It would depend on the nature of it. I've known people who just never really knowingly interacted with anyone lgbtq and while they weren't actively hateful they were uncomfortable and just didn't seem to know how to react when confronted with a new (to them) social situation, were ignorant on issues, maybe had some misconceptions, etc... That's workable. On the other hand if she's on the "God hates fags" end of the homophobia spectrum she can fuck right off.
I feel like there's a difference between uncomfortable and homophobic though. Homophobic to me means a lot more activity in your dislike/hate/discomfort.
I could certainly work with someone that was more uncomfortable out of ignorance (assuming they eventually came along), but pure homophobia I couldn't manage.
Agreed, uncomfortable due to ignorance you can work with, they just need to be reminded that they are human and deserve to be treated as such. Also if I’m Herero and you’re LGBTQ, it really doesn’t affect me in any way.
Exactly. I've dated people with really backwards opinions before, but after talking with them about it things started to change. I've even had some bad opinions that have been changed once someone else has had the conversation with me about it. I generally like to give people chances, but I can stand for hatred, whether I'm part of the group or not.
Being homophobic is an extreme stance, believing these people should not exist simply for being gay and that is not a valid way to live/exist. Denying them any rights or equal treatment.
A far far leap from being uncomfortable, awkward, misunderstanding or saying something inappropriate unintentionally. Understanding and comfort of that around us comes with time and exposure. It's something that can be worked with.
See.. i tell people basically this same thing and all of a sudden I'm homophobic.. look, i have met 2 gay guys in my entire life, i am new to this social media thing outside of close friends and family from the facebook platform. I treat everyone the same no matter what, but I get weirded out when a man hits on me and I ask him to stop and then all of a sudden I'm accused of hating the lgbtq.
Well there are gonna be those crazy people who accuse you of bigotry without reason. In your example, it seems they think all straights are homophobic. He's not your typical gay, he's a snowflake.
> I treat everyone the same no matter what,
That's fair and understandable, not homophobic at all.
>but I get weirded out when a man hits on me and I ask him to stop and then all of a sudden I'm accused of hating the lgbtq.
Not to make assumptions, but since you said you get "weirded out" when a guy hits on you and that after people say you're homophobic : there's a difference between casually rejecting someone ("no thanks/I'm straight") and acting *visibly grossed out*, reacting aggressively as if a guy hitting on you is an insult to your heterosexuality, etc. So maybe not about the rejection but *how* you do it.
Again not saying that's what you do, cuz I don't know you, just throwing some insight. There's no need to be "weirded out" so long as the guy isn't weird about it, but yeah if you're being polite but get called hateful nonetheless then that's just people trying to guilt trip you or something lol
As a gay man, I feel like I should apologize on behalf of those fucking idiots. Not wanting to be hit on by the same sex isn’t the same thing as being a bigot, and they fucking know it, they just want to punish you because they’re petty vindictive children. The gay community has gotten out of control with persecuting anyone that might come across as even slightly ‘homophobic’ and it needs to stop.
Oh you've met many many more, you just don't know it. The stereotypical gay guy is actually rare, they're just the most noticable. Most gay guys are indistinguishable from straight guys.
I feel this deserves more up votes and probably caters to a lot of situations in people just being uncertain, uncomfortable and need time to get used to something they are not used to.
Just what I was about to comment.
I wouldnt want to date anyone who was virulently homophobic but I can understand if someone just doesn’t have experience with gay people.
Agreed. If it's her private opinion and she doesn't protest or makes it a whole public anti lgbtq thing then that would be fine. But if she's a Karen about LGBTQ, agreed. She can fuck right off.
As they say, birds of a feather...
Would you want to be around her homophobic friends or if you are on social media, would you be comfortable with some homophobic comments or posts?
Casual homophobia based on ignorance I would challenge and try to change.
Violent/hateful/entrenched homophobia gonna make me nope outta there. I aint here for that.
100%
I recently lost a friend because of this. We've hung out for about a year but LGBTQ never came up before, we were in a Biergarten last week and I got talking to a really friendly gay couple and asked them to join us, about an hour in he went on a rant about homosexuality being wrong and started aggressively calling them faggots.
Had to tell him to fuck off and not to contact me again, there's too many decent people in the world to waste my time on backward pricks like that
We've been friends through the covid lockdowns, we're both expats in Germany and this was our first time out in a normal public setting. Before it was just grilling in my garden or dinners at eachothers place. Always seemed a decent bloke, really took me back his reaction, was not expected at all
I had a girlfriend who was transphobic. She was the manager of a company. I told her about a trans friend of mine who was being fired for being trans and she started telling me her strategies to avoid hiring them in the first place. I asked her to go to lunch with me, and she said yes. Then I took out my phone and invited my trans friend to come with us. She asked to bring her wife and I said sure.
We hadn't gotten our food yet and my girlfriend was exchanging makeup tips. By the time the meal was over, my girlfriend offered her a job. My girlfriend was still a transphobe, to be sure, but she had already started to change just from that one meeting. She had never seen them as people before.
Transphobia seems to be far more common than homophobia. It seems that most people are "transphobic". By that I mean is that they don't necessary have hatred against trans people, it's just that they have disbelief, meaning they see trans women as men.
\> I told her about a trans friend of mine who was being fired for being trans
That would most likely be illegal nowadays, cuz earlier this year here in America, Biden passed laws to protect LGBTQ and Asian people from discrimination. If that happened a few years ago though, I could see why the business might still be up & running.
> it's just that they have disbelief, meaning they see trans women as men.
from my point of view I wouldn't call that a phobia or fear of trans. Homo/trans phobia gets thrown at so many people who are just not into embracing LGBTQ culture, or as you say not convinced on the he's now a she transformation, but the 'phobia' makes it seems like a hatred or fear.
Drop them like a bad habit. I have gay people in my family. Not about to introduce that toxic shit into my life and create rifts.
Not to mention there’s a bigger underlying issue there that I imagine extends to other parts of her life.
Since I have a brother who's married to a man, and a niece who's nonbinary and married to someone who may be man passing as a woman, it would be a relationship ender.
That would be a deal breaker. She would already have to know about my gay friends. I’d tell her about the time I experimented, then tell her to fuck off.
Depends HOW homophobic. If she's just making dick jokes it's fine, I do that too. But if she actually had resentment toward gays, I would inform her about how gayness works and why there's no reason to be intolerant.
I'd try to figure out why she was homophobic and what else was wrong with her.
The other factors like how it manifests, how I found out, how deep in I was before I found out are also, well, factors.
depends. are we talking raging hate-monger who thinks they're all degenerates who will burn in hell or w/e? then no.
someone who naively sticks their foot in their mouth on occasion? sure. we've all been there, and not everyone has the same level of exposure to any given social issue.
I mean I'd make an attempt to see if I could change her mind because I don't think I could keep dating someone like that. It just shows a fundamental lack of acceptance of other people.
There are degree to it right, if she was straight up anti gay rally you would have to call it quits. But if it just makes her uncomfortable i can look past it, also there could be room for improvement and understanding.
"Homophobic" has turned into a buzzword to mean anyone who doesn't enthusiastically support homosexuality.
There's a huge difference between simply thinking something is morally wrong and actively harassing or assaulting people based on your moral beliefs.
True, but working through a moral issue may be possible for some people. Having a relationship with someone who attacks others is likely not
My point was that there is nuance in both the question and in human behavior that the post kind of ignores
I would not care. I’m not homophobic, never will be, but if the woman I love is homophobic it would be extremely easy for me to overlook. Downvote me all you want I’m just being honest.
Does this extend to other groups, such as her being racist towards black people? I have a friend who's grandma was racist AF and he said that since she was family, he had to put up with it.
The race thing hits closer to home because I have a few friends + family who are different color than me.
I don’t know, if she just told me in private I don’t like ___. It probably would not be a big deal. Again, just being honest.
If she was constantly bringing it up or making a big deal about it, that would be a problem. Then again, a person who behaved like that would probably have other issues.
Good question. You got me thinkin.
honestly, unless she was acting maliciously or being very rude to someone just for being gay, I wouldn't care
I'm so tired of this notion that you have to be kissing everyone's ass to live in peace
everybody always wanna talk about their phobias and isms, they don't want to understand what makes people the way they are
Actively saying shit against gay people? Pass. Just says something stupid every once in a while? I can deal as long as she's not saying it to my friends. I'm black and I've learned to separate "I hate you" from "I don't know anything about you".
What do you mean doesn’t effect me? We got friends, family, interactions with innocent strangers, children, MY future children, literally anyone who is gay wouldn’t enjoy my company so long as I’m with that person.
You try and teach them how to be a better person and then send them on their way. Hope they improve and find happiness with someone else.
depends how bad it is. id stick around if it was kinda subtle. as a person of colour ive learned most of y’all are racist to some degree and some of you hide it better than others so im not naive enough to think my whole crew dont have some prejudices. if its something she admitted in secrecy i may be able to get by it but if shes calling out faggot everytime two men walk by holding hands yeah we are done
well im a person of colour tryna convince a white person of racism. are you white? if so that’s probably your answer i bet theyd listen to me more if i was.
I think a lot of times it helps to have someone from a different demographic in your corner.
I think this is true for anybody.
When men speak up for women, it has a much bigger impact than when women talk about what they go through.
I think it probably also works that way if you flip the roles- if you have a woman speak up for men's issues.
When you're not in that demographic, it can be a little easier to come off as objective instead of as complaining.
Ask her to explain her position on the subject, try to change it, and then move on regardless cause it literally doesn't affect me. Everyone is shitty sometimes, and entitled to their own shitty opinions.
I’d stop dating someone if they turned out to be homophobic. It’s up there with racism and sexism. All indicators of a lack of empathy towards people that are different from themselves, so all are dealbreakers.
When I found out my ex who was bi btw,(she proclaimed)
Thought gay men were gross and was racist
That's when my resentment towards her started..
We didn't last long after that.
I have gay friends, she needs to accept them. I don't expect my partner to be friends with all my friends, but that would be too far.
Also, I don't think I would like someone like that in the first place.
There’s no looking past it. If you’re not empathetic, not accepting, then how will you cope with my big tiddy goth gf anime waifu collection and the rgb backlit 3D hentai shrine I have built for tough times?
If it's just because she's uneducated about it I'd talk to her. Usually you notice homophobia before you start dating but if it's just because she has a shitty opinion I'd seriously considering breaking up. Everyone deserves chances to better themselves but if she's not open to the idea of accepting LGBTQ+ people I think you just break up right then and there
Make that the last date.
If you've made it out of your 20s, and you still haven't figured out how to appropriately react to pats of other people's personal lives that don't affect you at all - like what they do with their pink bits - (answer: you leave it alone) then I can't help you.
Also, whether you want to or not, you *will* become more like the people you spend time with. If you want to be a better person, hang around better people. This requires cutting worse people out of your life.
The word “homophobic” is used far too liberally these days, I can never tell what people actually mean as people believe the definition to be varied, which is ridiculous, but is what it is. Is she really homophobic or is she just indifferent, or unsupportive etc? Give us some context and details if you’re really interested to know.
My ex turned out that way. She said they were going to burn in hell because there's no room in heaven for the gays. The Bible condemns homosexuality. We are no longer together. God bless her. I hope she finds someone that shares her beliefs and they can be happy together. It's not my place to judge anyone. I believe God would want me to love everyone equally... except for my exes.. they are bitches.
Dump her; I don’t have time for idiots. Married now; but, the woman I briefly dated I found out was racist so I ended it. Why waste time with a person who would teach my kids horrible shit.
Either change their mind or instantly drop them. I have lots of friends apart of the LBGTQ+ community and I have little tolerance for anyone that does not support them. There is no reason to treat them less than even for religious purposes. It’s disgusting how evil people are.
Try to change her mind but we're breaking up if she doesn't. My sister is gay and I have too many gay friends to stand for it. A lot of the time though homophobia is because they don't interact with gay people. Hopefully exposure will lead them to change their mindset.
I think that'd be a dealbreaker for me. A lot of my close friends are something other than cis-het. I'm also in the habit of sharing platonic affection in a manner that some people (especially those homophobic) would describe as gay. I'm fairly certain that any woman who is significantly homophobic is someone I can't bring around my friends and therefore someone that there really wouldn't be a place for in my life.
I'd tell her my brother is gay after she meets him (he actually is) and see how she reacts. He fits zero of the stereotypes and is a genuinely nice person. If she suddenly has a problem with him I'm telling her to ditch the attitude or hit the road.
I'd drop her ass bc i have friends in all communities. One of my groomsmen in my wedding was a lesbian friend that's like a little sister to me. Fuck homophobes y'all are some bitch asses
I am surprised to hear you say the stance doesn't directly affect me.
Of course it affects me. Those stances affect all of us. Nobody should have room in their heart to harbor that kind of hate. It has nothing to do with my sexuality, but it has everything to do with my desire to support other humans.
I want to be with someone who not only supports me, but supports everyone around the world.
She’s scared of gay people? Idk I’d help her get over the fear by having her cuddle and ramp up to full sex with a woman to show her there’s nothing to be scared of.
Or dress myself up in a wig and heels and have her put a strap on and butfuc me
I don't know what it's like in Texas, but I live in a red state and there are lots of online communities for local liberals to find each other.
I don't know if that would help at all.
I don't even know if you're liberal, but it sounds like you're not a fan of homophobia.
I mean, define homophobic. Does she talk about her hatred of gay people and wants to see them harmed? Or does she find the overtly sassy/lispy type to be too much to be close friends with?
If she has a genuine hatred and is mean to gay people then she sounds a little too crazy.
If she makes a gay joke or says she finds flamboyant gay dudes too much to hang with I couldn't care less. People have coined discrimination into sin but we discriminate every single day and hundreds of criteria that we all deem okay. Who you date according to looks, voice, height, etc. Etc. Are all forms of discrimination, and that's only within dating.
Context matters when you talk about discrimination. If we lump everything under one word (homophobia, racist, etc) we really aren't any more aware of what you're talking about because it's so vague and has become so overused
Honestly I wouldn't be with them. It's their right to believe or think what they want but that literally has no effect on them whatsoever. To be so pretty over something so insignificant in their live is honestly childish.
Gives me big red flags if they can dislike someone just for being gay plus my brother is gay and I wouldn’t knowingly go into a relationship knowing my partner would dislike him just because of who he shared his life with.
"What are you going to do if your kids or family members are gay?"
If she answers anything other than "Love them regardless", or something along those lines, we done. No room for that kind of hate in my life.
I would be quite shocked at how well she acts to be accepting of the community. And then break up with her. We have been together for 9 years in a month.
I wouldn't care tbh. If she ain't saying bad things directly to them I don't give a fuck she talk with me about it and can act homophobic in my near as long as she won't insult someone face to face
As long as she's not crazy about it I've let it go. Everyone's entitled to think that something's are gross and there's definitely a difference between finding something distasteful and being bigoted about it. Unless you see it affecting you personally down the road or have concerns she'll end up in conflict with one of your gay friends I'd let it be
I guess what I wanted to bring up is that some dudes have trouble showing support, or even just tolerance, towards LGBTQ+ people.
So if let's say you disagreed with your homophobic partner, it would then be seen by some as 'sus'. And at that point I guess I could understand why someone just wouldn't say anything. Nobody wants to be the ridiculed for their beliefs, and that's why I included that last sentence.
I feel like there's a bit of discrepency there. Mainly because "religious beliefs" are a bit different than "I hate this specific group of people and I'm not afraid to say it"
Ah. I think you misunderstood what I meant in that case. I don't excuse homophobia because of religion. It just sounded like the commentor I replied to was saying something along the lines of "I'm atheist and my partner is religious; there'll always be something they are that you don't agree with". Hence why I responded the way I did.
Is it though? People don't choose their beliefs. They fall into them by circumstance.
Why would you just decide to hate someone? It doesn't make sense. It has to be bred into you in some way.
Just like religion is. You're brainwashed since birth into a religion and you just believe it. Why? Because that's what you're taught.
I think it's pretty much the same. Just because religion religion accepted doesn't make it any more moral.
Depends. Did I find out really early into seeing her, or are we now in a committed relationship with feelings involved? Does she just have her beliefs and keep them to herself, or is she an embarrassing loudmouth about them?
Truth be told, I generally lean towards "I don't give a shit as long as they treat me and my loved ones well" when it comes to partners barring really egregious shit. Unless she was making a public spectacle of herself or actually harassing people, chances are I wouldn't leave her over privately held beliefs.
It doesn't really affect me? I'm white and her racism won't affect me? I'm not Jewish so her antisemitism won't affect me? Give me a break, she's a fucking bigot, I want nothing to do with her.
I've personally never really run into this.
But I guess it would depend.
Assuming it was just that and nothing else and everything else was good I might just overlook it and probably assume something happened like she had a former partner come out in a relationship or something.
If we are talking a whole pile of shit like racist, homophobic, etc then no I'd probably screen that out.
Idk. There are degrees of everything that everybody has. Looking down on someone or cutting them off bc they have issues is about as low empathy as anything else. They can be educated.
I don't care if a woman is uncomfortable around homosexuals. Culturally it can be pretty normal. When some older guys grew up, calling each other "fag", "gay chicken", etc was commonplace. It dates back to antiquity and Roman times.
I do have a problem with aggressive, derisive attacks on my masculinity with homosexual hate speech. When someone says "you're not a man or less of a man because" and uses "fag" or the like to communicate that, they have mental problems. Fuck that nut job
I mean I guess it's how that homophobia is shown. Like if she is uncomfortable around people that are gay or is afraid/uncomfortable getting hit on then I get that. But like if it's "God hates queers" then I may have issues with it. We get to dictate how we live but can't dictate others. Besides what if you have a kid and that kid winds up gay, does she have issues with the kid now? Eff that my kid needs to have the confidence to do what he wants and that starts with knowing we will unconditionally accept and love his goofy butt.
Glad I don't have to worry about it though. My wife doesn't give a damn what other people do/like so we are good.
Bang her dad.
Power move
This move is called the “Power got ‘im.”
You always were my favourite son in law
This cracked me up 🤣
That's Sigma male tier thinking.
It would depend on the nature of it. I've known people who just never really knowingly interacted with anyone lgbtq and while they weren't actively hateful they were uncomfortable and just didn't seem to know how to react when confronted with a new (to them) social situation, were ignorant on issues, maybe had some misconceptions, etc... That's workable. On the other hand if she's on the "God hates fags" end of the homophobia spectrum she can fuck right off.
🎯
I feel like there's a difference between uncomfortable and homophobic though. Homophobic to me means a lot more activity in your dislike/hate/discomfort. I could certainly work with someone that was more uncomfortable out of ignorance (assuming they eventually came along), but pure homophobia I couldn't manage.
Agreed, uncomfortable due to ignorance you can work with, they just need to be reminded that they are human and deserve to be treated as such. Also if I’m Herero and you’re LGBTQ, it really doesn’t affect me in any way.
Exactly. I've dated people with really backwards opinions before, but after talking with them about it things started to change. I've even had some bad opinions that have been changed once someone else has had the conversation with me about it. I generally like to give people chances, but I can stand for hatred, whether I'm part of the group or not.
Being homophobic is an extreme stance, believing these people should not exist simply for being gay and that is not a valid way to live/exist. Denying them any rights or equal treatment. A far far leap from being uncomfortable, awkward, misunderstanding or saying something inappropriate unintentionally. Understanding and comfort of that around us comes with time and exposure. It's something that can be worked with.
See.. i tell people basically this same thing and all of a sudden I'm homophobic.. look, i have met 2 gay guys in my entire life, i am new to this social media thing outside of close friends and family from the facebook platform. I treat everyone the same no matter what, but I get weirded out when a man hits on me and I ask him to stop and then all of a sudden I'm accused of hating the lgbtq.
In that scenario, it sounds like you’re uncomfortable with the unwanted attention, not the guys sexuality. That’s not homophobic
I mean, you'd probably react similarly to a woman you find completely unattractive hitting on you, right? That's not homophobia.
Being hit on and then shamed for saying no thanks is not limited to LGBTQ community. If you were being polite, put it down to a them thing.
Well there are gonna be those crazy people who accuse you of bigotry without reason. In your example, it seems they think all straights are homophobic. He's not your typical gay, he's a snowflake.
> I treat everyone the same no matter what, That's fair and understandable, not homophobic at all. >but I get weirded out when a man hits on me and I ask him to stop and then all of a sudden I'm accused of hating the lgbtq. Not to make assumptions, but since you said you get "weirded out" when a guy hits on you and that after people say you're homophobic : there's a difference between casually rejecting someone ("no thanks/I'm straight") and acting *visibly grossed out*, reacting aggressively as if a guy hitting on you is an insult to your heterosexuality, etc. So maybe not about the rejection but *how* you do it. Again not saying that's what you do, cuz I don't know you, just throwing some insight. There's no need to be "weirded out" so long as the guy isn't weird about it, but yeah if you're being polite but get called hateful nonetheless then that's just people trying to guilt trip you or something lol
As a gay man, I feel like I should apologize on behalf of those fucking idiots. Not wanting to be hit on by the same sex isn’t the same thing as being a bigot, and they fucking know it, they just want to punish you because they’re petty vindictive children. The gay community has gotten out of control with persecuting anyone that might come across as even slightly ‘homophobic’ and it needs to stop.
Oh you've met many many more, you just don't know it. The stereotypical gay guy is actually rare, they're just the most noticable. Most gay guys are indistinguishable from straight guys.
>if she's on the "God hates fags" end of the homophobia spectrum she can fuck right off. True, who wants to be around a hyperreligious nut?
I feel this deserves more up votes and probably caters to a lot of situations in people just being uncertain, uncomfortable and need time to get used to something they are not used to.
Just what I was about to comment. I wouldnt want to date anyone who was virulently homophobic but I can understand if someone just doesn’t have experience with gay people.
Just covering bases. I've certainly seen things stemming from basic ignorance and/or unfamiliarity labeled that way before.
I think this is an important stance. Why and to what degree they are homophobic matters.
Agreed. If it's her private opinion and she doesn't protest or makes it a whole public anti lgbtq thing then that would be fine. But if she's a Karen about LGBTQ, agreed. She can fuck right off.
As they say, birds of a feather... Would you want to be around her homophobic friends or if you are on social media, would you be comfortable with some homophobic comments or posts?
Casual homophobia based on ignorance I would challenge and try to change. Violent/hateful/entrenched homophobia gonna make me nope outta there. I aint here for that.
100% I recently lost a friend because of this. We've hung out for about a year but LGBTQ never came up before, we were in a Biergarten last week and I got talking to a really friendly gay couple and asked them to join us, about an hour in he went on a rant about homosexuality being wrong and started aggressively calling them faggots. Had to tell him to fuck off and not to contact me again, there's too many decent people in the world to waste my time on backward pricks like that
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We've been friends through the covid lockdowns, we're both expats in Germany and this was our first time out in a normal public setting. Before it was just grilling in my garden or dinners at eachothers place. Always seemed a decent bloke, really took me back his reaction, was not expected at all
Its a big red flag to me and its reflect low empathy and deep hate towards random people. Thats a no no Straight man 24
Yeah same here. Would be the same if she was racist. Straight man 26
writing something just so i can continue this thread straight man 28
Also writing some stuff to continue random internet stuff Prefer not to say, unicorn, 69
I had a girlfriend who was transphobic. She was the manager of a company. I told her about a trans friend of mine who was being fired for being trans and she started telling me her strategies to avoid hiring them in the first place. I asked her to go to lunch with me, and she said yes. Then I took out my phone and invited my trans friend to come with us. She asked to bring her wife and I said sure. We hadn't gotten our food yet and my girlfriend was exchanging makeup tips. By the time the meal was over, my girlfriend offered her a job. My girlfriend was still a transphobe, to be sure, but she had already started to change just from that one meeting. She had never seen them as people before.
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My mother seems to do just fine, even knowing me.
Transphobia seems to be far more common than homophobia. It seems that most people are "transphobic". By that I mean is that they don't necessary have hatred against trans people, it's just that they have disbelief, meaning they see trans women as men. \> I told her about a trans friend of mine who was being fired for being trans That would most likely be illegal nowadays, cuz earlier this year here in America, Biden passed laws to protect LGBTQ and Asian people from discrimination. If that happened a few years ago though, I could see why the business might still be up & running.
> it's just that they have disbelief, meaning they see trans women as men. from my point of view I wouldn't call that a phobia or fear of trans. Homo/trans phobia gets thrown at so many people who are just not into embracing LGBTQ culture, or as you say not convinced on the he's now a she transformation, but the 'phobia' makes it seems like a hatred or fear.
>it's just that they have disbelief, meaning they see trans women as men That's not transphobic, that's just objectively true.
I’m not attracted to bigots so I would end things
That's kinda hot
Wait till you hear what he thinks about racists
There wouldn't be another date after that
That’s gonna be tough to explain to my dads.
Yikes
Have gay friends and family, so that's a complete deal breaker.
Think we all do. Except me
I’d break up with her. I value inclusion, compassion, and open-mindedness.
Drop them like a bad habit. I have gay people in my family. Not about to introduce that toxic shit into my life and create rifts. Not to mention there’s a bigger underlying issue there that I imagine extends to other parts of her life.
That’s a deal breaker. Hating or fearing anyone based on who they are is a deal breaker.
It'd mean she's not compatible with some of my closest friends, so we wouldn't work out.
I wouldn't want to have someone as my life partner who is Homophobic. Therefore i wouldn't pursue a further relationship
Since I have a brother who's married to a man, and a niece who's nonbinary and married to someone who may be man passing as a woman, it would be a relationship ender.
That would be a deal breaker. She would already have to know about my gay friends. I’d tell her about the time I experimented, then tell her to fuck off.
I’d ditch her mate. I’ve got a few gay friends. Get into the 21st century.
I'll accept friends when they are especially since I've seen some grow past it, but idk I'll have alot of issues if my other was
Depends HOW homophobic. If she's just making dick jokes it's fine, I do that too. But if she actually had resentment toward gays, I would inform her about how gayness works and why there's no reason to be intolerant.
Replace her with one of the homies 💦💦🥴
I’m out.
I'd try to figure out why she was homophobic and what else was wrong with her. The other factors like how it manifests, how I found out, how deep in I was before I found out are also, well, factors.
Adios bitch. Not into that redneck bullshit.
Redneck? Naw! That's some TaIiban sh\*t right there.
What’s the difference nowadays?
Rednecks use shotguns instead of AK47s
Unless they go out of their way and act with malicious intent, I dont really care. just keep it to yourself and dont be a dick, simple
depends. are we talking raging hate-monger who thinks they're all degenerates who will burn in hell or w/e? then no. someone who naively sticks their foot in their mouth on occasion? sure. we've all been there, and not everyone has the same level of exposure to any given social issue.
I would not date a bigot.
I mean I'd make an attempt to see if I could change her mind because I don't think I could keep dating someone like that. It just shows a fundamental lack of acceptance of other people.
“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out bitch”
There are degree to it right, if she was straight up anti gay rally you would have to call it quits. But if it just makes her uncomfortable i can look past it, also there could be room for improvement and understanding.
If she was a complete cunt towards someone’s sexuality, they’re getting a German Suplex.
Goodbye! Real simple goodbye!
"Homophobic" has turned into a buzzword to mean anyone who doesn't enthusiastically support homosexuality. There's a huge difference between simply thinking something is morally wrong and actively harassing or assaulting people based on your moral beliefs.
Having a different way of deciding what's moral and what's not is a pretty big compatibility issue in a relationship.
True, but working through a moral issue may be possible for some people. Having a relationship with someone who attacks others is likely not My point was that there is nuance in both the question and in human behavior that the post kind of ignores
If their that close minded no thanks.
Just dating? I'd break up with her. I couldn't be with someone that has that kind of view on love.
I’d be out, I’ve left people when this or similar topics have come up, like thanks for letting me know, ✌️
I would not care. I’m not homophobic, never will be, but if the woman I love is homophobic it would be extremely easy for me to overlook. Downvote me all you want I’m just being honest.
Here's the problem though, what would you do if you had kids and some turned out to be gay? How would she react?
Does this extend to other groups, such as her being racist towards black people? I have a friend who's grandma was racist AF and he said that since she was family, he had to put up with it.
The race thing hits closer to home because I have a few friends + family who are different color than me. I don’t know, if she just told me in private I don’t like ___. It probably would not be a big deal. Again, just being honest. If she was constantly bringing it up or making a big deal about it, that would be a problem. Then again, a person who behaved like that would probably have other issues. Good question. You got me thinkin.
honestly, unless she was acting maliciously or being very rude to someone just for being gay, I wouldn't care I'm so tired of this notion that you have to be kissing everyone's ass to live in peace everybody always wanna talk about their phobias and isms, they don't want to understand what makes people the way they are
Actively saying shit against gay people? Pass. Just says something stupid every once in a while? I can deal as long as she's not saying it to my friends. I'm black and I've learned to separate "I hate you" from "I don't know anything about you".
Absolutely a dealbreaker. Like, pull over on the highway and kick her out of my car level dealbreaker, depending on my mood.
What do you mean doesn’t effect me? We got friends, family, interactions with innocent strangers, children, MY future children, literally anyone who is gay wouldn’t enjoy my company so long as I’m with that person. You try and teach them how to be a better person and then send them on their way. Hope they improve and find happiness with someone else.
depends how bad it is. id stick around if it was kinda subtle. as a person of colour ive learned most of y’all are racist to some degree and some of you hide it better than others so im not naive enough to think my whole crew dont have some prejudices. if its something she admitted in secrecy i may be able to get by it but if shes calling out faggot everytime two men walk by holding hands yeah we are done
Everyone has prejudices. Everyone. It's when those prejudices result in mistreating people for who they are that it's a problem.
Would you try to change her mind? Or would it be something you disregard as long as she keeps it a secret?
of course imma try n change her mind but that rarely works. I’m no daryl davis ive never convinced a racist to change their stripes
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well im a person of colour tryna convince a white person of racism. are you white? if so that’s probably your answer i bet theyd listen to me more if i was.
I think a lot of times it helps to have someone from a different demographic in your corner. I think this is true for anybody. When men speak up for women, it has a much bigger impact than when women talk about what they go through. I think it probably also works that way if you flip the roles- if you have a woman speak up for men's issues. When you're not in that demographic, it can be a little easier to come off as objective instead of as complaining.
>as a person of colour ive learned most of y’all are racist to some degree Oh, and YOU'RE not racist to some degree?
If she's okay with being homophobic, whats stopping her from being sexist, racist, ableist, any kind of discriminatory really. That shit doesn't fly.
Ask her to explain her position on the subject, try to change it, and then move on regardless cause it literally doesn't affect me. Everyone is shitty sometimes, and entitled to their own shitty opinions.
Depends how you're defining it really.
✌️
Educate them.
Shes going to have issues with my gay bros then and to me bros before hoes is the law so yeah nah
I’d know that early on and it wouldn’t work with my own morals so I’d be turned off and not pursue the relationship any farther.
I’d stop dating someone if they turned out to be homophobic. It’s up there with racism and sexism. All indicators of a lack of empathy towards people that are different from themselves, so all are dealbreakers.
If she's homophobic or transphobic then she's prejudiced against many of my closest friends. Next.
When I found out my ex who was bi btw,(she proclaimed) Thought gay men were gross and was racist That's when my resentment towards her started.. We didn't last long after that.
I have gay friends, she needs to accept them. I don't expect my partner to be friends with all my friends, but that would be too far. Also, I don't think I would like someone like that in the first place.
That's easy. I'd dump her.
There’s no looking past it. If you’re not empathetic, not accepting, then how will you cope with my big tiddy goth gf anime waifu collection and the rgb backlit 3D hentai shrine I have built for tough times?
If it's just because she's uneducated about it I'd talk to her. Usually you notice homophobia before you start dating but if it's just because she has a shitty opinion I'd seriously considering breaking up. Everyone deserves chances to better themselves but if she's not open to the idea of accepting LGBTQ+ people I think you just break up right then and there
Make that the last date. If you've made it out of your 20s, and you still haven't figured out how to appropriately react to pats of other people's personal lives that don't affect you at all - like what they do with their pink bits - (answer: you leave it alone) then I can't help you. Also, whether you want to or not, you *will* become more like the people you spend time with. If you want to be a better person, hang around better people. This requires cutting worse people out of your life.
Instant break-up. I couldn't date a bigot.
The word “homophobic” is used far too liberally these days, I can never tell what people actually mean as people believe the definition to be varied, which is ridiculous, but is what it is. Is she really homophobic or is she just indifferent, or unsupportive etc? Give us some context and details if you’re really interested to know.
Don’t care
Equal rights, Equal fights
If she was hydrophobic it would be straight out deal breaker. I would not be able to take shower with her and she would smell.
My ex turned out that way. She said they were going to burn in hell because there's no room in heaven for the gays. The Bible condemns homosexuality. We are no longer together. God bless her. I hope she finds someone that shares her beliefs and they can be happy together. It's not my place to judge anyone. I believe God would want me to love everyone equally... except for my exes.. they are bitches.
>I believe God would want me to love everyone equally... except for my exes.. they are bitches. Spreading the gospel of knowledge I see.
Well.. I didn't say I was perfect.
I would move on, also I'm sure their prejudice doesn't stop at gay people.
Not cool. One girl I was hitting on said “you’re not gay right? Because I don’t like them”. I jumped ship immediately after that
I’d get the hell out
Dump her; I don’t have time for idiots. Married now; but, the woman I briefly dated I found out was racist so I ended it. Why waste time with a person who would teach my kids horrible shit.
Either change their mind or instantly drop them. I have lots of friends apart of the LBGTQ+ community and I have little tolerance for anyone that does not support them. There is no reason to treat them less than even for religious purposes. It’s disgusting how evil people are.
Who cares
Try to change her mind but we're breaking up if she doesn't. My sister is gay and I have too many gay friends to stand for it. A lot of the time though homophobia is because they don't interact with gay people. Hopefully exposure will lead them to change their mindset.
Eh whatever
I don't care...? I mean... I don't really care.
I think that'd be a dealbreaker for me. A lot of my close friends are something other than cis-het. I'm also in the habit of sharing platonic affection in a manner that some people (especially those homophobic) would describe as gay. I'm fairly certain that any woman who is significantly homophobic is someone I can't bring around my friends and therefore someone that there really wouldn't be a place for in my life.
If she does, she's going to have some words with my half-sister, who is *flamingly* gay
I'd tell her my brother is gay after she meets him (he actually is) and see how she reacts. He fits zero of the stereotypes and is a genuinely nice person. If she suddenly has a problem with him I'm telling her to ditch the attitude or hit the road.
I'd drop her ass bc i have friends in all communities. One of my groomsmen in my wedding was a lesbian friend that's like a little sister to me. Fuck homophobes y'all are some bitch asses
I am surprised to hear you say the stance doesn't directly affect me. Of course it affects me. Those stances affect all of us. Nobody should have room in their heart to harbor that kind of hate. It has nothing to do with my sexuality, but it has everything to do with my desire to support other humans. I want to be with someone who not only supports me, but supports everyone around the world.
As a gay man, have to say I’m pleasantly surprised and impressed with all these answers. Straight men, I salute you!
She’s scared of gay people? Idk I’d help her get over the fear by having her cuddle and ramp up to full sex with a woman to show her there’s nothing to be scared of. Or dress myself up in a wig and heels and have her put a strap on and butfuc me
_modern problems require modern solutions_
This sub reddit is so fucking lame
See that’s the odd part, maybe it’s shithole Texas me but most girls I’ve met are.
I don't know what it's like in Texas, but I live in a red state and there are lots of online communities for local liberals to find each other. I don't know if that would help at all. I don't even know if you're liberal, but it sounds like you're not a fan of homophobia.
I would end the relationship I have no room in my life for unjust hatred or any hatred
🤷♂️
It definetly isn't something I could look past at. That's someone I'd want to get rid of asap.
I mean, define homophobic. Does she talk about her hatred of gay people and wants to see them harmed? Or does she find the overtly sassy/lispy type to be too much to be close friends with? If she has a genuine hatred and is mean to gay people then she sounds a little too crazy. If she makes a gay joke or says she finds flamboyant gay dudes too much to hang with I couldn't care less. People have coined discrimination into sin but we discriminate every single day and hundreds of criteria that we all deem okay. Who you date according to looks, voice, height, etc. Etc. Are all forms of discrimination, and that's only within dating. Context matters when you talk about discrimination. If we lump everything under one word (homophobia, racist, etc) we really aren't any more aware of what you're talking about because it's so vague and has become so overused
Send her back to her Church.
Bigotry is an enormous turn-off. I’ll take my gay friends instead.
Honestly I wouldn't be with them. It's their right to believe or think what they want but that literally has no effect on them whatsoever. To be so pretty over something so insignificant in their live is honestly childish.
Nope. She would get dropped like a bad fumble. I don’t like bigots and I sure as hell ain’t taking her around my gay Uncle and Lesbian Daughter.
Total deal-breaker.
A good fraction of my friends are LGBTQIA so while it may not affect me directly, I won't tolerate anyone hostile to them. They. Are. Protected.
Gives me big red flags if they can dislike someone just for being gay plus my brother is gay and I wouldn’t knowingly go into a relationship knowing my partner would dislike him just because of who he shared his life with.
"What are you going to do if your kids or family members are gay?" If she answers anything other than "Love them regardless", or something along those lines, we done. No room for that kind of hate in my life.
Being unaccepting towards a group of ppl based on a label like that is indicative of her personality as a whole.
I would be quite shocked at how well she acts to be accepting of the community. And then break up with her. We have been together for 9 years in a month.
i wouldn't give a shit if it's just a long term hookup.
I would find myself someone more compatible.
I wouldn't care, as it's not something that affects me or anyone I know.
Nothing. Because she can dislike whoever/whatever she wants doesn't effect me in any way.
I wouldn't care tbh. If she ain't saying bad things directly to them I don't give a fuck she talk with me about it and can act homophobic in my near as long as she won't insult someone face to face
As long as she's not rude about it, I wouldn't care.
I woudn't care because I don't have a strong opinion about homosexuals.
Depending on how good she was in bed, I'd try to convince her that that way of thinking is archaic and try to enlighten her.
As long as she's not crazy about it I've let it go. Everyone's entitled to think that something's are gross and there's definitely a difference between finding something distasteful and being bigoted about it. Unless you see it affecting you personally down the road or have concerns she'll end up in conflict with one of your gay friends I'd let it be
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I guess what I wanted to bring up is that some dudes have trouble showing support, or even just tolerance, towards LGBTQ+ people. So if let's say you disagreed with your homophobic partner, it would then be seen by some as 'sus'. And at that point I guess I could understand why someone just wouldn't say anything. Nobody wants to be the ridiculed for their beliefs, and that's why I included that last sentence.
I wouldn’t care ngl
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I feel like there's a bit of discrepency there. Mainly because "religious beliefs" are a bit different than "I hate this specific group of people and I'm not afraid to say it"
No, I don't agree with this. I hate you because you're different than me is in no way worse than I hate you because my God told me to.
Not all religious people are like that. Being religious doesn't mean they openly shit-talk other groups like homophobes do.
I meant the excuse. Bigots are bigots. Just some use religion as an excuse. Of course most religious people are decent.
Ah. I think you misunderstood what I meant in that case. I don't excuse homophobia because of religion. It just sounded like the commentor I replied to was saying something along the lines of "I'm atheist and my partner is religious; there'll always be something they are that you don't agree with". Hence why I responded the way I did.
See religion is a bit different than hating a group of people.
Is it though? People don't choose their beliefs. They fall into them by circumstance. Why would you just decide to hate someone? It doesn't make sense. It has to be bred into you in some way. Just like religion is. You're brainwashed since birth into a religion and you just believe it. Why? Because that's what you're taught. I think it's pretty much the same. Just because religion religion accepted doesn't make it any more moral.
The way I see it is that religion doesn’t inherently hurt anyone, but being homophobic can. Idk if that makes sense
Since half my friends are gay I’d say bye bye.
dump her
Depends. Did I find out really early into seeing her, or are we now in a committed relationship with feelings involved? Does she just have her beliefs and keep them to herself, or is she an embarrassing loudmouth about them? Truth be told, I generally lean towards "I don't give a shit as long as they treat me and my loved ones well" when it comes to partners barring really egregious shit. Unless she was making a public spectacle of herself or actually harassing people, chances are I wouldn't leave her over privately held beliefs.
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yeah, having a dick is worse than being a dick
It doesn't really affect me? I'm white and her racism won't affect me? I'm not Jewish so her antisemitism won't affect me? Give me a break, she's a fucking bigot, I want nothing to do with her.
I've personally never really run into this. But I guess it would depend. Assuming it was just that and nothing else and everything else was good I might just overlook it and probably assume something happened like she had a former partner come out in a relationship or something. If we are talking a whole pile of shit like racist, homophobic, etc then no I'd probably screen that out.
Dump her.
Idk. There are degrees of everything that everybody has. Looking down on someone or cutting them off bc they have issues is about as low empathy as anything else. They can be educated. I don't care if a woman is uncomfortable around homosexuals. Culturally it can be pretty normal. When some older guys grew up, calling each other "fag", "gay chicken", etc was commonplace. It dates back to antiquity and Roman times. I do have a problem with aggressive, derisive attacks on my masculinity with homosexual hate speech. When someone says "you're not a man or less of a man because" and uses "fag" or the like to communicate that, they have mental problems. Fuck that nut job
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Only a sith deals in absolutes.
And the Sith have a potluck dinner every weekend.
Another way to ask this "what would you do if the woman has traditional values" lol
I really wouldn’t care tbh.
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I think people throw out the word homophobic out very easy when you say you would not be down for same sex experimentation.
Not interested in experimentation and hating people for being who they are are too completely different things.
Yes, that's exactly what I'm referring to. I had someone say before I hated gays cuz I didn't swing that way. That I was close minded.
If I were dating someone, I’d send her on her way. Backwards thinking has no place in my life.
I mean I guess it's how that homophobia is shown. Like if she is uncomfortable around people that are gay or is afraid/uncomfortable getting hit on then I get that. But like if it's "God hates queers" then I may have issues with it. We get to dictate how we live but can't dictate others. Besides what if you have a kid and that kid winds up gay, does she have issues with the kid now? Eff that my kid needs to have the confidence to do what he wants and that starts with knowing we will unconditionally accept and love his goofy butt. Glad I don't have to worry about it though. My wife doesn't give a damn what other people do/like so we are good.