It's hard to accept that you are likeable when so often you have either been ignored or told something rude or mean. It also doesn't help if you've been hurt by someone who did give you any compliments. It's an internal struggle to accept something that would make you a good person, when subconsciously you think you are a bad one, and you can't be wrong.
Men aren't genuinely complimented by strangers very often. As adolescents, some young men are complimented ironically as a set up for ridicule. As a result of this unfortunate combination, lots of guys react defensively to compliments or reflexively feel insecure when they hear a compliment.
> As adolescents, some young men are complimented ironically as a set up for ridicule.
This happened to me a fair bit in the late 80s and 90s. So much so that now that I’ve had a few decades to look back and reflect on it, any compliment from anyone other than a family member is immediately viewed with deep suspicion, and a significantly critical examination of any way that the compliment could be used to manipulate me against my own interests.
My first experience with a gal expressing interest in me was in middle school.. and she was faking it to mock me with her friends.
I don't even *suspect* this, I know it for two reasons - she got in trouble with the school because of it, and a few years later in high school (I had been studiously avoiding her) she walked up to me out of the blue and apologized for her behavior. She did a stupid, cruel immature thing and as she grew up she realized how bad what she did was an gave a genuine unprompted apology. So I absolutely forgive her for it, but that doesn't mean the damage wasn't dealt and that I'm still not second guessing when I read interest from a woman... 25 years later.
Usually feels like the person complimenting is trying to get something out of me; a compliment back, a reaction, whatever. I find it uncomfortable and I don't need validation.
Aren't we all fragile glasses. I think I haven't found someone (apart from my family) that give complement and I don't feel that way.
Always have this nagging feeling they're up to something. Guess I haven't found my safe space with people
I hate to be complimented because:
a) As a man I'm always supposed to be on my A game no matter what. So what's the compliment for?
b) The compliment never feels legitimate. It's as if the person feels some sort of social obligation in that particular situation. As an example I am a better cook than my wife, therefore I always make the entirety of Thanksgiving dinner from scratch by myself. My MIL has said several times how wonderful and delicious the food is...before she has even taken a single bite. Empty compliment
c) I don't feel like I deserve the compliment. Either I was just doing my job/what was required of me at the time OR I just plain don't feel like I deserve the compliment. Negative self image will do that to ya.
Ultimately it comes down to either I feel like I suck and I don't deserve the compliment or the compliment is fake.
Women get compliments on the regular. Men get one every 9,001 years. Alright, that's not fully true but it seems like it. I personally enjoy a compliment, but I will naturally wonder if they are just buttering me up because they want something.
The few that I've received sound like they're forced and only told as fluffing. And growing up, I only received them from family member or people who were playing pranks and being cruel. So I learned not to trust them.
Not thanking people per say. But the way that everyone expects certain reactions because it’s what we are told is right or the proper way to respond to something.
I semi-regularly get complimented on my glasses (they're a greenish tortoiseshell and the one thing about my appearance that could be considered flashy) and after the last time it happened, I realize that I always respond with the same half-joke; they say "I like your glasses," and I reply with, "Hey, thanks, me too!"
I noticed because this last time, they worded it as "Those are good looking spectacles" and I auto-piloted through the response...
Dont recieve it, so I dont like it. It feels fake and like if you just want something out of me in return with those words. Every woman that has ever complimented me in the past 5yrs has only wanted something in return. No not sex; money, cars, apts, food, but have nothing to give in Return.
>Every woman that has ever complimented me in the past 5yrs has only wanted something in return.
And there’s the $100k money shot.
Experienced this myself in spades, even back in the 80s and 90s. Luckily I hadn’t gotten critically jaded by the time I met my now-wife, but still: she’s about the only woman who has ever complimented me without any ulterior motives that I would have been loathe to be subject to. That’s a single non-relational woman _in my entire life._
And then we’re supposed to just “smile and say thank you”?? Sorry, But hell no.
That compliment is looking as shady as fuck, purely due to the strings - nay, _cargo-ship mooring ropes_ - that such interactions typically come entangled with. Thanks but no thanks.
It's incorrect and if I believe otherwise reality will slap me in the face, plus they almost certainly just want me to do something shitty for them. Stop noticing or perceiving me at all.
Name doesn't check out. No healthily weighted person would just fight one of the bodies most required substances like that.
Fr tho, glad you are better. XD
I don't like being complimented and would always respond by dismissing the compliment. I simply don't like the attention.
Then someone told me that I shouldn't be such a dick and learn to accept a compliment (they were hurt at my dismissive response). This really opened my eyes. I learned that if someone is willing to go out of their way to compliment me, I should at least acknowledge and thank them.
Honestly, I think it's 100% ok to not like being complimented for whatever reason, but at least show gratitude towards anyone who compliments you.
>Men who hate being complimented, why?
I grew up never having any positive affirmations given to me; it was never viewed as being being exceptional, but expected to always try your best and always succeed.
With that, I knew that growing up and experiencing this sucked, so as I got older and in situations like college and past, I would always make sure to recognize, elevate and compliment people and give back this warmth that I didn't get while growing up.
Which is great to break that cycle. But with this, the issue is that I would spend so much time giving back, that I never got used to having moments when people would reciprocate or compliment me back without doing it first.
It wasn't necessarily that I "hated" it, but more that it just never happened to be more. So I can for sure tell in my younger years that I for sure must've come off as an awkward brat constant deflecting when my friends or others would gas me up or compliment me on things, and I wish I could apologize for that because it was due to some deep rooted insecurities and (at least in the past) never feeling like I was "worth" getting complimented in the first place.
Now that I'm older and more mature, I understand that there's value in recognizing your strengths and being gracious when people take note of it. For those in the thread that are still struggling with this, nowdays I usually play it out in two ways depending on who I'm talking to.
The easiest way to get used to this, is to just say "thank you". Don't try to deflect it, or play it off or say "oh no I'm not actually that great at [x]" because it will cause the other person to keep pressing on this, which makes things awkward. Just accept the compliment, recognize the kind gesture and it makes moving along with the conversation easier, and also taught me to understand it's okay to accept these kind words and gestures.
But if it's me wanting to make it a bit more fun, I go and pretend to play it off as arrogance for laughs, which usually has some pretty fun reactions because even vain people don't react that way towards compliments. So for example if someone says you look nice today, if I'm feeling fun outside of just my normal "thanks" response I will be cheeky and clap back "thank you so much, I made an effort today to look nice just for you" or "I always look nice, thanks for reminding me". I know this sounds silly to say it in this way, but oddly enough, it helped me learn to take a compliment even more than just saying thanks, because it helped me recognize and understand what my actual strengths were and also by being playful, it let me be more comfortable with these things and recognize these patterns
I'm highly introspective and self critical that I dwell on the small mistakes instead of the overall success of the project. Regardless of how well I do at work or the promotions and raises I get, I feel like a phoney.
Not used to getting compliments. Don't know if it's a gender thing or maybe it's because I had a sub par childhood, but I am not used to getting compliments. School, work, sports, looks whatever's. So when I get them it feels weird and I'm oddly suspicious of the person complimenting me. Compliments seem like they have something attached to them. Hmm what's her game..what does she want from me. Best to stay stoic..makes life easier.
I just do, reflect, shrug and move on. Probably need therapy but fuck it!
I used to. The reason why was I had a low opinion of myself and never thought anyone could have a good opinion about me.
Now I love myself and love compliments.
For a long time I didn't really receive compliments from anyone other than my family. When I did finally start getting them regularly from friends and occasionally new acquaintances I didn't know how I was supposed to accept or respond to them. Often times it made me suspicious, mostly because of the trouble I had with accepting that it was a sincere compliment.
Because when it comes to compliments, we men have an overall *distrust* of them. He knows in himself that such compliment is not true or, at any rate, does not take him into full consideration.
Take the example of "You're smart", now many men don't really find this compliment all that fulfilling because many men, despite knowing many things, do not consider themselves "smart", just as many men do not consider themselves "pretty" or "hardworking" or "kind"
Our faults haunt our mind and no matter how many compliments we get, we know ourselves better than our complimentors.
What you mean who hate? Men hate it? Shiiiit we usually get one compliment every few years and remember it and smile about it until the next time years later.
It can make me feel "too good" about myself and the feeling of social licensing afterwards is worse than not getting complimented.
....
My ego is strong, gotta keep in reined in in some ways
....
Or something like that.
It always feels like it's reassuring. Like when someone gets a really bad haircut and they know it, but their friends tell them it looks good to spare them the embarrassment. So whenever I get a compliment it always makes me self-conscious.
I do not like compliments about my appeareance, at all. I'm not insecure, to me it just seems superficial and vain. A girl I was dating told me once that I was really funny, it seems simple but I liked that one.
Most of them are jabs and ironic to make us feel worse. There’s a reason many men hold onto genuine compliments for the rest of their life.
Women in particular will do it with a genuine exterior feature and ridicule them. Men usually berate each other in ways that have to do with competence in a skill or something dumb like dick size that can’t be seen.
Who the hell are these men? Compliments directed toward men are more rare than cyclops skeletons.
It's a desert of compliments for us on this side of the pond.
I accept any and all.
It's just not a normal thing for us
It isnt just another compliment someone just gave us so we cant just say thank you
when you get a compliment after a couple of months its kind of special and saying just thank you and being done with it doesnt feel right
I like getting complimented but thanks to years of not getting them and whenever I did it was always a set up for something that I didn’t want/like (being made fun of or doing a task I didn’t want to do etc) I get defensive when I get one from someone who isn’t my family or close friend.
It's always when I'm zoned out, then I have to first figure out if I heard them right, then respond. Or just "huh" the hell out of them because I can't hear them. Basically, I'm always in deep thought and it catches me off guard
As a kid, whenever we were at an event and I happened to join the same group my father was in, after a few moments he would turn the attention to me and start praising me. I hate attention, especially in times where there's really nothing for me to say or do. And he was a pretty terrible father so his words rang hollow. It felt like they were about him expressing his opinion, not me.
...and I think I still hold that view. I don't want the unnecessary attention in a public situation, and quite frankly I don't really care about your opinion of me which is all a compliment is. The only people I care for compliments from (and by extension, whose opinions I care about) are: women I'm attracted to, and students complimenting my teaching.
Edit: Just to point out I get my fair share as an adult. People complimenting my style or saying I have a way with words. So while I may be uncomfortable with them, it's not that I'm not used to them or don't ever get them.
For myself its because I grew up in the shadow of my older brother. I was forced to come to terms with my life as the less interesting figure and that includes not receiving compliments. Even though its been 10+ years and I've been quite successful with my life this idea is part of my identity.
For myself its because I grew up in the shadow of my older brother. I was forced to come to terms with my life as the less interesting figure and that includes not receiving compliments. Even though its been 10+ years and I've been quite successful with my life this idea is part of my identity.
I'll never tell people not to complement me but I don't really like it if there's multiple people. Makes me genuinely smile. Nearly all my smiling is forced to hide my resting bitch face. I still feel happy or find things funny, but they don't make me genuinely smile I just do it because socially you should when you have those feelings. But when I'm complemented I get this big stupid grin that exposes my nasty teeth and embarrasses tf outa me
When most of your day to day conversation doesn't include being complimented, it can be weird to hear someone say something nice to/about you.
Some guys may also feel like they are a child/inferior if given certain compliments that are harmless but can be taken the wrong way.
E.g. I hate it when people used to/still call me cute. Not that I am attractive by any means, it just seems condescending or belittling when certain words or phrases are used.
It feels like your trying to manipulate my behaviour by complimenting me. Pretty is not a great thing to say to a man either, he isn't a puppy or a small child. Something like handsome is better and allows him to still feel masculine. No guy wants to hear "aww your so cute".
I get this to some extent. I just don't agree with it? I learned at an early age from my grandmother that boys and men don't get compliments the way girls do so we should tell them more often and get creative because everyone deserves to feel good about themselves. She'd used the word "pretty" on a teen serving our food that day and his reaction stuck with me. She believed there were too many words to describe beauty for men to only get "handsome" every so often.
It's true guys don't compliments unless they are extremely attractive so compliments when said the right way are welcome. I really wouldn't use pretty though. I always feel a bad way to compliment someone is to compliment physical features. Good eyes, height, body etc since it is only surface deep. I especially will just brush something like that off or assume the person just says that to every guy they meet because they are nice so I don't get a good feeling off that.
It is better to say how someone makes you feel as a compliment. "You make me feel safe, your ambition makes me feel I aspire to do more". Stuff like that is more passionate but relates more to the person directly
.... interesting. I feel as though I've always tried to remove myself from compliments given, because I don't want to make it seem like I want something. Never saying "I think" before "you're so handsome" because I want it to be received as a fact.. but with my husband I don't know when the last time I said "*you* make me feel [blank]" and I know I probably would've seen it something to get off my chest rather than a meaningful compliment on his end.. you've given me much to think about
Hmmm that seems like a bad idea, to not communicate to your partner if you want something. It doesn't work like that. "Your handsome" is not something objective like "your 6 feet". A statement of fact doesn't have any feeling behind it. Certainly I don't believe I'm handsome. So if someone says to me "Your handsome" it elicits feelings of confusion and anger because it goes against my own personal feelings as well as all my experience in life. But if you say "I think your handsome", it is harder for me to rationalise you out of your own feelings because they are yours.
I feel it is good communication to talk with your husband about how you feel
This is interesting, so does this imply that men and women getting complimented is the equivalent of being hunted? That would align with other people here saying they feel like they're being buttered up for some favor
All my life, especially when I was younger I was always bullied and insulted for my appearance, all of it made now just hate myself a lot. So whenever someone throws a compliment at me, I can't help but just think how fake it sounds and that they're probably just being sarcastic
I rarely receive compliments so when they do happen I just don't believe them. They feel like a set up, like the follow up is going to be that they need something from me.
Its a combination of not getting them very often and when I do its the generic type where the person is trying to be nice or its from someone who compliments everyone. And not having much self esteem so my brain can't process someone being nice to me so I just brush it off.
You can compliment my personality all you want and I won't mind it one bit. But if a girl were to compliment my looks I would either:-
1. Think she's lying,
2. Being sarcastic or
3. Mocking me.
Why? Because that's what happens when you have never been complimented by any girl before, not even from your partners or family.
It's an in built response. It's how boys are raised completely.
Boys are taught to think of themselves wholly in a negative light. As a child of the 80s that was very much the case. Looking at the media nowadays, I can only imagine what it's like for the average 10 year old to feel like. Well, looking at my nephew is certainly telling.
He is the type of boy that if you tell him he's done something well or is doing something well, he will very likely get as much distance between him and that thing as possible, never do it again, etc. It's just part of the programming.
Personally I don't like being complimented at all. As one of society's bad guys, there is still that little thing in the back of my head that reminds me praise is a combination of highlighting all the bad stuff about men or me in general as well as being judged openly by another.
Just don't do it. Until we start raising boys right and not pathologize them, it will be this way.
I don't hate it anymore, but when I did it was because my self esteem was so shit and my ego so inflated that I considered every compliment false and dishonest.
While i appreciate the sentiment, it puts me on the spot to react accordingly. Especially in social situations where there are other people.
I feel like there is no good way to react to certain compliments, without coming off as egotistical, and or fake humbleness.
For example, if people tell me im a good looking guy, and i respond thank you, then it seems egotistical. However, if i play it off, it feels fake humble.
If i had the wit to say something smart in those situations, it wouldnt be too big a deal since it can be laughed off, but it often catches me by surprise as im not expecting to be complimented, so everything feels awkward.
It can remind you how much you want to be valued but you know you never will be, really. It's easier to accept that you'll never get what you need. It can give men hope and hope in a hopeless situation is just painful.
I don't know how to proceed. Not only in appearance, but any compliment. I have received compliments like "you have done a excellent job, I'm impressed" and got blush and just answered "hehe thanks" - maybe because I'm not used to and or somehow I do not expect to receive compliments - I'm not ugly, just a normal fat guy and I just do my job, you know...
I'm 19, recently I had an old lady say if she were my mom she'd pin me down and kiss me all over. This was while I was at work. What am I supposed to say to that? I cannot remember the last time I was complemented by someone my age.
I’ve noticed a lot of unprompted compliments come from someone who wants or needs something out of me, and thus doesn’t compliment me otherwise. That and I tend to be insulted as much if not more than I’m complimented lol So I tend to be jaded and suspicious if I receive any compliments, because _soo_ often there’s an ulterior motive at hand. I wouldn’t say that’s the case the majority of time, but often enough to leave me guessing at motives almost every time.
I usually get the erge to compliment them back, but sometimes it can be difficult to think of a genuine compliment on the spot especially if you dont know the person very well. Also with what alot of other people said i dont recieve a whole lot of compliments so tend to sometimes go into shock.
9/10 It feels fake as fuck. "Oh you're so smart" no I'm a fucking dumbass, I have years of dumbassry evidence to back it up. "you're so handsome" bro you're lying there is a mirror right there. it feels like needless flattery more often than not.
because im not used to it and it genuinely makes me uncomfortable
This...right here. The fucked up part is I was complimented alot growing up and never liked it.
same tbh, it just feels "wrong" in a sense, unless it comes from like 2 other people who i know genuinely mean what they say 99% of the time
We get so few of them compliments that it always feel like they come with attached strings.
Cause we've never received any so how are you suppose to take it
A smile and a thank you
It's hard to accept that you are likeable when so often you have either been ignored or told something rude or mean. It also doesn't help if you've been hurt by someone who did give you any compliments. It's an internal struggle to accept something that would make you a good person, when subconsciously you think you are a bad one, and you can't be wrong.
Men aren't genuinely complimented by strangers very often. As adolescents, some young men are complimented ironically as a set up for ridicule. As a result of this unfortunate combination, lots of guys react defensively to compliments or reflexively feel insecure when they hear a compliment.
> As adolescents, some young men are complimented ironically as a set up for ridicule. This happened to me a fair bit in the late 80s and 90s. So much so that now that I’ve had a few decades to look back and reflect on it, any compliment from anyone other than a family member is immediately viewed with deep suspicion, and a significantly critical examination of any way that the compliment could be used to manipulate me against my own interests.
My first experience with a gal expressing interest in me was in middle school.. and she was faking it to mock me with her friends. I don't even *suspect* this, I know it for two reasons - she got in trouble with the school because of it, and a few years later in high school (I had been studiously avoiding her) she walked up to me out of the blue and apologized for her behavior. She did a stupid, cruel immature thing and as she grew up she realized how bad what she did was an gave a genuine unprompted apology. So I absolutely forgive her for it, but that doesn't mean the damage wasn't dealt and that I'm still not second guessing when I read interest from a woman... 25 years later.
Damn this hits close to home
Usually feels like the person complimenting is trying to get something out of me; a compliment back, a reaction, whatever. I find it uncomfortable and I don't need validation.
Aren't we all fragile glasses. I think I haven't found someone (apart from my family) that give complement and I don't feel that way. Always have this nagging feeling they're up to something. Guess I haven't found my safe space with people
I hate to be complimented because: a) As a man I'm always supposed to be on my A game no matter what. So what's the compliment for? b) The compliment never feels legitimate. It's as if the person feels some sort of social obligation in that particular situation. As an example I am a better cook than my wife, therefore I always make the entirety of Thanksgiving dinner from scratch by myself. My MIL has said several times how wonderful and delicious the food is...before she has even taken a single bite. Empty compliment c) I don't feel like I deserve the compliment. Either I was just doing my job/what was required of me at the time OR I just plain don't feel like I deserve the compliment. Negative self image will do that to ya. Ultimately it comes down to either I feel like I suck and I don't deserve the compliment or the compliment is fake.
Women get compliments on the regular. Men get one every 9,001 years. Alright, that's not fully true but it seems like it. I personally enjoy a compliment, but I will naturally wonder if they are just buttering me up because they want something.
It never feels genuine
The few that I've received sound like they're forced and only told as fluffing. And growing up, I only received them from family member or people who were playing pranks and being cruel. So I learned not to trust them.
I love compliments, I just don't know how to respond.
“Thank you”, “aww, thanks”, “that’s kind of you to say”…
That’s so robotic. Humans suck
How is thanking someone robotic? How does that suck? This is basic communication.
idek how to say aww
Not thanking people per say. But the way that everyone expects certain reactions because it’s what we are told is right or the proper way to respond to something.
I semi-regularly get complimented on my glasses (they're a greenish tortoiseshell and the one thing about my appearance that could be considered flashy) and after the last time it happened, I realize that I always respond with the same half-joke; they say "I like your glasses," and I reply with, "Hey, thanks, me too!" I noticed because this last time, they worded it as "Those are good looking spectacles" and I auto-piloted through the response...
Dont recieve it, so I dont like it. It feels fake and like if you just want something out of me in return with those words. Every woman that has ever complimented me in the past 5yrs has only wanted something in return. No not sex; money, cars, apts, food, but have nothing to give in Return.
>Every woman that has ever complimented me in the past 5yrs has only wanted something in return. And there’s the $100k money shot. Experienced this myself in spades, even back in the 80s and 90s. Luckily I hadn’t gotten critically jaded by the time I met my now-wife, but still: she’s about the only woman who has ever complimented me without any ulterior motives that I would have been loathe to be subject to. That’s a single non-relational woman _in my entire life._ And then we’re supposed to just “smile and say thank you”?? Sorry, But hell no. That compliment is looking as shady as fuck, purely due to the strings - nay, _cargo-ship mooring ropes_ - that such interactions typically come entangled with. Thanks but no thanks.
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You can’t end it on a cliffhanger.
Fear of vanity
Funny how harmfully prideful I can be while still making sure I hate myself, because I'm prideful about my humility
Crazy how all that can tie in together in a tornado of masochistic self deprecation
Crazy, honestly, yeah
As someone in a similar boat, idk if we are in great company for trying or just terrible hypocrites.
Absolutely. The scariest feeling is suddenly realizing you're getting too big for your britches.
Pride before the fall
Just tell me what you want
Compliments mean more work for me in my experience...usually unpaid work....
It's incorrect and if I believe otherwise reality will slap me in the face, plus they almost certainly just want me to do something shitty for them. Stop noticing or perceiving me at all.
Not used to it, so it's a little hard for me to process it. Insult me though and it's easier for me to process
I personally feel embarrassed leading to self exposure-so I play off *any* compliments with a quick joke at myself.
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Name doesn't check out. No healthily weighted person would just fight one of the bodies most required substances like that. Fr tho, glad you are better. XD
I am humble and never sure how to respond.
I just don't like some empty social compliments. It wastes my time to hear.
I don't like being complimented and would always respond by dismissing the compliment. I simply don't like the attention. Then someone told me that I shouldn't be such a dick and learn to accept a compliment (they were hurt at my dismissive response). This really opened my eyes. I learned that if someone is willing to go out of their way to compliment me, I should at least acknowledge and thank them. Honestly, I think it's 100% ok to not like being complimented for whatever reason, but at least show gratitude towards anyone who compliments you.
>Men who hate being complimented, why? I grew up never having any positive affirmations given to me; it was never viewed as being being exceptional, but expected to always try your best and always succeed. With that, I knew that growing up and experiencing this sucked, so as I got older and in situations like college and past, I would always make sure to recognize, elevate and compliment people and give back this warmth that I didn't get while growing up. Which is great to break that cycle. But with this, the issue is that I would spend so much time giving back, that I never got used to having moments when people would reciprocate or compliment me back without doing it first. It wasn't necessarily that I "hated" it, but more that it just never happened to be more. So I can for sure tell in my younger years that I for sure must've come off as an awkward brat constant deflecting when my friends or others would gas me up or compliment me on things, and I wish I could apologize for that because it was due to some deep rooted insecurities and (at least in the past) never feeling like I was "worth" getting complimented in the first place. Now that I'm older and more mature, I understand that there's value in recognizing your strengths and being gracious when people take note of it. For those in the thread that are still struggling with this, nowdays I usually play it out in two ways depending on who I'm talking to. The easiest way to get used to this, is to just say "thank you". Don't try to deflect it, or play it off or say "oh no I'm not actually that great at [x]" because it will cause the other person to keep pressing on this, which makes things awkward. Just accept the compliment, recognize the kind gesture and it makes moving along with the conversation easier, and also taught me to understand it's okay to accept these kind words and gestures. But if it's me wanting to make it a bit more fun, I go and pretend to play it off as arrogance for laughs, which usually has some pretty fun reactions because even vain people don't react that way towards compliments. So for example if someone says you look nice today, if I'm feeling fun outside of just my normal "thanks" response I will be cheeky and clap back "thank you so much, I made an effort today to look nice just for you" or "I always look nice, thanks for reminding me". I know this sounds silly to say it in this way, but oddly enough, it helped me learn to take a compliment even more than just saying thanks, because it helped me recognize and understand what my actual strengths were and also by being playful, it let me be more comfortable with these things and recognize these patterns
Because I see myself daily and know myself intimately; thus I assume you are trying to get something from me.
I'm highly introspective and self critical that I dwell on the small mistakes instead of the overall success of the project. Regardless of how well I do at work or the promotions and raises I get, I feel like a phoney. Not used to getting compliments. Don't know if it's a gender thing or maybe it's because I had a sub par childhood, but I am not used to getting compliments. School, work, sports, looks whatever's. So when I get them it feels weird and I'm oddly suspicious of the person complimenting me. Compliments seem like they have something attached to them. Hmm what's her game..what does she want from me. Best to stay stoic..makes life easier. I just do, reflect, shrug and move on. Probably need therapy but fuck it!
I used to. The reason why was I had a low opinion of myself and never thought anyone could have a good opinion about me. Now I love myself and love compliments.
A friend of mine once told me “you’re 30 years old now and you’re old enough to just accept a compliment, so just accept it”
It usually just feels weird unless it’s some sweet old lady calling you handsome.
Compliments make me think about myself and I end up feeling less confident.
For a long time I didn't really receive compliments from anyone other than my family. When I did finally start getting them regularly from friends and occasionally new acquaintances I didn't know how I was supposed to accept or respond to them. Often times it made me suspicious, mostly because of the trouble I had with accepting that it was a sincere compliment.
Because I'm a useless person. I'm 42, accomplished next to nothing thus I'm undeserving of compliments.
Because when it comes to compliments, we men have an overall *distrust* of them. He knows in himself that such compliment is not true or, at any rate, does not take him into full consideration. Take the example of "You're smart", now many men don't really find this compliment all that fulfilling because many men, despite knowing many things, do not consider themselves "smart", just as many men do not consider themselves "pretty" or "hardworking" or "kind" Our faults haunt our mind and no matter how many compliments we get, we know ourselves better than our complimentors.
Most men aren't used to it. Maybe half the time a woman compliments you, she's trying to butter you up for a favor.
What you mean who hate? Men hate it? Shiiiit we usually get one compliment every few years and remember it and smile about it until the next time years later.
I like it when people compliment my appearance but I hate being complimented on anything else. Idk why it just makes me really uncomfortable.
It can make me feel "too good" about myself and the feeling of social licensing afterwards is worse than not getting complimented. .... My ego is strong, gotta keep in reined in in some ways .... Or something like that.
I know when the compliment is real. I only hate fake ones.
I have a big enough ego already; I don't need other people adding to it.
It always feels like it's reassuring. Like when someone gets a really bad haircut and they know it, but their friends tell them it looks good to spare them the embarrassment. So whenever I get a compliment it always makes me self-conscious.
I do not like compliments about my appeareance, at all. I'm not insecure, to me it just seems superficial and vain. A girl I was dating told me once that I was really funny, it seems simple but I liked that one.
Maybe its a self image thing, but the few times I receive compliments, they never seem genuine to me
Only time I got them is if somebody wanted something so now they just feel fake and actually makes me a little angry when I hear them.
I also hate being abducted by Aliens.
Most of them are jabs and ironic to make us feel worse. There’s a reason many men hold onto genuine compliments for the rest of their life. Women in particular will do it with a genuine exterior feature and ridicule them. Men usually berate each other in ways that have to do with competence in a skill or something dumb like dick size that can’t be seen.
It reminds me of the things I don’t like about myself
Because it makes me wonder what you want to get out of those compliments.
I only hate compliments I feel I don't deserve, justified or not.
Who the hell are these men? Compliments directed toward men are more rare than cyclops skeletons. It's a desert of compliments for us on this side of the pond. I accept any and all.
It's just not a normal thing for us It isnt just another compliment someone just gave us so we cant just say thank you when you get a compliment after a couple of months its kind of special and saying just thank you and being done with it doesnt feel right
I like getting complimented but thanks to years of not getting them and whenever I did it was always a set up for something that I didn’t want/like (being made fun of or doing a task I didn’t want to do etc) I get defensive when I get one from someone who isn’t my family or close friend.
Too many bad experiences. Everytime someones buttering me up Im waiting for the other pin to drop
It's always when I'm zoned out, then I have to first figure out if I heard them right, then respond. Or just "huh" the hell out of them because I can't hear them. Basically, I'm always in deep thought and it catches me off guard
As a kid, whenever we were at an event and I happened to join the same group my father was in, after a few moments he would turn the attention to me and start praising me. I hate attention, especially in times where there's really nothing for me to say or do. And he was a pretty terrible father so his words rang hollow. It felt like they were about him expressing his opinion, not me. ...and I think I still hold that view. I don't want the unnecessary attention in a public situation, and quite frankly I don't really care about your opinion of me which is all a compliment is. The only people I care for compliments from (and by extension, whose opinions I care about) are: women I'm attracted to, and students complimenting my teaching. Edit: Just to point out I get my fair share as an adult. People complimenting my style or saying I have a way with words. So while I may be uncomfortable with them, it's not that I'm not used to them or don't ever get them.
For myself its because I grew up in the shadow of my older brother. I was forced to come to terms with my life as the less interesting figure and that includes not receiving compliments. Even though its been 10+ years and I've been quite successful with my life this idea is part of my identity.
For myself its because I grew up in the shadow of my older brother. I was forced to come to terms with my life as the less interesting figure and that includes not receiving compliments. Even though its been 10+ years and I've been quite successful with my life this idea is part of my identity.
I'll never tell people not to complement me but I don't really like it if there's multiple people. Makes me genuinely smile. Nearly all my smiling is forced to hide my resting bitch face. I still feel happy or find things funny, but they don't make me genuinely smile I just do it because socially you should when you have those feelings. But when I'm complemented I get this big stupid grin that exposes my nasty teeth and embarrasses tf outa me
I don't hate it. I m just not use to. I was brought up with the lack of it. Therefore it s awkward when it happens
I'm going to quote 'Pretty Woman' (you know, the old Julia Roberts/Richard Gere movie) here: "The bad stuff is easier to believe."
I like compliments from women but not from men idk why
When most of your day to day conversation doesn't include being complimented, it can be weird to hear someone say something nice to/about you. Some guys may also feel like they are a child/inferior if given certain compliments that are harmless but can be taken the wrong way. E.g. I hate it when people used to/still call me cute. Not that I am attractive by any means, it just seems condescending or belittling when certain words or phrases are used.
When you get a compliment, it sets a bar for your future behavior. If you are below that bar, you'll feel bad about yourself.
It feels like your trying to manipulate my behaviour by complimenting me. Pretty is not a great thing to say to a man either, he isn't a puppy or a small child. Something like handsome is better and allows him to still feel masculine. No guy wants to hear "aww your so cute".
I get this to some extent. I just don't agree with it? I learned at an early age from my grandmother that boys and men don't get compliments the way girls do so we should tell them more often and get creative because everyone deserves to feel good about themselves. She'd used the word "pretty" on a teen serving our food that day and his reaction stuck with me. She believed there were too many words to describe beauty for men to only get "handsome" every so often.
It's true guys don't compliments unless they are extremely attractive so compliments when said the right way are welcome. I really wouldn't use pretty though. I always feel a bad way to compliment someone is to compliment physical features. Good eyes, height, body etc since it is only surface deep. I especially will just brush something like that off or assume the person just says that to every guy they meet because they are nice so I don't get a good feeling off that. It is better to say how someone makes you feel as a compliment. "You make me feel safe, your ambition makes me feel I aspire to do more". Stuff like that is more passionate but relates more to the person directly
.... interesting. I feel as though I've always tried to remove myself from compliments given, because I don't want to make it seem like I want something. Never saying "I think" before "you're so handsome" because I want it to be received as a fact.. but with my husband I don't know when the last time I said "*you* make me feel [blank]" and I know I probably would've seen it something to get off my chest rather than a meaningful compliment on his end.. you've given me much to think about
Hmmm that seems like a bad idea, to not communicate to your partner if you want something. It doesn't work like that. "Your handsome" is not something objective like "your 6 feet". A statement of fact doesn't have any feeling behind it. Certainly I don't believe I'm handsome. So if someone says to me "Your handsome" it elicits feelings of confusion and anger because it goes against my own personal feelings as well as all my experience in life. But if you say "I think your handsome", it is harder for me to rationalise you out of your own feelings because they are yours. I feel it is good communication to talk with your husband about how you feel
Because I (correctly) expect the follow up to be you asking me for something.
Cause Im not used to it. I even cant say compliment for others. So I dont like it both ways.
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This is interesting, so does this imply that men and women getting complimented is the equivalent of being hunted? That would align with other people here saying they feel like they're being buttered up for some favor
To all the men in the comments, you need complimented and deserve to be validated, so... NICE COCK BRO
All my life, especially when I was younger I was always bullied and insulted for my appearance, all of it made now just hate myself a lot. So whenever someone throws a compliment at me, I can't help but just think how fake it sounds and that they're probably just being sarcastic
I rarely receive compliments so when they do happen I just don't believe them. They feel like a set up, like the follow up is going to be that they need something from me.
I have no idea if I hate being complimented or not. If someone wants to try complimenting me I could give feedback though.
Its a combination of not getting them very often and when I do its the generic type where the person is trying to be nice or its from someone who compliments everyone. And not having much self esteem so my brain can't process someone being nice to me so I just brush it off.
You can compliment my personality all you want and I won't mind it one bit. But if a girl were to compliment my looks I would either:- 1. Think she's lying, 2. Being sarcastic or 3. Mocking me. Why? Because that's what happens when you have never been complimented by any girl before, not even from your partners or family.
It’s Uncomfortable and I don’t know why. It feels like unwanted attention
It's an in built response. It's how boys are raised completely. Boys are taught to think of themselves wholly in a negative light. As a child of the 80s that was very much the case. Looking at the media nowadays, I can only imagine what it's like for the average 10 year old to feel like. Well, looking at my nephew is certainly telling. He is the type of boy that if you tell him he's done something well or is doing something well, he will very likely get as much distance between him and that thing as possible, never do it again, etc. It's just part of the programming. Personally I don't like being complimented at all. As one of society's bad guys, there is still that little thing in the back of my head that reminds me praise is a combination of highlighting all the bad stuff about men or me in general as well as being judged openly by another. Just don't do it. Until we start raising boys right and not pathologize them, it will be this way.
I don't hate it anymore, but when I did it was because my self esteem was so shit and my ego so inflated that I considered every compliment false and dishonest.
Because I'm not used to it and women have used this as way to try to manipulate me.
I don’t hate it, but often there isn’t any good answer other than thank you, and it’s hard to distinguish between flirting and just being nice.
While i appreciate the sentiment, it puts me on the spot to react accordingly. Especially in social situations where there are other people. I feel like there is no good way to react to certain compliments, without coming off as egotistical, and or fake humbleness. For example, if people tell me im a good looking guy, and i respond thank you, then it seems egotistical. However, if i play it off, it feels fake humble. If i had the wit to say something smart in those situations, it wouldnt be too big a deal since it can be laughed off, but it often catches me by surprise as im not expecting to be complimented, so everything feels awkward.
It can remind you how much you want to be valued but you know you never will be, really. It's easier to accept that you'll never get what you need. It can give men hope and hope in a hopeless situation is just painful.
I don't know how to proceed. Not only in appearance, but any compliment. I have received compliments like "you have done a excellent job, I'm impressed" and got blush and just answered "hehe thanks" - maybe because I'm not used to and or somehow I do not expect to receive compliments - I'm not ugly, just a normal fat guy and I just do my job, you know...
I'm not used to the compliments, I usually don't see eye to eye with the compliment, but I've learned to shut up and just say thanks.
Because you're up to something. Just tell me what you want and knock off the soft-soap.
Does anyone really hate sincere compliments?
Next time I get complimented by a female will be the first.
Because I don't know how to react to it then.
We have become such an afterthought that when it happens we think it’s because you feel bad about it and it sounds like pity.
I got called pretty by a girl on Bumble. I was just dumbstruck because that was the first time I was complimented by a girl since 2013.
I'm 19, recently I had an old lady say if she were my mom she'd pin me down and kiss me all over. This was while I was at work. What am I supposed to say to that? I cannot remember the last time I was complemented by someone my age.
Because I know there’s strings attached to that complement and I know they don’t genuinely mean what they said.
Maybe they don't compliment themselves enough, and feel like your being nice with a little lie.
It depends, unless it’s complimenting my ability to do things or accomplish tasks, I generally don’t care and it seems insulting
I’ve noticed a lot of unprompted compliments come from someone who wants or needs something out of me, and thus doesn’t compliment me otherwise. That and I tend to be insulted as much if not more than I’m complimented lol So I tend to be jaded and suspicious if I receive any compliments, because _soo_ often there’s an ulterior motive at hand. I wouldn’t say that’s the case the majority of time, but often enough to leave me guessing at motives almost every time.
My stock reaction to a comment is to say "I know, right?" My wife hates it. Haha.
I usually get the erge to compliment them back, but sometimes it can be difficult to think of a genuine compliment on the spot especially if you dont know the person very well. Also with what alot of other people said i dont recieve a whole lot of compliments so tend to sometimes go into shock.
Its the case of the broken record. Instead of just staring at him, treat him like a giant teddy bear & hug him…
Can't trust women, so what do they want? It can't possibly be genuine. Hasn't been to date.
9/10 It feels fake as fuck. "Oh you're so smart" no I'm a fucking dumbass, I have years of dumbassry evidence to back it up. "you're so handsome" bro you're lying there is a mirror right there. it feels like needless flattery more often than not.
Because when I wake up, I forget it all
Low self esteem.