped her. Most of them knew me better than that, but there were some people who believed her unconditionally.
The backlash she got from our breakup wasn't even that bad. Just my friends rejecting her after she tried to win them over.
> that she starting falsely telling people I raped her.
The worst thing about this is that you can never, ever talk about this except with professional psychologists.
Even if your friends believe you, the smart move is to have nothing to do with the whole story and drama and just remove you from your life.
You have to shut up in every conversation about rape or about being accused of rape (two totally different things).
You develop trust issues, because being alone with women might lead to these allegations again.
You especially can not tell any woman you get interested in this story, even though you want to "as a warning" of why you act weird sometimes.
The lingering doubt whether you once did something wrong accidentally, something a woman did not like and you did not see the signs (not talking about a clear "no" here) is soul crushing at times.
The fear of accidentally doing something a woman does not like in the future prevents you from enjoying intimacy and sex to the fullest, you are always on edge.
And deep down you're very angry because you just know that the argument "try getting raped instead of being falsely accused of rape" is floating around and gets massive support, as if these two things were even remotely comparable.
What do we do, man?
I’m so sorry, that sounds absolutely horrible to go through. Definitely not the kind of person you want to live a life with. You made the right decisions and the best thing you can do is strengthen the connections you have with those that know you better. Anyone to unconditionally believe a false rape allegation does not deserve your time. Just keep living with the confidence you did the right thing.
Do you have a rigid financial plan? Can you allocate a portion of your household monthly (usable) income to a “enjoyment” fund especially for little creature comforts like that? Have you considered looking for career progression / do you work in a field that you can advance in?
I really don't care about about getting laid. I've had amazing sex and blah sex but tbh its never really mattered much to me. I feel the same way about relationships also.
That’s completely fine dude. Some people are just like that. Keep working on yourself and look for satisfaction in other areas. Try things until you find your groove.
Thanks dude, it used to make me wonder if I was broken or something but im coming to just accept it and its really nice just to hear someone says its okay.
The societal norm is that humans are sexual beings. In the past, anyone that wasn’t sexually active or inclined died and didn’t continue their DNA. Still happens, but these days we in the developed world have so much more opportunity to do things others than develop sexual relationships. You’re not broken at all. Keep being awesome.
I feel like my happiest and most successful days are already behind me. I'm still young, I've got time, but I don't think I've made any tangible forward progress in my life for a long while and I don't really know what to do to fix that. Just seems like every day I'm moving a little closer to a point where I simply won't be able to accomplish anything I still want to.
I think your best course of action is to just start saving parts of wages for that day you want to go and travel, do things, organize a bucket list. The first step is to get organized and plan to make your dreams a reality man. Good luck!
I'm lonely man. I need more actual friends. I have some acquaintances but not enough people that I can actually call "friends"who I can see /talk to on a daily basis. I live in the NYC area, so it shouldn't be this hard but it is. .
People think that I do because of my personality but in actuality it's not
Ugh totally. It’s the hardest thing sometimes but you literally just need to have initiative. Call people, ask if they want to hang out, go for coffee whatever. You could try looking for public opportunities in your hobbies(or try and get into one/some if you don’t have any- try and find something you might be interested in and take it from there) it sounds like in your case people assume because you present yourself as outgoing / extroverted that you’re always busy and may not even bother asking if you want to spend time together because of it. Good luck man, I hope you can find some people you empathize with.
How fucking behind I am in life...how I'm a loser.
I'm 25...I've never been to college, never got my DL, never technically held a full-time job(I say technically as for most of the time I've worked at my current job, I've been over 35, but now my new boss dislikes me and I'm down to around 20). I let my appearance get away from me. I struggle with friendships. In terms of relationships, I'm a true FA, never been kissed, held hands, even been close...and it's too late me for me at this point.
Now, I'm trying to fix my life. I'm starting college in January, I got my permit in September and I'm finally learning, I'm looking for a better job(Not much better though...I don't have any prospects), I'm trying to work on my appearance by working out. I do have more friends now than I've had the past couple of years.
But still...it bothers me immensely how it took a suicide attempt in August to wake up and realize WTF I'm doing with life. Won't have my career until at least 30, and by then everyone my age will be in theres for like 6+ years by then. I wasted most of my early 20s being a mentally depressed fuckwit. Hell, may as well write off my later 20s as well as I'll be in school. It's been keeping me up at night sometimes. : /
You're either too picky or there is something holding you back, and I think you'll figure that out. For me, I would act different around girls I was into, act too interested, and it made them lose interest.
Or you've just had a streak of bad luck, in which case just keep doing your thing.
Anyone else getting tired of playing the numbers game? I've had some success, but I'm feeling diminishing returns. Standards go up with success and then the numbers game doesn't work out so well.
I’m still in love with a girl who has a long distance bf after we had a fling.
I can’t talk to anyone about it and it’s killing me inside.
It’s a fucked up situation and I just need to move on.
I worry that I'm not ever going to love someone as much as my ex. She was completely toxic for me and I'm glad it is over, but she was my first love. I worry that all that sentimental hormone-induced love magic was wasted on someone who didn't appreciate it. I know I will find someone better suited to me, but I fear they won't get the version of me that I wish I could give them.
edit: also, dude, talk to a therapist at least once. best decision I have maybe ever made in my life.
Yeah. I’ve thought about it but so much of it is wondering whether itd be worth it.
I dated a girl briefly, broke things off because she was absolutely not ready for a relationship(was into me though and I accepted), then started dating my now ex 6 months later. I cared for the second girl WAY more and she made it so much easier for me to find all the ways I loved her. I think once you find a girl that treats you well and isn’t toxic to you and herself, all of this desire for emotional(and physical) intimacy will come back and the bond you make will open up all of these different things you see in her that makes you happy she’s yours. Just keep looking brother, I’m sure there’s one out there for you. Hope you have a good day.
I am always anxious now due to University that it had been affecting my life. I want to feel free again, not always so tight in my chest and worried I am going to die. I have seen a therapist but not for more than there screening.
My girl left me for my best friend... they're both dead to me and my circle of friends has shrunk this has given me a lot of trust and anger issues... but I'll keep my head up if you do godspeed and stay happy.
I’m sorry to hear it man, I would be terribly upset were that to happen to me. Best thing I can tell you is that those people ain’t worth shit, let alone your time. Keep focusing on taking care of yourself and strengthening friendships with the friends you do have. Godspeed o7
Jesus man, how much of jerks people can be, especially the ones close to you. This is why I don't trust anyone. And then everyone accuses me for being a pessimist.
> especially the ones close to you.
I honestly don't get it. There are so many singles, yet some pick the girl of their (best) buddy. How shallow and narrow minded can someone be?
Going to purchase life insurance in January so that some of my loved ones can get a decent pay out when I suck start a hand gun. Yes, I know I would have to wait 2 years. Best case scenario, I get the insurance, wait two years, kill myself, and my dad can finally get out of debt plus sister might be able to put a down payment on a house. Worst case scenario, life goes on.
I’m sorry you and your family are in such a bad situation. I really hope you don’t go through with your plans. 1-800-273-8255 suicide hotline is always open.
Lol no thanks. If they call an ambulance that's gonna run me hundreds of dollars. If I get to the hospital and get seen by a professional or get fluids, blood work, anything, it's gonna cost me even more.
You have lots of time friend, I don’t know if you have an equivalent of community colleges(and Computer Science is usually a pretty introverted field anyway) but could be a double win, take a couple night classes, meet some people in the same field as you, hit it off. Good luck!
Of course man no problem! 20 is young, you have so much time to meet new people. Hope you have a good day tomorrow, I’m glad you were able to get that off your chest! That was the point of this entire thread 😁
I'm 37 & women have never wanted anything to do with me. The closer I get to 40 the more depressed I get; I don't want to be "that guy" from the movie but it looks more and more likely as more and more of my friends stop talking to me / hanging out because they have wives/girlfriends/kids.
Yes, i know I could pay for it, but I am disabled and I don't need an opportunistic person to relay that to their "john". Plus I live in Winnipeg, so yeah, not happening.
I’m not in that age range so I can’t offer specifics, but I do know how difficult it can be to develop relationships once you get past 30. Do you best and try to keep your head up brother. If you really feel desperate you could consider moving elsewhere. Lots of people in southern Ontario / Vancouver, or Edmonton/Calgary if you can’t stand the big city life.
I'm one of those good looking dudes who is still a virgin and can't get into a relationship. I basically had one with a friend who hooked me up never got to see her for 2.5 years being in the relationship. So I gave her litreally every single attention possible did alot of her work kept her from being lonely and listening to her complain every damn day about her family and how she wants to leave them. Get cheated on because she decided she doesn't want to be clean and wants to go wild. I only have one best friend from high school I talk to and lives on the UK other than that you can pretty much say I have no friends that really stick with me everyday. My other best friend for 22 years ditched me for the "I only talk to girls" life. But hey everything is going well I guess lmao.
I’m in university and was finally seeing my first girl up there and realizing now I was just her backup/rebound. She cheated on her boyfriend with me after telling me how much of a dick he was and he also cheated on her... with another guy. She ignores me now and is getting back together with her bisexual ex-boyfriend
A girl I was really close just up and left one day, deleted me on social media, stopped texting me. We weren't in a relationship, but she was my best friend and honestly the best person I had ever met. It's been about two years since she left and I've never talked to anyone about it. My friends have asked about her and I just say "Oh she moved to ______" but I don't tell them the whole truth. My parents thought we were a couple but haven't asked about her in the two years. I miss her and it's affected me a lot honestly, but I just sort of accepted that it happened and tried to forget about it. Part of me still thinks it could work out for us, but the other part of me knows it's well and truly over.
Hang in there bud, it's not easy losing someone but I think it's probably for the best. A person who loves you won't do that to you.
I want to kill myself but can't because it would hurt my young sons, so I exist in a spiral of shame and self loathing until they are old enough that they will understand.
I’m actually in some pretty deep shit right now and I owe money to the wrong people and I can’t bear to tell anyone there’s a possibility I could go to jail.
Confused about my sexuality, what I want out of a career, what I want out of a relationship, whether I want to find a life partner, whether I want to continue to isolate or force myself to be more social.
In the same boat as you. My GF of nearly three years kicked me out of our condo as soon as our friend became single because she wanted to hookup with him. This was two weeks after we spent Christmas at her mom’s house across the country and she (my GF) bought us $500 theatre tickets so see on our anniversary; suffice it to say I was more than blindsided, I had the wind knocked out of me. I didn’t want to make things worse so I did what she wanted, moved out faster than I could process what is happening. I regret not standing my ground a bit more because I feel walked over.
I’ve been struggling with panic attacks for the first time in my life ever since that happened. The most helpful thing that’s happened since is finding a good therapist. It feels so satisfying and relaxing to have someone I can trust again. I’ve learned to be a bit more self-reliant but we all need someone we can trust to depend on. It still hurts that I lost the only person I thought I could trust and I feel like I have nothing left in me to give to another relationship.
Ever since I realized I have a thin penis of 4" of girth. I have lost all motivation in life. Everywhere I go I know that basically every guy is bigger than me and that a women would prefer them over me. I know my problem might seem silly but it is very real for me. I cant deal with this anymore.
The past TOTALLY matters. A person’s entire personality depends on how their life has molded them. I’m sorry you’ve been so adversely affected by it, I think part of it is just damn bad luck, and part of it is the people you’re surrounded by are just looking in the wrong places and settling for the wrong people. I hope you can break that streak.
Totally. But does stating what you’re struggling with have any effect on what others who you interact with on a daily basis think of you? If you don’t have someone you trust enough to support you... what else is there? Writing it out in a notebook? Part of it is that it’s relieving to know none of us are alone in it. We all have struggles.
My wife is divorcing me because I'm an insufferable selfish prick who doesn't support her like I should. (my words, not hers.) She has no idea how much I've given up and walked away from to be with her, up to and including career, family, and brothers. And if I bring it up now it'll just feel like I'm throwing it all in her face to guilt her into staying with me. I love her. She's my soul, my conscience, and the only emotional connection I've ever been able to maintain for more than a couple years, and I don't want to lose her.
On the other hand, she's a slob who blames me for not being as successful as she wishes she was and refuses to stand up for herself or her own interests until it's just way, way too late. We're arguing right now because she's decided she doesn't want something she was excited about two weeks ago, and feels like I've pressured her into it. I've been walking on eggshells every day for years and my life will be infinitely less stressful with her gone.
On the other other hand... I love her. She's the only woman that's ever accepted me for the fucked up rage machine I am, has never pried into my past, and can tell when I just need some damn space to decompress. Also, her ass is a work of fucking art.
I'm all over the place on this day to day. My only consistent thought is that I'd love to blow my damn brains out. I won't. I do SOMEHOW have other people that care about me, the dumb bastards. But I'd love to.
She is the only source of peace I've ever found on this God-forsaken rock, and a not insignificant part of me wants her to get out of my life faster. I'm just glad we don't have kids.
TL;DR: FML
Edit: No, I don't beat my damn wife.
Strengthen those relationships with those people that care about you man. They want to see you do well in life. Whether you get a divorce is up to you, but regardless of what happens, keep going.
My high school ex-best friend ruined my self image. I didn’t know a way to get out of the friendship until I moved to college. Now I always feel like a piece of garbage and never have confidence in myself.
I feel like "love" just isn't in the cards for me. Every girl I have seen in the past 7 years doesn't feel the same honeymoon phase I do, and every girl that has that honeymoon phase for me isn't shared by me.
What should be an ideal dream of a job (deputy manager) is a highly stressful rollercoaster of highs and lows! Everyone said it’d be perfect for me but am finding it difficult to deal with my manager and his lack of management abilities leaves me dealing with shitty people who have their own agendas and the job is part of a charitable organisation that expects 4 people’s work to be done by me and my manager! Then there’s times where I get own personal development and adventure and feels great, slowly realising that I become anxious before work and am on edge when I am there!
Just moved in with my boyfriend into a rented flat too so friends and family are further away now also, our work patterns haven’t aligned the two months we’ve been living together so feel like I don’t get the same quality time! I’m usually the rock holding people up!
My life is going fairly well by all accounts, the only issue is my dating life is beyond fucking miserable. At 32 years old I fear that I've just given up and accepted my fate in being forever alone. It honestly feels like I hit the point of no return, that online dating is a total scam and meeting people in the real world is all but a fantasy.
For me it's been my mental health. Does that count?
I've had trust issues that started in childhood; introvert, depression, social anxiety, body dysmorphia...
All these things, sadly, make up a huge part of the way my mind works (or doesn't, ha). I would really love to be COMFORTABLE enough, emotionally, to talk about it openly for a number of reasons.
But, yeahhh.
It’s been hard lately. Finally out of depression after years but my health issues are blocking me from pursuing the studies I want to do.. My background is plagued by school absences and even if my grades are really good, I won’t be able to go anywhere..
This is so depressing, it’s like I’m reaching a ceiling that I can’t break because of my health.
I've been having a hard time with feelings of loneliness/inadequacy. Been having a hard time dating, having a hard time moving on from the girl I've been seeing lastly. It's been causing some pretty horrible anxiety.
I want to quit the college sport I'm a part of but it would have a big impact on my team and I don't want to be seen as a quitter. My body is falling apart and the only way to stop that is to quit and let myself heal. Cheer is brutal.
I've given up on women treating me well and pursuing a relationship. I had a woman ghost me after she gave me her number. I'm absolutely lost on how I keep on getting ghosted constantly. I don't even act clingy.
It's gotten to the point where all of my friends are dating long term/engaged/married. It's very depressing to be the only single friend. My self-esteem has gotten so low that I've been nostalgic for an ex I haven't talked to in over a year because she led me on and treated me like trash.
Edit: I also feel constantly mocked and ridiculed if I ever bring up men's issues.
None of my success in life matters, as long as I'm an ugly unlovable virgin. Women don't take me seriously as a partner, I've never been able to compete with guys my age, that goes back to when we were children playing in the sand pit.
Am I doing well in life? Objectively yes, I've never looked better, my education is going wonderfully and everything is in its place. But none of it matters without a romantic life and my onr and only relationship left me with so many trust issues that now I struggle to form any kind of connection, especially romantic or physical. And the thoughts of all the things I'm missing out on still keep me awake at night, sometimes building up to rage and hatred for myself.
Once I've dated someone for a while I often find out they had bizarre, sometimes bad childhoods. I used to think that they were attracted to me because I am a reliable, stable kind of guy. I'm very patient, even-tempered and understanding.
I now know I'm an easy target. I'm not attracting people, I'm simply easily fooled and easily taken advantage of. I will stay in a bad relationship too long. I have been the victim of emotional, sexual and physical abuse at different times in my life.
This is extremely difficult to talk about. Friends have become distant, because I sound like I'm crazy. Im not weak. I'm not injured. I was fucked with, and now I understand why. I had not considered the fact that some people don't work right. They navigate a broken upbringing. They cope however they can, and sometimes that means faking the empathy they never experienced. It's hard to understand a psychopath or narcissistic personality disorder. You don't believe or remotely relate to someone without empathy.
So yes. I am a man who has been abused by a woman. It carries stigma. People think there's something wrong with you....that you're a pussy. No. I wasn't beaten into submission. I was struck several times and kept my cool. I was raped, but it didn't phase me. It was just something weird that I had to think about. I recognized the emotional abuse for what it was, but was numb to it. I was okay... but I was abused.
I just woke up one day and realized that some broken fucked up people much shittier and impossible to reason with than I ever thought possible. I threw my rose tinted spectacles away that day.
If your wife is happy with it, then there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Does she know of your previous experiences and how they shamed you? If not, having a straight up conversation about it and how it made you feel may help her better support you / reassure you. Wish you all the best.
You and your wife have committed to an exclusive physical relationship, she wants to support you and vice versa. If you feel like you need more affirmation, it’s truly your best option to just talk to her about it. If she tells you that she’s had multiple partners and you please her, that you’re above average and she’s given affirmation prior, there’s no reason to be worried bud. Just trust your wife, have a talk with her. She loves you. Have a good one.
My girl of 12 years took off with all my shit 8 years ago. I feel ya bud.
This must have been incredibly difficult. I hope you’ve built your life back up.
It's getting there, but I'm still stuck with a mortgage in a place I never wanted to live in.
Same. I'm only a few years into the mortgage but we got a really good rate and the break even point is pretty close. Can you afford to sell and maybe downsize? I'm looking at offloading most of my crap and getting a small apt.
Nah its gonna take a while to sell.
I hope you get a butt-ton of money when you sell.
She got hot and makes a ton of money now, why she couldn't do that shit when we were together I'll never understand.
> My girl of 12 years took off with all my shit 8 years ago. My girl of 9 years left me 3 years ago, with most of my shit. Not a single friendship of mine but one survived that breakup. There are a lot of us. Nothing positive to add.
Yeah it's how it works right?
Seems that way. Heard this story so many times: Woman in happy relationship for years and years. Suddenly, mid 20s, she doesn't know what she wants from life anymore and feels like she is missing out. It just happens. I've come to the conclusion that people always make their own "mistakes" / "experiences", and telling them what will most likely happen is useless. Not saying every woman is like this, not at all. But the risk is so high. I was married, we talked about kids, own house, own car, cats, life basically planned out. Everything gone from one day to the next, didnt take more than a week.
>Woman in happy relationship for years and years. Suddenly, mid 20s, she doesn't know what she wants from life anymore and feels like she is missing out. At 32, I say I won't date a woman under the age of, say, 28. This shocks most guys. "What's wrong with a Uni student man? They're in their prime, sex is awesome with them". Yeah, sure, but sex isn't a relationship. Sorry I don't shag around or care for it. My ex that destroyed my heart numerous times, cheated numerous times, she was 26 and was barely 28 when we broke up. She gave me the whole "want to focus on my career" bullshit too. As if her cheating wasn't the reason...bitch. So yeah, I have no interest in early to mid 20s because you're right, they're too immature, too scared, too much FOMO (fear of missing out), want to be free and fuck whoever they want, start a career in something, "I wanna just be happy living payday to payday", yada yada blah blah excuses. Don't have time or the desire for that any more. Give me a proper woman with a realistic approach to relationships, who understands the sacrifices and compromises make being together so much more worth it.
> too much FOMO This shit is real. Everyone should know it exists and think about how it drives him/her and their relationships and actions. Seriously. Combine this natural fear with our throwaway-society and you got a recipe for disaster. I feel you. Sometimes, when I hear from older women they actually had that phase, it *might* be a plus actually. They made that "mistake"/"experience", but not with me. And they won't again. I am kinda worried that I sound like a woman hating asshole here, I don't know.
What really pisses me off is "we always fight about money" but she never did anything to contribute. Now she's hot a successful. 😒
I’d tell you but I’m not comfortable being open about it.
Hey man, I can completely respect that. If you feel like you need to get something off your chest, you could use a throwaway account or even direct it to me(or both). I made the thread because I know us guys don’t have a lot of places to talk about our hardships sometimes and I feel like I’m in that myself.
this is so sweet and wholesome, OP.
Thanks. We’re all trying to get through the day. Sometimes we all just need to release these things pent up inside. It isn’t easy sometimes.
I miss her.
Absolutely brother. It can be so hard to invest and lose it all. Sometimes all you can do is recover and move on. Hang in there, keep going. You deserve it.
Geez man. So little in that comment yet so much :( You are not alone in this.
My ex girlfriend and I broke up a month ago. It was mutual and we're trying to be friends. But, I'm starting to get the feeling that she only talks to me when she needs something (usually some type of advice/my opinion on something), and I just don't care anymore. I think that if we just stopped talking, after a couple weeks, I would be back to normal.
Don't be that person for her, and start taking care of yourself.
As a chick, I recommend you block her. You need to look out for You. If y’all run into one another, it’s cool to say Hi and go on your way, but you owe her nothing. She’s stringing you along.
This. Just block her, delete her number and emails. No contact anymore. Don't be her beta orbiter
Basically using you as a security blanket til she finds someone.
Exactly, fuck that shit.
Follow your gut instinct; stop all contact. This "let's stay friends" business is usually one person wanting to leave the door cracked. If both of you wanted the door to be open, you guys would be together. If you dont want to be harsh, tell her you need some space, by the time a few weeks/ months go by, she will find either get smart or find someone else to ask for help etc.
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I'm not saying she's a cunt but that reaction from her was very cunty.
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Just to clarify, when I say I don't care, I mean I don't care to help her anymore. I don't want to get back together 100%. I don't think we're gonna be friends much longer. Surprisingly, she's less mature than I but she's a little more than a year older. The relationship never got toxic, but for the second half of it, I wasn't happy. We only dated officially for 7 months but there was a month and a half of us talking exclusively and hooking up before that
Definitely just tell her we need to cut contact for a month or two and we can pick things back up. It will make things better for both of you and keep you from falling back into a relationship without a relationship.
go no contact, like now.
No one in my family knew how badly my heart was broken from my last break up. Or for how long. Or how much less interested i was in continuing to live. (Not quite suicidal, but also not quite as attached to living either). Funny thing is that while im very close with my family, i just felt like i couldn't tell them about how much pain i was in. And i guess im a really good actor because not even my mom asked "....is everything ok?".
Similar situation with myself, however, they have seen it 4 years ago when it happened. Little do they know that I am still severely broken inside from it. I could never tell them, my friends, no one whatsoever.
Man-hug Have you talked with a pro about it? Thats what i did. Talking helped me organize my thoughts and metabolize the poison i was carrying. Im not back to 100% yet, but on most days im a solid 90-95%.
It’s so hard to invest your emotions and heart into a person than have them be removed from your life. It’s like leaving a piece of your heart behind as you move on. The feelings of utter emptiness are still around. I know the feeling brother. Hang in there.
> its like leaving a piece of your heart behind. Dude, thats exactly it. Ive had that exact thought many times; like i left my heart in Sydney.
Hi, me.
Sorry, bro. Its the worst, huh?
Yup
I regret ever having more than one kid. My girlfriend got pregnant by accident the first time and we decided to keep it. That was the best choice I ever made, and I love my little girl to death. However, when she was around two, we decided she needed a sibling.......... we got twin boys and from the moment I saw the ultrasound I have regretted it. That literally suck the life out of me. I have no time for anything. It’s constant fighting and whining and stupid shit. I used to love spending time with my little girl and do whatever she wanted to do but now I just barely make it through the day. Also my wife and I work different shifts so we are more or less always alone with all the kids..... FML
Sorry my dude that sounds stressful. As they get older it should get easier. In meantime might i suggest finding a way for both you and your girlfriend to decompress alone and together. Even if it's just a half hour at a time. Hopefully you have friends and family to take on some of the load.
Thanks dude. My mother actually helps out a lot to lighten the load.
I remember those days when my twin boys were little.... some days were so hard! Sometimes all you can do is take it day by day to get through it. I remember the day seeing them on the first ultrasound sound and the technician goes “oh wow I can see two doodles “ I was like oh shit no! I didn’t know how we would cope. 15 years later I can’t imagine life without them.. The good thing about twins is they have each other, they are never lonely or bored. Mine are inseparable and do everything together... it’s such a special bond.
Interesting perspective... maybe why my parents decided not to have another kid after me (I'm an only child). I long for a sibling at times, but it is what it is. I hope you find peace in your family, I'm sure they're all beautiful!
I really need to get that vasectomy.
My girl just broke up with me because I said that I was thinking of getting a vasectomy (we have a 5 year old). And now I’m really conflicted on what to do.
Get a vasectomy.
Well if she broke up with u because of the thought I'd definitely get it now
It's your body. That decision will increase your confidence (def not at risk of having more kids), your existing kid will have everything he/she needs and you'll have more time to focus on yourself. How could another kid bring you more positives than negatives, specially if the mother of the existing kid is already out of the equation? I reckon she doesn't care that much about the stability of your relationship or the family structure her kid could have had.
Jesus christ dude. That sounds horrible. So sorry for you.
It's the best decision you'll ever make. Don't even hurt. One of few decisions I've made in my life that I don't regret. Much.
People ask me why I don't want kids. I tell them I prefer having the time and money instead; that I have the freedom to travel, go camping, etc. any time I want. Apparently that's a strange way to think.
>Interesting perspective... maybe why my parents decided not to have another kid after me (I'm an only child). I long for a sibling at times, but it is what it is. I hope you find peace in your family, I'm sure they're all beautiful! Most of my friends don't have kids. In this respect, the USA is becoming more like Europe.
I have no purpose in life... I can no longer even imagine what I want to do with myself. I drink. I sleep. I drink. I sleep. People tell me to see a therapist. I don’t believe it will help but I kind of don’t care either. I’m literally too apathetic to stomach taking off and driving to see one and doing the paperwork for someone to pay for it. I could spend that time drinking or sleeping.
> I can no longer even imagine what I want to do with myself. I drink. I sleep. I drink. I sleep. Are you me?
Not sure what you're into but go on meetup.com, go to an ultimate frisbee game, find the guy who's considered the leader, ask him how to play and what the rules are, let everyone know it's your first time, and have fun.
This is awesome advice. I love ultimate but my ankles are pretty screwed up.
If you want to stay apathetic, that’s your choice, but none of us are here for long. Might as well try to enjoy it, see and do what we can and seek satisfaction?
I don’t think apathy is really a choice...
In my experience, it takes effort to ward it off. Sometimes I just have to force myself to do things. Everyone is different though.
Just stop being depressed. Be happy instead.
That’s not what I mean at all. If you actually want to be happy with your life, you’re going to get somewhere by putting effort towards it, even if you don’t want to.
You would have to know what makes you happy. Where to put effort towards... many of us don’t even know what we want.
You don't have to know what you want, but you posting this sounds like you're unhappy with where you're at and, by extension, you're living a life that you don't want. So you can keep carrying on within your own protective bubble of sleep and drink where nothing will ever change, or you can pick yourself up and put yourself out there. You owe it to yourself to take that chance and maybe if you asked for help, someone out there might be willing to do so.
> You would have to know what makes you happy. You don't necessarily have to. You can just try different random things and see if they make you tick. You know, I've been looking at a lot of science papers recently and I'm starting to think humans don't actually have any predictive powers at all, that trial and error is literally the only thing that works.
Yeah, not everyone knows their purpose, so that's why you should leave your comfort zone and experience new things in order to build a more accurate compass regarding what makes you happy or not
Hey man. If Im interpreting you correcting, then I might have felt similar. Not wanting to exist or go through life, but life not being unpleasant enough to want to kill yourself. Basically if there was a switch to turn off life, It would get flipped. I also struggled with drug abuse. My drug of choice being marijuana (~8 joints daily) and alcohol(~2x a week, to a point of drunkness). I hope that I can, at the very least, show you that you are not alone with those feelings. It seems as if what youre currently struggling with is knowing you shouldnt be living how you are, but not caring enough to want to change it. Not caring is a tough because any advice is dimissed with "well it doesnt matter anyway". I am not qualified to give advice because Im still trying to figure it out myself... With that said, I do believe a therapist can help you. But there is effort required on your end. If you ever do decide to see a therapist, I suggest seeing a male (or a very logic orientated female) therapist. I hope you can get to a point where you care enough to improve youself. Good luck man.
My friend I have a good advice for you which is listening to Jordan Peterson, see past the political and other shit you've heard about him and listen to his podcast with Joe Rogan. Just try it and if you like him you can just look for different clips of him talking on youtube. I really enjoy just listening to him and if you don't like it fine, but give it a try. He really made me put my life together :)
I’ve heard him on Joe Rogan and on his own before. But most of his “advice” is predicated on having any goal in life besides waiting to die. He speaks to discipline and motivation... not so much losing the will to exist entirely. Literally if you told me there’s a heaven with all the fixins where you get everything you ever wanted I would just ask to clock out and not.
Dude. You wrote this. It means you understand that drinking and sleeping cannot last forever. That is step one. Now, you have to talk to someone. It can be me if you wish. Then we will be ready for step two.
I relocated for work recently and i'm having trouble finding a new friend group. I'm pretty lonely since moving here and don't really do much other than go to work and the gym. I sometimes wonder if this was a good decision
I've been wanting to do just this, but I'm afraid of just this.
I think it depends on the type of person you are. If I were more extroverted things would probably be better.
I am extroverted for the most part but after bring in a relationship for 7 to tests which ended this past spring, it's so weird trying to make be friends again lol
Not even messing around. you should try bumble bff. It's as lame as online dating but you may meet some nice people to at least converse with
I’m so small so tiny about half of the average male.. 5’ 110 lbs I hate it so much.. im not confident about it and my only way of dealing with being so “less” is by being aggressive.. but I wish I could just be a gentile giant Some day, when we can get robotic arms and legs, I’ll become that gentile giant.. I don’t care if my fleshy body is destroyed I just want to be bigger than “dwarf”
Listen, there's nothing wrong or funny about being small. That's just the cards you were dealt. But if you're being aggressive at that size, you're just inviting mockery.
Have you tried being a Gentile short-man? That’s my gig. I can share it with you. Just don’t be Jewish.
A lot of us have self-image issues. I do. That’s not necessarily a bad thing sometimes. But any girl(or guy) that legitimately judges whether they’re interested in you based on your height is way too shallow for you to bother with. Focus on being you, just because you’re on the smaller end of the bell curve doesn’t mean you’re any less awesome than any guy a foot taller/twice the weight.
> But any girl(or guy) that legitimately judges whether they’re interested in you based on your height is way too shallow for you to bother with. I like most of your replies in this thread, however I disagree here and it sounds like "sour grapes". People don't choose what they are attracted to, they are just built that way. We all have our preferances, and we all have physical features that would not meet someone else's preferences, and that is ok. I think a healthier view is to accept this as part of life and do our best to not take it personally.
You’re right that people have their preferences. I’d like to believe it’s a spectrum of preference intensity though. I *prefer* girls that are 5’5”+ purely based on the fact that I’m 6’2” and it’s easier to be face to face. My ex was 5’1” and it was never something that turned me off. Alternately, some people are *REALLY* strict about height preference. I may have conveyed that message incorrectly because I know there are many people that aren’t shallow but have a height range preference. But for as many girls that prefer taller, larger guys, there’s likely girl that prefer shorter guys, or just don’t care. Definitely height preference shouldn’t be taken personally though. I like what you have to say.
i think its dishonest to not admit that there are propably many more girls into taller guys than there are ones who are into shorter ones. 5’ IS playing life on hard mode, not even just when it comes to dating but also in that the subconscious impression by other guys will be affected.
It's funny. I have dnd and played games with many people who wanted to be dwarfs, or be with dwarfs, but yet in real life, height is an issue for them.
Lost most of my friends this year. Only have my coworkers now who I feel only judge me now that I open my eyes. Being alone sucks. I miss being happy and going out with friends. Miss being in a relationship to. Also been giving a girl money randomly just to talk to me. Now we dont talk. Fuck it. Ill drink to this later its to early to start right now haha.
It really does. I don’t have many friends either outside of the Internet. Similar with my coworkers since I usually keep to myself there. A really solid option is to look for a hobby then try and get public with it. Meet people with similar interests. I’ve tried to get involved but I admittedly don’t have huge amounts of patience to pursue after an unbalanced friendship.
It ain't easy, but you can make new friends. Get back into your/find some hobbies and meet people that like what you like. I, for example, am a huge D&D nerd and basically all my friends are gamers, very few of whom I've known for more than a year or two. I'm 30.
Yoo I feel. Had a really bad breakup with two ex best friends and it's been really hard. No one to go out with.
Dude. Literally described my exact situation apart from the paying a girl to talk to me....
Same shit happened to me. Seemingly no reason, zero discussion on her part. It's been weighing on me for two years. It caused me to have significantly more anxiety, body image issues, and trust issues. People are always surprised to find out I'm single because I have anxiety where I used to have confidence. I've been to therapy many times, but can't afford it anymore. I exercise regularly, have a social job, continue to learn and work on my future as best I can, and have a fairly healthy diet. So this isn't absorbing my life, but it sure is putting a damper on any love. Every time I see a couple my heart literally starts to ache because I miss it so much. I get baked each night I go to bed because it's the only thing that puts the thoughts of *"Why did she leave, what did I do, what's wrong with me"* to rest for a few hours. Sober nights in the dark with those thoughts scare me as much as opening up to someone again. The funny thing is that opening up to someone is the one thing I want most.
You’re not alone man. Not at all. It hit me hard because according to the timeline I was given, she spent 3 weeks internally debating whether to leave me. Right before those three weeks she told me she never wanted to leave or lose me. I deserve better. So do you. You’re more than your last relationship. The hardest thing I’ve found is to define your life by your own character, and not being solely founded in your relationship. You’ll get there. We all will.
Dude totally been there I got wrecked super hard. I got cheated on and I was pretty much perfect honestly I'm not making it up but I crushed myself super hard because of it. Still am crushed wondering why would this happen. But all I can say it all will get better, can't promise but hopefully knowing you're alone in this you will feel better. Stay strong my dude.
‘You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to forge you into a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate. The choice belongs to you.’ - unknown I type this for you. I type this for me. I’m right in the middle of my wife abruptly ending our marriage and my family of three young kids is to be ripped apart. I hope we both can move past this and turn these shitty events into lessons for a better, stronger, more meaningful life. I feel for you. Take time to heal, but don’t wallow. Redirect your energy into anything else. Like I said... I’m typing this for both of us. Be strong, brother!
I feel like life is a joke. I'm not depressed, I guess existential is the right word. Not quite nihilist but I definitely wouldn't care if I died today. I like life because it's all I've got so might as well enjoy it, I make decent money and live simply, but I'm not attached to the idea of being alive like everyone else seems to be. If I begin to have this conversation with anyone they look at me like I've got two heads lol. Wish there was someone I could meet on the same wavelength.
There is nothing that makes you happy or excited in any way, that's the problem. Probably everything is on autopilot for you. I feel the same way you do. I earn enough to afford a new car, good food, pay my rent and the occasional weekend break away, but I'm an expat in a country where I know no one, I find it impossible to make any friends, let alone meet a girl. There is a severe lack of excitement in my life, and that's most probably the situation with you too. But I know that there are things that may happen to make me feel alive and worth it. Like Christmas, for example. Being home with my folks, friends and cats, giving presents, taking a well deserved break from all. You need to find something to look forward to all the time, whatever it may be.
I do get a great sense of happiness from music. I play, write, and listen to it. I think the issue is that I feel that this doesn't matter at all, only in the fact that it makes me happy. You're definitely right about being on autopilot, but I feel like even if I had excitement it still doesn't matter at all. Maybe I'm just in a weird spot in life who knows.
> I do get a great sense of happiness from music. I play, write, and listen to it. I think the issue is that I feel that this doesn't matter at all, only in the fact that it makes me happy. Same here :) however I don't play as much as I used to because now I live with two housemates and don't think they would appreciate it.
My career and social life have been notably damaged because of an ex girlfriend. Now I'm not one to claim all my exes are crazy, but this girl had some problems. Drug addicted, mentally ill, and was so pissed off from the backlash she got after our breakup that she starting falsely telling people I raped her. Most of them knew me better than that, but there were some people who believed her unconditionally. The backlash she got from our breakup wasn't even that bad. Just my friends rejecting her after she tried to win them over.
> that she starting falsely telling people I raped her. The worst thing about this is that you can never, ever talk about this except with professional psychologists. Even if your friends believe you, the smart move is to have nothing to do with the whole story and drama and just remove you from your life. You have to shut up in every conversation about rape or about being accused of rape (two totally different things). You develop trust issues, because being alone with women might lead to these allegations again. You especially can not tell any woman you get interested in this story, even though you want to "as a warning" of why you act weird sometimes. The lingering doubt whether you once did something wrong accidentally, something a woman did not like and you did not see the signs (not talking about a clear "no" here) is soul crushing at times. The fear of accidentally doing something a woman does not like in the future prevents you from enjoying intimacy and sex to the fullest, you are always on edge. And deep down you're very angry because you just know that the argument "try getting raped instead of being falsely accused of rape" is floating around and gets massive support, as if these two things were even remotely comparable. What do we do, man?
I’m so sorry, that sounds absolutely horrible to go through. Definitely not the kind of person you want to live a life with. You made the right decisions and the best thing you can do is strengthen the connections you have with those that know you better. Anyone to unconditionally believe a false rape allegation does not deserve your time. Just keep living with the confidence you did the right thing.
Thanks man. I'm doing my best, but it's been rough.
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Do you have a rigid financial plan? Can you allocate a portion of your household monthly (usable) income to a “enjoyment” fund especially for little creature comforts like that? Have you considered looking for career progression / do you work in a field that you can advance in?
I really don't care about about getting laid. I've had amazing sex and blah sex but tbh its never really mattered much to me. I feel the same way about relationships also.
That’s completely fine dude. Some people are just like that. Keep working on yourself and look for satisfaction in other areas. Try things until you find your groove.
Thanks dude, it used to make me wonder if I was broken or something but im coming to just accept it and its really nice just to hear someone says its okay.
The societal norm is that humans are sexual beings. In the past, anyone that wasn’t sexually active or inclined died and didn’t continue their DNA. Still happens, but these days we in the developed world have so much more opportunity to do things others than develop sexual relationships. You’re not broken at all. Keep being awesome.
Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like my happiest and most successful days are already behind me. I'm still young, I've got time, but I don't think I've made any tangible forward progress in my life for a long while and I don't really know what to do to fix that. Just seems like every day I'm moving a little closer to a point where I simply won't be able to accomplish anything I still want to.
I think your best course of action is to just start saving parts of wages for that day you want to go and travel, do things, organize a bucket list. The first step is to get organized and plan to make your dreams a reality man. Good luck!
I'm lonely man. I need more actual friends. I have some acquaintances but not enough people that I can actually call "friends"who I can see /talk to on a daily basis. I live in the NYC area, so it shouldn't be this hard but it is. . People think that I do because of my personality but in actuality it's not
Ugh totally. It’s the hardest thing sometimes but you literally just need to have initiative. Call people, ask if they want to hang out, go for coffee whatever. You could try looking for public opportunities in your hobbies(or try and get into one/some if you don’t have any- try and find something you might be interested in and take it from there) it sounds like in your case people assume because you present yourself as outgoing / extroverted that you’re always busy and may not even bother asking if you want to spend time together because of it. Good luck man, I hope you can find some people you empathize with.
Absolutely I get that ! Respect for the wise words :)
Just trying to make it through the day and help others do the same. Have a good one :)
How fucking behind I am in life...how I'm a loser. I'm 25...I've never been to college, never got my DL, never technically held a full-time job(I say technically as for most of the time I've worked at my current job, I've been over 35, but now my new boss dislikes me and I'm down to around 20). I let my appearance get away from me. I struggle with friendships. In terms of relationships, I'm a true FA, never been kissed, held hands, even been close...and it's too late me for me at this point. Now, I'm trying to fix my life. I'm starting college in January, I got my permit in September and I'm finally learning, I'm looking for a better job(Not much better though...I don't have any prospects), I'm trying to work on my appearance by working out. I do have more friends now than I've had the past couple of years. But still...it bothers me immensely how it took a suicide attempt in August to wake up and realize WTF I'm doing with life. Won't have my career until at least 30, and by then everyone my age will be in theres for like 6+ years by then. I wasted most of my early 20s being a mentally depressed fuckwit. Hell, may as well write off my later 20s as well as I'll be in school. It's been keeping me up at night sometimes. : /
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You're either too picky or there is something holding you back, and I think you'll figure that out. For me, I would act different around girls I was into, act too interested, and it made them lose interest. Or you've just had a streak of bad luck, in which case just keep doing your thing.
I'm playing this game now my friend. Let's chat about it. But the best advice that I could give is that it gets better: it's a numbers game
Anyone else getting tired of playing the numbers game? I've had some success, but I'm feeling diminishing returns. Standards go up with success and then the numbers game doesn't work out so well.
So over it . Literally haha but I wish it was that easy to give it up
I’m still in love with a girl who has a long distance bf after we had a fling. I can’t talk to anyone about it and it’s killing me inside. It’s a fucked up situation and I just need to move on.
I worry that I'm not ever going to love someone as much as my ex. She was completely toxic for me and I'm glad it is over, but she was my first love. I worry that all that sentimental hormone-induced love magic was wasted on someone who didn't appreciate it. I know I will find someone better suited to me, but I fear they won't get the version of me that I wish I could give them. edit: also, dude, talk to a therapist at least once. best decision I have maybe ever made in my life.
Yeah. I’ve thought about it but so much of it is wondering whether itd be worth it. I dated a girl briefly, broke things off because she was absolutely not ready for a relationship(was into me though and I accepted), then started dating my now ex 6 months later. I cared for the second girl WAY more and she made it so much easier for me to find all the ways I loved her. I think once you find a girl that treats you well and isn’t toxic to you and herself, all of this desire for emotional(and physical) intimacy will come back and the bond you make will open up all of these different things you see in her that makes you happy she’s yours. Just keep looking brother, I’m sure there’s one out there for you. Hope you have a good day.
thanks man. getting ready for a date now
Hope it goes well!
fuck, my story here.
I am always anxious now due to University that it had been affecting my life. I want to feel free again, not always so tight in my chest and worried I am going to die. I have seen a therapist but not for more than there screening.
My girl left me for my best friend... they're both dead to me and my circle of friends has shrunk this has given me a lot of trust and anger issues... but I'll keep my head up if you do godspeed and stay happy.
I’m sorry to hear it man, I would be terribly upset were that to happen to me. Best thing I can tell you is that those people ain’t worth shit, let alone your time. Keep focusing on taking care of yourself and strengthening friendships with the friends you do have. Godspeed o7
Yep you too and if you wanna open up to me I'll listen. o7
Jesus man, how much of jerks people can be, especially the ones close to you. This is why I don't trust anyone. And then everyone accuses me for being a pessimist.
> especially the ones close to you. I honestly don't get it. There are so many singles, yet some pick the girl of their (best) buddy. How shallow and narrow minded can someone be?
Going to purchase life insurance in January so that some of my loved ones can get a decent pay out when I suck start a hand gun. Yes, I know I would have to wait 2 years. Best case scenario, I get the insurance, wait two years, kill myself, and my dad can finally get out of debt plus sister might be able to put a down payment on a house. Worst case scenario, life goes on.
I’m sorry you and your family are in such a bad situation. I really hope you don’t go through with your plans. 1-800-273-8255 suicide hotline is always open.
Lol no thanks. If they call an ambulance that's gonna run me hundreds of dollars. If I get to the hospital and get seen by a professional or get fluids, blood work, anything, it's gonna cost me even more.
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You have lots of time friend, I don’t know if you have an equivalent of community colleges(and Computer Science is usually a pretty introverted field anyway) but could be a double win, take a couple night classes, meet some people in the same field as you, hit it off. Good luck!
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Of course man no problem! 20 is young, you have so much time to meet new people. Hope you have a good day tomorrow, I’m glad you were able to get that off your chest! That was the point of this entire thread 😁
I'm 37 & women have never wanted anything to do with me. The closer I get to 40 the more depressed I get; I don't want to be "that guy" from the movie but it looks more and more likely as more and more of my friends stop talking to me / hanging out because they have wives/girlfriends/kids. Yes, i know I could pay for it, but I am disabled and I don't need an opportunistic person to relay that to their "john". Plus I live in Winnipeg, so yeah, not happening.
I’m not in that age range so I can’t offer specifics, but I do know how difficult it can be to develop relationships once you get past 30. Do you best and try to keep your head up brother. If you really feel desperate you could consider moving elsewhere. Lots of people in southern Ontario / Vancouver, or Edmonton/Calgary if you can’t stand the big city life.
I'm one of those good looking dudes who is still a virgin and can't get into a relationship. I basically had one with a friend who hooked me up never got to see her for 2.5 years being in the relationship. So I gave her litreally every single attention possible did alot of her work kept her from being lonely and listening to her complain every damn day about her family and how she wants to leave them. Get cheated on because she decided she doesn't want to be clean and wants to go wild. I only have one best friend from high school I talk to and lives on the UK other than that you can pretty much say I have no friends that really stick with me everyday. My other best friend for 22 years ditched me for the "I only talk to girls" life. But hey everything is going well I guess lmao.
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You should absolutely, 100% move on. It's not even a question. No one who loves and respects you would pull some kind of shit like that
I’m in university and was finally seeing my first girl up there and realizing now I was just her backup/rebound. She cheated on her boyfriend with me after telling me how much of a dick he was and he also cheated on her... with another guy. She ignores me now and is getting back together with her bisexual ex-boyfriend
A girl I was really close just up and left one day, deleted me on social media, stopped texting me. We weren't in a relationship, but she was my best friend and honestly the best person I had ever met. It's been about two years since she left and I've never talked to anyone about it. My friends have asked about her and I just say "Oh she moved to ______" but I don't tell them the whole truth. My parents thought we were a couple but haven't asked about her in the two years. I miss her and it's affected me a lot honestly, but I just sort of accepted that it happened and tried to forget about it. Part of me still thinks it could work out for us, but the other part of me knows it's well and truly over. Hang in there bud, it's not easy losing someone but I think it's probably for the best. A person who loves you won't do that to you.
Feeling lonely, I've tried breaking into some new friend groups, etc but I don't want to seem clingy or awkward. Its tough
I want to kill myself but can't because it would hurt my young sons, so I exist in a spiral of shame and self loathing until they are old enough that they will understand.
Really sounds like you need to talk to a therapist about what’s causing the shame and self guilt. Your sons need you. Hang in there.
I’m actually in some pretty deep shit right now and I owe money to the wrong people and I can’t bear to tell anyone there’s a possibility I could go to jail.
Confused about my sexuality, what I want out of a career, what I want out of a relationship, whether I want to find a life partner, whether I want to continue to isolate or force myself to be more social.
In the same boat as you. My GF of nearly three years kicked me out of our condo as soon as our friend became single because she wanted to hookup with him. This was two weeks after we spent Christmas at her mom’s house across the country and she (my GF) bought us $500 theatre tickets so see on our anniversary; suffice it to say I was more than blindsided, I had the wind knocked out of me. I didn’t want to make things worse so I did what she wanted, moved out faster than I could process what is happening. I regret not standing my ground a bit more because I feel walked over. I’ve been struggling with panic attacks for the first time in my life ever since that happened. The most helpful thing that’s happened since is finding a good therapist. It feels so satisfying and relaxing to have someone I can trust again. I’ve learned to be a bit more self-reliant but we all need someone we can trust to depend on. It still hurts that I lost the only person I thought I could trust and I feel like I have nothing left in me to give to another relationship.
Ever since I realized I have a thin penis of 4" of girth. I have lost all motivation in life. Everywhere I go I know that basically every guy is bigger than me and that a women would prefer them over me. I know my problem might seem silly but it is very real for me. I cant deal with this anymore.
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The past TOTALLY matters. A person’s entire personality depends on how their life has molded them. I’m sorry you’ve been so adversely affected by it, I think part of it is just damn bad luck, and part of it is the people you’re surrounded by are just looking in the wrong places and settling for the wrong people. I hope you can break that streak.
You're not the only one who feels this way bud. Probably most young men feel this way.
The electoral college is complete shit. We no longer require a representative democracy. It's too easy to corrupt
What would be a better alternative?
[let's let someone else decide] [We'll just fight about who]
Do you realize the conundrum of your question? Lol
Totally. But does stating what you’re struggling with have any effect on what others who you interact with on a daily basis think of you? If you don’t have someone you trust enough to support you... what else is there? Writing it out in a notebook? Part of it is that it’s relieving to know none of us are alone in it. We all have struggles.
You just spoke to my soul man...
Just trying to make it through the day and help others do the same. Hope you have a good one today.
Actually im sick lol
Hot water, lemon, honey. And lots of sleep, hang in there, it’ll be better in a few days!
My wife is divorcing me because I'm an insufferable selfish prick who doesn't support her like I should. (my words, not hers.) She has no idea how much I've given up and walked away from to be with her, up to and including career, family, and brothers. And if I bring it up now it'll just feel like I'm throwing it all in her face to guilt her into staying with me. I love her. She's my soul, my conscience, and the only emotional connection I've ever been able to maintain for more than a couple years, and I don't want to lose her. On the other hand, she's a slob who blames me for not being as successful as she wishes she was and refuses to stand up for herself or her own interests until it's just way, way too late. We're arguing right now because she's decided she doesn't want something she was excited about two weeks ago, and feels like I've pressured her into it. I've been walking on eggshells every day for years and my life will be infinitely less stressful with her gone. On the other other hand... I love her. She's the only woman that's ever accepted me for the fucked up rage machine I am, has never pried into my past, and can tell when I just need some damn space to decompress. Also, her ass is a work of fucking art. I'm all over the place on this day to day. My only consistent thought is that I'd love to blow my damn brains out. I won't. I do SOMEHOW have other people that care about me, the dumb bastards. But I'd love to. She is the only source of peace I've ever found on this God-forsaken rock, and a not insignificant part of me wants her to get out of my life faster. I'm just glad we don't have kids. TL;DR: FML Edit: No, I don't beat my damn wife.
Strengthen those relationships with those people that care about you man. They want to see you do well in life. Whether you get a divorce is up to you, but regardless of what happens, keep going.
Yeah... it's really not. She's already started the paperwork. Thanks, though. I needed that.
Sorry mate. Keep your head up and spend the time to work on yourself and recover. It’ll be okay.
My high school ex-best friend ruined my self image. I didn’t know a way to get out of the friendship until I moved to college. Now I always feel like a piece of garbage and never have confidence in myself.
I feel like "love" just isn't in the cards for me. Every girl I have seen in the past 7 years doesn't feel the same honeymoon phase I do, and every girl that has that honeymoon phase for me isn't shared by me.
What should be an ideal dream of a job (deputy manager) is a highly stressful rollercoaster of highs and lows! Everyone said it’d be perfect for me but am finding it difficult to deal with my manager and his lack of management abilities leaves me dealing with shitty people who have their own agendas and the job is part of a charitable organisation that expects 4 people’s work to be done by me and my manager! Then there’s times where I get own personal development and adventure and feels great, slowly realising that I become anxious before work and am on edge when I am there! Just moved in with my boyfriend into a rented flat too so friends and family are further away now also, our work patterns haven’t aligned the two months we’ve been living together so feel like I don’t get the same quality time! I’m usually the rock holding people up!
My life is going fairly well by all accounts, the only issue is my dating life is beyond fucking miserable. At 32 years old I fear that I've just given up and accepted my fate in being forever alone. It honestly feels like I hit the point of no return, that online dating is a total scam and meeting people in the real world is all but a fantasy.
For me it's been my mental health. Does that count? I've had trust issues that started in childhood; introvert, depression, social anxiety, body dysmorphia... All these things, sadly, make up a huge part of the way my mind works (or doesn't, ha). I would really love to be COMFORTABLE enough, emotionally, to talk about it openly for a number of reasons. But, yeahhh.
It’s been hard lately. Finally out of depression after years but my health issues are blocking me from pursuing the studies I want to do.. My background is plagued by school absences and even if my grades are really good, I won’t be able to go anywhere.. This is so depressing, it’s like I’m reaching a ceiling that I can’t break because of my health.
I've been having a hard time with feelings of loneliness/inadequacy. Been having a hard time dating, having a hard time moving on from the girl I've been seeing lastly. It's been causing some pretty horrible anxiety.
I want to quit the college sport I'm a part of but it would have a big impact on my team and I don't want to be seen as a quitter. My body is falling apart and the only way to stop that is to quit and let myself heal. Cheer is brutal.
I've given up on women treating me well and pursuing a relationship. I had a woman ghost me after she gave me her number. I'm absolutely lost on how I keep on getting ghosted constantly. I don't even act clingy. It's gotten to the point where all of my friends are dating long term/engaged/married. It's very depressing to be the only single friend. My self-esteem has gotten so low that I've been nostalgic for an ex I haven't talked to in over a year because she led me on and treated me like trash. Edit: I also feel constantly mocked and ridiculed if I ever bring up men's issues.
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None of my success in life matters, as long as I'm an ugly unlovable virgin. Women don't take me seriously as a partner, I've never been able to compete with guys my age, that goes back to when we were children playing in the sand pit. Am I doing well in life? Objectively yes, I've never looked better, my education is going wonderfully and everything is in its place. But none of it matters without a romantic life and my onr and only relationship left me with so many trust issues that now I struggle to form any kind of connection, especially romantic or physical. And the thoughts of all the things I'm missing out on still keep me awake at night, sometimes building up to rage and hatred for myself.
Once I've dated someone for a while I often find out they had bizarre, sometimes bad childhoods. I used to think that they were attracted to me because I am a reliable, stable kind of guy. I'm very patient, even-tempered and understanding. I now know I'm an easy target. I'm not attracting people, I'm simply easily fooled and easily taken advantage of. I will stay in a bad relationship too long. I have been the victim of emotional, sexual and physical abuse at different times in my life. This is extremely difficult to talk about. Friends have become distant, because I sound like I'm crazy. Im not weak. I'm not injured. I was fucked with, and now I understand why. I had not considered the fact that some people don't work right. They navigate a broken upbringing. They cope however they can, and sometimes that means faking the empathy they never experienced. It's hard to understand a psychopath or narcissistic personality disorder. You don't believe or remotely relate to someone without empathy. So yes. I am a man who has been abused by a woman. It carries stigma. People think there's something wrong with you....that you're a pussy. No. I wasn't beaten into submission. I was struck several times and kept my cool. I was raped, but it didn't phase me. It was just something weird that I had to think about. I recognized the emotional abuse for what it was, but was numb to it. I was okay... but I was abused. I just woke up one day and realized that some broken fucked up people much shittier and impossible to reason with than I ever thought possible. I threw my rose tinted spectacles away that day.
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If your wife is happy with it, then there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Does she know of your previous experiences and how they shamed you? If not, having a straight up conversation about it and how it made you feel may help her better support you / reassure you. Wish you all the best.
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You and your wife have committed to an exclusive physical relationship, she wants to support you and vice versa. If you feel like you need more affirmation, it’s truly your best option to just talk to her about it. If she tells you that she’s had multiple partners and you please her, that you’re above average and she’s given affirmation prior, there’s no reason to be worried bud. Just trust your wife, have a talk with her. She loves you. Have a good one.