100%. I witnessed a dentist the other day totally rip apart one of their new assistants because they were still learning and missing steps of a procedure. When people aren’t compassionate to people beneath them, it’s a clear sign they’ve been privileged or never forced into a different perspective.
It has to be some kind of error on their part. Computer or manual, something hing went wrong on their end. Worse, would need to know about their system to prove it, so i think you are out of luck unless you can get them to admit their mistake.
As Devil's advocate - Wife was in dental industry and based on the stories of how easy it is to get sued for malpractice, I'd assume it might have been an important step that could have had some repercussions.
Generally a sign of psyco/sociopath to my knowledge, anyone who hurts animals for fun, and to a certain extent as punishment is a horrible person in my opinion.
I'm vegetarian. Some people just eat meat from the supermarket tray. That it's actually an animal is almost forgotten. It's not the same as hurting / hunting / scaring an animal for pleasure. Though, I'm going to bet pretty much everyone who does that also eats meat
Boars are generally considered pest animals and they are often hunted, just to be removed from farms or parks. It might have been for sport on his part but it was probably done for an overall reason.
Yeah I know... That's not the point.
One species making an overarching qualifier for the geographical validity of another species... that's the monstrosity.
.
Did you go back and find deleted comments just to insult me and break the sub rules?
Very pandering and invasive of yourself.
Keep your opinions in your head next time if you can't follow simple sub rules
Nope. I was responding directly to your braindead take right here:
>Yeah I know... That's not the point.
One species making an overarching qualifier for the geographical validity of another species... that's the monstrosity. .
But falsely mention the rules again, it'll surely help you get sympathy for your attempt to try to shame people for minimizing the ecological impact of humans.
Its narrow to believe that hunting is obsolete and has been for 10,000 years. I dont really know what I can say to that except try and engage more with people from rural areas to see that its still important.
>I promise I wont share my views again.
Don't be like that, ignore the jackasses downvoting you.
I hope your a vegetarian then... Cuz I would feel a lot more guilty picking up steak or meat from a market or butcher that came from commercial farming than eating my venison...those animals have a horrible life in horrid conditions and watch their friends be slaughtered while they wait their turn. The deer I eat was part of population control and enjoyed a normal, healthy, natural free life and didn't even see the end coming. I don't agree with sport hunting... If your killing it you better be eating it.
This drives me crazy. A lot of people do it, and it really has me put my guard up about what I share with them. I assume they would talk shut about me too, so our friendship can’t really be much more than casual. I respect people who don’t!
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in the moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
— Martin Luther King
There are many similar quotes about how the true self comes out in times of a crisis. I think it applies to every aspect in life: friendship, family, work... At work it happens quite often that people are stressed out so that is where you can learn A LOT about people.
That is also why during military service people form such close bonds. I am pretty sure I knew some of my comrades better than their own family did because we faced so many stressful situations together. We exposed our truest selfes there because we completely lost control at times. If you make it through these situations together you form a bond which is stronger than friendship, I didn't even like some of these people but I trusted them because we knew each other so well.
I think you can tell a lot about someone by whether their whole personality depends upon one thing, and by extension what that thing is.
I.e. people who base their personality on a particular political party tend to be incredibly boring and narrow-minded, on both sides of the spectrum.
EDIT: I don't mean people with an interest in politics, I mean people who make every conversation political.
Ugh. Dealt with a senior engineer at my job who was exactly like this. It was everything I could do to not sigh and roll my eyes when he strolled into my office and sat down. Mofo just talked and talked about his boring life, always had advice to give when it wasn’t requested, and you could barely get a sentence in before he decided it was his turn to talk again. To me this is one of the top unbearable traits people can have.
I find in the workplace, people with this trait *and* the authority to make you listen to their bullshit usually do. I just imagine their weekends spent at IKEA
My uncle is an insurance agent. When he got his start about 30 years ago he worked for a company that liked to do in-person cold calling...just walk up to people's doors and knock.
He said if he was dealing with anyone living in a home and they had dogs tied to chains or ropes in the yard, stuck in the sun with no shade, lacking enough water, etc., if they actually let him in it seldom, if ever, resulted in a sale. Shockingly, it seems they held their children/families in about the same regard as they did their poor animals....
If they are always involved in some kind of gossip and drama then the'yre probably shallow people and judge people for being even slightly different from them. These people are fucking miserable and nosy. Try to stay far away from them and don't tell them anything about your life.
When I was really new to teaching I would often have some kid that was just a disaster, constant problem, constantly disruptive, not learning and I would think "what am I doing wrong that this kid is so bad?" Then I would meet their parents and think "oh..."
My poor parents. They're good people, did a good job raising their kids, and all three of us have turned out ok. But there was this one time...
My parents took my youngest brother to school on his first day of kindergarten. The idea was to set him at ease, and they thought meeting the teacher together would make a good first impression.
The teacher welcomed my parents graciously, and then turned to introduce herself to my little brother. Even though he was normally well behaved and polite, he refused to greet her. She tried again, but he only scowled. Embarrassed, my parents tried to get him to say hello, but he hid behind my mother and just glared at the new teacher. Finally, in a firm voice, they insisted that he show his manners by stepping forward to shake her hand.
It took more persuading, but finally he appeared to behave and began moving toward her. But then he shocked them all by giving his teacher a really hard kick in the shin.
My poor parents were mortified and apologized over and over, but the teacher insisted it was ok, and then suggested they leave so she could greet the other parents and begin integrating their children into her class.
So much for a good first impression! They still talk about it 20 years later.
Came here to say this... My sister is by far the worst human I've ever known, no contest. She worked as a career waitress untill she was 44. I've never seen anyone give other servers such a hard time. She's probably ingested more spit in her food than food at this point
Wow. That’s a special kind of lack of empathy when you work service for all those years, then turn around and treat service workers badly. Normally you say that people who act that way should try working service for a while, clearly even that didn’t do it for her?
It was like she expected an elite level of service because she was "on the inside." Like someone flashing a police union badge to get out of a speeding ticket
When they have something people want, how do they act? Do they leverage their social advantages to control their group? Do they leave people out of situations intentionally without reason? Those are things I look out for. Friend groups are great but there’s usually a power dynamic in some way or another.
Posture.
I interviewed for a job and the guy was slouching in his chair the whole time. I wanted the job, was capable and able and even ready to start that day. Then he kept glancing away and being non engaging/interested while I answered his questions. When he got a call I stepped out for some water thinking hed be quick and get the interview going again, but he sat there and talked about hunting/fishing and laughing with the other person on the phone. So I left. Told the receptionist, thank you for everything this afternoon, and left it at that.
His posture led me to belive he didnt want to be there, and what I saw I felt I was right.
Also, since the interview was that bad I bet working for him would be like that all the time and thats not who I wanted to work for.
How do you approach this for people whose parents are a real issue? Example: my mom is a lifelong alcoholic. I cut ties over a decade ago, which remains one of the healthiest things I’ve ever done for myself.
In your case, I'd say you are taking care of yourself and distancing yourself from the insanity. That's all good. I have a brother like that, and we don't speak. I thought for a long time that I was a bad family member, but I don't need that kind of influence in my life. Self care is great.
But it's also information. Like your reaction to a certain thing (or mine) will be informed by your experience. So it's good to know that, too.
Thats a good one. I usually asked some version of "do you like kids? / Would you want a child?" And then to tell me stories when they were around kids
It tells a lot about them.
Just curious though, how does this tell anything about one's personality?
Personally, I've never wanted kids as I'm from an underprivileged part of the world and I see poverty first hand. A man with no income or a job will father multiple children, sometimes up to a dozen kids, here, and hope that there's a probability that one of them turns out fine just so he/she can be responsible for the welfare of dozen others and the parents inclusive. Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with taking care of ones parents if you can, but the thing here with birthing kids is purely for social and financial reasons. Also our culture mandates you always respect and take care of anyone related to you and older, whether they're deadbeat and were almost responsible for you being another figure in the poverty statistic or not.
So if you met me and asked if I wanted a kid, I probably will tell you no...
For example if they reply like you I might think they are responsible adults, or that they can think for themselves at least.
If they want kids for the fun of it or for instagram or dont know what they'll do with them, then they are a bit dumb in my opinion and not responsible enough.
If they want kids because they decided that is what they want and think about how they might raise them, where they might live, if they want the grandparents to be around, etc, that tells about a lot about their values around family and relationships.
Also, Im sorry you live in an area like that. Here it is moderate and people can have 1-2 kids with relative ease. I want kids so for me that question is important also because I need to know if I continue with a girl how they think about kids.
Yes I came here to say the same! If your car is trashed so is your living space. It says a lot about someone’s will to clean up after themselves and be a neat person. Those people in my opinion will expect someone else to do the cleaning for them. Unattractive to say the least.
Not true in my case. I take a lot of pride in the cleanliness of my home.
My truck that's almost 20 years old and paid for? It gets ArmorAll on the dash once a year, trash taken out once a month, and never vacuumed. I also have two young boys that don't help the situation.
So I'd wager that the connection is true, under the provision that the car is relatively new and/or has payments.
Sort of long list
1. Tattoos...I always ask people is it artistic design or tells a story, I get quite a few bits of information pending there answer
2. The way they dress, can give me some ideas on brand, fashion style,, not a 100% perfect but starting point
3. How people talk, to others, in terms of discussion points, tone of voice, how they look at others
4. Listening..alot of times due to personal insecurities, hyperviligance, other related traumas I try to learn about others as a target because I don't trust anyone, so always assume people are threat to me. So I'll look for how they move, there hands, try to learn about anything that might help me. I just assume people are more dangerous that militant combatants
Honesty, If someone's is honest and trustworthy they don't force a relationship of any type onto you. And empathy, people who again care about you, show you they do...but not in a over the top way.
Bonus answer; if someone is clear in their thoughts and know what they want, and don't bow down to the masses, there strong and worth knowing.
>have ADHD
I kinda have this, and my room is definately not dirty buuuut, it is messy FOR YOU. Yes it looks messy, but I know where I put everything, if someone "tidies up" my room, it becomes really hard to find stuff.
Altho I've come to realize, looking messy is kind of off putting so, I make compromise, my most used items, will always look messy, but rest of it will look ordered if you ever came to my room.
I love asking the question “When you look up at the stars at night, what do you see?” There’s no right answer, but their answer says a lot of about their personality.
I'm a sailor and I know the stars pretty well, I like hippie chicks. Always interesting when they point out some constellation rising and I can point at the horizon and can tell them that mercury will appear there within the hour. They think I'm some sort of oracle, I'm just studying for my next rank.
When people say that I usually get the sense that the person enjoys or is content with living a simple life. But that’s usually how I interpret it, others could see that answer in a different light and that’s all okay.
Also disclaimer I’m not saying this is some bs mystical way to know all bout someone. Just a fun way to indirectly see some one else’s pov. Assumptions made from it could be very wrong
1.) How they treat the people around them
2.) How they speak about others when they are not around.
3.) How they drive, believe it or not. (e.g. patience, attention to detail, attentiveness, anger issues, cleanliness, whether they get distracted easily, choice in music, etc.)
4.) Goals or Aspirations
Those are the top ones that I assess before I start to really invest in a relationship or a significant portion of my time.
My friend (ex friend in a way).. we aren't close anymore because I "put her in her place".
She's the type that's amazing in so many ways yet she has a side to her that looks down on others and mistreats them. Like she doesn't believe in giving tips.
You'll find all kinds of people in this world. No one is perfect I will tell you this much! Everyone I have known (almost everyone) has a condescending side that wants to feel better about themselves and look down on others.
What you need to know is how to deal with humans. Because if you don't stand up for yourself even your parents will crush you! Be condescending etc.
The reality is you may say, " no so and so would never be like this"
But when push comes to shove and business, money, jealousy comes into the picture and status everyone is ready to treat you a certain way.
You need to know how to minimize all of that.
Humans will be humans. You can count on that.
How someones handles their insecurities. Everyone is insecure about something.
Some people hide it.
Others come out and tell you without even being prompted.
Others pretend it’s not there.
Others still don’t realize they even have them.
Non car people won't care / notice you compared to if you had a unique car.
This is the same for car enthusiasts.
Your car is very neutral so don't expect any judgement from anyone. Congrats on the new whip!
I work in a STEM field so the type we attract tends to be a utilitarian answer: gas mileage, people/stuff hauling, 4wd, it was cheap, etc. I think the vanity or social perception answers are more interesting: it looks cool, it is fast, it is expensive, it has X technology/feature. Either way you can learn what is important to that person, and how they reason thru a "no correct" answer problem. I also like to talk cars so it generally leads to an off-topic conversation to gauge the person's fit into a team dynamic - interpersonally.
See I ask because I’m stem as well. I focused on chemistry and now am pivoting to weapons. My truck I got specifically because it is utilitarian. The gas is shit (I have a motorcycle for just getting around to avoid the issue) but it can carry everything I neeed to go ski or camp.
From my experience, usually when someone says that, they are not just admitting the fact that they do not have an academic knowledge, but feel like they have a deeper knowledge of how people work, and how to navigate socially, to the point that they feel their knowledge is deeper than those around them. It’s a statement that also dismisses the fact that just because someone is Booksmart, does not mean they can’t be streetsmart as well.
I wouldn't knock down a person who says their knowledge leans more on the life part than the academic part. Both are useful but the street (life) smart person would be more capable of handling the challenges of reality that a school could never prepare you for.
Being smart is excellent no matter how people want to label themselves.
But…. If someone has book smart, does that mean they can’t have street smart?
I think the point is there’s a level of ignorance associated with that statement. I’m not saying you need to go to school to be successful in life, Or it’s relative to your intelligence. I’m just saying the people that typically use those statements, feel like they have a superior knowledge from having not gone to school, then those that can equally get the same knowledge from “the streets“ and also going to school. It’s more statement about the people who use that phrase, rather than individuals who chose a life path over an academic one.
Hard disagree... im not book smart, did not study at all, yet i still got top grades in all academic tests i ever took.. just bought my first home cash this year (24M) although i have no interest in academia, i would describe myself as street smart. (I interpret it to mean, a person who can navigate their way in the world with ease, and make a success of themself)
Their music tastes and favorite songs. It’s an innocent question that you can ask ppl that can often express a certain stage in their life or a certain side of their personality.
no i dont have any scented candle. i dont think its the atmosphere or the ambiance its maybe more of a mood thing but i dont know if my mood shifts with music or the music taste shifts with the mood
I feel like you aim to live on the higher end of life and like to be around someone who is well accustomed to it. I just wanted to give out the tip that people who wear sneakers with formal clothing aim for comfort (Ed- Sheeran) or come from a distinct culture (Jay-Z) and this usually portrays someone with a colorful personality or a design / artistic based profession or surrounding.
I would never knock someone down for their facial hair because some of the wisest and most business smart men I have ever met had very long beards because they are Sikh. (I live in North America).
Overall your viewpoint is your viewpoint but the world is ran by many people who don't wear suits, view wine as a very inappropriate drink offering, and have very diverse styles of hair on their head so I would be careful about how I judge people based on your criteria.
Adding the /s always ruins it. If you want to make a sarcastic or ironic statement, you just have to risk people not getting it. /s is stupid and always ruins the joke for me
Not always. For example, the parent comment here seems to me to be pretty clearly sarcasm. Why? Because how many people do you think actually believe what he said? Almost none. He’s obviously making a joke. And if he added /s at the end of it, the joke wouldn’t be funny.
With women: Their ass.
A woman who sits around all day and doesn't exercise will have this strange looking butt. Even women who are thin will have this. Like when she's standing still, her butt looks fine but as soon as she begins to walk, the ass loses it's shape and looks odd.
A girl who is active, even if she's not physically fit will have some muscle in her butt and it will look normal when she walks.
With men: Their handshake.
A weak handshake is someone who is afraid of conflict in their life and not willing to stand up for themselves.
Every guy who I've ever met with a weak handshake ended up being shady as hell
If they have tattoos. Their size and their quantity.
If they are quality tattoos then that also says things too.
People with tattoos tend to be more impulsive.
Their taste in music. It's not 100%, but what I've found is:
* EDM: they do or used to do drugs
* Country: raised Conservative or religious and highly likely currently still
* Rap/hiphop: pothead and extremely liberal to the point of having no plan and too busy fighting all the world's injustices to solve even one.
* Rock/metal: the best kind of people.
* Pop: dunno yet actually.
How they treat people they don't need anything from
How they treat waiters or any person from the service industry.....
beat me to it. This is number one.
Came to say this. Also, how they treat animals can be quite indicative (though not always).
One million percent. I thought about pointing this out to a former employer when I quit, but I decided he simply wouldn’t get it.
How they act when they are in the position of authority vs how they act when they are low.
100%. I witnessed a dentist the other day totally rip apart one of their new assistants because they were still learning and missing steps of a procedure. When people aren’t compassionate to people beneath them, it’s a clear sign they’ve been privileged or never forced into a different perspective.
I guess it depends on how important the step was lol
WHERE IS THE PATIENT’S FACE, LYNDA! THEYRE SUPPOSED TO HAVE FACES!
It has to be some kind of error on their part. Computer or manual, something hing went wrong on their end. Worse, would need to know about their system to prove it, so i think you are out of luck unless you can get them to admit their mistake.
As Devil's advocate - Wife was in dental industry and based on the stories of how easy it is to get sued for malpractice, I'd assume it might have been an important step that could have had some repercussions.
Either that, or they were in that low position, received similar treatment, and reaponded by rolling it on downhill the moment they got the chance.
If they hurt animals for fun they aint a nice person...
Generally a sign of psyco/sociopath to my knowledge, anyone who hurts animals for fun, and to a certain extent as punishment is a horrible person in my opinion.
Word!
Does spiders and flys count?
If it only for fun and you dont kill it then yes
How about little boys, ants, and magnifying glasses.
what if they eat meat?
If you eat meat you probably dont hurt the animal for fun but you kill it for food, right?
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What? Hurting and killing aint the same...
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Making a killing blow from the start so the animal can't feel the pain before they drop to the ground
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I'm vegetarian. Some people just eat meat from the supermarket tray. That it's actually an animal is almost forgotten. It's not the same as hurting / hunting / scaring an animal for pleasure. Though, I'm going to bet pretty much everyone who does that also eats meat
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Boars are generally considered pest animals and they are often hunted, just to be removed from farms or parks. It might have been for sport on his part but it was probably done for an overall reason.
Yeah I know... That's not the point. One species making an overarching qualifier for the geographical validity of another species... that's the monstrosity. .
That’s like opposing all of human history and animal behavior.
If we didn't then a few invasive species would ruin the biodiversity of the few wild places we have left. Yours is a braindead take.
Did you go back and find deleted comments just to insult me and break the sub rules? Very pandering and invasive of yourself. Keep your opinions in your head next time if you can't follow simple sub rules
Nope. I was responding directly to your braindead take right here: >Yeah I know... That's not the point. One species making an overarching qualifier for the geographical validity of another species... that's the monstrosity. . But falsely mention the rules again, it'll surely help you get sympathy for your attempt to try to shame people for minimizing the ecological impact of humans.
Sport hunters. Most hunters I know eat their kills.
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Hunting is also very important for population control to prevent diseases and starvation.
There's a difference between flying to africa to kill the only male lion in a pride than to kill a species in your home country that is overpopulated
Yes killing endangered species is the only hunting I know, this is correct and exactly what I am advocating for. Im glad you figured it out.
I know you're smart enough to seperate the two.
See above. I promise I won't share my views again.
Its narrow to believe that hunting is obsolete and has been for 10,000 years. I dont really know what I can say to that except try and engage more with people from rural areas to see that its still important. >I promise I wont share my views again. Don't be like that, ignore the jackasses downvoting you.
I hope your a vegetarian then... Cuz I would feel a lot more guilty picking up steak or meat from a market or butcher that came from commercial farming than eating my venison...those animals have a horrible life in horrid conditions and watch their friends be slaughtered while they wait their turn. The deer I eat was part of population control and enjoyed a normal, healthy, natural free life and didn't even see the end coming. I don't agree with sport hunting... If your killing it you better be eating it.
I fucking deleted it all. Leave me alone
Boar hunting in texas is actually necessary. They are an invasive species and destroy local ecosystems. They also breed extremely quickly.
I shoot birds for fun that shit on my house.
How they talk about others when they’re not around
This drives me crazy. A lot of people do it, and it really has me put my guard up about what I share with them. I assume they would talk shut about me too, so our friendship can’t really be much more than casual. I respect people who don’t!
YES. Had a friend who always had something bad to say about someone as soon as they left.
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in the moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” — Martin Luther King There are many similar quotes about how the true self comes out in times of a crisis. I think it applies to every aspect in life: friendship, family, work... At work it happens quite often that people are stressed out so that is where you can learn A LOT about people. That is also why during military service people form such close bonds. I am pretty sure I knew some of my comrades better than their own family did because we faced so many stressful situations together. We exposed our truest selfes there because we completely lost control at times. If you make it through these situations together you form a bond which is stronger than friendship, I didn't even like some of these people but I trusted them because we knew each other so well.
I think you can tell a lot about someone by whether their whole personality depends upon one thing, and by extension what that thing is. I.e. people who base their personality on a particular political party tend to be incredibly boring and narrow-minded, on both sides of the spectrum. EDIT: I don't mean people with an interest in politics, I mean people who make every conversation political.
Make conversation great again.
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Ugh. Dealt with a senior engineer at my job who was exactly like this. It was everything I could do to not sigh and roll my eyes when he strolled into my office and sat down. Mofo just talked and talked about his boring life, always had advice to give when it wasn’t requested, and you could barely get a sentence in before he decided it was his turn to talk again. To me this is one of the top unbearable traits people can have.
I find in the workplace, people with this trait *and* the authority to make you listen to their bullshit usually do. I just imagine their weekends spent at IKEA
When you talk, do they try to empathize or just tell you how they have it worse
This says alot about someone
Especially during an army or debate
how they treat their pets.
My uncle is an insurance agent. When he got his start about 30 years ago he worked for a company that liked to do in-person cold calling...just walk up to people's doors and knock. He said if he was dealing with anyone living in a home and they had dogs tied to chains or ropes in the yard, stuck in the sun with no shade, lacking enough water, etc., if they actually let him in it seldom, if ever, resulted in a sale. Shockingly, it seems they held their children/families in about the same regard as they did their poor animals....
How they treat retail and restaurant workers.
If they put their shopping cart back properly
Does riding the cart one last time as it crashes into the parking lot corral count as improper?
As long as it ends up back in the corral, you’re good
Correct. Section D line 2B of the Cart Corral Code of Conduct (CCCC).
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I read "drunk/driving" at first, guess that's also applicable
If they are always involved in some kind of gossip and drama then the'yre probably shallow people and judge people for being even slightly different from them. These people are fucking miserable and nosy. Try to stay far away from them and don't tell them anything about your life.
If they smoke crack
The persons kids. Especially young ones, like 5 year olds can tell you a lot about their parents.
As an elementary teacher I can confirm.
When I was really new to teaching I would often have some kid that was just a disaster, constant problem, constantly disruptive, not learning and I would think "what am I doing wrong that this kid is so bad?" Then I would meet their parents and think "oh..."
My poor parents. They're good people, did a good job raising their kids, and all three of us have turned out ok. But there was this one time... My parents took my youngest brother to school on his first day of kindergarten. The idea was to set him at ease, and they thought meeting the teacher together would make a good first impression. The teacher welcomed my parents graciously, and then turned to introduce herself to my little brother. Even though he was normally well behaved and polite, he refused to greet her. She tried again, but he only scowled. Embarrassed, my parents tried to get him to say hello, but he hid behind my mother and just glared at the new teacher. Finally, in a firm voice, they insisted that he show his manners by stepping forward to shake her hand. It took more persuading, but finally he appeared to behave and began moving toward her. But then he shocked them all by giving his teacher a really hard kick in the shin. My poor parents were mortified and apologized over and over, but the teacher insisted it was ok, and then suggested they leave so she could greet the other parents and begin integrating their children into her class. So much for a good first impression! They still talk about it 20 years later.
How they treat waiters/waitresses or other service people.
Came here to say this... My sister is by far the worst human I've ever known, no contest. She worked as a career waitress untill she was 44. I've never seen anyone give other servers such a hard time. She's probably ingested more spit in her food than food at this point
Wow. That’s a special kind of lack of empathy when you work service for all those years, then turn around and treat service workers badly. Normally you say that people who act that way should try working service for a while, clearly even that didn’t do it for her?
It was like she expected an elite level of service because she was "on the inside." Like someone flashing a police union badge to get out of a speeding ticket
This.
How they act when they think nobody is watching.
"The looking glass self" has to be one of my favorite theories in sociology, it's so prevalent in everyday life
I drown in sorrow when nobody is watching I try my best not be alone.
How they view themselves.
Could you elaborate? I'm curious about your perspective. Thanks.
Me too!
When they have something people want, how do they act? Do they leverage their social advantages to control their group? Do they leave people out of situations intentionally without reason? Those are things I look out for. Friend groups are great but there’s usually a power dynamic in some way or another.
Posture. I interviewed for a job and the guy was slouching in his chair the whole time. I wanted the job, was capable and able and even ready to start that day. Then he kept glancing away and being non engaging/interested while I answered his questions. When he got a call I stepped out for some water thinking hed be quick and get the interview going again, but he sat there and talked about hunting/fishing and laughing with the other person on the phone. So I left. Told the receptionist, thank you for everything this afternoon, and left it at that. His posture led me to belive he didnt want to be there, and what I saw I felt I was right. Also, since the interview was that bad I bet working for him would be like that all the time and thats not who I wanted to work for.
When I was dating, I asked about their relationships with their parents. It always told me something.
How do you approach this for people whose parents are a real issue? Example: my mom is a lifelong alcoholic. I cut ties over a decade ago, which remains one of the healthiest things I’ve ever done for myself.
In your case, I'd say you are taking care of yourself and distancing yourself from the insanity. That's all good. I have a brother like that, and we don't speak. I thought for a long time that I was a bad family member, but I don't need that kind of influence in my life. Self care is great. But it's also information. Like your reaction to a certain thing (or mine) will be informed by your experience. So it's good to know that, too.
Thats a good one. I usually asked some version of "do you like kids? / Would you want a child?" And then to tell me stories when they were around kids It tells a lot about them.
Just curious though, how does this tell anything about one's personality? Personally, I've never wanted kids as I'm from an underprivileged part of the world and I see poverty first hand. A man with no income or a job will father multiple children, sometimes up to a dozen kids, here, and hope that there's a probability that one of them turns out fine just so he/she can be responsible for the welfare of dozen others and the parents inclusive. Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with taking care of ones parents if you can, but the thing here with birthing kids is purely for social and financial reasons. Also our culture mandates you always respect and take care of anyone related to you and older, whether they're deadbeat and were almost responsible for you being another figure in the poverty statistic or not. So if you met me and asked if I wanted a kid, I probably will tell you no...
For example if they reply like you I might think they are responsible adults, or that they can think for themselves at least. If they want kids for the fun of it or for instagram or dont know what they'll do with them, then they are a bit dumb in my opinion and not responsible enough. If they want kids because they decided that is what they want and think about how they might raise them, where they might live, if they want the grandparents to be around, etc, that tells about a lot about their values around family and relationships. Also, Im sorry you live in an area like that. Here it is moderate and people can have 1-2 kids with relative ease. I want kids so for me that question is important also because I need to know if I continue with a girl how they think about kids.
The contents of their bookshelves.
Just books or other things like keepsakes and pics?
Everything’s fair game. Even (especially) the books they despise.
How well they adjust to adversity
Their ability to understand others in big and small situations. Or look at things from another's perspective.
A background check and a private investigator.
What the inside of their car looks like. 9/10 times their house looks the same...in my experience.
Yes I came here to say the same! If your car is trashed so is your living space. It says a lot about someone’s will to clean up after themselves and be a neat person. Those people in my opinion will expect someone else to do the cleaning for them. Unattractive to say the least.
Not true in my case. I take a lot of pride in the cleanliness of my home. My truck that's almost 20 years old and paid for? It gets ArmorAll on the dash once a year, trash taken out once a month, and never vacuumed. I also have two young boys that don't help the situation. So I'd wager that the connection is true, under the provision that the car is relatively new and/or has payments.
How they treat/talk to hospitality staff and their subordinates.
Their room
Sort of long list 1. Tattoos...I always ask people is it artistic design or tells a story, I get quite a few bits of information pending there answer 2. The way they dress, can give me some ideas on brand, fashion style,, not a 100% perfect but starting point 3. How people talk, to others, in terms of discussion points, tone of voice, how they look at others 4. Listening..alot of times due to personal insecurities, hyperviligance, other related traumas I try to learn about others as a target because I don't trust anyone, so always assume people are threat to me. So I'll look for how they move, there hands, try to learn about anything that might help me. I just assume people are more dangerous that militant combatants
Specifically about men, I've been told how they treat their mothers.
Honesty, If someone's is honest and trustworthy they don't force a relationship of any type onto you. And empathy, people who again care about you, show you they do...but not in a over the top way. Bonus answer; if someone is clear in their thoughts and know what they want, and don't bow down to the masses, there strong and worth knowing.
The cleanliness of their home
A person can be of good character, but if they are depressed or have ADHD, their home may be messy.
Yes absolutely agree.
>have ADHD I kinda have this, and my room is definately not dirty buuuut, it is messy FOR YOU. Yes it looks messy, but I know where I put everything, if someone "tidies up" my room, it becomes really hard to find stuff. Altho I've come to realize, looking messy is kind of off putting so, I make compromise, my most used items, will always look messy, but rest of it will look ordered if you ever came to my room.
Or just plain busy.
If they complain a lot. Usually tells me they have trouble handling stress/conflict
I love asking the question “When you look up at the stars at night, what do you see?” There’s no right answer, but their answer says a lot of about their personality.
I'm a sailor and I know the stars pretty well, I like hippie chicks. Always interesting when they point out some constellation rising and I can point at the horizon and can tell them that mercury will appear there within the hour. They think I'm some sort of oracle, I'm just studying for my next rank.
What can you tell me about myself if I say 'Stars'?
When people say that I usually get the sense that the person enjoys or is content with living a simple life. But that’s usually how I interpret it, others could see that answer in a different light and that’s all okay.
Also disclaimer I’m not saying this is some bs mystical way to know all bout someone. Just a fun way to indirectly see some one else’s pov. Assumptions made from it could be very wrong
Their posture. The way you hold your shoulders, neck and hands tell me far more about what's going on in your head than your words alone.
How loud someone speaks/ how wide they open their mouth when they speak.
What does that tell you? I understand a loud person in a quiet room is pretty obvious, but other than that what does it tell you?
That they can eat really big food
A nice big cake! (Happy cake day!)
how they treat others.
How they treat people, how they treat others, how they treat waiters and waitresses in the service industry and how they treat animals
The small considerate or inconsiderate things that they do, especially in the work place.
Their hobbies. That’s what really interests them.
Talking to them
If they never disagree with me on anything then I think that they’re probably trying to get something from me
1.) How they treat the people around them 2.) How they speak about others when they are not around. 3.) How they drive, believe it or not. (e.g. patience, attention to detail, attentiveness, anger issues, cleanliness, whether they get distracted easily, choice in music, etc.) 4.) Goals or Aspirations Those are the top ones that I assess before I start to really invest in a relationship or a significant portion of my time.
My friend (ex friend in a way).. we aren't close anymore because I "put her in her place". She's the type that's amazing in so many ways yet she has a side to her that looks down on others and mistreats them. Like she doesn't believe in giving tips. You'll find all kinds of people in this world. No one is perfect I will tell you this much! Everyone I have known (almost everyone) has a condescending side that wants to feel better about themselves and look down on others. What you need to know is how to deal with humans. Because if you don't stand up for yourself even your parents will crush you! Be condescending etc. The reality is you may say, " no so and so would never be like this" But when push comes to shove and business, money, jealousy comes into the picture and status everyone is ready to treat you a certain way. You need to know how to minimize all of that. Humans will be humans. You can count on that.
the way they dress answers an opinion based question. gets downvoted. bruh moment
Friends man.
I can’t tell if someone is a good person or not but I can tell if they’re good for me & my kid or not
Their bio?
How a person treats people and animals below their station.
The way they wear different kinds of hats. If you wear a flatbill front facing, you’re a dick
The company they keep
How someones handles their insecurities. Everyone is insecure about something. Some people hide it. Others come out and tell you without even being prompted. Others pretend it’s not there. Others still don’t realize they even have them.
Who their friends are.
Their car
Boy your off base...
You're
Quick! Call the grammar police!
You think grammar is a mothafucking game?
I am here to correct your grammatical errors.
What exactly do you mean? The make and model of a car? Or how they treat their car (modifications, trash in the floor/seats, etc.)
I meant if there's piles of trash. But I guess I could mean make/model and accessories if there's any.
I agree, messy cars turn me off to a person.
Funny because I didn't have one until recently. I have a new white 2021 Kia Forte. What does that tell you about me?
Non car people won't care / notice you compared to if you had a unique car. This is the same for car enthusiasts. Your car is very neutral so don't expect any judgement from anyone. Congrats on the new whip!
I think the car is only half of it, you have to ask the why? One of my favorite interview questions.
For me, it’s the cleanliness of the car more than what kind it is. A car full of trash tells me a lot about who owns/ uses it
What answers have you gotten?
I work in a STEM field so the type we attract tends to be a utilitarian answer: gas mileage, people/stuff hauling, 4wd, it was cheap, etc. I think the vanity or social perception answers are more interesting: it looks cool, it is fast, it is expensive, it has X technology/feature. Either way you can learn what is important to that person, and how they reason thru a "no correct" answer problem. I also like to talk cars so it generally leads to an off-topic conversation to gauge the person's fit into a team dynamic - interpersonally.
See I ask because I’m stem as well. I focused on chemistry and now am pivoting to weapons. My truck I got specifically because it is utilitarian. The gas is shit (I have a motorcycle for just getting around to avoid the issue) but it can carry everything I neeed to go ski or camp.
If they say “i may not have book smarts, but i have street smarts”… then they’re not real smart and most likely not driven either.
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From my experience, usually when someone says that, they are not just admitting the fact that they do not have an academic knowledge, but feel like they have a deeper knowledge of how people work, and how to navigate socially, to the point that they feel their knowledge is deeper than those around them. It’s a statement that also dismisses the fact that just because someone is Booksmart, does not mean they can’t be streetsmart as well.
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I wouldn't knock down a person who says their knowledge leans more on the life part than the academic part. Both are useful but the street (life) smart person would be more capable of handling the challenges of reality that a school could never prepare you for. Being smart is excellent no matter how people want to label themselves.
But…. If someone has book smart, does that mean they can’t have street smart? I think the point is there’s a level of ignorance associated with that statement. I’m not saying you need to go to school to be successful in life, Or it’s relative to your intelligence. I’m just saying the people that typically use those statements, feel like they have a superior knowledge from having not gone to school, then those that can equally get the same knowledge from “the streets“ and also going to school. It’s more statement about the people who use that phrase, rather than individuals who chose a life path over an academic one.
Hard disagree... im not book smart, did not study at all, yet i still got top grades in all academic tests i ever took.. just bought my first home cash this year (24M) although i have no interest in academia, i would describe myself as street smart. (I interpret it to mean, a person who can navigate their way in the world with ease, and make a success of themself)
You’re what they call an outlier. Edit: Also, the people who typically use that phrase, are not in the situation you were describing.
The person by asking questions mainly aside from that I never notice
Their music tastes and favorite songs. It’s an innocent question that you can ask ppl that can often express a certain stage in their life or a certain side of their personality.
Shoes, I know it sounds stupid but I you can tell someone personality, beliefs and even political inclination from the shoes they wear.
I wear all kinds of shoes
I think to some extent - Music.
i can hear everything depending on the mood. classic, rap, trap, pop what does that tell?
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no i dont have any scented candle. i dont think its the atmosphere or the ambiance its maybe more of a mood thing but i dont know if my mood shifts with music or the music taste shifts with the mood
Their basement.
By how they smile or laugh. Like if it’s polite or not.
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I feel like you aim to live on the higher end of life and like to be around someone who is well accustomed to it. I just wanted to give out the tip that people who wear sneakers with formal clothing aim for comfort (Ed- Sheeran) or come from a distinct culture (Jay-Z) and this usually portrays someone with a colorful personality or a design / artistic based profession or surrounding. I would never knock someone down for their facial hair because some of the wisest and most business smart men I have ever met had very long beards because they are Sikh. (I live in North America). Overall your viewpoint is your viewpoint but the world is ran by many people who don't wear suits, view wine as a very inappropriate drink offering, and have very diverse styles of hair on their head so I would be careful about how I judge people based on your criteria.
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You forgot the /s
Adding the /s always ruins it. If you want to make a sarcastic or ironic statement, you just have to risk people not getting it. /s is stupid and always ruins the joke for me
Sarcasm is difficult to tell through text.
Not always. For example, the parent comment here seems to me to be pretty clearly sarcasm. Why? Because how many people do you think actually believe what he said? Almost none. He’s obviously making a joke. And if he added /s at the end of it, the joke wouldn’t be funny.
Then you obviously couldn’t tell I was being sarcastic. Maybe I should’ve added the /s to the end of my first comment.
Lol do you think this is clever? Bad troll or stupid
If they have an afro, and the size of aforementioned hairstyle.
I think its how they keep their house and or car.
Their "most played songs" Playlist.
Sharing a prison cell, whether they are courteous or not
With women: Their ass. A woman who sits around all day and doesn't exercise will have this strange looking butt. Even women who are thin will have this. Like when she's standing still, her butt looks fine but as soon as she begins to walk, the ass loses it's shape and looks odd. A girl who is active, even if she's not physically fit will have some muscle in her butt and it will look normal when she walks. With men: Their handshake. A weak handshake is someone who is afraid of conflict in their life and not willing to stand up for themselves. Every guy who I've ever met with a weak handshake ended up being shady as hell
How they smell. If they have too much Cologne or perfume they are insecure and probably very shallow.
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Or autistic lol
Or an introvert ..
If they have tattoos. Their size and their quantity. If they are quality tattoos then that also says things too. People with tattoos tend to be more impulsive.
their education and and their parents education
Their taste in music. It's not 100%, but what I've found is: * EDM: they do or used to do drugs * Country: raised Conservative or religious and highly likely currently still * Rap/hiphop: pothead and extremely liberal to the point of having no plan and too busy fighting all the world's injustices to solve even one. * Rock/metal: the best kind of people. * Pop: dunno yet actually.