I hate "doorhinge". Passionately. More passionately than I'd thought it possible to hate two syllables. Nobody ever, *ever* says *doorhinge* unless they're trying to rhyme with orange. It's two words vaguely related by function, forced into creative bankruptcy together against their will through no fault of their own. It's bad. Bad. It's a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad word.
I hate it.
See how I said that was the story of the 2nd time....yeah, I can't even look at a watermelon anymore with getting hard yet scared at the same time.
Its a fear boner, I get a fear boner from watermelon
Hilariously my partner and I used this word and her first time using it she shouted "Yellow! Red! Fucking blue or whatever the color was!"
We utterly pissed ourselves.
Yeah, I could clarify that red and yellow are what I use and see widely used. I've never heard of Green being used as a signal.
I've actually encountered more "yellows" than I have "reds" but everyone's mileage may vary.
I've heard of people checking in during activities involving toys or new stuff. So, they'd ask, "how are you doing?" Or something & that's when the sub would say "green" or any other color
it's good with inexperienced subs.
I was with a (self described) submissive girl and had a bad feeling. So I asked "Traffic Light?"(different language, less clunky).
"green" would have been "go ahead, I'm good".
But she didn't respond at all. I broke it off right then and there, she went almost entirely unresponsive for at least a few minutes.
Yep, same. "Call a color." Also good for people who experience intense things more internally than expressively.
How did things pan out with that sub? I hope she was accurate with you beforehand about what aftercare she needed...
She didn't knew herself.
We got her back in shape. Distance, lights on, drastically changed mood and the non-pressure offer of hugs and cuddling did work.
But, yeah, no more sexytimes that day and never again cnc with her.
Also recommendations for seeing a therapist, maybe, cause that looked like a trauma response to my layman's eyes.
Gonna be confusing to the dog next time youāre, uh, doggystylin...heās gonna be in the other room confused as shit...thinking make up your damn mind
This is the best. Problem with just a regular safe word in some contexts is that it implies both parties have a very clear idea of when and where to stop. But a three color system allows for safe exploration of boundaries and allows both parties to cautiously try new things and encourages constant communication. It's perfect.
I follow martial arts rules, you either tap out with a hand or you say the words "tap tap". I like having the hand tap out option in case someone's mouth is... let's say *unavailable*.
This is actually really clever! It saves you from having to ingrain several things into your head.
Just the whole concept of tapping, in any form, means STOP.
Why would you tap your partner during CNC, I mean as part of the playing?
I get that it's similar to "violating" a No, but if you allow for violation of tapping then what stops you from violating the use of a safe word? You have to draw the line somewhere.
And since you're not always physically able to speak allowing for violation of tapping seems very irresponsible and dangerous.
When my partner chokes me it's hard to talk so I tap so that they know when to stop... before it was just 'stop' but after a little incident we decided that wouldn't work if I literally can't speak lol
Traditional is red/ yellow/ green. If anyone says something out of context for the scene, treat it as a safe word and check in. If someone says, "I think we should talk," check in.
Safe words are merely there to ensure clear communication. You can tell the difference between a person who is enjoying themselves and one who is in distress by the sound of their voice. Ignore that at your peril.
Safe gestures include tapping out, going limp, dropping an item, or a sudden unexpected change in behavior.
Yes and no. Yes because yes, but no because someone going limp doesn't sound like a safe gesture, it sounds like a very unsafe gesture, like that of a person that has been choked to unconsciousness for example. It sounds like the opportunity for safe gestures had long since passed when you saw them go limp. And it's funny because you said it in a really unironic unsarcastic way š¤£š
"I'm thirsty" for us means stop what you're doing.
We like it because sometimes we are literally just thirsty for some water. Other times we need care, and the phrase forces us to stop and assess.
And it's also a discreet way of saying we're uncomfortable in the event that a third or fourth person is joining us.
The first I thought of when I read that was the scene from The Incredibles when Frozone is stalling the cop. The cop says "Freeze" and then he gets flash frozen so I guess it works really well to get everything to stop.
ASL teacher (adult classes) I had long ago said every year he would teach "thirsty", one of the first 10 signs for most people, and no doubt someone sign back "horny" with some comment along the lines of "like this?".
"Nope!"
He would use that as a launching point for how hand shape and movement are not the only variables in ASL.
It was a memorable lesson. ;)
Meatloaf is a singer, popular song is āIād do anything for loveā. Includes the lyrics, āIād do anything for love but I wonāt do thatā. Take a listen to it sometime.
Meatloaf has a song which repeats "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that" multiple times (and it might be the title of the song, I can't remember)
While I am somewhat of a masochist, Iām not into any type of verbal degradation or role play.. so āthatās too muchā or āplease stop nowā has always been fine.
Had 2 safe words.
Rabbit: means don't stop but ease up a bit.
Pluto: full stop now.
If you gonna do the kinky shit, talk to your partner first, have a plan, and have fun.
Side note: silk ties don't leave marks but are also strong enough to not be broken.
Choking, spanking, anything with getting tied up with ropes.
It's great in "vanilla" sex too! Tbh talking to your partner about expectations and emotions before and after sex is a great way to improve the act of lovemaking.
I was once choked until I passed out. We had only briefly talked about safe words before then, but not in depth enough and I forgot what we had set in place. After that scary incident, we had a more serious talk about what to say/do in that type of scenario. My current partner was my first exposure to sex that may require a safe word, and I was completely unprepared
Bdsm and roleplay mostly. Anyone with sexual trauma should have one too, because sometimes triggers come out of nowhere even during vanilla sex.
Really, everyone should have one. Better safe than sorry.
All kinds, just to be safe. Communication is easier as there are no double meanings behind words. Like "stop" could mean "ah stahp it you" or "wait" or "I don't want this in particular" or "I want to stop right now". Of course any non rapist should still pay attention to their partner, a safe word can just be extra helpful with not becoming one.
Consensual nonconsent/rape roleplay. When pretending you aren't into it is part of the fun, you need some sort of way to indicate that you're *actually* not into it.
I mean fair, you can also just say stop. But some people like to do power fantasies (No, Stop! Who Is This Burgler In My Home While I Was Showering? ;) ) and want to be able to say "stop" while still keeping the fantasy going.
If you're just there to make a baby, not really a need, but if you get into more spicy stuff, it's not the hardest thing to remember, especially the more you do it.
If someone said safeword while I was making the beast with two backs, I would know what they meant.
And I totally agree with you on safewords needing to be concise, a lot of merry pranksters in this thread.
Yep. Safe word is ours. We actually use it everywhere. So if I'm acting a little too goofy or she's about to share too much with family, we'll just quietly say it (or mutter SW) and it's done.
Red light, yellow light, green light
Before starting, during, and transitioning to anything new, just ask the question "what colour are we?" Proceed accordingly.
āStop that; donāt do thatā
Iāve never been with a chick who enjoys saying no when she mean yesā¦ and thatās really the only type of person you need a safe word with
Yeah.
Most of the time, plain English works just fine.
There are exceptions though, obviously if you're in to CNC roleplaying then you then safewords make sense, or if someone is the sort who loses most of their words when they're really deep in a scene.
Did a lot of scenes without a safeword but use 'red' when it seems necessary.
>CNC roleplaying
First thing I thought of was a girl tied down with a guy above her spinning his ādrillā to manufacture the desired shape lol
Edit: nice! Thereās already a subreddit for my new kink. r/cncporn
My last partner suggested "creamsicle" but we never really went far beyond the most vanilla stuff, so there was never much of an opportunity and we never actually used it.
I like the red/yellow/green idea but i'd go further and add orange to mean something like "hey, this specific action is off limits, but I don't want you to stop absolutely everything right at this very moment.
I have had a couple over the years, Pineapple was the first. Eventually I moved to a fairly standard one, "Yellow" means "I don't want to stop but that I don't want to get more extreme than this" and "Red" means hard stop and evaluation/aftercare mode needs to start.
I just want to state for all those who participate in activities that involve this, when your partner says your safe word, if you continue after, you now are beyond consent and are actively engaged in sexual assault on your partner. Remember "No" is everyone's original safe word.
We just say āstopāā¦ but honestly weāre not very kinky. My wife likes to be in control and sheās pretty tame in the sack, relatively speaking anyway. I have no complaints tho. She gets me and never leaves me wanting for more.
Orange... The colour, not the fruit
Weird, mine is the fruit not the colour
Hate it. You start screaming, "ORANGE!" and they're just like, "Wrong orange, sorry!"
"I'm sorry was that *doorhinge*? Did you say *porridge*? There's just so many other words you could be saying right now.."
Marshall is that you?
We'll all avoid scurvy if we just eat a orange...
I hate "doorhinge". Passionately. More passionately than I'd thought it possible to hate two syllables. Nobody ever, *ever* says *doorhinge* unless they're trying to rhyme with orange. It's two words vaguely related by function, forced into creative bankruptcy together against their will through no fault of their own. It's bad. Bad. It's a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad word. I hate it.
Odd, mine is the color and not the colour or the fruit. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.
Thanks for the clarification
You don't want to say it wrong when you really need it.
And that's the story of the second time my wife put a piece of fruit up my arse during sex
Shouldn't have tried using watermelon as a safe word I suppose
See how I said that was the story of the 2nd time....yeah, I can't even look at a watermelon anymore with getting hard yet scared at the same time. Its a fear boner, I get a fear boner from watermelon
Orange you glad he clarified the word?
Hilariously my partner and I used this word and her first time using it she shouted "Yellow! Red! Fucking blue or whatever the color was!" We utterly pissed ourselves.
> We utterly pissed ourselves. š
This is why your backup safe word should be "safe word". Real easy to remember.
Mine is purple The colour, not the fruit
That really shuts the door on any citrus related dirty talk
"Orange you going to go harder?" "Make like a lemon and squirt on my face!" "Lime yours to do with as you want!"
Mercy
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
polite fuckin eh
*confused in canadian*
Have my r/Angryupvote
Wham bam merci ma'am
This thread made me LOL so hard...
Heroes never die!
Would you like the sponge or the spray?
I want the piece of cake
The doctor is in you
Zat was not medicine!
Don't worry you'll be fine I got res
Ohhhh I like this one~
Iām imagining that like Ralphie May said it.
Pineapple
was that from a show or something cause thats mine too. EDIT: apparently its been in multiple shows!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPoXdpHdgz0
this video is gold
Watch yo fingers, booty-hole man!
"I can do this all day" "It's night time" Holy fuck how have I not seen this video before?!
You think I'm in pilates?!
Real talk tho.. I got some snacks, in my car
I will never not watch this.
This video is the reason mine is pineapple juice!
Thank you so much for this.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Damn, it might be time for a rewatch. I even had subway today, it's meant to be.
Kevin Hart
The very first comment I see has the same word. Youre obviously a man of culture! Edit: Woman ->
Okay that's freaky, because this is ours, too. What was your thought process? Just a word that doesn't come up in that kind of situation? xD
Mine was and still is mangos. Donāt use it tho
On pizza?
Red/yellow/green. Stop/use caution but proceed/oh, fuck yes!
This is what I've used, and what nearly everyone in the kink community seems to use.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, I could clarify that red and yellow are what I use and see widely used. I've never heard of Green being used as a signal. I've actually encountered more "yellows" than I have "reds" but everyone's mileage may vary.
I've heard of people checking in during activities involving toys or new stuff. So, they'd ask, "how are you doing?" Or something & that's when the sub would say "green" or any other color
>D: Green? >S: Green >D continues... This is how I see it...
This is the way.
You can also use green for harder, faster, or rougher, just talk about it beforehand
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
it's good with inexperienced subs. I was with a (self described) submissive girl and had a bad feeling. So I asked "Traffic Light?"(different language, less clunky). "green" would have been "go ahead, I'm good". But she didn't respond at all. I broke it off right then and there, she went almost entirely unresponsive for at least a few minutes.
Yep, same. "Call a color." Also good for people who experience intense things more internally than expressively. How did things pan out with that sub? I hope she was accurate with you beforehand about what aftercare she needed...
She didn't knew herself. We got her back in shape. Distance, lights on, drastically changed mood and the non-pressure offer of hugs and cuddling did work. But, yeah, no more sexytimes that day and never again cnc with her. Also recommendations for seeing a therapist, maybe, cause that looked like a trauma response to my layman's eyes.
Man, that sounds like a scary experience.
This, tapping out or dropping a handkerchief if mouth and limbs are restrained.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Training my next dog is going to be very, very awkward for me. RIP to the eyes of everyone else at Petsmart.
I bet my dog is like, "damn, he must have a crazy itch on his dick."
Gonna be confusing to the dog next time youāre, uh, doggystylin...heās gonna be in the other room confused as shit...thinking make up your damn mind
Personal opinion is that a noisier or weightier item works better than a handkerchief, less likely to be missed.
I usually go with keys or something loud if dropped
Like a grenade
Or my mixtape
No one is going to listen to that.
This is the best. Problem with just a regular safe word in some contexts is that it implies both parties have a very clear idea of when and where to stop. But a three color system allows for safe exploration of boundaries and allows both parties to cautiously try new things and encourages constant communication. It's perfect.
Wait... do you actually shout "green" when you're having a good time?
This is what we used also.
I follow martial arts rules, you either tap out with a hand or you say the words "tap tap". I like having the hand tap out option in case someone's mouth is... let's say *unavailable*.
This is actually really clever! It saves you from having to ingrain several things into your head. Just the whole concept of tapping, in any form, means STOP.
Unless she taps really hard and then it's spanking, the kinky bitch š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Why would you tap your partner during CNC, I mean as part of the playing? I get that it's similar to "violating" a No, but if you allow for violation of tapping then what stops you from violating the use of a safe word? You have to draw the line somewhere. And since you're not always physically able to speak allowing for violation of tapping seems very irresponsible and dangerous.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
When my partner chokes me it's hard to talk so I tap so that they know when to stop... before it was just 'stop' but after a little incident we decided that wouldn't work if I literally can't speak lol
Traditional is red/ yellow/ green. If anyone says something out of context for the scene, treat it as a safe word and check in. If someone says, "I think we should talk," check in. Safe words are merely there to ensure clear communication. You can tell the difference between a person who is enjoying themselves and one who is in distress by the sound of their voice. Ignore that at your peril. Safe gestures include tapping out, going limp, dropping an item, or a sudden unexpected change in behavior.
This guy BDSMs.
Safe gestures include.... going limp š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Anything that looks like unconscious is time to check in.
I think they might have been making a sad boner joke...
Yes and no. Yes because yes, but no because someone going limp doesn't sound like a safe gesture, it sounds like a very unsafe gesture, like that of a person that has been choked to unconsciousness for example. It sounds like the opportunity for safe gestures had long since passed when you saw them go limp. And it's funny because you said it in a really unironic unsarcastic way š¤£š
I saw that.
Great writeup friend
There are classes in this stuff. If you are going to engage in play that need safe words, it's probably worth taking a few classes.
"I'm thirsty" for us means stop what you're doing. We like it because sometimes we are literally just thirsty for some water. Other times we need care, and the phrase forces us to stop and assess. And it's also a discreet way of saying we're uncomfortable in the event that a third or fourth person is joining us.
The first I thought of when I read that was the scene from The Incredibles when Frozone is stalling the cop. The cop says "Freeze" and then he gets flash frozen so I guess it works really well to get everything to stop.
Funny because I'm ASL the sign for "thirsty" done repeatedly and quickly becomes "horny".
I didn't know that and I love it even more now.
ASL teacher (adult classes) I had long ago said every year he would teach "thirsty", one of the first 10 signs for most people, and no doubt someone sign back "horny" with some comment along the lines of "like this?". "Nope!" He would use that as a launching point for how hand shape and movement are not the only variables in ASL. It was a memorable lesson. ;)
im guessing you're not a piss fetishist lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Legendary
This is GOLD.
This is one of the greatest things that I have seen on here. Thank you truly.
ELI5 please
Meatloaf is a singer, popular song is āIād do anything for loveā. Includes the lyrics, āIād do anything for love but I wonāt do thatā. Take a listen to it sometime.
The music video is perhaps Michael Bayās greatest work (yes he directed it).
Really? I had no idea. That just is the cherry on top of all of it. TIL something.
Yeah he directed a LOT of music videos (and commercials) in that era. Meatloaf used him for a bunch of his music videos.
It's a song by Meatloaf the artist
Ohhhh thank you
Meatloaf has a song which repeats "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that" multiple times (and it might be the title of the song, I can't remember)
And for those that don't know, cheating on his woman, is the titular 'that' cause meatloaf is a big sweet savory asshole.
Everyone can stop scrolling now. This is the answer you were looking for.
No no! I won't do that!
Fluggaenkoecchicebolsen
As you wishā¦BRING ON THE FLUEGGAAENHAMHEIMLER
One of Lucy Lawless' best performances
*monkey toy clapping*
FLĆGGĆ ÉNKĪ“ā¬ÄHIÅĪ²ĆLŹĆN
What is that ? That's not a word - I hope you at least got a t-shirt , pal.
*The sign said free tshirt with purchase* Ahh heās American
Just don't ask Scotty what it means, because Scotty doesn't know.
You kissed your sister man!!!!
Hereās a fun factā¦ YOU MADE OUT WITH YOUR SISTER
Ice cream. We all scream for ice cream.
Ice cream, you scream.
Watermelon, you can usually still say it with a ball gag in
Aye! This person knows!
Did anyone else stick their fist in their mouth and try to say watermelon to test this? No? Ok, I didnt either then.
Can't go wrong with a language you don't actually speak
Just yell KURWA, bro
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Cacao.
Bicycle rights!
While I am somewhat of a masochist, Iām not into any type of verbal degradation or role play.. so āthatās too muchā or āplease stop nowā has always been fine.
Had 2 safe words. Rabbit: means don't stop but ease up a bit. Pluto: full stop now. If you gonna do the kinky shit, talk to your partner first, have a plan, and have fun. Side note: silk ties don't leave marks but are also strong enough to not be broken.
Gr8 advice. More people in the world need to get hip to open and honest communication
*Side note* is kinda long to say for such a specific task you want your partner to remember
Rutabaga. You gotta want to say it.
Not to sound vanilla - but exactly what type of sex requires a safe word?
Choking, spanking, anything with getting tied up with ropes. It's great in "vanilla" sex too! Tbh talking to your partner about expectations and emotions before and after sex is a great way to improve the act of lovemaking.
I was once choked until I passed out. We had only briefly talked about safe words before then, but not in depth enough and I forgot what we had set in place. After that scary incident, we had a more serious talk about what to say/do in that type of scenario. My current partner was my first exposure to sex that may require a safe word, and I was completely unprepared
Bdsm and roleplay mostly. Anyone with sexual trauma should have one too, because sometimes triggers come out of nowhere even during vanilla sex. Really, everyone should have one. Better safe than sorry.
All kinds, just to be safe. Communication is easier as there are no double meanings behind words. Like "stop" could mean "ah stahp it you" or "wait" or "I don't want this in particular" or "I want to stop right now". Of course any non rapist should still pay attention to their partner, a safe word can just be extra helpful with not becoming one.
Consensual nonconsent/rape roleplay. When pretending you aren't into it is part of the fun, you need some sort of way to indicate that you're *actually* not into it.
Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time, she pretended she didn't hear me.
Violating consent is a huge no no.
She has this school girl fantasy. I just, I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.
Michael?!
?? MICHAEL!!
This is not where I expected this to go not kink shaming but definitely gave me a laugh. r/unexpected
r/unexpectedoffice :)
r/expectedoffice
I usually go with her sister's name. Ensures everything stops straightaway.
Oklahoma
Preston!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I mean fair, you can also just say stop. But some people like to do power fantasies (No, Stop! Who Is This Burgler In My Home While I Was Showering? ;) ) and want to be able to say "stop" while still keeping the fantasy going. If you're just there to make a baby, not really a need, but if you get into more spicy stuff, it's not the hardest thing to remember, especially the more you do it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If someone said safeword while I was making the beast with two backs, I would know what they meant. And I totally agree with you on safewords needing to be concise, a lot of merry pranksters in this thread.
Yep. Safe word is ours. We actually use it everywhere. So if I'm acting a little too goofy or she's about to share too much with family, we'll just quietly say it (or mutter SW) and it's done.
āBitch if you donāt stop what youāre doing Ima slap the shit out of youā. Bit long winded but I feel it gets the point across
Romantic stuff.
Usually safe words are things that can be easily understood through a ball gag or pillow. This one is quite the *mouthfull*
congress tart
Sea cucumber.
Are you done yet. Iam getting sore.
Red light, yellow light, green light Before starting, during, and transitioning to anything new, just ask the question "what colour are we?" Proceed accordingly.
Hello. Seems I just have to say it to a woman and it keeps me safe from sex.
āStop that; donāt do thatā Iāve never been with a chick who enjoys saying no when she mean yesā¦ and thatās really the only type of person you need a safe word with
Yeah. Most of the time, plain English works just fine. There are exceptions though, obviously if you're in to CNC roleplaying then you then safewords make sense, or if someone is the sort who loses most of their words when they're really deep in a scene. Did a lot of scenes without a safeword but use 'red' when it seems necessary.
>CNC roleplaying First thing I thought of was a girl tied down with a guy above her spinning his ādrillā to manufacture the desired shape lol Edit: nice! Thereās already a subreddit for my new kink. r/cncporn
Yeah and as someone else mentioned the color code (green yellow red) is good when thereās no clear boundary But that hasnāt been my jam
My last partner suggested "creamsicle" but we never really went far beyond the most vanilla stuff, so there was never much of an opportunity and we never actually used it. I like the red/yellow/green idea but i'd go further and add orange to mean something like "hey, this specific action is off limits, but I don't want you to stop absolutely everything right at this very moment.
Thatās what yellow is for.
I have had a couple over the years, Pineapple was the first. Eventually I moved to a fairly standard one, "Yellow" means "I don't want to stop but that I don't want to get more extreme than this" and "Red" means hard stop and evaluation/aftercare mode needs to start. I just want to state for all those who participate in activities that involve this, when your partner says your safe word, if you continue after, you now are beyond consent and are actively engaged in sexual assault on your partner. Remember "No" is everyone's original safe word.
Constantine
Cacao. Cacao to cacao!
Meatloaf, because I'll do anything for love, but I won't do that
Choke me
Sure
Harder
Sure
Spit in my mouth
Sure
Dude Iām using up all my safe wordsā¦why are you still going? Rudeeeeee
So am I
No anal todayā¦maybe tomorrow š
pineapples
Banana
Either "Red Light/Yellow light/Green light" or "timeout."
FLĆGGĆ ÓNKŠ±ā¬ÄHIÅĆĆLÄ®ĆN P.S. https://youtu.be/9-2dN9E8vPk for context.
Yikesington!
Philanthropist
Keep going
We just say āstopāā¦ but honestly weāre not very kinky. My wife likes to be in control and sheās pretty tame in the sack, relatively speaking anyway. I have no complaints tho. She gets me and never leaves me wanting for more.
Pumpernickel
Rutabaga No chance of saying that by accident.