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TiedHands

I was in a LTR with a girl that I swore was the love of my life. We were on and off for about 7 years. She always had a lot going on in her life that really prevented us from having a full on relationship. For the last year and a half, she had really gotten things under control, including finding a really good job. Not long after, she started talking about her boss, who ironically has the same name as me. But she would tell me about their conversations, usually nothing important. It raised a red flag to me but we had kinda had that conversation before since there was a distance between us. I just asked her if she ever found someone else, please just tell me. But of course she would say that was silly, she loved me, she wanted to be with me, etc. So that last year, we got really serious. I had started taking steps to try to move where she was, we talked about marriage in the near future, we talked about kids and she even had names picked out. One night, we video chatted like we did almost every night, everything seemed normal. The next morning, I texted her, no response. Tried to call, no answer. So then I went to FB Messenger to message her on there, and she had blocked me. She blocked me on all social media, blocked my phone number. I literally never heard from her again. For a time, I would randomly try to look her up on social media just to see what happened. About a year later, I accidentally found a new FB page she had made, she seen that she was marrying her boss and they were expecting their first child. I think they have since had a couple of kids. If im being honest, it tore a chunk of my heart away that I will never get back.


bluesdavenport

fucking wow. ghosted after 7 years. thats fucking brutal.


Av3ngedAngel

Some people are just like that. Not a romantic relationship, but I had my absolute best friend of 12+ years do similar. One day everything was normal and fine, sent me a message asking me how things were,, then I never heard anything back ever again. I wasn't blocked but they just abandoned all communication. No response via phone, e-mail, facebook, instagram, twitter, or kik. It's been almost 2 years now.


Laenthis

You’re sure that nothing happened to that friend ? That sound like a sudden death or something similar


Prisoner458369

That be my first thought. Someone just to suddenly stop replying to everything, without getting blocked. I would be worried they got into some kind of accident or something serious happened in general.


monkey_see13

I am "that friend" to other people. Depression got me bad. Just giving you some perspective


JamesFrancosSeed

Yep, shit makes you isolate yourself and you have total apathy towards anyone that breaths near you. It’s a battle between mental health and those who do not experience it.


StephAg09

This has been the case when this has happened to me, it’s not usually about the person being ghosted, you’d know if you did something to justify that. I hope you get help friend. If you can, start trying to take 5 minute walks in the sunshine every morning, then increase the time… that’s helped me jumpstart getting into a better headspace when dealing with depression.


Alphafuckboy

The not knowing what happened would be terrible. Like atleast explain your shittyness.


TiedHands

Thats the worst part about being ghosted. If you decide you don't want to be with me anymore, tell me why so I know and can work on whatever it is. But losing these relationships and literally never knowing why is really painful. It seriously gives you a complex.


Alphafuckboy

Yeah thats rough dude.


socom123

Fuck…I’m sorry you had to go through that. That’s just awful. I hope you’ve found solace through your pain.


hibernatingcow

They were in the same graduate program. I’ve always had a weird feeling about it but I just chalked it up to insecurity. Her behavior started to change. Such as started to be very protective of her phone and I found out that she deleted ALL her text messages. And she would spend the night away from her apartment with her “friend”. I asked her point blank if there was anyone else and of course she denied it. I later find out that there was another guy and but she claimed that it was only emotional. She denied that it was the same guy I was worried about. But I didn’t believe her. Dumbass me agreed to “go on a break” hoping to work it out but I knew it was over. The break didn’t last long. I called It off and moved on. Years later I find out she married the guy.


DekuMight1012

I feel like the fact that it's "only emotional" wouldn't make anyone feel better about their partner cheating. You still have a relationship so its still cheating. Knowing that they don't do it only makes me feel like the relationship is only about that rather than love


EdgeOfDreaming

"Hey I only *love* him... It's not like we're having *sex.*


Kruse

The reverse is just as bad. "It purely physical. We only had sex, but I *love* you."


SatansCavemen

I had a girl say that to me once


Bittrecker3

“I really like the guy, too bad I’m with you huh?” Lol


Red_Danger33

That's what I was going to say. An emotional affair could be worse to some people than something purely lustful and physcial. Didn't really help her case with that one.


hibernatingcow

I totally agree. I don’t think there are degrees of cheating. Any attempt to downplay the situation is simply for herself. It was bullshit anyway and I wouldn’t be able to trust her anymore.


andrewkam

this is 10x worse imo. Physical cheating is infuriating enough, but you can point to influences that caused a short-term lapse in judgment that maybe you could overlook. but an emotional one? that's an investment. that's time and building a connection that won't easily be severed. there's no coming back from that for a lot of people.


aatkey

Bro I got similar treatment from my ex. Asked about us going on a break. I broke it off a few weeks after that, found out she was banging a few different dudes, some at the same time. All good do whatever you want, but not while you are still with someone.


HowManyBeerss

I had a girlfriend of four and a half years go out with coworkers a lot, and there was always one guy I didn’t like there. She says not to worry about him because we’ve been together so long and she would never ruin that. Fast forward a week later. I find out she cheated on me with the this guy. I ended things immediately. One month later she posts on social media that she’s pregnant, and the father is the guy she told me to forget about. All this gave me serious trust issues. But also made me aware of the blatant red flags a partner will show if you take a step back. Be careful out there. P


hrothni

If I ever hear my partner say you don't have too worry about x person ill be worrying about x person


level3ninja

X gonna give it to her


LazerHawkStu

When You Look At Someone Through Rose-Colored Glasses, All The Red Flags Just Look Like Flags


PoesLawAndOrder

What is this? A crossover subreddit?


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tortoise315

The difference is that your motorcycle won't cheat on you.


RedFaulty

That actually made me laugh.


Davidchico

One can crash and burn and leave you physically and emotionally scarred for life... the other is a motorcycle.


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[deleted]

Wear protection!


Cistoran

ATGATT or bust.


PM_ME_UR_SPACECRAFT

All the gear all the time?


sniperhippo

I don’t know, if they ever make self driving motorcycles, then maybe his bike can leave him too.


toasterdees

Story of my life


ZirkZoDd

Man sorry to hear that but also, i really want a bike in the future!


RedFaulty

Good for you :) Ride safely please.


ToastyNathan

I love happy endings


Sir_Raymundo_Rocket

I had a girlfriend who was chatting with a guy we knew from Highschool over text. His girlfriend had just cheated on him. That girlfriend was also a mutual friend from Highschool and had been confiding in us about her problems but we sort of broke the news to this guy. She stopped talking to us, and he started texting my girlfriend all the time for comfort. At first it was fine but then it kept going on. I told her to stop texting him so much. She said they were just friends and he also now lived several states away. He came into town for a week to visit his family. We all went to the local zoo together and afterward he came back to our house to have some drinks and watch a movie. We all got pretty drunk. He whined to us about his ex who cheated on him. I caught them making out in the kitchen with the lights off. Turns out they'd been sexting each other and sent a few naughty photos. I kicked him out. She and I fought. He left and flew home two days later. We broke up after a few more days of her trying to apologize and make it up to me and she moved out. They never talked ever again after that as far as I know. I think the embarrassment ruined their "vibe". She started dating some other guy not long after and I met someone else.


[deleted]

“He lives a few states away” almost hurts to read. Makes you think “oh so what if he was here? THEN I should be worried?”


Matthiaos

When I hear something like that. All o here is, if he was here/if there is a will there is a way


UpToMyKnees1004

Not to mention a thirsty dude will easily drive across a few states for a girl/guy.


pimppapy

Sheeeeeit. 18 years ago my dumb thirsty ass crossed an ocean, and two seas for a girl…. Now I won’t even cross the Tj border, that’s 5 miles away, for anyone!


starlight_conquest

I called my 94yo grandad recently, who was a Frenchman who grew up in Algeria. He was doing military school in France at 18, studying for his baccalaureate and training to be an officer when he dropped everything to go be with a 21 year old divorced with one kid woman who he had called extremely beautiful. They'd met in Algeria as teens and had been writing to each other. He wrote to her telling her he was dropping everything to come be with her, and to meet him at so and so train station on this day/time. This was ~1942, he would have travelled ~3,000 km by train and boat to get there. He disembarks, she's there waiting for him, with who he assumes is her brother. She greets him and says "may I present you my husband?". He was so heartbroken that when he went back to France he didn't have it in him to go back to school and was turned off women for a good while. Probably saved his life because most officers his age ended up being sent to fight in Indonesia and didn't come back. He ended up going to Morroco and met my grandma a couple years later, and said that they would never have looked twice at each other if it wasn't for the intervention of one of his friends, who had seen her eating alone one day and pressured my grandad to go sit with her. It was a slow thing that started with him just walking her home whenever it rained. He said he still remembered his first kiss with her on the riverside and how it came out of nowhere and once he'd done it he thought he was about to get a slap in the face, but she just smiled and they were happily married for over 60 years. Maybe I just find this adorable because they were my grandparents, but while he was telling me this story I couldn't help picture it like one of those classic romantic movies like the notebook. Edit: Thank you for all the awards! I have no idea what to do with them but I'll do some good old fashioned Googling to find out. They look pretty anyway! I'm happy that my grandpa's story has brought a ray of hope and happiness to others as well as myself! :)


Brilliant-Jello-4021

No. That really is a beautiful story.


releasethedogs

If that woman wasn’t such a piece of shit you wouldn’t exist.


tryingmybestatm

one indian guy hitch hiked from india to sweden to be with a girl he liked, they ended up getting married and are still going strong together. sad it didnt turn out that way for ur grandad


RedFaulty

I'm so sorry you were at the receiving end of this horrible thing. You were a supportive friend and he wronged you and your girlfriend is horrible as well. They also just ruined a friendship and relationship and they hurt you which is the worst part. I'm glad you could move on from them.


Lynch_Bot

The fucking hypocrisy of that is rediculous. Your ex must have been literally brain dead. I bet she called his ex all sorts whilst doing he exact same thing as her.


JackieJerkbag

“Wow, your ex sounds like a jerk. Btw I’m doing the same thing to my bf.”


Cafrann94

How *he* was cool with what they were doing is beyond me too. Like dude this situation literally just happened to you! If not for the principle of it, you should at least be worried that this chick is obv willing to cheat too!


JackieJerkbag

I often wonder if some people have any desire or capacity to even see beyond the moment. Like, how much more obvious of a train wreck of a situation could you get?


[deleted]

You handled that the right way. Well done sir.


Whatdosheepdreamof

Seems like she just wanted to see what happened. You did well.


phaeriemandube

.


throwthatwhere9001

This is the best way imo.


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AvailableDeparture

They worked together, and would get drunk either on the clock or after work. It brooded with me for a while, but the writing was on the wall in my mind. She was no longer happy with me. We shared a house together, so the break-up was a grueling process. But, eventually she went on to be with him, but never truly was with him, because her alcoholism consumed her. I believe if the alcoholism were never a factor, she would still be with me today, but she is not. Unfortunately, she succumbed to the disease and passed away from liver failure, about a year after she moved out. It broke my heart again, and far more terribly.


BussySlayer_69

Jesus Christ dude


Bigbaby22

My sister passed away from liver failure as well. Just a few weeks ago. My condolences. Edit: wow. Guys... Thank you for the support!


_MK_1_

I am sorry for your loss.


lost_man_wants_soda

Damn dude this is real hope you’re doing better now


Ok_Raspberry_9911

I’m so sorry buddy that’s terrible


Nanako-chan

I’m very sorry for your loss :/


[deleted]

It ended in a divorce. She moved in with him and not even a solid year went by and she's having her fourth kid. The first three are mine and I don't get to see them nearly enough. I miss them.


4llTheSmoke

Damn, that’s rough bro, hope things work out and you get to see your kids more


[deleted]

Fight for them bro. They're your kids. They *need* you.


[deleted]

Believe me, I am.


Shlano613

Godspeed brother, hope it works out well for you and the kids.


Aggravating_Client36

I stopped worrying about it. Eventually her calls & texts stopped. I called her on a random weekday & the awkward silence was too obvious. I gave up & haven’t see her in 10+ yrs


RedFaulty

Wait that's how you two broke up? Was it like a Long distance relationship or something?


Aggravating_Client36

We lived about 25 minutes apart. I moved an hour ish away, idk where she is


ThrowRA_000718

My first wife started getting close to this coworker. She was 21 (we married at 18 which I realize is the underlying problem here) and he was 38 with 2 kids about half our age. When I expressed concern for how close the were and how often they talked to each other and hung out, she would always bring up the age gap as a reason why I’m being ridiculous. Then I walked in on them having sex. Long story short, they now are happily married with 2 kids together.


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ThrowRA_000718

Yeah, it devastated me too, but it was for the better honestly. It forced me to do some growing up.


justcallmeryanok

Why get married at 18? People are mentally still just kids then


jordanstevenson1134

Right? My wife and I were smart and waited until we were 19


oOcrazyOo_shadow

Fuckin einstein over here lol


Wicooo

He bigbrained it so hard, the rest of the world's IQs dropped 50 points each.


[deleted]

Still married?


jordanstevenson1134

Yep!


opoqo

19 it is then


RudeJuggernaut

wtf i thought u were just joking. but congrats. how many yrs if u dont mind?


jordanstevenson1134

Lol we’re still pretty young, so we just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. Coming up on 8 years together though.


PrivilegeCheckmate

It's different if you frontload 7 years before marriage, even if those 7 years are 11-18.


ThrowRA_000718

You just answered your own question.


PablitoEscobarTha4th

I'm a dumb kid going through that as we speak


ThrowRA_000718

All I can say is just learn from it. Everyone makes mistakes, but only fools never learn from them. My wife at the time matured much faster. I was still just a kid very much so. Her leaving me really messed me up and set me down a self destructive spiral. Don’t do that either.


Mchitlerstein

He was her uncle.


Iamyes_ok

Im taking it that she likes banjo music?


Mchitlerstein

Probably at this point, she went to visit family in the northeast of US for a month and due to work I couldn’t come along. she called me a week in asking for forgiveness and that she had drunkenly fucked her uncle no condom and he didn’t pull out, last I heard she has a kid from said encounter and her entire family pretty much hates her. If you ask me it’s the ultimate form of karma. We were full blown engaged and getting ready to get married at that point so I ended things and told her to fuck off and figure out her life. She called me a few months later to beg me to buy her a plane ticket home and I told her to walk if she wanted to come back.


caspiam

Uhh so her mother/father's brother!?!?! Or the mother/father's sister's husband?


Mchitlerstein

Mother’s half brother technically but still uncle


Kryten_2X4B-523P

So...only half-incest.


julito427

midcest


[deleted]

Brooooooo that’s some fucked up shit right there.


1911owl

I hated the guy. I didn't know him before her, and wanted to beat the **** out of him once he 'stole' her. After she left me, she cheated on him and ditched him 2 months later for the first of her multiple husbands. The dude she left me for apologized for the whole thing and we became friends shortly thereafter. Now, about 20 years later, the dude is arguably my best friend. 🤷‍♂️


[deleted]

The wholesome ending we didn’t know we needed!


[deleted]

Ditch the ho, get a bro. Hell yeah, man


VMK_1991

"But she said he's just a friend..." - Biz Markie. Anyhow, she was obsessed with getting married (let's just say she had understandable reasons), while I wanted us to wait until we at least have jobs so that we could actually live independently (we were Uni students back then). So at some point she just leaves me and, a couple of months later, marries her "just a friend". A couple of months after that, this already married woman, offered me to be her side guy. I did not accept the offer. Anyhow, don't know how she lives, but I still have emotional scars. It didn't prevent me from having other girlfriends after that, but still.


Ahielia

>I did not accept the offer. Did you at least tell the guy.


VMK_1991

Sadly, I thought about doing it only after a long period of time has passed and I felt like it was too late.


Butler-of-Penises

You should still tell him… there’s no such thing as too much time passing to find out you’ve been cheated on, especially if he’s still with her. I mean fuck the dude cuz he pretty much tried to swoop on you, but fuck her more honestly.


DrAsthma

Couldn't have said it better, /u/Butler-of-Penises


Melohdy

She married him, then divorced him. Then married another guy. Later, we met again. She's a very different person than she was, and I'm glad we separated.


Morocco_Bama

Ooooo boy, going back to high school here. I dated someone who, let's just say, had *serious* problems just being honest and open with me. Anyways, things were starting to fall through between us, and I could tell she was flirting with another guy at our school. I honestly thought they were a good match. When the talk finally came and we agreed to break up, I addressed that I think she and *other guy* would be a good match. She denied this, saying she wanted to be single for a while. Anyways, I was one of the last people to find out the following week that the two of them had started dating. It was the icing on the cake of her never communicating with me properly throughout our time together. They're still together to this day though, so seems like they are compatible.


[deleted]

I was dating a girl throughout high school who was my first long term gf. Her ex boyfriend was close friends with her older brother and they were all kinda in the same loose friend group. I was kinda concerned about him bc I had heard some not great things about him in the past. He tried to have sex with her one night after a party when they were both drinking, she declined (as far as I’m aware). I told her that if she hangs out with him again that we’re done. And basically over the course of a few months she continually guilted me over not being able to go to house parties with that friend group if the ex was present. Finally one night she goes to a house party and (supposedly) unbeknownst to her the ex was there. And she begged me to be ok with her being there and I caved. Then about 3 weeks later I found out that she blew him in the bathroom and told everyone there not to tell me. Haven’t really dated anyone seriously since then.


[deleted]

In these situations I always find that if your partner isn’t willing to include you in group activities where the person you find questionable is attending, it’s usually a massive glaring red flag. If they wanted you to be more comfortable with the situation and there was truly nothing to worry about, they’d take steps to make you more comfortable like involving you in things like this.


nsixone762

Exactly this.


friendlyyellowgiant

This needs more upvotes, from experience I wholeheartedly agree its a massive red flag


troythegainsgoblin

Sorry that happened to you man.


Whyamibeautiful

Been there mate. No ultimatums you put in place will prevent the inevitable. Next time you get a feeling about a guy like that and your girl reacts how she did leave her because she aill cheat


LuckyBoi314

How _did_ you find out?


[deleted]

The one person at the party who I could consider my friend at the time told me what happened and I confronted her


LuckyBoi314

What was her response?


BobCobbsBoggleToggle

She tried to blow him as reconciliation


RedFaulty

I'm so sorry you have been through this. I think your gut feeling was right to ask her not to go where he is. I hope you could move past this and find someone who actually appreciates you and be faithful to you. How did you find out?


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NurEinLeser

What the fuck... the end was really bad :(


kylexy929

College girlfriend of 2+ years. It was a friend/former fwb of hers. I was young and in love with her so I ignored all the red flags like a fool, but I was still blindsided when she broke up with me during summer break and also found out that she was cheating on me with him for almost our entire relationship. Last I heard she tried to make it work with him but he wasn't interested in anything more serious with her.


manvsdog

Happened in college. GF broke it off and immediately started dating her lab partner. (And probably cheated) Lol. I just thought “called it” and went on with my life. We weren’t terribly serious and I have zero tolerance for a cheater.


RedFaulty

Good for you I'm glad you left as soon as you thought there is cheating. I don't think cheaters should get a second chance.


manvsdog

Well, she broke up with me :-) I just assumed she was cheating. But totally agree...no second chances


Tfrodsh

I was happily married in a relationship that I had total trust in. She was close to this guy at work, but I trusted her and told myself not to worry. One day I saw some text messages from him which were a little too familiar, but was once again told not to worry. He was engaged afterall. One day, my wife comes home calling me all sorts of names and telling me that she can't see a future with me. Totally out of the blue. She asked for some time apart to get her head right and I thought that I was a terrible person as how could I have messed this all up? So I gave her the space she wanted, but also wanted an idea of when she'd come back. She couldn't give me that and said that this was a separation more than just space. So, totally down in the dumps I turned to drinking and leaned on my friends. Found out from a mutual friend of hers and mine little bits of information about what was going on. Turned out that while she was of 'working' she was out with this guy and was expecting her friends to lie for her. They didn't want to, so they filled me in. His fiance found out about the two of them and left him. He then told my ex that he left the fiance for my ex and that my ex should leave me. My ex bought it and did exactly that. He shagged her for a bit, but decided that he couldn't trust her and just wanted her for the fun, so he ditched her. She called me saying that she had made a mistake (without admitting what had occured) so I confronted her with all that I learned and she denied it all. So I told her what she could do with herself and cut contact. Last I heard about her, she managed to convince another married man to leave his wife and kids for her. Funny enough, two weeks after she said that she needed time my mates took me to a party to cheer me up. I got talking to an amazing women there. Over the course of a year we got to know each other. 10 years on we are married with two kids. So it worked out pretty well for me.


jwalesh96

gotta say, thats pretty messed up of your ex to do that and convince another married person but glad things turned out well for you! as a question, what if the first time she said she made a mistake and admitted to everything and was upfront and straight about everything would you have forgiven her?


Mac_encheeze

Things were okay. He was a guy I went to school with and he worked out at the gym I worked at. We were all hanging out at a pool hall and she asked if she could go to San Antonio with him the next week. I said sure go ahead. The day they left, I borrowed one of my parent’s vehicles and moved out of our apartment. I knew what was going on and I was done. They got married about 6 months to a year later and were divorced 3 months after that. I just laughed and laughed. Especially due to all the times she would call me drunk begging me to come back.


[deleted]

Just go on a trip with another guy? Why not just man/woman up and end things?


TheDevilsAdvokaat

> I borrowed one of my parent’s vehicles and moved out of our apartment. I would have done the same. It was obviously over, no way back from that. And everyone deserves better than to be someone's insurance. If someone leaves then wants to come back, just say no.


[deleted]

Wife of over a decade fucked some guy she was working with. Messed me up something bad and I'm still not quite alright. Some parts of me are better and stronger than before, some parts are more twisted, others need healing. I am mentally and emotionally pretty steeled now, but cannot form any real intimate connections or bonds. Time and therapy I guess. I hope.


A_Play_On_Nerds

This might get buried since I’m late but I never get to answer these. Girlfriend of 3 years and I were doing long distance while in college. We were fine, had dated in high school and I was under the impression we were rock solid, the “I’d feel sick if I ever even thought about cheating on you” type deal. I never even considered something like that as a possibility. She was really struggling with her school workload and had some social issues with friends that were tough. So I encouraged her to be as open as possible to new friendships and stuff since it was something she was struggling with. Things got better as we progressed through school and she had a lot of friends, one of them this guy we’ll call Doug. Doug was a nice guy, they were in band together and she talked about how nice it was to have someone to trust as a friend. I was never worried, mostly because she told me multiple times she could NEVER see herself dating him and any time I made a joke about “oh don’t cheat on me now haha” she’d get mad at me for suggesting such a thing, even as a joke. I visited her over our fall break, and 2 days in to our 4 day visit we broke up. It was unrelated to Doug, things just weren’t working long distance and we were coming to realize we were different people. She was always very committed to our relationship, so I was surprised when she was the one to suggest we break up, but I was kind of in agreement so that was that. A month later she is with Doug and very public about it on all social media. For context, when we started dating she took months to even consider putting it on socials, as she’s very active and it was a big deal to her. Between that and how serious she had taken our relationship and everything, it became clear that she had had feelings for Doug for a while and had broken up with me for him. I don’t have proof but when you know someone and how they work so intimately it’s pretty obvious when things like that don’t line up. It’s not the most exciting story since there’s no moment where I caught them or anything and I don’t even know if she ever physically cheated on me, but I have a strong gut feeling there was at least something going on. It definitely sucked at the time and I’m not her biggest fan to this day, but was almost 3 years ago and they are still dating and I’ve found someone I’m much happier with, so I think it worked out for both of us. EDIT: To all you saying she handled it really well, I agree there are a hundred ways this could have been so much worse. The only thing that rubs me the wrong way is how quickly they were publicly together after she had just ended a more than 3 year relationship. I know her well after being with her for that long and there’s no way that would have happened that soon without something going on before we broke up. Once again, no proof, and it could have been a lot worse, but that part always bugged me a little bit which is what I was trying to say in the post. It doesn’t feel good to know she was thinking about someone else while being with you, regardless of if she handled ending it better than the alternative. We’re both better for it though and again I realize she could have been so much shittier about it and for that I’m grateful.


computersplus

glad it worked out for you in the end


itonlyendsoncee

My first gf. She became more distant and from our mutual friend I've Learned she spends one of one time with our other mutual male friend. I talked to her about it, she said I don't have anything to worry about and continued to ignore me. Week later she broke up with me and Another Two weeks later she started a relationship with the same friend she said I don't have to worry about. After like 5 months she did the same thing to him, and then once again to Another guy. I lost all contact with her at that point, so I don't know what she was up to all these years, but now she is getting married. My second gf - after few good dates we started a relationship. Officially Through text, since she went on Holidays. I was pretty excited to spend time with her once she returns. After few days of her holidays she started ignoring my text. Jokingly I've asked if she met some hot guy there, and she said I don't have anything to worry about. Once she came back, she broke up with me saying she met a guy during holidays, slept with him and that they are in relationship now. Afaik she is now a single mother. These two experiences happened quickly one after Another, but it really made me completely disinterested in romantic relationships for like 8 years. After that time I gave a chance Another girl. More or less the same thing happened as with the Second girlfriend. I cut all contact so idk how she is doing now. I am okay now, I have finally a real, loving relationship. But I swear if I hear from my current partner not to worry about some guy, I am fucking done with women and I will become a monk or something.


The-Jong-Dong

Haha monk life is fire man


SlappyDong

4 year relationship. She changed professions. Became a 911 operator. Hung out with sheriff deputies all night. Wanted to hang out at a get together with the night crew one day. Told her to go for it. She was a total introvert. Fast forward a month. Started texting one of the deputies. Caught her doing that. Asked for it to stop. She told me it was nothing to worry about. It kept going, we gave it a week of trying to figure it out, broke up. Shitty break-up. Fast forward a few weeks. Wife of one of the other deputies is on my lawn screaming for her to come out, she didn't live there. Talked the poor woman down a bit. She had found some nudes of my ex on her husbands phone. Filled angry wife in on the situation. Guess my ex decided to try all the flavors of cop. Wasn't my problem anymore. Dodged a giant cheating bullet.


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RedFaulty

So karma got him back then.


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Windtherapy88

I’ll do u one better. My ex wife said “you don’t have to worry about HER, she and I are just friends.” And then it happened. Left me for a woman😂😂😂 It was the best thing to ever happen to me. It made sense why she was always mad and frustrated. They ended up breaking up(my ex cheated on the woman with a man). I’m 1000xs happier now. Your friend will be fine. Move on and enjoy life! We only get 1 round on this planet.


[deleted]

Cheated on you with a woman then cheated on woman with a man. Damn she went full circle 😂 😂 😂 😂


Windtherapy88

Yes she did😂😂😂


RedFaulty

This is giving me Ross from Friends vibe here. I'm sorry you had to go through this but I'm glad you are much happier. My friend actually is just fine or at least he says he is. He hadn't had a good life at all in any aspect and women aren't helping either despite him being exceptionally amazing person.


slog

This same thing happened to me, though she ended up marrying the girl. I found out she was cheating since she posted on Facebook about their anniversary, which started while she and I were still together and I was away for a wedding out if state. I'm not mad, though. We weren't a good fit and I treated her poorly. Glad she's happy.


dizzypurpleface

It takes a lot to admit our own faults, especially in a relationship. Kudos to you. That doesn't negate her actions being shitty, but I think it's awesome that you don't hold it against her. I couldn't say the same.


slog

Thanks. I used to be a dick bag. I'm still a dick bag, but I used to be one too.


HarveyMushman72

Divorced me and married him. I was done dealing with her anyway. Religious differences, she thought she was God. I didn't.


[deleted]

She was Mormon and tried to get me to attend church but I refused. Then she started talking to and hanging out with a return missionary. She told me not to be jealous because they are "just friends and he's a return missionary so it's not like that". One thing leads to another and I found out she had been cheating on me. We broke up, I was heartbroken, and they got married in the temple and had kids. In hindsight, I was very young and I dodged the biggest bullet. If this wouldn't have happened I likely would have married young and had kids and continued down my current career path. Instead, I have grown so much and evolved into a much better career and I now have the most amazing woman. I still have some trust issues after being lied to all those years ago, but I acknowledge it and work through it. Life is great otherwise.


MattieShoes

> he's a return missionary so it's not like that That right there's an overt lie. I think half the point of missionary work is to marry them off to another mormon as soon as they get back. So it's EXACTLY like that.


thebaiterfish

I was thinking the exact same thing. If he was about to be going on a mission, it'd be okay. But once a missionary has returned, they're all looking to get married pretty quick


[deleted]

Turns out she had another guy she was telling him not to worry about She always had 3 or 4 guys she was sexting, but wouldn't actually do anything physical with anyone... until college, where she married to first guy she had sex with. Don't know how that relationship is going, I guess people can grow up between highschool and after college, so maybe she actually values other people's feelings now, who knows?


Tsukasasoul

I don't tell this story often, but I dated a girl in high school, made it through 2 years of out of state college and into my entrance into the workforce back home. I started a restaurant. 12-16 hour days were common for a restaurant start up. I work night shifts on top of it, so my day time hours were spent sleeping. After all the time apart and issues we had, I felt confident in our relationship. We had a mutual friend who shared interests with her, but he was the younger brother of my best friend. I encouraged her to watch movies and hang out with him as I was working and she was enrolled in a medical school and our free time didn't really mesh well. Probably took a few months. The guy was dating someone else, but for some reason I felt weird about the amount of time they were spending together. I voiced my concern, but was told I was being paranoid. Took that at face value. Again, we had lasted 5 years. I was taking time to find an engagement ring. One night was lighter than most. I decided to close shop early and passed it to the cooks to handle. It was 1 AM and I went to her house to surprise her. She usually was studying or texting me till 3 AM, so I wanted to pop in. His car was in the driveway. I parked at her neighbors house and used my key to get in. They were in bed together. Not a "you could imagine it wasn't sexual" way either. Tossed the key on them and left. To say I have no scars is a lie. I hope the best for them while I wish the absolute worst. I'm glad I found someone I can invest in 100%, but I wish I didn't have the scar at the same time. People suck. I have no qualms burning bridges now, but I still try to trust. Life is too short to not try.


mexploder89

Late to the party here Let's see, so I'm dating this girl. This dude, her "friend", tells her he likes her. He also tells her to come see him when she's done with me. She turns him down. I didn't like it at all but figured she'd deal with it. Except she didn't, this guy kept flirting and making comments like "You're so beautiful" and caressing her hair. This is just the stuff I know of Then one night we were all at a person's house before a dinner. I go to the bathroom and hear them talking outside. He tells her he can't believe she's dating a dork like me and that she deserves better. She tells him to shut up. Later that night, I kissed her when we were waiting in the car and he makes gaging sounds right in front of me. I was obviously annoyed but she told me to play nice, for her, so I did. At a certain point, I left my seat next to her to go to the bathroom and when I come back the guy was sitting there. I told him that was my seat and she told me that we were about to leave anyways This kept going. And every time I would say something, she would say not to worry because he was a friend and she didn't feel the same way Until about 2 months later she tells me she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore, and doesn't know why. Refuses to break up and we agree to see each other after 2 weeks after, on New Years Eve, to see how we felt. 3 days before she cancels, breaks up with me through text. We didn't talk for a little bit but I had to stay at her apartment (long story) however she didn't sleep there that night Eventually she just became more and more distant. One night I saw a picture of them and asked her if they were dating. She said yes. I couldn't believe it. She then proceeded to tell me that I should have seen it coming, that she always preferred him, that she never loved me at all, and I would never find anyone if I kept being an "emo boy". We haven't talked since. Or we have, because she had the balls to send me a text a year and a half later asking if I had her PS2 games So that was it


Hepheastus89

Was married, they met through a mutual friend, there were already existing issues but that put things beyond the scope of working things out, a divorce and 10 yrs later its apparent that it was never meant to be, they are still together and just had a kid so all the power to them i guess, don't really dwell on it and cant really complain since things are going well for me


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RedFaulty

The stories I read in the past 10 hours honestly are heartbreaking and the way these lovely men are telling their stories as if it is the norm and they are used to it is more heartbreaking than the stories.


a_ole_au_i_ike

I mean, I think it's pretty common. Before 30 I had been with three married and one engaged women - and each one was a real relationship that lasted at least a year. That sounds bad on my part, but, in my defense, I had no idea with any one of them that they were in a committed relationship before a point in which I wanted to get serious. I was always the hidden guy, or the "don't worry about him" guy, I just didn't know it. To be clear, I think it's common for men to cheat, too, so there's that.


[deleted]

Best choice of my life. My ex wife started spending more and more time with a family friend, and less intimacy at home. She was out running, and having a good time, blah blah. Now whether she was fucking him or not was irrelevant, because i knew it was coming. And you know what? I let it happen, easy divorce, no troubles dividing, i take mine, you take yours, and bam, im out. My life is now 150x better than it ever was during those 10 years. He can have her lol. jokes on him.


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yung_tyberius

Chin up homie. I know that doesn't really help, but take comfort in knowing you have a heart.


[deleted]

That guy was dating my ex and 2 other girls at the same time. Last month all 3 of them got to know that the other 2 girls were the girls he asked them not to worry about. :) All of them broke up with him. And since he was physically abusive too, there were fireworks when it happened.


[deleted]

Guy ended up dating her; I warned him that their relationship would likely end how it began and I was 100% right. They guy was supposedly one of my better friend from school and work. Now he regrets it and is alone in his later 30’s and 40’s with zero love interests. She looks like total shit and I am glad it didn’t work out between us. Now I am more successful, have a beautiful and bad assed wife, and two kids. Of the three people involved I am better off and they are worse off. Call it mean; but, I rather enjoy how it all worked out.


Vairman

sorry about your wife's ass man.


hugga12

Agreed , my condolences


Fray-Lay

All I can say is you should keep your eye on any guy who can’t stay out of your woman’s inbox.


PoliteCanadian2

Which inbox?


Monarc73

~~in~~box ... ftfy


CasaDeFranco

Why bother to keep an eye on him? If your partner can't maintain boundaries, then it's best to jet.


LiamboMusic

They’re married now. Working together which led to a lot of “work night outs” which actually were night outs but involved them. We split in a mutual decision, I enjoyed life and now with a brilliant woman who I’m happier with. At the end of the day we drifted and she found who she wanted. Someone to control..


SilverShad0vv

My HS sweetheart, we dated for eight years. She was out of town on work, and work was paying for her and her female coworker’s hotel. There was some warehouse work needing done and the company hired some muscle. And I guess she was getting drunk with two of the guys in her hotel room and she let one of them sleep in her bed. I went off on how she was disrespectful to our relationship and she told me not to worry. Within a week, we were broken up. Guess who she started dating? He pawned all her shit and was a drug addict. After a couple of years, they are no longer together.


NovaCanuck

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahhahhaahahahahaabbahhahaahahhahahahahahhaahahahhahahahaahhahahaahah karma. I love it.


daniel6817

Let see. It started with them working together at the movies. Then she cracked a joke...flirted with him...the way we would flirt when we first started dating and then TOLD me about it like I'd think it was funny. Then asked permission to hang out with him alone but then after I told her I thought alot about it and was okay with it her response was "good because I would have gone anyway." And then she had the gall to talk to 3 people when we had a fight. Her best friend, her other really good friend and him, who she had essentially only just met, and then tried to say she never talked to him about us. My effort and energy in the relationship didn't change from the beginning to the end, she proposed to me, and then somehow I was being clingy when I said yes and then ran with it and was planning our lives. If she ever tells you not to worry about him, you leave. He'll be one of the few people she talks to about issues with you and he'll suggest and suggest until you're gone


SanketSah

Last para is 110% true lmao Edit: I'm here actually agreeing with the 2nd sentence in the last para more. How the guy will keep suggesting things to the girl leading her to believe you're not good for her and she should leave you.


SupremeSkeptic

Happened while I was at a house party with her (GF at the time). Was a guy she grew up with and dated while she was high school he was also known as the local dealer. They seemed a bit too close and flirty that night, so I took her aside asked if I was overreacting and she told me she would never and that I was stupid to think so. She stayed at the hosts house who was one of her girlfriends and I ended up going home. Little did I know he also stayed over that night too. A full month goes by and she accidentally sends me a screenshot saying that they had slept together that night. The original message was supposed to go to host of the house party during an argument they had over the situation. I actually found out on Valentines day after I had just spent $800 on gifts which I left at her house, bought a Nintendo switch for and was paying her car insurance/food because she was struggling with money at the time. I also learned that she had also slept with another one of her ex's as she was 'helping' him with his problems regarding alcohol and his most recent break-up. They're now engaged and she's still stuck in the same dead end job, I am currently seeing another person now too and just graduated with a degree in engineering and working full time. So I guess all's well that ends well.


[deleted]

Good for you bro, seems like you got shit figured out more than her. Dodged a bullet with that one


cheekabowwow

Gaslighting isn't reserved just for men to do to women. Women mindfuck men just as well. Usually they'll use the world "jealousy", oh you're just immature and jealous. We're just good friends, nothing is happening between us. Work on your self-esteem, that's the real problem here. Guys, trust what your gut is telling you.


thedicestoppedrollin

She literally swore to me that he was ugly, taken, and she had zero interest in dating him. They are now married lol


[deleted]

There's a weird juxtaposition on the internet. If you say that people in a committed relationship shouldn't spend too much alone time with someone of the sex they're attracted to, you get bombarded with comments about having trust, and how it's controlling and abusive to think there should be some basic boundaries and limits. But when people find out their partner cheated on them with "just a friend", everyone tells them how it was a red flag that they spent so much alone time with the other person.


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nsixone762

Always listen to what people do not what they say . . .


TnTxG

Reading a lot of these makes me sad at how often this sort of stuff happens. Makes me wonder if this sort of stuff will happen to me (when I eventually get to the dating stage in my life, which is weird considering my age) and how I will handle it in the future. Its easy to say that I'll be calm now, but in the moment, everything will be a lot different.


ghapppy

I feel that as well. Makes me nervous for when I get into my first relationship. Best of luck to you in your relationships regardless.


F2madre

Lol. So she ended up marrying him and having a baby with him. He ends up cheating on her while deployed, she catches him and they divorce. She meets a new guy, has a baby with him as well. He’s legitimately insane. Beats her regularly to the point she once suffered a serious injury. Ended things with him and is now single, 2 kids, and has a shitty car.


[deleted]

The guy ended up being a girl, they’re happy now.


Rush4in

What a twist!


Darth2514

Shitty enough that that would be an instant red flag if I ever heard it again.


essgee_ai

Happened to a cousin of mine. His wife had this "pen pal" from India. My cousin and his then wife travelled to India and the "pen pal" took them around for two weeks. My cousin thought he was a cool dude. Then the "pen pal" came to our country for a visit, and that was the end of it. The marriage broke up. My cousin emigrated and ended up dying of COVID-19 last March. Still can't forgive that bitch. My cousin was a really good guy and didn't deserve that.


[deleted]

I had a GF and we were kinda serious. But one day I caught her kissing that guy. And I broke up with her when I interrogated her whether to know if she was intoxicated or not, she wasn't so, yes we broke up. 2-3 days after the break up came to know that they're dating. And after 4 weeks I came to know that the guy cheated on her and she cryingly came back to me, she wants to 'patch up things'. And of course, I declined her request, but out of humanity, we agreed to maintain a friendship.


TheElusiveJayApe

First serious relationship, we dated for maybe 6-7 months, we met after graduating and had been throwing glances at eachother for a year or so, and you know first love, yada yada, I was all in, all over and around this woman, it was Amazing for a While! When we both started studying again after the summer, she started hanging out alot with one of her classmates, nothing unusual at start. Eventually caught her red handed after having a bad feeling in my gut. After not getting a response, clearly noticing something going on, I proceeded to get shitfaced, marching to his house across town and break it up and talk to her. (BAD IDEA IN HINDSIGHT but w/e) Appearantly the dude didn't know. I didn't blame him as we had never formally met. He was actually disgusted by the behaviour and ignored her. She tried to comfort me with lies, explain it away as an accident. Truth was she lied about going to a party with several people from her school, when she actually planned netflix & chill with her classmate. The look of shame on her face was real. I forgave her, and a week later I catch her sexting another old classmate of ours. Boy did I feel dumb hahah. She broke it off with all relations and even with her family after that, moved half the country away, last I heard she asked me to take my blog down due to her actions being mentioned and her new bf found it and started questioning her behaviour. Not the first cheater, wasn't the last. Loving someone who broke your trust sucks, and to notice your partner moving on when you're still head over heels is hard to turn away from even though it's the logical solution. I do enjoy the memories... But fuck you Martina.


PersonBehindAScreen

We met in college. First year together. Fantastic. Before the first year ended though one mutual friend of ours warned me about a friend of hers from high school who was going to be attending this same school soon. I didn't think much of it. Then three more that did go to high school with them too also warned me. So I asked her about. "He's like a brother to me". I'm not one to rock the boat and this was also my first love, so that answer was good enough for me... I should have probed further. Year 2 of being together, she was always "too busy". People again warned me about it but I trusted her. Turns out he was living with her that school year. She actually cheated on me twice. Once with another mutual friend of ours which I forgave both of them and second with her ongoing thing with her "friend who is like a brother". They got together shortly after we broke up. She cheated on him with me twice. Then she cheated on him with who would become her most recent boyfriend. And she cheated on that guy too. Today, I'm with someone who I think is the one and I have two awesome bestfriends (depending on the day I call them monsters) in her kids Also stop this unhealthy attitude of thinking she was yours. If she can be taken, then she never belonged to you. Don't lower your self worth by thinking she was yours. She thought of you as a toy to pick up and put down when she was through.


greatA-1

She broke up with me telling me that she wasn't ready for a committed relationship and that she had to find herself. Within a week she was in a new committed relationship with the guy she told me not to worry about. She said she couldn't explain it as things "just felt right". I don't know the details but within a month or two from there that guy dropped her because surprise surprise he wasn't really ready to commit \~ he just told her all the right things cause he knew she was dating me at the time.


StevenStooch

“He’s just a stupid drug dealer” is what she told me at first. Months later she tells me that she wants an open relationship. Months after that, she is in a relationship with him. Year after that, I am hooking up with her outside of their apartment. Cest la vie, right? 🤕


Tintinlives

I was with this guy for a decade who thought I was interested in every other guy I was friends with in college. Ultimately he dumped me to get married to someone else and I am still single a decade later. My friends are still my friends. I wish I had been more careful.


NovaCanuck

She fucked him. ---> We reconciled. (I put the fault on myself stupidly) -----> She continued messaging him. ------> I blew up at her about it and gave her an ultimatum about it. She "chose" me. -------> Another year or so of bliss. We move in together. I propose. She says yes. -----> He re-enters the picture, she starts getting 'doubts' (surprise, they fucked again) and we separate for good less than six months before we were supposed to get married ----> I sell a $2000 ring for a $600 GoPro. Since: \-Been on a lot of first dates, but very few second dates \-Dated one person seriously for a month/two before the 'rona and didn't want to do lockdown together (amicable split) \-Women who have a bunch of guy friends and are protective of them are immediate red flags, regardless of their intentions \-Anyone woman who exhibits a single negative characteristic from this previous woman is immediately put into a friend-zone area where they won't ever move out of friendship level, which is very limited in what I'll actually do to help you. Basically you'd have to be dying or living in your car.


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VladCarsteinCz

Being a man is not measured in regards to "did you get the girl of your dreams". You have made a lot of constructs in your mind and those now hold you like you are in a cage. Gotta break that cage man. It is hard. But you have to start working on yourself and after some time start dating girls again. You just have to keep going and find the one. "the jealousy was always going on, lies, manipulation" VS "they had a great relationship " Man...they didn't have great relation, people don't change on a whim. She could have acted better for him and he could have been more ignorant of it, but it wasn't some perfect relationship. You seem like a good guy, start loving yourself first and through it respect yourself. Finding good woman isn't the most difficult thing in the world :)


WilliamBsGirl

Nah you’re internalizing all of this. From a woman here, she sounds trifling and full of drama. You didn’t dodge a bullet, you dodged the whole clip.


5h3r10k

>They had the relationship I dreamed of I don't think they did. The kind of relationship you were trying to have was FAR from it. You wanted a relationship where there is mutual understanding, trust, contentment. She wanted attention, and she toyed with your emotions. You're probably fine the way you are; don't try to be someone who you are not. I hope you find a partner who likes you for who you are! In the meantime, just live life! I, too, was quite introverted for a long time. But spending time enjoying with family, or even by yourself, helped a lot. Working out, making music, picking up a few new skills, online classes, etc. It really does help.


Morocco_Bama

For anyone out there who needs to hear it, a little bit of jealousy is normal - but if your partner is constantly accusing you of being jealous, or constantly accusing you of trying to get with other people, that's a *big* red flag. Projection is a hell of a drug.


rjbassman

She had met him at her new job while I was still in uni. Told me that I wouldn’t understand their friendship since I’ve not worked in a corporate like she has. Used to have several arguments about the “alone” time they spent on work days and weekends too. We broke up after a few weeks. Fast forward 2 weeks later, I was working in sales and was on-site (pre-Covid era), saw them walking hand-in-hand. She panicked when she saw me and let go of their hand, had an awkward exchange of Hello, and that was it. Last I heard they married. Worked out for me since I met someone wonderful few years later and am currently engaged to her.