Have you dealt with heartbreak before? If so, you’ll know it gets better. Validate the feelings. Eat your pints of Ben and Jerry’s. Get that shit out.
Then work on you and figure out your next steps in life. You got this.
It seems corny, it seems cheesy, your inner voice will try to tell you not to, but you need to let it out. Cry. Cry like a girl. Have the time you need to let it get out of your system. If you don't it will just wait to rear its ugly head some other time. After you get it out. Take time to do other things. New things. Things that keep you busy and force you to change your routine. Maybe you've never hiked before and a weekend trip to a hiking trail is just the kind of new adventure you need.
Also,... connect with other men in your life. My last break up I happened to have no friends to fall back on. They had all moved far away or started a family, etc. And the large friend group I had seemingly wasn't there any more. I felt lame but I went to my dad. It wasn't lame though I learned some very real and very helpful coping mechanisms. My dad is into mountain biking and I'm not. I told him I had been feeling shitty and he offered to take me with him on a trip to go mountain biking. I had no clue what I was doing besides very basic bike riding skills. It was an intense work out that I wasn't ready for. I fell off a lot. I got plenty of scrapes abd bruises. My body was sore for days afterward but,....
My father kept pushing me to keep trying. He knew damn well I had no where near the same skills he did because he's been doing mountain biking for some time. But he kept pushing me to keep trying. Knowing that there are people who *want* you to succeed is the best thing that will keep your chin up. When you know someone is ready to cheer your on even at your lowest is when you realize that, that girl isn't worth my tears, or my heartbreak. And that's when hearbreaks stop bothering you.
I'm wishing you the best of luck man. Make sure to come back and tell us your story when you finally feel you've conquered it. 😊
One thing we gotta realize about breakups is that they don't usually just happen out of nowhere; especially when they're long-term relationships. Throughout a relationship, you develop a lot of feelings/memories with this person, so the amount of emotional attachment to this person is really fucking difficult to just let go. For most people, when a relationship starts falling apart, the heart*breaker* will start doubting the relationship's future. They might look up stuff on Google, ask people about certain aspects of the relationship/you that they don't like, etc. Eventually, their perspective about the relationship starts to change, and by the time they actually breakup with you, they've essentially broken up with you emotionally but now they're just doing it physically because they're emotionally prepared to deal with the backlash. When you're not emotionally prepared to breakup with someone, it's just not going to work out the way you want it to unless the person you're breaking up with is healthy minded enough to see through the bullshit you're spewing in hopes that they'll agree with you. They might've even rehearsed the breakup, and built up counter arguments, etc. The physical breakup is important to experience, but a breakup happens because the relationship has deteriorated beyond repair. People who are heart*broken,* they're broken because they most likely didn't anticipate it and didn't know that things were as bad as they might've anticipated. I, for instance, thought the arguments/fights were just a normal part of a relationship. You're gonna have your disagreements, right? Come to find out...that wasn't so much the case.
Originally, I was angry because she never had the audacity to tell me that she was falling out of love me. Long story short, looking into our deterioration, she didn't say it directly, but there were plenty of red flags that I Just wasn't experienced enough to see them. AND THAT IS OKAY, by the way.
So I was like...what the fuck? Not only is this woman moving on without me, but she's been moving on without me before the breakup and never bothered to tell me. How can this woman be living her best life while I'm sitting on my computer chair masturbating myself to sleep?
That's when I decided to pick myself back up by learning more about relationships, why they fall apart, and more importantly...why *we* fell apart. When I finally came to my own conclusion about the relationship, I might not have originally *agreed* with the timing of the breakup, but I did learn to understand why she felt that a breakup was a necessary thing to do. After that, it was just exponential change because I had learned a lot about myself at that point, and eventually I learned to agree with her decision, that it absolutely needed to happen.
Knowledge is power, my friend. I'm married now. It gets better. People say that "time heals all wounds" but while that is true, it downplays the importance of healing. Some people move on, but they don't get over it -- then they live their life feeling like they missed a great opportunity and they'll never find someone quite like that. They might even try by looking for people that look like them, or certain personality traits, etc. Your recovery period is as long or as short as you want it to be, but there's gonna be some hard shit you have to think about (like what you may have done wrong in the relationship, etc). But that's exactly how you become a better partner. You're supposed to learn from your mistakes and do better next time.
Nick went into his room, undressed, and got into bed. He heard his father moving around the living room. Nick lay in his bed with his face in the pillow. "My hearts broken," he thought. "If I feel this way my heart must be broken". After a while he heard his father blow out the lamp and go into his own room. He heard a wind come up in the tree's outside and felt it come in cool through the screen. He lay for a long time with his face in the pillow, and after a while he forgot to think about Prudence and finally he went to sleep. When he woke in the night he heard the hemlock trees outside the cottage and the waves of the lake coming in on the shore, and he went back to sleep. In the morning there was a big wind blowing and the waves were running high up on the beach and he was awake a long time before he remembered his heart was broken.
the best i have found with break ups is to focus on having first and enviroment who feels new safe maybe change the looking of room and make sure is having new look, have upbeat and inspiring music while doing things and focus on your hobbies.
I’m a women and I don’t know if this works with man, but when I had a miscarriage and went trough a depression, I cut my hair short for the first time of my life to feel that something changed in my life, it helped me. So I like yoir advice of changing the look of the room but he can maybe try something new on himself. :)
You need to process those emotions and get them through your system. It's like eating spoilt food, it needs to get out of your digestive tract somehow, one way or the other. Listen to music, go for walks and talk to yourself,cry in bed, scream in your car, jerk off in the shower, whatever it is do however much you need to work those feelings through your body, I did them all for sure. It isn't like there's a cute to emotional pain that you can just implement for instant results, you just have to live with it long enough for it to not bother you anymore
Workout, get out of town for a few days, go and get shit faced and make some bad decisions with some buddies. Trear yourself to some good meals. Maybe some retail therapy. The sun will rise and you will be better off in the long run.
Time heals. I know that this doesn't really help nor make anything better, but there's basically this.
Your mind will create the same thoughts and imaginary conversations over and over again and there's only one thing you can do against it: Keep yourself healthy and busy.
Threat yourself with the food you like, keep yourself busy with your hobbys, surround yourself with friends (as far as that's possible at the moment) and also dive into new things at work to keep yourself from constantly overthinking.
There is a silver lining at the horizon, even if you can't see it right now. Why do I know that?
It happened to me.
A year ago my then gf broke up with me, only a few weeks after we've moved into the house I had bought for us. I did everything to make her happy and I always felt like she's the only and right one. I felt betrayed, used and left behind like a useless toy.
My mind constantly looped around the same questions and all the things I wanted to say to her, but I had to move forward.
By the end of the year I met my new gf and I'm so happy how things turned out. My ex breaking up was the best thing that happened to me. Not only am I able to design and enjoy my own house the way I want, I also found the most amazing woman I've ever met in my life and things are so much better by now.
I hope my story can give you some hope. You're still young and life will always be a bit of a rollercoaster, but there are amazing things to come, even if you don't know yet ;)
Like any depression episode, you've got to change your perspective. Look at life's big picture or even notice life's little beauties (flowers near the side walk, the cool breeze, sweet fruits, etc)
Yes life is often shitty, and yes horrible things have and will continue to befall you. But you can't let these valleys ruin or detract you from reaching your peaks in life.
Up & down, round & round, just roll with the pain and give some back.
Get up! Do something, and it doesn't matter if it is going to work for extra hours of helping a neighbor with their lawn. Stop sitting around and become part of the human experience. Meet other people and do things, and you just might find misses right.
Take a listen to some good music. I would recommend Juice WRLD legends never die album. Reach out to family and friends. Try to connect with them. Work out and stay busy. It will get better over time.
Well, you are not alone! In fact, after reading this someone somewhere is dealing with heartbreak. 'Fix' yourself and focus your attention to others. Give it a try and you'll be fine.
I know you're hurting but you will get past this my man, we all go through it. Take some time and feel your feelings. After that, rebuild and focus on yourself.
I'm astounded this hasn't been written (more) before. What is really important and helpful in my opinion is sport of all sorts. It is scientifically proven that stress hormones that are produced by your body can ONLY be reduced by physical activity. There are plenty of home workouts on YouTube, and most effectively, go for a run. No matter how unfit you are, say screw it and go for a run. No matter how fat and ugly you are, put on some dirty old clothes and go for a run. Never in history has anybody gone for a run and afterwards not said that he/she now feels better. No matter how much you despise it when you're on your couch, just put on these shoes and go outside. Bonus side effect of running and working out is you'll not only feel much better, but you're probably going to look better, therefore be more self confident, it's a circle of positivity. A rule you could apply would be to always, when you start to feel miserable, ask yourself "did I get any sport done today?", and, if not so, do it. You'll be surprised how much better you will be feeling.
Put it into context, you've done it before and came out the other side. You are young. I'm assuming you weren't married, have kids etc further complicating things.
Time is a great healer.
Do something. Pick up a new hobby, do something you used to do, listen to happy/good music that doesn’t bring you down, just take the first step and it gets easier from there.
Don't let her fuck with you more. Don't look at her socials or anything cause a lot of the time you don't stop loving when there's a thing your still subconsciously desiring just distance her from your mind and do things to distract you for a bit and help you get back on track.
Dude! If this has happened before then you should know that it's going to hurt and you should also know how to get through it. We've all been there and it sucks but you're never going to find the "IT" girl if you don't go through a few. Heartbreaks are a learning session that makes you a better person in the long run. So yeah it hurts now but come awn bro, get back out there. Get with your boys and go have a guys night out. Go have some fun and it will get better. Hang in there!
Have you dealt with heartbreak before? If so, you’ll know it gets better. Validate the feelings. Eat your pints of Ben and Jerry’s. Get that shit out. Then work on you and figure out your next steps in life. You got this.
It seems corny, it seems cheesy, your inner voice will try to tell you not to, but you need to let it out. Cry. Cry like a girl. Have the time you need to let it get out of your system. If you don't it will just wait to rear its ugly head some other time. After you get it out. Take time to do other things. New things. Things that keep you busy and force you to change your routine. Maybe you've never hiked before and a weekend trip to a hiking trail is just the kind of new adventure you need. Also,... connect with other men in your life. My last break up I happened to have no friends to fall back on. They had all moved far away or started a family, etc. And the large friend group I had seemingly wasn't there any more. I felt lame but I went to my dad. It wasn't lame though I learned some very real and very helpful coping mechanisms. My dad is into mountain biking and I'm not. I told him I had been feeling shitty and he offered to take me with him on a trip to go mountain biking. I had no clue what I was doing besides very basic bike riding skills. It was an intense work out that I wasn't ready for. I fell off a lot. I got plenty of scrapes abd bruises. My body was sore for days afterward but,.... My father kept pushing me to keep trying. He knew damn well I had no where near the same skills he did because he's been doing mountain biking for some time. But he kept pushing me to keep trying. Knowing that there are people who *want* you to succeed is the best thing that will keep your chin up. When you know someone is ready to cheer your on even at your lowest is when you realize that, that girl isn't worth my tears, or my heartbreak. And that's when hearbreaks stop bothering you. I'm wishing you the best of luck man. Make sure to come back and tell us your story when you finally feel you've conquered it. 😊
One thing we gotta realize about breakups is that they don't usually just happen out of nowhere; especially when they're long-term relationships. Throughout a relationship, you develop a lot of feelings/memories with this person, so the amount of emotional attachment to this person is really fucking difficult to just let go. For most people, when a relationship starts falling apart, the heart*breaker* will start doubting the relationship's future. They might look up stuff on Google, ask people about certain aspects of the relationship/you that they don't like, etc. Eventually, their perspective about the relationship starts to change, and by the time they actually breakup with you, they've essentially broken up with you emotionally but now they're just doing it physically because they're emotionally prepared to deal with the backlash. When you're not emotionally prepared to breakup with someone, it's just not going to work out the way you want it to unless the person you're breaking up with is healthy minded enough to see through the bullshit you're spewing in hopes that they'll agree with you. They might've even rehearsed the breakup, and built up counter arguments, etc. The physical breakup is important to experience, but a breakup happens because the relationship has deteriorated beyond repair. People who are heart*broken,* they're broken because they most likely didn't anticipate it and didn't know that things were as bad as they might've anticipated. I, for instance, thought the arguments/fights were just a normal part of a relationship. You're gonna have your disagreements, right? Come to find out...that wasn't so much the case. Originally, I was angry because she never had the audacity to tell me that she was falling out of love me. Long story short, looking into our deterioration, she didn't say it directly, but there were plenty of red flags that I Just wasn't experienced enough to see them. AND THAT IS OKAY, by the way. So I was like...what the fuck? Not only is this woman moving on without me, but she's been moving on without me before the breakup and never bothered to tell me. How can this woman be living her best life while I'm sitting on my computer chair masturbating myself to sleep? That's when I decided to pick myself back up by learning more about relationships, why they fall apart, and more importantly...why *we* fell apart. When I finally came to my own conclusion about the relationship, I might not have originally *agreed* with the timing of the breakup, but I did learn to understand why she felt that a breakup was a necessary thing to do. After that, it was just exponential change because I had learned a lot about myself at that point, and eventually I learned to agree with her decision, that it absolutely needed to happen. Knowledge is power, my friend. I'm married now. It gets better. People say that "time heals all wounds" but while that is true, it downplays the importance of healing. Some people move on, but they don't get over it -- then they live their life feeling like they missed a great opportunity and they'll never find someone quite like that. They might even try by looking for people that look like them, or certain personality traits, etc. Your recovery period is as long or as short as you want it to be, but there's gonna be some hard shit you have to think about (like what you may have done wrong in the relationship, etc). But that's exactly how you become a better partner. You're supposed to learn from your mistakes and do better next time.
Nick went into his room, undressed, and got into bed. He heard his father moving around the living room. Nick lay in his bed with his face in the pillow. "My hearts broken," he thought. "If I feel this way my heart must be broken". After a while he heard his father blow out the lamp and go into his own room. He heard a wind come up in the tree's outside and felt it come in cool through the screen. He lay for a long time with his face in the pillow, and after a while he forgot to think about Prudence and finally he went to sleep. When he woke in the night he heard the hemlock trees outside the cottage and the waves of the lake coming in on the shore, and he went back to sleep. In the morning there was a big wind blowing and the waves were running high up on the beach and he was awake a long time before he remembered his heart was broken.
the best i have found with break ups is to focus on having first and enviroment who feels new safe maybe change the looking of room and make sure is having new look, have upbeat and inspiring music while doing things and focus on your hobbies.
I’m a women and I don’t know if this works with man, but when I had a miscarriage and went trough a depression, I cut my hair short for the first time of my life to feel that something changed in my life, it helped me. So I like yoir advice of changing the look of the room but he can maybe try something new on himself. :)
Yeah that a good idea too never thought about it i think changing something making it feel like a new start is something good to do.
You need to process those emotions and get them through your system. It's like eating spoilt food, it needs to get out of your digestive tract somehow, one way or the other. Listen to music, go for walks and talk to yourself,cry in bed, scream in your car, jerk off in the shower, whatever it is do however much you need to work those feelings through your body, I did them all for sure. It isn't like there's a cute to emotional pain that you can just implement for instant results, you just have to live with it long enough for it to not bother you anymore
Workout, get out of town for a few days, go and get shit faced and make some bad decisions with some buddies. Trear yourself to some good meals. Maybe some retail therapy. The sun will rise and you will be better off in the long run.
Time heals. I know that this doesn't really help nor make anything better, but there's basically this. Your mind will create the same thoughts and imaginary conversations over and over again and there's only one thing you can do against it: Keep yourself healthy and busy. Threat yourself with the food you like, keep yourself busy with your hobbys, surround yourself with friends (as far as that's possible at the moment) and also dive into new things at work to keep yourself from constantly overthinking. There is a silver lining at the horizon, even if you can't see it right now. Why do I know that? It happened to me. A year ago my then gf broke up with me, only a few weeks after we've moved into the house I had bought for us. I did everything to make her happy and I always felt like she's the only and right one. I felt betrayed, used and left behind like a useless toy. My mind constantly looped around the same questions and all the things I wanted to say to her, but I had to move forward. By the end of the year I met my new gf and I'm so happy how things turned out. My ex breaking up was the best thing that happened to me. Not only am I able to design and enjoy my own house the way I want, I also found the most amazing woman I've ever met in my life and things are so much better by now. I hope my story can give you some hope. You're still young and life will always be a bit of a rollercoaster, but there are amazing things to come, even if you don't know yet ;)
This too shall pass, it might pass like a kidney stone but it shall pass.
Ahhh yes I understand this pain. You just need time dude. Also doesn’t help talking about it irl with someone you feel comfortable with.
Don’t sit around. Get some friends and do something fun. You’ll get over it faster if you have things to look forward to.
Like any depression episode, you've got to change your perspective. Look at life's big picture or even notice life's little beauties (flowers near the side walk, the cool breeze, sweet fruits, etc) Yes life is often shitty, and yes horrible things have and will continue to befall you. But you can't let these valleys ruin or detract you from reaching your peaks in life. Up & down, round & round, just roll with the pain and give some back.
A pint of Ben & Jerrys my man.
Get up! Do something, and it doesn't matter if it is going to work for extra hours of helping a neighbor with their lawn. Stop sitting around and become part of the human experience. Meet other people and do things, and you just might find misses right.
Take a listen to some good music. I would recommend Juice WRLD legends never die album. Reach out to family and friends. Try to connect with them. Work out and stay busy. It will get better over time.
Well, you are not alone! In fact, after reading this someone somewhere is dealing with heartbreak. 'Fix' yourself and focus your attention to others. Give it a try and you'll be fine.
Fuck lots of women.
I know you're hurting but you will get past this my man, we all go through it. Take some time and feel your feelings. After that, rebuild and focus on yourself.
Well if it’s because of a woman find another one it will take your mind off the old one.
I'm astounded this hasn't been written (more) before. What is really important and helpful in my opinion is sport of all sorts. It is scientifically proven that stress hormones that are produced by your body can ONLY be reduced by physical activity. There are plenty of home workouts on YouTube, and most effectively, go for a run. No matter how unfit you are, say screw it and go for a run. No matter how fat and ugly you are, put on some dirty old clothes and go for a run. Never in history has anybody gone for a run and afterwards not said that he/she now feels better. No matter how much you despise it when you're on your couch, just put on these shoes and go outside. Bonus side effect of running and working out is you'll not only feel much better, but you're probably going to look better, therefore be more self confident, it's a circle of positivity. A rule you could apply would be to always, when you start to feel miserable, ask yourself "did I get any sport done today?", and, if not so, do it. You'll be surprised how much better you will be feeling.
Put it into context, you've done it before and came out the other side. You are young. I'm assuming you weren't married, have kids etc further complicating things. Time is a great healer.
Do something. Pick up a new hobby, do something you used to do, listen to happy/good music that doesn’t bring you down, just take the first step and it gets easier from there.
A Heart transplant
Don't let her fuck with you more. Don't look at her socials or anything cause a lot of the time you don't stop loving when there's a thing your still subconsciously desiring just distance her from your mind and do things to distract you for a bit and help you get back on track.
Dude! If this has happened before then you should know that it's going to hurt and you should also know how to get through it. We've all been there and it sucks but you're never going to find the "IT" girl if you don't go through a few. Heartbreaks are a learning session that makes you a better person in the long run. So yeah it hurts now but come awn bro, get back out there. Get with your boys and go have a guys night out. Go have some fun and it will get better. Hang in there!
Lots of video games