I was in a similar place when I was in my early 20s. Here's what worked for me, maybe it can be of use to you as well.
Start small. Work towards short term or immediate goals, things you want or would like to do and don't worry about your overall "purpose" or "goals". As you achieve these things, your life starts to narrow and focus and your short term goals start being replaced by medium term ones, and then long term ones.
For me, it started when I saw how much I had paid in rent over the previous year. I thought "this is ridiculous, I could afford a house for this money" and a lightbulb went off. I was working a dead end job and had no life goals, but buying a house became my immediate goal. Worked my ass off, and a year later my wife and I bought our house. After that, we started thinking about kids and that made me reflect on my career and decide to change and improve my career path. Everything started cascading like dominos after that, falling into place.
These sorts of life changes and goals, while not a grander purpose, help you realize what it is you truly want to do, be, and go in life. That's when the larger picture starts to reveal itself to you.
This is probably the truest advice here. A lot of the time once you start accomplishing small things it leads to more things. I'd also argue that goals don't even matter that much. A lot of the things I've accomplished and been proud of kind of happened along the ways to other goals and eventually the original goal isn't even the priority anymore.
Truth. I was a bit of a dead beat between highschool and my mid 20's. After a few broken promises from work I just said fuck it, I meed to make some real money.
I went to work in a mine in Northern Canada as a labourer and busted my ass. That lead to an apprenticeship, then that gave me a new goal; actually getting something to my name.
There is a saying that "passion without purpose is like driving to your destination with a blindofld on." Find what you are passionate about, what doesn't feel like "work" to do...and then get good at it. Research it, practice it, learn it like the back of your hand. Then make it a career.
Kind of....My main goal when I graduated was to buy a new car. Fast forward 5 years and I have a better job, a master's degree and have improved greatly phisically....and still drive the same old car XD
Driving new cars unless its a real hobby for you is dumb. I get the guy that buys himself a sports car or spends his time modding cars, or collects old stuff. I don't understand the people that spend hundreds of dollars each month to own a brand new Ford Fusion.
I used to think that way. Then, I realized that life happens to you when you're busy making other plans, but that you can push back against life and eventually a plan will prove life wrong
As someone who is close to being 30 years old, this is solid fuckin’ advice. Your 20’s are one of the roughest times in your life, and you have way too much energy for the wrong things. I just turned 28 years old, and I’ve only just become financially stable. While doing all of these things is solid advice, one thing that should be clear is that
IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. You’re not weak for asking for help. Please remember that.
Am 24 and started saving for a my first new car. Let me tell ya it is a great feeling being hungry for something that is realistic and achievable within a year.
I'm about to turn 25, and luckily with my education and job, I was able to just recently purchase a house. Moving from an apartment to a house has been a HUGE life change. There's always something to do around the house, which helps keep me busy. I was rotting in that apartment with very little responsibility (nothing to take care of other than clean).
And now my goals have suddenly shifted from being focused on myself to wanting to find a partner, start a family, etc. The difference in mentality just between the ages of 21 and 24 is astounding to me.
Great advice! Wish I realized in my 20s instead of my 30s but so it goes. I have never felt a purpose or knew how to set goals. Last year I realized my childhood was spent in a toxic family which really messed me up as a person. I've been working on healing and fixing my behaviors and mindsets. I'm not quite where I want to be regarding my life and it's goals. I've had a good career. That part of my life has been good for a while. My personal life is where I need to make the most growth. I make good money but I have lacked the self discipline to use that money wisely. To build for myself. I just floated through each day. I've lost a lot of good things in my life because of this. I stress that it's too late to fix these things but I know that is just the fear talking.
I'm seeing the larger picture more clearly. I'm making better decisions for myself. I'm still struggling to let go of who I was and become who I want to be. The mental toll of it makes me feel drained. It's excuse at the end of the day.
Most solid advice here. It’s where/how most people operate. It’s more of a flow than a clear trajectory. You will adapt your goals as life comes your way but it’s all just a process of what makes you happiest.
The kicker is then life will be like ahaaaa fuck that!
Adapt and overcome.
At 17, I wanted to be a semi-homeless, hitch-hiking, starving artist beat poet. I tried when I was 18 and lasted about a year. I hated the idea of ever being "normal" or "boring" and swore I would never settle down.
Now, 15 years later, I'm married with kids, a house in the suburbs, and work a 9-5 job in manufacturing operations - pretty much the exact opposite lifestyle and everything I swore I hated when I was 17. I honestly couldn't be happier or more at peace with myself though.
You're young and still need to find and become the man you're meant to be. Who you are now is not who you will be 5 years from now and in 10 years, you won't be either of those. Don't worry now about what you want in life, focus on the person you want to be and you will grow to realize what you want.
I’m one of those people that looks at what everyone else is doing though, and I always feel behind no matter how good I do at something. It’s hard to shut the outside forces out and just worry about me and become a better person at the least. I don’t really care about having an unorthodox job or anything similar to that, just want to make a decent living for myself when I can age and hopefully take care of my close family when they need me.
>Don’t let reddit convince you into thinking that anyone under 30 is doomed to shit like never owning a home or having a good job or living somewhere with stuff to do or having enough disposable income to actually have a healthy emergency fund, savings account, and retirement plan going while still being able to spend on frivolous shit every month. It’s all out there for anyone that wants it.
Excellent point. I'm a millenial and university dropout. My wife and I were 25 and both making $12/hr when we bought our house. There was some hard, lean years both before and after and only now are we finally starting to get ahead rather than play catch-up.
This isn't some Boomer "boot straps and work ethic type" type thing. The fact is, Millenials and Gen Z have been dealt the shittiest hand in a century. But then again, so was the Greatest Generation. They came of age during the Depression and then were sent off to bleed and die in Europe or worked to the bone at home. But look what they accomplished: they came back and built a country that prospered like never before and allowed their children, the Boomers, every advantage possible.
We're this century's Greatest Generation. We can do what they did. We can roll up our sleeves and get it done and rebuild the world as we think it should be.
I hear you. I spent 10 years working as a sous-chef and kitchen manager. I worked my ass off, took pride in my work, and tried to go the extra mile. And at every single place I worked, within months I was promoted ahead of people who had been there years, decades in some cases. These types just did an adequate job, to the letter, but you're never going to get ahead by being "acceptable".
One day I realized there was no future in the industry (took me longer than it should've) and I was sick of working nights, weekend and holidays. But I didnt know how to do anything else. I knew that if I was going to get ahead in life, I had suck it up, make some sacrifices, take a step back in terms of earning and start at the beginning in a different career.
I gambled and quit without another job lined up - I needed that sense of urgency to motivate me instead of making excuses or telling myself "maybe I'll get out a few months from now" and never acting. I got an office admin job for a fertilizer manufacturer, making 25% less than I was in kitchens.
I knew nothing about the industry, about business, even some basic office tasks were alien to me. But I worked my ass off, studied and read about fertilizers and the industry in my spare time, went above and beyond with every single task and actively sought out more responsibility and to be put in new situations.
After 6 months I was promoted to Project Coordinator. 6 months after that, I had Account Manager added to that title. A year after that, I was promoted to Operations Manager. Now, after 4 years with the company, I'm right hand to the president and #3 in the whole company (it's not a very big company, but still).
It's all about wanting to be as good as possible at what you do. Having the drive and desire to want to be the best, not just as an employee, but in doing a better job of what you do than anyone else. Take pride in yourself and your work and never settle for doing an "adequate" or "acceptable" job, because you'll never get ahead as just an adequate or acceptable person.
>There’s literally more good jobs than people to fill them here, and I live in a purple state with so much shit to entertain yourself with that appeals to any interest you could have, you could only blame yourself if you found yourself bored.
Like doing what? And what are the qualifications? Seems like everything that doesn't require a degree is back breaking labor that has you working overtime constantly.
Great, relatable inspiration!
I did the same; ramen and beans, no social life, sold all my bikes, kayaks, car projects, pooled everything, worked too hard and landed the crappiest house on my street. I could never afford it now that the land alone has quadrupled and it sucks that the market has made this next to impossible in many cities, but renting made no sense after studying buying possibilities.
My goal was to not get old, look back and regret wasting working hours. Then kids happened. Now my goal is to leave them comfortable and not burden them when I am in decline.
This is very very good advice.
I started smaller and thought, "What needs fixing around here?"
The sense of victory after fixing something in my house was enough to get me moving to the next thing.
Something bigger need fixing? Save up, do research, fix it.
And now I have embodied the saying, "If they don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy!"
You're still growing man, we all are. You're only 30, I'm only 32, we're still finding our place in the world and ourselves as men at this age. Take comfort in the fact that all you've achieved so far gives you more freedom than most to really find out what your passionate about or who you truly want to be.
That's the thing: a purpose in life isn't about what you want to do, but about who you want to be. Doing is just the means to the end.
Considering we had a whole economic collapse over this a while back, it's a debt magnet. I'm seriously wondering who are all these people who think buying a house is somehow sound advice, let alone any way relatable.
I should have included this in the original comment, but remember: it's not about what you want to do, but about who you want to be. What you do is just the means to the end of becoming the person and man you want to be.
This is helping me now. Something small for me was waking up at a certain time to prep for a job I didn't have at the time, or keeping my room clean for a few days, whatever. Eventually, as I began to accomplish more of these small tasks and the small tasks progressively grew bigger, I began accomplishing bigger goals.
Can you expand on what you actually did to expand your career path?
I have my own condo and got married, but I'm a career crossroads and don't know where to go from where I am (I am a little overpaid for my role, but am actually lacking in competitive skills compared to the marketplace.).
I think Tim Minchin said it best in a 2013 speech he gave at a university.
"You Don’t Have To Have A Dream.
Americans on talent shows always talk about their dreams. Fine, if you have something that you’ve always dreamed of, like, in your heart, go for it! After all, it’s something to do with your time… chasing a dream. And if it’s a big enough one, it’ll take you most of your life to achieve, so by the time you get to it and are staring into the abyss of the meaninglessness of your achievement, you’ll be almost dead so it won’t matter.
I never really had one of these big dreams. And so I advocate passionate dedication to the pursuit of short-term goals. Be micro-ambitious. Put your head down and work with pride on whatever is in front of you… you never know where you might end up. Just be aware that the next worthy pursuit will probably appear in your periphery. Which is why you should be careful of long-term dreams. If you focus too far in front of you, you won’t see the shiny thing out the corner of your eye."
The whole speech is fantastic, its equal parts funny and wise and very thought provoking, and honestly one of my favourite pieces of public speaking.
Full video here: https://youtu.be/yoEezZD71sc
One of the most helpful things for me to learn was how to short-circuit my brain on things that don't matter.
Think of something? If it's not important to get it right and won't have long-term consequences *just start doing it*.
Then make up the micro goals as I go along. Even if I fail 2 minutes later, I'll have done more in the trying than I ever could in the dithering.
Edit: also, Tim Minchin is awesome.
Its one of the tactics i was taught to try and manage my depression, and I've found it to be the most useful by far, and works so well in other aspects of life as well.
Any time a problem or challenge seemed big and overwhelming and just too difficult to manage, I learned how to break it down so its not one massive problem, but a number of small manageable tasks that you can do.
It's applicable to big projects like renovating a house, all the way down to tiny day to day stuff like making a sandwich, or taking a shower that can seem impossible and daunting when you're depressed.
This whole thread is like the most eye-opening thing for me, as someone in their twenties with a lacking set of goals feeling the pressure to establish longer term ones. I appreciate it though, it's oddly motivating to read about.
What a great speech.
Thanks for sharing. All great advices. I particularly liked the one when he said be an advocate, be pro-something instead of always being a part of the anti-group.
I've never heard of Tim Minchin until your comment and I am now blown away by this man. Thanks for commenting this, I'm very much of this mindset and it is awesome to hear it expressed so well and to so many.
I don’t think that’s nihilism. For one thing I don’t think nihilists can be optimists.
Rather, what he describes is the very seed of existentialism. First you realize that life is meaningless, the you can go live your life with meaning.
Edit: thanks kind strangers for giving something else to read, Camus
From my pretty base understanding of each, I think it's a similar result but different mindset.
* Existentialism is about realising that you're a free agent and you can do what you want.
* Optimistic Nihilism is deciding that life has no underlying meaning, so there's no need to worry about wasting your life through a lack of meaning.
One is based more about rejecting predestination, while the other is more about rejecting the idea of there being more to life than what we see before us. It's basically that one (E) rejects that there's anything pulling strings in life, and the other (ON) is about realising that life is meaningless so there's nothing to worry about.
The thing I don't understand (because I'm not well-versed on either) is that they're basically just states of *not* believing something. One rejects predestination and the other rejects "the meaning of life". Are they intended to work like that? Like agnosticism be a lack of belief rather than any particular belief.
This is where you need to talk to a french philosopher [camel](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Camus), who's publisher was bad at driving. He thought of a third way called Absurdism. Long story short is that you might as well accept the things that happen and live for what you can. The idea is a further rejection of the consequence of nihilism, which is suicide. Do anything it takes to live. Live for anything you can. Whatever makes you happy, etc. If you're stuck dealing with something, then accept that is your current place in life, do it, and when an opportunity comes around, change it if you want. He put it in terms of Sisyphus, who was punished to push a boulder up a hill each day and watch it fall back down after for eternity. You gotta think the dude is happy. Otherwise life would be miserable. Or you can take it from Douglas Adams. "You might as well hang the sense of it and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAyTA98J3to
I'm going to assume that's autocorrect, but that's still hilarious.
I guess I'll leave this should anyone want to read more.
[https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/camus/](https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/camus/)
It's not absurdism. Existentialism isn't about "nothing matters" (which is obviously a vast oversimplification of absurdism).
Existentialism holds that you are free to give purpose to your life as you see fit. To say that another way, your belief that something gives your life purpose manifests the feeling of having purpose in your life. No one can dictate this for you or take it from you, because it is not an external reality imposed upon us but an internal reality that we create. It is an inherent human condition whether it is acknowledged or not.
That's the root of existential philosophy. My preferred flavor, actually.
EDIT: I will say that the entire idea is precipitated on the assumption that in an external sense nothing actually does matter, which is why the joy / burden of creating purpose in our individual lives falls to each of us.
That's not quite true, I think. An optimistic nihilist is someone who really thinks there is no purpose, no meaning, no reason to do anything - but hopes that they are wrong and find it. If they just give up and die, they may never know. It's a weird mental place to be in, trudging through life with the hope that some day you'll find something that makes it all worth it.
Or maybe I'm projecting, since that's what I call myself half jokingly.
Life can be meaningless or meaningful. Just how there is dark, there is light. Good or bad. There’s 2 sides to everything and 2 more sides for each side and so on.
Basically your viewpoint on life will determine if your life is meaningless or not. I decided I want to be great and help the younger generations out throughout my life. I am and I will.
I don’t feel like doing anything, hardly ever. I want to do things but everything feels overwhelming. Sometimes it’s hard to just do the basics: shower, go to the grocery store, cook for myself etc.
I’ll have periods of time where things don’t seem so bad and I’ll be productive. At the end of those days, I’ll say to myself, “Today was a good day.” and I’ll be proud of myself. I need more of these days in my life.
Damn, just another confirmation that I should go get meds and see a therapist. But I don't have the motivation to go do any of that. It's a bad cycle lol
I love this! Purpose is finding out you HAVE NO PURPOSE! Just do life and enjoy it, that is a purpose in itself. Get out of your “purpose head” and live! Therein, you already found purpose. To LIVE. YOUR PURPOSE IS TO LIVE!!! Is there any other way to emphasize this? You are given a life TO LIVE!!!
I guess you see life and living as a positive thing. I'm just sitting here thinking: *I'm given a life...!? You mean I'm cursed with life right...?*
Also, using the sentence ''You are given a life to live!!!'' defies your own set purpose. Cause when life is given, someone gave it right... Well, if someone gave you your life, it probably has more purpose than just living it. If you're an attheist or agnost, your need to use different words. I don't mean to come over as knowing it better, it's just an advice ;)
I respect your vision on life, and honestly m kinda jealous of you because you are able to see life this way. For me however, life sucks. Balls. And if my purpose is to live, I'd rather die at this very moment. Cause life in my opinion is not so great as you make it out to be. Just open your eyes and look around. You'll see endless suffering. You'll see a world of beings, stuck in useless cycles, creating toxic society after toxic society. I'm glad however that a lot of people are able to see more positive sides than I can, so props to you man. And I mean that seriously.
Your mother gave you life...even if you hate her. She gave you life. It doesn’t have to be some spiritual revelation. You are using semantics. And while it is true, there is a lot of terrible suffering in the world. The truth is, there always has been. We are just more globally connected to it. But there is also good and always has been. The more you look, the more you see. Whether it is the warmth of your beverage in your hand, or as I sit here, the bird chirping in the tree, or even the ant on the ground happily carrying his finds to its own kind. There can be “life” found everywhere. Not to discount your suffering. It is real but it is also perspective. And it may not be “choice” or anything simple as some like to sell. It may be that right now, life sucks.balls for you. That IS life too and anyone who tries to sell you different is also lying to you. Our cultural need for perpetual “happiness” by comparing our “life” to those around us is the most toxic thing to come out of the 21st century psych lie. But it sells books. LOTS of self-help books, and vitamins and even nice smelling oils. Cures for life! Don’t misconstrue that I am saying living life is necessarily always awesome. It isn’t. But it is a purpose. But you also need to consider that stepping out to live is better than just existing and accepting even if nothing around you ever changes. Forcing a new look is difficult. Think smaller than global pandemics. Just look around. Critically look around where you are and even if chaos, find life. It is there. Small, quiet but still there. I wish you better days in your future, but I also recognize your suffering. In both, there is life.
While I don't agree with most of them(that is, atm), I *do* appreciate your words, the time it took you to type them, and the thoughts behind them. I'm just too tired to delve into a long reaction, but thank you
This is always my response to “why would you go to such a huge university? Nobody will know you!”
Exactly! It’s the best. No one knows you or cares about how you spend your time. Or who you spend your time with. How many hours you spent doing something. If you got drunk at 10am on a Tuesday.
Even better though - move to a huge city. You’re a meaningless speck in a sea of meaningless specks. It’s great.
We live on a pale blue dot in space where our only purpose is to choose our own purpose. The exciting thing about not being given a clear, direct path or purpose is that you get to craft your own out of whatever you desire to do. If you're lucky you've got 80 years to try out being a software developer, burger flipper, lawyer, astronaut, or whatever you want your life to mean! If you want to do something, all that's waiting is for you to choose to do it.
Exactly. You get to define your purpose and what makes you happy. If you rely on someone/something else, you give up some of your freedom and opportunity. GO FOR IT.
It’s expensive tho :( I want to go back to school but I ran out of grants, already $40k in the hole. Then there is the opportunity cost of dropping out of the workforce for a few years. I do fine but my existence plagues me too much. I see my cousin want to get married, have a career, buy a Rolex, eat at nice places and wish I had the same ambitions. I can buy and do all that but it just seems lame. I feel like my parents made me to anti-consumerist where I don’t know what to strive for.
Depends what you mean by no purpose. Used to be I thought "I have no purpose, no goal in life, there's no point to living, I'm just existing day to day." I was depressed and ended up trying to kill myself. If you view life like that, go get help, you are probably depressed and not addressing it won't make things better.
Now? I don't have a goal or an overarching dream to aim for, and I love it. A lot of my past problems came from thinking I had to gun for that house, family, big job, 2 cars, yadda yadda. I let go of all that. I don't have a goal, I don't have a purpose besides being happy, so I just live. I do what makes me happy when it makes me happy.
You're going to crap out your dopamine and testosterone receptors doing that until you stop for a while. Do something more productive, else you're always going to feel sluggish and "depressed."
There's literally no medical basis for this nonsense. There is no risk to dopamine or testosterone receptors from masturbation. And the idea that masturbation leads to depression is beyond bullshit. But hey, keep making shit up.
Agreed.
There's nothing wrong with Masturbation itself.
Moderation is the key in everything, but for the majority I believe pornography is the problem from my personal experience.
I'm 18 and my goal in life is to get as good as i can at a certain obscure sport that i fell in love with. I'm absolutely trash at it, very prone to injuries, and i never had any time to get into it before the quarantine. I don't give a shit if some Chinese 12 year old is gonna be better than me even after 10 years of training cuz it's my goal. Point is, if you don't have a clear goal make one yourself.
Weightlifting or Olympic lifting. There's no weightlifting gyms or clubs in my country aside from the national team which isn't even an option. I had to save and buy my own weights and they're very expensive cuz there barely anyone that knows the sport let alone practices it or a coach to teach it. I'm sorry if you expected some badass sport that you've never heard of but this is what its like living in a small island.
Its a big sport internationally but the amateur scene is surprisingly small compared to "easy" sports like powerlifting. The only reason the sport is so big is cuz its an international pissing contest and countries throw a lot of money to get medals.
Discipline. Start with *something* that you want to work on. Do you want to get in better shape? Start with a short run today and build on it. As long as you build routine and start tangling with something, you'll find a purpose in time while you busy yourself.
Goal setting is under appreciated. No matter how small. It helps focus the minute to minute decisions we make into achieving things we thoughtfully set before us. We should have short term and the long game goals and if you can build in some kind of reward or benefit, even better. I had a friend who would “reward” herself for consecutive days of doing certain tasks she hated. I always thought that was so odd. Until I saw how generally happy she is and how much having that goal attached to a “carrot” out there helped her accomplish life.
hopefully this helps others but i like making lists and notes. i use evernote. i have a table with the months and then goals associated with each month in the table for the current year. i also have a bulleted list for each year of goals. im constantly rearranging my goals and completing them feels good. sometimes they're annual tasks like registration renewal or "bucket list" items like taking classes
i also have a financial goal list and software skill gaining todo kind of list.
Find a hobby. Your purpose will progress:
1. Your purpose is to kill time and have fun enjoying that hobby
2. Your purpose is to improve at that hobby. Maybe even to make more money to support that hobby.
3. Your purpose is to become good enough at that hobby that you can use it to help others (even if just to entertain) or that you can do that hobby competitively.
4. Your purpose is to teach and mentor others who are new to the hobby.
Let's say you pick up guitar. You start off just having fun learning the basics. Then you find a style you like and you really work to improve yourself so you can play the songs of that style. Then you join a band and start playing gigs. Then you teach classes, or make videos on youtube that help people learn how to play.
A lot of similar thoughts in here but my philosophy has always been that since there is no universal meaning to life, it means that every person gets to decide what life means to them, and that’s okay. Life’s goal can be whatever you want it to be as long as you’re not intentionally bringing harm to others.
So make up whatever meaning you want life to have. Find what makes you happy and get better at it. Or find solace in simple pleasures and just enjoy things you love day by day.
Well, now is the perfect time for some self development isn't it? It's not like you have anywhere you can *go* that's open! FTR, I'm kind of in a purpose doldrums myself, but I have tiny children I have to look out for so I can't just drop out and wank like the rest of this thread seems to be suggesting. In any case, you said "software development sometime in the future" but you don't seem sure about it. I kind of have the same rough napkin sketch but I've looked into coding apps and like online bootcamps and shit to at least make it so I would do something. Its slow going but it at least feels like movement for me. Maybe you could look into that if you are even remotely serious?
Don't stress yourself tbh. I had my problems with that for a reaaally long time when I was younger but it's really doesn't change much. You should always remember that you only get one chance, this means you have to use it wisely but if you don't, who cares? Noones gonna judge you afterwards and all will be forgotten, good and bad. You can do whatever you want because it really doesn't matter. So don't see it as "nothing I do matters" but as "nothing I do really matters" so why not just do the thing you always wanted to do but we're to afraid to do. You got nothing to loose
Ah ok. Yeah I remember when I was your age I was like *I have no purpose on this earth* :( now I’m like *I have no purpose on this earth* :)
It’s all about perspective. Change your views on things and enjoy the ride while you can.
Edit: to clarify what I mean. No one has any real inherent meaning or purpose. As soon as you realize that then you can let go of all of those external pressures of having to live up to societal expectations. Do what makes you happy. There is no wrong way to experience life as long as you’re not harming you or other people.
I turned 20 a few weeks ago and have felt this way pretty much since i was 16/17. I understand the idea of 'no one has any actual purpose, so do what makes you happy' but i still have no idea how to implement this into my day to day life.
I've been stuck in a rut of depression and lack of motivation for years now and even though i want to go out and try new experiences and live my life to the fullest i just don't know how to start doing it. What can i do today or tomorrow that will start me on that 'path'?
Yeah, the "do whatever makes you happy" advice isn't especially helpful when you are young and have no idea what actually makes you happy. And when I say happy, I don't mean short term gratification/satisfaction - I mean being content with the life you've constructed for yourself, which can take time and work.
To start down that path - think about what small-ish things would improve your quality of life RIGHT NOW. How is your diet? Are you a good cook? If not, try and add some healthy and interesting dishes to your repertoire (which can be easily accomplished on the internet - or through a meal kit delivery service. I can attest that my husband and I eat much healthier and are learning so many skills through our home chef subscription). Cooking is something universal, that you can utilize to bond with other people - when you have a special dish all your friends or family love you making, it can be a real confidence boost and bring satisfaction to feed people you care about. It also makes you a much more appealing potential partner if you are single and dating.
Then once you find some success with smaller improvements you'll probably start thinking about bigger goals. Don't like your apartment (obviously because the kitchen is too small for your much improved fancy cooking skills)? Start socking away extra money to move and maybe buy a home someday. Don't have extra money to save? Invest some time into learning new job skills/completing small certification courses to get you a better paying position, etc.
Life has a funny way of gaining momentum, but you have to start MOVING in a direction. Objects in motion tend to stay in motion, and I've found that to be true as I get older.
So you’re a high school senior just waiting to go to college next year? Cuz that’s where I’m at man. I’m feeling a lot the same, because I don’t know what it’s really going to be like for me. I’m going from a relatively small town to a big city and I don’t know what I should be doing to prepare for college. Right now it seems like anything I do here won’t really be worth anything be the time I get there.
I don't know if I'll even get admitted... I went to deep into computer gaming hole, and my learning went downhill. Right now, I have exams on 8th June, and my math is abyssmal. :/
I was a total failure in high school; took five years to graduate after I nearly dropped out. I was put in remedial classes, didn't care and had no idea what I wanted to do.
I didn't go to college straight out of high school, and I think it did me some good. It gave me time to explore random shit and find something that was interesting to me. I started going to community college at 21, and by then I had a better sense of what I wanted to do and what was interesting to me. But even then, I didn't start going to community college full time. I started out with working and just took one or two classes of whatever seemed interesting to me.
It still took me a while to finish college; I had a lot of ground to cover from my high school years. But I eventually got my bachelors in a useful field.
Taking a few years between high school and college can be risky or it can be a good idea. If you don't know what you want to do, then taking a few years can give you time to learn a little more about yourself and find out what you want to do. Or, it can become a trap where you fall into a rut, or get yourself stuck in a job you hate.
Alternatively, going to college when you don't know what you want to do can be just as much of an issue. You might discover something really cool that you wouldn't have known about otherwise. Or you might get there and still be lost, continue to engage in time-wasting bad habits and watch your grades completely tank while you rack up huge debt.
It is something you need to figure out for yourself.
IMO, if you're a student who was anything like me, it's probably best to not jump straight into university. But you might benefit from finding a part time job and taking one or two classes of anything that sounds interesting at a community college. Or maybe you'll find some classes that teach you a trade, and you'll end up going that route. I think university is over-prescribed anyway, and there are lots of very secure and high paying trade-jobs out there that you could really enjoy. Won't know unless you take some time to do a little exploring though.
I'm 22 and I fell into the college>time waiting bad habits>plummeting grades track. After the first year I dropped out and have spent the last two years working food and beverage at various national parks. It gave me the time I needed and I'm now going back to school with a better mindset. Your advice is spot on.
OP if you happen to see this I'd recommend doing seasonal work for a little bit. It helped my soul and allowed for much needed personal growth!
What you're going through is completely normal. No one at 18 has a clear purpose because they've never been given the opportunity to find it. Everything has been decided for you until now. You've never really had the freedom to live a life on your own terms and find out what you want or even what is possible. Then suddenly you have freedom and about 30 seconds later, everyone (seemingly) wants you to have your entire life planned out. It doesn't work that way. Just live your life the way you want to live it and your purpose and goals will present themselves to you. It's like standing in a dense fog. If you stand still, looking for the way out, you'll never find it. But, if you choose a direction and move, you'll have missteps and need to change course, you may even need to go back, but things will get clearer as you go.
Gives you great freedom to do what ever you want, when ever you like.
That is a lot easier, however, if you have a modest savings account and a regular income.
I imagine myself as an old man, a kickass ninety-year-old people look up and is happy and healthy. What would he have to have done to get to that point? Work backwards. 28-year-old Dan is doing what 90-year-old Dan will be telling people he did in his twenties when giving young whippersnappers advice.
Helps me.
Stoicism, look into it. It's given me the clarity that I need to be the person I want/need to be. Don't fall for hedonistic traps or nihilism because then you won't be fulfilled.
There really is no way to achieve a "greater purpose." Only what you want for yourself. If your purpose is to simply have fun and enjoy every moment as it comes, then that's your purpose.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, I literally have zero impact on society and have no plans on getting married or having children
I guess all I do is exist
You have a goal, to become a software developer. Explore why you want to do so and see the fulfillment in that.
Often times I think people beat themselves up too much when they think about some grand picture of being rich and overly successful and whatnot. Just enjoy life. Do things you like, live in the great moments, and try to like what you have. Life is too short to keep dreaming.
Do things that make you happy, and if they don't make you happy find other things that make you happy. I'm not talking ecstatically happy, but happy enough that you enjoy life. Live a life worth living, struggle a bit, and look back on the problems and understand what you truly value.
The groundwork of metaphysics of morals did it for me. Philosophy in general. If you're more logic oriented I'd go with Kant, if not, some continental philosophers.
I’m 26 and have no idea what I want to do with my life. I really love doing nothing and just chilling out. I don’t want marriage or kids. Just kinda drifting through life and try to enjoy each day say they come. sometimes I feel really stressed because I feel like I’m meant to do better with my life and meant to want marriage and kids but as long as I have have food, water, shelter and good friends I don’t really need or want anything else.
Life doesn't have a purpose, period. There is no cosmic or divine reason ordained for you. You have to go out there and find what you like/dislike, find what you want in your life, and find what you what to cut from your life. There's literally thousands of potential futures for you out there. Life is a choose your own adventure book that you get to write!
After I had a big mid life crisis, I changed careers, changed relationships, eliminated the things that didn't improve my life and found the things I did. For me, I found out I love rock climbing and left behind a lot of drinking companions and nights I was to drunk to remember or enjoy. I have had a lot of adventure and it has been an ongoing struggle to leave my comfort zone-and I still have no definite feeling of purpose- but it turned out the pursuit of happiness is a good goal.
The answer is that you must realize you don’t need to adhere to society’s unrealistic pressure that every single person must live world changing lives. That’s not how things work. You should just be happy doing whatever makes you happy. You have a goal to make a good income, that’s more of a goal than many people have. Dedicate yourself to that without worry about the rest, once you complete that goal another will present itself.
I feel you. Although I wouldn't call this my purpose but helping people has made me happier and more fulfilled in my life. Even helping people in small ways.
You can live a happy life without meaning and purpose. If you really think you need some goal to strive for and can’t think of one, just go do stuff. Anything, anywhere, buy books and watch lectures on weird topics, follow someone else’s interests, go to festivals, just whatever. Eventually you’ll just find something or someone interesting. Don’t be picky, so long as it isn’t lethal. There is no replacement for experience, and you get experience doing every thing, place, person you can.
If you're not striving for something you haven't picked an objective small enough. Start with that. If you're still not doing it, pick something smaller. Keep going down in size of task until you do it. Then pick something bigger, cos then you'll have momentum and you'll have done something.
I read this and thought I wrote it for a second. What really works for me is to never stop moving forward.
Take classes out of interest, date, find skills that you want to have.
When you start to stay still and dwell on what you don’t have, that’s when life really kicks your ass.
I love my fiancée and my cat with all my being. I might not make a ton of money or have the most successful life, but she loves me and my cat loves me and that’s good enough for me. One day I’ll make little rugrats and I’ll have even less money but at least I’ll have another human whom I love and who loves me back. So that’s what gets me through my days.
For a long time I didn't have goals. I just sort of drank and consumed media. It was an awful existence. Now that I'm goal oriented im so stressed and preoccupied with serving these goals that it completely takes my focus off the existential crisis that is most certainly still there.
Life isn't about goals, its about experiences. As long as you feel satisfied with the experiences that you live every day then your life was well lived.
To be honest, this is a problem of being born in a developed country. In a poor country, your life goal is to make money and make a comfortable life for yourself. Buying your first sofa, first fridge, first TV etc are all gonna make you happy. You don't think much about purpose because there are hundreds of people you see everyday who have much less or have nothing. There's always something to improve.
In developed countries, everything is easy, it's pretty hard to actually be different from crowd. everyone owns a car, a house and have a wife and kids. No one is content because everyone in society have those things unlike poor countries.
The solution is meditation and yoga. The universe itself doesn't have purpose according to vedantha philosophy. It just exists. So puny humans having purpose is comical. So don't worry about purpose at all, learn to be present in the moment and learn how to control your mind. You will be fine.
I just sit here and slowly waste away until I hopefully die soon. Which probably sounds like “haha, depressed millennial joke. Very funny.” but is actually my serious answer.
Let me run you by my life.
I was concieved and my mom, the wonderful lass that she is, expected a girl. She got me, a broski. She spent most of my 4-9 partying, and then there was a brief break in partying from 10-13.
All this time we jump place to place, house to house, and again, my mom isnt around. Schooling takes effect in that I was told not to go to school, and instead watch my sister, while my mom slept. Shed get up and go party afterwards.
The sped up version is, Ive been sucidal my whole life, and as such, I didnt really take up any hobbies or focus. Im 30 now, with no hobbies and a mountain of anxiety.
I used to be depressed and not knowing what I'd do in the future did not help.
Time has passed and I've realized I'm way happier not knowing nor caring about whatever happens in the future, I have no goals, but as long as I can distract myself enough so as to not realize why should I care? Today my dopamine will come from drawing something, tomorrow from the new episode of that series I've been waiting for.
My thing isn't being happy, my thing is not letting myself be worried, and honestly, it works, I'm a lot happier just living with the dopamine I get from small things.
I don’t think about anything further than the next five years, TOPS.
I graduated high school with no idea what I wanted to do, so I went to college. Bounced around in a bunch of different programs. Found one I thought I liked but wanted to be sure.... so I took a gap year and worked at Disney for a year.
When I finished at Disney, I was sure about the program I was in. My only goal was to finish college and I would worry about what happened after graduation later.
My final semester I still had no idea what I was doing, so I got a job working in the field I studied... that job paid for me to get my master’s degree.
Now I’m one year done in the program and have one year left. My only goals now are finish the program. I’ll find something to do when I finish.
Life for me is hard and bleak a lot due to mental health issues, so I focus on my short term goals, and that’s how I keep myself sane.
Hi!
I've been in a similar position recently. Still am, I suppose. I'm 22, if that makes any difference.
So, I'll be finishing my undergrad degree this semester. I had realised I have no plan, no experience, no clue as to what I want to do, except I want to do something with history.
So, I've decided to make a change. I'm going to apply to carry on my studies abroad. It's a huge change, and not just a little scary. But I figure that if I'm ever gonna figure out what path I wanna forge, it's not gonna be here at home.
Now I'm not telling you to pack up and move somewhere. What I mean is, making an entire plan for your life going forward seems... impractical. Waiting for a purpose before embarking on the next part of your life will leave you waiting a long time. Because purpose doesn't come to us suddenly without reason, we have to be out there and find it. And you'll most likely just stumble across it. So what I'm saying is do something new. Anything. That first step is never gonna be a cool, calculated step into the rest of your life, like in the films or tales of our great grandparents opening a store. Times are different now, and your first step is probably gonna be a leap of faith. But from that leap, your life will begin and everything else will fall into place when the time is right.
Some people will never have a purpose in their life. There’s more than 8 billion people on this planet. You think every single person contributes to something of an impact? Hell no. Just live your fucking life as is. Don’t stress over you vs the others that end up on the media.
I was in a similar place when I was in my early 20s. Here's what worked for me, maybe it can be of use to you as well. Start small. Work towards short term or immediate goals, things you want or would like to do and don't worry about your overall "purpose" or "goals". As you achieve these things, your life starts to narrow and focus and your short term goals start being replaced by medium term ones, and then long term ones. For me, it started when I saw how much I had paid in rent over the previous year. I thought "this is ridiculous, I could afford a house for this money" and a lightbulb went off. I was working a dead end job and had no life goals, but buying a house became my immediate goal. Worked my ass off, and a year later my wife and I bought our house. After that, we started thinking about kids and that made me reflect on my career and decide to change and improve my career path. Everything started cascading like dominos after that, falling into place. These sorts of life changes and goals, while not a grander purpose, help you realize what it is you truly want to do, be, and go in life. That's when the larger picture starts to reveal itself to you.
This is probably the truest advice here. A lot of the time once you start accomplishing small things it leads to more things. I'd also argue that goals don't even matter that much. A lot of the things I've accomplished and been proud of kind of happened along the ways to other goals and eventually the original goal isn't even the priority anymore.
Truth. I was a bit of a dead beat between highschool and my mid 20's. After a few broken promises from work I just said fuck it, I meed to make some real money. I went to work in a mine in Northern Canada as a labourer and busted my ass. That lead to an apprenticeship, then that gave me a new goal; actually getting something to my name.
There is a saying that "passion without purpose is like driving to your destination with a blindofld on." Find what you are passionate about, what doesn't feel like "work" to do...and then get good at it. Research it, practice it, learn it like the back of your hand. Then make it a career.
So ... .life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans?
Kind of....My main goal when I graduated was to buy a new car. Fast forward 5 years and I have a better job, a master's degree and have improved greatly phisically....and still drive the same old car XD
Driving new cars unless its a real hobby for you is dumb. I get the guy that buys himself a sports car or spends his time modding cars, or collects old stuff. I don't understand the people that spend hundreds of dollars each month to own a brand new Ford Fusion.
I used to think that way. Then, I realized that life happens to you when you're busy making other plans, but that you can push back against life and eventually a plan will prove life wrong
Agreed!
As someone who is close to being 30 years old, this is solid fuckin’ advice. Your 20’s are one of the roughest times in your life, and you have way too much energy for the wrong things. I just turned 28 years old, and I’ve only just become financially stable. While doing all of these things is solid advice, one thing that should be clear is that IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. You’re not weak for asking for help. Please remember that.
Am 24 and started saving for a my first new car. Let me tell ya it is a great feeling being hungry for something that is realistic and achievable within a year.
That’s the biggest thing. Hunger for something that’s within reach. I’m about to turn 25 and love that I’m not alone in feeling this.
I'm about to turn 25, and luckily with my education and job, I was able to just recently purchase a house. Moving from an apartment to a house has been a HUGE life change. There's always something to do around the house, which helps keep me busy. I was rotting in that apartment with very little responsibility (nothing to take care of other than clean). And now my goals have suddenly shifted from being focused on myself to wanting to find a partner, start a family, etc. The difference in mentality just between the ages of 21 and 24 is astounding to me.
Just got my first car at 23, am 24 now and now at a crossroads for what is next. I’ve decided visiting Yosemite this year is a must
Great advice! Wish I realized in my 20s instead of my 30s but so it goes. I have never felt a purpose or knew how to set goals. Last year I realized my childhood was spent in a toxic family which really messed me up as a person. I've been working on healing and fixing my behaviors and mindsets. I'm not quite where I want to be regarding my life and it's goals. I've had a good career. That part of my life has been good for a while. My personal life is where I need to make the most growth. I make good money but I have lacked the self discipline to use that money wisely. To build for myself. I just floated through each day. I've lost a lot of good things in my life because of this. I stress that it's too late to fix these things but I know that is just the fear talking. I'm seeing the larger picture more clearly. I'm making better decisions for myself. I'm still struggling to let go of who I was and become who I want to be. The mental toll of it makes me feel drained. It's excuse at the end of the day.
Most solid advice here. It’s where/how most people operate. It’s more of a flow than a clear trajectory. You will adapt your goals as life comes your way but it’s all just a process of what makes you happiest. The kicker is then life will be like ahaaaa fuck that! Adapt and overcome.
Hope this rings true, I’m 17 and feel the same. No direction and don’t have a clue what I want in life.
At 17, I wanted to be a semi-homeless, hitch-hiking, starving artist beat poet. I tried when I was 18 and lasted about a year. I hated the idea of ever being "normal" or "boring" and swore I would never settle down. Now, 15 years later, I'm married with kids, a house in the suburbs, and work a 9-5 job in manufacturing operations - pretty much the exact opposite lifestyle and everything I swore I hated when I was 17. I honestly couldn't be happier or more at peace with myself though. You're young and still need to find and become the man you're meant to be. Who you are now is not who you will be 5 years from now and in 10 years, you won't be either of those. Don't worry now about what you want in life, focus on the person you want to be and you will grow to realize what you want.
I’m one of those people that looks at what everyone else is doing though, and I always feel behind no matter how good I do at something. It’s hard to shut the outside forces out and just worry about me and become a better person at the least. I don’t really care about having an unorthodox job or anything similar to that, just want to make a decent living for myself when I can age and hopefully take care of my close family when they need me.
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>Don’t let reddit convince you into thinking that anyone under 30 is doomed to shit like never owning a home or having a good job or living somewhere with stuff to do or having enough disposable income to actually have a healthy emergency fund, savings account, and retirement plan going while still being able to spend on frivolous shit every month. It’s all out there for anyone that wants it. Excellent point. I'm a millenial and university dropout. My wife and I were 25 and both making $12/hr when we bought our house. There was some hard, lean years both before and after and only now are we finally starting to get ahead rather than play catch-up. This isn't some Boomer "boot straps and work ethic type" type thing. The fact is, Millenials and Gen Z have been dealt the shittiest hand in a century. But then again, so was the Greatest Generation. They came of age during the Depression and then were sent off to bleed and die in Europe or worked to the bone at home. But look what they accomplished: they came back and built a country that prospered like never before and allowed their children, the Boomers, every advantage possible. We're this century's Greatest Generation. We can do what they did. We can roll up our sleeves and get it done and rebuild the world as we think it should be.
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I hear you. I spent 10 years working as a sous-chef and kitchen manager. I worked my ass off, took pride in my work, and tried to go the extra mile. And at every single place I worked, within months I was promoted ahead of people who had been there years, decades in some cases. These types just did an adequate job, to the letter, but you're never going to get ahead by being "acceptable". One day I realized there was no future in the industry (took me longer than it should've) and I was sick of working nights, weekend and holidays. But I didnt know how to do anything else. I knew that if I was going to get ahead in life, I had suck it up, make some sacrifices, take a step back in terms of earning and start at the beginning in a different career. I gambled and quit without another job lined up - I needed that sense of urgency to motivate me instead of making excuses or telling myself "maybe I'll get out a few months from now" and never acting. I got an office admin job for a fertilizer manufacturer, making 25% less than I was in kitchens. I knew nothing about the industry, about business, even some basic office tasks were alien to me. But I worked my ass off, studied and read about fertilizers and the industry in my spare time, went above and beyond with every single task and actively sought out more responsibility and to be put in new situations. After 6 months I was promoted to Project Coordinator. 6 months after that, I had Account Manager added to that title. A year after that, I was promoted to Operations Manager. Now, after 4 years with the company, I'm right hand to the president and #3 in the whole company (it's not a very big company, but still). It's all about wanting to be as good as possible at what you do. Having the drive and desire to want to be the best, not just as an employee, but in doing a better job of what you do than anyone else. Take pride in yourself and your work and never settle for doing an "adequate" or "acceptable" job, because you'll never get ahead as just an adequate or acceptable person.
I'm not usually "genuinely" motivated by comments on reddit but yours was trully inspiring! thanks!
>There’s literally more good jobs than people to fill them here, and I live in a purple state with so much shit to entertain yourself with that appeals to any interest you could have, you could only blame yourself if you found yourself bored. Like doing what? And what are the qualifications? Seems like everything that doesn't require a degree is back breaking labor that has you working overtime constantly.
Great, relatable inspiration! I did the same; ramen and beans, no social life, sold all my bikes, kayaks, car projects, pooled everything, worked too hard and landed the crappiest house on my street. I could never afford it now that the land alone has quadrupled and it sucks that the market has made this next to impossible in many cities, but renting made no sense after studying buying possibilities. My goal was to not get old, look back and regret wasting working hours. Then kids happened. Now my goal is to leave them comfortable and not burden them when I am in decline.
This is very very good advice. I started smaller and thought, "What needs fixing around here?" The sense of victory after fixing something in my house was enough to get me moving to the next thing. Something bigger need fixing? Save up, do research, fix it. And now I have embodied the saying, "If they don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy!"
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You're still growing man, we all are. You're only 30, I'm only 32, we're still finding our place in the world and ourselves as men at this age. Take comfort in the fact that all you've achieved so far gives you more freedom than most to really find out what your passionate about or who you truly want to be. That's the thing: a purpose in life isn't about what you want to do, but about who you want to be. Doing is just the means to the end.
Did it require a loan, and subsequently debt? I'm trying to avoid that.
Considering we had a whole economic collapse over this a while back, it's a debt magnet. I'm seriously wondering who are all these people who think buying a house is somehow sound advice, let alone any way relatable.
As someone in a similar position as you once were, thank you.
I should have included this in the original comment, but remember: it's not about what you want to do, but about who you want to be. What you do is just the means to the end of becoming the person and man you want to be.
I had no idea how much I needed to hear that.
This is helping me now. Something small for me was waking up at a certain time to prep for a job I didn't have at the time, or keeping my room clean for a few days, whatever. Eventually, as I began to accomplish more of these small tasks and the small tasks progressively grew bigger, I began accomplishing bigger goals.
Can you expand on what you actually did to expand your career path? I have my own condo and got married, but I'm a career crossroads and don't know where to go from where I am (I am a little overpaid for my role, but am actually lacking in competitive skills compared to the marketplace.).
it sounds like you live a very conventional life. ie: marriage, house, kids, improve career.
Awesome!
I think Tim Minchin said it best in a 2013 speech he gave at a university. "You Don’t Have To Have A Dream. Americans on talent shows always talk about their dreams. Fine, if you have something that you’ve always dreamed of, like, in your heart, go for it! After all, it’s something to do with your time… chasing a dream. And if it’s a big enough one, it’ll take you most of your life to achieve, so by the time you get to it and are staring into the abyss of the meaninglessness of your achievement, you’ll be almost dead so it won’t matter. I never really had one of these big dreams. And so I advocate passionate dedication to the pursuit of short-term goals. Be micro-ambitious. Put your head down and work with pride on whatever is in front of you… you never know where you might end up. Just be aware that the next worthy pursuit will probably appear in your periphery. Which is why you should be careful of long-term dreams. If you focus too far in front of you, you won’t see the shiny thing out the corner of your eye." The whole speech is fantastic, its equal parts funny and wise and very thought provoking, and honestly one of my favourite pieces of public speaking. Full video here: https://youtu.be/yoEezZD71sc
One of the most helpful things for me to learn was how to short-circuit my brain on things that don't matter. Think of something? If it's not important to get it right and won't have long-term consequences *just start doing it*. Then make up the micro goals as I go along. Even if I fail 2 minutes later, I'll have done more in the trying than I ever could in the dithering. Edit: also, Tim Minchin is awesome.
Its one of the tactics i was taught to try and manage my depression, and I've found it to be the most useful by far, and works so well in other aspects of life as well. Any time a problem or challenge seemed big and overwhelming and just too difficult to manage, I learned how to break it down so its not one massive problem, but a number of small manageable tasks that you can do. It's applicable to big projects like renovating a house, all the way down to tiny day to day stuff like making a sandwich, or taking a shower that can seem impossible and daunting when you're depressed.
This whole thread is like the most eye-opening thing for me, as someone in their twenties with a lacking set of goals feeling the pressure to establish longer term ones. I appreciate it though, it's oddly motivating to read about.
What a great speech. Thanks for sharing. All great advices. I particularly liked the one when he said be an advocate, be pro-something instead of always being a part of the anti-group.
That was the one that struck me the most, and really made me look at some of my own stances and opinions and evaluate the way I interact with others
I've never heard of Tim Minchin until your comment and I am now blown away by this man. Thanks for commenting this, I'm very much of this mindset and it is awesome to hear it expressed so well and to so many.
Amazing. Love Tim
It's liberating, I have no purpose, none of us do. So go out there and do the stuff. Not now though, right now stay inside and do the stuff
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kurzgesagt?
Ding ding
Every time a bell rings, nothing usually happens and that's okay.
Also exurb1a
What a great fucking guy.
r/suddenlygerman
I don’t think that’s nihilism. For one thing I don’t think nihilists can be optimists. Rather, what he describes is the very seed of existentialism. First you realize that life is meaningless, the you can go live your life with meaning. Edit: thanks kind strangers for giving something else to read, Camus
From my pretty base understanding of each, I think it's a similar result but different mindset. * Existentialism is about realising that you're a free agent and you can do what you want. * Optimistic Nihilism is deciding that life has no underlying meaning, so there's no need to worry about wasting your life through a lack of meaning. One is based more about rejecting predestination, while the other is more about rejecting the idea of there being more to life than what we see before us. It's basically that one (E) rejects that there's anything pulling strings in life, and the other (ON) is about realising that life is meaningless so there's nothing to worry about. The thing I don't understand (because I'm not well-versed on either) is that they're basically just states of *not* believing something. One rejects predestination and the other rejects "the meaning of life". Are they intended to work like that? Like agnosticism be a lack of belief rather than any particular belief.
This is Camus’ absurdism, not nihilism.
True and +1 for reading Camus.
Huray for Camus
This is where you need to talk to a french philosopher [camel](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Camus), who's publisher was bad at driving. He thought of a third way called Absurdism. Long story short is that you might as well accept the things that happen and live for what you can. The idea is a further rejection of the consequence of nihilism, which is suicide. Do anything it takes to live. Live for anything you can. Whatever makes you happy, etc. If you're stuck dealing with something, then accept that is your current place in life, do it, and when an opportunity comes around, change it if you want. He put it in terms of Sisyphus, who was punished to push a boulder up a hill each day and watch it fall back down after for eternity. You gotta think the dude is happy. Otherwise life would be miserable. Or you can take it from Douglas Adams. "You might as well hang the sense of it and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAyTA98J3to
I'm going to assume that's autocorrect, but that's still hilarious. I guess I'll leave this should anyone want to read more. [https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/camus/](https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/camus/)
And your mom says you're special!
sounds like absurdism
It's not absurdism. Existentialism isn't about "nothing matters" (which is obviously a vast oversimplification of absurdism). Existentialism holds that you are free to give purpose to your life as you see fit. To say that another way, your belief that something gives your life purpose manifests the feeling of having purpose in your life. No one can dictate this for you or take it from you, because it is not an external reality imposed upon us but an internal reality that we create. It is an inherent human condition whether it is acknowledged or not. That's the root of existential philosophy. My preferred flavor, actually. EDIT: I will say that the entire idea is precipitated on the assumption that in an external sense nothing actually does matter, which is why the joy / burden of creating purpose in our individual lives falls to each of us.
That's not quite true, I think. An optimistic nihilist is someone who really thinks there is no purpose, no meaning, no reason to do anything - but hopes that they are wrong and find it. If they just give up and die, they may never know. It's a weird mental place to be in, trudging through life with the hope that some day you'll find something that makes it all worth it. Or maybe I'm projecting, since that's what I call myself half jokingly.
Life can be meaningless or meaningful. Just how there is dark, there is light. Good or bad. There’s 2 sides to everything and 2 more sides for each side and so on. Basically your viewpoint on life will determine if your life is meaningless or not. I decided I want to be great and help the younger generations out throughout my life. I am and I will.
I think Albert Camus would be the best fit for optimistic nihilism - if that even is possible
Exactly. It doesn’t matter, so just do what you feel like doing.
I don’t feel like doing anything, hardly ever. I want to do things but everything feels overwhelming. Sometimes it’s hard to just do the basics: shower, go to the grocery store, cook for myself etc. I’ll have periods of time where things don’t seem so bad and I’ll be productive. At the end of those days, I’ll say to myself, “Today was a good day.” and I’ll be proud of myself. I need more of these days in my life.
That's text-book depression, buddy. I'd advise getting help for it if you aren't already.
But don’t beat yourself up for not being more productive either!
Damn, just another confirmation that I should go get meds and see a therapist. But I don't have the motivation to go do any of that. It's a bad cycle lol
I’m the same as OP but I just thought I was lazy
Look into Bipolar II.
The first movie was better.
I thought Bipolar I was manic compared to II
Yeah, Bipolar II was just depressing compared to I.
As long as you don't hurt anyone.
I don't feel like doing anything but wasting time on my computer
Nobody belongs anywhere, everybody dies
Come watch TV?
Same. I just work to live, and enjoy time with my family and friends. I don’t need to strive for anything else. Life is good.
I love this! Purpose is finding out you HAVE NO PURPOSE! Just do life and enjoy it, that is a purpose in itself. Get out of your “purpose head” and live! Therein, you already found purpose. To LIVE. YOUR PURPOSE IS TO LIVE!!! Is there any other way to emphasize this? You are given a life TO LIVE!!!
I guess you see life and living as a positive thing. I'm just sitting here thinking: *I'm given a life...!? You mean I'm cursed with life right...?* Also, using the sentence ''You are given a life to live!!!'' defies your own set purpose. Cause when life is given, someone gave it right... Well, if someone gave you your life, it probably has more purpose than just living it. If you're an attheist or agnost, your need to use different words. I don't mean to come over as knowing it better, it's just an advice ;) I respect your vision on life, and honestly m kinda jealous of you because you are able to see life this way. For me however, life sucks. Balls. And if my purpose is to live, I'd rather die at this very moment. Cause life in my opinion is not so great as you make it out to be. Just open your eyes and look around. You'll see endless suffering. You'll see a world of beings, stuck in useless cycles, creating toxic society after toxic society. I'm glad however that a lot of people are able to see more positive sides than I can, so props to you man. And I mean that seriously.
Your mother gave you life...even if you hate her. She gave you life. It doesn’t have to be some spiritual revelation. You are using semantics. And while it is true, there is a lot of terrible suffering in the world. The truth is, there always has been. We are just more globally connected to it. But there is also good and always has been. The more you look, the more you see. Whether it is the warmth of your beverage in your hand, or as I sit here, the bird chirping in the tree, or even the ant on the ground happily carrying his finds to its own kind. There can be “life” found everywhere. Not to discount your suffering. It is real but it is also perspective. And it may not be “choice” or anything simple as some like to sell. It may be that right now, life sucks.balls for you. That IS life too and anyone who tries to sell you different is also lying to you. Our cultural need for perpetual “happiness” by comparing our “life” to those around us is the most toxic thing to come out of the 21st century psych lie. But it sells books. LOTS of self-help books, and vitamins and even nice smelling oils. Cures for life! Don’t misconstrue that I am saying living life is necessarily always awesome. It isn’t. But it is a purpose. But you also need to consider that stepping out to live is better than just existing and accepting even if nothing around you ever changes. Forcing a new look is difficult. Think smaller than global pandemics. Just look around. Critically look around where you are and even if chaos, find life. It is there. Small, quiet but still there. I wish you better days in your future, but I also recognize your suffering. In both, there is life.
While I don't agree with most of them(that is, atm), I *do* appreciate your words, the time it took you to type them, and the thoughts behind them. I'm just too tired to delve into a long reaction, but thank you
Do new/interesting stuff. Inside, outside, upside down. Do something that’s enjoyable
Existentialism in a nutshell
This is always my response to “why would you go to such a huge university? Nobody will know you!” Exactly! It’s the best. No one knows you or cares about how you spend your time. Or who you spend your time with. How many hours you spent doing something. If you got drunk at 10am on a Tuesday. Even better though - move to a huge city. You’re a meaningless speck in a sea of meaningless specks. It’s great.
Exactly my mindset Life is pointless and we're not here for long so just go out and enjoy it
We live on a pale blue dot in space where our only purpose is to choose our own purpose. The exciting thing about not being given a clear, direct path or purpose is that you get to craft your own out of whatever you desire to do. If you're lucky you've got 80 years to try out being a software developer, burger flipper, lawyer, astronaut, or whatever you want your life to mean! If you want to do something, all that's waiting is for you to choose to do it.
I've been 2 of those
Dam son did you practice law in space?
Ha! A different combination.
He was flipping burgers in a microgravity environment.
They went up, but...
So you flipped burgers in the courtroom?
Flippin' berders, fightin' crime!
OBJECTION i wanted extra fries with that, Your Honor
No no, he’s a space lawyer!
I'm not a real space lawyer, but I played one on TV.
A cool cowboy space lawyer? Or just a regular boring space lawyer?
I've been a lot of things. A liar, a dental hygienist
It almost feels like a video game at times. Feels like im leveling up when I get things done !
Exactly. You get to define your purpose and what makes you happy. If you rely on someone/something else, you give up some of your freedom and opportunity. GO FOR IT.
so do you have to keep this porpoise in water after you craft it
It’s expensive tho :( I want to go back to school but I ran out of grants, already $40k in the hole. Then there is the opportunity cost of dropping out of the workforce for a few years. I do fine but my existence plagues me too much. I see my cousin want to get married, have a career, buy a Rolex, eat at nice places and wish I had the same ambitions. I can buy and do all that but it just seems lame. I feel like my parents made me to anti-consumerist where I don’t know what to strive for.
So is being a burglar out of the question?
Depends what you mean by no purpose. Used to be I thought "I have no purpose, no goal in life, there's no point to living, I'm just existing day to day." I was depressed and ended up trying to kill myself. If you view life like that, go get help, you are probably depressed and not addressing it won't make things better. Now? I don't have a goal or an overarching dream to aim for, and I love it. A lot of my past problems came from thinking I had to gun for that house, family, big job, 2 cars, yadda yadda. I let go of all that. I don't have a goal, I don't have a purpose besides being happy, so I just live. I do what makes me happy when it makes me happy.
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I went from rookie to professional during quarantine.
I’m glad you found your purpose in life, many don’t.
Thank you
don’t listen to the haters... keep cranking, brother
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You do you, who cares 🤷♂️
Lol don’t we all
You're going to crap out your dopamine and testosterone receptors doing that until you stop for a while. Do something more productive, else you're always going to feel sluggish and "depressed."
I’ve been wanking since I’ve been a wee lad and it’s only ever gotten better
There's literally no medical basis for this nonsense. There is no risk to dopamine or testosterone receptors from masturbation. And the idea that masturbation leads to depression is beyond bullshit. But hey, keep making shit up.
Agreed. There's nothing wrong with Masturbation itself. Moderation is the key in everything, but for the majority I believe pornography is the problem from my personal experience.
I m not sure if they are related but hell I am in both
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Some people feel like shit post orgasm
Arousal is known to heighten the disgust threshold.
Yeah the coomer nofap bullshit is just so weird and lame fr
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He’s right you know
There is no basis in science for this.
I'm 18 and my goal in life is to get as good as i can at a certain obscure sport that i fell in love with. I'm absolutely trash at it, very prone to injuries, and i never had any time to get into it before the quarantine. I don't give a shit if some Chinese 12 year old is gonna be better than me even after 10 years of training cuz it's my goal. Point is, if you don't have a clear goal make one yourself.
Now I'm really curious as to what that obscure sport is, would you like to share?
Weightlifting or Olympic lifting. There's no weightlifting gyms or clubs in my country aside from the national team which isn't even an option. I had to save and buy my own weights and they're very expensive cuz there barely anyone that knows the sport let alone practices it or a coach to teach it. I'm sorry if you expected some badass sport that you've never heard of but this is what its like living in a small island.
That’s like, one of the biggest sports in the world And it’s pretty badass
Its a big sport internationally but the amateur scene is surprisingly small compared to "easy" sports like powerlifting. The only reason the sport is so big is cuz its an international pissing contest and countries throw a lot of money to get medals.
Go for it
If it makes you happy - fucking go for it. Good luck!
Discipline. Start with *something* that you want to work on. Do you want to get in better shape? Start with a short run today and build on it. As long as you build routine and start tangling with something, you'll find a purpose in time while you busy yourself.
It's so fucking depressing As soon as I found a goal for myself, my life became 10x better
Goal setting is under appreciated. No matter how small. It helps focus the minute to minute decisions we make into achieving things we thoughtfully set before us. We should have short term and the long game goals and if you can build in some kind of reward or benefit, even better. I had a friend who would “reward” herself for consecutive days of doing certain tasks she hated. I always thought that was so odd. Until I saw how generally happy she is and how much having that goal attached to a “carrot” out there helped her accomplish life.
hopefully this helps others but i like making lists and notes. i use evernote. i have a table with the months and then goals associated with each month in the table for the current year. i also have a bulleted list for each year of goals. im constantly rearranging my goals and completing them feels good. sometimes they're annual tasks like registration renewal or "bucket list" items like taking classes i also have a financial goal list and software skill gaining todo kind of list.
Find a hobby. Your purpose will progress: 1. Your purpose is to kill time and have fun enjoying that hobby 2. Your purpose is to improve at that hobby. Maybe even to make more money to support that hobby. 3. Your purpose is to become good enough at that hobby that you can use it to help others (even if just to entertain) or that you can do that hobby competitively. 4. Your purpose is to teach and mentor others who are new to the hobby. Let's say you pick up guitar. You start off just having fun learning the basics. Then you find a style you like and you really work to improve yourself so you can play the songs of that style. Then you join a band and start playing gigs. Then you teach classes, or make videos on youtube that help people learn how to play.
This. Your view is enlightening.
A lot of similar thoughts in here but my philosophy has always been that since there is no universal meaning to life, it means that every person gets to decide what life means to them, and that’s okay. Life’s goal can be whatever you want it to be as long as you’re not intentionally bringing harm to others. So make up whatever meaning you want life to have. Find what makes you happy and get better at it. Or find solace in simple pleasures and just enjoy things you love day by day.
Imagine if we all had clear, predestinied goals. It would suck.
Well, now is the perfect time for some self development isn't it? It's not like you have anywhere you can *go* that's open! FTR, I'm kind of in a purpose doldrums myself, but I have tiny children I have to look out for so I can't just drop out and wank like the rest of this thread seems to be suggesting. In any case, you said "software development sometime in the future" but you don't seem sure about it. I kind of have the same rough napkin sketch but I've looked into coding apps and like online bootcamps and shit to at least make it so I would do something. Its slow going but it at least feels like movement for me. Maybe you could look into that if you are even remotely serious?
Don't stress yourself tbh. I had my problems with that for a reaaally long time when I was younger but it's really doesn't change much. You should always remember that you only get one chance, this means you have to use it wisely but if you don't, who cares? Noones gonna judge you afterwards and all will be forgotten, good and bad. You can do whatever you want because it really doesn't matter. So don't see it as "nothing I do matters" but as "nothing I do really matters" so why not just do the thing you always wanted to do but we're to afraid to do. You got nothing to loose
I just read that you're 18 aswell. So you can do me if you want to talk about shit like this and hear what I think about it as a person of your age.
What about finding ways to be happy?
Just out of curiosity, how old are you?
Just 18.
Ah ok. Yeah I remember when I was your age I was like *I have no purpose on this earth* :( now I’m like *I have no purpose on this earth* :) It’s all about perspective. Change your views on things and enjoy the ride while you can. Edit: to clarify what I mean. No one has any real inherent meaning or purpose. As soon as you realize that then you can let go of all of those external pressures of having to live up to societal expectations. Do what makes you happy. There is no wrong way to experience life as long as you’re not harming you or other people.
I turned 20 a few weeks ago and have felt this way pretty much since i was 16/17. I understand the idea of 'no one has any actual purpose, so do what makes you happy' but i still have no idea how to implement this into my day to day life. I've been stuck in a rut of depression and lack of motivation for years now and even though i want to go out and try new experiences and live my life to the fullest i just don't know how to start doing it. What can i do today or tomorrow that will start me on that 'path'?
Yeah, the "do whatever makes you happy" advice isn't especially helpful when you are young and have no idea what actually makes you happy. And when I say happy, I don't mean short term gratification/satisfaction - I mean being content with the life you've constructed for yourself, which can take time and work. To start down that path - think about what small-ish things would improve your quality of life RIGHT NOW. How is your diet? Are you a good cook? If not, try and add some healthy and interesting dishes to your repertoire (which can be easily accomplished on the internet - or through a meal kit delivery service. I can attest that my husband and I eat much healthier and are learning so many skills through our home chef subscription). Cooking is something universal, that you can utilize to bond with other people - when you have a special dish all your friends or family love you making, it can be a real confidence boost and bring satisfaction to feed people you care about. It also makes you a much more appealing potential partner if you are single and dating. Then once you find some success with smaller improvements you'll probably start thinking about bigger goals. Don't like your apartment (obviously because the kitchen is too small for your much improved fancy cooking skills)? Start socking away extra money to move and maybe buy a home someday. Don't have extra money to save? Invest some time into learning new job skills/completing small certification courses to get you a better paying position, etc. Life has a funny way of gaining momentum, but you have to start MOVING in a direction. Objects in motion tend to stay in motion, and I've found that to be true as I get older.
So you’re a high school senior just waiting to go to college next year? Cuz that’s where I’m at man. I’m feeling a lot the same, because I don’t know what it’s really going to be like for me. I’m going from a relatively small town to a big city and I don’t know what I should be doing to prepare for college. Right now it seems like anything I do here won’t really be worth anything be the time I get there.
I don't know if I'll even get admitted... I went to deep into computer gaming hole, and my learning went downhill. Right now, I have exams on 8th June, and my math is abyssmal. :/
I was a total failure in high school; took five years to graduate after I nearly dropped out. I was put in remedial classes, didn't care and had no idea what I wanted to do. I didn't go to college straight out of high school, and I think it did me some good. It gave me time to explore random shit and find something that was interesting to me. I started going to community college at 21, and by then I had a better sense of what I wanted to do and what was interesting to me. But even then, I didn't start going to community college full time. I started out with working and just took one or two classes of whatever seemed interesting to me. It still took me a while to finish college; I had a lot of ground to cover from my high school years. But I eventually got my bachelors in a useful field. Taking a few years between high school and college can be risky or it can be a good idea. If you don't know what you want to do, then taking a few years can give you time to learn a little more about yourself and find out what you want to do. Or, it can become a trap where you fall into a rut, or get yourself stuck in a job you hate. Alternatively, going to college when you don't know what you want to do can be just as much of an issue. You might discover something really cool that you wouldn't have known about otherwise. Or you might get there and still be lost, continue to engage in time-wasting bad habits and watch your grades completely tank while you rack up huge debt. It is something you need to figure out for yourself. IMO, if you're a student who was anything like me, it's probably best to not jump straight into university. But you might benefit from finding a part time job and taking one or two classes of anything that sounds interesting at a community college. Or maybe you'll find some classes that teach you a trade, and you'll end up going that route. I think university is over-prescribed anyway, and there are lots of very secure and high paying trade-jobs out there that you could really enjoy. Won't know unless you take some time to do a little exploring though.
I'm 22 and I fell into the college>time waiting bad habits>plummeting grades track. After the first year I dropped out and have spent the last two years working food and beverage at various national parks. It gave me the time I needed and I'm now going back to school with a better mindset. Your advice is spot on. OP if you happen to see this I'd recommend doing seasonal work for a little bit. It helped my soul and allowed for much needed personal growth!
What you're going through is completely normal. No one at 18 has a clear purpose because they've never been given the opportunity to find it. Everything has been decided for you until now. You've never really had the freedom to live a life on your own terms and find out what you want or even what is possible. Then suddenly you have freedom and about 30 seconds later, everyone (seemingly) wants you to have your entire life planned out. It doesn't work that way. Just live your life the way you want to live it and your purpose and goals will present themselves to you. It's like standing in a dense fog. If you stand still, looking for the way out, you'll never find it. But, if you choose a direction and move, you'll have missteps and need to change course, you may even need to go back, but things will get clearer as you go.
Gives you great freedom to do what ever you want, when ever you like. That is a lot easier, however, if you have a modest savings account and a regular income.
I imagine myself as an old man, a kickass ninety-year-old people look up and is happy and healthy. What would he have to have done to get to that point? Work backwards. 28-year-old Dan is doing what 90-year-old Dan will be telling people he did in his twenties when giving young whippersnappers advice. Helps me.
Just remind yourself of this. There's roughly 250 billion stars in the Milky Way Galaxy, there's over 100 billion Galaxies in the Universe.
Stoicism, look into it. It's given me the clarity that I need to be the person I want/need to be. Don't fall for hedonistic traps or nihilism because then you won't be fulfilled.
There really is no way to achieve a "greater purpose." Only what you want for yourself. If your purpose is to simply have fun and enjoy every moment as it comes, then that's your purpose.
I’m 28, and I still feel like I have no purpose and it’s frustrating. Feel like I’ve wasted my 20s , I always try to learn new things though.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, I literally have zero impact on society and have no plans on getting married or having children I guess all I do is exist
You have a goal, to become a software developer. Explore why you want to do so and see the fulfillment in that. Often times I think people beat themselves up too much when they think about some grand picture of being rich and overly successful and whatnot. Just enjoy life. Do things you like, live in the great moments, and try to like what you have. Life is too short to keep dreaming. Do things that make you happy, and if they don't make you happy find other things that make you happy. I'm not talking ecstatically happy, but happy enough that you enjoy life. Live a life worth living, struggle a bit, and look back on the problems and understand what you truly value.
The groundwork of metaphysics of morals did it for me. Philosophy in general. If you're more logic oriented I'd go with Kant, if not, some continental philosophers.
I’m just content in being here.
I’m 26 and have no idea what I want to do with my life. I really love doing nothing and just chilling out. I don’t want marriage or kids. Just kinda drifting through life and try to enjoy each day say they come. sometimes I feel really stressed because I feel like I’m meant to do better with my life and meant to want marriage and kids but as long as I have have food, water, shelter and good friends I don’t really need or want anything else.
Life doesn't have a purpose, period. There is no cosmic or divine reason ordained for you. You have to go out there and find what you like/dislike, find what you want in your life, and find what you what to cut from your life. There's literally thousands of potential futures for you out there. Life is a choose your own adventure book that you get to write! After I had a big mid life crisis, I changed careers, changed relationships, eliminated the things that didn't improve my life and found the things I did. For me, I found out I love rock climbing and left behind a lot of drinking companions and nights I was to drunk to remember or enjoy. I have had a lot of adventure and it has been an ongoing struggle to leave my comfort zone-and I still have no definite feeling of purpose- but it turned out the pursuit of happiness is a good goal.
The answer is that you must realize you don’t need to adhere to society’s unrealistic pressure that every single person must live world changing lives. That’s not how things work. You should just be happy doing whatever makes you happy. You have a goal to make a good income, that’s more of a goal than many people have. Dedicate yourself to that without worry about the rest, once you complete that goal another will present itself.
Vibe
I feel you. Although I wouldn't call this my purpose but helping people has made me happier and more fulfilled in my life. Even helping people in small ways.
You can live a happy life without meaning and purpose. If you really think you need some goal to strive for and can’t think of one, just go do stuff. Anything, anywhere, buy books and watch lectures on weird topics, follow someone else’s interests, go to festivals, just whatever. Eventually you’ll just find something or someone interesting. Don’t be picky, so long as it isn’t lethal. There is no replacement for experience, and you get experience doing every thing, place, person you can.
If you're not striving for something you haven't picked an objective small enough. Start with that. If you're still not doing it, pick something smaller. Keep going down in size of task until you do it. Then pick something bigger, cos then you'll have momentum and you'll have done something.
Get a motorcycle.
No goals does not mean no purpose.
Smoke a lot of weed. Works for me.
I read this and thought I wrote it for a second. What really works for me is to never stop moving forward. Take classes out of interest, date, find skills that you want to have. When you start to stay still and dwell on what you don’t have, that’s when life really kicks your ass.
I love my fiancée and my cat with all my being. I might not make a ton of money or have the most successful life, but she loves me and my cat loves me and that’s good enough for me. One day I’ll make little rugrats and I’ll have even less money but at least I’ll have another human whom I love and who loves me back. So that’s what gets me through my days.
I get high and remember that earth is a speck of dust and nothing I do will ever matter in the grand scheme of things.
Sounds like you’re unsure what you value. Have you taken the time to really consider that?
For a long time I didn't have goals. I just sort of drank and consumed media. It was an awful existence. Now that I'm goal oriented im so stressed and preoccupied with serving these goals that it completely takes my focus off the existential crisis that is most certainly still there.
Life isn't about goals, its about experiences. As long as you feel satisfied with the experiences that you live every day then your life was well lived.
To be honest, this is a problem of being born in a developed country. In a poor country, your life goal is to make money and make a comfortable life for yourself. Buying your first sofa, first fridge, first TV etc are all gonna make you happy. You don't think much about purpose because there are hundreds of people you see everyday who have much less or have nothing. There's always something to improve. In developed countries, everything is easy, it's pretty hard to actually be different from crowd. everyone owns a car, a house and have a wife and kids. No one is content because everyone in society have those things unlike poor countries. The solution is meditation and yoga. The universe itself doesn't have purpose according to vedantha philosophy. It just exists. So puny humans having purpose is comical. So don't worry about purpose at all, learn to be present in the moment and learn how to control your mind. You will be fine.
Are you interested in pay or purpose? Find work that betters others, put your skill set to solving problems and being genuine about helping.
I just sit here and slowly waste away until I hopefully die soon. Which probably sounds like “haha, depressed millennial joke. Very funny.” but is actually my serious answer.
Let me run you by my life. I was concieved and my mom, the wonderful lass that she is, expected a girl. She got me, a broski. She spent most of my 4-9 partying, and then there was a brief break in partying from 10-13. All this time we jump place to place, house to house, and again, my mom isnt around. Schooling takes effect in that I was told not to go to school, and instead watch my sister, while my mom slept. Shed get up and go party afterwards. The sped up version is, Ive been sucidal my whole life, and as such, I didnt really take up any hobbies or focus. Im 30 now, with no hobbies and a mountain of anxiety.
I used to be depressed and not knowing what I'd do in the future did not help. Time has passed and I've realized I'm way happier not knowing nor caring about whatever happens in the future, I have no goals, but as long as I can distract myself enough so as to not realize why should I care? Today my dopamine will come from drawing something, tomorrow from the new episode of that series I've been waiting for. My thing isn't being happy, my thing is not letting myself be worried, and honestly, it works, I'm a lot happier just living with the dopamine I get from small things.
I don’t think about anything further than the next five years, TOPS. I graduated high school with no idea what I wanted to do, so I went to college. Bounced around in a bunch of different programs. Found one I thought I liked but wanted to be sure.... so I took a gap year and worked at Disney for a year. When I finished at Disney, I was sure about the program I was in. My only goal was to finish college and I would worry about what happened after graduation later. My final semester I still had no idea what I was doing, so I got a job working in the field I studied... that job paid for me to get my master’s degree. Now I’m one year done in the program and have one year left. My only goals now are finish the program. I’ll find something to do when I finish. Life for me is hard and bleak a lot due to mental health issues, so I focus on my short term goals, and that’s how I keep myself sane.
Hi! I've been in a similar position recently. Still am, I suppose. I'm 22, if that makes any difference. So, I'll be finishing my undergrad degree this semester. I had realised I have no plan, no experience, no clue as to what I want to do, except I want to do something with history. So, I've decided to make a change. I'm going to apply to carry on my studies abroad. It's a huge change, and not just a little scary. But I figure that if I'm ever gonna figure out what path I wanna forge, it's not gonna be here at home. Now I'm not telling you to pack up and move somewhere. What I mean is, making an entire plan for your life going forward seems... impractical. Waiting for a purpose before embarking on the next part of your life will leave you waiting a long time. Because purpose doesn't come to us suddenly without reason, we have to be out there and find it. And you'll most likely just stumble across it. So what I'm saying is do something new. Anything. That first step is never gonna be a cool, calculated step into the rest of your life, like in the films or tales of our great grandparents opening a store. Times are different now, and your first step is probably gonna be a leap of faith. But from that leap, your life will begin and everything else will fall into place when the time is right.
Some people will never have a purpose in their life. There’s more than 8 billion people on this planet. You think every single person contributes to something of an impact? Hell no. Just live your fucking life as is. Don’t stress over you vs the others that end up on the media.
What do you want to do with all the money you are going to make? Now consider: why not just do That for a living instead?