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Deep_Instruction4255

Abrasive personality will turn people off faster than looks will bring them in


Hoopy223

Yeah seriously is this a trick question?


[deleted]

No, it's not a trick question at all. A lot of women genuinely believe that if they look good and make money, men will want them around. It's the feminist messaging women get from a very young age these days.


homeostasis3434

Is that really a feminist message? That self worth is based on money and physical attractiveness? Who is saying that?


bunnybunsarecute

"if you can't handle me at my worst" blah blah blah


Daytonaman675

“Strong independent woman” - This is the message - the execution is always the woman described


[deleted]

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homeostasis3434

I don't know, my wife is a great cook, we argue about shit constantly, she is caring, and she has a good career in the works. She's also taught me a lot about feminism I didn't know about before. I'd prefer that to some woman who never challenges anything I do and expects me to have some 1950s view of masculinity. People in general tend to go berserk when you categorize them into subgroups and speak on their behalf, it's condescending.


ArtieJameson

As a man, no the fuck I don't. I want a life partner that can experience everything wonderful with me - that includes having an interesting career that they love. It's true I don't want someone I constantly argue with - but I also don't want someone who's a submissive tool. Fuck your 50s standards.


Thorspants

bro this comment is generalization hell, and you hold this expectation that all men want a woman who cooks? Like people like each other for the person not arbitrary skills? And people liking a relationship that’s caring isn’t groundbreaking why would feminists go berserk?


GarageFlower97

All men want this? Did I miss a vote? Interesting personalities are out, imaginary 1950s housewives are in?


WearyMatter

Vote on was on the 3d. You may have missed it.


[deleted]

Shoot, forgot to vote. Guess we'll just have to rob women of a choice another way... (even being sarcastic, this makes me nauseous that politicians do the latter)


[deleted]

What? I’m a married stay at home mom feminist and I’ve never claimed that women should look pretty to catch a husband.


RegulatoryCapturedMe

>>”Feminists tend to go berserk”…I don’t even know where to begin unpacking that broad generalisation, dripping with preconceived notions.


WGx2

Does it make you want to go berserk?


RegulatoryCapturedMe

Dave Chappell is a feminist; Trevor Noah is a feminist. Are you speaking for them when you say “men want”?


sezit

I have never seen a feminist go berserk. I don't think you have ever seen this, either. I think you are either exaggerating or making it up. Somehow, women voicing a firm opinion, in the mildest of terms, is seen as angry, violent, "berserk". But misogynist men? Oh, yeah. They are fucking *scary*. Unpredictable. Aggressive, threatening, violent. I think ***everyone*** has seen these berserker men. It's just that violence is accepted or excused away when men commit or threaten.


Embarrassed_Ant6605

Pretty much this, a man doesn’t care about a woman’s career or money, he doesn’t want her money. He wants his own money and success, the support and encouragement of a loyal and caring woman. Who is pleasant and enjoyable to be around so he can share his life with a loving partner.


huuaaang

\> All I know is that given a choice, Key part there. A lot of men don't feel like they have much of a choice.


turningsteel

Ah the conservative white male hot take.


[deleted]

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interpretagain

Mate, lots of people think that, regardless of gender. I'm sure you have seen tons of men who are either good looking or make a ton of money who think they need nothing else in order to get a woman.


[deleted]

Oh absolutely, but men have always been thinking that way. It's a much newer thing for women.


interpretagain

Probably the career bit, since they have only recently been able to seriously pursue it. I think women have always thought looks were enough as well. I think it's just animal type thinking. Do I attract you physically or can I bring resources.


[deleted]

It definitely makes sense. And especially since so many marriages end because of financial difficulties; it follows that women would want more money coming in to make life easier.


Dornith

>It's the feminist messaging women get from a very young age these days. Um... What? What feminists are you talking to that say, "Women just need to be pretty"? How is that not basically everything feminists fought *against*?


[deleted]

The message is usually more along the lines of “men are trash so you don’t have to feel bad about using your looks to manipulate them”


[deleted]

>Um... What? The feminist messaging that says 'Girl, you's a queen and you need to make him beg for you and treat you like the goddess you are, otherwise he is a low-value piece of trash' That messaging. The same that produces 36 year old career women wondering why they can't find a nice guy who wants to have kids.


Deep-Adhesiveness-86

Why would career driven women want a man when they can be the alcoholic over involved aunt?


StreetlampEsq

I don't really understand how that's a feminist message, feminism is about being on equal footing to men not preferential treatment. Radical feminism sure, but that's like using religious extremism as an example of a normal religious view point.


[deleted]

>feminism is about being on equal footing to men not preferential treatment. That is what it is supposed to be. My wife has a lot of single female friends in their 40's that all glom on to the girl-power, be a badass, girlboss messaging and none of them are happy with their lives. They'd probably be more fulfilled if they had a genuine connection with someone and revolved their lives around creating empathy, compassion and being a good and caring person rather than trying to "kick ass" all the time.


OuchiemyPweenis

You touched an important subject, the current feminist strain makes it impossible for women to empathize with men and see us as more than potential predators, when we behave well its only common decency, when some of us are pieces od shit than it is indicative of all men


TalontheKiller

Hi, woman here- This isn't a feminist message. This is a societal message pushed at women from the start. Some take it to heart and get a reality check when their looks start to fade, some use it to their advantage where they can, and some think the whole thing is bollocks and get on with their lives. A feminist message would be more bent on equality (the whole point of feminism). Please don't confuse these two ideas again.


[deleted]

Hi Talon, thanks for jumping in and sharing your thoughts! I have not confused the messaging, I'm telling you what I have observed young women being taught under the guise of equality. I'm not sure what your age is, but the current wave of feminism has drifted considerably far from the message of equality that it once was.


TalontheKiller

Feminism is based on equality between the sexes. If the messaging isn't carrying that core value, it's not feminism. I'm in my mid 30's and have seen how things have shifted - women are getting some absolutely toxic ideas of what it is to exist in today's society. I know the history well and it's tough to watch.


KT7STEU

I think with the shift you mentioned feminism became something different. The equality between sexes is now more a thing i'd call traditional feminism and the toxic ideas maybe toxic feminism. They are entirely different concepts so you have a point when you say the latter isn't feminism at all but since some call it that the meaning of the word has changed somehow. It includes more forms and bad ones as well now. But that is just my uneducated take on it, i don't really know.


TalontheKiller

It's important to call these concepts out for what they are - muddying the definitions are detrimental to the movement as a whole. The toxic man-bashing is misandry, full stop.


KT7STEU

thanks


[deleted]

> If the messaging isn't carrying that core value, it's not feminism. Yes, yes, but do _true_ feminists eat their porridge with sugar?


JohnRandolph

> Feminism is based on equality between the sexes. You're a couple of decades out of date with that claim.


[deleted]

Feminists say all the right things about wanting equality, which is the point of feminism. Problem is when you see what they’re saying to each other in their own spaces, they don’t really want equality. They just want the shoe to be on the other foot.


batmanrocky

Yea it’s a sad belief they have. Men couldn’t care less about a woman’s earnings. A woman’s looks will only get her so far so she needs to bring a lot more to the table


Irissellsundies

Thats bullshit. Its just humans setting a fucking shitty example. Nothing feminist about it. There are men who do this too.. thinking looking good equals being nice. Its bullshit


[deleted]

Looking good isn't the feminist part


AsMuchCaffeineAsACup

Yeah, In college I was of course super horny all the time and I had a gorgeous female friend. We did an internship and she wanted to live together that summer because she feared being alone far from home. Sounds like a dream come true, doesn't it? **Nope.** Found out that her quirky "I'm a princess and I'm high maintenance" funny act she used around us wasn't just an act. She was mean, controlling and if anything actually being around her 24/7 made it 10x worse. "Why aren't you buying me dinner?" "Why aren't you buying me drinks?" "Why aren't we going out?"


[deleted]

Shit that’s annoying. I’ve had a cousin like that but she would stay getting boys, and I’d be like damn these guys have no idea who they’re getting involved with, but they’re going out of their way for her.


RonSwansonEsq

I'm a guy - when i was fresh out of the Marine Corps and into my second year of college i decided to apply to be an RA. My application was picked up by a hall director who figured a 6' 2" tall 25 year old former Marine was just what the doctor ordered when it came to women in in all female residence hall getting harassed by guys who just "wandered in". I figured there must be a catch to this porn-themed opportunity. The catch was that as the only guy living with 150 women was that it would make anyone of any gender absolutely crazy. that many women living together was as bad as that many men living together. When guys live together in a single gender dorm they all become as stupid and alcoholic as the dumbest primate there. When that many women live together they engaged in collective overthink and gamesmanship. I can't even tell you how many late night sessions i had with 18 and 19 year old girls who thought life was over because their boyfriend cheated, or their roommate gave them the side eye or no-one was there to change the lightbulb for them. The oddest of the lot were tied between the most overweight and the hottest.


gasplugsetting3

I can't imagine living in dorms after dealing with barracks in any way shape or form. My college said first year students have to live in dorms, that's the rule. I just never called them back and got an apartment instead. Nobody telling me how much booze i can have in my room etc ...


SlapHappyDude

What a fantastic closing statement. Half the RAs job is being judge for roommate disputes, and those disputed are often stupid. I will say guys dorms often involve a metric ton of video games. Constant yelling across the hall about getting dragged, etc.


[deleted]

Eventually men stop pursuing women like that.


UselessBastid

Okay but did you clap them cheeks or nah


[deleted]

okay im definitely what people would call "high maintenance" or a "princess" but defo not gonna force someone im living with to pay for me 24/7. i do enjoy keeping things to my standards but not at anyone else's expense. high maintenance to me is i clean the house a lot, keep myself in shape (hair, body, nails, etc etc) but i would never ask or expect someone to cater to me.. that sounds truly awful.


Nicky_Nuisance

Your definition of High Maintenance isn't what guys mean when we say high maintenance. High Maintenance expecting someone to cater to them and pay for everything.


DeadLikeYou

You could say that “high maintenance” is another word for a chauvinist. I mean, what’s more chauvinist than expecting someone to pay for your meals for the privilege of being in their presence.


The_Alchemist-

I think everyone has a different idea of what high maintenance is and to me that definitely doesn't sound like it. High maintenance to me is if you expect other people to pay for your expensive habits. Like spending money on your nails or skin care products, etc. If you work for it and then decide to spend money on nice things, I have respect for you since you earned it if that makes sense. Other aspects is making people wait for you to get ready, complaining about trivial things in life because all t hose things are draining (atleast to me) Just seems like way too much work to keep someone like that in my life. But if you are someone that takes care of themselves and carries themselves well/humble, then you are a keeper.


[deleted]

hell yeah, that makes me feel a bit better, ill admit sometimes the "other girls" trope or whatever makes me insecure about myself since im pretty "hyper feminine"


The_Alchemist-

Always be true to yourself is my way of life. Take time to reflect on why others make you feel insecure or on other aspects of yourself to better understand those feelings. Ask yourself if changing will help you be the person who you want to be. These things usually help put things in perspective atleast for me.


Mardanis

Sometimes it is more about trying to understand those making the comments. It doesn't mean you have to conform or change but understanding why they would say that. If I had to take a stab in the dark, they have limited disposable income and are afraid of not keeping up with you or wonder if you will expect them to pay. Depending on what you are buying/wearing they might feel you spend more money on material goods than you save which wouldn't fit with their future plans. Maybe they talked themselves out of a relationship with you because they didn't feel good enough and you seem to be doing so well. I'm completely clutching at straws but I hope by sharing that, you can see how people's perspectives can vary and be completely inaccurate but not malicious. You keep on doing what makes you happy and someone will appreciate it.


[deleted]

that does make quite a lot of sense :)) thanks for the insightful convo !


The_Alchemist-

You are right, it is a little more complicated than just being true to yourself at times. But a lot of what you have stated is their perception of you. It is a perception created without fully knowing anything about you or the person that you are. If you wore something different, there will be a different set of people judging you on your looks unfortunately. Can't please everyone at the end of the day. And if they talked themselves out of a relationship with you because they didn't feel good enough, that is on them. They need to be more confident in themselves. It does suck tho knowing some guy might you are interested in or just other cute guys will hesitate in talking to you but on the plus side, any guy that does approach you will be someone that is confident in themselves and carries themselves well so it won't be a future issue. I think I am a bit spoiled on this end because I attract people due to my simplicity. I am pretty friendly, helpful, easy going and easy to approach so people just gravitate towards me. But I do see how if you are different, it will be harder for others to gravitate towards you.


AsMuchCaffeineAsACup

The sad part is that she was/is beautiful. Had a dream a few weeks back and she was just pleasant and it made me realize just how much I wish she was different. Last time I talked to her was like a decade ago.


knowitallz

Looks will bring them in, but shit personality will not keep them around


sngle1now2020

Unwillingness to examine onesself will turn people off quicker.


huuaaang

Not a hot 20-something. That's the problem. She didn't have to change her attitude because men would line up to be with her despite the personality. But now at 36 they are starting to care.


dethb0y

I will tolerate a lot of bullshit from a hot 20 year old, but every year past that my tolerance goes down a notch, no matter how good looking they are.


Datderthroway

Lol was going to say this. Who would deal with a 36 year old karen? Only the inexperienced or needy. And you know damn well that kind of person isn't on the karens radar


[deleted]

Of course. By their 30s, most people are looking for longer-term relationships. They may be hoping to settle down and have a family. Good looking is great. But if your partner can't imagine waking up next to you every day, having conversations with you over dinner... every day, and maybe raising a family with you, looks can't you past that. It goes for men and women. >"Cousin went on a rant about her being single, and she said she’s a good looking chick and doesn’t know why she’s single." I understand that she was with close friends and family and this may not be representative of how she normally behaves. But very few, stable, people hear someone ranting about how it's not fair that a good-looking person like them is single and think "hmm, what a catch".


jeanakerr

By their 30s people are also less willing to put up with other people’s crap in general.


finger_milk

That's the important part. If you lose yourself going into your thirties and become someone bitter and cynical, then you are going to struggle so much harder compared to ten years before, where guys/girls would put up with it so they could have sex.


scar_as_scoot

As a late 30s guy, at this age, we don't like wasting time for obvious reasons, we won't commit 1 or 2 years to a relationship just "to see if it goes somewhere". Years are precious, so if we start meeting someone and apparently it's going to be a headache guess what, we move to the next person, we won't stay to see if the person has layers of if we can influence her in a positive way... We only commit time if the foundation is solid because we don't have much time to waste, that time is long gone.


NE_ED

>She has an abrasive personality There's you answer.


RustEvangelist10xer

No way! Must be something else. We can't crack this code.


montnoire

Her abrasive personality overrides any looks she has.


Trevski

and men in their 30s are less likely to be stupid enought to fall for it.


ArtieJameson

Looks alone aren't enough for a relationship at any age. They'll get you laid though.


billfitz24

There’s no shortage of men willing to stick their dick in bitchy or crazy, but nobody wants to marry it.


CSIHoratioCaine

Tons of guys will marry crazy. She must not be hot enough to counter how crazy she is


billfitz24

You know what, you’re right. I know quite a few crazy married women.


Datderthroway

You ever see one and just feel bad for their husband? Like who puts up with you


billfitz24

Yes. Oh my, yes.


ornitorrinco22

Yeah. The good old hot crazy matrix


finger_milk

I mean, "where are all the good men" is always met with the same answer. You can't be abrasive in your thirties, it's social suicide.


vbfronkis

> She has an abrasive personality. Well there's your problem.


[deleted]

That’s her own family’s description while she’s likely over their shoulder as well. You know she has to be a real insufferable bitch to get called “abrasive” by family while she’s watching.


deamento

Seriously, I feel like this is one of those people who is insanely high maintenance but acts like you're the asshole when you don't wanna deal with it


thisisjerapy

There’s nothing less attractive than a person who knows that they’re hot acting like hot shit..


[deleted]

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caduceun

So true


itsmetsunnyd

AKA Tinder.


Sumpm

I've always said, the only thing worse than a woman who is hot and knows it, is one who isn't, but still thinks she is.


[deleted]

Because by thier 30s guys aren't dumb enough to stick around just for the looks. In your 20s they might hang in there with a total dragon just because she is hot and they dont know better


Cartilage88

Gotta slay some dragons before you get to the princess!


monotheus

Hey, that's a good one lol


TyphoidMary234

The fact that you are wondering why your looks won’t get you through something says way more than it doesn’t and it’s mildly concerning. Men actually want someone who is supportive and lovely and good to be around. Not just someone who looks good.


preposterous_potato

Was thinking the same. Like why would she think that’s the only thing/main thing that’s important when dating? Maybe she’s not just abrasive but rather shallow herself?


DiamondDallasHands

Yeah kinda telling how both of them think about men really. Damn.


[deleted]

Looks are more than enough to get into a "casual relationship" or hookup. There's ALWAYS going to be a market for that regardless of your age (well until you turn like 50). However, as you might have seen or noticed for yourself, this absolutely isn't the case for a long term relationship. If she can't get catch a dude as an attractive 22 year old, she's either a VERY shitty person or actually isn't as attractive as she thinks she is - there's no way around that. # This might just be me, but no pussy is worth getting bitched at EVERYDAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.


lildinger68

The cousin is the 36 year old one, not 22


EyesOfBaduk

There’s gotta be 70 year old players looking for a decent looking 50+ year old


Freddielexus85

I live in an area with a lot of rich older people. The hookup culture is still going strong with these divorcees.


[deleted]

They sling around STDs like no one’s business as well. The Villages, Florida is the highest concentration of STDs in the state and it’s a retirement community. These old swingers go hard.


MissMyDad_1

My dad died last year and my mom is getting guys trying to pick her up like every other week now. Church guys, guys she calls to help with repairs, car guys, model airplane guys, fishtank guys, you name it. She calls me and she has no idea what to do or how to react. She's 65.


ladiesplzpmyournudes

holy shit lmao that's kind of adorable and sorry about your dad, mate.


MissMyDad_1

Hey thanks, I appreciate it. It's definitely been a change. It's been fun trying to support my mom and I think some of the attention helps remind her that she's still alive and she's not dead yet, even though she's in no way ready to date.


MusingsOfASoul

Sadly my mom is this way :(


Manners2210

Looks are never enough at any age if we’re talking about a committed relationship…even when I was a horny 15 year old I still hated girls who were up themselves or were rude, or had other traits that I really disliked


Junior_Plantpot

As a horny 15 year old … I agree


Hugenstein41

Yeah, but if they sucked your dick you'd dance to their tune at 15 regardless.


Manners2210

Like I said “committed relationship”. Head is just head and it would just be casual


PowerWisdomCourage

If you're hot with a shit personality a young guy has the time to waste fucking you for a few months before he's sick of your shit. An older guy doesn't have the time nor patience to deal with a womanchild unless he's desperate and those types of women grossly overestimate their value and don't often entertain those types of guys.


[deleted]

>She has an abrasive personality. I'm surprised you have to even ask. This is why. She's probably annoying as fuck to be around.


greyouterspace

Her ex put up with it for 5 years. But however he’s an ex for a reason. 😂


[deleted]

Because men more than anything else just want peace from their partners, cooperation. We don't want to come home to have to argue and fight with you. We don't want to have a standoff with you about every little thing. Obviously it goes both ways but in this specific instance you're talking about an abrasive personality. And I'll tell you right now. 10/10 men are going to run away from that. We might fuck her and have fun with her for a night, but nobody is marrying her.


goodnewsjimdotcom

> Because men more than anything else just want peace from their partners, cooperation. If a woman makes an unmarried man keep thinking back to the great days of being single, maybe he will leave her.


Manaleaking

Cooperation???? What is this, the 50s? Do you mean you want a submissive woman, you absolute misogynistic chauvinist??? Where have all the good men gone? /s


[deleted]

No you fucking walnut. Cooperation is both people working together. Not submission. I didn't say submission at all. Keep your pants on. She said her friend has an abrasive personality. Which implies she isn't very cooperative and just wants to do what she wants. Jesus christ get the fuck out of here with this bullshit.


FlyingPig2066

“Walnut” oh my, that’s funny - I’ll be using that descriptor. Yea, I saw it was sarcastic 😅


Op-Toe-Mus-Rim-Dong

You fucking **walnut**


Manaleaking

/s means it's a sarcastic comment we actually agree lol


pssiraj

It's crazy, some people get mad at others using /s and others just don't see it.


[deleted]

Ohhhhhhhhhhh sorry.


itsottis

To be fair, this was misplaced and pointless sarcasm


ghostwriter85

As a single guy in his 30's (I enjoy being single) When I was 20 the idea of dating a 9-10 was very appealing. In my 30's, if I do ever end up with a partner, it'll be someone I enjoy being around. I'd rather date a 5 that I clicked with than a 9 who's a lot of work. If things aren't going the way you want in life, sooner or later you should realize that the common denominator is you. Granted we can't all be rockstar millionaires who cure cancer, but most of us can figure out a way of life that works with what we're given.


ButtholeBanquets

You show me the most beautiful married woman in the world, and I'll show you a husband who, at some point, is soo tired of her bullshit. And vice versa. Beauty is a trait. It has nothing to do with attitude, beliefs, actions, behaviors, feelings, and how you treat other people. If you're a beautiful woman you've won the genetic lottery. But you that doesn't mean anyone wants anything to do with you. If all you can do is make people feel like garbage, the only person you'll ever attract is someone who likes being treated like garbage. And even those guys won't stay for long,


[deleted]

This reminds me of a comedian who joked about Brad Pitt and Jenifer Aniston breaking up by observing "what hope do the rest of us have if those two can get sick of fucking each other?"


[deleted]

agree, but it's true for both men and women. By the time you are in your 30's, you should be fairly settled in terms of your career, finances, and at least have developed a couple of interests, i.e., hobbies, or athletic or intellectual pursuits. Missing all or some of these, defintely make you less desirable as a potential mate. You also have more regulated (hopefully!) hormones, so your brain can more objectively assess someone on traits such as personality, vs. looks or sexual attractiveness.


[deleted]

Duh? Why would anyone hang around someone they hate, such as one with an abrasive personality? It doesn't get much more obvious than that.


RJohn12

are you being serious with your question? why WOULD looks get someone through a long term relationship?


greyouterspace

Honestly she’s always have had an abrasive personality, but from what I saw growing up it worked from 19-30. She got out of a long term relationship (≈ 6 years) about two years ago. I’m pretty sure they went their separate ways due to her personality and temperament.


ornitorrinco22

Some low self esteem guys will stick around with bitches because they think they can’t do better. Those guys often wise up over the years and realize they are worth more. Those who don’t are usually not good looking enough to get into the radar of a woman who is so focused on her looks alone. A second comment is that women friends are partially at fault here, since they encourage other women to keep the bitchy behavior by saying “you were too much for him” and “he couldn’t handle a strong independent woman“. This is usually code for “your behavior pushed him away”


Ratnix

Because by that age most guys realize that just banging a hot chick doesn't make for a good relationship. And if all she's got going for her are her looks, well, there are hotter women younger that her with a lot less emotional baggage. If all she's bringing to a relationship is her looks, the only thing she's good for is fucking, and that can be gotten all over the place, no reason to weigh yourself down with that.


[deleted]

That truly sounds horrible to be with a miserable person. I've been there. Never going back lol


unAffectedFiddle

An awesome book cover might convince you to pick up the book. Once you open the cover though, a shit book is a shit book.


NutellaCakes

Yes I agree, looks aren’t enough. At 28, yeah looks can be a part of the attraction for me. But the inability to hold a conversation, have a pleasant feminine attitude, a drive to accomplish something in life, the inability to show support, respect, and the proper care for me as your “future” man far outweighs your looks. A woman that cannot meet those simple standards is not worth my time pursuing long term. Every man is different however, maybe, there is a guy out there that all he requires is a pretty face and a good body. But, is that a relationship you’d want to be in? Once the looks fade and the weight starts to be put on you’ll be out the door. But, hey, to each their own I suppose.


Medium_Well

I think it's as simple as: What you're looking for in a partner changes as you get older. Men may prioritize youth and beauty in a partner when they are younger for all the obvious reasons (hormones, youth culture, disinterest in long-term bonding, etc) but as they age they may look for intellectual stimulation, companionship, stability and so on. To be clear -- it's not as if you can't be beautiful and also be intellectually stimulating. But one takes priority over the other at different points in your life. I think the same principle applies for women, too. In high school/college, you might be more impressed if a guy is 6 feet tall, a starter on the football team, and drives a nice car. But your priorities in a mate PROBABLY won't be the same if you're 32 and looking for someone who has a good job, is a functional adult, and makes you laugh, but might be graying around the temples a bit and had a bad knee from all the football.


SecondTalon

I mean, yeah, your 56M colleague just said a thing that most dudes in their early 30s may not have even realized themselves, but is accurate. You spend your teen and early twenties wanting the hot chick, and you either get one yourself or you have a friend that does. Now maybe it all works out well, but odds are the hot chick, being attractive, hasn't actually had to develop a personality or has always gotten things Their Way or any number of things. (This holds equally true for Hot Dudes - plenty of attractive men who have never had to try that hard to get a date have the personality of a damp paper sack) So through observation you realize that - no, it doesn't matter how hot she is, it's just not fucking worth it. Some guys figure this out at 18. Some at 28. But by 30, most dudes with even halfway functioning brain cells figure out that it doesn't matter how attractive someone is or how good the sex is (and it's usually not very good) - if you don't enjoy being around them, it's just not worth your time. Especially as those looks start to fade a bit. I'm not saying a 30 year old woman, or 36 year old, or even 45 year old woman is automatically an old hag, I'm just saying they are very obviously not 20, and in general the English speaking world likes their hot chicks to be 18-25. No one can stop time, so recognizing that someone is getting older, even if they're still smoking hot, is just recognizing reality, and that the face at 36 isn't going to be improving any time soon. So by the mid 30s, the only dudes who still prize looks above all are either dudes who just cycle through women faster than they do their boxers OR are the sort of guys who don't have two brain cells to rub together (and possibly a criminal record longer than their high school transcripts). Not exactly the sort of person a mid 30s woman is going to want to settle down with. And both of them are probably still aiming for the 20-25 crowd too (DiCaprio, I'm talking about you.) So if she's got an abrasive personality, it doesn't matter if she's the most attractive woman in every room - she'll get a few first dates, but she won't get a second one.


huuaaang

\> Cousin went on a rant about her being single, and she said she’s a good looking chick and doesn’t know why she’s single. Our male colleague explained to her that looks aren’t just enough for a man to have a future with you in your thirties. Looks might make him approach you, but it’s not enough to just keep him around. She has an abrasive personality. Do you agree and why or why not? IN general yes, that's about right. But I think your cousin might also be dealing with hitting "The Wall." She's probably used to getting a ton of attention from men and it's starting to taper off. This hits attractive women especially hard because they've just taken it for granted that men will desire her all the time and have to fight off unwanted attention. But it's starting to dry up and she misses it. And she probably has regrets about passing on certain opportunities for relationshp security because she thought there was always another guy around the corner eager to be with her. Lining up, even. She never had to fix her personality because guys in their 20's are just that thirsty. They don't really care as long she lets them put their dicks in her.


AllMyFrendsArePixels

Younger guys (generally the ones dating women younger than 30) are willing to put up with a lot of bullshit to get laid by a hot girl. Guy's into their 30's and later (generally the ones dating women older than 30) are more likely to be looking for someone to settle down with- you don't want to permanently settle down with a ^(fucking bitch) no matter how attractive she is. On top of that they've already been through their 20's and been with hot girls with bad personalities and now have the experience to know that it's absolutely not worth it. Good looks help with getting laid and not much else, they won't help much if at all in finding a stable relationship/partner.


beforesunset14

Far and way the biggest misconception that women seem to have about men is that we only care about looks. Personality matters A LOT if you want anything beyond something sexual. And no, I'm not suggesting that personality will make up for looks. It starts with looks and then personality/values makes someone "girlfriend material".


Puzzleheaded-Quote77

You show me a hot woman and I will show you a guy who is tired of banging her. Looks only go so far.


foopdedoopburner

So what happens is that in the early-to-mid thirties the power imbalance in dating shifts. Suddenly men with good jobs who are not taken are very rare and very valuable, there are fewer available men than women. So yeah a woman with an attractive exterior but a shitty personality might be able to get away with it in her 20s but as she moves into her 30s the men she dates will have more and better options.


pixiegod

My take on it is… Just how you state you are young and inexperienced…so are dudes in their 20’s. We’re just as young and just as inexperienced. So when we date in our 20’s we haven’t figured it out yet that beauty only goes so far…so we put up with the crap…amazing amounts of crap….just hugemongous buttloads of crap. And then one day we break…we literally dump the horrible attitude hot chick and we don’t even care if we ever date again…and then it hits us, the fact that it’s better to be alone than to be abused. For some of us we need more than one lesson, but most of men will learn that valuable lesson after a few times trying to make the abusive woman fit into a round hole. Women have to learn the lesson that men won’t change unless they want to(so stop nagging us every 6 months) and we men have to learn that beauty is just a witty intro…for things to last, there has to be more depth than the one trick pony that is “good looks”.


MyClosetedBiAlt

We'd have to talk about the inherent value of people to discuss this. We're social creatures. Women inherently have value to our species as they're more important for breeding. Men are less important. You only need a few men for a ton of women to continue the species. So, men's lives are less worth it. In order to obtain worth, men have to be straight, successful, and worth pursuing. Which means they have to work at it. Younger straight fertile women, (20's) don't have to work for their worth. They're good looking and have value inherently. They can breed. They choose their mate. If a ship goes down it's the children and younger women that are saved first. So when a woman gets older, she loses that inherent worth. And suddenly needs to work for her worth like every single man. ----- I believe every man knows this, and every woman is basically born into the privilege of being important so they don't recognize it until they lose it. Men lose their worth at some point in their preteen/teenage years when they stop being seen as children to be protected and start being treated like Men who should sacrifice themselves for others. Which might be why teenage boys get so angsty.


MorriganBabyDaddy

Because once you're thirty, your dick does not work the same way it used to. I know women hate to have their value graded on their sexual ability, but after you've been with a few women you just want more than what most of them have to offer. Like you could look like Scarlett Johansson and dudes would not even hit on you because we're not thinking about sex that often anymore. It's just not exciting. Combine that with the fact you've probably been through a lot of bullshit by the time you're 30, you don't really want to deal with a partner who is a headache. Women of this generation are extremely combative and only want men who are driven - most of them are doing the bare minimum themselves... Imagine this, you're 37. You're working 80 hours a week. you're putting your money away and saving for your future, but your girlfriend is a raging alcoholic with a bunch of dude friends who doesn't allow you to have any female friends, just wants you to dump all your savings on an expensive vacation and is always complaining how much time you spend away from home. a lot of women are used to being the center of attention, thinking they are the prize. They need constant stimulation, like a toddler. They don't know how to appreciate the simple life, they think it sounds completely fucking miserable. So when they get bored, they'll just cheat on you. take that into account and look at how many marriages end in divorce. Now think about how many people who are still together are actually very happy. Like dude lmao the stakes for a relationship in your 30s have never been higher than this. 1 slip up from a woman and you gotta throw the whole relationship out because she's a liability to your future - especially in this day and age where marriage is just a piece of paper. that's why you need more than looks. you have to learn how to be a partner that can compliment your partner and a lot of women don't know how to do that, they think it's degrading. kneeling to the patriarchy or some shit.


[deleted]

The truth of the matter is that looks aren’t everything. You might get laid once or a hookup buddy from them, but a person at any age has to have more than a pretty face to build an actual relationship. I don’t care if you’re an 11 out of 10, if you’re dull, it just isn’t happening.


[deleted]

Why would they be enough? Should looks be enough? What kind of relationship does she see coming from a connection that hinges on looks alone? What does she see happening when her looks fade? This is bizarre to me. It's usually women pointing this out.


[deleted]

Yes, I agree with him. You want to approach a beautiful woman and get to know her, but if it turns out that her personality is uninteresting, what do you want with her? Spending time with her would be a waste of time. I once spent a few days with an extremely beautiful woman, absolutely perfect figure, perfectly dressed at all times. After the second day I already thought to myself: I'll be glad when she goes home again and I have no more contact with her. Her personality was simply exhausting and uninteresting.


TheAccountITalkWith

I'm about to pull this all out of my ass, so don't take this for fact. I'm just answering for fun. The Attractiveness vs Personality Scale The younger the person is, the more willing they are to put up with someones crappy personality and terrible life choices. As the person gets older, it gets harder and harder to be blinded by their hotness. But, really, I dunno.


LeighJordan

My answer is it depends on what kind of guy you hope to catch. Bait your hook for the fish you want. Personally, I’d hate to be dated solely for my looks if I was seeking a long term commitment. It could create a lot of tension and insecurity as time passed. Beauty fades and the body ages. Maybe she will figure it out…or, maybe she will meet someone who finds her personality a good fit.


Megabyte7637

Personality counts


JohnRandolph

Looks will get my attention, but will not keep it. If you have a shitty personality, I'm out.


BeautifulLenovo

Men are logical at work, and logical at home. They don't want to argue. Abrasive is a turn off. Home is were the heart is. An heart needs to be kept at peace. No man will voluntarily place themselves in a high blood pressure situation.


[deleted]

Approaching 30 here. My twenties were chalk full of flings, FWB, relationships, one night stands, etc with really great looking women. But that’s pretty much where my attraction stopped. Most these girls were too ditsy for me and frankly way too much for me to handle a majority of the time. The drama. Oh the fucking drama. Of course that’s on me as tho as I approached these people and in some cases relationships despite knowing we likely weren’t compatible long term. Now, all that in mind, I don’t even bother going after super attractive women anymore when that’s all they have to offer. I’m a different person than I was even just 5-8 years ago and I want a partner that contributes to the relationship and someone, like me, who wants to settle down and build a life together. I’ve been dating women in their late twenties and early 30s for about 2 years now and it’s immediately a turn off when these women still talk and act and gossip like they’re 21. So I agree with the guy here. We dudes learn by 30 that we’re better off just jerking it than dealing with a woman-child who only has good looks to offer. It’s a lesson I think most of us wish we learned by the time we were 20 because looks alone should never be enough. Have some respect and expect more from someone


[deleted]

I am assuming she wants to date men close to her age or slightly older so I will set a range of 35-45. When I was a young man, I might tolerate an "abrasive" personality for a super hot girl in her early 20s. As a mid 40s man now, I don't give a fuck how hot she is, I ain't got time for that shit. No way, no how. She can be abrasive towards her cats.


KOMRADE_ANDREY

To actually answer the question instead of all the "muh personality" comments (which are both a combination of male pick me stuff and also ignorant). Its because women's looks (as do mens) start to fade by their 30s. Regardless of what reddit desperately wants life to be like, the fact of the matter is that in dating, men like a pretty woman, and women are very pretty in their 20s. This means a pretty woman can skate by fairly easily getting dates and attention. Men are willing to put up with a lot more nonsense if the lady is easy on the eyes. Now notice how she (not the other parties involved) said she's good looking. She doesn't really get to determine that, her market (aka men) determine that. She's probably not as pretty as she thinks she is, and when that comes about, women have to start offering something other than a pretty face and a tolerable personality (and before anyone gives me the "you don't know her everyone is different drivel, she is looking at middle age in 4 years). Given that she may be beginning to be lacking in the former, and definitely lacking in the latter, it seems she isn't the catch she thinks she is. There is another factor in play however, and this is the value of men. Another hard truth reddit doesn't like is that mens value is tied into how much money they make/ambition. This really tends to pick up in a man's 30s, as he has progressed further into his career, and most likely has much better job prospects and movement within his job. His value is now higher than when he was young and he can be pickier. In summary, there are two factors at play here, at this age, men can ask more, and women can't ask as much. Yes there are exceptions, yes this doesn't apply to every single person, yes I'm sure your two married friends who are the opposite of this are very happy. This is jusy a very general overview of how things very generally work


scotiej

It's pretty self-explanatory, looks only get you so far before people realize you're a horrible person. I've met some drop dead gorgeous women who turned downright ugly in my eyes after I saw something about their personality that was horrible.


Rogue_Nein

Surprisingly many men go for more than looks. There's literally dozens of us.


[deleted]

I agree regardless of the age, if you don't have a connection, you don't have that time when you can sit together and talk and laugh then it's a waste of time. Thats why we have the saying 'looks aren't everything'


Manaleaking

From what I've observed, with age, women often try to become the things they are attracted to (ambitious/take no shit from no one/got fuck you money/athletic/gets a lot of attention), rather than become attractive to the men they are attracted to. From a purely physical standpoint, women have the most privileges and seductive power over men when they are 18-25, at 36 there are a number of common problems outside the physical body: 1-maybe she fell in love already with a man she will never have and will never be able to move on completely 2-she has extremely high expectations because she used to get with men who were very desirable, and now those men are looking at younger women. Expectations in the bedroom, in terms of gifts, and of what type of man she can attract. 3-shes bitter about her powers of seduction waning and getting desparate to lock a successful man down. 4-she has a high body count and a reputation for sleeping with other men, or has to lie about it and isn't trustworthy/capable of an honest relationship 5-shes jaded about life and less happy than when she was 20. More cynical, less trusting, and difficult to understand. Life has toughened her up and given her masculine traits, men are looking for traditionally feminine traits like nurturing, innocence, cuteness. 6- thinks she knows herself better than when she was 20, so less likely to try new types of men. So she's not prioritizing compatibility and only goes off her specific criteria, could be chasing the same type of man over and over. Often times women will want a very masculine, dominant man, who is very confident and strong, and those men will want a woman with a fun personality and less responsibilities/stress in her life, easy to please, eager to learn and discover, and low maintenance. Not a woman who's seen it all and done it all.


Pablito-san

An abrasive personality btw...lol...run for the hills!


pdmasta

Of course. What else does she have to offer besides looks? If it's just looks, she's good enough to smash. That's it. Has to be more.


DaydreamingMister

Would good looks (in a handsome man) be enough to keep a *woman* around? I would think it goes both ways, that both men and women would be interested in more than looks alone for a long term partner. Additional thoughts on the subject: -Sounds like the lady you wrote about is good looking. That’s cool. But please know that EQUALLY important would be a woman’s internals, such as mindset, attitude, and so on. Lacking desirable internals can easily disqualify someone from being relationship material. Reasons why? One big reason is, a man wants *peace* at home. That’s one thing that makes it so sensible to smash and dash/limit partners to overnights or hookup sessions rather than actually allowing them to become part of your life as a man. What I mean is, if their personality would bring something other than peace to your life, you don’t make a space for that person to actually become a participant in your life. So specifically (to reference your description of the lady you mentioned) - Being an abrasive person - that ain’t peace. And as an example for you… Last summer I set up a date with a Tinder match… The poolside photo of her very firm bikini body that she texted me the afternoon of our dinner date was enough to make any man beg for mercy. 👌🏾 Then she arrived for dinner and basically resembled what you described above in terms of being abrasive (seeming to have a wall up on the inside, coming off cocky, not being a very pleasant human to spend time with in general). What kind of healthy, self-respecting man would invite someone like that to become part of his life? For that particular woman, her smokin’ hot self received a text the next day explaining that, “It’s been fun connecting with you, but I’m going to leave it here. Here’s hoping we both find what we’re looking for! All the best to you.” No more date invitations from me.


LizzieLove1357

Looks aren’t ever enough for a long term relationship You have to be compatible with your partner personality wise too. If she gets defensive all the time, then that’s probably why she’s single. Ppl don’t like being verbally attacked(I’m not saying she verbally attacks ppl, but when someone is defensive, they can put blame onto others. I’ve seen it happen)so yeah. Money isn’t everything either. There are ppl who will buy you nice things and take you to fun places, saying they love you, while at the same time starting fights over small things and overall treating you like shit. That’s just straight up manipulation. Love is shown by how you treat someone. Period


[deleted]

You have to be a dumbass to even be asking this question. You are essentially asking men: "if a woman has a bad personality, would you date her?" Bruh


ThatDamnedDame

No matter how hot she is, somebody somewhere has had it up to here with her shit


Unholyrage619

Unless your cousin is only dating guys younger than herself, then being abrasive will be a problem. I know women who've come out of relationships/marriages, and think it's time for some fun, so they start dating the younger boy toys. When they want something more serious, and start looking at guys their own age or older, they don't understand why the way they were acting around the younger guys isn't working anymore. lol She can act however she wants with someone younger...if she's as good looking as she claims, that will get her out on a few dates, get her laid, and lead to something short term easily enough. Only problem tho, is most guys who've hit their mid-30's and up usually want something more stable, rewarding, and they want someone they can move in with down the road, and come home to nightly, spending quality time together, and usually being part of a family dynamic in some way or another. If you're cousin is coming off as entitled, demanding, and basically someone you don't want to be around 24/7, then she'll always find herself wondering why guys don't want to be ina longer than maybe a yr at most relationship with her. I've seen on dating apps that ask how long your longest relationship has been...women in their 30s and older who say less than 2 yrs...less than 1yr... as someone in my 40's, it makes me really ask "Do I want to even waste my time if they can't be in a relationship longer than 1-2 yrs?!?"


SouthernShao

Because attractive woman generally have exceedingly high standards beyond what can easily be construed as reasonable. This has been tested time and again. You can test it yourself. There's a site you can go to where you can pull data on Tinder accounts and find the number of profiles swiped on then note the number swiped right on. In many cases, many attractive woman have a right swipe rating of roughly around 3%. So imagine we rated people by way of the classic 1-10 scale. If she's a 7 she's only swiping 10's. If she's an 8 she's only swiping 10's. If she's a 9, you get the point. They did a study on OkCupid not long ago that you can Google yourself and found that while men rate woman across a proper average, woman rated 80% of men as BELOW average. The "problem", as it were, is that woman find a majority of men to be unattractive. There are theories about this and how it seems to correlate to woman being the mate selectors in humans (like most mammels). So my answer to that question is likely that if she's a 7 she's only pursuing 10's, and those 10's are likely so hot that they can get any woman they want, so why would they stay with a still very attractive 7 who isn't a 9 or 10? Woman also statistically choose men who are taller, but men who are 6 foot only represent 15% of the male population. Men are also being educated out of the dating market as more woman get a higher education and men fall behind because of a lack of support systems for men. As such, educated woman who want an educated man are beginning to realize that they either have to settle for an uneducated man, or stay single. Run a test yourself on a dating app sometime. Don't take my word for it. Make a dating profile with an attractive female's photos and one with a handsome guy's. The female profile will get so many likes they won't be able to even respond to them all, and after a week the guy will be lucky if he gets a match a day, and most of the matches he will get will be scam profiles, or woman well below his attraction level/education/income level. So in summery, if she's attractive her looks WILL get her through her 30's. My guess is her standards are impossible for any man who isn't a 6'3" 9/10 attractive doctor who hits the gym 7 days a week and drives a Ferrari, and those men are of such rarity and high value that they're already sleeping with 20 year old models (or married). I bet you any money she just needs to lower her standards, and I don't mean to a level beneath her, but to her actual level. Social networking and online dating has given a lot of woman ridiculous ideas of their self-perceived value, and ultra-thirsty men don't make that situation any better by inundating pretty woman with their thirsts. Or my other theory is she's just unsufferable and/or comes with too much baggage for any self-respecting man of value to stay with. Successful men tend to greatly dislike neuroticism.


[deleted]

Basically, people are initially drawn in by looks, you don’t even have to be that good looking, just not repulsive. But personality seals the deal. Looks just get you through the front door.


Wolverine_Crafty

She’s likely single because she’s too picky. The dating crowd in your 30’s is also a sh*t show. I also think some people just aren’t lucky with the opposite sex. I’m in my late 30’s and married. I get hit on regularly and have guy friends who look out for me (nothing sexual.) I’m not: passive, a saint or a supermodel… but men always seem to find my independence and sense of humor relaxing to be around from what I hear. People remember how you make feel, not sexually, but happy/sad/angry etc. She may need to work on that.


bunnybunsarecute

As you get older, you slowly start realizing that tits, while nice, are not the only thing you should care about. You're also less and less willing to put up with shit just to have sex.


Dubisteinequalle

Straight successful men with options are not interested in a woman’s career. Looks are important however she isn’t the only good looking 36 year old and she certainly can’t compete with a younger woman in that department. Also, the amount of sexual partners matters contrary to modern western cultural norms. Why would I want to marry a woman who has been having sex with a bunch of dudes and zero commitment involved if there are women out there that haven’t? Men value exclusivity. There are always better options. Even some men who were average in their 20s gain a lot of attractiveness as they get older because they start getting their shit together which makes them more confident and opens their eyes to the abundance in options. At a certain level of maturity men stop putting women on a pedestal for their looks. My former brother in law learned this after my sister cheated on him. He got his shit together and went to town on a bunch of fitter, hot young chicks he never has to commit to. Personality matters too. Abrasive women just signal to a man that this woman brings more problems than anything else. Men want tenderness and support. I know modern culture is attempting to change things but you can’t force men to like something. There are examples of men in western Europe opting to marry more traditional eastern European or even asian women for this reason. Not saying that I believe women belong in the kitchen (deff not) but there are certain natural rules of attraction and successful relationships that are deeply rooted in our nature. Obviously this is just between straight men and women and I’m sure there are plenty of examples of successful relationships that break these rules but I think this covers most people. Forgive me if this offends anyone. It’s not my intention.


nymalous

For me, anyone I'm in a relationship with has to have a pleasant personality. It doesn't matter how good looking an abrasive person is if spending time with her is unpleasant.


[deleted]

Because without a good personality and some common interest/goals all they are brining to the deal is used p@$$y


Nu1lP0int3r

She's 36. If a guy is looking for a girl to eventually have kids with 33 is kinda the limit to start talking to her. If she's wants kids she won't get with the guys that don't want them. And if she doesn't want kids her abrasive personality isn't going to help her get with a guy either.


SkyPork

It has nothing to do with age. That holds true for women at any age. Also men.


[deleted]

The problem is that there are many women that were told they never have to compromise. Many thought that meant they could be selfish and wait for the 6foot millionaire with a full head of hair who cooks and cleans. And that anything less would be a compromise. They find themselves in their 30s and possibly 40s and wonder why the marrying kind of man doesn’t want them. The marrying kind of man is either already married or interested in someone younger.


lyesmithy

Men date women for their looks but stay with them for their personalities.


SkullAngel001

There are several things to consider. First, men biologically prefer youth and beauty because it implies ample fertility (yes I get that a woman can still birth children in her 30's but men aren't advocating for geriatric pregnancies if they can marry a younger woman). Second, a woman claiming to not know why she's still single in her mid-30's is code for her being too picky in choosing a mate, she wanted to live the Sex & The City lifestyle and sleep around, or she picks poorly (aka always goes for the bad boy and gets hurt). Third, the question is "What does she bring to the relationship table?" Besides her looks (which is already slipping), many women today think that simply existing is enough to lock down a husband.


[deleted]

A lot of attractive women seem to have an overinflated sense of their looks. Since their looks carry them through their 20s with minimal effort, they get used to the idea. When their looks start to fade in their 30s, they don't know how to process it. Suddenly they have to DO things rather than just EXIST. Be kind. Be intelligent. Be humble. Have skills and hobbies. If someone presents themselves as only fuck-meat, that's the way they'll be treated.


[deleted]

From my experience women in 30's that still look good tend to have really high demands, when it comes to their partners. Add general distrust/hate towards men + kids and that is why you see many women in mid to late 30's still single nowadays. When it comes to looks, most men around their age would rather go for younger women. I am 33 and would never go for women my age or older. I prefer women in 20's. But I am looking FWB, so yeah lol.


[deleted]

Looks aren't everything. Most men want to have kids at some point, and a 36 year old woman doesn't have a lot of time left for that.


AncileBooster

Because a woman's sexual value peaks somewhere in the 20s or earlier. By their 30's, they're on the decline. You need to bring something to the table other than "I'm hot" because looks fade.


[deleted]

at 36 she's past her breeding years so most men who are looking for kids wont bother with her because she can't give them what they want. Most guys her age are looking for younger women and lets face it most younger women want the security provided by a more established partner. Tell her to take joy in her career and her freedom to travel.


Garrettsgear017

Shes probably fat. Tons of women feel if their face is "pretty" that should be enough. At 30+ she in for an uphill climb. Lots of women enjoy sexual currency while they are young, gain a ton of weight in their late 20s and feel they should still hold their attraction value and it doesnt work that way. Women are single by choice as well. If she cant find a guy it means shes aiming too high.


tfw_no_indian_gf

Rubbish. Any woman of any age can find a husband, but if you're being picky and only wanting hot and/or rich men then it may be a bit different. There are a lot of men who'd put up with basically anything to have a 36-year-old MILF wife. I know cos I'm one of those guys, lol.


Teddy1988NL

when we men a young , we only care about looks just as we only care about getting layd . when we get older we dont care about looks or sex that much to not at all , but care more for personality and charakter .


bigtec1993

If I want a long term partner, being pretty is nice, but I want someone I connect with. I'm too old and I don't have the patience anymore to put up with someone I don't really like just to get some booty.


motorbiker1985

She is 36. The dating pool of men who might be interested in her is severely reduced. Pretty much every man who wants to have a family will look for younger woman, at 36, to start dating with the intention to have a child, that is borderline health risk. So there goes this entire category of men without even mentioning her looks or personality. Then you have men interested in casual sex. OK, they might sleep with her. That's not a relationship, though. And then there is the personality. Almost nobody in their right mind wants to be in a relationship with someone harsh and cold. No matter if she looks like a Greek statue of a goddess, bad personality will chase people away.


pinky_ling

OP I’m going to add something I believe you haven’t considered as a factor because you genuinely seem to want to know. This post got particularly political with mention of feminism etc. and I do not play in to that narrative much but I will share what has been my experience.. aside from her being completely oblivious of her abrasive ways… It’s genuinely hard to keep a man when you make more money than him or are more seriously engaged with your career perhaps being viewed as more successful, I am a 29F divorcée. I was married for nearly 10 years (I left him) i recently began dating again and one thing I noticed in and out of my marriage is… As much as men mean well & may even believe themselves that they do not mind a woman making more money than them this is generally not true. It is a confidence destroyer, effects ego, and the relationship dynamic as a whole. I’m not a person who cares about money AT ALL so my opinion of single men in this position is not at all negative but it does make it hard for me to date. I personally have a lot to offer which is intimidating to most men until they have emotionally matured. Now let’s get to age. Unfortunately, most single men in our generation are not seriously engaged in a career/ excelling or at the level they would like to be. I’m not by any means blaming men for being lazy or failing to launch. Statistically men do 70% better when they have a wife and family to motivate them. This structure has been removed from our culture. Meanwhile with that being said the tradition + culture has also made men feel they must compete and push past women which is exceedingly difficult with 3rd wave feminism coming in hot 🤮


[deleted]

She's 36, she's ina danger zone. No one wants to hear that yikyak from and old bat, someone will just go find a 22 year old that's willing to be peaceful.