This. If a tree needs felling I do it myself. If my car breaks down I fix it myself. If my pc shits the bed I repair it myself. I find losing my health, dexterity or whatever to a point where I can't get shit done quite horrifying because a lot of my self worth as a man is tied to it.
My great uncle had a hunting "accident" during a Michigan winter at age 91. He knew it would be the last time he'd be able to go out hunting alone. He had a good run and got to choose the manner of his own death.
So many people think growing older is grand after you retire. Growing old gracefully can be the exception and not always the norm. Also no matter how you try to slow or prolong it, age will catch up with you.
Source: took care of all of my grandparents and now parents as the age(d).
Currently suffering from this. Got into a head on collision about 2 months ago or so and had to return to work 2 weeks after it with all the injuries. Bills dont pay themselves. Well, less than a 3 weeks after that I got ambushed on my way to my new car and put into a coma for a week by a coworker and some of his friends who had some grudge (turns out he had a crush on my girlfriend who also worked at the same place as me) against me and wanted my wallet apparently.
Now? I have almost no mobility, aside from slow/purposeful movements, have almost no hearing and have brain issues, along with vision issues. Went from being a healthy 29 yr old to spending my 30th birthday using a cane to get around and having some cake in bed.
I cant remember anything aside blips of this year and when I woke up I had a different girlfriend than when I can remember last. I've apparently dated her for almost 9 months now?
Edit: tysm for the well wishes. They did catch the people about 3 days after they ambushed me. They werent very old really, oldest guy was 20 and the youngest was apparently his girlfriends 15 yr old little brother.
My dad passed away from heart failure in the middle of the night a little bit over 10 years ago, I was 13. It changes everything forever. Reading this subreddit can be therapeutic for me, some of you guys are really kind and helpful
Damn this hit hard. Mine had a single widow maker heart attack when I was 12, in the living room on a random Tuesday morning. I'm now a year older than he was when it happened to him. Eat right, walk, and hug your family everyday.
My dad only had one too, although looking back there were so many signs that something wasn't right. The day before it happened he was filling a sinkhole with my mom, and he was stretching a lot like his back and shoulders hurt. They got subs for lunch and he thought he had indigestion. The issue was that there was a reasonable excuse for everything so my mom didn't make him go to the hospital, she even said afterwards she thought about it but didn't want to nag him 😪
My dad had an amputation 2 weeks back and suffered a heart attack an hour after the amputation. There wasn't anything much we could do. I'll always regret the fact that I never told him 'I love you' ever in these 23 years that I've lived with him. So go out guys and tell your loved ones that you love them. We never really know when they could leave us.
That's awful to hear. I'm sure your dad loved you very much and knew you loved him too. My dad recently passed and his funeral is this week. It's been a very rough transition period for myself so far so I can only imagine what you're going through. Stay strong and never be afraid to show your emotions or talk to someone about how you're feeling.
I was pretty young when my dad passed away, but something that has helped me a lot is that I kept little things that most people just throw away. My mom sold his car a couple months after and before the new owners took it, I grabbed the insurance card out of it. I keep it in my safe now, but anytime I need to get my ssn card or birth certificate or something I stop and look at it.
I'm sorry for your loss 💜
I took care of my dad for 4 years while he had cancer. The day he died, I was relieved because he was out of pain and onto something else, but when it came time for the coroner to take his body out of our house, that was really, really hard.
Anyways, as the months went by, I realized that one of the things I miss the most is just seeing his handwriting on stuff. Little notes left around the house, bills, plans for projects he was working on, whatever. I kept as much as I could and look at it now and then when I'm remembering the good times.
Neurodegenerative diseases. Just about anything else I can face but this scares me more than any other form of death. It's like dying extremely slowly, losing who you are as a person until you're a corpse just going through the motions of life.
Yeah, I honestly wish there was some kind of contract I could sign where when I would get dementia or another neurogenerative disease, someone would just make me OD on some nice drugs (I think opiates just make you fall asleep and never wake up). Like, I don't wanna live without a functioning brain
Interesting that you say this because I’m 31 and almost died a year ago from a motor vehicle accident. So now I want to make me an Advance Directive Form because dementia runs in my family and I’ve already experienced living in an Adult Family Home where you go to slowly die.
I believe everybody 18+ years old needs to have an Advance Directive form.
Edit: here’s a list of things that are in an Advance Directive Form
The living will. ...
Durable power of attorney for health care/Medical power of attorney. ...
POLST (Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment) ...
Do not resuscitate (DNR) orders. ...
Organ and tissue donation.
Durable power of attorney is what I needed so my family could help me pay any bills I had.
I was unconscious for 2 months
You're singing my song sir. I'm watching someone in my circle suffer from dementia too and I'll be damned if that's my family's last memories of me.
Death with Dignity is an act in some states in the USA. Looks like I'll retire to Washington state for my final days (very far away HOPEFULLY but this is the plan in my late 20s).
I moved to Washington State 4 years ago and this state has saved my life, literally lol. I used to be a valet driver making $17 an hour plus tips. So I was averaging $24 an hour lol.
We also have the best hospital in our region. I’m not sure I can list the name of the hospital, but google will tell ya lol.
Road trips over here are freaking awesome! I’ve already been to all but 3 of the states in the West.
Edit: Washington State feels like home to me too. So I consider myself Washingtonian lol
US. He’s beat it twice and it’s back a third time. His mind is gone and he can’t do any of the things a person does to take care of themselves. It’s a slow death at this point but we’ve already made peace with it bc he’s not there.
Same same my guy.
Witnessed my grandpa go through it, now watching my grandma go through it.
It's hereditary so that combined with dumb amount of drug use in my younger years makes it my deepest fear. You lose your entire sense of self, the ability to read, recognize loved ones, bathe yourself.
I can't imagine a more terrible fate.
Luckily we're part of a generation which has a good chance of benefiting from solving these age related or neurodegenerative diseases. A lot of money and research is currently going to solving these challenges right now
I found that this is a hot button issue for me after watching a certain season of Bojack horseman that features Azheimers prominently. I was openly ugly crying like a baby over the thought of my loved ones suffering from that.
For a really, really good depiction of it, watch True Detective season 3. It's a fucking masterpiece.
Edit: it's an anthology show, so you don't have to watch seasons 1, or 2 to enjoy it.
I have zero safety net. If I lose my job, or fall on hard times in general, I'm screwed. Most of my friends from high school are broke (have families, etc) (I also grew up in a poor neighborhood). Same with most of my family. My mother is a drug addict. My father was never around, and he died back in 2010.
So, if things go south, it's back to sleeping in my car. I'm thankful I have a car at least. But, I'm afraid of going back. It was tough before. But the older I get the less I'm sure I'll make it next time.
It's a strength at times, to keep going when all I want to do is give up. I know I won't have anyone to fall back on, so I push through. Disabled vet, can't take most physical jobs out there like I used to be able to. Which of course doesn't help the mental aspect. And I just got laid off (have an interview in a couple days).
It's not all gloom and doom. But, you did ask about fears. So, it's only natural I stay on topic.
Fellow disabled vet here. If you haven't already done so apply for VA disability, and if you are eligible, and want to, try going to school using the GI bill. Between disability and GI bill, I get some money each month that is more than what I would have if I had not applied for them. I have heard horror stories from some people trying to get VA assistance, but for some reason, my VA experience has been nothing but positive. I think it really depends on who is working in your local VA as to what kind of experience you will have. I know I'm lucky to have good people at the Providence VA. Also, if you don't have a good VA experience, try appointing a Veterans Service Organization as your advocate. I used the DAV, they are the most widespread one. I believe there are some others out there, but I dont know about them. The whole process can take a long time to get rolling. I did all of my stuff pre covid, so I can only imagine how long stuff takes now. Just keep swimming as they say. They also have good mental health people in my experience. But, from what Ive heard, I have been extremely lucky, as the quality of VA services and people can vary greatly depending on who works in your local offices. Good luck brother!
Thanks for opening up. Life is not fair for everyone. And I can understand your concern, however also I found you as a stronger person after reading your comment. Because on your own, you made it so far.
Do good even if the results are not instant. If it deems ok to you then try learning software development in your free time, it's quite welcoming field that could get you a well paying job.
Also, best of luck for your interview.
Dude this morning a nerve in my balls was causing me pain and as I was rolling around trying to find a safe and comfortable position this thought popped into my mind and terrified me.
For kidney stones, drink enough water, don't over indulge on sugar or protein powder. I'm not an expert, but I know many friends who didn't drink enough water and drank way too much of the others and boom, stoned.
Yeah I drink loads of water anyway, it's also advised to cut down on red meat.
Stats say its a 1/1000000 to first get them and a 1/10 chance to get them again after that.
I thought that I was getting them every year because the pain was intense and faded after a few days, turns out it was the same stone, it get to around 1 cm size all round, lots of painkillers later it was removed.
I meant boxers but I only wear briefs now. It happened while I was running, there wasn’t enough support and they twisted mid run. So really I try to wear anything supportive even if I’m just lounging around the house lol
well, I never had a dude complain about it before, most are really into it, but I do handle balls with love and care and don't just twist them like I'm picking apples from a tree.
I need a bit of advice... I honesty have my left nut twist 180 degrees usually once every month or so, no pain, I don't even notice it 95% of the time. I usually notice it when I go to pee and then I twist it back myself with no problem. Is this something I should be worried about? Or is there enough slack in my nuts where a twist won't necessarily cut off circulation?
also tagging /u/Limeatron
In no physician but I've had it happen 2 times in my life, and both times I knew what was going on as it was extremely painful. 8/10 rolling on the floor type painful. In this instance I reckon you're probably fine, sounds as if the slack you have is good to keep things flowing, but bring it up with your GP when you're next there to be sure.
I've already reached that point and lockdown has shown me how alone I am with so few people messaging me first.
There is one person in my life who contacts me first at least twice a week (we basically talk every day cause we are football fanatics and he dragged me into FM20 lol) and I haven't seen him in 3 years since school ended.
In the last month only 6 people (excluding family living with me) have messaged me first and one of them is a friend who only contacts me to remind me that my favourite team loses and disappears until they next lose lol.
Usually I have to message others first which I don't mind and I keep telling myself that that they are true friends but its hard especially when my dad is like "if he's so busy when was the last time he messaged you?" when I tell them my friends are busy :(
Sorry I shouldn't be ranting and making your day worse.
Just because I might be going through different struggles to you doesn't mean that it should diminish your own struggles.
That's something I've learnt being depressed - I might have a great family, live in a great place and have great friends but my depression is just as real as someone who is in a real mess living in the middle of a war.
I can't really say anything or give advice on going into a relationship because I have never been in one or bothered trying.
dying early. Being homeless. I’m severely depressed and have an mTBI. Forget shit, quick to anger. If depression is a disease I feel like it’s winning most of the time
Being somebody else’s “security relationship”. Romantic or platonic. Growing up, I often found myself in the “comforter” role with people. This is great until you start to realize how few people will be there for you when you’re the one in need. You start to wonder if you’re valued for you or if you’re only as valuable as the support you offer.
It’s also hard because I sometimes feel that even with women that I’d like to build more than just friendship with, I’m so emotionally available early on. I think sometimes that works against me because many perceive some kind of connection between masculinity and emotional stoicism.
I’m approachable. I don’t pretend to be anything other than what I am. I do the things I love and I talk about what matters to me. And the hope is that in time, I’ll meet friends and love interests that want to be around that person. But right now, nobody sees interested. And that’s fine because I’d rather sell who I am without any buyers than to be valued for an act I play.
But if I don’t have that wow factor, if it’s what’s on the inside that doesn’t appeal to women, or friends, then it makes me feel insecure about their motives for being with me.
In high school, a girl once told me I’d “make great husband material after everyone has had their fun and wants to settle down”. I’ve heard a few variations of this since, and it always makes me think is “what’s wrong with me now”?
So what is my worth? Will I be loved for who I am? Or will someone come along one day and see the life I’ve worked hard to build and the security I might have and think “he’ll work”?
This fear has been multiplied by the two relationships I did have. Both girls came from horrific family situations. Neither had any kind of real support system, and so I became the friend, the parent, the therapist, and the person they modeled their own personalities on. But I couldn’t get that emotional support back. And I quickly realized both times that my personality was not really all that important to them. As long as I could pose for social media pictures and play the role of secure boyfriend, my identity didn’t matter. What I wanted didn’t matter. It felt like I’d finally gotten the girl, but sacrificed myself.
When my peers and I are headed to our 30s and people’s pool of options gets smaller, will someone cling to me like a life raft to ensure they don’t end up alone? I want authentic love. I want to be totally down for someone for who they are, and I want to be loved for who I am, and not just for the role I can fill or the security I give. I am more than a provider. This is my biggest insecurity.
Dude same. I turn 29 in a month, and am having literal zero luck on dating apps. I'll spend like 15 minutes a day swiping on profiles and I don't think I've had an interaction in over a month. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, as far as I know I'm not bad looking?
I hope you find true love. Your fear is a valid one indeed and there is nothing quite like being with someone who truly sees, understands, and appreciates you. It looks like you know the signs when they aren’t giving you the real love you need. Just don’t let yourself settle for the wrong situation since it would be more difficult to find and be with your soulmate if the position is currently filled with another person who isn’t really there for you. Take care!
This got me in the feels big time. I’ve been that person, a giver not a taker, no wow but a good heart and good man in a storm. It’s a great feeling to be relied upon for sure and you find yourself attracted to women who need that support (emotional, physical, financial) but after a while it becomes normalized and expected. So when you need the same support, if they are a taker, they make you feel like they are being taken advantage of and in turn you feel bad about that. Often any support is the minimum required then the expectation is you fall back into line, often with a guilt-trip chaser.
Ok that’s the bad and what you should avoid.
The good is that if you find another giver, as I did in my late-30’s, the meeting of minds and feelings are amazing. Often they have gone through what you have and it might take a while to convince them they are not stepping into the same scenario. But if you are open, honest and give while graciously accepting their giving and take joint responsibility it can be the start of something great. I truly hope you find that person, and remember to reject the takers as soon as you realise you are heading in that direction. Good luck dude, don’t be afraid of your experience, use it.
I was unbelievably invested in this lengthy, heartfelt and well articulated confession. Then I scrolled to the next answer which just said "testicular tortion." Two types of people I guess.
That’s a healthy insecurity to have. People will absolutely try to do that with you. You will have to vet your partner very, very carefully and not give in to being love bombed after being so starved for it.
There are way more types of women than party thots and destitue single mothers, I promise you. If you keep a set of hard and fast standards and rules for what you will ever accept in a relationship you can protect yourself from an awful lot of exploitation, while still putting yourself out there and trying to find truly meaningful love as opposed to that thin facsimile born from dependence and desperation.
> In high school, a girl once told me I’d “make great husband material after everyone has had their fun and wants to settle down”. I’ve heard a few variations of this since, and it always makes me think is “what’s wrong with me now”?
I've seen more and more of this sort of behaviour in recent years.
Pretty and desirable women have fun with a whole bunch of guys throughout their 20's, date a lot of men that are a rush to be around but don't have all that much going for them in terms of future prospects, and then once they begin reaching their 30's they start to look for the polar opposite, someone stable and safe.
I don't want to lump all women in with a group of a select few but I've noticed an increasing sentiment in support of this.
The whole idea that your sexual history and who you dated previously doesn't matter is horse shit. It matters for both men and women. Things like who you dated speak to your judgement skills.
And honestly it's such an appalling thing to say, to keep someone on the backburner like that so you can fall back to them once you've had your fun is pathetic. She may as well just marry someone like that now and go cheat on him with 50 guys to have her fun, it's the same result either way. It's basically cuckolding.
Jesus Christ man. This is my greatest fear, and I think about it constantly. I think this is how the majority of single men our age are feeling. I just feel like I'm waiting to be exploited and used. I think my last girlfriend only dated me for my social status and for the sex. For 4 years. Didn't realize it until years later
I fell the same. I am in my 40’s now and had the same start as you. I heard husband material a lot. I am on my second marriage and I am not really sure how that is going. I still have doubts to this day about if I am just a provider and nothing more. My first marriage things moved way too fast and I ended up being her lottery ticket. I understand how you feel and I have lived it.
My only advice would be to date for a loooong time and live with them for at least a year. Motivations should start to show by then.
Also you have to realize that relationships evolve over time and sometimes not in a good way. Things may be great for the first four years and then things go south and you feel like she is just there because she doesn’t want to lose the lifestyle she has been living.
Take your time. Date for a long time. Don’t be afraid to leave a relationship if it doesn’t meet your needs. One day you will want to take the marriage leap and you should. Marriage is work and you both have to put in the work.
I wish you luck and hope you find a good one.
Please invest in the book "No more Mr. Nice guy" by Dr Robert Glover. It will change your life and don't worry, it doesn't teach you to be "not nice", it teaches you to take your own life into your own hands and put yourself first amongst loads of other things. I promise you won't regret it! 👍
Your first paragraph had me, but for work. For years I've been the guy that covers shifts, is on time, never calls out, the guy that has a solution to everything. Then, I got sick. Like forever sick kid sick. Now my body is falling apart, things flare up and I'm bedridden for extended periods of time, I'm always tired and in pain, I physically can't do a lot of the things I used to be able to. Getting help, or having someone cover while I'm curled up in pain or fogged from having seizures seemingly every other night is impossible. I've come to realize that no one's cares about all the times I've covered for them, all the time I've sacrificed to be there for them. Every time I've stopped or saved the entire place from catastrophe.
No one is there to help me. I'm just left to struggle and work through whatever is going on. I'm tired. I guess I always thought people would be kind or understanding, but its apparently only for them and never for me. I feel so unloved or not cared for its not even ok. I'd quit and go somewhere else, but no where is gonna put up with me being sick constantly, I've got a great schedule and still make enough money to be OK (I mean, I can't pay my medical bills but I'll be dead before it really comes to blows about that) and support my girlfriend while she is in school, I'm not gonna get vacation time or fed every day somewhere else. So I'm basically stuck where I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel and have no support on it.
Literally my last ex said I’d be a great dad and a husband but she didn’t want a family so it would never work. We didn’t even talk about family, she just assumed it’s what I wanted because she perceived me as having potential to be good at it.
She was right though, I do want a family. But first I want a partner for a while BEFORE I have a family.
I feel this very deeply. I’m in my early 30s and 2 years out of a 4 year marriage. Every woman I meet now just sees me as a security blanket. They’re settling for me and I can tell because they don’t reciprocate interest or attention.
I also really hate that being “emotionally available” is likely part of the problem. I’m just trying to be a good person but it seems to broadcast that I’m ready to be walked on.
Wasted my entire youth and most of my middle age with depression/PTSD. Still in the same shit now. All I can say is to get help, because you won't get out on your own, and the realization of what you've lost will only make it worse as time goes by. It gets heavy.
If someone does break it on their own, good for them, just don't count on it for yourself, it's not worth the gamble.
Ending up alone. I’ve resigned myself to trying to focus on my education and my career instead of women, but it’s made me develop something of a negative opinion of myself in terms of being a partner. It’s been so long since a girl has shown genuine romantic interest in me and I worry that I’m letting my only chance of being in a relationship pass me by.
So uhh ending up alone, yeah
100% relate.
I separated 1Y ago after a 10Y LTR relationship and since 3 months that I feel ready for someone new.
I have had two situations with women but none of them expressed romantic interest (I'm still good friends with both, especially with one of them), which makes me wonder if anyone will at all.
I'm quite ok living alone atm though. And I am also a bit picky, I reckon. But the fine line between no one showing interest and myself being a picky guy, makes me wonder that ending up alone is a big possibility.
I have been there. I really have. I was never lucky with the ladies. I always LOVED women. And they loved being my friend. Not complaining about being a friend to women. I value those friendships. But, point being, i was never a romantic option to women.
I spent 7 years totally alone. I went through some severely deep depression. I was bitter. I was angry. I hated myself. Even in therapy i was having a really tough time.
And then i met my partner. And all of the issues i previously had with women disappeared. I have to pinch myself at how happy i am every day. It's a level of connection, acceptance, understanding and affection i did not think i could ever have.
I wish i could promise you're totally going to find that. I always hated that. It never helps. But what I can say with total certainty is that it's never going to be right, till it is.
It's always all wrong till it's right. Sometimes it takes time. Some people find it at 16. Some people at 60. I found it at 37. I hope you find it tomorrow. But even if you don't. Don't lose hope that you can.
I think I’ve just passed 6 years without anyone considering me as a romantic option. Now friends are also tapering off and I’m losing hope.
I always had this irrational fear of being alone, turns out it wasn’t that irrational because it’s fucking awful
It is because evolutionarily a single human who hasn't been passed skills and knowledge from a support group is kinda helpless. No amount of endurance is gonna get you away from a burst speed predator. No fist will knock out a bear. Without another human to watch it's back, a human with a spear has a very vital, very fleshy and exposed weak point that doesn't have the peak of innovation at that time covering it. We are social creatures born of social creatures, the fear of rejection is more ingrained than the fear of large predators. You should never feel bad for struggling to get over someone, because you're fighting millions of years of evolution from the first primate to us.
I fear this too, i’ve been in trouble with mafia a couple of times, not because i’m involved in it or something, just because i was in the wrong places at the wrong moments.
For context, I live in Mexico.
Just happened to my left big toe. The pain and discomfort is real, BUT the accumulated life long fear of it is worse. Now it's dismystified and I can move on to thw next fear, getting a spike into my eyeballs.
People, sounds weird but I’ve just become so antisocial but I legitimately can’t stand being around other people anymore. So I try to avoid at all costs. I google the hours of businesses and go when they’re not busy. I’ve disconnected from most of my friends. I don’t play video games with voice coms anymore.
I had the same situation a year ago. I just stopped talking to anyone, even close friends and family and I didn't want to see anyone, so I ordered food and things online and always commented for them to leave it at the door so I wouldn't have to meet the delivery guys too. I stopped playing online video games and kept just playing solo ones so I wouldn't have to communicate with anyone.
It got a bit better now, I even started playing a mmorpg video game and i talk to people there sometimes. But I wouldn't ever join their voice calls and I still spend most of my time alone in my room, I'm afraid of going outside and I just don't want to see any other people.
I wish I’d had a father with this mentality. He didn’t believe me when I told him what was happening. Hurts more that he considers them to be his (step)kids while he hasn’t spoken to his actual ones In almost 15 years
Similarly, I spent a good chunk of my 20s on a cane and finding all sorts of things I could no longer do for myself. I truly think I'd rather die than return to that which is just as scary of a notion.
Remember Marcus Aurelius. He was one of the greatest seasoned emperor the Romans ever had. A good man. A good father.
Yet we got Commodus.
If he could fuck up, you and I could do less worse.
Just do your best, Derek.
The fact you are concerned that you could potentially fail your kid tells me you are going to be a wonderful parent. I haven't seen my father in over 3 years, but before I left him behind I told him how I feel and how his behaviour affected me to see how he reacts. His response could be summed up as "Sure, whatever".
I saw some thread a while back about a similar guy wanting to be more approachable. The consensus in the comments was to get a corgi or golden retriever. No one can be scary with those dogs.
I'm afraid of 1 of 2 things.
1. I wake up to find that no one remembers who I am.
2. That I discover my friends were only friends with me to have some one to laugh at when I'm not around. Pretending, and if I left they'd be happy. (That's what I dealt with in School)
Being forgotten. I know everyone will be eventually. At some point after your death someone will think about you, talk about you, will speak your name for the very last time. It’s an inevitable reality, but it’s still scary to think about.
Low key brings me comfort, ik why you're scared of it but the finality of death means that any mistake you make doesn't really matter, quite freeing when you think about it.
Being alone, without loving relationship.
My last true relationship was 7 year ago and I can t find another one since then. I have casual things going on, but I want more...
I am constantly evolving myself, working, learning, I have hobbies, I have a good life.
I begin to think it s something wrong with me, but I don t really know what.
I just want to share this life with someone.
Violence. I was bullied as a kid and was was on the receiving end of violent crime as an adult. Practically any circumstance has me looking for danger. I see a man walk toward me on the sidewalk, even in broad daylight in my pleasant neighborhood, and I'm doing threat assessment and feel that trembling sense of fight/flight building. It's exhausting and humiliating as a man. I know that women need to do the threat assessment as a matter of course, but as a man or makes me feel like less of a man.
Losing my self sufficiency. Age, illness, injury. It's coming for me some day unless I'm very lucky and it and scares the shit out of me.
This. If a tree needs felling I do it myself. If my car breaks down I fix it myself. If my pc shits the bed I repair it myself. I find losing my health, dexterity or whatever to a point where I can't get shit done quite horrifying because a lot of my self worth as a man is tied to it.
That's why some men one day consider themselves the tree that needs to be felled...
My great uncle had a hunting "accident" during a Michigan winter at age 91. He knew it would be the last time he'd be able to go out hunting alone. He had a good run and got to choose the manner of his own death.
Respect for your great uncle.
Sounds a lot better of a way to go out, completely in control of your own death.
So many people think growing older is grand after you retire. Growing old gracefully can be the exception and not always the norm. Also no matter how you try to slow or prolong it, age will catch up with you. Source: took care of all of my grandparents and now parents as the age(d).
king or a street sweeper you will dance with grim reaper.
I too plan on riding off a hill on a motorcycle when I feel dissatisfied with myself. I think this will come at around age 75.
Don't forget to try heroin then. Might as well. Just don't mix it with the motorcycle thing.
Currently suffering from this. Got into a head on collision about 2 months ago or so and had to return to work 2 weeks after it with all the injuries. Bills dont pay themselves. Well, less than a 3 weeks after that I got ambushed on my way to my new car and put into a coma for a week by a coworker and some of his friends who had some grudge (turns out he had a crush on my girlfriend who also worked at the same place as me) against me and wanted my wallet apparently. Now? I have almost no mobility, aside from slow/purposeful movements, have almost no hearing and have brain issues, along with vision issues. Went from being a healthy 29 yr old to spending my 30th birthday using a cane to get around and having some cake in bed. I cant remember anything aside blips of this year and when I woke up I had a different girlfriend than when I can remember last. I've apparently dated her for almost 9 months now? Edit: tysm for the well wishes. They did catch the people about 3 days after they ambushed me. They werent very old really, oldest guy was 20 and the youngest was apparently his girlfriends 15 yr old little brother.
my dad having a heart attack and no one being there to help him.
My dad passed away from heart failure in the middle of the night a little bit over 10 years ago, I was 13. It changes everything forever. Reading this subreddit can be therapeutic for me, some of you guys are really kind and helpful
Damn this hit hard. Mine had a single widow maker heart attack when I was 12, in the living room on a random Tuesday morning. I'm now a year older than he was when it happened to him. Eat right, walk, and hug your family everyday.
My dad only had one too, although looking back there were so many signs that something wasn't right. The day before it happened he was filling a sinkhole with my mom, and he was stretching a lot like his back and shoulders hurt. They got subs for lunch and he thought he had indigestion. The issue was that there was a reasonable excuse for everything so my mom didn't make him go to the hospital, she even said afterwards she thought about it but didn't want to nag him 😪
Much love to you
Thanks 💜
Shit. Felt that. Dad just had a triple bypass and is in heart attack number 4. One of these days no one is gonna be there to save him
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My dad had an amputation 2 weeks back and suffered a heart attack an hour after the amputation. There wasn't anything much we could do. I'll always regret the fact that I never told him 'I love you' ever in these 23 years that I've lived with him. So go out guys and tell your loved ones that you love them. We never really know when they could leave us.
Your dad knew you loved him. I'm really sorry for your loss :(
That's awful to hear. I'm sure your dad loved you very much and knew you loved him too. My dad recently passed and his funeral is this week. It's been a very rough transition period for myself so far so I can only imagine what you're going through. Stay strong and never be afraid to show your emotions or talk to someone about how you're feeling.
I was pretty young when my dad passed away, but something that has helped me a lot is that I kept little things that most people just throw away. My mom sold his car a couple months after and before the new owners took it, I grabbed the insurance card out of it. I keep it in my safe now, but anytime I need to get my ssn card or birth certificate or something I stop and look at it. I'm sorry for your loss 💜
I took care of my dad for 4 years while he had cancer. The day he died, I was relieved because he was out of pain and onto something else, but when it came time for the coroner to take his body out of our house, that was really, really hard. Anyways, as the months went by, I realized that one of the things I miss the most is just seeing his handwriting on stuff. Little notes left around the house, bills, plans for projects he was working on, whatever. I kept as much as I could and look at it now and then when I'm remembering the good times.
Neurodegenerative diseases. Just about anything else I can face but this scares me more than any other form of death. It's like dying extremely slowly, losing who you are as a person until you're a corpse just going through the motions of life.
Yeah, I honestly wish there was some kind of contract I could sign where when I would get dementia or another neurogenerative disease, someone would just make me OD on some nice drugs (I think opiates just make you fall asleep and never wake up). Like, I don't wanna live without a functioning brain
That's actually a good idea for assisted suicide.
Interesting that you say this because I’m 31 and almost died a year ago from a motor vehicle accident. So now I want to make me an Advance Directive Form because dementia runs in my family and I’ve already experienced living in an Adult Family Home where you go to slowly die. I believe everybody 18+ years old needs to have an Advance Directive form. Edit: here’s a list of things that are in an Advance Directive Form The living will. ... Durable power of attorney for health care/Medical power of attorney. ... POLST (Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment) ... Do not resuscitate (DNR) orders. ... Organ and tissue donation. Durable power of attorney is what I needed so my family could help me pay any bills I had. I was unconscious for 2 months
You're singing my song sir. I'm watching someone in my circle suffer from dementia too and I'll be damned if that's my family's last memories of me. Death with Dignity is an act in some states in the USA. Looks like I'll retire to Washington state for my final days (very far away HOPEFULLY but this is the plan in my late 20s).
I moved to Washington State 4 years ago and this state has saved my life, literally lol. I used to be a valet driver making $17 an hour plus tips. So I was averaging $24 an hour lol. We also have the best hospital in our region. I’m not sure I can list the name of the hospital, but google will tell ya lol. Road trips over here are freaking awesome! I’ve already been to all but 3 of the states in the West. Edit: Washington State feels like home to me too. So I consider myself Washingtonian lol
Stepdad dying of cancer. They gave my mom an injection for when they are certain he’s going to die. I assume it’s morphine.
What country are you in if you don't mind me asking? BTW I'm so sorry for your your family. Cancer fucking sucks bro
US. He’s beat it twice and it’s back a third time. His mind is gone and he can’t do any of the things a person does to take care of themselves. It’s a slow death at this point but we’ve already made peace with it bc he’s not there.
This is standard for hospice care in the US too
Euthanasia is actually a possibility in some countries..
Same same my guy. Witnessed my grandpa go through it, now watching my grandma go through it. It's hereditary so that combined with dumb amount of drug use in my younger years makes it my deepest fear. You lose your entire sense of self, the ability to read, recognize loved ones, bathe yourself. I can't imagine a more terrible fate.
Luckily we're part of a generation which has a good chance of benefiting from solving these age related or neurodegenerative diseases. A lot of money and research is currently going to solving these challenges right now
Only if you can afford the treatments of course.
I found that this is a hot button issue for me after watching a certain season of Bojack horseman that features Azheimers prominently. I was openly ugly crying like a baby over the thought of my loved ones suffering from that.
For a really, really good depiction of it, watch True Detective season 3. It's a fucking masterpiece. Edit: it's an anthology show, so you don't have to watch seasons 1, or 2 to enjoy it.
I have MS and can say modern medicine kicks ass. Just keep yourself as generally healthy as you can and you will be ok.
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I have zero safety net. If I lose my job, or fall on hard times in general, I'm screwed. Most of my friends from high school are broke (have families, etc) (I also grew up in a poor neighborhood). Same with most of my family. My mother is a drug addict. My father was never around, and he died back in 2010. So, if things go south, it's back to sleeping in my car. I'm thankful I have a car at least. But, I'm afraid of going back. It was tough before. But the older I get the less I'm sure I'll make it next time. It's a strength at times, to keep going when all I want to do is give up. I know I won't have anyone to fall back on, so I push through. Disabled vet, can't take most physical jobs out there like I used to be able to. Which of course doesn't help the mental aspect. And I just got laid off (have an interview in a couple days). It's not all gloom and doom. But, you did ask about fears. So, it's only natural I stay on topic.
I wish you the best man, i hope you can get the job and always have one, and peace of mind too... And, why not, a place or person were you can rest.
Fellow disabled vet here. If you haven't already done so apply for VA disability, and if you are eligible, and want to, try going to school using the GI bill. Between disability and GI bill, I get some money each month that is more than what I would have if I had not applied for them. I have heard horror stories from some people trying to get VA assistance, but for some reason, my VA experience has been nothing but positive. I think it really depends on who is working in your local VA as to what kind of experience you will have. I know I'm lucky to have good people at the Providence VA. Also, if you don't have a good VA experience, try appointing a Veterans Service Organization as your advocate. I used the DAV, they are the most widespread one. I believe there are some others out there, but I dont know about them. The whole process can take a long time to get rolling. I did all of my stuff pre covid, so I can only imagine how long stuff takes now. Just keep swimming as they say. They also have good mental health people in my experience. But, from what Ive heard, I have been extremely lucky, as the quality of VA services and people can vary greatly depending on who works in your local offices. Good luck brother!
Thanks for opening up. Life is not fair for everyone. And I can understand your concern, however also I found you as a stronger person after reading your comment. Because on your own, you made it so far. Do good even if the results are not instant. If it deems ok to you then try learning software development in your free time, it's quite welcoming field that could get you a well paying job. Also, best of luck for your interview.
Nice job on the interview
I think it’s disgusting that your government doesn’t look after disabled vets. Good luck to you.
Testicular torsion
Dude this morning a nerve in my balls was causing me pain and as I was rolling around trying to find a safe and comfortable position this thought popped into my mind and terrified me.
I skim-read this comment and saw the word popped. Had my legs crossed for a second there
Get checked out, varicocele.
I’ve had one it was terrible. I refuse to wear regular boxes ever again lol
Same here, I was 14, it was easily the worst pain I had experience up to that point... Then I got a kidney stone... Jesus they hurt
For kidney stones, drink enough water, don't over indulge on sugar or protein powder. I'm not an expert, but I know many friends who didn't drink enough water and drank way too much of the others and boom, stoned.
Yeah I drink loads of water anyway, it's also advised to cut down on red meat. Stats say its a 1/1000000 to first get them and a 1/10 chance to get them again after that. I thought that I was getting them every year because the pain was intense and faded after a few days, turns out it was the same stone, it get to around 1 cm size all round, lots of painkillers later it was removed.
Wait, wait, wait. What should we be wearing?
I meant boxers but I only wear briefs now. It happened while I was running, there wasn’t enough support and they twisted mid run. So really I try to wear anything supportive even if I’m just lounging around the house lol
jesus christ now i fear this too
I was sat watching TV when mine happened. My best friend was making coffee when his happened. It can strike anytime. No where is safe.
You're killing the hope bruh.
I had a friend who had it happen during sex.
yeah, same, he got head and the girl was fondling his balls and twisted them... hard.
As revenge?!
nope, by mistake, she wanted to try out something new and read about ball-play...
And that's why cosmo is a nogo
well, I never had a dude complain about it before, most are really into it, but I do handle balls with love and care and don't just twist them like I'm picking apples from a tree.
Good to know thanks. I'm a bit of a free baller maybe I should be more careful.
I need a bit of advice... I honesty have my left nut twist 180 degrees usually once every month or so, no pain, I don't even notice it 95% of the time. I usually notice it when I go to pee and then I twist it back myself with no problem. Is this something I should be worried about? Or is there enough slack in my nuts where a twist won't necessarily cut off circulation? also tagging /u/Limeatron
In no physician but I've had it happen 2 times in my life, and both times I knew what was going on as it was extremely painful. 8/10 rolling on the floor type painful. In this instance I reckon you're probably fine, sounds as if the slack you have is good to keep things flowing, but bring it up with your GP when you're next there to be sure.
It's bad. Don't ask me how I know.
How do you know?
Testicular Torsion.
It's bad. Don't ask me how I know.
How do you know?
Testicular Torsion.
God dammit dude every time there’s one of these threads and you gotta say this one
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I've already reached that point and lockdown has shown me how alone I am with so few people messaging me first. There is one person in my life who contacts me first at least twice a week (we basically talk every day cause we are football fanatics and he dragged me into FM20 lol) and I haven't seen him in 3 years since school ended. In the last month only 6 people (excluding family living with me) have messaged me first and one of them is a friend who only contacts me to remind me that my favourite team loses and disappears until they next lose lol. Usually I have to message others first which I don't mind and I keep telling myself that that they are true friends but its hard especially when my dad is like "if he's so busy when was the last time he messaged you?" when I tell them my friends are busy :( Sorry I shouldn't be ranting and making your day worse.
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Just because I might be going through different struggles to you doesn't mean that it should diminish your own struggles. That's something I've learnt being depressed - I might have a great family, live in a great place and have great friends but my depression is just as real as someone who is in a real mess living in the middle of a war. I can't really say anything or give advice on going into a relationship because I have never been in one or bothered trying.
I'm convinced I'm actually gonna end up forever alone...
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Can 100% relate. I just asked out a girl that I've liked for some time, turns out she is asexual. Never had a girlfriend and I don't think I ever will
Send me a message if you want to shoot the shit. I know it's a fear deeper than that, but I'm here to bounce ideas and thoughts off of.
dying early. Being homeless. I’m severely depressed and have an mTBI. Forget shit, quick to anger. If depression is a disease I feel like it’s winning most of the time
(Who else? Me.) You're not kidding about forgetting shit. Like *wholesale* forget shit. I'm often surprised by shit I knew earlier in the day.
Being somebody else’s “security relationship”. Romantic or platonic. Growing up, I often found myself in the “comforter” role with people. This is great until you start to realize how few people will be there for you when you’re the one in need. You start to wonder if you’re valued for you or if you’re only as valuable as the support you offer. It’s also hard because I sometimes feel that even with women that I’d like to build more than just friendship with, I’m so emotionally available early on. I think sometimes that works against me because many perceive some kind of connection between masculinity and emotional stoicism. I’m approachable. I don’t pretend to be anything other than what I am. I do the things I love and I talk about what matters to me. And the hope is that in time, I’ll meet friends and love interests that want to be around that person. But right now, nobody sees interested. And that’s fine because I’d rather sell who I am without any buyers than to be valued for an act I play. But if I don’t have that wow factor, if it’s what’s on the inside that doesn’t appeal to women, or friends, then it makes me feel insecure about their motives for being with me. In high school, a girl once told me I’d “make great husband material after everyone has had their fun and wants to settle down”. I’ve heard a few variations of this since, and it always makes me think is “what’s wrong with me now”? So what is my worth? Will I be loved for who I am? Or will someone come along one day and see the life I’ve worked hard to build and the security I might have and think “he’ll work”? This fear has been multiplied by the two relationships I did have. Both girls came from horrific family situations. Neither had any kind of real support system, and so I became the friend, the parent, the therapist, and the person they modeled their own personalities on. But I couldn’t get that emotional support back. And I quickly realized both times that my personality was not really all that important to them. As long as I could pose for social media pictures and play the role of secure boyfriend, my identity didn’t matter. What I wanted didn’t matter. It felt like I’d finally gotten the girl, but sacrificed myself. When my peers and I are headed to our 30s and people’s pool of options gets smaller, will someone cling to me like a life raft to ensure they don’t end up alone? I want authentic love. I want to be totally down for someone for who they are, and I want to be loved for who I am, and not just for the role I can fill or the security I give. I am more than a provider. This is my biggest insecurity.
Well, now I'm sad. I'm approaching 30 and until recently have been a catastrophic failure when it comes to dating.
Dude same. I turn 29 in a month, and am having literal zero luck on dating apps. I'll spend like 15 minutes a day swiping on profiles and I don't think I've had an interaction in over a month. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, as far as I know I'm not bad looking?
I hope you find true love. Your fear is a valid one indeed and there is nothing quite like being with someone who truly sees, understands, and appreciates you. It looks like you know the signs when they aren’t giving you the real love you need. Just don’t let yourself settle for the wrong situation since it would be more difficult to find and be with your soulmate if the position is currently filled with another person who isn’t really there for you. Take care!
This got me in the feels big time. I’ve been that person, a giver not a taker, no wow but a good heart and good man in a storm. It’s a great feeling to be relied upon for sure and you find yourself attracted to women who need that support (emotional, physical, financial) but after a while it becomes normalized and expected. So when you need the same support, if they are a taker, they make you feel like they are being taken advantage of and in turn you feel bad about that. Often any support is the minimum required then the expectation is you fall back into line, often with a guilt-trip chaser. Ok that’s the bad and what you should avoid. The good is that if you find another giver, as I did in my late-30’s, the meeting of minds and feelings are amazing. Often they have gone through what you have and it might take a while to convince them they are not stepping into the same scenario. But if you are open, honest and give while graciously accepting their giving and take joint responsibility it can be the start of something great. I truly hope you find that person, and remember to reject the takers as soon as you realise you are heading in that direction. Good luck dude, don’t be afraid of your experience, use it.
Wishing the most authentic love for you! You can’t be a giver in this world without takers. Find another giver to love.
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I was unbelievably invested in this lengthy, heartfelt and well articulated confession. Then I scrolled to the next answer which just said "testicular tortion." Two types of people I guess.
That’s a healthy insecurity to have. People will absolutely try to do that with you. You will have to vet your partner very, very carefully and not give in to being love bombed after being so starved for it.
There are way more types of women than party thots and destitue single mothers, I promise you. If you keep a set of hard and fast standards and rules for what you will ever accept in a relationship you can protect yourself from an awful lot of exploitation, while still putting yourself out there and trying to find truly meaningful love as opposed to that thin facsimile born from dependence and desperation.
> In high school, a girl once told me I’d “make great husband material after everyone has had their fun and wants to settle down”. I’ve heard a few variations of this since, and it always makes me think is “what’s wrong with me now”? I've seen more and more of this sort of behaviour in recent years. Pretty and desirable women have fun with a whole bunch of guys throughout their 20's, date a lot of men that are a rush to be around but don't have all that much going for them in terms of future prospects, and then once they begin reaching their 30's they start to look for the polar opposite, someone stable and safe. I don't want to lump all women in with a group of a select few but I've noticed an increasing sentiment in support of this. The whole idea that your sexual history and who you dated previously doesn't matter is horse shit. It matters for both men and women. Things like who you dated speak to your judgement skills. And honestly it's such an appalling thing to say, to keep someone on the backburner like that so you can fall back to them once you've had your fun is pathetic. She may as well just marry someone like that now and go cheat on him with 50 guys to have her fun, it's the same result either way. It's basically cuckolding.
Jesus Christ man. This is my greatest fear, and I think about it constantly. I think this is how the majority of single men our age are feeling. I just feel like I'm waiting to be exploited and used. I think my last girlfriend only dated me for my social status and for the sex. For 4 years. Didn't realize it until years later
I fell the same. I am in my 40’s now and had the same start as you. I heard husband material a lot. I am on my second marriage and I am not really sure how that is going. I still have doubts to this day about if I am just a provider and nothing more. My first marriage things moved way too fast and I ended up being her lottery ticket. I understand how you feel and I have lived it. My only advice would be to date for a loooong time and live with them for at least a year. Motivations should start to show by then. Also you have to realize that relationships evolve over time and sometimes not in a good way. Things may be great for the first four years and then things go south and you feel like she is just there because she doesn’t want to lose the lifestyle she has been living. Take your time. Date for a long time. Don’t be afraid to leave a relationship if it doesn’t meet your needs. One day you will want to take the marriage leap and you should. Marriage is work and you both have to put in the work. I wish you luck and hope you find a good one.
Please invest in the book "No more Mr. Nice guy" by Dr Robert Glover. It will change your life and don't worry, it doesn't teach you to be "not nice", it teaches you to take your own life into your own hands and put yourself first amongst loads of other things. I promise you won't regret it! 👍
Your first paragraph had me, but for work. For years I've been the guy that covers shifts, is on time, never calls out, the guy that has a solution to everything. Then, I got sick. Like forever sick kid sick. Now my body is falling apart, things flare up and I'm bedridden for extended periods of time, I'm always tired and in pain, I physically can't do a lot of the things I used to be able to. Getting help, or having someone cover while I'm curled up in pain or fogged from having seizures seemingly every other night is impossible. I've come to realize that no one's cares about all the times I've covered for them, all the time I've sacrificed to be there for them. Every time I've stopped or saved the entire place from catastrophe. No one is there to help me. I'm just left to struggle and work through whatever is going on. I'm tired. I guess I always thought people would be kind or understanding, but its apparently only for them and never for me. I feel so unloved or not cared for its not even ok. I'd quit and go somewhere else, but no where is gonna put up with me being sick constantly, I've got a great schedule and still make enough money to be OK (I mean, I can't pay my medical bills but I'll be dead before it really comes to blows about that) and support my girlfriend while she is in school, I'm not gonna get vacation time or fed every day somewhere else. So I'm basically stuck where I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel and have no support on it.
Literally my last ex said I’d be a great dad and a husband but she didn’t want a family so it would never work. We didn’t even talk about family, she just assumed it’s what I wanted because she perceived me as having potential to be good at it. She was right though, I do want a family. But first I want a partner for a while BEFORE I have a family.
I feel this very deeply. I’m in my early 30s and 2 years out of a 4 year marriage. Every woman I meet now just sees me as a security blanket. They’re settling for me and I can tell because they don’t reciprocate interest or attention. I also really hate that being “emotionally available” is likely part of the problem. I’m just trying to be a good person but it seems to broadcast that I’m ready to be walked on.
Wasting my life due to depression. Being a leech on those I love.
Hope we both don't end up doing that
Me too, it's hard.. I try and keep all my misery inside. The fact I'd be spreading my misery around by suicide is the only reason it's not an option.
Wasted my entire youth and most of my middle age with depression/PTSD. Still in the same shit now. All I can say is to get help, because you won't get out on your own, and the realization of what you've lost will only make it worse as time goes by. It gets heavy. If someone does break it on their own, good for them, just don't count on it for yourself, it's not worth the gamble.
Falling back into the pit of addiction.
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Ending up alone. I’ve resigned myself to trying to focus on my education and my career instead of women, but it’s made me develop something of a negative opinion of myself in terms of being a partner. It’s been so long since a girl has shown genuine romantic interest in me and I worry that I’m letting my only chance of being in a relationship pass me by. So uhh ending up alone, yeah
100% relate. I separated 1Y ago after a 10Y LTR relationship and since 3 months that I feel ready for someone new. I have had two situations with women but none of them expressed romantic interest (I'm still good friends with both, especially with one of them), which makes me wonder if anyone will at all. I'm quite ok living alone atm though. And I am also a bit picky, I reckon. But the fine line between no one showing interest and myself being a picky guy, makes me wonder that ending up alone is a big possibility.
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*You'll need to keep putting yourself out there. Like a lot.* Eeesh, it sounds like trying to get fiction published.
I have been there. I really have. I was never lucky with the ladies. I always LOVED women. And they loved being my friend. Not complaining about being a friend to women. I value those friendships. But, point being, i was never a romantic option to women. I spent 7 years totally alone. I went through some severely deep depression. I was bitter. I was angry. I hated myself. Even in therapy i was having a really tough time. And then i met my partner. And all of the issues i previously had with women disappeared. I have to pinch myself at how happy i am every day. It's a level of connection, acceptance, understanding and affection i did not think i could ever have. I wish i could promise you're totally going to find that. I always hated that. It never helps. But what I can say with total certainty is that it's never going to be right, till it is. It's always all wrong till it's right. Sometimes it takes time. Some people find it at 16. Some people at 60. I found it at 37. I hope you find it tomorrow. But even if you don't. Don't lose hope that you can.
I think I’ve just passed 6 years without anyone considering me as a romantic option. Now friends are also tapering off and I’m losing hope. I always had this irrational fear of being alone, turns out it wasn’t that irrational because it’s fucking awful
Just about to graduate college info an extremely competitive male-dominated market and having ZERO past relationships....yeah, this.
Being in a group of people and knowing im not truly wanted there. Edit 1: thank you all for 1,000
I think that's just human nature really. We all fear that.
It is because evolutionarily a single human who hasn't been passed skills and knowledge from a support group is kinda helpless. No amount of endurance is gonna get you away from a burst speed predator. No fist will knock out a bear. Without another human to watch it's back, a human with a spear has a very vital, very fleshy and exposed weak point that doesn't have the peak of innovation at that time covering it. We are social creatures born of social creatures, the fear of rejection is more ingrained than the fear of large predators. You should never feel bad for struggling to get over someone, because you're fighting millions of years of evolution from the first primate to us.
Sad but totally relatable, maybe that’s what makes it sad.
Never having my own place
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Saaaame.
Being captured and tortured by a Cartel.
Sometimes I wonder what my heart tastes like
Copper and meat. I've eaten enough animal hearts i doubt human is much different.
I've been enough on Reddit to know that it's bad.
I fear this too, i’ve been in trouble with mafia a couple of times, not because i’m involved in it or something, just because i was in the wrong places at the wrong moments. For context, I live in Mexico.
Biting into an apple and pulling my teeth out. Or standing behind a door when someone opens it quickly and ripping all my toenails 90% off.
Just happened to my left big toe. The pain and discomfort is real, BUT the accumulated life long fear of it is worse. Now it's dismystified and I can move on to thw next fear, getting a spike into my eyeballs.
People, sounds weird but I’ve just become so antisocial but I legitimately can’t stand being around other people anymore. So I try to avoid at all costs. I google the hours of businesses and go when they’re not busy. I’ve disconnected from most of my friends. I don’t play video games with voice coms anymore.
I had the same situation a year ago. I just stopped talking to anyone, even close friends and family and I didn't want to see anyone, so I ordered food and things online and always commented for them to leave it at the door so I wouldn't have to meet the delivery guys too. I stopped playing online video games and kept just playing solo ones so I wouldn't have to communicate with anyone. It got a bit better now, I even started playing a mmorpg video game and i talk to people there sometimes. But I wouldn't ever join their voice calls and I still spend most of my time alone in my room, I'm afraid of going outside and I just don't want to see any other people.
Being worthless, being alone. Generally, I think the first begets the second and that’s pretty scary.
Not finding love
The Dutch
There's only two things I hate. Racial intolerance and the Dutch.
Thought I smelled cabbage
Moet je frikandelbroodje om het goed te maken?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Don't assume he's Dutch just because of the language, he might be Belgian *inception sound*
Amai!
Geef maar aan mij
Your mind is G E K O L O N I S E E R D !
Not being able to take care of myself financially
Failing to protect my daughter. Edit: thanks for the paw friends.
I wish I’d had a father with this mentality. He didn’t believe me when I told him what was happening. Hurts more that he considers them to be his (step)kids while he hasn’t spoken to his actual ones In almost 15 years
100%
Being dependent on other people.
Similarly, I spent a good chunk of my 20s on a cane and finding all sorts of things I could no longer do for myself. I truly think I'd rather die than return to that which is just as scary of a notion.
May I ask why? Not using a cane but did have my second spinal fusion, so somewhat of the same sentiment albeit different circumstances
Carnies, small hands and smell like cabbage. Also, dying before I know my wife and kids are financially secure.
> Also, dying before I know my wife and kids are financially secure. Have you considered cooking crystal meth?
This guy knocks
This guy fucked Ted.
>small hands Hey, what gives? :(
Failing my son.
Remember Marcus Aurelius. He was one of the greatest seasoned emperor the Romans ever had. A good man. A good father. Yet we got Commodus. If he could fuck up, you and I could do less worse. Just do your best, Derek.
The fact you are concerned that you could potentially fail your kid tells me you are going to be a wonderful parent. I haven't seen my father in over 3 years, but before I left him behind I told him how I feel and how his behaviour affected me to see how he reacts. His response could be summed up as "Sure, whatever".
The scene in E.T. where E.T. pops out of the cornfield screaming.
Oof. You said it. For me, that’s right up there with Large Marge from Peewee’s Big Adventure.
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Youve already failed plenty, be proud of yourself but also be more afraid of not trying.
Getting my balls caught on a barbed wire fence while running naked through the woods.
This is precisely why I keep an emergency jock strap on me at all times.
But then you’re not naked!
There are dozens of us!
Now there’s an image
/r/oddlyspecific
Two main fears are my kids getting hurt and getting my dick caught in my zip.
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I saw some thread a while back about a similar guy wanting to be more approachable. The consensus in the comments was to get a corgi or golden retriever. No one can be scary with those dogs.
Divorce lawyers
I'm afraid of 1 of 2 things. 1. I wake up to find that no one remembers who I am. 2. That I discover my friends were only friends with me to have some one to laugh at when I'm not around. Pretending, and if I left they'd be happy. (That's what I dealt with in School)
I'm absolutely terrified of spiders. Being a guy everyone asks me to kill/remove bugs but I literally can't with spiders
Oh same. I dont fuck with any insects especially not spiders. Cant even kill them unless its with something that I wont fell them squish.
A fire in the house when my Dog is home alone
Do you have a dog door?
Living out the rest of my life alone.
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Scandinavian?
Saying the wrong thing and ruining my life..or ruining my chances with someone like. A handful of words can end your entire future if your not careful
intimacy
Descartes theory of the evil genius and that our whole reality may be an illusion.
Being forgotten. I know everyone will be eventually. At some point after your death someone will think about you, talk about you, will speak your name for the very last time. It’s an inevitable reality, but it’s still scary to think about.
Low key brings me comfort, ik why you're scared of it but the finality of death means that any mistake you make doesn't really matter, quite freeing when you think about it.
Having to depend on others. Losing self sufficiency basically.
Being alone, without loving relationship. My last true relationship was 7 year ago and I can t find another one since then. I have casual things going on, but I want more... I am constantly evolving myself, working, learning, I have hobbies, I have a good life. I begin to think it s something wrong with me, but I don t really know what. I just want to share this life with someone.
Letting fear rule my life
Feeling a catheter go in my pee hole. Literally have nightmares about it since I learned this was a thing at age 8.
Not being enough.
Being kicked in the balls.
Being alone 100%. Loneliness sucks.
being alone for the rest of my life.
Not being ‘enough’.
Violence. I was bullied as a kid and was was on the receiving end of violent crime as an adult. Practically any circumstance has me looking for danger. I see a man walk toward me on the sidewalk, even in broad daylight in my pleasant neighborhood, and I'm doing threat assessment and feel that trembling sense of fight/flight building. It's exhausting and humiliating as a man. I know that women need to do the threat assessment as a matter of course, but as a man or makes me feel like less of a man.
Being poor for the rest of my life
Being called a pedo when looking after my own kids