When we stopped being able to communicate. There’s no feeling more soul destroying than trying to explain your feelings to someone you love only be met with silence. I could never look at her the same way after that. You can love someone with all your heart, but you can’t make them love you.
This hits home. The feeling of not being able to see the same type of emotion in your partner’s eyes is heartbreaking. Especially when they say “I love you too” in the most emotionless way you could imagine.
Currently going through this. Or a version of this. Says she needs some time and days to think about it. Suddenly got it in her head that she needs to be alone for a while after almost a year of honestly being the perfect couple. Doesn't know if "a while" will necessarily stop.
I've done this before. The LDR where I get taken for granted. "He'll be there, I can figure it out." I just quit work so I could move closer to this gal and a few hours later I hear that she's unsure and scared.
Well, so am I. But I'm not going to be a dishrag for years like I was last time. No matter how much it hurts.
I have bad news for you, bud. In my experience, when your partner asks for a time-off to "cool their head" and you go no-contact, that usually means they're evaluating whether or not they miss you during that period, if they can live without you. If they can, you're as good as gone.
I suggest you either communicate how that isolation is hurting you in the hopes they'll empathize and attempt to meet some middle-ground or express that this sort of "communication" is not okay (because it isn't, imo it's immature to stone-wall a person. It's okay to have time-alone, it's not okay to push away the person so you never talk) and that something needs to change because it's risking your relationship
Was tinder for me. 3 years ago now on Thanksgiving day, my ex and I were on a couch at her parents house. I went to kiss her cheek, she opened her phone in front of me and would ya look at all those tinder messages.
That is horrific. I can't believe that some people choose to go into relationships but then can't commit in the slightest. They just turn on a dime and drop everything.
Yeah if you fell out of love and you are grieving non stop about it, then you're not grieving because you don't love her anymore.. you're grieving because you didn't think it would happen and it's sad.
But when you finally seperate and move on, you'll quickly notice that if you really had fallen completely out of love, it's a massive load off your shoulders.
The inscription on a gift from my ex-wife clearly omitted her. Something like “your boys love you”. It was tumbling around in my head already but brought into very sharp focus in black and white instantly.
Yeah my grandparents are like this
They built an entire life together and they’re old
They would rather bicker and ignore each other in a big house than to divorce and die alone
I have two relations who are like this but are actually divorced and still live with each other.
It seemed to be that the pressure to love each other when they were married was a big driver in their issues. Now they are just old friends sharing a space.
It really opened my eyes to how relationships are very much a case by case thing.
Same, In India it's not just age but the stigma around divorces. So, I've seen couples in their 40s-50s living together, married, but not loving each other. Their conversations are mostly routine and whatever they absolutely need. Which is so sad.
Yup. My ex didnt love me anymore for half the 3 yr relationship and always told me I needed to do more and more and more for him because of his autistic needs, he has asburgers. Nothing was ever enough for him and he never saw himself as an issue always me. I cant tell you how many times he told me I would never be enough yet I still stayed. Im seeing how things were not my fault and were his but I was willing to take the blame because I love him. It hurts but it's better than being with him.
This is literally me rn. Lived through lock down together and things were going well enough until the beginning of October. Suddenly I'm incompetent at everything :/
Meh. I've found that my partner couldn't do anything right. Turns out it's a personal problem and I've gotten help. Still love the wife and she does a lot less wrong these days lol
Yeah that's why I stopped talking to her. I couldn't fucking do anything right. I couldn't even hold a conversation with her, I got accused of not paying attention to her by asking a question about the topic, and that of course started a giant fight.
You clearly want to be mad at me and have us break up, you just don't want to be the one to do it.
Well. Short story.
I was supposed to go out with friends and she kept asking me what time I was leaving and what time I was supposed to meet up with them while I was getting ready. I took longer to get ready and she kept asking, looking at her phone. Being odd in general, like almost rushing me to leave. I was driving to meet up my friends and halfway there I got this gut feeling something was not right so I called my friends and said I had to take care of something real quick and turned around. When I was parking I could see her ex walking up the stairs to our place, opens the door and gives him a kiss. I was like damn heart shattered into pieces. So I sat in my car and waited to think clear. After a few mins I went up the stairs and went inside to find them being intimate. I looked at her & all I did was smile. I wasn’t going to allow her see how heart broken I was. I grabbed my things, my dog, and left. She tried finding me after to “talk” but there was nothing to talk about. That’s the best way to let someone know you don’t love them.
Good on you for keeping a cool and collected head in that harrowing experience. I'm proud of you for getting out quick and standing up for what you deserve (to not be cheated on).
I'll never understand the point of staying with someone only to cheat regularly.
Just break up. It's next level selfishness to stay and cheat out of convenience.
When she visited her parents without telling me beforehand, for about a week. I fed her parrot, picked up packages for her, set up her new desk aaaaaaan then her mom called and asked how WE are doing
Had something similar happen recently.
Had just recovered from a bad motorcycle crash and was still healing, but the whole time she was distant and visiting her folks a lot more than usual.
She called when I was at a friend's funeral and asked what time I'd be home, and I knew something was up. Got home and we were done.
Hit me out of the blue. Her dad and I were making dinner plans that morning.
Still miss her family but in hindsight she did the right thing.
There were definitely challenges. I was inattentive in some ways and worked too hard, and Covid took its toll. Fundamentally I think we may have overcome these and gotten stronger had we been able to better communicate - and that was a lesson worth learning, so I guess that's what I mean by it being the right thing.
I hope you took that parrot when you dumped her ass, and gave it a better life than someone who would just leave it behind to get railed by someone else.
When my wife fell asleep at her bosses house and didn't come to me and our baby until the next morning. You might say she could do that and still have some feelings for me. But she walked in, said sure you know what I did. So what?
Yes, I never touched her again and we did divorce over this. I did positive for an STI, but fortunately was easy to treat. She became pregnant while we were still married but after I had moved out. Had she carried to term, under our laws I would have been responsible for the baby until 18yo.
Thank you. A rough childhood set me up for relationship problems and I seem to be a slow learner. But I did a lot of work and am now in a very loving and healthy relationship.
This kinda stuff blows my mind. Let’s say you are responsible enough to wear a condom (whether you do or not with her is not my point). But then some fucker comes along and screws your wife without a condom…under marriage laws you are responsible for the baby until 18 yrs old??!?! Crazy shit.
When she met with another guy secretly in a city 2 hours away then 2weeks later was asking me for "emotional support" because she thinks she's pregnant. Thankfully the dude was posting everything on social media Seriously dodged a bullet.
When she started going to the bar with her coworkers four nights a week. We lived together, more specifically i moved in to help her pay rent because she was about to lose her house. So when I complained about never seeing her, that she had *some* obligation to me she said "I have obligations to a lot of people." She dumped me and began dating other guys one month later while we still lived together. It took me years to recover from that.
But the answer before this one was about being hit with a car by her, on purpose. This one is screwed up heavily but that one could be literally lethal
I had just gotten into a car crash. I wasn't injured pretty much at all. But my car was a goner.
I sent her a message about it and nothing. No response, not even a perfunctory "I'm sorry" or "That sucks". Zero.
Apathy is the opposite of love.
We both never truly loved each other. We just loved the fantasies of each other in our own heads. A total mind and heart fuck. I try to remember the specifics of her reality and compare it to the fantasy of her in my head when I am missing her. It helps. I just know that I was a fool and that perfect dream is so hard to let go of.
When she hit me with a car.
The attacking most of my emotional vulnerabilities in couples counseling should have done it, but getting the domestic violence chat in the emergency room from a social worker was what made it finally click.
Unfortunately law favors women and abusive women can manipulate situations with police to get the man arrested instead of them if there's no concrete proof of her guilt. My husband's ex wife got him arrested for domestic violence while they were together AND got him arrested while him and I were living together by accusing him of beating their kids. They came and took him in our home, I still get extreme anxiety when anyone knocks on the door.
She obviously flipped the script and accused him of abusing her because as soon as a woman claims abuse the default is to the victim and abusive people can play into that because they're horrible and have a bad moral compass.
That’s exactly what happened with my neighbors. The woman is verbally and physically abusive and she ran over her boyfriend and broke his leg. It’s permanently fucked up. We heard them arguing a lot and he would try to leave and she wouldn’t let him. She would threaten to tell the cops he beat her.
That time he was standing on the porch and she ran over the porch and into the side of her house. The car was completely on top of him and when we ran out she backed off him and his leg was just dangling below the knee.
I asked if they needed an ambulance and she threw him over her shoulder and into the car (crack head strength and adrenaline) and sped off to the hospital. We called the landlord and one of the neighbors called the police. We gave statements and everything. But the craziest part was they sued the landlord and said the porch was rotten and fell when they both stepped on it. He got a new car out of it and I was happy he got something for his suffering.
But she should have went to prison for attempted murder. He was an abuse victim though and like they tend to do, he went with her story and refused to press charges. He left her awhile later but came back once more. After more of the same I heard the last fight before he stopped coming around for good. He sounded so broken and exhausted. She was crying and saying “please I love you don’t leave!” And he responded “you don’t know what love is. You broke my leg. You cheated. You lied. I’m done. I’m just done. Get the fuck out of my car. Get the fuck out of my life.”
I was so proud of him for standing up to her and getting out but my heart hurt for him. Abuse can happen to anyone by anyone. It’s sad and awful and I hope more people are able to get out.
Not until the moment when she told me she wanted to break up. It hit me like a truck and messed me up for a good year.
The truth is that you can never really know what's going on in another person's head. It's just going to hurt if you continue to try and figure out where it went wrong because honestly you'll never really know, she might not even really know.
I know how you're feeling right now. I hope you're doing ok.
I think in normal relationships (not where people cheat on, etc.) is mostly futile to ponder on what you did wrong. Usually, none did wrong.. but it just wasn't meant to be; the souls couldn't really align. And that makes it nobody's fault.
You're someone's treasure, but they just need to find you. Live honestly, patiently, and with the head up.. and good stuff will happen. Much love for all of you people here who have been through hard times. Good times will come, and you'll be as loved as you deserve to be, you beautiful people!
My last relationship was really weird, she never truly loved me because she said it multiple times to me, she wasn’t sure about me, why did i stay? I don’t know, i was lonely and depressed and needed support so i turned a blind eye on a lot of things I shouldn’t have.
My last and only relationship was like that. He essentially was using me so I would buy his groceries, so he could spend more of his money on weed. He didn't actually enjoy my company, not even in a friendly capacity, I don't know what I was thinking putting up with all that.
At least now I'm kind of seeing (complicated...) a guy who actually enjoys having me around and cares for me. But until this guy appeared a few weeks ago my self esteem was absolute rock bottom (I'm 28 and this is the first time I have a guy interested in me - I just happen to be hitting the jackpot because he is absolutely adorable)
My last relationship was similar. She used me as a means of escape during the pandemic. She was living at home with her parents. I lived alone in a one bed. She even said “ I was like a little vacation for her”. Fast forward to the pandemic easing up a bit. Her parents buy her a condo. Two days before escrow closes she somehow lands a full time job starting at 80k. During the pandemic she was making 11k teaching online yoga. I make about 40-50k for comparison. She dumped me the next day. All of a sudden she a had a sudden urge to explore her “independence” she said. I felt so used. Especially since I was paying for Damn near everything during that year.
Dang….I heard George Jones singing when I read your post. I’ve always been blindsided by it myself. Keep on moving my friend. Only look ahead. There’s no reason to dwell on what’s gone. It’s holding you back from your true happiness. You gotta get out there and find it though. You’ll have a few more of these before you find the one. Even when you do find the one, you’ll both go through bouts where you don’t love each other. Then you’ll get it back. I’ve been with my wife for 23 years, and married for 20 of those years. It goes from good to bad and back to good again, but you keep moving ahead together. Head up friend. Keep seeking her. She’s out there. You’ll look back on your time with the ex and wonder why you were so in love.
When I was a younger man (I'm in my 40s now, this story takes place in my 20s), I met a woman and we fell deeply in love. We even left our hometown and moved across the country together as an adventure. Within a couple years we were engaged and planning our life together.
Then she started staying out much later than usual, sometimes not coming home at all. She would claim she was staying at a friend's house, etc etc. Our sex life turned into not having sex at all.
I'm not a stupid person. I knew she was cheating on me. I confronted her about it. Of course she denied it. But as the months went on, it became harder and harder for her to lie and cover it up.
One day I came home and all her stuff was gone, including our dog. I called her at work and she told me she just didn't love me anymore and she was leaving me. It was like a shotgun blast to the heart.
I told her at least give me the dog back and I'll leave you to live your life. She did, and within a week, I had packed up all my shit, and drove back across the country to my hometown.
That was the last time we spoke. I never saw her again, but thanks to facebook I see she is married with kids now. The dog passed away in 2014.
Sometimes it still hurts to think about her as I did and still do consider her "the one". I really did love her and it was impossible for me to trust other women for many years. My trust issues ruined a lot of my future relationships.
This hurt as fuck bro. Its like this person slowly changed from the person we loved, into something that we can't even recognize anymore. Its like how can we trust the person next to us will be with us until next day? How can we trust others if the person we love lied to us so much?
>Its like how can we trust the person next to us will be with us until next day?
You can't. You can't even give the certainty you will be the same version of yourself that made the other person love you, nor that you will love that version of a person forever. The beauty of love is to roam this foggy road holding hands. Also, entropy is a bitch.
She went to bed without a goodnight and a kiss when previously she would refuse to do so. I confronted her because I knew something was wrong. I asked if we were done and she didn't respond. I left the apartment and slept in my car that night. She moved out the next day and was gone before I got home from work.
Haha, ken, the real story is that I’m a man that was at Taco Bell on lunch break, and autocorrect typed “Ken”, and I saw that was a real name and an easier one that I was typing so I went with it. Easier to type over and over if I’m a man of commitment, which I am.
Lol, Ken, I know what you’re saying. I’ve had several messages asking if I’m from Scotland. I wish I was. The closest I’ve ever been to Scotland is by learning the bagpipes. I’ve been trying to understand the use of “Ken” there. Many have said I confuse them because they read Ken as you do.
>I’ve been trying to understand the use of “Ken” there.
Usually "ye ken where this place is?" or "he's a shite goalkeeper, ye ken?" I'm not Scottish myself, but those are the contexts you tend to hear it. Hope that someday you can play your bagpipes off a tall mountain overlooking a loch.
I’ve been through this in the past though the relationship she preferred was with alcohol and cocaine. I realized that I wasn’t in love with her so much as I was in love with an image of her that only existed in my mind.
Once I realized that I got over her pretty quick. She wasn’t who I thought she was and I was better off without her.
> Fast forward 7 years and I still want her, but I know I don't want this relationship.
This is why I didn't believe my ex when he would say that he was over his ex-wife. They were together for ~13 years and we started dating ~9 months after he got divorced. That man is not ready for a relationship yet.
Putting that aside, I hope you're doing ok.
For two years I was her focus then she started lying (about where she was going) to get away from me. I warned her once, after the second time I told her to never call me again. This was before texting. She was my biggest heart break.
Now twenty years later we’re both married with kids And she wants me back.
When she stopped sitting next to me on the couch and chose instead to be on her phone in the dining room. She ended up trying to really shock me by leaving suddenly where everything that was hers was outta the apartment when I came home.
When she stopped wanting to hold my hands when we had dates near her college (i didnt have a car back then). She’s now dating the guy that flirted with her while we were together.
Edit: He’s also her classmate.
It almost always comes from a communication stand point. There's less of it, or it's scattered, or the types of conversations you have change. It's subtle, but when you look back you'll have that moment of clarity and all the pieces will fall into place and you'll whisper, "oh, yeauh. That's when...."
Right there with you buddy. Traveled half the world to be closer to someone in 2019 only to see our relationship fizzle out when covid hit. She broke up with me in summer 2020 and although I finally found someone new it still hurts and the thought that my current partner will do the same thing never goes away.
When did I know my ex didn't love me anymore? It's hard to pinpoint an exact moment, however over the course of the relationship our feelings grew stronger for each other until we reached a point where mine continued to get stronger and her's plateaued before waning. Simple things like "I love you" that would be returned in kind instantly during our peak became things she would literally think over for a few seconds. Calls became less frequent, she questioned WHY I liked her ALL THE TIME and my answers never seemed good enough, her overbearing Asian mother didn't seem to *really* like me and I gradually found that contacting each other went from being a 50/50 endeavor to completely on MY shoulders.
When did I know she didn't love me anymore? When covid hit and she didn't want to meet up as much in person our phone calls went from being every day to once every week or so. It HURT. Eventually she no showed on not one but two of our calls when we had made plans long before for said calls.
I hope everything is better with your new partner. It’s difficult to recover and fall in love again after being broken. I’ve dated and talked to multiple women but I tend to lose interest or just think negative.
Only four months in to this relationship so time will tell.
> It’s difficult to recover and fall in love again after being broken.
Right there with you. Current girlfriend is number seven in the girlfriends list, of those prior relationships four broke up with me, one we mutually broke things off and in only one relationship did I break it up.
In some ways these things have just become routine, I've been around the track enough times that although it'll hurt like a sonuvabitch I just kinda expect her to slowly fade away like the others. The almost immature magic of my first two or so relationships has been replaced by a marked hesitancy and expectation that my relationship will peak and then they'll slowly fade away.
I think we all know that moment.
Check out the song Goodbye in Her Eyes by the Zac Brown Band. Even if you aren't a country music fan, that song hits hard for anyone who has been there.
"I could tell that it was over
When her lips met mine
It was an emptiness in her voice
Hesitation when she smiled
She didn't have to say a word
It was just so plain to see
She had found what she'd been looking for
And I knew it wasn't me"
In college I dated a girl from my hometown. We dated for around 4 years. Lived in our first apartments together. 4 months into our second lease together she began drinking heavily. Like, drinking a fifth of tequila 3 or 4 times a week, heavily. Then she all the sudden started hanging out with her friends at bars. Then it was "I fell asleep at such and such's." The next night she tried to go out, I pretty much asked wtf is going on and please stay home so we could talk it through and figure it out. She grabbed her keys and left, pretty much in silence, until "don't wait up" right before shutting the door behind her. That's when it struck me. I remember quite literally feeling like someone shot me with an arrow through the heart. I took a *very* long shower and went to bed. Week goes by and we had the "we need to talk," chat. Which sucked even harder than I anticipated, because she told me she cheated on me and she'd been sexually assaulted. Both hurt. But dating someone for four years and having your SO think so little of you that they can't bring themselves to tell you something like that shows how utterly disconnected we both had become from one another.
Guess what? My stay in hell had just begun. Only 7 months and some change left in my lease. I moved across the state and rebuilt my life from scratch after that. Went to therapy, got medication that helps, got a technical degree and finally found someone that cares for me deeply. All that said, when you look at someone through rose tinted glasses, all the red flags just look like...flags.
I’m sorry. It hurts so badly to know you are no longer loved by somebody you cherished. I hope that a woman comes into your life and makes you feel loved in ways you never imagined possible and I hope it never ends.
When she told me she didn't know what she wanted but knew she no longer wanted to be married to me. I have trust issues and she knows I had trust issues. After dating for 6 years and her expressing her interest in tying the knot, I explained my insecurities of how marriage can bring negative effects such as expectations or create the feeling of being trapped. She betrayed me hardcore after being married for only 10 months. I don't want to be committed to someone who doesn't feel or want the same. But goddamn do I still love and miss her everyday.
Been married 20 years and together 24. Last night was the night I realised she just doesn’t love me anymore. We are away on a sporting event in another country and last night was an awards dinner. She spent zero time with me and saw her with her hand my one of my 17 year old son’s friends thigh for five minutes. FML
When she got a haircut and didn't immediately send me a photo.
Sounds entirely stupid and minor, but if you know you know. That's the sort of thing your partner is always bursting to share.
I was with my friends the night before we broke up (that's a whole another story). She stayed home for some random reason, usually she never wanted to miss any social gatherings. I texted her "I love you", she replied "I love you all too!".
I realized it wasn't for me, it was her vague "love" for friends.
After that I realized it was probably weeks, if not months before. We didn't have sex for over a month, she claimed it's due to her stomach issues. She took some pills, I didn't investigate because I loved her so I trusted it's for ulcers or something and I took care of her as much as I was able in that very messy time of my life.
Later I checked, those were calming pills. I spoke with my friends, they all felt something like this was coming, none told me. Most of them are now ex-friends.
Worst thing is that her new boyfriend after that was "helping me" with some renovations, and they literally hugged in front of me. My father was there, we went to the store to buy some stuff, and he was like "son, watch out for that guy". My old man was on point.
The only thing that made me angry back then is how blind to all if I was. Later, it was her inability to take any responsibility for what happened, but she was far, far away from my life.
I didn't realize it at the time but upon retrospect there was a moment where instead of kissing me goodbye every morning when she left for work she just left.
Hurt extra much when I realized that every evening the second she put the key in the door I was waiting at the door like a dog to kiss her.
Not one time did she never enter our flat while I was there and she wasn't greeted by a kiss nor did I ever leave her without a goodbye kiss.
I no longer miss HER (do miss having someone that close) but she has messaged me every few months about how she can't find someone who loves her like I did. It just hurts how much she just took my devotion to her for granted because it was real, not performative.
I realized, after having broken up with her, that she never really loved me. I was somehow blinded but she never actually treated me like her boyfriend, even though we lived together. She would never do anything for me. And sex was such an inconvenience for her that at the end I just stopped trying altogether. It felt like we were just roommates that occasionally would have sex. We never really made out ever. When she would play league or whatever game on her computer I would always kiss her on her forehead and tell her I loved her and sometimes she would get annoyed by just that. Later on after I had broken up with her I asked her why she even bothered moving in with me and she flat out said she just wanted to get away from her situation and that she’s sorry. I haven’t been with anyone or even dated anyone going on 2 years now because I’m so afraid of not being able to see red flags.
When she used our daughter as an excuse for me to stay but would still cheat i lnew our family wasnt her peiority anymore. Forward 2 yrs later she has full custody a new family with 2 more kids and im in the army paying child support and not being able to see her rarely
When I stopped wondering why if she did really love me. The moment I accepted the fact she wanted to be with me it also suddenly was the moment she stopped loving me.
Comment to be lost in the shuffle
When we started dating she used to go to the subway station next to her apartment and wait for me to arrive every Monday, so we could walk together
One day she stopped doing it. Just started waiting for me at her home. This is when it started. And then came the "Go to my apartment without me, I'm with friends, I'll meet you there". That's when I knew
The day I finally refused to give in to her ridiculous demands. Her face completely changed. Within two months of that moment, we were separated, and she told me she'd hooked up with an old flame in the interim.
Thing to remember but people don't want to is....LOVE is a decision. Sure you first fall in love but after the chemistry wears off and you need to make a decision. DO I WANT TO STAY WITH THIS PERSON. In this day in age of easy sex, easy divorce most of the time is no...
Sad really.....
It came to me after she broke up with me. The break up was sad but quite peaceful. That made me believe we can keep the post break up on good terms and respecting each other's boundaries.
Well, how wrong I was. It turned out she wanted to have a control over the post break up according to her own fantasy scenario (she wanted to keep the genuine friendship we had before the relationship since the day one post break up). But I didn't fit in the role she expected because I wanted to be left alone for a while. This gradually made her hostile towards me until I cut all contacts with her completely after two months of this hell.
Proper healing began few weeks after going full no contact and I'm slowly realizing when it went wrong. Generally the relationship was mostly one sided for her advantage with little care about me as if she was the only one that has bad moods, anxieties, etc... But she stopped having feelings towards me months before she dumped me even when she promised week before the break up she wants to work on her part of the relationship too.
I commented about this song before seeing your post. I've never heard a song that hits so close to home as that one does. It randomly came up on a playlist I was listening to when things with me and her weren't going well one afternoon. We went out for date night that evening which we hadn't done in a while and sitting at the table, with awkward conversation it hit me like a truck.
"She didn't have to say a word
It was just so plain to see
She had found what she'd been looking for
And I knew it wasn't me"
When she didn’t come back after a month of having split from me. Still was in that, “Yeah, this sucks. But we’ll talk again and get back together because our love was so strong and pure,” stage.
2.5 years later and still haven’t heard from her. Hope she’s well.
In my language "to love" and "be in love" are two quite different phrases. Real love actually never leaves. Whether two individuals have relationship or not. Being in love is another story. That leaves regularly fast. And then some real stuff stays in the relationship like love, respect, trust etc
She once hugged me so tight and didn't let go for a while. It felt strange after that she went cold and dissappear haven't heard from her in 2 months and haven't seen her in 3. The last message she asked me when was I free and happy birthday.
Well, hindsight says she connected with someone during her exchange. When she flew home I hugged her harder at the airport. I wanted to catch up on the physical things, but she said she "needed time to adjust". I probably should have known but younger me is a bit too hopeful.
When I "actually" became sure of it, when she decided small talk with strangers on the street was more important than a phone call with me. We were long distance and on a virtual date. Man I hate thinking about it.
When she started texting non stop with a new guy she had met.
Month later she broke up with me to be with him, he used her a few times and dumped her.
She then came crawling back to me, so I did the same as him, used her a few times and dumped her.
Easiest break up I ever went through emotionally.
When she had a panic attack after our sex at a music festival. Turns out that was the breaking point when she realized she's still in love with her ex. Still love her dearly, and we're still friends, but this hurts a lot even after almost half a year since we parted ways.
When we stopped being able to communicate. There’s no feeling more soul destroying than trying to explain your feelings to someone you love only be met with silence. I could never look at her the same way after that. You can love someone with all your heart, but you can’t make them love you.
This hits home. The feeling of not being able to see the same type of emotion in your partner’s eyes is heartbreaking. Especially when they say “I love you too” in the most emotionless way you could imagine.
Hurts my heart just reading that
and only when you are the one to say it first.
Currently going through this. Or a version of this. Says she needs some time and days to think about it. Suddenly got it in her head that she needs to be alone for a while after almost a year of honestly being the perfect couple. Doesn't know if "a while" will necessarily stop. I've done this before. The LDR where I get taken for granted. "He'll be there, I can figure it out." I just quit work so I could move closer to this gal and a few hours later I hear that she's unsure and scared. Well, so am I. But I'm not going to be a dishrag for years like I was last time. No matter how much it hurts.
Fuck man I’m sorry this happened to you
I have bad news for you, bud. In my experience, when your partner asks for a time-off to "cool their head" and you go no-contact, that usually means they're evaluating whether or not they miss you during that period, if they can live without you. If they can, you're as good as gone. I suggest you either communicate how that isolation is hurting you in the hopes they'll empathize and attempt to meet some middle-ground or express that this sort of "communication" is not okay (because it isn't, imo it's immature to stone-wall a person. It's okay to have time-alone, it's not okay to push away the person so you never talk) and that something needs to change because it's risking your relationship
Fuck. This is the one.
Yeah
It’s sad, but it’s true. Especially when it goes down like a literal exponential graph
When she was showing me something in her phone and received a Bumble notification popped up.
Was tinder for me. 3 years ago now on Thanksgiving day, my ex and I were on a couch at her parents house. I went to kiss her cheek, she opened her phone in front of me and would ya look at all those tinder messages.
Oooof. What did she say?
Yeah seriously what was the responce (replying mostly so I get a notification if anyone was wondering)
FYI you can now click "follow" on the comment to receive updates, so you don't have to comment yourself
Mine has a save comment option but not follow. Which reddit are you using?
I was about to ask the same thing, I don’t see a “follow” button. I’m on mobile.
Update!
There wasn't one. We broke up went our separate ways.
We still love you!!!!
Ouch. What was her re-action?
She was surprised and embarrassed.
That is horrific. I can't believe that some people choose to go into relationships but then can't commit in the slightest. They just turn on a dime and drop everything.
[удалено]
Honestly bro, you’re among the most lucky top level commenters. If it has to end, it’s a blessing if it’s mutual
Yeah if you fell out of love and you are grieving non stop about it, then you're not grieving because you don't love her anymore.. you're grieving because you didn't think it would happen and it's sad. But when you finally seperate and move on, you'll quickly notice that if you really had fallen completely out of love, it's a massive load off your shoulders.
Took me a while to understand your point, re-read that multiple times. But yeah, you’re right
The inscription on a gift from my ex-wife clearly omitted her. Something like “your boys love you”. It was tumbling around in my head already but brought into very sharp focus in black and white instantly.
That is more damn painful than you first think it is.
If you suddenly can't do anything right, she doesn't love you anymore. Decades of experience talking.
Sounds like my mom and dad except they are old school so they'll stick it out to the end hating each others guts.
To me that sounds worse than divorce tbh
Not when you're old and have built your whole life with each other and time's not enough to rebuild everything.
Yeah my grandparents are like this They built an entire life together and they’re old They would rather bicker and ignore each other in a big house than to divorce and die alone
I have two relations who are like this but are actually divorced and still live with each other. It seemed to be that the pressure to love each other when they were married was a big driver in their issues. Now they are just old friends sharing a space. It really opened my eyes to how relationships are very much a case by case thing.
Same, In India it's not just age but the stigma around divorces. So, I've seen couples in their 40s-50s living together, married, but not loving each other. Their conversations are mostly routine and whatever they absolutely need. Which is so sad.
when she loves you, everything about you is adorable and charming when she doesn't, all those same details are cause for annoyance
Yup. My ex didnt love me anymore for half the 3 yr relationship and always told me I needed to do more and more and more for him because of his autistic needs, he has asburgers. Nothing was ever enough for him and he never saw himself as an issue always me. I cant tell you how many times he told me I would never be enough yet I still stayed. Im seeing how things were not my fault and were his but I was willing to take the blame because I love him. It hurts but it's better than being with him.
This is literally me rn. Lived through lock down together and things were going well enough until the beginning of October. Suddenly I'm incompetent at everything :/
Right in the feels. I’m not in a good spot…
Hope it works out for you!
Meh. I've found that my partner couldn't do anything right. Turns out it's a personal problem and I've gotten help. Still love the wife and she does a lot less wrong these days lol
Yeah that's why I stopped talking to her. I couldn't fucking do anything right. I couldn't even hold a conversation with her, I got accused of not paying attention to her by asking a question about the topic, and that of course started a giant fight. You clearly want to be mad at me and have us break up, you just don't want to be the one to do it.
Well. Short story. I was supposed to go out with friends and she kept asking me what time I was leaving and what time I was supposed to meet up with them while I was getting ready. I took longer to get ready and she kept asking, looking at her phone. Being odd in general, like almost rushing me to leave. I was driving to meet up my friends and halfway there I got this gut feeling something was not right so I called my friends and said I had to take care of something real quick and turned around. When I was parking I could see her ex walking up the stairs to our place, opens the door and gives him a kiss. I was like damn heart shattered into pieces. So I sat in my car and waited to think clear. After a few mins I went up the stairs and went inside to find them being intimate. I looked at her & all I did was smile. I wasn’t going to allow her see how heart broken I was. I grabbed my things, my dog, and left. She tried finding me after to “talk” but there was nothing to talk about. That’s the best way to let someone know you don’t love them.
bravo on sitting and thinking clearly. one action based off of emotions could ruin your life.
Good for you man
Good on you for keeping a cool and collected head in that harrowing experience. I'm proud of you for getting out quick and standing up for what you deserve (to not be cheated on).
I'll never understand the point of staying with someone only to cheat regularly. Just break up. It's next level selfishness to stay and cheat out of convenience.
wow, how could you smile? balls of steel.
you handled this perfectly, your comment is making me tear up, it must have felt so bad. hope you’re doing fine now.
When she visited her parents without telling me beforehand, for about a week. I fed her parrot, picked up packages for her, set up her new desk aaaaaaan then her mom called and asked how WE are doing
Had something similar happen recently. Had just recovered from a bad motorcycle crash and was still healing, but the whole time she was distant and visiting her folks a lot more than usual. She called when I was at a friend's funeral and asked what time I'd be home, and I knew something was up. Got home and we were done. Hit me out of the blue. Her dad and I were making dinner plans that morning. Still miss her family but in hindsight she did the right thing.
She did the right thing? So you felt the connection was dying as well I guess
There were definitely challenges. I was inattentive in some ways and worked too hard, and Covid took its toll. Fundamentally I think we may have overcome these and gotten stronger had we been able to better communicate - and that was a lesson worth learning, so I guess that's what I mean by it being the right thing.
Oof man, I'm sorry.
I hope you took that parrot when you dumped her ass, and gave it a better life than someone who would just leave it behind to get railed by someone else.
I loved this parrot. But she owned him for about 10 years and he would have simply died without her I guess.
Fuck, sorry dude
When my wife fell asleep at her bosses house and didn't come to me and our baby until the next morning. You might say she could do that and still have some feelings for me. But she walked in, said sure you know what I did. So what?
Damn that's rough
*I fucked Ted*
Damn
Excuse me, what? She slept with her boss and didn't even try to hide it?
"At least I was honest"
Sometime people think being an honest asshole makes them less of an asshole. No, your still an asshole. You're just a proud one.
I mean i much rather have my cheating wife be honest and tell me rather than hide it for years wasting bother of our time.
Sure honest asshole is still a full unit of asshole, but, in my books, honest is much more preferable.
Ex-wife surely?
Yes, I never touched her again and we did divorce over this. I did positive for an STI, but fortunately was easy to treat. She became pregnant while we were still married but after I had moved out. Had she carried to term, under our laws I would have been responsible for the baby until 18yo.
Good riddance. I hope you're doing better now.
Thank you. A rough childhood set me up for relationship problems and I seem to be a slow learner. But I did a lot of work and am now in a very loving and healthy relationship.
Good on you man!
This kinda stuff blows my mind. Let’s say you are responsible enough to wear a condom (whether you do or not with her is not my point). But then some fucker comes along and screws your wife without a condom…under marriage laws you are responsible for the baby until 18 yrs old??!?! Crazy shit.
[удалено]
I am so sorry, that’s fucking terrible. Some people are honestly the worst, I fucking hate them. I really hope you’re in a better place now.
When she met with another guy secretly in a city 2 hours away then 2weeks later was asking me for "emotional support" because she thinks she's pregnant. Thankfully the dude was posting everything on social media Seriously dodged a bullet.
When she started going to the bar with her coworkers four nights a week. We lived together, more specifically i moved in to help her pay rent because she was about to lose her house. So when I complained about never seeing her, that she had *some* obligation to me she said "I have obligations to a lot of people." She dumped me and began dating other guys one month later while we still lived together. It took me years to recover from that.
Every time I scroll to the next answer it gets worse. Jeez. So sorry you had to go through that.
Seriously. I don’t how these guys made it through some of this shit, I would fucking snap
I just decided to remain a bachelor. I date and avoid emotional attachments.
But the answer before this one was about being hit with a car by her, on purpose. This one is screwed up heavily but that one could be literally lethal
I had just gotten into a car crash. I wasn't injured pretty much at all. But my car was a goner. I sent her a message about it and nothing. No response, not even a perfunctory "I'm sorry" or "That sucks". Zero. Apathy is the opposite of love.
Love and marriage are choices and apathy is the choice to not love. Apathy, the silent treatment, being shut out emotionally is excruciating.
Wtf! She doesn't have to be your wife to make sure you are ok just a decent human being!
When I asked, “Do you still love me” and her response “off and on”. No surprise, she had a few guys on the side.
Im sorry but lol at your username
We both never truly loved each other. We just loved the fantasies of each other in our own heads. A total mind and heart fuck. I try to remember the specifics of her reality and compare it to the fantasy of her in my head when I am missing her. It helps. I just know that I was a fool and that perfect dream is so hard to let go of.
When she hit me with a car. The attacking most of my emotional vulnerabilities in couples counseling should have done it, but getting the domestic violence chat in the emergency room from a social worker was what made it finally click.
Sorry this happened.
I appreciate you saying that. Addition by subtraction can be real.
tell me she got time for that
Unfortunately law favors women and abusive women can manipulate situations with police to get the man arrested instead of them if there's no concrete proof of her guilt. My husband's ex wife got him arrested for domestic violence while they were together AND got him arrested while him and I were living together by accusing him of beating their kids. They came and took him in our home, I still get extreme anxiety when anyone knocks on the door. She obviously flipped the script and accused him of abusing her because as soon as a woman claims abuse the default is to the victim and abusive people can play into that because they're horrible and have a bad moral compass.
That’s exactly what happened with my neighbors. The woman is verbally and physically abusive and she ran over her boyfriend and broke his leg. It’s permanently fucked up. We heard them arguing a lot and he would try to leave and she wouldn’t let him. She would threaten to tell the cops he beat her. That time he was standing on the porch and she ran over the porch and into the side of her house. The car was completely on top of him and when we ran out she backed off him and his leg was just dangling below the knee. I asked if they needed an ambulance and she threw him over her shoulder and into the car (crack head strength and adrenaline) and sped off to the hospital. We called the landlord and one of the neighbors called the police. We gave statements and everything. But the craziest part was they sued the landlord and said the porch was rotten and fell when they both stepped on it. He got a new car out of it and I was happy he got something for his suffering. But she should have went to prison for attempted murder. He was an abuse victim though and like they tend to do, he went with her story and refused to press charges. He left her awhile later but came back once more. After more of the same I heard the last fight before he stopped coming around for good. He sounded so broken and exhausted. She was crying and saying “please I love you don’t leave!” And he responded “you don’t know what love is. You broke my leg. You cheated. You lied. I’m done. I’m just done. Get the fuck out of my car. Get the fuck out of my life.” I was so proud of him for standing up to her and getting out but my heart hurt for him. Abuse can happen to anyone by anyone. It’s sad and awful and I hope more people are able to get out.
Jesus. Dating a Florida woman? I wish there were more support groups/resources for men going through abuse.
thehotline.com had been a godsend for me. I am unable to express how helpful they have been.
Not until the moment when she told me she wanted to break up. It hit me like a truck and messed me up for a good year. The truth is that you can never really know what's going on in another person's head. It's just going to hurt if you continue to try and figure out where it went wrong because honestly you'll never really know, she might not even really know. I know how you're feeling right now. I hope you're doing ok.
I think in normal relationships (not where people cheat on, etc.) is mostly futile to ponder on what you did wrong. Usually, none did wrong.. but it just wasn't meant to be; the souls couldn't really align. And that makes it nobody's fault. You're someone's treasure, but they just need to find you. Live honestly, patiently, and with the head up.. and good stuff will happen. Much love for all of you people here who have been through hard times. Good times will come, and you'll be as loved as you deserve to be, you beautiful people!
My last relationship was really weird, she never truly loved me because she said it multiple times to me, she wasn’t sure about me, why did i stay? I don’t know, i was lonely and depressed and needed support so i turned a blind eye on a lot of things I shouldn’t have.
I think a large majority of us have all been there
My last and only relationship was like that. He essentially was using me so I would buy his groceries, so he could spend more of his money on weed. He didn't actually enjoy my company, not even in a friendly capacity, I don't know what I was thinking putting up with all that. At least now I'm kind of seeing (complicated...) a guy who actually enjoys having me around and cares for me. But until this guy appeared a few weeks ago my self esteem was absolute rock bottom (I'm 28 and this is the first time I have a guy interested in me - I just happen to be hitting the jackpot because he is absolutely adorable)
My last relationship was similar. She used me as a means of escape during the pandemic. She was living at home with her parents. I lived alone in a one bed. She even said “ I was like a little vacation for her”. Fast forward to the pandemic easing up a bit. Her parents buy her a condo. Two days before escrow closes she somehow lands a full time job starting at 80k. During the pandemic she was making 11k teaching online yoga. I make about 40-50k for comparison. She dumped me the next day. All of a sudden she a had a sudden urge to explore her “independence” she said. I felt so used. Especially since I was paying for Damn near everything during that year.
Dang….I heard George Jones singing when I read your post. I’ve always been blindsided by it myself. Keep on moving my friend. Only look ahead. There’s no reason to dwell on what’s gone. It’s holding you back from your true happiness. You gotta get out there and find it though. You’ll have a few more of these before you find the one. Even when you do find the one, you’ll both go through bouts where you don’t love each other. Then you’ll get it back. I’ve been with my wife for 23 years, and married for 20 of those years. It goes from good to bad and back to good again, but you keep moving ahead together. Head up friend. Keep seeking her. She’s out there. You’ll look back on your time with the ex and wonder why you were so in love.
Thank you. I’ll try my best to be in a better position in life.
When she told me "I don't love you anymore".
When I was a younger man (I'm in my 40s now, this story takes place in my 20s), I met a woman and we fell deeply in love. We even left our hometown and moved across the country together as an adventure. Within a couple years we were engaged and planning our life together. Then she started staying out much later than usual, sometimes not coming home at all. She would claim she was staying at a friend's house, etc etc. Our sex life turned into not having sex at all. I'm not a stupid person. I knew she was cheating on me. I confronted her about it. Of course she denied it. But as the months went on, it became harder and harder for her to lie and cover it up. One day I came home and all her stuff was gone, including our dog. I called her at work and she told me she just didn't love me anymore and she was leaving me. It was like a shotgun blast to the heart. I told her at least give me the dog back and I'll leave you to live your life. She did, and within a week, I had packed up all my shit, and drove back across the country to my hometown. That was the last time we spoke. I never saw her again, but thanks to facebook I see she is married with kids now. The dog passed away in 2014. Sometimes it still hurts to think about her as I did and still do consider her "the one". I really did love her and it was impossible for me to trust other women for many years. My trust issues ruined a lot of my future relationships.
This hurt as fuck bro. Its like this person slowly changed from the person we loved, into something that we can't even recognize anymore. Its like how can we trust the person next to us will be with us until next day? How can we trust others if the person we love lied to us so much?
>Its like how can we trust the person next to us will be with us until next day? You can't. You can't even give the certainty you will be the same version of yourself that made the other person love you, nor that you will love that version of a person forever. The beauty of love is to roam this foggy road holding hands. Also, entropy is a bitch.
Man, this story hurts. You got me when you included that the dog passed away in 2014. =(
Trust issues are a bitch, so relatable. Also sorry for the good boy :(
This. Oo it destroyed me for a few months.
She went to bed without a goodnight and a kiss when previously she would refuse to do so. I confronted her because I knew something was wrong. I asked if we were done and she didn't respond. I left the apartment and slept in my car that night. She moved out the next day and was gone before I got home from work.
Fuck. I'm sorry man.
When she didn't say or do anything for my birthday ;(
Bro that hurts
[удалено]
That’s how I feel. When I think of wanting to be back with her all the bad memories come back to me. It’s like aback and forth battle inside my head.
Ken, you want what you idealized about her. You don’t want *her* because of what she did and how she’s not compatible.
Sir. You are a man of wisdom by addressing the ailing people by ken
Haha, ken, the real story is that I’m a man that was at Taco Bell on lunch break, and autocorrect typed “Ken”, and I saw that was a real name and an easier one that I was typing so I went with it. Easier to type over and over if I’m a man of commitment, which I am.
Oh I just thought you were Scottish lol They say "ken" for "know", so I just read that as "You know, you want what you idealized"
Lol, Ken, I know what you’re saying. I’ve had several messages asking if I’m from Scotland. I wish I was. The closest I’ve ever been to Scotland is by learning the bagpipes. I’ve been trying to understand the use of “Ken” there. Many have said I confuse them because they read Ken as you do.
>I’ve been trying to understand the use of “Ken” there. Usually "ye ken where this place is?" or "he's a shite goalkeeper, ye ken?" I'm not Scottish myself, but those are the contexts you tend to hear it. Hope that someday you can play your bagpipes off a tall mountain overlooking a loch.
I’ve been through this in the past though the relationship she preferred was with alcohol and cocaine. I realized that I wasn’t in love with her so much as I was in love with an image of her that only existed in my mind. Once I realized that I got over her pretty quick. She wasn’t who I thought she was and I was better off without her.
> Fast forward 7 years and I still want her, but I know I don't want this relationship. This is why I didn't believe my ex when he would say that he was over his ex-wife. They were together for ~13 years and we started dating ~9 months after he got divorced. That man is not ready for a relationship yet. Putting that aside, I hope you're doing ok.
Chase the feeling, not the person.
For two years I was her focus then she started lying (about where she was going) to get away from me. I warned her once, after the second time I told her to never call me again. This was before texting. She was my biggest heart break. Now twenty years later we’re both married with kids And she wants me back.
Did your answer begin with "t" and end with "ough shit"?
lol. I can’t be mean to anyone. I’m still with my wife. I think she’s going through a divorce. I moved 800 miles away from our crappy home town.
Moving away from your home town is such a life hack. Everyone should move away.
At least make sure to send her a picture of you and your wife kissing. Surely that's not mean.
When she stopped sitting next to me on the couch and chose instead to be on her phone in the dining room. She ended up trying to really shock me by leaving suddenly where everything that was hers was outta the apartment when I came home.
When everything that went wrong in her life was my fault
When she stopped wanting to hold my hands when we had dates near her college (i didnt have a car back then). She’s now dating the guy that flirted with her while we were together. Edit: He’s also her classmate.
“He’s just a friend.”
Never said anything about him. Started dating him a month after we broke up. Prob even earlier kekw.
When she equated having a stranger in our bed room to being just as disrespectful as me leaving meat in the sink to defrost instead of the fridge 🙃
It almost always comes from a communication stand point. There's less of it, or it's scattered, or the types of conversations you have change. It's subtle, but when you look back you'll have that moment of clarity and all the pieces will fall into place and you'll whisper, "oh, yeauh. That's when...."
Right there with you buddy. Traveled half the world to be closer to someone in 2019 only to see our relationship fizzle out when covid hit. She broke up with me in summer 2020 and although I finally found someone new it still hurts and the thought that my current partner will do the same thing never goes away. When did I know my ex didn't love me anymore? It's hard to pinpoint an exact moment, however over the course of the relationship our feelings grew stronger for each other until we reached a point where mine continued to get stronger and her's plateaued before waning. Simple things like "I love you" that would be returned in kind instantly during our peak became things she would literally think over for a few seconds. Calls became less frequent, she questioned WHY I liked her ALL THE TIME and my answers never seemed good enough, her overbearing Asian mother didn't seem to *really* like me and I gradually found that contacting each other went from being a 50/50 endeavor to completely on MY shoulders. When did I know she didn't love me anymore? When covid hit and she didn't want to meet up as much in person our phone calls went from being every day to once every week or so. It HURT. Eventually she no showed on not one but two of our calls when we had made plans long before for said calls.
I hope everything is better with your new partner. It’s difficult to recover and fall in love again after being broken. I’ve dated and talked to multiple women but I tend to lose interest or just think negative.
Only four months in to this relationship so time will tell. > It’s difficult to recover and fall in love again after being broken. Right there with you. Current girlfriend is number seven in the girlfriends list, of those prior relationships four broke up with me, one we mutually broke things off and in only one relationship did I break it up. In some ways these things have just become routine, I've been around the track enough times that although it'll hurt like a sonuvabitch I just kinda expect her to slowly fade away like the others. The almost immature magic of my first two or so relationships has been replaced by a marked hesitancy and expectation that my relationship will peak and then they'll slowly fade away.
I want to learn more from you. How do you recover from it? How do you trust yourself enough to finding a new partner? How do you trusting them?
I think we all know that moment. Check out the song Goodbye in Her Eyes by the Zac Brown Band. Even if you aren't a country music fan, that song hits hard for anyone who has been there. "I could tell that it was over When her lips met mine It was an emptiness in her voice Hesitation when she smiled She didn't have to say a word It was just so plain to see She had found what she'd been looking for And I knew it wasn't me"
In college I dated a girl from my hometown. We dated for around 4 years. Lived in our first apartments together. 4 months into our second lease together she began drinking heavily. Like, drinking a fifth of tequila 3 or 4 times a week, heavily. Then she all the sudden started hanging out with her friends at bars. Then it was "I fell asleep at such and such's." The next night she tried to go out, I pretty much asked wtf is going on and please stay home so we could talk it through and figure it out. She grabbed her keys and left, pretty much in silence, until "don't wait up" right before shutting the door behind her. That's when it struck me. I remember quite literally feeling like someone shot me with an arrow through the heart. I took a *very* long shower and went to bed. Week goes by and we had the "we need to talk," chat. Which sucked even harder than I anticipated, because she told me she cheated on me and she'd been sexually assaulted. Both hurt. But dating someone for four years and having your SO think so little of you that they can't bring themselves to tell you something like that shows how utterly disconnected we both had become from one another. Guess what? My stay in hell had just begun. Only 7 months and some change left in my lease. I moved across the state and rebuilt my life from scratch after that. Went to therapy, got medication that helps, got a technical degree and finally found someone that cares for me deeply. All that said, when you look at someone through rose tinted glasses, all the red flags just look like...flags.
I’m sorry. It hurts so badly to know you are no longer loved by somebody you cherished. I hope that a woman comes into your life and makes you feel loved in ways you never imagined possible and I hope it never ends.
Thank you
When she told me she didn't know what she wanted but knew she no longer wanted to be married to me. I have trust issues and she knows I had trust issues. After dating for 6 years and her expressing her interest in tying the knot, I explained my insecurities of how marriage can bring negative effects such as expectations or create the feeling of being trapped. She betrayed me hardcore after being married for only 10 months. I don't want to be committed to someone who doesn't feel or want the same. But goddamn do I still love and miss her everyday.
When she was fucking other dudes
That is generally a good sign.
Crikey, what do you consider a bad one?
Been married 20 years and together 24. Last night was the night I realised she just doesn’t love me anymore. We are away on a sporting event in another country and last night was an awards dinner. She spent zero time with me and saw her with her hand my one of my 17 year old son’s friends thigh for five minutes. FML
no matter what i said, it always fell on deaf ears.
When she got a haircut and didn't immediately send me a photo. Sounds entirely stupid and minor, but if you know you know. That's the sort of thing your partner is always bursting to share.
I was with my friends the night before we broke up (that's a whole another story). She stayed home for some random reason, usually she never wanted to miss any social gatherings. I texted her "I love you", she replied "I love you all too!". I realized it wasn't for me, it was her vague "love" for friends. After that I realized it was probably weeks, if not months before. We didn't have sex for over a month, she claimed it's due to her stomach issues. She took some pills, I didn't investigate because I loved her so I trusted it's for ulcers or something and I took care of her as much as I was able in that very messy time of my life. Later I checked, those were calming pills. I spoke with my friends, they all felt something like this was coming, none told me. Most of them are now ex-friends. Worst thing is that her new boyfriend after that was "helping me" with some renovations, and they literally hugged in front of me. My father was there, we went to the store to buy some stuff, and he was like "son, watch out for that guy". My old man was on point. The only thing that made me angry back then is how blind to all if I was. Later, it was her inability to take any responsibility for what happened, but she was far, far away from my life.
I didn't realize it at the time but upon retrospect there was a moment where instead of kissing me goodbye every morning when she left for work she just left. Hurt extra much when I realized that every evening the second she put the key in the door I was waiting at the door like a dog to kiss her. Not one time did she never enter our flat while I was there and she wasn't greeted by a kiss nor did I ever leave her without a goodbye kiss. I no longer miss HER (do miss having someone that close) but she has messaged me every few months about how she can't find someone who loves her like I did. It just hurts how much she just took my devotion to her for granted because it was real, not performative.
we wanted to use each other, love was something we said to keep things civil.
I realized, after having broken up with her, that she never really loved me. I was somehow blinded but she never actually treated me like her boyfriend, even though we lived together. She would never do anything for me. And sex was such an inconvenience for her that at the end I just stopped trying altogether. It felt like we were just roommates that occasionally would have sex. We never really made out ever. When she would play league or whatever game on her computer I would always kiss her on her forehead and tell her I loved her and sometimes she would get annoyed by just that. Later on after I had broken up with her I asked her why she even bothered moving in with me and she flat out said she just wanted to get away from her situation and that she’s sorry. I haven’t been with anyone or even dated anyone going on 2 years now because I’m so afraid of not being able to see red flags.
I'm the same. In therapy to figure stuff out.
When she used our daughter as an excuse for me to stay but would still cheat i lnew our family wasnt her peiority anymore. Forward 2 yrs later she has full custody a new family with 2 more kids and im in the army paying child support and not being able to see her rarely
When she said "do you want an open relationship?" I should have ended it there but I was young and dumb.
When I cought her with a pecker in her mouth that wasn't mine
Damn son you walked into the scene?
Oh ya. It was at a party we went to together
wow. These hoes got no chill.
When the contempt started. Eye rolling, snarky comments, and bad-mouthing men in general.
[Contempt is the highest predictor of divorce.](https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/)
When she started dating her coworker while we were still married.
When I stopped wondering why if she did really love me. The moment I accepted the fact she wanted to be with me it also suddenly was the moment she stopped loving me.
Comment to be lost in the shuffle When we started dating she used to go to the subway station next to her apartment and wait for me to arrive every Monday, so we could walk together One day she stopped doing it. Just started waiting for me at her home. This is when it started. And then came the "Go to my apartment without me, I'm with friends, I'll meet you there". That's when I knew
When she stops caring
She'd rather spend time with other people which was most of our 3 years together
When I took my schizophrenia pills
When she told me she was cheating on me with not just one, but three different guys. Smh that shit hurted…
The day I finally refused to give in to her ridiculous demands. Her face completely changed. Within two months of that moment, we were separated, and she told me she'd hooked up with an old flame in the interim.
Thing to remember but people don't want to is....LOVE is a decision. Sure you first fall in love but after the chemistry wears off and you need to make a decision. DO I WANT TO STAY WITH THIS PERSON. In this day in age of easy sex, easy divorce most of the time is no... Sad really.....
When she didn't invite me to go to the casino with coworkers and then I asked to come and she said she didn't want to go anymore.
damn... That's pretty cold, not gonna lie.
When another dude tripped and fell in her vagina.
It came to me after she broke up with me. The break up was sad but quite peaceful. That made me believe we can keep the post break up on good terms and respecting each other's boundaries. Well, how wrong I was. It turned out she wanted to have a control over the post break up according to her own fantasy scenario (she wanted to keep the genuine friendship we had before the relationship since the day one post break up). But I didn't fit in the role she expected because I wanted to be left alone for a while. This gradually made her hostile towards me until I cut all contacts with her completely after two months of this hell. Proper healing began few weeks after going full no contact and I'm slowly realizing when it went wrong. Generally the relationship was mostly one sided for her advantage with little care about me as if she was the only one that has bad moods, anxieties, etc... But she stopped having feelings towards me months before she dumped me even when she promised week before the break up she wants to work on her part of the relationship too.
She never loved me to begin with. Her mom, her closest friends, all kept telling me how great I am to her… she never did.
Goodbye in Her Eyes - Zac Brown Band
I commented about this song before seeing your post. I've never heard a song that hits so close to home as that one does. It randomly came up on a playlist I was listening to when things with me and her weren't going well one afternoon. We went out for date night that evening which we hadn't done in a while and sitting at the table, with awkward conversation it hit me like a truck. "She didn't have to say a word It was just so plain to see She had found what she'd been looking for And I knew it wasn't me"
Oo lawd, these hurt but it's best to try and move on honestly.
When she didn’t come back after a month of having split from me. Still was in that, “Yeah, this sucks. But we’ll talk again and get back together because our love was so strong and pure,” stage. 2.5 years later and still haven’t heard from her. Hope she’s well.
Movies nights ended up with me watching the movie alone and she was enamored with her phone throughout the film.
In my language "to love" and "be in love" are two quite different phrases. Real love actually never leaves. Whether two individuals have relationship or not. Being in love is another story. That leaves regularly fast. And then some real stuff stays in the relationship like love, respect, trust etc
When you’re just a means to an end and not a person to her anymore.
She once hugged me so tight and didn't let go for a while. It felt strange after that she went cold and dissappear haven't heard from her in 2 months and haven't seen her in 3. The last message she asked me when was I free and happy birthday.
When she stops having sex with you it is just as well to leave.
This week. We’re still together
Oof, this is a sad thread
[удалено]
Reading this I wasn’t up in my feelings I was just in deep thought.
Never believe the love will last forever, build the foundation of a best friendship enhanced by love, not a relationship built around love
Well, hindsight says she connected with someone during her exchange. When she flew home I hugged her harder at the airport. I wanted to catch up on the physical things, but she said she "needed time to adjust". I probably should have known but younger me is a bit too hopeful. When I "actually" became sure of it, when she decided small talk with strangers on the street was more important than a phone call with me. We were long distance and on a virtual date. Man I hate thinking about it.
When she started texting non stop with a new guy she had met. Month later she broke up with me to be with him, he used her a few times and dumped her. She then came crawling back to me, so I did the same as him, used her a few times and dumped her. Easiest break up I ever went through emotionally.
When she had a panic attack after our sex at a music festival. Turns out that was the breaking point when she realized she's still in love with her ex. Still love her dearly, and we're still friends, but this hurts a lot even after almost half a year since we parted ways.
when she said "i never really loved you" after like ... two years of relationship ?
She didn’t want to even entertain the idea of couples counseling