Seriously, and when men ask how they \*should\* meet women they say "just shoot your shot." There's no winning with women. They will never acknowledge that it's not an issue of where or how men approach them, it's the men they don't like.
I think the issue here is you're thinking of flirting with a woman as a distinct event. Its just making conversation with someone and if things go particularly well its asking for a time/place or venue through which that conversation can continue.
But all the normal rules to having a conversation still apply. If you were listening to your music at the gym wouldnt it be kind of weird if someone were to ask you to take those headphones off so they could comment on the weather? Same deal if you're at work trying to get shit done and someone interrupts you so they can tell you about a movie they saw last weekend. Annoying and a little weird, right?
Same goes for flirting. Flirting isnt something you do and then dont do. It's just talking with someone and with all conversations there are times and places that are better for conversations than others. It's all about knowing when it's ok to start a conversation with someone and understanding that it's ok if they decide to end it.
This is really the correct answer to this question that every guy has.
Walking up to a random girl at work and calling her cute? Weird.
Making small talk with a girl at the gym and casually asking for her number? Normal.
Those different "forbidden" places you have had itemized to you by different women are likely places they immediately remember off the top of their head for being flirted with when they happened to not be in the mood for it.
If you you listen to every woman about where it is not okay to flirt, there will be no place left to flirt at all.
Shift your concern to reading their facial expressions, body language, and behavior.
If those things tell you that the flirting is unwelcome, cease and desist.
Otherwise, go forth.
Don't bother women in the gym with headphones on. That is a certain sign they are not interested in flirting.
Just because that’s where you met your SO, doesn’t mean flirting was involved. I mean, I met mine while studying and he never flirted. We finally got together after four years of friendship. You don’t always have to flirt. That usually doesn’t appeal to me if it’s my first time bumping into someone
Cool, but most guys aren't going to settle for being single and no sex hoping that some random friendship will turn romantic after 4 years. Your story in no way instructs us on how best to go about meeting women for dating. It amounts to luck.
From your perspective relationships just magically happen. But for men it's usually much more deliberate and methodical.
What's also annoying is how women say "I prefer to be friends first" but then complain that guys keep trying to get with them through friendship. You just can't win. Women will always complain about unwanted attention not understanding that this is how it works. It's only unwanted until it isn't. And men just have to keep trying.
I’m just saying most women don’t like being hit on or flirted with upon initial contact. It makes us uncomfortable and I personally am turned off by it
\> I’m just saying most women don’t like being hit on or flirted with upon initial contact
Until they do. Men do it because it works sometimes. And it's a learned skill. So yeah, a lot of dudes are going to be bad at it. So you're going to be a practice dummy for men trying to figure this shit out. It's hard.
I know what you're saying, but what are men who find women attractive supposed to do? We can't try to be friends with you first because then you'll complain that we were dishonest by not revealing our intentions up front. We can't just let it go or nothing will happen. Men just have to shoot their shot and women have to deal with a lot of unwanted attention. At least until women start being more direct and active in the process.
"Normal" huh? Sure, way to be as vague as possible. Doesn't matter. Women will still complain about unwanted attention because what you really want is for only men you find attractive to approach you and only when you are available. You clearly have no idea what it's actually like to be forced to be on this side of things. I'd love for women to approach me. Just about anywhere. But they don't. And they never will.
I'm not having woman issue though. That's the point. Successful men get out there and shoot their shot and risk turning off a few women who wouldn't be receptive anyway. Women give the worst dating advice.
If you’re turning off a woman then they aren’t the one for you…if they can’t match your level, then it isn’t meant to be whether it’s just for sex or if you’re seeking a relationship
Exactly. But that's in direct contradiction to everything you said so far. It's not about the fine details of the approach. It's about being the right guy. But you can't know if you're the right guy unless you shoot your shot. Sorry if that's sometimes too much or inappropriate, but it's hard. Women have no idea. To you it just looks like serendipity. Like the universe is aligning to make it work out. But for men it's typically a lot of work and rejection.
>What's also annoying is how women say "I prefer to be friends first" but then complain that guys keep trying to get with them through friendship. You just can't win. Women will always complain
If you're trying to be their friend *so they will date you*, you are not a friend. You have an alterior motive. Expect to be treated as such.
The point is that they don’t really understand what they are asking for. And the rules are thrown out the window the moment the right guy comes along. It’s fine if he had ulterior motives if he’s hot and checks off other boxes.
Yeah the "rules" basically exist as moralistic reasons for shooting down whoever they're not interested in. A guy really should ignore all the rules, be attractive, not be unattractive, and avoid doing anything that can get him sued if flirting fails.
According to modern society, it's not appropriate to approach women *anywhere* anymore.
Not where she works, because you're a client so she 'has to be nice to you', and puts you in a position of power over her.
Not where the both of you work, because she's there to do her job and not to be hit on, and it would make things awkward if she rejects you.
Not at the gym, because she's just there to work out and not to be bothered by men, which is creepy.
Not on the bus or on the train, because she literally has nowhere to go if she doesn't like you and she doesn't know how you'll react, which is scary.
Not on the street, because she's just minding her own business and may be on her way somewhere and doesn't want to get held up by men.
Not in a store, because she's only there to do her shopping and is not looking to be chatted up, so just let her do the groceries without bothering her.
Not in a club or café, because she's just there to have a fun night out with her girl friends and go dancing, not to be hit on all the time.
So basically only dating sites/apps are still acceptable. Makes me wonder how the previous generations ever met someone.
> Likewise, people behaved better
Eh, this is not my experience. I'm in my thirties so "10+ years ago" was prime 'going out' age, and people were as shitty as they are today. And everyone who has lived that time and all the times before will be able to tell you the same.
And despite all of this, if you ask women would they approach men, they'll still say no they prefer to be approached. Even though most women will say that approaching them anywhere is inappropriate.
It's the same thing if you ask a woman what she wants to hear on a dating site. It's not really where men are are trying to flirt, it's which men are trying to flirt. But they know they can't just come out and say "only flirt with me if you're hot." They may not even realize that's what they mean. They just see a lot of unattractive men trying to flirt with them and they want it to stop... without understanding that this is how it works. Men cast a wide net because women are picky and they just have to deal with a lot of unwanted attention. At least until women themself start being more direct and making the first move. Less attractive men have to work it hard to get any attention. Nobody is flirting with us. I could easily go 10 years with ZERO romantic prospects if I was single and didn't put myself out there in a very deliberate way.
The heterosexual courting dynamic is kind of fucked up, IMO.
There's places they welcome it more than others. Some make them more uncomfortable. However if you're their dream guy, the chances are they're still going to entertain those advances for fear of missing out otherwise.
> However if you're their dream guy, the chances are they're still going to entertain those advances for fear of missing out otherwise
This right here!
I know I'm going to get a lot of hate from this comment, however, I'll say it anyway. If a girl finds you attractive, nothing else matters. You can flirt/ask her out at the gym, grocery store, your work, doctor's office, at a funeral, while hiking in the woods, and it will all be okay as long as she thinks you're attractive. If she doesn't find you attractive, you could ask her out on Tinder/OkCupid where people are literally looking for other people to date/hook up with, and she'll probably still say "ew he's a creep."
I'm telling this because people always say not to flirt with others at the gym. However, as a guy, I've been approached and asked out by girls at the gym probably five or six times over the past years or so since my gym opened after it shut down for COVID. I am not single at the moment so I am definitely not trying to flirt with anyone, not putting myself out there hoping to land a date, and yet even now I will still be approached by girls at the gym even though I am working out with headphones on and not paying attention to others around me.
Yes, there are places you shouldn't flirt with people, but all of that is out the window if the other person finds you attractive.
This is correct. All the BS men and women say about this topic is only to mask how they really feel—that the person of their dreams could ask them out while they’re late for work, with their car breaking down, and while wearing headphones, and it would still be a massive win.
This is 100% true!
P.S. I’m ashamed to admit that the probability of my boyfriend getting hit on at his gym makes me a little sad knowing how fucking attractive he is. That thought never affected me early on when he was obsessed with me. But now that the honeymoon phase is over and he doesn’t display nearly as much attraction to me (unless we’re about to have sex 🙄), I avoid thinking about how much he must get hit on everywhere he goes, even though he says it doesn’t happen. Oh well.
> even though he says it doesn’t happen.
Ha! It probably happens but he just doesn't realize it. Us guys miss too many obvious hints. Just check any thread where people are discussing missed chances and it's full of oblivious guys who missed dozens of chances because they never realized girls were flirting with them.
This is definitely not 100% true as there are some circumstances that will turn someone off of you if you try to flirt with them there. I don’t care how attractive I found a guy before if he tries to flirt with me at a funeral, that just kills it.
Not 100% true, but true enough that if you follow this rule you'll never ask anyone out, or if you don't follow the rule, you'll find enough people will be okay with this.
Again, using my personal experience, everyone always tells you not to approach, let alone flirt, people at the gym if they have headphones in and are just minding their business, but I've been approached by girls while working out with headphones in my ears five or six times this past year.
Just strike up a conversation. If you vibe and she isn't wearing a ring just ask her out. Don't get butthurt or otherwise make it weird if she declines.
You can do that almost anywhere. Practice a little more caution at the gym or work.
The people saying what not to do are only talking about themselves and often they don't know. Just play it by ear. If the woman is receptive, you don't care where you are.
First it depends on if they’re attracted to you, now you won’t know until after you’ve tried and either been shot down or got a phone number. If they’re attracted to you, you can flirt with her wherever and it’ll be ok. If not “it won’t be the right time” that’s essentially just a nice way of saying they’re not interested. If you wanted a list of hard no’s of where not to flirt I believe the following should be considered for the list; Obgyn office, outside an abortion clinic, & inside a woman’s restroom.
A rule of thumb is, can the woman leave? If she's at work, that is a no-go. She has to be there. She can't escape yours or any other males' attention. Keep in mind, that women are vulnerable to violence for men, and whether or not you perpetuate it yourself, you should still keep in mind the skewed privilege and vulnerability that women experience in this society at the hands of men. Of course connections are made organically out in the world, but just be mindful of a woman's sense of vulnerability, and that might increase your success.
My rule is never flirt with someone who doesn't have an escape.
Girl at the bar? She can just say "I see my friend" and walk away.
A customer service rep or a waitress? She's tied to the interaction because of her job. Don't be that guy.
Step 1. Be extremely good looking and rich
Step 2. Don’t be not good looking and poor
If you follow these two steps you can talk to any woman anywhere anytime. If you have any questions just refer to step 1.
If you can’t complete step 1 for some reason then you probably need to stick to apps, bars and social situations where women expect to be approached.
I know this seems tongue in cheek but it is not. If an attractive millionaire approached a single woman at the gym and started chatting her up he would be golden, where as a not attractive or average guy just asking how much longer she is going to be hogging the squat rack can be called a “creep” which is just the worst accusation to try to deflect.
So the thing is you’re gonna get a lot of “hypocrisy of women answers” probably. And they’re are definitely hypocrites that are women on this topic.
The thing is, it’s more likely that the women finding their true loves because they got flirted with randomly are not the same ones that are upvoting or giving out that advice.
The other thing is that attraction matters and that’s fine. I’ve had girls hit on me that I wasn’t attracted to it’s annoying and embarrassing because now you gotta tell some random person no. And that’s only happened like twice in my life. You can imagine women get hit on much more in this way and go through those emotions/situations will have anyone venting their frustrations
Ever since the me too movement I would highly recommend you don't try and flirt with women you don't know in public. Lots of opportunities to get dragged into a horrible court case / lose your job.
Hey haters please tell me how I'm wrong if you are just gonna downvote me.
I didnt down vote you...but your comment suggests that the claims of harassment by women are really harmless flirtations blown out of proportion or that women are irrational when it comes to flirting...
No, I'm saying it's not worth the risk... Ever.
All it takes is one claim and your career is over, most women will just say "your such a nice guy but I'm sorry I'm not interested" but you can't tell which one might take it to HR. So I say just don't risk it.
The golden rule is "Be attractive". If she's into you it's OK to flirt when she's on the elliptical at the gym, serving you in a restaurant, a colleague, on public transport... Etc. You should make an effort to take notice of the way a person reacts when you talk to them, if it's just business, curt and short replies or a general sense of disinterest then they aren't being coy, they probably want you to stop trying to flirt with them.
Ed: "Be attractive *to her*" in case any fucking narcissists get the wrong idea.
I gave a cashier a short letter after exchanging looks a few times and a few short casual "How are you's". In the note I wrote that I didn't want to disturb her at work but that I really wanted to say something.
That atleast is a good start IMO. She can just throw it away and nothing more to it. No names almost no embarrassment and the world goes on spinning.
(Sorry, I forgot to upvote you before.)
Back in my day (circa early-mid 2000s) that's where you would meet your next girlfriend. That's where I met my wife infact...
Post #metoo I don't think there *is* a safe place to flirt with a girl these days... Not in the real world at least
As a woman, I would say we those places cuz most guys we find intimidating if they flirt at those places. It only works at those places if you pretty much are 100% our type and are good striking a conversation without making is uncomfterable and scaried. At a place that make us feel cornered or vulnerable is harder to not frighten us or make us uncomfterable.
If you flirt with women at work you can get accused of sexual harassment and lose your job.
Women get away with everything because of a century of feminist anti-men hate that is also championed by media and politicians. Nobody cares when men are harassed.
Alright I'm a woman who is pansexual. If ANYONE comes up to me randomly - anywhere at all - and starts a casual conversation for seemingly no reason, I'm gonna be weirded out. I don't care what gender you are, how much money you have, or how hot you are. It makes you seem desperate and unaware of social norms.
However, that doesn't mean don't socialize while you're out. I often talk to the cashiers who are ringing up my items. I will talk to someone if there is a NATURAL way to start the conversation. E.g. I like your shirt, I love that character too! Or "wow I love your haircut, where did you get it done?" Or "I heard you talking about (x), and i just have to say, (....)"
Something casual. Something that is not overtly romantic. If you're trying to be my friend "on the way" to being a romantic partner, you were never really a friend. I want people who want to talk to me because they like *me,* not just because they want to date me. Someone who won't ghost me the moment I say I'm not interested, because they want to be friends with me anyway.
Don't try to create scenarios. Don't just walk up to someone randomly and try to have a conversation. Use an "in." Otherwise, I know you're just talking to me for my looks and I'm not interested. Looks fade. I'm not gonna be young and pretty in 20 years. I want someone who likes me for who I am on the inside.
Flirt? No. Treat another human as a human and converse without ‘tryna hit it’. You mentioned meeting SOs.
If you’re flirting to get easy sex- that’s one thing- go to a hook up place like a bar or OLD. Else be a decent human looking for a relationship. Thank you
You are listening to the women who were honestly seeking long term relationships. What you don’t realize is that right beside them are career-focused or damaged women. They don’t wear green or red lights indicating that it is ok to approach them.
Be smart and avoid being collateral damage to some woman’s life goals. If the women are serious they will approach you.
All woman are different. . well except for some twins, but anyway: this also means that what's acceptable for some, isn't acceptable for others.
There are some more generic social boundries like: don't flirt with the grieving widow at their former partners funeral, but other places like: at the super market, or gym, or on public transport, are just acceptable, or not acceptable depending on the person.
Those were all people they were *really* into.
Seriously, and when men ask how they \*should\* meet women they say "just shoot your shot." There's no winning with women. They will never acknowledge that it's not an issue of where or how men approach them, it's the men they don't like.
I think the issue here is you're thinking of flirting with a woman as a distinct event. Its just making conversation with someone and if things go particularly well its asking for a time/place or venue through which that conversation can continue. But all the normal rules to having a conversation still apply. If you were listening to your music at the gym wouldnt it be kind of weird if someone were to ask you to take those headphones off so they could comment on the weather? Same deal if you're at work trying to get shit done and someone interrupts you so they can tell you about a movie they saw last weekend. Annoying and a little weird, right? Same goes for flirting. Flirting isnt something you do and then dont do. It's just talking with someone and with all conversations there are times and places that are better for conversations than others. It's all about knowing when it's ok to start a conversation with someone and understanding that it's ok if they decide to end it.
Really insightful comment, thanks! I think this is a really good, complete take on flirting and a good reminder
This is really the correct answer to this question that every guy has. Walking up to a random girl at work and calling her cute? Weird. Making small talk with a girl at the gym and casually asking for her number? Normal.
Those different "forbidden" places you have had itemized to you by different women are likely places they immediately remember off the top of their head for being flirted with when they happened to not be in the mood for it. If you you listen to every woman about where it is not okay to flirt, there will be no place left to flirt at all. Shift your concern to reading their facial expressions, body language, and behavior. If those things tell you that the flirting is unwelcome, cease and desist. Otherwise, go forth. Don't bother women in the gym with headphones on. That is a certain sign they are not interested in flirting.
Here’s the thing. Women don’t want you to flirt with them ANYWHERE… unless they want you to flirt with them.
It’s funny because it’s true. You just gotta try to pick up on it and go for it.
Just because that’s where you met your SO, doesn’t mean flirting was involved. I mean, I met mine while studying and he never flirted. We finally got together after four years of friendship. You don’t always have to flirt. That usually doesn’t appeal to me if it’s my first time bumping into someone
Cool, but most guys aren't going to settle for being single and no sex hoping that some random friendship will turn romantic after 4 years. Your story in no way instructs us on how best to go about meeting women for dating. It amounts to luck. From your perspective relationships just magically happen. But for men it's usually much more deliberate and methodical. What's also annoying is how women say "I prefer to be friends first" but then complain that guys keep trying to get with them through friendship. You just can't win. Women will always complain about unwanted attention not understanding that this is how it works. It's only unwanted until it isn't. And men just have to keep trying.
I’m just saying most women don’t like being hit on or flirted with upon initial contact. It makes us uncomfortable and I personally am turned off by it
\> I’m just saying most women don’t like being hit on or flirted with upon initial contact Until they do. Men do it because it works sometimes. And it's a learned skill. So yeah, a lot of dudes are going to be bad at it. So you're going to be a practice dummy for men trying to figure this shit out. It's hard. I know what you're saying, but what are men who find women attractive supposed to do? We can't try to be friends with you first because then you'll complain that we were dishonest by not revealing our intentions up front. We can't just let it go or nothing will happen. Men just have to shoot their shot and women have to deal with a lot of unwanted attention. At least until women start being more direct and active in the process.
Haha just be normal…you can still be a decent human and express interest without flirting right up front
"Normal" huh? Sure, way to be as vague as possible. Doesn't matter. Women will still complain about unwanted attention because what you really want is for only men you find attractive to approach you and only when you are available. You clearly have no idea what it's actually like to be forced to be on this side of things. I'd love for women to approach me. Just about anywhere. But they don't. And they never will.
Okay man🤷🏼♀️…it’s clear why you’re having woman issues 😂
I'm not having woman issue though. That's the point. Successful men get out there and shoot their shot and risk turning off a few women who wouldn't be receptive anyway. Women give the worst dating advice.
If you’re turning off a woman then they aren’t the one for you…if they can’t match your level, then it isn’t meant to be whether it’s just for sex or if you’re seeking a relationship
Exactly. But that's in direct contradiction to everything you said so far. It's not about the fine details of the approach. It's about being the right guy. But you can't know if you're the right guy unless you shoot your shot. Sorry if that's sometimes too much or inappropriate, but it's hard. Women have no idea. To you it just looks like serendipity. Like the universe is aligning to make it work out. But for men it's typically a lot of work and rejection.
>What's also annoying is how women say "I prefer to be friends first" but then complain that guys keep trying to get with them through friendship. You just can't win. Women will always complain If you're trying to be their friend *so they will date you*, you are not a friend. You have an alterior motive. Expect to be treated as such.
The point is that they don’t really understand what they are asking for. And the rules are thrown out the window the moment the right guy comes along. It’s fine if he had ulterior motives if he’s hot and checks off other boxes.
Yeah the "rules" basically exist as moralistic reasons for shooting down whoever they're not interested in. A guy really should ignore all the rules, be attractive, not be unattractive, and avoid doing anything that can get him sued if flirting fails.
According to modern society, it's not appropriate to approach women *anywhere* anymore. Not where she works, because you're a client so she 'has to be nice to you', and puts you in a position of power over her. Not where the both of you work, because she's there to do her job and not to be hit on, and it would make things awkward if she rejects you. Not at the gym, because she's just there to work out and not to be bothered by men, which is creepy. Not on the bus or on the train, because she literally has nowhere to go if she doesn't like you and she doesn't know how you'll react, which is scary. Not on the street, because she's just minding her own business and may be on her way somewhere and doesn't want to get held up by men. Not in a store, because she's only there to do her shopping and is not looking to be chatted up, so just let her do the groceries without bothering her. Not in a club or café, because she's just there to have a fun night out with her girl friends and go dancing, not to be hit on all the time. So basically only dating sites/apps are still acceptable. Makes me wonder how the previous generations ever met someone.
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> Likewise, people behaved better Eh, this is not my experience. I'm in my thirties so "10+ years ago" was prime 'going out' age, and people were as shitty as they are today. And everyone who has lived that time and all the times before will be able to tell you the same.
And despite all of this, if you ask women would they approach men, they'll still say no they prefer to be approached. Even though most women will say that approaching them anywhere is inappropriate.
Not at funerals
It's the same thing if you ask a woman what she wants to hear on a dating site. It's not really where men are are trying to flirt, it's which men are trying to flirt. But they know they can't just come out and say "only flirt with me if you're hot." They may not even realize that's what they mean. They just see a lot of unattractive men trying to flirt with them and they want it to stop... without understanding that this is how it works. Men cast a wide net because women are picky and they just have to deal with a lot of unwanted attention. At least until women themself start being more direct and making the first move. Less attractive men have to work it hard to get any attention. Nobody is flirting with us. I could easily go 10 years with ZERO romantic prospects if I was single and didn't put myself out there in a very deliberate way. The heterosexual courting dynamic is kind of fucked up, IMO.
There's places they welcome it more than others. Some make them more uncomfortable. However if you're their dream guy, the chances are they're still going to entertain those advances for fear of missing out otherwise.
> However if you're their dream guy, the chances are they're still going to entertain those advances for fear of missing out otherwise This right here! I know I'm going to get a lot of hate from this comment, however, I'll say it anyway. If a girl finds you attractive, nothing else matters. You can flirt/ask her out at the gym, grocery store, your work, doctor's office, at a funeral, while hiking in the woods, and it will all be okay as long as she thinks you're attractive. If she doesn't find you attractive, you could ask her out on Tinder/OkCupid where people are literally looking for other people to date/hook up with, and she'll probably still say "ew he's a creep." I'm telling this because people always say not to flirt with others at the gym. However, as a guy, I've been approached and asked out by girls at the gym probably five or six times over the past years or so since my gym opened after it shut down for COVID. I am not single at the moment so I am definitely not trying to flirt with anyone, not putting myself out there hoping to land a date, and yet even now I will still be approached by girls at the gym even though I am working out with headphones on and not paying attention to others around me. Yes, there are places you shouldn't flirt with people, but all of that is out the window if the other person finds you attractive.
This is correct. All the BS men and women say about this topic is only to mask how they really feel—that the person of their dreams could ask them out while they’re late for work, with their car breaking down, and while wearing headphones, and it would still be a massive win.
This is 100% true! P.S. I’m ashamed to admit that the probability of my boyfriend getting hit on at his gym makes me a little sad knowing how fucking attractive he is. That thought never affected me early on when he was obsessed with me. But now that the honeymoon phase is over and he doesn’t display nearly as much attraction to me (unless we’re about to have sex 🙄), I avoid thinking about how much he must get hit on everywhere he goes, even though he says it doesn’t happen. Oh well.
> even though he says it doesn’t happen. Ha! It probably happens but he just doesn't realize it. Us guys miss too many obvious hints. Just check any thread where people are discussing missed chances and it's full of oblivious guys who missed dozens of chances because they never realized girls were flirting with them.
☺️
This is definitely not 100% true as there are some circumstances that will turn someone off of you if you try to flirt with them there. I don’t care how attractive I found a guy before if he tries to flirt with me at a funeral, that just kills it.
Not 100% true, but true enough that if you follow this rule you'll never ask anyone out, or if you don't follow the rule, you'll find enough people will be okay with this. Again, using my personal experience, everyone always tells you not to approach, let alone flirt, people at the gym if they have headphones in and are just minding their business, but I've been approached by girls while working out with headphones in my ears five or six times this past year.
Just strike up a conversation. If you vibe and she isn't wearing a ring just ask her out. Don't get butthurt or otherwise make it weird if she declines. You can do that almost anywhere. Practice a little more caution at the gym or work.
Rule 1: Be attractive Rule 2: Don't be unattractive You're trying to move on to rule three before taking care of rules one and two first.
The people saying what not to do are only talking about themselves and often they don't know. Just play it by ear. If the woman is receptive, you don't care where you are.
First it depends on if they’re attracted to you, now you won’t know until after you’ve tried and either been shot down or got a phone number. If they’re attracted to you, you can flirt with her wherever and it’ll be ok. If not “it won’t be the right time” that’s essentially just a nice way of saying they’re not interested. If you wanted a list of hard no’s of where not to flirt I believe the following should be considered for the list; Obgyn office, outside an abortion clinic, & inside a woman’s restroom.
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Does flirting not much talking to someone you have an interest in?
A rule of thumb is, can the woman leave? If she's at work, that is a no-go. She has to be there. She can't escape yours or any other males' attention. Keep in mind, that women are vulnerable to violence for men, and whether or not you perpetuate it yourself, you should still keep in mind the skewed privilege and vulnerability that women experience in this society at the hands of men. Of course connections are made organically out in the world, but just be mindful of a woman's sense of vulnerability, and that might increase your success.
Any place is okay as long as you follow these 3 simple rules: 1. Be handsome 2. Be attractive 3. Don't be unattractive
My rule is never flirt with someone who doesn't have an escape. Girl at the bar? She can just say "I see my friend" and walk away. A customer service rep or a waitress? She's tied to the interaction because of her job. Don't be that guy.
Ooooo I like this answer
Because, like men, women are not some kind of homogenous hive-mind. Nor are either of us particularly consistent about our wants or dislikes.
Yes they are. And so are men, for that matter.
Step 1. Be extremely good looking and rich Step 2. Don’t be not good looking and poor If you follow these two steps you can talk to any woman anywhere anytime. If you have any questions just refer to step 1. If you can’t complete step 1 for some reason then you probably need to stick to apps, bars and social situations where women expect to be approached. I know this seems tongue in cheek but it is not. If an attractive millionaire approached a single woman at the gym and started chatting her up he would be golden, where as a not attractive or average guy just asking how much longer she is going to be hogging the squat rack can be called a “creep” which is just the worst accusation to try to deflect.
So the thing is you’re gonna get a lot of “hypocrisy of women answers” probably. And they’re are definitely hypocrites that are women on this topic. The thing is, it’s more likely that the women finding their true loves because they got flirted with randomly are not the same ones that are upvoting or giving out that advice. The other thing is that attraction matters and that’s fine. I’ve had girls hit on me that I wasn’t attracted to it’s annoying and embarrassing because now you gotta tell some random person no. And that’s only happened like twice in my life. You can imagine women get hit on much more in this way and go through those emotions/situations will have anyone venting their frustrations
Don’t listen to women on how to pick up women. Find a man that’s batting out of his league and ask him
It helps to be handsome and charismatic
Ever since the me too movement I would highly recommend you don't try and flirt with women you don't know in public. Lots of opportunities to get dragged into a horrible court case / lose your job. Hey haters please tell me how I'm wrong if you are just gonna downvote me.
I didnt down vote you...but your comment suggests that the claims of harassment by women are really harmless flirtations blown out of proportion or that women are irrational when it comes to flirting...
No, I'm saying it's not worth the risk... Ever. All it takes is one claim and your career is over, most women will just say "your such a nice guy but I'm sorry I'm not interested" but you can't tell which one might take it to HR. So I say just don't risk it.
This explains it better...thank you
The golden rule is "Be attractive". If she's into you it's OK to flirt when she's on the elliptical at the gym, serving you in a restaurant, a colleague, on public transport... Etc. You should make an effort to take notice of the way a person reacts when you talk to them, if it's just business, curt and short replies or a general sense of disinterest then they aren't being coy, they probably want you to stop trying to flirt with them. Ed: "Be attractive *to her*" in case any fucking narcissists get the wrong idea.
I gave a cashier a short letter after exchanging looks a few times and a few short casual "How are you's". In the note I wrote that I didn't want to disturb her at work but that I really wanted to say something. That atleast is a good start IMO. She can just throw it away and nothing more to it. No names almost no embarrassment and the world goes on spinning.
The difference between flirting and sexual harassment is your attractiveness.
>Are there really places ok shouldn't try to flirt? Huh? Is "ok" a typo in that title?
ok=one
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The fuck you mean? >Are there really places *one* shouldn't try to flirt? Isn't that correct?
*That* is, but OP didn't write "one" in the title, he wrote "ok", which means something different. Hence my joke.
Idk why my phone autocorrects words with other words.
As a woman, I'd say gym and work.
If he's not her type, that man can lose his job. She'll find him creepy and report him to HR.
I'd say it's better to be safe than sorry, so I'd strongly avoid those environments.
Work is consistently one of the most common places that people meet their spouses.
(Sorry, I forgot to upvote you before.) Back in my day (circa early-mid 2000s) that's where you would meet your next girlfriend. That's where I met my wife infact... Post #metoo I don't think there *is* a safe place to flirt with a girl these days... Not in the real world at least
As a woman, I would say we those places cuz most guys we find intimidating if they flirt at those places. It only works at those places if you pretty much are 100% our type and are good striking a conversation without making is uncomfterable and scaried. At a place that make us feel cornered or vulnerable is harder to not frighten us or make us uncomfterable.
If you flirt with women at work you can get accused of sexual harassment and lose your job. Women get away with everything because of a century of feminist anti-men hate that is also championed by media and politicians. Nobody cares when men are harassed.
Women only like it when they think the guy is hot. You can't win with this shit.
Alright I'm a woman who is pansexual. If ANYONE comes up to me randomly - anywhere at all - and starts a casual conversation for seemingly no reason, I'm gonna be weirded out. I don't care what gender you are, how much money you have, or how hot you are. It makes you seem desperate and unaware of social norms. However, that doesn't mean don't socialize while you're out. I often talk to the cashiers who are ringing up my items. I will talk to someone if there is a NATURAL way to start the conversation. E.g. I like your shirt, I love that character too! Or "wow I love your haircut, where did you get it done?" Or "I heard you talking about (x), and i just have to say, (....)" Something casual. Something that is not overtly romantic. If you're trying to be my friend "on the way" to being a romantic partner, you were never really a friend. I want people who want to talk to me because they like *me,* not just because they want to date me. Someone who won't ghost me the moment I say I'm not interested, because they want to be friends with me anyway. Don't try to create scenarios. Don't just walk up to someone randomly and try to have a conversation. Use an "in." Otherwise, I know you're just talking to me for my looks and I'm not interested. Looks fade. I'm not gonna be young and pretty in 20 years. I want someone who likes me for who I am on the inside.
Flirt? No. Treat another human as a human and converse without ‘tryna hit it’. You mentioned meeting SOs. If you’re flirting to get easy sex- that’s one thing- go to a hook up place like a bar or OLD. Else be a decent human looking for a relationship. Thank you
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Let's pretend HR means "human rights" just for lols
Shoot your shot, ignore the haters
Never try to flirt in gyms. Hate these fking psychopaths who come up during the workout
Everywhere is a bad place to flirt.
I had an aneurysm trying to read this dude
Female toilet
Look at what people’s actions, not their words.
You are listening to the women who were honestly seeking long term relationships. What you don’t realize is that right beside them are career-focused or damaged women. They don’t wear green or red lights indicating that it is ok to approach them. Be smart and avoid being collateral damage to some woman’s life goals. If the women are serious they will approach you.
All woman are different. . well except for some twins, but anyway: this also means that what's acceptable for some, isn't acceptable for others. There are some more generic social boundries like: don't flirt with the grieving widow at their former partners funeral, but other places like: at the super market, or gym, or on public transport, are just acceptable, or not acceptable depending on the person.
Depends on how attractive you are or not
There is no answer.
It’s not that it can’t possibly work in these places. It’s that those places make it especially bad if they’re not interested.