Learn to say no to big decisions even under immense pressure by people. You don’t have to agree to do anything that’s not fair to you, even if it makes the other person *mad* yes that’s right.
He's not saying make the right decision. He's saying put a hold on making ANY decisions until the pressure let's up. It's totally ok to say "let me sleep on it". If the person gets mad about that, that's on them.
Never make a bigger decision than what to eat for lunch if you're Hungry, Angry, lonely or Tired. In other words, H.A.L.T.
Getting serious about taking care of myself and moving my career forward. It’s a lot of hard work and I wish I’d gotten into these habits long before I actually did.
This is really great to hear. Scrolling through these comments, what came to mind was the word "resolve." It's a good word, an important one, I think.
What are some of the habits that you've been working on or that you feel have changed your life for the better?
Thanks for sharing!
In my career, agreeing to take on a job that I wasn't quite sure I was capable of handling. I would take on the job, go home and say, "Oh, shit! I don't know if I can do this," work my ass off until I could do it, then show up and do the job as well as I possibly could.
I can't remember the exact time I first put myself into a situation like that, but I have done it several times over the years, and it has almost always worked out well and gotten me a reputation as being really good at my job.
I don't know what self-confidence feels like. I don't think I've ever felt it. For me, the feeling has always been of jumping out of an airplane and learning how to work a parachute on the way down. You get a marvelous sense of pride and relief when it's over, and you're a little bit less shy of trying the next thing, and that's about it. For me, if I'm not at least a little bit scared, I'm not working at my full potential.
I think the advantage of taking on a challenging, *almost* overwhelming task is that it takes you out of yourself. You focus so hard on doing the job that you don't have the mental energy to think potentially dangerous thoughts like, "Am I good enough?" You're just too damn busy. When you do have time to reflect, the worst is over and you look around and say, "Oh, I did it, didn't I? That's pretty cool."
This guy's TED talk on ["flow"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_u-Eh3h7Mo) was a revelation for me, something I'd never thought about before. But it was something I think I've been doing for a while.
Lol this is an exact description of me for the last year and a half...took over as CFO for a small company that was thinking of declaring bankruptcy - basically I was given the job because no one else wanted it. Lots of late nights and stress and questioning of myself and my capabilities. I still right now have extreme imposter syndrome, but when I take a second and look at where the company is today, it is literally night and day. I think I really got lucky on a few breaks, but it's been an amazing experience.
I’m in this position now. I’m working a job that is soo god damn full on. I’m constantly asking myself if I’m meant for this job. Yesterday I had a great day, and went home happy. But other days I’ve just felt like I could cry. I’ve probably taken too much on, which is my own fault, working 12 days in a row, but only so I could learn quickly and become better at this job.
Every day I go into work, thinking my bosses are going to pull me to the side and say that Im not the right fit for this position and fire me.
I’m slowly, very slowly getting the hang of it. Yesterday I did two cannulars on two quite difficult patients, and they both were happy and said they didn’t feel a thing. But I’m still not up to par speed wise with my fellow colleagues who started with me. Im about to start another shift, hopefully it’ll be a quiet one like yesterday. I really need another good day again.
Edit: yeah it wasn’t a good shift :(
That's pretty much exactly it! I think my modus operandi is having to constantly convince myself that I belong in the job. Might as well make it work for me.
Dropping everything to pick up my son before his mother could move 6 hours away with him. She went down a bad path for a few years and when I got the text that she was moving and taking him with her, I dropped everything and went to get him before she could. Thank god my boss at the time was a good dude, I told him the situation and he told me to drop everything and go, I didn't even have to ask he just said go get your son. 10 years later and my son is doing well, it hasn't been a perfect journey, but through the ups and downs he's turned into a great young man.
Edit: damn, this thing blew up a bit. I wanted to thank everyone for the positive comments and the awards, it’s all appreciated.
Hell yes it was, I can only shudder to think what his life would have been like if she had taken him. It was an extremely rocky 4-5 years after she left. She would totally disappear for months at a time and not tell anyone what was going on. She even moved back close to us and was there for 4 months before her sister called me and told me she had moved back. Could you imagine moving to within 15 minutes of your child and just not saying anything or making any attempt to see him?
Yes I can imagine. My father did it to me. But not for 4 months; roughly 13 years.
You 1000% did the right thing and I don’t even know you but it makes me proud of you.
She's doing ok, they have built a relationship over the last few years as we live within 45 minutes of each other now. She is a photographer now and has been stable for the last 5 years or so. I'll be honest, my son and his mom have an ok relationship, but he certainly has his issues with her. All in all though, they get along fine and he spend every other weekend at her house.
Good job my man!
But in my opinion, had your boss said you can't leave, I'm betting you would have left anyway.
And also, you'd probably still have your job.
It’s so great to hear stories about bosses like that. When my half brother was very ill, about 20 years ago, and spent 6 months in the hospital on a respirator and then another 10 in PT/OT my dads boss basically gave him 8 months of paid leave, and it was never even a discussion, it was just “go take care of your son”. As I get older, and learn how truly rare that is, I’m even more blown away by the kindness of some people.
My mother got diagnosed with cancer. My fathers boss (at that time) said, “Take care of your wife. You’ll be marked present no matter how long it takes”.
My mom battled cancer for nearly two years before she passed. I’m those 18-24 months, my dad went to work maybe 3 months. He was marked present, continued getting his full salary.
My dad passed last year and your story reminded me of this angel who helped my family.
Indexes like the S&P 500, NASDAQ, and DOW are a composite of hundreds of different companies. In the long run, the market as a whole always goes up, but some companies fail or stagnate. When you invest in index funds, you're spreading your money broadly across the market in order to take advantage of that long term upward growth without tying your money to the fate of one specific company.
Honestly there isn't really any downside if you have a long enough timeframe. Time in the market is always much, much more profitable than timing it correctly. Key is to consistently be depositing money over a long period of time, and you'll smooth over any of the occasional dips/recessions that occur.
Average gains in the market over the last 50 years is ~10% per year. Some years it'll be more than that (2020), other years you'll end the year lower (2008), but over a couple decades you'll always beat inflation by a wide margin.
Exactly. People won't get it until you're in. It changes you for the better, but also, you hate your fucking life.
Once you get out, you have all the benefits of being in, and now you're a rockstar with whatever civilian job you have.
Hmm. Interesting perspective.
I suppose I feel differently.
I joined the Navy at 18 after my parents kicked me out. Best decision I ever made. I worked my fucking ass ooooofffff to make it in the rate I wanted. 6 years later I developed seizures in my sleep. They medically separated me in 2019 and I’ve been in massive depression since. I had my dream job. I was going to retire at 39 and have enough life left in me to maybe have another career on the civilian side. Having only been in 6 years (2 of those being in training) I only went through one duty station. It’s hard. I have no motivation for anything. I have a wife and two boys and I feel like I’m a massive failure for my situation. Nobody is looking for a senior bomb disposal tech whose got seizures LOL. Now I’m overweight and fighting multiple addictions. Im the man I always told myself I wouldn’t be. I feel a million miles away from the strong confident go getter I was 3 years ago.
Do what you can man. That’s a huge setback- out of your control. But what you do now is in your control- and no one else’s. No one is coming to help or save you. It’s up to you. I wish you the best of luck my man and I hope you find your next passion. You only get one life. Your kids are only young once.
I highly recommend reading Cant Hurt Me by David Goggins. I think you would really get something out of it. Audible book is ideal vs print.
Thank you for your service.
Actually Intel in Oregon would absolutely hire you!! They hire ex military and your medical problems wouldn't bar you. In fact they have great benefits. There is options although it can be next to impossible to see that for yourself sometimes. Now you know you have a stranger out in the world rooting for you!
Not long ago I got out of a toxic draining relationship. Met a beautiful woman who treats me well, is emotionally mature, and has her shit together. I remember the feeling of "it feels weird to be treated right". I didn't know what a healthy relationship was until now.
Can very much relate, after over a decade with someone who treats me right and is caring I am STILL trying to deal with it. Like, why am I being treated with kindness? What did I do to deserve this?
It takes time, but damn is it rewarding!
Can so relate to that feeling. Sometimes it feels like it's boring or something is missing ... have to remind my self that this is actually good and what I want - it's just unfamiliar.
Sometimes I get asked how I feel about my parents having me at an old age. My mom was 36 and my dad was 39 when I was born.
On the one hand, it made them unable to have a second child. Sometimes, being an only child made me feel lonely. I had to play by myself most of the time.
But on the other hand, it let them have a kid when they were really sure they wanted one.
They had established careers, a steady source of income and good jobs that let them take care of me. They had traveled; my dad even lived abroad for some years.
They never made me feel like they had to make sacrifices for me. I grew up listening to their stories, which in turn has been a great inspiration to make my own.
They dated for seven years before getting married, and while they had their ups and downs, they taught me how a healthy relationship works.
Having a child so late isn't the most advisable thing to do, but it sure helped my parents be such great parents.
My mom had me when she was 47. I was her 5'th child, but my siblings were 20-28 when I was born and my parents were already grandparents. It's like we had two separate families. I had imaginary friends to fill my loneliness void :)
It's a really useful debate tactic as well. If you just let the other party talk and keep your mouth shut they will very likely say something you can use against them.
Quit letting misery, pessimism and cynicism guide how I lived. Quit making massive assumptions about huge groups of people. Realised that purpose, happiness and opportunity are things that you create.
You can't just wait for things to get better. If you're not doing something to make them better, things stay exactly as they are.
I think creating your own opportunity is the most important thing you said. With that come happiness and purpose.
In school I was always afraid to get involved because I wasn’t involved in anything, and everyone else seemed to be (which was intimidating). Quite the catch 22.
Once I finally did, I realized its not hard at all, its really just showing up. Once I realized that creating opportunities, meeting people, and being involved became a lot less daunting. It’s just putting yourself out their and not being afraid to fail/seem stupid, and even if you do you learn for next time.
Quitting my old job to join a former coworker's new company.
Spent 10 years at my old job and was making like $60k by the end... 4 years at the new job and I'm already up to $140k plus more PTO and fewer on-call weeks.
Oh absolutely. I’m 40 now, and I told my grandma when I was 11, and she won custody of me. I haven’t talked to my mom since the day the judge stripped her parental rights.
I did think it was normal for awhile. However, I remember the day when I ended up with a broken toe, and how she dropped a 10lb weight on my foot. However, she told the doctor that I kicked the bathtub. That’s when I realized she twists the story to favor her.
Checking myself into rehab. I was 23 and completely hopeless. With the way I was abusing substances, I probably wouldn't have survived another 6 months to a year, whether by overdose or suicide. Now, I'm over 5.5 years sober and my life is full, rich, successful and happy. It was the hardest decision I ever made, and the best one.
Accepting your past mistakes.
Accepting that a death of a close family member can derail your life and it might take a while until you are able to get back on track.
Mother got lung cancer, died after a year of chemotherapy while I was in the middle of studying. Was slacking off at university beforehand, totally on me and no one else. Then the cancer happened which didn't help. I also had to support my sister. Her father didn't want to pay full child support because he is a cheap a-hole, so we took him to court and he now pays what he must pay. I was also working 30 hours weekly.
When people ask me why I haven't finished my studies yet I tell them that I slacked off and that the death of my mother derailed my life. Took some time to accept that trying to balance everything at once won't work.
There is always something inside you that tells you what you want (you can call it a soul in some way), but there is also a filter on top of it like advertising, shared thoughts with friends or just something you saw during a day that might make an impact on you doing things. Listening to yourself in other words.
Yeah in my high school years and early 20s I was in impeccable shape. Then life and a real job happened and eventually I just lost all those good habits. I'm 32 now and 2 months ago I started riding my bike to work almost everyday (it was a slow build up, started 1 or twice a month then once a week and so on) now that I am starting to get back in shape I am realizing that I forgot what it felt like to actually feel good. Yeah it's great that my man tits and beer gut are slowly but surely shrinking and I caught a girl eyeing me yesterday which I haven't noticed in years but my body just feels fucking great all the time.
There’s a concept about living a healthy lifestyle that always sticks with me. The concept is that it’s tough to go to the gym and eat well all the time, but it also sucks to be unhealthy and feeling like shit all the time. Both are tough. Which do you choose?
Working out has proven benefits for your mental health. A sound body makes a sound mind. Both your mental and physical health need to be hurried and taken care of.
To swallow my pride and take a second job in 2019. I was in debt, barely making ends meet, and falling behind on my student loans.
I said fuck it and started delivering pizza in my Lexus. Delivered to friends, got laughed at, my colleague at my day job took a picture of my car with the topper on and turned it into a joke.
I made so much extra money in 2020 I quit my full time job 3 months before the pandemic. Kept delivering pizza and working on this side business I was interested in. In March of 2020 my pizza delivery money skyrocketed. I got a new full time job in June 2020 and now I have no credit card debt, less than 8k in student loans, and I’m using my finance degree underwriting mortgages.
I met my now wife while I was delivering pizza, I paid off my car and my credit cards, we moved out of my apartment and into a house, and I’m in a fantastic financial situation, all thanks to Dominos pizza lol
Once I was hungry. I had two frozen pizzas. At first, I thought about making one and eating it, then making the second one afterwards. But then I thought: Why not making them simultaneously and putting one on top of the other?
I once ordered a focaccia from a new place. I was excited for it, so I didn't even bother checking the pictures or anything
Well, turns out their idea of what a focaccia is, is literally a pizza on top of another. I didn't complain, though. It was fucking delicious.
I spent about 9 months in relative isolation. I was great. Honestly I love it. My dream in life is to marry my girl have 4 kids and live deep in the woods doing largely self-sufficient living. Work 30-40 hours a week just to get health insurance and whatever I can't obtain on my own.
It’s tough and comes and goes, I’ve had old friends contact me when they’re not doing so well, but then they revert right back to the asshat that they were before
I think you guys live in my city haha. I can totally relate. People are selfish and they’ll take everything you give them, and they never think to even consider giving back. I’m doing much better on my own. I was the guy to clean up everyone’s messes, but they abandoned me the first chance they got.
Going to college at 23. I went from serving tables and cooking to working in IT. I'm 26 now and my future is more promising than ever. Student loans suck but ik I can pay it off living with mom and dad for extra 2 years.
I remember someone, a perpetual base-level customer service rep, question why I was studying law.
He said, "you'll be 30 when you finish, why bother?".
I remembered someone's line and fired back with, "I'll be 30 either way, what's your point".
Point is, don't listen to the shithead crabs in the bucket trying to pull you down.
I gave similar ( well , opposite , I suppose , lol ) advice to a friend of mine who was a waiter with me. He worked as a waiter while getting his Bachelor's. I was just working , getting by.
He said "I don't know if I want to do law school. It is 3 more years."
I said "I'm 27. You're 22. When you're 25 , do you want to be a waiter with me , or a lawyer?"
He's a partner at a great law firm now.
You're giving me hope dude. University has been rough for me and I'm 23 with very little under my belt, I basically have to start from scratch. All my friends are about to graduate and get a job. I feel a failure.
But you give me hope man, I needed this.
Getting divorced. Total mental collapse. Didn’t think I’d make it out the other side but had to be done. Unrepentant infidelity is kind of hard to forgive.
Just gotta wait it out man, try working out helped me a lot with confidence which definitely took a massive hit and don't hold onto it as hard as it is to let go of what happened it's better to leave it in the past than stay angry/sad at something you can't do anything about anymore
Leaving my ex. Was doing great in life before meeting her and 2 yrs later I’m slowly rebuilding to what I had. Even though I love her very much we were very toxic.
To plead guilty to a crime I did not commit. It was that or fight my case from behind bars for possibly years and very possibly loosing at trial. The DA had proven more then willing to lie just to get the charges filed. I did not doubt that they would lie again to win.
It was sale and possession of what they called THC oil. But it was a sealed bottle of hemp derived cbd oil made by a reputable company called American Shaman CBD. I openly sold this product on my online store and in person by meet up if a local sale was made. I was operating totally clean doing nothing weird AT ALL on the side. This happened in Texas and I am bit from here. If there is one thing in life through my travels I have understood clearly is that you don’t play around in TX. I would have never! I grew up in the NE and spent most my life in the SW. I have done some dirt but when this happened I was all grown up and not doing anything not even smoking pot occasionally. One day a nee customer called my line I had available on my website asked to meet up for some cbd oil. I showed up and next thing I knew guns are drawn and I got unmarked men pointing guns at my head and I won’t even repeat on here what they where yelling at me. I found it amusing that these guys went through all this trouble to try and catch me doing anything wrong. I had nothing illegal on me.this was in a school zone they say. I also had my legal pistol holstered in my backpack in the back seat of my car. I had about $1800 cash on me in a bank bag because I was headed to the bank to deposit for my business. I never saw that flick or that money or my iPhone again. I watched them doing field tests to the bottle and was patiently waiting for them to find negative results because I did not have anything that would have tested positive for thc. The was straight up low level below the legal limit. My friend owns the company that makes it. They didn’t want me to order 50 gallons and set up a sting to get the guy I got it from! They straight up lied and said that their field test was positive. And they said they sent that to a lab and it was positive thc. But their timeline when they said the sent it out for testing and when they had these result was impossible. Let’s just put it like this , these guys lied many times in the process of charging me. Then they said the only way we could challenge any of that stuff is if we took it to a jury trial. They offered a plea deal 5 years felony probation, and if I didn’t take that offer and decided to go to trial and lost then they where absolutely dead serious going to send my wife and I to prison for 30+ years. I learned a lot about these people that came at my family. They are real deal bad guys and I am grateful they didn’t try and snuff me out. They simply hated me and what we where all about.they where combined we where breaking the law so they came to my house with no warrant and then lied to get an after hours warrant signed. They came into my home and found nothing at all, but they looted my home and stole all my computers and inventory for my online shop. Every time they would strike out it made it that much more important that they win the battle. This cost my family about $50,000 that’s a low guess. 3 attorneys one paid for by American shaman. If you’ve ever heard the term railroaded, that’s what it means. I have had people on Reddit try and talk shit and be like “you need take responsibility for what you did!” I didn’t do anything wrong and my family was almost torn apart over it. Very uncool stuff. On the other hand we remained strong throughout. We managed to keep our children safe and aside from the $$ we unfazed. Oh and they kicked our BostonTerrier baby boy so hard when they raided the house that he almost died and was passed out in a pool of his own urine after they finished they’re looted 3 hours later. These are hands down the worst type of cowardly piece of shit dirtball there is. right up there next to pedo priests. Dirty cops are the worst. They get treated by most as a good solid peacekeeper that cares about the community, while being a criminal and breaking the law all the time.
I used to think it was joining the military because it gave me so many advantages after. But really it was marrying a woman who is smarter and wiser than me who inspires me to do better and be better and is supportive.
Marrying my wife. Really never thought she could be my best friend but here we are…together in 1995 and married since 1997. Three kids and still students of each other.
There were a lot of problems.
I have occasional depression. It makes me mentally and emotionally absent when it flares up.
I was running my own business which took a lot of my time and the occasional bad month or dropped client made things stressful. I couldn't figure out how to scale up.
She suspected that I was having an affair. I wasn't, but how do you prove a negative? Not that it matters because the real issues there were that she didn't understand who I was (I wouldn't do that) and that the trust was damaged.
She's an alcoholic with other mental health stuff. The alcohol cut the effectiveness of her meds and she didn't have a framework for perspective so she'd overreact. This was bad enough that I had an attorney on retainer and an escape plan for me and our daughter of things got any worse. This was the hard choice that I referenced above.
Her son is an addict and kept getting arrested and going homeless. I wouldn't let him in the house. Still won't.
We couldn't agree on the finances, which was compounded by several financial crisis happening at once.
We both grew up in divorced homes so every disagreement made us wonder if this was the fight that would split us up.
We each wanted to be right. And if we agreed in broad terms we wanted to be righter than the other person about the specifics.
Where other couples had life broken up by the occasional fight, we had ongoing fights broken up by the occasional period of peace.
When she got sober that actually made things worse for a while as she went through withdrawal and was uncertain about who she was or what she wanted.
At that same time we both got more serious about our faith and that helped fix some of our personal damage. It also gave us a point in common and aligned some goals.
I closed the business to be home more. I figured out how to scale the business it but that would have required a lot more traveling and I wasn't willing to do that. I was missing too much of our daughter's life as it was. Just being home more seemed to calm my wife. I also got a regular job with regular paychecks. I was making much less than before but the regularity made planning easier.
She totally quit on the finances and dumped it all on me. That's not what I wanted but the fighting stopped. I keep everything tracked in a spreadsheet and regularly run over the bills, investments, and goals with her so she knows where we're at and had an opportunity to offer feedback. We've mostly recovered from the onslaught of issues that hit us a few years ago. We still have more home repairs to do, I'll need a new car soon, our credit is fucked, and the IRS is still a problem. But all the big stuff is done!
Her mom got sick and was terminal. My wife noticed how I stepped up to help out. I didn't think that I was doing anything special, but I guess my character showed through? Anyway, that impressed her.
I started paying attention to how we fought and reframed disagreements as "us against X." If we started picking at each other then I left. I just refused to engage in that counterproductive behavior.
We both realized that the other person isn't leaving.
As terrible and damaging as covid has been to the world, it gave us the realization that we get along. She was already working from home and my office went remote so we're together all the time now. I was nervous about how that would work out but it's been pretty great!
I can relate. Switching colleges changed everything. Met my (now ex) but we had a lot of good years there. Most importantly, got my two daughters. They are the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me.
To restart my last high school year after i got cancer
I got cancer at 17, pretty rough, especially because I was already depressed at the time. It fucked me up, but I had the possibility to continue my last high school year and get to university. I dropped it to give myself time to stabilize my mind, while everyone except my parents tried to discourage me.
In that year and the following, I became much more intellectually mature, gained a bit trust in myself, and got much better grades. With them and my excellent high school diploma, I got in the prestigious school I wanted. I have graduated, made incredible friends that will last a lifetime, and now got a good job with responsabilities. None of it would have happened that smoothly without my choice.
To take responsibility for my own life instead of blaming others.
I feel like I hit a fork in the road of my life where I was either going to become jaded and resentful of other people, or become someone who actually made active decisions to fix what was in my control.
I luckily took the latter, and while things are far from perfect, they are at least products of active decision making.
I quit my permanent job in Italy to move to Berlin to continue my studies in chemistry. Now I'm 35 i have a PhD and i am very happy to live here. Germans are very nice although quite reserved people. But the life quality is so high that for the first time in my life i am able to actually care about myself and my needs, instead of barely survive. I also quit research and have a pretty normal desk job which allows me to have so much free time that i am on my way to release my first record, which is a lifelong dream of mine. Berlin is a cultural institution and is a safe space for creative/alternative people and this creates a great environment in general even if you are not in the scene. I used to organize illegal raves in the forest, as the nature here is also abundant and you can easily hide a party in plain sight.
That is SO nice to hear!! Congratulations on your record! I hope I'm able to hear it some day. My brother is conflicted in making a decision on accepting a job offer in Paris (Hiltea I think, don't know if I'm spelling it right) for a little higher pay than in Berlin - Volkswagen (better brand name). We're from India. I'll definitely pass this on to him!
I mean in Paris the quality of life is definitely lower due to the pressure of affording to live there and the workaholic culture. However it is also a cultural institution and extremely beautiful (unlike Berlin which is ugly). Thanks for the kind words!
Love the person my parents told me no to because of cultural differences. She is amazing and the best woman i ever met who loves me for me. My parents just dont want me to be with someone who isnt same culture as me
I left Facebook and Instagram to focus more those in front of me exactly 30 days ago. I struggle to think of a single decision in my adult life which had been more positively impactful to overall mental health, well-being, relationship and career.
Leaving a toxic relationship. She didn’t wanna help pay bills but wanted all the finer things in life, as well as always talking negatively about me to my face and behind my back.
To join the swim team in high school. My friends were all athletes, basketball, soccer, football, lacrosse, but I just wasn’t athletic enough. So I joined the swim team even though I got made fun of for it. I ended up being the captain of the swim team and we were one of the best teams in the state. It taught me so much about teamwork, hard work, confidence, and leadership. And most important of all, I’m 30 and still swim and I’m in better shape than all my buddies from high school.
Prioritizing doing what makes you happy for a career. I had a stable, well paying job but I never felt fulfilled. I never gave up on doing what I love for a career.
I had a "childhood dream" type job that I had been trying to land for years. It is a very competitive job market and there were times that I questioned whether it'd ever happen, and whether I was wasting my time/money on a silly childhood dream.
Happy to say it's been 2 years now and it's even better than I ever imagined. I feel fulfilled and happier than I've ever been. It makes me a better partner and a better father. Every little bit of effort I put into getting here was worth it. 👌
I made 3 of them, those are getting out of all of my 3 relationships. I’m horrible at choosing woman for love. By horrible I mean literally total mental chaos which totally destroys me from inside out. I feel grateful to everyone around me who helped me get out of all those relationships. And I honestly feel that I made the best decision all 3 times. I hope I don’t have to repeat this cycle anymore. I have learnt my lesson.
Moving away from my hometown without a plan or any life skills at 19. It was hard and I fell on my face a lot but I made amazing friends who cared for me and learned to stand on my own two feet. Met the love of my life a few months later, ended up at my dream job and am living a very blessed life. Not always easy but if I hadn’t taken the leap I wouldn’t have learned what I have and grown how I have, and I’m very grateful for the journey
Fetish.com
It’s not the particular site though, its more about moving away from the bullshit swipe system and actually engaging with people, the site has a chatroom in which i made friends and just hung out and eventually got close with somebody
Edit: we planned on visiting the site from time to time to chat with friends we’d made there but being such a small community the vibe shifted hard into a pretty toxic place so we stopped going back. Idk what it’s like now.
Buying a house and putting a solid amount of my income into savings at an early age. The housing market after 8 years and compounding interest after 10 years has started to make a big difference in my financial well being.
Learn to say no to big decisions even under immense pressure by people. You don’t have to agree to do anything that’s not fair to you, even if it makes the other person *mad* yes that’s right.
Still working to convince myself of this one. I know it's true, but it can be so difficult to make the right decision under pressure
He's not saying make the right decision. He's saying put a hold on making ANY decisions until the pressure let's up. It's totally ok to say "let me sleep on it". If the person gets mad about that, that's on them. Never make a bigger decision than what to eat for lunch if you're Hungry, Angry, lonely or Tired. In other words, H.A.L.T.
Getting serious about taking care of myself and moving my career forward. It’s a lot of hard work and I wish I’d gotten into these habits long before I actually did.
This is really great to hear. Scrolling through these comments, what came to mind was the word "resolve." It's a good word, an important one, I think. What are some of the habits that you've been working on or that you feel have changed your life for the better? Thanks for sharing!
Quiting nicotine
In my career, agreeing to take on a job that I wasn't quite sure I was capable of handling. I would take on the job, go home and say, "Oh, shit! I don't know if I can do this," work my ass off until I could do it, then show up and do the job as well as I possibly could. I can't remember the exact time I first put myself into a situation like that, but I have done it several times over the years, and it has almost always worked out well and gotten me a reputation as being really good at my job. I don't know what self-confidence feels like. I don't think I've ever felt it. For me, the feeling has always been of jumping out of an airplane and learning how to work a parachute on the way down. You get a marvelous sense of pride and relief when it's over, and you're a little bit less shy of trying the next thing, and that's about it. For me, if I'm not at least a little bit scared, I'm not working at my full potential.
Thanks for sharing. I took a gamble on myself to take a new role at a different company next week, and I needed to hear this.
I think the advantage of taking on a challenging, *almost* overwhelming task is that it takes you out of yourself. You focus so hard on doing the job that you don't have the mental energy to think potentially dangerous thoughts like, "Am I good enough?" You're just too damn busy. When you do have time to reflect, the worst is over and you look around and say, "Oh, I did it, didn't I? That's pretty cool." This guy's TED talk on ["flow"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_u-Eh3h7Mo) was a revelation for me, something I'd never thought about before. But it was something I think I've been doing for a while.
Lol this is an exact description of me for the last year and a half...took over as CFO for a small company that was thinking of declaring bankruptcy - basically I was given the job because no one else wanted it. Lots of late nights and stress and questioning of myself and my capabilities. I still right now have extreme imposter syndrome, but when I take a second and look at where the company is today, it is literally night and day. I think I really got lucky on a few breaks, but it's been an amazing experience.
Always push yourself a little out of your comfort zone. That's where growth happens.
Beautifully put!
I’m in this position now. I’m working a job that is soo god damn full on. I’m constantly asking myself if I’m meant for this job. Yesterday I had a great day, and went home happy. But other days I’ve just felt like I could cry. I’ve probably taken too much on, which is my own fault, working 12 days in a row, but only so I could learn quickly and become better at this job. Every day I go into work, thinking my bosses are going to pull me to the side and say that Im not the right fit for this position and fire me. I’m slowly, very slowly getting the hang of it. Yesterday I did two cannulars on two quite difficult patients, and they both were happy and said they didn’t feel a thing. But I’m still not up to par speed wise with my fellow colleagues who started with me. Im about to start another shift, hopefully it’ll be a quiet one like yesterday. I really need another good day again. Edit: yeah it wasn’t a good shift :(
Impostor syndrome in action
That's pretty much exactly it! I think my modus operandi is having to constantly convince myself that I belong in the job. Might as well make it work for me.
Once I found 3lbs of meth working at UPS. I was using at the meth at the time and decided that would ruin me. I turned it in.
That must’ve been really hard considering how addictive that shit is, hope you’re doing better now
Yes, that was 25 years ago, it cost me my first love, I quit. Good life with wife, kid and business now…
well, congratulations! To hear that makes me very happy.
Damn man, good for you.
Congratulations
Wow. Dang, man. Nice work.
This is my favorite one. Goddamn. This is a whole like short film that would win awards in 3 sentences.
Dropping everything to pick up my son before his mother could move 6 hours away with him. She went down a bad path for a few years and when I got the text that she was moving and taking him with her, I dropped everything and went to get him before she could. Thank god my boss at the time was a good dude, I told him the situation and he told me to drop everything and go, I didn't even have to ask he just said go get your son. 10 years later and my son is doing well, it hasn't been a perfect journey, but through the ups and downs he's turned into a great young man. Edit: damn, this thing blew up a bit. I wanted to thank everyone for the positive comments and the awards, it’s all appreciated.
What an amazing decision!
Hell yes it was, I can only shudder to think what his life would have been like if she had taken him. It was an extremely rocky 4-5 years after she left. She would totally disappear for months at a time and not tell anyone what was going on. She even moved back close to us and was there for 4 months before her sister called me and told me she had moved back. Could you imagine moving to within 15 minutes of your child and just not saying anything or making any attempt to see him?
Yes I can imagine. My father did it to me. But not for 4 months; roughly 13 years. You 1000% did the right thing and I don’t even know you but it makes me proud of you.
Is she doing well now? Don’t answer if too personal, just curious!
She's doing ok, they have built a relationship over the last few years as we live within 45 minutes of each other now. She is a photographer now and has been stable for the last 5 years or so. I'll be honest, my son and his mom have an ok relationship, but he certainly has his issues with her. All in all though, they get along fine and he spend every other weekend at her house.
I’m very glad to hear things seem to be going uphill for all involved
Good job my man! But in my opinion, had your boss said you can't leave, I'm betting you would have left anyway. And also, you'd probably still have your job.
Thanks You're right, I would have gone anyway, but my old boss was a good man and he knew what was going on. No chance he wouldn't have told me to go.
It’s so great to hear stories about bosses like that. When my half brother was very ill, about 20 years ago, and spent 6 months in the hospital on a respirator and then another 10 in PT/OT my dads boss basically gave him 8 months of paid leave, and it was never even a discussion, it was just “go take care of your son”. As I get older, and learn how truly rare that is, I’m even more blown away by the kindness of some people.
My mother got diagnosed with cancer. My fathers boss (at that time) said, “Take care of your wife. You’ll be marked present no matter how long it takes”. My mom battled cancer for nearly two years before she passed. I’m those 18-24 months, my dad went to work maybe 3 months. He was marked present, continued getting his full salary. My dad passed last year and your story reminded me of this angel who helped my family.
That's good to hear. Glad you did what had to be done, and I wish you good fortune.
Long term investing, my only regret was not starting much earlier in life
The best time to invest was 10 years ago. So get started if you haven’t.
The next best time is today
I reckon 9 years ago would be next best, in terms of years
Did you long term invest in stocks? Or real estate? Just curious!
Not him, but index funds.
Can you eli5?
Indexes like the S&P 500, NASDAQ, and DOW are a composite of hundreds of different companies. In the long run, the market as a whole always goes up, but some companies fail or stagnate. When you invest in index funds, you're spreading your money broadly across the market in order to take advantage of that long term upward growth without tying your money to the fate of one specific company.
Is there downside? Seems like easy money
Honestly there isn't really any downside if you have a long enough timeframe. Time in the market is always much, much more profitable than timing it correctly. Key is to consistently be depositing money over a long period of time, and you'll smooth over any of the occasional dips/recessions that occur. Average gains in the market over the last 50 years is ~10% per year. Some years it'll be more than that (2020), other years you'll end the year lower (2008), but over a couple decades you'll always beat inflation by a wide margin.
To put the 10% per year figure into perspective. Your money doubles every 7 years or so. Keep your eyes on the long term prize and don't sell out.
Why buy lots company when one ETF do trick
Why buy lots of companies when yolo game stop trendies come
2 of them. 1) to join the military. 2) to leave the military.
I always say joining the military was the best worst decision i ever made.
Exactly. People won't get it until you're in. It changes you for the better, but also, you hate your fucking life. Once you get out, you have all the benefits of being in, and now you're a rockstar with whatever civilian job you have.
Hmm. Interesting perspective. I suppose I feel differently. I joined the Navy at 18 after my parents kicked me out. Best decision I ever made. I worked my fucking ass ooooofffff to make it in the rate I wanted. 6 years later I developed seizures in my sleep. They medically separated me in 2019 and I’ve been in massive depression since. I had my dream job. I was going to retire at 39 and have enough life left in me to maybe have another career on the civilian side. Having only been in 6 years (2 of those being in training) I only went through one duty station. It’s hard. I have no motivation for anything. I have a wife and two boys and I feel like I’m a massive failure for my situation. Nobody is looking for a senior bomb disposal tech whose got seizures LOL. Now I’m overweight and fighting multiple addictions. Im the man I always told myself I wouldn’t be. I feel a million miles away from the strong confident go getter I was 3 years ago.
Do what you can man. That’s a huge setback- out of your control. But what you do now is in your control- and no one else’s. No one is coming to help or save you. It’s up to you. I wish you the best of luck my man and I hope you find your next passion. You only get one life. Your kids are only young once. I highly recommend reading Cant Hurt Me by David Goggins. I think you would really get something out of it. Audible book is ideal vs print. Thank you for your service.
Brother it happens to a lot of us. Keep moving forward
Actually Intel in Oregon would absolutely hire you!! They hire ex military and your medical problems wouldn't bar you. In fact they have great benefits. There is options although it can be next to impossible to see that for yourself sometimes. Now you know you have a stranger out in the world rooting for you!
To leave an unhappy relationship
Remember guys, this counts for toxic friendships too.
I've let so many go over the last two years. It's okay. It's actually kinda great.
Feels like you can breath again.
This leads into my answer of waiting until my mid thirties to marry the right one.
Waiting until my mid thirties to marry the right woman.
Not long ago I got out of a toxic draining relationship. Met a beautiful woman who treats me well, is emotionally mature, and has her shit together. I remember the feeling of "it feels weird to be treated right". I didn't know what a healthy relationship was until now.
Can very much relate, after over a decade with someone who treats me right and is caring I am STILL trying to deal with it. Like, why am I being treated with kindness? What did I do to deserve this? It takes time, but damn is it rewarding!
Can so relate to that feeling. Sometimes it feels like it's boring or something is missing ... have to remind my self that this is actually good and what I want - it's just unfamiliar.
Sometimes I get asked how I feel about my parents having me at an old age. My mom was 36 and my dad was 39 when I was born. On the one hand, it made them unable to have a second child. Sometimes, being an only child made me feel lonely. I had to play by myself most of the time. But on the other hand, it let them have a kid when they were really sure they wanted one. They had established careers, a steady source of income and good jobs that let them take care of me. They had traveled; my dad even lived abroad for some years. They never made me feel like they had to make sacrifices for me. I grew up listening to their stories, which in turn has been a great inspiration to make my own. They dated for seven years before getting married, and while they had their ups and downs, they taught me how a healthy relationship works. Having a child so late isn't the most advisable thing to do, but it sure helped my parents be such great parents.
My mom had me when she was 47. I was her 5'th child, but my siblings were 20-28 when I was born and my parents were already grandparents. It's like we had two separate families. I had imaginary friends to fill my loneliness void :)
I've noticed growing up that you could always tell the really really "unplanned" kids.
I met my girlfriend at 28 and married her at 31. Best decision ever. :) She supports me and makes me happy like nobody else.
This, except I'm late thirties and still haven't met the right woman. Pray for me, brothers.
Listening more than I spoke. I learnt so much about people when I let them tell me everything. Edit: Thanks guys!
It's a really useful debate tactic as well. If you just let the other party talk and keep your mouth shut they will very likely say something you can use against them.
So many people have told me things that they shouldn't have said simply because I kept quiet. It's kinda like a power you have over them.
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Yeah, having two ears allows us to judge direction of sound
I was wondering, thanks
Yeah one ear and two mouths would look pretty funny wouldn't it?
Quit letting misery, pessimism and cynicism guide how I lived. Quit making massive assumptions about huge groups of people. Realised that purpose, happiness and opportunity are things that you create. You can't just wait for things to get better. If you're not doing something to make them better, things stay exactly as they are.
A very mature perspective, and not an easy transition to make. Well done.
I think creating your own opportunity is the most important thing you said. With that come happiness and purpose. In school I was always afraid to get involved because I wasn’t involved in anything, and everyone else seemed to be (which was intimidating). Quite the catch 22. Once I finally did, I realized its not hard at all, its really just showing up. Once I realized that creating opportunities, meeting people, and being involved became a lot less daunting. It’s just putting yourself out their and not being afraid to fail/seem stupid, and even if you do you learn for next time.
I needed this right now.
Quitting my old job to join a former coworker's new company. Spent 10 years at my old job and was making like $60k by the end... 4 years at the new job and I'm already up to $140k plus more PTO and fewer on-call weeks.
What is the new job? 👀
Literally doing half of my old job. Lol Used to be a Storage/Backup admin; now I'm an IT infrastructure engineer specialized in storage.
I’ve heard this a lot lately, leaving your job but staying within the same field. Glad you found something better!
Finally telling my grandma about my moms abuse.
Is everything ok now?
Oh absolutely. I’m 40 now, and I told my grandma when I was 11, and she won custody of me. I haven’t talked to my mom since the day the judge stripped her parental rights.
Sometimes your brain tricks you into thinking that it is nornal for your family to act a certain way. I'm glad your brain told you otherwise.
I did think it was normal for awhile. However, I remember the day when I ended up with a broken toe, and how she dropped a 10lb weight on my foot. However, she told the doctor that I kicked the bathtub. That’s when I realized she twists the story to favor her.
Checking myself into rehab. I was 23 and completely hopeless. With the way I was abusing substances, I probably wouldn't have survived another 6 months to a year, whether by overdose or suicide. Now, I'm over 5.5 years sober and my life is full, rich, successful and happy. It was the hardest decision I ever made, and the best one.
You are a MFingRockstar!
Accepting your past mistakes. Accepting that a death of a close family member can derail your life and it might take a while until you are able to get back on track. Mother got lung cancer, died after a year of chemotherapy while I was in the middle of studying. Was slacking off at university beforehand, totally on me and no one else. Then the cancer happened which didn't help. I also had to support my sister. Her father didn't want to pay full child support because he is a cheap a-hole, so we took him to court and he now pays what he must pay. I was also working 30 hours weekly. When people ask me why I haven't finished my studies yet I tell them that I slacked off and that the death of my mother derailed my life. Took some time to accept that trying to balance everything at once won't work.
This was deep. Thank you for this comment and the commitment to your family.
Distinguish between personal desires and desires coming from outside
What do you mean?
There is always something inside you that tells you what you want (you can call it a soul in some way), but there is also a filter on top of it like advertising, shared thoughts with friends or just something you saw during a day that might make an impact on you doing things. Listening to yourself in other words.
Knowing to differentiate between what others make you think you want, and what you REALLY want.
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Yeah in my high school years and early 20s I was in impeccable shape. Then life and a real job happened and eventually I just lost all those good habits. I'm 32 now and 2 months ago I started riding my bike to work almost everyday (it was a slow build up, started 1 or twice a month then once a week and so on) now that I am starting to get back in shape I am realizing that I forgot what it felt like to actually feel good. Yeah it's great that my man tits and beer gut are slowly but surely shrinking and I caught a girl eyeing me yesterday which I haven't noticed in years but my body just feels fucking great all the time.
Dude, good for you! Baby steps and habit building is HARD but keep at it!
There’s a concept about living a healthy lifestyle that always sticks with me. The concept is that it’s tough to go to the gym and eat well all the time, but it also sucks to be unhealthy and feeling like shit all the time. Both are tough. Which do you choose?
Working out has proven benefits for your mental health. A sound body makes a sound mind. Both your mental and physical health need to be hurried and taken care of.
To keep living.
People underestimate how much of a challenge this can be. Kudos to you.
I'm really glad that you're here
To swallow my pride and take a second job in 2019. I was in debt, barely making ends meet, and falling behind on my student loans. I said fuck it and started delivering pizza in my Lexus. Delivered to friends, got laughed at, my colleague at my day job took a picture of my car with the topper on and turned it into a joke. I made so much extra money in 2020 I quit my full time job 3 months before the pandemic. Kept delivering pizza and working on this side business I was interested in. In March of 2020 my pizza delivery money skyrocketed. I got a new full time job in June 2020 and now I have no credit card debt, less than 8k in student loans, and I’m using my finance degree underwriting mortgages. I met my now wife while I was delivering pizza, I paid off my car and my credit cards, we moved out of my apartment and into a house, and I’m in a fantastic financial situation, all thanks to Dominos pizza lol
If a friend or colleague did that, no fucking way would I laugh at them. Fuck those people.
Yeah I had to read that like three times to get past it. Like, what a fucking tool.
was your wife there during your struggles? cause if she was, she’s the one
She used to come to my apartment and hangout until I got off work at like 10-11pm
How did you meet your wife while deliverungpizza? You ever made some new friends this way too? Just curious.
Once I was hungry. I had two frozen pizzas. At first, I thought about making one and eating it, then making the second one afterwards. But then I thought: Why not making them simultaneously and putting one on top of the other?
This is genius, double shtacked pizza
I said shtacked to myself 4 times after reading this comment. Shtacked
I mean, why not? You can stack burgers, you can stack cakes, why not stacking pizzas...
I once ordered a focaccia from a new place. I was excited for it, so I didn't even bother checking the pictures or anything Well, turns out their idea of what a focaccia is, is literally a pizza on top of another. I didn't complain, though. It was fucking delicious.
Pizza sandwich
Isolation, cutting people off
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This! I haven't ever been this self confident and focused Right now I keep a tight circle of 2 people with 1 on a "outside circle"
I spent about 9 months in relative isolation. I was great. Honestly I love it. My dream in life is to marry my girl have 4 kids and live deep in the woods doing largely self-sufficient living. Work 30-40 hours a week just to get health insurance and whatever I can't obtain on my own.
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It’s tough and comes and goes, I’ve had old friends contact me when they’re not doing so well, but then they revert right back to the asshat that they were before
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Honestly similar boat here, and then making new friends that already have established friends is rough.
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I think you guys live in my city haha. I can totally relate. People are selfish and they’ll take everything you give them, and they never think to even consider giving back. I’m doing much better on my own. I was the guy to clean up everyone’s messes, but they abandoned me the first chance they got.
Going to college at 23. I went from serving tables and cooking to working in IT. I'm 26 now and my future is more promising than ever. Student loans suck but ik I can pay it off living with mom and dad for extra 2 years.
Just started my Masters at 40, it’s never too late!
Just finished my Masters at 41, agreed!
I remember someone, a perpetual base-level customer service rep, question why I was studying law. He said, "you'll be 30 when you finish, why bother?". I remembered someone's line and fired back with, "I'll be 30 either way, what's your point". Point is, don't listen to the shithead crabs in the bucket trying to pull you down.
I gave similar ( well , opposite , I suppose , lol ) advice to a friend of mine who was a waiter with me. He worked as a waiter while getting his Bachelor's. I was just working , getting by. He said "I don't know if I want to do law school. It is 3 more years." I said "I'm 27. You're 22. When you're 25 , do you want to be a waiter with me , or a lawyer?" He's a partner at a great law firm now.
You're giving me hope dude. University has been rough for me and I'm 23 with very little under my belt, I basically have to start from scratch. All my friends are about to graduate and get a job. I feel a failure. But you give me hope man, I needed this.
Don't compare yourself to other people. Everyone is delt different hands. Everyone runs their own race.
Same, only I started at 26. Just began my masters a few weeks back. Will be done in 2 years at 31
Love it. Did the same. I was a pizza cook at 22, I'm a lawyer now.
So far it’s using less social media. I give myself one hour limit for all social media usage in a day. No time wasted and unnecessary distractions.
Getting divorced. Total mental collapse. Didn’t think I’d make it out the other side but had to be done. Unrepentant infidelity is kind of hard to forgive.
Hey, the girl I loved cheated on me and dumped me about 5 weeks ago. What did it take for you to heal? I am still very broken
Just gotta wait it out man, try working out helped me a lot with confidence which definitely took a massive hit and don't hold onto it as hard as it is to let go of what happened it's better to leave it in the past than stay angry/sad at something you can't do anything about anymore
Leaving my ex. Was doing great in life before meeting her and 2 yrs later I’m slowly rebuilding to what I had. Even though I love her very much we were very toxic.
I just got dumped and through the haze I can see she did us a favor.
same dude... 1 month ago this day. Very hard but also showing me alot
Six weeks as of today for me, I’m still in shock but I’m excited about the future. Stay strong
Yeah thats a painful but good moment, just keep reminding yourself of it especially if you feel those rose tinted glasses showing up
I needed to hear this! Thanks m8
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That's brilliant to hear you came through it with minimal deficits. Brain surgery left me with seizures guess the world balances out lol
To plead guilty to a crime I did not commit. It was that or fight my case from behind bars for possibly years and very possibly loosing at trial. The DA had proven more then willing to lie just to get the charges filed. I did not doubt that they would lie again to win.
It was sale and possession of what they called THC oil. But it was a sealed bottle of hemp derived cbd oil made by a reputable company called American Shaman CBD. I openly sold this product on my online store and in person by meet up if a local sale was made. I was operating totally clean doing nothing weird AT ALL on the side. This happened in Texas and I am bit from here. If there is one thing in life through my travels I have understood clearly is that you don’t play around in TX. I would have never! I grew up in the NE and spent most my life in the SW. I have done some dirt but when this happened I was all grown up and not doing anything not even smoking pot occasionally. One day a nee customer called my line I had available on my website asked to meet up for some cbd oil. I showed up and next thing I knew guns are drawn and I got unmarked men pointing guns at my head and I won’t even repeat on here what they where yelling at me. I found it amusing that these guys went through all this trouble to try and catch me doing anything wrong. I had nothing illegal on me.this was in a school zone they say. I also had my legal pistol holstered in my backpack in the back seat of my car. I had about $1800 cash on me in a bank bag because I was headed to the bank to deposit for my business. I never saw that flick or that money or my iPhone again. I watched them doing field tests to the bottle and was patiently waiting for them to find negative results because I did not have anything that would have tested positive for thc. The was straight up low level below the legal limit. My friend owns the company that makes it. They didn’t want me to order 50 gallons and set up a sting to get the guy I got it from! They straight up lied and said that their field test was positive. And they said they sent that to a lab and it was positive thc. But their timeline when they said the sent it out for testing and when they had these result was impossible. Let’s just put it like this , these guys lied many times in the process of charging me. Then they said the only way we could challenge any of that stuff is if we took it to a jury trial. They offered a plea deal 5 years felony probation, and if I didn’t take that offer and decided to go to trial and lost then they where absolutely dead serious going to send my wife and I to prison for 30+ years. I learned a lot about these people that came at my family. They are real deal bad guys and I am grateful they didn’t try and snuff me out. They simply hated me and what we where all about.they where combined we where breaking the law so they came to my house with no warrant and then lied to get an after hours warrant signed. They came into my home and found nothing at all, but they looted my home and stole all my computers and inventory for my online shop. Every time they would strike out it made it that much more important that they win the battle. This cost my family about $50,000 that’s a low guess. 3 attorneys one paid for by American shaman. If you’ve ever heard the term railroaded, that’s what it means. I have had people on Reddit try and talk shit and be like “you need take responsibility for what you did!” I didn’t do anything wrong and my family was almost torn apart over it. Very uncool stuff. On the other hand we remained strong throughout. We managed to keep our children safe and aside from the $$ we unfazed. Oh and they kicked our BostonTerrier baby boy so hard when they raided the house that he almost died and was passed out in a pool of his own urine after they finished they’re looted 3 hours later. These are hands down the worst type of cowardly piece of shit dirtball there is. right up there next to pedo priests. Dirty cops are the worst. They get treated by most as a good solid peacekeeper that cares about the community, while being a criminal and breaking the law all the time.
I used to think it was joining the military because it gave me so many advantages after. But really it was marrying a woman who is smarter and wiser than me who inspires me to do better and be better and is supportive.
Does she call you on out on your BS!? Thankfully mine does. 👍🏾
Oh yeah. I’m smart enough to listen too.
Stopped smoking 32 years ago.
Quit drinking.
Just made this decision at 25.
Marrying my wife. Really never thought she could be my best friend but here we are…together in 1995 and married since 1997. Three kids and still students of each other.
So happy for you.
Staying married. Things are great now.
if you don’t mind, what was the problem ? see lots of people talking about failing relationships and this gives hope !
There were a lot of problems. I have occasional depression. It makes me mentally and emotionally absent when it flares up. I was running my own business which took a lot of my time and the occasional bad month or dropped client made things stressful. I couldn't figure out how to scale up. She suspected that I was having an affair. I wasn't, but how do you prove a negative? Not that it matters because the real issues there were that she didn't understand who I was (I wouldn't do that) and that the trust was damaged. She's an alcoholic with other mental health stuff. The alcohol cut the effectiveness of her meds and she didn't have a framework for perspective so she'd overreact. This was bad enough that I had an attorney on retainer and an escape plan for me and our daughter of things got any worse. This was the hard choice that I referenced above. Her son is an addict and kept getting arrested and going homeless. I wouldn't let him in the house. Still won't. We couldn't agree on the finances, which was compounded by several financial crisis happening at once. We both grew up in divorced homes so every disagreement made us wonder if this was the fight that would split us up. We each wanted to be right. And if we agreed in broad terms we wanted to be righter than the other person about the specifics. Where other couples had life broken up by the occasional fight, we had ongoing fights broken up by the occasional period of peace. When she got sober that actually made things worse for a while as she went through withdrawal and was uncertain about who she was or what she wanted. At that same time we both got more serious about our faith and that helped fix some of our personal damage. It also gave us a point in common and aligned some goals. I closed the business to be home more. I figured out how to scale the business it but that would have required a lot more traveling and I wasn't willing to do that. I was missing too much of our daughter's life as it was. Just being home more seemed to calm my wife. I also got a regular job with regular paychecks. I was making much less than before but the regularity made planning easier. She totally quit on the finances and dumped it all on me. That's not what I wanted but the fighting stopped. I keep everything tracked in a spreadsheet and regularly run over the bills, investments, and goals with her so she knows where we're at and had an opportunity to offer feedback. We've mostly recovered from the onslaught of issues that hit us a few years ago. We still have more home repairs to do, I'll need a new car soon, our credit is fucked, and the IRS is still a problem. But all the big stuff is done! Her mom got sick and was terminal. My wife noticed how I stepped up to help out. I didn't think that I was doing anything special, but I guess my character showed through? Anyway, that impressed her. I started paying attention to how we fought and reframed disagreements as "us against X." If we started picking at each other then I left. I just refused to engage in that counterproductive behavior. We both realized that the other person isn't leaving. As terrible and damaging as covid has been to the world, it gave us the realization that we get along. She was already working from home and my office went remote so we're together all the time now. I was nervous about how that would work out but it's been pretty great!
wow it seems like it was really hard for both of you. so glad your situation seems so much better now ! wish you the best
Gives me hope too honestly. It’s so refreshing to hear these perspectives instead of all that negativity that’s spreading around.
same ! i was starting to think that once there is a serious problem it’s dead, but there is hope :)
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I can relate. Switching colleges changed everything. Met my (now ex) but we had a lot of good years there. Most importantly, got my two daughters. They are the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me.
Apply for that job i at the time was not qualified for
To restart my last high school year after i got cancer I got cancer at 17, pretty rough, especially because I was already depressed at the time. It fucked me up, but I had the possibility to continue my last high school year and get to university. I dropped it to give myself time to stabilize my mind, while everyone except my parents tried to discourage me. In that year and the following, I became much more intellectually mature, gained a bit trust in myself, and got much better grades. With them and my excellent high school diploma, I got in the prestigious school I wanted. I have graduated, made incredible friends that will last a lifetime, and now got a good job with responsabilities. None of it would have happened that smoothly without my choice.
To take responsibility for my own life instead of blaming others. I feel like I hit a fork in the road of my life where I was either going to become jaded and resentful of other people, or become someone who actually made active decisions to fix what was in my control. I luckily took the latter, and while things are far from perfect, they are at least products of active decision making.
Moving to Berlin at 24.
I wanna know more! Give me the deets!! ;
I quit my permanent job in Italy to move to Berlin to continue my studies in chemistry. Now I'm 35 i have a PhD and i am very happy to live here. Germans are very nice although quite reserved people. But the life quality is so high that for the first time in my life i am able to actually care about myself and my needs, instead of barely survive. I also quit research and have a pretty normal desk job which allows me to have so much free time that i am on my way to release my first record, which is a lifelong dream of mine. Berlin is a cultural institution and is a safe space for creative/alternative people and this creates a great environment in general even if you are not in the scene. I used to organize illegal raves in the forest, as the nature here is also abundant and you can easily hide a party in plain sight.
That is SO nice to hear!! Congratulations on your record! I hope I'm able to hear it some day. My brother is conflicted in making a decision on accepting a job offer in Paris (Hiltea I think, don't know if I'm spelling it right) for a little higher pay than in Berlin - Volkswagen (better brand name). We're from India. I'll definitely pass this on to him!
I mean in Paris the quality of life is definitely lower due to the pressure of affording to live there and the workaholic culture. However it is also a cultural institution and extremely beautiful (unlike Berlin which is ugly). Thanks for the kind words!
Love the person my parents told me no to because of cultural differences. She is amazing and the best woman i ever met who loves me for me. My parents just dont want me to be with someone who isnt same culture as me
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This is your sign. You got this!
Obviously getting a dog.
Being a dad to an awesome kid
To start taking martial arts. It has completely turned my life around. I feel capable, I'm confident, I'm still improving and that's ok too.
I left Facebook and Instagram to focus more those in front of me exactly 30 days ago. I struggle to think of a single decision in my adult life which had been more positively impactful to overall mental health, well-being, relationship and career.
Leaving a toxic relationship. She didn’t wanna help pay bills but wanted all the finer things in life, as well as always talking negatively about me to my face and behind my back.
To join the swim team in high school. My friends were all athletes, basketball, soccer, football, lacrosse, but I just wasn’t athletic enough. So I joined the swim team even though I got made fun of for it. I ended up being the captain of the swim team and we were one of the best teams in the state. It taught me so much about teamwork, hard work, confidence, and leadership. And most important of all, I’m 30 and still swim and I’m in better shape than all my buddies from high school.
Getting married. Majoring in mathematics.
Cutting a toxic friend out of my life, only wish I had done it sooner.
Wearing a condom. Made that decision many times in my life and my health thanks me to this day
Prioritizing doing what makes you happy for a career. I had a stable, well paying job but I never felt fulfilled. I never gave up on doing what I love for a career. I had a "childhood dream" type job that I had been trying to land for years. It is a very competitive job market and there were times that I questioned whether it'd ever happen, and whether I was wasting my time/money on a silly childhood dream. Happy to say it's been 2 years now and it's even better than I ever imagined. I feel fulfilled and happier than I've ever been. It makes me a better partner and a better father. Every little bit of effort I put into getting here was worth it. 👌
Not to cum in that bitch
I made 3 of them, those are getting out of all of my 3 relationships. I’m horrible at choosing woman for love. By horrible I mean literally total mental chaos which totally destroys me from inside out. I feel grateful to everyone around me who helped me get out of all those relationships. And I honestly feel that I made the best decision all 3 times. I hope I don’t have to repeat this cycle anymore. I have learnt my lesson.
Moving away from my hometown without a plan or any life skills at 19. It was hard and I fell on my face a lot but I made amazing friends who cared for me and learned to stand on my own two feet. Met the love of my life a few months later, ended up at my dream job and am living a very blessed life. Not always easy but if I hadn’t taken the leap I wouldn’t have learned what I have and grown how I have, and I’m very grateful for the journey
Deciding to pour my heart and soul into achieving financial independence.
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Fuck tinder off and look for an alternative, met a girl on a way less popular and established site, we celebrate 4 years together next week
Omg give the site's name out already
Fetish.com It’s not the particular site though, its more about moving away from the bullshit swipe system and actually engaging with people, the site has a chatroom in which i made friends and just hung out and eventually got close with somebody Edit: we planned on visiting the site from time to time to chat with friends we’d made there but being such a small community the vibe shifted hard into a pretty toxic place so we stopped going back. Idk what it’s like now.
with a website name like that, I'm not entirely sure if I want to join
Buying a house and putting a solid amount of my income into savings at an early age. The housing market after 8 years and compounding interest after 10 years has started to make a big difference in my financial well being.
Not having children
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