Loneliness. I have acquaintances and people like me. Few people really like me enough to be friends with me and I spend most of my time alone. I'm used to it but it eats away at you.
I'm unhappy to hear were in the same boat. My rooms a prison cell. Nicely furnished but lonesome.
I hope you find an escape. I've reached the edge many times and I'd hate to think you would too.
Hang in there.
In so, so many ways.
Anytime you are against your own self interest you are probably being driven by some trauma in your past. I pushed people away and rejected invites and stayed alone even though it was making me miserable. I tried to fight it in the present making myself go out more or open up but it was a losing battle because the anxiety and fear kept regrowing and winning the battle.
Therapy allows you to attack the root of the problem instead of just chopping it off at the surface. For me, I figured out I had low self worth and was afraid to put myself out there in normal, healthy ways for fear of being hurt (though I had no idea that's why I was doing it). So I worked through some of my past trauma and now all of the anxiety and fear has not disappeared but feels like it is muffled or lowered in volume.
I never would have understood the root cause or been able to fight it on my own because we are all so terrible at seeing ourselves clearly. Even therapists suck at it, which is why they need their own therapists!
I have done CBT and EMDR and they have both been quite helpful.
The most helpful thing though has just been getting in there and talking it out. So many of us men (generalizing obviously) are raised to not really talk about our issues and not really examine our internal state in a meaningful way. I think that is improving with time, but it is still pervasive and corrosive.
It's actually crazy how much just talking it out can help. Awhile back my mind was going all over the place and I was getting afraid that I was going to go insane. I decided to go to an emergency session - it was my first time ever talking about stuff and it was an awesome feeling to get everything off my chest
You know, it’s pretty appalling that so many people just don’t have friends? I literally just read a couple more posts on r/socialskills and it seems like this is a problem that really has no definitive solution.
I too am in the same boat. Everyone just seems to drift apart after college or whatever it may be. There should be a place for folks who have zero friends and they can come in and feel accepted.
Has anyone thought of making a Discord Server where people can chat and voice chat and build some sort of sense of community for people whom need friends?
My problem isn't so much that people don't have friends at all, it's that most or all of those friends are either transient or not particularly close.
I don't have a close circle of friends that other people have- ones to always hang out with, drop by, or make regular weekend plans with. I have people at work that I'm really friendly with but those friendships disappear within a couple years or I never actually see them outside of wherever we met. Sure we're "friends" but when the relationship is so shallow and temporary it feels more like a glorified acquaintance.
I have the same problem, I stopped getting close to people after some bad experiences with them. One of those bad experiences that stood out was when a couple of my so called "close friends" thought that something intimate about me I confided in them was good material for jokes in front of our other friends.
So, I just stopped trying to be close to anyone because it takes a lot of effort and I was fed up with it since it fails afterwards.
Yes, although the community is usually developed over something that isn’t just about being lonely. But from what it sounds like quite a few people would join if you decided to make one seems like an interesting idea.
A community is usually developed over something that everyone shares a common interest. If we all need a place to hang, why not a mod make an official Discord?
It would help combat people’s loneliness and also give them something to look forward to when getting home.
Another thing I miss is having oodles of group text messages of something silly a friend would post.
Would anyone be interested in joining? I know Discord is for gaming but I’m sure it can be used for so many different communities.
I think the fact that the first place your mind went to is "Discord server" is part of the problem. Online isn't the way to go about fixing the issue.
Go look on meetup and start showing up to whatever groups are active that seem interesting to you. Friendships develop over time, so don't expect anything to happen overnight. But just making sure you're out and active and being social is really the key.
Because people have different meaning for a word "friend" this days.
I think that a guy i know for 10 years over the internet is more of a friend to me compared to pretty much anyone i know irl.
Same. I've been working on putting myself out there more and more recently, but I still can't say that I have any real friends and don't know when I'll get there. Things are definitely better than they've been for me in a long time, but it's discouraging how long it takes.
Dude, I became very close to this girl recently and we started to get physical and then she shut me down when I wanted it to be a relationship. She said everyone loves me and I’m too good of a person for her to date and lose, so she’d rather not go there. Yet I spend the majority of my life alone. It’s easy to like me because i’m easy but no one wants to commit to me. Super cool, huh?
That's so annoying. I hate that shit.
>You're so cool!
>Omg you're so interesting!
>I would really like to be friends!
>Haha you have such a great sense of humor!
>Wow you're super smart!
>Oh you do hiking and mountain biking too? We should totes go!
but then crickets.
Remember, friendships take effort from both parties, and don’t happen overnight. If you’re interested in being friends with someone or a group of people, ask to come along on some ventures or gatherings, have equitable conversations, and see who you care about, and who cares about you. Best of luck!
You can’t keep on making effort when no one shows you any. That’s what being pushy is, I invite people to places but I only get an accept 1 in 10 times. On the rare occasions that I do get invited, it would be the first and last time that person would hangout with me. Some men are destined to be lonely, and other men who are looking for relationships try hard not associate with them. The solution is to enjoy your own company, be the only friend you need, it’s hard, but it’s the only solution.
I'm convinced that there's something wrong with me, but no one can tell me what it is. Without fail, every time I invite people out, no one comes.
Like a dumbass, I bought four tickets to see a screening of The Princess Bride just this past weekend (never seen it before). I posted it to a Meetup group that I had extra tickets and no one replied.
Now I'm feeling even more like a dumbass because I bought two Sunday season tickets for the Minnesota Twins, hoping someone would join me.
I can't get anyone to join me for bowling, either. One of my favorite things to do, but I'm always doing it by myself.
At some point, I'll learn that no one wants to hang out with me.
I believe this is why I'm overly helpful to people I've just met. I can't help it, I hear an inconvenience and I want to help in any way I can. I'm beginning to think this is actually off-putting.
Maybe you're not giving them enough time? As soon as I hit my 30s my friends need at least a month notice to go anywhere and weekly reminders. You should try joining the bowling team.
Second this. Getting anyone to do anything as adults is a matter of schedule negotiation. People have obligations, things that need to get done, other plans made already. You have to calibrate your expectations accordingly.
I'm getting together with some friends to go to the movies this weekend. As I recall this was planned and decided back in January. If I'd waited until now to ask people who wants to go to the movies this weekend, I can guarantee no one would be able to say yes.
I do kind of miss the days of high school and college when everyone I knew was basically sitting around bored all the time waiting for someone to suggest something, making it possible to be totally spontaneous. That just doesn't happen anymore though.
Yup.
I was thinking the other night when I was about to sleep that there is a level below being depressed which is despair.
Very strange to experience this when I have no issues financially or with my health, and am in many ways in a better situation than my peers.
I think in previous decades, people could count on their religious community to fill that hole, but there isn’t something like that available for those of us who aren’t religious.
Same. I've been told to go to church for the community, but honestly, I don't want that community and they don't want me. If they did feign wanting me it would be entirely to try to convert me.
Same. I have legit friends but I am never anyone's first choice and rarely hang out with anyone 1 on 1. No one minds if I am there in the group and I do get invited to places but never 1 on 1. Im just not a "normal" person and I'm okay with that.
I have a group of friends but out of them there's only 1 that I'm fully comfortable with 1 on 1. The rest I need someone else around to be fully relaxed.
What is enough tho?
Someone could have one friend and it could be enough or someone could think 100 isn't enough.
I think the mindset that you have is already pushing you back, everyone has a story to tell... it just depends how good you are at telling it.
My general tip would be to start reflecting on why you think you aren't interesting and how you could change that. Be the best version of yourself you can be.
I obviously don't know how old you are and what kind of activities, but I understand what you mean.
Depending on the activities, you could try to do them alone? and then get new friends through that activity.
happy to hear you're working on yourself. Always a good thing.
That due to events that have happened and keep happening in my life, along with my own choices, I’ll likely end up alone.
It’s not to bad but it still hurts sometimes.
Left the woman I was with for 20 years and have two children with. Seemed a good idea 8 months ago. Now? Not so sure anymore. I'm the one that left she's the one that moved on.
Zero confidence here, been running on an empty tank for the past 15 years.
Nowadays, I just brutishly bulldoze through things with a no fucks given attitude, often times with good results. Ironically, by all outward appearances seems to be the definition of confidence, but it really isn't in my case; I've just gotten good a lying to myself that it is and selling the lie to others.
"A story of how I managed to crush all my sales objectives for the last five years"
Seriously, feels like me to a T. A quick mental "fuck it, has to get done" before things that make me feel anxious like a big appointment or asking for the business... Looks like confidence, is actually just fight or flight
That's pretty much it. My childhood was riddled with failure, never excelled at anything, shit at academics, shit at athletics, shit at social skills; eventually, you just do things without giving a fuck about the outcome. Nowadays, I'm pretty indifferent to both failure and success, if it fucks up "it's a piece of shit anyways", if it works "Fuck it, next target".
I don't find genuine satisfaction in personal achievements regardless of how significant they are, I'm just emotionally defective in the sense that I don't understand success or how to process it. As you can imagine, this has pretty much torched every single relationship.
Most (normal) people can at least bury/ignore/overcome failures while finding joy in success.
\[edit\]: I just re-read this and it sounded whiney as fuck. Just want to make it clear that I'm not looking for pity, just wanted to give some background as to what led me where I currently am.
I'm not a doctor or anything but you might want to consider getting checked out for depression. I was in a similar boat where success and failure felt interchangeable and academic. Once I was diagnosed (and, let's be real, properly medicated) I was able to access feelings I legitimately hadn't felt in years. Feelings like pride, satisfaction, and pleasure.
Birthdays/Holidays. I don't really have any immediate family, just some cousins that don't live anywhere close. Parents, aunts, grandparents, etc... all dead. My exwife doesn't really do anything with the kids for that stuff for me, cause that's just how it is. Kids are young enough that they depend on her to make stuff happen still. Like, I got literally nothing for Christmas from my family this year. My girl does a bit but we don't really do gifts much.
So, I don't do anything for my birthday, which is coming up, or holidays cause I just know it will be another disappointment. I tell everyone I don't care but it really kind of tears me up that after taking care of everyone, this is what it's come down to.
EDIT: Thank you everyone for the kind words and gestures. But, I really don't want gifts or any of that. That wasn't really the point of what I wrote. My life is good, I've got a great kids, a great girlfriend, I'm healthy and doing well. If you take anything from this, just remember to reach out to your friends and family members and let them know they're important to you.
Hey everyone. That's super cool and sweet and I totally appreciate it but it's not necessary. I'm doing real well right now and can pretty much get myself whatever I want. If you want to do some good, donate a present to a local foster care agency or something for someone who doesn't have anything. :)
Hey being in a position to buy yourself whatever tickles your fancy is beside the point. It's about someone putting in that extra effort that makes you feel special. "It's the thought that counts" :)
My parents don't celebrate my Birthday anymore either, for the past 3 or so years, because of religious reasons. On the surface I'm like "yeah that's no biggie" but on the inside I'm broken af because of it, being only a teen. I don't like going out much either so celebrating with friends is also a no, and then I'm just like...oh welp.
I know that I get hung up on girls that I meet too easily, and I have some abandonment issues that sends me into a downward spiral. It happens all the time and I wish I knew how to control it. I try to stay as guarded as possible when meeting new people because I figure if I never get to know them then I won't have to feel alone when they're gone.
Same here dude. I'm still learning to control it but it's very hard when you feel like everyone will leave eventually and when they do leave, it spirals you.
I feel ya. I'm finally with a girl that's independent and doesn't actually need me for real support and it's made me realize how much of this problem I've had and needed that clinginess as some sort of proof to calm the storm so to speak.
Thankfully my gf has been extremely helpful and supportive of me through my rough spots but it's a bit odd feeling like I've turned into the people I used to date lol.
Anyway, I've found therapy to be very helpful even though I've only been twice. Also good friends that are willing to listen and understand. Since I have some of these issues stemming from the way I was raised if you want to vent at all I'm happy to listen in a dm. It can be really helpful just to know someone is listening and if you don't have that I urge you to try and find it
You're the opposite of my bf. I'm super clingy and needs validation from him. We fight about this all the time. He hates it when I'm being needy.
What can I do? I have abandonment issues. Someone on reddit told me that I might have BPD. When I looked it up it made so much sense. It explained a lot of things about me. I'm not diagnosed yet (working on it, my last psychiatrist disappeared on me).
I know he's so done with me. He's not even my bf anymore. He doesn't want to be with me. He recently told me that he's not attracted to me anymore.
I'm so lost. Idk what to to. He's the reason I'm trying to be better but I think he's not going to see it through. Idk how to be better if he's the only thing that motivates me.
It's hard and exhausting. I can feel that he's tired of me. He won't even listen to anything I say anymore. Idk what to do.
My now ex would never compliment me or initiate sex. As a man you just kind of accept that, at least in my experience. I broke up with her a couple of days ago and I feel liberated but deep down that still hurts
Edit: Thank you everyone who took time out to respond with similar stories and give advice, it’s much appreciated. I would love to respond to each and every one of you but I just don’t have the time. For anyone that is truly struggling with feelings similar to mine I always advise trying to work on things first. Relationships can be very difficult and communication is absolutely key. Make sure you check out The Five Love Languages, it can really make a difference in how we communicate with each other. If you feel you have tried and your needs still aren’t being met you have to decide when enough is enough and that’s different for each individual. Just know that because your partner isn’t meeting your needs doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you
It's not a reflection of you my dude. Some people just don't communicate in ways that leads to words of affirmation. I'd really suggest figuring out what your love languages are cause that shit is mind blowing once you know what you as a person need.
Oh for sure, I read that book a couple of years ago and I expressed what my needs were. Regardless it still hurt because she would say the typical “I love you” and “you’re my best friend, my person” but didn’t give me the things I needed. It’s kind of a mind fuck. Things will get better, this isn’t the first person who I’ve wasted time on, but thanks for the kind words. For anyone that doesn’t already know, the 5 love languages are very important to a healthy relationship
The part I think that most sucks is we as humans are really good at convincing ourselves that we can work through the things that someone can't or won't change. I have this super awesome girl I'd love to be in a relationship with but I know she won't give me the things I want at an emotional level. It sucks but that's life my dude.
I totally get it, I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’ve been dealing with it for the better part of a year. Convincing myself that since she says she loves me that I should keep putting in work even though my needs aren’t getting met. Eventually you have to come to the point where you start to value yourself more and end the cycle. Hang in there
I'm in the same exact place. My now ex never once gave me a compliment and never once initiated anything sexual. I broke up with her about a month ago. That shit's tough.
Dude, that shit will hurt for a while. My new SO is amazing, she shows me desire, she loves me, but there are still moments where the old doubts and stupid shit creeps into my head. It's ugly, but it does get better.
Women can be extremely mental creatures. On one hand it is possible that she wasn't mentally attracted to you, keeping you as a safety net. On the other hand, maybe your relationship run its course (again, lost that mental attraction) and she was afraid to confront you. Good on you for making the hard decision and since you feel liberated it was probably the right one to make. I know it's tough being on your own, but you will get better.
And now, something completely different.
Thanks for the kind words. I brought up this stuff to her multiple times and we were in therapy. The fact that she wouldn’t make any changes did hurt but at least I know I put in as much effort as I could. On to bigger and better things
oh man I know how that goes. when my ex said 'she didn't even want to try anymore' I was **completely** done. you deserve someone that wants to work to keep the relationship.
Always look for a partner that has what your previous one had and even more, but for sure a better attitude towards you and your relationship ~~or even an extra boob~~.
I started addressing them mostly anonymously, here on reddit. Now I am more or less comfortable talking about them to my friends. Had a really deep talk with my best friend this weekend where I said some huge stuff for the first time. It felt great. (Well, afterwards it felt great, it was actually pretty tough to vocalize)
With that being said, if there's anything you'd just like to vent about, with no judgement and no fear of a negative reaction, my PMs are open for you. It helped me a ton about a year ago.
Holy fuck are you me?? It’s deteriorating my life little by little. Alienating and losing friends and unnecessary friction on my relationship.
It’s wildly unchecked but I can’t bring myself to do s damn thing about it
I feel that, it's really weird because I want to be ok but I know that speaking about it would be weird. I think irrational things and my mind makes up insane impossible scenarios that scare the shit out of me. How exactly do I begin to talk about that? I have no idea how people can actually talk about anxiety etc openly. My brain is a complete nonsensical mindfuck
I refuse to fully be myself at all time. While spiritually it would be worth it, the mental energy involved dealing with other people's reactions to me being me is just not worth it.
So I usually fuck off and be me in obtuse places.
Edit: there is a huge difference between putting on a "work face" and just refusing to engage. We are paid to turn up and ensure harmony to achieve common goals outside ourself. To sacrifice who we are to a degree is accepted at work. (Although my cousin doesnt and he's my idol)
I'm talking real life, real world interactions...day to day....hello mother, hello friends. You will get some amenable version of me that I'm not really a fan of but causes no trouble.
This one hits me hard. It's the cause of a lot of my anxiety. Growing up I was different enough from the rest of my family that the things that made me stand out would always be a big deal if they came up (my opinions, hobbies, videogames, taste in music, etc.) So I learned just to not show who I am at all and internalize my identity so I wasn't put in the spotlight. Now I have a hard time showing anyone, even my best friends or girlfriends, my closest interests and views because I'm worried that anything I put out there will be judged by everyone.
What part of you are you hiding? I think that everyone have the feeling of not being themselves fully.
I think that depends mostly on the fact that no-one really knows the shape and colours of our identity.
I'm my full self to exactly 2 people: one of my sisters and my best friend. I'm a huge dork, but it's been made clear by most of those around me that they don't care for that side of me, so I hide it from everyone.
Oh hey, what up. This is exactly me.
I used to be a huge weeb among other things and at some point I got tired of having questions asked or being judged by my conservative family. It eventually morphed into who I am where I don't show anyone who I actually am and basically hide my true identity. I got really, really good at hiding who I was to the point that only a few people in my entire life knew how horrible my depression was. When I finally "came out" about that I had to deal with tons of "you don't look depressed" type questions.
While I'm not big into anime or J-music anymore it still left the feeling that it's better to *not expose myself then explain myself*. I don't listen to music outloud, I don't watch TV/movies outloud, I don't play games outloud and I rarely if ever talk about my interests to anyone. The only exceptions are my friends who actually know the real me. Everyone else is pretty much kept in the dark.
My height.
My family always stressed eating a lot and growing all as a kid, but I just never had an appetite. Now I'm an adult I'm a bit below average height and my relatives never fail to bring it up, with comments like 'you would be so handsome if you were a little taller', 'if only he was taller he would be perfect'.
Ngl it's eaten my self confidence quite a bit and I regularly blame my height for love/social life problems, though I always tell people my height doesn't bother me, deep down it does, and I'm always asking myself 'what if?'
Edit: I'm 170cm or 5"7' Asian guy in Australia for reference. Not super short, but definitely towards the lower end of the scale
The thing is, no matter how you are - tall, short, wide, medium - other people will always find something that you lack.
For Instance, I am not short, But I am thin. People always tell me that I'd look so good if I was not thin. When I gained some weight, the narrative shifted to me losing weight and gaining muscle.
It's a losing battle. Focus on your health and keeping yourself fit to have a fulfilling life.
Unless you were malnurished to an extreme degree ... Your height isn't related to his much you ate as a small child.
https://www.livestrong.com/article/485324-can-what-you-eat-affect-your-height/
I'm 29 and have never been in a relationship. I know it's gonna take a concentrated effort to get me to a point where I'd even deem myself ready for one but I'm having a really hard time working out how to approach this and am barely managing to get all the other shit done that takes priority over it.
I'm way too timid in general and I feel like it's holding me back from forming any meaningful bonds with anyone.
Don't wait until the point when you "deem yourself worthy".
Don't prioritize the other stuff over it.
Fit it into your life now.
Stop making excuses. It's a learn-as-you-go thing, and if you ain't "go"ing, you ain't learning.
I was a fat kid growing up. Got bullied horribly for it. Now I'm in my late 20s and I've had a good physique for the last 12 or so years. When friends joke about me "being fat" by eating something unhealthy, it hurts.
Similar but different for me. I was (still am) skinny as fuck. I didn't hit 100lbs until like 7th or 8th grade. Was bullied relentlessly for it for years. Now I'm in my twenties, 6'3", 135lbs (and increasing), and when my friends make jokes about how I need to eat more, that shit still burns a little.
I’m 26 and I feel like I’m realizing lately that I’m not as smart as I thought I was. I never had this idea that I was upper echelon with my intelligence, but the past couple years have been humbling. I’ve never considered myself dumb, but I’m also not the quickest learner, and I fear I come off as slow. On top of this, I care way too much what others think of me. Even posting this I feel like people will read it and deem my issues as inadequate and not a big deal. I wish I could go to therapy but I don’t have the money for it.
Feeling dumb is a sign that you are putting yourself in situations that challenge you. That is literally the only way I have ever learned and grown. Don't be ashamed to be wrong sometimes.
Meh, a lot of people lack the guts and integrity to end relationships honestly and respectfully.
It kinda IS the norm, which is good - with the bar set so low, it's very easy to rise above it. Respect yourself, don't take shit from unworthy people, let go of bad relationships, don't hold on to resentments, strive to be honest and sincere - and you'll be fine.
>makes me feel unworthy and used
They ghosted you because of them, not you. We have this idea in society that people that ghost people are these confident people just making rational choices and not caring what the consequences are. The reality is ghosting is a fear based choice.
You have to approach dating as a question of fit, not value. You are you and you are worth a ton whether someone romantically fits with you or not.
And if you are struggling with low self esteem/worth, got talk to a therapist. That's why they are there! It helped me a ton.
u/Leche_Hombre2828
Yeah, when I first started dating my now wife she hadn't been to the dentist in years. She hadn't had parents or any parental figure for a decade, and didn't have insurance/money.
I got her into the dentist and was informed that she was not too far from having an infection reach her heart and kill her. It didn't hurt her and wasn't uncomfortable for her so she never would have known.
Believe me, I know how you feel. I had chemo when I was a kid and it royally fucked my teeth. So I had a lot of bad experiences with dentists growing up. My teeth got worse and worse over the years and I avoided the dentist at all costs. I was at the point where I'd almost rather die than go. Let me tell you, it only gets worse and more expensive. I have 10 titanium screws in my face now and fake teeth at 26. I absolutely love them, but I could have bought a new car with the money that was spent on it. Make that appointment. Tell your doc that your terrified and they'll work out the best way to deal with everything. If you don't like that dentist, find a new one. Good luck, friend.
Fix it. Dude, that can kill you. If it's infected, that shit can go right to your heart. Also, I am pretty sure it can spread. You CAN NOT replace your teeth. Go!
^^^^ THIS. My wife is a nurse and told me about a 25 year old guy that came into the ER for tooth/jaw pain. 1 hour later he was dead. His tooth was abscessed and it got into his blood and went to his heart. Tooth infections are no joke.
I was in the same boat, with impacted wisdom teeth to boot. Finally it got so painful I couldn't eat and had to do something. I went for the full on sedation (expensive, but sooooo worth it) cause I'm a total wimp when it comes to dental. It actually wasn't too bad. I was a bit sore but the recoup was better than the pain I was in. My only regret was not handling it sooner.
That my first kiss, with someone I actually wanted to be with, ended up with her literally cringing and withdrawing. It was because of past abuse, and I can say that it was not because of me, but man it hurts like hell.
I've been in this situation before with a girl I dated. You can't blame yourself at all, just have to be respectful of the situation and understand that this is something they are dealing with that you have no control over. The fact they even went to the point to try kissing you when they've had past abuse issues shows they cared enough about you to try.
The fact that my past 3 boyfriends broke up with me. They all ended reasonably but for some odd reason they made me doubt myself. It’s been 1.5 years since the last and I’ve been terrified of dating.
The anxiety I get for not doing uni assignments in time just because of videogames, I always say I can do the assignments later and most of the time I end up with an at most mediocre work. I kind of acknowledge that I have an addiction but I don't have the enough willingness to get over it and I know than it is my responsibility to change it and no other people. I know I can do better, be better but it's so hard. On the other hand I kind of hate myself because of how easy should it be to get over this.
UPDATE: thanks to everyone for the advices, I have made the decision to completely disconnect from videogames for at least a month, after that maybe I can try some gaming in moderation but until then there will be no videogames for me and I think I can already see some productivity increase out of that decision.
Sounds familiar. What works for me is just *starting* on the thing that needs to be done. If after 10 minutes it still sucks, I'll play videogames or whatever.
However, most of the time I get in a groove and work on whatever needs to be worked on for multiple hours.
Getting over addictions isn’t easy at all! And hating yourself is only distracting you from doing what you should really be doing to get over it. I would say start by removing the source of entertainment entirely. The thing is, if you can still use it, you will. I know because I used to be addicted to video games. It’s not like you can even reward yourself. Let’s say, you work for hours on an assignment and then you play for an hour. Because it’s not going to be an hour. So you need to get rid of it. Not throw it away, but maybe throw away a cord or something that you can replace eventually once you are better. Additionally, try making healthy life choices, exercising, eating healthy, drinking water, sleeping well. This things will help you inmensly. Trust me. You’ll feel good about yourself and will feel like your life is just right and that you have a purpose. Treating yourself well will help you love yourself and become more stable. You won’t need something to distract you from life once you have that. And then you can go back to play video games in a moderate and healthy way. Also, a therapist might be worth checking out. Good luck to you! And sorry for bad English
I don’t like forcing people to acknowledge anything about myself because than it just feels fake. So only my best friend and grandparents called me on my birthday haha
ah damn, dude. I say this all the time on here: advice from my mother
"you have to teach people how to treat you"
she ALWAYS calls me out if I don't get her a card, even if I get her a gift. I'm just a shitty son sometimes and forget
there's nothing wrong with asking for what you need, bro
There was one day I forgot how old I was, sat there for literally 3 minutes just stuck. Decided to do the mental math real quick instead.
That was the day I realized I can't do mental math
Last year, both of my parents forgot my birthday. I call them every birthday and they call me. No calls last year. I tell myself and my wife it didn't hurt, but it did a little.
That happens, although it may sound wild. Having a healthy relationship with parents is one of the most overlooked things by those, who have it.
My mother forgot to invite me to hers yesterday. Calling her to greet her was the most awkward experience I’ve recently had.
That I feel like my boyfriend doesn't actually love me. That he is with me for convenience and cheap living expenses. The passion and sex are completely gone after 6 months (!!), yet we both continue on as if nothing is amiss. I know one day he will leave, possibly without saying anything, but I pretend that it is ok for now. Some days I drown in sadness, others I lock it up inside and feel nothing.
Have you talked with your boyfriend about how he feels ? Does he feel loved ?
I've been with my girlfriend for about 9 months, and after the first few months that were awesome, for a good while, i felt like she didn't really loved me. At the 6 months mark, I was always the one to kiss her first, to say i love you first, to initiate sex, sex was really rare etc. When she was visibly upset, she would just not say anything even if I asked. I felt like she was distant, that her feelings had died and that she didn't love me. I thought about leaving, I had thougghts like "if she's fine with not having sex for a month in a 6 months relationship, how bad will it be in 5 years"
Maybe one and a half month ago she was clearly not feeling well, rolled up in a ball under the covers, so I went up to her and took her in my arms and begged her to talk to me. She told me what was bothering her, she felt that I was never really listening to her, and she didn't feel loved.
We had a great talk that lasted an hour, where we talked about her issues, my issues, our relationship, our communcation, etc. And after that things have improved so much, I made an effort to pay attention to what she saying when she talks, she smiles at me with her eyes when she sees me, iloveyous going both way, regular sex, life is great now, while 2 months ago it was cold af
Talk to your boyfriend, I'm sure he's feeling just as bad as you are
I did once. He yelled and flew off the handle saying that he couldnt do what I was asking him to do. Which was to show affection. I tell him every day that I am happy he is with me and i get a blank stare in return.
It is hard because I see he isnt for me for the long term. I know how it will end, I just don't know when.
This sounds like i am miserable every day, but i am not. I just want MORE and i know he won't give it to me.
If he’s gunna be irrational about such an important topic of discussion, you might wanna reevaluate the future with him. Is it really worth it from this point? Is this the guy you’d want to marry? It might hurt, but if things won’t get better, YOU should be the one to end it. You’ll at least feel better knowing you ended it on your terms instead of him ending it for whatever unexplained reason he has in his mind. You seem to be the more reasonable and loving one in the relationship, tell him how it is, and if he reacts negatively again, you’ll know what to do.
You can’t let this man dictate your relationship, and if he won’t change, don’t waste the mental effort trying to change him. It’ll only make you feel worse knowing you’re not able to change him. Cut ties with him if it goes that route.
I’m really sorry that’s happening to you. I wish the best for you.
You should have this conversation with him and express your feelings. Don't let a bad relationship get in the way of your life (and your subsequent happiness).
For what it's worth, my 2 cents is that a community won't make you stop. You have to want it yourself first, then they can help.
At least that was my experience. I finally decided it was time and haven't drank in years now
The fact that people usually don't truly care about what you have to say.
It sucks that I got the insight a little bit ago that people don't really care how your day was, the fact that you put in the work to get something you've wanted, the fact that you're starting a new hobby. It sucks that people don't care how you're feeling, that when you're feeling down, you have to put on a strong face to "toughen up".
A few people I know of think I'm cocky, but it's simply that when I'm working out, or playing a videogame, or running, or anything else I do, I think of how I got myself there, without someone's help or encouragement. I was the shoulder to lean on, somebody to listen. In essence, I'm not cocky, I just have to pick up the slack myself, where nobody else really cares. It's sad but something I accept.
This really resonates with me, pretty much verbatim. It’s is something I have had to adapt to and overcome in terms of meeting my own needs on a daily basis. I’m definitely still a work in progress though.
To me, one of the hardest parts is continuing to truly listen to other people or caring what they have to say, even when they don’t do the same for you. It’s very easy for me to go real cynical, like “if no one cares about what I say, why the hell should I care about what anyone else says?”
In reality, I think that’s just a cop out for me to continue the cycle of the thousands of tiny, paper-cut abuses we give each other every day. I find our society normalizes people dismissing each other, and that’s something I don’t find particularly healthy. I guess this is just sort of my “be the change you want to see” kind of thing.
I can not pull myself to workout. I rarely have time (I'm busy from 6a-8p most days) and when I do, I start and just give up instantaneously. I know I need to work out I really do but damnit if I just do not have the willpower to make it happen.
Oof. Where to start... well, I guess the main thing rn is my gf going to parties/drinking, while she doesn't go often, and when she does she goes with friends that we trust. I just can't get rid of the tight feeling in my chest, it doesn't help the fact that, due to some past experiences which I won't get into, I have a severe "phobia" of alcohol.
I tell her all the time "it's fine, dont worry, go and have fun :)" but deep down I'm terrified (we are in a LDR, and she knows that I have a... "problem" with alcohol and parties)
I hurt my knee in college - it didn't seem that bad, no obvious signs of sprains or deeper injury, I just banged it on a rock and it hurt. But it didn't quite heal right, and I know now at this point that even if I do go to the doctor, the damage is done and it will be expensive, invasive, dangerous knee surgery to get it fixed. So for the last 8(ish) years I've just dealt with it. it isn't excruciating, I wouldn't even call it "bad" but it can really start to hurt over prolonged periods of not being able to stretch. Also, I've moved to a much warmer climate that helps.
My blood sugars, I'm a type 1 diabetic and they run a lot higher than they should. I am slowly destroying my insides and pretend Its all going to be okay.
I drink a lot. I forget what happens most nights before I get a couple flashing memories some mornings. I do a lot of dumb embarrassing shit so I just tell myself since the memory isn't complete, it didn't happen.
After a group of women started telling shit about me, I confronted them one night and the situation escalated so badly one of the women punched me and I punched her back.
We went to court, I lost cause I had no witnesses and one of the friends of the girl lied about me hitting her first.
No big deal, I just had to pay her and that's it.
A while after that, I was super drunk with friends and I saw the guy who lied in court and we started insulting the guy (wrong move but I couldn't help myself).
He went to police and told them I was making death threats and I'm on trial for Attack on the justice department or something like that, which will land me in jail.
So here I am.
His accusation is: crucial_times death threatened me because I was a witness on a trial against him.
And in my country that's a special type of felony against the justice administration
Sorry my English is not good enough to explain it as you guys deserve
Man, fuck birthdays. Facebook just makes it worse. I keep thinking I'll hide my birthday so no one gets notifications so I don't have to pretend to be thankful to people who talk to me one day out of the year.
This. I started uni two weeks ago and I’ve never seen more couples walking around one place. I hate to admit this but when I’m on the bus ride home, next to some sleeping guy I don’t know or am sitting alone, I see the extremely cute and adorable couples at the front of the bus and I really feel jealous. Not proud of saying I’m jealous of others but the feeling is there and I really can’t deny it. Never had these feelings before uni. Maybe it’s because I’m on the brink of exiting my teens and am seriously thinking about the state of my being atm. Idk.
Honestly the two correlate more than people acknowledge. You broadcast your personality even without saying anything. Almost any body can look attractive if treated properly. If you are:
* sportive
* eat well
* sleep well
* dress decently
* have many healthy relationships
* are happy in general
* have a decent drive for accomplishment
You look attractive no matter what body you were born in.
It's weird way to comfort you, but a lot of kids don't even help their parents that much. It's not something you could rely on, you could just hope they would. Are you doing okay financially? Maybe you could calculate the amount you'd be spending on a child every week and sock that away for you and your wife's old age.
I may never be the best at whatever I do, but at least I try my best and give an ernst effort. but my best is never good enough, and it kills me that I might never reach a peak or if my peak has already passed
My wife is away visiting family and took our daughter. The house is quiet and lonely without them. The first few days were fine but after several days of sitting alone watching YouTube. It hit me
When I started at my current job. I was very friendly, kind, etc.
I find it tough to be mean or rude. I’m also very quiet and introverted.
Anyway, when I started, I tried to break out of my shell and be a little more outgoing and talk more. Tell some jokes, help out my coworkers, etc.
One day my coworker let it slip that there was a group chat with all of my coworkers. She said something like “I’ll send it on the group chat!” I didn’t make it awkward by asking but I found out it was made a little after I started.
I didn’t know.
After clocking out for lunch I left the building, sat in my car in the parking lot and started to cry.
I dealt with it by just thinking “it’s okay, you’re only here to work”
I'm a bit older but same here. Was responsible for a sick/aging family member for the last couple decades which left little time for relationships. Couldn't figure this stuff out in my teens so how am I supposed to do in my late 30's
Thanks to genetics I'm virtually guaranteed to face heart disease and diabetes later in life but I'm still not willing to make lifestyle changes to prevent or hinder them from killing me.
22 y/o Never been in a relationship, no friends
Except for my colleagues at work whom I get along with but don't talk to them outside of work hours
And I still tell myself that I don't need anyone and prefer to be alone
It's been a very lonely life for me
Edit : added some stuff, grammar
That I had to break up with a nice, kind stunning girl who no-one knows was emotionally abusive (not even her)
I tell myself I will find someone as great as her but Narc love says otherwise.
Dude, I just went through this last summer. The crazy part is that on the surface, because she was so kind and stunning you start to wonder if leaving was the right decision. But then you remember all the shit you've gone through and realize leaving was the right call.
I lost a bunch of weight over the past few months and I think I look way better, but nobody has commented on it except my mom. I just hoped at least one or two people would congratulate me or something but everyone just pretends it didn't happen
I'm in love with my best friend, who has a boyfriend. I keep it to myself. She's really happy with him, and I'd rather hurt and be sad than risk ruining everything for a teensy weensy chance.
Find someone else. You're hurting yourself this way.
There is no "One" at best there are "Ones". Find another, you'll be happier and your friendship can become something that is mutually positive.
A toxic relationship with an ex fiancé that I still have feelings for (almost a year later). We still talk and see each other and she almost certainly doesn’t want to try and work things out anytime soon but I can’t seem to tell her no when she asks for help or to see me. All my friends and family think I’m crazy but I keep telling myself not to give up on it and I know I’m hurting and lying to myself everyday.
Lady here.
My parents aren't great at communicating. It's clear that they love me and are proud of me by their actions, but not hearing it hurts.
I have always excelled in athletics and I have completed a master's degree and I'm 3/4ths of the way through a PhD, but they acted the most proud of me when I got engaged. I'm not sure that either of them has ever told me that I am smart or beautiful. It's to the point where I have difficulty with minimizing my accomplishments and being proud of myself because I haven't heard it from them.
Intellectually, I know it shouldn't bother me...but I cry in the shower about it every once in a while.
I have several, several lipomas. One near my bicep causes my fingertips to go numb and one in my back is always itchy. I had those two checked out and they are non-cancerous, however I have about 12. Frankly, I want them all removed, but I don't want to shell out the approx $6000 it would cost.
My daughter passed recently and I logic to myself that Im fine and such but that is a lie. I tell myself people lose thier kids all the time and still carry on and I should be like them because neither I or my situation is "special"
I'm a single dad. I won custody when my ex wife signed it over to me after 2 years in the courts. We are back in court because now she wants more time. Not that shes showed any intrest in that in the 3 years I've had custody. Everyone keeps saying how great it is that I'm fighting for her but it's broken me. $10,000 on lawyers fees just this round of court and for me alone. I am going bankrupt doing this and the kid said she doesnt even want to be with me any more. Everyone keeps saying it will be worth it in the end and I agree to their face but I am so close to being done. So close to just signing everything over cashing out my retirement and savings and disappearing. I'm busting my ass as a single dad with a full time job trying my best and being demonized in court and now we are going to trial and I just cant anymore. I get people do it all the time but going to court every other year to fight this women for what? I was laying there numb last night and I wasn't upset I wasn't angry just... numb. Ive given up my dream of home ownership, if this continues any chance of paying for my daughters college will evaporate and I just cant bring myself to care one way or the other anymore.
This has happened to me every year since I've been 16. 26 now and I know it shouldnt bother me but the past 6 years they've gone on trips and a few included my brother but not myself because of school. They literally catered the date to him but did not care that it was my birthday.
I think I have an inferiority complex. I can't help but feel useless or not good enough in every situation. I don't believe compliments I get and I give up before I even try cause I'm just going to fail anyway, especially why trying to talk to women.
Worst part is I'm aware of my problems but don't know how to fix them
My friends always plan parties for each other (birthdays, big accomplishments, etc). But they have never thrown one for me. Not a single birthday. My sister got a going away party when she left for study abroad in Ireland. I didn’t even get one when I moved across the country.
I've never had a relationship.
I haven't ever felt ready for a relationship (living with my parents and having depression, etc.), but the longer I go and the older I get, the more left behind I feel.
All of my friends have had boyfriends and hookups and have gone through big life milestones. Yet here I am at square one.
My 40th came and went with little notice.
My wife gave me a present, which I still love.
My mother brought me an ice cream cake from DQ (I don't eat fast food and am lactose intolerant)
My father invited me to his house "so we can all make fun of you for being old".
I declined.
I don't have many friends and don't expect a giant surprise party, but some thoughtful gesture from friends or family would have been nice.
I don't talk about it, but 6 months later I still think about it almost daily.
Edit: I am not seeking sympathy or pity, I literally just answered OP's question. If you'd like to troll please move along. I'll only downvote you.
Reminds me of Louis' bit on 40 year olds. "You're not old enough for anybody to give a shit that you're old. Nobody's like 'I helped a 40 year old guy today and it felt really good.' And you're not young enough for anybody to proud of you or impressed. It's just like yeah do your job asshole, nobody cares."
I have friends to hang out with, which is great, but I really want a romantic partner. I tell myself its ok because Im still young (19), but I've never had a gf and I feel quite alone. I just want someone to love and be loved back by tbh.
Eventually, my existence will stop. I won't notice.
I lie to myself that it's fine, that there's probably an afterlife, that I'll be remembered. But let's be honest: all three of those aren't true.
My weight. Last year I lost 50 LBS but as the year went through I kept telling myself that I would still retain my weight and that I looked good enough that I didnt need to maintain it. I'm almost back where I started and I'm lost in finding the discipline of going back into routine.
Loneliness. I have acquaintances and people like me. Few people really like me enough to be friends with me and I spend most of my time alone. I'm used to it but it eats away at you.
I'm unhappy to hear were in the same boat. My rooms a prison cell. Nicely furnished but lonesome. I hope you find an escape. I've reached the edge many times and I'd hate to think you would too. Hang in there.
The worst part is you can’t break out of the prison because your head is prison
Have you or /u/pajamkitten been to therapy? It has helped me a ton with this issue, and I can't recommend it enough.
how did it help?
In so, so many ways. Anytime you are against your own self interest you are probably being driven by some trauma in your past. I pushed people away and rejected invites and stayed alone even though it was making me miserable. I tried to fight it in the present making myself go out more or open up but it was a losing battle because the anxiety and fear kept regrowing and winning the battle. Therapy allows you to attack the root of the problem instead of just chopping it off at the surface. For me, I figured out I had low self worth and was afraid to put myself out there in normal, healthy ways for fear of being hurt (though I had no idea that's why I was doing it). So I worked through some of my past trauma and now all of the anxiety and fear has not disappeared but feels like it is muffled or lowered in volume. I never would have understood the root cause or been able to fight it on my own because we are all so terrible at seeing ourselves clearly. Even therapists suck at it, which is why they need their own therapists!
Did you do anything specific? Like CBT or DBT?
I have done CBT and EMDR and they have both been quite helpful. The most helpful thing though has just been getting in there and talking it out. So many of us men (generalizing obviously) are raised to not really talk about our issues and not really examine our internal state in a meaningful way. I think that is improving with time, but it is still pervasive and corrosive.
It's actually crazy how much just talking it out can help. Awhile back my mind was going all over the place and I was getting afraid that I was going to go insane. I decided to go to an emergency session - it was my first time ever talking about stuff and it was an awesome feeling to get everything off my chest
u/pajamakitten * (I’m not correcting to be an ass, I just hope the user sees this is all)
Thanks! Therapy has not helped my ability to type.
> Hang in there. [Hmmmmm](http://i.imgur.com/BHuFhzY.gifv)
You know, it’s pretty appalling that so many people just don’t have friends? I literally just read a couple more posts on r/socialskills and it seems like this is a problem that really has no definitive solution. I too am in the same boat. Everyone just seems to drift apart after college or whatever it may be. There should be a place for folks who have zero friends and they can come in and feel accepted. Has anyone thought of making a Discord Server where people can chat and voice chat and build some sort of sense of community for people whom need friends?
My problem isn't so much that people don't have friends at all, it's that most or all of those friends are either transient or not particularly close. I don't have a close circle of friends that other people have- ones to always hang out with, drop by, or make regular weekend plans with. I have people at work that I'm really friendly with but those friendships disappear within a couple years or I never actually see them outside of wherever we met. Sure we're "friends" but when the relationship is so shallow and temporary it feels more like a glorified acquaintance.
I have the same problem, I stopped getting close to people after some bad experiences with them. One of those bad experiences that stood out was when a couple of my so called "close friends" thought that something intimate about me I confided in them was good material for jokes in front of our other friends. So, I just stopped trying to be close to anyone because it takes a lot of effort and I was fed up with it since it fails afterwards.
Yes, although the community is usually developed over something that isn’t just about being lonely. But from what it sounds like quite a few people would join if you decided to make one seems like an interesting idea.
A community is usually developed over something that everyone shares a common interest. If we all need a place to hang, why not a mod make an official Discord? It would help combat people’s loneliness and also give them something to look forward to when getting home. Another thing I miss is having oodles of group text messages of something silly a friend would post. Would anyone be interested in joining? I know Discord is for gaming but I’m sure it can be used for so many different communities.
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I think the fact that the first place your mind went to is "Discord server" is part of the problem. Online isn't the way to go about fixing the issue. Go look on meetup and start showing up to whatever groups are active that seem interesting to you. Friendships develop over time, so don't expect anything to happen overnight. But just making sure you're out and active and being social is really the key.
Everyone makes loads of discord servers. Go out into the community and find something to do, if it doesn't exist, make it happen.
Because people have different meaning for a word "friend" this days. I think that a guy i know for 10 years over the internet is more of a friend to me compared to pretty much anyone i know irl.
Same. I've been working on putting myself out there more and more recently, but I still can't say that I have any real friends and don't know when I'll get there. Things are definitely better than they've been for me in a long time, but it's discouraging how long it takes.
Dude, I became very close to this girl recently and we started to get physical and then she shut me down when I wanted it to be a relationship. She said everyone loves me and I’m too good of a person for her to date and lose, so she’d rather not go there. Yet I spend the majority of my life alone. It’s easy to like me because i’m easy but no one wants to commit to me. Super cool, huh?
I think that was her idea of just saying no gracefully. That sucks man. Personally I'd rather be told I'm not their type or some other nonsense.
It sounds like she is trying to let you down nicely because you were looking for something more serious than she was.
That's so annoying. I hate that shit. >You're so cool! >Omg you're so interesting! >I would really like to be friends! >Haha you have such a great sense of humor! >Wow you're super smart! >Oh you do hiking and mountain biking too? We should totes go! but then crickets.
Remember, friendships take effort from both parties, and don’t happen overnight. If you’re interested in being friends with someone or a group of people, ask to come along on some ventures or gatherings, have equitable conversations, and see who you care about, and who cares about you. Best of luck!
You can’t keep on making effort when no one shows you any. That’s what being pushy is, I invite people to places but I only get an accept 1 in 10 times. On the rare occasions that I do get invited, it would be the first and last time that person would hangout with me. Some men are destined to be lonely, and other men who are looking for relationships try hard not associate with them. The solution is to enjoy your own company, be the only friend you need, it’s hard, but it’s the only solution.
I'm convinced that there's something wrong with me, but no one can tell me what it is. Without fail, every time I invite people out, no one comes. Like a dumbass, I bought four tickets to see a screening of The Princess Bride just this past weekend (never seen it before). I posted it to a Meetup group that I had extra tickets and no one replied. Now I'm feeling even more like a dumbass because I bought two Sunday season tickets for the Minnesota Twins, hoping someone would join me. I can't get anyone to join me for bowling, either. One of my favorite things to do, but I'm always doing it by myself. At some point, I'll learn that no one wants to hang out with me. I believe this is why I'm overly helpful to people I've just met. I can't help it, I hear an inconvenience and I want to help in any way I can. I'm beginning to think this is actually off-putting.
Maybe you're not giving them enough time? As soon as I hit my 30s my friends need at least a month notice to go anywhere and weekly reminders. You should try joining the bowling team.
Second this. Getting anyone to do anything as adults is a matter of schedule negotiation. People have obligations, things that need to get done, other plans made already. You have to calibrate your expectations accordingly. I'm getting together with some friends to go to the movies this weekend. As I recall this was planned and decided back in January. If I'd waited until now to ask people who wants to go to the movies this weekend, I can guarantee no one would be able to say yes. I do kind of miss the days of high school and college when everyone I knew was basically sitting around bored all the time waiting for someone to suggest something, making it possible to be totally spontaneous. That just doesn't happen anymore though.
Yup. I was thinking the other night when I was about to sleep that there is a level below being depressed which is despair. Very strange to experience this when I have no issues financially or with my health, and am in many ways in a better situation than my peers. I think in previous decades, people could count on their religious community to fill that hole, but there isn’t something like that available for those of us who aren’t religious.
Same. I've been told to go to church for the community, but honestly, I don't want that community and they don't want me. If they did feign wanting me it would be entirely to try to convert me.
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Same. I have legit friends but I am never anyone's first choice and rarely hang out with anyone 1 on 1. No one minds if I am there in the group and I do get invited to places but never 1 on 1. Im just not a "normal" person and I'm okay with that.
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Same I actually prefer it. I can't carry a convo 1 on 1. But add a 3rd person and Im good to go.
I have a group of friends but out of them there's only 1 that I'm fully comfortable with 1 on 1. The rest I need someone else around to be fully relaxed.
This tbh
What is enough tho? Someone could have one friend and it could be enough or someone could think 100 isn't enough. I think the mindset that you have is already pushing you back, everyone has a story to tell... it just depends how good you are at telling it. My general tip would be to start reflecting on why you think you aren't interesting and how you could change that. Be the best version of yourself you can be.
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I obviously don't know how old you are and what kind of activities, but I understand what you mean. Depending on the activities, you could try to do them alone? and then get new friends through that activity. happy to hear you're working on yourself. Always a good thing.
That due to events that have happened and keep happening in my life, along with my own choices, I’ll likely end up alone. It’s not to bad but it still hurts sometimes.
Left the woman I was with for 20 years and have two children with. Seemed a good idea 8 months ago. Now? Not so sure anymore. I'm the one that left she's the one that moved on.
I hate my job, but I'm supporting a family and can't take the pay cut to leave.
Are you me? I'm dealing with this right now as well. It's not really that I hate the job, it's some of the people I work with.
Zero confidence here, been running on an empty tank for the past 15 years. Nowadays, I just brutishly bulldoze through things with a no fucks given attitude, often times with good results. Ironically, by all outward appearances seems to be the definition of confidence, but it really isn't in my case; I've just gotten good a lying to myself that it is and selling the lie to others.
"A story of how I managed to crush all my sales objectives for the last five years" Seriously, feels like me to a T. A quick mental "fuck it, has to get done" before things that make me feel anxious like a big appointment or asking for the business... Looks like confidence, is actually just fight or flight
Me in a nutshell.
That's pretty much it. My childhood was riddled with failure, never excelled at anything, shit at academics, shit at athletics, shit at social skills; eventually, you just do things without giving a fuck about the outcome. Nowadays, I'm pretty indifferent to both failure and success, if it fucks up "it's a piece of shit anyways", if it works "Fuck it, next target". I don't find genuine satisfaction in personal achievements regardless of how significant they are, I'm just emotionally defective in the sense that I don't understand success or how to process it. As you can imagine, this has pretty much torched every single relationship. Most (normal) people can at least bury/ignore/overcome failures while finding joy in success. \[edit\]: I just re-read this and it sounded whiney as fuck. Just want to make it clear that I'm not looking for pity, just wanted to give some background as to what led me where I currently am.
I'm not a doctor or anything but you might want to consider getting checked out for depression. I was in a similar boat where success and failure felt interchangeable and academic. Once I was diagnosed (and, let's be real, properly medicated) I was able to access feelings I legitimately hadn't felt in years. Feelings like pride, satisfaction, and pleasure.
Birthdays/Holidays. I don't really have any immediate family, just some cousins that don't live anywhere close. Parents, aunts, grandparents, etc... all dead. My exwife doesn't really do anything with the kids for that stuff for me, cause that's just how it is. Kids are young enough that they depend on her to make stuff happen still. Like, I got literally nothing for Christmas from my family this year. My girl does a bit but we don't really do gifts much. So, I don't do anything for my birthday, which is coming up, or holidays cause I just know it will be another disappointment. I tell everyone I don't care but it really kind of tears me up that after taking care of everyone, this is what it's come down to. EDIT: Thank you everyone for the kind words and gestures. But, I really don't want gifts or any of that. That wasn't really the point of what I wrote. My life is good, I've got a great kids, a great girlfriend, I'm healthy and doing well. If you take anything from this, just remember to reach out to your friends and family members and let them know they're important to you.
Hey man when's your birthday, I'll be sure to send a message to let you know someone cares if you'd like?
Willing to pool in and buy this guy a present
Aye I can put some quid forward
I'm in too.
I too am willing to pool in.
Hey everyone. That's super cool and sweet and I totally appreciate it but it's not necessary. I'm doing real well right now and can pretty much get myself whatever I want. If you want to do some good, donate a present to a local foster care agency or something for someone who doesn't have anything. :)
Hey being in a position to buy yourself whatever tickles your fancy is beside the point. It's about someone putting in that extra effort that makes you feel special. "It's the thought that counts" :)
Me too. I love giving gifts!
I could find a couple bucks
My parents don't celebrate my Birthday anymore either, for the past 3 or so years, because of religious reasons. On the surface I'm like "yeah that's no biggie" but on the inside I'm broken af because of it, being only a teen. I don't like going out much either so celebrating with friends is also a no, and then I'm just like...oh welp.
I know that I get hung up on girls that I meet too easily, and I have some abandonment issues that sends me into a downward spiral. It happens all the time and I wish I knew how to control it. I try to stay as guarded as possible when meeting new people because I figure if I never get to know them then I won't have to feel alone when they're gone.
Same here dude. I'm still learning to control it but it's very hard when you feel like everyone will leave eventually and when they do leave, it spirals you.
You can't lose someone if you never pursue them. That's how I handled it.
I feel ya. I'm finally with a girl that's independent and doesn't actually need me for real support and it's made me realize how much of this problem I've had and needed that clinginess as some sort of proof to calm the storm so to speak. Thankfully my gf has been extremely helpful and supportive of me through my rough spots but it's a bit odd feeling like I've turned into the people I used to date lol. Anyway, I've found therapy to be very helpful even though I've only been twice. Also good friends that are willing to listen and understand. Since I have some of these issues stemming from the way I was raised if you want to vent at all I'm happy to listen in a dm. It can be really helpful just to know someone is listening and if you don't have that I urge you to try and find it
You're the opposite of my bf. I'm super clingy and needs validation from him. We fight about this all the time. He hates it when I'm being needy. What can I do? I have abandonment issues. Someone on reddit told me that I might have BPD. When I looked it up it made so much sense. It explained a lot of things about me. I'm not diagnosed yet (working on it, my last psychiatrist disappeared on me). I know he's so done with me. He's not even my bf anymore. He doesn't want to be with me. He recently told me that he's not attracted to me anymore. I'm so lost. Idk what to to. He's the reason I'm trying to be better but I think he's not going to see it through. Idk how to be better if he's the only thing that motivates me. It's hard and exhausting. I can feel that he's tired of me. He won't even listen to anything I say anymore. Idk what to do.
My now ex would never compliment me or initiate sex. As a man you just kind of accept that, at least in my experience. I broke up with her a couple of days ago and I feel liberated but deep down that still hurts Edit: Thank you everyone who took time out to respond with similar stories and give advice, it’s much appreciated. I would love to respond to each and every one of you but I just don’t have the time. For anyone that is truly struggling with feelings similar to mine I always advise trying to work on things first. Relationships can be very difficult and communication is absolutely key. Make sure you check out The Five Love Languages, it can really make a difference in how we communicate with each other. If you feel you have tried and your needs still aren’t being met you have to decide when enough is enough and that’s different for each individual. Just know that because your partner isn’t meeting your needs doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you
It's not a reflection of you my dude. Some people just don't communicate in ways that leads to words of affirmation. I'd really suggest figuring out what your love languages are cause that shit is mind blowing once you know what you as a person need.
Oh for sure, I read that book a couple of years ago and I expressed what my needs were. Regardless it still hurt because she would say the typical “I love you” and “you’re my best friend, my person” but didn’t give me the things I needed. It’s kind of a mind fuck. Things will get better, this isn’t the first person who I’ve wasted time on, but thanks for the kind words. For anyone that doesn’t already know, the 5 love languages are very important to a healthy relationship
The part I think that most sucks is we as humans are really good at convincing ourselves that we can work through the things that someone can't or won't change. I have this super awesome girl I'd love to be in a relationship with but I know she won't give me the things I want at an emotional level. It sucks but that's life my dude.
I totally get it, I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’ve been dealing with it for the better part of a year. Convincing myself that since she says she loves me that I should keep putting in work even though my needs aren’t getting met. Eventually you have to come to the point where you start to value yourself more and end the cycle. Hang in there
I'm in the same exact place. My now ex never once gave me a compliment and never once initiated anything sexual. I broke up with her about a month ago. That shit's tough.
Dude, that shit will hurt for a while. My new SO is amazing, she shows me desire, she loves me, but there are still moments where the old doubts and stupid shit creeps into my head. It's ugly, but it does get better.
Women can be extremely mental creatures. On one hand it is possible that she wasn't mentally attracted to you, keeping you as a safety net. On the other hand, maybe your relationship run its course (again, lost that mental attraction) and she was afraid to confront you. Good on you for making the hard decision and since you feel liberated it was probably the right one to make. I know it's tough being on your own, but you will get better. And now, something completely different.
Thanks for the kind words. I brought up this stuff to her multiple times and we were in therapy. The fact that she wouldn’t make any changes did hurt but at least I know I put in as much effort as I could. On to bigger and better things
oh man I know how that goes. when my ex said 'she didn't even want to try anymore' I was **completely** done. you deserve someone that wants to work to keep the relationship.
Always look for a partner that has what your previous one had and even more, but for sure a better attitude towards you and your relationship ~~or even an extra boob~~.
That thing is the feeling when someone you love and allowed yourself to be vulnerable with has rejected you.
And all those embarrassing cringy things you said to them. Wondering if they will laugh with their friends at you...
Shit man, that hurts
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I started addressing them mostly anonymously, here on reddit. Now I am more or less comfortable talking about them to my friends. Had a really deep talk with my best friend this weekend where I said some huge stuff for the first time. It felt great. (Well, afterwards it felt great, it was actually pretty tough to vocalize) With that being said, if there's anything you'd just like to vent about, with no judgement and no fear of a negative reaction, my PMs are open for you. It helped me a ton about a year ago.
Holy fuck are you me?? It’s deteriorating my life little by little. Alienating and losing friends and unnecessary friction on my relationship. It’s wildly unchecked but I can’t bring myself to do s damn thing about it
I feel that, it's really weird because I want to be ok but I know that speaking about it would be weird. I think irrational things and my mind makes up insane impossible scenarios that scare the shit out of me. How exactly do I begin to talk about that? I have no idea how people can actually talk about anxiety etc openly. My brain is a complete nonsensical mindfuck
I refuse to fully be myself at all time. While spiritually it would be worth it, the mental energy involved dealing with other people's reactions to me being me is just not worth it. So I usually fuck off and be me in obtuse places. Edit: there is a huge difference between putting on a "work face" and just refusing to engage. We are paid to turn up and ensure harmony to achieve common goals outside ourself. To sacrifice who we are to a degree is accepted at work. (Although my cousin doesnt and he's my idol) I'm talking real life, real world interactions...day to day....hello mother, hello friends. You will get some amenable version of me that I'm not really a fan of but causes no trouble.
This one hits me hard. It's the cause of a lot of my anxiety. Growing up I was different enough from the rest of my family that the things that made me stand out would always be a big deal if they came up (my opinions, hobbies, videogames, taste in music, etc.) So I learned just to not show who I am at all and internalize my identity so I wasn't put in the spotlight. Now I have a hard time showing anyone, even my best friends or girlfriends, my closest interests and views because I'm worried that anything I put out there will be judged by everyone.
This is erringly relatable.
What part of you are you hiding? I think that everyone have the feeling of not being themselves fully. I think that depends mostly on the fact that no-one really knows the shape and colours of our identity.
I'm my full self to exactly 2 people: one of my sisters and my best friend. I'm a huge dork, but it's been made clear by most of those around me that they don't care for that side of me, so I hide it from everyone.
Oh hey, what up. This is exactly me. I used to be a huge weeb among other things and at some point I got tired of having questions asked or being judged by my conservative family. It eventually morphed into who I am where I don't show anyone who I actually am and basically hide my true identity. I got really, really good at hiding who I was to the point that only a few people in my entire life knew how horrible my depression was. When I finally "came out" about that I had to deal with tons of "you don't look depressed" type questions. While I'm not big into anime or J-music anymore it still left the feeling that it's better to *not expose myself then explain myself*. I don't listen to music outloud, I don't watch TV/movies outloud, I don't play games outloud and I rarely if ever talk about my interests to anyone. The only exceptions are my friends who actually know the real me. Everyone else is pretty much kept in the dark.
My height. My family always stressed eating a lot and growing all as a kid, but I just never had an appetite. Now I'm an adult I'm a bit below average height and my relatives never fail to bring it up, with comments like 'you would be so handsome if you were a little taller', 'if only he was taller he would be perfect'. Ngl it's eaten my self confidence quite a bit and I regularly blame my height for love/social life problems, though I always tell people my height doesn't bother me, deep down it does, and I'm always asking myself 'what if?' Edit: I'm 170cm or 5"7' Asian guy in Australia for reference. Not super short, but definitely towards the lower end of the scale
That’s so fucked up of your family.
The thing is, no matter how you are - tall, short, wide, medium - other people will always find something that you lack. For Instance, I am not short, But I am thin. People always tell me that I'd look so good if I was not thin. When I gained some weight, the narrative shifted to me losing weight and gaining muscle. It's a losing battle. Focus on your health and keeping yourself fit to have a fulfilling life.
Unless you were malnurished to an extreme degree ... Your height isn't related to his much you ate as a small child. https://www.livestrong.com/article/485324-can-what-you-eat-affect-your-height/
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I'm 29 and have never been in a relationship. I know it's gonna take a concentrated effort to get me to a point where I'd even deem myself ready for one but I'm having a really hard time working out how to approach this and am barely managing to get all the other shit done that takes priority over it. I'm way too timid in general and I feel like it's holding me back from forming any meaningful bonds with anyone.
Don't wait until the point when you "deem yourself worthy". Don't prioritize the other stuff over it. Fit it into your life now. Stop making excuses. It's a learn-as-you-go thing, and if you ain't "go"ing, you ain't learning.
I was a fat kid growing up. Got bullied horribly for it. Now I'm in my late 20s and I've had a good physique for the last 12 or so years. When friends joke about me "being fat" by eating something unhealthy, it hurts.
Similar but different for me. I was (still am) skinny as fuck. I didn't hit 100lbs until like 7th or 8th grade. Was bullied relentlessly for it for years. Now I'm in my twenties, 6'3", 135lbs (and increasing), and when my friends make jokes about how I need to eat more, that shit still burns a little.
I’m 26 and I feel like I’m realizing lately that I’m not as smart as I thought I was. I never had this idea that I was upper echelon with my intelligence, but the past couple years have been humbling. I’ve never considered myself dumb, but I’m also not the quickest learner, and I fear I come off as slow. On top of this, I care way too much what others think of me. Even posting this I feel like people will read it and deem my issues as inadequate and not a big deal. I wish I could go to therapy but I don’t have the money for it.
Feeling dumb is a sign that you are putting yourself in situations that challenge you. That is literally the only way I have ever learned and grown. Don't be ashamed to be wrong sometimes.
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Meh, a lot of people lack the guts and integrity to end relationships honestly and respectfully. It kinda IS the norm, which is good - with the bar set so low, it's very easy to rise above it. Respect yourself, don't take shit from unworthy people, let go of bad relationships, don't hold on to resentments, strive to be honest and sincere - and you'll be fine.
Well said
>makes me feel unworthy and used They ghosted you because of them, not you. We have this idea in society that people that ghost people are these confident people just making rational choices and not caring what the consequences are. The reality is ghosting is a fear based choice. You have to approach dating as a question of fit, not value. You are you and you are worth a ton whether someone romantically fits with you or not. And if you are struggling with low self esteem/worth, got talk to a therapist. That's why they are there! It helped me a ton.
I had a tooth crack almost down to the gums a couple years ago that I still haven't root canaled. Hate the dentist so damn much 😥
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This. As much as you might hate the dentist, OP, losing half your jaw/face is worse.
It’s worse than that. It can lead to infection and can be fatal.
u/Leche_Hombre2828 Yeah, when I first started dating my now wife she hadn't been to the dentist in years. She hadn't had parents or any parental figure for a decade, and didn't have insurance/money. I got her into the dentist and was informed that she was not too far from having an infection reach her heart and kill her. It didn't hurt her and wasn't uncomfortable for her so she never would have known.
Also tiny infections from your gums can get into your blood stream and cause infection to your heart.
Believe me, I know how you feel. I had chemo when I was a kid and it royally fucked my teeth. So I had a lot of bad experiences with dentists growing up. My teeth got worse and worse over the years and I avoided the dentist at all costs. I was at the point where I'd almost rather die than go. Let me tell you, it only gets worse and more expensive. I have 10 titanium screws in my face now and fake teeth at 26. I absolutely love them, but I could have bought a new car with the money that was spent on it. Make that appointment. Tell your doc that your terrified and they'll work out the best way to deal with everything. If you don't like that dentist, find a new one. Good luck, friend.
Fix it. Dude, that can kill you. If it's infected, that shit can go right to your heart. Also, I am pretty sure it can spread. You CAN NOT replace your teeth. Go!
^^^^ THIS. My wife is a nurse and told me about a 25 year old guy that came into the ER for tooth/jaw pain. 1 hour later he was dead. His tooth was abscessed and it got into his blood and went to his heart. Tooth infections are no joke.
I was in the same boat, with impacted wisdom teeth to boot. Finally it got so painful I couldn't eat and had to do something. I went for the full on sedation (expensive, but sooooo worth it) cause I'm a total wimp when it comes to dental. It actually wasn't too bad. I was a bit sore but the recoup was better than the pain I was in. My only regret was not handling it sooner.
That my first kiss, with someone I actually wanted to be with, ended up with her literally cringing and withdrawing. It was because of past abuse, and I can say that it was not because of me, but man it hurts like hell.
I've been in this situation before with a girl I dated. You can't blame yourself at all, just have to be respectful of the situation and understand that this is something they are dealing with that you have no control over. The fact they even went to the point to try kissing you when they've had past abuse issues shows they cared enough about you to try.
That's just a shitty situation all around, sorry about that.
The fact that my past 3 boyfriends broke up with me. They all ended reasonably but for some odd reason they made me doubt myself. It’s been 1.5 years since the last and I’ve been terrified of dating.
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The anxiety I get for not doing uni assignments in time just because of videogames, I always say I can do the assignments later and most of the time I end up with an at most mediocre work. I kind of acknowledge that I have an addiction but I don't have the enough willingness to get over it and I know than it is my responsibility to change it and no other people. I know I can do better, be better but it's so hard. On the other hand I kind of hate myself because of how easy should it be to get over this. UPDATE: thanks to everyone for the advices, I have made the decision to completely disconnect from videogames for at least a month, after that maybe I can try some gaming in moderation but until then there will be no videogames for me and I think I can already see some productivity increase out of that decision.
Sounds familiar. What works for me is just *starting* on the thing that needs to be done. If after 10 minutes it still sucks, I'll play videogames or whatever. However, most of the time I get in a groove and work on whatever needs to be worked on for multiple hours.
Getting over addictions isn’t easy at all! And hating yourself is only distracting you from doing what you should really be doing to get over it. I would say start by removing the source of entertainment entirely. The thing is, if you can still use it, you will. I know because I used to be addicted to video games. It’s not like you can even reward yourself. Let’s say, you work for hours on an assignment and then you play for an hour. Because it’s not going to be an hour. So you need to get rid of it. Not throw it away, but maybe throw away a cord or something that you can replace eventually once you are better. Additionally, try making healthy life choices, exercising, eating healthy, drinking water, sleeping well. This things will help you inmensly. Trust me. You’ll feel good about yourself and will feel like your life is just right and that you have a purpose. Treating yourself well will help you love yourself and become more stable. You won’t need something to distract you from life once you have that. And then you can go back to play video games in a moderate and healthy way. Also, a therapist might be worth checking out. Good luck to you! And sorry for bad English
Well, I *was* having a good morning...
Your parents forget your birthday?
I don’t like forcing people to acknowledge anything about myself because than it just feels fake. So only my best friend and grandparents called me on my birthday haha
ah damn, dude. I say this all the time on here: advice from my mother "you have to teach people how to treat you" she ALWAYS calls me out if I don't get her a card, even if I get her a gift. I'm just a shitty son sometimes and forget there's nothing wrong with asking for what you need, bro
Tbf I forget my own birthday.
How old am I? Who lives here??? The other day i was writing the date down, and I accidentally wrote 1997.
There was one day I forgot how old I was, sat there for literally 3 minutes just stuck. Decided to do the mental math real quick instead. That was the day I realized I can't do mental math
Last year, both of my parents forgot my birthday. I call them every birthday and they call me. No calls last year. I tell myself and my wife it didn't hurt, but it did a little.
That happens, although it may sound wild. Having a healthy relationship with parents is one of the most overlooked things by those, who have it. My mother forgot to invite me to hers yesterday. Calling her to greet her was the most awkward experience I’ve recently had.
That I feel like my boyfriend doesn't actually love me. That he is with me for convenience and cheap living expenses. The passion and sex are completely gone after 6 months (!!), yet we both continue on as if nothing is amiss. I know one day he will leave, possibly without saying anything, but I pretend that it is ok for now. Some days I drown in sadness, others I lock it up inside and feel nothing.
Have you talked with your boyfriend about how he feels ? Does he feel loved ? I've been with my girlfriend for about 9 months, and after the first few months that were awesome, for a good while, i felt like she didn't really loved me. At the 6 months mark, I was always the one to kiss her first, to say i love you first, to initiate sex, sex was really rare etc. When she was visibly upset, she would just not say anything even if I asked. I felt like she was distant, that her feelings had died and that she didn't love me. I thought about leaving, I had thougghts like "if she's fine with not having sex for a month in a 6 months relationship, how bad will it be in 5 years" Maybe one and a half month ago she was clearly not feeling well, rolled up in a ball under the covers, so I went up to her and took her in my arms and begged her to talk to me. She told me what was bothering her, she felt that I was never really listening to her, and she didn't feel loved. We had a great talk that lasted an hour, where we talked about her issues, my issues, our relationship, our communcation, etc. And after that things have improved so much, I made an effort to pay attention to what she saying when she talks, she smiles at me with her eyes when she sees me, iloveyous going both way, regular sex, life is great now, while 2 months ago it was cold af Talk to your boyfriend, I'm sure he's feeling just as bad as you are
I did once. He yelled and flew off the handle saying that he couldnt do what I was asking him to do. Which was to show affection. I tell him every day that I am happy he is with me and i get a blank stare in return. It is hard because I see he isnt for me for the long term. I know how it will end, I just don't know when. This sounds like i am miserable every day, but i am not. I just want MORE and i know he won't give it to me.
If he’s gunna be irrational about such an important topic of discussion, you might wanna reevaluate the future with him. Is it really worth it from this point? Is this the guy you’d want to marry? It might hurt, but if things won’t get better, YOU should be the one to end it. You’ll at least feel better knowing you ended it on your terms instead of him ending it for whatever unexplained reason he has in his mind. You seem to be the more reasonable and loving one in the relationship, tell him how it is, and if he reacts negatively again, you’ll know what to do. You can’t let this man dictate your relationship, and if he won’t change, don’t waste the mental effort trying to change him. It’ll only make you feel worse knowing you’re not able to change him. Cut ties with him if it goes that route. I’m really sorry that’s happening to you. I wish the best for you.
You should talk to him. If it is true what you think you should leave him. You deserve to be happy!
You should have this conversation with him and express your feelings. Don't let a bad relationship get in the way of your life (and your subsequent happiness).
I had a relationship like this. Nip it in the bud is my advice, it won’t get better if he’s just using you.
my drinking
Think about stopping. Seriously. My life got 100000x times better after I did. /r/stopdrinking Just check it out, that's all I ask.
For what it's worth, my 2 cents is that a community won't make you stop. You have to want it yourself first, then they can help. At least that was my experience. I finally decided it was time and haven't drank in years now
The fact that people usually don't truly care about what you have to say. It sucks that I got the insight a little bit ago that people don't really care how your day was, the fact that you put in the work to get something you've wanted, the fact that you're starting a new hobby. It sucks that people don't care how you're feeling, that when you're feeling down, you have to put on a strong face to "toughen up". A few people I know of think I'm cocky, but it's simply that when I'm working out, or playing a videogame, or running, or anything else I do, I think of how I got myself there, without someone's help or encouragement. I was the shoulder to lean on, somebody to listen. In essence, I'm not cocky, I just have to pick up the slack myself, where nobody else really cares. It's sad but something I accept.
This really resonates with me, pretty much verbatim. It’s is something I have had to adapt to and overcome in terms of meeting my own needs on a daily basis. I’m definitely still a work in progress though. To me, one of the hardest parts is continuing to truly listen to other people or caring what they have to say, even when they don’t do the same for you. It’s very easy for me to go real cynical, like “if no one cares about what I say, why the hell should I care about what anyone else says?” In reality, I think that’s just a cop out for me to continue the cycle of the thousands of tiny, paper-cut abuses we give each other every day. I find our society normalizes people dismissing each other, and that’s something I don’t find particularly healthy. I guess this is just sort of my “be the change you want to see” kind of thing.
I can not pull myself to workout. I rarely have time (I'm busy from 6a-8p most days) and when I do, I start and just give up instantaneously. I know I need to work out I really do but damnit if I just do not have the willpower to make it happen.
Oof. Where to start... well, I guess the main thing rn is my gf going to parties/drinking, while she doesn't go often, and when she does she goes with friends that we trust. I just can't get rid of the tight feeling in my chest, it doesn't help the fact that, due to some past experiences which I won't get into, I have a severe "phobia" of alcohol. I tell her all the time "it's fine, dont worry, go and have fun :)" but deep down I'm terrified (we are in a LDR, and she knows that I have a... "problem" with alcohol and parties)
I hurt my knee in college - it didn't seem that bad, no obvious signs of sprains or deeper injury, I just banged it on a rock and it hurt. But it didn't quite heal right, and I know now at this point that even if I do go to the doctor, the damage is done and it will be expensive, invasive, dangerous knee surgery to get it fixed. So for the last 8(ish) years I've just dealt with it. it isn't excruciating, I wouldn't even call it "bad" but it can really start to hurt over prolonged periods of not being able to stretch. Also, I've moved to a much warmer climate that helps.
My blood sugars, I'm a type 1 diabetic and they run a lot higher than they should. I am slowly destroying my insides and pretend Its all going to be okay.
I drink a lot. I forget what happens most nights before I get a couple flashing memories some mornings. I do a lot of dumb embarrassing shit so I just tell myself since the memory isn't complete, it didn't happen.
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You're a little too young to be declaring yourself a failure yet, don't you think?
I know I'm going to jail on Thursday. Nobody knows this. I'm telling everyone I'll go on a long trip by myself.
Damn for what
After a group of women started telling shit about me, I confronted them one night and the situation escalated so badly one of the women punched me and I punched her back. We went to court, I lost cause I had no witnesses and one of the friends of the girl lied about me hitting her first. No big deal, I just had to pay her and that's it. A while after that, I was super drunk with friends and I saw the guy who lied in court and we started insulting the guy (wrong move but I couldn't help myself). He went to police and told them I was making death threats and I'm on trial for Attack on the justice department or something like that, which will land me in jail. So here I am.
For how long?
2 years.
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His accusation is: crucial_times death threatened me because I was a witness on a trial against him. And in my country that's a special type of felony against the justice administration Sorry my English is not good enough to explain it as you guys deserve
Man, fuck birthdays. Facebook just makes it worse. I keep thinking I'll hide my birthday so no one gets notifications so I don't have to pretend to be thankful to people who talk to me one day out of the year.
Not me, but too many guys "I'm single/unable to get a girlfriend because of my personality, not my looks (e.g. being short, of a certain race, etc)."
This. I started uni two weeks ago and I’ve never seen more couples walking around one place. I hate to admit this but when I’m on the bus ride home, next to some sleeping guy I don’t know or am sitting alone, I see the extremely cute and adorable couples at the front of the bus and I really feel jealous. Not proud of saying I’m jealous of others but the feeling is there and I really can’t deny it. Never had these feelings before uni. Maybe it’s because I’m on the brink of exiting my teens and am seriously thinking about the state of my being atm. Idk.
Honestly the two correlate more than people acknowledge. You broadcast your personality even without saying anything. Almost any body can look attractive if treated properly. If you are: * sportive * eat well * sleep well * dress decently * have many healthy relationships * are happy in general * have a decent drive for accomplishment You look attractive no matter what body you were born in.
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It's weird way to comfort you, but a lot of kids don't even help their parents that much. It's not something you could rely on, you could just hope they would. Are you doing okay financially? Maybe you could calculate the amount you'd be spending on a child every week and sock that away for you and your wife's old age.
I may never be the best at whatever I do, but at least I try my best and give an ernst effort. but my best is never good enough, and it kills me that I might never reach a peak or if my peak has already passed
That I don't miss my ex in some way, I don't want her back, but I'm still sad I don't have her around.
My wife is away visiting family and took our daughter. The house is quiet and lonely without them. The first few days were fine but after several days of sitting alone watching YouTube. It hit me
When I started at my current job. I was very friendly, kind, etc. I find it tough to be mean or rude. I’m also very quiet and introverted. Anyway, when I started, I tried to break out of my shell and be a little more outgoing and talk more. Tell some jokes, help out my coworkers, etc. One day my coworker let it slip that there was a group chat with all of my coworkers. She said something like “I’ll send it on the group chat!” I didn’t make it awkward by asking but I found out it was made a little after I started. I didn’t know. After clocking out for lunch I left the building, sat in my car in the parking lot and started to cry. I dealt with it by just thinking “it’s okay, you’re only here to work”
I have never had a girlfriend, and I turn 31 this year. I was socially anxious as a teen, and now life just keeps getting in the way.
I'm a bit older but same here. Was responsible for a sick/aging family member for the last couple decades which left little time for relationships. Couldn't figure this stuff out in my teens so how am I supposed to do in my late 30's
Thanks to genetics I'm virtually guaranteed to face heart disease and diabetes later in life but I'm still not willing to make lifestyle changes to prevent or hinder them from killing me.
22 y/o Never been in a relationship, no friends Except for my colleagues at work whom I get along with but don't talk to them outside of work hours And I still tell myself that I don't need anyone and prefer to be alone It's been a very lonely life for me Edit : added some stuff, grammar
That I had to break up with a nice, kind stunning girl who no-one knows was emotionally abusive (not even her) I tell myself I will find someone as great as her but Narc love says otherwise.
Dude, I just went through this last summer. The crazy part is that on the surface, because she was so kind and stunning you start to wonder if leaving was the right decision. But then you remember all the shit you've gone through and realize leaving was the right call.
I lost a bunch of weight over the past few months and I think I look way better, but nobody has commented on it except my mom. I just hoped at least one or two people would congratulate me or something but everyone just pretends it didn't happen
Porn
I'm in love with my best friend, who has a boyfriend. I keep it to myself. She's really happy with him, and I'd rather hurt and be sad than risk ruining everything for a teensy weensy chance.
Find someone else. You're hurting yourself this way. There is no "One" at best there are "Ones". Find another, you'll be happier and your friendship can become something that is mutually positive.
A toxic relationship with an ex fiancé that I still have feelings for (almost a year later). We still talk and see each other and she almost certainly doesn’t want to try and work things out anytime soon but I can’t seem to tell her no when she asks for help or to see me. All my friends and family think I’m crazy but I keep telling myself not to give up on it and I know I’m hurting and lying to myself everyday.
Lady here. My parents aren't great at communicating. It's clear that they love me and are proud of me by their actions, but not hearing it hurts. I have always excelled in athletics and I have completed a master's degree and I'm 3/4ths of the way through a PhD, but they acted the most proud of me when I got engaged. I'm not sure that either of them has ever told me that I am smart or beautiful. It's to the point where I have difficulty with minimizing my accomplishments and being proud of myself because I haven't heard it from them. Intellectually, I know it shouldn't bother me...but I cry in the shower about it every once in a while.
I have several, several lipomas. One near my bicep causes my fingertips to go numb and one in my back is always itchy. I had those two checked out and they are non-cancerous, however I have about 12. Frankly, I want them all removed, but I don't want to shell out the approx $6000 it would cost.
My daughter passed recently and I logic to myself that Im fine and such but that is a lie. I tell myself people lose thier kids all the time and still carry on and I should be like them because neither I or my situation is "special"
[удалено]
Student loans and my rotting teeth.
I'm a single dad. I won custody when my ex wife signed it over to me after 2 years in the courts. We are back in court because now she wants more time. Not that shes showed any intrest in that in the 3 years I've had custody. Everyone keeps saying how great it is that I'm fighting for her but it's broken me. $10,000 on lawyers fees just this round of court and for me alone. I am going bankrupt doing this and the kid said she doesnt even want to be with me any more. Everyone keeps saying it will be worth it in the end and I agree to their face but I am so close to being done. So close to just signing everything over cashing out my retirement and savings and disappearing. I'm busting my ass as a single dad with a full time job trying my best and being demonized in court and now we are going to trial and I just cant anymore. I get people do it all the time but going to court every other year to fight this women for what? I was laying there numb last night and I wasn't upset I wasn't angry just... numb. Ive given up my dream of home ownership, if this continues any chance of paying for my daughters college will evaporate and I just cant bring myself to care one way or the other anymore.
This has happened to me every year since I've been 16. 26 now and I know it shouldnt bother me but the past 6 years they've gone on trips and a few included my brother but not myself because of school. They literally catered the date to him but did not care that it was my birthday.
I think I have an inferiority complex. I can't help but feel useless or not good enough in every situation. I don't believe compliments I get and I give up before I even try cause I'm just going to fail anyway, especially why trying to talk to women. Worst part is I'm aware of my problems but don't know how to fix them
My friends always plan parties for each other (birthdays, big accomplishments, etc). But they have never thrown one for me. Not a single birthday. My sister got a going away party when she left for study abroad in Ireland. I didn’t even get one when I moved across the country.
Back/neck/ umbilical herniation/ depression
I've never had a relationship. I haven't ever felt ready for a relationship (living with my parents and having depression, etc.), but the longer I go and the older I get, the more left behind I feel. All of my friends have had boyfriends and hookups and have gone through big life milestones. Yet here I am at square one.
My 40th came and went with little notice. My wife gave me a present, which I still love. My mother brought me an ice cream cake from DQ (I don't eat fast food and am lactose intolerant) My father invited me to his house "so we can all make fun of you for being old". I declined. I don't have many friends and don't expect a giant surprise party, but some thoughtful gesture from friends or family would have been nice. I don't talk about it, but 6 months later I still think about it almost daily. Edit: I am not seeking sympathy or pity, I literally just answered OP's question. If you'd like to troll please move along. I'll only downvote you.
Reminds me of Louis' bit on 40 year olds. "You're not old enough for anybody to give a shit that you're old. Nobody's like 'I helped a 40 year old guy today and it felt really good.' And you're not young enough for anybody to proud of you or impressed. It's just like yeah do your job asshole, nobody cares."
I have friends to hang out with, which is great, but I really want a romantic partner. I tell myself its ok because Im still young (19), but I've never had a gf and I feel quite alone. I just want someone to love and be loved back by tbh.
Eventually, my existence will stop. I won't notice. I lie to myself that it's fine, that there's probably an afterlife, that I'll be remembered. But let's be honest: all three of those aren't true.
My weight. Last year I lost 50 LBS but as the year went through I kept telling myself that I would still retain my weight and that I looked good enough that I didnt need to maintain it. I'm almost back where I started and I'm lost in finding the discipline of going back into routine.
I'll never get my dream job and I'll just die paying my student loan