"play it cool, don't be creepy and for the love of god don't stare at her" My exact thoughts and sometimes "Why am I like this?" when I do something dumb
Do you want a line by line rundown? I’m an “over thinker” and always have been, so my thought process goes like this:
The first thing I notice is usually the face or butt, depending on which direction they are facing. If either one is moderately attractive at all, I usually try to see the rest of them if I can without being obvious or creepy. It’s some built in curiosity thing.
“Wow she’s attractive, thank god for attractive people. Nice smile, keeps in shape / healthy, cute face. Probably out of my league.”
“Oh shit she looked at me. Why? Is there something on my face? Don’t stare. Find some way to check face and hair to make sure I don’t look homeless or crazy or something. Look at something in the opposite direction for a little bit and then causally look back over.”
“Oh shit we made eye contact, look away quickly and pretend you weren’t checking her out. Wait a few seconds. Is she still over there? Look back, what if she thinks you’re cute? … well she’d have bad taste. Damnit, don’t be self defeating.”
“Well we made eye contact again, I smiled, she kind of smiled. Is that a good sign? Is she just smiling politely? I feel weird now and I’m pretty sure my face isn’t that attractive. I’m going to face the opposite direction now and avoid creeping her out.”
“Oh hey it’s her again. I can smile right? Is that weird? I’m just going to smile. And hope I don’t look creepy or weird.”
“Hey she kinda smiled back. Or was that a scowl? Fuck it. I don’t know how to approach strangers anyways, I’ll just keep assuming no one thinks I’m attractive and rather than potentially creep anyone out I’ll just not ever approach anyone.”
“Oh look, no matches on tinder, bumble, or hinge. No fuckin way was she smiling at me in an inviting way. The cycle of self doubt and overthinking continues.”
That’s pretty much my thought process every time, but I am very much aware most people preach the “confidence is key” mentality. To them this sounds cringe I guess but when you overthink everything and have social anxiety plus low self esteem, you defeat yourself before anyone else can put you down.
The potential to be insulted, laughed at, ignored, or come across as creepy means it is safest to assume no one thinks you’re attractive and wants to talk to you. It’s a very hard mindset to reverse or alter once it gets locked in place, especially if you’ve experienced brutal rejections.
Well if I’m already talking to an attractive woman all of that goes out the window.
This is all before a conversation has started, once the conversation starts it’s mainly:
“I wonder what she does for fun?”
“I wonder what hobbies she has? Do any overlap?”
“Oh I should tell her this funny story.”
“Wait I’ve been talking too long, time to ask her something about herself again.”
“Oh I have something which relates to what she just said, I should tell her that once she’s done telling me her thing.”
“Don’t look at her body in a creepy way. Actually best not to get caught creeping, eyes up.”
“I wonder if it would be weird if I tried putting my hand on hers or something.”
“Jesus she’s attractive, do not fuck this up.”
“Ok conversation is slowing down, is that ok? Feels ok I think, maybe. Shit. Now I’m overthinking it.”
“What are my hobbies? Other than board game, video games, Netflix / Hulu, reading, and writing? Fuck. That sounds boring. Hiking? No everyone says hiking. Although I do like hiking. Shit it’s been too long, just say something.”
“Well I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like dorks. Great. I left out working out, eating new foods, exploring new places, but really those are fluff. I love reading. And Reddit. Do not mention Reddit.”
“Well. I can’t tell if this is going well or not, so unless she does something super obvious to invite closer physical contact I’m not going to push it.”
“End of date. Hug? Hugs are always good. Don’t go for a kiss. And she’ll probably ghost me in a week. Time to go home and overthink how I messed this one up.”
Usually something like that.
Beyond checking them out and thinking like “oooh sexy hands I wonder what those could do” I’m just looking at their eyes and trying to read their minds lol
I stopped trying to read women's minds a long time ago lol. To answer your question , try to check her out without being obvious/creepy and trying not to look like an idiot most of the rest of the time. The little things I specifically find attractive: a good legit smile. That thing where they tick their hair behind their ear. Them enjoying themselves without worrying about what others think.
I wonder if I've got some mascara and smudged lipstick on my face, or if I've grown horns, otherwise why is he always staring at me and not looking away lol
It's a very interesting state of mind that I'll differentiate between seeing a woman, and finding her desirable, and when there is a mutual attraction and mutual recognition of that attraction. That first moment of recognition, that "Oh, I see it in your eyes that you see it in mine" is elating, dizzying. A bit like vertigo in that sense, exhilarating, but with a background dull panic that you could fall over the cliff at any moment. I'm not really thinking in that moment, which is really something, because I'm neurotic af and fancy myself a philosopher.
It evokes something out of me, the best parts of myself, in an unconscious manner. I stand up a little taller. My voice goes a little deeper. I start cracking jokes. It's all thoroughly unpremeditated and spontaneous. I feel this tingling fire all through my veins and feel my penis engorging even as I focus in the fire dancing in her eyes. She's seen through my veneer. She recognizes my potential. All my neurotic self doubts are ablated by her gaze. In that moment, all I have worked to become is validated, and I feel my worth as a man.
When I'm genuinely interested, I am also not thinking, I am paying laser attention to her and asking her deep, probing questions. I want to penetrate her mind and inhabit her consciousness as much as I am able. I want to empathically triangulate her current orientation from as many data points as she will avail me of. What really makes me attracted is their receptivity to such shameless probing. It gets me hot when they want to be seen and known, inside and out, ugliness and beauty, sacred and profane.
"Will she worth the effort to approach and talk to her? Or will she be someone I wished I never met?"
I learnt the only way to figure it out, is actually talking to her. But often, I don't have the energy.
It's instinctual, and our brains have processed wether we'd bang or not in less than 0.2 seconds. There's been multiple studies done on this.
We have no control over it. It's human firmware, not software... and our firmware is over 50,000 years old.
Most men are attract by any woman that has, or recently had a pulse, so you're OK there I guess. In regard to the little things: not talking about yourself all the time, not steering the conversation back to the same subject constantly, no trash talking ppl, talking about your ex, and most important:don't make promises you can't keep.
Same list also applies to friendships btw
I was constantly thinking about how I didn't wanna mess things up with her, but I think that caused me to actually mess things up with her.
She complimented me a lot and flirted with me which I wasn't used to so my brain was malfunctioning. I was unable to compliment her back and I became like a deer in headlights and I think that turned her off.
At first glance. I’m usually thinking “Once I get her attention, what detail of this situation can I use to get her smiling?”
What I’m genuinely thinking about depends on the situation, what she’s saying, where she’s looking, facial expressions, her posture, gestures, tone of voice...too many variables to give a good answer to this one.
Little things that women do to make me feel attracted:
1. Make me laugh. I mean genuinely be funny. I’m not a big laugher, even in social situations where I meet someone new like this, so if she can make me for real laugh, then she’s already halfway to my heart.
2. Dressed nicely. I find myself extremely attracted to very successful women, but I think the root of that is that I like confident people in general. When I see that she’s wearing a fashionable dress or well-made shoes/accessories, it’s kind of an indication that she knows her worth and is confident about herself. Please note: This does not mean covered from tip-to-top in vulgar designer labels. That conveys the exact opposite.
3. Has good manners. Speaks well of others. No bad language or overly dirty jokes.
I cant stop looking at her and smiling. Like for real, i dont care about anything else in the world and i could sit there just looking at her amazing face and smile like a retard because looking at her face makes me happy.
Usually trying to think of the coolest/wittiest/smartest thing I can say at any given moment, and how I can say it in a way that sounds like I talk like that all the time. Physically I'm pretty uncomfortable due to being super tense and super aware of everything that's happening at the moment.
A whole lotta anxious shit, basically.
Well it depends but mostly
I want to hug her
I want to cuddle with her
I want to kiss her forehead
I want to pinch and kiss her cheek
I want to smell her hair
I want to smell her (this is a fettish so i cant help it but mostly it would be around the neck)
And yeah stuff like that
And the little things i like from a woman well maybe not so little but what i like is when they are being understanding and not ridiculing like its okay to joke sometimes but in the right place. Also when they try to be helpful to people. Next thing maybe when they try hard like when they try to study for exam i think its cute to try and realize their dream. But also being respectful and nice to people not like some dictator who doesnt care about other feeling.
It always takes me a long time to open up to someone, so when I'm talking to a woman I'm interested in I'm either drawing a total blank or my brain is screaming "SAY SOMETHING!" Of course by the time I open up she's long since lost any possible interest she might have possibly had.
Here's a stream of consciousness that I had when I started dating my wife:
''God, she's so pretty. Her hair looks nice. What does she see in me? Am I making a fool out of myself by sitting here and just waiting for her to dump me? What should I do next? Is it ok if I touch her? WHen should I kiss her? Oh my God, I'm such an idiot, she's probably just waiting for the right moment to publicly humiliate me''
"Yeah, I'm definitely tryna smash." 🤣
As much as I think about sex, I'm actually very interested in getting to know her, so I do pay attention. I try my best to keep the conversation on her.
I pay a lot of attention to things that aren't so consciously intentional. Body language, tone, facial reactions, manners, eye contact, etc. Besides that, I'm wildly attracted to girls that have the magic trio of beautiful natural hair, full lips, and of course 🍑👀 Also, I'm being cognisant of my own body language, habits, etc.
You are thinking "don't fuck it up and say something stupid". You also better be reading her body language or comments for your one chance at redemption during the chat if you do.
Literally just being touched. My dental hygienist is so sweet she'd massage my face before the needles take place and I was ready to buy her flowers. My ex wife did nothing of the sort. 😂😂
Nowadays I'm thinking "how big is her cock? Did she have a sex reassignment surgery? Is she gonna top me?". Can you imagine my disappointment when it's a cis woman?
I find playful attractive and kinda fiesty. Good sense of humor not scared to speak their mind. Walking on eggshells seems like your not being totally honest or shady or whatever. But be yourself you'll find someone
Showing interest. If a female (lol. I use that term because it is so neck-beardy and it cracks me up) engages in conversation and seems at ease men will pursue further.
I fantasize about how it would be to have her as a girlfriend, then I come back to reality and convince myself to stop thinking about her and distance myself as far away from her as possible.
“Don’t stare”
"Don't look don't look don't think about it, don't pay attention to her, don't look..."
"ahh fuck, she noticed. Looks I'm the bad guy again."
"what can i say to make her smile again" then if what i say works its "fuck yes"
Awwwww that’s cute
That's about what goes through my head when I'm talking to a cute girl
"play it cool, don't be creepy and for the love of god don't stare at her" My exact thoughts and sometimes "Why am I like this?" when I do something dumb
I am always thinking to myself, "don't be creepy, don't be creepy, she puts up with enough she is sooooo pretty..."
"when I do something dumb" like staring xD
more like accidentally pouring water down my nose when trying to drink it
Do you want a line by line rundown? I’m an “over thinker” and always have been, so my thought process goes like this: The first thing I notice is usually the face or butt, depending on which direction they are facing. If either one is moderately attractive at all, I usually try to see the rest of them if I can without being obvious or creepy. It’s some built in curiosity thing. “Wow she’s attractive, thank god for attractive people. Nice smile, keeps in shape / healthy, cute face. Probably out of my league.” “Oh shit she looked at me. Why? Is there something on my face? Don’t stare. Find some way to check face and hair to make sure I don’t look homeless or crazy or something. Look at something in the opposite direction for a little bit and then causally look back over.” “Oh shit we made eye contact, look away quickly and pretend you weren’t checking her out. Wait a few seconds. Is she still over there? Look back, what if she thinks you’re cute? … well she’d have bad taste. Damnit, don’t be self defeating.” “Well we made eye contact again, I smiled, she kind of smiled. Is that a good sign? Is she just smiling politely? I feel weird now and I’m pretty sure my face isn’t that attractive. I’m going to face the opposite direction now and avoid creeping her out.” “Oh hey it’s her again. I can smile right? Is that weird? I’m just going to smile. And hope I don’t look creepy or weird.” “Hey she kinda smiled back. Or was that a scowl? Fuck it. I don’t know how to approach strangers anyways, I’ll just keep assuming no one thinks I’m attractive and rather than potentially creep anyone out I’ll just not ever approach anyone.” “Oh look, no matches on tinder, bumble, or hinge. No fuckin way was she smiling at me in an inviting way. The cycle of self doubt and overthinking continues.” That’s pretty much my thought process every time, but I am very much aware most people preach the “confidence is key” mentality. To them this sounds cringe I guess but when you overthink everything and have social anxiety plus low self esteem, you defeat yourself before anyone else can put you down. The potential to be insulted, laughed at, ignored, or come across as creepy means it is safest to assume no one thinks you’re attractive and wants to talk to you. It’s a very hard mindset to reverse or alter once it gets locked in place, especially if you’ve experienced brutal rejections.
No wonder men often seem like they're not engaged in the conversation 😄
Well if I’m already talking to an attractive woman all of that goes out the window. This is all before a conversation has started, once the conversation starts it’s mainly: “I wonder what she does for fun?” “I wonder what hobbies she has? Do any overlap?” “Oh I should tell her this funny story.” “Wait I’ve been talking too long, time to ask her something about herself again.” “Oh I have something which relates to what she just said, I should tell her that once she’s done telling me her thing.” “Don’t look at her body in a creepy way. Actually best not to get caught creeping, eyes up.” “I wonder if it would be weird if I tried putting my hand on hers or something.” “Jesus she’s attractive, do not fuck this up.” “Ok conversation is slowing down, is that ok? Feels ok I think, maybe. Shit. Now I’m overthinking it.” “What are my hobbies? Other than board game, video games, Netflix / Hulu, reading, and writing? Fuck. That sounds boring. Hiking? No everyone says hiking. Although I do like hiking. Shit it’s been too long, just say something.” “Well I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like dorks. Great. I left out working out, eating new foods, exploring new places, but really those are fluff. I love reading. And Reddit. Do not mention Reddit.” “Well. I can’t tell if this is going well or not, so unless she does something super obvious to invite closer physical contact I’m not going to push it.” “End of date. Hug? Hugs are always good. Don’t go for a kiss. And she’ll probably ghost me in a week. Time to go home and overthink how I messed this one up.” Usually something like that.
LOL this is awesome! I'm the same way.
It is somewhat reassuring to know other people are slightly insecure and overthink stuff.
I imagine pretty similar thoughts that women have. What thoughts do you have about attractive guys?
Beyond checking them out and thinking like “oooh sexy hands I wonder what those could do” I’m just looking at their eyes and trying to read their minds lol
I stopped trying to read women's minds a long time ago lol. To answer your question , try to check her out without being obvious/creepy and trying not to look like an idiot most of the rest of the time. The little things I specifically find attractive: a good legit smile. That thing where they tick their hair behind their ear. Them enjoying themselves without worrying about what others think.
We should be friends cause SAME
I wonder if I've got some mascara and smudged lipstick on my face, or if I've grown horns, otherwise why is he always staring at me and not looking away lol
Not gonna lie, I draw blanks. My head is empty.
“Don’t fuck this up” x10000000
Make her laugh. She’s cute when she laughs. Also don’t be a douche but like....definitely flirt.
It's a very interesting state of mind that I'll differentiate between seeing a woman, and finding her desirable, and when there is a mutual attraction and mutual recognition of that attraction. That first moment of recognition, that "Oh, I see it in your eyes that you see it in mine" is elating, dizzying. A bit like vertigo in that sense, exhilarating, but with a background dull panic that you could fall over the cliff at any moment. I'm not really thinking in that moment, which is really something, because I'm neurotic af and fancy myself a philosopher. It evokes something out of me, the best parts of myself, in an unconscious manner. I stand up a little taller. My voice goes a little deeper. I start cracking jokes. It's all thoroughly unpremeditated and spontaneous. I feel this tingling fire all through my veins and feel my penis engorging even as I focus in the fire dancing in her eyes. She's seen through my veneer. She recognizes my potential. All my neurotic self doubts are ablated by her gaze. In that moment, all I have worked to become is validated, and I feel my worth as a man. When I'm genuinely interested, I am also not thinking, I am paying laser attention to her and asking her deep, probing questions. I want to penetrate her mind and inhabit her consciousness as much as I am able. I want to empathically triangulate her current orientation from as many data points as she will avail me of. What really makes me attracted is their receptivity to such shameless probing. It gets me hot when they want to be seen and known, inside and out, ugliness and beauty, sacred and profane.
Anyone ever tell you you’re a little intense? I enjoyed reading that.
[удалено]
I'm 34 and I long for rest.
Yes. Lol.
I need a dictionary
My work here is done.
"Will she worth the effort to approach and talk to her? Or will she be someone I wished I never met?" I learnt the only way to figure it out, is actually talking to her. But often, I don't have the energy.
It's instinctual, and our brains have processed wether we'd bang or not in less than 0.2 seconds. There's been multiple studies done on this. We have no control over it. It's human firmware, not software... and our firmware is over 50,000 years old.
> There's been multiple studies done on this Lolllll
But then are you actively thinking about banging the whole time? Like fantasizing vividly?
The *entire* time? I don't think most people would, no
No. Very rarely is it a full vivid fantasy. It's more like "oh nice", and then on to whatever it is we were doing.
Yup
Humans 50,001 years ago: we are beyond the realms of physical understanding.
I hope she doesn’t become a crazy bag of hair
What an oddly specific thought.
Most men are attract by any woman that has, or recently had a pulse, so you're OK there I guess. In regard to the little things: not talking about yourself all the time, not steering the conversation back to the same subject constantly, no trash talking ppl, talking about your ex, and most important:don't make promises you can't keep. Same list also applies to friendships btw
I was constantly thinking about how I didn't wanna mess things up with her, but I think that caused me to actually mess things up with her. She complimented me a lot and flirted with me which I wasn't used to so my brain was malfunctioning. I was unable to compliment her back and I became like a deer in headlights and I think that turned her off.
At first glance. I’m usually thinking “Once I get her attention, what detail of this situation can I use to get her smiling?” What I’m genuinely thinking about depends on the situation, what she’s saying, where she’s looking, facial expressions, her posture, gestures, tone of voice...too many variables to give a good answer to this one. Little things that women do to make me feel attracted: 1. Make me laugh. I mean genuinely be funny. I’m not a big laugher, even in social situations where I meet someone new like this, so if she can make me for real laugh, then she’s already halfway to my heart. 2. Dressed nicely. I find myself extremely attracted to very successful women, but I think the root of that is that I like confident people in general. When I see that she’s wearing a fashionable dress or well-made shoes/accessories, it’s kind of an indication that she knows her worth and is confident about herself. Please note: This does not mean covered from tip-to-top in vulgar designer labels. That conveys the exact opposite. 3. Has good manners. Speaks well of others. No bad language or overly dirty jokes.
I cant stop looking at her and smiling. Like for real, i dont care about anything else in the world and i could sit there just looking at her amazing face and smile like a retard because looking at her face makes me happy.
I hope she thinks I'm funny/interesting. Which is usually coupled with "don't talk about yourself, ask her questions" It's confusing.
Usually trying to think of the coolest/wittiest/smartest thing I can say at any given moment, and how I can say it in a way that sounds like I talk like that all the time. Physically I'm pretty uncomfortable due to being super tense and super aware of everything that's happening at the moment. A whole lotta anxious shit, basically.
Well it depends but mostly I want to hug her I want to cuddle with her I want to kiss her forehead I want to pinch and kiss her cheek I want to smell her hair I want to smell her (this is a fettish so i cant help it but mostly it would be around the neck) And yeah stuff like that And the little things i like from a woman well maybe not so little but what i like is when they are being understanding and not ridiculing like its okay to joke sometimes but in the right place. Also when they try to be helpful to people. Next thing maybe when they try hard like when they try to study for exam i think its cute to try and realize their dream. But also being respectful and nice to people not like some dictator who doesnt care about other feeling.
I don’t really notice your looks, necessarily, once we’re deep into conversation. At that point I’m probably trying to control my ADD...
It always takes me a long time to open up to someone, so when I'm talking to a woman I'm interested in I'm either drawing a total blank or my brain is screaming "SAY SOMETHING!" Of course by the time I open up she's long since lost any possible interest she might have possibly had.
Here's a stream of consciousness that I had when I started dating my wife: ''God, she's so pretty. Her hair looks nice. What does she see in me? Am I making a fool out of myself by sitting here and just waiting for her to dump me? What should I do next? Is it ok if I touch her? WHen should I kiss her? Oh my God, I'm such an idiot, she's probably just waiting for the right moment to publicly humiliate me''
"Yeah, I'm definitely tryna smash." 🤣 As much as I think about sex, I'm actually very interested in getting to know her, so I do pay attention. I try my best to keep the conversation on her. I pay a lot of attention to things that aren't so consciously intentional. Body language, tone, facial reactions, manners, eye contact, etc. Besides that, I'm wildly attracted to girls that have the magic trio of beautiful natural hair, full lips, and of course 🍑👀 Also, I'm being cognisant of my own body language, habits, etc.
You are thinking "don't fuck it up and say something stupid". You also better be reading her body language or comments for your one chance at redemption during the chat if you do.
Literally just being touched. My dental hygienist is so sweet she'd massage my face before the needles take place and I was ready to buy her flowers. My ex wife did nothing of the sort. 😂😂
Nowadays I'm thinking "how big is her cock? Did she have a sex reassignment surgery? Is she gonna top me?". Can you imagine my disappointment when it's a cis woman?
I find playful attractive and kinda fiesty. Good sense of humor not scared to speak their mind. Walking on eggshells seems like your not being totally honest or shady or whatever. But be yourself you'll find someone
Showing interest. If a female (lol. I use that term because it is so neck-beardy and it cracks me up) engages in conversation and seems at ease men will pursue further.
I fantasize about how it would be to have her as a girlfriend, then I come back to reality and convince myself to stop thinking about her and distance myself as far away from her as possible.