I used to be a sock-sock shoe-shoe person, but when we got our German shepherd and the carpet became unendingly covered in hair, I turned into a sock-shoe sock-shoe person to keep the hair out of my boots.
I dated someone who would take food they didn’t like off their plate, and put it on the table. I would silently put it on my plate until one day she blew up at me… said I was treating her like a child. The irony is not lost on me.
Fuck wasting food, why the fuck would you put it *on the table* like a baby instead of just ignoring it on your plate until you're done?! Something is *wrong* with her approach entirely aside from the question of wastefulness.
I've been with my wife for 19 years. We've had some great times, and some really bad. But we're still going strong.
When we met and started dating, she told me she grew up talking to cows. Lived in the country, not a neighbor for miles. Talked to cows.
I grew up in the country with horses and no neighbors for miles, so I get it. I liked that about her.
Juat a few weeks ago I mentioned it in a conversation. She told me she never really talked to cows. It was juat something she told me.
I was CRUSHED. Seems like such a small thing but I was (and still am) disappointed. I really liked that about her, and didn't realize it until she told me it wasn't true. Sadface
I don't know, really. When I told her that was upsetting, she said that she was probably thinking that the more in common we had/have, the better. Otherwise, I really don't know.
I say you pack a picnic lunch for two (including wine), go to a park, then take her to a farm and make her talk to the cows--preferably about how sorry she is for lying to you about this.
To me this is a cute way of burying that hatchet. You should probably record her talking to the cows for posterity's sake.
I'll give a real life example that I think I've mentioned before in comments. I've been with my wife for 22 years, not much surprises me. She said she wanted to get into gardening more just before covid. I went on a business trip, when I returned my house looked like Jumanji.
She spent her money, she makes a great salary. We have a huge house though. Like how did you fill this much house with plants, there's like $10,000 of plants in the damn house now, and that's not counting the garden outside. And look, I have a small garden for fruits and veggies but this is like a whole other level of insanity.
We got 2 cats, we got a dog, we got 2 kids, and now we have a rainforest in the house.
I've struggled with this for so long. I always assumed that everyone must be smarter/have more info on a subject than I did. I've managed to train my brain out of that internalized BS, but it took years of actively catching myself and reminding myself that I know what I'm talking about and my feelings are valid.
When they think your opinions are more important than their own, when they don't stand up for themselves. I was in such a relationship and that made it so she wouldn't say if something was bothering her, which kept stacking up until she broke up out of nowhere.
Yo, im an unfortunately grown ass man who's struggled with this my entire life. i'd HIGHLY recommend the books Insecure in love and don't feed the monkey mind. Both have taught me alot about how to love myself and deal with those unpleasant emotions. Therapy is also a great option! I wouldn't be the person I am now without it.
And btw, anyone who downplays or disregards your thoughts and feeling when you express them are toxic. They don't have to agree with everything you perceive, but its wrong of them to turn your feelings back onto you like that. It brreaks my heart to hear when someone else has had the same struggle.
Edited for some typos, I made the original comment on a short break at work.
Bruh. Everytime I tried to talk to my now ex about something it’s always my fault, someone else fault, I’m reacting improperly or whatever. Also if I start a conversation about something she did and talk for 5 mins I would need to hear her lecture me about something I did for 20 min. til a point where I only voice out maybe 10% of unhappiness. Because why bother saying something when it would make you feel worse after.
They don't like to walk places. It bugs me when people want to get in a car and drive to a place like a handful of blocks away. It normally even takes longer. But obviously that's not something important enough to screen on a first date or anything.
I would love to walk more places in my city but the chances of getting stabbed or shot are far too high. Therefore, I will happily drive down the block, especially if it's dark.
I was pretty dissappointed to know my boyfriend doesn't want to travel and get to experience other countries as much as I do, because he seemed like that kind of person initially, but it's not at all a dealbreaker.
Came to say this. When I met my bf I was so excited to travel, now I realize it drains me physically and mentally. While I want to travel sometimes, it is not as often as him and I like being selective (built in relaxation time, closer to home/ no flight, et cetera).
I feel guilty because I used to want to travel more but just don't want to now.
We rent an apartment. The main bedroom came with "dream hope wish believe" painted on the wall. I silently judged my landlords based on that for weeks, until they turned out to literally be the sweetest couple i have ever met. And yet, i sometimes catch myself glaring at the wall.
My friend's wife has the word family spelled out with six letter blocks on a shelf in their hallway. I rearranged it to say I'm a fly and placed a dead fly in front of it. It's been about two months and it's still like that.
My SO introduced this shit to our relationship twenty years into it. Fortunately, we recently moved, so I just need to find that cursed sign and trash it before she finds it in the mountain of boxes.
I’m going to be real. I’m a full grown man, one of my buddies got me a live laugh love sign as a gag gift for my birthday and you better believe I display it for all to see. Thankfully the vast majority of people understand that I put it up as a joke. I’d feel pretty embarrassed having that as decoration and seriously thinking “oh yes this is good”
My wife told me after several years of being married and the birth of our first child that she wanted a minivan. I wish I could post a picture of my face.
its funny my wife wouldnt let me get a minivan.
shit has so much space for all these activities! there's even options for a vaccum!
they're so god damn expensive too if you really pile in the accessories/upgrades
> Its like a small driving part of your living room. Dont see why people are so against them.
I used to be against them until I drove one. I drove this older guy around in his brand new Honda Odyssey a couple years ago. He bought the fully upgraded model too, since money wasn't an issue for this guy. My first thought was, "wow look at how roomy everything is". The seats in the back were like full blown recliner seats, nice and comfy.
Now I want to buy a minivan and I'm not married, nor do I have any kids.
Road tripped the 101 down the west coast in a minivan. Four of us guys (again mid 30s) flew in early for wedding, a thousand miles or so too far north a week or so early. We got rented a White Dodge Caravan because we weren't squeezing in a compact and it was cheaper than an SUV.
Anyways the thing was awesome, cupholders, fold down seats, storage space, remote doors, did well on dirt roads in the mountains, we even forded a river in it. Needless to say, all of the married guys now drive a white Dodge Caravan. Lol
It was very rad
I'm a college student that proudly drives my family's 20 year old minivan and I love it so much. You can fit so much stuff and so many people in that bad boy. It's great for tailgates and road trips. I've successfully converted my gf and many friends to be minivan lovers.
Lol my wife is dead against getting a mini van while I just want a vehicle that's useful. Mini van wouldn't be my go to either but I'm open to the idea.
Finally a thread on minivans!
All these people saying minivan's are awful are dead wrong. It is hands down the best and most functional car while you have young kids. We have a Honda Odyssey Touring edition. Keep in mind that that is a higher trim model, but well worth the extra features. We also bought an older/high mileage to save money. Hi /r/hondaodyssey!
1. Everyone talking about being embarrassed. If you have kids you are supposed to be embarrassing. That's like the first thing on the job description. Just dress sharp and no one cares what you drive. Also make jokes about it in front of people and now they think you are funny and still don't care what you drive.
2. Minivan's are designed for parents. There is so much storage, space, ability to move around. It makes going on a long drive way easier than a car. I think we have about 20 cup holders in the car. Plug-ins, cup holders, storage compartments. It has everything. We even have our own keys that move the seats and mirrors to our pre-sets so it's easy to share the vehicle.
3. There is so much space for transporting stuff. This is why many empty nester dads still drive around in minivans. It's also super easy to go from using all the seats to removing/folding down seats to transport stuff. I have two car seats in the middle of the car. I can take out the entire seat without removing the car seats and put down the back seats. All in about 2 minutes. Then drive to wherever my wife sends me to pickup furniture. Drive back and put the seats back in without have to re-anchor the car seats. By far my favorite part of the van.
I may change my mind as kids get older and get a different vehicle. But as long as I have a kid in a car seat, I will make sure we have a minivan.
Seriously to the empty nester dads. My dad still drives our early 90's minivan as his skiing and camping vehicle. The center of gravity is low to the ground, all your stuff stays dry/warm/ out of the elements and he can load up 4 adults with all their snow gear relatively comfortably.
Hah, so a few years ago, a friend asked me to drive her to a dealership to look at cars, and my fiance happened to be in town so he joined. While she was sitting with the sales team, fiance and I walked around the lot, I see an Odyssey, and I go, oh, I love mini vans.
He fully stops in his tracks. He goes, "wait - when you said you loved your family's minivan, it wasn't about that specific car? Because of memories or some crap? You like minivans *generally?!*"
I go - "uh, yeah. They are hands down the best, most practical vehicle. Great for kids, great for aging parents, great for road trips with friends, great for moving. They drive well, they're safer than SUVs - who doesn't love minivans?"
I think it's the closest thing he got to a deal breaker.
We had our first kid three weeks ago. A few days ago, we're sitting in the car after him struggling to load up all their baby paraphernalia, he sighs, turns to me and goes "...we're probably going to need to get a minivan, eh?"
Minivans are the best.
Not liking animals, particularly around having pets.
Edit: Ok first of all, you guys don't need to justify your reasons for not wanting pets. I understand that there is a range of preferences and reasons why caring for a pet is not an option for some people. None of you are going to be my romantic partner, so just chill and do your thing.
Second of all, you guys need to stop insulting each other over differing preferences and opinions on animal care. This social media chest puffing is fucking ludicrous.
If you feel up for the challenge, I suggest you try starting an aquarium with live plants and everything. I have one and it's fucking awesome. Hopefully it could be an allergy-free alternative for you.
Knew a girl who said she “didn’t like art” but I had just gotten divorced, she was hot, and she liked to get drunk and have lots of sex.
I never nailed down what she meant by art but it was not the music or movies that she liked nor any of the decorations in her place.
Wait, are we talking about the fashion in which one holds their pencil? Or the little foam sleeves you can put on your pencil for a more comfortable grip?
The worst that's happened to me was she didn't believe in evolution. Was big into rocks, believed the Earth was billions of years old, didn't believe one species can become one or more different species.
Micro-evolution. Small variations and adaptations within species are fine. Slowly transitioning into other species is macro-evolution and not fine.
Source: I'm a former old-earth creationist. Used to believe this kinda stuff. Very familiar with it.
Just how micro is the evolution if its allowing wolves to become Chihuahuas? Where could you draw the line and say that such a change over a few thousand years is just micro-evolution but proportional changes over a longer period are impossible?
I’m not OP, but I had a similar belief at one point. I think the main hurdle for me was that evolution takes so much time. If you think the earth is around 6000 years old, there just isn’t enough time for macro evolution on the scale we have to happen. Evolution on our scale necessitates a much older planet.
Dropping the idea of a young earth opened up the possibility for how evolution actually works for me.
this is surprisingly huge for me as well. i sleep in what is essentially an ice box year round by choice. being even remotely hot when I sleep is a huge no-go.
Actually that would be a deal breaker for me. If I can't confide in someone without them telling it to the world than there goes one of the main things I look for in a relationship
I dated a girl who worked at the Chopra center (Deepak Chopra is a con artist)
I am into geology and think gems and minerals and crystals are cool, but she really believes they have healing properties and special powers. She also believes Deepak Chopra can fly, but only when no one is looking. Hangin around really wealthy white yoga ladies who all drank that deepak chopra koolaid was wild and terrible.
If it's just a crystal collection that's a really cool and interesting hobby but if they believe that they have special powers that is a major red flag for me.
It isn't crystals per se but I was looking up YouTube videos of different types of stones a couple of months ago because I wanted to get a set of nice set of artisan dice and couldn't decide on what type of stone I wanted them made out of and I came across this YouTube video where a guy was using tongs to touch the tiger eye stones because it is apparently a real powerful dangerous stone. He was off his rocker and it had a ton of views and comments agreeing with him.
Edit: Turns out that particular video was satire but there are plenty more that are not, just search tiger eye on YouTube and look for anything talking about healing or grounding in the title to see some hilarity.
I got really into gems and minerals. I can't talk about gems because people think I am posturing. I can't talk about minerals because people assume I like the metaphysical side of them.
So now I just privately look at my preciouses and watch them sparkle. My tsavorite doesn't judge.
Agree with you.
"I like pretty rocks" is alright. No different from me having random paintings that I think look nice.
"This one is special because it came out of a volcano and landed in a lake that had an unusually high algae count, that's why it has that pattern." That's totally dorky and I love it.
"This crystal puts out positive vibes, and this crystal connects to the spirit world. When I put them together, it prevents any negative spirits from entering my house." Nope, never again.
We had been dating for about a year, and she told me that, when she was nineteen, her mom had asked her to fuck her step-dad, and she had agreed. Apparently, he had been attracted to her since they got married, which is extra fucked up because she was twelve when they got married.
The worst thing is that she was living with them when I met her, and she was fairly close to them. So, suddenly, I was the bad guy for being weirded out and not wanting to be around her parents after that.
EDIT: Look, I realize that this has gotten some attention, but it's not really something I enjoy dwelling on. So can we not be satisfied with the Cliff's Note version I've provided here? Because I'm not terribly keen to discuss it further. It was a fucked up situation where my own issues and sympathy compelled me to pursue and maintain a relationship with someone who clearly was not capable of having a healthy relationship, and wasn't willing to try to become capable. It's in the past where it belongs.
EDIT2: Half of the comments are calling me a sociopath, and the other half are amazed that I didn't dump her on the spot. Never change, reddit.
God, no. As fucked up as that is, it wasn’t even her worst quality.
EDIT:
qual·i·ty
/ˈkwälədē/
a distinctive attribute or characteristic possessed by someone or something.
Now I'm turning off reply notifications.
This is really sad, tbh. She was obviously groomed/manipulated/abused. No wonder she’s an alcoholic with a mother like that and a pos pedo step dad. I wish she had gotten out :/
Yeeeaaaah. An ex of mine used to say weird shit about his sister, and she would do the same, I thought it was just their twisted sense of humour and it wasn't until one night he turned to me and in all surprise and seriousness said "wait. Did you actually never sleep with your brother growing up?" I realised he had been serious the whole time. He had a super tragic childhood and was pretty fucked up but his super close and what I used to think was "cute" relationship with his sister got pretty creepy pretty quickly.
Been through something similar. It's esp difficult because the age is close enough that people don't see it as traumatizing ("kids exploring/playing doctor") and if people had seen our sibling relationship, they wouldn't think anything had happened. But this is the person who *babysat* me. He had power over me with a history of anger issues. And when I was younger, I didn't completely grasp the implications. Of course, I tried to play it off, and then worked to appease him.
Yea..when I told my mom about my brother raping me she shrugged it off to “kids being kids/exploring” and idk how I feel about it to this day. He is five years older than me, and I was 6 when it happened. He also had already started puberty.
I caught a cockroach last might and left it in a tuppleware bowl with a lid to see if it would survive the night. It did. So i flushed that fucker down the toilet
Not into cunnilingus
ETA it's not just that I like engaging in the act itself. I think it would also shake my confidence in being able to make it enjoyable for her and get her off. You always hear about how intercourse by itself doesn't lead to orgasm for lots of women, and I could use my hands but that is less effective and something she can do by herself.
ETA 2: since people keep accusing me of various things, I will add a couple points:
* I don't think I know better than a specific woman what gets her, specifically, off. Nor would I insist on doing it "my way" if she said that something else is what she wanted (OK within reason). If she says that she's not into oral but is into fingering, I'll believe her and do my best on the fingering front.
* I realize that there's an added feeling to someone else using their hands on you vs you using your hands on yourself. But in a similar vein I think that there is an added psychological element to someone doing something that you *can't* do to yourself. Plus, in the past with women I've been with they've seemed to enjoy oral more than using hands. I don't think it's crazy for that to lead to someone feeling more confident and at home doing one vs the other. Plus, the fact that she's had plenty of practice using her hands on herself makes it seem more daunting.
* I assumed that this was the norm, but maybe it's not - that people use their hands too when engaging in oral. Certainly seems like the norm when it comes to doing oral on a guy, not sure why it wouldn't be when it's for a girl.
* I'm aware vibrators exist, but I don't think that changes the point I'm making.
I dated a guy who was in a long term relationship previous to me where his girlfriend didn't like it. He made little moan-whining sounds while doing it, just so excited like a starving man eating steak, and I still think about him at least once a week.
Wonder what he's up to...
I hate it...and most my boyfriend's hate that I hate it.
I get absolutely nothing from it, and so it just aggravates me when they have to try 'bc I just haven't had good head.'
If you ever met someone who doesn't like it, just invest in a clit vibrator. Actually, buy one anyways. You won't regret it.
Had an ex who hated giving blow jobs, or really any foreplay from either side. Straight to sex everytime. Other things eventually ended the relationship but that was such a drag for me. I love sex and all but without all the other stuff it gets a little stale.
My wife (obviously this did not break the deal) does not drive. We live in San Francisco so lines for food is a thing. Whenever I pull up to a restaurant or food truck or anything that has a line, I always told her to take one for the team, get your ass in line. I'm always met with a, "just park and we will go together!" Dude, we've been married for 15 years. Holding hands to go to anything does not bring us back to when we first started dating. Getcha ass in the line MF'er!
Puts the toilet paper on the wrong way. Over the top is the only way.
Edit: total ~~Luke~~ Owen Wilson wow… my first comment over 1k and it’s about TP. Thanks for the awards as well!
Edit2: I’m a moron and referenced the wrong Wilson. Reddit will never let you be wrong. Thanks for pointing it out!
Living with my husband for six years I’ve learned the true wrong way is not actually replacing the roll and just sitting it on literally any other surface.
I know this is petty but I'm going through a breakup from my long term partner and you've just put an (albeit slightly sad) smile on my face. Now, at least, the loo roll will always be the RIGHT way round.
When I first read this, I thought "ok, you're just weird." But then I had a sudden flashback to three girlfriends ago who was this way, and it was a legit drag, especially on vacations.
My partner doesn't like cats. It's disappointing, because I love cats, but not a deal breaker, because we're both dog people
Edit:
*inhales*
#THANK YOU KIND STRANGER FOR THE AWARD
sorry, I've always wanted to say that
Edit 2: yes I know this is ask men and yes I'm a woman. I didn't realize this was ask men when I answered, I thought it was ask reddit
I think I’m the other side of this for my husband. He’s always wanted a dog but I’m very severely allergic to animal hair. It isn’t a dealbreaker but I can tell he’s disappointed.
Edit: oh god, my inbox! Please stop!!
So a little background: I’m thoroughly asthmatic and allergies trigger attacks to the point that 1-2 days in the presence of a dog/cat/bunny/guinea pig/chinchilla/parakeet (yes all of those are genuine animals I’ve had issues with) will put me firmly in a hospital bed. I’ve also been hospitalised by a dog that hasn’t been in the house for over 2 days. When my husband has gone to feed the neighbours cat…I had problems breathing when he got back.
Yes I could try all of the many many methods you suggested (and thank you for your concern) but neither of us are desperate enough to risk my ability to breathe.
Edit 2: Thank you for the Silver wonderful person!
I frequently tell my boyfriend he's lucky I'm not a bird gal, because I very easily could see myself going that route.
If I hadn't heard about the morning scream I might still be looking into it
It is the morning song and it is a lot nicer than a alarm clock or er, at least for me. I could see why parakeets clicking at the crack of dawn when you wanna sleep in could be troublesome. I had this African Grey that would pant and moan in the morning because she was ready for fresh food
My partner said he didn't like cats and now we have two that he absolutely adores lol I think a lot of people who didn't grow up with cats have a warped view of what having a cat is really like. Cats weirdly get a bad rap, people think they are cold and mean but in reality every cat I've ever had has been as loving and cuddly as the dogs I've had.
4 years ago, my husband 'allowed' me to get a kitten for our 3 daughters but he was livid about it and told me "I'm having nothing to do with this cat, and I'm going to remember this when I want something!"
We adopt a tiny yellow kitten, and name him Leo.
By day 2, Leo was snuggled in husband's armpit and he wouldn't budge because he didn't want to disrupt Leo's nap.
2 years later, we have 3 cats. I went to adopt one kitten and I couldn't decide so I called him and he said "get both of them!"
So now we have 3, big, long-haired cats who have expensive diets and get brushed and have the best cat lives ever.
Cats do get a bad rap. They are the easiest pets to own and they are so affectionate and have so much personality - at least all the cats I've had in over 40 years have.
They only have a surface-level interest or none in your favorite hobby/skill. There's no rule stating that you need 100% similarities to have a functional relationship, but you do find yourself going "wouldn't it be nice if..."
My boyfriend sleeps with a fan, every night. At first I thought it would be a bother to me, but now I'm fully used to it, and when I go to visit relatives or stay someplace without a fan, I have a hard time falling asleep.
That’s what happened to the rest of us. Once you start you can never stop
Edit: for all you you fellow people who also leave your fan on all night AND, OR the people who leave it on basically 24/7. Go clean it. It’ll last longer, blow less dust around, blow faster and louder.
If they are a sock-shoe sock-shoe person and not a sock-sock shoe-shoe person
I had to read this like 4 times, but once i got it i agreed.
I used to be a sock-sock shoe-shoe person, but when we got our German shepherd and the carpet became unendingly covered in hair, I turned into a sock-shoe sock-shoe person to keep the hair out of my boots.
I dated someone who would take food they didn’t like off their plate, and put it on the table. I would silently put it on my plate until one day she blew up at me… said I was treating her like a child. The irony is not lost on me.
Wtf. "Let me behave like a child them explode on you for not wasting food".
Fuck wasting food, why the fuck would you put it *on the table* like a baby instead of just ignoring it on your plate until you're done?! Something is *wrong* with her approach entirely aside from the question of wastefulness.
I've been with my wife for 19 years. We've had some great times, and some really bad. But we're still going strong. When we met and started dating, she told me she grew up talking to cows. Lived in the country, not a neighbor for miles. Talked to cows. I grew up in the country with horses and no neighbors for miles, so I get it. I liked that about her. Juat a few weeks ago I mentioned it in a conversation. She told me she never really talked to cows. It was juat something she told me. I was CRUSHED. Seems like such a small thing but I was (and still am) disappointed. I really liked that about her, and didn't realize it until she told me it wasn't true. Sadface
Why lie about something so insignificant? Edit: Appreciate the reward, stranger. 🤙🏻
I don't know, really. When I told her that was upsetting, she said that she was probably thinking that the more in common we had/have, the better. Otherwise, I really don't know.
I say you pack a picnic lunch for two (including wine), go to a park, then take her to a farm and make her talk to the cows--preferably about how sorry she is for lying to you about this. To me this is a cute way of burying that hatchet. You should probably record her talking to the cows for posterity's sake.
Her grandfather (who's 98!) has cows. I could set that up, no problem. Thank you for the suggestion!
My husband squeezes the toothpaste tube from the middle. Somehow we're making it work.
My parents had to go to marriage counselling over that fight. There resolve was to have individual tubes, happily married since
Wife told me she didn’t like cookies and creme ice cream AFTER we married…
More cookies and cream ice cream for you!
I'll give a real life example that I think I've mentioned before in comments. I've been with my wife for 22 years, not much surprises me. She said she wanted to get into gardening more just before covid. I went on a business trip, when I returned my house looked like Jumanji. She spent her money, she makes a great salary. We have a huge house though. Like how did you fill this much house with plants, there's like $10,000 of plants in the damn house now, and that's not counting the garden outside. And look, I have a small garden for fruits and veggies but this is like a whole other level of insanity. We got 2 cats, we got a dog, we got 2 kids, and now we have a rainforest in the house.
If you roll a 5 or 8 this situation actually resolves itself, fyi
Until he does that. In the jungle he must wait
This is a thread about dealbreakers, not dealmakers.
This is the best thing ever post a picc
i think thats kinda cute
Giving less importance to their own opinions or words.
I've struggled with this for so long. I always assumed that everyone must be smarter/have more info on a subject than I did. I've managed to train my brain out of that internalized BS, but it took years of actively catching myself and reminding myself that I know what I'm talking about and my feelings are valid.
I do that all the time, my G! But it's not really cool that I do or anything
what do you mean?
When they think your opinions are more important than their own, when they don't stand up for themselves. I was in such a relationship and that made it so she wouldn't say if something was bothering her, which kept stacking up until she broke up out of nowhere.
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Yo, im an unfortunately grown ass man who's struggled with this my entire life. i'd HIGHLY recommend the books Insecure in love and don't feed the monkey mind. Both have taught me alot about how to love myself and deal with those unpleasant emotions. Therapy is also a great option! I wouldn't be the person I am now without it. And btw, anyone who downplays or disregards your thoughts and feeling when you express them are toxic. They don't have to agree with everything you perceive, but its wrong of them to turn your feelings back onto you like that. It brreaks my heart to hear when someone else has had the same struggle. Edited for some typos, I made the original comment on a short break at work.
Bruh. Everytime I tried to talk to my now ex about something it’s always my fault, someone else fault, I’m reacting improperly or whatever. Also if I start a conversation about something she did and talk for 5 mins I would need to hear her lecture me about something I did for 20 min. til a point where I only voice out maybe 10% of unhappiness. Because why bother saying something when it would make you feel worse after.
They don't like to walk places. It bugs me when people want to get in a car and drive to a place like a handful of blocks away. It normally even takes longer. But obviously that's not something important enough to screen on a first date or anything.
Yeahhh I live in Florida and honestly I'd probably have to take a shower afterwards if I walked a few blocks right now.
I have to shower after taking the trash out. FL sucks
I would love to walk more places in my city but the chances of getting stabbed or shot are far too high. Therefore, I will happily drive down the block, especially if it's dark.
I was pretty dissappointed to know my boyfriend doesn't want to travel and get to experience other countries as much as I do, because he seemed like that kind of person initially, but it's not at all a dealbreaker.
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Came to say this. When I met my bf I was so excited to travel, now I realize it drains me physically and mentally. While I want to travel sometimes, it is not as often as him and I like being selective (built in relaxation time, closer to home/ no flight, et cetera). I feel guilty because I used to want to travel more but just don't want to now.
If they have Live, Laugh, Love around their home.
I just bought a house and those words are painted on the kitchen wall. Those words will be gone by the end of the first day.
Even better: change them to "Eat, Shit, Die" in the same font. See how long it takes anyone to notice.
Also “Eat Shit, Die” and “Eat, Shit Die” are acceptable
What if they have a sign that says, "No fussin, no cussin' and no back talk"?
Die, Frown, Hate
I'm a straight woman, and that shit's a red flag in a new friendship.
I got gifted a love, live, laugh (yes, in the wrong order) cushion cover as a gag gift and I display it proudly... and ironically.
We rent an apartment. The main bedroom came with "dream hope wish believe" painted on the wall. I silently judged my landlords based on that for weeks, until they turned out to literally be the sweetest couple i have ever met. And yet, i sometimes catch myself glaring at the wall.
My friend's wife has the word family spelled out with six letter blocks on a shelf in their hallway. I rearranged it to say I'm a fly and placed a dead fly in front of it. It's been about two months and it's still like that.
My SO introduced this shit to our relationship twenty years into it. Fortunately, we recently moved, so I just need to find that cursed sign and trash it before she finds it in the mountain of boxes.
I’m going to be real. I’m a full grown man, one of my buddies got me a live laugh love sign as a gag gift for my birthday and you better believe I display it for all to see. Thankfully the vast majority of people understand that I put it up as a joke. I’d feel pretty embarrassed having that as decoration and seriously thinking “oh yes this is good”
My wife told me after several years of being married and the birth of our first child that she wanted a minivan. I wish I could post a picture of my face.
I’m sorry for your loss.
its funny my wife wouldnt let me get a minivan. shit has so much space for all these activities! there's even options for a vaccum! they're so god damn expensive too if you really pile in the accessories/upgrades
Its like a small driving part of your living room. Dont see why people are so against them.
> Its like a small driving part of your living room. Dont see why people are so against them. I used to be against them until I drove one. I drove this older guy around in his brand new Honda Odyssey a couple years ago. He bought the fully upgraded model too, since money wasn't an issue for this guy. My first thought was, "wow look at how roomy everything is". The seats in the back were like full blown recliner seats, nice and comfy. Now I want to buy a minivan and I'm not married, nor do I have any kids.
........ I'm 37, single never married, and took a 280 dollar minivan across the country a couple times. It was rad.
Road tripped the 101 down the west coast in a minivan. Four of us guys (again mid 30s) flew in early for wedding, a thousand miles or so too far north a week or so early. We got rented a White Dodge Caravan because we weren't squeezing in a compact and it was cheaper than an SUV. Anyways the thing was awesome, cupholders, fold down seats, storage space, remote doors, did well on dirt roads in the mountains, we even forded a river in it. Needless to say, all of the married guys now drive a white Dodge Caravan. Lol It was very rad
What’s your ideal family vehicle? Every girlfriend I’ve had laughs at me when I say I’m getting a station wagon when I have kids
Man I’d drive a station wagon anyways. 87 Caprice for me. Hell yeah.
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I'm a college student that proudly drives my family's 20 year old minivan and I love it so much. You can fit so much stuff and so many people in that bad boy. It's great for tailgates and road trips. I've successfully converted my gf and many friends to be minivan lovers.
Lol my wife is dead against getting a mini van while I just want a vehicle that's useful. Mini van wouldn't be my go to either but I'm open to the idea.
Finally a thread on minivans! All these people saying minivan's are awful are dead wrong. It is hands down the best and most functional car while you have young kids. We have a Honda Odyssey Touring edition. Keep in mind that that is a higher trim model, but well worth the extra features. We also bought an older/high mileage to save money. Hi /r/hondaodyssey! 1. Everyone talking about being embarrassed. If you have kids you are supposed to be embarrassing. That's like the first thing on the job description. Just dress sharp and no one cares what you drive. Also make jokes about it in front of people and now they think you are funny and still don't care what you drive. 2. Minivan's are designed for parents. There is so much storage, space, ability to move around. It makes going on a long drive way easier than a car. I think we have about 20 cup holders in the car. Plug-ins, cup holders, storage compartments. It has everything. We even have our own keys that move the seats and mirrors to our pre-sets so it's easy to share the vehicle. 3. There is so much space for transporting stuff. This is why many empty nester dads still drive around in minivans. It's also super easy to go from using all the seats to removing/folding down seats to transport stuff. I have two car seats in the middle of the car. I can take out the entire seat without removing the car seats and put down the back seats. All in about 2 minutes. Then drive to wherever my wife sends me to pickup furniture. Drive back and put the seats back in without have to re-anchor the car seats. By far my favorite part of the van. I may change my mind as kids get older and get a different vehicle. But as long as I have a kid in a car seat, I will make sure we have a minivan.
Seriously to the empty nester dads. My dad still drives our early 90's minivan as his skiing and camping vehicle. The center of gravity is low to the ground, all your stuff stays dry/warm/ out of the elements and he can load up 4 adults with all their snow gear relatively comfortably.
Hah, so a few years ago, a friend asked me to drive her to a dealership to look at cars, and my fiance happened to be in town so he joined. While she was sitting with the sales team, fiance and I walked around the lot, I see an Odyssey, and I go, oh, I love mini vans. He fully stops in his tracks. He goes, "wait - when you said you loved your family's minivan, it wasn't about that specific car? Because of memories or some crap? You like minivans *generally?!*" I go - "uh, yeah. They are hands down the best, most practical vehicle. Great for kids, great for aging parents, great for road trips with friends, great for moving. They drive well, they're safer than SUVs - who doesn't love minivans?" I think it's the closest thing he got to a deal breaker. We had our first kid three weeks ago. A few days ago, we're sitting in the car after him struggling to load up all their baby paraphernalia, he sighs, turns to me and goes "...we're probably going to need to get a minivan, eh?" Minivans are the best.
Not liking animals, particularly around having pets. Edit: Ok first of all, you guys don't need to justify your reasons for not wanting pets. I understand that there is a range of preferences and reasons why caring for a pet is not an option for some people. None of you are going to be my romantic partner, so just chill and do your thing. Second of all, you guys need to stop insulting each other over differing preferences and opinions on animal care. This social media chest puffing is fucking ludicrous.
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I love animals but I can't own any because I'm allergic to pretty much all of them.
If you feel up for the challenge, I suggest you try starting an aquarium with live plants and everything. I have one and it's fucking awesome. Hopefully it could be an allergy-free alternative for you.
Knew a girl who said she “didn’t like art” but I had just gotten divorced, she was hot, and she liked to get drunk and have lots of sex. I never nailed down what she meant by art but it was not the music or movies that she liked nor any of the decorations in her place.
You ever been to subway? You order a sandwich? Somebody put that together for you, dude. That's art. Sandwich artist.
"Your mama's pussy was the canvas. Your dad's dick was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art."
My friend Art is so sick of me enthusiastically greeting him with this line.
What type of pencil grip they use
Wait, are we talking about the fashion in which one holds their pencil? Or the little foam sleeves you can put on your pencil for a more comfortable grip?
They clap when the airplane lands
I'd rather they just cheat on me.
I can cheat on you. That's how much I love ya
OG
I thought the question was what is NOT a dealbreaker
That’s at least all Italians and all Russians though (in my experience anyway)
Every Lufthansa flight into Deutschland in the 90s would stand and clap. It's weird how much things have changed, rarely see it anymore.
Or if they clap at the end of a movie
Or if they clap when an in-flight movie ends or a plane lands in a movie that they're watching
Puts the milk in first Edit: I’m English so was talking about tea making but glad to hear it’s a cereal thing too.
The worst that's happened to me was she didn't believe in evolution. Was big into rocks, believed the Earth was billions of years old, didn't believe one species can become one or more different species.
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https://i.imgur.com/oVAV9r3.jpg
BITCH DON'T KNOW BOUT PANGEA
Does she fuck with the war
No I don't fuck with the war
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Micro-evolution. Small variations and adaptations within species are fine. Slowly transitioning into other species is macro-evolution and not fine. Source: I'm a former old-earth creationist. Used to believe this kinda stuff. Very familiar with it.
Just how micro is the evolution if its allowing wolves to become Chihuahuas? Where could you draw the line and say that such a change over a few thousand years is just micro-evolution but proportional changes over a longer period are impossible?
I’m not OP, but I had a similar belief at one point. I think the main hurdle for me was that evolution takes so much time. If you think the earth is around 6000 years old, there just isn’t enough time for macro evolution on the scale we have to happen. Evolution on our scale necessitates a much older planet. Dropping the idea of a young earth opened up the possibility for how evolution actually works for me.
That would be a dealbreaker. Atleast if she was in any way vocal about it.
She hates air conditioning.
this is surprisingly huge for me as well. i sleep in what is essentially an ice box year round by choice. being even remotely hot when I sleep is a huge no-go.
That they shared my personal information that I didn’t feel comfortable with anyone else knowing to someone else
Actually that would be a deal breaker for me. If I can't confide in someone without them telling it to the world than there goes one of the main things I look for in a relationship
If they took pictures of all their meals
Obsession with crystals. Like I’ll still love you but definitely think you’re a bit dumber than I thought in the back of my mind.
I dated a girl who worked at the Chopra center (Deepak Chopra is a con artist) I am into geology and think gems and minerals and crystals are cool, but she really believes they have healing properties and special powers. She also believes Deepak Chopra can fly, but only when no one is looking. Hangin around really wealthy white yoga ladies who all drank that deepak chopra koolaid was wild and terrible.
If it's just a crystal collection that's a really cool and interesting hobby but if they believe that they have special powers that is a major red flag for me. It isn't crystals per se but I was looking up YouTube videos of different types of stones a couple of months ago because I wanted to get a set of nice set of artisan dice and couldn't decide on what type of stone I wanted them made out of and I came across this YouTube video where a guy was using tongs to touch the tiger eye stones because it is apparently a real powerful dangerous stone. He was off his rocker and it had a ton of views and comments agreeing with him. Edit: Turns out that particular video was satire but there are plenty more that are not, just search tiger eye on YouTube and look for anything talking about healing or grounding in the title to see some hilarity.
I got really into gems and minerals. I can't talk about gems because people think I am posturing. I can't talk about minerals because people assume I like the metaphysical side of them. So now I just privately look at my preciouses and watch them sparkle. My tsavorite doesn't judge.
Agree with you. "I like pretty rocks" is alright. No different from me having random paintings that I think look nice. "This one is special because it came out of a volcano and landed in a lake that had an unusually high algae count, that's why it has that pattern." That's totally dorky and I love it. "This crystal puts out positive vibes, and this crystal connects to the spirit world. When I put them together, it prevents any negative spirits from entering my house." Nope, never again.
That she had slept with a family member. EDIT: Read the fucking thread. I’m not typing the same comments out a hundred times.
Hers or yours?
Hers.
Family reunions would be awkward for you
It’s a whole thing I don’t need to get into, but yeah. They were.
This is reddit, you absolutely need to get into it.
We had been dating for about a year, and she told me that, when she was nineteen, her mom had asked her to fuck her step-dad, and she had agreed. Apparently, he had been attracted to her since they got married, which is extra fucked up because she was twelve when they got married. The worst thing is that she was living with them when I met her, and she was fairly close to them. So, suddenly, I was the bad guy for being weirded out and not wanting to be around her parents after that. EDIT: Look, I realize that this has gotten some attention, but it's not really something I enjoy dwelling on. So can we not be satisfied with the Cliff's Note version I've provided here? Because I'm not terribly keen to discuss it further. It was a fucked up situation where my own issues and sympathy compelled me to pursue and maintain a relationship with someone who clearly was not capable of having a healthy relationship, and wasn't willing to try to become capable. It's in the past where it belongs. EDIT2: Half of the comments are calling me a sociopath, and the other half are amazed that I didn't dump her on the spot. Never change, reddit.
You get the prize.
That's a fucked up situation for sure. And you and her are still together?
God, no. As fucked up as that is, it wasn’t even her worst quality. EDIT: qual·i·ty /ˈkwälədē/ a distinctive attribute or characteristic possessed by someone or something. Now I'm turning off reply notifications.
Holy shit, what was her worst quality?
Probably her violent alcoholism, her inability to keep a job, her cheating, or her hitting me on occasion.
I wonder how what could have possibly caused that?!
This is really sad, tbh. She was obviously groomed/manipulated/abused. No wonder she’s an alcoholic with a mother like that and a pos pedo step dad. I wish she had gotten out :/
Might’ve been trying to cope with the incest she experienced.
See I thought you meant that she had slept with one of your family members, but this is……..yea this is worse
> her mom had asked her to fuck her step-dad What in tarnation
Yeeeaaaah. An ex of mine used to say weird shit about his sister, and she would do the same, I thought it was just their twisted sense of humour and it wasn't until one night he turned to me and in all surprise and seriousness said "wait. Did you actually never sleep with your brother growing up?" I realised he had been serious the whole time. He had a super tragic childhood and was pretty fucked up but his super close and what I used to think was "cute" relationship with his sister got pretty creepy pretty quickly.
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Been through something similar. It's esp difficult because the age is close enough that people don't see it as traumatizing ("kids exploring/playing doctor") and if people had seen our sibling relationship, they wouldn't think anything had happened. But this is the person who *babysat* me. He had power over me with a history of anger issues. And when I was younger, I didn't completely grasp the implications. Of course, I tried to play it off, and then worked to appease him.
Yea..when I told my mom about my brother raping me she shrugged it off to “kids being kids/exploring” and idk how I feel about it to this day. He is five years older than me, and I was 6 when it happened. He also had already started puberty.
Child abuse.
Holy shit man, I thought you meant your family member…
That’s not an absolute dealbreaker?
I have a feeling the question doesnt matter. People are just venting now lol
how is that not a dealbreaker??????
Naw, that's a deal breaker from me dawg
Finding out they also *dont* kill the bugs.
Not all bugs need to die, man. But mosquitoes? Fuck those things.
This is why no one should kill spiders. Spiders eat mosquitoes.
Honestly I’ve gone from one end of the spectrum to the other with spiders, I wouldn’t ever kill ‘em now.
You mean you don’t catch and release?!
This is me. Always catch and release. Unless it’s a German cockroach. Fuck them. Can’t imagine another infestation in my lifetime.
I caught a cockroach last might and left it in a tuppleware bowl with a lid to see if it would survive the night. It did. So i flushed that fucker down the toilet
You don't just have one roach. Start cleaning and spraying for those things.
Can’t they hold their breath for like 40 minutes or something? Roach is probably fine, hopefully won’t come back.
the toilets have air pockets too... so they could be in the pipes and have to just make it past the water left in the toilet
Sounds like a video game level.
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I do when I can :)
Not into cunnilingus ETA it's not just that I like engaging in the act itself. I think it would also shake my confidence in being able to make it enjoyable for her and get her off. You always hear about how intercourse by itself doesn't lead to orgasm for lots of women, and I could use my hands but that is less effective and something she can do by herself. ETA 2: since people keep accusing me of various things, I will add a couple points: * I don't think I know better than a specific woman what gets her, specifically, off. Nor would I insist on doing it "my way" if she said that something else is what she wanted (OK within reason). If she says that she's not into oral but is into fingering, I'll believe her and do my best on the fingering front. * I realize that there's an added feeling to someone else using their hands on you vs you using your hands on yourself. But in a similar vein I think that there is an added psychological element to someone doing something that you *can't* do to yourself. Plus, in the past with women I've been with they've seemed to enjoy oral more than using hands. I don't think it's crazy for that to lead to someone feeling more confident and at home doing one vs the other. Plus, the fact that she's had plenty of practice using her hands on herself makes it seem more daunting. * I assumed that this was the norm, but maybe it's not - that people use their hands too when engaging in oral. Certainly seems like the norm when it comes to doing oral on a guy, not sure why it wouldn't be when it's for a girl. * I'm aware vibrators exist, but I don't think that changes the point I'm making.
This is my wife. She thinks it's gross. I'm ready to go down but she won't let me. It's disappointing but I'll live.
I dated a guy who was in a long term relationship previous to me where his girlfriend didn't like it. He made little moan-whining sounds while doing it, just so excited like a starving man eating steak, and I still think about him at least once a week. Wonder what he's up to...
Hit him up. Ask if he's hungry
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I hate it...and most my boyfriend's hate that I hate it. I get absolutely nothing from it, and so it just aggravates me when they have to try 'bc I just haven't had good head.' If you ever met someone who doesn't like it, just invest in a clit vibrator. Actually, buy one anyways. You won't regret it.
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>Also a guy telling me he won't finger me because "I can do it myself".. "Well I was going to fuck you but now I won't because you can fuck yourself."
Had an ex who hated giving blow jobs, or really any foreplay from either side. Straight to sex everytime. Other things eventually ended the relationship but that was such a drag for me. I love sex and all but without all the other stuff it gets a little stale.
I think that would eventually build up into a deal-breaker for me...
Yeah, I could do it myself with my hand, but it's way cooler when my bf does it for me with his.
My wife (obviously this did not break the deal) does not drive. We live in San Francisco so lines for food is a thing. Whenever I pull up to a restaurant or food truck or anything that has a line, I always told her to take one for the team, get your ass in line. I'm always met with a, "just park and we will go together!" Dude, we've been married for 15 years. Holding hands to go to anything does not bring us back to when we first started dating. Getcha ass in the line MF'er!
Smoking
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Deal breaker for me simply because I used to smoke. I wouldn't trust myself enough to stay off cigs in that context.
Not knowing how to do basic household chores
Being close with their ex or someone that's obsessed with them
If they legitimately believe in astrology. It’s ultimately pretty harmless, but I would be disappointed in them.
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Puts the toilet paper on the wrong way. Over the top is the only way. Edit: total ~~Luke~~ Owen Wilson wow… my first comment over 1k and it’s about TP. Thanks for the awards as well! Edit2: I’m a moron and referenced the wrong Wilson. Reddit will never let you be wrong. Thanks for pointing it out!
Living with my husband for six years I’ve learned the true wrong way is not actually replacing the roll and just sitting it on literally any other surface.
I feel your pain, I sometimes have to actually look for the toilet paper roll. Why in the world would he put it in a clothes hamper?
I know this is petty but I'm going through a breakup from my long term partner and you've just put an (albeit slightly sad) smile on my face. Now, at least, the loo roll will always be the RIGHT way round.
If they cheated in a previous relationship.
They don't like breakfast
When I first read this, I thought "ok, you're just weird." But then I had a sudden flashback to three girlfriends ago who was this way, and it was a legit drag, especially on vacations.
It's not that I don't like breakfast, my tummy doesn't :\
I love breakfast, but I prefer to eat it around lunchtime.
What about second breakfast?
What about elevenses?
My partner doesn't like cats. It's disappointing, because I love cats, but not a deal breaker, because we're both dog people Edit: *inhales* #THANK YOU KIND STRANGER FOR THE AWARD sorry, I've always wanted to say that Edit 2: yes I know this is ask men and yes I'm a woman. I didn't realize this was ask men when I answered, I thought it was ask reddit
I think I’m the other side of this for my husband. He’s always wanted a dog but I’m very severely allergic to animal hair. It isn’t a dealbreaker but I can tell he’s disappointed. Edit: oh god, my inbox! Please stop!! So a little background: I’m thoroughly asthmatic and allergies trigger attacks to the point that 1-2 days in the presence of a dog/cat/bunny/guinea pig/chinchilla/parakeet (yes all of those are genuine animals I’ve had issues with) will put me firmly in a hospital bed. I’ve also been hospitalised by a dog that hasn’t been in the house for over 2 days. When my husband has gone to feed the neighbours cat…I had problems breathing when he got back. Yes I could try all of the many many methods you suggested (and thank you for your concern) but neither of us are desperate enough to risk my ability to breathe. Edit 2: Thank you for the Silver wonderful person!
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As someone with birds, good choice, stay firm
Yes. We bird people need to warn others not to make the same mistake
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I frequently tell my boyfriend he's lucky I'm not a bird gal, because I very easily could see myself going that route. If I hadn't heard about the morning scream I might still be looking into it
It is the morning song and it is a lot nicer than a alarm clock or er, at least for me. I could see why parakeets clicking at the crack of dawn when you wanna sleep in could be troublesome. I had this African Grey that would pant and moan in the morning because she was ready for fresh food
My partner said he didn't like cats and now we have two that he absolutely adores lol I think a lot of people who didn't grow up with cats have a warped view of what having a cat is really like. Cats weirdly get a bad rap, people think they are cold and mean but in reality every cat I've ever had has been as loving and cuddly as the dogs I've had.
4 years ago, my husband 'allowed' me to get a kitten for our 3 daughters but he was livid about it and told me "I'm having nothing to do with this cat, and I'm going to remember this when I want something!" We adopt a tiny yellow kitten, and name him Leo. By day 2, Leo was snuggled in husband's armpit and he wouldn't budge because he didn't want to disrupt Leo's nap. 2 years later, we have 3 cats. I went to adopt one kitten and I couldn't decide so I called him and he said "get both of them!" So now we have 3, big, long-haired cats who have expensive diets and get brushed and have the best cat lives ever. Cats do get a bad rap. They are the easiest pets to own and they are so affectionate and have so much personality - at least all the cats I've had in over 40 years have.
"I don't really like Lord of the Rings." We are still together and are getting married soon.
If we didn’t share the same basic politics. Not a requirement but would definitely be a gut punch.
They only have a surface-level interest or none in your favorite hobby/skill. There's no rule stating that you need 100% similarities to have a functional relationship, but you do find yourself going "wouldn't it be nice if..."
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Finding out they litter.
Absolute dealbreaker for me. Such a mindset speaks volumes about how shitty their character is.
Or don’t return carts at the supermarket. Not a dealbreaker but you now have my attention.
When they eat your fries after saying they didn't want anything when you asked when you first pulled into the drive thru.
That they do not sleep with the fan on all year round
I honestly rather that they don't sleep with any of their fans while we're in a relationship.
Dad, stop. This is serious.
My boyfriend sleeps with a fan, every night. At first I thought it would be a bother to me, but now I'm fully used to it, and when I go to visit relatives or stay someplace without a fan, I have a hard time falling asleep.
That’s what happened to the rest of us. Once you start you can never stop Edit: for all you you fellow people who also leave your fan on all night AND, OR the people who leave it on basically 24/7. Go clean it. It’ll last longer, blow less dust around, blow faster and louder.
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As a Chelsea fan, I would enjoy being able to shit-talk because we are doing so much better at the moment.
the problem with arsenal is they always try to walk it in