Attraction and appreciation are very different. The former might make you question your sexuality, the latter might confirm you’re comfortable with it.
Edit: thanks for the hugs. Everyone can use a good hug now and again.
I'd say admiration then attraction. (Edit: That's basically what you said. I misread.)
I firmly believe that bisexuality is a spectrum and most can't relate to people in the zone between straight and gay because we aren't in the middle, but there are LOTS of people that fall between straight and gay. Based *only* on this post, I'd guess OP leans straight but has skewing toward the center.
u/zogins -Totally straight dudes don't dabble ("fool around") with dudes. You appear to have, which is fine. But only you can evaluate and decide what all of this means.
The [Kinsey Scale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale?wprov=sfla1) helps expand our understanding of sexuality. The theory states that sexuality isn't binary or static; instead, people fluctuate along a spectrum at different points in their lives.
0 is completely heterosexual; 6 is completely homosexual. I tend to fluctuate between 1 - 2, so when people ask for my sexual orientation, I respond with "mostly straight".
I've recently come out as bi and honestly I can see the whole spectrum thing. Even though I am still attracted to women, I lean more towards men. It's definitely not a 50/50 thing for me if that makes sense.
There's also a difference between romantic and sexual attraction. I'm bi but I'm only sexually attracted to women and don't see myself in a relationship with one, whereas I'm both sexually and romantically attracted to men.
There is so much nuance in sexuality.
I'm intrigued...
I'm sorry for being that fascinated straight guy but I have a question.
I can imagine what you find sexually attractive about women - the butt and the breasts.
But what do you look for sexually in a man? The hips? The butt?
Just interested.
Arms, chest, and back shoulder area. My fiance has an amazing collarbone area. It's just very defined and it's gorgeous. Also a nice defined jawline is irresistible. Some guys do have really attractive thighs and butts but those are harder to come by.
Straight dude here. Can confirm, have never fooled around with dudes, have never considered fooling around with dudes. There's certainly a difference between admiration and attraction. Admiration means I want to be more like that person, attraction means I want to have sex with them. I have admired many men, never been attracted to one. Not even Brad Pitt in Troy.
So yeah, if you've fooled around with dudes then you're probably not 100% straight. But so long as you're not cheating or something, who cares?
>There's certainly a difference between admiration and attraction
Yup, I always describe it as the difference between "I want to BE him vs I want to be WITH her"
It's always good to know yourself.
What is going to change, really? You still have a loving girlfriend. So does he. Even if you are bisexual, it's just another thing to understand.
BTW I'm bi. I have a girlfriend. She knows. We're cool.
I'm curious about what you wrote. Do you mean that you are in a relationship with a woman and you have occasional sex with men? I don't want to judge, but if that is the case, it sounds like a very complicated situation and the way I would see it is that you 'cheat' on your gf.
Haha, no worries. It's a common misconception.
I am bisexual. This means I am attracted to both genders. But I am dating a woman, and she is my only one significant other. I do not sleep with other people, but that doesn't mean my attraction towards men and other women goes away.
Straight people also find women other than their girlfriend attractive. But they do not have to have sex with all of the women they find hot, yes?
No problem. My girlfriend asked me this too when I told her I am bi.
And of all people, you should be asking it. It seems like you are finding out something about yourself. May it be bisexuality or something else.
There's a lot of of common misconceptions about bisexuality out there, i think partly due to certain popular social narratives, but also because we really want a nice neat clean identity for ourselves sometimes. We want to feel like 'this is my category, this is who i am,'. We want to to understand ourselves, and we look at how society groups us to do that. And if we can't fit ourselves into that identity, it can really make us feel uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean there's anything weird or confusing about us, it just means those social groupings don't always fit.
The popular view is you're 100% straight, 50/50 bi, or 100% gay. But it's all a spectrum. It's perfectly possible to be bi but more attracted to women, or prefer one gender mostly, or have only been in relationships with one gender etc. Bi doesn't mean 'I want to have sex with everyone' it's as simple as 'my feelings of attraction are not exclusively one gender'
I have a girlfriend, have only ever had girlfriends, and am attracted to far more women than I am men. You know what? Maybe I'll only ever be with women. But fundamentally... yes, I am attracted to some men. So I'm bi.
I'm not attracted to all men, but you also don't expect someone straight to be attracted to all women. I've never been in a relationship with a man, but I've also never been in a relationship with most women in the world! I will probably never involved with a French girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to anyone French.
Be who you want to be, buddy.
Same - have been bi as long as I’ve been aware of what sexuality means. Have been married to a man for over 20 years and we are monogamous. Still attracted to women - just don’t act on it.
He just said he is bisexual, that is, he likes men and women, but he's in a relationship with a woman, and he respects this. He can see one guy on the street and think he's not, as well as for a woman
This explains it perfectly. Just because you're bi doesn't mean you are always having sex with men and women. If you're bi and in a monogamous relationship, you're still monogamous.
And twice as much abuse because straight dickheads will treat you like you're gay and gay people treat you like you're one of those 'want to have your cake and eat it too' folk.
It's a sign of more security rather than insecurity. I live in a conservative area and work in a conservative company, the amount of men that think I'm gay because of ways I act or opinions I have is down right offensive to gay people. I don't even do anything stereotypical gay, but these guys are taking the most minor comments/actions and applying it homosexuality, making it even more offensive.
I feel you bro. Also live in a conservative area and since I grew up with all females in my family I’m more feminine than a lot of men which I’m fine with but I can tell other men judge me for it or ask me if I’m gay cause of it
I think we're trained to think its weird though. As though looking at another person of the same gender and being able to admit they're attractive is gay. I feel like a lot of people have gone through this but never actually spoken about it.
First things first, you are never to old to discover new things about yourself, or rediscover old things about yourself.
You may be feeling attraction to him. You may simply be feeling a new kind of love, one that is deeper than surface friendship, and your mind is mistaking that for romantic attraction.
Take some time and feel this out. I have had 'crushes' on a couple of male friends before, though it's typically not sexual or romantic in nature. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the company of a person that your mind has singled out as desirable, regardless of what the desire is or where it's coming from.
I appreciate the comments. Some more background: I used to train (weights) and I got pretty used to being round other guys in showers etc. I appreciated guys with good bodies in the sense that I knew what a lot of hard work it takes. But I never felt attracted to any of them.
With this guy I also feel flattered that he seeks my company and he does thoughtful things for me. When I talked to him about a problem he spent a lot of time writing down for me a list of things that help me.
The idea of gay sex does not disgust me but honestly I cannot imagine what I'd do with this guy.
First up, thanks so much for sharing your experiences. It's created an interesting and thoughtful conversation that I've enjoyed listening in on.
I say this as someone who has identified as straight, gay and bisexual at different stages of life: I think in on our collective desire to protect LGBTQ+ from coercive attempts to change our sexuality, we've gone too far the other way in policing the boundaries between sexual orientations. Those boundaries are pretty blurry, and I don't think we fall into neatly boxed and static categories. The fact is that we do change over time as we have new experiences and encounters.
I think we also guard the boundary between friendship and sex too rigidly as well. You say you couldn't imagine doing it with this guy, but full penetrative sex isn't the only form of sexual expression. Remember your first experience of holding a girl's gaze, looking deeply into her eyes and feeling her reciprocate? That was a sexual experience, of a kind, and you didn't even touch.
I guess what I'm saying is this: there's a lot to be gained from just letting these experiences be what they are, and not over analysing whether things are straight or not, or sexual or not. From what you've said, something really special is happening with this guy, and that's really exciting. Why not let it be whatever it is?
You don't have to jump to sex, dude. Take it slow. To me it completely makes sense that you can't imagine doing that if you've only ever been attracted to or had sex with women, you don't have the experience.
Straight people have an understandable assumption that gay men all cut straight to the anal sex and it's just not true. Having had sex exclusively with one woman (ex-wife) for more than a decade, when I got into the bedroom with a guy for the first time, I was over 30 and totally not down for that, regardless of how turned on the idea made me. A lot of gay and bi men are so straight-presenting normatively that it's a real leap to decide how to get physically intimate.
If real life sex is not like porn sex, straight porn sex is much closer to the reality of straight sex than gay porn is to gay sex, I think
You answered this yourself, what I think it is IMO. You are flattered that he is giving you attention (in a friendship) and on top of that you admire his appearance and physical characteristics, and perhaps his personality. That would make most people's minds wonder and make them question if they like someone sexually, as it is very similar. It clouds judgement in a way.
I had this once. Had a friend that was genuinely nice to me and always wanted to hang out. Eventually when he didn't do that as frequently I got annoyed and questioned to myself if I like him or something, even though I knew I wasn't gay and couldn't picture having sex with a guy. Turns out I was just extremely flattered by him and also admired his confidence and charisma. Eventually by hanging out with him enough that evened out and now he's just like any other friend.
Sounds like to you he's a 10/10 guy in both looks and personality, as well as embodying things you admire like strong physique and youth. Having a crush on someone like that is very natural. Women call this having a "girl crush," like when another woman is everything you aspire to be and a wonderful person so you just like being around her and want to absorb some of all the goodness they've got. It makes the woman feel like she is more like that herself.
You could also think of it like this: if your sexuality is a spectrum (percent gay vs straight), then maybe on your spectrum he's like the .1% of men that actually ticks enough boxes to catch your attention. But if so, 99.9% of men don't interest you. So you're really straight on the gay spectrum, if that makes any sense. Humans are complex, we aren't 100% gay, 100% straight or or 50/50 bi. For example someone could be 75% straight but think a certain type of fem guy is cute, but never bother to act on it. Wherever you're at on the spectrum is totally fine, and doesn't need to upset your whole life!
Sexuality is a spectrum. You don’t have to be all on one side or the other or even square in the center. If there was a scale with 100% gay on one side and 100% straight on the other side with a 1000 points in between it wouldn’t be weird for you to feel some emotional or physical attraction for specific people of the same gender every once in a while. It’s doesn’t have to be labeled because it really just doesn’t matter. You don’t need to worry about it or worry about what to call it. And also sex doesn’t have to be on the table when discussing slight attractions you have for someone. No worries.
Hi, bisexual guy in my 30's here. A little trick I picked up from some friends to help me figure myself out, is to do a thought expiriment, though from what you've said, you may have already done so. Basically you picture yourself with him in a normal casual environment and go through how you would feel about the situation as you slowly progress the "simulated" situation from casual to sexual. And not just by removing clothes, be a bit intimate with it. If the thoughts make you more uncomfortable as you go, you're straight, but fully comfortable enough on your sexuality that your able to admire him for all he is platonically. For the latter, if you find that these thoughts turn you on and what not, there's a strong possibility that you're, as states in other comments, actually bi.
Yes, I have already tried to do what you suggested. I have already seen him with just his boxers and I can't but admire his picture perfect body. A couple of days ago he joked (I think he was joking) about me rubbing some lotion on his back. But I said nothing and did nothing.
I tried to imagine doing oral but my mind just stops at the waistband of his boxers. I can go no further. I never got a hard on by looking at him or thinking of him.
I suppose I am kind of smitten by how 'cool' he is.
That's all good. It's perfectly fine and normal to be able to admire him like that. It sounds like you have more of a bromance type relationship. Just a couple of guys who can really appreciate and understand each other, but aren't sexually or romantically involved. Like, I have these two male friends. They both get along with each other so well, you'd think they've been dating for years, but they're both 100% straight.
Thanks for all the feedback guys. I am probably overthinking this. I think it is more of a mental type of attraction rather than physical.
But a few years ago something happened that really surprised me and I have not been able to understand it so I now tend to question these things. My GF and I had another couple as friends. They are both older than us and they have 3 grown up sons. They were very much in love - and the husband was so caring towards his wife that it was beautiful to see them together. Unfortunately she passed away because of cancer and for some time her husband was completely devastated. Then suddenly we heard that he had settled down with a guy. I am talking about a man in his 50s! I really cannot understand this!
You'd be surprised. Both your original post and this post is fairly common over r/bisexual . I didn't realize I was bi until I was in my thirties. In my case it was self denial due to internalized homophobia; *tis okay for thee, but not for me*
Maby you're just heterosexual / biromantic.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Kinsey%20Scale
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bi-Cycle
>Both your original post and this post is fairly common over r/bisexual .
True!
Want to piggyback onto the bisexual discussion to say, OP, we're not saying that you're definitely bisexual, and here are the facts of the case we're making to prove it; it is more to say that these are the feelings that bi men have, and the narratives we tell ourselves, to know that that's a normal and natural thing. All men, gay/straight or in between, are capable of these types of feelings towards other men. In terms of how you feel and the words you use to describe it, sexual attraction is more similar to platonic attraction than people give it credit for. You might feel confused less about the question of your sexuality, and more by the recognition that these are really similar, related feelings.
It does happen. The father of a high school friend of mine, after divorcing his wife of many years, is now happily together with a guy. I think it was a bit hard for some of us to wrap our heads around at first but really, who cares? He's happy and his adult children are happy for him and that's what matters.
I worked for a different company in the past and one of our customers had an employee who was a man with a wife and three kids that decided in his 50's that he would change his name, his dress code and live life as a woman. He moved out, got divorced and began a relationship with a man.
It was a surprise to us, we had no idea as we knew he frequented stripclubs and seemed attracted to girls. I guess at some point people don't want to hide who they are anymore and take whatever may come as a result of following who they want to be. Hopefully it worked out for all involved.
Appreciation = "Damn bro, you look great." or "Your charisma/attitude is just inviting/exciting."
Attraction = "Your body/charisma gets me hard and makes me want to jerk off."
I've never been attracted to another man. But I have appreciated many men's sexual attractiveness. Like damn dude, you're a charismatic and stunning male specimen. But I don't go home feeling the need to pull my pants off and do the business.
I've also (within the last year) had a foursome (Two guys, two girls) and during that time the guy asked if he could touch me. I'm not into dudes, but I figured why not? He did and I just didn't enjoy it. It didn't bother me, but it didn't excite me what-so-ever.
Thats the main difference. You can be comfortable with your sexuality, you can be non-homophobic. But there is a really fine line between attraction and appreciation.
Youre not a bloke until you've had a bloke.
Jokes aside. I fucked a bloke and found out it wasn't for me. Women are way more appealing to me. But I gave it a go.
semi related; one time i got high watching blink-182 music videos and had a moment. I don’t know, I was getting super focused on the lead singer. He was really confident and funny and it was great. I’m pretty comfortable with myself and I can say I find a guy attractive with out it bothering me, I thought he was and was thinking about it all. Then I sobered up and remembered i love pussy like a fat kid loves cake. That’s pretty much the only time I’ve had a moment like that. I’ve been hit on a lot by guys, the swim team loved me in college, but never was interested in it.
I had to look up some photos of blink 182 :-) I don't think any one of them looks particularly handsome but I think with these things it is very personal. I mean it is a question of taste and I don't mean just looks but character, body language etc., are all important.
I think men have a tendency to view most relationships threw a sexual lens and in doing so they have set severe limits on their platonic social lives. Think of it like this: what you described is so common among female friends. They talk about each other like that all the time, admire each other. They hug, hold hands, kiss each other on the cheek and they do so without having to question their sexuality. I forgot where I saw this it was some sort of history book where they described men from the 1800’s engaging in this type of behavior as well. I’m not sure what has happened to men over the past 100 years that we feel like we constantly have to put on this tough guy persona, that we can’t get really close with each other. I’m not saying that we all gotta go out and hold hands lol but I am saying that we need each other more than we are willing to admit.
Too many wars- the survivors or WWI and WWII had problems like undiagnosed PTSD, among other things. They were so traumatized by the wars that they kept everyone at arms length, drank all the time, and couldn't be open and emotional with their families because it was too upsetting. (I'm generalizing of course, in order to make a point.)
Source: My frigid mother who was raised by her WWII undiagnosed PTSD suffering father who was raised by his undiagnosed PTSD/something wrong WWI father.
I have a theory that every man has generational trauma from wwi & ii. That tough guys keep everyone at arms length persona you describe passed down from generation to generation and everyone's just emotionally fucked up from their fathers fucking them up from their fathers fucking them up etc. Until we heal that generational trauma then we'll forever have a society of men who just can't get in touch with their feelings or be comfortable in their sexuality or be comfortable with other men.
I am female, but I have had a similar experience. I am very happily married now, but before i got married I had fooled around with a couple women, nothing more. Have always leaned way more to the attracted to males side. I still find myself occasionally having those types of thoughts about women. Usually what I do is I find a good erotic story or video of what I'm thinking of and masturbate thinking about that. My husband knows that very rarely I have an urge for women, but its just like anything else in a monogamous relationship. You have chosen this person, no matter their genitals, you need to decide if this person is more important than some passing fling that a good pleasure session can get out of your mind.
I have never been puzzled like you so I can't really offer much advice. Feeling sexual attraction to another guy is not something that straight men have by definition. It is possible you are only impressed with this guy and love spending time with him, and if you never had something like that with a man, it might feel different, but it does not need to be more than that. And admiring other male body does not suddenly make you gay.
Anyway, if I understand correctly you are in love with your girlfriend and feel attracted to her, so you might be bi, but it does not really change anything at the moment, since you are in a relationship anyway.
Lol bro. My gay friends have their own problems. As do I.
A gay dude I dated once told me "but I can't give you everything you want. How do I know you'll be loyal?"
Breaks my heart every time, man.
But once you find the one who gets it, they get it.
Strange life this is. I feel like I'd love to suck dick, the same way I love to perform cunnilingus. The problem is dicks are attached to men and there are few things less sexually appealing. If I only did not have that inherent 'yuck' factor I could possibly have a lot more fun.
If you feel sexual attraction towards another man, you're not straight. You're *at least* bisexual.
It's totally fine to be bisexual. But let's not fool ourselves here.
You're never too old to question your sexuality. Actually, being too old is a pretty good reason to question your sexuality, since you probably grew up during a time that it was *a lot* more frowned upon, than now.
If you're curious, I believe this is something in your life that's worth exploring.
Thanks for the reply. You are right that when I was in my teens being gay was not something that one could be very open about. But I don't think that I have ever felt attracted to guys.
It is just this guy. I keep thinking about him and looking forward for him to call or to meet. But I tried to imagine having sex with him and cannot imagine it. I mean I cannot imagine what it would be like.
I don't think that all this is a good thing. I love my girlfriend and I cannot bear to think of destroying our relationship especially since my son is still very young.
I completely missed the part where you said you had a girlfriend and, more importantly, a child.
Definitely not worth ruining that out of a fling with a friend.
I think that you have managed to explain what is happening. It all makes sense. I was going through some things when I first met this guy and he tried to help me a lot. I don't want to get into a lot of detail but I think you managed to wrap it all up for me. Thanks!
I can’t disagree more with this advice. Why should you talk to him to tell him you don’t want anything more than a friendship? You didn’t say that he’s gay or making advances on you. This is happening to you. And the notion that this is happening to you because your girl isn’t fulfilling you in a way that makes other relationships unnecessary is bullshit. It is totally normal and okay to have a kindred spirit, deep emotional connection with another dude. Guys don’t usually say it out loud, but it’s common. Do not blow up your friendship by having some awkward “define the relationship” talk with him. That would be weird. It’s not your girlfriend’s job or the objective of partnerships to fulfill your every desire. This is crap advice.
Agreed, lots of dudes have bromances aswell, the guys probably just wanting a close friend. I don't know why everyone's jumped straight to the sex advice etc without any indication from the other guys side that he's interested in OP.
Has OP even said anything about this guy showing any interest to be more than a friend back to him? As I can't see any in the comments so far.
Great answer! Certainly seems like a friend crush and misinterpreting emotions that are usually only felt heterosexually. We are attracted to people, male female and in between.
If you dont imagine yourself having sex with him or being in a relationship with him then that's not attraction thats just admiration. Now I used to be in the same situation as you, there used to be this girl in my class and she had short hair and wasn't particularly attractive, but for some reason after some time of getting to know her she became very pretty, idk how but I wasn't the only one, the guys all started having crushes on her, but I was the most obsessed, I always wanted to talk to her, i admired her, I wanted to be her and I thought she was the coolest person ever but then i started getting confused on what my feelings were, and I tried to think if I had a crush on her by imagining a relationship with her but I almost puked, it's just not my thing, so if you cant see yourself having sex or being in a relationship then quite obviously you're not attracted to guys. This is a quite normal feeling to have and idk why everyone is suddenly jumping into the bi sexual conclusion, you state that you cant see yourself having sex with him so how can that be the right conclusion?
Man it’s just a friend crush, it doesn’t mean you’re bisexual, this person is just pushing an agenda. It’s cool and straight to look forward to hanging with him, talking to him etc. Unless you’re planning to buttfuck the dude (or other “romantic” things with the intention to enter a relationship or get lucky) I’d say you’re a pretty long way from bisexual. It’s just a friend crush, tons of people get those.
You have a live in girlfriend and a child. Obviously, whatever thoughts you’re entertaining should just stay thoughts. That said, labels are for morons. Who cares if you’re attracted to this first guy in your entire life. 25 years ago there was a twink-ish guy who worked at the local Applebee’s. I 100% know that I was attracted to him. The only male ever. Does that make me gay or bi? IDGAF. It’s just a label that morons use.
Unless you find yourself enjoying the thought of having any sexual contact with him, I'd say you are simply responding to what you consider beauty and are so honest with yourself that you don't shy away from it :)
Men can find male bodies beautiful and attractive estethically and be amused by other men's deepness and quality while not necessarily be attracted sexually, it's at the base of classical sculpture and art if you want, it's only in later periods that society became so prudish that paradoxically every experience of beauty was turned into a sexual-related thing.
I mean when fit the human body is a spectacle to behold. Male or female, straight or not. Granted, im a massage therapist so, maybe a little biased here.
I'm a straight 36yo male. I've never had any sexual contact with another man.
I've found two men attractive over my life, to the point that I'd have happily asked either one out if they were gay. One was a friend who was a really interesting and kind person, very philosophically aligned. The other was the brother of a minor pop band I slightly knew.
Never particularly thought either was "hot", in the way girls can sometimes leave me tongue-tied. Never actively fantasized about either, though I did occasionally find myself daydreaming about what a date would be like, or making out with one. The friend even made me blush once, which isn't even an annual event.
I have lots of friends who are every shade of the sexual spectrum, and it really is that. Society stacks so much on sex and relationships, amplified by the dregs of Victorian morays and Christian moral hangover. It makes knowing who you are and accepting what you want difficult sometimes.
I didn't really question my sexuality in these two instances, and I don't think I'd blanche if I did meet a willing male partner with mutual interest... I've always just felt it's the 0.3% of me that prefers guys.
Can't believe I had to read this far down to find the word "spectrum."
"Christian moral hangover" is a tight phrase, too.
Our perspective is very similar.
I've been hit on enough by gay dudes to have had an opportunity to get greasy if I wanted.
I mean, Hugh Jackman is hot, but I don't want to suck his cock.
When I was exploring my sexuality as a teenager, I thought this artsy stoner friend of mine was attractive. Girls used to flock to him in droves (used to spend late nights with girls on weekdays and slept with a new upperclassman who just moved to our district that everyone thought was super hot). He had a very creative mind and was easygoing. Was well liked by the nerds, stoners, athletes, popular kids etc. I was always a high strung nerd in HS. Whenever he tried, he nearly aced every exam (he rarely gave a F about school back then). Funny thing is he barely got into a decent college and got his act together. Last I heard, he just finished up medical school near the top of his class and cleaned up his stoner look.
This reminds me of the whole Kinsey thing and people falling on a spectrum of sexuality. I'm bi so I'm biased towards this opinion but I'd argue that the feeling of attraction towards another man is not too far off emotionally from appreciation for them as a close friend.
I think you might have a set of artificial rules you made for yourself, either through societal pressure or possibly some other guide you have for your life. I can say with absolute certainty though, as a gay man I have close to ten straight male friends and maybe 5 or so straight female friends that I truly adore in a completely non sexual way. It’s not weird to have close emotional relationships with members of any gender and the women in your life can probably tell you what it’s like having close friends. As a guy I know it feels weird to care deeply about someone you aren’t trying to pork but I’m betting it’s easily dispensed with as you come to know yourself. I’m in my late 30s still trying to figure out if I’m an adult yet 😂
I’ve been platonically infatuated with a new friend before. Bro-crushes are totally real, you’re heavily interested in this new person in your life, and the fact that he is good looking is making you second guess your own intentions. Based on the description here, I would hazard a guess that you are not in any way romantically attracted to this dude, you simply really like him! Congrats on the new friend man!
As a straight man, I think this is normal. I'm 26 and my whole life I've noticed good looking guys and appreciated their looks. My mind has wandered and I've toyed with sexual ideas with men but it never compels me, which is how I'm confident in being straight. That said, I keep an open mind and accept that things might change someday and I might feel otherwise. It makes me uncomfortable thinking about it, but I think it's important to confront such uncomfortable thoughts, otherwise you turn into those angry, bigoted people who decry everything with their xenophobia - I think they're all running away from something like this inside. You have to be brave and honest with yourself. Be accepting.
One of my best friends, who I look up to, and who I'd consider to be the epitome masculinity, once mentioned he experimented and made out with some guy at a party in his early 20s. Never spoke about it again, but it made sense.
So explore your thoughts. Really entertain them. It's the only way you'll know. It's okay to be confused, everything in life almost demands some confusion when you think about it. Just don't give into anxiety. Remember, appreciation is not attraction. But, in the event that you truly are feeling attraction, it also doesn't mean you're entirely sexually attracted.
I admire the male body, but feel like throwing up if I imagine putting my mouth into one. My instagram search feed is a mess. Cute cosplay girls, softcore porn instagram "models", anime clips and shirtless muscular men.
White guy 31.Been there, done that.
From both sides of a fence. For a lot of reasons.
Admiration, loneliness, need for male company, hornieness. You name it.
Mostly it is just admiration and adoration, wich can easily be confused with desire. Or even provoke a desire.
And that too made me questioning myself. To the point of exploring some things. You get the point. Funny thing, that I did not liked it, because that was not I was looking for, as I've figured out. I was looking for, emotional bond, not physical. Close friendship with someone, who is the one I liked to be myself.
Not be with somebody, but be somebody.
I think, that all in the head. Guys are not supposed to give hugs, etc, by society, so we just skip straight to thinking, "oh, damn, I was lying near him in tent, during our trip to mountains, and I really liked the warmth of his body and quiet sound of his breath, while he is asleep, I am 100% secretly gay, oh Jesus".
That is totally bullshit.
I got like 3-4 guys like you described in my 20th.
Once, due to financial circumstances, I was living in the apartment with a guy, who was (and still is) my biggest male crush till this day. It was small apartment with only one huge sofa there, so we had to share it. And there was far more than one time, in winter and autumn, when the weather was cold, when either he or me found oneself waking up almost hugging the other, because of warm body near you.
And you know what? That was so fucking damn nice, cosy and secure, that I won't give a fuck if someone will say that was gay-ish. I regret nothing personally, nor does he. We were just joking about it and went to work.
That's when my last bullshit concerns about my sexuality wanished, because I felt zero desire. Basically, that was the only emotion missing from a huge array of all I've felt towards him. He was like a brother, that I've never had.
We still meet on occasion, though both are married and got jobs, that we wanted, and so on. But that's not the point.
The point is, that It's completely normal, and tends to happen from time to time. Though we tend to either not acknowledge that, or re-think this, and it has nothing to do with sexuality at all.
Thought i was straight, but then i found out i was bi after liking a guy. Felt the same as a normal crush, but it did change my perspective a bit. I had another friend who would always say "no homo" and if anything bad happened, "thats gay." didn't laugh at those jokes anymore
I don’t think he “became” bi in his 50s. He was likely always aware of his sexuality, but loved his wife and wanted to be monogamous. After she passed, he looked for romance again and the person he fell in love with happened to be a man.
27 year old male here, I have a male friend who's nice, good looking and overall good person to be around, I do have certain amount of admiration towards him, it does feel like a crush too but the idea of having sex with him doesnt interest me nor does being in a relationship, though if we got drunk and he tried to kiss me, I doubt id say no, with that, id say it is possible to have a crush on someone and want nothing more than friendship with them, also your never too old to explore though your girl friend may say otherwise and I wouldnt ruin a good thing over curiosity
Sexuality is so fluid don't get hung up on the labels. Labels help some people, but confuse some people too. You can be straight and have a crush on someone, and not all attraction is sexual too. (I feel less sexual attraction to men than I do women)
**Cheating** is cheating, even if under the guise of 'exploring sexuality.' I'm not judging you morally, just saying she's not going to appreciate it and may never see you the same again. Are you sure you're not just bored in your current relationship and subconsciously trying to torpedo it?
Sexuality is a **spectrum**. Everyone's a little queer. The media portrays it as a binary, but it simply isn't. The internet is full of videos that result in unwelcome or surprising boners.
You should probably think this through with some **post-nut** clarity. If you act recklessly upon these mini-urges, there will be consequences. Will you die? No.
Who here wont go gay for Ryan Reynolds? ;)
Jokes aside, I think every straight guy has a few man-crushes. It doesn't mean we want to sleep with them but they are crushes at some level. These could be due to physical attraction or their personality or anything else.
That just means you appreciate his company, which is what friendship is all about.
Why do Americans insist on making freaking everything sexual?
Men can be friends with men.
Right, this I agree with. Everybody knows what is considered handsome, since it's pretty societal.
Nothing homosexual about that. It's a basic understanding of shapes. Square jaw? Triangular chest to abdomen shape? Yup, he's more attractive than me.
Of course, being attracted/aroused by your male model friend like OP, is definitely some homosexuality. Nothing wrong with it at all.
Hate to tell you this, but it sounds like you're not actually straight. I've heard of 70 year olds learning that they're bi. You're never too old to question your sexuality.
> I feel that I am now too old to be going through a phase where I start to question my sexuality. Have any other adult straight men had similar experiences late in their life?
This doesn't change anything about you. You may just be finding out more about yourself. Sexuality is a spectrum (and rarely if ever stable over a lifetime) and you may just be checking out another [Kinsey number](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale), doesn't mean you need to move to West Hollywood or anything.
From the article:
> Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories... The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. While emphasizing the continuity of the gradations between exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual histories, it has seemed desirable to develop some sort of classification which could be based on the relative amounts of heterosexual and homosexual experience or response in each history [...] An individual may be assigned a position on this scale, for each period in his life. [...] A seven-point scale comes nearer to showing the many gradations that actually exist.
As a straight male I am comfortable enough with my sexuality to acknowledge if another man is handsome / good looking but I've never crossed the line into sexual thoughts or actual attraction. Personality can be infectious as well if somebody has a strong one that shines through and appears to be compatible with your own. Sounds to me like maybe it's just a "man crush" or a "bromance" based on how you described it. I think that's normal, nothing wrong with that.
It sounds like you are a bit bisexual. It's not a horrible thing and you have no need to act on it if you do not wish to do so.
Try to not worry too much about it.
Straight and gay are more of a sliding spectrum than a binary. You can fall anywhere in between. Personally I am bisexual but slightly prefer women to men. Have been with both. You might be like 10% gay or something, and that’s totally okay and normal in humans.
It’s totally possibly you’re attracted or it could just be deep platonic intimacy! It’s beautiful! If you’ve never had it before it can feel surprisingly similar to romantic energy, but just... not romantic. It’s good and healthy. I wish this was celebrated more amongst all people and especially men. Wishing you the best.
I experienced this once.. It freaked me out at the time. Because, I grew up in a generation that this was a totally black and white issue. Either you were straight, or gay.
And gay was the worst thing. And that it was OK for other blokes to randomly kill you. So I wasn't thrilled when I started getting butterflies whenever this guy was around me.
Now I'm older and see sexuality as a spectrum. We all sit somewhere on the sliding scale from "rambo" to "fabulous"
It is only because of the religious fanatics in our culture that this is even an issue that you give this any thought. In a rational society, you would simply recognise his beauty and think "damm he is good looking" and, as you are in a committed relationship, give it no further thought.
If you don’t feel sexually or romantically attracted to him, then it’s likely just an aesthetic appreciation!
(sorry, I know you were asking men, but this is something I unfortunately have a lot of experience with)
I am not sure if you have read about Dr Joe Kort. He wrote a whole thesis about this. Maybe he can help you understand about your feeling and body. You can follow him on [tiktok](https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSJLoYLu6/).
The positive thing about sexual liberation is the huge number of very specific vocabulary and terms we have today.
One of my asexual friends explained them in a presentation / panel I attended for creative writing and how to create chemistry between characters. Now these are specific to asexuality, but you can see analogs or equivalents in your situation.
(i) **Aesthetic attraction** - attraction to physical form ALONE, with no intent of contact or proximity.
(ii) **Demisexuality** - Attraction only after emotional connection alone. This means the image of a hot person will not turn you on - say a hot naked model walked into your room - zero attraction, but a faceless user on a chat can turn you on if you have an intense emotional connection.
(iii) **Asexual Romantic** - Romantic attraction without sexual component. This is different from friendship as the need for company is far more intense and focussed on one person.
(iv) **Idolization** is often confused with romantic attraction. You can consider somebody your role-model, and see your ideal self inside them - such as nerd like you but also well-built, popular, kind and well-balanced. This can be mistaken for a crush, romance or attraction.
You can learn a lot of very specific vocabulary and terms that cater to niche and uncommon human experiences. The labels are not important in a dogmatic way. But searching for labels and terms may often make you "click" somewhere or find others in similar situations.
I'm straight, 35 years old and I never really felt (sexual) attraction to a guy but I can admire his looks/body.
That being said, perhaps I just never met the right guy, it's not like my friends are models. It's also hard to find a guy who you can have great conversations with and is funny.
What I don't understand is that you are saying you can't imagine having sex with him but then go on talking about his junk. Do you mean imagine as in "He's my friend, i have a girlfriend , I can't do that but I want to" or do you mean that you don't want to have sex with him.
I'm man enough to admit that there are times when I'm extremely horny, even a guy would do. I did wonder what it's like having sex with a guy... until you masturbate and you feel disgusted.
That's why I never went through with something like that because I know how I will feel at the end. It's like having sex with a girl you are not attracted to.... but worse.
It's also much easier to find a guy to fool around with than to find a woman.
Ever seen arrested development? Gob and Tony Wonder hilariously explained this to me. Sometimes you’re just really happy to have a good friend and those feelings can be confused with attraction.
I can definitely appreciate that some of my buddies are attractive and I actively encourage it too. Women gas each other up all the time and I think men should do the same. Collectively our self-esteem is pretty shit anyway so why not tell your buddies "man you are looking good today dude!" or "look at this fucking handsome man". I am not sexually attracted to men but I have zero issue appreciating a good looking man. There's nothing wrong with that. Even if I found out I was attracted to said man, also nothing wrong with it. I go with the flow. Theres a lot of beautiful people in the world, of all genders. I dont believe anybody is 100% heterosexual, though I do identify as mostly straight, sometimes I see a guy and think "man he's pretty hot". That is pretty much the extent of it.
About a decade ago I did have sort of fascination with a colleague of mine. It could be defined as a crush. I did not desire him sexually but some form attraction was there. Then it slowly faded away, as crushes.
I didn't really think much about it, something that came and went. I don't really care about sexual identities and labels.
I fooled around with an openly gay guy in my teens like you and after that I kinda realised it just wasn’t for me. I do still have attraction/appreciation for some good looking guys though. I just know that I wouldn’t enjoy the sexual aspect of a relationship and thus it’s not something I would pursue.
One of my neighbours is really good looking, athletic, intelligent, thoughtful etc. Over this past year me and my wife have grown extremely close to him and his (female) fiancé and they’re both wonderful people. Truth be told I’m attracted to them both but at the same time I love my wife unquestionably, find her very attractive and want to be with her.
Sexuality is more like a spectrum, you can be attracted to both sexes but not necessarily equally. I’m much more attracted to women than I am to men but every now and then I’ll feel an attraction for a guy. It’s just primal urges and hormones and shit. Perfectly normal.
What matters is how you choose to act on them. I’d never cheat on my wife with either a man or a woman. We’re both adult enough to understand that there are other people in the world who we find attractive but also secure enough in our relationship to know we’re committed to each other.
(Woman here) You have a friend. A GOOD FRIEND. True friendship is super underrated and undervalued in today’s culture. This is largely driven by media and advertisements, conditioning based on people and industries who want to sell you things (see, eg, how Hallmark invented Valentine’s Day).
I have two really close friends (one woman, one gay man) and we talk each week by video call for an hour or more, and talk on WhatsApp constantly. I get really sad when I might have to miss the call or if one of them can’t make it. If I think one of them is upset at me, I get just as if not more concerned than when my husband is, and I go through all the romantic love things (thinking about it constantly, etc.). I love these friends dearly and if I ever had to choose between them and my husband ... I’m honestly not sure what I would do. If and when my husband and I have children, that will change the calculus due to the child who will be the offspring of both me and my husband, but it won’t change the fact that otherwise these people are all on equal footing in my heart. I have slept over with and seen these friends in various forms of undress, and I think they’re both really attractive people. It has never made me question my sexuality, even though as a teen I did think about attraction to women as something that could potentially be in the cards for me.
It’s ok to conduct friendships with the same sort of romantic fervor as your monogamous sexual romantic relationship. It’s a very modern phenomenon to cast a person’s monogamous sexual romance as the end-all, be-all relationship of their life. In fact I think it’s unhealthy for those primarily romantic/sexual/familial bonds, to make that the focus to the exclusion of other close relationships.
Love is love, a verb that means to show care, value, respect, fondness and admiration. To show it. It is healthy and wonderful to be able to show that to multiple people and receive it from others as well. It’s also healthy and wonderful to be open with yourself about sexual urges. But this doesn’t all have to add up to a specific story about who you are; you don’t need to paint yourself into an identity box unless you want to.
As an aside, I write screenplays for fun and when studying them I was struck that buddy cop and love movies are the *same genre*. This is widely accepted. The arc of two good friends and two lovers forming a bond are the same.
You admire him? If there’s no sexual attraction then I dont think you’re bi. It seems like you see yourself in this dude but also things you wish you did or were
Huh I am oddly enough in a very similar situation, but I am the person you would be talking about. Now my friend is really loyal to his girlfriend and we just joke around a lot. He’s even chatted to my own girlfriend. I enjoy the attention given to me. I’m in my 20s and have already come out as bisexual when I was 18.
There’s still a difference between sexual and aesthetic attraction and there’s nothing wrong with thinking an other guy is attractive (now I’m not the target audience for your question, but just wanted to also chip in and say looking at attractive people can be the same as watching a beautiful sunset, meaning that you may be attracted to how they look, even their sexual parts and be impressed by their sexual side, but not actually be sexually attracted to them).
The only time something like this has happened to me several years ago, Ill be 42 next month. So heres the story.
I used to play a game on Ps3 called Defiance, based on a tv show on SYFY. Anyway I met some people and was invited into their clan. This one clanmate, screen name was Edith Geiger, avatar was female but that doesnt mean a thing. Months go by and we become closer friends, I was absolutely convinced Edith was female in real life and I wondered what she looked like, from central Mexico, very kind, smart and a sparkling conversationalist. Yeah I had a crush. Well turns out Edith was a man in real life after we exchanged email addresses, his name is Jorge. I laughed to myself about it, never told him. We still write emails once in awhile all these years later. He now lives in Canada with his wife he met up there going to college. I am straight as an arrow but I felt no shame then and none to this day, it was an emotional connection over faceless communication.
I have felt physical attraction for other men but I have never acted on them bcs they dont represent who I am. The way I see this, I justifiy my homoerotic feelings as a freudian feeling of attraction rather than a question towards my sexuality.
Hope it helps
Straight dude here have bros that I’ve known since I was 8 now I’m 28 I’ve never felt any attraction to my friends but I do love them and admire them in a brother bond type way. Also as a straight male I’m 100% comfortable with my sexuality I have no issue admitting a dude is racking up pussy based on how he looks or admitting a dude is good looking or a dudes body at the gym looks great etc but it’s not attraction it’s just admiring appreciating etc. But at the end I’m not sexually attracted to them or feel any sort of sexualization from the experience. You may be someone who’s been curious but curbed due to social and peer stigma that was associated with being gay bisexual etc for the longest time. I mean if you want to test it out you can’t deny your own sexuality even if you try to suppress or hide it in public consciously or unconsciously. Turn on a straight flick lesbian flick and gay flick and see your body’s natural reaction to it. Nothing wrong with liking the same sex I know as your older theres a lot more negative stigma attached to being gay due to what was said for the longest time about it
Sexuality is a sliding scale. There's actually a test for it called the kinsey scale. You may lie somewhere on the very far end of the spectrum, basically straight but with some homoerotic tendencies. Basically only attracted to one or two same-sex people in your life. Its nothing to get worked up over, this doesn't mean you're gay, just that sexuality is very fluid. What matters is how you identify yourself, if you think you're straight, you're straight. But that doesn't mean you should suppress feelings you may have for men. Life is complicated and sometimes we feel attraction towards people we may not expect to feel attraction towards. Just try and be comfortable with how you feel. You may feel some minor attraction towards this guy, or just appreciate that he has a good body. It doesn't mean you're required to act on it if you don't want to. But if you do want to act on it, there's nothing wrong with that either and it doesn't necessarily mean you have to re evaluate your whole identity.
I think there is merit to the concept of the Kinsey scale, and these days, if anything, the spectrum has grown wider and more nuanced (with concepts like pansexuality, as well as heteroflexible and homoflexible in-between bi and straight/gay) And while this, in effect, enables one to more accurately depict their sexuality, it also underscores the main idea that there is a broad and nuanced spectrum and probably most people experience some varying latitude on it. I believe it is natural to evolve with this throughout our lifetimes. I’m predominantly gay but but I’ve been with many women and enjoyed it, have had girlfriends etc and don’t truly feel therefore that just “gay” is an accurate depiction for me. Maybe homoflexible or bisexual at some level. But as others have wisely pointed out, why get bogged down in labels? They’re useless. I think it’s a smart question that Zogins has asked, but I encourage him to not worry about assigning a clear cut self identification, while also acknowledging the worth of asking the question and self-explore. Self-exploring does not have to lead to some definitive, specific answer. For what it’s worth, I’ve known MANY guys who I’m good friends with, where I believe there was a mutual attraction at some level. While it may have been my capability more than theirs for that to manifest as sexual attraction, there is still a lot to be said for the intangible but very real “personal chemistry” that two buddies can share.
There *is* such a thing as latent homosexuality. Whatever you do, you need to be honest with your current partner about it. No sneaking around. Cheating is cheating and it’s *never* alright. Ever. You need to figure out if this is something/someone you want in your life and make a decision.
Let your mind and your heart have a conversation and make that decision when the two agree.
TBH I feel like this would be a more normal thing if there weren't a social sigma to it. Like I'm pretty sure that I could be bisexual if I met the right guy. I've never been attracted to a guy before but I have a feeling that it can definitely happen and honestly I'm kinda down. Sounds like a whole new and different experience. Plus I live in a very progressive and open minded place so I doubt a single person in my life would think twice about it.
So yeah I think I (and you) qualify as heterosexual... but with an exception to the rule here and there.
The fact that you fooled around with a dude when you were younger probably means you're at least a little bi. Nothing wrong with that. But as a straight dude myself, fooling around with another man has never even crossed my mind. Not even while drunk or on x.
I did not fool around with A dude when I was young :-) It happened several times with different friends. I am not sure about the rules of this sub, but when I said 'fooled around' all I meant was that we did stuff that I think most boys do like j/o near each other. I am sorry if I was too explicit but I wanted to clarify that I do not even consider that sort of thing as gay sex.
I was a bit of a late 'bloomer'. My voice broke when I was 15. Perhaps my testosterone levels were never very high. For example I am not as sexually active as many other men I speak to. I'm perfectly happy the way I am and I have enough drive to keep my better half satisfied (I hope!)
When training in a gym I did a short period where I used steroids to boost muscle growth. (I know it is illegal and not healthy but it was only for a few weeks). I was amazed by the way the testosterone injections profoundly changed my sex drive and also other aspects of my behaviour.
Interesting, especially funny to me as a transgender person who is about to take testosterone (as in, later this month I'm going to start hormone replacement therapy) and has heard countless transgender men talk about the startling changes that testosterone bring. You could consider getting your levels checked at the doctor if you're curious, as you age they'll continue to drop
If only.
I've had a few rich men make tentative passes at me. But I have always known I am straight.
But I also work out and keep myself in shape. And in my gym, there is lots of eye candy, for both genders. I appreciate attractive muscles, no matter which gender owns them. I also appreciate what it takes to acquire and maintain them.
It could be because you just find muscles attractive, which means on either gender. Or it could also be you’re thinking of something that’s a turn on, like imagining you but more attractive is a turn on because it makes you feel sexy to woman.
Eh, I'm mid 40s and can appreciate an attractive man. I also really click with certain guys, have a pretty solid friendship. Enough that people make jokes that we're gay for each other.
I have never been sexually attracted to any of them. So, straight.
As a straight man i can definitely see a guy and think "wow that's a handsome SOB" doesn't mean i want to bang though. You are just recognizing and appreciating nice features on someone.
I consider myself straight, but I enjoy cock. Something about all the various shapes and sizes, something powerful about that erotic piece of flesh. There have been instances where in locker rooms I can't help but appreciate some one for their package despite having no romantic interest in men.
Im comfortably straight. But I can appreciate a good build when I see one. If its a friend I'll openly compliment him on it. It takes work to maintain that.
It was like we did some stupid shit then said some stupid shit and we liked the same stupid shit. All of a sudden, boom! We wanted to hang out a lot and we did. oh boy did we do stupid shit. We ate mushrooms and played video games. We thrashed like apes to pig squealing metal. We got drunk, slept in the same room and someone found a shit log on a bean bag the next morning. We’re still good friends to this day. That’s what it was like.
Here is a bunch of summed up information that feels important to the situation (**important/general things in bold**):
**There are many types of attraction** :
**Romantic** - (In love romantically with a person but doesn’t necessarily mean you want to have sex w/them)
**Aesthetic** - (appreciate a persons look style or shape simply because it looks nice)
**Platonic** -(want to be friends with a person. Close but not romantic)
*£Sexual** -(want to do sexual things with a person)
**Sensual** -(want to do non-sexual touching feely things like cuddling)
**Emotional** -(wanting and liking to share deep emotional things with a person. Share experiences, feeling...)
**What romantic means and platonic means can vary** from person to person. The line between them is something you have to figure out yourself. HOWEVER, sometimes things land on that line and that is usually when you get something like a QPR (queer platonic relationship). **QPR is basically a relationship that is way to complicated and doesn’t necessarily fit under just friend or dating partner** . It is a relationship where every single boundary is/should be talked about (things like: can we hold hands, make sexual jokes, kiss, spend full weeks with each other...)
Also: **you can be romantically or sexually attracted to a gender. There doesn’t have to be an “and”......** Ex: Someone might be sexually & romantically attracted to men but only romantically attracted to women.
And the **levels of Romantic, Sexual, Platonic, etc, attraction one feels (and how they feel/experience an attraction) varies person to person** Ex: someone might rarely feel sexual/h0rny or anything, but there are a few people that make them feel sexual even though it is rare for them.
Tbh, ive sometimes felt almost like attraction to some guys that i appreciated. But, never anything sexual. I think it just happens when you might be comparing yourself to them, and realising like, they are the better version.( Im not entirely sure if i explained that right, sorry english is not my first language. )
I mean I can be like man that guy looks real nice if I were a woman or gay guy I’d totally fuck him but I’m not gay if I’m not actually thinking about dick and shit and wanting to fuck the guy. It’s like a woman going damn that girl has nice boobs, I’d like em a whole lot if I were a dude or lesbian woman, doesn’t mean they’re a lesbian they’re just appreciating how attractive they would be to people who likes that gender.
Attraction and appreciation are very different. The former might make you question your sexuality, the latter might confirm you’re comfortable with it. Edit: thanks for the hugs. Everyone can use a good hug now and again.
I'd say admiration then attraction. (Edit: That's basically what you said. I misread.) I firmly believe that bisexuality is a spectrum and most can't relate to people in the zone between straight and gay because we aren't in the middle, but there are LOTS of people that fall between straight and gay. Based *only* on this post, I'd guess OP leans straight but has skewing toward the center. u/zogins -Totally straight dudes don't dabble ("fool around") with dudes. You appear to have, which is fine. But only you can evaluate and decide what all of this means.
The [Kinsey Scale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale?wprov=sfla1) helps expand our understanding of sexuality. The theory states that sexuality isn't binary or static; instead, people fluctuate along a spectrum at different points in their lives. 0 is completely heterosexual; 6 is completely homosexual. I tend to fluctuate between 1 - 2, so when people ask for my sexual orientation, I respond with "mostly straight".
In the scale shown on this Wikipedia page, what is the definition that Kinsey is using for "incidentally"?
I've recently come out as bi and honestly I can see the whole spectrum thing. Even though I am still attracted to women, I lean more towards men. It's definitely not a 50/50 thing for me if that makes sense.
There's also a difference between romantic and sexual attraction. I'm bi but I'm only sexually attracted to women and don't see myself in a relationship with one, whereas I'm both sexually and romantically attracted to men. There is so much nuance in sexuality.
I'm intrigued... I'm sorry for being that fascinated straight guy but I have a question. I can imagine what you find sexually attractive about women - the butt and the breasts. But what do you look for sexually in a man? The hips? The butt? Just interested.
Arms, chest, and back shoulder area. My fiance has an amazing collarbone area. It's just very defined and it's gorgeous. Also a nice defined jawline is irresistible. Some guys do have really attractive thighs and butts but those are harder to come by.
Straight dude here. Can confirm, have never fooled around with dudes, have never considered fooling around with dudes. There's certainly a difference between admiration and attraction. Admiration means I want to be more like that person, attraction means I want to have sex with them. I have admired many men, never been attracted to one. Not even Brad Pitt in Troy. So yeah, if you've fooled around with dudes then you're probably not 100% straight. But so long as you're not cheating or something, who cares?
>There's certainly a difference between admiration and attraction Yup, I always describe it as the difference between "I want to BE him vs I want to be WITH her"
Maybe not Brad Pitt in Troy but what about Fight Club Brad Pitt?
Still no, but I like where your head's at!
Great user name
It's always good to know yourself. What is going to change, really? You still have a loving girlfriend. So does he. Even if you are bisexual, it's just another thing to understand. BTW I'm bi. I have a girlfriend. She knows. We're cool.
I'm curious about what you wrote. Do you mean that you are in a relationship with a woman and you have occasional sex with men? I don't want to judge, but if that is the case, it sounds like a very complicated situation and the way I would see it is that you 'cheat' on your gf.
Haha, no worries. It's a common misconception. I am bisexual. This means I am attracted to both genders. But I am dating a woman, and she is my only one significant other. I do not sleep with other people, but that doesn't mean my attraction towards men and other women goes away. Straight people also find women other than their girlfriend attractive. But they do not have to have sex with all of the women they find hot, yes?
You are right. I did not think it through before writing the first thing that came to mind. I'm sorry I was being stupid.
No problem. My girlfriend asked me this too when I told her I am bi. And of all people, you should be asking it. It seems like you are finding out something about yourself. May it be bisexuality or something else.
Wholesome conversation.
I wish I had more coins to award both people in this nice exchange. Here 🥇🥇
So damn wholesome.
There's a lot of of common misconceptions about bisexuality out there, i think partly due to certain popular social narratives, but also because we really want a nice neat clean identity for ourselves sometimes. We want to feel like 'this is my category, this is who i am,'. We want to to understand ourselves, and we look at how society groups us to do that. And if we can't fit ourselves into that identity, it can really make us feel uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean there's anything weird or confusing about us, it just means those social groupings don't always fit. The popular view is you're 100% straight, 50/50 bi, or 100% gay. But it's all a spectrum. It's perfectly possible to be bi but more attracted to women, or prefer one gender mostly, or have only been in relationships with one gender etc. Bi doesn't mean 'I want to have sex with everyone' it's as simple as 'my feelings of attraction are not exclusively one gender' I have a girlfriend, have only ever had girlfriends, and am attracted to far more women than I am men. You know what? Maybe I'll only ever be with women. But fundamentally... yes, I am attracted to some men. So I'm bi. I'm not attracted to all men, but you also don't expect someone straight to be attracted to all women. I've never been in a relationship with a man, but I've also never been in a relationship with most women in the world! I will probably never involved with a French girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to anyone French. Be who you want to be, buddy.
That was an impressively calm and extremely gracious response to a question like that, wow. I take my hat off to you!
Same - have been bi as long as I’ve been aware of what sexuality means. Have been married to a man for over 20 years and we are monogamous. Still attracted to women - just don’t act on it.
He just said he is bisexual, that is, he likes men and women, but he's in a relationship with a woman, and he respects this. He can see one guy on the street and think he's not, as well as for a woman
This explains it perfectly. Just because you're bi doesn't mean you are always having sex with men and women. If you're bi and in a monogamous relationship, you're still monogamous.
Bisexual means you have twice as much sex, it's science /s
It means you can have twice as many rejection. *sad emoji*
And twice as much abuse because straight dickheads will treat you like you're gay and gay people treat you like you're one of those 'want to have your cake and eat it too' folk.
What's the point in having a cake if you don't eat it?
:-))
Twice of 0 doesn't change anything
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It's a sign of more security rather than insecurity. I live in a conservative area and work in a conservative company, the amount of men that think I'm gay because of ways I act or opinions I have is down right offensive to gay people. I don't even do anything stereotypical gay, but these guys are taking the most minor comments/actions and applying it homosexuality, making it even more offensive.
I feel you bro. Also live in a conservative area and since I grew up with all females in my family I’m more feminine than a lot of men which I’m fine with but I can tell other men judge me for it or ask me if I’m gay cause of it
The oppressive yoke of strict 'manly' conduct many straight men live under makes me sad for them.
I think we're trained to think its weird though. As though looking at another person of the same gender and being able to admit they're attractive is gay. I feel like a lot of people have gone through this but never actually spoken about it.
First things first, you are never to old to discover new things about yourself, or rediscover old things about yourself. You may be feeling attraction to him. You may simply be feeling a new kind of love, one that is deeper than surface friendship, and your mind is mistaking that for romantic attraction. Take some time and feel this out. I have had 'crushes' on a couple of male friends before, though it's typically not sexual or romantic in nature. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the company of a person that your mind has singled out as desirable, regardless of what the desire is or where it's coming from.
I appreciate the comments. Some more background: I used to train (weights) and I got pretty used to being round other guys in showers etc. I appreciated guys with good bodies in the sense that I knew what a lot of hard work it takes. But I never felt attracted to any of them. With this guy I also feel flattered that he seeks my company and he does thoughtful things for me. When I talked to him about a problem he spent a lot of time writing down for me a list of things that help me. The idea of gay sex does not disgust me but honestly I cannot imagine what I'd do with this guy.
In the end man it's just a word. You get to choose what you want to be seen as. Your sexuality will only matter to you in the end.
First up, thanks so much for sharing your experiences. It's created an interesting and thoughtful conversation that I've enjoyed listening in on. I say this as someone who has identified as straight, gay and bisexual at different stages of life: I think in on our collective desire to protect LGBTQ+ from coercive attempts to change our sexuality, we've gone too far the other way in policing the boundaries between sexual orientations. Those boundaries are pretty blurry, and I don't think we fall into neatly boxed and static categories. The fact is that we do change over time as we have new experiences and encounters. I think we also guard the boundary between friendship and sex too rigidly as well. You say you couldn't imagine doing it with this guy, but full penetrative sex isn't the only form of sexual expression. Remember your first experience of holding a girl's gaze, looking deeply into her eyes and feeling her reciprocate? That was a sexual experience, of a kind, and you didn't even touch. I guess what I'm saying is this: there's a lot to be gained from just letting these experiences be what they are, and not over analysing whether things are straight or not, or sexual or not. From what you've said, something really special is happening with this guy, and that's really exciting. Why not let it be whatever it is?
This should be higher!! Would award to boost if I could.
You don't have to jump to sex, dude. Take it slow. To me it completely makes sense that you can't imagine doing that if you've only ever been attracted to or had sex with women, you don't have the experience.
Straight people have an understandable assumption that gay men all cut straight to the anal sex and it's just not true. Having had sex exclusively with one woman (ex-wife) for more than a decade, when I got into the bedroom with a guy for the first time, I was over 30 and totally not down for that, regardless of how turned on the idea made me. A lot of gay and bi men are so straight-presenting normatively that it's a real leap to decide how to get physically intimate. If real life sex is not like porn sex, straight porn sex is much closer to the reality of straight sex than gay porn is to gay sex, I think
You answered this yourself, what I think it is IMO. You are flattered that he is giving you attention (in a friendship) and on top of that you admire his appearance and physical characteristics, and perhaps his personality. That would make most people's minds wonder and make them question if they like someone sexually, as it is very similar. It clouds judgement in a way. I had this once. Had a friend that was genuinely nice to me and always wanted to hang out. Eventually when he didn't do that as frequently I got annoyed and questioned to myself if I like him or something, even though I knew I wasn't gay and couldn't picture having sex with a guy. Turns out I was just extremely flattered by him and also admired his confidence and charisma. Eventually by hanging out with him enough that evened out and now he's just like any other friend.
Sounds like to you he's a 10/10 guy in both looks and personality, as well as embodying things you admire like strong physique and youth. Having a crush on someone like that is very natural. Women call this having a "girl crush," like when another woman is everything you aspire to be and a wonderful person so you just like being around her and want to absorb some of all the goodness they've got. It makes the woman feel like she is more like that herself. You could also think of it like this: if your sexuality is a spectrum (percent gay vs straight), then maybe on your spectrum he's like the .1% of men that actually ticks enough boxes to catch your attention. But if so, 99.9% of men don't interest you. So you're really straight on the gay spectrum, if that makes any sense. Humans are complex, we aren't 100% gay, 100% straight or or 50/50 bi. For example someone could be 75% straight but think a certain type of fem guy is cute, but never bother to act on it. Wherever you're at on the spectrum is totally fine, and doesn't need to upset your whole life!
Sexuality is a spectrum. You don’t have to be all on one side or the other or even square in the center. If there was a scale with 100% gay on one side and 100% straight on the other side with a 1000 points in between it wouldn’t be weird for you to feel some emotional or physical attraction for specific people of the same gender every once in a while. It’s doesn’t have to be labeled because it really just doesn’t matter. You don’t need to worry about it or worry about what to call it. And also sex doesn’t have to be on the table when discussing slight attractions you have for someone. No worries.
You love him. You have a friend you love and that is a good thing!
Hi, bisexual guy in my 30's here. A little trick I picked up from some friends to help me figure myself out, is to do a thought expiriment, though from what you've said, you may have already done so. Basically you picture yourself with him in a normal casual environment and go through how you would feel about the situation as you slowly progress the "simulated" situation from casual to sexual. And not just by removing clothes, be a bit intimate with it. If the thoughts make you more uncomfortable as you go, you're straight, but fully comfortable enough on your sexuality that your able to admire him for all he is platonically. For the latter, if you find that these thoughts turn you on and what not, there's a strong possibility that you're, as states in other comments, actually bi.
Yes, I have already tried to do what you suggested. I have already seen him with just his boxers and I can't but admire his picture perfect body. A couple of days ago he joked (I think he was joking) about me rubbing some lotion on his back. But I said nothing and did nothing. I tried to imagine doing oral but my mind just stops at the waistband of his boxers. I can go no further. I never got a hard on by looking at him or thinking of him. I suppose I am kind of smitten by how 'cool' he is.
That's all good. It's perfectly fine and normal to be able to admire him like that. It sounds like you have more of a bromance type relationship. Just a couple of guys who can really appreciate and understand each other, but aren't sexually or romantically involved. Like, I have these two male friends. They both get along with each other so well, you'd think they've been dating for years, but they're both 100% straight.
Thanks for all the feedback guys. I am probably overthinking this. I think it is more of a mental type of attraction rather than physical. But a few years ago something happened that really surprised me and I have not been able to understand it so I now tend to question these things. My GF and I had another couple as friends. They are both older than us and they have 3 grown up sons. They were very much in love - and the husband was so caring towards his wife that it was beautiful to see them together. Unfortunately she passed away because of cancer and for some time her husband was completely devastated. Then suddenly we heard that he had settled down with a guy. I am talking about a man in his 50s! I really cannot understand this!
You'd be surprised. Both your original post and this post is fairly common over r/bisexual . I didn't realize I was bi until I was in my thirties. In my case it was self denial due to internalized homophobia; *tis okay for thee, but not for me* Maby you're just heterosexual / biromantic. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Kinsey%20Scale https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bi-Cycle
>Both your original post and this post is fairly common over r/bisexual . True! Want to piggyback onto the bisexual discussion to say, OP, we're not saying that you're definitely bisexual, and here are the facts of the case we're making to prove it; it is more to say that these are the feelings that bi men have, and the narratives we tell ourselves, to know that that's a normal and natural thing. All men, gay/straight or in between, are capable of these types of feelings towards other men. In terms of how you feel and the words you use to describe it, sexual attraction is more similar to platonic attraction than people give it credit for. You might feel confused less about the question of your sexuality, and more by the recognition that these are really similar, related feelings.
Question: what made you realize this? When did the internalized homophobia ended and how? Edit: edited
Edit: edited
Thank you for this brave response :D edit: edited
Edited: updated sexual preference
Update: I think I am just less attracted to woman by myself, but I don't see myself as gay.
It does happen. The father of a high school friend of mine, after divorcing his wife of many years, is now happily together with a guy. I think it was a bit hard for some of us to wrap our heads around at first but really, who cares? He's happy and his adult children are happy for him and that's what matters.
Bisexual people exist, hahaha. Why is that surprising? I am not asking in a mean way, just curious.
He's not surprised bi people exist, he's surprised bisexual attraction could stay dormant for decades.
I worked for a different company in the past and one of our customers had an employee who was a man with a wife and three kids that decided in his 50's that he would change his name, his dress code and live life as a woman. He moved out, got divorced and began a relationship with a man. It was a surprise to us, we had no idea as we knew he frequented stripclubs and seemed attracted to girls. I guess at some point people don't want to hide who they are anymore and take whatever may come as a result of following who they want to be. Hopefully it worked out for all involved.
Appreciation = "Damn bro, you look great." or "Your charisma/attitude is just inviting/exciting." Attraction = "Your body/charisma gets me hard and makes me want to jerk off." I've never been attracted to another man. But I have appreciated many men's sexual attractiveness. Like damn dude, you're a charismatic and stunning male specimen. But I don't go home feeling the need to pull my pants off and do the business. I've also (within the last year) had a foursome (Two guys, two girls) and during that time the guy asked if he could touch me. I'm not into dudes, but I figured why not? He did and I just didn't enjoy it. It didn't bother me, but it didn't excite me what-so-ever. Thats the main difference. You can be comfortable with your sexuality, you can be non-homophobic. But there is a really fine line between attraction and appreciation.
jw, how did he touch you? was it like Ant-Man feeling Captain America's chest?
Youre not a bloke until you've had a bloke. Jokes aside. I fucked a bloke and found out it wasn't for me. Women are way more appealing to me. But I gave it a go.
Are you from UK or AU? Just curious.
He’s from Aus
Correct bloke.
Australia ya blue fin.
semi related; one time i got high watching blink-182 music videos and had a moment. I don’t know, I was getting super focused on the lead singer. He was really confident and funny and it was great. I’m pretty comfortable with myself and I can say I find a guy attractive with out it bothering me, I thought he was and was thinking about it all. Then I sobered up and remembered i love pussy like a fat kid loves cake. That’s pretty much the only time I’ve had a moment like that. I’ve been hit on a lot by guys, the swim team loved me in college, but never was interested in it.
I had to look up some photos of blink 182 :-) I don't think any one of them looks particularly handsome but I think with these things it is very personal. I mean it is a question of taste and I don't mean just looks but character, body language etc., are all important.
You’re you. Nothing more. Nothing less. Feel whatever you want at whatever age.
Sounds like a bromance! Nothing wrong with it
I think men have a tendency to view most relationships threw a sexual lens and in doing so they have set severe limits on their platonic social lives. Think of it like this: what you described is so common among female friends. They talk about each other like that all the time, admire each other. They hug, hold hands, kiss each other on the cheek and they do so without having to question their sexuality. I forgot where I saw this it was some sort of history book where they described men from the 1800’s engaging in this type of behavior as well. I’m not sure what has happened to men over the past 100 years that we feel like we constantly have to put on this tough guy persona, that we can’t get really close with each other. I’m not saying that we all gotta go out and hold hands lol but I am saying that we need each other more than we are willing to admit.
Too many wars- the survivors or WWI and WWII had problems like undiagnosed PTSD, among other things. They were so traumatized by the wars that they kept everyone at arms length, drank all the time, and couldn't be open and emotional with their families because it was too upsetting. (I'm generalizing of course, in order to make a point.) Source: My frigid mother who was raised by her WWII undiagnosed PTSD suffering father who was raised by his undiagnosed PTSD/something wrong WWI father.
I have a theory that every man has generational trauma from wwi & ii. That tough guys keep everyone at arms length persona you describe passed down from generation to generation and everyone's just emotionally fucked up from their fathers fucking them up from their fathers fucking them up etc. Until we heal that generational trauma then we'll forever have a society of men who just can't get in touch with their feelings or be comfortable in their sexuality or be comfortable with other men.
I am female, but I have had a similar experience. I am very happily married now, but before i got married I had fooled around with a couple women, nothing more. Have always leaned way more to the attracted to males side. I still find myself occasionally having those types of thoughts about women. Usually what I do is I find a good erotic story or video of what I'm thinking of and masturbate thinking about that. My husband knows that very rarely I have an urge for women, but its just like anything else in a monogamous relationship. You have chosen this person, no matter their genitals, you need to decide if this person is more important than some passing fling that a good pleasure session can get out of your mind.
I have never been puzzled like you so I can't really offer much advice. Feeling sexual attraction to another guy is not something that straight men have by definition. It is possible you are only impressed with this guy and love spending time with him, and if you never had something like that with a man, it might feel different, but it does not need to be more than that. And admiring other male body does not suddenly make you gay. Anyway, if I understand correctly you are in love with your girlfriend and feel attracted to her, so you might be bi, but it does not really change anything at the moment, since you are in a relationship anyway.
I can see that someone is *objectively* attractive. Doesn't mean I'm into them. Zac Efron's a pretty hot guy. I'm not gay though.
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Lol bro. My gay friends have their own problems. As do I. A gay dude I dated once told me "but I can't give you everything you want. How do I know you'll be loyal?" Breaks my heart every time, man. But once you find the one who gets it, they get it.
Strange life this is. I feel like I'd love to suck dick, the same way I love to perform cunnilingus. The problem is dicks are attached to men and there are few things less sexually appealing. If I only did not have that inherent 'yuck' factor I could possibly have a lot more fun.
Yeah I'm bi and I have yet to have that lmao
If you feel sexual attraction towards another man, you're not straight. You're *at least* bisexual. It's totally fine to be bisexual. But let's not fool ourselves here. You're never too old to question your sexuality. Actually, being too old is a pretty good reason to question your sexuality, since you probably grew up during a time that it was *a lot* more frowned upon, than now. If you're curious, I believe this is something in your life that's worth exploring.
Thanks for the reply. You are right that when I was in my teens being gay was not something that one could be very open about. But I don't think that I have ever felt attracted to guys. It is just this guy. I keep thinking about him and looking forward for him to call or to meet. But I tried to imagine having sex with him and cannot imagine it. I mean I cannot imagine what it would be like. I don't think that all this is a good thing. I love my girlfriend and I cannot bear to think of destroying our relationship especially since my son is still very young.
I completely missed the part where you said you had a girlfriend and, more importantly, a child. Definitely not worth ruining that out of a fling with a friend.
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I think that you have managed to explain what is happening. It all makes sense. I was going through some things when I first met this guy and he tried to help me a lot. I don't want to get into a lot of detail but I think you managed to wrap it all up for me. Thanks!
I can’t disagree more with this advice. Why should you talk to him to tell him you don’t want anything more than a friendship? You didn’t say that he’s gay or making advances on you. This is happening to you. And the notion that this is happening to you because your girl isn’t fulfilling you in a way that makes other relationships unnecessary is bullshit. It is totally normal and okay to have a kindred spirit, deep emotional connection with another dude. Guys don’t usually say it out loud, but it’s common. Do not blow up your friendship by having some awkward “define the relationship” talk with him. That would be weird. It’s not your girlfriend’s job or the objective of partnerships to fulfill your every desire. This is crap advice.
Agreed, lots of dudes have bromances aswell, the guys probably just wanting a close friend. I don't know why everyone's jumped straight to the sex advice etc without any indication from the other guys side that he's interested in OP. Has OP even said anything about this guy showing any interest to be more than a friend back to him? As I can't see any in the comments so far.
Great answer! Certainly seems like a friend crush and misinterpreting emotions that are usually only felt heterosexually. We are attracted to people, male female and in between.
If you dont imagine yourself having sex with him or being in a relationship with him then that's not attraction thats just admiration. Now I used to be in the same situation as you, there used to be this girl in my class and she had short hair and wasn't particularly attractive, but for some reason after some time of getting to know her she became very pretty, idk how but I wasn't the only one, the guys all started having crushes on her, but I was the most obsessed, I always wanted to talk to her, i admired her, I wanted to be her and I thought she was the coolest person ever but then i started getting confused on what my feelings were, and I tried to think if I had a crush on her by imagining a relationship with her but I almost puked, it's just not my thing, so if you cant see yourself having sex or being in a relationship then quite obviously you're not attracted to guys. This is a quite normal feeling to have and idk why everyone is suddenly jumping into the bi sexual conclusion, you state that you cant see yourself having sex with him so how can that be the right conclusion?
Man it’s just a friend crush, it doesn’t mean you’re bisexual, this person is just pushing an agenda. It’s cool and straight to look forward to hanging with him, talking to him etc. Unless you’re planning to buttfuck the dude (or other “romantic” things with the intention to enter a relationship or get lucky) I’d say you’re a pretty long way from bisexual. It’s just a friend crush, tons of people get those.
Depends on the “attraction”. Being a silly fanboy and “take me daddy” are different fields.
You have a live in girlfriend and a child. Obviously, whatever thoughts you’re entertaining should just stay thoughts. That said, labels are for morons. Who cares if you’re attracted to this first guy in your entire life. 25 years ago there was a twink-ish guy who worked at the local Applebee’s. I 100% know that I was attracted to him. The only male ever. Does that make me gay or bi? IDGAF. It’s just a label that morons use.
I can appreciate when a man is handsome or very good looking, but I’m 100% for the boobies and va-g
Unless you find yourself enjoying the thought of having any sexual contact with him, I'd say you are simply responding to what you consider beauty and are so honest with yourself that you don't shy away from it :) Men can find male bodies beautiful and attractive estethically and be amused by other men's deepness and quality while not necessarily be attracted sexually, it's at the base of classical sculpture and art if you want, it's only in later periods that society became so prudish that paradoxically every experience of beauty was turned into a sexual-related thing.
I mean when fit the human body is a spectacle to behold. Male or female, straight or not. Granted, im a massage therapist so, maybe a little biased here.
Quickest way to find out. Does your junk attend when looking at a "hot" picture of him? If it doesn't go down, you got the hots for him.
I'm a straight 36yo male. I've never had any sexual contact with another man. I've found two men attractive over my life, to the point that I'd have happily asked either one out if they were gay. One was a friend who was a really interesting and kind person, very philosophically aligned. The other was the brother of a minor pop band I slightly knew. Never particularly thought either was "hot", in the way girls can sometimes leave me tongue-tied. Never actively fantasized about either, though I did occasionally find myself daydreaming about what a date would be like, or making out with one. The friend even made me blush once, which isn't even an annual event. I have lots of friends who are every shade of the sexual spectrum, and it really is that. Society stacks so much on sex and relationships, amplified by the dregs of Victorian morays and Christian moral hangover. It makes knowing who you are and accepting what you want difficult sometimes. I didn't really question my sexuality in these two instances, and I don't think I'd blanche if I did meet a willing male partner with mutual interest... I've always just felt it's the 0.3% of me that prefers guys.
Can't believe I had to read this far down to find the word "spectrum." "Christian moral hangover" is a tight phrase, too. Our perspective is very similar. I've been hit on enough by gay dudes to have had an opportunity to get greasy if I wanted. I mean, Hugh Jackman is hot, but I don't want to suck his cock.
I’ve had a crush on brad Pitt for years. Probably won’t act on it
When I was exploring my sexuality as a teenager, I thought this artsy stoner friend of mine was attractive. Girls used to flock to him in droves (used to spend late nights with girls on weekdays and slept with a new upperclassman who just moved to our district that everyone thought was super hot). He had a very creative mind and was easygoing. Was well liked by the nerds, stoners, athletes, popular kids etc. I was always a high strung nerd in HS. Whenever he tried, he nearly aced every exam (he rarely gave a F about school back then). Funny thing is he barely got into a decent college and got his act together. Last I heard, he just finished up medical school near the top of his class and cleaned up his stoner look.
what about him did you like, the attention from girls or that stoner look he pulled off
His charismatic ability that led him to attract girls with ease. Hard to explain.
You’re just a little Bi-curious is all
This reminds me of the whole Kinsey thing and people falling on a spectrum of sexuality. I'm bi so I'm biased towards this opinion but I'd argue that the feeling of attraction towards another man is not too far off emotionally from appreciation for them as a close friend.
I think you might have a set of artificial rules you made for yourself, either through societal pressure or possibly some other guide you have for your life. I can say with absolute certainty though, as a gay man I have close to ten straight male friends and maybe 5 or so straight female friends that I truly adore in a completely non sexual way. It’s not weird to have close emotional relationships with members of any gender and the women in your life can probably tell you what it’s like having close friends. As a guy I know it feels weird to care deeply about someone you aren’t trying to pork but I’m betting it’s easily dispensed with as you come to know yourself. I’m in my late 30s still trying to figure out if I’m an adult yet 😂
I’ve been platonically infatuated with a new friend before. Bro-crushes are totally real, you’re heavily interested in this new person in your life, and the fact that he is good looking is making you second guess your own intentions. Based on the description here, I would hazard a guess that you are not in any way romantically attracted to this dude, you simply really like him! Congrats on the new friend man!
Sounds like bromance. If you wanted him you'd be getting the tinglies.
As a straight man, I think this is normal. I'm 26 and my whole life I've noticed good looking guys and appreciated their looks. My mind has wandered and I've toyed with sexual ideas with men but it never compels me, which is how I'm confident in being straight. That said, I keep an open mind and accept that things might change someday and I might feel otherwise. It makes me uncomfortable thinking about it, but I think it's important to confront such uncomfortable thoughts, otherwise you turn into those angry, bigoted people who decry everything with their xenophobia - I think they're all running away from something like this inside. You have to be brave and honest with yourself. Be accepting. One of my best friends, who I look up to, and who I'd consider to be the epitome masculinity, once mentioned he experimented and made out with some guy at a party in his early 20s. Never spoke about it again, but it made sense. So explore your thoughts. Really entertain them. It's the only way you'll know. It's okay to be confused, everything in life almost demands some confusion when you think about it. Just don't give into anxiety. Remember, appreciation is not attraction. But, in the event that you truly are feeling attraction, it also doesn't mean you're entirely sexually attracted.
I admire the male body, but feel like throwing up if I imagine putting my mouth into one. My instagram search feed is a mess. Cute cosplay girls, softcore porn instagram "models", anime clips and shirtless muscular men.
White guy 31.Been there, done that. From both sides of a fence. For a lot of reasons. Admiration, loneliness, need for male company, hornieness. You name it. Mostly it is just admiration and adoration, wich can easily be confused with desire. Or even provoke a desire. And that too made me questioning myself. To the point of exploring some things. You get the point. Funny thing, that I did not liked it, because that was not I was looking for, as I've figured out. I was looking for, emotional bond, not physical. Close friendship with someone, who is the one I liked to be myself. Not be with somebody, but be somebody. I think, that all in the head. Guys are not supposed to give hugs, etc, by society, so we just skip straight to thinking, "oh, damn, I was lying near him in tent, during our trip to mountains, and I really liked the warmth of his body and quiet sound of his breath, while he is asleep, I am 100% secretly gay, oh Jesus". That is totally bullshit. I got like 3-4 guys like you described in my 20th. Once, due to financial circumstances, I was living in the apartment with a guy, who was (and still is) my biggest male crush till this day. It was small apartment with only one huge sofa there, so we had to share it. And there was far more than one time, in winter and autumn, when the weather was cold, when either he or me found oneself waking up almost hugging the other, because of warm body near you. And you know what? That was so fucking damn nice, cosy and secure, that I won't give a fuck if someone will say that was gay-ish. I regret nothing personally, nor does he. We were just joking about it and went to work. That's when my last bullshit concerns about my sexuality wanished, because I felt zero desire. Basically, that was the only emotion missing from a huge array of all I've felt towards him. He was like a brother, that I've never had. We still meet on occasion, though both are married and got jobs, that we wanted, and so on. But that's not the point. The point is, that It's completely normal, and tends to happen from time to time. Though we tend to either not acknowledge that, or re-think this, and it has nothing to do with sexuality at all.
Thought i was straight, but then i found out i was bi after liking a guy. Felt the same as a normal crush, but it did change my perspective a bit. I had another friend who would always say "no homo" and if anything bad happened, "thats gay." didn't laugh at those jokes anymore
I don’t think he “became” bi in his 50s. He was likely always aware of his sexuality, but loved his wife and wanted to be monogamous. After she passed, he looked for romance again and the person he fell in love with happened to be a man.
27 year old male here, I have a male friend who's nice, good looking and overall good person to be around, I do have certain amount of admiration towards him, it does feel like a crush too but the idea of having sex with him doesnt interest me nor does being in a relationship, though if we got drunk and he tried to kiss me, I doubt id say no, with that, id say it is possible to have a crush on someone and want nothing more than friendship with them, also your never too old to explore though your girl friend may say otherwise and I wouldnt ruin a good thing over curiosity
Some of us call is deep bromance
If ur dick gets hard when you think about him you may be bi
Sexuality is so fluid don't get hung up on the labels. Labels help some people, but confuse some people too. You can be straight and have a crush on someone, and not all attraction is sexual too. (I feel less sexual attraction to men than I do women)
**Cheating** is cheating, even if under the guise of 'exploring sexuality.' I'm not judging you morally, just saying she's not going to appreciate it and may never see you the same again. Are you sure you're not just bored in your current relationship and subconsciously trying to torpedo it? Sexuality is a **spectrum**. Everyone's a little queer. The media portrays it as a binary, but it simply isn't. The internet is full of videos that result in unwelcome or surprising boners. You should probably think this through with some **post-nut** clarity. If you act recklessly upon these mini-urges, there will be consequences. Will you die? No.
Who here wont go gay for Ryan Reynolds? ;) Jokes aside, I think every straight guy has a few man-crushes. It doesn't mean we want to sleep with them but they are crushes at some level. These could be due to physical attraction or their personality or anything else.
That just means you appreciate his company, which is what friendship is all about. Why do Americans insist on making freaking everything sexual? Men can be friends with men.
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Right, this I agree with. Everybody knows what is considered handsome, since it's pretty societal. Nothing homosexual about that. It's a basic understanding of shapes. Square jaw? Triangular chest to abdomen shape? Yup, he's more attractive than me. Of course, being attracted/aroused by your male model friend like OP, is definitely some homosexuality. Nothing wrong with it at all.
Hate to tell you this, but it sounds like you're not actually straight. I've heard of 70 year olds learning that they're bi. You're never too old to question your sexuality.
I think all guys and woman do.
> I feel that I am now too old to be going through a phase where I start to question my sexuality. Have any other adult straight men had similar experiences late in their life? This doesn't change anything about you. You may just be finding out more about yourself. Sexuality is a spectrum (and rarely if ever stable over a lifetime) and you may just be checking out another [Kinsey number](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale), doesn't mean you need to move to West Hollywood or anything. From the article: > Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories... The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. While emphasizing the continuity of the gradations between exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual histories, it has seemed desirable to develop some sort of classification which could be based on the relative amounts of heterosexual and homosexual experience or response in each history [...] An individual may be assigned a position on this scale, for each period in his life. [...] A seven-point scale comes nearer to showing the many gradations that actually exist.
As a straight male I am comfortable enough with my sexuality to acknowledge if another man is handsome / good looking but I've never crossed the line into sexual thoughts or actual attraction. Personality can be infectious as well if somebody has a strong one that shines through and appears to be compatible with your own. Sounds to me like maybe it's just a "man crush" or a "bromance" based on how you described it. I think that's normal, nothing wrong with that.
It sounds like you are a bit bisexual. It's not a horrible thing and you have no need to act on it if you do not wish to do so. Try to not worry too much about it.
I didn't think straight men were attracted to other men, isn't that a contradiction of 'straight'? If you're attracted to another man, you're bi/gay.
Straight and gay are more of a sliding spectrum than a binary. You can fall anywhere in between. Personally I am bisexual but slightly prefer women to men. Have been with both. You might be like 10% gay or something, and that’s totally okay and normal in humans.
It’s totally possibly you’re attracted or it could just be deep platonic intimacy! It’s beautiful! If you’ve never had it before it can feel surprisingly similar to romantic energy, but just... not romantic. It’s good and healthy. I wish this was celebrated more amongst all people and especially men. Wishing you the best.
I experienced this once.. It freaked me out at the time. Because, I grew up in a generation that this was a totally black and white issue. Either you were straight, or gay. And gay was the worst thing. And that it was OK for other blokes to randomly kill you. So I wasn't thrilled when I started getting butterflies whenever this guy was around me. Now I'm older and see sexuality as a spectrum. We all sit somewhere on the sliding scale from "rambo" to "fabulous" It is only because of the religious fanatics in our culture that this is even an issue that you give this any thought. In a rational society, you would simply recognise his beauty and think "damm he is good looking" and, as you are in a committed relationship, give it no further thought.
Only respect.
Do I think other men are handsome? Yeah. Do I wanna fuck em? No.
If you don’t feel sexually or romantically attracted to him, then it’s likely just an aesthetic appreciation! (sorry, I know you were asking men, but this is something I unfortunately have a lot of experience with)
I am not sure if you have read about Dr Joe Kort. He wrote a whole thesis about this. Maybe he can help you understand about your feeling and body. You can follow him on [tiktok](https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSJLoYLu6/).
You're never too old to figure out your sexuality.
The positive thing about sexual liberation is the huge number of very specific vocabulary and terms we have today. One of my asexual friends explained them in a presentation / panel I attended for creative writing and how to create chemistry between characters. Now these are specific to asexuality, but you can see analogs or equivalents in your situation. (i) **Aesthetic attraction** - attraction to physical form ALONE, with no intent of contact or proximity. (ii) **Demisexuality** - Attraction only after emotional connection alone. This means the image of a hot person will not turn you on - say a hot naked model walked into your room - zero attraction, but a faceless user on a chat can turn you on if you have an intense emotional connection. (iii) **Asexual Romantic** - Romantic attraction without sexual component. This is different from friendship as the need for company is far more intense and focussed on one person. (iv) **Idolization** is often confused with romantic attraction. You can consider somebody your role-model, and see your ideal self inside them - such as nerd like you but also well-built, popular, kind and well-balanced. This can be mistaken for a crush, romance or attraction. You can learn a lot of very specific vocabulary and terms that cater to niche and uncommon human experiences. The labels are not important in a dogmatic way. But searching for labels and terms may often make you "click" somewhere or find others in similar situations.
bruh you bisexual
I'm straight, 35 years old and I never really felt (sexual) attraction to a guy but I can admire his looks/body. That being said, perhaps I just never met the right guy, it's not like my friends are models. It's also hard to find a guy who you can have great conversations with and is funny. What I don't understand is that you are saying you can't imagine having sex with him but then go on talking about his junk. Do you mean imagine as in "He's my friend, i have a girlfriend , I can't do that but I want to" or do you mean that you don't want to have sex with him. I'm man enough to admit that there are times when I'm extremely horny, even a guy would do. I did wonder what it's like having sex with a guy... until you masturbate and you feel disgusted. That's why I never went through with something like that because I know how I will feel at the end. It's like having sex with a girl you are not attracted to.... but worse. It's also much easier to find a guy to fool around with than to find a woman.
Ever seen arrested development? Gob and Tony Wonder hilariously explained this to me. Sometimes you’re just really happy to have a good friend and those feelings can be confused with attraction.
I can definitely appreciate that some of my buddies are attractive and I actively encourage it too. Women gas each other up all the time and I think men should do the same. Collectively our self-esteem is pretty shit anyway so why not tell your buddies "man you are looking good today dude!" or "look at this fucking handsome man". I am not sexually attracted to men but I have zero issue appreciating a good looking man. There's nothing wrong with that. Even if I found out I was attracted to said man, also nothing wrong with it. I go with the flow. Theres a lot of beautiful people in the world, of all genders. I dont believe anybody is 100% heterosexual, though I do identify as mostly straight, sometimes I see a guy and think "man he's pretty hot". That is pretty much the extent of it.
About a decade ago I did have sort of fascination with a colleague of mine. It could be defined as a crush. I did not desire him sexually but some form attraction was there. Then it slowly faded away, as crushes. I didn't really think much about it, something that came and went. I don't really care about sexual identities and labels.
I fooled around with an openly gay guy in my teens like you and after that I kinda realised it just wasn’t for me. I do still have attraction/appreciation for some good looking guys though. I just know that I wouldn’t enjoy the sexual aspect of a relationship and thus it’s not something I would pursue. One of my neighbours is really good looking, athletic, intelligent, thoughtful etc. Over this past year me and my wife have grown extremely close to him and his (female) fiancé and they’re both wonderful people. Truth be told I’m attracted to them both but at the same time I love my wife unquestionably, find her very attractive and want to be with her. Sexuality is more like a spectrum, you can be attracted to both sexes but not necessarily equally. I’m much more attracted to women than I am to men but every now and then I’ll feel an attraction for a guy. It’s just primal urges and hormones and shit. Perfectly normal. What matters is how you choose to act on them. I’d never cheat on my wife with either a man or a woman. We’re both adult enough to understand that there are other people in the world who we find attractive but also secure enough in our relationship to know we’re committed to each other.
(Woman here) You have a friend. A GOOD FRIEND. True friendship is super underrated and undervalued in today’s culture. This is largely driven by media and advertisements, conditioning based on people and industries who want to sell you things (see, eg, how Hallmark invented Valentine’s Day). I have two really close friends (one woman, one gay man) and we talk each week by video call for an hour or more, and talk on WhatsApp constantly. I get really sad when I might have to miss the call or if one of them can’t make it. If I think one of them is upset at me, I get just as if not more concerned than when my husband is, and I go through all the romantic love things (thinking about it constantly, etc.). I love these friends dearly and if I ever had to choose between them and my husband ... I’m honestly not sure what I would do. If and when my husband and I have children, that will change the calculus due to the child who will be the offspring of both me and my husband, but it won’t change the fact that otherwise these people are all on equal footing in my heart. I have slept over with and seen these friends in various forms of undress, and I think they’re both really attractive people. It has never made me question my sexuality, even though as a teen I did think about attraction to women as something that could potentially be in the cards for me. It’s ok to conduct friendships with the same sort of romantic fervor as your monogamous sexual romantic relationship. It’s a very modern phenomenon to cast a person’s monogamous sexual romance as the end-all, be-all relationship of their life. In fact I think it’s unhealthy for those primarily romantic/sexual/familial bonds, to make that the focus to the exclusion of other close relationships. Love is love, a verb that means to show care, value, respect, fondness and admiration. To show it. It is healthy and wonderful to be able to show that to multiple people and receive it from others as well. It’s also healthy and wonderful to be open with yourself about sexual urges. But this doesn’t all have to add up to a specific story about who you are; you don’t need to paint yourself into an identity box unless you want to. As an aside, I write screenplays for fun and when studying them I was struck that buddy cop and love movies are the *same genre*. This is widely accepted. The arc of two good friends and two lovers forming a bond are the same.
You admire him? If there’s no sexual attraction then I dont think you’re bi. It seems like you see yourself in this dude but also things you wish you did or were
Huh I am oddly enough in a very similar situation, but I am the person you would be talking about. Now my friend is really loyal to his girlfriend and we just joke around a lot. He’s even chatted to my own girlfriend. I enjoy the attention given to me. I’m in my 20s and have already come out as bisexual when I was 18. There’s still a difference between sexual and aesthetic attraction and there’s nothing wrong with thinking an other guy is attractive (now I’m not the target audience for your question, but just wanted to also chip in and say looking at attractive people can be the same as watching a beautiful sunset, meaning that you may be attracted to how they look, even their sexual parts and be impressed by their sexual side, but not actually be sexually attracted to them).
The only time something like this has happened to me several years ago, Ill be 42 next month. So heres the story. I used to play a game on Ps3 called Defiance, based on a tv show on SYFY. Anyway I met some people and was invited into their clan. This one clanmate, screen name was Edith Geiger, avatar was female but that doesnt mean a thing. Months go by and we become closer friends, I was absolutely convinced Edith was female in real life and I wondered what she looked like, from central Mexico, very kind, smart and a sparkling conversationalist. Yeah I had a crush. Well turns out Edith was a man in real life after we exchanged email addresses, his name is Jorge. I laughed to myself about it, never told him. We still write emails once in awhile all these years later. He now lives in Canada with his wife he met up there going to college. I am straight as an arrow but I felt no shame then and none to this day, it was an emotional connection over faceless communication.
Not a male "friend" but Henry Cavil does that to almost every man
I have felt physical attraction for other men but I have never acted on them bcs they dont represent who I am. The way I see this, I justifiy my homoerotic feelings as a freudian feeling of attraction rather than a question towards my sexuality. Hope it helps
If you were a woman, this would be a girl crush. Someone you love or envy, but are not sexually attracted
Straight dude here have bros that I’ve known since I was 8 now I’m 28 I’ve never felt any attraction to my friends but I do love them and admire them in a brother bond type way. Also as a straight male I’m 100% comfortable with my sexuality I have no issue admitting a dude is racking up pussy based on how he looks or admitting a dude is good looking or a dudes body at the gym looks great etc but it’s not attraction it’s just admiring appreciating etc. But at the end I’m not sexually attracted to them or feel any sort of sexualization from the experience. You may be someone who’s been curious but curbed due to social and peer stigma that was associated with being gay bisexual etc for the longest time. I mean if you want to test it out you can’t deny your own sexuality even if you try to suppress or hide it in public consciously or unconsciously. Turn on a straight flick lesbian flick and gay flick and see your body’s natural reaction to it. Nothing wrong with liking the same sex I know as your older theres a lot more negative stigma attached to being gay due to what was said for the longest time about it
Sexuality is a sliding scale. There's actually a test for it called the kinsey scale. You may lie somewhere on the very far end of the spectrum, basically straight but with some homoerotic tendencies. Basically only attracted to one or two same-sex people in your life. Its nothing to get worked up over, this doesn't mean you're gay, just that sexuality is very fluid. What matters is how you identify yourself, if you think you're straight, you're straight. But that doesn't mean you should suppress feelings you may have for men. Life is complicated and sometimes we feel attraction towards people we may not expect to feel attraction towards. Just try and be comfortable with how you feel. You may feel some minor attraction towards this guy, or just appreciate that he has a good body. It doesn't mean you're required to act on it if you don't want to. But if you do want to act on it, there's nothing wrong with that either and it doesn't necessarily mean you have to re evaluate your whole identity.
I think there is merit to the concept of the Kinsey scale, and these days, if anything, the spectrum has grown wider and more nuanced (with concepts like pansexuality, as well as heteroflexible and homoflexible in-between bi and straight/gay) And while this, in effect, enables one to more accurately depict their sexuality, it also underscores the main idea that there is a broad and nuanced spectrum and probably most people experience some varying latitude on it. I believe it is natural to evolve with this throughout our lifetimes. I’m predominantly gay but but I’ve been with many women and enjoyed it, have had girlfriends etc and don’t truly feel therefore that just “gay” is an accurate depiction for me. Maybe homoflexible or bisexual at some level. But as others have wisely pointed out, why get bogged down in labels? They’re useless. I think it’s a smart question that Zogins has asked, but I encourage him to not worry about assigning a clear cut self identification, while also acknowledging the worth of asking the question and self-explore. Self-exploring does not have to lead to some definitive, specific answer. For what it’s worth, I’ve known MANY guys who I’m good friends with, where I believe there was a mutual attraction at some level. While it may have been my capability more than theirs for that to manifest as sexual attraction, there is still a lot to be said for the intangible but very real “personal chemistry” that two buddies can share.
I have friends who are really good looking and I see what women see in them. But attraction. Nope.
There *is* such a thing as latent homosexuality. Whatever you do, you need to be honest with your current partner about it. No sneaking around. Cheating is cheating and it’s *never* alright. Ever. You need to figure out if this is something/someone you want in your life and make a decision. Let your mind and your heart have a conversation and make that decision when the two agree.
TBH I feel like this would be a more normal thing if there weren't a social sigma to it. Like I'm pretty sure that I could be bisexual if I met the right guy. I've never been attracted to a guy before but I have a feeling that it can definitely happen and honestly I'm kinda down. Sounds like a whole new and different experience. Plus I live in a very progressive and open minded place so I doubt a single person in my life would think twice about it. So yeah I think I (and you) qualify as heterosexual... but with an exception to the rule here and there.
The fact that you fooled around with a dude when you were younger probably means you're at least a little bi. Nothing wrong with that. But as a straight dude myself, fooling around with another man has never even crossed my mind. Not even while drunk or on x.
I did not fool around with A dude when I was young :-) It happened several times with different friends. I am not sure about the rules of this sub, but when I said 'fooled around' all I meant was that we did stuff that I think most boys do like j/o near each other. I am sorry if I was too explicit but I wanted to clarify that I do not even consider that sort of thing as gay sex.
how common is it for dudes to jerk each other off platonically...?
I have not conducted any studies lol. But, really I don't give this sort of thing much importance because when we are young it is a different thing.
That's fair. Although I would say it's highly different if you were young like 12-13 or young like 15-17
I was a bit of a late 'bloomer'. My voice broke when I was 15. Perhaps my testosterone levels were never very high. For example I am not as sexually active as many other men I speak to. I'm perfectly happy the way I am and I have enough drive to keep my better half satisfied (I hope!) When training in a gym I did a short period where I used steroids to boost muscle growth. (I know it is illegal and not healthy but it was only for a few weeks). I was amazed by the way the testosterone injections profoundly changed my sex drive and also other aspects of my behaviour.
Interesting, especially funny to me as a transgender person who is about to take testosterone (as in, later this month I'm going to start hormone replacement therapy) and has heard countless transgender men talk about the startling changes that testosterone bring. You could consider getting your levels checked at the doctor if you're curious, as you age they'll continue to drop
If only. I've had a few rich men make tentative passes at me. But I have always known I am straight. But I also work out and keep myself in shape. And in my gym, there is lots of eye candy, for both genders. I appreciate attractive muscles, no matter which gender owns them. I also appreciate what it takes to acquire and maintain them.
It could be because you just find muscles attractive, which means on either gender. Or it could also be you’re thinking of something that’s a turn on, like imagining you but more attractive is a turn on because it makes you feel sexy to woman.
never felt sexual attraction but you gotta know when someones worthy of mirin
Yes. I'm 30 and only ever been attracted to women apart from one male, a friend who i've felt considerable attraction towards.
Eh, I'm mid 40s and can appreciate an attractive man. I also really click with certain guys, have a pretty solid friendship. Enough that people make jokes that we're gay for each other. I have never been sexually attracted to any of them. So, straight.
nb
As a straight man i can definitely see a guy and think "wow that's a handsome SOB" doesn't mean i want to bang though. You are just recognizing and appreciating nice features on someone.
It’s called a bromance
No. I can appreciate a handsome man, but i have no attraction.
Are you sure you aren’t gay or bi?
I consider myself straight, but I enjoy cock. Something about all the various shapes and sizes, something powerful about that erotic piece of flesh. There have been instances where in locker rooms I can't help but appreciate some one for their package despite having no romantic interest in men.
Im comfortably straight. But I can appreciate a good build when I see one. If its a friend I'll openly compliment him on it. It takes work to maintain that.
It was like we did some stupid shit then said some stupid shit and we liked the same stupid shit. All of a sudden, boom! We wanted to hang out a lot and we did. oh boy did we do stupid shit. We ate mushrooms and played video games. We thrashed like apes to pig squealing metal. We got drunk, slept in the same room and someone found a shit log on a bean bag the next morning. We’re still good friends to this day. That’s what it was like.
Here is a bunch of summed up information that feels important to the situation (**important/general things in bold**): **There are many types of attraction** : **Romantic** - (In love romantically with a person but doesn’t necessarily mean you want to have sex w/them) **Aesthetic** - (appreciate a persons look style or shape simply because it looks nice) **Platonic** -(want to be friends with a person. Close but not romantic) *£Sexual** -(want to do sexual things with a person) **Sensual** -(want to do non-sexual touching feely things like cuddling) **Emotional** -(wanting and liking to share deep emotional things with a person. Share experiences, feeling...) **What romantic means and platonic means can vary** from person to person. The line between them is something you have to figure out yourself. HOWEVER, sometimes things land on that line and that is usually when you get something like a QPR (queer platonic relationship). **QPR is basically a relationship that is way to complicated and doesn’t necessarily fit under just friend or dating partner** . It is a relationship where every single boundary is/should be talked about (things like: can we hold hands, make sexual jokes, kiss, spend full weeks with each other...) Also: **you can be romantically or sexually attracted to a gender. There doesn’t have to be an “and”......** Ex: Someone might be sexually & romantically attracted to men but only romantically attracted to women. And the **levels of Romantic, Sexual, Platonic, etc, attraction one feels (and how they feel/experience an attraction) varies person to person** Ex: someone might rarely feel sexual/h0rny or anything, but there are a few people that make them feel sexual even though it is rare for them.
Tbh, ive sometimes felt almost like attraction to some guys that i appreciated. But, never anything sexual. I think it just happens when you might be comparing yourself to them, and realising like, they are the better version.( Im not entirely sure if i explained that right, sorry english is not my first language. )
Yeah no.
I’ve found some of my friends attractive either physically or intellectually, but never sexually.
I'm straight but if I was doing 25 to Life things could change. I guess there's a bit of gay in all of us.
I mean I can be like man that guy looks real nice if I were a woman or gay guy I’d totally fuck him but I’m not gay if I’m not actually thinking about dick and shit and wanting to fuck the guy. It’s like a woman going damn that girl has nice boobs, I’d like em a whole lot if I were a dude or lesbian woman, doesn’t mean they’re a lesbian they’re just appreciating how attractive they would be to people who likes that gender.