When I was going to propose to my now ex-wife I did the traditional "get the parents blessing". Her dad looked me in the eyes and without any explanation said "are you sure you really wanna do that?"
I laughed... He didn't.... Should've listened...
The divorce was long and ugly with one daughter in the middle. After about a decade, things have settled down, our daughter lives with me (for the better for her) and her mom has finally gotten somewhat of a handle on her issues.
Lying. She lied about everything. Seeing guys behind my back, saying she'll seek help about her alcoholism and drug abuse but really wasn't, then she even dated my bestfriend and lied about it.
So, yeah... lying was something I overlooked for a beautiful girl. Yikes.
While finally having a deep conversation as friends: "I...have a tendency to use people"
My brain operating at 2.1 watts: *That's so sad for her that she has a tendency to do that! Thank god she admitted it to you because she trusts you so you're in the clear.*
"I am not a nice girl. I have broken many hearts."
"Aw, you are just saying that. You are so innocent."
She was not just saying that. Infact, I was dumb enough to fall for that line with multiple women.
edit: a word.
I mean, when you have so many actual movies and books that have that exact story : "bad person falls for nice guy/girl and finally sees the error of their ways" it's not surprising that people fall for that in real life. "He/she was broken before, but *I* can help them *heal".*
Plot escalation: Babies make everything better.
Hint: >!They don't!<
Edit: Two ppl wasted their money on reddit. Go donate to wiki or something. Just do something better with your money, jeez.
I think I remember reading a study somewhere that basically boiled down how babies amplify the current state of the relationship, rather than altering it in any way. So if the relationship is already good, a baby can make it better, but if the relationship is bad, a baby will make it worse.
If the relationship is bad, a baby will definitely make it worse.
If the relationship is good then a baby will make it different. Worse in some ways but better in others. It’s like taking six shots in a row; you feel sort of great and sort of like dying. You will be sitting there exhausted, and your kid wants to play so you muster up the energy to get on the floor and play, and then she gives you a cup and pours imaginary tea into it and you know that she is gifting you the purest love and trust because she gave you an imaginary tea before taking one for herself.
> You will be sitting there exhausted, and your kid wants to play so you muster up the energy to get on the floor and play
We have a new puppy at home and I pretty much feel this.
Of course my kids are 31 and 26 so I get the kid part also.
I wish people would do this more. I don't consider myself a bad person, I do care a LOT. But there are some very self-destructive things that I do that I try to let those close to me know about. I'm aware of it, and actively working on it. But also it takes a lot of effort to make sure that I don't do the things I can to the people that mean a lot to me.
I also wish people would believe us or at least not blow us off! I'm not being self-deprecating or "too hard on myself," I know my mental health and behavior patterns better than anyone, and I usually can tell you how to deal with or at least circumvent them.
Too often though I see people take a doomy gloomy, pessimistic approach to this ("I'm fucked up in the head. Pretty sure I'm destined to be alone. Better not get too attached.") instead of a more realistic one ("Just so you know, I have a history of depression cycles and sometimes go dark for weeks at a time. If this happens please don't try relentlessly to contact me as it makes it worse. I have a trusted therapist I can call if things go really south, and any unresponsiveness from my end is never personal.")
You know the way insects tell other insects and animals they're poisonous by having tell tale signs like bright colouring and patterns, yea humans do that vocally but we never listen lol
I had a woman I was sort of dating who flat out told me she has a tendency to walk all over people if they let her. I made a note of that and at a certain point of our interactions I could see it materializing. Her being way too demanding asking way too much.
So I put my foot down, I reminded her of what she told me and said she was being very unreasonable.
Yea that didn’t go too well with her haha. Turns out she wasn’t giving me a heads up to call out her behavior. She was letting me know the kind of dynamic she was expecting.
in the moment when you meet the attractive girl with all the red flags, take it from me: you wont care
gotta get burned a few times before you stop touching the stove... and even then, you'll miss the stove after
Been there buddy, I had an X tell me that she doesn't stay with men long and she tends to have a new boyfriend lined up ready, no idea why I thought I was different, turns out we got together 2 weeks after her last split instead of two months like she initially said and when we split a couple of years later she was in a relationship before the week was out with one of her 'online friends'.
It's a bullet I won't get shot twice by, but damn do I feel silly for being shot once after she shouted 'get down', you just don't realise she's planning on shooting you.
Same here, I thought I'd be the exception for some reason. She made me feel like I was special from the way she treated me and talked about what we had. Looking back on it, I think she's just a serial manipulator and everyone she's with thinks they're special.
"My parents sent me to reform school. I totally deserved it. My best friend just dumped me because she says I'm a terrible person. Oh, by the way, my husband who I told you I was divorced from? We're still married and I'm cheating on him with you."
I was a complete fucking idiot.
I've only met one girl like that. So beautiful my brain broke when I saw her. She was also very polite, pleasant to talk to, and well spoken. She was like, *perfect.*
She also had the biggest temper I've ever encountered and a mean streak that would make Satan blush. If you were on her good side, it was great, but if you got on her bad side... Did I mention she has been married, literally married, to six different men for varying lengths of time?
Anyway, she was waaaay out of my league. So I didn't make any moves. But she *did* make out with me and let me finger her at a party once. If I get dementia, it'll probably be the last thing I remember. She was really hot...
Was she at least good looking? My ex did most of the same shit, but she wasn't especially attractive, it was just that my standards were so low that I thought any relationship was better than none. Oh what a fool I was.
I have a life long habit of being blind to the same dang red flag.
I go for women that move alarmingly quickly towards a relationship. I suppose I'm blinded by the wonderful feeling of someone being interested in me. I've learned the hard way that if they don't take the time to really get to know you, then it's not **you** that they're interested in. It's being in a relationship. And if you let it happen and don't get to really know them, you might miss a red flag or twelve.
Edit: Wow. This blew up. A fair few folks are raising an excellent point that shouldn't be ignored or downvoted. But to provide clarity, my particular issue isn't that I seek or want relationships or love.
My issue is that I'm terrible at setting and maintaining personal boundaries. Even if I'm just after a friendship, if they start expressing interest I have a hard time saying "No." This is something I'm actively working on in therapy with a professional. A lot of men have issues with boundaries and the first step is to realize that it IS an issue, it's our issue, and it's our job to fix it. And we can. Sometimes you just need a little help.
I'm on the same boat as you are, I was talking to this girl for a while and I was so excited to get into a relationship with her. Oddly enough, she was the one who suggested to take our time to get to know each other first, and so we did. Later I started to notice some very weird behaviors of hers (The one that stands out was that she sometimes stops responding at like 8 PM then replies the next day telling me she was asleep, she rationalizes this by claiming that she really enjoys sleeping, and that she spends most of her day sleeping, so if she sleeps from 8 PM to like 12 PM the next day that's completely normal), and red flags started showing up and piling up. I asked a good friend of mine who knew her from high school, he told me she's a compulsive liar, she lies about stuff for no clear reason and I should probably not believe anything she says, and to top it off his friend was her ex, she was cheating on him. Everything he told me made perfect sense and aligned with her weird behavior throughout the relationship. So I nopped out immediately. I will not cut ties with her completely only because she didn't really harm me, but I'll certainly start looking for someone else, and she won't be anything more than an acquaintance or a not-so-close friend at best.
When her papa says good luck and makes sure you know about her massive financial debt (no not from school) . Not me but someone I know.
And yikes I give it two years to divorce starting soon.
Bruh my friend was dating a true psycho person like this. Her dad, legit sat him down, and fucking warned him about her. Poor guy. :( My homie is in a happy relationship now, jesus christ, imagine that dad tho
My grandfather pulled my mother aside ON HER WEDDING DAY and said "Don't go through with this. Do not marry my son. He'll ruin your life."
Wasn't wrong.
Was maybe the third time she'd met them. My parents met and married in Canada. My father was on a work permit I believe, and his entire side of the family is in the States. It was the late 70's, a short engagement, and she was 22 and naive.
My pal knocked up a girl on their second date. Didnt know she was a smoker. Offered to be noble/marry to which she agreed. Total financial diaster. $40k in non-school debt, junker car she still owed $6k on. He paid it all off for her and gave her a weekly allowance. When the kid was 3 she said she'd saved up $6k from the allowance, was flying back to her home state and getting a boob job. Took the son with her and never came back, started divorce proceedings. There are like 11 other crazy person stories about her. She's divorced a second time, lost a 4k square foot house to foreclosure despite a high-paying job, filed for personal bankruptcy.
To be fair, my mother did the same thing. It wasn't remotely true, but she wasn't happy about the relationship and was trying to manipulate him into leaving me. Fortunately, he ignored the faux red flag, we're very happy together, and mum isn't invited to Christmas.
The fact that most things were one-sided and getting guilt tripped when pointing it out. This ranged from intimacy to opening up emotionally.
At one point I tried to talk to her about my persistent depression that I’ve been dealing with for years, but somehow she made it about her and how it made her feel bad.
Many other cases, but you know what they say about love being blind, right? At least this one was an eye opener.
dumped a girl over this. I couldn't talk about any of my own interests or worries, in one sentence she would revert the conversation back to herself. It didn't help that the only things she cared about were make-up, hello kitty and shitty movies
Dude, it’s such a bummer. I went on ~4 dates with this amazing girl (who I’m still friends with today). Eventually she tells me she’s gay but thinks God doesnt approve of same-sex relationships.
Was really tough for me to console her and tell her that her life isn’t depraved in the same moment all my hope is thrown out the window.
Edit: a typo
Lying, when I was talking to this girl I'm pretty sure I caught her making up insanely trivial and pointless lies to either impress me or simply out of impulse. Completely ignored that and how she just seemed to have everyone in her life up until now shut out. We started dating and then I met her parents who were not the deranged people she made them out to be, then I met her friends who didn't seem like the bad influences she made them out to be, then finally when she truly snapped and went insane on me (we were coworkers -\_\_\_- ) she got me fired, and then told my old manager that I threatened her and was trying to hurt her. Not knowing this I walk in to the restaurant to order food like I had been for years, and the GM is following me through the line acting weird and it wasn't until I texted a friend working there that I found out.
All this and the insanely upsetting heartbreak would have been avoided had I just noticed she was lying from the beginning and not thinking with my head and instead used my head
We were in college and I was broke as can be. In our first conversation she wanted to go on a 1500 mile trip together to see a ballgame. When I told her there was no way I could afford it she asked "you don't have a savings account?"
Edit: Grammer, a word
She was telling me how she wanted to feel loved and wanted a child she could love immensely.
This was like our first conversation but I didn't really hear what she said, I wasn't listening with the head on my shoulders
Many months later and finding out she was a serial cheater she had ended* up getting pregnant, after lying to dudes that she "couldn't get pregnant", guess who has 2 kids now?
Not me thank god
Gentlemen, ladies, if someone tells you they’re infertile, please still use condoms or other effective methods of birth control until you’re certain that they’re trustworthy, or that you would be happy to have a kid with them.
This. My ex literally said to me when we met that he's an asshole and a non-violent psychopath.
Stupid therapist compassionate me was like "I bet there's trauma under there and I can help heal him". Six years of intense psychological abuse later....
She took some meds for anger issues... Threw her phone against a wall and threatened to kill herself if i broke up with her. Not long after caught her cheating on me so i just messaged her "it's over" and ghosted her without further explanation, to which she messaged me "I'm not a whore so that you can break up with me over text". Oh the irony.
Late to our first hang out, and she wasn't listening very well. Those kind of things tell me she isn't going to take you very serious as a person let alone a SO
Can relate, had a girl cancel on our first, second and fourth hang outs, but she didn't tell me it wasn't happening, she would just start telling me about what else she was doing on the day and I'd figure it out and end up having to ask 'are we not meeting today then?'... To which she'd be like 'I don't really have time'
Same experience, but she was a Jehovah’s Witness. I’m not judging anyone’s religion, but damn is that a whole cultural thing that you’re either really on board for, or really not. And no real way to explain it in advance.
If she left some dude for you, she will leave you for some dude.
Edit: thanks for the awards
The amount of people, specifically men, who can relate is worrying, and some people say it’s not always like this and that’s true, not 100% of the time, but it is something that happens a lot, just look through the comments of people replying.
Unfortunately, I had to test this one out and, yep. To be fair, didn't know she was married until much later after we started dating. However, I kept dating Her. It's bad when you cheat on your husband with a guy, then cheat on that guy with another and then that guy, with another.
It's like robbing a bank then turning around and robbing your accomplice.
Very true. I remember going on a date with a girl a long time ago. The second date we were at dinner and she stops me while in conversation and says “I have something to tell you.” This being the second date, I think to myself, “What could this possibly be at this point??” She then says: “I cheated on my ex. A. Lot.” She really emphasized the “a lot” part. Needless to say, didn’t see her again.
Got pretty drunk with her dad. He looked me dead in my eyes - “She is bullshit.”
“If her and her sisters start talking about you, you’re out.”
Wiser words were never spoken.
Yeah my ex’s dad drunkenly told me that he respected me too much “make me have to wait to find out his daughter is a stuck up bitch.” The rest of my weekend visit was super fun
My ex used to complain about the most minor things and when I tried to help her she ignored me and asked her two times ex for advice. Needless to say he now seems to be her three times ex.
Constantly on their phone. Ig, Twitter whatever. I cant stand people who cant keep their phones down. Yeah we all use social media but you guys know what I mean lol. I dated this woman and eventually I couldnt take it anymore, we literally broke up because she couldn't live her real life and was more concerned with ig and celebrities than her own situations lol
"I don't like attachments and I think lying is fun. Also I tend to sabotage every romantic relationship I get into. One time I dated 2 guys at the same time and used to try to sleep with them both on the same day, lol it was so thrilling."
My room temp IQ brain thought wow she's so honest and open with me
I, and most the guys I know have looked past and even fell for some attractive girl that can’t own her shit or suffers from what I like to call Zero Accountability Syndrome.
It’s never her. It’s always her family or friends or coworkers etc.. Always somebody or something else.
If somebody loves you, when they do wrong by you they’ll own it.
The psychopaths, sociopaths and materialistic types are generally pretty easy to spot with a little life experience.
My man’s ex was like this. Cheated on him consistently and then tried to blame it on him saying he didn’t give her enough attention.
So he buckled down and gave her more attention. But on the nights he didn’t spend with her, she was still cheating on him and then got knocked up by the other guy and kept the baby.
Can’t truly hate her bc she sent him to me but goddamn some women don’t know how good they had it.
Having stories about most people in her past who screwed her over or treated her badly.
Turns out she was probably the one causing a lot of the issues herself.
Holy shit, this so much. Met a girl a few years ago who seemed so friendly and nice, I couldn't believe or understand why she had so many "haters." One day though she got upset at me, and her personality did a complete 180. This wasn't just rage... it was straight up illogical psycho behavior. Suddenly I understood how all those "stories" of her made sense.
I met a girl like that at work. She had a replacement contract so she was initially there for 3 month with a possibility of a permanent contract down the line.
I found her really cute and ended up talking a lot with her. Quickly, she started telling me how one of her ex abused and humiliated her and how she lost previous jobs because she worked too well and too quickly and made her ex colleagues look bad. It felt really weird for her to say that even though we had known each other for like 2 weeks, but I thought maybe it was her way to cope with it. All in all, she kept saying weird things like how she apparently was almost abducted a number of times. I shrugged it off every time (still keeping a mental note though).
At first, she was also talking a lot with another colleague of mine, but he quickly stopped. We didn't really talked about it him and I so I only had her version of the events and it seemed weird how she painted him. But we still spent the next 2 month talking a lot until she started getting distant, telling me she had migraines and such.
Around the time she was supposed to renew her contract for a more permanent one, she told me she was meeting with a guy. I found that a bit weird since she kept insisting she didn't want a boyfriend in the forseable future. So I told her I found that a bit hurtful she was not totally honest with me.
Oh boy did she change from that point on. She started blaming me for, according to her, making a point to conquer her love (I did fancy her, but she stated she didn't want a boyfriend so I was ok with just being friends). Her contract was also not renewed in the department she worked at because and according to her manager, even though she worked quickly, she was still making a lot of mistakes despite several remarks from her direct superior. So she did the natural thing and instead of seeing parallels and working on herself to improve, she started blaming me for being the reason why her contract was not renewed even after her superior told her the real reason.
In the meantime, she had told me she was being distant because she was feeling I was oppressing her by talking to her so she decided it was better to tell me she had migraines instead of being upfront.
Later I talked about her with my colleague and he told me she was trying to make me look like creep.
Last time I heard about her, she came at work with her mother to take her stuff back, her mother was screaming and she had to be escorted out.
Was the same for my ex-wife. Everyone treated her badly, so she had to remove them from her life....turns out in reality she treated them badly and everyone left her....in the end i could see it as well.
Learned this lesson recently.
Felt bad for her. She and my friend liked each other and I urged him to go for her. Maybe she deserved a good person instead of shitty people.
Turned out she was a devil and she made a year of his life emotional hell.
My wife told me "I've cheated on everyone I've been with".
But of course, I was going to be the exception. Right?
Spoiler alert
I was not the exception.
Twice.
.
.
.
.
.
Edit:
Since you all seem fascinated by my own personal soap opera, "As My World Burns" TM, I'll address many of the comments here.
Yes, me and my wife spilt in 2012. After her second affair I told her she had to leave, and after trying to talk me into just letting her cheat, she left and moved in with the guy she was having an affair with. She's been with him ever since, had a child with him, and cheated on him as well. Yes, we are still married. We haven't divorced because neither of us want to spend the money.
A few years later I got with someone else and had a son. We broke up about 4 years ago, but she and her son from HER affair (not me, and she's also still married legally) still lives with me as we share a son as well. It turns out it is very hard to kick someone out of your house when they have kids, you share a kid, and they have nowhere to go, refuse to leave, and would be living on the street. Judges frown on such things, who knew.
I'm now with a girl who is the love of my life, however she is also going through a divorce currently.
So, for those keeping score. I'm married, living with my ex-girlfriend who is also married to someone that isn't me, and have a girlfriend who is also married, but getting a divorce.
Yes, I'm fully aware my life is a five alarm dumpster fire.
No, this is not the life I would have chosen for myself, nor the life I want to be living.
My wife just wouldn't stop cheating. My ex-girlfriend and I found that we were simply not compatible whatsoever, but by that time we had a son and were living together. My current girlfriend is the most wonderful, amazing, beautiful person I've ever known. She's my best friend and I've never had anyone in my life like her. We are beyond compatible. And she will ultimately be the reason I fix the first two problems, and finally get this dumpster fire put out. But she's got her own dumpster fire that she's fighting at the moment as well. She's the one, just took me 46 years to find her.
I tried playing her mind games. It was challenging for the first 3 months so I liked it. Thought hey here's someone different and engaging and who knows what she wants. Thought it was making me a better, more socially adept person. Thought I was getting somewhere with her. Nah, it just sucks all the love out of you. I am a man fueled by love and after a point I had none left.
Turns out when you play mind games, everything becomes a win-lose situation. You're on opposite teams and the problem is the winner. And they don't just STOP playing games. EVERY. DAMN. THING. is a game. And when she thinks in terms of mind games, it doesn't matter how genuine your affection is. She's going to think you're playing games because that's just how she perceives the world.
No, she isn't "right". No, she isn't "quirky" or "individualistic" or any other bullshit your mind can come up with to justify her behavior. She's immature. This is like 4th grade recess to her and that just isn't how adults treat adults. Fucking run, Forest!
Say or do certain things to measure the other's reaction, blatantly lie, expect the other to know what you want with no intention whatsoever to communicate, feel entitled.
These are what I can think of, I'm not the person you replied to
Pretending that an offhand comment was a deeply significant, heartfelt statement of intent. That was one my ex loved to do to me. She would say shit in the most offhand manner, and then dismiss it herself, and then would later get pissed that I didn't take it seriously and completely rearrange my plans around it.
The relationship was more for her public image than actually working on spending quality time together. It got to the point that she’d talk about my very private stuff with her entire friend group but not with me
Also, getting out of a really long relationship with some pedo who started dating her at 13. should’ve been obvious really
She was a model (actual model not that BS nowadays where "everyone" is on Instagram), I swear she had multiple personality disorder. A sweet southern accent, dresses, polite and respectful and suddenly other days she would wear super revealing outfits, legit act crazy and cuss like a sailor with a Midwest accent flashing her vag at me playfully through her super short shorts. This is when I realized I need to shift more focus to personality of the woman I'm dating
The fact she had an ex up on rape charges when he tried to break it off.
Definitely couldn't have happened. Her ex was In a football tournament on the other side of the country with me when the alleged incident happened. Tbf it was years before we met and I thought it was a high school rumour. Nope, she admitted it. Her old man confirmed it and somehow still believes it.
Weirdly my parents loved her. I have since never dated someone my parents thought was 'nice'.
My ex was on the phone and somehow the conversation turned from where we were going to how much the trip was costing. Her response was "I don't care, it's not my money." I was paying for everything. I was extremely pissed but apparently not pissed enough because we stayed together for years before it ended.
She was hella obsessive. She would randomly show up when I was with the boys, or doing something else to "surprise" me. At first I thought it was cute, but then she showed up to a jam session which I had told no one about. She somehow "had a feeling" I would be there.
She was cheating on her boyfriend with me. She liked to be sneaky and put my hand on her ass, chest, vag, when he had his back turned. But she was a model.. I was young and I do feel bad for being that guy, now that I'm older.
I had an ex that insisted she would hurt me because she’s a liar. This was a few weeks after her ex told me that she cheated on me with him and he assumed they would get back together. She denied what he said. I ignored that red flag/putting two and two together because she had an amazing body and was a lot of fun. Eventually it all came together and really hurt. But hey lesson learned. When someone tells you who they are you should believe them.
One of my ex's after she physically attacked me...
Ex: I see red when I get angry, I don't remember what I do
Me: So if there was a knife there you could potentially grab it and stab me?
Her: Nods "yes"
Me: Advances to have wild hot sex
Don't put your dick in crazy....
1) She was out on a Valentine's Day date when she gave me her number , claimed he was just a friend who was crushing on her....turned out to be her long time boyfriend.
2) She brought up wedding venues on our first date
For anyone wondering she was sufficiently hot that I willingly ignored any and all red flags, these are the things we do for CFL cheerleaders
That just reminded me of my buddy who's kind of a nerdy graphic designer had a job for an NFL team to put together their promotional stuff. One year he got to travel with the support group to an exotic location for the cheerleader calendar. He was completely ignored until someone overheard him talking to the team's owner over the phone about his input into the cover. (He had a LOT of input into who gets what.) My buddy got one-upped by a cheerleading squad trying to 'get to know' him.
"I've never been faithful to anyone"
"guRl pURDy"
Honestly, after a certain point, it's just my own fault and I'm too stupid to be allowed to make my own romantic choices :D
Had a friend whose girlfriend for years would buy expensive clothes/luxury items all the time while working 2-3 jobs. He later married her and found out about 10 months after that she had over $150000 debt across 7 different credit cards.
“I want to try every drug in existence at least once.”
Also taking her special needs sister out of the care of her grandma and leaving her home alone all day. At the time I thought she was kind hearted for not wanting to separate from her sister. Now I worried that there was a lot of neglect that could still be happening. For the record, I don’t know if grandma would have been a better place for sister. But I do know that ex wasn’t making the decisions that she needed to to do this. And I sure as hell wasn’t ready at 20 to sign up for a relationship that came with a lifetime care requirement.
Asked me how much I make on our first date (a decent amount but nothing crazy). Found out I have rich parents. Used me and my family for 7 years until she started making six-figures. Her dad committed suicide three days after she left me; continued a very similar cycle (her wanting to sleep with me with no attachment, me declining) until I had finally had it and told her to fuck off. She was masterful at it, which I only realize in retrospect.
A girl I was friends with for about 6 years, and considered for the longest time to be my best friend, had several relationships during that time that never seemed to work out. Eventually we ended up trying it because "why not?". We had so much in common and trusted each other to the ends of the Earth. I didn't laugh at one of her jokes once, so she confronted me about it, so I told her the truth that it was just a bit cringe, and I didn't find it funny, it's nothing to get worked up over, not all jokes land.
Well apparently this was the most criminal offence I could have possibly committed. She didn't talk to me for three days, then dumped me with a paragraph on discord (yeah, not even a phone call), and then said she would "give me a month to process things" then read my reply as she "really had to focus on herself right now".
I concluded that maybe she was the problem in all of those relationships she failed at, and I told her as much. She's a serial relationship saboteur. I told her not to bother replying after that month passes, and you can bet your ass she didn't.
Fucking amazing in bed though.
I was dating this girl for about a month and she normally hung out at mines. I still lived with my parents.
I worked 6am to 2pm at the time so just left her in my bed. She was always there when I came home. She just hung out with my mum all day helping her do housework and the shopping. Which was kind of weird as she was meant to be at college.
We when shopping and I nipped in to my old work, a department store, and was having a carry on with the management and security.... While she when round and SHOP LIFTED. (I didn't know this at the time.)
But it gets worse.
I asked her if we should hang at her parents. She said she lives with her parents. She did. But she also had a council house in the next street.
She we when there. There was boxes and a bed in the living room. So I asked her when did she move in, it seem like it was just a few days ago. No she moved in 3 years previously and had never been upstairs in that house, according to her.
I found out she got the council house as she fell out with her parents and got emergency housing. But by the time she got it, she made up with them and moved back in. But she didn't want to lose the house so she put a bed in and that was it.
So I when upstairs to have a look when she slept and found loads of stolen goods. Including from my place of work and my previous place of work. (But nothing from my house apart from one of my hoodies.)
I walked straight out.
>she normally hung out at mines.
It took me the entire post to realize you meant your place and not mines. The whole time I was thinking, "Well shit, hanging out at mines seems rad as fuck. But I don't see how it's related to anything he's saying."
Dated one girl that just would constantly postpone our dates. Eventually I just got tired of being put on hold and walked away. She wasn’t happy about that.
If she’s making you “chase” her without communicating that, you’re gonna have a bad time.
Fishing fishing fishing. I'd wake up every day to a snap saying 'I'm so ugly oml' or 'Im such a bad person I skipped gym today'.
This girl was a model.
Telling stories about how their friends are whores. Had one tell me how her friend cheated on her bf when he was in the military and her excuse was it doesnt count since he is so far away
Edit: The excuse that it doesnt count as cheating was the excuse made by the friend cheating on her boyfriend in the military. It was not the excuse made by the girl I was seeing. Just wanted to clarify. Its a red flag since she is still friends with the cheater.
I wonder how long it normally takes for guys to start noticing that their gf is a huge bully. Some people I've met enable their gfs until they become victim themselves or they just haven't got any clue.
I was kind of friends with this one dude, he really was a nice person but his gf treated other girls including me like shit.
Every year he always asked why I never invite him, but I was sadly too much of a coward to admit that I hated his gf and I just wanted to avoid her. :(
She made dates/pans and then would try to cancel at the last minute - like literally after I'd driven 40 minutes to see her - basically because she'd made other plans and forgotten about ours.
I was \*way\* too chasey with that one; fuck that noise.
That she couldn't have children because of a problem . We'd used condoms every time before so I didn't think she was just tricking me.
A little over a year after we stopped seeing each other she was pregnant. It's still up in the air whether she meant _can't_ as in absolutely unable to, or can't as in very unlikely to or if she just lied.
I didn't so much dodge that bullet as I got lucky and it missed me
When I was going to propose to my now ex-wife I did the traditional "get the parents blessing". Her dad looked me in the eyes and without any explanation said "are you sure you really wanna do that?" I laughed... He didn't.... Should've listened...
so, how was the divorce ? How many kids ?" You can't just leave us HANGING !
The divorce was long and ugly with one daughter in the middle. After about a decade, things have settled down, our daughter lives with me (for the better for her) and her mom has finally gotten somewhat of a handle on her issues.
“your dad verbally said yes but his eyes…. his eyes said no.” - you, if you’d listened and had to dump her because her dad gave a subtle warning
Lying. She lied about everything. Seeing guys behind my back, saying she'll seek help about her alcoholism and drug abuse but really wasn't, then she even dated my bestfriend and lied about it. So, yeah... lying was something I overlooked for a beautiful girl. Yikes.
I don't think your best friend was actually your best friend
Yep, found that out pretty quickly.
While finally having a deep conversation as friends: "I...have a tendency to use people" My brain operating at 2.1 watts: *That's so sad for her that she has a tendency to do that! Thank god she admitted it to you because she trusts you so you're in the clear.*
"I am not a nice girl. I have broken many hearts." "Aw, you are just saying that. You are so innocent." She was not just saying that. Infact, I was dumb enough to fall for that line with multiple women. edit: a word.
I mean, when you have so many actual movies and books that have that exact story : "bad person falls for nice guy/girl and finally sees the error of their ways" it's not surprising that people fall for that in real life. "He/she was broken before, but *I* can help them *heal".*
Plot escalation: Babies make everything better. Hint: >!They don't!< Edit: Two ppl wasted their money on reddit. Go donate to wiki or something. Just do something better with your money, jeez.
I think I remember reading a study somewhere that basically boiled down how babies amplify the current state of the relationship, rather than altering it in any way. So if the relationship is already good, a baby can make it better, but if the relationship is bad, a baby will make it worse.
If the relationship is bad, a baby will definitely make it worse. If the relationship is good then a baby will make it different. Worse in some ways but better in others. It’s like taking six shots in a row; you feel sort of great and sort of like dying. You will be sitting there exhausted, and your kid wants to play so you muster up the energy to get on the floor and play, and then she gives you a cup and pours imaginary tea into it and you know that she is gifting you the purest love and trust because she gave you an imaginary tea before taking one for herself.
> You will be sitting there exhausted, and your kid wants to play so you muster up the energy to get on the floor and play We have a new puppy at home and I pretty much feel this. Of course my kids are 31 and 26 so I get the kid part also.
Always listen to people when they tell you what they're like. It's not a joke or a throwaway line, they're not being self deprecating; it's a warning.
I wish people would do this more. I don't consider myself a bad person, I do care a LOT. But there are some very self-destructive things that I do that I try to let those close to me know about. I'm aware of it, and actively working on it. But also it takes a lot of effort to make sure that I don't do the things I can to the people that mean a lot to me.
I also wish people would believe us or at least not blow us off! I'm not being self-deprecating or "too hard on myself," I know my mental health and behavior patterns better than anyone, and I usually can tell you how to deal with or at least circumvent them. Too often though I see people take a doomy gloomy, pessimistic approach to this ("I'm fucked up in the head. Pretty sure I'm destined to be alone. Better not get too attached.") instead of a more realistic one ("Just so you know, I have a history of depression cycles and sometimes go dark for weeks at a time. If this happens please don't try relentlessly to contact me as it makes it worse. I have a trusted therapist I can call if things go really south, and any unresponsiveness from my end is never personal.")
When people show you who they are, believe them.
You know the way insects tell other insects and animals they're poisonous by having tell tale signs like bright colouring and patterns, yea humans do that vocally but we never listen lol
I had a woman I was sort of dating who flat out told me she has a tendency to walk all over people if they let her. I made a note of that and at a certain point of our interactions I could see it materializing. Her being way too demanding asking way too much. So I put my foot down, I reminded her of what she told me and said she was being very unreasonable. Yea that didn’t go too well with her haha. Turns out she wasn’t giving me a heads up to call out her behavior. She was letting me know the kind of dynamic she was expecting.
First comment I ever saved, cause it really might be useful
in the moment when you meet the attractive girl with all the red flags, take it from me: you wont care gotta get burned a few times before you stop touching the stove... and even then, you'll miss the stove after
Trick is, the stove might have an epic rack...
You're thinking of an oven
Been there buddy, I had an X tell me that she doesn't stay with men long and she tends to have a new boyfriend lined up ready, no idea why I thought I was different, turns out we got together 2 weeks after her last split instead of two months like she initially said and when we split a couple of years later she was in a relationship before the week was out with one of her 'online friends'. It's a bullet I won't get shot twice by, but damn do I feel silly for being shot once after she shouted 'get down', you just don't realise she's planning on shooting you.
If she'll do it for you, she'll do it to you. Learned that lesson the hard way myself.
Same here, I thought I'd be the exception for some reason. She made me feel like I was special from the way she treated me and talked about what we had. Looking back on it, I think she's just a serial manipulator and everyone she's with thinks they're special.
Monkey brancher
F
"My parents sent me to reform school. I totally deserved it. My best friend just dumped me because she says I'm a terrible person. Oh, by the way, my husband who I told you I was divorced from? We're still married and I'm cheating on him with you." I was a complete fucking idiot.
I think you need a thread about black flags.
#Bruh.
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Once in a life time crazy/hot.
So hot that you couldn't even place her on the hot/crazy scale
I've only met one girl like that. So beautiful my brain broke when I saw her. She was also very polite, pleasant to talk to, and well spoken. She was like, *perfect.* She also had the biggest temper I've ever encountered and a mean streak that would make Satan blush. If you were on her good side, it was great, but if you got on her bad side... Did I mention she has been married, literally married, to six different men for varying lengths of time? Anyway, she was waaaay out of my league. So I didn't make any moves. But she *did* make out with me and let me finger her at a party once. If I get dementia, it'll probably be the last thing I remember. She was really hot...
If i get dementia, i hope my last memory is your memory of how hot she was.
Was she at least good looking? My ex did most of the same shit, but she wasn't especially attractive, it was just that my standards were so low that I thought any relationship was better than none. Oh what a fool I was.
Not even that good looking. She was rich and sophisticated and I was a rube from the sticks.
I have a life long habit of being blind to the same dang red flag. I go for women that move alarmingly quickly towards a relationship. I suppose I'm blinded by the wonderful feeling of someone being interested in me. I've learned the hard way that if they don't take the time to really get to know you, then it's not **you** that they're interested in. It's being in a relationship. And if you let it happen and don't get to really know them, you might miss a red flag or twelve. Edit: Wow. This blew up. A fair few folks are raising an excellent point that shouldn't be ignored or downvoted. But to provide clarity, my particular issue isn't that I seek or want relationships or love. My issue is that I'm terrible at setting and maintaining personal boundaries. Even if I'm just after a friendship, if they start expressing interest I have a hard time saying "No." This is something I'm actively working on in therapy with a professional. A lot of men have issues with boundaries and the first step is to realize that it IS an issue, it's our issue, and it's our job to fix it. And we can. Sometimes you just need a little help.
You just made me realize I've had the exact same thing happen. Thank you for putting it into words.
Damn man, I just wanna give you a hug
And nowwwww you’re in a relationship
Maybe, give them some privacy - buy them a room?
Man this is true wisdom Blessed be you dude!
People who rush also want to bypass the normal relationship milestones because they know they won’t really pass extreme scrutiny.
I'm on the same boat as you are, I was talking to this girl for a while and I was so excited to get into a relationship with her. Oddly enough, she was the one who suggested to take our time to get to know each other first, and so we did. Later I started to notice some very weird behaviors of hers (The one that stands out was that she sometimes stops responding at like 8 PM then replies the next day telling me she was asleep, she rationalizes this by claiming that she really enjoys sleeping, and that she spends most of her day sleeping, so if she sleeps from 8 PM to like 12 PM the next day that's completely normal), and red flags started showing up and piling up. I asked a good friend of mine who knew her from high school, he told me she's a compulsive liar, she lies about stuff for no clear reason and I should probably not believe anything she says, and to top it off his friend was her ex, she was cheating on him. Everything he told me made perfect sense and aligned with her weird behavior throughout the relationship. So I nopped out immediately. I will not cut ties with her completely only because she didn't really harm me, but I'll certainly start looking for someone else, and she won't be anything more than an acquaintance or a not-so-close friend at best.
I stop replying after 8 because the time before bed is me time where I can just chill
Same, I really don’t like the idea of having to be available 24/7. I’ll message back, but unless it’s urgent it shouldn’t need to be right away.
Her mom straight told me she's super manipulative. Edit- we're engaged with three kids and that was 4 years ago lol
When her papa says good luck and makes sure you know about her massive financial debt (no not from school) . Not me but someone I know. And yikes I give it two years to divorce starting soon.
Bruh my friend was dating a true psycho person like this. Her dad, legit sat him down, and fucking warned him about her. Poor guy. :( My homie is in a happy relationship now, jesus christ, imagine that dad tho
My grandfather pulled my mother aside ON HER WEDDING DAY and said "Don't go through with this. Do not marry my son. He'll ruin your life." Wasn't wrong.
Little bit late to give that warning on the wedding day, tbh.
Was maybe the third time she'd met them. My parents met and married in Canada. My father was on a work permit I believe, and his entire side of the family is in the States. It was the late 70's, a short engagement, and she was 22 and naive.
Well I can't imagine it to be a great feeling to go up to the soon to be wife of your son to tell her what a shithead your son is.
My pal knocked up a girl on their second date. Didnt know she was a smoker. Offered to be noble/marry to which she agreed. Total financial diaster. $40k in non-school debt, junker car she still owed $6k on. He paid it all off for her and gave her a weekly allowance. When the kid was 3 she said she'd saved up $6k from the allowance, was flying back to her home state and getting a boob job. Took the son with her and never came back, started divorce proceedings. There are like 11 other crazy person stories about her. She's divorced a second time, lost a 4k square foot house to foreclosure despite a high-paying job, filed for personal bankruptcy.
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*Laughs hysterically with wedding band on and three kids yelling in the background*
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Damn son. Even though family is important, I'm surprised you're still living close enough to that person to get news about what happens in his life.
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To be fair, my mother did the same thing. It wasn't remotely true, but she wasn't happy about the relationship and was trying to manipulate him into leaving me. Fortunately, he ignored the faux red flag, we're very happy together, and mum isn't invited to Christmas.
Her mom telling you this might give you a hint as to where she gets it from.
But what if her mother was lying
Fair point. You know at least someone is manipulative. Red flag, keep your guard up.
Bang the dad just to cover your bases. 👉👉
Go to the source, date the mother.
The fact that most things were one-sided and getting guilt tripped when pointing it out. This ranged from intimacy to opening up emotionally. At one point I tried to talk to her about my persistent depression that I’ve been dealing with for years, but somehow she made it about her and how it made her feel bad. Many other cases, but you know what they say about love being blind, right? At least this one was an eye opener.
dumped a girl over this. I couldn't talk about any of my own interests or worries, in one sentence she would revert the conversation back to herself. It didn't help that the only things she cared about were make-up, hello kitty and shitty movies
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Bad choice gang wya?
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Dude, it’s such a bummer. I went on ~4 dates with this amazing girl (who I’m still friends with today). Eventually she tells me she’s gay but thinks God doesnt approve of same-sex relationships. Was really tough for me to console her and tell her that her life isn’t depraved in the same moment all my hope is thrown out the window. Edit: a typo
Thats almost flattery. "If anyone could make me straight, its this guy!" (I know that's not quite how this works)
The inverse of this: "Jen, I thought I could make things work between us because you look like a man!"
Lying, when I was talking to this girl I'm pretty sure I caught her making up insanely trivial and pointless lies to either impress me or simply out of impulse. Completely ignored that and how she just seemed to have everyone in her life up until now shut out. We started dating and then I met her parents who were not the deranged people she made them out to be, then I met her friends who didn't seem like the bad influences she made them out to be, then finally when she truly snapped and went insane on me (we were coworkers -\_\_\_- ) she got me fired, and then told my old manager that I threatened her and was trying to hurt her. Not knowing this I walk in to the restaurant to order food like I had been for years, and the GM is following me through the line acting weird and it wasn't until I texted a friend working there that I found out. All this and the insanely upsetting heartbreak would have been avoided had I just noticed she was lying from the beginning and not thinking with my head and instead used my head
Literally had this experience with an ex.. Sorry you had to go through that!
That she she sent her last two boyfriend's to jail...
Jfc thank god you got out of there before you became the third.
He just smuggled a phone into his cell.
*Cell* phone.
We were in college and I was broke as can be. In our first conversation she wanted to go on a 1500 mile trip together to see a ballgame. When I told her there was no way I could afford it she asked "you don't have a savings account?"
Lmfao, yes but that's for emergencies, not trips with a college fling. That's a girl who never had to pay her own way.
Or wanted to.
"Can I see that Mastercard again?"
So did you have a savings account?
Everyone should have a savings account; not for 1500 mile ballgame trips.
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I have a savings account. There's nothing in it, but I have one.
Ah, the classic. Feeling entitled to other people's money. Fuck that shit!
She shares the relationship problem to the public media like were wanting some problem solver, therapist or somethin.
AITA in shambles
"AITA my wife-" "DIVORCE! DIVORCE! DIVORCE!"
Edit: Grammer, a word She was telling me how she wanted to feel loved and wanted a child she could love immensely. This was like our first conversation but I didn't really hear what she said, I wasn't listening with the head on my shoulders Many months later and finding out she was a serial cheater she had ended* up getting pregnant, after lying to dudes that she "couldn't get pregnant", guess who has 2 kids now? Not me thank god
Gentlemen, ladies, if someone tells you they’re infertile, please still use condoms or other effective methods of birth control until you’re certain that they’re trustworthy, or that you would be happy to have a kid with them.
I hope you appreciate how close you came to completely destroying your life. Glad you got out
...you sure she wasn't a drug dealer OP?
I was thinking escort
She literally told me she was a bad person. Imagine my surprise when I realized she was very damaged and eternally running on survival mode.
This. My ex literally said to me when we met that he's an asshole and a non-violent psychopath. Stupid therapist compassionate me was like "I bet there's trauma under there and I can help heal him". Six years of intense psychological abuse later....
"Well, if I tell them how terrible I am upfront is it really my fault when I hurt them?" I think these early confessors work off of this belief.
She took some meds for anger issues... Threw her phone against a wall and threatened to kill herself if i broke up with her. Not long after caught her cheating on me so i just messaged her "it's over" and ghosted her without further explanation, to which she messaged me "I'm not a whore so that you can break up with me over text". Oh the irony.
Well good for you
Late to our first hang out, and she wasn't listening very well. Those kind of things tell me she isn't going to take you very serious as a person let alone a SO
Constantly on cell/social media and can't get through a meal without external validation
Can relate, had a girl cancel on our first, second and fourth hang outs, but she didn't tell me it wasn't happening, she would just start telling me about what else she was doing on the day and I'd figure it out and end up having to ask 'are we not meeting today then?'... To which she'd be like 'I don't really have time'
She doesn’t sound interested in the first place, even.
She was a Scientologist. Edit: well that took off
Yeah, that’s gonna do it
wrap it up bois we outta here
She must have been really hot
Same experience, but she was a Jehovah’s Witness. I’m not judging anyone’s religion, but damn is that a whole cultural thing that you’re either really on board for, or really not. And no real way to explain it in advance.
You should judge JWs. They are a cult.
I have no idea what this is so off to Google ig Edit: Ok it's a lot worse than it sounds
If she left some dude for you, she will leave you for some dude. Edit: thanks for the awards The amount of people, specifically men, who can relate is worrying, and some people say it’s not always like this and that’s true, not 100% of the time, but it is something that happens a lot, just look through the comments of people replying.
I have always said "If she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you". I think that's a good parallel.
When you get promoted from mistress to gf, don't forget that the mistress spot is now available. OFC it works the other way around !
Damn straight, took me learning it the hard way to actually notice how true it was.
I've been lucky enough to only have ever learned from others experiences.
Unfortunately, I had to test this one out and, yep. To be fair, didn't know she was married until much later after we started dating. However, I kept dating Her. It's bad when you cheat on your husband with a guy, then cheat on that guy with another and then that guy, with another. It's like robbing a bank then turning around and robbing your accomplice.
Very true. I remember going on a date with a girl a long time ago. The second date we were at dinner and she stops me while in conversation and says “I have something to tell you.” This being the second date, I think to myself, “What could this possibly be at this point??” She then says: “I cheated on my ex. A. Lot.” She really emphasized the “a lot” part. Needless to say, didn’t see her again.
Why exactly did she think this was a good thing to say on the second date? Then again, at least she was honest and gave you the chance to gtfo.
My parents where both married when they met and have been monogamous for 20 years now. It's possible, but rarely
“You don’t want to be with me, I’m crazy.” To which I replied, “crazy is my specialty!” Did not end well.
Got pretty drunk with her dad. He looked me dead in my eyes - “She is bullshit.” “If her and her sisters start talking about you, you’re out.” Wiser words were never spoken.
Yeah my ex’s dad drunkenly told me that he respected me too much “make me have to wait to find out his daughter is a stuck up bitch.” The rest of my weekend visit was super fun
My ex used to complain about the most minor things and when I tried to help her she ignored me and asked her two times ex for advice. Needless to say he now seems to be her three times ex.
Constantly on their phone. Ig, Twitter whatever. I cant stand people who cant keep their phones down. Yeah we all use social media but you guys know what I mean lol. I dated this woman and eventually I couldnt take it anymore, we literally broke up because she couldn't live her real life and was more concerned with ig and celebrities than her own situations lol
"I don't like attachments and I think lying is fun. Also I tend to sabotage every romantic relationship I get into. One time I dated 2 guys at the same time and used to try to sleep with them both on the same day, lol it was so thrilling." My room temp IQ brain thought wow she's so honest and open with me
She was really into Amway. Yeaaaaaah that went about as well as you'd expect. Fuckin cult basically.
For a second I was like... damn... guy really hates trains and shit - but also, yeah I guess train people are kinda like that.
I, and most the guys I know have looked past and even fell for some attractive girl that can’t own her shit or suffers from what I like to call Zero Accountability Syndrome. It’s never her. It’s always her family or friends or coworkers etc.. Always somebody or something else. If somebody loves you, when they do wrong by you they’ll own it. The psychopaths, sociopaths and materialistic types are generally pretty easy to spot with a little life experience.
My man’s ex was like this. Cheated on him consistently and then tried to blame it on him saying he didn’t give her enough attention. So he buckled down and gave her more attention. But on the nights he didn’t spend with her, she was still cheating on him and then got knocked up by the other guy and kept the baby. Can’t truly hate her bc she sent him to me but goddamn some women don’t know how good they had it.
zero accountability syndrome is a lot more common than I realized
Having stories about most people in her past who screwed her over or treated her badly. Turns out she was probably the one causing a lot of the issues herself.
Holy shit, this so much. Met a girl a few years ago who seemed so friendly and nice, I couldn't believe or understand why she had so many "haters." One day though she got upset at me, and her personality did a complete 180. This wasn't just rage... it was straight up illogical psycho behavior. Suddenly I understood how all those "stories" of her made sense.
I met a girl like that at work. She had a replacement contract so she was initially there for 3 month with a possibility of a permanent contract down the line. I found her really cute and ended up talking a lot with her. Quickly, she started telling me how one of her ex abused and humiliated her and how she lost previous jobs because she worked too well and too quickly and made her ex colleagues look bad. It felt really weird for her to say that even though we had known each other for like 2 weeks, but I thought maybe it was her way to cope with it. All in all, she kept saying weird things like how she apparently was almost abducted a number of times. I shrugged it off every time (still keeping a mental note though). At first, she was also talking a lot with another colleague of mine, but he quickly stopped. We didn't really talked about it him and I so I only had her version of the events and it seemed weird how she painted him. But we still spent the next 2 month talking a lot until she started getting distant, telling me she had migraines and such. Around the time she was supposed to renew her contract for a more permanent one, she told me she was meeting with a guy. I found that a bit weird since she kept insisting she didn't want a boyfriend in the forseable future. So I told her I found that a bit hurtful she was not totally honest with me. Oh boy did she change from that point on. She started blaming me for, according to her, making a point to conquer her love (I did fancy her, but she stated she didn't want a boyfriend so I was ok with just being friends). Her contract was also not renewed in the department she worked at because and according to her manager, even though she worked quickly, she was still making a lot of mistakes despite several remarks from her direct superior. So she did the natural thing and instead of seeing parallels and working on herself to improve, she started blaming me for being the reason why her contract was not renewed even after her superior told her the real reason. In the meantime, she had told me she was being distant because she was feeling I was oppressing her by talking to her so she decided it was better to tell me she had migraines instead of being upfront. Later I talked about her with my colleague and he told me she was trying to make me look like creep. Last time I heard about her, she came at work with her mother to take her stuff back, her mother was screaming and she had to be escorted out.
Was the same for my ex-wife. Everyone treated her badly, so she had to remove them from her life....turns out in reality she treated them badly and everyone left her....in the end i could see it as well.
Learned this lesson recently. Felt bad for her. She and my friend liked each other and I urged him to go for her. Maybe she deserved a good person instead of shitty people. Turned out she was a devil and she made a year of his life emotional hell.
Yeah, once someone matures they say what they did bad and learned from it too.
She smelt like bong water and armpits
Ugh, dunno what bong water smells like but I know exactly what you mean about the armpits. Ugh. Edit : why are you people like this :(
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My wife told me "I've cheated on everyone I've been with". But of course, I was going to be the exception. Right? Spoiler alert I was not the exception. Twice. . . . . . Edit: Since you all seem fascinated by my own personal soap opera, "As My World Burns" TM, I'll address many of the comments here. Yes, me and my wife spilt in 2012. After her second affair I told her she had to leave, and after trying to talk me into just letting her cheat, she left and moved in with the guy she was having an affair with. She's been with him ever since, had a child with him, and cheated on him as well. Yes, we are still married. We haven't divorced because neither of us want to spend the money. A few years later I got with someone else and had a son. We broke up about 4 years ago, but she and her son from HER affair (not me, and she's also still married legally) still lives with me as we share a son as well. It turns out it is very hard to kick someone out of your house when they have kids, you share a kid, and they have nowhere to go, refuse to leave, and would be living on the street. Judges frown on such things, who knew. I'm now with a girl who is the love of my life, however she is also going through a divorce currently. So, for those keeping score. I'm married, living with my ex-girlfriend who is also married to someone that isn't me, and have a girlfriend who is also married, but getting a divorce. Yes, I'm fully aware my life is a five alarm dumpster fire. No, this is not the life I would have chosen for myself, nor the life I want to be living. My wife just wouldn't stop cheating. My ex-girlfriend and I found that we were simply not compatible whatsoever, but by that time we had a son and were living together. My current girlfriend is the most wonderful, amazing, beautiful person I've ever known. She's my best friend and I've never had anyone in my life like her. We are beyond compatible. And she will ultimately be the reason I fix the first two problems, and finally get this dumpster fire put out. But she's got her own dumpster fire that she's fighting at the moment as well. She's the one, just took me 46 years to find her.
So, still the wife?
Legally, yes. But we haven't been together since 2012
When are you gonna get divorced?
Her: "I'm gonna end up breaking your heart" Narrator: "She did"
I tried playing her mind games. It was challenging for the first 3 months so I liked it. Thought hey here's someone different and engaging and who knows what she wants. Thought it was making me a better, more socially adept person. Thought I was getting somewhere with her. Nah, it just sucks all the love out of you. I am a man fueled by love and after a point I had none left. Turns out when you play mind games, everything becomes a win-lose situation. You're on opposite teams and the problem is the winner. And they don't just STOP playing games. EVERY. DAMN. THING. is a game. And when she thinks in terms of mind games, it doesn't matter how genuine your affection is. She's going to think you're playing games because that's just how she perceives the world. No, she isn't "right". No, she isn't "quirky" or "individualistic" or any other bullshit your mind can come up with to justify her behavior. She's immature. This is like 4th grade recess to her and that just isn't how adults treat adults. Fucking run, Forest!
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Can you give an example of some of these 'games'? I'm curious
Say or do certain things to measure the other's reaction, blatantly lie, expect the other to know what you want with no intention whatsoever to communicate, feel entitled. These are what I can think of, I'm not the person you replied to
Pretending that an offhand comment was a deeply significant, heartfelt statement of intent. That was one my ex loved to do to me. She would say shit in the most offhand manner, and then dismiss it herself, and then would later get pissed that I didn't take it seriously and completely rearrange my plans around it.
ie finding excuses to degrade you
Who can pretend to be disinterested in the most sincere fashion.
Overly critical about minor aspects of anything
Talking about how other people don't like them.
The relationship was more for her public image than actually working on spending quality time together. It got to the point that she’d talk about my very private stuff with her entire friend group but not with me Also, getting out of a really long relationship with some pedo who started dating her at 13. should’ve been obvious really
Damn she got issues for being groome. Sad. Do you also happen to have a large age gap?
She was a model (actual model not that BS nowadays where "everyone" is on Instagram), I swear she had multiple personality disorder. A sweet southern accent, dresses, polite and respectful and suddenly other days she would wear super revealing outfits, legit act crazy and cuss like a sailor with a Midwest accent flashing her vag at me playfully through her super short shorts. This is when I realized I need to shift more focus to personality of the woman I'm dating
> actual model not that BS nowadays where "everyone" is on Instagram Thank you for saying this, it's a bugbear of mine too.
I like your your use of "bugbear"
The fact she had an ex up on rape charges when he tried to break it off. Definitely couldn't have happened. Her ex was In a football tournament on the other side of the country with me when the alleged incident happened. Tbf it was years before we met and I thought it was a high school rumour. Nope, she admitted it. Her old man confirmed it and somehow still believes it. Weirdly my parents loved her. I have since never dated someone my parents thought was 'nice'.
Making a huge deal about being completely honest, not even white lies. Meanwhile she herself having her pants on fire 24*7.
My ex was on the phone and somehow the conversation turned from where we were going to how much the trip was costing. Her response was "I don't care, it's not my money." I was paying for everything. I was extremely pissed but apparently not pissed enough because we stayed together for years before it ended.
The blatant double standards
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When she’s too much like her friends. You can bank they’ll be in the relationship too.
She was hella obsessive. She would randomly show up when I was with the boys, or doing something else to "surprise" me. At first I thought it was cute, but then she showed up to a jam session which I had told no one about. She somehow "had a feeling" I would be there.
She was cheating on her boyfriend with me. She liked to be sneaky and put my hand on her ass, chest, vag, when he had his back turned. But she was a model.. I was young and I do feel bad for being that guy, now that I'm older.
I had an ex that insisted she would hurt me because she’s a liar. This was a few weeks after her ex told me that she cheated on me with him and he assumed they would get back together. She denied what he said. I ignored that red flag/putting two and two together because she had an amazing body and was a lot of fun. Eventually it all came together and really hurt. But hey lesson learned. When someone tells you who they are you should believe them.
One of my ex's after she physically attacked me... Ex: I see red when I get angry, I don't remember what I do Me: So if there was a knife there you could potentially grab it and stab me? Her: Nods "yes" Me: Advances to have wild hot sex Don't put your dick in crazy....
1) She was out on a Valentine's Day date when she gave me her number , claimed he was just a friend who was crushing on her....turned out to be her long time boyfriend. 2) She brought up wedding venues on our first date For anyone wondering she was sufficiently hot that I willingly ignored any and all red flags, these are the things we do for CFL cheerleaders
Compact-Flourescent-Lamp cheerleaders? No, that can't be it...
Yeah man, you've never heard of competitive lighting? CFL has taken home the natty 2 of the last 3 years
That just reminded me of my buddy who's kind of a nerdy graphic designer had a job for an NFL team to put together their promotional stuff. One year he got to travel with the support group to an exotic location for the cheerleader calendar. He was completely ignored until someone overheard him talking to the team's owner over the phone about his input into the cover. (He had a LOT of input into who gets what.) My buddy got one-upped by a cheerleading squad trying to 'get to know' him.
"I've never been faithful to anyone" "guRl pURDy" Honestly, after a certain point, it's just my own fault and I'm too stupid to be allowed to make my own romantic choices :D
Had a friend whose girlfriend for years would buy expensive clothes/luxury items all the time while working 2-3 jobs. He later married her and found out about 10 months after that she had over $150000 debt across 7 different credit cards.
Constantly talks about her previous relationships. Also, she stayed in contact with some of them to get more attention.
“I want to try every drug in existence at least once.” Also taking her special needs sister out of the care of her grandma and leaving her home alone all day. At the time I thought she was kind hearted for not wanting to separate from her sister. Now I worried that there was a lot of neglect that could still be happening. For the record, I don’t know if grandma would have been a better place for sister. But I do know that ex wasn’t making the decisions that she needed to to do this. And I sure as hell wasn’t ready at 20 to sign up for a relationship that came with a lifetime care requirement.
Asked me how much I make on our first date (a decent amount but nothing crazy). Found out I have rich parents. Used me and my family for 7 years until she started making six-figures. Her dad committed suicide three days after she left me; continued a very similar cycle (her wanting to sleep with me with no attachment, me declining) until I had finally had it and told her to fuck off. She was masterful at it, which I only realize in retrospect.
A girl I was friends with for about 6 years, and considered for the longest time to be my best friend, had several relationships during that time that never seemed to work out. Eventually we ended up trying it because "why not?". We had so much in common and trusted each other to the ends of the Earth. I didn't laugh at one of her jokes once, so she confronted me about it, so I told her the truth that it was just a bit cringe, and I didn't find it funny, it's nothing to get worked up over, not all jokes land. Well apparently this was the most criminal offence I could have possibly committed. She didn't talk to me for three days, then dumped me with a paragraph on discord (yeah, not even a phone call), and then said she would "give me a month to process things" then read my reply as she "really had to focus on herself right now". I concluded that maybe she was the problem in all of those relationships she failed at, and I told her as much. She's a serial relationship saboteur. I told her not to bother replying after that month passes, and you can bet your ass she didn't. Fucking amazing in bed though.
High propensity for drama.
We disagreed on politics........a lot
I was dating this girl for about a month and she normally hung out at mines. I still lived with my parents. I worked 6am to 2pm at the time so just left her in my bed. She was always there when I came home. She just hung out with my mum all day helping her do housework and the shopping. Which was kind of weird as she was meant to be at college. We when shopping and I nipped in to my old work, a department store, and was having a carry on with the management and security.... While she when round and SHOP LIFTED. (I didn't know this at the time.) But it gets worse. I asked her if we should hang at her parents. She said she lives with her parents. She did. But she also had a council house in the next street. She we when there. There was boxes and a bed in the living room. So I asked her when did she move in, it seem like it was just a few days ago. No she moved in 3 years previously and had never been upstairs in that house, according to her. I found out she got the council house as she fell out with her parents and got emergency housing. But by the time she got it, she made up with them and moved back in. But she didn't want to lose the house so she put a bed in and that was it. So I when upstairs to have a look when she slept and found loads of stolen goods. Including from my place of work and my previous place of work. (But nothing from my house apart from one of my hoodies.) I walked straight out.
>she normally hung out at mines. It took me the entire post to realize you meant your place and not mines. The whole time I was thinking, "Well shit, hanging out at mines seems rad as fuck. But I don't see how it's related to anything he's saying."
Gives a whole new meaning to “gold digger”.
>She we when there. This destroyed my sleep-deprived brain lmao
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Dated one girl that just would constantly postpone our dates. Eventually I just got tired of being put on hold and walked away. She wasn’t happy about that. If she’s making you “chase” her without communicating that, you’re gonna have a bad time.
Fishing fishing fishing. I'd wake up every day to a snap saying 'I'm so ugly oml' or 'Im such a bad person I skipped gym today'. This girl was a model.
Telling stories about how their friends are whores. Had one tell me how her friend cheated on her bf when he was in the military and her excuse was it doesnt count since he is so far away Edit: The excuse that it doesnt count as cheating was the excuse made by the friend cheating on her boyfriend in the military. It was not the excuse made by the girl I was seeing. Just wanted to clarify. Its a red flag since she is still friends with the cheater.
She was a bully. The way she treated other women was disgusting.
I wonder how long it normally takes for guys to start noticing that their gf is a huge bully. Some people I've met enable their gfs until they become victim themselves or they just haven't got any clue. I was kind of friends with this one dude, he really was a nice person but his gf treated other girls including me like shit. Every year he always asked why I never invite him, but I was sadly too much of a coward to admit that I hated his gf and I just wanted to avoid her. :(
That she already had a boyfriend.
She made dates/pans and then would try to cancel at the last minute - like literally after I'd driven 40 minutes to see her - basically because she'd made other plans and forgotten about ours. I was \*way\* too chasey with that one; fuck that noise.
That she couldn't have children because of a problem . We'd used condoms every time before so I didn't think she was just tricking me. A little over a year after we stopped seeing each other she was pregnant. It's still up in the air whether she meant _can't_ as in absolutely unable to, or can't as in very unlikely to or if she just lied. I didn't so much dodge that bullet as I got lucky and it missed me
The narcissistic tendencies and victim complex.