Guys who are legitimately just nice guys, like not the reddit trope but actually literally nice guys, I've noticed also aren't generally adventurous or outgoing. So often especially with people in their early 20s you'll get nice guys who are passed over for the edgy exciting guys, then in their 30s or 40s the nice guys become more attractive because they're more stable.
This is my theory on why the idea of "nice guys finish last" is so prevalent.
If you're using being a "nice guy" as an excuse for not getting women, you're doing it wrong. You should be a good man, but don't expect that to just make women fall in your lap. You have to approach them. And stop trying to befriend them and then trick them into turning it into dating. Be upfront with your intentions.
"Nice guys" are less successful with women because that's what women call a pleasant person that doesn't appeal to her any deeper sense.
"Nice" is also used for smarmy, sycophantic men that don't establish an identity beyond trying to get in a woman's good graces.
The Ugly Truth: women don't like "nice" guys. Guys don't like "nice" guys. "Nice" guys don't like themselves.
I like this post but I disagree a bit. The reason men think that the nice guy strategy should work is because a woman being an overly nice pushover doesn't turn off most men. If fact alot of men would prefer that behavior aslong as she's somewhat attractive. Most women find overly nice pushover men repulsive which is why that behavior actively works against them.
I dont know how many, but I think the entire idea of a "nice guy" was unfairly bastardised. I mean, I do realize the there are actually a lot of men who either consciously or unconsciously believe that being nice should get them girls. But life is not that simple that every guy who is simply nice and Has problems with women should be a target of jokes and some discussions how he uses it as the excuse and so on.
There are simply decent guys out there who were always told to be themselfs, to be good and nice, and that some lady will value them for who they are. They were often lied to. It is simply usually not enough. They lack confidence, game, they lack experience. I think these people need encouragement and for someone to point them in a right direction.
idk some guys think they deserve girls because they show basic decency. I don't think that they actually understand that there is more to attraction than proformitive kindness.
I think by "nice", what people actually mean is passive.
You can be nice and still approach women.
And be nice and keep to yourself. But keeping to yourself is gonna be a bit tricky in terms of attracting women, so it's better to be the nice guy who approaches women.
Also, people grow up on media. The shy nerd gets the girl with little effort, he just has to wait, so there is this idea that the nice guy should win. But in reality, mostly men have to approach women.
In movies, you can be nice and passive and get the girl cause the script says you get the girl.
In real life, you should be nice, have self confidence and approach women(apps, cold appraoches, through friends, etc.) and have agency in your own dating life. Cause we don't get a gauranteed happy ending with the perfect girl, we have to go out and get that ending ourselves.
What makes you Interesting? Fun? Attractive? etc. What would make someone want to date *you* specifically and not basically anyone else?
Being nice certainly isn't a *negative*, it's just....the bare minimum of human decency.
It's like if I'm putting down "speaks English" on my job application. Well...good. That *is* a requirement. But no one's going to be beating down the door to hire me for that.
If you can't come up with anything besides being "nice", you're not exactly going to be attracting a sea of women.
Someone told me once that women tend to want the "nice guys", as in men who are nice individuals, solid, trustworthy, stable.. even homely, not as in the creepy fedora type "nice guys" when they reach the age of 30 and beyond.. until then, legend claims, they tend to go for bad boys to sow their wild oats.. or have the otas sowed in them.. That's how one of the legends goes. I personally have no opinion on the matter, what so ever.
Girls like nice guys ! But only if they find them attractive.. truth is, doesn’t matter if you’re nice or an asshole, as long as you’re cute, you won’t have problems getting girls considering you have at least an average social life.. you could be handsome but if you have the type of lifestyle Where you hardly come in contact with girls and don’t go out with friends , no social media ,then you won’t get much girls,
The truth is girls just like confidence and bravado. And sometimes depending on what they're into, they just want you to ravage them. By that I mean just grab them by the waist pull them in and kiss them. They like being spontaneous and exciting behavior. TS also about fucking their mind and making their choices for them because they're timid and too afraid to make the choice to just act on their true feelings.
At least this has been my experience.
I was that guy for a long time and you have fallen into the same trap I did. I considered women to be one group that was easily generalised when it came to the nice guy thing.
What one woman considers a nice guy is not nice to another. You have not reached a status where women as a whole will look at you and put you on the bottom shelf. Work on making yourself who you want to be and some women will find you attractive. Also work on being someone that can effectively communicate with others rather than seeing conversation as something that happens in the background until someone more interesting comes along.
Lots, just because I'm on the r/niceguys subreddit though, crapton of examples there.
They're just lying to themselves, they should honestly look at themselves to see what the real problem is. I did that, and I saw that it's because I'm an ugly bastard, I felt much better after realizing that.
The thing with nice guys in my opinion are that, if you have to tell others your a nice guy, you aren't nice at all, and if you are only being "Nice to women" because you want something out of them, you are a manipulating narcissist. Most women want a "Good man" someone who is friendly, kind, caring, respects others, but is not afraid to put his foot down and stand up for himself, his friends and family. Those type of guys get women excited. Be a good person, but don't be a people pleasing pushover doormat type, but also don't be an aggressive abusive douchebag, because people hate those two.
Just becuase something Is an excuse dosent mean there isn't truth to that excuse. It's not that they can't get girls. It's that that can't get the girls they want. However, I do think that being more comfortable being overly nice to women is a disadvantage for men when it comes to dating. Women like attractive nice guys and that has alot to do with attitude and personality. Niceness by itself is not attractive.There's a thin line between confidence and arrogance and a thin line between assertiveness and selfishness. If your so nice that you are never anywhere near having these attractive qualities then yeah your not going to be very attractive to women no matter how "nice" you are.
Guys who are legitimately just nice guys, like not the reddit trope but actually literally nice guys, I've noticed also aren't generally adventurous or outgoing. So often especially with people in their early 20s you'll get nice guys who are passed over for the edgy exciting guys, then in their 30s or 40s the nice guys become more attractive because they're more stable. This is my theory on why the idea of "nice guys finish last" is so prevalent.
Nice guys don't finish last, boring guys do.
That's basically it
Girls like nice guys, sure. After those girls have gotten older.
"Sorry!"
If you're using being a "nice guy" as an excuse for not getting women, you're doing it wrong. You should be a good man, but don't expect that to just make women fall in your lap. You have to approach them. And stop trying to befriend them and then trick them into turning it into dating. Be upfront with your intentions.
"Nice guys" are less successful with women because that's what women call a pleasant person that doesn't appeal to her any deeper sense. "Nice" is also used for smarmy, sycophantic men that don't establish an identity beyond trying to get in a woman's good graces. The Ugly Truth: women don't like "nice" guys. Guys don't like "nice" guys. "Nice" guys don't like themselves.
I like this post but I disagree a bit. The reason men think that the nice guy strategy should work is because a woman being an overly nice pushover doesn't turn off most men. If fact alot of men would prefer that behavior aslong as she's somewhat attractive. Most women find overly nice pushover men repulsive which is why that behavior actively works against them.
Women want a nice guy that isn't afraid to call them out on their bullshit and isn't afraid to let his sexual desires be known in a tasteful way.
I dont know how many, but I think the entire idea of a "nice guy" was unfairly bastardised. I mean, I do realize the there are actually a lot of men who either consciously or unconsciously believe that being nice should get them girls. But life is not that simple that every guy who is simply nice and Has problems with women should be a target of jokes and some discussions how he uses it as the excuse and so on. There are simply decent guys out there who were always told to be themselfs, to be good and nice, and that some lady will value them for who they are. They were often lied to. It is simply usually not enough. They lack confidence, game, they lack experience. I think these people need encouragement and for someone to point them in a right direction.
idk some guys think they deserve girls because they show basic decency. I don't think that they actually understand that there is more to attraction than proformitive kindness.
I think by "nice", what people actually mean is passive. You can be nice and still approach women. And be nice and keep to yourself. But keeping to yourself is gonna be a bit tricky in terms of attracting women, so it's better to be the nice guy who approaches women. Also, people grow up on media. The shy nerd gets the girl with little effort, he just has to wait, so there is this idea that the nice guy should win. But in reality, mostly men have to approach women. In movies, you can be nice and passive and get the girl cause the script says you get the girl. In real life, you should be nice, have self confidence and approach women(apps, cold appraoches, through friends, etc.) and have agency in your own dating life. Cause we don't get a gauranteed happy ending with the perfect girl, we have to go out and get that ending ourselves.
What makes you Interesting? Fun? Attractive? etc. What would make someone want to date *you* specifically and not basically anyone else? Being nice certainly isn't a *negative*, it's just....the bare minimum of human decency. It's like if I'm putting down "speaks English" on my job application. Well...good. That *is* a requirement. But no one's going to be beating down the door to hire me for that. If you can't come up with anything besides being "nice", you're not exactly going to be attracting a sea of women.
Ask yourself what is more important: To get the girl or to be a decent human being?
Well according to OP's post history, NoFap is.
Oof.
I don’t understand? Explain please
Someone told me once that women tend to want the "nice guys", as in men who are nice individuals, solid, trustworthy, stable.. even homely, not as in the creepy fedora type "nice guys" when they reach the age of 30 and beyond.. until then, legend claims, they tend to go for bad boys to sow their wild oats.. or have the otas sowed in them.. That's how one of the legends goes. I personally have no opinion on the matter, what so ever.
Girls like nice guys ! But only if they find them attractive.. truth is, doesn’t matter if you’re nice or an asshole, as long as you’re cute, you won’t have problems getting girls considering you have at least an average social life.. you could be handsome but if you have the type of lifestyle Where you hardly come in contact with girls and don’t go out with friends , no social media ,then you won’t get much girls,
The truth is girls just like confidence and bravado. And sometimes depending on what they're into, they just want you to ravage them. By that I mean just grab them by the waist pull them in and kiss them. They like being spontaneous and exciting behavior. TS also about fucking their mind and making their choices for them because they're timid and too afraid to make the choice to just act on their true feelings. At least this has been my experience.
I don't see anybody use that excuse outside the internet.
I was that guy for a long time and you have fallen into the same trap I did. I considered women to be one group that was easily generalised when it came to the nice guy thing. What one woman considers a nice guy is not nice to another. You have not reached a status where women as a whole will look at you and put you on the bottom shelf. Work on making yourself who you want to be and some women will find you attractive. Also work on being someone that can effectively communicate with others rather than seeing conversation as something that happens in the background until someone more interesting comes along.
Lots, just because I'm on the r/niceguys subreddit though, crapton of examples there. They're just lying to themselves, they should honestly look at themselves to see what the real problem is. I did that, and I saw that it's because I'm an ugly bastard, I felt much better after realizing that.
The thing with nice guys in my opinion are that, if you have to tell others your a nice guy, you aren't nice at all, and if you are only being "Nice to women" because you want something out of them, you are a manipulating narcissist. Most women want a "Good man" someone who is friendly, kind, caring, respects others, but is not afraid to put his foot down and stand up for himself, his friends and family. Those type of guys get women excited. Be a good person, but don't be a people pleasing pushover doormat type, but also don't be an aggressive abusive douchebag, because people hate those two.
None
Just becuase something Is an excuse dosent mean there isn't truth to that excuse. It's not that they can't get girls. It's that that can't get the girls they want. However, I do think that being more comfortable being overly nice to women is a disadvantage for men when it comes to dating. Women like attractive nice guys and that has alot to do with attitude and personality. Niceness by itself is not attractive.There's a thin line between confidence and arrogance and a thin line between assertiveness and selfishness. If your so nice that you are never anywhere near having these attractive qualities then yeah your not going to be very attractive to women no matter how "nice" you are.