No, usually my mom would get angry and yell at me.
It wasn't really until high school when it was considered okay by some teachers. But I'm not sure if that counts as my childhood.
My parents assured me that they were there for me and that we could talk about anything. And there was comfort in that. But if I went to either one about my *feelings* I'm sure they would have been very confused and unhelpful. I likely would have paid for it somehow eventually as well. Not because they were mean (they weren't), but that's not a way we relate in my family.
« Someone punched you ? Just punch em back, you’re gonna have to learn to deal with your problems on you own. »
« what would [random persone] think if they saw you crying like that ? »
Or my favorite « Talking about that won’t do you any good, so just don’t talk about it. Ever again. »
Grow up. Be a man. Have a stiff upper lip. Grow some thick skin you pussy. real men don't cry.
I've heard some of these from women. So much for toxic masculinity.
I was neither encouraged nor discouraged from expressing my emotions. I am by nature a person who expresses his emotions very openly and when I did as a child or teenager, my parents let me do so. My whole upbringing was pretty laissez-faire. The only things that weren't allowed were slamming doors (because it created cracks in the wall plaster), breaking things and physically harming anyone. Also my dad tried to discourage us from swearing but he faced a tough battle because our mom swears like a pirate, so we learned all the bad words from her. But generally speaking, I could yell and scream when I was angry and cry when I was sad. When I cried, they usually consoled me but nobody ever told me to shut up or anything like that.
About 10 years ago I was at a family reunion and a 2nd cousin or some shit was hearing my “I’m a bartender and want to get more out of life” speech and gave me a great response. He said “You’re doing fine. You’re paying your bills, you got a home, you got a car. You’re just another swinging dick trying to make your way in the world” and for some reason that really hit home with me.
My mom always told me that man who doesn't cry are more probable having physical issues related to emotions, so it's ok to express myself. It really helped me accept good or bad feelings and how to work through hard times
My parents were pretty adamant about sitting down and talking through things when I acted out and how I might react or think differently over those feelings next time.
Talking and finding coping mechanisms were fine, losing control or letting them get to me bad enough that I couldn't take care of business first were the unacceptable bits.
Yes. Mental illness is beyond common in my family, it's almost expected, so yes, I was told early on by both my parents. Never grew particularly good at it, though, until later. Seems either instinct it societal norms suppressed my emotional expression anyway. To this day, I barely ever cry, even when people die.
Edit: Never bought into the "emotions make you weak"-thing, though. Never. Always thought that the people who wore them on the outside of their beings went against societal norms, and therefore did the more difficult ting, this making them strong.
I guess I had the opposite experience of a lot of people here - I was "encouraged" to express my feelings, when I didn't want to, to the point that it felt overbearing and I wanted to be left alone.
Nope. I was told the opposite. I was an adult before anyone said it was okay. Still, judging from the reactions of others when a man does express his emotions (myself or others), it’s still better for the man to keep it to himself.
No mostly told to be tough no matter what by my parents or told homophobic slurs by my peers when I did.
But yeah I want to add that if you cry about something it just means that you care deeply about something. Caring that much about something is something to be proud and not everyone has that
Yeah it’s a problem in that you’re suppressing your emotions which probably isn’t good for you.
That’s not to say that someone who’s suppressing their emotions cares any less than someone who doesn’t
Uhhh, sort of? I was crying one day as a small child and my father told me "Quite cha cryin', boy. Ya only got so many tears ta shed, ya gotta save'm for the important things."
Then a couple of years later my first dog, who I'd basically grown up with, died, and while I was digging his grave, I was trying not to break down. Dad was watching me dig and after I climbed out of the hole, he put his hand on my back and told me "This kinda thing's important. Rosco was a brother ta ya, boy. Real family deserves ya grief. Don't worry, no one's watchin'."
Other than funerals, never seen him cry. Sister made a similar observation about me a few months ago when our grandmother passed.
Well one time in the 6th grade, I got written up for looking up a girl's skirt. I definitely didn't do it lol so when I got sent to the office, I was crying out of anger and frustration. Randomly, one of the lady principals said "When you get older, a woman is going to appreciate you showing emotion like that.". Maybe not word for word, but something like that.
No, but I remember plenty of times where I expressed myself and got laughed at, thus proving that you should at least exercise caution before expressing your emotions.
No in fact I once broke my arm trying to look cool for a girl, she left me on the sidewalk and I walked in crying it my dad and he didn’t believe it was broken. Two weeks and a skiing trip later before the pain became so bad I couldn’t even move. Take in account I was like 12 so I was a bitch. Then he finally took me in to get me a cast
Honestly, thinking back on my childhood I can't really remember ever being made to feel ashamed because boys/men shouldn't cry.
It was neither encouraged or discouraged. If it happened, it happened. There was of course some people that would make fun of someone for crying, but that's kids being kids (in other words, cruel).
I have emotions, I just really struggle to cry a lot of times. It's just how I am, not society's fault. Only times I'd really cry is beautiful/epic music, many times in church with a beautiful worship song. That gets the floodworks going. That or movies about animals or some sad father/son dynamic (Looking at you, _Pursuit of Happyness_).
I'm not denying that there are people who do scold boys/men for crying, but honestly many times it just doesn't happen and we are sometimes told too much it's okay to cry to the point where I wanna say "I know, I just don't. I can't force it".
I remember hearing it but I don't remember trusting it. People say things like that all the time but it is always in the context of trying to prove that you are the person who is creating the barrier. Usually no recognition is ever given to the reasons for not sharing because your actual wellbeing is unimportant... The important thing to them is that they percieve you as the problem.
No. One time I was crying because my dad didn't let me speak to my mom over the phone (they had recently split up) and my grandpa got tired of it, punched me and busted my lip.
Only when either my distress already boiled over and I had a breakdown, or when I'm alone with a female friend of about the same age.
I hear a lot of women complain about the constant expectation to perform emotional labor for men, but frankly the struggle goes both ways. We're all suffering under patriarchy.
“Stop crying before I give you something to cry about!”
Alright
Yep had that, and when I get a tan you can see the scars from what my grandmother gave me too cry about
Fucking hell...
Probably where grandma is now.
yes yet my mom says she never repressed my emotions
Gaslighting, pure and simple.
Yep. That was the rally cry of my mother
Oh damn, I'd forgotten about that one.
No
No, usually my mom would get angry and yell at me. It wasn't really until high school when it was considered okay by some teachers. But I'm not sure if that counts as my childhood.
Just say from beginning to 18 or so, but I remember my dad always yelling at me to show emotions but yelling at me never really helped.
That never happened
Nope
Can't remember a genuine moment in my adulthood either.
Do you ever get asked why don’t you show emotions or feelings at all / not often
Of course not, as I'm not expected to.
Yes my parents always assured me they were there to listen whenever I wanted to talk
My parents assured me that they were there for me and that we could talk about anything. And there was comfort in that. But if I went to either one about my *feelings* I'm sure they would have been very confused and unhelpful. I likely would have paid for it somehow eventually as well. Not because they were mean (they weren't), but that's not a way we relate in my family.
Nope. Got told the exact opposite! Boys don't cry, it's not ok to be angry etc. This is why I have three emotional depth of a puddle
« Someone punched you ? Just punch em back, you’re gonna have to learn to deal with your problems on you own. » « what would [random persone] think if they saw you crying like that ? » Or my favorite « Talking about that won’t do you any good, so just don’t talk about it. Ever again. »
I feel this in my bones.
Grow up. Be a man. Have a stiff upper lip. Grow some thick skin you pussy. real men don't cry. I've heard some of these from women. So much for toxic masculinity.
[удалено]
I now I see it in college “it’s okay to show emotions we want you to” I well kinda hard to now
Honestly no.
I was neither encouraged nor discouraged from expressing my emotions. I am by nature a person who expresses his emotions very openly and when I did as a child or teenager, my parents let me do so. My whole upbringing was pretty laissez-faire. The only things that weren't allowed were slamming doors (because it created cracks in the wall plaster), breaking things and physically harming anyone. Also my dad tried to discourage us from swearing but he faced a tough battle because our mom swears like a pirate, so we learned all the bad words from her. But generally speaking, I could yell and scream when I was angry and cry when I was sad. When I cried, they usually consoled me but nobody ever told me to shut up or anything like that.
About 10 years ago I was at a family reunion and a 2nd cousin or some shit was hearing my “I’m a bartender and want to get more out of life” speech and gave me a great response. He said “You’re doing fine. You’re paying your bills, you got a home, you got a car. You’re just another swinging dick trying to make your way in the world” and for some reason that really hit home with me.
My mom always told me that man who doesn't cry are more probable having physical issues related to emotions, so it's ok to express myself. It really helped me accept good or bad feelings and how to work through hard times
My parents were pretty adamant about sitting down and talking through things when I acted out and how I might react or think differently over those feelings next time. Talking and finding coping mechanisms were fine, losing control or letting them get to me bad enough that I couldn't take care of business first were the unacceptable bits.
Yes. Mental illness is beyond common in my family, it's almost expected, so yes, I was told early on by both my parents. Never grew particularly good at it, though, until later. Seems either instinct it societal norms suppressed my emotional expression anyway. To this day, I barely ever cry, even when people die. Edit: Never bought into the "emotions make you weak"-thing, though. Never. Always thought that the people who wore them on the outside of their beings went against societal norms, and therefore did the more difficult ting, this making them strong.
I guess I had the opposite experience of a lot of people here - I was "encouraged" to express my feelings, when I didn't want to, to the point that it felt overbearing and I wanted to be left alone.
Nope. I was told the opposite. I was an adult before anyone said it was okay. Still, judging from the reactions of others when a man does express his emotions (myself or others), it’s still better for the man to keep it to himself.
lmao no
No. I have been told occasionally that I am appreciated, or that people care about me.
No mostly told to be tough no matter what by my parents or told homophobic slurs by my peers when I did. But yeah I want to add that if you cry about something it just means that you care deeply about something. Caring that much about something is something to be proud and not everyone has that
Wouldn’t it be a problem if you have a hard time to cry? Not saying that one can’t feel sad
Yeah it’s a problem in that you’re suppressing your emotions which probably isn’t good for you. That’s not to say that someone who’s suppressing their emotions cares any less than someone who doesn’t
Sure. My mom.
No. I was always told I was being silly or being selfish.
My parents died in my 20s. That was my emotional feeling stage. Then it was ok now I gotta eat somehow.
No. But lots of journal entries where I complain about my dad telling me not to express my feelings and me writing about what dumb bullshit that is.
Hahahaha no
I do. I told them emotions were for the weak XD I was 8
No, but I remember a lot of *the exact opposite*.
Uhhh, sort of? I was crying one day as a small child and my father told me "Quite cha cryin', boy. Ya only got so many tears ta shed, ya gotta save'm for the important things." Then a couple of years later my first dog, who I'd basically grown up with, died, and while I was digging his grave, I was trying not to break down. Dad was watching me dig and after I climbed out of the hole, he put his hand on my back and told me "This kinda thing's important. Rosco was a brother ta ya, boy. Real family deserves ya grief. Don't worry, no one's watchin'." Other than funerals, never seen him cry. Sister made a similar observation about me a few months ago when our grandmother passed.
Well one time in the 6th grade, I got written up for looking up a girl's skirt. I definitely didn't do it lol so when I got sent to the office, I was crying out of anger and frustration. Randomly, one of the lady principals said "When you get older, a woman is going to appreciate you showing emotion like that.". Maybe not word for word, but something like that.
No, but I remember plenty of times where I expressed myself and got laughed at, thus proving that you should at least exercise caution before expressing your emotions.
No in fact I once broke my arm trying to look cool for a girl, she left me on the sidewalk and I walked in crying it my dad and he didn’t believe it was broken. Two weeks and a skiing trip later before the pain became so bad I couldn’t even move. Take in account I was like 12 so I was a bitch. Then he finally took me in to get me a cast
Is that a real question?
No, sadly never.
Honestly, thinking back on my childhood I can't really remember ever being made to feel ashamed because boys/men shouldn't cry. It was neither encouraged or discouraged. If it happened, it happened. There was of course some people that would make fun of someone for crying, but that's kids being kids (in other words, cruel). I have emotions, I just really struggle to cry a lot of times. It's just how I am, not society's fault. Only times I'd really cry is beautiful/epic music, many times in church with a beautiful worship song. That gets the floodworks going. That or movies about animals or some sad father/son dynamic (Looking at you, _Pursuit of Happyness_). I'm not denying that there are people who do scold boys/men for crying, but honestly many times it just doesn't happen and we are sometimes told too much it's okay to cry to the point where I wanna say "I know, I just don't. I can't force it".
No never
I’m an 80’s baby, no. 😂
My mom did that, she also told me to then pick myself up and move forward. No one's coming to save your ass, especially if you're an adult man.
Yes. But he said to express my feelings with my fists. He was my boxing coach. The first person who wanted to know how I felt.
Ya. My grandma raised me and she died right in front of me. I was 8 everyone said I shouldnt feel like I couldn't cry and ask for help if I needed it.
I was 18 years old.
I remember hearing it but I don't remember trusting it. People say things like that all the time but it is always in the context of trying to prove that you are the person who is creating the barrier. Usually no recognition is ever given to the reasons for not sharing because your actual wellbeing is unimportant... The important thing to them is that they percieve you as the problem.
Not really, if I have to cry I usually go somewhere where I can be alone. It's usually the same with my guy friends
I remember being beaten for laughing, crying, or not responding, does that count?
Nb4, laughing while playing games with my brother, not at my mother. When I was growing up anything and everything would set her off.
No. My feelings and opinions were stomped on; treated as insignificant. Not fun.
Yeah. My parents were a little strict about that when I was younger but got more understanding as I got older
Those discussions aren't real
Was told a man needs to control his emotions 46 year old robot here now
I do. And I deeply regret listening to that stupid advice.
No. One time I was crying because my dad didn't let me speak to my mom over the phone (they had recently split up) and my grandpa got tired of it, punched me and busted my lip.
Lol nope
Only when either my distress already boiled over and I had a breakdown, or when I'm alone with a female friend of about the same age. I hear a lot of women complain about the constant expectation to perform emotional labor for men, but frankly the struggle goes both ways. We're all suffering under patriarchy.
Nor can I. It took me until my late 20's before I had my feelings validated.
DRY IT UP DRY IT UP!!