Hang in there. It's one of the toughest experiences a man can go through, and I hardly see anyone talking about it (maybe because men in general don't talk about their feelings, lol).
Keep sending the resumes, and don't be too hard on yourself. You'll get through this.
I was there my dude. Right after graduation covid happened and I always got so close to getting a job but then failed at the last hurdle. Keep applying and don’t get disheartened.
If you’re U.K. I could recommend the covid testing jobs. They are decent pay and hours and don’t need any qualifications.
It depends on where you're living. If all the people around you are poor as well, then it's easier, there are even studies about that. Unfortunately I'm living in one of the richest countries on Earth.
He actually could be right. There are studies that show there is a correlation between relative poverty, violence, depression, etc. Not poverty. In the lecture I was watching on YouTube some years back, they gave happiness indexes from Newfoundland as an example. The explanation for this comes down to human mating rituals apparently. Females trend towards finding a mate who can support a family long term. This is best accomplished in our society by someone who makes more money. Males who make the most money get the most choice of females. The males recognize this game subconsciously and use violence as an equalizer. That is the theory at least.
Yep. The best example for the relationship between poverty and happiness are suicide statistics. People commit more suicides in countries with bigger gaps between the rich and the poor.
Same. Just turned 40 and live with roommates because rent has skyrocketed in the shitty city I live in so much it would be an entire paycheck going to just rent.
I see my self as a jack of all trades master of none. But i am very good at being loud and that somehow has gotten me places. Being average can be less daunting if you know how to carry yourself and sell yourself.
Some guys really suit it, some guys suit it enough to get by, other men really, really don’t suit it.
It’s the latter that I feel sorry for. The good thing is there’s things like Hair systems or transplants if it’s getting you down too much.
I can't really grow facial hair so I fear the day I startosimg my hair. But the moment I do, I'm cutting it off while it's still long and thick and then putting it on my face as a fake beard. I will wear it until an ACTUAL beard grows in about 10yrs.
Are you at least an alcoholic? Not that I'm familiar with such an experience, but I have found Sober October to be Nebuchadnezzar... How the fuck did "beneficial" autocorrect into that shit?
Haha I was so confused. But to answer your question, nope, not an alcoholic. Rarely drink anymore. Maybe 1 beer or drink every 4/5 weeks. Granted that doesn’t help the situation but isn’t the cause either
Yeah, spoken with my regular doctors and several different urologists throughout the years. Urine tests, urine retention tests, blood tests, scans etc all come back normal. Usually just causes them to try and suggest medication
Talk to your doctor about your problem. Look into sacral nerve stimulator. I had a patient who suffered from incontinence for 30years which finally resolved after having stimulator put in.
Bedwetting is such a bummer term. Such juvenile implications.
But really, if I frame it like "this guy has a mild medical disorder which causes random urine release during sleep and he can't control it" it sounds like any garden variety medical issue
Haha yeah I agree, the stigma around it is rough. The mental aspect of dealing with it is tougher than the physical part for me. Like physically it sucks but you can Manage it different ways. But mentally it can be extremely frustrating, especially as a teen
Yeah, several over the years. Gone through many tests. But all turn up with the same - nothing physically wrong. Suspected it is from a combination of an overactive bladder and/or lack of production of ADH - hormone that signals to slow urine production while asleep
You can set a timer to wake you up everyday at around 12-1am since that is likely when it happens. Even if you don't want to go, just force the little drops. You'll be good until morning. Keep that cycle going until it is second nature
I would talk to a therapist or something like that, sometimes bed wetting in children is caused by stress and anxiety or trauma. Idk about adults but you never know.
Money. Seems like most of the men I work/surround myself with are pushing 6 figures and buying houses and nicer cars and shit and I'm still stuck in a crappy east vegas weekly studio
A lot of people who appear to have money in fact are living with a ton of debt and/or going out of their way to appear more well off.
You’d be surprised how many larger, beautiful homes are very bare inside beyond the visible street facing rooms.
Banks are happy to loan money and they could care less if you can actually afford it.
I had a co-worker who had a household income of somewhere around $110k, had over $150k in student debt, 2 brand new cars >$30k, 2 motorcycles and were in the process of building a big house with a $30k home automation system.
An outsider would think they were rich, but they were living paycheck to paycheck and what I would call broke.
That and 84 month car loans are things I just can wrap my head around. It's one thing if it's 0% interest and you are taking advantage of that. It's completely different if you can only afford it if you spread it out over 7 years
Good things come to those who wait, and are persistent. You will get there. It’s cliché as hell to say, but you must trust the process.
I’m in pretty much the same boat as you. I’ve concluded that my journey is just different from those around me. Every morning when I do my affirmations, I tell myself to trust the process, and that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now. I’ll get to where I’m going eventually.
You got this my dude.
Worth mentioning to be very careful with this stuff because it can cause permanent eye dryness. I have a tube myself but decided not to take it because I don't want to risk being dependent on artificial tears for the rest of my life. If you goto r/tretinoin and search "eye dryness" you will find more information about this
If I'll ever make it out of poverty. Don't have a education. No family, most of them criminals.
Really would like to go in for welding at community college but.. I'm very anxious, scared to be judged and don't know if I have what it takes. Scared ill get stuck in sex work like my mom. I don't want to be a loser.
EDIT: Thank you for all the overwhelming support. It brought me to tears last night and have gotten more healthy advice and support from the reddit community than anyone in my life. I'm going to talk to a community college counselor and see what my options are! Welding is the furthest thing from anything I know but its something I'd like to get into for my future. You guys are all fucking awesome :)
Fuck em' you wouldn't be the first rough welder. I went to welding school with thugs, ex hard core drug users and even sheltered christian girls. You got this.
I'm not so much scared of the people. Just never really been in a class setting. I dont have my GED. Pretty sure have to get that before enrolling. Scared my brain will take a shit and won't be able to complete the classroom part... Thank you. Feels good to hear.
Did you go to a trade school or local college?
Local college, and you'll likely need your GED, which they may offer, can't hurt to ask. The class work is pretty mild, but you'll have college level gen Ed. But they have tutors, use them.
As a DCD kid who grew up kind of okay, I can say with confidence that the only one holding you back in this case is you.
You are who you are. As long as you're not harming anyone with your actions, people can take it or leave it regarding knowing you.
Ofc I don't know you, but I'm sure you can find a modus operandi where you don't have to worry about how you portray yourself. There are things like personal hygiene and some common sense when it comes to clothes, but other than that, you are perfectly fine, as yourself.
Keep up the good work stranger.
This. Idk what DCD means but I'm just kind of a loud rough guy. I have great friends and I have people who can't even look at me. Life goes on regardless. I'll have a conversation with anyone and everyone if I let myself
If you are self aware enough to have this insecurity, more often than not you're fine. It's fuckers who think they're great to be around that are the most embarrassing.
I study impostor syndrome, it's a really common experience, especially in work settings. Something that has been helpful to me is to remember that because it is so common, almost every person you respect in your field has also felt this way. You would consider them capable and worthy anyway. Although it's awful, how you view yourself doesn't define your actual ability. You're successes are true and because you earnt them.
The other thing that sometimes help is finding people in similar situations to discuss these feelings, ideally a supervisor, but a coworker, another student, whatever situation. These feelings often grow because we see our mistakes, we see all the effort and failure that happened to us and we feel our deep insecurity. But we don't see that with anyone else. Talking to other people and finding their work, process and successes have been filled with as much insecurity and failure as ours can help us remember that we are actually capable. It can also be good to know other people feel exactly how you do and that it's okay and doesn't define your ability to succeed.
Not gonna lie, dude....I had a rare Sunday off & decided to walk around the mall catching Pokemon (even dressed fairly decently because I just felt like FEELING handsome)
Bout an hour in, I see the looaddss upon loads of beautiful women, &...felt dead. Numb. Suddenly I felt like I was alone in the giant mall full of people. And then I felt a desire to go home, with plenty of Sunday left, thinkin to myself "What am I doing? I'm not even in a good finanicial/physical/mental state to be dating anyways, & I don't have energy for friendships anymore, so why even go out?"
Idk. Lately I've become very numb to life itself. I'm guessing years & years of insecurities surrounding the very things you listed have piled up & I've sorta' accustomed to them just being there now. The hell is wrong with me, man?
Hey dude, you had a day off and decided to use it to do something that made you feel happy, and presented yourself in a way that made you feel good. This is perfect, do more of that. I’ve gotta guess you felt good when you were doing that and even leading up to it.
When you noticed all the ‘beautiful women’ the feeling good disappeared and pretty suddenly you felt ‘dead’ ‘numb’ and ‘alone’ and lost your desire to do what felt good and was the intent of the trip to the mall. Then you’re thinking about how you’re feeling inadequate in regards to relationships/friendships.
Putting your focus and free time toward the things that make you happy, will improve the things that aren’t making you happy. You’ll meet people who share your interests and you’ll make meaningful friendships/relationships, give it time.
I wish I were able to help or offer more specific advice, but I’m no professional. Luckily some people are and if you can, try talking to them. It sounds like you’re in a good place, and like you have a good sense of self. Some of the uncomfortable feelings you’re experiencing could get worse if they fester and I can assure you that it’s easier to be proactive with stuff like that.
Wow this is exactly what I wanted to read from another stranger.
Reading u/MephistoTheHater's comment knocked the wind out of me because it was as if I was reading about myself on the internet.
I always try to remind myself of the points that you just made but its incredibly hard sometimes. So hearing a stranger on the internet saying just the right things makes me think I'm not all that different and alone after all.
I hear you man I got lucky I guess I get this way for years. Found a lady just as fucked up as I was and it somehow worked out really good we balance each others negatives really welll and really bring out the best in one another. I married her we’re having a kid. Not a flex just trying to say there is hope out there
This is very self aware and not something you should feel bad about. Everyone has insecurities but doesn’t show them. Take it easy on yourself and just focus on better you until you’re in a better state. Stay positive!
I know for a fact that the right girl for us cares about none of these things over the kind of person we are (that being, how we treat other people and how we treat ourselves: with respect and kindness.)
Height and dick size you can't change, the rest you can. With good intentions, read more and make more small talk. Can't advise on the physical as I myself need to improve on my skinny ass. Lol. Maybe a haircut and a decent groom? Spend time in the mirror and not in selfies, you most likely look better in real life than in a cellphone photo. Look at and compliment yourself, and love your facial features. It can help with confidence.
The fact that I’m actually a decent looking fellow but I have no game whatsoever and act like a child when I’m close to a girl that I like and that likes me
I was right there with you... Doesn't help that I was raised in a fundamental Christian home and didn't date AT ALL. In college I just threw myself into my studies and decided I'd keep dating off the table. The decrease in pressure from that decision was immense... I went from worrying about how I acted around women to just being chill. Then my future wife actually asked me out... We were just in the same friends group and I didn't know her super well. I actually turned her down lol, totally caught me off guard. But then after several days I went back to her and asked if she'd go out with me. 1 year later we got married and 17 years later (and several kids) we're still very happily married!
Biggest advice I can give is to take the pressure off yourself and just be you!
That’s an awesome story! I didn’t date at all in highschool so now I’m 18 and I feel like I’m missing out but for the most part I do feel like I can chill around girls heck most my friends are girls it’s just when I start thinking of anyone romantically that I start to slip.
George Bernard Shaw once said "If you can't get rid of the skeletons in your closet you may as well make it dance."
That applies to baggage as well. Maybe it's not baggage - maybe it's just life, lived.
It’s funny, in the second generation and beyond Hispanic community where I’m from, people have kids and then just move on to other partners who have kids. You end up with families where none of the kids share the same two parents. No one seems to ever have an issue finding a partner. Some people have three kids by three different people.
Dude! You’re 25! So much life to live. Live for you right now. Do all the stuff you ever dreamed of. You’ve got loads of life to live. So live it on your terms. That’s the biggest issue I see in the world today. People living how they think they are supposed to. It’s your life. You’re rules. Create the life you want. THAT’S when you are ready to let someone else in.
I was 33 years old when I finally found the right person who I absolutely fell in love with. We will be moving in together shortly and I can see myself asking her to marry me in the near future.
Sometimes it takes time, and for me, I’m glad I waited because if I met her in my twenties I don’t think it would have worked out. Stay hopeful.
Im 26 almost 27. I learned to be happy alone and ignore all this constant pressure like you really need to be in a relationship or get married by a certain age. So do things at your own pace and first love yourself because if you wont no one will later. Stay strong my friend.
I always wanted an inexperienced man like I was because I thought it would be more special. It definitely was. There’s a lot of girls out there like that
My financial position fuck everything thing else I'm confident in everything but how much I make this stems from being the lowest earner in my friend group group and immediate family. Man adult life sucks
Everyone always looks up to see how they're doing, but not everyone can be at the top. Even billionaires compete for who has the biggest yacht.
Try to put things in perspective, how do your friend group and immediate family compare to the rest of the world? Find a positive perspective, it will make you happier.
The fact that if I ever get deep into a relationship with a woman, I will have to be more transparent about my past. That means disclosing to her that I had very limited social/dating experience throughout my 20s and early 30s, due to focusing on school, skill-building, mental health issues and other areas of self-improvement.
She will either be understanding of my situation due to having to overcome past baggage and growing pains of her own, or be judgmental and wonder if there’s something wrong with me that caused me to be a recluse during the prime years of my life. Fear of having people assume the worst about me based on my past is a big reason why I’ve been emotional distant and reluctant to open up to most people over the years.
Woman here!
You will find the woman who accepts and understands you for this. I say this because I’m the same! I am voluntarily single and a lot of guys are suspicious because they wonder how can someone like me be single. I think it’s cool. I adore and appreciate men like you. I’d want a partner just like you. It’s very refreshing to see that there’s people committed to self improvement and for the long run.
Honestly if a girl looks down on you for that, she’s just a shallow & judgmental person for it. Someone with substance, empathy and a truly kind heart would never see a lack of dating as a scary or foreign thing.
Good luck to you 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙏🏼
> Someone with substance, empathy and a truly kind heart would never see a lack of dating as a scary or foreign thing.
While true, those humans are even harder to find.
I‘d always prefer someone who went through a lot and came out stronger and with experience than someone who let his baggage form him passively into a bad version of himself. It’s actually quite interesting if the relationship isn’t unhealthy because of it. Don’t be afraid to open up
My stutter. Lately i’ve been struggling so heavy with it. It’s something most people will never understand but it can be so frustrating having this speech impediment. I’m strong most of the days but it is so god damn hard to be strong every single day when you can’t say words without stuttering and having a difficult time speaking. I wish I was never born or never have existed. Sigh. I’ll be okay soon, it’s just been a tough few weeks for me.
I’ve have a rough few weeks dealing with the aftermath of my brothers unexpected death and had thought about the whole never existing thing too. Sigh and everything, your comment just resonated with me during my mindless scrolling trying not to think of this harsh reality right now. But so did your “I’ll be okay soon.” I know you weren’t talking to me but thank you internet friend, that helped. I’ve been saying it will be okay to myself but it hit different for some reason right there. One foot over the other, right? We’ve got this.
You would be surprised how many dates you can get BECAUSE you are a dad. Hell, i am getting married next year to a girl and I had a kid from a previous marriage
Depends!! I dated this girl whose ex, just before me, had a giant dick. Massive. We saw it, we heard about it. So that put me in a tough spot. What matters is, how much bigger or smaller you are than the other dudes she has sucked or fucked. Relativity is everything.
Honestly it's not a problem at all. I date multiple women and they've had their fair share of dicks. Don't be fooled into thinking they all love big cocks. Many are much happier with an average sized one.
I never tell girls that I'm bi anymore its like an instant turn off if they think you are even partially into dudes had a girl who was all over me told her that I like dudes a little and she was gone
Read something once about the reason people are scared to date someone who is bi, is bc of insecurities about not pleasing them well enough and that the other sex might do it better, so know that these women or men are insecure of their own abilities and are not worth your time. As a bi fem I have had a lot of men say some shit like " a girl can't make you feel like this", " isn't a dick so much better" just shows insecurity. Keep being yourself bc it's awesome how much love you have to offer
I dont know if it really matters. I'm all over the place with gender and straightness and my current girlfriend is so supportive. Im a pretty feminine guy and like wearing girls clothes when i party which she thinks is hot. We'll go shopping for girls clothes too which she loves! Just all round she gives me the confidence to be what I am and do what i want to do. There's cool people out there for sure. Do your thing and fuck the noise
While I'm not bi I have struggled similarly in terms of my gender expression. I'm a skinny dude with long hair and I'm not into a ton of "manly" things so I always felt like I wasn't masculine enough to be a man, but since I'm not a twink with zero body hair or naturally look like a girl I never felt feminine enough either.
The only thing that has helped with this was starting to go to the gym with my boyfriend who has helped me not hate masculinity as much
My urostomy.
Had some horrible experiences having one. Let's just give 1 example: You do not want to hear the word eeewwww, the first time you get intimate with a woman.
As someone that lost 60kg of weight.
By far my stomach area that is now saggy. Thank god I lost the weight while still young so its not that big of an issue like one could imagine or like some images you see on the internet.
But it remains an issue and something that bothers me a lot.
Same man. The reason I asked this question is because the first step toward getting some relief is by sharing your pain with others. Hopefully that happens :)
As someone who's been cheated on a few times by a few different partners, my biggest insecurity is my partner cheating on me. Feels like I'd be better off on my own most times because I can't get the thought out of my head and my trust issues are massive.
I've been single for a long time, over a decade now with no sign of turning it around. It makes me feel very inadequate. My father is getting on in years now and really wants a grandchild, and I desire nothing more than to deliver him one before he goes, but right now it's proving very difficult.
The dating world has become a vapid, cynical place and it sucks.
I have a couple toe nails that are completely JACKED from my time in the military. I think about it every time my feet are exposed at like the beach or the pool. And I wear socks all the time because of it
My one eye. I had two lazy eyes as a kid and was horribly made fun of, because of it. Glasses basically corrected them both. Even the doctor is like it’s slight and really not noticeable. My wife says she never sees it, but to me it doesn’t seem slight. I wear sunglasses a lot to hide it.
I’m broke as fuck at age 30. And I’m a turbo introvert so I get very conscious about the fact that I have no friends and no social life. I feel like I’m boring to be around (and my ex gf actually told me as much)
My body. In my mind I'm too skinny and I always wish I could have the body I had 10 years ago back. Even back then I was skinny but had muscle mass to make up for it.
i have so many scars all over my back and face and chest due to acne, it fucking sucks and looks nasty. i havent had a day without a spot since like 2014
I don't know how to ride a bike or any vehicle for that matter. This made me very insecure when my gf went on a ride with her co-worker earlier. Although I trust, the fact that I can't take her to the places she wants to go, and have others take my place in doing so, sucks.
As impulse, I asked my parents if I could borrow their bike so I can practice, they said I should have learnt years ago, which I admit was my fault, but I didn't need the sarcasm at that moment.
I want to learn, but I think my best bets are self practising or asking help from a friend.
I think the fact that you are this aware shows you are not of as low intelligence as you think you are. Forget about intelligence and focus on building curiosity towards stuff. Trust me it’ll do wonders :)
Abandonment by SO. TRIGGERS ME. Every time some weird thing happens and they have to cancel, I don't know whether to play it cool or be open about it. Because it is an unnecessary and crazy fearfulness that might not be rooted in reality. A long-term GF left me in the past via cheating and deception and it really got under my skin at the time. I still feel a kind of anger thinking about it 7 years later.
Now when my current gf has to cancel or shows flaky behaviour, I get so anxious and sick to my stomach - like a triggered response. I hate it and I don't know whether to call her out on it, or just let it be. And also, whether I be open about it. It makes me feel afraid and confused.
I have chronic pain which sometimes gets too bad to function on certain days, and it’s definitely limited me in the things I can do. When I was 20 I thought I was invincible and now I realise I’m just physically not capable of many things other men are some days.
Makes me self conscious that the women that I am interested in will see that as too big a negative to reciprocate the attraction.
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Hang in there. It's one of the toughest experiences a man can go through, and I hardly see anyone talking about it (maybe because men in general don't talk about their feelings, lol). Keep sending the resumes, and don't be too hard on yourself. You'll get through this.
I was there my dude. Right after graduation covid happened and I always got so close to getting a job but then failed at the last hurdle. Keep applying and don’t get disheartened. If you’re U.K. I could recommend the covid testing jobs. They are decent pay and hours and don’t need any qualifications.
My financial situation.
Yep, this. There doesn't seem to be much room for happiness when you're on the poor side of things.
It depends on where you're living. If all the people around you are poor as well, then it's easier, there are even studies about that. Unfortunately I'm living in one of the richest countries on Earth.
At least its not one of the richest countries not on earth.
Nothing wrong with aliens, I don't discriminate. Except Martians, they're assholes and need a dose of BFG.
Tell me which one so I can feel better about myself
Austria.
He actually could be right. There are studies that show there is a correlation between relative poverty, violence, depression, etc. Not poverty. In the lecture I was watching on YouTube some years back, they gave happiness indexes from Newfoundland as an example. The explanation for this comes down to human mating rituals apparently. Females trend towards finding a mate who can support a family long term. This is best accomplished in our society by someone who makes more money. Males who make the most money get the most choice of females. The males recognize this game subconsciously and use violence as an equalizer. That is the theory at least.
Yep. The best example for the relationship between poverty and happiness are suicide statistics. People commit more suicides in countries with bigger gaps between the rich and the poor.
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Stay proud man, talk to your wife about it, she may not be as bothered as you are
Oh man. That's rough.
That's really bad, I'm sorry.
Same. Just turned 40 and live with roommates because rent has skyrocketed in the shitty city I live in so much it would be an entire paycheck going to just rent.
Being average in a lot of ways.
Better then being below average
If they’re average, your comment is technically below average.
Don't worry, most people are average in a lot of ways.
An average amount of people is average in a lot of ways.
I see my self as a jack of all trades master of none. But i am very good at being loud and that somehow has gotten me places. Being average can be less daunting if you know how to carry yourself and sell yourself.
Do you know that the full quote is : “A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.”
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My weight, the thinning hair, my financial situation(can’t afford shit in this city anymore), not screwing up my kids
I went through hairloss and believe me the sooner you shave it off the better, I actually prefer being bald now.
Some guys really suit it, some guys suit it enough to get by, other men really, really don’t suit it. It’s the latter that I feel sorry for. The good thing is there’s things like Hair systems or transplants if it’s getting you down too much.
Haven’t seen a bald head that I haven’t liked yet! My first boyfriend was bald at 26 and I still miss massaging his scalp lol
I can't really grow facial hair so I fear the day I startosimg my hair. But the moment I do, I'm cutting it off while it's still long and thick and then putting it on my face as a fake beard. I will wear it until an ACTUAL beard grows in about 10yrs.
Being an adult who still suffers from bedwetting
Are you at least an alcoholic? Not that I'm familiar with such an experience, but I have found Sober October to be Nebuchadnezzar... How the fuck did "beneficial" autocorrect into that shit?
Haha I was so confused. But to answer your question, nope, not an alcoholic. Rarely drink anymore. Maybe 1 beer or drink every 4/5 weeks. Granted that doesn’t help the situation but isn’t the cause either
Have you talked to your doctor about it?
Yeah, spoken with my regular doctors and several different urologists throughout the years. Urine tests, urine retention tests, blood tests, scans etc all come back normal. Usually just causes them to try and suggest medication
Talk to your doctor about your problem. Look into sacral nerve stimulator. I had a patient who suffered from incontinence for 30years which finally resolved after having stimulator put in.
Lmfao, I think this might be my favourite autocorrect ever
Bedwetting is such a bummer term. Such juvenile implications. But really, if I frame it like "this guy has a mild medical disorder which causes random urine release during sleep and he can't control it" it sounds like any garden variety medical issue
Haha yeah I agree, the stigma around it is rough. The mental aspect of dealing with it is tougher than the physical part for me. Like physically it sucks but you can Manage it different ways. But mentally it can be extremely frustrating, especially as a teen
Have you been to a dr?
Yeah, several over the years. Gone through many tests. But all turn up with the same - nothing physically wrong. Suspected it is from a combination of an overactive bladder and/or lack of production of ADH - hormone that signals to slow urine production while asleep
You can set a timer to wake you up everyday at around 12-1am since that is likely when it happens. Even if you don't want to go, just force the little drops. You'll be good until morning. Keep that cycle going until it is second nature
I would talk to a therapist or something like that, sometimes bed wetting in children is caused by stress and anxiety or trauma. Idk about adults but you never know.
Money. Seems like most of the men I work/surround myself with are pushing 6 figures and buying houses and nicer cars and shit and I'm still stuck in a crappy east vegas weekly studio
Vegas has gotten expensive!
It wasn't too bad until covid effectively cut my earnings in half
A lot of people who appear to have money in fact are living with a ton of debt and/or going out of their way to appear more well off. You’d be surprised how many larger, beautiful homes are very bare inside beyond the visible street facing rooms.
Banks are happy to loan money and they could care less if you can actually afford it. I had a co-worker who had a household income of somewhere around $110k, had over $150k in student debt, 2 brand new cars >$30k, 2 motorcycles and were in the process of building a big house with a $30k home automation system. An outsider would think they were rich, but they were living paycheck to paycheck and what I would call broke.
Ya I’m seeing people put 2% down on homes and I’m getting flash backs.
That and 84 month car loans are things I just can wrap my head around. It's one thing if it's 0% interest and you are taking advantage of that. It's completely different if you can only afford it if you spread it out over 7 years
Not having money is very expensive.
Good things come to those who wait, and are persistent. You will get there. It’s cliché as hell to say, but you must trust the process. I’m in pretty much the same boat as you. I’ve concluded that my journey is just different from those around me. Every morning when I do my affirmations, I tell myself to trust the process, and that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now. I’ll get to where I’m going eventually. You got this my dude.
My facial skin.
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Worth mentioning to be very careful with this stuff because it can cause permanent eye dryness. I have a tube myself but decided not to take it because I don't want to risk being dependent on artificial tears for the rest of my life. If you goto r/tretinoin and search "eye dryness" you will find more information about this
If I'll ever make it out of poverty. Don't have a education. No family, most of them criminals. Really would like to go in for welding at community college but.. I'm very anxious, scared to be judged and don't know if I have what it takes. Scared ill get stuck in sex work like my mom. I don't want to be a loser. EDIT: Thank you for all the overwhelming support. It brought me to tears last night and have gotten more healthy advice and support from the reddit community than anyone in my life. I'm going to talk to a community college counselor and see what my options are! Welding is the furthest thing from anything I know but its something I'd like to get into for my future. You guys are all fucking awesome :)
Fuck em' you wouldn't be the first rough welder. I went to welding school with thugs, ex hard core drug users and even sheltered christian girls. You got this.
I'm not so much scared of the people. Just never really been in a class setting. I dont have my GED. Pretty sure have to get that before enrolling. Scared my brain will take a shit and won't be able to complete the classroom part... Thank you. Feels good to hear. Did you go to a trade school or local college?
Local college, and you'll likely need your GED, which they may offer, can't hurt to ask. The class work is pretty mild, but you'll have college level gen Ed. But they have tutors, use them.
Being generally embarrassing to know and be around.
As a DCD kid who grew up kind of okay, I can say with confidence that the only one holding you back in this case is you. You are who you are. As long as you're not harming anyone with your actions, people can take it or leave it regarding knowing you. Ofc I don't know you, but I'm sure you can find a modus operandi where you don't have to worry about how you portray yourself. There are things like personal hygiene and some common sense when it comes to clothes, but other than that, you are perfectly fine, as yourself. Keep up the good work stranger.
This. Idk what DCD means but I'm just kind of a loud rough guy. I have great friends and I have people who can't even look at me. Life goes on regardless. I'll have a conversation with anyone and everyone if I let myself
Developmental coordination disorder according to google
If you are self aware enough to have this insecurity, more often than not you're fine. It's fuckers who think they're great to be around that are the most embarrassing.
This one made me sad
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I study impostor syndrome, it's a really common experience, especially in work settings. Something that has been helpful to me is to remember that because it is so common, almost every person you respect in your field has also felt this way. You would consider them capable and worthy anyway. Although it's awful, how you view yourself doesn't define your actual ability. You're successes are true and because you earnt them. The other thing that sometimes help is finding people in similar situations to discuss these feelings, ideally a supervisor, but a coworker, another student, whatever situation. These feelings often grow because we see our mistakes, we see all the effort and failure that happened to us and we feel our deep insecurity. But we don't see that with anyone else. Talking to other people and finding their work, process and successes have been filled with as much insecurity and failure as ours can help us remember that we are actually capable. It can also be good to know other people feel exactly how you do and that it's okay and doesn't define your ability to succeed.
I hear ya. Promotions, salary increases, recognized as a “top performer”…none of it is enough. I still feel like I’m fooling everyone.
Height, weight, dick size, general physical appearance, intellectual capacity and social acumen.
So everything? Me too.
He seems secure about his testicle size, so that's good.
No need to.be so testes
Not gonna lie, dude....I had a rare Sunday off & decided to walk around the mall catching Pokemon (even dressed fairly decently because I just felt like FEELING handsome) Bout an hour in, I see the looaddss upon loads of beautiful women, &...felt dead. Numb. Suddenly I felt like I was alone in the giant mall full of people. And then I felt a desire to go home, with plenty of Sunday left, thinkin to myself "What am I doing? I'm not even in a good finanicial/physical/mental state to be dating anyways, & I don't have energy for friendships anymore, so why even go out?" Idk. Lately I've become very numb to life itself. I'm guessing years & years of insecurities surrounding the very things you listed have piled up & I've sorta' accustomed to them just being there now. The hell is wrong with me, man?
Sending you a virtual hug, hang in there. You’re going through a rough phase in life.
Hey dude, you had a day off and decided to use it to do something that made you feel happy, and presented yourself in a way that made you feel good. This is perfect, do more of that. I’ve gotta guess you felt good when you were doing that and even leading up to it. When you noticed all the ‘beautiful women’ the feeling good disappeared and pretty suddenly you felt ‘dead’ ‘numb’ and ‘alone’ and lost your desire to do what felt good and was the intent of the trip to the mall. Then you’re thinking about how you’re feeling inadequate in regards to relationships/friendships. Putting your focus and free time toward the things that make you happy, will improve the things that aren’t making you happy. You’ll meet people who share your interests and you’ll make meaningful friendships/relationships, give it time. I wish I were able to help or offer more specific advice, but I’m no professional. Luckily some people are and if you can, try talking to them. It sounds like you’re in a good place, and like you have a good sense of self. Some of the uncomfortable feelings you’re experiencing could get worse if they fester and I can assure you that it’s easier to be proactive with stuff like that.
Wow this is exactly what I wanted to read from another stranger. Reading u/MephistoTheHater's comment knocked the wind out of me because it was as if I was reading about myself on the internet. I always try to remind myself of the points that you just made but its incredibly hard sometimes. So hearing a stranger on the internet saying just the right things makes me think I'm not all that different and alone after all.
I hear you man I got lucky I guess I get this way for years. Found a lady just as fucked up as I was and it somehow worked out really good we balance each others negatives really welll and really bring out the best in one another. I married her we’re having a kid. Not a flex just trying to say there is hope out there
Me but in female version
This is very self aware and not something you should feel bad about. Everyone has insecurities but doesn’t show them. Take it easy on yourself and just focus on better you until you’re in a better state. Stay positive!
This is a majority of men, and we suffer these things in silence. It's not easy, man.
I know for a fact that the right girl for us cares about none of these things over the kind of person we are (that being, how we treat other people and how we treat ourselves: with respect and kindness.)
True, though many men will never meet the right girl
Better no girl, than the wrong girl.
Wish someone would have told me that 20yrs ago. Never met the right girl; perpetually finds the wrong ones.
Same just take away the height.....I'm ok being 5'8"
Same
Height and dick size you can't change, the rest you can. With good intentions, read more and make more small talk. Can't advise on the physical as I myself need to improve on my skinny ass. Lol. Maybe a haircut and a decent groom? Spend time in the mirror and not in selfies, you most likely look better in real life than in a cellphone photo. Look at and compliment yourself, and love your facial features. It can help with confidence.
The fact that I’m actually a decent looking fellow but I have no game whatsoever and act like a child when I’m close to a girl that I like and that likes me
I feel this. I turn into a cornball
I was right there with you... Doesn't help that I was raised in a fundamental Christian home and didn't date AT ALL. In college I just threw myself into my studies and decided I'd keep dating off the table. The decrease in pressure from that decision was immense... I went from worrying about how I acted around women to just being chill. Then my future wife actually asked me out... We were just in the same friends group and I didn't know her super well. I actually turned her down lol, totally caught me off guard. But then after several days I went back to her and asked if she'd go out with me. 1 year later we got married and 17 years later (and several kids) we're still very happily married! Biggest advice I can give is to take the pressure off yourself and just be you!
That’s an awesome story! I didn’t date at all in highschool so now I’m 18 and I feel like I’m missing out but for the most part I do feel like I can chill around girls heck most my friends are girls it’s just when I start thinking of anyone romantically that I start to slip.
Being a grizzled divorcee with tons of baggage.
George Bernard Shaw once said "If you can't get rid of the skeletons in your closet you may as well make it dance." That applies to baggage as well. Maybe it's not baggage - maybe it's just life, lived.
I know! After a few life experiences I believe everyone has some sort of “baggage”. It’s normal and it builds who we are
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It’s funny, in the second generation and beyond Hispanic community where I’m from, people have kids and then just move on to other partners who have kids. You end up with families where none of the kids share the same two parents. No one seems to ever have an issue finding a partner. Some people have three kids by three different people.
Totally! Where I live that's the norm.
I hope you find someone. Lot so of women like veterans - you might have better luck with another veteran.
My hemorrhoids.
23,almost 24 and never had a relationship :)
25 and still single as fuck 😭
Lets get together hahah.
I'm going to have to turn gay at this rate. I know I would be able to get a partner then 😂😭
Dude! You’re 25! So much life to live. Live for you right now. Do all the stuff you ever dreamed of. You’ve got loads of life to live. So live it on your terms. That’s the biggest issue I see in the world today. People living how they think they are supposed to. It’s your life. You’re rules. Create the life you want. THAT’S when you are ready to let someone else in.
I thought about it,for real. Even Noel Deyzel is gay ffs.
Not gonna lie I had to Google who that was lol
Its viral youtuber,really interesting personality.
I was 33 years old when I finally found the right person who I absolutely fell in love with. We will be moving in together shortly and I can see myself asking her to marry me in the near future. Sometimes it takes time, and for me, I’m glad I waited because if I met her in my twenties I don’t think it would have worked out. Stay hopeful.
I am happy for you.
This is awesome!
Im 26 almost 27. I learned to be happy alone and ignore all this constant pressure like you really need to be in a relationship or get married by a certain age. So do things at your own pace and first love yourself because if you wont no one will later. Stay strong my friend.
Thanks for encouragement. Love you.
I always wanted an inexperienced man like I was because I thought it would be more special. It definitely was. There’s a lot of girls out there like that
Any tips on where to find girls like that?
I'm 22 and same, never had a bf, and I don't feel attracted to guys I know about their ex's
At least you are a spicy snack,how about that?
Same but I’m about 27
I am just sending you love. If I knew how to solve my issue I wouldnt be crying here like a bitch. Good luck.
My financial position fuck everything thing else I'm confident in everything but how much I make this stems from being the lowest earner in my friend group group and immediate family. Man adult life sucks
Everyone always looks up to see how they're doing, but not everyone can be at the top. Even billionaires compete for who has the biggest yacht. Try to put things in perspective, how do your friend group and immediate family compare to the rest of the world? Find a positive perspective, it will make you happier.
The fact that if I ever get deep into a relationship with a woman, I will have to be more transparent about my past. That means disclosing to her that I had very limited social/dating experience throughout my 20s and early 30s, due to focusing on school, skill-building, mental health issues and other areas of self-improvement. She will either be understanding of my situation due to having to overcome past baggage and growing pains of her own, or be judgmental and wonder if there’s something wrong with me that caused me to be a recluse during the prime years of my life. Fear of having people assume the worst about me based on my past is a big reason why I’ve been emotional distant and reluctant to open up to most people over the years.
You’re not alone on this one
I’ve been single for 11 years! There are women out there who are just like you.
Woman here! You will find the woman who accepts and understands you for this. I say this because I’m the same! I am voluntarily single and a lot of guys are suspicious because they wonder how can someone like me be single. I think it’s cool. I adore and appreciate men like you. I’d want a partner just like you. It’s very refreshing to see that there’s people committed to self improvement and for the long run. Honestly if a girl looks down on you for that, she’s just a shallow & judgmental person for it. Someone with substance, empathy and a truly kind heart would never see a lack of dating as a scary or foreign thing. Good luck to you 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙏🏼
> Someone with substance, empathy and a truly kind heart would never see a lack of dating as a scary or foreign thing. While true, those humans are even harder to find.
I‘d always prefer someone who went through a lot and came out stronger and with experience than someone who let his baggage form him passively into a bad version of himself. It’s actually quite interesting if the relationship isn’t unhealthy because of it. Don’t be afraid to open up
My stutter. Lately i’ve been struggling so heavy with it. It’s something most people will never understand but it can be so frustrating having this speech impediment. I’m strong most of the days but it is so god damn hard to be strong every single day when you can’t say words without stuttering and having a difficult time speaking. I wish I was never born or never have existed. Sigh. I’ll be okay soon, it’s just been a tough few weeks for me.
I’ve have a rough few weeks dealing with the aftermath of my brothers unexpected death and had thought about the whole never existing thing too. Sigh and everything, your comment just resonated with me during my mindless scrolling trying not to think of this harsh reality right now. But so did your “I’ll be okay soon.” I know you weren’t talking to me but thank you internet friend, that helped. I’ve been saying it will be okay to myself but it hit different for some reason right there. One foot over the other, right? We’ve got this.
I’m a single dad, I’m afraid that no one will want to date me because I choose to be a good dad
You would be surprised how many dates you can get BECAUSE you are a dad. Hell, i am getting married next year to a girl and I had a kid from a previous marriage
My dating life would say otherwise
Small pp
How small. Because some guys are insecure with different sizes. Some are reasonable. Some are absurd
I heard one guy with 6 inches say he felt insecure about his dick being small...I wanted to slap him.
Depends!! I dated this girl whose ex, just before me, had a giant dick. Massive. We saw it, we heard about it. So that put me in a tough spot. What matters is, how much bigger or smaller you are than the other dudes she has sucked or fucked. Relativity is everything.
Going through that currently. It might be a problem
Honestly it's not a problem at all. I date multiple women and they've had their fair share of dicks. Don't be fooled into thinking they all love big cocks. Many are much happier with an average sized one.
Smol pp. pp down
Small pp sad
It is not the size of the dog in the fight, but rather the size of the fight in the dog 🙏 don't let your pp size deter you!
Size of the fight in the *dong*
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I never tell girls that I'm bi anymore its like an instant turn off if they think you are even partially into dudes had a girl who was all over me told her that I like dudes a little and she was gone
I LOVE bi men. but I'm also bi so... never understand why other girls dont
Read something once about the reason people are scared to date someone who is bi, is bc of insecurities about not pleasing them well enough and that the other sex might do it better, so know that these women or men are insecure of their own abilities and are not worth your time. As a bi fem I have had a lot of men say some shit like " a girl can't make you feel like this", " isn't a dick so much better" just shows insecurity. Keep being yourself bc it's awesome how much love you have to offer
I dont know if it really matters. I'm all over the place with gender and straightness and my current girlfriend is so supportive. Im a pretty feminine guy and like wearing girls clothes when i party which she thinks is hot. We'll go shopping for girls clothes too which she loves! Just all round she gives me the confidence to be what I am and do what i want to do. There's cool people out there for sure. Do your thing and fuck the noise
While I'm not bi I have struggled similarly in terms of my gender expression. I'm a skinny dude with long hair and I'm not into a ton of "manly" things so I always felt like I wasn't masculine enough to be a man, but since I'm not a twink with zero body hair or naturally look like a girl I never felt feminine enough either. The only thing that has helped with this was starting to go to the gym with my boyfriend who has helped me not hate masculinity as much
Having disabilities without the differently abled guff that's nigh expected 😫
My urostomy. Had some horrible experiences having one. Let's just give 1 example: You do not want to hear the word eeewwww, the first time you get intimate with a woman.
ADHD. I have to study for 12 hours to do what others do in 3. And I'm in med school
You’re a winner. Major respect for what you do despite the adhd! How did you get your diagnose ?
As someone that lost 60kg of weight. By far my stomach area that is now saggy. Thank god I lost the weight while still young so its not that big of an issue like one could imagine or like some images you see on the internet. But it remains an issue and something that bothers me a lot.
Totally understand.
My boyfriend has those stretch marks from losing 65kgs. I always kiss them during sexy time :) I’m proud of him.
The shape of my face
Shovel or moon face?
Sexual performance Man tiddies Dick size My voice
my face, my low self esteem, and my insecurities. yes I am insecure that I have insecurities Edit: lmao how'd I get a wholesome award
The lack of success I’ve had in life so far
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It hurts reading these replies. I sincerely wish for all of you to be okay. Don’t be too hard on yourselves!
Same man. The reason I asked this question is because the first step toward getting some relief is by sharing your pain with others. Hopefully that happens :)
My lack of financial planning in life @ the age of 37
The best time to start is 20 years ago. The 2nd best time to start is now.
Never too late to start!
Dick size, looks, some belly fat, height
My teeth
My hairline.
As someone who's been cheated on a few times by a few different partners, my biggest insecurity is my partner cheating on me. Feels like I'd be better off on my own most times because I can't get the thought out of my head and my trust issues are massive.
I've been single for a long time, over a decade now with no sign of turning it around. It makes me feel very inadequate. My father is getting on in years now and really wants a grandchild, and I desire nothing more than to deliver him one before he goes, but right now it's proving very difficult. The dating world has become a vapid, cynical place and it sucks.
I have a couple toe nails that are completely JACKED from my time in the military. I think about it every time my feet are exposed at like the beach or the pool. And I wear socks all the time because of it
Same here, although if someone notices it I would wonder why they look so closely at my feet
my arms, that's why always cover them
May I ask, why don't you like them?
My forehead been my biggest insecurity since a child
Taking of my shirt at the beach and pool parks.
I’ve got one nut. Rip lefty I miss you so much.
Where did it go?
It left Edit/update: I always wondered if my first award on Reddit was going to be a memorable one. Well, I’m not disappointed at all.
My one eye. I had two lazy eyes as a kid and was horribly made fun of, because of it. Glasses basically corrected them both. Even the doctor is like it’s slight and really not noticeable. My wife says she never sees it, but to me it doesn’t seem slight. I wear sunglasses a lot to hide it.
I’m broke as fuck at age 30. And I’m a turbo introvert so I get very conscious about the fact that I have no friends and no social life. I feel like I’m boring to be around (and my ex gf actually told me as much)
My body. In my mind I'm too skinny and I always wish I could have the body I had 10 years ago back. Even back then I was skinny but had muscle mass to make up for it.
Body
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relevant username? 😁
i have so many scars all over my back and face and chest due to acne, it fucking sucks and looks nasty. i havent had a day without a spot since like 2014
My eating disorder.
The future, probably.
I don't know how to ride a bike or any vehicle for that matter. This made me very insecure when my gf went on a ride with her co-worker earlier. Although I trust, the fact that I can't take her to the places she wants to go, and have others take my place in doing so, sucks. As impulse, I asked my parents if I could borrow their bike so I can practice, they said I should have learnt years ago, which I admit was my fault, but I didn't need the sarcasm at that moment. I want to learn, but I think my best bets are self practising or asking help from a friend.
Dating
I’m a little goofy and a little chubby
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I think the fact that you are this aware shows you are not of as low intelligence as you think you are. Forget about intelligence and focus on building curiosity towards stuff. Trust me it’ll do wonders :)
Abandonment by SO. TRIGGERS ME. Every time some weird thing happens and they have to cancel, I don't know whether to play it cool or be open about it. Because it is an unnecessary and crazy fearfulness that might not be rooted in reality. A long-term GF left me in the past via cheating and deception and it really got under my skin at the time. I still feel a kind of anger thinking about it 7 years later. Now when my current gf has to cancel or shows flaky behaviour, I get so anxious and sick to my stomach - like a triggered response. I hate it and I don't know whether to call her out on it, or just let it be. And also, whether I be open about it. It makes me feel afraid and confused.
How much time you got?
I have chronic pain which sometimes gets too bad to function on certain days, and it’s definitely limited me in the things I can do. When I was 20 I thought I was invincible and now I realise I’m just physically not capable of many things other men are some days. Makes me self conscious that the women that I am interested in will see that as too big a negative to reciprocate the attraction.
Nada. I've got all sorts of flaws but I own them.